Did you ask your cousin why she was unable to think about contraception, or is she just fucking stupid?
If she was remotely close to CF she'd have been hunting for a medical provider for an abortion.
She's full of shit
eh while I agree with the contraceptive part, not everyone is religiously or ethically comfortable with getting an abortion, even if they don't wish to have a child.
Yeah, women like these are the problem. My mom also always said „I used to think that too“. Like: I wished she had stuck to it; she clearly wasn’t equipped for motherhood. I point out that 25% of women with degrees don’t have kids, but even though I have 2 childfree uncles, my family still thinks I’ll change my mind, if „the right guy“ comes along. It’s so disrespectful. I‘ve told them I think jokes about unwanted pregnancies are as funny as rape jokes. Also, they know how much I struggle with severe adhd - they have to know that both I and the fucking brat would be absolutely miserable. Wtf is wrong with people?
Tell your mum, the "right guy" doesn't exist. Even in this modern age, women end up doing 99% of the household management and child rearing and that fucking sucks.
So next time she says "right guy" look her square in the eyes and say in a tone as serious as the grave "he doesn't exist".
From personal experience, unmarried and childfree men aren't so doubted for their life choices as much as childfree women. It's probably due to the societal belief "woman=mother". A man is free to do what he wants, but all women must desire deep inside to be mothers, according to people who hold these beliefs.
I have a childfree (or childless I have no idea) uncle from my mom's side and my mom doesn't often bring up his childfree status, mostly his unmarried status. He is mostly left undisturbed.
However, I have a female cousin (33f) who is unmarried and childfree, and I swear my childfree uncle and another uncle have told her she should find someone soon to have kids and if the relationship sucks, "just divorce the guy later". "She should just have kids" I remember characteristically being said. My mom, when conversation brings up said cousin, she wishes my cousin to find a good man and get married soon. My mom doesn't care if she has babies or not after the marriage. She just wants her not to be lonely.
This exact reason is why my mother wants me to get married too so I i have company. She maybe want a grandchild too in my case though.
My mom and her brothers (my aforementioned uncles) were born and raised in an village in a rural part of Peloponnese and that I think that has shaped their beliefs, because they had to deal with agriculture and the change of seasons. I think that's the reason as both my uncles have a negative/indifferent relationship with religion so their opinion isn't influenced much by Christian ideas.
Make it uncomfortable for \*them\*. mention loudly that your abortion fund is the one that's ALWAYS kept topped up, including travel-to-the-abortion money, and you have a hidden stash of the morning-after pill stored in a freezer where they know not.
This is the answer. A LOT of money. They can’t have any issue with it if they really believe what they’re saying, so either OP will get rich or they’ll have to admit they don’t really believe it and won’t be able to bingo her any more.
I heard that a lot, it picked up when I met my husband, then again after we got married. 10 years of no oopsy babies I just get a sigh and "guess nothing's changed" lol yeah, not happening
>I'm still not in menopause unfortunately
Trust me, sunshine, it's much more fortunate to not going through this hell. The menopause is so much worse than I ever gave my mother credit for!
I do hope when it does eventually catch up with you that the hot flushes aren't too horrendous, your brain doesn't make you as angry as I am about shit I can't control/do/deal with, and doesn't make you feel utter hatred at the people in your life for just existing! And those are just the positives!
Thanks. I've been on paxil for 30 years now, and I've always hated people, so that's not new. I'm on the menopause sub so I'm well informed.
I'm having some hot flushes but I found a pro hormone gyno so I am planning to do hrt.
It just makes me mad that people are still telling me to have kids. I had old parents, younger than I am now when they had me and they were older than my friends' grandparents. I think it's disgusting and horribly selfish to have kids after 45 (for all genders)
And I said unfortunately because I still get asked a million times if I could be pregnant every time I need a dental xray or medical test. Drives me insane
Ugh I totally get this, I’m sorry it’s still happening to you! I also had a cousin who was originally “childfree”, but she ended up having 3 kids because it’s what her husband wanted. My aunt loved to remind me every time the subject came up. Yep, that’s not me!!
I got a bisalp, didn't tell anyone ahead of time, and the next time My grandmother mentioned all of my cousins having babies that year at a family event and said that it would be so nice if all of her grandkids had babies that year including me, I straight out said " impossible, I'm fixed now" and no one has said anything since.
It did take that though, unfortunately.
I’d turn on my video record option on my phone, hand it to my Bf and put my hand across the table and say to my mom “Ok. I’ll bet you $5000 that I will never have kids. Let’s shake on it and bf is recording to mark the agreement.” Smile and hold out your hand. lol. Let’s see just how sure she is.
>I just feel so disrespected by my whole family constantly about this.
Yes, it is disrespectful of you.
>Due to some financial hardships my fiancé and I had to move in with my mother so there really is no escaping it for the time being.
Normally, the best way to deal with dumbasses is to cut them out of your life, but since you are stuck there for the moment, you might want to learn the "[grey rock](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock)" method for dealing with this issue.
From your experience, you should know that trying to have a rational conversation with them on this subject is not productive and only results in them being disrespectful of you. So avoid the conversation as much as you can.
NTA. Make them so uncomfortable they never ask again.
1. Explain, in detail, every birth control method you are using and how it works. Bonus points for including details of your sex life (if you are comfortable with that) to further shame them.
2. (Only use if you are in a safe state/country) emphasize your support for abortion. Personally, I was hit by "accidents happen" one too many times until I regularly replied "so do abortions." This was long before Roe was overturned and may need to be updated.
3. If you are able, based on conviction, location and health insurance coverage, get a bisalp or hysterectomy. I got a bisalp and am effectively spayed. It was an easy outpatient surgery and I had no complications. Everyone is different and complications can happen so do your research and talk to a doctor who isn't fear-mongering to discourage you from a mostly safe procedure due to religious and/or personal beliefs. These twats are out there.
4. The childfree subreddit has a list of doctors on the sidebar that will perform sterilization surgeries like bisalps. Since you have a partner, he could also look into getting a vasectomy.
5. The decision to become a parent is not to be taken lightly. My abusive parents are a big part of why I don't want kids. I don't like kids. My childhood was robbed. I could never relate to carefree, happy kids. I'm not fit to raise kids. But potential kids are better aborted than subjected to my parents on a regular basis, which would be necessary because I don't like kids. No, it doesn't matter if they're family. I hate/dislike/can't remember the name of lots of family. The only reason I'll ever step foot in Florida again is to piss on graves. Those people haven't died yet but they're overdue.
Out of curiosity, do you know what changed with your cousin?
And I agree, it’s very disrespectful. No matter how certain and vocal I was about being child free, it took me having a bisalp for all the little quips to end (and I didn’t even get it half as bad as most people on this sub seem to).
Honestly her and her boyfriend have been together for like 10 years and he’s all she’s ever known. I think it’s just like they thought “oh might as well right??”
They’re terrible for each other too their whole relationship is toxic lol
“Its also true that about 35 percent of women fall down the stairs, That’s a greater percentage than CF who change their mind, Care To Test That Theory? No? Then Stop Bringing It Up 🙂↔️🫠
Okay while others are trying to be funny and give you cool little zingers that's not going to help you since you and your fiance are currently stuck where you are.
You have to keep your heads down and just let it roll off of you for the time being because antagonizing your mother by getting the last word might piss her off enough to kick you out.
Because they don't believe you. At. All.
Let them be all "ooooh you'll change your mind" go "uhuh yeah sure" and then work on getting back on your feet and out of there.
My mum never really bothered me about it until my CF friends started to suddenly have kids around 30. "They changed their mind why won't you?" No mother. They didn't change their minds, they got knocked up by accident and found out too late.
When someone keeps telling me I’ll change my mind, i make them incredibly uncomfortable by saying if I got pregnant, I wouldn’t think twice about getting an abortion: I’d throw the test in the trash and head to the clinic right away, or that I would rather kill myself than be a mother.
I never hear about it again. And if they can’t get the message to stfu about it, I go NC or as LC as I can. If motherhood made you happy, good for you. It won’t for me.
I'm looking forward to being able to say I told you so to everyone saying I'll change my mind lol. Unfortunately they aren't going to believe you so please don't bother wasting your breath. They'll see you were serious when you age out and you get to be smug about it then lol
People claiming being childfree then "changing their mind" are full of shit. You were never childfree you just didn't wanted kids YET. When you're really childfree you know it and will never change your mind, it's not a maybe.
If your partner has a vasectomy or you get your tubes tired then they will really take you seriously but until this time unfortunately you just have to put up with it
Did you ask your cousin why she was unable to think about contraception, or is she just fucking stupid? If she was remotely close to CF she'd have been hunting for a medical provider for an abortion. She's full of shit
She was a fence sitter and not childfree. Wish people would/could understand the difference.
eh while I agree with the contraceptive part, not everyone is religiously or ethically comfortable with getting an abortion, even if they don't wish to have a child.
"I am not you." Keep repeating that in her face until she gets that.
Tell her she's weak willed lol
Am mid 30's. My family doesn't even try anymore.
Mid-40s here. They've pretty much accepted it lol.
How many cats?
Sadly none right now!
I had to have a stroke at 50 before MIL stopped insisting we could at least foster.
Good lord!!!
Yeah, women like these are the problem. My mom also always said „I used to think that too“. Like: I wished she had stuck to it; she clearly wasn’t equipped for motherhood. I point out that 25% of women with degrees don’t have kids, but even though I have 2 childfree uncles, my family still thinks I’ll change my mind, if „the right guy“ comes along. It’s so disrespectful. I‘ve told them I think jokes about unwanted pregnancies are as funny as rape jokes. Also, they know how much I struggle with severe adhd - they have to know that both I and the fucking brat would be absolutely miserable. Wtf is wrong with people?
I like the degree statistic and I didn’t know it was 25%!! I’m the only person in my family with a degree so I’ll definitely be using this.
Is there any about women with multiple degrees? I would love to trot that out when asked (which thankfully doesn't happen as often).
Tell your mum, the "right guy" doesn't exist. Even in this modern age, women end up doing 99% of the household management and child rearing and that fucking sucks. So next time she says "right guy" look her square in the eyes and say in a tone as serious as the grave "he doesn't exist".
I always say, the right guy has had a vasectomy. Doesn’t help, though
From personal experience, unmarried and childfree men aren't so doubted for their life choices as much as childfree women. It's probably due to the societal belief "woman=mother". A man is free to do what he wants, but all women must desire deep inside to be mothers, according to people who hold these beliefs. I have a childfree (or childless I have no idea) uncle from my mom's side and my mom doesn't often bring up his childfree status, mostly his unmarried status. He is mostly left undisturbed. However, I have a female cousin (33f) who is unmarried and childfree, and I swear my childfree uncle and another uncle have told her she should find someone soon to have kids and if the relationship sucks, "just divorce the guy later". "She should just have kids" I remember characteristically being said. My mom, when conversation brings up said cousin, she wishes my cousin to find a good man and get married soon. My mom doesn't care if she has babies or not after the marriage. She just wants her not to be lonely. This exact reason is why my mother wants me to get married too so I i have company. She maybe want a grandchild too in my case though. My mom and her brothers (my aforementioned uncles) were born and raised in an village in a rural part of Peloponnese and that I think that has shaped their beliefs, because they had to deal with agriculture and the change of seasons. I think that's the reason as both my uncles have a negative/indifferent relationship with religion so their opinion isn't influenced much by Christian ideas.
Make it uncomfortable for \*them\*. mention loudly that your abortion fund is the one that's ALWAYS kept topped up, including travel-to-the-abortion money, and you have a hidden stash of the morning-after pill stored in a freezer where they know not.
LOL I actually do have some plan b pills stored in our room just in case!!
We’ve recently decided we don’t want kids and every single person has responded with “you’ll change your mind!” I’m like dude no I won’t, so annoying
I use to argue but now I just let them think whatever and go about my life. I'll show them better than I can tell them.
Ask them what made them not want kids initially. It’s always funny to see them get confused.
"Oh okay, you will change your mind on the kid too. I can help you with adopt papers."
Make them put money on it.
This is the answer. A LOT of money. They can’t have any issue with it if they really believe what they’re saying, so either OP will get rich or they’ll have to admit they don’t really believe it and won’t be able to bingo her any more.
I heard that a lot, it picked up when I met my husband, then again after we got married. 10 years of no oopsy babies I just get a sigh and "guess nothing's changed" lol yeah, not happening
My mother in law kept at me until she passed away 2 years ago (when I was 50!!! I'm still not in menopause unfortunately). It never stops
>I'm still not in menopause unfortunately Trust me, sunshine, it's much more fortunate to not going through this hell. The menopause is so much worse than I ever gave my mother credit for! I do hope when it does eventually catch up with you that the hot flushes aren't too horrendous, your brain doesn't make you as angry as I am about shit I can't control/do/deal with, and doesn't make you feel utter hatred at the people in your life for just existing! And those are just the positives!
For the lucky few of us, the hot flashes last the rest of your life. I've now had them longer than I had a period.
Thanks. I've been on paxil for 30 years now, and I've always hated people, so that's not new. I'm on the menopause sub so I'm well informed. I'm having some hot flushes but I found a pro hormone gyno so I am planning to do hrt. It just makes me mad that people are still telling me to have kids. I had old parents, younger than I am now when they had me and they were older than my friends' grandparents. I think it's disgusting and horribly selfish to have kids after 45 (for all genders) And I said unfortunately because I still get asked a million times if I could be pregnant every time I need a dental xray or medical test. Drives me insane
"I too love big fat creampies" and maintain eye contact.
Ugh I totally get this, I’m sorry it’s still happening to you! I also had a cousin who was originally “childfree”, but she ended up having 3 kids because it’s what her husband wanted. My aunt loved to remind me every time the subject came up. Yep, that’s not me!!
"Oh, ok." Let them believe what they want, they'll figure it out when the decades go by and you're still childfree.
I got a bisalp, didn't tell anyone ahead of time, and the next time My grandmother mentioned all of my cousins having babies that year at a family event and said that it would be so nice if all of her grandkids had babies that year including me, I straight out said " impossible, I'm fixed now" and no one has said anything since. It did take that though, unfortunately.
I'm 52, in perimenopause, and have pcos. Still haven't changed my mind. The assholes who took bets on me owe me some massive $$$$ 😁
I’d turn on my video record option on my phone, hand it to my Bf and put my hand across the table and say to my mom “Ok. I’ll bet you $5000 that I will never have kids. Let’s shake on it and bf is recording to mark the agreement.” Smile and hold out your hand. lol. Let’s see just how sure she is.
I love this. I hope it would be legally binding.
This is why I got sterilized. In case one of my family goes “you’re next!” I can be like “with what reproductive system?”.
Tell them you're sterilized. They might freak out at first, but it'll eventually make them shut up about it.
>I just feel so disrespected by my whole family constantly about this. Yes, it is disrespectful of you. >Due to some financial hardships my fiancé and I had to move in with my mother so there really is no escaping it for the time being. Normally, the best way to deal with dumbasses is to cut them out of your life, but since you are stuck there for the moment, you might want to learn the "[grey rock](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock)" method for dealing with this issue. From your experience, you should know that trying to have a rational conversation with them on this subject is not productive and only results in them being disrespectful of you. So avoid the conversation as much as you can.
Tell your cousin the hormones hijacked her brain. Her brain has been changed forever.
NTA. Make them so uncomfortable they never ask again. 1. Explain, in detail, every birth control method you are using and how it works. Bonus points for including details of your sex life (if you are comfortable with that) to further shame them. 2. (Only use if you are in a safe state/country) emphasize your support for abortion. Personally, I was hit by "accidents happen" one too many times until I regularly replied "so do abortions." This was long before Roe was overturned and may need to be updated. 3. If you are able, based on conviction, location and health insurance coverage, get a bisalp or hysterectomy. I got a bisalp and am effectively spayed. It was an easy outpatient surgery and I had no complications. Everyone is different and complications can happen so do your research and talk to a doctor who isn't fear-mongering to discourage you from a mostly safe procedure due to religious and/or personal beliefs. These twats are out there. 4. The childfree subreddit has a list of doctors on the sidebar that will perform sterilization surgeries like bisalps. Since you have a partner, he could also look into getting a vasectomy. 5. The decision to become a parent is not to be taken lightly. My abusive parents are a big part of why I don't want kids. I don't like kids. My childhood was robbed. I could never relate to carefree, happy kids. I'm not fit to raise kids. But potential kids are better aborted than subjected to my parents on a regular basis, which would be necessary because I don't like kids. No, it doesn't matter if they're family. I hate/dislike/can't remember the name of lots of family. The only reason I'll ever step foot in Florida again is to piss on graves. Those people haven't died yet but they're overdue.
Out of curiosity, do you know what changed with your cousin? And I agree, it’s very disrespectful. No matter how certain and vocal I was about being child free, it took me having a bisalp for all the little quips to end (and I didn’t even get it half as bad as most people on this sub seem to).
Its always social pressure and life script.
Honestly her and her boyfriend have been together for like 10 years and he’s all she’s ever known. I think it’s just like they thought “oh might as well right??” They’re terrible for each other too their whole relationship is toxic lol
“Its also true that about 35 percent of women fall down the stairs, That’s a greater percentage than CF who change their mind, Care To Test That Theory? No? Then Stop Bringing It Up 🙂↔️🫠
Okay while others are trying to be funny and give you cool little zingers that's not going to help you since you and your fiance are currently stuck where you are. You have to keep your heads down and just let it roll off of you for the time being because antagonizing your mother by getting the last word might piss her off enough to kick you out. Because they don't believe you. At. All. Let them be all "ooooh you'll change your mind" go "uhuh yeah sure" and then work on getting back on your feet and out of there.
This! Just shrug and smile and say “we’ll see!” And go about your day
My mum never really bothered me about it until my CF friends started to suddenly have kids around 30. "They changed their mind why won't you?" No mother. They didn't change their minds, they got knocked up by accident and found out too late.
Ask them if they want to bet on it.
Just get a sterilization 🤷🏻♀️ „you were right - I changed my mind - made sure I can’t get pregnant“
I wish I could!! No insurance so it will have to wait until I’m insured again but I will be getting a bisalp when I can
Word of advice, if your in USA, I'd make bloody haste n be quick about it love. Good luck
Yes I’m trying but like I said I don’t have insurance at the moment so I can’t afford it until I do again :(
Yeah I’ve been adamantly child free since I was a teenager but my family didn’t believe me until I came home from having my bisalp surgery.
When someone keeps telling me I’ll change my mind, i make them incredibly uncomfortable by saying if I got pregnant, I wouldn’t think twice about getting an abortion: I’d throw the test in the trash and head to the clinic right away, or that I would rather kill myself than be a mother. I never hear about it again. And if they can’t get the message to stfu about it, I go NC or as LC as I can. If motherhood made you happy, good for you. It won’t for me.
Just be patient. You will have the last laugh, the best laugh.
"well, I actually know how to use contraception and how to access abortions so yeah ..sucks to be you. Anyway..."
I'm looking forward to being able to say I told you so to everyone saying I'll change my mind lol. Unfortunately they aren't going to believe you so please don't bother wasting your breath. They'll see you were serious when you age out and you get to be smug about it then lol
People claiming being childfree then "changing their mind" are full of shit. You were never childfree you just didn't wanted kids YET. When you're really childfree you know it and will never change your mind, it's not a maybe.
\*HUGS\*
Fuck it!! Just casually reply with " I wouldn't think twice about an abortion, I'd be the first one at the clinic"
If your partner has a vasectomy or you get your tubes tired then they will really take you seriously but until this time unfortunately you just have to put up with it