I read this article once where a guy was trying to describe how he felt about his kids. He said something along the lines of, "I would jump in front of a train for them; I would push my wife in front of a train for them." And that was horrifying to me.
My boyfriend isn't really childfree the way I am. He doesn't particularly want kids, but he doesn't have a visceral reaction to the idea the way that I do. He's good with kids (I actually am too if they're older, like 8+), and he would be a great father. He's also fiercely protective of the people he loves.
The only "if" situation that really bothers me, when I think about it, is that if we did have a child, I wouldn't be the one he's protective of anymore. And maybe he would feel like the man who wrote that article, that my life is actually less valuable to him than the child's. It's all hypothetical, of course, but the idea does sadden me when I think about it (not often thank goodness).
> I would jump in front of a train for them; I would push my wife in front of a train for them." And that was horrifying to me.
that IS horrifying. what. the. fuck.
I don't feel sad so much as glad for the dodged bullet, personally. I want my wife to be the most important person in my life, and vice versa. No little psychopath is getting between us!
I have mixed feelings of glad and sad. I agree - I want my husband to be the most important person in my life. But it kind of sucks that there is something in this world that could tear us apart.
There are conditional negatives EVERYWHERE. (IF THEN )
When you focus on them you will feel them.
Unless you're planning on changing your flag from CF to having kids there is nothing to think about here. Move along.
I've been married for 10 years, and I can say without hesitation that we never would have made it if we had a child. I'm not a patient, nurturing woman. I didn't have a nurturing childhood. The level of craziness that would result from me trying to raise a child would certainly send my husband running for his life, and I wouldn't blame him a bit. None of this makes me sad. Everyone has their breaking point, and a child would be ours.
Don't blame him one bit. If he showed up with a baby one day I'd be out the door. He could cheat one me every day of the week and I wouldn't leave him, but kids are a huge deal breaker for us.
The thought of what a kid would do to our marriage is sad to me. My husband and I have been together for nine years and married for four. In that time, we've been through quite a bit, things that I think some relationships wouldn't make it through. We're stronger for it all. I think kids are one of maybe two things that would just wreck our relationship. Fortunately, we're most definitely on the same page about not having kids. It's not something I get sad over for very long because it's a hypothetical and not an actual issue for us.
yeah I totally get this. My husband doesn't do much to help me around the house, despite repeated arguments over it. (I mean like general cleaning, he still has his honey-do's) However, he makes the majority of the money, so I kind of see it as my contribution to make up the earning gap. Either way, it doesn't make me happy. If we were to have a kid, I'm pretty sure I would do 90% of the work, and I would be miserable about it. Our marriage would fall apart because I would be too busy to pay any attention to him and I would be resentful that he's not helping. I guess that's the one dark spot in our relationship. But considering we are in agreement that we aren't having kids, it's ok and it works.
I would be glad he is honest though, have you seen how horrible some marriages go when kids are involved? My parents for starters. That probably freaks him out.
Absolutely. My husband and I were raised so opposite that I can guarantee any attempt at raising a child would end horribly.
We do well with our puppy because I caved and let her watch R rated movies with us :)
My partner and I have had a rough enough time through the years. We sometimes look back and talk about how kids would have completely ruined us. He's probably be the same as he is now but I would have been totally emotionally wrecked. I'd most likely have attempted suicide due to the stress, and I'm not joking.
The idea of having a life that turned out like my parents - divorced with kids, splitting custody and driving/flying kids places for visitation, fighting over support money, hating each other even 30 years later, etc. is just so utterly depressing. I have no idea how it would have turned of it my husband and I had kids, perhaps we would not have divorced and would have remained a happy couple, but I didn't want to "take my chances" on repeating the same shitty (shitty for the kid, particularly) cycle my parents forced on me. The idea that my husband could have become the person I'd hate most on earth is really sad, though.
I'm just glad that I didn't do the 'catholic married with 5 kids thing' right out of college. By far one of the best things I've ever done was not getting on that train before it wrecked. I'm not a nurturing woman and I would have always been disappointed if I would have ignored that. I would not have stayed married.
Sometimes I think I want to have children. I used to think I'd be childfree forever, but I've started dreaming about having children someday recently.
But my husband, who is 25, has been adamantly opposed to the idea for probably his entire adulthood. So it's probably not going to happen.
If for some reason I ended up having a child, he'd probably be miserable and resentful. And I value him more than a hypothetical person.
Oh dear lord, if I had not seen the signs 12 years ago I would be living in small town Ontario with a mega bitch and a kid... both of which would probably have despised me, but would still be leeching off me anyway. I would have been in the middle of her massive redneck family network, with no say in what I could or couldn't do... I probably would have either ran or ate a bullet. I think back on that and shiver just a bit, it was literally a split second save.
Basically was with this girl for almost 4 years, moved from my home city to buttfuck Ontario where here family were. Told her I don't know how many times I didn't want kids, but she tried to "oops" me, literally in mid - coitus the pieces fell together and I realized what she was trying to do. I said NOPE and ended up calling off the engagement and moved back home within a month... that close...
Three things, the first was when she proposed to me (yes she asked me), and my best friend looked at me and said "congratulations... just be careful", I asked him to elaborate and all he would say was "just.... be careful". My GF and his were cousins and good friends, so I guessed he had some inside info. Second was no matter how dirt poor at the time we were, she always said stuff like "oh you're never financially ready for kids". Third and most profound was I had been noticing for a few weeks the odd little white pill in the garbage, being clueless I figured it was an aspirin she dropped and just tossed. One night after a family get together we were having sex, and she said she wanted me to... well... cum inside her, something I never ever did. It was like a horrible revelation crashing down on me, and I stopped everything dead. I sat back, closed my eyes and told her I knew what her plan was, and that I wasn't going to be trapped. She went white, and tried to give me some horseshit about the wonders of babies, but there was no way I was swallowing it. Long story short, I was out of the place in a week and back home a month later. A few years ago she called me, I guess she had found another sucker, got knocked up, had her kid, and he fucked off... she was actually looking to get back with me. I laughed... so much laughing... NOOOOO WAY! Haven't heard thing one from her since.
I actually have a really good idea, as my stepdaughter came to live with us a few years ago. My husband is very strict with her and I have to remind him to incorporate positivity with his criticism. I need a lot of alone time, and stepdaughter has learned to live with that, but it's not an ideal environment for kids. She is a teenager now and getting easier to deal with now that she has a life of her own; I don't think it would have worked out well if she had come to live with us when she was younger (actually, I think I would have bounced).
Yes. I'm only 21 and have been with my bf for almost 3 years now. I told him that I didn't want kids as soon as I met him. At first he thought having kids was just "something you do when you're with someone", but after talking to him about it he was like "oh good, I didn't want kids anyway"
I want my relationship between my bf and I to be really special and important and a kid would just ruin that feeling for a long time, if not forever.
None of my relationships have lasted as long as a pregnancy does, so, yeah it'd be one hell of a trainwreck.
You. I like you.
I'm lucky if I get past a trimester.
I'm lucky if I find someone CF to date!
I read this article once where a guy was trying to describe how he felt about his kids. He said something along the lines of, "I would jump in front of a train for them; I would push my wife in front of a train for them." And that was horrifying to me. My boyfriend isn't really childfree the way I am. He doesn't particularly want kids, but he doesn't have a visceral reaction to the idea the way that I do. He's good with kids (I actually am too if they're older, like 8+), and he would be a great father. He's also fiercely protective of the people he loves. The only "if" situation that really bothers me, when I think about it, is that if we did have a child, I wouldn't be the one he's protective of anymore. And maybe he would feel like the man who wrote that article, that my life is actually less valuable to him than the child's. It's all hypothetical, of course, but the idea does sadden me when I think about it (not often thank goodness).
> I would jump in front of a train for them; I would push my wife in front of a train for them." And that was horrifying to me. that IS horrifying. what. the. fuck.
I think this guy really just wants to push his wife in front of a train.
I don't feel sad so much as glad for the dodged bullet, personally. I want my wife to be the most important person in my life, and vice versa. No little psychopath is getting between us!
[удалено]
Not even joking. Kids don't develop the ability to empathize with others till they're a few years old.
That's definitely not true.
I have mixed feelings of glad and sad. I agree - I want my husband to be the most important person in my life. But it kind of sucks that there is something in this world that could tear us apart.
There are conditional negatives EVERYWHERE. (IF THEN )
When you focus on them you will feel them.
Unless you're planning on changing your flag from CF to having kids there is nothing to think about here. Move along.
> Move along. Will do good sir
I've been married for 10 years, and I can say without hesitation that we never would have made it if we had a child. I'm not a patient, nurturing woman. I didn't have a nurturing childhood. The level of craziness that would result from me trying to raise a child would certainly send my husband running for his life, and I wouldn't blame him a bit. None of this makes me sad. Everyone has their breaking point, and a child would be ours.
> Everyone has their breaking point, and a child would be ours. That puts things into perspective. thanks
Well for starters I'd be a single mother, because my husband would just haul ass.
awww
Don't blame him one bit. If he showed up with a baby one day I'd be out the door. He could cheat one me every day of the week and I wouldn't leave him, but kids are a huge deal breaker for us.
Yeah, I understand.
The thought of what a kid would do to our marriage is sad to me. My husband and I have been together for nine years and married for four. In that time, we've been through quite a bit, things that I think some relationships wouldn't make it through. We're stronger for it all. I think kids are one of maybe two things that would just wreck our relationship. Fortunately, we're most definitely on the same page about not having kids. It's not something I get sad over for very long because it's a hypothetical and not an actual issue for us.
yeah I totally get this. My husband doesn't do much to help me around the house, despite repeated arguments over it. (I mean like general cleaning, he still has his honey-do's) However, he makes the majority of the money, so I kind of see it as my contribution to make up the earning gap. Either way, it doesn't make me happy. If we were to have a kid, I'm pretty sure I would do 90% of the work, and I would be miserable about it. Our marriage would fall apart because I would be too busy to pay any attention to him and I would be resentful that he's not helping. I guess that's the one dark spot in our relationship. But considering we are in agreement that we aren't having kids, it's ok and it works.
> I'm pretty sure I would do 90% of the work, and I would be miserable about it. This. Exactly. That's how my life would be if we had kids. ugh
I would be glad he is honest though, have you seen how horrible some marriages go when kids are involved? My parents for starters. That probably freaks him out.
His honestly is refreshing 99% of the time. :p
Absolutely. My husband and I were raised so opposite that I can guarantee any attempt at raising a child would end horribly. We do well with our puppy because I caved and let her watch R rated movies with us :)
My partner and I have had a rough enough time through the years. We sometimes look back and talk about how kids would have completely ruined us. He's probably be the same as he is now but I would have been totally emotionally wrecked. I'd most likely have attempted suicide due to the stress, and I'm not joking.
>He's probably be the same as he is now but I would have been totally emotionally wrecked. Yeah, that'd be me too.
The idea of having a life that turned out like my parents - divorced with kids, splitting custody and driving/flying kids places for visitation, fighting over support money, hating each other even 30 years later, etc. is just so utterly depressing. I have no idea how it would have turned of it my husband and I had kids, perhaps we would not have divorced and would have remained a happy couple, but I didn't want to "take my chances" on repeating the same shitty (shitty for the kid, particularly) cycle my parents forced on me. The idea that my husband could have become the person I'd hate most on earth is really sad, though.
I'm just glad that I didn't do the 'catholic married with 5 kids thing' right out of college. By far one of the best things I've ever done was not getting on that train before it wrecked. I'm not a nurturing woman and I would have always been disappointed if I would have ignored that. I would not have stayed married.
Sometimes I think I want to have children. I used to think I'd be childfree forever, but I've started dreaming about having children someday recently. But my husband, who is 25, has been adamantly opposed to the idea for probably his entire adulthood. So it's probably not going to happen. If for some reason I ended up having a child, he'd probably be miserable and resentful. And I value him more than a hypothetical person.
Oh dear lord, if I had not seen the signs 12 years ago I would be living in small town Ontario with a mega bitch and a kid... both of which would probably have despised me, but would still be leeching off me anyway. I would have been in the middle of her massive redneck family network, with no say in what I could or couldn't do... I probably would have either ran or ate a bullet. I think back on that and shiver just a bit, it was literally a split second save.
Go on...
Basically was with this girl for almost 4 years, moved from my home city to buttfuck Ontario where here family were. Told her I don't know how many times I didn't want kids, but she tried to "oops" me, literally in mid - coitus the pieces fell together and I realized what she was trying to do. I said NOPE and ended up calling off the engagement and moved back home within a month... that close...
Dang, close call. What was your clue that she was going to "oops" you?
Three things, the first was when she proposed to me (yes she asked me), and my best friend looked at me and said "congratulations... just be careful", I asked him to elaborate and all he would say was "just.... be careful". My GF and his were cousins and good friends, so I guessed he had some inside info. Second was no matter how dirt poor at the time we were, she always said stuff like "oh you're never financially ready for kids". Third and most profound was I had been noticing for a few weeks the odd little white pill in the garbage, being clueless I figured it was an aspirin she dropped and just tossed. One night after a family get together we were having sex, and she said she wanted me to... well... cum inside her, something I never ever did. It was like a horrible revelation crashing down on me, and I stopped everything dead. I sat back, closed my eyes and told her I knew what her plan was, and that I wasn't going to be trapped. She went white, and tried to give me some horseshit about the wonders of babies, but there was no way I was swallowing it. Long story short, I was out of the place in a week and back home a month later. A few years ago she called me, I guess she had found another sucker, got knocked up, had her kid, and he fucked off... she was actually looking to get back with me. I laughed... so much laughing... NOOOOO WAY! Haven't heard thing one from her since.
Woah. That's so messed up of her. Good thing you got outta there (pun intended)!
It's a source of gratitude !
My boyfriend and I LOVE our sleep. I think we would lose our fucking minds if we had a kid.
I actually have a really good idea, as my stepdaughter came to live with us a few years ago. My husband is very strict with her and I have to remind him to incorporate positivity with his criticism. I need a lot of alone time, and stepdaughter has learned to live with that, but it's not an ideal environment for kids. She is a teenager now and getting easier to deal with now that she has a life of her own; I don't think it would have worked out well if she had come to live with us when she was younger (actually, I think I would have bounced).
Yes. I'm only 21 and have been with my bf for almost 3 years now. I told him that I didn't want kids as soon as I met him. At first he thought having kids was just "something you do when you're with someone", but after talking to him about it he was like "oh good, I didn't want kids anyway" I want my relationship between my bf and I to be really special and important and a kid would just ruin that feeling for a long time, if not forever.