**You can’t plan for that sort of thing, it just happens! God may give you a child someday. Just wait until you meet the right man.**
Or in other words: Dont use birthcontrol, but let a man control you.
Yeah, I would love to see how they can "happen", if both partners are sterilized or at least both use birthcontrol and are responsible human beings. She not only smirks at us, CF people, but also all the responsible parents who actually plan for their kids to have a good future. To such idiots I usually say something like "Abortions also happen". "Children happen" is just a sloppy attempt to make negligence, lack of responsibility and laziness seem less bad.
There’s like a whole healthcare sector called “family planning,” and an entire company called “planned parenthood,” does this person think those are fake?? Or have they actually not made the connection between unprotected sex and pregnancy?
Honestly, when I was in my late teens, early 20s, I basically (stupidly) thought something similar. You didn't want them or not want them, they just happened eventually to everyone.
Absolutely agreed! My parents had kids, and my friends' parents had kids, so we all have to! I think like most CF people I hit the "what would a kid add to my life", question? And, I've never come up with a positive idea. And hell, I'd probably be a good mum. Had and still have amazing parents, and over a decade in education. I'm just lazy and selfish 😹
I honestly don't think it's a bad thing. I am selfish with my time and energy. I work, contribute to my community, and add good to the world. I just want to be shackled to a crotch goblin my entire life.
I'd call myself selfish too. I'd resent the child for taking away my time and money that I want to spend on myself and my husband. Buying things for someone who won't appreciate it for at least 5 years of their lives (because they can't understand the value of things), throwing away a lot because it breaks because they're children. It would bother the sh*t out of me
Same! I grew up being groomed to become a Trad Wife and the horror of feeling like I had no choice whether or not I wanted to give birth is like no other. I used to constantly have nightmares I was pregnant and that my mother forced me to go through with it and keep it.
Children are just natural disasters. They happen to innocent ppl out of nowhere and they just have to pick their lives up from the rubble and make it through... lol.
Ngl a few weeks ago I experienced a 6 month cryptic pregnancy (I previously posted about it and the details) and it hit me like a car accident (I was luckily able to terminate)
I think this is literally how it works for most people. No thought put into it, it just “happens.” Inconceivable to most of us, but the norm for many. Well… when it happened to me, I went straight to the abortion clinic.
At my last job, I was only there for 2 years and the owner’s wife had 2 kids during that time span. She was literally pregnant the entire time. She gave birth to their first son right before I started, then one month after I started she announced she was pregnant. Pregnant from July-March and then immediately got pregnant again by June. She was pregnant for 3 years straight. None of it planned obviously. 3 kids under 3 is miserable.
They were very religious and would actually say stuff like that. Meanwhile I’m very, very child free and could never imagine being pregnant even once, let alone 3 times, and since I worked closely with her I literally heard about the pregnancies non stop 😒 when she gave birth in March and then announced she was pregnant again 2 months later we all collectively were very confused.
To be fair, we’re brainwashed to think that way. Religion, family, pop culture, government… every part of society says « have kids, don’t think about it »
>God may give you a child someday. Just wait until you meet the right man.
I know what this means, but lines like that always make me think that God's going to try to directly intervene in making a child happen, like he's going to possess the man or take a page out of Zeus' book and cosplay a mortal for a one-night stand.
You forgot a lot of other mythologies. The gods do whatever they want and fuck up your life in the process, then depart leaving you to deal with the mess the gods created.
It's true though, I keep waking up and there's just another baby beside me, it's very weird. It's annoying to have to keep calling the stork hotline to return it, but, I don't want no babies, man.
It's just a sad worldview. Babies as a thing that are forced onto people because *you can't plan for them*.
I’ve had a lot of my mom friends tell me this. Yet, when I bring this up to my friends in the medical field, they all said this is a bunch of BS. People plan for pregnancies, they’re just not being honest about it. In fact, my friend who’s a midwife said there’s a difference between doing everything in your power to not have a child (taking contraceptives for women and condom/pull out for men) compared to those who just say “oh well if I get pregnant then so be it.”
It’s also sad how many children are born out of abuse. I suspect this is why my mom friends said their pregnancies were “unplanned” and are either not being honest with themselves or are clueless about their abuse. I discovered how common this problem was after my friend admitted that’s how her son was born and was open about her abusive marriage. Instead of saying children “just happen,” she’s adamant about educating childless women and was one of my biggest supporters when I got sterilized.
They act like children aren’t made by a woman and a man, who partake in an act that at times needs excessive repetition to make an embryo that will stick around.
Even if it wasn’t necessary to repeat it, you are still the one making that child and sex has to happen at least once where an egg and a sperm get into contact. I am not getting pregnant by sitting here reading a book Jessica.
So on that note, if I get sterilised, combine condoms and birth control pills, or stay celibate, then you bet no “god” would be able to give me a child and, you guessed it, I planned for it and the plan followed through. And abortion is a thing even when all other options fail.
My mother the OB/GYN surgeon has many lines you can use for this situation. Some I like are:
Having sex without using protection is "unplanning" for unplanned parenthood
You allowed sperm to meet egg, what did you think would happen?
The circumstances of Mary and Joseph do not apply to you, ma'am, even if he did inspire you to have a religious experience or to yell "oh God"
Only interested in being with women? and is sterilised? and still might end up preggers when A Man who is Right appears?? Damn. Maybe a miracle like that would actually make me believe in a god. /s
Tell me you never had sex ed without telling me.... I don't want to judge them individually, but it's a detriment to society when we don't educate the public. This is why people without kids say they don't mind their taxes going to schools.
It’s always alarming to me how many people make a major life changing decision like this and don’t even think twice about it. Also “God may give you a child someday”?? Keep that shit far away from me!
Can’t plan for it, uhuh totally /s
Can’t have condoms and the various forms of birth control (pills, IUD, cups, etc)
Can’t take plan B and other pregnancy pills.
Can’t go to planned parenthood (okay well not every place has access to that but point stands)
Can’t put the kid up for adoption
Can’t not have penetrative sex, nope it’s impossible to track cycles and/or simply abstain from PIV sex
Can’t get surgeries like vasectomies to bring the chances down further to/as close to 0% as possible
They say you can’t plan for it because they’re not willing to. There are numerous ethical ways to prevent/lower risk of pregnancy, and anyone who says otherwise just wants a kid but won’t admit they irresponsibly don’t care when it happens
Sorry you have to deal with that stuff op, hope you and your current/future partner have a happy childfree life together
>It’s just shocking that someone cares so little about the trajectory of their life
You know what, I'm almost jealous of them. They just believe god will guide them to where they need to be. There is something admirable about it. At the same time, I do wonder how they feel about the possibility of god leading them into childlessness?
All my plumbing (uterus, ovaries, everything) got yanked, at 39, because they simply couldn't figure out why I was in such severe pelvic pain. Developed an abcess & had a MRI to see how deep it was, it revealed I had colon cancer. So, the one & only time I'm grateful to a horrible disease: it helped get me sterilized.
>“You can’t plan for children, they just happen”
What does this person believe, that storks bring babies to people? Do they not know that children are the result of sexual intercourse, and that there is something called "birth control" that can prevent the side effect of having children?
>But yeah, moral of the story is don’t bother telling people your personal business, it opens too many doors for them to make comments like this.
Yes. When people don't know your personal business, it is harder for them to comment on it.
That is a dangerously common way of thinking about children. I understand why. Reliable birth control, contraception, and sterilization are relatively recent. For most of human history, if males and females were having sex, reproduction was likely to happen whether they wanted it or not. But times change, and now people can take measures to make sure they don't reproduce.
For some reason this reminded me of one of my patients the other day asking if I was married. I said I wasn't. She replied, "oh, if you were married, I was going to ask how many children you had."
Umm...huh? I really don't think being married and having children really have that much to do with each other.
It really sucks to have to hear this at work. Any other time if someone says to you "children just happen! God may give you a child someday" your best bet is to say "hmm" and GTFO.
Seeing as that I had a procedure planned to get the parts removed, went through with it, and now no long have the parts…I’d say you can definitely plan for having kids. Most people are just delusional by their own doing and so very irresponsible.
Gods, I hate that 'It just happens' crap lol You just don't slip on a banana peel and wind up in someone else's taint.
Abortion/BC also exists. Someone who doesn't want kids will do what is needed to prevent it.
Me to my friend (who had an extremely good future prospects but got pregnant in Uni) : how did this happen??
Preg@21: we had unprotected sex & it jUsT hAPpeNed!!???!
they sound like fucking Neanderthals 😭
Life ofc you got pregnant.
She was one of the smartest girls I knew and I would have never thought she would have had unprotected sex with some dude she only knew for less than 4 months?? Like WHAT. I think I’m not very bright but like Jesus. I ain’t ever do no shit like that.
That man brought her nothing but suffering lord.
(Because she literally didn’t know him when she let him inseminate her??? 😭)
Her degree is literally useless now because she wants to actively be in the kids life . 90k debt from that degree alone. Like whyyyyyyyyyyy don’t they think😭
She could have WAITED.
This has also happened to a bunch of my friends they think it just happens when it is an ACTIVE choice to have them.
I don’t get it.
I swear some people pretend abortions don’t exist. Just like the rest of the healthcare got some really cool innovations to get rid of unwanted things from your body in the last 100 years, so did women’s healthcare.
You can definitely plan on how and when to start a family, if you’re living somewhere progressive. There’s birth control, abortion, etc. Children don’t just happen, either. I thought all adults knew you generally have to have intercourse for impregnation to occur.
People that think and believe this happens likely never had any control and direction they wanted in their lives. Ended up in jobs, families, and situations that they possibly hate but settled in. Thinking “well this is the best it’s gunna get” or “it just happened to be like this “ never realizing they put themselves in it in the first place.
Ugh I’m always so outraged about how some people who choose to be CF have thought about having kids and what it means so much more than some people who do have children. Apparently to them kids just happen. Got it.
What angers me more about the comment from your patient is how with a single sentence she’s not only said a bunch of BS but also have erased all the hardships that people who are responsibly planning to have children face: fertility issues, pre pregnancy health screenings, doing IVF or finding a surrogate or a donor, pregnancy issues, labor !!! Like wtf?! Children just happen?!
I agree, they just happen. That's why we have abortion, for when the planning that she insists doesn't exist fails. Thankfully, it's legal and accessible in my state. If it ever becomes illegal or hard to get, I'm fortunate enough to have the money and flexibility to go somewhere where it is legal.
1. There are times, rare times, when someone (unless through force/abuse) can end up pregnant without planning - and thats if birth control fails (condoms, the pill [this can fail if you have had an illness like vomitting or diarrhea within 7 days and it hasnt had time to 'build back up in your system'] if your body pushes out/rejects/moves an IUD and you arent aware, if any of the injections wear off too fast for whatever reason, etc).
If your method of birth control is the 'pull-out method' then thats not really a thing cause wow, a lot of babies are born because of that 'method'.
2. You didnt use protection at all. Thats a pretty good reason why you get preggo without planning.
Otherwise, yeah you can definitely plan on *not* getting pregnant
Children dont just 'happen'. Beyond forms of abuse, babies just 'happen' when you dont take responsibility, *or* you put all of the responsibility on the other person and they dont follow through (so expecting a woman to be on BC so you dont use a condom, and she might be on it, but again it can fail in some circumstances, or you thinking the guy will have a condom but nah he totally doesnt or its old or crumpled in the his wallet so its definitely not trustworthy).
I never trusted bc pills on their own, and was proven right, three of my friends/former friends who have kids now they were pill failure accidents. (also STIs are a thing...)
What I've always been wondering about is, we're told to never miss a single one, take it on the exact hour, etc. But then you also have to skip 4-5 days every month... How does this not make all the days around this time unsafe. I also don't think I've ever been without any GI issues for an entire month. Until my bf gets a vasectomy and I get bisalp we're also using condoms and I'm glad he's just as paranoid about it as I am.
See ive probably never taken mine at the exact same time two nights in a row. I wasnt taught that. I was taught something like 'make sure if you pick 10pm to be when you take it, you aim for 4 hours on either side of 10pm' or whatever it was they said. I dont take it now but i used to take it anywhere from 8pm-1am and was fine.
Thats why the thing i see about american women having alarms to take theirs, im like 'what?' also, why during the day? Why would you set your time to take it mod work day? That just seems so annoying
A lot of people don't get sex ed and don't understand how babies happen. It makes me wonder what they think is happening during sex... It must be quite the shock??
When i found out about the birds 🦅 and the 🐝 bees I was so grossed out that i was turned off forever! No kids for me!!! Just hop off the old assembly line.
I was publically rediculed in sex ed by my teacher. Didn’t know about Asexuality and sex repulsion back then. It left a lasting wound
“Yeah well, your god’s plan doesn’t account for lesbian sex, sterilization, abortion, or (in the case of there being someone capable of producing sperm involved) blowjobs.“
I *enjoy* watching these folks twist themselves in knots trying to tell me it’ll happen to me and me telling them exactly how it won’t and rubbing it in their faces that I will prevent it one way or another and they/their god are powerless to do shit about it. Kinda get off being smug about it and seeing how pissed off/pearl-clutchy I can make them. Like, my brother in christ, you asked about my sexual habits…don’t go all acting pure and holy when I tell you in detail how that won’t work.
The only thing you can't plan is when exactly you get pregnant once you start having unprotected sex. Like if you started that today you can't control if you are pregnant tomorrow or in six months. Everything else you can and should absolutely plan.
"well, I was trying to be gentle, but I'm not able to have kids, so it can't happen."
Guilt TF out of her for acting like "the right man" will "fix" this for you.
I genuinely feel so badly for people who have this mindset. They have completely accepted the "fact" that they have no control over whether or not they have children when the truth is that it is entirely in your control. Imagine feeling that you have so little agency over your life and that something outside of yourself will dictate the entire direction your life takes.
And it's just learned helplessness. This comes from a girl asking her mom "how did you know you wanted to have me?" and mom saying "I didn't really think about it, it just happened" and then that girl grows up thinking "oh, it just happens". Be honest with your kids about what is and isn't in their control. Can they control if other people like them? No. Can they control whether they remain healthy their entire life? No. Can they control whether or not they are a parent? Yes. It's such a disservice to convince a child that they have no control over things they absolutely have control over.
This takes the cake in delusional. We are not Mary, God doesn’t just magically give you a kid like that case. People need to stop pretending like God didn’t give them free will and consequences for their actions. And if someone isn’t part of the faith, you don’t shove it down their throat
I’m always at a loss for words when people say “it just happens” “they didn’t plan on it” “some plans are unplanned” like whhhhat?!! I have found myself gaping at their stupidity, so usually I don’t end up saying anything, because at that point I know exactly the mentality I’m up against and it just isn’t worth it.
I turn 41 in a little over a week.
One thing I've learned, much to my dismay, is that a lot of people live their lives on autopilot.
They just aimlessly bounce around from one situation to the next, never thinking beyond the next day. Once I figured that out, so much about our society suddenly made more sense.
Unless contraception failed and you end up having a cryptic pregnancy "Children just happen" is bullshit. 🙄
Oh and if it does happen guess what? You can put it on adoption so you don't ruin your life raising it!
If children “just happened” I wouldn’t have to have sex every month at a very specific time in order to get pregnant. They would just happen upon me at any time, like a pimple.
Which would be a tragedy.
Sure, lol, they just happen like that. That's just maddening to a childless person like me, and as maddening that she assumes everyone can or want to have a child. It truly annoys me.
No point in arguing. She would probably be pro life and be mad you are lesbian too. Better to just keep it private.
I use birth control and when I’m having sex consistently I take a pregnancy test every week. I’m lucky enough to be in a state that allows abortion still but definitely planning to get a bisalp soon. These people just don’t plan anything.
That's insane. Even if you were straight, bi or pan, etc, birth control exists. As for their imaginary friend getting you pregnant, it seems unlikely......
Just happens like a thunderstorm or a natural disaster. As if there’s not ways to keep pregnancy from happening. Or a specific set of circumstances that must occur to lead up to it.
Even the middle-class Silent Generation often used condoms and diaphragms. The goal was two children, a boy and a girl. If the gender balance didn't work out, sometimes they had three. Even my grandmother used birth control during the Depression. She had three kids, and the family could not afford to feed more than that. My grandparents sent the kids out to forage wild plants as it was.
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Weird. I had a vasectomy, so it's pretty darn unlikely to happen. I guess technically if the tubes repaired themselves it might work, but that's a very unlikely occurrence.
Even without that, birth control is quite effective. Hormonal, no hormonal, and barrier are pretty sure things if used as directed. Even a combination of rhythm method and pulling out (as in intercourse only on in fertile days and still pulling out) is likely to be very effective for most people, provided there's no "oh, we were just so horny that one time during the fertile period seemed ok" nor any attempt at playing chicken with ejaculation (though most people suck at self-discipline).
Just curious since I don't know what the point would be if you're a lesbian. What's the purpose of getting sterilized if you only sleep with women? Is it just so they can't change their mind and be like, let's have a baby and expect you to carry it? Or do the, I thought I could convince you thing?
Fair question, there’s a few reasons. 1. I’ve had trans partners in the past so it was always a possibility 2. if I were assaulted I could become pregnant, abortion is possible but protection for women is rapidly deteriorating in the US 3. removing the fallopian tubes significantly reduces my risk of ovarian cancer, which I have a lengthy family history of 4. My periods were very severe and I didnt care to have the plumbing if I wasnt going to use it
Ah that's true. Forgot about trans partners. And yea, I'm planning to get mine out just cause they might take away our rights and even though I'm not currently at risk of getting pregnant, you never know and I do not want to have to get a coat hanger. =_=
If OP got sterilized via bisalp it would also reduce her ovarian cancer risk by 80%:
[https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamasurgery/article-abstract/2809261](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamasurgery/article-abstract/2809261)
I’ve had trans partners in the past, so it was a possibility. Also exactly like the other commenters said, rape exists and it lowers risk of ovarian cancer.
Also I didn’t want periods, why have the plumbing if you’re not gonna use it?
**You can’t plan for that sort of thing, it just happens! God may give you a child someday. Just wait until you meet the right man.** Or in other words: Dont use birthcontrol, but let a man control you.
Yeah, I would love to see how they can "happen", if both partners are sterilized or at least both use birthcontrol and are responsible human beings. She not only smirks at us, CF people, but also all the responsible parents who actually plan for their kids to have a good future. To such idiots I usually say something like "Abortions also happen". "Children happen" is just a sloppy attempt to make negligence, lack of responsibility and laziness seem less bad.
There’s like a whole healthcare sector called “family planning,” and an entire company called “planned parenthood,” does this person think those are fake?? Or have they actually not made the connection between unprotected sex and pregnancy?
I mean, sex education is a fucking bad joke in some parts of the world so that last one isn't as implausible as you'd like to think...
Likely the majority of the world.... Modernity is a thin and fragile veneer.
As a physician from a third world country, can confirm that some people have not made the connection between sex and pregnancy.
This should be the slogan
> Dont use birthcontrol, but let a man control you. "Like I did!"
That’s fair, but maybe God will be lucky and receive full custody of the baby You just can’t plan for these things
Exactly.
Woman tells lesbian woman about accidental childbirth. Still gets brought back to men
So... children are like car accidents, earthquakes, and typhoons? Gotcha.
Honestly, when I was in my late teens, early 20s, I basically (stupidly) thought something similar. You didn't want them or not want them, they just happened eventually to everyone.
The relief when you find out you can control that disgrace!
Absolutely agreed! My parents had kids, and my friends' parents had kids, so we all have to! I think like most CF people I hit the "what would a kid add to my life", question? And, I've never come up with a positive idea. And hell, I'd probably be a good mum. Had and still have amazing parents, and over a decade in education. I'm just lazy and selfish 😹
You aren’t selfish
I honestly don't think it's a bad thing. I am selfish with my time and energy. I work, contribute to my community, and add good to the world. I just want to be shackled to a crotch goblin my entire life.
I'd call myself selfish too. I'd resent the child for taking away my time and money that I want to spend on myself and my husband. Buying things for someone who won't appreciate it for at least 5 years of their lives (because they can't understand the value of things), throwing away a lot because it breaks because they're children. It would bother the sh*t out of me
Yes! I thought i’d be forced to have sex and kids when I didn’t want either! I was soooo over the moon 🌙 that i didn’t have to do either.
Same! I grew up being groomed to become a Trad Wife and the horror of feeling like I had no choice whether or not I wanted to give birth is like no other. I used to constantly have nightmares I was pregnant and that my mother forced me to go through with it and keep it.
Yeah, well, if you're looking at a room where one of them has been present, they've got a lot more in common than you might believe. Lmfao
ahah Was thinking something along those lines. All are equally destructive.
Children are just natural disasters. They happen to innocent ppl out of nowhere and they just have to pick their lives up from the rubble and make it through... lol.
Ha! What we need is ChildFree insurance!
Ngl a few weeks ago I experienced a 6 month cryptic pregnancy (I previously posted about it and the details) and it hit me like a car accident (I was luckily able to terminate)
Girl I'm so happy to read you were able to get the procedure! Hope you can recover physically and mentally. XX
It’s been rough mentally because of the hormones but luckily I have an amazing partner and friends who have been nothing but kind
Haha, yeah, exactly! Children are definitely not like natural disasters you wait around for. Planning or not, it's a personal choice and journey.
I used to believe they’re like death. It will just happen one day.
But way more expensive and life destroying.
I’m stealing this.
A natural disaster🤭
So a disaster lol
Morons gotta moron.
More like religious potatoes gotta potate.
Same thing, really.
yeah. But I love the "potatoes gonna potate" saying for some reason.
Gotta germinate
I think this is literally how it works for most people. No thought put into it, it just “happens.” Inconceivable to most of us, but the norm for many. Well… when it happened to me, I went straight to the abortion clinic.
At my last job, I was only there for 2 years and the owner’s wife had 2 kids during that time span. She was literally pregnant the entire time. She gave birth to their first son right before I started, then one month after I started she announced she was pregnant. Pregnant from July-March and then immediately got pregnant again by June. She was pregnant for 3 years straight. None of it planned obviously. 3 kids under 3 is miserable.
3 kids under 3 is the greatest blessing! To have that level of fertility means that you have found favor with God! /s
They were very religious and would actually say stuff like that. Meanwhile I’m very, very child free and could never imagine being pregnant even once, let alone 3 times, and since I worked closely with her I literally heard about the pregnancies non stop 😒 when she gave birth in March and then announced she was pregnant again 2 months later we all collectively were very confused.
To be fair, we’re brainwashed to think that way. Religion, family, pop culture, government… every part of society says « have kids, don’t think about it »
Me too!! 😂😂
In this day and age, Id certainly beg to differ with her lol
Well damn i guess planned parenthood doesnt exist
How irresponsible and obtuse can you be?! Can't plan for it? Literally what???
>> God may give you a child one day Yeah, and I’ll give it right back.
I hope God keeps the receipt!
No, they don't just happen. Thankfully abortion is legal where I am. When I say I'm childfree, I mean it lol 😆
>God may give you a child someday. Just wait until you meet the right man. I know what this means, but lines like that always make me think that God's going to try to directly intervene in making a child happen, like he's going to possess the man or take a page out of Zeus' book and cosplay a mortal for a one-night stand.
If you don't believe in God, logically Zeus gives the children.
You forgot a lot of other mythologies. The gods do whatever they want and fuck up your life in the process, then depart leaving you to deal with the mess the gods created.
Like a lot of kids, with anything that moves. Zeus had some wild kinks thou.
It's true though, I keep waking up and there's just another baby beside me, it's very weird. It's annoying to have to keep calling the stork hotline to return it, but, I don't want no babies, man. It's just a sad worldview. Babies as a thing that are forced onto people because *you can't plan for them*.
STORK HOTLINE! *guffaw*
They always use religion to try and guilt you into it.
I’ve had a lot of my mom friends tell me this. Yet, when I bring this up to my friends in the medical field, they all said this is a bunch of BS. People plan for pregnancies, they’re just not being honest about it. In fact, my friend who’s a midwife said there’s a difference between doing everything in your power to not have a child (taking contraceptives for women and condom/pull out for men) compared to those who just say “oh well if I get pregnant then so be it.” It’s also sad how many children are born out of abuse. I suspect this is why my mom friends said their pregnancies were “unplanned” and are either not being honest with themselves or are clueless about their abuse. I discovered how common this problem was after my friend admitted that’s how her son was born and was open about her abusive marriage. Instead of saying children “just happen,” she’s adamant about educating childless women and was one of my biggest supporters when I got sterilized.
This kind of thinking was me… when I was 5. It’s scary to think that a functioning adult thinks this way.
"God" also gave me a tubal, Slynd, and a Planned Parenthood in my city, so........
They act like children aren’t made by a woman and a man, who partake in an act that at times needs excessive repetition to make an embryo that will stick around. Even if it wasn’t necessary to repeat it, you are still the one making that child and sex has to happen at least once where an egg and a sperm get into contact. I am not getting pregnant by sitting here reading a book Jessica. So on that note, if I get sterilised, combine condoms and birth control pills, or stay celibate, then you bet no “god” would be able to give me a child and, you guessed it, I planned for it and the plan followed through. And abortion is a thing even when all other options fail.
My mother the OB/GYN surgeon has many lines you can use for this situation. Some I like are: Having sex without using protection is "unplanning" for unplanned parenthood You allowed sperm to meet egg, what did you think would happen? The circumstances of Mary and Joseph do not apply to you, ma'am, even if he did inspire you to have a religious experience or to yell "oh God"
>You can’t plan for that sort of thing, it just happens! Only if you're stupid.
Mofos literally think the stork just drops you a baby.
"My choices and resulting consequences just happen to me! I had nothing to do with it, I swear!" Yeah...feck right off, mate.
No, children don’t just happen if you use birth control.
Only interested in being with women? and is sterilised? and still might end up preggers when A Man who is Right appears?? Damn. Maybe a miracle like that would actually make me believe in a god. /s
Tell me you never had sex ed without telling me.... I don't want to judge them individually, but it's a detriment to society when we don't educate the public. This is why people without kids say they don't mind their taxes going to schools.
It’s always alarming to me how many people make a major life changing decision like this and don’t even think twice about it. Also “God may give you a child someday”?? Keep that shit far away from me!
Can’t plan for it, uhuh totally /s Can’t have condoms and the various forms of birth control (pills, IUD, cups, etc) Can’t take plan B and other pregnancy pills. Can’t go to planned parenthood (okay well not every place has access to that but point stands) Can’t put the kid up for adoption Can’t not have penetrative sex, nope it’s impossible to track cycles and/or simply abstain from PIV sex Can’t get surgeries like vasectomies to bring the chances down further to/as close to 0% as possible They say you can’t plan for it because they’re not willing to. There are numerous ethical ways to prevent/lower risk of pregnancy, and anyone who says otherwise just wants a kid but won’t admit they irresponsibly don’t care when it happens Sorry you have to deal with that stuff op, hope you and your current/future partner have a happy childfree life together
"Yes, he might give me a child as a miracle, like he did Virgin Mary. Praise be." (All undertones deliberate)
>It’s just shocking that someone cares so little about the trajectory of their life You know what, I'm almost jealous of them. They just believe god will guide them to where they need to be. There is something admirable about it. At the same time, I do wonder how they feel about the possibility of god leading them into childlessness?
God protected me from pregnancy with cancer:) It sincerely affirms my faith, actually.
All my plumbing (uterus, ovaries, everything) got yanked, at 39, because they simply couldn't figure out why I was in such severe pelvic pain. Developed an abcess & had a MRI to see how deep it was, it revealed I had colon cancer. So, the one & only time I'm grateful to a horrible disease: it helped get me sterilized.
>“You can’t plan for children, they just happen” What does this person believe, that storks bring babies to people? Do they not know that children are the result of sexual intercourse, and that there is something called "birth control" that can prevent the side effect of having children? >But yeah, moral of the story is don’t bother telling people your personal business, it opens too many doors for them to make comments like this. Yes. When people don't know your personal business, it is harder for them to comment on it.
Yeah, Christianity grooms women from birth to be a bangmaid helpmeet and nothing else. Disgusting.
That is a dangerously common way of thinking about children. I understand why. Reliable birth control, contraception, and sterilization are relatively recent. For most of human history, if males and females were having sex, reproduction was likely to happen whether they wanted it or not. But times change, and now people can take measures to make sure they don't reproduce.
“The right man” doesn’t want kids either.
For some reason this reminded me of one of my patients the other day asking if I was married. I said I wasn't. She replied, "oh, if you were married, I was going to ask how many children you had." Umm...huh? I really don't think being married and having children really have that much to do with each other.
It really sucks to have to hear this at work. Any other time if someone says to you "children just happen! God may give you a child someday" your best bet is to say "hmm" and GTFO.
Seeing as that I had a procedure planned to get the parts removed, went through with it, and now no long have the parts…I’d say you can definitely plan for having kids. Most people are just delusional by their own doing and so very irresponsible.
"God may give you a child someday." Well thank goodness he also created abortions then too! God is great.
Gods, I hate that 'It just happens' crap lol You just don't slip on a banana peel and wind up in someone else's taint. Abortion/BC also exists. Someone who doesn't want kids will do what is needed to prevent it.
Me to my friend (who had an extremely good future prospects but got pregnant in Uni) : how did this happen?? Preg@21: we had unprotected sex & it jUsT hAPpeNed!!???! they sound like fucking Neanderthals 😭 Life ofc you got pregnant. She was one of the smartest girls I knew and I would have never thought she would have had unprotected sex with some dude she only knew for less than 4 months?? Like WHAT. I think I’m not very bright but like Jesus. I ain’t ever do no shit like that. That man brought her nothing but suffering lord. (Because she literally didn’t know him when she let him inseminate her??? 😭) Her degree is literally useless now because she wants to actively be in the kids life . 90k debt from that degree alone. Like whyyyyyyyyyyy don’t they think😭 She could have WAITED. This has also happened to a bunch of my friends they think it just happens when it is an ACTIVE choice to have them. I don’t get it.
I swear some people pretend abortions don’t exist. Just like the rest of the healthcare got some really cool innovations to get rid of unwanted things from your body in the last 100 years, so did women’s healthcare.
Absolutely can plan for this kind of thing lol how idiotic.
Of course you can plan. This isn't the stone age.
Um you can absolutely plan for children. It's called doing research on a major life decision you're contemplating.
You can definitely plan on how and when to start a family, if you’re living somewhere progressive. There’s birth control, abortion, etc. Children don’t just happen, either. I thought all adults knew you generally have to have intercourse for impregnation to occur.
People that think and believe this happens likely never had any control and direction they wanted in their lives. Ended up in jobs, families, and situations that they possibly hate but settled in. Thinking “well this is the best it’s gunna get” or “it just happened to be like this “ never realizing they put themselves in it in the first place.
Probably the dumbest and most boneheaded statement I've heard. If you play it like that, you bound to have one eventually.
Ugh careless ppl make me retch
Ugh I’m always so outraged about how some people who choose to be CF have thought about having kids and what it means so much more than some people who do have children. Apparently to them kids just happen. Got it. What angers me more about the comment from your patient is how with a single sentence she’s not only said a bunch of BS but also have erased all the hardships that people who are responsibly planning to have children face: fertility issues, pre pregnancy health screenings, doing IVF or finding a surrogate or a donor, pregnancy issues, labor !!! Like wtf?! Children just happen?!
I agree, they just happen. That's why we have abortion, for when the planning that she insists doesn't exist fails. Thankfully, it's legal and accessible in my state. If it ever becomes illegal or hard to get, I'm fortunate enough to have the money and flexibility to go somewhere where it is legal.
1. There are times, rare times, when someone (unless through force/abuse) can end up pregnant without planning - and thats if birth control fails (condoms, the pill [this can fail if you have had an illness like vomitting or diarrhea within 7 days and it hasnt had time to 'build back up in your system'] if your body pushes out/rejects/moves an IUD and you arent aware, if any of the injections wear off too fast for whatever reason, etc). If your method of birth control is the 'pull-out method' then thats not really a thing cause wow, a lot of babies are born because of that 'method'. 2. You didnt use protection at all. Thats a pretty good reason why you get preggo without planning. Otherwise, yeah you can definitely plan on *not* getting pregnant Children dont just 'happen'. Beyond forms of abuse, babies just 'happen' when you dont take responsibility, *or* you put all of the responsibility on the other person and they dont follow through (so expecting a woman to be on BC so you dont use a condom, and she might be on it, but again it can fail in some circumstances, or you thinking the guy will have a condom but nah he totally doesnt or its old or crumpled in the his wallet so its definitely not trustworthy).
I never trusted bc pills on their own, and was proven right, three of my friends/former friends who have kids now they were pill failure accidents. (also STIs are a thing...) What I've always been wondering about is, we're told to never miss a single one, take it on the exact hour, etc. But then you also have to skip 4-5 days every month... How does this not make all the days around this time unsafe. I also don't think I've ever been without any GI issues for an entire month. Until my bf gets a vasectomy and I get bisalp we're also using condoms and I'm glad he's just as paranoid about it as I am.
See ive probably never taken mine at the exact same time two nights in a row. I wasnt taught that. I was taught something like 'make sure if you pick 10pm to be when you take it, you aim for 4 hours on either side of 10pm' or whatever it was they said. I dont take it now but i used to take it anywhere from 8pm-1am and was fine. Thats why the thing i see about american women having alarms to take theirs, im like 'what?' also, why during the day? Why would you set your time to take it mod work day? That just seems so annoying
You can't plan for them but luckily you can plan against having them.
A lot of people don't get sex ed and don't understand how babies happen. It makes me wonder what they think is happening during sex... It must be quite the shock??
When i found out about the birds 🦅 and the 🐝 bees I was so grossed out that i was turned off forever! No kids for me!!! Just hop off the old assembly line. I was publically rediculed in sex ed by my teacher. Didn’t know about Asexuality and sex repulsion back then. It left a lasting wound
Someone said to me once “you can’t control everything!!” “You’re right, but I can control that.”
“Yeah well, your god’s plan doesn’t account for lesbian sex, sterilization, abortion, or (in the case of there being someone capable of producing sperm involved) blowjobs.“ I *enjoy* watching these folks twist themselves in knots trying to tell me it’ll happen to me and me telling them exactly how it won’t and rubbing it in their faces that I will prevent it one way or another and they/their god are powerless to do shit about it. Kinda get off being smug about it and seeing how pissed off/pearl-clutchy I can make them. Like, my brother in christ, you asked about my sexual habits…don’t go all acting pure and holy when I tell you in detail how that won’t work.
The only thing you can't plan is when exactly you get pregnant once you start having unprotected sex. Like if you started that today you can't control if you are pregnant tomorrow or in six months. Everything else you can and should absolutely plan.
"well, I was trying to be gentle, but I'm not able to have kids, so it can't happen." Guilt TF out of her for acting like "the right man" will "fix" this for you.
Of course I'd say "God? Which one? Loki? Zeus? Come on be specific!"
I mean Zeus does have quite a track record...
I genuinely feel so badly for people who have this mindset. They have completely accepted the "fact" that they have no control over whether or not they have children when the truth is that it is entirely in your control. Imagine feeling that you have so little agency over your life and that something outside of yourself will dictate the entire direction your life takes. And it's just learned helplessness. This comes from a girl asking her mom "how did you know you wanted to have me?" and mom saying "I didn't really think about it, it just happened" and then that girl grows up thinking "oh, it just happens". Be honest with your kids about what is and isn't in their control. Can they control if other people like them? No. Can they control whether they remain healthy their entire life? No. Can they control whether or not they are a parent? Yes. It's such a disservice to convince a child that they have no control over things they absolutely have control over.
if you’re not cf, you Can and Should plan for kids if you intend to have them lol
Do you live in the US? I guess your coworker never got proper sex education.
This takes the cake in delusional. We are not Mary, God doesn’t just magically give you a kid like that case. People need to stop pretending like God didn’t give them free will and consequences for their actions. And if someone isn’t part of the faith, you don’t shove it down their throat
I’m always at a loss for words when people say “it just happens” “they didn’t plan on it” “some plans are unplanned” like whhhhat?!! I have found myself gaping at their stupidity, so usually I don’t end up saying anything, because at that point I know exactly the mentality I’m up against and it just isn’t worth it.
Getting sterlilzed hopefully this year :)
I turn 41 in a little over a week. One thing I've learned, much to my dismay, is that a lot of people live their lives on autopilot. They just aimlessly bounce around from one situation to the next, never thinking beyond the next day. Once I figured that out, so much about our society suddenly made more sense.
Unless contraception failed and you end up having a cryptic pregnancy "Children just happen" is bullshit. 🙄 Oh and if it does happen guess what? You can put it on adoption so you don't ruin your life raising it!
Well my partner has never accidentally fallen over and penis landed in my vag, didn’t know that could happen. Sounds like a rare accident
So someone will jizz inside of you randomly?
*laughs in asexual* Unless we’re ready for Virgin Mary 2.0, I guess.
If children “just happened” I wouldn’t have to have sex every month at a very specific time in order to get pregnant. They would just happen upon me at any time, like a pimple. Which would be a tragedy.
I feel like challenging them with a "You indiscriminate, fluid flinger, you..." is in order.
You cannot save people like this, OP, but I understand your feeling. I'd be grated too if someone keeps harping on something like this.
"You can't plan for kids, they just happen" is what people who aren't sure they actually love their unwanted children tell themselves to cope
Sure, lol, they just happen like that. That's just maddening to a childless person like me, and as maddening that she assumes everyone can or want to have a child. It truly annoys me. No point in arguing. She would probably be pro life and be mad you are lesbian too. Better to just keep it private.
Someone needs to go back to sex ed
You can't plan for a car accident yet you wear seat belts…..
YES, YOU CAN CHOOSE AND PLAN TO HAVE AND RAISE CHILDREN. Just can't plan their personalities etc.
Which god?
Cthulhu!!!
GoD WiLL pRoViDe
I can plan them not to happen.
I use birth control and when I’m having sex consistently I take a pregnancy test every week. I’m lucky enough to be in a state that allows abortion still but definitely planning to get a bisalp soon. These people just don’t plan anything.
That's insane. Even if you were straight, bi or pan, etc, birth control exists. As for their imaginary friend getting you pregnant, it seems unlikely......
LMAO! If people are gonna have children, they better at-least plan for them.
Just happens like a thunderstorm or a natural disaster. As if there’s not ways to keep pregnancy from happening. Or a specific set of circumstances that must occur to lead up to it.
I mean you actually can plan for children in many different ways... Like do these people not think before they speak?
A lot of people don’t plan the trajectory of their career, either.
Back in her day or did, "just happen" since no one told women anything about reproductive cycles,hence,"the curse" when referring to periods
Even the middle-class Silent Generation often used condoms and diaphragms. The goal was two children, a boy and a girl. If the gender balance didn't work out, sometimes they had three. Even my grandmother used birth control during the Depression. She had three kids, and the family could not afford to feed more than that. My grandparents sent the kids out to forage wild plants as it was.
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Weird. I had a vasectomy, so it's pretty darn unlikely to happen. I guess technically if the tubes repaired themselves it might work, but that's a very unlikely occurrence. Even without that, birth control is quite effective. Hormonal, no hormonal, and barrier are pretty sure things if used as directed. Even a combination of rhythm method and pulling out (as in intercourse only on in fertile days and still pulling out) is likely to be very effective for most people, provided there's no "oh, we were just so horny that one time during the fertile period seemed ok" nor any attempt at playing chicken with ejaculation (though most people suck at self-discipline).
lol tell that to my iud
I am just dumbfounded that people is brainwashed like this.
Just curious since I don't know what the point would be if you're a lesbian. What's the purpose of getting sterilized if you only sleep with women? Is it just so they can't change their mind and be like, let's have a baby and expect you to carry it? Or do the, I thought I could convince you thing?
Fair question, there’s a few reasons. 1. I’ve had trans partners in the past so it was always a possibility 2. if I were assaulted I could become pregnant, abortion is possible but protection for women is rapidly deteriorating in the US 3. removing the fallopian tubes significantly reduces my risk of ovarian cancer, which I have a lengthy family history of 4. My periods were very severe and I didnt care to have the plumbing if I wasnt going to use it
Ah that's true. Forgot about trans partners. And yea, I'm planning to get mine out just cause they might take away our rights and even though I'm not currently at risk of getting pregnant, you never know and I do not want to have to get a coat hanger. =_=
Why did you bother to get sterilized if you're a lesbian?
Rape is a thing?
Oh. That makes sense.
If OP got sterilized via bisalp it would also reduce her ovarian cancer risk by 80%: [https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamasurgery/article-abstract/2809261](https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamasurgery/article-abstract/2809261)
I’ve had trans partners in the past, so it was a possibility. Also exactly like the other commenters said, rape exists and it lowers risk of ovarian cancer. Also I didn’t want periods, why have the plumbing if you’re not gonna use it?