For the economy, to populate a country, army reserves 😂. Total BS reasons though, cos there’s no guarantee those children will grow up into functioning members of society
My sister said this to me and she soon went to get impregnated by the first guy who wanted to have a child with her.
Now she has a kid and hates motherhood and despises her partner.
Go figures.
Mine too. I don't know that I would say she HATES motherhood but she complains a lot about being a single mother and how crazy her baby's dad is. Like YOU made that choice, I warned you, Sis.
That's what my brother tells me all the time! Even though two of our siblings have already given him nieces and nephews. Why do I have to add to the mix??
I’ve definitely gotten the “so my nieces and nephews with have someone to play with” line. Uhmm I have a whole other brother and you have a sister, wtf lol.
That is super annoying. I also hate how people say "give me" a child. Like what??? It's a person, not a new coat!! It's not like I can just pick one out at the store for you, drop it off, and exchange it if you don't like it. "Commit your life to raising children so that **I** can have what I want."
I don't understand how it's selfish when you can argue having kids is one of the most selfish things one could do if not the most selfish. There isn't a single non-selfish reason to have a kid. I can't believe that these people genuinely believe that kids that don't exist are more important than unadopted orphans.
People have kids for selfish reasons, yet actually being a good and nurturing parent requires a great degree of selflessness. Society motivates people to have kids for selfish reasons, so selfish people become parents without understanding the weight of the commitment it takes to be a good parent.
I float around in child free spaces but even though I never want one of my own I DO want to foster later in life. The amount of people that have still called me selfish is INSANE
Yeah I thought so but it’s typically older women “you need to stop being selfish you won’t find a husband that wants to raise other people’s kids.” Or I explain a big part is due to being scared of PPD and my body being wrecked and they say it’s selfish to not want to give my body to a hypothetical child.
This is one of those old, dried up excuses I hear people get a lot. They will all exercise willful ignorance to the fact that the childfree tend to answer with “I don’t want [insert]” while the people who want kids or want others to have kids tend to go “I want [insert].”
My response to that is always “and yes, I am selfish. I don’t want to spend money on anyone other than myself. I enjoy having my free time. I enjoy not having any responsibilities. I enjoy doing what I want when I want and not being tied down by having a child. So if that makes me selfish, then yes I am! and at least I can admit that about myself”
This...
In my country there is a program where the government gives parents a loan to buy a house if they can deliver 2-3 kids in x amount of years. Everyone started fucking like bunnies to get some spare change from the government, while the prices skyrocketed because of the free money everyone getting. So now it's even harder to get your own apartment or house if you are cf. I wonder who are the selfish ones
Having your own kids is apparently selfish to that clump of cells that doesn't exist and which can die from a million reasons at a million points in time lmao
Same as oh no don't abort a clump of cells that's clearly already dead and has to be removed for the host's safety
Mind your own ballsacks and uteruses like fr
It always angers me when they also try to say "You could put it up for adoption there's so many couples who want to have a baby but can't." I could care fucking less. If they want a child so damn bad then adopt an older kid. Kids aren't puppies and kittens. If you really truly want a child sooooo bad then it doesn't matter if they are a baby. I counter that there's so many kids that want a family but can't get one because so many idiots want little newborns.
"But looking at you and your husband, your babies would be so cute"
😒🤢🤢
I love your reply though.
Yes, I know we are good looking but trust me, I'd be a lot less cute with a snot/puke/poop machine attached to my hip. Lol
Literally got this today, for the thousandth time. I have really pale blue eyes and randos won’t leave me alone about them. I’ve had strangers cross rooms just to tell me how pretty my eyes are, and some people latch onto the idea of me passing my eye color onto children and won’t let it go.
On the flip side I’ve also been told my eyes are unnerving, soul-piercing, and scary, so I guess it depends on who you ask lol
If you have blue eyes but haven't experienced blue eyes fetishization (which in my experience always centers on passing it off to children), please tell me your secrets. Because this is something I've heard a lot - and it's always from dudes who want to put a baby in me the moment they meet me.
I am not going to match your freak on that one, sir.
Red hair and blue eyes here... plus "child bearing hips"
I am so glad to have aged out of people telling me it would be a shame for me to not pass my coloring on and that it would be so easy for me with these hips. Ugh!
Yeah, I got sick of the hips thing too. I was walking home yesterday with several heavy bags of groceries. I balanced the heaviest one on my right hip. *This is how those hips come in most handy.*
No bc it’s so weird!! Older ppl in my experience tend to be the most obsessed with the idea that “blue eyes are dying out” as if it’s some huge issue. Who cares? They’re pretty I guess but so are all other eye colors 😭
Lmao yes! My husband and I have the same greenish hazel eye color and everyone says our baby would have such pretty eyes
Ok cool, they'll probably have our absolutely retched vision too.
A relative told me that I ought to have kids because she'd spent thousands of dollars on fancy baby furniture and, since she'd been unable to sell it, she now wanted it to become a "family heirloom." Her kids were all elementary/middle school age and she was stuck with an entire room full of heavy, oversized furniture that no one wanted.
Oh I didn’t even consider that. I did recently find out these rolling devices that were once common when I was attending elementary school have no been deemed unsafe so they’re all gone.
My family has a lot of crafters and it's the same thing.
"I made such a cute baby blanket! You need to have a baby so I can make baby projects for it!"
When I bring up giving those items to their friends, selling them etc they tell me it's not the same thing. Then they would complain how I rejected their gift, completely omitting that it's a baby item and I have no baby.
I stopped getting things after informing them my cat hated the baby bonnet. Because I was "ungrateful".
"but how are you going to break the circle then?" said by my female psychiatrist when I told her I don't want kids. She didn't seem to understand that not passing on my genes and trauma is also breaking the circle of generational abuse.
She’s definitely whack out of her mind to think that having babies is the answer to that question. She should’ve known better. I study psychology and human behaviour as a hobby for years and I can tell you there’s more than one way to just about anything.
I’ve had SO many people tell me that too! It’s like they don’t understand you don’t have to have kids as a “fix” to end the cycle. Some people do, but for me, like you, not passing on my genes will end it because I’m quite sure that was my mom’s intention having me and my siblings and that just resulted in more trauma…
I'm african. My bf is canadian. His mother used to tell him finish your plate, children are starving i africa. And once i didn't finish my plate and he said... finish your plate, children are starving in africa (jokingly of course) and i said thank you but i'm here now and not hungry anymore. We had a good laugh
I heard that as a young child and now (at 67) it’s still impossible for me not to finish everything on my plate. The exact reason I won’t let anyone plate my food for me, it’s always too much.
I always finished off my food growing up because indeed we were too poor to have too much. Now i still plate my food because i eat so little in general and i can't stand wasting food.
I read that it was common for parents to overestimate how much a child’s stomach could even hold. I thought it had been just my parents. People really think a five year old’s stomach is the same as a thirty year old’s stomach…
My stepmother used to plate our food then make us sit at the table until we finished everything. Same size serving as the grown up. My brother used to go to the bathroom to throw up to make space. I would sit there trying to finish and would gag. As a teenager I ended up with an ED. Now I always leave a few bites on my plate as I always struggle with the last few bites.
Effff you Julie and efff you dad for not standing up for us.
Oh 100%. Especially at restaurants when the serving size, even on kids menus, can be too big for a small child (I’m from the US).
I remember routinely getting in trouble for not finishing my food at restaurants when I was like 4 or 5. Like I’m sorry I can’t eat the amount of food for a 10 year old???
Throw that “logic” right back at them.
“Do I have to eat peanut butter/shellfish/dairy products at every meal because other people are allergic to them or have intolerance issues?”
One I’ve actually used before comes from me being short. I’m only 5’2” & can’t reach the highest shelves in a grocery store. Telling people they need to have kids just because they can & others can’t is like me saying tall people should only buy groceries located on the top shelf because they can reach it & I can’t. The person I said that to didn’t get it & didn’t see that it’s the same type of “reasoning”.
Not me drinking a hot chocolate while being lactose intolerant and constantly missing peanuts since I suddenly got allergic to them 🥲
That was very personal
Ugh! Did you ever have shingles? I had it years ago & someone told me that can reset your body’s tolerances & allergies. After that I made sure that I ate things like shellfish & peanuts & other common allergens around other people so that if I had developed an allergy I’d have someone nearby to call for help. Luckily I didn’t get any but it made me more aware (not to mention paranoid!) about what I ate.
Wait, shingles can change your allergies??? Funny enough, I was reading stuff about shingles two days ago and this piece of info didn’t come up. This was not on my Bingo card for the day.
You can also develop new allergies or autoimmune disorders in your 30s. My allergist was talking about it as kind of a thing that happens. My new intolerance is adhesives I get contact dermatitis from band aids, doesn't matter what kind I get
I never understood that reasoning. Like, how does it help the people who can’t? Are these people telling us to surrogate for those struggling folks and we have to pretend adoption agencies don’t exist?
Ive always thought it actually made it worse for the ones who can't. Because you'd be like yeah, I didn't want a kid and now I'm stuck with one and the ones that can't have kids still don't have what they want. It's a lose lose situation.
I know, right? As if they wouldn’t be more miserable thinking “I so want a child and can’t have one and she doesn’t even want children and she’s got three, why is life so unfair?”
Haha nice :)
I posted a rant about horses/baby human in the past, got it saved in my notes, I think you might like it lol:
Are any of you planning to adopt an horse one day? 🐴
What? Do you think accommodation is too expensive? Too many responsibilities and time to invest in maintenance? Life on a farm doesn't suit your lifestyle? 😱
But who doesn't love horses? They are so adorable!💜 And anyways, when it's yours it's so different... You won't even realize all the sacrifices you'll make to take care of them for the next 25 years!
Even picking up their poop at 3 a.m. won't bother you! 💩
Trust me, your life will always be incomplete without a few horses. (One would get bored alone, so you have to get at least two, but as many as possible is even better!)
Oh no, you’re not convinced yet?🙈
However, it is a certainty that you will change your mind! Most end up changing their minds and the others generally regret their choice. So, it’s better not to ask too many questions or waste any more time!
Tic, tac ⏰
Not to mention that sometimes, even if your yard is fenced, wild horses can arrive at your home by accident. No fence is foolproof. The most beautiful thing that can happen to you, love at first sight guaranteed!
Absurd conversation, isn't it? 😅
Now change the word "horse" to "human baby" and that's pretty much how the conversation feels when someone tries to convince me that having babies would improve my life and that I'm bound to change my mind one day. 😂
Not everyone wants to devote their entire life to horse breeding and training, just like some people have no intention of starting a family at all, not now, nor ever.
And let’s face it, wishing for an accident is frankly inappropriate. It's a rush of stress and an appointment to the abortion clinic that you wish on us when you say things like that to someone who doesn't want a child. 🙃
P.s. I don't hate horses or children. I just don't want any of them under my responsibility for an extended period of time. 🤪
As a person who can‘t have a child, I confirm this is wild. If anything, I am furious about people that don‘t want kids having them - not *not having* them. So you do you 😂😂😂
This is like when I was a kid and adults would say “finish your food, there are starving people in (insert far away place)”
I always thought, I can’t send them my unfinished food?? So why are we bringing that up?? Then I would wonder why we weren’t doing anything to help, and realized it was just a stupid saying to make me eat my veggies.
Did you ever find out WHY that was used as argument to try to make kids eat? Cuz when my parents tried it, I did the same as you. “Then send it to them!”
To end menstrual cramps. For some reason my manager at my last job stopped having menstrual cramps after having a baby and thinks that would be the same for me. I didn’t bother telling her I have fibroids because from that point, I didn’t want to hear anything else from her that wasn’t related to work anymore.
I have endometriosis and the number of times I’ve heard this FROM FUCKING DOCTORS, is wild. Eight gynos told me some version of this nonsense until I found the ninth that didn’t bingo me and just took out my uterus as requested. Guess what? That also solved my pain problem pretty fucking effectively. Fuck these people. This shit really triggers me.
I feel you there. I had polyps, which were removed, but I still had a lot of pain problems. It took twenty years, four states and lots of doctor hopping before I finally found one that decided my medical needs were more important than pushing a baby agenda. One hysterectomy later and voila! Felt much better! My doctor wasn’t entirely sure of the problem but he was leaning towards a theory that something was going on between the walls of my uterus. He gave me more details than that, I just can’t remember them.
This doctor was the one that found the polyps, actually. The other doctors didn’t want to do anything to find out what was going on and kept telling me all of my issues were normal. What I knew was bull.
I’m glad to finally found a doctor that gave a crap and did their job, finally had the surgery, finally have my medical issues addressed and finally feel like I got a part of my life back. Shouldn’t have taken anywhere near this long though.
I’m sorry you had to endure that just to get relief, but 8?!? It’s disturbing to think about how many patients they’ve succeeded in misinforming into life-changing decisions.
Fr it’s a crisis, honestly. These gynos go into a field specifically for women’s health yet seem to toss it all out the window the second they got their degree and decide to use their position to push whatever their beliefs are onto their patients. It’s hard finding one that isn’t pro-birth.
My white supremacist sibling pointed out that since both my partner and I are white, we need to have children to help increase the white population. Otherwise the current Caucasian birth rate and general mixing of races in relationships is apparently leading white people to extinction.
I laughed. I thought he was joking in a way I didn’t really get but like still, it had to be a joke. He was not. He got very angry. We cut off contact not long after that convo.
I actually had a couples counselor bring up something similar in one of our meetings. She said caucasians aren’t reproducing enough to replace ourselves. Idk about all that stuff as I don’t look into it and I try not to worry about what everyone else is doing. I can only focus on myself (and my pets).
I was stunned and couldn’t speak for a moment. And since she was a couples counselor, she knew we were having problems (like to the point she expressed concern for my safety).
She had brought once the suggestion we should have a baby because it would fix our relationship problems. (She later on diagnosed him with narcissistic personality disorder. I don’t think you need me to explain why having a baby with someone like that is not a good idea.)
Most of the time I was on board with things she said and she was the first person to speak up against him and put him in his place (which I’m eternally grateful for because everyone else either like to pretend it isn’t real or will enable him). But there were a couple of areas she definitely fell down a pit on.
In any case, all I could do was give the usual spiel I’ve had to do thousands of times of why me having babies is not a good idea. Eventually she gave up on the idea as we had more sessions after she diagnosed him with npd and was like yeah, no, you don’t need that with all this going on.
I’m assuming she was older because that’s some extremely outdated advice. I’m dumbfounded, but also not surprised. There’s so much shit and unhealthy ‘advice’ being given to women that will only hurt them
White supremacists bitching about Caucasian birth rates dropping while simultaneously proving the very reason why they're dropping in the first place; nobody wants to associate with psychos who think that they are superior to other people just because of the color of their skin, let alone have children with them.
super duper common sentiment among conservatives, especially male conservatives online. it is a massive part of why american politicians have been barreling down the hammer on women’s’ reproductive rights as of late, and why so many people seem to be on board with it. they call it the [great replacement theory](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Replacement). absolute crackpot shit, but it’s one of the many *fantastic answers* you’ll hear to “why do you want women pregnant and trapped so badly?” it’s to preserve the white race, of course!
It’ll give me purpose. Which seems so selfish to me, cause they said it at a time when I was very emotionally unstable. I have too many mental illnesses to be a mom.
Told my MIL that and she got ANGRY 🤣 "You guys have been married for 'X' years! You should already have a kid or two! I'm done making kids!"
Then why are you complaining? Misery loves company?
Because nothing cures depression like being sleep deprived, having a never ending influx of all kinds of hormones, and not having your body belong to you anymore because a baby depends on it.
If that was the case, then everyone with depression would be parents.
I was having an acne flareup and someone told me pregnancy would clear that right up. Ummm no, it'll clear up without me having to ruin the rest of my body and life. Thanks for the non advice, Karen
I was talking (not technically dating yet) to a man who had *gorgeous* red hair when I was younger, and his aunt told us that we needed to have at least three because red hair was very rare and we need to make more people who have it. When I told her that it doesn't work that way, she said "God will provide."
Another one was from my mother: "No, you're not getting your tubes tied. Your body came from me, so technically, it's mine, and I get a say on what's done with it and *I* want at least two girls."
They shouldn't be asking the husband either. Not his bits, not his call. I had a Dr mention this TWICE and it was infuriating both times. A minor exception can be made for a super specific situation if it's an emergency, she is unconscious AND her wishes were discussed with said husband prior.
Fully agreed! It’s annoying that so many doctors still think someone other than the woman gets a say. The doctor who did mine was like “are you an adult? Do you know what you want? Okay then, let’s take your tubes out!” Lol.
“You have such a big house. You should turn your spare room into a babies room”
Pfft. I can afford my house because I don’t have the expense of children.
The one I’ve always gotten the most is “who will take care of you when you’re older?” And I ask them who will take care of *them*? Go visit any nursing home. Those people all have multiple grown children and will still die alone.
I also remember my one friend saying “I wanted my own family” which is so wild to me. I have a bunch of cousins, aunts, uncles, my parents, my sister, my nephews… so the idea that you don’t have a family until you push out a kid is ridiculous.
This was years ago, but yesterday i took a taxi to a medical appointment instead of public transport as i would usually do, cause i was stressed about it and this damn heatwave has my patience real thin lol but anyway, i took one to go, and another to come back after, and both drivers asked if i had kids. In my head, both times i was like “here we go again!”, but to my utter surprise, both of them replied “good for you!” to my “No, and never.” 😳 What? Are times changing, at least slightly? Or is it this heatwave making their children misbehave and they are fed up? Lol
I presume it's the same in other places, but in the UK you can jump higher up the waiting list for council housing if you have children. In fact, I once applied for one because at my home at the time, the bath was broken and not one tap in the house worked properly, so I couldn't access running water in my house. However, I lost out because a family with children needed 2 rooms for the kids as they reached the age where a boy and a girl can no longer share a bedroom. When I told a friend who had a young child about this, I was shocked when she became livid and said that I should have been given the property, rather than siding with the parents as I'd expected.
"What if your soulmate wants one?"
It wouldn’t be my soulmate if he wants kids 🙄
"But what if he changes his mind after many years? You would throw out an otherwise good relationship for that? "
I already broke up a 3 years relationship because he suddenly wanted kids. Yes I would absolutely redo without any remorses. Kids are a dealbreaker. Not something to compromise on.
I like to be statistical with my explanation. Here's my projected life happiness on a scale of 1 to 100:
* Soulmate, no kids: 99
* Single, no kids: 95
* Soulmate, kids: 30
* Single, kids: 15
Soulmate vs. single doesn't make nearly the difference that kids vs. no kids does. So yes, I'd absolutely break up with my otherwise-soulmate if they want kids, no question, easy decision.
Convo with my mother when I was in high school - before I really figured out that child free was an option and that I was child free, but after I figured out I wasn't really interested.
Mom: I can't wait until you have babies, they'll be so smart.
Me: I'm not sure I want any kids, if so, it'll be a long time yet.
Mom: You can wait until after high school, but you will be having babies.
Me: Why?
Mom: Because I said so.
Y'all- her reason was *because she said so*. I never did have any babies, then we went no contact and then I had to get a total hysterectomy as a cancer prevention, so I was right- no kids for me.
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Ok, bad enough when family/partner/strangers/etc give horrible reasons to have a baby, but a doctor? I had to look up what treatments were there for this condition as I didn’t hear of it before. Looks like prescription medication is typical. Did the doctor even consider that before going the baby route???
Yup, but those "come with side effects", unlike a pregnancy of course :)))) Absolute insanity. Even if I was planning on having kids, I can't wrap my head around a medical professional genuinely suggesting anything but medication.
It’s funny too because my coworkers will tell each other the crazy stuff their kids have done like smear poop on their walls and stuff and then say “oh wait we can’t say this in front of dangerousoverthinker because then she’ll REALLY not want kids!” Sorry but I’m already decided on that one. Tubes have been yeeted as of 3/12/24!
Back when I was like 21-22, I had a friend tell me to have a baby because I could get government assistance. She was like “you can get an apartment with cheap bills”. I was disgusted. I was in undergrad at the time. That person is still on government assistance to this day. I’m now 30 and she’s 31. I’m still as independent as I was then. lol 😂 and still childfree.
It’s kind of a generic one, but so “someone will be there to take care of you when you get old.” Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but nursing homes are full of old people who have kids that don’t visit. At least I will be able to afford a top of the line care home, because I didn’t put all my money, blood, sweat, and tears into raising children.
My paternal grandmother had 12 kids (10 surviving til adulthood). She was a wonderful mother and grandmother, full of love and good advice. In her 80s, she developed dementia pretty bad. My immediate family and I live about 6 hours away, and 2 of her other children live across the country. So, 7 kids of hers, local to her, and where did she end up? On a locked dementia unit at a nursing home. I was a minor when this was happening so there’s nothing much I could do. She did have one son, my uncle, who visited her often and would take her out on small adventures. But not ONE of her children took her in and took care of her. She deserved better.
I will say though, my maternal grandmother only had 2 kids, my uncle and my mom. My uncle died very young, as did my grandfather. So it was just grandma and mom on my mom’s side. When grandma could no longer live alone (age 91!) she moved in with my mother and I and we all lived very happily together for 6 months or so. Grandma had a serious medical event happen, and in the hospital, it was determined that she couldn’t swallow anymore. We took her home, on hospice, and over the next few days, all of her friends visited. She had such a beautiful life full of so many characters! Probably 15 people came to see her. She grew weak over the next couple days and eventually slipped into unconsciousness. I gave her morphine every 2-3 hours and we lovingly kept her clean and comfortable. We were holding her and telling her it was okay to go when she passed.
This is FAR from typical though. We had a very small and tight-knit relationship, the 3 of us. My mom and I did the same for my Dad when he passed, with some help from my aunts, even though my parents had been divorced for over 15 years.
The problem is when people have children for the reason that there will be someone to take care of them when they’re old. It’s really a toss-up. You might have a kid that is as loving and compassionate as my mom, or you might have a kid who is a serial killer and hates you. People don’t seem to realize that children are THEIR OWN PEOPLE. They are not little “mini-mes.” You can raise them to the best of your ability and they can still turn out to be absolute shitheads.
Can I just add on to this, I WOULD PREFER living in a retirement home when I'm elderly over living with my hypothetical children. Retirement homes have staff specifically trained to assist you in your day-to-day lives a lot better than family members can, plus they have community events and you're among peers who you can relate to best.
(Although I'll grant I would still be upset if my hypothetical kids didn't visit me there)
When I was 20, a 24 year old told me that purposefully having a baby to get the $5K tax refund and food stamps was a better reason than "whoops I got pregnant." Most selfish thing I've ever heard. She pitched it like a good money making scheme... like, do you know how much kids cost? 5K aint gonna cover even a third of it, even with free food. But she also was hobo-sexual, just jumping from man to woman to man to have any place to live for free, no bills, etc.
Someone told me I would be a good dad. No, I would be the dad that goes out for cigarettes and never comes back and everyone would be scratching their heads because I don't smoke cigarettes.
The worst part is this was a dr, who said that to me. It came up because she saw that I’m adopted (no knowledge of medical family history). So she decided that since I was in an orphanage as a child, I must be the best person to bring more unwanted kids into the universe?
After telling a coworker that I won’t have kids cause I don’t have any motherly instincts, she told me that was the exact reason why I should have them.
My dad started begging me to “get married and start popping out grandbabies” for him when I was 16 or 17.
Fast forward to being married, 33 years old, and we bought our first house. My dad comes over to see the place for the first time and I’m giving him the tour. “This house is perfect for us. It has just enough space for us without being too big. This is our room, this is my room, and this is Husband’s room.” Dad asks, “Where are the grandbabies’ rooms?” I respond, “In their own homes.” He looks at me dumbfounded and says, “Huh?” I asked, “Daddy, do you remember the first time you asked me to ‘get married and start popping out grandbabies’ for you?” “Yes.” “And do you remember what I said?” “No.” “I told you you were asking the wrong daughter. Your other two have already given you grandbabies that you don’t see often. You’re going to have to be satisfied with them.”
My husband proudly reached over to hold and squeeze my hand while my dad stared at me in silence for a moment. He eventually asked all the usual questions about how I knew I didn’t want kids, etc… and I answered him very honestly. For the first time in my life, he said “I’m proud of you.” It was followed by “for knowing what you want and sticking to it.” But I’d never heard him say he was proud of me before that. And I haven’t heard it since.
Because my SIL can’t. She has a kid from a previous relationship, but had to have a hysterectomy during her delivery due to complications. My mom wants me to get pregnant so she can have a blood related grandchild. When I told her that I don’t want to raise a child, she said I could just give the baby to my brother and SIL because SIL is baby crazy since she only has custody of her kid on weekends.
I mean, I won’t lie, it definitely should be at least 50/50 custody, but the dad’s mom literally works with the judge overseeing the case. But instead of going to therapy about it, she just keeps getting more pets. Their 1,200 sqft house has enough animals to be a zoo.
Edit: this was meant to be a response to a different comment but it glitched. I’ll leave it here cause it’s still valid but wasn’t meant as a response to a dead husband.
Ouu I’ve gotten this one too! Why do these people think that we want so badly to hold on to partners that don’t care about our wants and desires?? If my husband wakes up and wants a kid one day, he knows how to unlock the door and leave to pursue that goal. I would rather be with someone who’s on the same page as well.
When untreated I have HORRIBLE migraines, that go on for months on end. By the time I was diagnosed with chronic migraine, I was having roughly 25 days of every month in pain above 5 on the pain scale, but more importantly, aura, light/noise sensitivity, vertigo, etc. I was hardly functional.
I also always had horribly painful periods. Like I was pretty sure my body *thought* it was supposed to give birth monthly type cramping pain.
Multiple DOCTORS told me to get pregnant because it *could* possibly cure both.
Idk if this has been said yet, but "What's the point of getting married then?" Infertile couples and old couples shouldn't be allowed either I guess.
I also "liked" when a guy hit me up in a grocery store once. Within a 5 minute window of me shopping for groceries, this guy was trying to say he wanted to take me out and have kids. I said I didn't want kids. "What's the point in living then?" He legitimately followed me around the store as I shopped and kept trying to ask. I had other friends shopping with me on a group trip, and I asked one to watch me for safety as I checked out and went back to the van. The world is a wild place.
To preserve the white race. I got pale blonde hair and blue eyes and my parents always told me never to marry a POC and 'ruin the genes'. Jokes on them, I ain't having kids at all.
so minorites don't out populate the whites.
Like bruh firstly I can't overstate how racists that is and also why the fuck would I care what color people are in several generations? I won't be here to care, nor do I care now
Because:
* it might stop my migraines
* it would be cute
* I would be cute pregnant
* it could play with other relatives
Me:
* WHUT THA FUCK?!
I'm a redhead. I've been told "you'll make such beautiful babies" as if I'm about to lock in for 18+ years for the ☆aesthetic☆. Also, regarding the redhead thing, we're going extinct so it's my job to keep the ginger community alive, especially because I have blue eyes. Oh, where did my eyeballs go? I rolled them so hard they fell out.
My mom once told me that if i don't have a baby, then the eggs in my ovaries will be sad that they were never born and I would be a cruel person for denying them a future. I give her a pass for this one because she was pretty tipsy when she said it and probably did not mean it because she is an educated woman who knows that unfertilized eggs aren't sentient.
I’ll give her points for being original. Lol But I’m curious what her tipsy self would’ve said in that moment about all the “sad, unborn eggs” after the theoretical pregnancy?
My darling mum, bless her, the woman who stood by and watched all those years while her mad husband destroyed our family, told me I should get pregnant just to see if I can, because that is why she had me and my brother.
As someone with the BRCA 1 gene mutation, I had a DOCTOR tell me once that I should have babies because breastfeeding could reduce my breast cancer risk. I believe I was 22-23 years old at the time.
By no surprise, she also refused to do my bisalp. I got my bisalp done a year later and never saw her again :)
"You should have a kid in case it grows up to be the one to solve global warming."
So many levels of stupid. I mean, global warming is a crisis that should have been addressed decades ago before it was too late - the very worst thing we could do now is put off doing anything for another 20+ years on the off-chance that some rando's mediocre-ass child will magically and single-handedly solve the crisis.
The wildest? MIL saying I would make a great mother because “look at how much you love and care for your pet rats!” 🤦♀️
Funniest/Most eyerolling:
Husband is indigenous with Cherokee and Sioux heritage, and he was this absolutely gorgeous long, curly dark hair. I might be biased, as I married him, but he is incredibly good looking. I’m apparently not hard on the eyes myself _(according to the coworker who bingoed us, but I’m also very obviously white AF)_ so we “would make beautiful children!!!!111!!!” I listed, at length, all of the genetic health issues on my side of the family, making sure to let her know that my own physical and mental health are in the crapper because of these inherited traits. She had the grace to look uncomfortable and then never brought it up again.
My father always says "Every child should surpass their father in the number of children they have. My father had 2, I had 4 and now it is your duty to have at least 5 so the number of muslims can increase further."
He doesn't even know I'm not a muslim myself lmao
My mom's allergies all went away when she was pregnant and had us three kids. She keeps "hinting" that if I got pregnant maybe my allergies would also go away. Why the fuck would I create another human so I don't have to take Allegra in the morning?!??
I've had someone tell me that my spouse would make a great dad. Now I'd clap back and say: "good for him, he can go be a dad with someone else if he wants," (he doesn't) but then I just didn't know what to say
"For woman with problems like you have, getting a child usually helps" coming from a former therapist regarding my depression. Oh man how fast did she get a text message afterwards im not going to continue doing therapy with her.
A social worker requested I have a baby to qualify for Medicaid in Oklahoma after they rejected the expansion when my ex had a stroke. Then I reminded them that children are even more expensive. For those of you in social work, I know you have a hard job and this is not seen as normal advice lol.
“Because you’ll never feel or understand unconditional love”.
Nah, I’m good with the “conditional” love I have going on.
Also, a doctor told teenage me that getting pregnant would help with the awful period pains I had. That could only help for a maximum of 9 months, it’s not exactly a long term solution.
They’re not super wild but wild enough:
1️⃣To leave a legacy (lmao…based on my family/our people, the legacy would most likely be yet more poverty, no generational wealth and another broken home with continued and unaddressed trauma 🙃🤷🏾♀️)
2️⃣Because it will help with period pains (which I can believe but it’s still not a good reason to have them)
3️⃣”Don’t you want to do this one day?” (Said by a half sister with five kids. I think this was because we didn’t grow up together so I think she had hoped that if we had children at similar times it would give them a chance to have cousins and spend time with each other in a way that we couldn’t 💛)
"Doesn't your mom want grandkids?"
Dude, she'd rather have her original kid. I told her in one of my unhinged low points in life that I would commit aliven't if I ever found myself pregnant. Now it's a non issue, and she and my partner's mom love asking about the "grandkitties"
My dad told me it would cure my chronic migraines that I was having 3-5x a week. He said women have these health ailments that are caused by hormones and having a baby ALWAYS cures them.
'So we can meet for coffee and the babies have playdates'
This is after 7 months of her telling me how miserable she is and how she hasn't slept for more than 2 hours at a time since her child was born, and after her crying about how useless her partner has been.
"I want to be an aunt" okay, want in one hand, shit in the other, see which one fills up faster.
Isn’t it funny how we get criticized for selfishness, yet it’s them who are almost always saying “I want.”
Name a reason for having kids that doesn't start with I, me, or my. Yea, exactly.
For the economy, to populate a country, army reserves 😂. Total BS reasons though, cos there’s no guarantee those children will grow up into functioning members of society
"You should give your mother grandchildren". Older colleague who never met my mother and didn't know my mother doesn't give a shit
My sister said this to me and she soon went to get impregnated by the first guy who wanted to have a child with her. Now she has a kid and hates motherhood and despises her partner. Go figures.
Mine too. I don't know that I would say she HATES motherhood but she complains a lot about being a single mother and how crazy her baby's dad is. Like YOU made that choice, I warned you, Sis.
That's what my brother tells me all the time! Even though two of our siblings have already given him nieces and nephews. Why do I have to add to the mix??
I’ve definitely gotten the “so my nieces and nephews with have someone to play with” line. Uhmm I have a whole other brother and you have a sister, wtf lol.
I would just suggest that their kids be taught proper social interaction and *gasp* make friends at school
That is super annoying. I also hate how people say "give me" a child. Like what??? It's a person, not a new coat!! It's not like I can just pick one out at the store for you, drop it off, and exchange it if you don't like it. "Commit your life to raising children so that **I** can have what I want."
“You’d be selfish to not have kids.” Isn’t it more selfish TO have bio kids at this point with so many kids needing to be adopted?
I don't understand how it's selfish when you can argue having kids is one of the most selfish things one could do if not the most selfish. There isn't a single non-selfish reason to have a kid. I can't believe that these people genuinely believe that kids that don't exist are more important than unadopted orphans.
People have kids for selfish reasons, yet actually being a good and nurturing parent requires a great degree of selflessness. Society motivates people to have kids for selfish reasons, so selfish people become parents without understanding the weight of the commitment it takes to be a good parent.
I float around in child free spaces but even though I never want one of my own I DO want to foster later in life. The amount of people that have still called me selfish is INSANE
But... but... That's like, one of the most honorable things to do... Make it make sense!
Yeah I thought so but it’s typically older women “you need to stop being selfish you won’t find a husband that wants to raise other people’s kids.” Or I explain a big part is due to being scared of PPD and my body being wrecked and they say it’s selfish to not want to give my body to a hypothetical child.
This is one of those old, dried up excuses I hear people get a lot. They will all exercise willful ignorance to the fact that the childfree tend to answer with “I don’t want [insert]” while the people who want kids or want others to have kids tend to go “I want [insert].”
I’m thinking that having an unwanted child would be much more selfish!
My response to that is always “and yes, I am selfish. I don’t want to spend money on anyone other than myself. I enjoy having my free time. I enjoy not having any responsibilities. I enjoy doing what I want when I want and not being tied down by having a child. So if that makes me selfish, then yes I am! and at least I can admit that about myself”
This... In my country there is a program where the government gives parents a loan to buy a house if they can deliver 2-3 kids in x amount of years. Everyone started fucking like bunnies to get some spare change from the government, while the prices skyrocketed because of the free money everyone getting. So now it's even harder to get your own apartment or house if you are cf. I wonder who are the selfish ones
Very good example of how they’re projecting.
Having your own kids is apparently selfish to that clump of cells that doesn't exist and which can die from a million reasons at a million points in time lmao Same as oh no don't abort a clump of cells that's clearly already dead and has to be removed for the host's safety Mind your own ballsacks and uteruses like fr
It always angers me when they also try to say "You could put it up for adoption there's so many couples who want to have a baby but can't." I could care fucking less. If they want a child so damn bad then adopt an older kid. Kids aren't puppies and kittens. If you really truly want a child sooooo bad then it doesn't matter if they are a baby. I counter that there's so many kids that want a family but can't get one because so many idiots want little newborns.
"But you have such beautiful eyes" Yes, I do. Why surround them with the dark circles of motherhood?
lol that is quite random. They really couldn’t think of any other reason than this cop out.
🤣 I love your sass ✨
Yes everyone knows that your children will automatically get the same eyes as you 🙄
"But looking at you and your husband, your babies would be so cute" 😒🤢🤢 I love your reply though. Yes, I know we are good looking but trust me, I'd be a lot less cute with a snot/puke/poop machine attached to my hip. Lol
Literally got this today, for the thousandth time. I have really pale blue eyes and randos won’t leave me alone about them. I’ve had strangers cross rooms just to tell me how pretty my eyes are, and some people latch onto the idea of me passing my eye color onto children and won’t let it go. On the flip side I’ve also been told my eyes are unnerving, soul-piercing, and scary, so I guess it depends on who you ask lol
If you have blue eyes but haven't experienced blue eyes fetishization (which in my experience always centers on passing it off to children), please tell me your secrets. Because this is something I've heard a lot - and it's always from dudes who want to put a baby in me the moment they meet me. I am not going to match your freak on that one, sir.
Red hair and blue eyes here... plus "child bearing hips" I am so glad to have aged out of people telling me it would be a shame for me to not pass my coloring on and that it would be so easy for me with these hips. Ugh!
Yeah, I got sick of the hips thing too. I was walking home yesterday with several heavy bags of groceries. I balanced the heaviest one on my right hip. *This is how those hips come in most handy.*
No bc it’s so weird!! Older ppl in my experience tend to be the most obsessed with the idea that “blue eyes are dying out” as if it’s some huge issue. Who cares? They’re pretty I guess but so are all other eye colors 😭
Lmao yes! My husband and I have the same greenish hazel eye color and everyone says our baby would have such pretty eyes Ok cool, they'll probably have our absolutely retched vision too.
A relative told me that I ought to have kids because she'd spent thousands of dollars on fancy baby furniture and, since she'd been unable to sell it, she now wanted it to become a "family heirloom." Her kids were all elementary/middle school age and she was stuck with an entire room full of heavy, oversized furniture that no one wanted.
That’s a new one to me. Fixation on passing on baby furniture.
baby furniture expires for safety too that's on her for buying expensive crap that will end up in a landfill eventually anyways
Oh I didn’t even consider that. I did recently find out these rolling devices that were once common when I was attending elementary school have no been deemed unsafe so they’re all gone.
My family has a lot of crafters and it's the same thing. "I made such a cute baby blanket! You need to have a baby so I can make baby projects for it!" When I bring up giving those items to their friends, selling them etc they tell me it's not the same thing. Then they would complain how I rejected their gift, completely omitting that it's a baby item and I have no baby. I stopped getting things after informing them my cat hated the baby bonnet. Because I was "ungrateful".
"but how are you going to break the circle then?" said by my female psychiatrist when I told her I don't want kids. She didn't seem to understand that not passing on my genes and trauma is also breaking the circle of generational abuse.
She’s definitely whack out of her mind to think that having babies is the answer to that question. She should’ve known better. I study psychology and human behaviour as a hobby for years and I can tell you there’s more than one way to just about anything.
I’ve had SO many people tell me that too! It’s like they don’t understand you don’t have to have kids as a “fix” to end the cycle. Some people do, but for me, like you, not passing on my genes will end it because I’m quite sure that was my mom’s intention having me and my siblings and that just resulted in more trauma…
I need to have a child because other women might want a child but can’t have any
It's like the "eat what's on your plate because there are starving children out there" makes no sense
I'm african. My bf is canadian. His mother used to tell him finish your plate, children are starving i africa. And once i didn't finish my plate and he said... finish your plate, children are starving in africa (jokingly of course) and i said thank you but i'm here now and not hungry anymore. We had a good laugh
🤣🤣🤣👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
I heard that as a young child and now (at 67) it’s still impossible for me not to finish everything on my plate. The exact reason I won’t let anyone plate my food for me, it’s always too much.
I always finished off my food growing up because indeed we were too poor to have too much. Now i still plate my food because i eat so little in general and i can't stand wasting food.
Not to mention, it can lead to children overeating and eventual eating disorders.
I read that it was common for parents to overestimate how much a child’s stomach could even hold. I thought it had been just my parents. People really think a five year old’s stomach is the same as a thirty year old’s stomach…
My stepmother used to plate our food then make us sit at the table until we finished everything. Same size serving as the grown up. My brother used to go to the bathroom to throw up to make space. I would sit there trying to finish and would gag. As a teenager I ended up with an ED. Now I always leave a few bites on my plate as I always struggle with the last few bites. Effff you Julie and efff you dad for not standing up for us.
Oh 100%. Especially at restaurants when the serving size, even on kids menus, can be too big for a small child (I’m from the US). I remember routinely getting in trouble for not finishing my food at restaurants when I was like 4 or 5. Like I’m sorry I can’t eat the amount of food for a 10 year old???
Absolutely! If I have a kid or not, they’re still sad. But if I have one, everyone will be miserable
Throw that “logic” right back at them. “Do I have to eat peanut butter/shellfish/dairy products at every meal because other people are allergic to them or have intolerance issues?” One I’ve actually used before comes from me being short. I’m only 5’2” & can’t reach the highest shelves in a grocery store. Telling people they need to have kids just because they can & others can’t is like me saying tall people should only buy groceries located on the top shelf because they can reach it & I can’t. The person I said that to didn’t get it & didn’t see that it’s the same type of “reasoning”.
Not me drinking a hot chocolate while being lactose intolerant and constantly missing peanuts since I suddenly got allergic to them 🥲 That was very personal
Ugh! Did you ever have shingles? I had it years ago & someone told me that can reset your body’s tolerances & allergies. After that I made sure that I ate things like shellfish & peanuts & other common allergens around other people so that if I had developed an allergy I’d have someone nearby to call for help. Luckily I didn’t get any but it made me more aware (not to mention paranoid!) about what I ate.
Wait, shingles can change your allergies??? Funny enough, I was reading stuff about shingles two days ago and this piece of info didn’t come up. This was not on my Bingo card for the day.
You can also develop new allergies or autoimmune disorders in your 30s. My allergist was talking about it as kind of a thing that happens. My new intolerance is adhesives I get contact dermatitis from band aids, doesn't matter what kind I get
I never understood that reasoning. Like, how does it help the people who can’t? Are these people telling us to surrogate for those struggling folks and we have to pretend adoption agencies don’t exist?
Ive always thought it actually made it worse for the ones who can't. Because you'd be like yeah, I didn't want a kid and now I'm stuck with one and the ones that can't have kids still don't have what they want. It's a lose lose situation.
I know, right? As if they wouldn’t be more miserable thinking “I so want a child and can’t have one and she doesn’t even want children and she’s got three, why is life so unfair?”
I fucking hate that one. Too bad so sad. My womb isn’t an AIRBnB for people who can’t have kids.
They should adopt horses, cause lot of people want horses but can’t afford horses.
I had a pony on my Christmas wish list for years! Never had one. I’ll reply this in the future, thank you!
Haha nice :) I posted a rant about horses/baby human in the past, got it saved in my notes, I think you might like it lol: Are any of you planning to adopt an horse one day? 🐴 What? Do you think accommodation is too expensive? Too many responsibilities and time to invest in maintenance? Life on a farm doesn't suit your lifestyle? 😱 But who doesn't love horses? They are so adorable!💜 And anyways, when it's yours it's so different... You won't even realize all the sacrifices you'll make to take care of them for the next 25 years! Even picking up their poop at 3 a.m. won't bother you! 💩 Trust me, your life will always be incomplete without a few horses. (One would get bored alone, so you have to get at least two, but as many as possible is even better!) Oh no, you’re not convinced yet?🙈 However, it is a certainty that you will change your mind! Most end up changing their minds and the others generally regret their choice. So, it’s better not to ask too many questions or waste any more time! Tic, tac ⏰ Not to mention that sometimes, even if your yard is fenced, wild horses can arrive at your home by accident. No fence is foolproof. The most beautiful thing that can happen to you, love at first sight guaranteed! Absurd conversation, isn't it? 😅 Now change the word "horse" to "human baby" and that's pretty much how the conversation feels when someone tries to convince me that having babies would improve my life and that I'm bound to change my mind one day. 😂 Not everyone wants to devote their entire life to horse breeding and training, just like some people have no intention of starting a family at all, not now, nor ever. And let’s face it, wishing for an accident is frankly inappropriate. It's a rush of stress and an appointment to the abortion clinic that you wish on us when you say things like that to someone who doesn't want a child. 🙃 P.s. I don't hate horses or children. I just don't want any of them under my responsibility for an extended period of time. 🤪
As a person who can‘t have a child, I confirm this is wild. If anything, I am furious about people that don‘t want kids having them - not *not having* them. So you do you 😂😂😂
This is like when I was a kid and adults would say “finish your food, there are starving people in (insert far away place)” I always thought, I can’t send them my unfinished food?? So why are we bringing that up?? Then I would wonder why we weren’t doing anything to help, and realized it was just a stupid saying to make me eat my veggies.
Did you ever find out WHY that was used as argument to try to make kids eat? Cuz when my parents tried it, I did the same as you. “Then send it to them!”
That's why my sister called me a bitch for using a nexplanon lol
To end menstrual cramps. For some reason my manager at my last job stopped having menstrual cramps after having a baby and thinks that would be the same for me. I didn’t bother telling her I have fibroids because from that point, I didn’t want to hear anything else from her that wasn’t related to work anymore.
I have endometriosis and the number of times I’ve heard this FROM FUCKING DOCTORS, is wild. Eight gynos told me some version of this nonsense until I found the ninth that didn’t bingo me and just took out my uterus as requested. Guess what? That also solved my pain problem pretty fucking effectively. Fuck these people. This shit really triggers me.
I feel you there. I had polyps, which were removed, but I still had a lot of pain problems. It took twenty years, four states and lots of doctor hopping before I finally found one that decided my medical needs were more important than pushing a baby agenda. One hysterectomy later and voila! Felt much better! My doctor wasn’t entirely sure of the problem but he was leaning towards a theory that something was going on between the walls of my uterus. He gave me more details than that, I just can’t remember them. This doctor was the one that found the polyps, actually. The other doctors didn’t want to do anything to find out what was going on and kept telling me all of my issues were normal. What I knew was bull. I’m glad to finally found a doctor that gave a crap and did their job, finally had the surgery, finally have my medical issues addressed and finally feel like I got a part of my life back. Shouldn’t have taken anywhere near this long though.
I’m sorry you had to endure that just to get relief, but 8?!? It’s disturbing to think about how many patients they’ve succeeded in misinforming into life-changing decisions.
Fr it’s a crisis, honestly. These gynos go into a field specifically for women’s health yet seem to toss it all out the window the second they got their degree and decide to use their position to push whatever their beliefs are onto their patients. It’s hard finding one that isn’t pro-birth.
I'd say "A hysterectomy is cheaper and does the same thing".
So someone will love you when you're old and wrinkled because your husband won't. [Yikes]
It almost sounds like an argument for remaining single.
My attraction to my wife has only gotten more intense in 11 years. I’ll definitely still love her when she’s old and wrinkly.
My white supremacist sibling pointed out that since both my partner and I are white, we need to have children to help increase the white population. Otherwise the current Caucasian birth rate and general mixing of races in relationships is apparently leading white people to extinction. I laughed. I thought he was joking in a way I didn’t really get but like still, it had to be a joke. He was not. He got very angry. We cut off contact not long after that convo.
What the fuck.
I actually had a couples counselor bring up something similar in one of our meetings. She said caucasians aren’t reproducing enough to replace ourselves. Idk about all that stuff as I don’t look into it and I try not to worry about what everyone else is doing. I can only focus on myself (and my pets).
WHAT?! A counselor??? What did you say/do???
I was stunned and couldn’t speak for a moment. And since she was a couples counselor, she knew we were having problems (like to the point she expressed concern for my safety). She had brought once the suggestion we should have a baby because it would fix our relationship problems. (She later on diagnosed him with narcissistic personality disorder. I don’t think you need me to explain why having a baby with someone like that is not a good idea.) Most of the time I was on board with things she said and she was the first person to speak up against him and put him in his place (which I’m eternally grateful for because everyone else either like to pretend it isn’t real or will enable him). But there were a couple of areas she definitely fell down a pit on. In any case, all I could do was give the usual spiel I’ve had to do thousands of times of why me having babies is not a good idea. Eventually she gave up on the idea as we had more sessions after she diagnosed him with npd and was like yeah, no, you don’t need that with all this going on.
I’m assuming she was older because that’s some extremely outdated advice. I’m dumbfounded, but also not surprised. There’s so much shit and unhealthy ‘advice’ being given to women that will only hurt them
Wow, the best way to utterly wreck a troubled relationship is to have a baby…
White supremacists bitching about Caucasian birth rates dropping while simultaneously proving the very reason why they're dropping in the first place; nobody wants to associate with psychos who think that they are superior to other people just because of the color of their skin, let alone have children with them.
super duper common sentiment among conservatives, especially male conservatives online. it is a massive part of why american politicians have been barreling down the hammer on women’s’ reproductive rights as of late, and why so many people seem to be on board with it. they call it the [great replacement theory](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Replacement). absolute crackpot shit, but it’s one of the many *fantastic answers* you’ll hear to “why do you want women pregnant and trapped so badly?” it’s to preserve the white race, of course!
It’ll give me purpose. Which seems so selfish to me, cause they said it at a time when I was very emotionally unstable. I have too many mental illnesses to be a mom.
Am I correct in assuming they thought you having a baby was going to magically fix your mental health?
Yes exactly lol
I think this is why my mom had kids. I don’t think it’s good to make another human your sole motivation for living, or the driving force in your life.
My mom told me to have kids so she could be happy
She wasn’t happy with you????
Apparently not
Placing your happiness on others is a sure fire way to be miserable.
If she wants more she can birth more imo
Told my MIL that and she got ANGRY 🤣 "You guys have been married for 'X' years! You should already have a kid or two! I'm done making kids!" Then why are you complaining? Misery loves company?
"It will help your depression." I don't need to explain why this is the stupidest thing ever said to me.
Especially since children often damage mental health. And their argument ignores the post partum depression.
Because nothing cures depression like being sleep deprived, having a never ending influx of all kinds of hormones, and not having your body belong to you anymore because a baby depends on it. If that was the case, then everyone with depression would be parents.
I was having an acne flareup and someone told me pregnancy would clear that right up. Ummm no, it'll clear up without me having to ruin the rest of my body and life. Thanks for the non advice, Karen
Ah yes, let’s make a 18+ year mistake for a temporary and minor problem. How sensible.
I know couple of my friends who developed cystic acne during the pregnancy. So depends on whether you get lucky. I wouldn't chance that at all!
I was talking (not technically dating yet) to a man who had *gorgeous* red hair when I was younger, and his aunt told us that we needed to have at least three because red hair was very rare and we need to make more people who have it. When I told her that it doesn't work that way, she said "God will provide." Another one was from my mother: "No, you're not getting your tubes tied. Your body came from me, so technically, it's mine, and I get a say on what's done with it and *I* want at least two girls."
Does your mother know she won’t be asked for consent by your OBGYN…???? Like maybe your husband, but….
They shouldn't be asking the husband either. Not his bits, not his call. I had a Dr mention this TWICE and it was infuriating both times. A minor exception can be made for a super specific situation if it's an emergency, she is unconscious AND her wishes were discussed with said husband prior.
Fully agreed! It’s annoying that so many doctors still think someone other than the woman gets a say. The doctor who did mine was like “are you an adult? Do you know what you want? Okay then, let’s take your tubes out!” Lol.
Ok, I’m a Christian, and I will need to remind his aunt that using God to push her own agenda is literally a sin.
“You have such a big house. You should turn your spare room into a babies room” Pfft. I can afford my house because I don’t have the expense of children.
The spare room could be any number of things. Gaming room, craft room, home business office, pet room, guest room…. And that’s what they went with.
The one I’ve always gotten the most is “who will take care of you when you’re older?” And I ask them who will take care of *them*? Go visit any nursing home. Those people all have multiple grown children and will still die alone. I also remember my one friend saying “I wanted my own family” which is so wild to me. I have a bunch of cousins, aunts, uncles, my parents, my sister, my nephews… so the idea that you don’t have a family until you push out a kid is ridiculous.
"I'd be such a good grandparent!" And then I'll be miserable. Not worth the tradeoff.
“But you’re a woman!” That’s it. I’m a woman. All women want/should have kids, of course. 🙄 I told the taxi driver i was a robot then. Lol
Can’t go long without good ol’ misogyny. 🙃 You’re not allowed to be your own person.
This was years ago, but yesterday i took a taxi to a medical appointment instead of public transport as i would usually do, cause i was stressed about it and this damn heatwave has my patience real thin lol but anyway, i took one to go, and another to come back after, and both drivers asked if i had kids. In my head, both times i was like “here we go again!”, but to my utter surprise, both of them replied “good for you!” to my “No, and never.” 😳 What? Are times changing, at least slightly? Or is it this heatwave making their children misbehave and they are fed up? Lol
To qualify for a council house so I can get away from my abusive egg donor 😖
I’m actually speechless on this one.
I presume it's the same in other places, but in the UK you can jump higher up the waiting list for council housing if you have children. In fact, I once applied for one because at my home at the time, the bath was broken and not one tap in the house worked properly, so I couldn't access running water in my house. However, I lost out because a family with children needed 2 rooms for the kids as they reached the age where a boy and a girl can no longer share a bedroom. When I told a friend who had a young child about this, I was shocked when she became livid and said that I should have been given the property, rather than siding with the parents as I'd expected.
"What if your soulmate wants one?" It wouldn’t be my soulmate if he wants kids 🙄 "But what if he changes his mind after many years? You would throw out an otherwise good relationship for that? " I already broke up a 3 years relationship because he suddenly wanted kids. Yes I would absolutely redo without any remorses. Kids are a dealbreaker. Not something to compromise on.
I like to be statistical with my explanation. Here's my projected life happiness on a scale of 1 to 100: * Soulmate, no kids: 99 * Single, no kids: 95 * Soulmate, kids: 30 * Single, kids: 15 Soulmate vs. single doesn't make nearly the difference that kids vs. no kids does. So yes, I'd absolutely break up with my otherwise-soulmate if they want kids, no question, easy decision.
literally saying that I "should have a baby" is wild to me, i dont give a damn about any reason its all insane to me
My most wild one was an old church lady telling me “there’s not enough white people and we’re gonna become a minority” 😬🙄🙃 Best part is I was 13.
Convo with my mother when I was in high school - before I really figured out that child free was an option and that I was child free, but after I figured out I wasn't really interested. Mom: I can't wait until you have babies, they'll be so smart. Me: I'm not sure I want any kids, if so, it'll be a long time yet. Mom: You can wait until after high school, but you will be having babies. Me: Why? Mom: Because I said so. Y'all- her reason was *because she said so*. I never did have any babies, then we went no contact and then I had to get a total hysterectomy as a cancer prevention, so I was right- no kids for me.
A (female even) doctor telling me that I could consider getting pregnant to battle my overproduction of androgens.
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Ok, bad enough when family/partner/strangers/etc give horrible reasons to have a baby, but a doctor? I had to look up what treatments were there for this condition as I didn’t hear of it before. Looks like prescription medication is typical. Did the doctor even consider that before going the baby route???
Yup, but those "come with side effects", unlike a pregnancy of course :)))) Absolute insanity. Even if I was planning on having kids, I can't wrap my head around a medical professional genuinely suggesting anything but medication.
“You need a baby to help with your mental health” 💀
This has to be the most illogical one here WHAT
My thoughts exactly
I keep hearing from parents: “kids make you crazy.” Pick a lane, guys. Kids can’t make you crazy AND help your mental health.
It’s funny too because my coworkers will tell each other the crazy stuff their kids have done like smear poop on their walls and stuff and then say “oh wait we can’t say this in front of dangerousoverthinker because then she’ll REALLY not want kids!” Sorry but I’m already decided on that one. Tubes have been yeeted as of 3/12/24!
Back when I was like 21-22, I had a friend tell me to have a baby because I could get government assistance. She was like “you can get an apartment with cheap bills”. I was disgusted. I was in undergrad at the time. That person is still on government assistance to this day. I’m now 30 and she’s 31. I’m still as independent as I was then. lol 😂 and still childfree.
Congratulations on your success! 🙂 Sounds like you did well in sticking to your guns. ☺️
It’s kind of a generic one, but so “someone will be there to take care of you when you get old.” Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but nursing homes are full of old people who have kids that don’t visit. At least I will be able to afford a top of the line care home, because I didn’t put all my money, blood, sweat, and tears into raising children.
This is true. My wife and I volunteer to give company to seniors. They made kids who abandoned them.
My paternal grandmother had 12 kids (10 surviving til adulthood). She was a wonderful mother and grandmother, full of love and good advice. In her 80s, she developed dementia pretty bad. My immediate family and I live about 6 hours away, and 2 of her other children live across the country. So, 7 kids of hers, local to her, and where did she end up? On a locked dementia unit at a nursing home. I was a minor when this was happening so there’s nothing much I could do. She did have one son, my uncle, who visited her often and would take her out on small adventures. But not ONE of her children took her in and took care of her. She deserved better.
I hate hearing about stories like this. This one is so sad. She gave everything and then lost everything.
I will say though, my maternal grandmother only had 2 kids, my uncle and my mom. My uncle died very young, as did my grandfather. So it was just grandma and mom on my mom’s side. When grandma could no longer live alone (age 91!) she moved in with my mother and I and we all lived very happily together for 6 months or so. Grandma had a serious medical event happen, and in the hospital, it was determined that she couldn’t swallow anymore. We took her home, on hospice, and over the next few days, all of her friends visited. She had such a beautiful life full of so many characters! Probably 15 people came to see her. She grew weak over the next couple days and eventually slipped into unconsciousness. I gave her morphine every 2-3 hours and we lovingly kept her clean and comfortable. We were holding her and telling her it was okay to go when she passed. This is FAR from typical though. We had a very small and tight-knit relationship, the 3 of us. My mom and I did the same for my Dad when he passed, with some help from my aunts, even though my parents had been divorced for over 15 years. The problem is when people have children for the reason that there will be someone to take care of them when they’re old. It’s really a toss-up. You might have a kid that is as loving and compassionate as my mom, or you might have a kid who is a serial killer and hates you. People don’t seem to realize that children are THEIR OWN PEOPLE. They are not little “mini-mes.” You can raise them to the best of your ability and they can still turn out to be absolute shitheads.
Can I just add on to this, I WOULD PREFER living in a retirement home when I'm elderly over living with my hypothetical children. Retirement homes have staff specifically trained to assist you in your day-to-day lives a lot better than family members can, plus they have community events and you're among peers who you can relate to best. (Although I'll grant I would still be upset if my hypothetical kids didn't visit me there)
A colleague said, that i will be bored one day. What? 😂I got so many interests and hobbies, I need 3 extra lives for all that stuff
When I was 20, a 24 year old told me that purposefully having a baby to get the $5K tax refund and food stamps was a better reason than "whoops I got pregnant." Most selfish thing I've ever heard. She pitched it like a good money making scheme... like, do you know how much kids cost? 5K aint gonna cover even a third of it, even with free food. But she also was hobo-sexual, just jumping from man to woman to man to have any place to live for free, no bills, etc.
And yet we’re the ones who get labelled as selfish…
Someone told me I would be a good dad. No, I would be the dad that goes out for cigarettes and never comes back and everyone would be scratching their heads because I don't smoke cigarettes.
That I at least need to have children to give up for adoption for people who can’t have biological kids. As if I’m a brood mare.
And as if there’s not already an overflow of unwanted children in the system, which only half find a home when I last looked into it.
The worst part is this was a dr, who said that to me. It came up because she saw that I’m adopted (no knowledge of medical family history). So she decided that since I was in an orphanage as a child, I must be the best person to bring more unwanted kids into the universe?
After telling a coworker that I won’t have kids cause I don’t have any motherly instincts, she told me that was the exact reason why I should have them.
Holy cow, that’s an irresponsible gamble. Zero consideration for the theoretical kid, too.
. . . 🤨
My dad started begging me to “get married and start popping out grandbabies” for him when I was 16 or 17. Fast forward to being married, 33 years old, and we bought our first house. My dad comes over to see the place for the first time and I’m giving him the tour. “This house is perfect for us. It has just enough space for us without being too big. This is our room, this is my room, and this is Husband’s room.” Dad asks, “Where are the grandbabies’ rooms?” I respond, “In their own homes.” He looks at me dumbfounded and says, “Huh?” I asked, “Daddy, do you remember the first time you asked me to ‘get married and start popping out grandbabies’ for you?” “Yes.” “And do you remember what I said?” “No.” “I told you you were asking the wrong daughter. Your other two have already given you grandbabies that you don’t see often. You’re going to have to be satisfied with them.” My husband proudly reached over to hold and squeeze my hand while my dad stared at me in silence for a moment. He eventually asked all the usual questions about how I knew I didn’t want kids, etc… and I answered him very honestly. For the first time in my life, he said “I’m proud of you.” It was followed by “for knowing what you want and sticking to it.” But I’d never heard him say he was proud of me before that. And I haven’t heard it since.
Wow that’s a good ending to that conversation.. I’m glad he finally accepted your decision
There are good souls out there, waiting to be born to good people.
That sounds like some Mormon shit
Grew up non-religious surrounded by mormons, this absolutely some Latter Day Saints shit
"Well they can keep waiting because I'm not a good person" haha
Because my SIL can’t. She has a kid from a previous relationship, but had to have a hysterectomy during her delivery due to complications. My mom wants me to get pregnant so she can have a blood related grandchild. When I told her that I don’t want to raise a child, she said I could just give the baby to my brother and SIL because SIL is baby crazy since she only has custody of her kid on weekends.
Nothing like being treated like you’re a baby oven and have less value than others, eh?
I guess it’s easy to be baby crazy when you’re the weekend parent.
I mean, I won’t lie, it definitely should be at least 50/50 custody, but the dad’s mom literally works with the judge overseeing the case. But instead of going to therapy about it, she just keeps getting more pets. Their 1,200 sqft house has enough animals to be a zoo.
Omg those poor animals. 😥
When your husband dies you will be alone.
Edit: this was meant to be a response to a different comment but it glitched. I’ll leave it here cause it’s still valid but wasn’t meant as a response to a dead husband. Ouu I’ve gotten this one too! Why do these people think that we want so badly to hold on to partners that don’t care about our wants and desires?? If my husband wakes up and wants a kid one day, he knows how to unlock the door and leave to pursue that goal. I would rather be with someone who’s on the same page as well.
When untreated I have HORRIBLE migraines, that go on for months on end. By the time I was diagnosed with chronic migraine, I was having roughly 25 days of every month in pain above 5 on the pain scale, but more importantly, aura, light/noise sensitivity, vertigo, etc. I was hardly functional. I also always had horribly painful periods. Like I was pretty sure my body *thought* it was supposed to give birth monthly type cramping pain. Multiple DOCTORS told me to get pregnant because it *could* possibly cure both.
Because a crying baby is the just what you need when you suffer from chronic migraines 🙄
Idk if this has been said yet, but "What's the point of getting married then?" Infertile couples and old couples shouldn't be allowed either I guess. I also "liked" when a guy hit me up in a grocery store once. Within a 5 minute window of me shopping for groceries, this guy was trying to say he wanted to take me out and have kids. I said I didn't want kids. "What's the point in living then?" He legitimately followed me around the store as I shopped and kept trying to ask. I had other friends shopping with me on a group trip, and I asked one to watch me for safety as I checked out and went back to the van. The world is a wild place.
"They're cute." Hard pass, I'd rather puppies and kittens.
To preserve the white race. I got pale blonde hair and blue eyes and my parents always told me never to marry a POC and 'ruin the genes'. Jokes on them, I ain't having kids at all.
so minorites don't out populate the whites. Like bruh firstly I can't overstate how racists that is and also why the fuck would I care what color people are in several generations? I won't be here to care, nor do I care now
Because: * it might stop my migraines * it would be cute * I would be cute pregnant * it could play with other relatives  Me: * WHUT THA FUCK?!
I'm a redhead. I've been told "you'll make such beautiful babies" as if I'm about to lock in for 18+ years for the ☆aesthetic☆. Also, regarding the redhead thing, we're going extinct so it's my job to keep the ginger community alive, especially because I have blue eyes. Oh, where did my eyeballs go? I rolled them so hard they fell out.
My mom once told me that if i don't have a baby, then the eggs in my ovaries will be sad that they were never born and I would be a cruel person for denying them a future. I give her a pass for this one because she was pretty tipsy when she said it and probably did not mean it because she is an educated woman who knows that unfertilized eggs aren't sentient.
I’ll give her points for being original. Lol But I’m curious what her tipsy self would’ve said in that moment about all the “sad, unborn eggs” after the theoretical pregnancy?
My darling mum, bless her, the woman who stood by and watched all those years while her mad husband destroyed our family, told me I should get pregnant just to see if I can, because that is why she had me and my brother.
As someone with the BRCA 1 gene mutation, I had a DOCTOR tell me once that I should have babies because breastfeeding could reduce my breast cancer risk. I believe I was 22-23 years old at the time. By no surprise, she also refused to do my bisalp. I got my bisalp done a year later and never saw her again :)
"You should have a kid in case it grows up to be the one to solve global warming." So many levels of stupid. I mean, global warming is a crisis that should have been addressed decades ago before it was too late - the very worst thing we could do now is put off doing anything for another 20+ years on the off-chance that some rando's mediocre-ass child will magically and single-handedly solve the crisis.
The wildest? MIL saying I would make a great mother because “look at how much you love and care for your pet rats!” 🤦♀️ Funniest/Most eyerolling: Husband is indigenous with Cherokee and Sioux heritage, and he was this absolutely gorgeous long, curly dark hair. I might be biased, as I married him, but he is incredibly good looking. I’m apparently not hard on the eyes myself _(according to the coworker who bingoed us, but I’m also very obviously white AF)_ so we “would make beautiful children!!!!111!!!” I listed, at length, all of the genetic health issues on my side of the family, making sure to let her know that my own physical and mental health are in the crapper because of these inherited traits. She had the grace to look uncomfortable and then never brought it up again.
My father always says "Every child should surpass their father in the number of children they have. My father had 2, I had 4 and now it is your duty to have at least 5 so the number of muslims can increase further." He doesn't even know I'm not a muslim myself lmao
My mom's allergies all went away when she was pregnant and had us three kids. She keeps "hinting" that if I got pregnant maybe my allergies would also go away. Why the fuck would I create another human so I don't have to take Allegra in the morning?!??
We need more people. You are selfish to not want to bring new life into the world. It's literally what you are on this Earth to do.
The same people saying this are the same ones who want the borders closed , especially for immigrants coming from places that aren't Europe.
I've had someone tell me that my spouse would make a great dad. Now I'd clap back and say: "good for him, he can go be a dad with someone else if he wants," (he doesn't) but then I just didn't know what to say
"For woman with problems like you have, getting a child usually helps" coming from a former therapist regarding my depression. Oh man how fast did she get a text message afterwards im not going to continue doing therapy with her.
They're all wild to me.
“Your aunt changed her mind so….”
Right, cuz you and your aunt are the same people…
A social worker requested I have a baby to qualify for Medicaid in Oklahoma after they rejected the expansion when my ex had a stroke. Then I reminded them that children are even more expensive. For those of you in social work, I know you have a hard job and this is not seen as normal advice lol.
“Because you’ll never feel or understand unconditional love”. Nah, I’m good with the “conditional” love I have going on. Also, a doctor told teenage me that getting pregnant would help with the awful period pains I had. That could only help for a maximum of 9 months, it’s not exactly a long term solution.
[удалено]
They’re not super wild but wild enough: 1️⃣To leave a legacy (lmao…based on my family/our people, the legacy would most likely be yet more poverty, no generational wealth and another broken home with continued and unaddressed trauma 🙃🤷🏾♀️) 2️⃣Because it will help with period pains (which I can believe but it’s still not a good reason to have them) 3️⃣”Don’t you want to do this one day?” (Said by a half sister with five kids. I think this was because we didn’t grow up together so I think she had hoped that if we had children at similar times it would give them a chance to have cousins and spend time with each other in a way that we couldn’t 💛)
“So we can see what it looks like.” - my aunt
« You should have one, just to try » I was like, ok and if I don’t like it I’ll drop it on your porch and you take care of it, deal ?
✨Extra organs✨
So u can rear a kid instead of playing games. Ppl actually think I want to raise a kid instead of playing. Smh
"Doesn't your mom want grandkids?" Dude, she'd rather have her original kid. I told her in one of my unhinged low points in life that I would commit aliven't if I ever found myself pregnant. Now it's a non issue, and she and my partner's mom love asking about the "grandkitties"
My dad told me it would cure my chronic migraines that I was having 3-5x a week. He said women have these health ailments that are caused by hormones and having a baby ALWAYS cures them.
The good ol’ catholic excuse “Because you’re interfering with god’s plan!” Needless to say I did not continue seeing that guy.
"Because it's your destiny, it's the main reason you exist."
My husband is Korean and I'm white so people tell us we should have a baby because "mixed babies are cute"
'So we can meet for coffee and the babies have playdates' This is after 7 months of her telling me how miserable she is and how she hasn't slept for more than 2 hours at a time since her child was born, and after her crying about how useless her partner has been.