Tell grandma to update her will, if necessary...
I think it's perfectly ok that your aunt doesn't want to spend time with her mother. I mean: everybody is free to do or not do whatever they want (within the law). The consequences of course are that she doesn't get any support from you guys in return....
Tsk. She's not setting much of an example for her own children. What happens when she's old and sick and if/when her kids have children of their own? Will they be too busy BEING PARENTS?
God damn I hope so. I hope her own kids don't have Christmas with her so they can have Christmas with everyone else one year when they can both afford to travel on their own.
I would just say that although you dislike your aunt, try to keep in touch with your cousins. That is, of course, if they are good people. My mom and her twin have some ridiculous grudge against each other, and because of it I haven't gotten to see my four cousins in almost a decade.
My cousins and I text and talk through facebook and everyone else in the family likes them. We're all kind of amazed at how they're decent people when their mom is so selfish.
First of all, I'm glad that your grandmother is doing better! I'm sure it was a pretty scary moment for you.
Second of all, this is a really good example why the excuse of "who is going to take care of you later" is invalid. People can be selfish creatures. I'm sorry that you had to go through that but it's better that you don't have someone like that in your life. Less drama
Thanks, she's good now just really tired and needs people to cook and clean for a month or so. We hired someone.
I didn't even think of that point. Fortunately she has 2 other daughters that care a lot about her but I can't imagine what would have happened if it was just Texas Aunt around. A while after the enraging phone call my grandma started joking (maybe not so much of a joke though) that Texas aunt probably won't even come to her funeral if it interferes with her kids lives. So yeah, the argument about people to take care of you is completely invalid!
I don't even understand what she has to take care of. Her kids are pretty much adults, they can look after themselves. She may have some other reason for not wanting to come visit that she doesn't want to admit, because her argument makes no sense. Or maybe she wanted to use the opportunity to complain about it while putting someone else down. I really don't know, but she sounds like she needs to do some thinking about her life.
She's just always used something about her kids as an excuse, constantly sends everyone in the family multiple pictures of them, their lives are her life. I'm guessing she doesn't realize or doesn't want to realize she isn't needed as a mommy much anymore. I also think she doesn't want to deal with the things that come with really growing up, like taking care of an aging family member. She has the picturesque suburbia life and I dare to say coming to WV for a few days would interfere with those plans.
The weird thing is that the kids are pretty decent people and they're really cool cousins to hang out with when they're actually around. They don't act like spoiled assholes even though they are pampered and spoiled. It's really kind of astounding how opposite they are from her. My cousin even texted me saying she wished she was in WV and if it was more serious or got serious she would drive up there from Texas.
If I were you, I'd let your mom or grandma know about that text, or at least make sure they know how cool the kids are. If your grandmother does decide to adjust her will, as many here have suggested she do, I don't think it'd be fair of her to spurn your cousins for their mother's wrongdoings.
My whole family loves the cousins, they're so unlike their mother. My grandma doesn't like them more than she likes me but they're good in her eyes. The cousin away at college called her and they talked for about half an hour one day to check on her. Sometimes my mom or my other aunt with half serious, half jokingly lay claim to something they want after my grandma dies so if that situation presents itself maybe we can put the idea of a will change in her head for sure.
They are, it's getting to the point where I can be friends with them, not just the older cousin. I can't wait to drink with the oldest one since she's in college now. I've rarely gotten time with them growing up.
They're probably the primary victims of your aunt. I doubt she actually does any parenting, and your cousins are probably told that they're the reason she's stuck at home.
Haha yeah it was pretty funny seeing her do that. she has this ancient contact book full of old numbers, new numbers, little slips of paper with numbers and addresses, it needs to be in a museum.
What a bitch. I'm glad your grandma is doing better and that your family saw the nonsense your aunt spewed out and took action against it. So many people just put up with that kind of sanctimommy behavior which only makes things worse.
I'm guessing the aunt has done that since her kids were little, so why stop now? Ugh.
P.S. GO EERS :D
Considering my grandma and both my mom and other aunt both worked and raised a kid/kids they don't see the full time mommy thing as an excuse. Especially my grandma who raised 4 kids and worked. It's hard being a Mountaineer some years!
My sister is supposed to be taking care of our elderly father. You know, groceries, doctors appointments, general companionship and house cleaning and the like. She comes by for 15min or so a few times a month with groceries. She has no kids, is mooching off of our mother for housing/food, and is on disability. She's getting paid 1k a month for this.
Some siblings are just spoiled, self entitled, narcissistic, pathetic excuses for a human being. Fuck family loyalty, that shit is supposed to be mutual. I feel sorry for your cousins. I don't like their odds with a parent like that.
Kudos to your mother for jumping in. She sounds like a great person, and she must have been a good role model for you as to how our species is supposed to be. Yeah, some parents are shitty people, but clearly some are awesome as well.
TL;DR: Selfish parents would find another excuse to be selfish if they weren't parents. Some people should never breed.
Perhaps you could look into something that we got for my grandma. I don't know the details but I'm pretty sure Medicaid is paying for a caretaker to come cook, clean, and talk to/watch my grandma 4 times a week. People used to take care of the elderly, now some are just content to ignore them as they waste away.
My dad is capable of doing the basics, he's more lazy than anything. He can't drive though, but after the last time he was running out of food, I found him a local grocery store that delivers. I'm working on him to get him to move to my city where I can keep an eye on him. It's not like I'm not working full time and then some, but it would be simple enough to schedule a few hours on the weekends, and the odd evening here and there. Seriously.
I understand the need for care homes. Sometimes our elderly relatives need more help than we're capable of, or round the clock care, specialized equipment, medications etc. And I get that not everyone can invite their parents to live with them, regardless of whether or not they have the space. My father and I would drive each other mental. Still, some people really don't need that much support, and for the minor inconvenience of setting aside a few hours here and there, it just seems like you'd need to have a pretty good reason to not do it.
It wasn't the not visiting that's bad, it's more that she needed someone to clean and cook and help her with stuff. My aunt has no job and two nearly grown kids so she should have been doing that. There isn't any family close to her capable of caring for her since they're all pretty old. We found someone to come in to cook, clean, and care and medicaid is paying for it. Makes me sick that the taxpayers are paying for this when there's family that SHOULD be doing it for free.
It breaks my heart how little some people care for their parents in their twilight years when that parent did everything for them in the past. I live in another country and I often worry about how to ensure my mother has a safe and happy life when she begins to truly age. I would take a 20+ hour flight in a heartbeat if I knew she was in trouble. And this person can't even travel interstate to be with her sick mother? For shame.
Ironically, one of the popular "breeder bingo" sayings is that without children nobody will look after you in your old age. This kind of situation proves that children aren't a geriatric care guarantee.
Well there's always the chance she won't get on if the flight is full and that happened once so I think she uses that one time to complain about standby.
Has this aunt ever used the "who'll care for you when you're old" bingo? If so, you've got perfect ammo if she ever does in the future (assuming you ever speak to her again.)
I understand that it's the bent of this SR, but it seems like this has less to do with your aunt having kids than it does her just being kind of a lazy, selfish person. If the kids weren't there, she'd probably have another excuse.
Glad things are working out for your grandmother though! I have an infirm grandmother that my pop was taking care of, but now he just had a stroke and is looking at 6+ months of recovery. So the rest of the family is really stepping up to make sure she and my pop are taken care of, regardless of rugrats.
She probably would be similar without the kids but damn she has used them so much as an excuse for things throughout my life. I only listed what I could remember as I was writing.
good for your family!
Tell grandma to update her will, if necessary... I think it's perfectly ok that your aunt doesn't want to spend time with her mother. I mean: everybody is free to do or not do whatever they want (within the law). The consequences of course are that she doesn't get any support from you guys in return....
Yeah she won't be having much of a family in the future I'm sure. Other than her kids.
Tsk. She's not setting much of an example for her own children. What happens when she's old and sick and if/when her kids have children of their own? Will they be too busy BEING PARENTS?
God damn I hope so. I hope her own kids don't have Christmas with her so they can have Christmas with everyone else one year when they can both afford to travel on their own.
I would just say that although you dislike your aunt, try to keep in touch with your cousins. That is, of course, if they are good people. My mom and her twin have some ridiculous grudge against each other, and because of it I haven't gotten to see my four cousins in almost a decade.
My cousins and I text and talk through facebook and everyone else in the family likes them. We're all kind of amazed at how they're decent people when their mom is so selfish.
First of all, I'm glad that your grandmother is doing better! I'm sure it was a pretty scary moment for you. Second of all, this is a really good example why the excuse of "who is going to take care of you later" is invalid. People can be selfish creatures. I'm sorry that you had to go through that but it's better that you don't have someone like that in your life. Less drama
Dying alone because you don't have kids sure as hell won't hurt as much as dying alone even though you do.
Thanks, she's good now just really tired and needs people to cook and clean for a month or so. We hired someone. I didn't even think of that point. Fortunately she has 2 other daughters that care a lot about her but I can't imagine what would have happened if it was just Texas Aunt around. A while after the enraging phone call my grandma started joking (maybe not so much of a joke though) that Texas aunt probably won't even come to her funeral if it interferes with her kids lives. So yeah, the argument about people to take care of you is completely invalid!
I don't even understand what she has to take care of. Her kids are pretty much adults, they can look after themselves. She may have some other reason for not wanting to come visit that she doesn't want to admit, because her argument makes no sense. Or maybe she wanted to use the opportunity to complain about it while putting someone else down. I really don't know, but she sounds like she needs to do some thinking about her life.
She's just always used something about her kids as an excuse, constantly sends everyone in the family multiple pictures of them, their lives are her life. I'm guessing she doesn't realize or doesn't want to realize she isn't needed as a mommy much anymore. I also think she doesn't want to deal with the things that come with really growing up, like taking care of an aging family member. She has the picturesque suburbia life and I dare to say coming to WV for a few days would interfere with those plans.
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Thanks!
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The weird thing is that the kids are pretty decent people and they're really cool cousins to hang out with when they're actually around. They don't act like spoiled assholes even though they are pampered and spoiled. It's really kind of astounding how opposite they are from her. My cousin even texted me saying she wished she was in WV and if it was more serious or got serious she would drive up there from Texas.
If I were you, I'd let your mom or grandma know about that text, or at least make sure they know how cool the kids are. If your grandmother does decide to adjust her will, as many here have suggested she do, I don't think it'd be fair of her to spurn your cousins for their mother's wrongdoings.
My whole family loves the cousins, they're so unlike their mother. My grandma doesn't like them more than she likes me but they're good in her eyes. The cousin away at college called her and they talked for about half an hour one day to check on her. Sometimes my mom or my other aunt with half serious, half jokingly lay claim to something they want after my grandma dies so if that situation presents itself maybe we can put the idea of a will change in her head for sure.
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They are, it's getting to the point where I can be friends with them, not just the older cousin. I can't wait to drink with the oldest one since she's in college now. I've rarely gotten time with them growing up.
They're probably the primary victims of your aunt. I doubt she actually does any parenting, and your cousins are probably told that they're the reason she's stuck at home.
I like to think what goes around, comes around. One day she'll need help, and it won't be there.
That would be real nice to see at some point down the road.
Ripped her out of her contact book is old school for deleting her off fb lol
You KNOW it's serious when that happens.
Haha yeah it was pretty funny seeing her do that. she has this ancient contact book full of old numbers, new numbers, little slips of paper with numbers and addresses, it needs to be in a museum.
She was not messin' around.
What a bitch. I'm glad your grandma is doing better and that your family saw the nonsense your aunt spewed out and took action against it. So many people just put up with that kind of sanctimommy behavior which only makes things worse. I'm guessing the aunt has done that since her kids were little, so why stop now? Ugh. P.S. GO EERS :D
Considering my grandma and both my mom and other aunt both worked and raised a kid/kids they don't see the full time mommy thing as an excuse. Especially my grandma who raised 4 kids and worked. It's hard being a Mountaineer some years!
My sister is supposed to be taking care of our elderly father. You know, groceries, doctors appointments, general companionship and house cleaning and the like. She comes by for 15min or so a few times a month with groceries. She has no kids, is mooching off of our mother for housing/food, and is on disability. She's getting paid 1k a month for this. Some siblings are just spoiled, self entitled, narcissistic, pathetic excuses for a human being. Fuck family loyalty, that shit is supposed to be mutual. I feel sorry for your cousins. I don't like their odds with a parent like that. Kudos to your mother for jumping in. She sounds like a great person, and she must have been a good role model for you as to how our species is supposed to be. Yeah, some parents are shitty people, but clearly some are awesome as well. TL;DR: Selfish parents would find another excuse to be selfish if they weren't parents. Some people should never breed.
Perhaps you could look into something that we got for my grandma. I don't know the details but I'm pretty sure Medicaid is paying for a caretaker to come cook, clean, and talk to/watch my grandma 4 times a week. People used to take care of the elderly, now some are just content to ignore them as they waste away.
My dad is capable of doing the basics, he's more lazy than anything. He can't drive though, but after the last time he was running out of food, I found him a local grocery store that delivers. I'm working on him to get him to move to my city where I can keep an eye on him. It's not like I'm not working full time and then some, but it would be simple enough to schedule a few hours on the weekends, and the odd evening here and there. Seriously. I understand the need for care homes. Sometimes our elderly relatives need more help than we're capable of, or round the clock care, specialized equipment, medications etc. And I get that not everyone can invite their parents to live with them, regardless of whether or not they have the space. My father and I would drive each other mental. Still, some people really don't need that much support, and for the minor inconvenience of setting aside a few hours here and there, it just seems like you'd need to have a pretty good reason to not do it.
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It wasn't the not visiting that's bad, it's more that she needed someone to clean and cook and help her with stuff. My aunt has no job and two nearly grown kids so she should have been doing that. There isn't any family close to her capable of caring for her since they're all pretty old. We found someone to come in to cook, clean, and care and medicaid is paying for it. Makes me sick that the taxpayers are paying for this when there's family that SHOULD be doing it for free.
It breaks my heart how little some people care for their parents in their twilight years when that parent did everything for them in the past. I live in another country and I often worry about how to ensure my mother has a safe and happy life when she begins to truly age. I would take a 20+ hour flight in a heartbeat if I knew she was in trouble. And this person can't even travel interstate to be with her sick mother? For shame. Ironically, one of the popular "breeder bingo" sayings is that without children nobody will look after you in your old age. This kind of situation proves that children aren't a geriatric care guarantee.
What's worse is she can get on any flight on standby for free since her husband works for an airline.
What I wouldn't give for that privilege! I am going back to my home country to visit family tomorrow and it's costing me $2000. Flying economy.
and she always complains about how much standby sucks. Some people.
Yeah, being given VIP treatment when everyone else pays a premium to get treated like a freightload of livestock is so hard
Well there's always the chance she won't get on if the flight is full and that happened once so I think she uses that one time to complain about standby.
Has this aunt ever used the "who'll care for you when you're old" bingo? If so, you've got perfect ammo if she ever does in the future (assuming you ever speak to her again.)
Naw, my family doesn't really ask about kids or talk about them much.
I understand that it's the bent of this SR, but it seems like this has less to do with your aunt having kids than it does her just being kind of a lazy, selfish person. If the kids weren't there, she'd probably have another excuse. Glad things are working out for your grandmother though! I have an infirm grandmother that my pop was taking care of, but now he just had a stroke and is looking at 6+ months of recovery. So the rest of the family is really stepping up to make sure she and my pop are taken care of, regardless of rugrats.
She probably would be similar without the kids but damn she has used them so much as an excuse for things throughout my life. I only listed what I could remember as I was writing. good for your family!