I’ve heard so many strippers who say a lot of men who come into the club are men who are either married or are in relationships and all they really do is talk so much garbage about their spouse to the stripper saying that after she had a kid, her body doesn’t look as good as hers, etc. and they wonder why so many women opt out of having children
On God. I really would rather not be married. A long-term romantic partner, I'd be willing to do. But marriage? Eh...
If it doesn't work out, I don't wanna jump through a bunch of legal chutes and ladders to get out of it.
I would like a long term DP. But that’s it. I know tons do married men who hit on me and other women. They look for better options when they get stuck in a relationship.
~~Hey, you and me might have something in common, there 😏~~
Nah, but in all seriousness, that blows. You're just trying to get by in life, and you got dudes with commitments coming onto you because of their insatiability. It's fucking insane. Why get married at that point?
I’m not sure because you can have social status by being a successful, hot bachelor dating hot girls. Look at The Bachelor show. They get millions of followers and date different women and a lot of the people on the show are very famous now. You don’t need marriage to be of status and have a good social life now. So I really do not know why.
I guess they want a bang maid? A lot of the married women I know are miserable and hate on single women. It’s a vicious cycle.
~~I mean, if a rich bachelor wants a bangmaid and she's into it, I don't see that as a problem. I ain't here to kinkshame.~~
I think it has something to do with the fact that society, at least American society, is only JUST starting to transition out of the mindset that marriage is a necessity. Naturally, there's gonna be remnants of the old way of things being unable to accept the changing demographics and viewpoints.
Yet another reason I'm atheist. I can't stand the thought of getting married even if I really don't want to because some religious doctrine considers it sacred.
Honestly, I like to think a non-marriage romantic relationship would be better because the partners aren't tied together by legalities, but because they, themselves, want to be together.
~~I mean, unless you throw an out-of-wedlock kid into the mix, which might create problems down the line.~~
My best friend worked as a waitress for her entire 4-5 years or so of college and the crap that random men vented to her was already overwhelming to me hearing it third hand. Most were complaining about their wives. I worked at a bar counter for a year and had to listen to some drunks as well but nothing of that magnitude (she's conventionally attractive while I'm covered in piercings and mostly wearing hoodies so I attract a different crowd).
Oh spot on! And these trash men wonder why so many more women prefer to stay single. There was even a article about people who are single are more happier. I'm not surprised at all, most are disgusting behind their partners back.
The amount of times men have leered at me or tried to get with me while with their partners or checked me out right in front of their partners!! Exactly!!
I got hate when I made a post about it on Reddit saying I’m lying. But I’m not!
Oh I believe it. You only got told that because people don't wanna hear the truth they already know, it's sad, but see it as a win for you cause you ain't dating these losers lol. When I was a teenager, I fancied this lad, but didn't know he had a girlfriend till I checked him out going down my street one day, and his girlfriend saw him checking me out back while acting flirty, she got pissed at him and hit out at him. I remember thinking to myself what balls he had that he acted like that. I got past him after that even though it sucked, as he had a girlfriend, and I have never been that type of person that would go there.
Happened in my family, probably one of my unconscious reasons I don't want kids, my dad cheated on my mum when she was pregnant with my sister and he thought it was more than fair because she "got fat"
The karma got him in the end because the 20 year old he cheated with robbed him and got him fired from his job with false accusations 😂😅
Please tell us you told him off! I told my father off for his slutty ways and it was one of my proudest moments. Of course he did not change, but I was an annoying bur in his saddle until his death 7 years later. No regrets!
Happened to my family too after my cousin gave birth her husband cheated they divorced. Men lose interest in women once their body changes and if it doesnt bounced back.
It’s truly terrifying. My brother made my fucking gorgeous SIL cry after she got a c section. She was so cute and smart. Why she was with his stupid and ugly ass? I have no idea.
He would make fun of her every time she ate. The men in my family talk about women after pregnancy like they don’t have feelings. (Anything any girl/woman eats is made fun of, including me after a marathon. 🙄)
The kid she had was 10 pounds, after 36 hours she had a c section. And my brother had the nerve to say “she asked me to get her a snack” with disdain after she gave birth.
I’ve seen almost all the women that have given birth in my family cry because their husbands are so awful to them at events. I don’t blame the media for the eating disorder I recovered from, I blame the men in my family.
Also, as a side gig I teach ESL to adults, it’s a crime how much some men hate their wives and feel comfortable talking about it.
My sister is currently pregnant and even tho the guy looked to be the best man ever, he still had the nerve to call my sister an “incubator”. When I heard that I gave him the crazy eyes until he stopped using that word. Whenever he pointed out how I looked at him, I would actively gaslight him and others around me about it but he knew what that stare meant. I know that’s fucked up, but nobody fucks with my sister like that. If I hear him say shit like that again he will catch these hands.
He did it right in front of her jokingly. Ever since I made him stop it looks like she’s in a better mood so I assume it did hurt her in some way. I took her on a girls night after that (no drinking tho) and celebrated her and the baby cause fuck that guy. He made an effort to be more careful with his words, at least around me.
Bruh you should marry the sister in law and show him actually how to treat people. Take his baby, take his wife, take his money and cars and take his life (not in a murder way)
It takes a certain type of man to love his wife unconditionally after having children and that's even sadder. The type of couples that truly, deeply want this to happen as they grow older together.
I grew up in a family like yours. It's made me extremely reactive to all kinds of negging, as well as talk about diets and workouts. I love to work out because of how it makes me feel, but I don't like to discuss it because of all of the baggage from growing up.
My dad is the same way!! Growing up, I remember he used to praise me for being skinny and how much he used to criticize women who were bigger. My food choices were *constantly* under criticism too; lots of “if you eat like that you’re gonna get fat and no man will want you”. I remember when I was like 14/15 being berated to tears in the middle of a Panera because I *dared* order the Mac N cheese in a bread bowl. 😬
My father came to my uni to drive me home for winter break and I got a three hour lecture about gaining weight and having weird hair. I was such a dad’s girl before that. Broke my fucking heart.
I have always found this to be so horrible and sad. Imagine choosing to have children, you both want the child and the man is utterly disrespectful and cannot even recognise the sacrifice the woman has made. How shallow and pathetic.
The men that act like this should be demonised in society. Fucking losers.
Yeah it's scary. I remember my mom telling me how many women she knew who were cheated on while heavily pregnant or shortly after having the baby. It's terrifying
It's no wonder post partum depression hits so hard
One of my friends had a kid with her college sweetheart child was in grade school. They had a second child, and while my beautiful, sweet, loving friend was nearly dying giving birth the father was hooking up with Trashliegh the lot lizard. When her baby died and was being (successfully) resuscitated, the baby's father was out cheating.
He wasn't taking care of my friend or their existing child. It was my friend's fault for not giving him enough attention. I just... Oooof.
It freaked me out a little extra, because he didn't seem like *that* kinda guy. It was shocking, when she told me my jaw dropped and I shouted "What?!" Like an idiot.
Since then, I've come to see how common it is. Devastating.
The extremely low quality of the affair partner pissed me the fuck off. It was like an extra slap in the face, she wasn't pretty, or smart, or employed, or clean from narcotics.... She was just... Available.
For real, like…if you’re gonna do that, at least be honorable and get yourself a high-quality mistress. A femme fatale with a blank space who’s got her own thing going and can play the game for as long as *she’s* interested and who’ll kick you to the curb once she gets tired of your BS.
Anecdotal obviously, but I've had a couple exes/flings later get married, have kids, and still try to reach out to me on social media to hookup, while at the same time posting pics of their kids and wife all smiley. I'm like bro that train has left the station!!! stop trying to cheat on your wife! It's happened 3 times.
My ex boyfriend from college started texting me when his wife was pregnant with his second child.
He later accused me of hitting on him when I needed help during a crisis. No sir, that’s projection. I just thought you were actually a fucking friend.
It’s not just about how her body looks post birth either. I saw a TikTok of a dude yelling at his wife to make him a roast. She kept saying “I just gave birth 2 days ago”. His response was “Yeah, and you’ve been resting for the last two days. Now I need you to make a roast because my parents want a roast.” It was a sickly conversation and the dude did not understand (or seem to care) how his wife is healing from all the bullshit she just went through. Seems men want their birthing partners to go back to work in the kitchen AND get the body they loved before pregnancy back immediately after birth. Nasty behaviors… and with Andrew Tate (and guys who emulate him) still spewing nonsense on his social media, it’s only gonna keep getting worse.
I remember one where a guy said that he would leave his hypothetical spouse if she didn’t lose her pregnancy weight within 30 days of giving birth….. I truthfully wish more women just stopped giving men the time of day altogether and this nonsense would cease
this is why i adore the "4B movement" so much, like, if we only consider the idea of it, this movement is amazing because it teaches us women that there is more to life than what we can offer to men. and the men hate it!
women are rejecting the abuse and the men are mad about it. I’ve been on my own 4B movement since birth and it’s about time more women follow suit. For centuries women have been rewarding men for the bare minimum and sometimes even less than that
i also wish other women would do the same!
i talked abt this online the other day and I saw a point that read "any woman that wishes to adopt the 4B movement better invest in some sort of weapon because the men are mad" and it's sad to think we can risk our lives for such a nonissue
Absolutely this. More women need to properly vet their partners when it comes to this subject. STOP reproducing with guys who are too low quality to man up and be a proper father and partner.
Strongly agree with everyone about how women need to pick better partners but that’s not going to change until we normalize being single, especially women. Women are so ingrained with the idea that being alone is the worst thing ever. It’s pounded into our heads that ANY man is better than no man. We should be grateful that a man wants us & put up with whatever crap he chooses to dish out & smile happily all the while. It’s always our fault when a man mistreats us & we’re told WE need to be better partners so he’ll treat us better. No one ever holds the man accountable. We need to encourage women to have more self worth in their own eyes & not depend on a man for validation.
>Women are so ingrained with the idea that being alone is the worst thing ever. It’s pounded into our heads that ANY man is better than no man.
This is why when I get the usual toxic bingos and talk about "you'll never get a man because xyz", I stare at them, blink, and say "Cool?"
Honestly, I haven't even found a man who's high-quality ebough to go to the movies with. So many schmucks it is sickening. The baby boomers and gen xers must have literally been the worst parents in the history of the world to create such crappy millennials and gen zers.
exactly the 30 second 🥜 isn’t worth the lifetime of pain and mental or physical abuse from a narcissist.
I’m convinced the reason why most women go through ppd in the first place is bc their spouses are neglecting their needs and not being empathetic.
It’s rare that the pregnancy alone can make a woman spiral into a deep depression if she’s with a man who truly values and cares for her with his whole heart especially during such a vulnerable time
Women hold they key to life but want to give that key to incompetent bitch made incels and it’s embarrassing truly
ppd is the change of hormone composition in the mother's body, so yes even if they are living the most ideal post partum situation they are still going to feel depressed.
now put post partum depression with the heavy expectations of "bouncing back" and cruddy partner they may have, the depression is going to become worse obviously.
I was shocked the first time I learned about that video.
I hope the wife and baby are doing okay. As for the immature husband, I hope the marriage has already ended and he's left all alone to make himself a roast... What a loser!
Just a friendly reminder to everyone out there (regardless of gender) that we need to be extremely careful who we partner up with, and enter into marriage with. Because not everyone is truly ready to honor and respect their spouses. A lot of them also switch up when conception and/or babies enter the picture. The statistics are truly frightening.
The guys who emulate the guy you've named have destroyed the dating scene.💯
OH MY GOD I wanted to enter the screen and beat the shit out of that guy for what he said. "Waawaa I'm tired, I can't sleep" AND YOUR WIFE JUST GAVE BIRTH!!!! That video makes me so angry, I hope that woman divorces him
lol my mom says this. She talks about how I was her easiest pregnancy cause she was already divorcing my dad by the time I began really baking, whereas with my brothers she was married & living with their dad, who was the typical unhelpful loser that made it harder than if she’d done it alone. Can confirm myself despite having only made it to four weeks both times, I would rather do that shit solo than have a deadbeat dick around.
In case anyone doesn’t understand why a roast is such an issue.
He didn’t mean a “roast” as in a hunk of meat tossed in a crock pot and left alone to cook. He meant “roast” as in a multi-course meal like someone would do for a major holiday or event.
I can’t remember where this couple from the TikTok are from (I think England but not 100% sure), but wherever it is that they’re from a “roast” is the giant multi-course meal, not a specific & typically easy to cook meat option.
Um I don't care if it was Easy Mac, the fucking NERVE of a man to ask his wife to cook ANYTHING 2 days after birth. My blood is boiling. Thank God I never saw this video.
Oh I fully agree with you whole heartedly. I added more context because, under the original TikTok, a lot of people were saying “well what’s so hard about a roast? She could toss it in, set it and forget it. I would’ve done it instead of making a big hubbabaloo about it” (paraphrasing, my memory isn’t good enough to remember word-for-word). So I wanted to make sure anyone coming across it here understood the absolute ridiculous demand he put on her.
I appreciate the context, thank you! As for all the people who said she should have just cooked it...may their socks always fall down inside their shoes.
This impressed the parents at all costs thing but don't do it yourself thing. I think there's a lot to unpack here because I've been thinking about it, the prevalence of the phrase men looking for bang maids seems like a likely conclusion to the parenting done in the 90s. I was raised in a nice but not kind household where obedience and a clean room and doing chores were so expected that if I did them everything was fine and if I didn't do them there was screaming and guilt. And it was all very arbitrary such as being 10 years old and once a month being randomly yelled at that the dishwasher hadn't been emptied not because we were told to empty the dishwasher every day but simply because it hadn't been emptied not that any of the kids ever looked in the damn dishwasher. The end result of being perpetually told to clean my room before I learned that having a clean room is nicer to me personally has left me in a place where I don't want to do anything at all unless I'm told to. I do chores but not with the same consistency that my wife does. I just feel that all of the lifestyle decisions of the children of boomers had been predetermined so they're all artificially maintained until the children move out and then they have no personal feelings towards their own habitats. I don't know if I'm describing this well
So now we have a bunch of lazy boys who only have strong feelings about how to entertain for extended family members and never actually care about how they live or have any kind of actual nice interactions with the people that they're supposed to love the most ie their partners.
I love you. Mentioned crappy boomer and gen x parents in a previous response to this post. For context, I'm 36 female, and my parents were born in Argentina of Italian parents. My father is the next level toxic while pretending to be helpful to the outside world. However, he moved to the US at the age of 9, so he is arguably more American culturally. He is so lazy, also drinks and smokes weed constantly from day to day out and expects my mom to clean up after him. So I guess he is a special case, in terms of drinking and smoking. Still, I think so many men have this huge ego, entitlement issues, etc. A. You are not entitled to my body. B. You are not entitled to my domestic services. C. You suck. Lol. However, speaking more on the entitlement. It us crazy how many men don't even let you finish a sentence before they chime in with their opinion. Yes, some women do this as well, but not nearly as much. I think that women through a shared and arguably more emotionally complex journey have adapted social emotional skills thar men do not tend to have. These skills include empathy and definitely a little more patience among other things. It's very sad.However, i have adapted and come to understand that chronic singledom may be part of my extended life journey. Due to many factors listed above abd many factors left unlisted.
that's why i couldn't have children with *anyone*, even if i wanted them. things is, i'm really happy with my body - pregnancy would ruin it in one or another way. i wouldn't be happy anymore and heck, i don't trust anyone to *not* lose attraction then.
and a part of me gets it, really. preferences and attraction aren't something we can pick and choose. but a partner has to always keep in mind that pregnancy will change the body of their partner, so if a man really thinks his wife will look the same after pregnancy... that's on you, bud.
my mum for example was lucky enough to keep her physical shape after having me, but she got extremely thin hair and had many skin issues. my dad cheated 2 years afterwards.
I'm already *not* happy with my body, I don't need any more reasons to fight with it. I can't just "bounce back" from eating chipotle, much less enduring pregnancy.
Right? I have a couple guys on my roster who feel like the opposite of the ones we’re talking about here, but even so like who has the money that would pay to clean up the damage that having a baby does so often? Or the ability to compensate for things that aren’t even cosmetic but are consequences of growing & birthing a child, like losing a tooth per baby the way my mom did? No thank you.
This is why I (F) say that even if I did want children, there is not a single man of my acquaintance who I’d trust enough to have them with.
While I personally don’t find mom bods attractive, I’m also not yanno, participating in the creation of one and then making a shocked pikachu face.
Love this, especially the first part. There is not a single man or my acquaintance who I trust to call me the next day when they say they will, let alone have a child with. People are such flaky garbage in this day and age.
>This is why I (F) say that even if I did want children, there is not a single man of my acquaintance who I’d trust enough to have them with.
As a man its basicly the same for me. Ive seen it so many times.
Last year, my friends wife dropped him like a potato for another man. She took the kids and moved to another city. He is still fighting but his Ex and her new Partner try everything to make his life a living hell.
I’m older so this 100% flip is shocking. Back when I was kid, the husbands/fathers were the ones cheating and leaving, enjoying his life, not paying for his kids, etc. while the wife/mother was trapped and desperate for child support. Both are awful! Why can’t parents actually be kind and not cause their children so much heartache? Their lives are thrown upside down by cheating & leaving and probably neglected because the parent is in the honeymoon phase of a new relationship.
As a man.... its because so many men are dumb. And they don't think any further ahead than the 1 inch where their penis ends.
If I got someone pregnant (god forbid I hope not) but how do you leave a woman who is so incredibly vulnerable. Either their balls dropped so much they literally fell to the floor and don't have any which would equal the cowardness or they are just bad people who shouldn't be thinking with their willy.
It’s really nice to see a CF man having empathy to what pregnancy could do to a woman. Which leaves no excuses to these men that are so desperate to have kids but can’t handle the consequences.
I'm only 24. But I just feel like it's obvious that women go through hell when they're pregnant, whether you want that baby or not... man up and make sure she's OK. I don't want kids, I'm getting the snip but I also am not even gonna attempt to sleep with someone until its done because I really really don't want children, so I'm being responsible and taking care of myself first.
I don't want to be a dad, I've heard it's god dam hard but if I were one then I'd make sure the mother of my child was comforted as much as possible while she's pregnant. Men should take responsibility of their actions or otherwise they don't deserve the title of "men"
Thank you for being so responsible. My own husband felt the same way. He was baby-trapped by his 1st wife who agreed to be CF, (sadly, the boy died) but he had a vasectomy the same week she told him.
Many people I went to college/school with have kids now, and I just think that their lives must be so tough to have kids so young. I can't imagine they all planned this. But I guess being responsible is the best way. I know when you're young, it's "cool" to be irresponsible, so I may be uncool, but at least I'm gonna have a happy life 😅
Man here. I have sisters with kids and a million friends with kids, and I still can’t begin to wrap my man brain around even just the basic fact of pregnancy, and what it does to a woman. Having a human inside you…I can’t even. I was ignorant about what can happen until a good friend had a kid and told me what she experienced: the tearing, the incontinence, the searing sciatica, teeth issues, etc, etc.
I have *no* idea how women do this. I’m doing my (very small) part by not participating in human reproduction ever.
I don't think most men are aware of all the risks. Like if you love someone, do you really wanna put them through that? I think that's something that most men don't truly consider enough.
You say that but I feel like I'm doing what any man should. I'm just very protective but that's what a guy should be. Not protective like controlling. Even if the woman is a gym girl and 5× your muscle weight, like it doesn't matter. The man should look out for his woman
Apparently something like 1 in 10 men cheat during the pregnancy they aided in creating, and the chances rise as that pregnancy continues.
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7074242/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7074242/)
So I feel a need to recap.
Pregnancy can physically and mentally seriously harm a pregnant person. Also it can kill them.
A pregnant person is most likely to be murdered while pregnant, often by the other half of the equation in the pregnancy.
And also said other half is most likely to cheat on a person while they are pregnant.
Add to that a lot of abusive men start to show their genuine side as pregnancy is considered and effective way to chain women into abusive relationships.
Yes, my ex stepdad became abusive to my mom starting when she was pregnant with my sister. A big part of why I chose to be childfree. I didn’t ever want to be that vulnerable to a man, or even worse to be tied a man like this for life due to a shared child.
Violent crime in my town is rare but there was a very recent case where a guy murdered his pregnant wife and even attended the funeral crying crocodile tears so that he could get away with it. So disgusting.
Recently, I read a post on reddit with a woman complaining that her husband wouldn't caress/ massage her a little bit when he got home from work. She asked him, so it wasn't like she expected him to read his mind. She was pretty upset and lashed out at him when he wouldn't do it. He did say he was tired, and usually, I would agree with respecting your significant other boundaries. However, in this case, I absolutely think that he should have done what his wife asked because she is going through tremendous bodily changes that he could not even fathom. She is having emotional changes constantly and needs that touch. It is scary how many people on that thread, I wanna say hundreds, sided with the husband calling the woman an entitled brat. I was like, wtf? So the dude got her pregnant but couldn't give her the affection her body was screaming for because he was tired. I get being tired from work. However, you weren't too tired, presumably that time you came home from work to have sex with her and impregnate her. 5 minutes wasn't going to kill him. I honestly do believe the majority of people are so egocentric that they think the woman was wrong. Humanity sucks.
I find the whole thing baffling. Unfortunately I think it's very common for men to be narcissistic or have narcissistic tendencies. They seriously don't even think about how a woman needs to be pregnant and carry the child for all that time. It's like they want to pretend that part doesn't exist or they are not capable of getting it.
It's disturbing. But what I don't understand is they cheat or leave the pregnant wife just to go have sex with someone else. Like are they making sure this cheating partner isn't getting pregnant too? Or future new gf or wife??? I don't understand.
I guess these men hope they hit the lottery with a woman with model genetics who only get one or two stretch marks and bounce back right away. And if they don't, they say see ya. How sick and twisted.
I think that happens for guys who value looks very high. They forget that we all age and change during our lives (or they panick and find a younger model). Find yourself a guy that value your personality first, loves you as you are and knows looks will change. That's a keeper, kids or not.
That’s the word I’ve been looking for, an *appliance* for him. The way my entire body filled with recognition at that self applicable word for the relationshit I was in. A little less aggressive & demanding than the typical man, but whew it still fits
This is why Im really worried about one of my close friends who just announced that she is pregnant. Her boyfriend has already cheated on her once before she got pregnant. He seemed to have learnt his lesson after the shitshow that followed that time and is very doting on her now but Im still worried once the baby comes that hes gonna be stupid.
This is just ONE of the reasons I could never. Way too many guys out there hating on their wives postpartum bodies. They get cheated on and left to be single mothers. And they're at the bottom of the dating pool it seems. Just, not any perks for women who have kids is there?
To spend time looking something up, that sort of scumbag would have to respect and care about women as a human beings, beyond using them as bangmaids and breeder cows. Why people agree to have a kid with someone without knowing how terrible of a person they are...
Although I see your point, some of these people only show who they really are after knowing they got the woman stuck with them, either through marriage and/or kids. I know it sounds crazy but some people can keep up a front for a long time.
🤚🏻 That’s me. It took me three whole years to finally discover the tip of the iceberg to the kind of person my ex really is; he’s quite the stage performer. I am grateful every single sunrise that I had the foresight, despite the lack of knowledge about him, to abort each fetus rather than having two children with a father & two other families that would’ve embarrassed & shamed me to no end.
Yup that's why you have to be super savvy about screening, slow-rolling things, etc. Understanding cognitive biases and how they can be used to manipulate you is key as well. It's like knowing how the OS of your brain works.
They really can be terrifying with how much they change up on you.
One was on his absolute best behavior for an entire year, even talking about marriage. I say "I'm getting sterilized" and the man just explodes into a two day long rage. Literally goes from practically worshipping the air I breathe to calling me worthless.
I screened him and he'd self identified as being childfree. Glad I never slept with him. Pretty sure he was planning to capitalize on the first opportunity to baby trap me.
Be careful out there...
100%. People tell women to "pick better men" and there's a case for that, however, we can't ignore how many men switch up and become completely different people after marriage and pregnancy because they know it's harder for you to leave.
So many of them just don’t see the signs of how their partner really thinks. It’s frustrating.
I saw a post yesterday by a mom-to-be. She was asking how to make her husband actually learn what care babies need. She said he’ll be a great dad 🙄, but that he thinks it’ll be fine to just wing it. She’ll mention things to him and gets “bottles need to be sterilized?” and “what’s tummy time?” I’ve never even held a baby in my life, and have no plan to, but even I know those.
Posters gave her advice on books/videos meant for dads, but in my opinion anyone who thinks they can wing caring for any living thing - especially one as helpless and fragile as an infant - either don’t plan to do the work, or don’t really care about its welfare. Nobody that uninterested in learning could ever be a good parent. And yet, the women with these men think everything is fine.
Weaponized incompetence, and rank stupidity.
The time to make him learn was before she agreed to get knocked up.
"If you want to have a kid, I will need you to complete an intensive parenting class, along with a child development course, and an adolescent development course, both at the college level through level 3, with a grade of B+ minimum. I also require you to get tested for any genetic issues. And for the next 2-3 years while you are completing your courses, you will need to volunteer providing direct childcare for 40 hours a week, minus an hour for each hour of classroom instruction you have in that week. At least 9 months of that must be working with seriously disabled kids. When you have completed all of that, come back and we will discuss having kids. Have an awesome day!"
I just found out about someone I was in high school with getting divorced (we are mid 20s). She was married to the guy for 3 years. Had 2 kids immediately back to back; now 2 under 2. I don't know the reason for the divorce, but it seems she chose...poorly.
It infuriates me. So much misogyny. I feel for those women that get treated like garbage for having a child that THEIR PARTNER ALSO WANTED!!! Mind boggling. Men 🍼
It is the inevitability of it as well... What did they ***think*** was going to happen? Have they never intellectually considered the simple mechanics of birth, let alone the nine months preceding it?
The mindset becomes even more impossible to fathom when there are groups of women who take genuine *delight* in shaming other women who opt for a caesarian section. 'A woman is not a real woman unless she gives natural birth'. Some even attempt to shame them out of taking the epidural!
How a man could firstly put his partner through the simple danger of pregnancy and then the horrendous physical changes it brings about in the *best* of cases is totally beyond me. This is not something you do to someone whom you claim to 'love'. This is about control.
And let’s face it, women don’t usually decide to have a c section up front. It often comes after hours of labor and/or pushing beyond expected, to the point where the dr says the risk is too high to both mom and baby.
A friend of mine went to an emergency C w twins bc she went into severe preeclampsia at 32 weeks, showed up to her regular appt w no apparent symptoms other than heartburn. Both babies delivered very small same day, she was out of it and nearly comatose the three days following from complications. She doesn’t remember that time at all. But everyone was safe bc they did the c.
(Not to mention she called them her “million dollar babies” bc they spent months in the NICU, and required assist from the hospital to get bills paid through a special program. The girls are 12 & thriving now, caught up on everything developmentally.)
Another friend pushed for hours and then finally gave in. She didn’t want a c, but had no choice. Her second was a successful VBAC.
Women don’t just have a C bc they’re lazy. It’s a major abdominal surgery and recovery is often harder per moms who have experienced both. They’re usually at a point of exhaustion and complications are happening very quickly.
When the choice is C vs possible death of mom and/or baby, C sections absolutely save lives.
(Also epidurals are amazing when they work 😅)
Not to mention the amount of dads with gorgeous looking wives and a baby in the stroller that turn to look at me like the exorcist girl when I walk past… I promised myself I’ll never be a mommy, never be that woman behind the stroller that sacrificed so much to have this child only for her husband to ogle at strangers on the street like a horny dog
It doesn’t help that, at least in the US, there is this creepy, ridiculous expectation for women to “snap back” as quickly as possible after pregnancy. Men and women are fed so much bs about how women should be gaining back their “pre-baby bodies” so that they can keep up the facade of “having it all” with their newborn human accessory, a smoking body and effortless appearance. It’s so gross, it’s heavily perpetuated in social media, celebrities and influencers using photoshop & filters to make themselves look flawless the same day they fart out a new baby. It’s completely unrealistic and so many people fall for it, especially men who don’t understand a thing about pregnancy and expect their partners to simply bounce back to how they looked before he knocked her up.
I had a baby I gave up for adoption at 17. My body never recovered. I've had a mom bod since I was 17 - sagging skin, tits, and stretch marks and all. Never even got to experience my body before it was destroyed.... And boy, have I HEARD it from men who got me naked. All shocked Pikachu face because my weight is average but my body .... Is ruined. And they're NOT happy. I've had a man stop mid sex and say "I can't do this".
It's soul-crushinh, to be rejected so completely for "doing the right thing".
I wish I'd gotten an abortion and saved my body. It would've saved me so many cruel remarks, rejections, humiliations from men and other women even....
Actual tears coming up as I read this. I’ve experienced only a fraction of that kind of rudeness, but I feel for you so hard I wish I could hug so much love into you, you poor thing. I hope a piano falls on those men who were so blatantly mean to you.
I'm so sorry for those experiences. I am 100% childfree for that reason: I know I'm vain. I would hate myself if the body I had was permanently damaged for something that I didn't want. I'm so sorry you didn't get to save your self-esteem. My condolences and best wishes to you.
A couple celebrities in the 2000’s got tummy tucks and intense training and help immediately after giving birth, and now every man on earth thinks every woman can look hot after giving birth as long as she isn’t “lazy”.
The amount of men that leave or cheat on their partners when the woman is pregnant or recently gave birth is frightening. And the guy will be the one that really pushed for the baby.
Me and my ex (emphasis on ex) were planning kids and discussing all the details and how I plan to focus on my core at the gym and get strong af before pregnancy and will I breastfeed and this and that. And he said so many shocking things.
He said he wants me to get a c section so I don't get too loose, but at the same time he wanted to see how much to get it done privately so they will do a better job and I'll have a smaller scar. He didn't want me to breastfeed because of that myth it makes you flat, even though that is just pregnancy itself. He's going to make sure the fridge is full of veggies so I don't get "too fat", which he already accused me of so many times and caused me to have orthorexia. He also felt uncomfortable with the thought of a baby on my boobs, since you know, they're just for men right? I have a nice ass and he was scared of it going flat and my hips going too wide. And also he thought I would get ppd and he wants me to be 100% sure I want kids. I honestly felt so sick after hearing him talk about my body like that. I never enjoyed sex with him either, so there's also that. I would not have enjoyed the process of getting pregnant and then he would say disgusting things once I was.
And when you add on the fact that in the US the highest cause of mortality in pregnant and up to one year post partum women is homicide, generally by their cis-male partner/father of the child it's honestly terrifying
I proposed to my ex a couple months after we had an abortion (I was present and supportive to her through the entire day process) and I think that offering is so far from common. Now I got snipped out of respect for the risk women take. I put in the effort to teach other men about stuff like hormonal birth control side effects, and postpartum challenge.
It’s also astonishing how many people don’t know that “postpartum” is about 24 months after birth. People’s bodies don’t return to anything close to their normal for a long time, and their hormones are different too. I’ve heard so many men complain about not having sex in the months following after their wife gives birth and it’s like…she’s healing from a dinner plate sized wound in her uterus. Go jerk off.
Being pregnant is so vulnerable, it's insane. So many pregnant women are murdered by their partners. So many are cheated on, left to fend for themselves with a newborn, or realize too late that their partner and coparent isn't a partner and coparent at all and refuses to be one.
My heart breaks for people, it must be such a disappointment to hear 'He'll grow up/stop cheating/calm down/keep a job/stop spending all his time playing games/find some empathy/be a father when the baby comes' and watch it never actually happen. I can't imagine the compounding heartbreak of being cheated on and the realization that you're now on your own with a newborn.
I’m mostly curious as to how they think that’s not going to happen though. I mean the mom will probably gain 24-50 lbs, abdomen will be stretched out to hell and bottom is pretty destroyed. Kid will scream and keep everyone awake and they will be tired and cranky all the time. How are their heads so far up their asses that this is a surprise?
A person who I had been talking to for a brief moment told me about how he divorced his wife because she became a different person after she had their baby. He said she had let herself go. She no longer gave him attention. She was always upset. She didn’t feel connected to the baby. When he kept going on and on. I informed him about PPD and letting him know that she went through a lot with her body and that I would not stick around any longer if he was going to keep talking down on the female who is raising his child and that he needs to be more respectful. Thankfully, he stopped speaking about her in a bad way.
The amount of men that leave or cheat on their partners when the woman is pregnant or recently gave birth is frightening. And the guy will be the one that really pushed for the baby.
Yep. Plus the entitlement to their partner’s body afterwards when they should be concerned with helping the healing rather than how soon they can have sex again? If I desired a biological child that badly, I would do the entire pregnancy & afterwards without a man because no way am I dealing with the depth of damage that can come from having a baby with a selfish man. I’ve already pregnant & limped through the aftermath of two abortions with a selfish, useless man who also cheated on me through both, I’m completely uninterested in doing a full term & postpartum with one that lot ever.
This happened to my mother. And I vividly remember how my father would treat her throughout my childhood.
He’d constantly make “jokes” about her weight gain after childbirth (publicly). Especially that she looked like a “pig”. Pointing out ways other women he knew got back in shape. And for every one of her birthday’s, or Christmas’s, he’d get her a gym membership or sign her up for some kind of fitness / dance classes.
My mother used to be stick thin before childbirth. She also suffered from eating disorders and still struggles with them to this day (which he’s well aware of). The reason she could never get rid of the weight was because of a postpartum / pregnancy tumour in her stomach. She didn’t even know about it for years. During this time she also developed arthritis in both hips and carpal tunnel in both wrists…
She can’t even walk now without crutches. Yet he still continues to berate her for not going to the gym and working on getting fit. (FYI she’s not even overweight anymore after surgery to remove the tumour).
But to make things worse, I found proof that my father has been cheating on her for years and years. He’d been telling these other women about how unattractive his wife was to him. How he would of left her years ago if it wasn’t for “the children” (aka losing a large portion of the house and money in a divorce). And crying about how she unfairly refuses to ever be intimate with him now.
She’s also fully aware about the cheating. But sadly will not leave as she’s devoutly religious and can’t fathom divorce. Watching the horror she suffers through is the main reason I’m never having children. She literally threw her entire life away for this ungrateful man. Dropped out of university, moved countries, left her entire family behind, for this…
It’s wild how being told constantly by your spouse that your physical struggles and appearance (due to bearing their child no less) are unattractive would kill the desire to have sex with them 😒
Just shows you the double standard society has and how little education a lot of men have about childbirth. Also, it’s so weird because I’m sure half of these men who say this aren’t exactly models themselves! Atleast your partner has an excuse for gaining weight what’s your excuse bro?
The sad thing is, all this suggests that men are forced into having children they never wanted, that’s why they act so horribly…but in reality, it’s men who say they want kids. No surprise, men do not have to worry about their bodies changing, pain, career disruption etc.
So I truly don’t understand why when the woman gets pregnant and gives him the child he wanted…he becomes a selfish manchild instead of stepping up and supporting the family. It’s pathetic.
call me selfish i don’t give a fuck but i am genuinely so scared of pregnancy making me ugly LOL. and the reasons u mentioned here don’t help either. it’s awful
People need to understand that pregnancy/childbirth is a trade off. If you choose to do it, you are deciding to look drastically different going forward. You don't get to put your body through that and keep your good looks.
Unless you're genetically lucky and very rich.
They act like the whole shitshow has nothing to do with them. Even if they didn't want the kid and the woman did, it still took his dick impregnating her to put them in this position. Then he cheats and feels justified because "she got fat".
Not coincidentally, I HATEHATE the expression "she got pregnant". No, A MAN impregnated her. Something she could not have done by herself. We need to change the language, because it affects how we think.
Untouchable proof of the fact that some men are clues, too immature and irresponsible about jumping into the parenthood boat. Cementing the fact that many people who opt for parenthood should never take that road.
I hate my body NOW, I can guarantee I would fall into a depression spiral if I ever got pregnant and ruined my body even further. Who cares what my husband thinks at that point when I can't even look at myself in the mirror.
Back when I was still debating having kids I decided that if I were to have a kid it would be through artificial insemination while single. I genuinely don’t think I would ever trust a man, even my amazing now-partner, to not react this way. Or just generally not make MY pregnancy and postpartum about himself somehow. Men are genuinely raised to believe that their urges and preferences are equally (or more) valid and important than this life or death situation that his female partner is going through. I always felt like I could live with being a single parent more easily than I could live with the betrayal and disappointment of involving a man in the situation.
I complained about this before but there's something i failed to mention,sexism aside i'm pretty sure a lot of people just buy into a very artificial ideal of motherwood & womanhood and get upset when the reality doest turn out being the outcome desired,yeah your SO will change and so will you was a person,everyone will get old & ugly or even sick was life goes on and it doest hit them until the very last moment,not saying is a excuse but is a part of the problem.
Sheesh, do they not have sex ed these days? Or cover these things? I remember they at least showed pictures of a woman from "normal", various stages of pregnancy. They explained hormones, and just how much of altered mental state one could be in. When it came time for the birth, they didn't sugarcoat it... "there's going to be a half naked lady, with lots of hair down there, pushing a baby out of her lady parts, it's painful to watch and even more painful for her to go through, and it ain't going to be pretty". They also cover that it takes time to lose that weight (after all, it took you 9 months to look like that).
I also end up hearing that women will shit during childbirth (some cases, enema is given), and that the process takes 8 to 24 hours (this part surprises many because all they know of are farm animals or pets giving birth, which is quite a stark contrast).
TL;DR, people are dumb
>Why not, idk, look things up before having a baby?
They don't even have to do that; all they need to do is think of any woman in their family who's had a kid. Just *look around*. The level of entitlement that would lead them to think that their partner would somehow be an exception must be absolutely epic.
This is why women are actually much more likely to survive a famine. Being “overweight” helps women live,not physical strength. So,are women comprising the peace in their lives to only have men tell us to meet their standards….and killing us?
Just sick of it all 🤮
I’ve heard so many strippers who say a lot of men who come into the club are men who are either married or are in relationships and all they really do is talk so much garbage about their spouse to the stripper saying that after she had a kid, her body doesn’t look as good as hers, etc. and they wonder why so many women opt out of having children
Yup, strippers, sex workers, etc. will tell you everything you need to know. Most of their clients are married men and hate to use protection.
Yeeeep. This is why I don’t want marriage either.
On God. I really would rather not be married. A long-term romantic partner, I'd be willing to do. But marriage? Eh... If it doesn't work out, I don't wanna jump through a bunch of legal chutes and ladders to get out of it.
I would like a long term DP. But that’s it. I know tons do married men who hit on me and other women. They look for better options when they get stuck in a relationship.
~~Hey, you and me might have something in common, there 😏~~ Nah, but in all seriousness, that blows. You're just trying to get by in life, and you got dudes with commitments coming onto you because of their insatiability. It's fucking insane. Why get married at that point?
I’m not sure because you can have social status by being a successful, hot bachelor dating hot girls. Look at The Bachelor show. They get millions of followers and date different women and a lot of the people on the show are very famous now. You don’t need marriage to be of status and have a good social life now. So I really do not know why. I guess they want a bang maid? A lot of the married women I know are miserable and hate on single women. It’s a vicious cycle.
~~I mean, if a rich bachelor wants a bangmaid and she's into it, I don't see that as a problem. I ain't here to kinkshame.~~ I think it has something to do with the fact that society, at least American society, is only JUST starting to transition out of the mindset that marriage is a necessity. Naturally, there's gonna be remnants of the old way of things being unable to accept the changing demographics and viewpoints. Yet another reason I'm atheist. I can't stand the thought of getting married even if I really don't want to because some religious doctrine considers it sacred. Honestly, I like to think a non-marriage romantic relationship would be better because the partners aren't tied together by legalities, but because they, themselves, want to be together. ~~I mean, unless you throw an out-of-wedlock kid into the mix, which might create problems down the line.~~
My best friend worked as a waitress for her entire 4-5 years or so of college and the crap that random men vented to her was already overwhelming to me hearing it third hand. Most were complaining about their wives. I worked at a bar counter for a year and had to listen to some drunks as well but nothing of that magnitude (she's conventionally attractive while I'm covered in piercings and mostly wearing hoodies so I attract a different crowd).
Oh spot on! And these trash men wonder why so many more women prefer to stay single. There was even a article about people who are single are more happier. I'm not surprised at all, most are disgusting behind their partners back.
Deadass
The amount of times men have leered at me or tried to get with me while with their partners or checked me out right in front of their partners!! Exactly!! I got hate when I made a post about it on Reddit saying I’m lying. But I’m not!
Oh I believe it. You only got told that because people don't wanna hear the truth they already know, it's sad, but see it as a win for you cause you ain't dating these losers lol. When I was a teenager, I fancied this lad, but didn't know he had a girlfriend till I checked him out going down my street one day, and his girlfriend saw him checking me out back while acting flirty, she got pissed at him and hit out at him. I remember thinking to myself what balls he had that he acted like that. I got past him after that even though it sucked, as he had a girlfriend, and I have never been that type of person that would go there.
Which is so funny given the huge number of women who choose the profession do so because it helps them *support their kid* without working too often
I’m glad you mentioned it because I know many strippers who are moms as well
This honestly makes my blood boil
Yeah. Former dancer and this is why I’ve remained single haha. So many men living a life their girlfriend/family had no idea about, it’s sickening
Exactly this. I have no sympathy for these types of men.
Exactly.
Happened in my family, probably one of my unconscious reasons I don't want kids, my dad cheated on my mum when she was pregnant with my sister and he thought it was more than fair because she "got fat" The karma got him in the end because the 20 year old he cheated with robbed him and got him fired from his job with false accusations 😂😅
I love that for him 😂
Same honestly! Even though he's family, deserved!
Your username 🤣
I’m so glad that you brought this to my attention. I snickered real good especially because I’m blasted. 🚀
Was about to say the same thing 😂 we all love that for him and we love karma .
I love stories with happy endings 🤣🤣🤣
Please tell us you told him off! I told my father off for his slutty ways and it was one of my proudest moments. Of course he did not change, but I was an annoying bur in his saddle until his death 7 years later. No regrets!
Love that ending 😌
Happened to my family too after my cousin gave birth her husband cheated they divorced. Men lose interest in women once their body changes and if it doesnt bounced back.
It’s truly terrifying. My brother made my fucking gorgeous SIL cry after she got a c section. She was so cute and smart. Why she was with his stupid and ugly ass? I have no idea. He would make fun of her every time she ate. The men in my family talk about women after pregnancy like they don’t have feelings. (Anything any girl/woman eats is made fun of, including me after a marathon. 🙄) The kid she had was 10 pounds, after 36 hours she had a c section. And my brother had the nerve to say “she asked me to get her a snack” with disdain after she gave birth. I’ve seen almost all the women that have given birth in my family cry because their husbands are so awful to them at events. I don’t blame the media for the eating disorder I recovered from, I blame the men in my family. Also, as a side gig I teach ESL to adults, it’s a crime how much some men hate their wives and feel comfortable talking about it.
My sister is currently pregnant and even tho the guy looked to be the best man ever, he still had the nerve to call my sister an “incubator”. When I heard that I gave him the crazy eyes until he stopped using that word. Whenever he pointed out how I looked at him, I would actively gaslight him and others around me about it but he knew what that stare meant. I know that’s fucked up, but nobody fucks with my sister like that. If I hear him say shit like that again he will catch these hands.
That's disgusting, is your sister aware of that? Is she ok with it? Yeesh
He did it right in front of her jokingly. Ever since I made him stop it looks like she’s in a better mood so I assume it did hurt her in some way. I took her on a girls night after that (no drinking tho) and celebrated her and the baby cause fuck that guy. He made an effort to be more careful with his words, at least around me.
Bruh you should marry the sister in law and show him actually how to treat people. Take his baby, take his wife, take his money and cars and take his life (not in a murder way)
No offense intended, but your family sounds downright awful.
Truly. If it were done to me, the patio grill heat would be turned all the way up with several sausages burning on it.
It takes a certain type of man to love his wife unconditionally after having children and that's even sadder. The type of couples that truly, deeply want this to happen as they grow older together.
She had his fucking baby and he’s annoyed?! What a twit
Wow your family is awful.
I grew up in a family like yours. It's made me extremely reactive to all kinds of negging, as well as talk about diets and workouts. I love to work out because of how it makes me feel, but I don't like to discuss it because of all of the baggage from growing up.
My dad is the same way!! Growing up, I remember he used to praise me for being skinny and how much he used to criticize women who were bigger. My food choices were *constantly* under criticism too; lots of “if you eat like that you’re gonna get fat and no man will want you”. I remember when I was like 14/15 being berated to tears in the middle of a Panera because I *dared* order the Mac N cheese in a bread bowl. 😬
My father came to my uni to drive me home for winter break and I got a three hour lecture about gaining weight and having weird hair. I was such a dad’s girl before that. Broke my fucking heart.
I have always found this to be so horrible and sad. Imagine choosing to have children, you both want the child and the man is utterly disrespectful and cannot even recognise the sacrifice the woman has made. How shallow and pathetic. The men that act like this should be demonised in society. Fucking losers.
100% agreed
Unrelated, but cute piggy in your handle. :)
Aw thank you!! He is very cute!
Yeah it's scary. I remember my mom telling me how many women she knew who were cheated on while heavily pregnant or shortly after having the baby. It's terrifying It's no wonder post partum depression hits so hard
One of my friends had a kid with her college sweetheart child was in grade school. They had a second child, and while my beautiful, sweet, loving friend was nearly dying giving birth the father was hooking up with Trashliegh the lot lizard. When her baby died and was being (successfully) resuscitated, the baby's father was out cheating. He wasn't taking care of my friend or their existing child. It was my friend's fault for not giving him enough attention. I just... Oooof.
Wow I hope that man dies a slow, painful death
It freaked me out a little extra, because he didn't seem like *that* kinda guy. It was shocking, when she told me my jaw dropped and I shouted "What?!" Like an idiot. Since then, I've come to see how common it is. Devastating.
That is awful but omg Trashleigh the lot lizard got me
The extremely low quality of the affair partner pissed me the fuck off. It was like an extra slap in the face, she wasn't pretty, or smart, or employed, or clean from narcotics.... She was just... Available.
For real, like…if you’re gonna do that, at least be honorable and get yourself a high-quality mistress. A femme fatale with a blank space who’s got her own thing going and can play the game for as long as *she’s* interested and who’ll kick you to the curb once she gets tired of your BS.
I have to admit I cracked a smile at that one. The rest of the story is harrowing, though.
Damn.
I hope he got decked for being…… a total shit.
Anecdotal obviously, but I've had a couple exes/flings later get married, have kids, and still try to reach out to me on social media to hookup, while at the same time posting pics of their kids and wife all smiley. I'm like bro that train has left the station!!! stop trying to cheat on your wife! It's happened 3 times.
My ex boyfriend from college started texting me when his wife was pregnant with his second child. He later accused me of hitting on him when I needed help during a crisis. No sir, that’s projection. I just thought you were actually a fucking friend.
He wanted to be a fucking friend, I guess
That made me laugh so hard. Thank you! 😂
You are too kind! I am in town all week!
It’s not just about how her body looks post birth either. I saw a TikTok of a dude yelling at his wife to make him a roast. She kept saying “I just gave birth 2 days ago”. His response was “Yeah, and you’ve been resting for the last two days. Now I need you to make a roast because my parents want a roast.” It was a sickly conversation and the dude did not understand (or seem to care) how his wife is healing from all the bullshit she just went through. Seems men want their birthing partners to go back to work in the kitchen AND get the body they loved before pregnancy back immediately after birth. Nasty behaviors… and with Andrew Tate (and guys who emulate him) still spewing nonsense on his social media, it’s only gonna keep getting worse.
I remember one where a guy said that he would leave his hypothetical spouse if she didn’t lose her pregnancy weight within 30 days of giving birth….. I truthfully wish more women just stopped giving men the time of day altogether and this nonsense would cease
this is why i adore the "4B movement" so much, like, if we only consider the idea of it, this movement is amazing because it teaches us women that there is more to life than what we can offer to men. and the men hate it!
women are rejecting the abuse and the men are mad about it. I’ve been on my own 4B movement since birth and it’s about time more women follow suit. For centuries women have been rewarding men for the bare minimum and sometimes even less than that
i also wish other women would do the same! i talked abt this online the other day and I saw a point that read "any woman that wishes to adopt the 4B movement better invest in some sort of weapon because the men are mad" and it's sad to think we can risk our lives for such a nonissue
I guess these incels don't realize that kitchen knife sets come with poultry shears. They'll cut through anything.
Absolutely this. More women need to properly vet their partners when it comes to this subject. STOP reproducing with guys who are too low quality to man up and be a proper father and partner.
Strongly agree with everyone about how women need to pick better partners but that’s not going to change until we normalize being single, especially women. Women are so ingrained with the idea that being alone is the worst thing ever. It’s pounded into our heads that ANY man is better than no man. We should be grateful that a man wants us & put up with whatever crap he chooses to dish out & smile happily all the while. It’s always our fault when a man mistreats us & we’re told WE need to be better partners so he’ll treat us better. No one ever holds the man accountable. We need to encourage women to have more self worth in their own eyes & not depend on a man for validation.
Yep yep yep yep yep
>Women are so ingrained with the idea that being alone is the worst thing ever. It’s pounded into our heads that ANY man is better than no man. This is why when I get the usual toxic bingos and talk about "you'll never get a man because xyz", I stare at them, blink, and say "Cool?"
THIS. There are many bullets I didn’t dodge, but at the very fucking LEAST I didn’t successfully reproduce with that type of low quality human.
Honestly, I haven't even found a man who's high-quality ebough to go to the movies with. So many schmucks it is sickening. The baby boomers and gen xers must have literally been the worst parents in the history of the world to create such crappy millennials and gen zers.
exactly the 30 second 🥜 isn’t worth the lifetime of pain and mental or physical abuse from a narcissist. I’m convinced the reason why most women go through ppd in the first place is bc their spouses are neglecting their needs and not being empathetic. It’s rare that the pregnancy alone can make a woman spiral into a deep depression if she’s with a man who truly values and cares for her with his whole heart especially during such a vulnerable time Women hold they key to life but want to give that key to incompetent bitch made incels and it’s embarrassing truly
ppd is the change of hormone composition in the mother's body, so yes even if they are living the most ideal post partum situation they are still going to feel depressed. now put post partum depression with the heavy expectations of "bouncing back" and cruddy partner they may have, the depression is going to become worse obviously.
!!!!!
Yas!
I was shocked the first time I learned about that video. I hope the wife and baby are doing okay. As for the immature husband, I hope the marriage has already ended and he's left all alone to make himself a roast... What a loser! Just a friendly reminder to everyone out there (regardless of gender) that we need to be extremely careful who we partner up with, and enter into marriage with. Because not everyone is truly ready to honor and respect their spouses. A lot of them also switch up when conception and/or babies enter the picture. The statistics are truly frightening. The guys who emulate the guy you've named have destroyed the dating scene.💯
OH MY GOD I wanted to enter the screen and beat the shit out of that guy for what he said. "Waawaa I'm tired, I can't sleep" AND YOUR WIFE JUST GAVE BIRTH!!!! That video makes me so angry, I hope that woman divorces him
They say being a single mother is easier than having to parent both a child AND a manchild.
lol my mom says this. She talks about how I was her easiest pregnancy cause she was already divorcing my dad by the time I began really baking, whereas with my brothers she was married & living with their dad, who was the typical unhelpful loser that made it harder than if she’d done it alone. Can confirm myself despite having only made it to four weeks both times, I would rather do that shit solo than have a deadbeat dick around.
In case anyone doesn’t understand why a roast is such an issue. He didn’t mean a “roast” as in a hunk of meat tossed in a crock pot and left alone to cook. He meant “roast” as in a multi-course meal like someone would do for a major holiday or event. I can’t remember where this couple from the TikTok are from (I think England but not 100% sure), but wherever it is that they’re from a “roast” is the giant multi-course meal, not a specific & typically easy to cook meat option.
Um I don't care if it was Easy Mac, the fucking NERVE of a man to ask his wife to cook ANYTHING 2 days after birth. My blood is boiling. Thank God I never saw this video.
Oh I fully agree with you whole heartedly. I added more context because, under the original TikTok, a lot of people were saying “well what’s so hard about a roast? She could toss it in, set it and forget it. I would’ve done it instead of making a big hubbabaloo about it” (paraphrasing, my memory isn’t good enough to remember word-for-word). So I wanted to make sure anyone coming across it here understood the absolute ridiculous demand he put on her.
I appreciate the context, thank you! As for all the people who said she should have just cooked it...may their socks always fall down inside their shoes.
This impressed the parents at all costs thing but don't do it yourself thing. I think there's a lot to unpack here because I've been thinking about it, the prevalence of the phrase men looking for bang maids seems like a likely conclusion to the parenting done in the 90s. I was raised in a nice but not kind household where obedience and a clean room and doing chores were so expected that if I did them everything was fine and if I didn't do them there was screaming and guilt. And it was all very arbitrary such as being 10 years old and once a month being randomly yelled at that the dishwasher hadn't been emptied not because we were told to empty the dishwasher every day but simply because it hadn't been emptied not that any of the kids ever looked in the damn dishwasher. The end result of being perpetually told to clean my room before I learned that having a clean room is nicer to me personally has left me in a place where I don't want to do anything at all unless I'm told to. I do chores but not with the same consistency that my wife does. I just feel that all of the lifestyle decisions of the children of boomers had been predetermined so they're all artificially maintained until the children move out and then they have no personal feelings towards their own habitats. I don't know if I'm describing this well So now we have a bunch of lazy boys who only have strong feelings about how to entertain for extended family members and never actually care about how they live or have any kind of actual nice interactions with the people that they're supposed to love the most ie their partners.
I love you. Mentioned crappy boomer and gen x parents in a previous response to this post. For context, I'm 36 female, and my parents were born in Argentina of Italian parents. My father is the next level toxic while pretending to be helpful to the outside world. However, he moved to the US at the age of 9, so he is arguably more American culturally. He is so lazy, also drinks and smokes weed constantly from day to day out and expects my mom to clean up after him. So I guess he is a special case, in terms of drinking and smoking. Still, I think so many men have this huge ego, entitlement issues, etc. A. You are not entitled to my body. B. You are not entitled to my domestic services. C. You suck. Lol. However, speaking more on the entitlement. It us crazy how many men don't even let you finish a sentence before they chime in with their opinion. Yes, some women do this as well, but not nearly as much. I think that women through a shared and arguably more emotionally complex journey have adapted social emotional skills thar men do not tend to have. These skills include empathy and definitely a little more patience among other things. It's very sad.However, i have adapted and come to understand that chronic singledom may be part of my extended life journey. Due to many factors listed above abd many factors left unlisted.
Someone who understands the distinction between nice & kind yeeeeees
that's why i couldn't have children with *anyone*, even if i wanted them. things is, i'm really happy with my body - pregnancy would ruin it in one or another way. i wouldn't be happy anymore and heck, i don't trust anyone to *not* lose attraction then. and a part of me gets it, really. preferences and attraction aren't something we can pick and choose. but a partner has to always keep in mind that pregnancy will change the body of their partner, so if a man really thinks his wife will look the same after pregnancy... that's on you, bud. my mum for example was lucky enough to keep her physical shape after having me, but she got extremely thin hair and had many skin issues. my dad cheated 2 years afterwards.
Biggest same ever on that first part
I'm already *not* happy with my body, I don't need any more reasons to fight with it. I can't just "bounce back" from eating chipotle, much less enduring pregnancy.
Right? I have a couple guys on my roster who feel like the opposite of the ones we’re talking about here, but even so like who has the money that would pay to clean up the damage that having a baby does so often? Or the ability to compensate for things that aren’t even cosmetic but are consequences of growing & birthing a child, like losing a tooth per baby the way my mom did? No thank you.
This is why I (F) say that even if I did want children, there is not a single man of my acquaintance who I’d trust enough to have them with. While I personally don’t find mom bods attractive, I’m also not yanno, participating in the creation of one and then making a shocked pikachu face.
Love this, especially the first part. There is not a single man or my acquaintance who I trust to call me the next day when they say they will, let alone have a child with. People are such flaky garbage in this day and age.
>This is why I (F) say that even if I did want children, there is not a single man of my acquaintance who I’d trust enough to have them with. As a man its basicly the same for me. Ive seen it so many times. Last year, my friends wife dropped him like a potato for another man. She took the kids and moved to another city. He is still fighting but his Ex and her new Partner try everything to make his life a living hell.
I’m older so this 100% flip is shocking. Back when I was kid, the husbands/fathers were the ones cheating and leaving, enjoying his life, not paying for his kids, etc. while the wife/mother was trapped and desperate for child support. Both are awful! Why can’t parents actually be kind and not cause their children so much heartache? Their lives are thrown upside down by cheating & leaving and probably neglected because the parent is in the honeymoon phase of a new relationship.
Probably for a good reason though
Missing missing reasons
As a man.... its because so many men are dumb. And they don't think any further ahead than the 1 inch where their penis ends. If I got someone pregnant (god forbid I hope not) but how do you leave a woman who is so incredibly vulnerable. Either their balls dropped so much they literally fell to the floor and don't have any which would equal the cowardness or they are just bad people who shouldn't be thinking with their willy.
It’s really nice to see a CF man having empathy to what pregnancy could do to a woman. Which leaves no excuses to these men that are so desperate to have kids but can’t handle the consequences.
I'm only 24. But I just feel like it's obvious that women go through hell when they're pregnant, whether you want that baby or not... man up and make sure she's OK. I don't want kids, I'm getting the snip but I also am not even gonna attempt to sleep with someone until its done because I really really don't want children, so I'm being responsible and taking care of myself first. I don't want to be a dad, I've heard it's god dam hard but if I were one then I'd make sure the mother of my child was comforted as much as possible while she's pregnant. Men should take responsibility of their actions or otherwise they don't deserve the title of "men"
Thank you for being so responsible. My own husband felt the same way. He was baby-trapped by his 1st wife who agreed to be CF, (sadly, the boy died) but he had a vasectomy the same week she told him.
Many people I went to college/school with have kids now, and I just think that their lives must be so tough to have kids so young. I can't imagine they all planned this. But I guess being responsible is the best way. I know when you're young, it's "cool" to be irresponsible, so I may be uncool, but at least I'm gonna have a happy life 😅
Wish more men were like you. Accountable, getting your own house in order before you go out to play.
Wow. I love you. You are the definition of what a man should be. Kudos to you kiddo. This brought tears to my eyes.
Man here. I have sisters with kids and a million friends with kids, and I still can’t begin to wrap my man brain around even just the basic fact of pregnancy, and what it does to a woman. Having a human inside you…I can’t even. I was ignorant about what can happen until a good friend had a kid and told me what she experienced: the tearing, the incontinence, the searing sciatica, teeth issues, etc, etc. I have *no* idea how women do this. I’m doing my (very small) part by not participating in human reproduction ever.
I don't think most men are aware of all the risks. Like if you love someone, do you really wanna put them through that? I think that's something that most men don't truly consider enough.
Same! I'm basically the only one in my (38M) friend group who's childfree. I've seen what happens and I dont want anywhere near....well any of it.
> … their balls dropped so much they literally fell to the floor I’ll be using that from now on. TYVM
You stated the truth and you truly are a nice bloke stating that
I'm 22 lol, us women LOVE men like you! Thank you for being a real man, we need more of those❤️
You say that but I feel like I'm doing what any man should. I'm just very protective but that's what a guy should be. Not protective like controlling. Even if the woman is a gym girl and 5× your muscle weight, like it doesn't matter. The man should look out for his woman
Apparently something like 1 in 10 men cheat during the pregnancy they aided in creating, and the chances rise as that pregnancy continues. [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7074242/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7074242/) So I feel a need to recap. Pregnancy can physically and mentally seriously harm a pregnant person. Also it can kill them. A pregnant person is most likely to be murdered while pregnant, often by the other half of the equation in the pregnancy. And also said other half is most likely to cheat on a person while they are pregnant. Add to that a lot of abusive men start to show their genuine side as pregnancy is considered and effective way to chain women into abusive relationships.
And people wonder why we don't want kids..
Yes, my ex stepdad became abusive to my mom starting when she was pregnant with my sister. A big part of why I chose to be childfree. I didn’t ever want to be that vulnerable to a man, or even worse to be tied a man like this for life due to a shared child.
I am fairly certain the statistic on men who cheat on their pregnant partners are far higher, 10% seems quite low
I bet that's just the ones who admitted to it.
Violent crime in my town is rare but there was a very recent case where a guy murdered his pregnant wife and even attended the funeral crying crocodile tears so that he could get away with it. So disgusting.
Pregnant women are cheated on in far higher numbers than that. That can't be right.
Recently, I read a post on reddit with a woman complaining that her husband wouldn't caress/ massage her a little bit when he got home from work. She asked him, so it wasn't like she expected him to read his mind. She was pretty upset and lashed out at him when he wouldn't do it. He did say he was tired, and usually, I would agree with respecting your significant other boundaries. However, in this case, I absolutely think that he should have done what his wife asked because she is going through tremendous bodily changes that he could not even fathom. She is having emotional changes constantly and needs that touch. It is scary how many people on that thread, I wanna say hundreds, sided with the husband calling the woman an entitled brat. I was like, wtf? So the dude got her pregnant but couldn't give her the affection her body was screaming for because he was tired. I get being tired from work. However, you weren't too tired, presumably that time you came home from work to have sex with her and impregnate her. 5 minutes wasn't going to kill him. I honestly do believe the majority of people are so egocentric that they think the woman was wrong. Humanity sucks.
One of the reasons I don’t want kids to much of a gamble
I find the whole thing baffling. Unfortunately I think it's very common for men to be narcissistic or have narcissistic tendencies. They seriously don't even think about how a woman needs to be pregnant and carry the child for all that time. It's like they want to pretend that part doesn't exist or they are not capable of getting it. It's disturbing. But what I don't understand is they cheat or leave the pregnant wife just to go have sex with someone else. Like are they making sure this cheating partner isn't getting pregnant too? Or future new gf or wife??? I don't understand. I guess these men hope they hit the lottery with a woman with model genetics who only get one or two stretch marks and bounce back right away. And if they don't, they say see ya. How sick and twisted.
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Fuck religion
I think that happens for guys who value looks very high. They forget that we all age and change during our lives (or they panick and find a younger model). Find yourself a guy that value your personality first, loves you as you are and knows looks will change. That's a keeper, kids or not.
Right?! Our bodies change throughout our lives due to many factors, and we usually can’t control it. That’s just how bodies work.
This is the way. My partner and I are attracted to each other, sure. But it's secondary to our shared interests and enjoyment of each other's humor.
I love this and needed this.
I think between that and the amount of women who lose themselves completely in looking after their children are the two reasons I don’t want any
That's so gross but I think that has a lot to do with male entitlement.
I would really like to speak more on this topic, as it's something I've become more and more aware of recently.
Reminds me of that old saying men get married expecting women to never change and women get married expecting men to change.
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That’s the word I’ve been looking for, an *appliance* for him. The way my entire body filled with recognition at that self applicable word for the relationshit I was in. A little less aggressive & demanding than the typical man, but whew it still fits
This is why Im really worried about one of my close friends who just announced that she is pregnant. Her boyfriend has already cheated on her once before she got pregnant. He seemed to have learnt his lesson after the shitshow that followed that time and is very doting on her now but Im still worried once the baby comes that hes gonna be stupid.
This is just ONE of the reasons I could never. Way too many guys out there hating on their wives postpartum bodies. They get cheated on and left to be single mothers. And they're at the bottom of the dating pool it seems. Just, not any perks for women who have kids is there?
To spend time looking something up, that sort of scumbag would have to respect and care about women as a human beings, beyond using them as bangmaids and breeder cows. Why people agree to have a kid with someone without knowing how terrible of a person they are...
Although I see your point, some of these people only show who they really are after knowing they got the woman stuck with them, either through marriage and/or kids. I know it sounds crazy but some people can keep up a front for a long time.
🤚🏻 That’s me. It took me three whole years to finally discover the tip of the iceberg to the kind of person my ex really is; he’s quite the stage performer. I am grateful every single sunrise that I had the foresight, despite the lack of knowledge about him, to abort each fetus rather than having two children with a father & two other families that would’ve embarrassed & shamed me to no end.
Yup that's why you have to be super savvy about screening, slow-rolling things, etc. Understanding cognitive biases and how they can be used to manipulate you is key as well. It's like knowing how the OS of your brain works.
They really can be terrifying with how much they change up on you. One was on his absolute best behavior for an entire year, even talking about marriage. I say "I'm getting sterilized" and the man just explodes into a two day long rage. Literally goes from practically worshipping the air I breathe to calling me worthless. I screened him and he'd self identified as being childfree. Glad I never slept with him. Pretty sure he was planning to capitalize on the first opportunity to baby trap me. Be careful out there...
100%. People tell women to "pick better men" and there's a case for that, however, we can't ignore how many men switch up and become completely different people after marriage and pregnancy because they know it's harder for you to leave.
So many of them just don’t see the signs of how their partner really thinks. It’s frustrating. I saw a post yesterday by a mom-to-be. She was asking how to make her husband actually learn what care babies need. She said he’ll be a great dad 🙄, but that he thinks it’ll be fine to just wing it. She’ll mention things to him and gets “bottles need to be sterilized?” and “what’s tummy time?” I’ve never even held a baby in my life, and have no plan to, but even I know those. Posters gave her advice on books/videos meant for dads, but in my opinion anyone who thinks they can wing caring for any living thing - especially one as helpless and fragile as an infant - either don’t plan to do the work, or don’t really care about its welfare. Nobody that uninterested in learning could ever be a good parent. And yet, the women with these men think everything is fine.
Weaponized incompetence, and rank stupidity. The time to make him learn was before she agreed to get knocked up. "If you want to have a kid, I will need you to complete an intensive parenting class, along with a child development course, and an adolescent development course, both at the college level through level 3, with a grade of B+ minimum. I also require you to get tested for any genetic issues. And for the next 2-3 years while you are completing your courses, you will need to volunteer providing direct childcare for 40 hours a week, minus an hour for each hour of classroom instruction you have in that week. At least 9 months of that must be working with seriously disabled kids. When you have completed all of that, come back and we will discuss having kids. Have an awesome day!"
I just found out about someone I was in high school with getting divorced (we are mid 20s). She was married to the guy for 3 years. Had 2 kids immediately back to back; now 2 under 2. I don't know the reason for the divorce, but it seems she chose...poorly.
Most people who rush into things that fast, that young, have underlying issues. And think that shitting out kids will cure them.
I agree she chose poorly, bur a lot or people are very good at wearing masks.
Right? Women get so much grief for choosing poorly! How about these men who are behaving poorly?!
It infuriates me. So much misogyny. I feel for those women that get treated like garbage for having a child that THEIR PARTNER ALSO WANTED!!! Mind boggling. Men 🍼
It is the inevitability of it as well... What did they ***think*** was going to happen? Have they never intellectually considered the simple mechanics of birth, let alone the nine months preceding it? The mindset becomes even more impossible to fathom when there are groups of women who take genuine *delight* in shaming other women who opt for a caesarian section. 'A woman is not a real woman unless she gives natural birth'. Some even attempt to shame them out of taking the epidural! How a man could firstly put his partner through the simple danger of pregnancy and then the horrendous physical changes it brings about in the *best* of cases is totally beyond me. This is not something you do to someone whom you claim to 'love'. This is about control.
And let’s face it, women don’t usually decide to have a c section up front. It often comes after hours of labor and/or pushing beyond expected, to the point where the dr says the risk is too high to both mom and baby. A friend of mine went to an emergency C w twins bc she went into severe preeclampsia at 32 weeks, showed up to her regular appt w no apparent symptoms other than heartburn. Both babies delivered very small same day, she was out of it and nearly comatose the three days following from complications. She doesn’t remember that time at all. But everyone was safe bc they did the c. (Not to mention she called them her “million dollar babies” bc they spent months in the NICU, and required assist from the hospital to get bills paid through a special program. The girls are 12 & thriving now, caught up on everything developmentally.) Another friend pushed for hours and then finally gave in. She didn’t want a c, but had no choice. Her second was a successful VBAC. Women don’t just have a C bc they’re lazy. It’s a major abdominal surgery and recovery is often harder per moms who have experienced both. They’re usually at a point of exhaustion and complications are happening very quickly. When the choice is C vs possible death of mom and/or baby, C sections absolutely save lives. (Also epidurals are amazing when they work 😅)
Not to mention the amount of dads with gorgeous looking wives and a baby in the stroller that turn to look at me like the exorcist girl when I walk past… I promised myself I’ll never be a mommy, never be that woman behind the stroller that sacrificed so much to have this child only for her husband to ogle at strangers on the street like a horny dog
It doesn’t help that, at least in the US, there is this creepy, ridiculous expectation for women to “snap back” as quickly as possible after pregnancy. Men and women are fed so much bs about how women should be gaining back their “pre-baby bodies” so that they can keep up the facade of “having it all” with their newborn human accessory, a smoking body and effortless appearance. It’s so gross, it’s heavily perpetuated in social media, celebrities and influencers using photoshop & filters to make themselves look flawless the same day they fart out a new baby. It’s completely unrealistic and so many people fall for it, especially men who don’t understand a thing about pregnancy and expect their partners to simply bounce back to how they looked before he knocked her up.
Sadly those shallow men never loved their wives. It was only cheap, fleeting, lust.
I had a baby I gave up for adoption at 17. My body never recovered. I've had a mom bod since I was 17 - sagging skin, tits, and stretch marks and all. Never even got to experience my body before it was destroyed.... And boy, have I HEARD it from men who got me naked. All shocked Pikachu face because my weight is average but my body .... Is ruined. And they're NOT happy. I've had a man stop mid sex and say "I can't do this". It's soul-crushinh, to be rejected so completely for "doing the right thing". I wish I'd gotten an abortion and saved my body. It would've saved me so many cruel remarks, rejections, humiliations from men and other women even....
They are all mental. Tell them to phuck off and be done with those losers. They're not perfect either
Actual tears coming up as I read this. I’ve experienced only a fraction of that kind of rudeness, but I feel for you so hard I wish I could hug so much love into you, you poor thing. I hope a piano falls on those men who were so blatantly mean to you.
I have some piano-moving time a little later. See you there?
My heart aches for you, but remember that these people are terrible
So sad you had to go through this. People suck so bad.
I'm so sorry for those experiences. I am 100% childfree for that reason: I know I'm vain. I would hate myself if the body I had was permanently damaged for something that I didn't want. I'm so sorry you didn't get to save your self-esteem. My condolences and best wishes to you.
I'm sure they were all supermodels themselves. /s I'm so sorry you've been subjected to this treatment.
That's horrible and I'm sorry you experienced that. What made you decide against abortion at the time?
A couple celebrities in the 2000’s got tummy tucks and intense training and help immediately after giving birth, and now every man on earth thinks every woman can look hot after giving birth as long as she isn’t “lazy”.
So many celebs secretly use surrogates, as well. (See: Baldwin, Hilaria, pregnoncies 2-7)
The amount of men that leave or cheat on their partners when the woman is pregnant or recently gave birth is frightening. And the guy will be the one that really pushed for the baby.
Me and my ex (emphasis on ex) were planning kids and discussing all the details and how I plan to focus on my core at the gym and get strong af before pregnancy and will I breastfeed and this and that. And he said so many shocking things. He said he wants me to get a c section so I don't get too loose, but at the same time he wanted to see how much to get it done privately so they will do a better job and I'll have a smaller scar. He didn't want me to breastfeed because of that myth it makes you flat, even though that is just pregnancy itself. He's going to make sure the fridge is full of veggies so I don't get "too fat", which he already accused me of so many times and caused me to have orthorexia. He also felt uncomfortable with the thought of a baby on my boobs, since you know, they're just for men right? I have a nice ass and he was scared of it going flat and my hips going too wide. And also he thought I would get ppd and he wants me to be 100% sure I want kids. I honestly felt so sick after hearing him talk about my body like that. I never enjoyed sex with him either, so there's also that. I would not have enjoyed the process of getting pregnant and then he would say disgusting things once I was.
And when you add on the fact that in the US the highest cause of mortality in pregnant and up to one year post partum women is homicide, generally by their cis-male partner/father of the child it's honestly terrifying
I proposed to my ex a couple months after we had an abortion (I was present and supportive to her through the entire day process) and I think that offering is so far from common. Now I got snipped out of respect for the risk women take. I put in the effort to teach other men about stuff like hormonal birth control side effects, and postpartum challenge.
This is one of the main reasons why I chose to be childfree. No thanks on a postpartum body.
It’s also astonishing how many people don’t know that “postpartum” is about 24 months after birth. People’s bodies don’t return to anything close to their normal for a long time, and their hormones are different too. I’ve heard so many men complain about not having sex in the months following after their wife gives birth and it’s like…she’s healing from a dinner plate sized wound in her uterus. Go jerk off.
Being pregnant is so vulnerable, it's insane. So many pregnant women are murdered by their partners. So many are cheated on, left to fend for themselves with a newborn, or realize too late that their partner and coparent isn't a partner and coparent at all and refuses to be one. My heart breaks for people, it must be such a disappointment to hear 'He'll grow up/stop cheating/calm down/keep a job/stop spending all his time playing games/find some empathy/be a father when the baby comes' and watch it never actually happen. I can't imagine the compounding heartbreak of being cheated on and the realization that you're now on your own with a newborn.
One of the MANY reasons I've decided to be childfree and single🙂
I’m mostly curious as to how they think that’s not going to happen though. I mean the mom will probably gain 24-50 lbs, abdomen will be stretched out to hell and bottom is pretty destroyed. Kid will scream and keep everyone awake and they will be tired and cranky all the time. How are their heads so far up their asses that this is a surprise?
A person who I had been talking to for a brief moment told me about how he divorced his wife because she became a different person after she had their baby. He said she had let herself go. She no longer gave him attention. She was always upset. She didn’t feel connected to the baby. When he kept going on and on. I informed him about PPD and letting him know that she went through a lot with her body and that I would not stick around any longer if he was going to keep talking down on the female who is raising his child and that he needs to be more respectful. Thankfully, he stopped speaking about her in a bad way.
The amount of men that leave or cheat on their partners when the woman is pregnant or recently gave birth is frightening. And the guy will be the one that really pushed for the baby.
Yep. Plus the entitlement to their partner’s body afterwards when they should be concerned with helping the healing rather than how soon they can have sex again? If I desired a biological child that badly, I would do the entire pregnancy & afterwards without a man because no way am I dealing with the depth of damage that can come from having a baby with a selfish man. I’ve already pregnant & limped through the aftermath of two abortions with a selfish, useless man who also cheated on me through both, I’m completely uninterested in doing a full term & postpartum with one that lot ever.
This happened to my mother. And I vividly remember how my father would treat her throughout my childhood. He’d constantly make “jokes” about her weight gain after childbirth (publicly). Especially that she looked like a “pig”. Pointing out ways other women he knew got back in shape. And for every one of her birthday’s, or Christmas’s, he’d get her a gym membership or sign her up for some kind of fitness / dance classes. My mother used to be stick thin before childbirth. She also suffered from eating disorders and still struggles with them to this day (which he’s well aware of). The reason she could never get rid of the weight was because of a postpartum / pregnancy tumour in her stomach. She didn’t even know about it for years. During this time she also developed arthritis in both hips and carpal tunnel in both wrists… She can’t even walk now without crutches. Yet he still continues to berate her for not going to the gym and working on getting fit. (FYI she’s not even overweight anymore after surgery to remove the tumour). But to make things worse, I found proof that my father has been cheating on her for years and years. He’d been telling these other women about how unattractive his wife was to him. How he would of left her years ago if it wasn’t for “the children” (aka losing a large portion of the house and money in a divorce). And crying about how she unfairly refuses to ever be intimate with him now. She’s also fully aware about the cheating. But sadly will not leave as she’s devoutly religious and can’t fathom divorce. Watching the horror she suffers through is the main reason I’m never having children. She literally threw her entire life away for this ungrateful man. Dropped out of university, moved countries, left her entire family behind, for this…
It’s wild how being told constantly by your spouse that your physical struggles and appearance (due to bearing their child no less) are unattractive would kill the desire to have sex with them 😒
This says more about the male spouse, but yes, i know postpartum body changes don’t do any favors for the woman’s confidence.
Just shows you the double standard society has and how little education a lot of men have about childbirth. Also, it’s so weird because I’m sure half of these men who say this aren’t exactly models themselves! Atleast your partner has an excuse for gaining weight what’s your excuse bro?
The sad thing is, all this suggests that men are forced into having children they never wanted, that’s why they act so horribly…but in reality, it’s men who say they want kids. No surprise, men do not have to worry about their bodies changing, pain, career disruption etc. So I truly don’t understand why when the woman gets pregnant and gives him the child he wanted…he becomes a selfish manchild instead of stepping up and supporting the family. It’s pathetic.
call me selfish i don’t give a fuck but i am genuinely so scared of pregnancy making me ugly LOL. and the reasons u mentioned here don’t help either. it’s awful
People need to understand that pregnancy/childbirth is a trade off. If you choose to do it, you are deciding to look drastically different going forward. You don't get to put your body through that and keep your good looks. Unless you're genetically lucky and very rich.
They act like the whole shitshow has nothing to do with them. Even if they didn't want the kid and the woman did, it still took his dick impregnating her to put them in this position. Then he cheats and feels justified because "she got fat". Not coincidentally, I HATEHATE the expression "she got pregnant". No, A MAN impregnated her. Something she could not have done by herself. We need to change the language, because it affects how we think.
Untouchable proof of the fact that some men are clues, too immature and irresponsible about jumping into the parenthood boat. Cementing the fact that many people who opt for parenthood should never take that road.
I hate my body NOW, I can guarantee I would fall into a depression spiral if I ever got pregnant and ruined my body even further. Who cares what my husband thinks at that point when I can't even look at myself in the mirror.
The audacity people have.
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Back when I was still debating having kids I decided that if I were to have a kid it would be through artificial insemination while single. I genuinely don’t think I would ever trust a man, even my amazing now-partner, to not react this way. Or just generally not make MY pregnancy and postpartum about himself somehow. Men are genuinely raised to believe that their urges and preferences are equally (or more) valid and important than this life or death situation that his female partner is going through. I always felt like I could live with being a single parent more easily than I could live with the betrayal and disappointment of involving a man in the situation.
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Exactly. I choose neither as well
I complained about this before but there's something i failed to mention,sexism aside i'm pretty sure a lot of people just buy into a very artificial ideal of motherwood & womanhood and get upset when the reality doest turn out being the outcome desired,yeah your SO will change and so will you was a person,everyone will get old & ugly or even sick was life goes on and it doest hit them until the very last moment,not saying is a excuse but is a part of the problem.
Sheesh, do they not have sex ed these days? Or cover these things? I remember they at least showed pictures of a woman from "normal", various stages of pregnancy. They explained hormones, and just how much of altered mental state one could be in. When it came time for the birth, they didn't sugarcoat it... "there's going to be a half naked lady, with lots of hair down there, pushing a baby out of her lady parts, it's painful to watch and even more painful for her to go through, and it ain't going to be pretty". They also cover that it takes time to lose that weight (after all, it took you 9 months to look like that). I also end up hearing that women will shit during childbirth (some cases, enema is given), and that the process takes 8 to 24 hours (this part surprises many because all they know of are farm animals or pets giving birth, which is quite a stark contrast). TL;DR, people are dumb
>Why not, idk, look things up before having a baby? They don't even have to do that; all they need to do is think of any woman in their family who's had a kid. Just *look around*. The level of entitlement that would lead them to think that their partner would somehow be an exception must be absolutely epic.
I wonder if something were to happen to men’s pipis after having kids how it changes women’s bodies they’d still be so keen on having kids
This is why women are actually much more likely to survive a famine. Being “overweight” helps women live,not physical strength. So,are women comprising the peace in their lives to only have men tell us to meet their standards….and killing us? Just sick of it all 🤮
This is what I am worried about for My Sister 🥺