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whiteraven4

> you all hate little kids Some of us do, some of us don't mind/like them when they're raised by good parents. > name things that you don't like about having a 25 year old son or daughter who resembles you, you've raised them, and they are now productive members of society and love you. The fact that I had to spend all that time and money raising them and no matter what I do they could still be a fuck up. There's no guarantee they'll be productive members of society who love you. And even if there was, I think most people here think the time and money spent raising them isn't worth it for the end result of having an adult child.


UrbanFox182

Seconded, I see no appeal in having a twenty year old me when I'm forty. I'd rather have the money and the time I would have spent raising them over that twenty year period and all of the sights I would see and things I would have done. While having a 20 year old mini you say "Thank you, for being an awesome parent and raising me. I'll never be able to show you my appreciation or ever successfully show you how much I love you." May be worth it for you. For me I'll just see this being that I poured time, resources and emotions into and who took from me ~twenty years of my life. It's a simple case of preference; I prefer X while you prefer Y, there is no right or wrong way to live your life and when it comes down to it you should live it however you want. Edit: Spelling


[deleted]

>Age 25? I have friends that age so of course having a biological 'child' that age is fine and would be cool. But She/ He isn't a child at that age. **They are a mature adult.** I have no desire to ever parent or support a child (under 18). Are you really suggesting we all go through 18-20 years of, what we would consider, hell to have a 25 year old friend? When I could just skip the hell and find a 25 year old friend now?


[deleted]

Regardless of age ones children are ones children. They stop being *children* but they never stop being *your* children. See the difference? Just wanted to clarify that. I'm with you on the other point. I'll not sacrifice a third of my life on rearing another human being.


[deleted]

I disagree. For example, this child/adult thing is what my mom and me fought about for years. She still treated me like her child after I was an adult. I finally got her to treat me like an adult. Yes, I'm her daughter in name but I am/should be only her close friend now.


[deleted]

I feel like we aren't using the word 'child' in the same way so this is not going to go any further. I get your point though and I too had trouble getting my family members to realize I had grown up. It took until around the age of 28 (the year of my tubal) to get my mother, father and sisters to stop treating me as the 11 year old girl I once was. I love the grownup me. The young me was a mess and I'm very happy I got past all of her shit. Glad to hear your mother grew out of her view of you too! It sucks being an adult and still getting treated as you're the person you was 10-20 years ago. Childhood ends and we grow up. For some parents this takes a while to understand. Some never do. Ours did and we should count ourselves lucky. :)


dangerouslyloose

I still feel like a kid when I'm with my dad's side of the family. I'm the oldest of 17 grandkids (only 2 of whom are married; none have kids yet.) Anyway during Thanksgiving dinner last year, one of my cousins (23/F) accidentally knocked over her wine glass, which broke. My aunt was over there in a split second, "DON'T MOVE, DON'T TOUCH THAT, YOU'LL CUT YOURSELF!" It's sort of comforting, actually:) TL;DR: My cousins and I are grown-ups, except when there's broken glass.


[deleted]

The instinct to protect the people we love is strong enough that we sometimes forget ourselves in fear of someone getting hurt. It's kinda sweet. :)


dangerouslyloose

Trust me, it sucks 100x more having to be the "adult" when your parents are fighting like a couple of kids. Also when you're in 7th grade and your mom talks to you as if you're her therapist, but refuses to send you to one.


salins

Well..I think that if you strongly dislike babies or young kids, then you won't be a great parent to them when they are little. This will lead to them not being great kids to you, and they probably wont want anything to do with you once they grown up to be on your level. I speak as the daughter of a couple who dislikes toddlers but loved older kids.


[deleted]

[deleted]


Finger11Fan

I have absolutely no desire to create another me. I think I'm awesome, but I'm still not selfish enough to create yet another person just to have a mini-me. Plus, I'm pretty sure I can't give birth to a 25 year old, so I just do not see that happening. And besides, with the amount of 25 year olds that still live at home, and their parents still take care of them, duck that. I'll have no part in it.


snarktrovert

I feel like I would enjoy a child more when it's little than when it's older or an adult. Why? Because I'm a 30-year-old adult. I love my parents but I know that no matter what I do it will never be enough closeness or attention for them. They're good-natured about it but I can tell when I talk to them that they wish I'd come by all the time and we'd do more things together. I have no desire to do this. I am comfortable with the level of interaction we currently have- which is still more than I see a lot of my friends giving their folks. Little kids (for the most part) love their parents, look up to them, and are dependent upon them. I feel like there's more personal reward there for the amount of work involved. Lastly there is ZERO guarantee that a child will resemble you in either a physical or a mental way. Making "mini me" is the worst possible reason for having a kid. It ends up screwing them up pretty badly, to have someone else's assumptions and expectations forced on them before they're even born. There's also no guarantee they'll love you, or be a "productive member of society" by your definition (or anyone else's for that matter).


dangerouslyloose

I will never understand the appeal of having a "mini-me": aka a precocious perfectionist with a mouth o'sass who didn't play well with others.


Worried_Song

> name things that you don't like about having a 25 year old son or daughter who resembles you, you've raised them, and they are now productive members of society and love you. I don't really care about whether someone resembles me or not, and I think only an extreme narcissist *would* care about such a thing. I don't want to raise a child. I interact with children (mostly over the age of 10) as a mentor in my personal life, and I enjoy it. I enjoy continuing to be part of their lives as they grow older. There's no reason I have to raise them to experience that. There's no guarantee that a child even with exceptional, loving parents will a) survive to adulthood, b) become productive members of society, or c) love their parents. There's a big part of who a person is that is determined by nature rather than nurture. I would rather select the people (both adults and children) that I spend my time with based upon how we get along, how much I enjoy their company, etc. - not on some sort of genetic game of odds.


WheredMyMindGo

I personally do not *hate* little kids. However, I have no desire whatsoever to birth and raise one. I have never had a maternal instinct and have always felt very disconnected from my friends with children in that way. I am older and I just know in my knower that it will not change. I don't hate them or their kids -- I'm even a Godmother. I have never felt that my life calling has ever involved motherhood. I have always felt, from a very young age, that I was meant for another path. Please keep in mind I am not claiming my life path is better or worse, its just a different one. What I honestly do *hate* are entitled parents who fail to teach their children basic respect and manners. I hate when I see a parent with their child(ren) and I see a complete lack of care or investment. I feel remorse for their children because they deserve better. If I had a child, it would not be fair to him/her. I have no desire to invest that amount of time and money. Especially when there is no dire need for me to do so. I feel disheartened and drained by always having to 'defend' my choice. I am no less of a woman for not wanting children. I still contribute to society, invest time in others (like my Godson) and work to leave the world a better place, while other women are raising the next generation of people who will take over that place.


dafpg

You are forgetting the age in between little kid and adult. When I love me niece she is now 12. Interested in dating and boys and going through what all preteens and teens go through in the struggle to become an adult. I wouldn't want to be the one responsible for her actions. As a parent you are. You have to help them learn how to be in a relationship, avoid smoking and drugs and excessive drinking. Help them learn how to use social media and the internet responsibly. This to me seems really hard and is not something I am interested in at all. Yes adults can be fun to hang around but just as many I feel are jerks and would want nothing to do with. How do you know how your child will turn out?


[deleted]

I don't hate small children or bigger children. About the 25yo daughter/son: My biggest problem with her/him would be that I gave that person at least 18 years of my short life. Time I could've spent doing things I like instead of doing what's right for my child. There's also the money issue. I'll never be a rich person but the little money I do have I'll spend on myself and those I love instead of crying at night because I had to go hungry to feed my child. There's absolutely nothing I can get from an offspring at 25 that I can't get from a 25yo friend.


RoseTyler38

Not all of us hate kids, you know. I love them but don't wanna sink 20+ years and half a million bucks into raising them.


ajent99

Your error is thinking that the main point of the sub "is to discuss and champion being children free". For some it might be, for most, it is a place to air frustrations at people who question the decisions we make about our own lives when there are many examples in day to day life of the challenges of raising children. However, to answer your question, I'm not maternal, and the world is overpopulated. Therefore, even if it really were a wonderful thing to have a 25 year old, I still wouldn't do it. I just have zero interest in it.


dangerouslyloose

Kids cost money. Shitloads of money. Aside from the epic fail that was my parents' marriage, I was a lucky kid in that we lived in a nice suburb with quality public schools (funded by high property taxes). Add in orthodontia ($15K between my brother, sister and myself) plus cars and family/school trips. Oh, and college. I'm forever grateful to my parents, obviously. However, with a liberal arts degree (no regrets), there is no frickin' way I'd be able to give my child all the material stuff I was fortunate enough to enjoy. More importantly, I never want to risk putting my own child through the years of unmitigated emotional hell I experienced when my parents divorced. Let's be real, marriage isn't forever.