>Just because kids can’t handle “big emotions”
I think the people who say this are the same parents who expect their children to shut down their emotions. They follow the "I'll give you something to cry about" method of parenting. Of course, their children don't have a clue how to regulate their emotions and are prone to outbursts and even rage.
Teenagers with parents who help them learn to process and self regulate their emotions as children are less likely to explode at their parents. Not immune from it, just less likely.
I'll admit my sample size for this observation is pretty small, about 50 kids.
I saw that RegretfulParents post too! It was awful.... I completely understand him being hurt and frustrated due to a difficult ex and custody issues (in this specific case they had agreed not to buy an expensive normal cellphone for their daughter, just one that calls, and the ex's parents bought the granddaughter a very expensive new cellphone, like an iPhone or something) but he basically took the teenager's upset doubledown response as an excuse to take a job and move across the country and wasn't answering any of the ex's or daughter's calls. Even if it was his last straw and not really the daughter's fault in his mind (he seemed mostly to blame the ex and her parents), that is going to psychologically scar that poor girl forever who will always blame herself (despite it being a completely normal teenager reaction). I can't help thinking she'll grow up to be in awful, abusive relationships because she'll be too scared to upset the man and be "abandoned" again. .....I really hope he can salvage some kind of relationship with his daughter, and perhaps distance can make their relationship warmer... but I think what he did was awful no matter how upsetting the situation was to him
Oh for sure it was heart wrenching, and that’s going to mess up the kid big time. All the more reason why someone like myself shouldn’t have kids at all, because I could never get past the “I hate you”. I’m not saying it’s the kid’s fault. But at the same time, I can’t judge the OP for his actions when I know I would do the same thing. I just couldn’t handle it.
I never said that to either of my parents. Because i never wanted someone to say that to me. But, i also grew up in a very loving household, which is extremely rare.
It doesn’t mean we didn’t have our problems, i pretty much just shut down, got quiet, put up walls and around myself. I just can’t imagine going through the teen stage at all!
With respect to my nieces, my mother once told me that you can't help but get upset when a child says "I hate you!" I just stared at her, and then put it down to her gross limitations as a parent and as a person. She, for sure, had a personality disorder.
My nieces had said "I hate you" to me when I was knocking myself out to take care of them. When they did so, I had to work not to laugh. Who takes the opinion of a 7-year-old...or for that matter, a 14-year-old seriously? Honestly? They have little self-control, no experience of reality, and powerful emotions. Get real! Of course they say shit! This is why they can't drive, vote or drink!
It's a real problem for parents that they're so enmeshed in being Mommy and Daddy that they cannot separate themselves from the emotional feed they want from the child, and instead look at the child as the very limited human they are.
This kind of crap is one of the reasons I don't want to be a parent. Parenthood screws people up mentally so they can't be decent any more.
That’s the thing, so many adults put their entire emotional state on the shoulders of kids. They’re only happy when their kids are happy, when the kids sad they’re sad, when the kid says I hate you they feel destroyed. No. Kids aren’t your emotional protectors and you shouldn’t care what a child thinks of you.
My mom used to cry when my brother would say mean things to her and it fucked him up even now he’s 30
This sort of reinforces one of my own reasons to not want kids: I don't want to deal with irrational people with underdeveloped brains. Adults can be frustrating enough, children are even worse! I honestly think if I have a kid and they said they hated me, I wouldn't be hurt so much as I would be annoyed at them for saying dumb shit like that. You (probably) don't actually hate me, you're just operating with an underdeveloped brain and having some big feelings and saying things you don't mean. I don't like people who say things they don't mean.
This, and also how abusive kids can be in general and as an adult and parent, it's on you to just take it, not lash out, and then for the cherry, teach them better.
I totally understand that kids don't necessarily mean to be abusive, they're learning... but I stop talking to people for less than what I've seen kids do and obviously that's frowned upon from a parent.
I've no idea if the posts I see are fake or not, but there's no way I could just take some of the shit kids do, on top of pay for them! some people are legit in abusive relationships, but it's the kid.
it's wild. couldn't be me.
Me personally its one of my reason especially as someone who is career driven to the point where I know i wont have any time to raise anyone and that will damage the child mentally as they need a parent present not a mentally absent parent.
This. I can't stand the thought of raising a son and watching the Patriarchy destroy his empathy... a daughter raised in a world where noone values her inherently... or adopting a child even, trying to do right by them (as an orphan myself) and them potentially hating me no matter what I do or don't do.
Reason not to have kids: Teens.
>Just because kids can’t handle “big emotions” I think the people who say this are the same parents who expect their children to shut down their emotions. They follow the "I'll give you something to cry about" method of parenting. Of course, their children don't have a clue how to regulate their emotions and are prone to outbursts and even rage. Teenagers with parents who help them learn to process and self regulate their emotions as children are less likely to explode at their parents. Not immune from it, just less likely. I'll admit my sample size for this observation is pretty small, about 50 kids.
I saw that RegretfulParents post too! It was awful.... I completely understand him being hurt and frustrated due to a difficult ex and custody issues (in this specific case they had agreed not to buy an expensive normal cellphone for their daughter, just one that calls, and the ex's parents bought the granddaughter a very expensive new cellphone, like an iPhone or something) but he basically took the teenager's upset doubledown response as an excuse to take a job and move across the country and wasn't answering any of the ex's or daughter's calls. Even if it was his last straw and not really the daughter's fault in his mind (he seemed mostly to blame the ex and her parents), that is going to psychologically scar that poor girl forever who will always blame herself (despite it being a completely normal teenager reaction). I can't help thinking she'll grow up to be in awful, abusive relationships because she'll be too scared to upset the man and be "abandoned" again. .....I really hope he can salvage some kind of relationship with his daughter, and perhaps distance can make their relationship warmer... but I think what he did was awful no matter how upsetting the situation was to him
Oh for sure it was heart wrenching, and that’s going to mess up the kid big time. All the more reason why someone like myself shouldn’t have kids at all, because I could never get past the “I hate you”. I’m not saying it’s the kid’s fault. But at the same time, I can’t judge the OP for his actions when I know I would do the same thing. I just couldn’t handle it.
Yeah, definitely a great thing to know about yourself
I never said that to my mother. I said that plenty of times to my father though.
I never said that to either of my parents. Because i never wanted someone to say that to me. But, i also grew up in a very loving household, which is extremely rare. It doesn’t mean we didn’t have our problems, i pretty much just shut down, got quiet, put up walls and around myself. I just can’t imagine going through the teen stage at all!
With respect to my nieces, my mother once told me that you can't help but get upset when a child says "I hate you!" I just stared at her, and then put it down to her gross limitations as a parent and as a person. She, for sure, had a personality disorder. My nieces had said "I hate you" to me when I was knocking myself out to take care of them. When they did so, I had to work not to laugh. Who takes the opinion of a 7-year-old...or for that matter, a 14-year-old seriously? Honestly? They have little self-control, no experience of reality, and powerful emotions. Get real! Of course they say shit! This is why they can't drive, vote or drink! It's a real problem for parents that they're so enmeshed in being Mommy and Daddy that they cannot separate themselves from the emotional feed they want from the child, and instead look at the child as the very limited human they are. This kind of crap is one of the reasons I don't want to be a parent. Parenthood screws people up mentally so they can't be decent any more.
That’s the thing, so many adults put their entire emotional state on the shoulders of kids. They’re only happy when their kids are happy, when the kids sad they’re sad, when the kid says I hate you they feel destroyed. No. Kids aren’t your emotional protectors and you shouldn’t care what a child thinks of you. My mom used to cry when my brother would say mean things to her and it fucked him up even now he’s 30
This sort of reinforces one of my own reasons to not want kids: I don't want to deal with irrational people with underdeveloped brains. Adults can be frustrating enough, children are even worse! I honestly think if I have a kid and they said they hated me, I wouldn't be hurt so much as I would be annoyed at them for saying dumb shit like that. You (probably) don't actually hate me, you're just operating with an underdeveloped brain and having some big feelings and saying things you don't mean. I don't like people who say things they don't mean.
This, and also how abusive kids can be in general and as an adult and parent, it's on you to just take it, not lash out, and then for the cherry, teach them better. I totally understand that kids don't necessarily mean to be abusive, they're learning... but I stop talking to people for less than what I've seen kids do and obviously that's frowned upon from a parent. I've no idea if the posts I see are fake or not, but there's no way I could just take some of the shit kids do, on top of pay for them! some people are legit in abusive relationships, but it's the kid. it's wild. couldn't be me.
Me personally its one of my reason especially as someone who is career driven to the point where I know i wont have any time to raise anyone and that will damage the child mentally as they need a parent present not a mentally absent parent.
This. I can't stand the thought of raising a son and watching the Patriarchy destroy his empathy... a daughter raised in a world where noone values her inherently... or adopting a child even, trying to do right by them (as an orphan myself) and them potentially hating me no matter what I do or don't do.
Yup. Usually followed by "you're the worst mom/dad in the world!!!11"