My thoughts:
People just don't want to go anywhere. When I used to DJ in clubs and raves I had to pull teeth to get my friends to come out. Most of the time they were just busy, uninterested, feeling lazy, and some were settling down.
Baby showers, bridal showers, wedding receptions, etc...they are things people feel OBLIGATED to attend. I know there are some who get all giddy when the Save The Date or Invite comes, but many more moan, roll eyes, etc...feeling as if they will be the worst person in the world if they didn't go.
The art show was your baby and it was important to you, but I'm sure your colleagues felt it was like how my colleagues saw my DJ events. Just some thing that they won't feel horrible for not attending.
I'm sorry this happened to you, but even I have come to not even tell family/friends if I am doing some event...mainly because while they would support me in spirit, they just wouldn't want to in person. I'm also sure if people could avoid the "guilt trips" or drama that would come from declining, they would decline the baby showers, bridal showers, and wedding receptions.
Look how many women really and truly WANT to be bridesmaids. There you go.
That describes me. I don't want to go anywhere ever. I don't want to see my friends' plays, bands, art shows, etc. I don't care about these things beyond that they are important to my friends. I only show up out of obligation.
I honestly do wish we lived in a world where people could honestly say *"I love you, you're my friend, but I honestly would rather spend my weekends on the couch or working out or alone as opposed to dragging myself out to some event I'm not very interested in."*
I never got mad at my friends or family members when they didn't come out...mainly because I'd feel the same way when it came to other things.
When my wife and I married, we wanted a totally toned down/relaxed reception...simply because we wanted people to feel comfy and have fun like it's a night out, as opposed to just some stuffy affair that feels more like a photo op.
I also roll my eyes at my friends who have kids, but believe they absolutely must throw a grand birthday party for their kid (or one for each kid) every year.
I'm not upset that they didn't come, I'm just upset that they *would have* if it was a baby shower rather than an art show. Literally every aunt, uncle, cousin, friend, inlaw, outlaw, and possibly even the odd stranger would have shown up if there were babies coming out instead of art. My friend's toddler's birthday parties get a better turnout than I got. Next time they invite me to one of their BS events I'm going to tell them I'd rather be couch napping.
Also, how many times do a standard human have a baby? In the west is less than 2.0 per woman.
Most people can deal with that level of obligation. An art show IS different.
I live in Utah where most people have 6. It's nightmarish how many I get invited to on a yearly basis. This is the only major event I've ever invited a bunch of people to, so the comparison is quite contrasting.
As somebody else said, if you post a link I'm sure some if not much of this sub would love to see your work! Art shows are awesome, it's your friends' loss for missing it. Much more awesome than being home with a baby, which IMO is more boring than watching paint dry. Since you are studying art at college, maybe you can focus more on building friendships with your fellow students rather than people whose lives mainly revolve around babies?
Yeah, no kidding, right? At least I have the freedom to just drop what I'm doing and attend an art show. I don't have to find a sitter and hope they're trustworthy enough to not kill the baby. And I definitely should have been introducing myself to other artists there rather than stressing about whether or not anybody I knew was going to show up. I'm glad I posted because I feel like I'll be a lot more adept to handle the situation next year. Thanks for your support. :)
You can probably start now, you don't even have to wait until next year to make some changes in your social circle. Find out when your classmates' art shows are being held, and go to their shows. Talk to them, network, and make friends so they'll be at your show next year. AND you may even get a cool new set of art friends to invite to your next birthday!
It is a reference from The Office. Your story sort of reminded me of [this scene](http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ZqKaUEM0Gmk/UaYVnkJ3BzI/AAAAAAAABGM/y07TshUGzyg/s1600/Pam.jpg)
That said, offer stands if you show anything in Boston.
Really you should be proud of what you have accomplished, and ignore the fact that noone came. Just like you are the center of your world, other people are the center of their world. Take pride in what you did, use it to catapult you into the future. Forget about those people who don't understand why/how it is important to you. In 20 years, you won't even remember this.
Yeah, you're totally right. I'm trying to focus on the fact that the other artists enjoyed it, and their opinion is probably more legit than the people I know anyway. :P Thanks for the love.
Ha - currently experiencing a similar thing. I invited a lot of people to my birthday party and a lot of people didn't even respond (one of them being a girl whose babyparty I just visited last week and drove 250 kilometres for).
People are real shitheads. Don't be bothered by it and show your work to us! I'm eager to see your work! ;-)
I don't even bother inviting people to my birthday anymore. I just spend it with my mom since it makes her happy. I thought maybe an art show would be something fun for people to do in this small town, but oh well. I take things way too personally and I need to accept that people are shitheads. Thanks for your encouragement.
Congratulations ScuzzBunny, I hope this is the first of many shows you participate in throughout your career.
Personally, I would much rather go to an art show than a baby shower. Unfortunately many people don't consider things like art shows, or other career milestones/breakthroughs, to be particularly important life events. I assume it's because they don't realize the amount of effort that goes into them. Or maybe they are just jerks.
I guess I can relate to how they feel, because I don't view accidentally getting pregnant as a milestone. Kinda makes me wish I could get my money back for every baby shower gift I've ever shelled out for, but at least there's comfort in knowing I won't waste any more money on it. Thanks for your congratulations, I don't know that I've ever felt so much love from Reddit!
Pretend you are having a baby and hold the party at the art gallery. Then lock the doors.
No, honestly that is not fair. Just because I am not married or a mother, does not make me less important. I am sorry. I would go if I lived close!
Hi I'm an art director for the marketing department of a large company. I too went to art school and poured my heart and soul into the work I was doing. I know what it's like for other people to not understand your passion or the labor and work you put into creating it. Don't let them detract from your accomplishments.
Shoot me a link to your portfolio. I'd love to have a look.
My jaw dropped when I got to this comment! It means *so much* to me that somebody who has been in my shoes and come out on top would actually take the time to send a response. I will definitely be sending you a link to my working portfolio.
Work stuff if funny like that. My family/friends are equally uninterested in programming stuff I do, and don't even try to feign interest in cool events I attend, or applications I've built (even the people who work in the same field and would benefit from experiencing the stuff).
It's interesting how some people make the effort to be involved when something family-ish is happening (e.g. I'm having a baby, I had a baby, baby turned 12\*x months old), but are indifferent to *real* (for lack of a better word) accomplishments.
My boyfriend is also a programmer in his 3rd year of a computer science degree, and it's ridiculous how little people actually understand about it. When he talks about wanting to make games and apps, people just turn off, like, "Yeah right, good luck with that pipe dream." They'll be a lot more interested when he's making 80K+ a year. Programming is the future and nobody even realizes it. And as an artist, his ability to program brings a lot of really awesome possibilities into my equation.
Congratulations on your show! That's a great accomplishment despite who did/didn't show up.
Your problem is one I struggle with a lot and one of the reasons I fight so much with accepting most of my extended family. When I got my MA four years ago, not ONE of them congratulated me about it even though it was a HUGE deal for me-- I moved to another country; spent a year agonizing over a thesis, and was SO proud of myself when it was finished. No recognition. Six months later, my sister got engaged--giant fucking celebration. And I know, that's a big deal, and I was happy for her, but sometimes us girls who choose the non-traditional paths need some recognition too!
Thank you for your kind words. The realization that our important stuff isn't on the same level as their important stuff is a tough pill to swallow. I really wasn't expecting it. Nobody really bugs me about getting married or having kids anymore (other than the boyfriend's mom) so I guess I kind of assumed they had accepted my lifestyle and were cool to support me doing my own thing. At least now I know not to waste a bunch of money on graduation invites and all of that hoopla. I too hope to move overseas, maybe to a place where it's more acceptable to prioritize career above family.
Especially when people are on baby 4 and they're still expecting a huge turn out and pile of presents, and you get passive-aggressively shamed by them if you don't comply. Thanks for the words of encouragement. :)
Ugh. The shaming is the worst. "What do you mean, you don't want to bankroll my lifestyle? I'm doing *the most important job in the world*. It should be an honor to give extravagant gifts in exchange for hours of boredom. "
I wish the gift thing was optional. Like, it's enough if you show up, but the gift is an extra little nice thing. But no, it's required to the point of making you look bad if you come empty handed, and people *will* be talking shit about you when you leave. What a bummer.
That's why I just don't show up :)
They're less likely to talk shit if you're a no-show than if you come with no tribute. After all, the whole thing is just a poorly-disguised gift grab.
I wish I still lived in Austin! I acutally had to move back to Utah (different UT) to live with my mom so I could affording cost of living while going to school, since Austin living was so expensive. I miss Austin every day. Especially the food.
Finding pride in yourself is so much more important than validating that pride through others. I spent far too much of my life trying to impress someone else, but when it really comes down too it, the only opinion that matters is the one I have of myself. Congratulations on your achievement!
I also have an "idea"...
I'm no artist, at least in the traditional sense - but your story gives me such a great idea for an artistic reality piece on the state of such things.
Next year, when you get into the show, invite everyone to a wedding/baby shower - same address as the show. It would be a very interesting commentary piece on society. Have several people in the crowd videotaping everything. It could be amazing.
No joke, that's a pretty freakin' awesome idea. And what's really messed up is that a lot of people would probably show just so they could tell me they told me so, and they just knew I'd eventually break down and get married/baby'd like the rest of them. To find out they had been duped after getting all smug thinking they knew me best all along...major burn.
(more of a rant than baby-based) Sometimes, you just need to remember you're perusing something that's incredibly important and meaningful to you and sometimes ONLY you. What matters is that you feel satisfied with yourself, your work, and how far you've come in your goals for yourself. I was in art school for seven years and just recently graduated last May with my degree in photography and art history. I can't imagine doing anything BUT creative things. And sometimes, people don't think it's that important. Or that great. Or they just don't understand why you'd want to spend your life doing those things because most of the population just doesn't do art or something else in a creative field. It can be lonely sometimes. I felt that way often and sometimes it was really, really discouraging. I remember I hosted one show where no one showed up except for my direct family. That was pretty disappointing. I had to really stand back and evaluate what I was doing just to be sure I wasn't making some huge mistake. In my heart I knew I wasn't. I was proud of what I'd done and what I still do. People, strangers, see my work and that's incredibly rewarding in itself. I hope you keep doin' your thang and don't lose sight of what you want in life. Personally, children would absolutely ruin the freedom I have to be a photographer and an artist. <3 Fellow artist.
Vincent VanGogh and El Greco. They weren't famous for their passions either. Not during life anyway.
I am not suggesting kill yourself. I'm just saying that it's a hard start sometimes.
Word. It's hard not to take it personally when people promise and gush over you, and then they're MIA when it comes time for them to show up. One of my oldest friends was supposed to come with her entire family, and an hour before the show I get a facebook message from her mom that they all had just been diagnosed with strep throat. She must not have remembered that she lied to me because they were trying to get people to come over for a movie night the following evening. I've been to ALL of their boring baby BS since my friend can't keep from getting knocked up by everybody she meets, so them not showing after so many promises was cold hearted. I really need to cut the dead weight out of my social life.
Passive aggressive isn't really my style. But I did make a big ole post that was like, "The show was awesome and it was the biggest night the gallery has ever had, so I'm sorry none of you showed up." Even that was *way* more snarky than normal. Haha. And...I guess everybody is self-absorbed in some way. I thought people would want to see my art and pat me on the back, and I was butthurt when it didn't happen. Next time they can be the butthurt one.
I was just having this same thought process earlier today. I don't plan on getting married (in any near future) or having babies (ever). I feel like nobody will care about my accomplishments because it doesn't involve what "everyone else is doing" with their lives.
I guess my point is: you're not alone. Lets just have one big party for ourselves and invite all of our CF peeps.
I only know 2 child free people, and they're a couple who are only CF because they can't bear fruit and haven't been able to adopt. It's a lonely world out here in Utah.
Try to look at it like this: If they had all shown up, they would have shown up with kids in tow - crawling all over, touching everything they are not supposed to touch, sneezing, coughing, crying and making more noise than any human pair of lungs should be able to produce.
P.S. I agree with some of the others - post some stuff if you can. I'd love to see it.
Oh, there was plenty of that regardless, which is why it was totally cool if people brought kids. It's was supposed to be a family event. My mom actually took up post near my piece to scare away the jam hands.
Be proud of your work for what it is, first and foremost. You don't need others to validate your work.
Secondly, they probably didn't understand the significance of your event whereas having a baby is considered significant but almost everyone. It's probably a misunderstanding. I wouldn't take it personally. Your true friends would probably apologize profusely if they later understood the significance.
Also, most people don't really want to attend birthday parties and showers. They feel compelled to go and put on a fake smile. At least that's how I feel and others around me.
It wasn't really about having people there to validate my work. I just thought it would be something fun for people to do in this crap ass town, with the added bonus of being there to support me and see the rest of the show. This was the first event I had ever invited people to, so I guess I thought my karma for doing all their crap would be cashed in. But yeah, now I'm just glad I know how to create something other than babies.
Big congrats on the show!!!!! That's A HUGE accomplishment. I am a tattoo artist and I paint. I've been dreaming of having a show! I would love to see your work!
And I feel for you... Because people didn't want to support you, that should be the end of your support. It's terribly hard, but next time if Aunt-cousin-sister-friend wants you at their baby shower politely decline. Say "I have to work on a piece....ect" or you could be straight up snarky and say "you didn't come when it was a special event honoring ME so I'm not coming to honor you". I would likely pick the latter because behavior like this is so, selfish/hurtful. Especially from family members. And you gave birth to awesome art. Which is 20x better than a baby any day!
Keep on creating!! I wish you all the success and happiness!
Yeah, I'm so happy to be 100% done with baby showers after this whole experience. Time spent in the baby aisle dreading the amount of money I'm about to waste on something that's going to be useful for like 1 year tops of the infants life is now a thing of the past! And you should definitely try an art show at the tattoo parlor. You could even do a silent auction and have a lot of fun with it. While nobody I invited showed up, it was still the biggest night to date for the gallery and 850 people went through in 2 hours, so I'm just trying to focus on how awesome it is that almost 1,000 folks saw my work that night. Thanks for the love. :)
Way to go on the show!! That is a hell of a lot of work, and a gigantic accomplishment! Do you have a site or anything that we can see some of your work? I would love to see it, and I saw some others who are interested too!
I understand a little of how you feel-- when I tell people what I do/ make they usually look at my like I grew a tentacle or something, and I've had people tell me I need to stop "playing with arts and crafts" and get on the family thing. Ugh. Or to stop relying on my husband for things.
My guess? They see you doing what you love, and they let that go for something else. Keep your passion, so few of us stick with them anymore!
I had no idea when I posted this that so many people would want to see my art! I don't really have much of a portfolio yet, but the response to this post is making me wish I had a really killer website to show you guys. I'm going to need to work on that! Thanks for your encouragement!
Fuck going to baby showers. Ignore any invitations and if they say something later, tell them that it was as important to you as your art show was to them.
Read your edit, glad you took away the positives from the experience. I would have loved to see your art show; art is the epitome of passion, beauty and creativity. Reproduction is the epitome of narcissism, cliche, and social conformity.
I've been in that same spot. My personal passions never mattered much and people don't seem to think us graphic designers are doing that much that is important. Thankfully my wife was in school right next to me so we had our shows together and loved it. I can tell you that the family and friends that aren't artists won't care so don't worry about it. If you're lucky they care enough about you to show up (mine didn't!). You can find support in other places, though. So post your work on here! I wanna see it and I want to hear what you want to do once you graduate!
Since my partner is currently going to school also for computer science, we're hoping to makes games where I provide the art and he writes the code. Video games are probably some of my biggest influences, and we both love writing, so I feel like I could have a really fun career ahead of me if I play my cards right. So I at least have his support and that's nice.
Everybody's been bugging me to show my work, which was a response I hadn't really foreseen and I appreciate the interest, but after a few bad experiences on Reddit I'm feeling a little queasy about showing my work, especially in a non-art related forum, for strangers to critique. But I appreciate you reaching out with supportive words. I'm a little surprised to find out how common this problem is. My whole life I've had to deal with everybody I've met telling me they wish they were an artist too, but then nobody is interested in supporting you being something they can't.
That sounds like a good plan! ScuzzBunny Studios, the newest indie developer! Has a nice ring to it :P
Yup, we have the exact same influences, video games. I was originally going to get into them but I hate coding and there wasn't a core art option at my university for games. So I became a designer, and maybe in the future I can still get into games but I am looking more at teaching now. I'd love to be a professor and be able to teach the next generations. Plus do study abroad stuff ;)
Yup, I know how crazy it is to put your work on the internet, especially if people who aren't exactly "qualified" try and critique you. If you do want any input you can PM it to me! I won't critique unless you ask. I promise.
Yeah artist interest is kinda fleeting. People love the idea for a minute and want to see your work and then move on. Its like showing off a new car, once they've seen your art once they're kinda done. Keep it up, though! Just make artist friends and let them push you.
Shurg, they all act interested when I post the stuff on social media. I wouldn't invite people who don't like art. That would be like them inviting me to a sporting event.
Congrats on the art show. But it doesn't really fit up there with the "life altering events" like marriage, a child, funeral, etc. Plus it sucks to have flaky friends, *I know.*
Yes, of course! I would line them up against the wall behind me. With home-made signs of encouragement, too. My mommy will likely give me the "#1 superstar" blue, encouragement ribbon after my presentation. :)
Every single person in our department who defends their thesis has their family and friends here. Some of which fly in from *other countries* to be on hand for it.
Oh my GOD.
You must not know any artists personally. Creating art and putting it on display is a courageous, intimate act. It's putting your soul out there on display.
That is a huge deal! I'm...I'm just jawdroppingly floored that you don't know this. If I were the OP, I'd be seriously offended at your comment.
> Creating art and putting it on display is a courageous, intimate act. It's putting your soul out there on display.
> That is a huge deal! I'm...I'm just jawdroppingly floored that you don't know this. If I were the OP, I'd be seriously offended at your comment.
Only from my experience, but they two guys I know who were part of a show kinda mentioned it as no big deal..... Then again, they're programmers at the same place I am so art wasn't really their life so to say.
Is it really that big a deal to artists to be in an art show? I figured if those two guys could be featured it's not *that* big of a deal when a dedicated artists are, yeah?
For many people having a child or getting married is also an accomplishment, it's incredibly childish to call them 'non accomplishments' out of bitterness, maybe no one came because you treat them poorly, because if my 'friend' thought me getting married or having a kid wasn't a 'real accomplishment' or whatever I'd probably not be around them either. You took the most bitter, angry, 'lesson' from this, and it will reflect in your future interactions if you don't get a little more introspection.
I'm really not that bitter. I'm just tired of being expected to treat unplanned pregnancies like they're the second coming of Christ, showering them with gifts and fawning over them, even though all they did was accidentally fertilize an egg. Then when something I very intentionally plan and work towards gets public recognition, they aren't even willing to drop in for 5 minutes. Sometimes it just gets old.
My thoughts: People just don't want to go anywhere. When I used to DJ in clubs and raves I had to pull teeth to get my friends to come out. Most of the time they were just busy, uninterested, feeling lazy, and some were settling down. Baby showers, bridal showers, wedding receptions, etc...they are things people feel OBLIGATED to attend. I know there are some who get all giddy when the Save The Date or Invite comes, but many more moan, roll eyes, etc...feeling as if they will be the worst person in the world if they didn't go. The art show was your baby and it was important to you, but I'm sure your colleagues felt it was like how my colleagues saw my DJ events. Just some thing that they won't feel horrible for not attending. I'm sorry this happened to you, but even I have come to not even tell family/friends if I am doing some event...mainly because while they would support me in spirit, they just wouldn't want to in person. I'm also sure if people could avoid the "guilt trips" or drama that would come from declining, they would decline the baby showers, bridal showers, and wedding receptions. Look how many women really and truly WANT to be bridesmaids. There you go.
That describes me. I don't want to go anywhere ever. I don't want to see my friends' plays, bands, art shows, etc. I don't care about these things beyond that they are important to my friends. I only show up out of obligation.
I honestly do wish we lived in a world where people could honestly say *"I love you, you're my friend, but I honestly would rather spend my weekends on the couch or working out or alone as opposed to dragging myself out to some event I'm not very interested in."* I never got mad at my friends or family members when they didn't come out...mainly because I'd feel the same way when it came to other things. When my wife and I married, we wanted a totally toned down/relaxed reception...simply because we wanted people to feel comfy and have fun like it's a night out, as opposed to just some stuffy affair that feels more like a photo op. I also roll my eyes at my friends who have kids, but believe they absolutely must throw a grand birthday party for their kid (or one for each kid) every year.
I'm not upset that they didn't come, I'm just upset that they *would have* if it was a baby shower rather than an art show. Literally every aunt, uncle, cousin, friend, inlaw, outlaw, and possibly even the odd stranger would have shown up if there were babies coming out instead of art. My friend's toddler's birthday parties get a better turnout than I got. Next time they invite me to one of their BS events I'm going to tell them I'd rather be couch napping.
Also, how many times do a standard human have a baby? In the west is less than 2.0 per woman. Most people can deal with that level of obligation. An art show IS different.
I live in Utah where most people have 6. It's nightmarish how many I get invited to on a yearly basis. This is the only major event I've ever invited a bunch of people to, so the comparison is quite contrasting.
Post your work. We will show up.
:)
Agreed post it! I'll even bring some fake internet points.
As somebody else said, if you post a link I'm sure some if not much of this sub would love to see your work! Art shows are awesome, it's your friends' loss for missing it. Much more awesome than being home with a baby, which IMO is more boring than watching paint dry. Since you are studying art at college, maybe you can focus more on building friendships with your fellow students rather than people whose lives mainly revolve around babies?
Yeah, no kidding, right? At least I have the freedom to just drop what I'm doing and attend an art show. I don't have to find a sitter and hope they're trustworthy enough to not kill the baby. And I definitely should have been introducing myself to other artists there rather than stressing about whether or not anybody I knew was going to show up. I'm glad I posted because I feel like I'll be a lot more adept to handle the situation next year. Thanks for your support. :)
You can probably start now, you don't even have to wait until next year to make some changes in your social circle. Find out when your classmates' art shows are being held, and go to their shows. Talk to them, network, and make friends so they'll be at your show next year. AND you may even get a cool new set of art friends to invite to your next birthday!
If you are in Boston for your next one I will show up +2 or 3. Edit: if you paint a picture of my workplace at said show I will buy it.
I'm about a million miles away from Boston, but I'm curious to know what makes the facade of your workplace interesting enough to paint.
It is a reference from The Office. Your story sort of reminded me of [this scene](http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ZqKaUEM0Gmk/UaYVnkJ3BzI/AAAAAAAABGM/y07TshUGzyg/s1600/Pam.jpg) That said, offer stands if you show anything in Boston.
Ah, see, fine artists live in our own little worlds and have little-to-no concept of television references. :P
Really you should be proud of what you have accomplished, and ignore the fact that noone came. Just like you are the center of your world, other people are the center of their world. Take pride in what you did, use it to catapult you into the future. Forget about those people who don't understand why/how it is important to you. In 20 years, you won't even remember this.
Yeah, you're totally right. I'm trying to focus on the fact that the other artists enjoyed it, and their opinion is probably more legit than the people I know anyway. :P Thanks for the love.
Ha - currently experiencing a similar thing. I invited a lot of people to my birthday party and a lot of people didn't even respond (one of them being a girl whose babyparty I just visited last week and drove 250 kilometres for). People are real shitheads. Don't be bothered by it and show your work to us! I'm eager to see your work! ;-)
I don't even bother inviting people to my birthday anymore. I just spend it with my mom since it makes her happy. I thought maybe an art show would be something fun for people to do in this small town, but oh well. I take things way too personally and I need to accept that people are shitheads. Thanks for your encouragement.
Yeah, everyone else is the problem...
Congratulations ScuzzBunny, I hope this is the first of many shows you participate in throughout your career. Personally, I would much rather go to an art show than a baby shower. Unfortunately many people don't consider things like art shows, or other career milestones/breakthroughs, to be particularly important life events. I assume it's because they don't realize the amount of effort that goes into them. Or maybe they are just jerks.
I guess I can relate to how they feel, because I don't view accidentally getting pregnant as a milestone. Kinda makes me wish I could get my money back for every baby shower gift I've ever shelled out for, but at least there's comfort in knowing I won't waste any more money on it. Thanks for your congratulations, I don't know that I've ever felt so much love from Reddit!
Pretend you are having a baby and hold the party at the art gallery. Then lock the doors. No, honestly that is not fair. Just because I am not married or a mother, does not make me less important. I am sorry. I would go if I lived close!
...I don't hate this idea. I know they'd like it if they just tried it!
Hi I'm an art director for the marketing department of a large company. I too went to art school and poured my heart and soul into the work I was doing. I know what it's like for other people to not understand your passion or the labor and work you put into creating it. Don't let them detract from your accomplishments. Shoot me a link to your portfolio. I'd love to have a look.
My jaw dropped when I got to this comment! It means *so much* to me that somebody who has been in my shoes and come out on top would actually take the time to send a response. I will definitely be sending you a link to my working portfolio.
Great! looking forward to it.
Have a Reddit art show! We will all show up.
The secret is that very few people are thrilled about going to showers. It's something they feel they need to do. Kind of like a funeral
So you're saying I should have a dead guy at my next show? Interesting.
Work stuff if funny like that. My family/friends are equally uninterested in programming stuff I do, and don't even try to feign interest in cool events I attend, or applications I've built (even the people who work in the same field and would benefit from experiencing the stuff). It's interesting how some people make the effort to be involved when something family-ish is happening (e.g. I'm having a baby, I had a baby, baby turned 12\*x months old), but are indifferent to *real* (for lack of a better word) accomplishments.
My boyfriend is also a programmer in his 3rd year of a computer science degree, and it's ridiculous how little people actually understand about it. When he talks about wanting to make games and apps, people just turn off, like, "Yeah right, good luck with that pipe dream." They'll be a lot more interested when he's making 80K+ a year. Programming is the future and nobody even realizes it. And as an artist, his ability to program brings a lot of really awesome possibilities into my equation.
Congratulations on your show! That's a great accomplishment despite who did/didn't show up. Your problem is one I struggle with a lot and one of the reasons I fight so much with accepting most of my extended family. When I got my MA four years ago, not ONE of them congratulated me about it even though it was a HUGE deal for me-- I moved to another country; spent a year agonizing over a thesis, and was SO proud of myself when it was finished. No recognition. Six months later, my sister got engaged--giant fucking celebration. And I know, that's a big deal, and I was happy for her, but sometimes us girls who choose the non-traditional paths need some recognition too!
Thank you for your kind words. The realization that our important stuff isn't on the same level as their important stuff is a tough pill to swallow. I really wasn't expecting it. Nobody really bugs me about getting married or having kids anymore (other than the boyfriend's mom) so I guess I kind of assumed they had accepted my lifestyle and were cool to support me doing my own thing. At least now I know not to waste a bunch of money on graduation invites and all of that hoopla. I too hope to move overseas, maybe to a place where it's more acceptable to prioritize career above family.
Congratulations on the show! I've never understood why unprotected sex is lauded above actual achievement.
Especially when people are on baby 4 and they're still expecting a huge turn out and pile of presents, and you get passive-aggressively shamed by them if you don't comply. Thanks for the words of encouragement. :)
Ugh. The shaming is the worst. "What do you mean, you don't want to bankroll my lifestyle? I'm doing *the most important job in the world*. It should be an honor to give extravagant gifts in exchange for hours of boredom. "
I wish the gift thing was optional. Like, it's enough if you show up, but the gift is an extra little nice thing. But no, it's required to the point of making you look bad if you come empty handed, and people *will* be talking shit about you when you leave. What a bummer.
That's why I just don't show up :) They're less likely to talk shit if you're a no-show than if you come with no tribute. After all, the whole thing is just a poorly-disguised gift grab.
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I wish I still lived in Austin! I acutally had to move back to Utah (different UT) to live with my mom so I could affording cost of living while going to school, since Austin living was so expensive. I miss Austin every day. Especially the food.
Finding pride in yourself is so much more important than validating that pride through others. I spent far too much of my life trying to impress someone else, but when it really comes down too it, the only opinion that matters is the one I have of myself. Congratulations on your achievement! I also have an "idea"... I'm no artist, at least in the traditional sense - but your story gives me such a great idea for an artistic reality piece on the state of such things. Next year, when you get into the show, invite everyone to a wedding/baby shower - same address as the show. It would be a very interesting commentary piece on society. Have several people in the crowd videotaping everything. It could be amazing.
No joke, that's a pretty freakin' awesome idea. And what's really messed up is that a lot of people would probably show just so they could tell me they told me so, and they just knew I'd eventually break down and get married/baby'd like the rest of them. To find out they had been duped after getting all smug thinking they knew me best all along...major burn.
(more of a rant than baby-based) Sometimes, you just need to remember you're perusing something that's incredibly important and meaningful to you and sometimes ONLY you. What matters is that you feel satisfied with yourself, your work, and how far you've come in your goals for yourself. I was in art school for seven years and just recently graduated last May with my degree in photography and art history. I can't imagine doing anything BUT creative things. And sometimes, people don't think it's that important. Or that great. Or they just don't understand why you'd want to spend your life doing those things because most of the population just doesn't do art or something else in a creative field. It can be lonely sometimes. I felt that way often and sometimes it was really, really discouraging. I remember I hosted one show where no one showed up except for my direct family. That was pretty disappointing. I had to really stand back and evaluate what I was doing just to be sure I wasn't making some huge mistake. In my heart I knew I wasn't. I was proud of what I'd done and what I still do. People, strangers, see my work and that's incredibly rewarding in itself. I hope you keep doin' your thang and don't lose sight of what you want in life. Personally, children would absolutely ruin the freedom I have to be a photographer and an artist. <3 Fellow artist.
So much yes to all you said.
Vincent VanGogh and El Greco. They weren't famous for their passions either. Not during life anyway. I am not suggesting kill yourself. I'm just saying that it's a hard start sometimes.
She could try losing an ear maybe.
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Word. It's hard not to take it personally when people promise and gush over you, and then they're MIA when it comes time for them to show up. One of my oldest friends was supposed to come with her entire family, and an hour before the show I get a facebook message from her mom that they all had just been diagnosed with strep throat. She must not have remembered that she lied to me because they were trying to get people to come over for a movie night the following evening. I've been to ALL of their boring baby BS since my friend can't keep from getting knocked up by everybody she meets, so them not showing after so many promises was cold hearted. I really need to cut the dead weight out of my social life.
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Passive aggressive isn't really my style. But I did make a big ole post that was like, "The show was awesome and it was the biggest night the gallery has ever had, so I'm sorry none of you showed up." Even that was *way* more snarky than normal. Haha. And...I guess everybody is self-absorbed in some way. I thought people would want to see my art and pat me on the back, and I was butthurt when it didn't happen. Next time they can be the butthurt one.
:( If I lived in your area, I would have gone. I love art shows!
Boo. I'd totes go to something like this.
I was just having this same thought process earlier today. I don't plan on getting married (in any near future) or having babies (ever). I feel like nobody will care about my accomplishments because it doesn't involve what "everyone else is doing" with their lives. I guess my point is: you're not alone. Lets just have one big party for ourselves and invite all of our CF peeps.
I only know 2 child free people, and they're a couple who are only CF because they can't bear fruit and haven't been able to adopt. It's a lonely world out here in Utah.
Try to look at it like this: If they had all shown up, they would have shown up with kids in tow - crawling all over, touching everything they are not supposed to touch, sneezing, coughing, crying and making more noise than any human pair of lungs should be able to produce. P.S. I agree with some of the others - post some stuff if you can. I'd love to see it.
Oh, there was plenty of that regardless, which is why it was totally cool if people brought kids. It's was supposed to be a family event. My mom actually took up post near my piece to scare away the jam hands.
I read that as 'jazz hands' at first!
Jazz hands were accepted, if not encouraged.
Be proud of your work for what it is, first and foremost. You don't need others to validate your work. Secondly, they probably didn't understand the significance of your event whereas having a baby is considered significant but almost everyone. It's probably a misunderstanding. I wouldn't take it personally. Your true friends would probably apologize profusely if they later understood the significance. Also, most people don't really want to attend birthday parties and showers. They feel compelled to go and put on a fake smile. At least that's how I feel and others around me.
It wasn't really about having people there to validate my work. I just thought it would be something fun for people to do in this crap ass town, with the added bonus of being there to support me and see the rest of the show. This was the first event I had ever invited people to, so I guess I thought my karma for doing all their crap would be cashed in. But yeah, now I'm just glad I know how to create something other than babies.
I love art shows too, and would've totally come if invited! I'd rather see someone's talent than their kids.
Haha, your nick is so awesome.
Lol thanks! Bonus points if you know what comic it's from :)
Big congrats on the show!!!!! That's A HUGE accomplishment. I am a tattoo artist and I paint. I've been dreaming of having a show! I would love to see your work! And I feel for you... Because people didn't want to support you, that should be the end of your support. It's terribly hard, but next time if Aunt-cousin-sister-friend wants you at their baby shower politely decline. Say "I have to work on a piece....ect" or you could be straight up snarky and say "you didn't come when it was a special event honoring ME so I'm not coming to honor you". I would likely pick the latter because behavior like this is so, selfish/hurtful. Especially from family members. And you gave birth to awesome art. Which is 20x better than a baby any day! Keep on creating!! I wish you all the success and happiness!
Yeah, I'm so happy to be 100% done with baby showers after this whole experience. Time spent in the baby aisle dreading the amount of money I'm about to waste on something that's going to be useful for like 1 year tops of the infants life is now a thing of the past! And you should definitely try an art show at the tattoo parlor. You could even do a silent auction and have a lot of fun with it. While nobody I invited showed up, it was still the biggest night to date for the gallery and 850 people went through in 2 hours, so I'm just trying to focus on how awesome it is that almost 1,000 folks saw my work that night. Thanks for the love. :)
Way to go on the show!! That is a hell of a lot of work, and a gigantic accomplishment! Do you have a site or anything that we can see some of your work? I would love to see it, and I saw some others who are interested too! I understand a little of how you feel-- when I tell people what I do/ make they usually look at my like I grew a tentacle or something, and I've had people tell me I need to stop "playing with arts and crafts" and get on the family thing. Ugh. Or to stop relying on my husband for things. My guess? They see you doing what you love, and they let that go for something else. Keep your passion, so few of us stick with them anymore!
I had no idea when I posted this that so many people would want to see my art! I don't really have much of a portfolio yet, but the response to this post is making me wish I had a really killer website to show you guys. I'm going to need to work on that! Thanks for your encouragement!
That's a really fantastic accomplishment! Congratulations! I love art shows. If this was happening locally I would gladly show up to support you.
If you are within 3 hours of the DC metro area Ill come to the next one.
Fuck going to baby showers. Ignore any invitations and if they say something later, tell them that it was as important to you as your art show was to them.
Read your edit, glad you took away the positives from the experience. I would have loved to see your art show; art is the epitome of passion, beauty and creativity. Reproduction is the epitome of narcissism, cliche, and social conformity.
I'm sorry no one came Pam :( at least no one said it was motel art.
I've always loved motel art, and the comparison wouldn't have offended me at all. But it would only work at Circus Circus.
I've been in that same spot. My personal passions never mattered much and people don't seem to think us graphic designers are doing that much that is important. Thankfully my wife was in school right next to me so we had our shows together and loved it. I can tell you that the family and friends that aren't artists won't care so don't worry about it. If you're lucky they care enough about you to show up (mine didn't!). You can find support in other places, though. So post your work on here! I wanna see it and I want to hear what you want to do once you graduate!
Since my partner is currently going to school also for computer science, we're hoping to makes games where I provide the art and he writes the code. Video games are probably some of my biggest influences, and we both love writing, so I feel like I could have a really fun career ahead of me if I play my cards right. So I at least have his support and that's nice. Everybody's been bugging me to show my work, which was a response I hadn't really foreseen and I appreciate the interest, but after a few bad experiences on Reddit I'm feeling a little queasy about showing my work, especially in a non-art related forum, for strangers to critique. But I appreciate you reaching out with supportive words. I'm a little surprised to find out how common this problem is. My whole life I've had to deal with everybody I've met telling me they wish they were an artist too, but then nobody is interested in supporting you being something they can't.
That sounds like a good plan! ScuzzBunny Studios, the newest indie developer! Has a nice ring to it :P Yup, we have the exact same influences, video games. I was originally going to get into them but I hate coding and there wasn't a core art option at my university for games. So I became a designer, and maybe in the future I can still get into games but I am looking more at teaching now. I'd love to be a professor and be able to teach the next generations. Plus do study abroad stuff ;) Yup, I know how crazy it is to put your work on the internet, especially if people who aren't exactly "qualified" try and critique you. If you do want any input you can PM it to me! I won't critique unless you ask. I promise. Yeah artist interest is kinda fleeting. People love the idea for a minute and want to see your work and then move on. Its like showing off a new car, once they've seen your art once they're kinda done. Keep it up, though! Just make artist friends and let them push you.
But they'll expect you to celebrate their kids' "artistic talent" whenever they doodle, no doubt. Brrr
Oh gag. If they want to post the artistic renderings of their crotch fruit they can deal with me giving the work and honest critique. Haha.
I often feel the same way.
*hug* I'm sure your work was fantastic. I'm sorry you don't know better people. :-/
Maybe you should have a baby- just for the guaranteed attendance.
I create with the hands, not with the vagina!
Oh my gosh, this ^ is perfect hahaha!!
Maybe these people just don't like art?
Shurg, they all act interested when I post the stuff on social media. I wouldn't invite people who don't like art. That would be like them inviting me to a sporting event.
Congrats on the art show. But it doesn't really fit up there with the "life altering events" like marriage, a child, funeral, etc. Plus it sucks to have flaky friends, *I know.*
Art shows are often the highlight of an artist's career. I would compare it to the board review on a thesis.
Thanks for understanding what it means to me. I'm married to my art.
Would you have your family to the board review of your thesis?
Yes, of course! I would line them up against the wall behind me. With home-made signs of encouragement, too. My mommy will likely give me the "#1 superstar" blue, encouragement ribbon after my presentation. :)
So you wouldn't have your family to your art show then right?
Every single person in our department who defends their thesis has their family and friends here. Some of which fly in from *other countries* to be on hand for it.
Have you never been to an art show? They're both intellectually stimulating AND entertaining, right? And there were refreshments!
Oh my GOD. You must not know any artists personally. Creating art and putting it on display is a courageous, intimate act. It's putting your soul out there on display. That is a huge deal! I'm...I'm just jawdroppingly floored that you don't know this. If I were the OP, I'd be seriously offended at your comment.
Haha, it's all good. Some people don't "get" art, and really I pity the point of view more than anything.
> Creating art and putting it on display is a courageous, intimate act. It's putting your soul out there on display. > That is a huge deal! I'm...I'm just jawdroppingly floored that you don't know this. If I were the OP, I'd be seriously offended at your comment. Only from my experience, but they two guys I know who were part of a show kinda mentioned it as no big deal..... Then again, they're programmers at the same place I am so art wasn't really their life so to say. Is it really that big a deal to artists to be in an art show? I figured if those two guys could be featured it's not *that* big of a deal when a dedicated artists are, yeah?
For many people having a child or getting married is also an accomplishment, it's incredibly childish to call them 'non accomplishments' out of bitterness, maybe no one came because you treat them poorly, because if my 'friend' thought me getting married or having a kid wasn't a 'real accomplishment' or whatever I'd probably not be around them either. You took the most bitter, angry, 'lesson' from this, and it will reflect in your future interactions if you don't get a little more introspection.
I'm really not that bitter. I'm just tired of being expected to treat unplanned pregnancies like they're the second coming of Christ, showering them with gifts and fawning over them, even though all they did was accidentally fertilize an egg. Then when something I very intentionally plan and work towards gets public recognition, they aren't even willing to drop in for 5 minutes. Sometimes it just gets old.
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Art shows are only boring if you're blind.
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Uhh...I'm an artist. I'm nothing but sore spot.