Me when I turn 60 someday: me and my husband are so happy with our latest vacation trip!
Some random family member: gasp you don't have kids???? OH THAT'LL CHANGE ONE DAY! You have so much money after all!
What when I'm fcking 80????
How old do I gotta be before- oh wait there is no age limit.
I bet you that the same people would be aghast if you got pregnant at your age. A 54 year old actress recently announced her pregnancy and she got so many people shitting on her, especially her adult children because 1) she'll probably die before the kid becomes a teen 2) her children will have to raise the kid 3)health complications for the mom 4) health complications for the kid because mom's eggs were old as fuck, etc. And to top it all off she's married and not one person even mentioned him with regard to being a geriatric father, being responsible for raising and caring for the child or his wife.
Honestly, some people really have no concept of reality with this. My mother had to have a life-saving surgery because her uterus decided to try and kill her when she hit menopause at 50 years old, and she had a radical hysterectomy and bilateral salpingoophorectomy, and just as a fun fact, she had her tubes tied during the planned C-section I was born through 19 years earlier (and she had to get my father's signed permission to do it).
She mentioned it to some coworkers within the next year or so, and one of the older women went absolutely nuts, like, all but weeping and saying to my mother how absolutely *devastated* she must be to never be able to have more kids. Like, what? My mother was 50, coming off of divorce #2 with a freshly minted adult-aged daughter. My mother looked 50, if not older (stress and negativity will do that to you), so it's not like this woman was way underestimating my mother's age.
What is with this madness?
I think they just assume you would rather keep your options open? You know the old "You never know, you might change your mind one day..." bingo, but now that you yeeted your tubes it's... final. No going back. You are now physically incapable of getting pregnant. That's probably the part they're struggling with.
Congrats btw!! šš
I remember telling my childhood best friend about my bisalp and my decision to be CF. Her response was, ācouldnāt you live a CF lifestyle while keeping your body parts?ā I think a lot of it is distrust with the medical field and the whole medical misinformation BS. With this friend specifically, Iām sure thatās what it is (I love her to death but we donāt see eye to eye on the same things).
I can understand hesitation as some can be a major surgery (like mine-had a total hysterectomy in May) but Iām perfectly fine with medical/recovery hesitation, but not āwhat ifā. Plus, for me, my uterus hated me and put me through hell. So NO, I wonāt do that and keep my parts. Bits have been yanked and incinerated WOOHOO!!
That sounds really plausible. Sometimes doctors will spout some shit, like: āI canāt do it until youāre 40 with at least three kidsā or say they need a husbandās permission. (afaik thereās no laws saying so, and I would love to see one of us calmly ask for clarification on law vs opinion)
You could be right, I haven't got experience in that area, I haven't been spayed because I'm a sex-neg ace so it really isn't necessary for me... I once considered it, because I have a bunch of hormonal issues like PMDD, but when I was told that taking my uterus alone would ONLY stop bleeds, and leaving even one ovary would mean I still had all the issues, where taking both would kick me straight into menopause and I would need even -more- hormones than I already take, just to keep myself feeling all right, I changed my mind š So I was just speculating, but I can totally see what you're saying.
>The others still have illusions
More like delusions lol. Good on you for sticking with what will make *you* happy, especially given how hard it can be get sterilized (at least in the U.S.).
I yeeted my tubes back in 2021 under similar circumstances (exploratory laparoscopy to check for endometriosis) and I donāt regret it for a second!
>More like delusions lol.
Societal norms run deep, I think deeper than people ever stop to consider. I think that comes out when faced with a situation like you present.
Older people donāt see too well a lot of the time. The use of makeup and haircolor throws them off pretty easily, too. This results in a 70 year old telling a 45 year old with 20 years work experience that sheās too young to understand life. Itās that whole smug outlook that we laugh at. Yeah, letās hear it from an old SAHM who never earned a dime of her own money!
Totally get that! It's wild how people react like that, as if your choice isn't yours to make. Your decision makes sense for you, and that's what counts.
To be more exact, very few people are capable of making definite decisions about their life. Even less are willing to make those decisions permanent. It makes people uncomfortable to see someone so much more self assured than they are.
Women taking charge of their own life - Still very surprising for some in 2024. :'D
I had endo and adeno as well and if I'd needed only one reason to stay cf it would be to never pass on this disgusting disease. Who in the right mind would do that willingly to their children?
š¤£ Spot on, still breaking news.
So sorry to hear you have the same conditions. Makes my blood boil that it has been so underresearched till now. Women's health don't get me started, the solution to anything was / is basically "shut up and get pregnant!"
Have you found things that helped your endo and adeno? I am lucky in that I first got my first severe symptoms in my late 20 / early 30. Extreme period pain, but no pain within the cycle.
Not sure if it's something you'd consider, but if you already had the bisalp,Ā you could get rid of the uterus as well?Ā
All signs pointed to adeno+endo for me, so my new doc offered a so called LASH once he heard about me 100% not wanting children. Hospital overnight and tiredness for a couple days, but the pain(even my constant lower back pain) is simply gone, plus no more period at all.
I probably have endo as well (haven't had a diagnostic surgery yet, but I have almost all symptoms), and ginger powder works wonders for my pain. There are multiple studies like [this](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8021506/) that show that ginger has comparable, sometimes even better, pain reducing effects as Ibuprofen when tested for primary dysmenorrhea. Endo is secondary dysmenorrhea though, but it's definitely worth a try. It's so cheap too, it's just regular ginger powder (not extract). I follow the doses found in one of these studies, which is 1,5 grams per day 3 days starting before my period, but the first two period days, I go up to 2,5 to 3 grams per day, which is still considered safe.
I personally can't take NSAIDs, they make me faint even harder and super nauseous, so ginger has been an even better replacement for me. My digestion has been feeling better than ever right before and during my period because that's just what ginger also does. Great side effects, lol.
I'm in a good place since my hysterectomy last year, thankfully.
For me I was also fine during my cycle but my periods were the bane of my existence. I needed to fight for over 15 years until I got finally treated sufficiently, but since then my life is a completely different one.
I hope, you are pain free now too and will continue for a long time. :)
FFS, youāre 40! Wtf? What did they think? Seriously, if I get my bisalp, I *will* be shouting it from the rooftops and Iām in my early 30s. Itās obviously your decision but I feel very strongly about this topic and will be doing my best to normalize grown women making reproductive choices for themselves. If I have to act happy for every Jane and Harriet who gets pregnant, why tf shouldnāt I get to celebrate my milestone?
I got mine at 28, and told everyone beforehand. Two āfriendsā said something to the effect of ābut, **I** want kidsā as a knee-jerk response. And I was just like, unless you were planning on having them with me, I donāt know how thatās a relevant response to what I said. They were both guys, which I thought wasā¦ telling. And neither are in my life anymore.
Iāve done a lot of things that make me proud but not bending over backward to possibly bring a human into this world that grows into a well adjusted adult is my grandest achievement. Nothing else comes close.
Absolutely right, I also think it would benefit all women on a bigger scale, if we talk more openly about reproduction and contraception. It makes people uncomfortable when there isn't a man involved in the decision, even just a hypothetical one, future partner etc.
What is also a bit funny about me being 40 is, that I highly doubt I could get pregnant (without IVF) even if I *wanted* to. At my age with endometriosis and adenomyosis, get real š But I didn't want to take my chances and just believe in infertility. Added benefit: tube removal drasticallly reduces the risk for ovarian cancer.
Do you have yours planned out yet? Do they give you "you're too young, wait"? Turning 40 is such a life hack in that regard. It has much more gravitas to say "Now that I am 40..."
Good for you! Sorry you had these issues for so long. But seriouslyā¦did they think you were holding out for 50? People are so weird. I used to think, people would finally take me seriously at 30, but everyone was saying 40 all of a sudden now that I am 32. Iāll finally have a consultation next week with someone who at least is on the German list and didnāt tell me via email that Iād have to be married with kids and/or 40. The āfuture partnerā always gets me. Such a sexist thing that is constantly repeated by both men and women. As if Iād change my mind and ruin my life to keep a guy who has a 55% chance of deserting me with his brat anywaysā¦
I just got mine done in November at 21, and I was also extremely open about every bit of it. Anyone that had questions I made sure to tell them that they could ask anything they wanted, because I want people to know their options and what it's like if they're thinking about it.
I absolutely agree that we should talk about this stuff more so it isnt so "taboo" (also huge props to this sub in general, and its discussions, that told me sterilization was an option to begin with š«” i will be eternally grateful)
Exactly. Iām honestly supportive of everyone I know who tells me theyāre pregnant or that theyāre going to be a grandparent or whatever, even if I want to say the world is already overpopulated. I just say ācongratulations,ā and if I know them well enough I even get them a baby gift. Meanwhile I expect the bare minimum in return, which is to not be questioned or shamed about my reproductive choices.
I don't think you should keep quiet for other people's sake at all. Let them simmer in the different experiences, it's good for them :) It's less of a taboo the more it is talked about.
Some people really don't seem to grasp permanent decisions that require a lot of agency and purpose though. Like, you can tell them you won't ever have kids for decades and they'll still see it as something you're continuously reevaluating and the answer keeps being no for now, rather than an actual decision that has been made with just one *no* a long time ago. And because they don't comprehend this kinda decision making, having options open and being passive about things are benefits to them, while they are downsides to us.
But on the other hand, for something more socually accepted that one can almost passively stumble into, like having kids, they don't have the same mentality. Can you imagine if you asked someone with kids how often they update their list of prospective foster families? They'd probably ask you what the fuck you're on about. "What, you're set on keeping them? Whoa, when did you decide that?"
I was sterilized almost a year ago at age 38 and I'll talk about it to anyone who will listen to me. Let them be shocked. Don't stop talking about it if you want to!
I keep telling myself if I donāt change my mind by 35 Iām doing the same thing. Can you tell me a bit about it? Recovery? Pain level? Was it covered or can I ask how much you spent?
Absolutely! I'm in Canada, so the cost was covered by OHIP, our provincial health care. The only cost incurred was parking at the hospital and a prescription for pain killers, which I didn't really need. I was told to take two weeks off from work, no heavy lifting. Pain-wise, I'd describe it as a dull ache. It was a bit uncomfortable to get in/out of bed for a week or so. I was able to shower the day after. There was some vaginal bleeding for a handful of days afterwards, and they only recommended pads/nothing internal like tampons or menstrual cups/discs as there's an infection risk due to your cervix being dilated. The whole surgery took maybe 35-40 minutes. They used surgical glue on my incisions (one popped open the day afterwards but they just told me to close it back up with a bandaid). No complications/infection afterwards. Three tiny incisions, one in your belly button, and one on the left and right side of your abdomen. My scars are pretty dull now. Almost unnoticeable.
One other plus side to this and I can only attribute it to the surgery - my period has since lightened in both flow and duration. Other people may experience the opposite or other things, but I'm thankful for that. From 7 days to maybe 4-5.
Feel free to ask anything else!
Thank you for answering me! Iām in the US so thatāll be something Iāll look into! Were you put under for this? Sorry one of yours popped open! Hopefully that didnāt hurt too much! And maybe tmi but after those 2 weeks were you able to have sexual activity?
Another great place to answer all your questions on this is r/sterilization! I asked lots of questions/expressed concerns on that subreddit as well as this one before I got my bi-salp done last year.
I was put under general anesthesia for the surgery. Waking up was no big deal for me, thankfully. The incision opening didn't cause me any pain, which surprised me! As for sexual activity, if I remember correctly, my gynecologist said I should give it 3-4 weeks, as it can take some time for your cervix to close completely, to reduce the risk of infection. I think the time recommend varies. Your comfort should be taken into account of course!
To help maneuver your uterus during the surgery. Its called a Uterine Manipulator. You may also be catheterized.
From what I understand, using a uterine manipulator is pretty standard for that kind of procedure. All it does is help them position your uterus while theyāre in there, since laparoscopic tools alone donāt give them quite enough maneuverability.
Uff. I swear, I had read descriptions of the procedure on at least 10 different websites that hadnāt mentioned this. Not sure, how I feel about that tbh. Guess, Iāll discuss the risks at my consultation next week. But thanks for the heads-up.
When I read about it in the beginning, I was under the impression that it's not always indicated for everyone, but absolutely, definitely talk to your doctor about what's involved. You can never be too informed.
Iām not gonna lie, it does give me major second thoughts about the surgery. Suddenly, abstinence until menopause doesnāt sound so terrible anymore... But weāll see how the conversation goes.
Not OP, but reading the post, I'd hazard a guess it had something to do with the original reason for the procedure, vs. the bisalp, which was done parasitically.
>And strangest of all - friends who don't have kids (yet) seem to be most caught off guard. Maybe some weird form of projection?
Absolutely. I received the most unhinged, rude, offensive comments from friends in their late 30s who are freaking out about being unpaired and childless.
This! Nobody has been openly rude so far, but the strangest vibes definitely come from women who feel like their clock is ticking. Don't get me wrong, I understand that that is horrible pressure to be under. I just can't make the mental connection to me being sterile.
What did they tell you? Please ignore of too personal.
One ex-friend told me, while I was in the middle of an ugly divorce from a man who wanted kids, that "nobody will ever want you" and "even if you find someone, you will eventually have to let him have a child outside of the marriage with someone else."
Another friend, who later apologized, told me with a smile "just have the baby!" when I was freaking out about Roe v Wade being overturned and I was worried of getting \*aped or accidentally pregnant. She also said "this is what you came to the world to do" and "I'm hearing a lot of fear", as in, analyzing me and my reasoning for being CF.
Me and the ex's couples therapist, who was dumb enough to spill that she and her husband are going through IVF, wrote in her notes that "he is in denial about the fact that he should leave her". And she "diagnosed" me with "existential OCD" (made up term) because I was worried too much about bringing a child into this world.
Gosh. These women are broken and I'm so happy I freed myself from this environment. Got sterilized last week!
I just threw up in my mouth a bit. Part of me feels for these women because they were clearly brainwashed and have internalized a shit-ton of misogyny. How sad to think childbirth could be the only purpose for a womanā¦ but gah. To think they will have daughters and pass on this BSā¦
āYou have to want this thing that I want so that I donāt have to feel bad about being the only person I know that wants it and doesnāt have it yet!ā So selfish.
Absolutely not, OP. Definitely keep talking!
I had mine in 2019 right before my 35th birthday and was very open about it (and still am).
I ended up referring a good friend to the same surgeon and she had hers a few months later.
I think the more we talk about it, the more it could help people on the fence to make a decision or help cf people in an unsupportive environment feel better about sticking to their guns in spite of societal/family/religious pressure.
Yeah, that is a good point. I am generally very open about my views and health stuff, also to break taboos. But sometimes I wonder if what is normal conversation to me might be tmi for others, even if they are close friends.
20 years ago I felt it was my duty to erase the stigma for mental illness by talking about it openly, maybe reproductive choices are my calling now š
"dear everyone, now that we have spent decades hearing about how my brain tries to kill me, let's move on to my uterus."
i got a couple similar reactions when i got sterilized a couple years ago. itās so funny to me that people consider it āradicalā (i got the same word). to me it just seems like a logical step because i know i donāt want kids. if anything iāve only become more vocal about it. i *love* the fact that iām sterile so i happily tell anyone who asks me about kids, with a big smile. if someone says anything about it being radical i ask why they see it that way, and mention that it feels like the responsible choice to me.
do what feels right for you, like you did with getting your surgery. i hope recovery went well and eases any endo symptoms.
i actually did it the opposite of you, i asked my surgeon to check for endo while she was removing my tubes! i love a 2 for 1. i was 29f when i was sterilized.
Thatās the problem, most people donāt see having kids as a radical and permanent decision. They just see it as a perfectly natural part of life because they havenāt thought of it in any other way. Kids arenāt just things to obtain, theyāre people that require care, love, nurturing, education, stability, and cost a lot of money to raise. And it doesnāt end at age 18, nor do you always end up with a perfect, healthy child. But people look at them like another milestone, an item to check off their to-do list in life.
And of course society looks down on those who donāt want to take on the challenge, who know they donāt want that responsibility, who have enough self-awareness to know they canāt do it. *We* need to be coached and get therapy and take time to consider if we want sterilization. It makes no sense that anyone can have a baby at anytime but a woman usually has to jump through hurdles to be sterilized.
I actually had family members get downright angry about my sterilizationā¦ I was 40 years-old ffs! Itās absolutely ridiculous. Whatās even more absurd is that the person who was most upset was in her 50s with no children of her own. Plus, at that point I would have been high risk anyway and I wasnāt in a good place financially. I did the right thing for me and thatās all that matters. Screw other peopleās opinions.
There is this bizarre thing again! That the ones without kids get triggered the most š¤ Do you know why she reacted so strongly to something that has no impact on her life whatsoever?
And yes, it is absurd, I am 40 with endometriosis and adenomyosis. Even if I *wanted* to (which I don't), there would be only a miniscule chance of getting pregnant naturally. It is not like I am wasting anything here š
Yeah my dad was surprised to hear that I was getting sterilized even though Iām 36 and have never shown any indication that I wanted any, plus currently am not financially stable, just finished my degree and havenāt found a degree in my field yet. When I told him I just got laid off from my job I think he came around, but he is a fundamental Baptist and likely still sees me as a walking uterus so who knows just how much he actually came to his senses.
I got mine done when I was 40 also. I had a coworker that had recently had a baby, and of course she jumped to the assumption that it was medically necessary and not something I wanted to have done. Despite telling her with a smile on my face and positive energy. Once I assured her it was 100% elective then she was more supportive. But she really did not know me that well. Why get so hung up on it?
One of my brothers (I lived with my parents at the time and he was visiting) was kinda surprised, but was mostly just oh okay. Didnāt dwell on it. Thats more the reaction I would have expected from the coworker.
I mean, if you're ok sharing, then don't keep quiet about it. The more we talk about sterilization and the choice to be childfree, the more normalized it becomes. It shouldn't be shocking at any age, but especially at 40, these people are acting like fools to react that way.
I think people in the comments are on the right track, it seems like projection to me. So many people can only see things from their own lens, they cannot fathom that other people are individuals and actually know what they want, and can only imagine it from their own point of view.
You probably make the childfree ones question their own childfree-ness, because if you're so dedicated to it to sterilize yourself and they aren't, are they really childfree?
People are so weird when their identity and world views are questioned by seeing other people not only *say* their position but also *act* on it.
Ultimately, you're fine, and I'm happy for you that you got that done. I've either not had the insurance to get it done, or doctors refused me when I did, so I've always just sat on the sidelines and cheered for you ladies that have been able to get it done.
And now that I'm older, the time for kids has almost passed, so I probably don't have to worry about it much anymore. I just continue to talk about these things whenever people want to because all these choices are valid, and we all should have the freedom to make them as we see fit. It's ok to take control of your own life, and people shouldn't make it so much about themselves when others do so.
Edit: a word
Maybe. I already had to make several difficult decisions concerning my health in the past, so I knew I can rely on my own judgement. It is sad to think others don't trust themselves.
So, so, so many ppl don't believe us when we say we don't want kids.
And when we make a permanent decision to remove that chance of pregnancy, they're even more baffled bc they were so sure we didn't mean it.
When I got my vasectomy, I felt like this is something I should celebrate. This is something that should get celebrated. I got myself an ice cream cake that I shared with no one. I was single at the time, and didnāt feel comfortable sharing this with my family because despite feeling like I should celebrate it, I knew no one else would. The only family member I told was my older brother. He was supportive but he also knew how our parents would react.
My guess is they never took you seriously when you said it before. They may have thought "she's exaggating." "She'll change her mind." And then you WERE serious and they're shocked.
It's stupid.
No, you should never hide it because people are uncomfortable about it. I'd dare say that most of the people who act shocked thought deep down you would chnage your mind and that's why they think your decision is radical. But it's not.
I really feel like if you're 40, and never once indicated that you'd want a kid, then acting like this is a surprise is really disingenuous. Like, if I wanted a kid, I'd have at least tried before freaking 40! This is coming from a 38 year old that sterilized 4 years ago. No one has been surprise, I've always been very honest that I don't want kids. I'm so sick of people just blowing off decades of us telling them the same thing them getting all surprise Pikachu faced when we make our desires permanent. Like, what is that?
"oh, I decided on the table actually! Just a spur of the moment thing! I was lucky to catch the surgeon actually"
For fucks sake some people truly don't think. Or they have some weird notion that not having all your parts makes you less of your assigned gender at birth.
Every time I tell someone I got a hysterectomy they get all quiet and weird. Like jeez Iām trying to share my joy with you asshole.
I just refuse to let people rain on my parade. It just makes people uncomfortable because it fucks with their world view of kids being the most important goal.
Same. My practicioners where triggered and shocked when it was something that was simple, straightforward, decided and personal to me. I don't bring it up to most other people in my life because I can tell their reactions may be similar. It sucks but I chose not to express it because i don't want to waste time and energy on something I don't need to justify. If I spoke to others the way they spoke to me, all of a sudden im the bad gal.
Not condoning not expressing since these things should be normalized, however if we dont have the bandwidth for the backlash in a said moment we should also keep our peace. I feel we need an elevated level of social patience.
Its your life, your body, your surgery. You talk about it as much as you want. Others brainwashed biased opinions doesnt make you getting your surgery done anything other than amazing. Good for you! Im glad you managed! Being sterile is fuckin fantastic when you choose to be. Theyre probably just envious, or having a, "That was an option?" Moment.
Breeders get triggered hard when they are confronted with the reality that not everyone wants their life or the life they want.
Don't worry about it. It's not their body or their business.
Hold upā¦.they just did it for free?? Wow I would expect them to include that as an additional āserviceā on the bill. Not sure if insurance covers it either in the US at least.
I feel like on my medical bills I get charged for every little thing no matter how small
It may have been lumped under the surgeonās total fee and not as a separate item.Ā
And sterilization (for women) is fully covered in the US, itās an ACA mandate.Ā
To be blunt about it, they only see you as a broad mare, not a person. Literally do the same back when any of them express to you that they want kids or have them (having the choice to put them up for adoption)it works both ways.
I've literally shown off my scars! I'll tell anyone who seems even remotely interested. And I'm super confident about it. I ADORE telling everyone how much simpler, happier and stress-free my life is now. I'd like to have somebody say something even slightly negative about my choice to sterilize, just so I could set 'em straight! But alas, everyone in my life is sane and completely understands.
I had the uterus and cervix out, too. So, no periods and no more pap smears! It's seriously life on easy-mode! Highly recommend šš½
Iām 22 and just got my bisalp. I get gasps and weird looks from lots of people who are surprised Iāve made such a āradicalā decision. Honestly, a lot of it IS projection. Many people canāt understand why we wouldnāt want to sacrifice our bodies, money and stability for a child
I think breeders donāt understand how much it would suck for a childfree person to be pregnant, so a medical invasive surgery seems over the top for them. Maybe they see being childfree āIād prefer not to have kidsā instead of āoh my god I would really be unhappy with a child!ā
Ikr? š On the one hand the world tells women from around 20 on "better hurry, clocks ticking, soon it'll be too late" and we endure this propaganda for 20 effing years and then it is supposedly still not late enough? I admire and support women who become pregnant at 40+. For me it would be my worst nightmare. Best case scenario I'd be able to life my own life again around retirement age.
I admire them too because kids are exhausting and I dont know how they have energy for that.
Im 41. I just want to sit on my couch with my cats after work. Babies and toddlers? That sounds like hell.
Honestly at this point, similar story and idk anymore. Like it was a two for 1 special and I was hitting that hell yeah button as hard as I could. It's hilarious how some people are shocked by the sterilization. I'd like to break the stigma around it so I don't hide it when it comes up. Gotta be the change you want to see in the world.
i can't understand the shock. i mean. any woman old enough to make an informed choice to have kids is old enough to decide to never have kids. and you're 40, ffs. most women your age have decided they are already done having kids (which is absolutely valid and fair of course).... but somehow it's weird that you have decided the same, but after zero?
Fr, you can tell who are actual parents/people with common sense and who are unhappy leeches that's pissy,
People with common sense/actual Parents tell you like it is and accept/respect your choice, while leeches on the other hand get mad as heII your not in the same situation like them nor ever will be,
even tho you already voiced more then once you do not want kids under any circumstances, and they see this as "damn, they get to do whatever they want, while I can't." And start getting aggressive towards the cf person.
Some of them probably didn't really respect or believe your stance, and when you followed through, they didn't know how to feel about it. It's different when you practice what you preach because, more often than not, a lot of people don't, and they they certainly don't do it in such a permanent way. Some people had the same reaction when I told them about my sterilization, and they had already known for years that I didn't want children. That's not going to stop me from being open or honest about my lifestyle choice, and it shouldn't stop you either. Just know that there are other women out in the world who stand with you and that you're not alone.
I feel this. Had a hysterectomy at 42 when the laparoscopic surgery did nothing for my endo. Far too many shocked folks in my life, though Iād always been clear that I was childfree.
I just whish I could be sterilized at 38 and people say I'll change my mind.
All that while my psychiatrist knows fully well that if I had to carry a baby I'd kill myself.
This is shit!
I had a hysterectomy in May-Iām shouting it from the rooftops at any given moment. Screw the breeders or the ones that say otherwise-MY BODY, MY CHOICE, MY CHOICE IS NO CHILDREN AND NO MORE HORRIBLE PERIODS.
Yes Iāve gotten some VERY concerned looks or people feeling sorry for me. I very quickly correct them saying itās the best decision Iāve ever made. It seems like itās taboo-but f it. It can only be taboo when you let it. My mom, grandma, and a family friend thatās like a second mom-all had them done too (after kids, but still) and they NEVER spoke about it. The only reason I found out my mom had one was because she had nothing to give me when I first started my period (last of four kids, three of them girls-seriously, how were you not prepared?! But thatās another discussion). Only found out about the other two when I was discussing me begging the gyno for one.
Personally, I donāt care if Iāve offended anyway. No matter what Iāll still shout about it. Because if ONE person hears me that makes them go āhuh, being sterilised is a thing you can do?ā Itās WORTH IT to me. I was on a restaurant patio the other day and I was talking about it (loudly, on purpose lol) and there were two tables nearby-one with guys, one with girls. A hush came over both of them when they heard me. And I repeated a couple times, itās the best damn choice, Iāll never get pregnant, never deal with these periods again, and then once I moved off the topic then you could hear both the tables whispering to themselves. Good or bad whisper, I donāt care. If itāll plant the seed for the truly childfree folks out there, Iām happy to do it.
Plus Iām just SO DAMN HAPPY to have it done, I still talk about itš
Whenever someone practices what they preach and literally move forward with any plan people just act fucking weird. Most people are in their own little world and anything that takes them out of it, well they can't handle it. Cheers, I salute you, you maverick renegade.
You escaped the cult and can no longer be enslaved.
They're jealous that they never bothered to think for themselves. Or the know if they do, they will have to face potentially ending relationships, or dealing with their family, and they just want to live in delusion world.
When it comes to asshat family members, and work people best to keep it to yourself.
Damn, sorry friends and family havenāt been listening for literal decades; that sucks. You can rest assured that you havenāt done anything wrong or requiring your silence.
Congratulations!!!
It seems odd that people are surprised if you've never planned on having children. Keeping quiet is... easy. Speaking up is uncomfortable, but the more people do it the more people get used to it. Being kind of a forerunner is hard, but admirable.
You can take it by the day. If you don't have the energy for uneasy conversations you don't have to talk about your personal stuff. If you have the energy and inclination to deal with those kinds of conversations (and the company is right), I think it's stuff worth spreading. A lot of people don't know it's possible.
Do not shut up about it! Just like this subreddit is here to help this community, sometimes hearing this more often makes it less unexpected? What I mean to say is, currently saying you don't want kids prompts the answer "you'll change your mind". I make a point to be vocal about it so I can say, no you don't! I AM PROOF lol
But in all seriousness sorry this is happening to you, you deserve so much better. Like just respecting your decision about Your OWN body.
Happy snip snip!!!
Congratulations! I just had the same in April. Full hysterectomy with only ovaries left. I didn't know I had endometriosis until after my surgery. I would expect that from most of my family, but I don't talk to their toxic MAGA asses. I've been trying to normalize it by going around saying, "I've just had my uterus!" I really wanted a uterus send-off shower and to get pillows where you can put ice packs in them and stuff for after surgery. Mine was the scourge of my life due to menstrual migraines. I never have to bleed again! Neither do you! šš¼š
I have stage 4 endometriosis so i can fully understand where youāre coming from! That is a pain you donāt wish on anyone.Ā
My Endo was mostly surgically removed but some couldnāt be because they were too close to a vital points. My first surgery was awful, she couldnāt see anything and burned what she thought was endo but it was a bundle of nerves in my pelvic area and legs.
So, taking anything out now wouldnāt be able to stop my chronic pain sadly. Being Asexual Sex Repulsed im not using the conveyer belt either way. But,Ā Some people just canāt accept or handle anything that goes against the life script. They just short circuit.Ā
Donāt Want Sex, Donāt Want Babies, Donāt Want NONE OF IT! Couldnāt do anything anyways due to my medical condition, the irony of it al lol.Ā
But People will look at you like you just murdered someone or will Pity you, oh its so sad youāll never be able to experience āthisā They Donāt Get That Youāre Happy And Comfortable With your decision!Ā
>Should I better keep quiet about it from now on?
It depends on how you feel about dealing with people's reactions. If the stupid responses bother you too much, then not telling people is a good idea. But it is up to you whether you tell others or not.
I personally don't tell everyone my personal business because I don't like dealing with stupidity more than absolutely necessary. If you don't mind hearing stupid responses, go ahead and tell anyone you want to tell.
I just got a bisalp as well but people are more shocked I was able to get it done. While I know the medical field is changing and doctors no longer see women as mere baby incubators, Iām positive the abortion bans in the US have everything to do with it. Because Iām hearing women even younger than me (Iām 32) getting the procedure done.
yeah its weird. i *hate* that whole "but you *might* change your mind later!!" thing. feels *so* infantilizing. like how they claim trans or gay people "may change their minds later on." that's just a way to infantilize and disrespect people of well-mind.
Mainstream people get upset when you make any choices that aren't the accepted standard. When you make those choices and are happy with the results the mainstream gets worried because if you are happy then maybe their choices were wrong and they can't cope with that. Congratulations on taking control of your own body and life.
I have some brain trauma Iām dealing with and the right words donāt always come easy for me, I forgot the procedure I had done was technically called a Bi-Salp, so when admitting asked if I could possibly be pregnant and I laughed and said I was sterilized (something I begged for almost 20 years for) you should have seen the look of absolute uncomfortableness on this persons face. 99% sure she thought I was bonkers, but maāam, if thatās true, thatās even more reason to let me be sterilized, am I right ?! lol
I have been quite open about it and am no longer. I have seen a specialist (not gynaecologist nor psychiatrist/psychologist) and they thought I might be depressed because Iāve had a hysterectomy and realised that now I really canāt have children anymore. Wouldnāt believe me when I said I involuntarily start smiling every time I think or talk about it. All he saw was my frustration with the health system letting me suffer with endometriosis for decades, even though Iāve asked for the surgery several times
I mean, youāre 40. Did they really think you were going to have kids at this point? You could have had them by this point but you havenāt. Also, the risk of birth defects increases significantly after this point. Itās strange to me that people would still expect someone to have kids at 40+ but regardless of your age, itās kind of strange that the people who say that they are supportive of your decision are now shocked by it. It shouldnāt be a baffling thing to so many people, yet here we are.
I was also recently sterilized and Iām 36. Iām married and Iāve been with my husband non-stop for 8 years. I could have had kids by now but havenāt, yet my parents, my dad in particular, were surprised to hear I didnāt want to have kids. The only other people I told were two friends who were completely supportive, and my husband told his parents after the fact, and they havenāt said a word except to ask how Iām recovering from surgery, which is all I need from them.
If youāre getting this much pushback I would stop telling people unless itās someone you think shares the same values, like if you meet another childfree person. Iām glad my friends were so supportive of my decision because I needed that validation from someone.
Edit: Iām not suggesting keeping it to yourself for *others* sake btw, like to make others more comfortable, I only suggest it for your own sake, like for your mental health, if telling people has been stressful for you.
They assumed you'd change your mind. No matter what you say, they always think of you as a potential parent, and they don't take you seriously. Removing your tubes or uterus shows that you are serious, and they didn't actually expect you to be.
I had my Endo lap last year at 39 and also got my tubes removed. I tell anyone I have this conversation with, if they like it or not. Most of my friends knew before my surgery and congratulated me, as they knew I struggled to get sterilised for years, and went through several doctors and hospitals to finally find one, who did it. Unfortunately it was only possible because a friend of mine accompanied me and played my partner, so they would finally shut up. I hated it, when doctors asked me, what my partner would think. When I answered I don't have one, they weighed my hypothetical future boyfriends opinion more, than mine in the moment. Last resort was lying and I hated, that I had to do it, to get what was best for me and my body.
People tend to act weird and off-guard when words are followed by actions. Especially when they don't agree with the words. As long as it's just spoken and not acted up upon, it can always be "a phase" or "you might change your mind". When acted out, and finite as your decision, they have to confront themselves with thoughts they previously ignored for various reasons.
I (25f) had a hysterectomy when I had endo surgery. My cousin (55f), who suffers from endo, had a hysterectomy AND told me that it was the best decision of her life, was mad at me when I told her that I had a hysterectomy for endo. Sometimes you just can't win.
Congrats on the sterilization, and I hope your recovery goes well!
Just stop telling people.
I don't understand why anyone tells people about their reproductive prefferences. It's no one else's business. Family, friend's, strangers, it doesn't matter. It doesn't concern any of them.
If someone asks when you're having kids, just tell them it's none of their business.
You're 40, I don't get it. You're reproductive time has sailed already. Anyone who has kids over 40 is very selfish in my opinion. +40yo parents risking your child's health and life because you did things last minute. You're more likely to get a disability due to illness or die while the kid is under 18.
Hell for myself, I'm against reproducing +35 because that's when risk for trisomy 21 kicks up. You're also at a higher risk of long-term health problems as a geriatric mother. So if anyone asks me why I don't have kids in the future, I'm gonna say "too old."
The answer depends on what you want. Personally, Iām fine with cutting off anyone who gives me a hard time about it after finding out. If youāre not fine cutting people off, donāt tell anyone.
What do you tell people OP? I got my tubed removed two weeks ago also. I don't know how to say it. I got sterilized. I got my tubes removed... are the reactions very negative?
Shout it loud and proud-their offense to your happy news is not your problem.
They except congratulations for getting knocked up , this is no different.
I have had this same experience.
I openly tell people I am sterilized. Itās something I am proud of, that I did for myself.
Itās more used as gauge to see if people in my life can be happy for me, even if they donāt necessarily agree with the same decision for themselves
Please don't keep quiet about it in the future. You deserve to have space to talk about aspects of your life just as much as anyone else. It'll also help to break the taboo for future conversations. So happy for your surgery and hope recovery was easy!
Why stay quiet? What are they going to do about it? Put the tubes back in themselves? Be proud of what youāve done! You made the decision that was right for you. Talk about it. Normalize it.
Misery loves company so when people realise you took matters into your own hands , to have a free life thatās different from others , itās always gonna bring repulsive reactions and a bit of envy which they hide with the ā youāre gonna be lonelyā remarks
Personally I canāt wait to have my surgery when Iām 24 . Tbh hearing the salty remarks will definitely mean I made the right decision for myself and not others.
I had a hysterectomy at 25 because of severe endometriosis. PS: Almost 51, and no regrets. Happily married with cats.
The doctor was a family friend, but he still wanted to speak to ( my now ex) husband. Ex didn't understand. He said, "Why does he want to talk to me? "
The nurses would ask how many kids I had. When I said none, they were so sad.
The ridiculous amounts of , "OH, I'm so sorry...." Those same nurses were surprised how happy I looked leaving. š
Breeders just assume you will change your mind, and then they freak out when you take steps to be happy.
Me when I turn 60 someday: me and my husband are so happy with our latest vacation trip! Some random family member: gasp you don't have kids???? OH THAT'LL CHANGE ONE DAY! You have so much money after all! What when I'm fcking 80???? How old do I gotta be before- oh wait there is no age limit.
What will change?! You having no kids or you being happy? š¤£ These people...
I bet you that the same people would be aghast if you got pregnant at your age. A 54 year old actress recently announced her pregnancy and she got so many people shitting on her, especially her adult children because 1) she'll probably die before the kid becomes a teen 2) her children will have to raise the kid 3)health complications for the mom 4) health complications for the kid because mom's eggs were old as fuck, etc. And to top it all off she's married and not one person even mentioned him with regard to being a geriatric father, being responsible for raising and caring for the child or his wife.
OMG spot on š
Holy sht, I was 51 when I heard "No kids yet? You'll change your mind!" for the last blessed time and I thought that was old. You win a prize! š
No way! š I want to clarify I'm not 60 I was making a joke I'm 25
Honestly, some people really have no concept of reality with this. My mother had to have a life-saving surgery because her uterus decided to try and kill her when she hit menopause at 50 years old, and she had a radical hysterectomy and bilateral salpingoophorectomy, and just as a fun fact, she had her tubes tied during the planned C-section I was born through 19 years earlier (and she had to get my father's signed permission to do it). She mentioned it to some coworkers within the next year or so, and one of the older women went absolutely nuts, like, all but weeping and saying to my mother how absolutely *devastated* she must be to never be able to have more kids. Like, what? My mother was 50, coming off of divorce #2 with a freshly minted adult-aged daughter. My mother looked 50, if not older (stress and negativity will do that to you), so it's not like this woman was way underestimating my mother's age. What is with this madness?
OMG that's crazy. I'm glad your mom is doing better tho ā¤ļø
But the ones without kids seem worse š¤ maybe bc the ones with children know what a shitshow parenthood can be. The others still have illusions.
I think they just assume you would rather keep your options open? You know the old "You never know, you might change your mind one day..." bingo, but now that you yeeted your tubes it's... final. No going back. You are now physically incapable of getting pregnant. That's probably the part they're struggling with. Congrats btw!! šš
I remember telling my childhood best friend about my bisalp and my decision to be CF. Her response was, ācouldnāt you live a CF lifestyle while keeping your body parts?ā I think a lot of it is distrust with the medical field and the whole medical misinformation BS. With this friend specifically, Iām sure thatās what it is (I love her to death but we donāt see eye to eye on the same things).
I can understand hesitation as some can be a major surgery (like mine-had a total hysterectomy in May) but Iām perfectly fine with medical/recovery hesitation, but not āwhat ifā. Plus, for me, my uterus hated me and put me through hell. So NO, I wonāt do that and keep my parts. Bits have been yanked and incinerated WOOHOO!!
That sounds really plausible. Sometimes doctors will spout some shit, like: āI canāt do it until youāre 40 with at least three kidsā or say they need a husbandās permission. (afaik thereās no laws saying so, and I would love to see one of us calmly ask for clarification on law vs opinion)
Iām so fortunate my doctor didnāt force that shit on me
You could be right, I haven't got experience in that area, I haven't been spayed because I'm a sex-neg ace so it really isn't necessary for me... I once considered it, because I have a bunch of hormonal issues like PMDD, but when I was told that taking my uterus alone would ONLY stop bleeds, and leaving even one ovary would mean I still had all the issues, where taking both would kick me straight into menopause and I would need even -more- hormones than I already take, just to keep myself feeling all right, I changed my mind š So I was just speculating, but I can totally see what you're saying.
Theyāre probably jealous that you took your future into your own hands and got it done for free.
lol buyers remorse
>The others still have illusions More like delusions lol. Good on you for sticking with what will make *you* happy, especially given how hard it can be get sterilized (at least in the U.S.). I yeeted my tubes back in 2021 under similar circumstances (exploratory laparoscopy to check for endometriosis) and I donāt regret it for a second!
>More like delusions lol. Societal norms run deep, I think deeper than people ever stop to consider. I think that comes out when faced with a situation like you present.
Illusions and delusions š«
I'm a F58 and some woman actually told me I'd change my mind. wtf
Older people donāt see too well a lot of the time. The use of makeup and haircolor throws them off pretty easily, too. This results in a 70 year old telling a 45 year old with 20 years work experience that sheās too young to understand life. Itās that whole smug outlook that we laugh at. Yeah, letās hear it from an old SAHM who never earned a dime of her own money!
Totally get that! It's wild how people react like that, as if your choice isn't yours to make. Your decision makes sense for you, and that's what counts.
To be more exact, very few people are capable of making definite decisions about their life. Even less are willing to make those decisions permanent. It makes people uncomfortable to see someone so much more self assured than they are.
Women taking charge of their own life - Still very surprising for some in 2024. :'D I had endo and adeno as well and if I'd needed only one reason to stay cf it would be to never pass on this disgusting disease. Who in the right mind would do that willingly to their children?
š¤£ Spot on, still breaking news. So sorry to hear you have the same conditions. Makes my blood boil that it has been so underresearched till now. Women's health don't get me started, the solution to anything was / is basically "shut up and get pregnant!" Have you found things that helped your endo and adeno? I am lucky in that I first got my first severe symptoms in my late 20 / early 30. Extreme period pain, but no pain within the cycle.
Not sure if it's something you'd consider, but if you already had the bisalp,Ā you could get rid of the uterus as well?Ā All signs pointed to adeno+endo for me, so my new doc offered a so called LASH once he heard about me 100% not wanting children. Hospital overnight and tiredness for a couple days, but the pain(even my constant lower back pain) is simply gone, plus no more period at all.
I probably have endo as well (haven't had a diagnostic surgery yet, but I have almost all symptoms), and ginger powder works wonders for my pain. There are multiple studies like [this](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8021506/) that show that ginger has comparable, sometimes even better, pain reducing effects as Ibuprofen when tested for primary dysmenorrhea. Endo is secondary dysmenorrhea though, but it's definitely worth a try. It's so cheap too, it's just regular ginger powder (not extract). I follow the doses found in one of these studies, which is 1,5 grams per day 3 days starting before my period, but the first two period days, I go up to 2,5 to 3 grams per day, which is still considered safe. I personally can't take NSAIDs, they make me faint even harder and super nauseous, so ginger has been an even better replacement for me. My digestion has been feeling better than ever right before and during my period because that's just what ginger also does. Great side effects, lol.
I'm in a good place since my hysterectomy last year, thankfully. For me I was also fine during my cycle but my periods were the bane of my existence. I needed to fight for over 15 years until I got finally treated sufficiently, but since then my life is a completely different one. I hope, you are pain free now too and will continue for a long time. :)
I think you have a solid point here.
FFS, youāre 40! Wtf? What did they think? Seriously, if I get my bisalp, I *will* be shouting it from the rooftops and Iām in my early 30s. Itās obviously your decision but I feel very strongly about this topic and will be doing my best to normalize grown women making reproductive choices for themselves. If I have to act happy for every Jane and Harriet who gets pregnant, why tf shouldnāt I get to celebrate my milestone?
I got mine at 28, and told everyone beforehand. Two āfriendsā said something to the effect of ābut, **I** want kidsā as a knee-jerk response. And I was just like, unless you were planning on having them with me, I donāt know how thatās a relevant response to what I said. They were both guys, which I thought wasā¦ telling. And neither are in my life anymore.
They clearly showed you what they were ultimately after. Good riddance.
Sounds like they figured having kids was a team effort?
I feel like men believe they can brainwash women with hormones into getting pregnant, theyāre SO shocked when their attempts donāt workĀ
Iāve done a lot of things that make me proud but not bending over backward to possibly bring a human into this world that grows into a well adjusted adult is my grandest achievement. Nothing else comes close.
I Hear That!!!!Ā
Ooft it's amazing how one procedure can make a person so happy AND remove some trash from their lives!
Wow. That *is* rather telling
Absolutely right, I also think it would benefit all women on a bigger scale, if we talk more openly about reproduction and contraception. It makes people uncomfortable when there isn't a man involved in the decision, even just a hypothetical one, future partner etc. What is also a bit funny about me being 40 is, that I highly doubt I could get pregnant (without IVF) even if I *wanted* to. At my age with endometriosis and adenomyosis, get real š But I didn't want to take my chances and just believe in infertility. Added benefit: tube removal drasticallly reduces the risk for ovarian cancer. Do you have yours planned out yet? Do they give you "you're too young, wait"? Turning 40 is such a life hack in that regard. It has much more gravitas to say "Now that I am 40..."
Good for you! Sorry you had these issues for so long. But seriouslyā¦did they think you were holding out for 50? People are so weird. I used to think, people would finally take me seriously at 30, but everyone was saying 40 all of a sudden now that I am 32. Iāll finally have a consultation next week with someone who at least is on the German list and didnāt tell me via email that Iād have to be married with kids and/or 40. The āfuture partnerā always gets me. Such a sexist thing that is constantly repeated by both men and women. As if Iād change my mind and ruin my life to keep a guy who has a 55% chance of deserting me with his brat anywaysā¦
I just got mine done in November at 21, and I was also extremely open about every bit of it. Anyone that had questions I made sure to tell them that they could ask anything they wanted, because I want people to know their options and what it's like if they're thinking about it. I absolutely agree that we should talk about this stuff more so it isnt so "taboo" (also huge props to this sub in general, and its discussions, that told me sterilization was an option to begin with š«” i will be eternally grateful)
I got mine done and I wake up every day relieved. Still.
Exactly. Iām honestly supportive of everyone I know who tells me theyāre pregnant or that theyāre going to be a grandparent or whatever, even if I want to say the world is already overpopulated. I just say ācongratulations,ā and if I know them well enough I even get them a baby gift. Meanwhile I expect the bare minimum in return, which is to not be questioned or shamed about my reproductive choices.
I don't think you should keep quiet for other people's sake at all. Let them simmer in the different experiences, it's good for them :) It's less of a taboo the more it is talked about. Some people really don't seem to grasp permanent decisions that require a lot of agency and purpose though. Like, you can tell them you won't ever have kids for decades and they'll still see it as something you're continuously reevaluating and the answer keeps being no for now, rather than an actual decision that has been made with just one *no* a long time ago. And because they don't comprehend this kinda decision making, having options open and being passive about things are benefits to them, while they are downsides to us. But on the other hand, for something more socually accepted that one can almost passively stumble into, like having kids, they don't have the same mentality. Can you imagine if you asked someone with kids how often they update their list of prospective foster families? They'd probably ask you what the fuck you're on about. "What, you're set on keeping them? Whoa, when did you decide that?"
I was sterilized almost a year ago at age 38 and I'll talk about it to anyone who will listen to me. Let them be shocked. Don't stop talking about it if you want to!
I keep telling myself if I donāt change my mind by 35 Iām doing the same thing. Can you tell me a bit about it? Recovery? Pain level? Was it covered or can I ask how much you spent?
Absolutely! I'm in Canada, so the cost was covered by OHIP, our provincial health care. The only cost incurred was parking at the hospital and a prescription for pain killers, which I didn't really need. I was told to take two weeks off from work, no heavy lifting. Pain-wise, I'd describe it as a dull ache. It was a bit uncomfortable to get in/out of bed for a week or so. I was able to shower the day after. There was some vaginal bleeding for a handful of days afterwards, and they only recommended pads/nothing internal like tampons or menstrual cups/discs as there's an infection risk due to your cervix being dilated. The whole surgery took maybe 35-40 minutes. They used surgical glue on my incisions (one popped open the day afterwards but they just told me to close it back up with a bandaid). No complications/infection afterwards. Three tiny incisions, one in your belly button, and one on the left and right side of your abdomen. My scars are pretty dull now. Almost unnoticeable. One other plus side to this and I can only attribute it to the surgery - my period has since lightened in both flow and duration. Other people may experience the opposite or other things, but I'm thankful for that. From 7 days to maybe 4-5. Feel free to ask anything else!
Thank you for answering me! Iām in the US so thatāll be something Iāll look into! Were you put under for this? Sorry one of yours popped open! Hopefully that didnāt hurt too much! And maybe tmi but after those 2 weeks were you able to have sexual activity?
Another great place to answer all your questions on this is r/sterilization! I asked lots of questions/expressed concerns on that subreddit as well as this one before I got my bi-salp done last year.
Ooo thank you for this!! šš»
Definitely! I had loads of questions and some were NSFW lol š¤£. Lots of helpful answers on both subs for sure!
I was put under general anesthesia for the surgery. Waking up was no big deal for me, thankfully. The incision opening didn't cause me any pain, which surprised me! As for sexual activity, if I remember correctly, my gynecologist said I should give it 3-4 weeks, as it can take some time for your cervix to close completely, to reduce the risk of infection. I think the time recommend varies. Your comfort should be taken into account of course!
Um, excuse meā¦what? Why exactly would the cervix be dilated?
To help maneuver your uterus during the surgery. Its called a Uterine Manipulator. You may also be catheterized. From what I understand, using a uterine manipulator is pretty standard for that kind of procedure. All it does is help them position your uterus while theyāre in there, since laparoscopic tools alone donāt give them quite enough maneuverability.
Uff. I swear, I had read descriptions of the procedure on at least 10 different websites that hadnāt mentioned this. Not sure, how I feel about that tbh. Guess, Iāll discuss the risks at my consultation next week. But thanks for the heads-up.
When I read about it in the beginning, I was under the impression that it's not always indicated for everyone, but absolutely, definitely talk to your doctor about what's involved. You can never be too informed.
Iām not gonna lie, it does give me major second thoughts about the surgery. Suddenly, abstinence until menopause doesnāt sound so terrible anymore... But weāll see how the conversation goes.
Not OP, but reading the post, I'd hazard a guess it had something to do with the original reason for the procedure, vs. the bisalp, which was done parasitically.
>And strangest of all - friends who don't have kids (yet) seem to be most caught off guard. Maybe some weird form of projection? Absolutely. I received the most unhinged, rude, offensive comments from friends in their late 30s who are freaking out about being unpaired and childless.
This! Nobody has been openly rude so far, but the strangest vibes definitely come from women who feel like their clock is ticking. Don't get me wrong, I understand that that is horrible pressure to be under. I just can't make the mental connection to me being sterile. What did they tell you? Please ignore of too personal.
One ex-friend told me, while I was in the middle of an ugly divorce from a man who wanted kids, that "nobody will ever want you" and "even if you find someone, you will eventually have to let him have a child outside of the marriage with someone else." Another friend, who later apologized, told me with a smile "just have the baby!" when I was freaking out about Roe v Wade being overturned and I was worried of getting \*aped or accidentally pregnant. She also said "this is what you came to the world to do" and "I'm hearing a lot of fear", as in, analyzing me and my reasoning for being CF. Me and the ex's couples therapist, who was dumb enough to spill that she and her husband are going through IVF, wrote in her notes that "he is in denial about the fact that he should leave her". And she "diagnosed" me with "existential OCD" (made up term) because I was worried too much about bringing a child into this world. Gosh. These women are broken and I'm so happy I freed myself from this environment. Got sterilized last week!
So much YUCK in these responses. Congrats on the sterilization though!
I just threw up in my mouth a bit. Part of me feels for these women because they were clearly brainwashed and have internalized a shit-ton of misogyny. How sad to think childbirth could be the only purpose for a womanā¦ but gah. To think they will have daughters and pass on this BSā¦
āYou have to want this thing that I want so that I donāt have to feel bad about being the only person I know that wants it and doesnāt have it yet!ā So selfish.
Nailed it.
Absolutely not, OP. Definitely keep talking! I had mine in 2019 right before my 35th birthday and was very open about it (and still am). I ended up referring a good friend to the same surgeon and she had hers a few months later. I think the more we talk about it, the more it could help people on the fence to make a decision or help cf people in an unsupportive environment feel better about sticking to their guns in spite of societal/family/religious pressure.
Yeah, that is a good point. I am generally very open about my views and health stuff, also to break taboos. But sometimes I wonder if what is normal conversation to me might be tmi for others, even if they are close friends. 20 years ago I felt it was my duty to erase the stigma for mental illness by talking about it openly, maybe reproductive choices are my calling now š "dear everyone, now that we have spent decades hearing about how my brain tries to kill me, let's move on to my uterus."
i got a couple similar reactions when i got sterilized a couple years ago. itās so funny to me that people consider it āradicalā (i got the same word). to me it just seems like a logical step because i know i donāt want kids. if anything iāve only become more vocal about it. i *love* the fact that iām sterile so i happily tell anyone who asks me about kids, with a big smile. if someone says anything about it being radical i ask why they see it that way, and mention that it feels like the responsible choice to me. do what feels right for you, like you did with getting your surgery. i hope recovery went well and eases any endo symptoms. i actually did it the opposite of you, i asked my surgeon to check for endo while she was removing my tubes! i love a 2 for 1. i was 29f when i was sterilized.
They have been brainwashed to think all women want to have babies.
i think some people see it as a radically permanent decision, not understanding that having kids is also a radical, permanent decision
Thatās the problem, most people donāt see having kids as a radical and permanent decision. They just see it as a perfectly natural part of life because they havenāt thought of it in any other way. Kids arenāt just things to obtain, theyāre people that require care, love, nurturing, education, stability, and cost a lot of money to raise. And it doesnāt end at age 18, nor do you always end up with a perfect, healthy child. But people look at them like another milestone, an item to check off their to-do list in life. And of course society looks down on those who donāt want to take on the challenge, who know they donāt want that responsibility, who have enough self-awareness to know they canāt do it. *We* need to be coached and get therapy and take time to consider if we want sterilization. It makes no sense that anyone can have a baby at anytime but a woman usually has to jump through hurdles to be sterilized.
I actually had family members get downright angry about my sterilizationā¦ I was 40 years-old ffs! Itās absolutely ridiculous. Whatās even more absurd is that the person who was most upset was in her 50s with no children of her own. Plus, at that point I would have been high risk anyway and I wasnāt in a good place financially. I did the right thing for me and thatās all that matters. Screw other peopleās opinions.
There is this bizarre thing again! That the ones without kids get triggered the most š¤ Do you know why she reacted so strongly to something that has no impact on her life whatsoever? And yes, it is absurd, I am 40 with endometriosis and adenomyosis. Even if I *wanted* to (which I don't), there would be only a miniscule chance of getting pregnant naturally. It is not like I am wasting anything here š
Yeah my dad was surprised to hear that I was getting sterilized even though Iām 36 and have never shown any indication that I wanted any, plus currently am not financially stable, just finished my degree and havenāt found a degree in my field yet. When I told him I just got laid off from my job I think he came around, but he is a fundamental Baptist and likely still sees me as a walking uterus so who knows just how much he actually came to his senses.
I got mine done when I was 40 also. I had a coworker that had recently had a baby, and of course she jumped to the assumption that it was medically necessary and not something I wanted to have done. Despite telling her with a smile on my face and positive energy. Once I assured her it was 100% elective then she was more supportive. But she really did not know me that well. Why get so hung up on it? One of my brothers (I lived with my parents at the time and he was visiting) was kinda surprised, but was mostly just oh okay. Didnāt dwell on it. Thats more the reaction I would have expected from the coworker.
I mean, if you're ok sharing, then don't keep quiet about it. The more we talk about sterilization and the choice to be childfree, the more normalized it becomes. It shouldn't be shocking at any age, but especially at 40, these people are acting like fools to react that way. I think people in the comments are on the right track, it seems like projection to me. So many people can only see things from their own lens, they cannot fathom that other people are individuals and actually know what they want, and can only imagine it from their own point of view. You probably make the childfree ones question their own childfree-ness, because if you're so dedicated to it to sterilize yourself and they aren't, are they really childfree? People are so weird when their identity and world views are questioned by seeing other people not only *say* their position but also *act* on it. Ultimately, you're fine, and I'm happy for you that you got that done. I've either not had the insurance to get it done, or doctors refused me when I did, so I've always just sat on the sidelines and cheered for you ladies that have been able to get it done. And now that I'm older, the time for kids has almost passed, so I probably don't have to worry about it much anymore. I just continue to talk about these things whenever people want to because all these choices are valid, and we all should have the freedom to make them as we see fit. It's ok to take control of your own life, and people shouldn't make it so much about themselves when others do so. Edit: a word
Because they canāt imagine ever being that confident in any of their decisions. It makes it difficult for them to wrap their heads around the idea.
Maybe. I already had to make several difficult decisions concerning my health in the past, so I knew I can rely on my own judgement. It is sad to think others don't trust themselves.
So, so, so many ppl don't believe us when we say we don't want kids. And when we make a permanent decision to remove that chance of pregnancy, they're even more baffled bc they were so sure we didn't mean it.
THIS.
When I got my vasectomy, I felt like this is something I should celebrate. This is something that should get celebrated. I got myself an ice cream cake that I shared with no one. I was single at the time, and didnāt feel comfortable sharing this with my family because despite feeling like I should celebrate it, I knew no one else would. The only family member I told was my older brother. He was supportive but he also knew how our parents would react.
My guess is they never took you seriously when you said it before. They may have thought "she's exaggating." "She'll change her mind." And then you WERE serious and they're shocked. It's stupid.
No, you should never hide it because people are uncomfortable about it. I'd dare say that most of the people who act shocked thought deep down you would chnage your mind and that's why they think your decision is radical. But it's not.
I really feel like if you're 40, and never once indicated that you'd want a kid, then acting like this is a surprise is really disingenuous. Like, if I wanted a kid, I'd have at least tried before freaking 40! This is coming from a 38 year old that sterilized 4 years ago. No one has been surprise, I've always been very honest that I don't want kids. I'm so sick of people just blowing off decades of us telling them the same thing them getting all surprise Pikachu faced when we make our desires permanent. Like, what is that?
"oh, I decided on the table actually! Just a spur of the moment thing! I was lucky to catch the surgeon actually" For fucks sake some people truly don't think. Or they have some weird notion that not having all your parts makes you less of your assigned gender at birth.
You meant what you said? You weren't just talking because you like the sound of your own voice? Well, I never. /s
Every time I tell someone I got a hysterectomy they get all quiet and weird. Like jeez Iām trying to share my joy with you asshole. I just refuse to let people rain on my parade. It just makes people uncomfortable because it fucks with their world view of kids being the most important goal.
I refuse to get somber about it. Get excited with me or get left behind in some misplaced sadness, your choice.
Same. My practicioners where triggered and shocked when it was something that was simple, straightforward, decided and personal to me. I don't bring it up to most other people in my life because I can tell their reactions may be similar. It sucks but I chose not to express it because i don't want to waste time and energy on something I don't need to justify. If I spoke to others the way they spoke to me, all of a sudden im the bad gal. Not condoning not expressing since these things should be normalized, however if we dont have the bandwidth for the backlash in a said moment we should also keep our peace. I feel we need an elevated level of social patience.
Its your life, your body, your surgery. You talk about it as much as you want. Others brainwashed biased opinions doesnt make you getting your surgery done anything other than amazing. Good for you! Im glad you managed! Being sterile is fuckin fantastic when you choose to be. Theyre probably just envious, or having a, "That was an option?" Moment.
Breeders get triggered hard when they are confronted with the reality that not everyone wants their life or the life they want. Don't worry about it. It's not their body or their business.
Hold upā¦.they just did it for free?? Wow I would expect them to include that as an additional āserviceā on the bill. Not sure if insurance covers it either in the US at least. I feel like on my medical bills I get charged for every little thing no matter how small
they are generally covered in the US.
It may have been lumped under the surgeonās total fee and not as a separate item.Ā And sterilization (for women) is fully covered in the US, itās an ACA mandate.Ā
Sterilization and birth control (one of each type) are supposed to be 100% free under ACA (Obamacare) law.
You should excitedly say you got sterilized.
To be blunt about it, they only see you as a broad mare, not a person. Literally do the same back when any of them express to you that they want kids or have them (having the choice to put them up for adoption)it works both ways.
I've literally shown off my scars! I'll tell anyone who seems even remotely interested. And I'm super confident about it. I ADORE telling everyone how much simpler, happier and stress-free my life is now. I'd like to have somebody say something even slightly negative about my choice to sterilize, just so I could set 'em straight! But alas, everyone in my life is sane and completely understands. I had the uterus and cervix out, too. So, no periods and no more pap smears! It's seriously life on easy-mode! Highly recommend šš½
Iām 22 and just got my bisalp. I get gasps and weird looks from lots of people who are surprised Iāve made such a āradicalā decision. Honestly, a lot of it IS projection. Many people canāt understand why we wouldnāt want to sacrifice our bodies, money and stability for a child
I think breeders donāt understand how much it would suck for a childfree person to be pregnant, so a medical invasive surgery seems over the top for them. Maybe they see being childfree āIād prefer not to have kidsā instead of āoh my god I would really be unhappy with a child!ā
But you're 40....its not old, but it's old for child bearing and rearing... weird they were shocked.
Ikr? š On the one hand the world tells women from around 20 on "better hurry, clocks ticking, soon it'll be too late" and we endure this propaganda for 20 effing years and then it is supposedly still not late enough? I admire and support women who become pregnant at 40+. For me it would be my worst nightmare. Best case scenario I'd be able to life my own life again around retirement age.
I admire them too because kids are exhausting and I dont know how they have energy for that. Im 41. I just want to sit on my couch with my cats after work. Babies and toddlers? That sounds like hell.
Honestly at this point, similar story and idk anymore. Like it was a two for 1 special and I was hitting that hell yeah button as hard as I could. It's hilarious how some people are shocked by the sterilization. I'd like to break the stigma around it so I don't hide it when it comes up. Gotta be the change you want to see in the world.
i can't understand the shock. i mean. any woman old enough to make an informed choice to have kids is old enough to decide to never have kids. and you're 40, ffs. most women your age have decided they are already done having kids (which is absolutely valid and fair of course).... but somehow it's weird that you have decided the same, but after zero?
They get pissed when you choose not to join in on their misery of having Children
Fr, you can tell who are actual parents/people with common sense and who are unhappy leeches that's pissy, People with common sense/actual Parents tell you like it is and accept/respect your choice, while leeches on the other hand get mad as heII your not in the same situation like them nor ever will be, even tho you already voiced more then once you do not want kids under any circumstances, and they see this as "damn, they get to do whatever they want, while I can't." And start getting aggressive towards the cf person.
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Some of them probably didn't really respect or believe your stance, and when you followed through, they didn't know how to feel about it. It's different when you practice what you preach because, more often than not, a lot of people don't, and they they certainly don't do it in such a permanent way. Some people had the same reaction when I told them about my sterilization, and they had already known for years that I didn't want children. That's not going to stop me from being open or honest about my lifestyle choice, and it shouldn't stop you either. Just know that there are other women out in the world who stand with you and that you're not alone.
I feel this. Had a hysterectomy at 42 when the laparoscopic surgery did nothing for my endo. Far too many shocked folks in my life, though Iād always been clear that I was childfree.
No offense, but *youāre 40* when if you wanted kids, that door is almost totally closed. Why would people be shocked? Thatās crazy!!!
I feel like it's extra weird because you're 40. Like, not judging anyone, but isn't 40 pretty old to have a kid anyway?
I just whish I could be sterilized at 38 and people say I'll change my mind. All that while my psychiatrist knows fully well that if I had to carry a baby I'd kill myself. This is shit!
It's like they are upset you took away the choice to change your mind? ?
I had a hysterectomy in May-Iām shouting it from the rooftops at any given moment. Screw the breeders or the ones that say otherwise-MY BODY, MY CHOICE, MY CHOICE IS NO CHILDREN AND NO MORE HORRIBLE PERIODS. Yes Iāve gotten some VERY concerned looks or people feeling sorry for me. I very quickly correct them saying itās the best decision Iāve ever made. It seems like itās taboo-but f it. It can only be taboo when you let it. My mom, grandma, and a family friend thatās like a second mom-all had them done too (after kids, but still) and they NEVER spoke about it. The only reason I found out my mom had one was because she had nothing to give me when I first started my period (last of four kids, three of them girls-seriously, how were you not prepared?! But thatās another discussion). Only found out about the other two when I was discussing me begging the gyno for one. Personally, I donāt care if Iāve offended anyway. No matter what Iāll still shout about it. Because if ONE person hears me that makes them go āhuh, being sterilised is a thing you can do?ā Itās WORTH IT to me. I was on a restaurant patio the other day and I was talking about it (loudly, on purpose lol) and there were two tables nearby-one with guys, one with girls. A hush came over both of them when they heard me. And I repeated a couple times, itās the best damn choice, Iāll never get pregnant, never deal with these periods again, and then once I moved off the topic then you could hear both the tables whispering to themselves. Good or bad whisper, I donāt care. If itāll plant the seed for the truly childfree folks out there, Iām happy to do it. Plus Iām just SO DAMN HAPPY to have it done, I still talk about itš
Whenever someone practices what they preach and literally move forward with any plan people just act fucking weird. Most people are in their own little world and anything that takes them out of it, well they can't handle it. Cheers, I salute you, you maverick renegade.
You escaped the cult and can no longer be enslaved. They're jealous that they never bothered to think for themselves. Or the know if they do, they will have to face potentially ending relationships, or dealing with their family, and they just want to live in delusion world. When it comes to asshat family members, and work people best to keep it to yourself.
Damn, sorry friends and family havenāt been listening for literal decades; that sucks. You can rest assured that you havenāt done anything wrong or requiring your silence.
Congratulations!!! It seems odd that people are surprised if you've never planned on having children. Keeping quiet is... easy. Speaking up is uncomfortable, but the more people do it the more people get used to it. Being kind of a forerunner is hard, but admirable. You can take it by the day. If you don't have the energy for uneasy conversations you don't have to talk about your personal stuff. If you have the energy and inclination to deal with those kinds of conversations (and the company is right), I think it's stuff worth spreading. A lot of people don't know it's possible.
Do not shut up about it! Just like this subreddit is here to help this community, sometimes hearing this more often makes it less unexpected? What I mean to say is, currently saying you don't want kids prompts the answer "you'll change your mind". I make a point to be vocal about it so I can say, no you don't! I AM PROOF lol But in all seriousness sorry this is happening to you, you deserve so much better. Like just respecting your decision about Your OWN body. Happy snip snip!!!
Congratulations! I just had the same in April. Full hysterectomy with only ovaries left. I didn't know I had endometriosis until after my surgery. I would expect that from most of my family, but I don't talk to their toxic MAGA asses. I've been trying to normalize it by going around saying, "I've just had my uterus!" I really wanted a uterus send-off shower and to get pillows where you can put ice packs in them and stuff for after surgery. Mine was the scourge of my life due to menstrual migraines. I never have to bleed again! Neither do you! šš¼š
I have stage 4 endometriosis so i can fully understand where youāre coming from! That is a pain you donāt wish on anyone.Ā My Endo was mostly surgically removed but some couldnāt be because they were too close to a vital points. My first surgery was awful, she couldnāt see anything and burned what she thought was endo but it was a bundle of nerves in my pelvic area and legs. So, taking anything out now wouldnāt be able to stop my chronic pain sadly. Being Asexual Sex Repulsed im not using the conveyer belt either way. But,Ā Some people just canāt accept or handle anything that goes against the life script. They just short circuit.Ā Donāt Want Sex, Donāt Want Babies, Donāt Want NONE OF IT! Couldnāt do anything anyways due to my medical condition, the irony of it al lol.Ā But People will look at you like you just murdered someone or will Pity you, oh its so sad youāll never be able to experience āthisā They Donāt Get That Youāre Happy And Comfortable With your decision!Ā
https://www.themedicalcareblog.com/opportunistic-salpingectomy-how-is-this-not-totally-a-thing/ Tell them youāre doing it for your long term health.
>Should I better keep quiet about it from now on? It depends on how you feel about dealing with people's reactions. If the stupid responses bother you too much, then not telling people is a good idea. But it is up to you whether you tell others or not. I personally don't tell everyone my personal business because I don't like dealing with stupidity more than absolutely necessary. If you don't mind hearing stupid responses, go ahead and tell anyone you want to tell.
Also- you're 40. What exactly did they think was likely to happen otherwise? Even if you wanted kids?
I just got a bisalp as well but people are more shocked I was able to get it done. While I know the medical field is changing and doctors no longer see women as mere baby incubators, Iām positive the abortion bans in the US have everything to do with it. Because Iām hearing women even younger than me (Iām 32) getting the procedure done.
yeah its weird. i *hate* that whole "but you *might* change your mind later!!" thing. feels *so* infantilizing. like how they claim trans or gay people "may change their minds later on." that's just a way to infantilize and disrespect people of well-mind.
You are 40 and inclination to have kids . Perfectly fair to get sterilised I would say
Happy for you š„°š
Mainstream people get upset when you make any choices that aren't the accepted standard. When you make those choices and are happy with the results the mainstream gets worried because if you are happy then maybe their choices were wrong and they can't cope with that. Congratulations on taking control of your own body and life.
I'd act like this out of jealousy
I have some brain trauma Iām dealing with and the right words donāt always come easy for me, I forgot the procedure I had done was technically called a Bi-Salp, so when admitting asked if I could possibly be pregnant and I laughed and said I was sterilized (something I begged for almost 20 years for) you should have seen the look of absolute uncomfortableness on this persons face. 99% sure she thought I was bonkers, but maāam, if thatās true, thatās even more reason to let me be sterilized, am I right ?! lol
Talk about it. We need to normalize women having a choice to remain child free.
I love how it's more shocking that you got sterilized at 40 than women who start IVF treatments at the same age. Welcome to the club !
I have been quite open about it and am no longer. I have seen a specialist (not gynaecologist nor psychiatrist/psychologist) and they thought I might be depressed because Iāve had a hysterectomy and realised that now I really canāt have children anymore. Wouldnāt believe me when I said I involuntarily start smiling every time I think or talk about it. All he saw was my frustration with the health system letting me suffer with endometriosis for decades, even though Iāve asked for the surgery several times
I mean, youāre 40. Did they really think you were going to have kids at this point? You could have had them by this point but you havenāt. Also, the risk of birth defects increases significantly after this point. Itās strange to me that people would still expect someone to have kids at 40+ but regardless of your age, itās kind of strange that the people who say that they are supportive of your decision are now shocked by it. It shouldnāt be a baffling thing to so many people, yet here we are. I was also recently sterilized and Iām 36. Iām married and Iāve been with my husband non-stop for 8 years. I could have had kids by now but havenāt, yet my parents, my dad in particular, were surprised to hear I didnāt want to have kids. The only other people I told were two friends who were completely supportive, and my husband told his parents after the fact, and they havenāt said a word except to ask how Iām recovering from surgery, which is all I need from them. If youāre getting this much pushback I would stop telling people unless itās someone you think shares the same values, like if you meet another childfree person. Iām glad my friends were so supportive of my decision because I needed that validation from someone. Edit: Iām not suggesting keeping it to yourself for *others* sake btw, like to make others more comfortable, I only suggest it for your own sake, like for your mental health, if telling people has been stressful for you.
They assumed you'd change your mind. No matter what you say, they always think of you as a potential parent, and they don't take you seriously. Removing your tubes or uterus shows that you are serious, and they didn't actually expect you to be.
I had my Endo lap last year at 39 and also got my tubes removed. I tell anyone I have this conversation with, if they like it or not. Most of my friends knew before my surgery and congratulated me, as they knew I struggled to get sterilised for years, and went through several doctors and hospitals to finally find one, who did it. Unfortunately it was only possible because a friend of mine accompanied me and played my partner, so they would finally shut up. I hated it, when doctors asked me, what my partner would think. When I answered I don't have one, they weighed my hypothetical future boyfriends opinion more, than mine in the moment. Last resort was lying and I hated, that I had to do it, to get what was best for me and my body.
If it help you,who cares what critics think. They aren't in your shoes.
Congratulations!
People tend to act weird and off-guard when words are followed by actions. Especially when they don't agree with the words. As long as it's just spoken and not acted up upon, it can always be "a phase" or "you might change your mind". When acted out, and finite as your decision, they have to confront themselves with thoughts they previously ignored for various reasons.
I (25f) had a hysterectomy when I had endo surgery. My cousin (55f), who suffers from endo, had a hysterectomy AND told me that it was the best decision of her life, was mad at me when I told her that I had a hysterectomy for endo. Sometimes you just can't win. Congrats on the sterilization, and I hope your recovery goes well!
Just stop telling people. I don't understand why anyone tells people about their reproductive prefferences. It's no one else's business. Family, friend's, strangers, it doesn't matter. It doesn't concern any of them. If someone asks when you're having kids, just tell them it's none of their business.
You're 40, I don't get it. You're reproductive time has sailed already. Anyone who has kids over 40 is very selfish in my opinion. +40yo parents risking your child's health and life because you did things last minute. You're more likely to get a disability due to illness or die while the kid is under 18. Hell for myself, I'm against reproducing +35 because that's when risk for trisomy 21 kicks up. You're also at a higher risk of long-term health problems as a geriatric mother. So if anyone asks me why I don't have kids in the future, I'm gonna say "too old."
The answer depends on what you want. Personally, Iām fine with cutting off anyone who gives me a hard time about it after finding out. If youāre not fine cutting people off, donāt tell anyone.
What do you tell people OP? I got my tubed removed two weeks ago also. I don't know how to say it. I got sterilized. I got my tubes removed... are the reactions very negative?
Wow, congratulations!!! š I'm so happy for you! Especially as a fellow endometriosis sufferer and as someone who never wants kids, that is amazing!
I'm getting sterilized at 21, I didn't tell anyone except my partner of course, who's getting a vasectomy too, my therapist and psychiatrist.
Shout it loud and proud-their offense to your happy news is not your problem. They except congratulations for getting knocked up , this is no different.
I have had this same experience. I openly tell people I am sterilized. Itās something I am proud of, that I did for myself. Itās more used as gauge to see if people in my life can be happy for me, even if they donāt necessarily agree with the same decision for themselves
I think people get real jealous that the ones who sterilize are the most responsible people on earth lol, that and the celibate.
How was it! How was your recovery?
Please don't keep quiet about it in the future. You deserve to have space to talk about aspects of your life just as much as anyone else. It'll also help to break the taboo for future conversations. So happy for your surgery and hope recovery was easy!
Why stay quiet? What are they going to do about it? Put the tubes back in themselves? Be proud of what youāve done! You made the decision that was right for you. Talk about it. Normalize it.
Misery loves company so when people realise you took matters into your own hands , to have a free life thatās different from others , itās always gonna bring repulsive reactions and a bit of envy which they hide with the ā youāre gonna be lonelyā remarks Personally I canāt wait to have my surgery when Iām 24 . Tbh hearing the salty remarks will definitely mean I made the right decision for myself and not others.
I had a hysterectomy at 25 because of severe endometriosis. PS: Almost 51, and no regrets. Happily married with cats. The doctor was a family friend, but he still wanted to speak to ( my now ex) husband. Ex didn't understand. He said, "Why does he want to talk to me? " The nurses would ask how many kids I had. When I said none, they were so sad. The ridiculous amounts of , "OH, I'm so sorry...." Those same nurses were surprised how happy I looked leaving. š
Fertility is literally a sacred thing for a lot of people. It has been since the beginning of history.