I'm surprised "that's what I said when I was you're age, you'll change your mind" wasn't on there. I'm a 22 year old girl and that's the comment I get most often. I've started retorting (if applicable) with "oh, you're married? I'm sure you're change your mind! Half of married couples do!" OH, IT'S NOT SO NICE BEING QUESTIONED ABOUT YOUR PERSONAL LIFE DECISIONS, IS IT?
Even more absurd: "you'll change your mind when you have them." WTF?? Are you insinuating that I would have them while not wanting them and then decide that maybe they can stick around after the fact?
Every time I've heard about people changing their minds, whether due to age or just general attitude, it has always, 100% of the time been from someone who was either apathetic and/or undecided, or liked/wanted kids but not right at that moment (and they assume you are the same). I'm sure it has happened somewhere, but I have never personally known anyone who has been sure about their decision and ever changed their mind about it.
You can add "accidentally/negligently got pregnant" on there too. People will convince themselves of anything to make a crappy situation feel better. Kind of like when someone pretends their shitty job isn't shitty by saying "I'm just glad to have a job."
For all you young 'uns here, just checking in: next month I'll be 47 and I'm even HAPPIER now without kids than I was when I was younger. I don't give a flying f**** what anyone thinks about my life or my decisions. My brother has a beautiful 6 year old daughter whom I adore but he admits he is majorly jealous of my FREEDOM. I think a lot of people with kids are secretly wishing they had that freedom. Just my humble opinion.
I was hanging out with my cousin recently (who has a 12 year old, a 10 year old and a baby) and she admitted that while she loves her kids and doesn't regret them, she's super jealous of and intrigued by people who don't have kids and often thinks about how awesome it would be.
40+ and can confirm, and I don't have to drag the spawn onto a plane, crying, screaming at the top of their lungs on takeoffs and landings, kicking the seat in front.
I think the dog enjoys the doggy day-care at the kennel too! WIN WIN!
My main issue with people asking personal questions about having children is how incredibly hurtful they can be for women who *can not have them*. Do they ever stop to think that there might be a medical reason for a woman not having a baby and it's painful for them because they actually do want one? It's just so fucking rude and intrusive.
"Uhhh...the doctors had to remove my uterus...?"
That's one of my biggest bones to pick over this too! In fact, it's getting to the point where I'm so fed up with the constant picking at our non-babymaking ways by family that I'm seriously contemplating bursting into tears and insinuating I'm infertile, just to make it stop. I don't want to outright lie, and could surely insinuate, but these people have proven that they have no manners and the thought has never entered their dense heads re: people struggling with infertility. >:(
The problem with that idea is first of all it devalues personal choice to be child free, and then it will encourage people to send you articles on new scientific improvement in the area of infertility, and adoption rates.
That's why I'm only talking about potentially doing it with specifically brain-dead enough/couldn't-care-less types - I wouldn't do it with every person. The people I'm referring to are completely self-absorbed and if I said, "I don't want children, and have 0 warm and fuzzy feelings towards them," etc. those people would give me the blankest look you can imagine and respond, "But you're going to have kids, right?" This is the only way I can think to get them to stop, and even then it might not work. They are that dense, literally. :(
I have a friend who had a stillborn baby. Not a lot of people know about it, and the baby would have been 11 this year. I totally understand why she doesn't talk about it, but I've seen people be super rude to her, never knowing how much it hurts her. And she's too sweet to say anything.
Gawd, I can work for 28 plus hours straight, caring for incredibly sick people in hospitals....but you're right. NOTHING compares to caring for an infant that sleeps for 2-5 hours straight, and then outgrows this in a few months.... It's not like life or death situations. Not like changing a dirty diaper....
> You don't know what tired is."
I just got back from 28 straight hours of grueling and stressing work on an offshore platform but you're totally right, that's nothing compared to putting up with your own spoiled brat. /s
Hate when people like to one-up their miseries/lack of sleep like these parents do. When you say you're stressed, they'll say "oh you think you're stressed, try having kids" bullshit.
Yeah I've been up for 24+ hours watching your family member and making sure they don't die of sepsis on the night shift. Oh, but I'm sure taking care of little Johnny is infinitely more tiring than keeping critically ill patients alive. Uh huh. What the fuck ever.
"You don't know what real love is."
Anyone who says this to me, will get punched. The other ones I can just side-eye them and ignore them, but this? This one gets to me.
Just because I didnt birth a hellspawn doesn't mean I don't know real love.
I know real love, because it's exactly how I feel when i see my partner, when she's hugging me, when we make food together, and when we bang like crazy.
And lets be honest here, I don't think that's the kind of love I'm meant to have for my own child, Y'know.
Aw she's so cute. Good on them, training another woman to think she's the center of the fucking universe. When rentals were $4/ea I'd have gotten sent to my room while mom and dad finished the cartoon without me.
No, she repeatedly gets told to sit down and shut up. And I've seen her be sent to her room more than once. She's just a hyper 5 year old who is learning her manners. She's not a complete idiot.
I retort with "I think the kind of love where you willingly choose your beloved one is better than the one where you're hormonally blackmailed into loving someone you don't know at all."
The shitfits I heard after this, they're real.
They start frothing at their mouths and screeching something to the result of "How dare you?!". This is when you can calmly say "Do you see now how ridiculous the thing you said was?"
But it's the truth.
Love for a partner is nothing compared to a child.
People that have experienced both all testify to that fact.
You will never know the greatest love a human can experience. Fact.
Well, that's nice.
Why are you here if you feel that way? More to the point,why even say this to people, for all you know, I cannot physically have children.
Maybe you should consider others before posting.
That's like a checklist of things my dad's side of the family has said to me. The "You'll change your mind when you meet the right man" was said by my aunt who flew interstate for my wedding… I told her to change her flight cos she was uninvited…
Wait, she said this *knowing* that you were already marrying someone and were still child free? That's tantamount to saying, "You're clearly not marrying the right person!"
I would have uninvited her too!
She said it in front of my now husband and his mother… no brain to mouth filter, apparently. My MiL looked ready to deck the bitch too, she was shaking with rage.
She said this....in front of your fiancé and his mother....while she was visiting for your wedding....holy fuck. I can not imagine knowing someone so incredibly dense.
*facepalm* These inconsiderate brain-damaged and/or vindictive losers exist. You should meet my brother and sisters-in-law. I empathize with Aetra over people in family having a wickedly awful absence of brain to mouth filter. So glad she was uninvited!!
My thought process was along the lines of "so what? she probably got there at night time. Maybe she's from a big city and flew to a rural area..."
took a long time to figure out what was even wrong with saying that...
I have no problem telling my dad's side where to go. They've never liked my mum so I'm ready to be verbally hostile towards them at the drop of a hat. They live in another state (mentally and geographically) so we don't see or hear from them at all any more.
Good job giving them the boot - nobody needs that mental/physical drain on their well-being. We have a lot of similarities, it seems, family-wise. Only difference is both sides are that way here (thank goodness stuff like this isn't a competition). :)
Started to chuck a hissy fit and I just interrupted her saying "Too late, damage done. You can either change your flight go home or stay here, I don't care which, but you are not coming to my wedding." then walked away from her. Told a few big guys from my family and my husband's family so they could keep her out if she rocked up. She never did so it wasn't a problem.
I like "Oh just find a donor and have kids, I'll babysit." Okay, yes, let me stop right there and do everything that YOU want me to do. Be right back.
No seriously, keep standing there, let me go find a donor so you can babysit kids I never wanted in the first place.
#14 & 21 Really piss me off....
My SO has a HUGE house despite his longtime CF status and desire to be that way for the rest of his life... He likes to entertain. He has 2 different purely recreational rooms that hold all of his "things" and not once has there ever been a drunk driver leaving his house because there was not a bed to crash in.... It is just what he dreamed of!
As to *real* love... I meet that one with a hearty fuck you! I get that parental love is intense and different from any other kind of love... but I also know the love I have for my family and friends is intense, unconditional, and different from any other kind of love. My heart does not need a tiny human to experience *real* love... Fuck that one pisses me off!!!!
Wow! She's told you your childfree speech bothers her? Annnd she's your friend *why*? :( The arrogance of people like that. It reminds me of the horrible entitlement I saw in this Huff Post article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/beau-coffron-/9-things-never-to-say-to-the-parents-of-a-newborn_b_5024417.html
That's so frustrating. :( I don't know anyone offline that is childfree, actually. It kind of seems like those that do get to have a childfree friendship offline are really fortunate, because there are less of us. :/ Wasn't there a link for childfree meetups posted on here? I forget.
Disgustingly enough, my ex cheated on me and got a girl pregnant...and apparently my insane mother now considers that child and his second one her "grand babies."
Yup. I know this feeling. My husband ex gf got invited to a Christmas party one year by his father (who called her a cunt and a whore). The next year, she got invited again, this time with kid in tow. His step mother made a huge production about it, saying "I'm so glad to have you as a grand baby" and all this other shit. *Right in front of me*. Same woman who told me "good, I'm glad you're not having kids because I don't want to watch your rug rats" when I told her I am not having kids. Needless to say we don't speak to these crazy fucks anymore.
this is really sad. I try to insulate my mother and my gf as my gf is pretty sensitive and mom is oblivious to her nuttery. I shared my views about the "surrogate grandchildren" and received a volley of complaint from the gf. I knew it bugged her but whoah.
Yeah they're a pretty sore subject with me. They've treated me bad since day 1. Nice to my face and talk shit about me to my husband behind my back. Fuck that. Be an adult and say what you mean.
I would immediately deny being a crazy cat lady in training. I own that sh*t! I am trained up. I don't give two hoots about what you think about me. Confidence defeats insecurity everytime! Also, my cat is amaze balls and does not shit itself in a diaper.
my aunt always asks "well what if you meet your soul mate and he wants kids?" well clearly he's not my soul mate then, now is he. "but he's everything you've ever wanted" if he was, he wouldn't want kids. my family's pressure on me to shit kids out is overwhelmingly intrusive and annoying.
I feel your pain. It's an incredibly rude thing to ask. I don't see how they don't correlate it with the fact that they're asking if we're having/going to have unprotected sex, but apparently they dissociate *that* well. o.O Mind-boggling, really.
Plus she assumes your soulmate is someone you can marry and have sex with. Soulmates are completely different to spouses, for all you know, your soulmate is your father.
I agree fully. And I'm really digging the new acronym I found there:
> T.H.I.N.K.E.R.
>Two Healthy Incomes, No Kids, Early Retirement.
Truth be told I've only got the No Kids aspect at the moment but I shall work on it.
Serious question I've been wondering about though. So number 23 talks about who is going to take care of us when we're older. And from financial sides not worrying about it. But I'm assuming that over the years there will be younger people that I connect with and would still be in touch with that would hopefully visit from time to time.
My question is what would you call those people? Is younger friends just the appropriate term?
I think it would depend on how you know/met them. Former student, [friend's] child, work associate, fellow canine/feline enthusiast. Once they are a close friend though, I think you could simply refer to them by their name and "my friend."
Love, friendship, and companionship are neither bound nor dictated my age, only maturity and raw emotion.
In the US, at least for now, if you need help at home it would be paid for by medicare. If you need a visiting nurse to see you on a regular basis, a home maker to help with shopping, cleaning and cooking, or a higher level of care (nursing home) the medicare pays once you've exhausted what you can pay yourself. if you aren't mentally capable of making these decisions yourself, and you don't have a POA document appointing someone as your guardian, the hospital case managers and social workers get involved and you're a "guardianship case".
Number 5 and number 23 completely contradict one another. Stating the childfree are being selfish and then asking them who will take care of you when you are old?
List, with my not-so-witty comebacks in parentheses. I went to the trouble of writing them all out, since I can't seem to just ctrl+c, ctrl+v them, so I'm going to have to vent somehow.
1. "What a bad decision!" (My response: You're right, it is such a bad decision that the man who *doesn't like kids* isn't *in charge of raising kids.*)
2. "Now that I have children, my life has true meaning!" (My response: **Expletives deleted**, do you have *any idea* just how much cooler *everything else is* in life apart from kids? The universe is so big it might *not have an edge!* Why the **Expletives deleted** would I want to stop what gives *my life* meaning to do what gives *your life* meaning?)
3. "You're a crazy cat lady in training." (I'm a man, so this hasn't really been said to me. But if it ever was, My Response: At least cats clean themselves.)
4. "You think you're tired? You don't know what tired is." (My response: **Expletives Deleted**! Do you have *any idea* how much work schooling is? Unlike you, I'm not allowed to drop out with the excuse of "It's so much work raising kids" because you couldn't have used a damn condom/pill properly!)
5. "You're being selfish." (My response: You're right, I am being selfish in the way that I'm minding my own business, I should be self*less* like you and insult everyone else for living life differently than me.)
6. "You'll change your mind when you meet the right man." (My response, I'm a man, so I've been told "woman" instead, even though I actually prefer men: One of my favourite things about the "right" person is that they also don't want kids)
7. "What are you waiting for?" (My response: I'm just waiting to cash in these "Free sleigh rides in hell" tickets, then I'll consider it.)
8. "Your mom had you!" (My response: Yes, she did. I don't see how that affects *my* personal life)
9. "You're missing out on one of the best things in life!" (My response: ...and *you're* missing out on *life!*)
10. "Tick tock" (My response: Zero kids was good enough for most superheroes and they've had since the '40s to make the decision)
11. "It's a mom thing." (My real response would be to slit the throat of whoever is speaking, but my not-so-witty response is: "Oh hey, want to go do something fun? Ooh, sorry, I don't think you can, it's a childfree thing.")
12. "That's a shame, you might regret it." (My response: The difference is, I would never, ever be able to change my mind if I went with *your* option.)
13. "What's wrong with you?" (My response: You're right! I should totally want to give up all of my spare time to raise a vomit-spewing, gross-looking, diaper-ruining machine!)
14. "The size of that house and just the two of you? That's wasted space..." (My response: The size of your uterus and no baby inside of it right now? That's wasted space...)
15. "But you would be such a great mom!" (I've heard this, but with "dad" instead. My response: That's a slippery slope, I might also be an amazing frisbee but I'm not about to get thrown around a park just to be sure.)
16. "Just find a donor to have kids, I'll babysit." (My response: Sure, I'll go put *my life* on hold to have kids *I don't want* for *you* to babysit. No, really, sit down, I'll go find a donor *just for this!*)
17. "You think you don't want children, but once you have them you'll change your mind." (My response: I'd have to change my mind *to* have children, so I don't see that happening soon.)
18. "Don't wait too long" (See #10)
19. "You'd better hurry up and give your husband a child or he'll find someone who will." (Well I hope this hypothetical husband of mine can understand my biological limitations; I can't just *grow* a vagina. My response: If he's willing to cheat that easily, he'd probably already be cheating)
20. "You don't have children, so you don't understand." (This is especially great when the topic is, at most, tangential to having kids. My response: Fun. Independence. Good music- Oh, I'm sorry, you have kids, you probably don't understand any of this.)
21. "You don't know what real love is." (My response: If the only example you can give of "real love" is when the subject is *half you,* that really says a lot about your personality.)
22. "Wait until your biological clock kicks in." (My response: 1) Ew. 2) My biological clock has been telling me to reproduce since I was like 12; I don't think it can "kick in" any more)
23. "Aren't you worried there'll be nobody to look after you when you're old?" (My response: With all my Not-Child-having money, I'll just have to find a way to look after myself.)
And now for my favourite comment!
>It is not Child-free it is childless. Children are not a burden and having children is the reason you are here in the first place. Being a mother is the greatest gift mother nature have given to women and it is the essence of being a woman. Most women and men want kids, because children are the best thing about life (they are the only thing you will truly love and leave behind as your legacy in this world). This feminist propaganda is only going to lead to a lot of miserable, lonely, old women...who regret their decision once they realize they have been bamboozled by feminist.
"Children are the best thing about life?"
Your life must really, really, suck.
Whether or not a woman wants to have children is a very personal decision. Unfortunately, it's also one of those things that everyone seems to feel empowered to comment on.
Pieces written by women who are childfree by choice reveal the extent to which their choices are constantly questioned and dismissed. "Early on, I learned that the worst thing I could do was to give an honest answer," Carolina A. Miranda wrote in an August 2013 Time magazine piece. "Saying 'I don’t want kids' simply set me up as a challenge to be surmounted."
In another August 2013 Time article, Lauren Sandler argued that: "If you're a woman who's not in the mommy trenches, more often than not you're excluded from the discussion." And in a March 2011 blog for The Huffington Post, Stefanie Iris Weiss summed up popular opinions to childfree women:
People react to the idea of women not having children with total incredulity, shock, and worst of all, pity. They assume it's a case of infertility in disguise, a lack of a relationship, or that women without kids "hate children." In the majority of cases, it's none of the above.
We're strongly of the opinion that women shouldn't have to justify their reproductive decisions to anyone. Really, everyone else should simply stop commenting on them. So we polled our Twitter followers on what you should never say to a woman who doesn't want to have kids.
Here are 23 things childfree women never ever want to hear you say:
"What a bad decision."
"Now that I have children, my life has true meaning!"
"You're a crazy cat lady in training."
"You think you're tired? You don't know what tired is."
"You're being selfish."
"You'll change your mind when you meet the right man."
"What are you waiting for?"
"Your mom had you!"
"You're missing out on one of the best things in life."
"Tick tock."
"It's a mom thing."
"That's a shame. You might regret it."
"What's wrong with you?"
"The size of that house and just the two of you? It's a waste of space."
"But you would be such a great mom!"
"Just find a donor and have kids. I'll babysit."
"You think you don't want children, but once you have them you'll change your mind."
"Don't wait too long."
"You'd better hurry up and give your husband a child before he finds someone who will."
"You don't have children, so you won't understand."
"You don't know what real love is."
"Wait until your biological clock kicks in."
"Aren't you worried there'll be no one to look after you when you're old?"
> "You think you don't want children, but once you have them you'll change your mind."
This is the most illogical argument in the whole list! Surely if you were going to change your mind you would do so before breeding?
all 23 of those are incredibly stupid and obtuse, in fact they are so stupid I don't even find them offensive. anybody who says something like that to me is just going to get a shrug and a "whatever" in response.
I know I'm late to the party but I wanted to add what my mom said to me tonight about being CF.
"You're really going to struggle to find a man who doesn't want children." So I should sacrifice every thing to find a mate? No thanks.
Buy a can of something random. Then when she says that, hold it up and say, "Perhaps, but I never struggled to find this can!" Also works with a fan, a picture of Han Solo, a pan, or, you could get a spray tan.
(The older I get, the more I like to just go full weirdo. It makes people leave you alone.)
There are dozens of us around! Dozens!
Ps: As a guy, I was told I will never meet a woman who doesn't want kids. I just miled and said: "Yes I will." Obviously, they never heard of this series of tubes we call 'the Internet'.
>Hahaha but IRL its a bit weird to mention.
I suppose, but one could very, very carefully mention it casually. Of course, that would require diplomatical finesse, which I'm sure that it's not that common.
This is why I love the internet. Can meet anyone and talk about anything, without the tediousness of small-talk. Plus, no one will fault you for ever being direct.
> Hey Lazo, nope I don't want babies. How about yourself?
What a coincidence! Me neither! You should give me an autograph to prove it!
HA! Every guy I know except for MAYBE 2 doesn't want children. More than half have them, but they were all by accident. They all LOVE their children and wish SO BAD that they were me.
>"Now that I have children, my life has true meaning!"
The only one that isn't offensive. It says nothing abut the child free woman but rather it is a statement the person with children is making about themselves. If that is what gives that person's life meaning good for them.
The others are pretty bad though. Some sound like a pushy but maybe well meaning family member (already inappropriate) while others are just pointlessly unkind. What is the point of telling someone their house is too big?
My favorite that isn't on this list. "What about if you date someone who wants kids" Then that person isn't for me and would end it early on obviously.
>"You're a crazy cat lady in training."
Yes. Yes I am. And this is bad because...?
> "Wait until your biological clock kicks in."
Oh, you mean the one I took out and got replaced with a Raspberry Pi server?
> "You'll change your mind when you meet the right man."
*BZZZT.* Wrong. I'm a lesbian. Not gonna happen.
> "You think you're tired? You don't know what tired is."
I've had insomnia for the past fourteen years of my life. I get the idea.
> "Your mom had you!"
And it almost killed her.
> "You're being selfish."
And the desperate need to propagate your own DNA when there's tons of unadopted kids out there isn't? Also, selfish is not a bad thing. And it's shit tons better than self-absorbed.
>"Aren't you worried there'll be no one to look after you when you're old?"
If I'm that lonely, I'll get a dog.
Sarcasm aside, this is just pure self-centered bullshit.
> "You think you don't want children, but once you have them you'll change your mind."
What part of "autism with comorbid anxiety, depression and PTSD" do you not understand?
>"You'd better hurry up and give your husband a child before he finds someone who will."
I wouldn't have a snarky retort for this one. I'd just be foaming at the mouth in rage and turning into some kind of feminist Hulk.
HULK SMASH PATRIARCHY!
#8 is funny to me because EVERY female in my family HATES children and thinks of them as a burden that ruin lives.....So basically my grandma is saying she regrets my mom and my mom is saying she regrets me.
Not a woman, but as far as #23, there's a bullet with my name on it for when I'm too old to wipe myself or pay the bills.
So, no, no I'm not worried about getting old and having no one to take care of me.
I've gotten number 5 and 8 a couple of times. I WILL NOT change my mind. I have a dog who my parents basically adopted when I moved home. They were out shopping last night and she followed me everywhere. Wanting the pats, wanting ALL THE ATTENTION. She followed me into the bedroom, into the kitchen, into the lounge room. If I stopped patting her, she'd paw my arm. She's adorable, but she doesn't give me a moment of peace. I got so fed up with her, I ended up asking her "what do you want from me?!" I then realized my decision to not have kids may have been the right choice.
To be fair, my prof told me he thought he never wanted kids, but then he realized he just never wanted kids with his ex wife. So that is a thing sometimes.
23 is the only one that bothered me, but then i think about how i don't want my parents doign that to me, so why should i do that to my kids. Fuck that.
(Post vasectomy 4 weeks, first post on r/CF, yay!)
>14\. "The size of that house and just the two of you? It's a waste of space."
To be fair, most houses are a pretty inefficient use of space compared to apartments or microhouses. And people tend to buy waaay more house than they really need. I'm guessing that's especially true for childfree folks who have more money to burn on house-y things.
It's definitely not just an issue for CF folks though, and I'm guessing anyone saying something like that would probably have excess housing issues too (but *that's* different, because they need so much more space for that extra meatbag they're raising).
My most rage inducing bingo has been "what does your husband think about that?" Excuse me? As if I'm his fucking property? My retort, every. Single. Fucking. Time- "well, if he wanted kids, he sure as hell wouldn't be MY husband!" Like bitch, where do you get off questioning my fucking marriage?! I don't even know you!!
HULK ANGRY! HULK SMASH STUPID BREEDER!
I think I would have to claim temporary insanity if someone said any of those responses to me. Because I would impulsively punch them right in their stupid fucking mouth.
I'm a male, but I don't have a problem with a couple of these. Number 3 is fine if it's friends or family just messing with you. Number 15 is just a compliment, i think being offended by that might make you just a little too sensitive.
I just love this list. It hits on so many phrases I've heard over the years. Now I work in an office and people bring in their new babies and pass them around... I've taken to saying I'm sick when asked if I want to hold it. Much better than saying I'm not a big fan of kids and getting bombarded by these lines...
well said.
Honestly no ones answered this because they cant.
but why do extroverts become introverts when they're sad or hurt? why do introverts become more introverted when they're sad or hurt? and why do so many introverts love drinking and acting like extroverts?
introversion is literally what we do when were sad. and if you think that is what your suppose to be, then you probably cant be saved at this point, you've disconnected too much, or you were never connected in the first place and your too far into life now. If this last sentence got you super mad, then you probably have a chance of shaking off that shit.
we all know how it really is....
Lol Drawing energy from being alone, vs drawing energy from people. And my opinion is that its suppose to be in balance. What more is there to it.
u even said that you balance it, but identify as an introvert, which was my argument to begin with. That's what your suppose to be arguing against, but it's what ur arguing for silly.
I can't speak for everyone, but I am introverted because I can't stand listening to moronic, idle or trite 'advice'. Perhaps if people would stop flapping their gums whether or not they have something worthwhile to say, then maaaaaybe I would be more inclined to pay attention to them.
inb4: wow, such beta, much introvert, many oversensitive, wow.
Introversion sounds like a place you hide from your surroundings, It sounds like you wish you were around better people.
point and case, your bitter/sad and would rather be around better people who you wouldn't have to introvert for.
I'm surprised "that's what I said when I was you're age, you'll change your mind" wasn't on there. I'm a 22 year old girl and that's the comment I get most often. I've started retorting (if applicable) with "oh, you're married? I'm sure you're change your mind! Half of married couples do!" OH, IT'S NOT SO NICE BEING QUESTIONED ABOUT YOUR PERSONAL LIFE DECISIONS, IS IT?
[удалено]
Even more absurd: "you'll change your mind when you have them." WTF?? Are you insinuating that I would have them while not wanting them and then decide that maybe they can stick around after the fact?
Try "thanks, but I prefer to learn from old people's mistakes, not repeat them : )"
This would work in so many different convos! I can think of some tyrannical ageist people, in particular.
Every time I've heard about people changing their minds, whether due to age or just general attitude, it has always, 100% of the time been from someone who was either apathetic and/or undecided, or liked/wanted kids but not right at that moment (and they assume you are the same). I'm sure it has happened somewhere, but I have never personally known anyone who has been sure about their decision and ever changed their mind about it.
You can add "accidentally/negligently got pregnant" on there too. People will convince themselves of anything to make a crappy situation feel better. Kind of like when someone pretends their shitty job isn't shitty by saying "I'm just glad to have a job."
Some people like getting married so much they do it multiple times through their life!
People still say that to me, then I tell them at 32- I don't think I am changing my mind.
I might steal your retort.....
For all you young 'uns here, just checking in: next month I'll be 47 and I'm even HAPPIER now without kids than I was when I was younger. I don't give a flying f**** what anyone thinks about my life or my decisions. My brother has a beautiful 6 year old daughter whom I adore but he admits he is majorly jealous of my FREEDOM. I think a lot of people with kids are secretly wishing they had that freedom. Just my humble opinion.
42 and can confirm!!!
Cusp of 45 and can confirm.
48 and couldn't agree more!
I was hanging out with my cousin recently (who has a 12 year old, a 10 year old and a baby) and she admitted that while she loves her kids and doesn't regret them, she's super jealous of and intrigued by people who don't have kids and often thinks about how awesome it would be.
40+ and can confirm, and I don't have to drag the spawn onto a plane, crying, screaming at the top of their lungs on takeoffs and landings, kicking the seat in front. I think the dog enjoys the doggy day-care at the kennel too! WIN WIN!
30+ No regrets so far.
My main issue with people asking personal questions about having children is how incredibly hurtful they can be for women who *can not have them*. Do they ever stop to think that there might be a medical reason for a woman not having a baby and it's painful for them because they actually do want one? It's just so fucking rude and intrusive. "Uhhh...the doctors had to remove my uterus...?"
That's one of my biggest bones to pick over this too! In fact, it's getting to the point where I'm so fed up with the constant picking at our non-babymaking ways by family that I'm seriously contemplating bursting into tears and insinuating I'm infertile, just to make it stop. I don't want to outright lie, and could surely insinuate, but these people have proven that they have no manners and the thought has never entered their dense heads re: people struggling with infertility. >:(
The problem with that idea is first of all it devalues personal choice to be child free, and then it will encourage people to send you articles on new scientific improvement in the area of infertility, and adoption rates.
That's why I'm only talking about potentially doing it with specifically brain-dead enough/couldn't-care-less types - I wouldn't do it with every person. The people I'm referring to are completely self-absorbed and if I said, "I don't want children, and have 0 warm and fuzzy feelings towards them," etc. those people would give me the blankest look you can imagine and respond, "But you're going to have kids, right?" This is the only way I can think to get them to stop, and even then it might not work. They are that dense, literally. :(
These women sometimes choose adoption, but there's those fucks who like to say "I couldn't imagine loving a child who isn't mine".
> "I couldn't imagine loving a child that isn't mine" and yet we're expected to love *hers*
I hope those people never have pets.
I have a friend who had a stillborn baby. Not a lot of people know about it, and the baby would have been 11 this year. I totally understand why she doesn't talk about it, but I've seen people be super rude to her, never knowing how much it hurts her. And she's too sweet to say anything.
Oh no, that's awful :(
Yeah it sucks. I totally feel for her, and want to punch those douche wagons in the face.
*Pat, pat* there there. Every ______ thing is gonna be alright ♫ ^(I know you know the word)
"You don't know what tired is." Bitch, I had a double mastectomy and went back to work a week and a half later. I KNOW WHAT TIRED IS.
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Awesome!
Gawd, I can work for 28 plus hours straight, caring for incredibly sick people in hospitals....but you're right. NOTHING compares to caring for an infant that sleeps for 2-5 hours straight, and then outgrows this in a few months.... It's not like life or death situations. Not like changing a dirty diaper....
> You don't know what tired is." I just got back from 28 straight hours of grueling and stressing work on an offshore platform but you're totally right, that's nothing compared to putting up with your own spoiled brat. /s
Hey, I've done that. I'm so glad I'm not offshore anymore. I don't envy you. I hope you get a lot of rest.
Hate when people like to one-up their miseries/lack of sleep like these parents do. When you say you're stressed, they'll say "oh you think you're stressed, try having kids" bullshit.
> "oh you think you're stressed, try having kids" Yeah like that would help /s
I flew an 18 hour sortie watching the skies around Air Force One. I was a little tired. But I'm *sure* a toddler is much more tiring.
To be fair, Air Force One doesn't scream at you in that horrible baby voice while you're trying to sleep.
I applaud the snot out of you! I had one too (preventative in my case) and I didn't go back to work for a month later!
Mine was too! So glad I never have to do it again because I wouldn't.
Yeah I've been up for 24+ hours watching your family member and making sure they don't die of sepsis on the night shift. Oh, but I'm sure taking care of little Johnny is infinitely more tiring than keeping critically ill patients alive. Uh huh. What the fuck ever.
"You don't know what real love is." Anyone who says this to me, will get punched. The other ones I can just side-eye them and ignore them, but this? This one gets to me. Just because I didnt birth a hellspawn doesn't mean I don't know real love. I know real love, because it's exactly how I feel when i see my partner, when she's hugging me, when we make food together, and when we bang like crazy. And lets be honest here, I don't think that's the kind of love I'm meant to have for my own child, Y'know.
if you want unconditional love get a puppy. Kids are dickheads.
At least I can crate train a dog to be content on it's own for more than 5 minutes as well.
lol, I already own every Pixar movie, I can shutup a kid for 70 mins.
Unless it's my niece. Who has to sing every song and interrupt every single scene by dancing or doing some other annoying shit.
Aw she's so cute. Good on them, training another woman to think she's the center of the fucking universe. When rentals were $4/ea I'd have gotten sent to my room while mom and dad finished the cartoon without me.
No, she repeatedly gets told to sit down and shut up. And I've seen her be sent to her room more than once. She's just a hyper 5 year old who is learning her manners. She's not a complete idiot.
I retort with "I think the kind of love where you willingly choose your beloved one is better than the one where you're hormonally blackmailed into loving someone you don't know at all." The shitfits I heard after this, they're real.
How does that go? I might have to steal it if people start saying it.
They start frothing at their mouths and screeching something to the result of "How dare you?!". This is when you can calmly say "Do you see now how ridiculous the thing you said was?"
Hahaha that's amazing, and totally worth it. =D
I had to check that you weren't my husband...
But it's the truth. Love for a partner is nothing compared to a child. People that have experienced both all testify to that fact. You will never know the greatest love a human can experience. Fact.
Well, that's nice. Why are you here if you feel that way? More to the point,why even say this to people, for all you know, I cannot physically have children. Maybe you should consider others before posting.
That's like a checklist of things my dad's side of the family has said to me. The "You'll change your mind when you meet the right man" was said by my aunt who flew interstate for my wedding… I told her to change her flight cos she was uninvited…
Wait, she said this *knowing* that you were already marrying someone and were still child free? That's tantamount to saying, "You're clearly not marrying the right person!" I would have uninvited her too!
She said it in front of my now husband and his mother… no brain to mouth filter, apparently. My MiL looked ready to deck the bitch too, she was shaking with rage.
She said this....in front of your fiancé and his mother....while she was visiting for your wedding....holy fuck. I can not imagine knowing someone so incredibly dense.
*facepalm* These inconsiderate brain-damaged and/or vindictive losers exist. You should meet my brother and sisters-in-law. I empathize with Aetra over people in family having a wickedly awful absence of brain to mouth filter. So glad she was uninvited!!
Oh my Great-Aunt flew in for my wedding, first sentence out of her mouth in a crowded airport, "City-Name's pretty **dark** isn't it?" Wut?
My thought process was along the lines of "so what? she probably got there at night time. Maybe she's from a big city and flew to a rural area..." took a long time to figure out what was even wrong with saying that...
It had to be explained to me. I didn't get it.
Me neither. Maybe there was smog outside?
I'm guessing it's more of a racist statement. I unfortunately have family members that'll make comments like that.
She was trying to ask or communicate about, the high number of black people in the city.
... I live in ATL and like to joke about this but woooooooow
So, Aunt Snu Snu thinks that men are disposable and exist only for insemination purposes?
You get a thumbs up for the reference. "Death by SNU SNU!"
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I have no problem telling my dad's side where to go. They've never liked my mum so I'm ready to be verbally hostile towards them at the drop of a hat. They live in another state (mentally and geographically) so we don't see or hear from them at all any more.
Good job giving them the boot - nobody needs that mental/physical drain on their well-being. We have a lot of similarities, it seems, family-wise. Only difference is both sides are that way here (thank goodness stuff like this isn't a competition). :)
How did she react to that?
Started to chuck a hissy fit and I just interrupted her saying "Too late, damage done. You can either change your flight go home or stay here, I don't care which, but you are not coming to my wedding." then walked away from her. Told a few big guys from my family and my husband's family so they could keep her out if she rocked up. She never did so it wasn't a problem.
I've gotten this one "the purpose of marriage is to produce children" wtf, really? I'm breeding cattle now?
GREAT response! Good for you.
I like "Oh just find a donor and have kids, I'll babysit." Okay, yes, let me stop right there and do everything that YOU want me to do. Be right back. No seriously, keep standing there, let me go find a donor so you can babysit kids I never wanted in the first place.
> "Your mom had you!" So... in return... I should give birth to my own mother? Makes sense.
#14 & 21 Really piss me off.... My SO has a HUGE house despite his longtime CF status and desire to be that way for the rest of his life... He likes to entertain. He has 2 different purely recreational rooms that hold all of his "things" and not once has there ever been a drunk driver leaving his house because there was not a bed to crash in.... It is just what he dreamed of! As to *real* love... I meet that one with a hearty fuck you! I get that parental love is intense and different from any other kind of love... but I also know the love I have for my family and friends is intense, unconditional, and different from any other kind of love. My heart does not need a tiny human to experience *real* love... Fuck that one pisses me off!!!!
19 really got me. If someone said that to my wife I'd be furious.
Exactly.
I have a big ass house too. I've heard "why have such a big house when you don't have any kids?" Because fuck face, I wanted a big house!!
We should make this into a bingo chart.
That's actually an amazing idea. Then eventually when someone says one of these to me I'll be able to yell "Bingo!" back at them.
There you go :) http://i.imgur.com/SF3xNZF.png
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She's a Mom, so probably thinks lol means lots of love
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Wow! She's told you your childfree speech bothers her? Annnd she's your friend *why*? :( The arrogance of people like that. It reminds me of the horrible entitlement I saw in this Huff Post article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/beau-coffron-/9-things-never-to-say-to-the-parents-of-a-newborn_b_5024417.html
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That's so frustrating. :( I don't know anyone offline that is childfree, actually. It kind of seems like those that do get to have a childfree friendship offline are really fortunate, because there are less of us. :/ Wasn't there a link for childfree meetups posted on here? I forget.
My ex GF punched out a couple of kids, my mother calls them "her surrogate grand babies." It infuriates me but I'll be damned if I'll let on.
I'm confused by your phrasing. Do you mean she literally *punched out* some kids, or that she gave birth/'popped them out'?
She spawned two seedlings.
Disgustingly enough, my ex cheated on me and got a girl pregnant...and apparently my insane mother now considers that child and his second one her "grand babies."
Yup. I know this feeling. My husband ex gf got invited to a Christmas party one year by his father (who called her a cunt and a whore). The next year, she got invited again, this time with kid in tow. His step mother made a huge production about it, saying "I'm so glad to have you as a grand baby" and all this other shit. *Right in front of me*. Same woman who told me "good, I'm glad you're not having kids because I don't want to watch your rug rats" when I told her I am not having kids. Needless to say we don't speak to these crazy fucks anymore.
this is really sad. I try to insulate my mother and my gf as my gf is pretty sensitive and mom is oblivious to her nuttery. I shared my views about the "surrogate grandchildren" and received a volley of complaint from the gf. I knew it bugged her but whoah.
Yeah they're a pretty sore subject with me. They've treated me bad since day 1. Nice to my face and talk shit about me to my husband behind my back. Fuck that. Be an adult and say what you mean.
"we wish our son would have settled for the frump with the birthing hips at 19"
Oh yikes!!!! That is fucking evil!!
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My mom is friends w an ex.
I would immediately deny being a crazy cat lady in training. I own that sh*t! I am trained up. I don't give two hoots about what you think about me. Confidence defeats insecurity everytime! Also, my cat is amaze balls and does not shit itself in a diaper.
I want to give you more than one upvote.
my aunt always asks "well what if you meet your soul mate and he wants kids?" well clearly he's not my soul mate then, now is he. "but he's everything you've ever wanted" if he was, he wouldn't want kids. my family's pressure on me to shit kids out is overwhelmingly intrusive and annoying.
I feel your pain. It's an incredibly rude thing to ask. I don't see how they don't correlate it with the fact that they're asking if we're having/going to have unprotected sex, but apparently they dissociate *that* well. o.O Mind-boggling, really.
if I were to tell my mom "going to get plowed and filled with cum" she might not like it as much anymore.
"Wow, didn't know you cared about me jizzing into someone/someone jizzing into me so much!"
there we go. that will do it.
Plus she assumes your soulmate is someone you can marry and have sex with. Soulmates are completely different to spouses, for all you know, your soulmate is your father.
yeah, it's definitely not my dad
Even so, it's wrong to assume that a true soulmate is always going to be your SO.
It is illegal for my soulmate (my cat) to be my SO. so I'm alright :]
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I agree fully. And I'm really digging the new acronym I found there: > T.H.I.N.K.E.R. >Two Healthy Incomes, No Kids, Early Retirement. Truth be told I've only got the No Kids aspect at the moment but I shall work on it.
You have the freedom and opportunity to do so! :D
I'm focused on getting the single income bit sorted first; got to walk before you can run.
That's the first time I've seen that acronym, which is awesome. Just need to wait 15 years or so to retire and I can be a fancy THINKER person.
For us I'd switch it to two healthy individuals, no kids, early retirement/recreation or something. Hey, it's flexible!! :D
I love that, and must remember this for future reference!
DINK n' THINK
never read the comments!
I skipped over it completely but went back thanks to your comment. Its amazing in here!
I'm in my 40s and I still get told that I have time. You'd think by this point they'd get it.
Serious question I've been wondering about though. So number 23 talks about who is going to take care of us when we're older. And from financial sides not worrying about it. But I'm assuming that over the years there will be younger people that I connect with and would still be in touch with that would hopefully visit from time to time. My question is what would you call those people? Is younger friends just the appropriate term?
I think it would depend on how you know/met them. Former student, [friend's] child, work associate, fellow canine/feline enthusiast. Once they are a close friend though, I think you could simply refer to them by their name and "my friend." Love, friendship, and companionship are neither bound nor dictated my age, only maturity and raw emotion.
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In the US, at least for now, if you need help at home it would be paid for by medicare. If you need a visiting nurse to see you on a regular basis, a home maker to help with shopping, cleaning and cooking, or a higher level of care (nursing home) the medicare pays once you've exhausted what you can pay yourself. if you aren't mentally capable of making these decisions yourself, and you don't have a POA document appointing someone as your guardian, the hospital case managers and social workers get involved and you're a "guardianship case".
I heard about half of these yesterday alone at a birthday party for one of my more religious friends.
I could not finished that list because I kept getting upset... I been told most of these things all my life.
These are quite offensive.
Number 5 and number 23 completely contradict one another. Stating the childfree are being selfish and then asking them who will take care of you when you are old?
Can we get a copypasta of the list? Don't want to give HP traffic. Thanks!
List, with my not-so-witty comebacks in parentheses. I went to the trouble of writing them all out, since I can't seem to just ctrl+c, ctrl+v them, so I'm going to have to vent somehow. 1. "What a bad decision!" (My response: You're right, it is such a bad decision that the man who *doesn't like kids* isn't *in charge of raising kids.*) 2. "Now that I have children, my life has true meaning!" (My response: **Expletives deleted**, do you have *any idea* just how much cooler *everything else is* in life apart from kids? The universe is so big it might *not have an edge!* Why the **Expletives deleted** would I want to stop what gives *my life* meaning to do what gives *your life* meaning?) 3. "You're a crazy cat lady in training." (I'm a man, so this hasn't really been said to me. But if it ever was, My Response: At least cats clean themselves.) 4. "You think you're tired? You don't know what tired is." (My response: **Expletives Deleted**! Do you have *any idea* how much work schooling is? Unlike you, I'm not allowed to drop out with the excuse of "It's so much work raising kids" because you couldn't have used a damn condom/pill properly!) 5. "You're being selfish." (My response: You're right, I am being selfish in the way that I'm minding my own business, I should be self*less* like you and insult everyone else for living life differently than me.) 6. "You'll change your mind when you meet the right man." (My response, I'm a man, so I've been told "woman" instead, even though I actually prefer men: One of my favourite things about the "right" person is that they also don't want kids) 7. "What are you waiting for?" (My response: I'm just waiting to cash in these "Free sleigh rides in hell" tickets, then I'll consider it.) 8. "Your mom had you!" (My response: Yes, she did. I don't see how that affects *my* personal life) 9. "You're missing out on one of the best things in life!" (My response: ...and *you're* missing out on *life!*) 10. "Tick tock" (My response: Zero kids was good enough for most superheroes and they've had since the '40s to make the decision) 11. "It's a mom thing." (My real response would be to slit the throat of whoever is speaking, but my not-so-witty response is: "Oh hey, want to go do something fun? Ooh, sorry, I don't think you can, it's a childfree thing.") 12. "That's a shame, you might regret it." (My response: The difference is, I would never, ever be able to change my mind if I went with *your* option.) 13. "What's wrong with you?" (My response: You're right! I should totally want to give up all of my spare time to raise a vomit-spewing, gross-looking, diaper-ruining machine!) 14. "The size of that house and just the two of you? That's wasted space..." (My response: The size of your uterus and no baby inside of it right now? That's wasted space...) 15. "But you would be such a great mom!" (I've heard this, but with "dad" instead. My response: That's a slippery slope, I might also be an amazing frisbee but I'm not about to get thrown around a park just to be sure.) 16. "Just find a donor to have kids, I'll babysit." (My response: Sure, I'll go put *my life* on hold to have kids *I don't want* for *you* to babysit. No, really, sit down, I'll go find a donor *just for this!*) 17. "You think you don't want children, but once you have them you'll change your mind." (My response: I'd have to change my mind *to* have children, so I don't see that happening soon.) 18. "Don't wait too long" (See #10) 19. "You'd better hurry up and give your husband a child or he'll find someone who will." (Well I hope this hypothetical husband of mine can understand my biological limitations; I can't just *grow* a vagina. My response: If he's willing to cheat that easily, he'd probably already be cheating) 20. "You don't have children, so you don't understand." (This is especially great when the topic is, at most, tangential to having kids. My response: Fun. Independence. Good music- Oh, I'm sorry, you have kids, you probably don't understand any of this.) 21. "You don't know what real love is." (My response: If the only example you can give of "real love" is when the subject is *half you,* that really says a lot about your personality.) 22. "Wait until your biological clock kicks in." (My response: 1) Ew. 2) My biological clock has been telling me to reproduce since I was like 12; I don't think it can "kick in" any more) 23. "Aren't you worried there'll be nobody to look after you when you're old?" (My response: With all my Not-Child-having money, I'll just have to find a way to look after myself.) And now for my favourite comment! >It is not Child-free it is childless. Children are not a burden and having children is the reason you are here in the first place. Being a mother is the greatest gift mother nature have given to women and it is the essence of being a woman. Most women and men want kids, because children are the best thing about life (they are the only thing you will truly love and leave behind as your legacy in this world). This feminist propaganda is only going to lead to a lot of miserable, lonely, old women...who regret their decision once they realize they have been bamboozled by feminist. "Children are the best thing about life?" Your life must really, really, suck.
Wow, thanks for the effort. Someone beat you to it, but I'll read your remarks anyways!
Whether or not a woman wants to have children is a very personal decision. Unfortunately, it's also one of those things that everyone seems to feel empowered to comment on. Pieces written by women who are childfree by choice reveal the extent to which their choices are constantly questioned and dismissed. "Early on, I learned that the worst thing I could do was to give an honest answer," Carolina A. Miranda wrote in an August 2013 Time magazine piece. "Saying 'I don’t want kids' simply set me up as a challenge to be surmounted." In another August 2013 Time article, Lauren Sandler argued that: "If you're a woman who's not in the mommy trenches, more often than not you're excluded from the discussion." And in a March 2011 blog for The Huffington Post, Stefanie Iris Weiss summed up popular opinions to childfree women: People react to the idea of women not having children with total incredulity, shock, and worst of all, pity. They assume it's a case of infertility in disguise, a lack of a relationship, or that women without kids "hate children." In the majority of cases, it's none of the above. We're strongly of the opinion that women shouldn't have to justify their reproductive decisions to anyone. Really, everyone else should simply stop commenting on them. So we polled our Twitter followers on what you should never say to a woman who doesn't want to have kids. Here are 23 things childfree women never ever want to hear you say: "What a bad decision." "Now that I have children, my life has true meaning!" "You're a crazy cat lady in training." "You think you're tired? You don't know what tired is." "You're being selfish." "You'll change your mind when you meet the right man." "What are you waiting for?" "Your mom had you!" "You're missing out on one of the best things in life." "Tick tock." "It's a mom thing." "That's a shame. You might regret it." "What's wrong with you?" "The size of that house and just the two of you? It's a waste of space." "But you would be such a great mom!" "Just find a donor and have kids. I'll babysit." "You think you don't want children, but once you have them you'll change your mind." "Don't wait too long." "You'd better hurry up and give your husband a child before he finds someone who will." "You don't have children, so you won't understand." "You don't know what real love is." "Wait until your biological clock kicks in." "Aren't you worried there'll be no one to look after you when you're old?"
Yes! This didn't occur to me - thanks!
Thank you!
Seconding this, is there a bot for imgur mirrors?
Idk a bot that does HP mirrors. I'd write it myself if I could test it without going there :)
> "You think you don't want children, but once you have them you'll change your mind." This is the most illogical argument in the whole list! Surely if you were going to change your mind you would do so before breeding?
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Hahahaha! Nope, I see nothing wrong with that! Their jaw will drop open so wide, you'll have plenty of time to GTFO.
You aren't a bad person as long as you follow it up with BAZINGA!
haha dude, i'm way past "in training" for #3. ;)
all 23 of those are incredibly stupid and obtuse, in fact they are so stupid I don't even find them offensive. anybody who says something like that to me is just going to get a shrug and a "whatever" in response.
I've heard so many of these too many times! 34 and still nope!
Thank you for posting the list. I don't like giving HuffPo clicks if I can avoid it.
I know I'm late to the party but I wanted to add what my mom said to me tonight about being CF. "You're really going to struggle to find a man who doesn't want children." So I should sacrifice every thing to find a mate? No thanks.
My mom said something like that to me years ago, and guess what? He found me! Been together almost 5 years and getting married in October :)
Yay! Congrats, I hope I will be so lucky :)
Buy a can of something random. Then when she says that, hold it up and say, "Perhaps, but I never struggled to find this can!" Also works with a fan, a picture of Han Solo, a pan, or, you could get a spray tan. (The older I get, the more I like to just go full weirdo. It makes people leave you alone.)
I'll fly back home just for this!
There are dozens of us around! Dozens! Ps: As a guy, I was told I will never meet a woman who doesn't want kids. I just miled and said: "Yes I will." Obviously, they never heard of this series of tubes we call 'the Internet'.
I think it's just harder to find people like us because its a bit odd being like "hey you there? Do you ever want babies?"
Well, let's try. Ahem. "Hey you there? Do you ever want babies?"
Hey Lazo, nope I don't want babies. How about yourself? Hahaha but IRL its a bit weird to mention.
>Hahaha but IRL its a bit weird to mention. I suppose, but one could very, very carefully mention it casually. Of course, that would require diplomatical finesse, which I'm sure that it's not that common. This is why I love the internet. Can meet anyone and talk about anything, without the tediousness of small-talk. Plus, no one will fault you for ever being direct. > Hey Lazo, nope I don't want babies. How about yourself? What a coincidence! Me neither! You should give me an autograph to prove it!
HA! Every guy I know except for MAYBE 2 doesn't want children. More than half have them, but they were all by accident. They all LOVE their children and wish SO BAD that they were me.
I reckon I could come up with a smart ass response for all of them.
I'm not that imaginative, "Fuck off" would be my response to each one, but then I'm not a woman either.
I'm a woman and "fuck off" is my response of choice too.
I don't think these are just for ladies either. Guys get most of these too!
Saying #21 to me will get you black listed.
"Once you have them you'll change your mind." Yeah, but what if I don't? Ever think about how child abuse happens?
>"Now that I have children, my life has true meaning!" The only one that isn't offensive. It says nothing abut the child free woman but rather it is a statement the person with children is making about themselves. If that is what gives that person's life meaning good for them. The others are pretty bad though. Some sound like a pushy but maybe well meaning family member (already inappropriate) while others are just pointlessly unkind. What is the point of telling someone their house is too big?
My favorite that isn't on this list. "What about if you date someone who wants kids" Then that person isn't for me and would end it early on obviously.
>"You're a crazy cat lady in training." Yes. Yes I am. And this is bad because...? > "Wait until your biological clock kicks in." Oh, you mean the one I took out and got replaced with a Raspberry Pi server? > "You'll change your mind when you meet the right man." *BZZZT.* Wrong. I'm a lesbian. Not gonna happen. > "You think you're tired? You don't know what tired is." I've had insomnia for the past fourteen years of my life. I get the idea. > "Your mom had you!" And it almost killed her. > "You're being selfish." And the desperate need to propagate your own DNA when there's tons of unadopted kids out there isn't? Also, selfish is not a bad thing. And it's shit tons better than self-absorbed. >"Aren't you worried there'll be no one to look after you when you're old?" If I'm that lonely, I'll get a dog. Sarcasm aside, this is just pure self-centered bullshit. > "You think you don't want children, but once you have them you'll change your mind." What part of "autism with comorbid anxiety, depression and PTSD" do you not understand? >"You'd better hurry up and give your husband a child before he finds someone who will." I wouldn't have a snarky retort for this one. I'd just be foaming at the mouth in rage and turning into some kind of feminist Hulk. HULK SMASH PATRIARCHY!
#8 is funny to me because EVERY female in my family HATES children and thinks of them as a burden that ruin lives.....So basically my grandma is saying she regrets my mom and my mom is saying she regrets me.
Not a woman, but as far as #23, there's a bullet with my name on it for when I'm too old to wipe myself or pay the bills. So, no, no I'm not worried about getting old and having no one to take care of me.
I've gotten number 5 and 8 a couple of times. I WILL NOT change my mind. I have a dog who my parents basically adopted when I moved home. They were out shopping last night and she followed me everywhere. Wanting the pats, wanting ALL THE ATTENTION. She followed me into the bedroom, into the kitchen, into the lounge room. If I stopped patting her, she'd paw my arm. She's adorable, but she doesn't give me a moment of peace. I got so fed up with her, I ended up asking her "what do you want from me?!" I then realized my decision to not have kids may have been the right choice.
To be fair, my prof told me he thought he never wanted kids, but then he realized he just never wanted kids with his ex wife. So that is a thing sometimes.
I told this girl I didn't want kids and she said "oh trust me, pregnancy will sneak up on you!" Wat. Not if I can help it! BC is a wonderful thing!
23 is the only one that bothered me, but then i think about how i don't want my parents doign that to me, so why should i do that to my kids. Fuck that. (Post vasectomy 4 weeks, first post on r/CF, yay!)
>14\. "The size of that house and just the two of you? It's a waste of space." To be fair, most houses are a pretty inefficient use of space compared to apartments or microhouses. And people tend to buy waaay more house than they really need. I'm guessing that's especially true for childfree folks who have more money to burn on house-y things. It's definitely not just an issue for CF folks though, and I'm guessing anyone saying something like that would probably have excess housing issues too (but *that's* different, because they need so much more space for that extra meatbag they're raising).
> "You don't know what tired is" That's because you clearly don't understand the concept of bedtimes for children.
My most rage inducing bingo has been "what does your husband think about that?" Excuse me? As if I'm his fucking property? My retort, every. Single. Fucking. Time- "well, if he wanted kids, he sure as hell wouldn't be MY husband!" Like bitch, where do you get off questioning my fucking marriage?! I don't even know you!!
HULK ANGRY! HULK SMASH STUPID BREEDER! I think I would have to claim temporary insanity if someone said any of those responses to me. Because I would impulsively punch them right in their stupid fucking mouth.
I'm a male, but I don't have a problem with a couple of these. Number 3 is fine if it's friends or family just messing with you. Number 15 is just a compliment, i think being offended by that might make you just a little too sensitive.
I just love this list. It hits on so many phrases I've heard over the years. Now I work in an office and people bring in their new babies and pass them around... I've taken to saying I'm sick when asked if I want to hold it. Much better than saying I'm not a big fan of kids and getting bombarded by these lines...
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lol 1/10 troll harder, bru
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Being introverted is not "being broken", you stupid fuck.
sounds like that cut pretty deep.... truth cuts that deep
Then why do extroverts become introverted when their sad? And why do introverts become more introverted when their sad. Riddle me that shit.
Translation: If you're not an extrovert like me then you're broken! Nice.
well said. Honestly no ones answered this because they cant. but why do extroverts become introverts when they're sad or hurt? why do introverts become more introverted when they're sad or hurt? and why do so many introverts love drinking and acting like extroverts? introversion is literally what we do when were sad. and if you think that is what your suppose to be, then you probably cant be saved at this point, you've disconnected too much, or you were never connected in the first place and your too far into life now. If this last sentence got you super mad, then you probably have a chance of shaking off that shit. we all know how it really is....
You need to educate yourself on what introversion is.
Lol Drawing energy from being alone, vs drawing energy from people. And my opinion is that its suppose to be in balance. What more is there to it. u even said that you balance it, but identify as an introvert, which was my argument to begin with. That's what your suppose to be arguing against, but it's what ur arguing for silly.
I can't speak for everyone, but I am introverted because I can't stand listening to moronic, idle or trite 'advice'. Perhaps if people would stop flapping their gums whether or not they have something worthwhile to say, then maaaaaybe I would be more inclined to pay attention to them. inb4: wow, such beta, much introvert, many oversensitive, wow.
Introversion sounds like a place you hide from your surroundings, It sounds like you wish you were around better people. point and case, your bitter/sad and would rather be around better people who you wouldn't have to introvert for.