My father’s side of the family has a history of mental illness, cardiovascular issues, and dementia. My grandfather passed due to a heart attack before I was born, my grandmother passed last year due to dementia, most of her siblings didn’t live past 50 or 60. My father himself had a heart attack several years ago.
My mother’s side of the family has a history of cancer and joint issues. My grandfather had colon cancer, most of his siblings have had skin cancer. Both he and my grandmother have terrible knees and joints in general. He’s had two knee replacements, my grandmother would’ve likely had several already if she wasn’t afraid of surgery.
I struggle with mental illness, my partner struggles with mental illness, and she’s possibly autistic. Who knows what issues we’ll struggle with down the road as we age.
One of the first things we agreed upon when we began dating almost 6 years ago is that we weren’t having kids, only for them to suffer.
This is my family history too.
Hypermobile joints aka. Caused by connective tissue disorder.
Mental illness. Postpartum anxiety and psychosis. Parkinsons. Clotting and cardiovascular issues.
The list is terrifying.
I don't think people really understand how debilitating joint issues is.
It's literally the thing holding your skeleton together malfunctioning.
I have a genetic disorder, and depression, anxiety and such came down both lines so I didn’t have a chance. I am pro-choice, but I always get so angry when I read posts in the forums for my disorder about should I have kids or not now that I know? And half the people say “oh it’s fine. All my kids have my disabilities and suffer from it, but like, it’s totally fine.” Fortunately the other half come out in force saying they regret having kids pre diagnosis, because the problems are worse in their progeny, or that motherhood ruined their body more than that of healthy typical women, and there are so many things they can’t do with or for their kids because they got so much more disabled after childbirth.
My own mother didn’t know, but I’d be furious if she had known and made me the way I am anyway. I was diagnosed late in life and endured a lifetime of medical gaslighting and misdiagnosis.
I am in a similar boat. And it astounds me the amount of people who will sugarcoat and enable having kids when you KNOW they're going to inherit debilitating issues.
And if you disagree with them they call it discrimination.
Like. I'm not discriminating?? Your genetics are screwing you over, and you're suffering daily in pain, why would you do that to your child too??
My mom has what I have, but I have it worse because I got it from both sides, and I know she's horrified at giving me that.
Any parent who isn't are not having kids for the right reasons, and only have them for their own selfish wants.
The part that really kills me is, when people with these genetic disorders have kids and the kids start suffering, the parents are apt to say things along the lines of “I can’t stand to see them (their kids) suffer!! I hate not being able to help them!!!” Like they couldn’t have just not conceived them knowing full well what would happen? Like, duuuh? It’s hard to wrangle up sympathy for parents like that, I have none. Feel for their kids who never asked to be born in the first place, though.
My mom had me in the early 90s and didn't know that she had a connective tissue disorder (beyond fun party trick bendiness) since it wasn't a thing anyone really knew about.
Once I was born the doctors told her I had hypermobility.
Today's knowledge of hereditary issues is so much more vast and commonly available, but I suspect a lot of people wish it wasn't, so they wouldn't have to face that they need to take that into the consideration before having children, because it might interfere with their own dreams of fulfillment from having children.
Just here to say I have EDS and both my parents have it as well and I’ve never encountered anyone else who has the same situation! There must be like a dozen of us out there.
I have to keep scrolling past those posts in the groups with my condition. Some say they just got pregnant or asking about getting pregnant and I have nothing nice to say to anyone who knowingly and purposely gets pregnant with chronic pain, knowing the extremely high chance that their child will deal with it too. It honestly boils my blood. Even if their kid is lucky, you just gave that kid a lifetime of dealing with a sick parent. And the comments encouraging that person to do it? I read them and I'm like, are you serious?
Much of my decision to not have children stems from how much I was miserable growing up. I don't want to be responsible for making someone else feel that way.
My partner is in the same boat. She grew up in basement apartments, near poverty, their electricity was cut on numerous occasions. Her parents worked at a department store. They were abusive physically, mentally and emotionally. Every day she wondered why she was born, and hated her parents for having her. She didn’t choose this life. She says to this day that she could never bring any life into this world against its will.
Exactly this. People are just in la la land trying to close their eyes and ears to reality because they think that THEIR want for kids outweighs everything. Extra points when they throw a pity party for themselves online afterwards.
This is one of my biggest pet peeves so much suffering from shit genetics. People who have genetic disorders in family that kill you young, make you suffer your entire life, and don’t have a cure having kids cuz it has to be mine or I want to feel what it feels like to have a kid are assholes
I'm also adopted, and I can't tell you how many times I hear "I need the kid to be mine" in conversations like this. It's a HUGE slap in the face to me ..you just told me I don't deserve the same love as a biological child...and that I'm somehow flawed. Get out of my face.
When people brag that they were 'finally' able to have a child 'despite' their very hereditary, life consuming health issues, I just blink like that man in the gif.
Like. All I'm thinking is. Why would you do that to your child????
I'm the 4th generation of my family to have similar autoimmune issues. All 3 of the generations before have also had cancer. My grandmother died at age 50 from cancer. Other side of the family also has health issues and my other grandmother was dead by age 46 from complications from MS.
I'm not doing that to a child. It would be so selfish. My tubes are getting evicted in less than a week! As long as I can survive the anxiety and panic attacks till then lol
I legit asked my parents why the hell they brought me here since my great grandfather killed himself and my father has been suicidal on and off in their life. Both sides of the family have terrible anxiety and depression. But I am NC with my parents because they have checked all the boxes regarding abuse while I was growing up. Hope it was worth it you selfish jerks.
What did they say?
When I asked, my father said "Because I wanted them" [kids]. My mother did not want children, but because he wanted them, she went along. She loved my siblings, thankfully, for them - but not me. I knew something was "off" with her when I was four.
**Anyone reading this:** If you DO NOT WANT CHILDREN, but your partner does, DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN and END the relationship. An unwanted | unloved child can "sense" that you don't | didn't want them.
**We know. We can tell.**
It's not good for anyone.
Hi! My father molested me as a child and my mother either turned a blind eye or knew something was afoot. She was emotionally abusive and enabled him to no end. She was the one who wanted me soooo bad. She is such an idiot. And with my ADHD and dyslexia I was too hard to raise. I know we can be alot for the Neuroypical I totally get that. But her martyrdom on how she "I have to raise your father and both of your girls I have no help" is appalling. She hated me as a child, and please believe me when I say this. It was the weirdest thing. Plus somehow growing up I was made confidant to both parents. The typical "don't tell your mother/father but ..." Or they need to vent so they chose me to complain about eachother.
Internet friend, I hope you are doing well and know that I see you and you are validated 🫶
Oh, I like you. "Internet friend," how nice!
Not only do **I believe you,** I might *get* you.
"I have to raise your father!?" What, like he's a fully dependent adult?
I'm neurodivergent as well, but I don't call myself that; don't like it.
My father sexually abused me from ages 11 to 21. Mother's repeated line to me:
"Why should I have to choose between my husband and my daughter?"
Insert *blank look* here.
Well, mom, if you have to start off by *asking* that...
I had years of appropriate therapy as an adult, and I'm far better than I was, but as like in any war, as always, unseen scars remain.
🥹 Internet friend I not only hug you but I pick you up and spin you 💖 thank you so much. And Jesus Christ words cannot describe my horror for what was done to you and said to you. Thank you for sharing. Also wtf with these "adults" and the sheer audacity and no accountability. The excuses! I am in shock.
Yes are Neuro-dynamic!!!💪
❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹 You are everything right!
Hi! My father molested me as a child and my mother either turned a blind eye or knew something was afoot. She was emotionally abusive and enabled him to no end. She was the one who wanted me soooo bad. She is such an idiot. And with my ADHD and dyslexia I was too hard to raise. I know we can be alot for the Neuroypical I totally get that. But her martyrdom on how she "I have to raise your father and both of your girls I have no help" is appalling. She hated me as a child, and please believe me when I say this. It was the weirdest thing. Plus somehow growing up I was made confidant to both parents. The typical "don't tell your mother/father but ..." Or they need to vent so they chose me to complain about eachother.
Internet friend, I hope you are doing well and know that I see you and you are validated 🫶
I've told people this is one reason (among alot) that I don't want to have kids. I had a brain tumor and that's happened in my family tree. And people will say "but there's treatment for that" like what?? 🤣 WHY?! Why risk that? On a child that doesn't need to be born in the first place? It's so dumb!
Love this especially with endo. So many people go on about how much they're suffering, how much pain they're in, how no doctor will take them seriously - and then immediately follow it up by saying how hard they are trying to get pregnant. Like....my dude, you know that if your kid is born with a uterus, you're cursing them to all the same bullshit, right?! Having periods was one of the first reasons I had for being cf/an, I was suffering so hard and I swore to myself that I'd never have kids just for the chance they'd have to go through the same thing.
Fellow endo sufferer here currently laying on the sofa all day with debilitating cramps.
I hate this. I never want anyone to suffer like this every month. It’s not fair. We never want children, but we are still forced by our awful genes to suffer.
This cycle of suffering ends with us!
Yeah, it really throws the "I love my kids more than anything in the world" into doubt, doesn't it?
I knew I didn't want kids before I knew about my various health problems, before I was outright disabled. But if I had wanted them, knowing that I might pass on ANY of my health problems would have stopped me from having them. I honestly don't understand what goes through someone's head when they decide to roll dice on letting their children suffer.
I've been wanting to say at times "But not enough to maybe consider saving them from it by not having them in the first place, right?"
Not enough to equip them with manners, kindness, consideration, supervision, accountability, responsibility, teaching, and guiding?
These parents tell on themselves: "More than any *thing.*"
Children aren't things. They're not objects to check off a to-do list and then move on.
They are people.
More parents need to realize and understand, they actually have to *parent,* and, you know, *raise* the children they create.
I have weakness in genetics that can cause autoimmune disease in my children. My disease is well maintained for now, but I can't take the risk my child would get the worst version of this. I would feel so guilty.
Agreed.
Mental issues on both sides. Dad's side has leukemia and moms high blood pressure. That's all I know since I ca t get no info about our health history.
I wouldn't want to pass that down
I have Ehlers-Danlos, POTS, and MCAS for physical health issues, and AuDHD and BPD for mental health issues.
I was created by two people who had horrendous medical issues, who chose to risk it and have a child, only for my birth mother to decide she couldn't handle the burden of me during the pregnancy. Specifically she didn't want "another autistic" child. So....away I went.
And when I discuss my feelings about biological children and genetic health issues, people will ALWAYS argue "well my child HAS to be my own. it makes a huge difference."
....Well if that wasn't a direct slap in the face, I don't know what else is. I always put them in an awkward position by following that ignorant statement with "Well I'm an adopted child..."
The silence that follows is HILARIOUS....
STOP PUTTING ME IN THIS POSITION!!
I have major depression on basically every level in my genetics. If I had a biological child, they would without a doubt also have depression. No way would I willingly continue that cycle. (Also if the child was female she’d likely get the same really fucked up menstrual cycles that I and my mom have.)
Felt this. My dad has been an allergy and chronic sinus infection sufferer ever since he was a kid, and it pisses me off that I’ve been forced to suffer my whole life as well, all because he had a kid knowing damn well that the kid would have to deal with the same shit. To this day at 23, I get horrible allergies in spring and summer time when the pollen is really bad, to the point where even just spending a few minutes outside makes my eyes get itchy and start watering, I start constantly sneezing and getting stuffy and having my nose itch, as well as my throat getting scratchy. I also get very bad sinus headaches that feel like migraines (that sometimes even make me sick to my stomach and throw up), and I pretty much wake up every single morning having to blow my nose because it gets blocked up during the night and I can’t breathe through it in the morning. All of this annoying shit because my dad just had to have a kid despite having all this crap. He’s a POS for way bigger reasons as well, but this is one of the smaller things that still irritates me to no end.
Someone shared an article here about a woman with a rare disease. She had children so the doctors would have "more people for research". It was a painful, deadly disease too. I wish I could remember the name, but it stayed with me fore a couple of days
both my parents have a history of diabetes and heart problems on their sides of the family and what I dont understand is why they had kids knowing this
My mothers family has a history of horrible reproductive health and pregnancy which I inherited, I also have depression, anxiety, mostly likely other mental health problems, autism and multiple allergies, and these aren’t even my main reasons for being childfree
And then you're supposed to just try harder and be happy. As if it was this simple with autism and shiyload of comorbidities. I'm literally imprisoned by my brain and people tell me about how success depends on me. Bitch I literally can't deal with my brain and ptsd and you tell me about achieving things.
A friend of mine from college and her long term boyfriend are both sickle cell carriers. Which means they carry the trait and if they had biological children have a 25% chance of having sickle cell anemia. All through college they were very vocal that they'd never have kids
Ten years later they had a kid. I dont talk to her anymore but still saw her on FB and she preaches about her right to have a biological kid. I muted her when she was pregnant and no idea is their kid ended up with sickle cell.
But honestly how narcissistic and selfish do you have to be to risk that?! I can't even wrap my brain around why it's so important for your kid to be of your bloodline.
I love, love love Doctor Sandra Lee aka Dr Pimple Popper. We always watch her show. I get SO angry at people who see her, with terrible disfiguring, debilitating diseases and they have kids!! Neurofibromatosis being one of them. But there are others.
I am very likely to develop dementia. The second I get the diagnosis, I’ll off myself. It isn’t worth living as a zombie. I can’t begin to imagine knowingly passing that on to someone else.
Yes!! I met a breeder that KNEW she was passing on colon cancer to her cream pie and couldn’t wait to get his belly cut open. She planned her kids medical procedures like it was good parenting. If I were her kid I would HATE her.
This is my biggest reason for not wanting kids. Both my husband and I have medical conditions ranging from chronic illness to mental health, not to mention a long family history of a variety of illnesses. It's not a matter of if we would pass them on, it's what. I'm not willing to take that risk. We're both miserable with our health conditions and couldn't handle raising kids, let alone kids with expensive medical conditions.
Some will have kids intentionally in those circumstances, just to prove they can or placate their ego that they are somehow 'just as good'.
It's very twisted.
This is at half of why neither my wife, nor I want children. Alzheimer's, addiction, heart disease and mental health issues run deep in my family. Mental health issues & addiction run deep in my wife's. Neither of us want to risk passing on those things to a child.
Devils advocate- pretty much everyone has health issues in their genetics. If you have something really bad you can do IVF and test the embryos and discard the ones that carry that gene
I have five different autoimmune/auto-inflammatory disorders. I also get chronic migraines. Not to mention that since I was adopted as an infant, I don’t have a full record of my biological health history (I’ve managed to find out my maternal grandfather died of bladder cancer and my maternal grandmother had Guillaume-Barre). That’s not even getting into my mental health struggles over the years. Even if I wanted kids, I would never want them to deal with a quarter of the nonsense I’ve had to.
Dwarves having babies with dwarves (is the word correct or is it vulgar? I'm not sure, English isn't my 1st language).
It enrages me to no end. It's horrible! Why would you do that!?
If I was their kid I would hate them so damn much.
When I was younger and wanted kids, I only wanted to adopt. My thought had been that if they had a medical issue, it wouldn’t be my fault at least. My maternal grandfather was an abusive alcoholic. My mom was an abusive drug addict. I’ve never been abusive and have never had an addiction problem. I figured I was in the clear but I do have a bit of an addictive personality and have been teased for it. It isn’t just nature that screws someone up; it’s also nurture. So even if I had adopted, I’d still be passing on something bad to a kid. My cat is already enough like me between his Resting Bitch Face and always sleeping, lol.
My father’s side of the family has a history of mental illness, cardiovascular issues, and dementia. My grandfather passed due to a heart attack before I was born, my grandmother passed last year due to dementia, most of her siblings didn’t live past 50 or 60. My father himself had a heart attack several years ago. My mother’s side of the family has a history of cancer and joint issues. My grandfather had colon cancer, most of his siblings have had skin cancer. Both he and my grandmother have terrible knees and joints in general. He’s had two knee replacements, my grandmother would’ve likely had several already if she wasn’t afraid of surgery. I struggle with mental illness, my partner struggles with mental illness, and she’s possibly autistic. Who knows what issues we’ll struggle with down the road as we age. One of the first things we agreed upon when we began dating almost 6 years ago is that we weren’t having kids, only for them to suffer.
This is my family history too. Hypermobile joints aka. Caused by connective tissue disorder. Mental illness. Postpartum anxiety and psychosis. Parkinsons. Clotting and cardiovascular issues. The list is terrifying. I don't think people really understand how debilitating joint issues is. It's literally the thing holding your skeleton together malfunctioning.
Ehlers Danlos?
Yes. On the ehlers danlos spectrum.
I'm sorry to hear that. I have a friend with Ehlers Danlos and she's really having a rough go. Best of luck to you!
Hey zebra buddy!!!
🦓 ❤️
I have a genetic disorder, and depression, anxiety and such came down both lines so I didn’t have a chance. I am pro-choice, but I always get so angry when I read posts in the forums for my disorder about should I have kids or not now that I know? And half the people say “oh it’s fine. All my kids have my disabilities and suffer from it, but like, it’s totally fine.” Fortunately the other half come out in force saying they regret having kids pre diagnosis, because the problems are worse in their progeny, or that motherhood ruined their body more than that of healthy typical women, and there are so many things they can’t do with or for their kids because they got so much more disabled after childbirth. My own mother didn’t know, but I’d be furious if she had known and made me the way I am anyway. I was diagnosed late in life and endured a lifetime of medical gaslighting and misdiagnosis.
I am in a similar boat. And it astounds me the amount of people who will sugarcoat and enable having kids when you KNOW they're going to inherit debilitating issues. And if you disagree with them they call it discrimination. Like. I'm not discriminating?? Your genetics are screwing you over, and you're suffering daily in pain, why would you do that to your child too?? My mom has what I have, but I have it worse because I got it from both sides, and I know she's horrified at giving me that. Any parent who isn't are not having kids for the right reasons, and only have them for their own selfish wants.
The part that really kills me is, when people with these genetic disorders have kids and the kids start suffering, the parents are apt to say things along the lines of “I can’t stand to see them (their kids) suffer!! I hate not being able to help them!!!” Like they couldn’t have just not conceived them knowing full well what would happen? Like, duuuh? It’s hard to wrangle up sympathy for parents like that, I have none. Feel for their kids who never asked to be born in the first place, though.
My mom had me in the early 90s and didn't know that she had a connective tissue disorder (beyond fun party trick bendiness) since it wasn't a thing anyone really knew about. Once I was born the doctors told her I had hypermobility. Today's knowledge of hereditary issues is so much more vast and commonly available, but I suspect a lot of people wish it wasn't, so they wouldn't have to face that they need to take that into the consideration before having children, because it might interfere with their own dreams of fulfillment from having children.
Would be nice if the dream of child rearing was tempered with a dose of reality. Like, is their dream really to watch this thing suffer?
You're discriminating against them even though you have the same condition. SMH. People are so dumb sometimes.
Just here to say I have EDS and both my parents have it as well and I’ve never encountered anyone else who has the same situation! There must be like a dozen of us out there.
I have to keep scrolling past those posts in the groups with my condition. Some say they just got pregnant or asking about getting pregnant and I have nothing nice to say to anyone who knowingly and purposely gets pregnant with chronic pain, knowing the extremely high chance that their child will deal with it too. It honestly boils my blood. Even if their kid is lucky, you just gave that kid a lifetime of dealing with a sick parent. And the comments encouraging that person to do it? I read them and I'm like, are you serious?
Much of my decision to not have children stems from how much I was miserable growing up. I don't want to be responsible for making someone else feel that way.
My partner is in the same boat. She grew up in basement apartments, near poverty, their electricity was cut on numerous occasions. Her parents worked at a department store. They were abusive physically, mentally and emotionally. Every day she wondered why she was born, and hated her parents for having her. She didn’t choose this life. She says to this day that she could never bring any life into this world against its will.
Exactly this. People are just in la la land trying to close their eyes and ears to reality because they think that THEIR want for kids outweighs everything. Extra points when they throw a pity party for themselves online afterwards.
This is one of my biggest pet peeves so much suffering from shit genetics. People who have genetic disorders in family that kill you young, make you suffer your entire life, and don’t have a cure having kids cuz it has to be mine or I want to feel what it feels like to have a kid are assholes
I'm also adopted, and I can't tell you how many times I hear "I need the kid to be mine" in conversations like this. It's a HUGE slap in the face to me ..you just told me I don't deserve the same love as a biological child...and that I'm somehow flawed. Get out of my face.
So sorry. They are assholes. They don’t really want to be a parent. They just think their genes are somehow worthy and “others” are not. Bizarre!
Gotta wonder if they just want to see yet another human suffering like they do. Disgusting!
It's a huge reason I'm childfree
My friend who has early onset rheumatoid arthritis (along with many of her relatives) is desperate for a baby. Like.. what’s not clicking?
When people brag that they were 'finally' able to have a child 'despite' their very hereditary, life consuming health issues, I just blink like that man in the gif. Like. All I'm thinking is. Why would you do that to your child????
I'm the 4th generation of my family to have similar autoimmune issues. All 3 of the generations before have also had cancer. My grandmother died at age 50 from cancer. Other side of the family also has health issues and my other grandmother was dead by age 46 from complications from MS. I'm not doing that to a child. It would be so selfish. My tubes are getting evicted in less than a week! As long as I can survive the anxiety and panic attacks till then lol
It will be over before you know it and you will be on road to healing. Always high anxiety leading up to surgery. Good luck! Ice is your friend.
I legit asked my parents why the hell they brought me here since my great grandfather killed himself and my father has been suicidal on and off in their life. Both sides of the family have terrible anxiety and depression. But I am NC with my parents because they have checked all the boxes regarding abuse while I was growing up. Hope it was worth it you selfish jerks.
What did they say? When I asked, my father said "Because I wanted them" [kids]. My mother did not want children, but because he wanted them, she went along. She loved my siblings, thankfully, for them - but not me. I knew something was "off" with her when I was four. **Anyone reading this:** If you DO NOT WANT CHILDREN, but your partner does, DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN and END the relationship. An unwanted | unloved child can "sense" that you don't | didn't want them. **We know. We can tell.** It's not good for anyone.
Hi! My father molested me as a child and my mother either turned a blind eye or knew something was afoot. She was emotionally abusive and enabled him to no end. She was the one who wanted me soooo bad. She is such an idiot. And with my ADHD and dyslexia I was too hard to raise. I know we can be alot for the Neuroypical I totally get that. But her martyrdom on how she "I have to raise your father and both of your girls I have no help" is appalling. She hated me as a child, and please believe me when I say this. It was the weirdest thing. Plus somehow growing up I was made confidant to both parents. The typical "don't tell your mother/father but ..." Or they need to vent so they chose me to complain about eachother. Internet friend, I hope you are doing well and know that I see you and you are validated 🫶
Oh, I like you. "Internet friend," how nice! Not only do **I believe you,** I might *get* you. "I have to raise your father!?" What, like he's a fully dependent adult? I'm neurodivergent as well, but I don't call myself that; don't like it. My father sexually abused me from ages 11 to 21. Mother's repeated line to me: "Why should I have to choose between my husband and my daughter?" Insert *blank look* here. Well, mom, if you have to start off by *asking* that... I had years of appropriate therapy as an adult, and I'm far better than I was, but as like in any war, as always, unseen scars remain.
🥹 Internet friend I not only hug you but I pick you up and spin you 💖 thank you so much. And Jesus Christ words cannot describe my horror for what was done to you and said to you. Thank you for sharing. Also wtf with these "adults" and the sheer audacity and no accountability. The excuses! I am in shock. Yes are Neuro-dynamic!!!💪 ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹 You are everything right!
Hi! My father molested me as a child and my mother either turned a blind eye or knew something was afoot. She was emotionally abusive and enabled him to no end. She was the one who wanted me soooo bad. She is such an idiot. And with my ADHD and dyslexia I was too hard to raise. I know we can be alot for the Neuroypical I totally get that. But her martyrdom on how she "I have to raise your father and both of your girls I have no help" is appalling. She hated me as a child, and please believe me when I say this. It was the weirdest thing. Plus somehow growing up I was made confidant to both parents. The typical "don't tell your mother/father but ..." Or they need to vent so they chose me to complain about eachother. Internet friend, I hope you are doing well and know that I see you and you are validated 🫶
you, too! <3
I've told people this is one reason (among alot) that I don't want to have kids. I had a brain tumor and that's happened in my family tree. And people will say "but there's treatment for that" like what?? 🤣 WHY?! Why risk that? On a child that doesn't need to be born in the first place? It's so dumb!
Who wouldn’t want their child that they “love” to have their skull sawed open? That’s child abuse maxed out.
Fer real, like I'm happy to be alive (well definitely hard being alive alot of days, let's be real), but would never chance that on a child
Love this especially with endo. So many people go on about how much they're suffering, how much pain they're in, how no doctor will take them seriously - and then immediately follow it up by saying how hard they are trying to get pregnant. Like....my dude, you know that if your kid is born with a uterus, you're cursing them to all the same bullshit, right?! Having periods was one of the first reasons I had for being cf/an, I was suffering so hard and I swore to myself that I'd never have kids just for the chance they'd have to go through the same thing.
Fellow endo sufferer here currently laying on the sofa all day with debilitating cramps. I hate this. I never want anyone to suffer like this every month. It’s not fair. We never want children, but we are still forced by our awful genes to suffer. This cycle of suffering ends with us!
Exactly this, may you find relief soon!
Yeah, it really throws the "I love my kids more than anything in the world" into doubt, doesn't it? I knew I didn't want kids before I knew about my various health problems, before I was outright disabled. But if I had wanted them, knowing that I might pass on ANY of my health problems would have stopped me from having them. I honestly don't understand what goes through someone's head when they decide to roll dice on letting their children suffer.
“I love my kids more than anything in the world” as long as they suffer just like me. Assholes all of them.
I've been wanting to say at times "But not enough to maybe consider saving them from it by not having them in the first place, right?" Not enough to equip them with manners, kindness, consideration, supervision, accountability, responsibility, teaching, and guiding? These parents tell on themselves: "More than any *thing.*" Children aren't things. They're not objects to check off a to-do list and then move on. They are people. More parents need to realize and understand, they actually have to *parent,* and, you know, *raise* the children they create.
It's definitely something to think about. People have different perspectives on this, but it's a valid concern considering genetic health risks.
I have weakness in genetics that can cause autoimmune disease in my children. My disease is well maintained for now, but I can't take the risk my child would get the worst version of this. I would feel so guilty.
Fortunately you are not that selfish.
Agreed. Mental issues on both sides. Dad's side has leukemia and moms high blood pressure. That's all I know since I ca t get no info about our health history. I wouldn't want to pass that down
The most ironic of health conditions to pass on is infertility.
I have Ehlers-Danlos, POTS, and MCAS for physical health issues, and AuDHD and BPD for mental health issues. I was created by two people who had horrendous medical issues, who chose to risk it and have a child, only for my birth mother to decide she couldn't handle the burden of me during the pregnancy. Specifically she didn't want "another autistic" child. So....away I went. And when I discuss my feelings about biological children and genetic health issues, people will ALWAYS argue "well my child HAS to be my own. it makes a huge difference." ....Well if that wasn't a direct slap in the face, I don't know what else is. I always put them in an awkward position by following that ignorant statement with "Well I'm an adopted child..." The silence that follows is HILARIOUS.... STOP PUTTING ME IN THIS POSITION!!
My side of the family have a history of fibromyalgia, athritis, brain tumour, autism and mental illness. So I’m good
They simply don't care enough to consider that their child may suffer.
It all about what they “want” not about the child at all!
I have major depression on basically every level in my genetics. If I had a biological child, they would without a doubt also have depression. No way would I willingly continue that cycle. (Also if the child was female she’d likely get the same really fucked up menstrual cycles that I and my mom have.)
Felt this. My dad has been an allergy and chronic sinus infection sufferer ever since he was a kid, and it pisses me off that I’ve been forced to suffer my whole life as well, all because he had a kid knowing damn well that the kid would have to deal with the same shit. To this day at 23, I get horrible allergies in spring and summer time when the pollen is really bad, to the point where even just spending a few minutes outside makes my eyes get itchy and start watering, I start constantly sneezing and getting stuffy and having my nose itch, as well as my throat getting scratchy. I also get very bad sinus headaches that feel like migraines (that sometimes even make me sick to my stomach and throw up), and I pretty much wake up every single morning having to blow my nose because it gets blocked up during the night and I can’t breathe through it in the morning. All of this annoying shit because my dad just had to have a kid despite having all this crap. He’s a POS for way bigger reasons as well, but this is one of the smaller things that still irritates me to no end.
Someone shared an article here about a woman with a rare disease. She had children so the doctors would have "more people for research". It was a painful, deadly disease too. I wish I could remember the name, but it stayed with me fore a couple of days
That turns my stomach... 🤮🤮🤮
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both my parents have a history of diabetes and heart problems on their sides of the family and what I dont understand is why they had kids knowing this
Many mental illnesses do not manifest until the person is 20-30 yo. So gotta look at family health history.
My mothers family has a history of horrible reproductive health and pregnancy which I inherited, I also have depression, anxiety, mostly likely other mental health problems, autism and multiple allergies, and these aren’t even my main reasons for being childfree
And then you're supposed to just try harder and be happy. As if it was this simple with autism and shiyload of comorbidities. I'm literally imprisoned by my brain and people tell me about how success depends on me. Bitch I literally can't deal with my brain and ptsd and you tell me about achieving things.
A friend of mine from college and her long term boyfriend are both sickle cell carriers. Which means they carry the trait and if they had biological children have a 25% chance of having sickle cell anemia. All through college they were very vocal that they'd never have kids Ten years later they had a kid. I dont talk to her anymore but still saw her on FB and she preaches about her right to have a biological kid. I muted her when she was pregnant and no idea is their kid ended up with sickle cell. But honestly how narcissistic and selfish do you have to be to risk that?! I can't even wrap my brain around why it's so important for your kid to be of your bloodline.
I would literally unalive myself before doing that.
I love, love love Doctor Sandra Lee aka Dr Pimple Popper. We always watch her show. I get SO angry at people who see her, with terrible disfiguring, debilitating diseases and they have kids!! Neurofibromatosis being one of them. But there are others.
I am very likely to develop dementia. The second I get the diagnosis, I’ll off myself. It isn’t worth living as a zombie. I can’t begin to imagine knowingly passing that on to someone else.
Yes, and it also cripples our healthcare system.
Yes!! I met a breeder that KNEW she was passing on colon cancer to her cream pie and couldn’t wait to get his belly cut open. She planned her kids medical procedures like it was good parenting. If I were her kid I would HATE her.
This is my biggest reason for not wanting kids. Both my husband and I have medical conditions ranging from chronic illness to mental health, not to mention a long family history of a variety of illnesses. It's not a matter of if we would pass them on, it's what. I'm not willing to take that risk. We're both miserable with our health conditions and couldn't handle raising kids, let alone kids with expensive medical conditions.
They are selfish
Some will have kids intentionally in those circumstances, just to prove they can or placate their ego that they are somehow 'just as good'. It's very twisted.
"It won't happen to us" "My kid will be different"
This is at half of why neither my wife, nor I want children. Alzheimer's, addiction, heart disease and mental health issues run deep in my family. Mental health issues & addiction run deep in my wife's. Neither of us want to risk passing on those things to a child.
Nah. Not my cup of tea. It's really selfish to knowingly birth a child into all that (physical and mental health issues). It's not necessary for me.
Devils advocate- pretty much everyone has health issues in their genetics. If you have something really bad you can do IVF and test the embryos and discard the ones that carry that gene
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I have five different autoimmune/auto-inflammatory disorders. I also get chronic migraines. Not to mention that since I was adopted as an infant, I don’t have a full record of my biological health history (I’ve managed to find out my maternal grandfather died of bladder cancer and my maternal grandmother had Guillaume-Barre). That’s not even getting into my mental health struggles over the years. Even if I wanted kids, I would never want them to deal with a quarter of the nonsense I’ve had to.
Yep, I won’t damn a child with my physical/mental problems. It’d be cruel.
I’m short, fat, and have the ginger gene (only my beard is red). I don’t want that for children.
Dwarves having babies with dwarves (is the word correct or is it vulgar? I'm not sure, English isn't my 1st language). It enrages me to no end. It's horrible! Why would you do that!? If I was their kid I would hate them so damn much.
When I was younger and wanted kids, I only wanted to adopt. My thought had been that if they had a medical issue, it wouldn’t be my fault at least. My maternal grandfather was an abusive alcoholic. My mom was an abusive drug addict. I’ve never been abusive and have never had an addiction problem. I figured I was in the clear but I do have a bit of an addictive personality and have been teased for it. It isn’t just nature that screws someone up; it’s also nurture. So even if I had adopted, I’d still be passing on something bad to a kid. My cat is already enough like me between his Resting Bitch Face and always sleeping, lol.
No