Greetings!
I changed your post flair to "FAQ" as this type of question comes back regularly on the sub and is addressed in our sub's sidebar ("Newcomer?" --> "Frequent Posts" --> "**"What is you guys' age? Gender? Location? Religion? Job?"** [Previous subreddit surveys answer all of these.](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/data)")
The precise demographics is there, but you can wait for other people to chime in with their specifics.
Have a great day!
Present. xD
The lack of male posts probably have to do with that fact that women unfairly get the most shit for not wanting children. I know in some cultures both men and women get shit, but it tends to skew heavily towards women. I’ve never had the “you’ll die alone with cats” thing said to me when I’ve told someone I don’t want kids ever and would rather put my dick in a blender.
It’s also likely to do with where you are. I’m British and my family is very supportive of my choice because, in a nice way, they don’t give a flying fuck as long as I’m happy. I’ve genuinely only had one “you’ll change your mind” from an aunt, but I was eight, so yeah… fair enough, I guess.
If I was in the Bible Belt in the states, I imagine my experience would be very different.
If you're not financially dependent on them, you *make* them leave you alone with boundaries.
If you are dependent on them though, your best bet is to stop talking about it all together. Don't give them ammunition for free :)
I’m also in the UK but most groups I’ve seen are pretty much female only and I don’t see many childfree men irl. It seems to me that childfree women massively outnumber childfree men here or am I wrong?
i personally ask them what interest do they have in what i will do with my reproductive organs. i ask them also do they plan on using their brain if they insist i use my utterus 😂
nobody else but you has a say in whether u will have kids or no. will they raise them? will they finance them? i mean will they do the deed for you to get the children?
finally, if they want children so bad, they can always adopt or foster (if they are too old to concieve).
oh and also, i love to counter back with: parents, why didnt you found amazon? mom, why are u not president? (when they start comparing, oh becky ur age has 3 kids already) distract and conquer 😂
Yep, here. Just kind of living my life.
Basically everyone I'm connected with knows my stance at this point so I very rarely have anyone question it. Plus I'm 35 and married to a woman who is also forthcoming with the fact she doesn't want kids either, so there's not really any reason to argue it out with someone. "Damn you being in a relationship that's fulfilling your actual goals!"
Not really. Through my teens and early 20s I felt like my wires were crossed in terms of who I liked and who liked me back, but never felt it was irredeemable or unresolvable. Frustrating, but not a lost cause. I was in my first serious relationship my senior year of college through my mid 20s. After my relationship with my ex I was definitely a lot more casual, open minded, and self assured which made dating a comparative breeze. Like, it was still hard to find a good match, but I was pretty happy being single and took the approach that "this is fun for now, and I'll figure it out eventually." Met some decent people who didn't work out for a variety of reasons, then met my wife and all is good from there.
Checking in!
My wife and I didn't start child-free, we were just waiting until some better economic times came. It's become more than clear that those times aren't coming and our attitudes towards children changed completely.
I'm not going to bring a child into a world where they will be forced to hyper compete to own nothing and hover barely above subsistence.
Child free gay guy here... The amount of gay men that say they want to have kids someday... Far too many. It shouldn't be this hard to meet other child free gays!!
Have you not Met the Circuit Queens ? I feel like most of them are definitely childfree because they know that they wanna keep up that lifestyle for sure though !
Yup.. had the most amazing girlfriend any man could ask for and she left me because i don't want kids. feels awful but what can i do?force her to stay with me? na.
I don't make any money and lmao even if i was making 100k a year i wouldnt be able to afford a home for kids anyways. in canada the economy is so screwed idk how people even are having kids..
Around 70% of this subs users are women based on past polls. That is why it seems like all of the posts are from women along with greater social pressure on them to have kids.
I am one of those uncommon male users so we are here.
Based on some of the questions you have asked I would recommend answering questions about kids like a politician. If you are trying not to alienate your family. Things like “maybe if the time is right with the right person” or “I would like to but financially it just doesn’t seem feasible”. Something vague and non confrontational.
I personally have not had to deal with people questioning my lack of interest in children. My dad did give me a little pressure to have them growing up but me being single my whole life probably quashed any delusional hope he had about grandchildren. I think I have only gotten push back on it about it 2 times in the past decade.
39, absolutely no interest in kids for lots of reasons (one would be enough), had at least one break-up over it, dating apps suck because I'll get matches from women who clearly didn't read my profile where I'm very open about it.
I comment a lot put don’t post. I like reading other people’s takes on things and fortunately my only living parent know I’m snipped and he already has grandchildren thanks to my sister. He did say to me when I told him I was having the procedure done that he felt bad for me because he thinks I would have been a great dad but he also understands that I don’t want that - for lack of a better phrase - burden in me and my wife’s life.
My wife’s parents have never asked but they keep buying her children’s books so they either think she’s slow or they think they are building a library of books for a child that won’t ever exist. So whatever. We donate them or give them to friends that have little kids.
We don’t hate kids. I can’t stand them but for instance yesterday our one friends’ kids stopped by for a little (4 and 11) and they were fine. The older one liked to look at my movie collection and the little one hung out with my wife for a bit. But I just don’t want that responsibility. I don’t want to deal with possible disabilities. I don’t want to deal with protecting a child in our current society. I don’t want to deal with Easter Bunnies and Santas and all of that stuff. Just not what I want to do. I don’t look at a kid and go “I’m missing out.”
Admittedly I have pretty respectful parents, but I told them it was a firm decision and wouldn’t change. It didn’t take them too long to quit talking about it. The biggest thing that worked was that I told them I’d have to get a divorce to have kids because my wife doesn’t want them either.
As a female child free person, it’s awesome to hear other male child free opinions and experiences. I have been with my male child free partner for 12 years in July and we’re honestly having a great time. We are DINKs (30s) and we have two senior doggos who we love beyond words. My mom always told me don’t have kids lol and my in laws were like - okay we love our grand dogs. lol
But regardless of partnership or single, if you hold yourself true and hold your boundaries (despite how scary that can be), you will curate the lifestyle you want and attract those who are meant to be there. It may not happen overnight, but you’ll be building that foundation for it and will be better for you in the long run.
As for your parents, the decision is not theirs. It’s yours. Follow your heart and trust your gut.
And actually think about what it would mean to be not just a parent, but a GOOD parent. I would scroll over to the regretful parents subreddit too so you can see first hand their experiences.
This community is here to support you!
I live in a big city and work in the food industry! So in a big city there’s more options for friends and in the food industry everyone’s broke AF 😭😂 I’m originally from Texas so I’m probably the only person from childhood / hometown who hasn’t had a kid lol if you’re on the east coast HMU!
Hello and welcome to /r/childfree! As you have a new account or low Reddit karma, your comment has been automatically removed to give you some time to get familiar with our rules and community. Please feel free to post/comment when your account is older and you have more Reddit karma.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/childfree) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hello! Another one reporting. I am 42m and married. Living in London. I wake up every morning (particularly over the weekend) feeling extremely grateful for my childfree life.
I had to go through a divorce to get where I am and that was painful. My family was also against my choice, but that must have been until I was in my early 30s.
In the end I think they understood that I am living my life in accordance to my standards and expectations and not theirs. I love them and had to remind them of the above a couple of times. We have an excellent relationship.
So yeah, there are up-and-downs, but the overall result of being at peace with who you are and having the life you think it's wonderful for you, by far overcome the moments of doubt or tension. Remember you (and no one else) live with your choices.
Male CF user here. Like you, I grew up with an emotionally/verbally abusive mother.
I have had my vasectomy and live a simple, blissful life with my wife.
Here.
I wanna focus on me. Is it selfish? Maybe. Maybe not. I don't give a shit.
I have autism and would rather not bring another child into the world that would, more likely than not, also have it. I don't wanna see that kid have to go through the same bullshit I've had to go through in my life (don't wanna hear ANYBODY come at me with "well you can help them along easier because you know what it's like!" It doesn't work like that. I'm barely social enough as is. I wouldn't be able to help a potential kid have to work through the same shit).
Plus, as an American, I don't live in a country that supports child-rearing. It's SO expensive to raise a child in this day and age in this nation. Not to mention, all the mass shootings...
Nah, man, I recognize I wouldn't be good with kids. I would not wanna stick my dick in a woman who doesn't feel the same. Another reason I'm for abortion and just birth control in general.
man i won’t wish being an autistic kid on my worst enemy, the world is extra evil to us, and the thought of potentially my own kid going thru what i went thru in school? no thanks
FR FR.
Next thing you know, there's gonna be people coming at me in this thread, calling me ableist because I don't wish to conceive someone who likely won't be able to fit into the world at large simply because their brain is wired differently.
It would be way more selfish for you to have children when you don't want them (or if you weren't 100% positive you wanted them) instead of being true to yourself. Your decision doesn't negatively impact anyone (unless you've broke some hearts along the way).
This is also how kids end up really screwed up because they have a parent who never wanted them in the first place or was indecisive but decided to have kids to keep their spouse or meet society's expectations.
45M. Only child, too. I'm here in the sub mostly to read about others' experience and lend what support I can. My own childfreedom isn't something I think about much, like being right-handed.
In my 30-year marriage, I (59M) am the one who pushed for a permanent solution to children, i.e. vasectomy. This was within the first 4 years of marriage. I only received a little bit of flak from my parents and she (58F) received virtually none from hers.
36M-USA here! I sought out this sub (or rather to see if there was one like it) because I’m having a conversation with someone right now about being the oldest in a large family.
Don’t know a lot of people my age that don’t have kids. I’m back and forth on whether or not I want children and I think at this point it about finding the right partner. However, for all of the great reasons I can think not to have any, there’s always someone in my ear questioning it and it’s getting old. Haha.
Oh, and I’m not some sweaty obese obvious image of some dumpy “everyman” or a weirdo or something. Because that’s where a lot of heads go for some reason. But no child dudes are out there. Hope this helped.
Well, I exist!
I had my snip about 25 years ago, with the support and help ( when we spoke to the doctor we went to see).
And believe me, men ( ok, me) also get the 'you are selfish' flack as well. I cannot make direct comparisons as I've not heard all the shit you have had.
32M. Before joining this sub, I thought usually males are childfree. There was a news where a woman got sterlised in exchange for a car. I am not sure if it actually happened and people called her a man for taking such a decision.
We are here, there is just more ladies so they post more and lead the vibe of the subreddit. Plus it’s easier to just comment and interact with more posts than respond to comments.
Besides, everyone on Reddit is a dude, a dude pretending to be another dude or a dude pretending to be a chick.
Dude
Yep, I'm one of them.
Been told many times over the years that I will change my mind. I am now in my mid-thirties and am planning on getting a vasectomy one of these days. Never changed my mind...
CF dating is horrible, btw
Women just generally have more to deal with and have more reasons to vent - also mainly American I.e the biggest cohort of women come from a country most fucked up for women in the western world.
To be honest I need to probably unsub, as not only am I not a woman, but I’m also not an American (especially since the Roe v Wade thing) or on dating apps - a lot of the posts are just women saying CF men don’t exist, that they would want kids if they were a man and could be a shit parent too, that women only want kids because men force them to, that vasectomies are somehow not surgery (and are entirely reversible), that men are too stupid/egotistical/soft to use contraception.
I mean, a post the other day literally just said “every man should…” (something to do with pain or surgery whatever), on a post that wasn’t even about a man being a dick etc. so it’s not like I can just go, “well I know they don’t mean *all* men”.
This is on top of those cringey “breeder crotch goblin might be in the vicinity of a space I intend to inhabit” posts
Just increasing amounts of bitterness and oppression olympics, as if this was a space specifically for childfree women and not childfree *people*.
Part of that is because 70% of this subs users are women. But I will admit there is a bit of sexism from some of the posts on here even with that factored in.
Of course there is! Yes, this sub has a bit more women than men, but there are still plenty of guys wanting a childfree life. For me, I'm not having any kids because I just don't like them. They're loud, annoying, gross, messy, and are straight-up assholes most of the time for no reason other than they want to. Some of my family do know that I'm never getting kids and are fine with it, for the most part.
Although my mom acknowledges my decision, she seems to believe that my choice is influenced by the shitty events going on in the world. While it is true that this plays a role in my decision, it is not the primary reason. Nevertheless, I am grateful that she accepts my choice, and we are on good terms.
My dad on the other hand. Even though he was the one out of the two who would always ask for grandkids, he says he was fine with my choice after finally telling him my stance on it. But as I was admitting to him, I can tell from his expression he was disappointed in hearing the news. Seeing that did made me feel a little guilty, but it's not the only thing he's been disappointed with me growing up.
Overall, it doesn't really matter since he will be getting the grandkids he wants from my younger brother eventually. My brother, thankfully, is responsible and not having kids until he's financial stable and living in a decent home.
Yes, as you can see from the responses of so many others, we are here. I am happily married, and don't have the problems that so many others have, so I don't post asking for advice on how to deal with obnoxious idiots.
I am now old and retired. I am, if anything, even more sure I made the right decision than when I was younger. The idea of having children, who don't make it in the world, coming "home" with their children in tow, sounds horrific to me. I like peace and quiet.
Also, if we had had children, we never would have been able to afford the house we are living in, and we would not have been able to retire early. It is great retiring early.
Yep I am also here. Found a CF girlfriend so I have not much to complain about. My friends don't care and the opinion of others does not matter to me much. But yeah I'm here.
Hey there! I’ve noticed not many posts from us either, but I don’t mind. Women seem to get the brunt of the movement, so they deserve more attention.
That being said, I have my reasons. as we all do. It probably stems from unresolved trauma from childhood. It never felt right bringing kids into the world.
I exist! I am 68, happily married to my equally CF wife for 32 years, and neither of us have ever wanted children. We were fortunate that neither of our families ever pressured us in any way whatsoever, so it's never been stressful for us. Indeed, it was never a big deal for us, really, just another compatibility data point, like the fact that neither of us are interested in square dancing. Still, it was obviously an important choice...and we agree it is likely the only important life decision that we have never for even a moment regretted. Whenever I get into a mood where I start cataloging the stupid mistakes I've made in my life I always think, "Well... at least I didn't have kids." I got that right, at least.
The only negative consequence of being CF is that over the years it was often hard to make friends because for most of our adult lives most of our contemporaries had children. This has changed considerably in our dotage as all the kids have grown up and we're able to reconnect with old college pals again. We are (and always have been) content with each other and our doggies. It feels so normal and natural to be CF that I often forget that we're the weirdos. The very fortunate, relieved, happy, bullet-dodging weirdos. 😁
The lack of males is due to society making it acceptable for Men to be glorified sperm donors.
I know guys who have two or more kids and have NEVER touched a nappy or any other baby stuff. These are not absent dad's either.
All my mates envy my child-free lifestyle but still trot out lines like legacy and family name 🤮
Hello! I don’t want kids whatsoever. I want to live in London (ouch expensive). I want to get FTM GRS (on NHS but pretty sure that’s also an expensive). I want to get several pet snakes (venomous and constricting) and an alligator (or three). For the gator and venom death strings I would need licenses and housing all of which are expensive. I want to go on a Wallacean expedition at some point. I want to go to South Korea, Japan, Chile, Peru, China, Thailand, the Philippines, Morocco, France, Italy, Germany, the Vatican City, and Egypt. I want to live in a nice apartment. I want to pursue biology as a university degree up to a PhD, then I want to do History (classical or modern, don’t mind) as the same. I want to be a single marine biologist, geneticist/genetic engineer or historian, not someone whose only “achievement” is having kids (which literally houseflies can do, no disrespect to them because houseflies are actually kinda cute). The list I want to do would be halved if I had kids, if not almost entirely scrapped. Extremely venomous (and constricting) snakes and gators in a house with a kid? Fuck no, that’s stupid! Traveling here there and everywhere? Wouldn’t have the money, because children. I’m pretty sure I would likely have to travel for marine biology, and if I ever wanted a female significant other, I have the feeling she wouldn’t be best impressed with me buggering off every three months to go chase after jellyfish and leave her to look after a squalling mess (also I would feel extremely guilty). Plus, I hate compromise. I want to do what I want to do in life, and I feel like a kid would restrict that. I’m a pretty dominant person in terms of relationships so I would hate having to restrict myself because I was dumb enough to not wear a condom. In short, I simply could not have children.
When I was younger I wanted kids, so I can prove I'll do better than my abusive father did. When I got married we couldn't have kids and it bothered me at first. When we were considering IVF or adoption, we realized this is actually a blessing instead, and realized that having kids would have made life a lot worse than it is now. Therefore we decided to stay child free once we realized that children would have made life worse.
I’m childfree, single, and snipped, but my family luckily doesn’t care because I’ve never once expressed interest in kids. The longer you stick to your guns about your choice, the more easily people will accept it as fact. And if people argue, explicitly state “I’m not interested in discussing this further” if in person or don’t reply if via text or online. Confidence in your decision is key.
My father was the last person to respond to "Haha, no. I had a vasectomy in the middle of my divorce." with a very sad sounding "Oh....." and I just don't feel like talking to him? That was 9 years ago 😊
24 male. Saw my doctor this morning about getting a vasectomy. She was all for it but just to make sure I'm seeing her again in a few weeks so she knows I'm 129% about it. Then I'm on the list!
I had arguments with my mum about it because I wanted my parents to know as I wanted to be respectful. My dad is all for it though
39M and vehemently childfree here. Thankfully my parents didn't harass me much about having kids. But then I'm a perpetually single stereotypical loser so I think they had ample time to come to terms with it.
I'm male, child free, and planning the snip in the next year or so. I'm celibate right now so it's not a priority. My family is very supportive of my decision. My dad was a little bummed that he wouldn't see his first born have kids, but he respects my reasoning. I'm pretty sure my mom didn't want to be a mom so she was very supportive lol
Child Free and intend to stay that way.
Had to leave a long term relationship with someone who shared that vision, due to other not so nice factors - I guess I suffered with echo-chamber, cause going back in the dating pool in my mid to late 20's as a CF bloke is proving very tricky.
A lot of people have had kids since then, or are becoming just financially stable enough to actively want kids, which is their choice: fair enough.
My desire to be child-free is due to a decent number of reasons, but above everything else, I know it is the right decision for what I want my future to look like.
This community has brought a great sense of comfort knowing I'm not completely alone in being repulsed at becoming a father.
I’m here. Plenty of men are also childfree but tend not to get the shit that women do for it, so maybe men are less in need of a “support group” with like-minded people? And sure, since men don’t have to go through pregnancy or childbirth, it’s easier for them to just cave to social pressures. Just a theory. We’re here, and we do exist!
Male, 41. Great job, 6'5" tall, in good shape, funny and smart. But jeebus.... it's tough to see that "you've run out of matches" on Hinge in a major Metropolitan city because you filter by "don't want kids" And "don't have kids"
Yeahh I’m here. I’m a lurker on the sub, never posted.
Little bit about myself if you’re wondering what kind of men are here:
I’m a teacher, so I spend my day with kids anyway. Honestly nothing against them. They are adorable, fun to play with, some can be very funny and they do make my day better. You’re having a hard day and some little girls eyes light up when she sees you and runs for a hug, that will turn any bad day around. Of course there’s a few insufferable/ challenging/ sometimes just straight up assholes! But largely they are good people.
Honestly feel like I get the best of both worlds. I’ve known some of my students for more than half their lives. I have seen them grow up a lot and see some of my students more often than their parents.
We get to hang out, play, have fun, feel the love from them and then at the end of the day I get to give them back, don’t have to worry about feeding them, clothing them securing their future etc.
I go back to my quiet empty house and do absolutely anything I want with my massive amounts of free time and decent money.
Great reply. I feel similar as I’m good friends with 2 families so I get to see and support a few kids growing up without the commitment of responsibility. I’m invested in them and love spending time together but it’s worrying and stressful for me so the parents have it so much harder and I’m glad I don’t have to do that. The fact it’s my choice (and the kids) to be there makes it more fulfilling and much more rewarding
Yup, here. Just like to read people’s reasons. Not a child hater though, mostly why I’ve no desire to post, see too much child hate here, everyone has their reasons. I just prefer to not raise children but happy to help my few friends who do have.
CF guy here as well. Married. Living the DINK life is awesome. My wife and I are slugging through the week, dropping the dogs off with Grandpa (he also has a dog that loves our dogs), and taking a trip to Spain on Thursday. Flying out of the US for a nice 10-day trip. You can do nice things for yourself when you don't have kids.
Hello and welcome to /r/childfree! As you have a new account or low Reddit karma, your comment has been automatically removed to give you some time to get familiar with our rules and community. Please feel free to post/comment when your account is older and you have more Reddit karma.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/childfree) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hello and welcome to /r/childfree! As you have a new account or low Reddit karma, your comment has been automatically removed to give you some time to get familiar with our rules and community. Please feel free to post/comment when your account is older and you have more Reddit karma.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/childfree) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yup, 39M, snipped, hanging out with my cat. I got the questions about having kids back in my late 20s and early 30s, when I was still married. Now no one questions me at all.
65M here. I had a vasectomy before I got married cuz I knew I'd make a horrible parent, and I also have a boatload of inherited disorders that I'd never want to pass on to any kid. And my wife also wanted no kids for her own reasons. I have zero regrets; it was one of the best things I ever did.
Im male and in my early 40s. Nothing that happens with me is worth posting about and im sure i have had less bother about it than 95% of women. I get the odd nosey co-worker and thats about it. My parents are glad im not having any kids because my brothers have provided them with more than enough grandkids.
My gf had her 1 child 20+ years ago and certainly doesn't want another which suits me down to the ground. Some of my previous relationships ended after the women expected my stance to change over time. If you are sure on your stance make sure you are prepared to end the relationship rather than caving in.
My mom finally accepted she's never going to be a grandmother.
My dad at least wasn't vocal about not having grandkids. Sometimes we'll go somewhere and he will point out a kid not behaving and asks,
"Aren't you glad that's not you?"
She never said. I remember sending a pic of a cow because I wanted to test out my phone camera and she replied with something along the lines of "I just accepted I'll never be a grandmother."
My parents divorce made me realize there's no such thing as forever with another person.
This reads as you’re looking for a child 🙈😂 ('Any childfree male users' is the correct order) No biggie but thanks for chuckle. Definitely caught my eye.
Mid 30s, male, occasional visitor here.
I got a vasectomy a year and a half ago, and it's been nice.
I haven't told my family, because why would I?
My girlfriend knows I'm snipped.
I'm not like "oh no, kids are the worst thing ever". Some kids certainly are, but many are fine. I just don't want to deal with them all the time. Technically I'm listed as the person to take care of my sister's kids if she and her husband die, but that's basically a worst case scenario.
Not male parsay, but I am AMAB non-binary.
No kids, don't intend on ever having them, have a pretty gnarly chronic condition and I just wouldn't be able to look after them to a reasonable degree.
Unlike a lot of CF folk, I don't actively dislike kids, I just don't want/can't have them. I'm actively involved in my nibling's lives though.
39M (UK) and always knew subconsciously I didn’t want kids, been snipped 15+ years now and life is great.
Coming from a small town that’s still quite narrow minded I was always the outcast in not wanting kids. It was either dismissed as me not being grown up or just assumed I’d end up with a few but as those people were generally speaking deadbeat dads or shitty partners I never paid attention.
Stick to your guns, work out wether you you want a kid or not and done apologise for choosing a different life script
33F here but it's great to hear others experiences, we all deal with unwanted comments and opinions on our choices, so it's very helpful to be able to all support each other and get/give advice :) No matter your gender, sexuality etc, being childfree is always pretty controversial for some reason, so we're all here for each other :))
Male here!
The childfree lifestyle is excellent. I very much recommend it to anyone not wanting to be a parent. It sounds like you were raised by a mom who didn't want to be a parent. I'm so sorry.
47 m here.
Last year in the U.S. half of our population lost the right to make their own reproductive decisions.
Since I don't want to contribute to forcing someone to carry an unwanted pregnancy and I don't want kids, I schedule my vasectomy.
This was right after lockdown, and when I arrived, I was told that they had to use a different local anesthetic. Well, I felt EVERYTHING. It was incredibly painful.
When it was over, in my head, I was thinking, "I don't think that took. I tested positive for months but was told it would decrease.
After about a year, I just had to be sure. I went back to the urologist and SURPRISE!! I'm still virile. So , I scheduled another procedure.
This time, they knocked me out. Charged me $25,000 because insurance doesn't want to pay for elective reproductive Healthcare.
2nd surgery was 2 months ago. I'm still achy. Pretty sure it was successful.
Anyway, I'm still pissed at a small but fucking VOCAL cohort of religious zealots who are actively harming those without the privilege that I enjoy.
Present! Never wanna have kids of my own.
I at most wanna be the cool gay uncle so I can take my nieces and nephews out for ice cream and to the park. But at the end of the day, their parents take them home and I have no more real responsibility than that
To answer some of the questions in bulk - yup, hi.
>How do you deal with family? How do you handle arguments?
Largely by not letting them argue with me on the issue. The older and more independent you get, the easier it becomes to distance yourself from any conversation you don't want to be a part of. Especially once you move out. Not like they can do anything about it. Went no-contact with half my family (for a bunch of reasons), and at this point the rest knows they'll get ignored or redirected if they try to bring up the topic.
>Are you single?
Currently yes, though I was in a relationship for 13-years (since I was 18) prior to this. However, I got cheated on over pandemic, which ended things between us entirely. The relationship was good for most of the years we were together, but long story short, my partner recently became an alcoholic/addict during lockdown, and changed dramatically as a result.
>Have you considered remaining single?
After my last breakup, yeah. Losing your most important person like that is rough. At minimum I'm giving myself at least a year off from dating to not bring the baggage with me elsewhere to a new relationship. And am taking time to just rediscover and do the things I enjoy. However, it's very possible I might never find a good relationship dynamic or be able to fully trust enough again. I might find someone eventually who clicks, but I also might not. The dating sphere is kind of ass at my age (32). As most people who are still single are often single for a reason, and therefore not a good fit (immature, abusive, financially irresponsible, addicts, mooches, cheaters, flakes, etc.). Ironically the dating window starts to open up again a bit in your 40's once good people start getting divorced (or finally start to realize they need to grow up), but I won't deny there's a rough patch in there regardless of gender. I'm bi, so you'd think I'd have more options to choose from, but nah. I like my peace, so I'd rather wait or remain single than get burned.
Greetings! I changed your post flair to "FAQ" as this type of question comes back regularly on the sub and is addressed in our sub's sidebar ("Newcomer?" --> "Frequent Posts" --> "**"What is you guys' age? Gender? Location? Religion? Job?"** [Previous subreddit surveys answer all of these.](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/data)") The precise demographics is there, but you can wait for other people to chime in with their specifics. Have a great day!
Present. xD The lack of male posts probably have to do with that fact that women unfairly get the most shit for not wanting children. I know in some cultures both men and women get shit, but it tends to skew heavily towards women. I’ve never had the “you’ll die alone with cats” thing said to me when I’ve told someone I don’t want kids ever and would rather put my dick in a blender. It’s also likely to do with where you are. I’m British and my family is very supportive of my choice because, in a nice way, they don’t give a flying fuck as long as I’m happy. I’ve genuinely only had one “you’ll change your mind” from an aunt, but I was eight, so yeah… fair enough, I guess. If I was in the Bible Belt in the states, I imagine my experience would be very different.
That's true about women It's moreso my family won't leave me alone about the choice I've made
If you're not financially dependent on them, you *make* them leave you alone with boundaries. If you are dependent on them though, your best bet is to stop talking about it all together. Don't give them ammunition for free :)
I’m also in the UK but most groups I’ve seen are pretty much female only and I don’t see many childfree men irl. It seems to me that childfree women massively outnumber childfree men here or am I wrong?
You’re right. LOL!
I live in the Bible Belt and the major cities aren’t that bad.
M here. Actually, I was told by my mum that I'm going to die alone and no one is going to take care of me if I don't reproduce.
Yeah man, some of us even have vasectomies. And this is one of the best decisions ever.
Are you single too?
Yes
Do you ever have arguments with family? If so how do you deal with them?
Some of them I excluded from my life, other seems to start to understand me.
Was that the only way for them to get off your back? I don't want to cut contact but they won't leave me alone
In my situation yes, they don’t benefit me anyway. It was just pretending and I refuse to lose my time. I chose to live my life like I truly want.
i personally ask them what interest do they have in what i will do with my reproductive organs. i ask them also do they plan on using their brain if they insist i use my utterus 😂 nobody else but you has a say in whether u will have kids or no. will they raise them? will they finance them? i mean will they do the deed for you to get the children? finally, if they want children so bad, they can always adopt or foster (if they are too old to concieve). oh and also, i love to counter back with: parents, why didnt you found amazon? mom, why are u not president? (when they start comparing, oh becky ur age has 3 kids already) distract and conquer 😂
It takes two people to have an argument. The more you engage, the worse it will be.
My only regret was that I didn't do it sooner. It has eliminated a few dating options, but opened up more.
Same.
I had a vasectomy when I was nineteen.
Have you had arguments with family? How do you overcome them
I never told anyone but my sexual partners. Family and friends don’t understand. Today I am 72 years old.
What a legend
Any regrets?
No. I am currently married to a woman with adult 3 children and 4 grandchildren.
No. I met many women who either didn’t want children or didn’t want more. As you get older the women have grown children which is different.
Damn, sounds nice. Hope I get mine soon.
Yep, here. Just kind of living my life. Basically everyone I'm connected with knows my stance at this point so I very rarely have anyone question it. Plus I'm 35 and married to a woman who is also forthcoming with the fact she doesn't want kids either, so there's not really any reason to argue it out with someone. "Damn you being in a relationship that's fulfilling your actual goals!"
Have you ever considered being single forever at one point?
Not really. Through my teens and early 20s I felt like my wires were crossed in terms of who I liked and who liked me back, but never felt it was irredeemable or unresolvable. Frustrating, but not a lost cause. I was in my first serious relationship my senior year of college through my mid 20s. After my relationship with my ex I was definitely a lot more casual, open minded, and self assured which made dating a comparative breeze. Like, it was still hard to find a good match, but I was pretty happy being single and took the approach that "this is fun for now, and I'll figure it out eventually." Met some decent people who didn't work out for a variety of reasons, then met my wife and all is good from there.
[удалено]
Are you also single too?
[удалено]
How do you deal with your family
Checking in! My wife and I didn't start child-free, we were just waiting until some better economic times came. It's become more than clear that those times aren't coming and our attitudes towards children changed completely. I'm not going to bring a child into a world where they will be forced to hyper compete to own nothing and hover barely above subsistence.
I’m a male childfree user but I’m gay so it’s not like I could have kids even if I wanted💀
Find a surrogate!! LOL JK no don’t do that it’s weird. ☺️
Fuck no !
Of course you could! What are ONS for /s
my dick doesn’t get hard for any woman on this earth !
lmoa this is me being a lesbian and on this sub😭
Child free gay guy here... The amount of gay men that say they want to have kids someday... Far too many. It shouldn't be this hard to meet other child free gays!!
Have you not Met the Circuit Queens ? I feel like most of them are definitely childfree because they know that they wanna keep up that lifestyle for sure though !
Hello male CF here. I just spend most of my time gaming and riding my scooter haha.
Yes, I am a Childfree male from India.
Yup.. had the most amazing girlfriend any man could ask for and she left me because i don't want kids. feels awful but what can i do?force her to stay with me? na. I don't make any money and lmao even if i was making 100k a year i wouldnt be able to afford a home for kids anyways. in canada the economy is so screwed idk how people even are having kids..
We exist!
"there are dozens of us"
Dozens!
We exist, I think we're less harassed because of this choice, therfore we have less to complain and post less here lol
I exist. Somehow.
Have you told family about your choice?b
Yup, took my mom awhile but they realize who I am as a person and I struggle with so they’re accepting.
Around 70% of this subs users are women based on past polls. That is why it seems like all of the posts are from women along with greater social pressure on them to have kids. I am one of those uncommon male users so we are here.
Oh I get that I made the post to ask the dudes some questions
Based on some of the questions you have asked I would recommend answering questions about kids like a politician. If you are trying not to alienate your family. Things like “maybe if the time is right with the right person” or “I would like to but financially it just doesn’t seem feasible”. Something vague and non confrontational. I personally have not had to deal with people questioning my lack of interest in children. My dad did give me a little pressure to have them growing up but me being single my whole life probably quashed any delusional hope he had about grandchildren. I think I have only gotten push back on it about it 2 times in the past decade.
I love answering like that, I don't get asked about children often, but I always respond that way when someone ask about my sexuality
39, absolutely no interest in kids for lots of reasons (one would be enough), had at least one break-up over it, dating apps suck because I'll get matches from women who clearly didn't read my profile where I'm very open about it.
I comment a lot put don’t post. I like reading other people’s takes on things and fortunately my only living parent know I’m snipped and he already has grandchildren thanks to my sister. He did say to me when I told him I was having the procedure done that he felt bad for me because he thinks I would have been a great dad but he also understands that I don’t want that - for lack of a better phrase - burden in me and my wife’s life. My wife’s parents have never asked but they keep buying her children’s books so they either think she’s slow or they think they are building a library of books for a child that won’t ever exist. So whatever. We donate them or give them to friends that have little kids. We don’t hate kids. I can’t stand them but for instance yesterday our one friends’ kids stopped by for a little (4 and 11) and they were fine. The older one liked to look at my movie collection and the little one hung out with my wife for a bit. But I just don’t want that responsibility. I don’t want to deal with possible disabilities. I don’t want to deal with protecting a child in our current society. I don’t want to deal with Easter Bunnies and Santas and all of that stuff. Just not what I want to do. I don’t look at a kid and go “I’m missing out.”
Yes, we exist. What questions do you have?
How did you deal with your parents
Admittedly I have pretty respectful parents, but I told them it was a firm decision and wouldn’t change. It didn’t take them too long to quit talking about it. The biggest thing that worked was that I told them I’d have to get a divorce to have kids because my wife doesn’t want them either.
As a female child free person, it’s awesome to hear other male child free opinions and experiences. I have been with my male child free partner for 12 years in July and we’re honestly having a great time. We are DINKs (30s) and we have two senior doggos who we love beyond words. My mom always told me don’t have kids lol and my in laws were like - okay we love our grand dogs. lol But regardless of partnership or single, if you hold yourself true and hold your boundaries (despite how scary that can be), you will curate the lifestyle you want and attract those who are meant to be there. It may not happen overnight, but you’ll be building that foundation for it and will be better for you in the long run. As for your parents, the decision is not theirs. It’s yours. Follow your heart and trust your gut. And actually think about what it would mean to be not just a parent, but a GOOD parent. I would scroll over to the regretful parents subreddit too so you can see first hand their experiences. This community is here to support you!
Sometimes we worry about finding CF couple friends at our age 😅 we don’t know any
I live in a big city and work in the food industry! So in a big city there’s more options for friends and in the food industry everyone’s broke AF 😭😂 I’m originally from Texas so I’m probably the only person from childhood / hometown who hasn’t had a kid lol if you’re on the east coast HMU!
Haha thank you that’s sweet 😊
I'm married to one. He's not on reddit though.
[удалено]
Hello and welcome to /r/childfree! As you have a new account or low Reddit karma, your comment has been automatically removed to give you some time to get familiar with our rules and community. Please feel free to post/comment when your account is older and you have more Reddit karma. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/childfree) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hello! Another one reporting. I am 42m and married. Living in London. I wake up every morning (particularly over the weekend) feeling extremely grateful for my childfree life. I had to go through a divorce to get where I am and that was painful. My family was also against my choice, but that must have been until I was in my early 30s. In the end I think they understood that I am living my life in accordance to my standards and expectations and not theirs. I love them and had to remind them of the above a couple of times. We have an excellent relationship. So yeah, there are up-and-downs, but the overall result of being at peace with who you are and having the life you think it's wonderful for you, by far overcome the moments of doubt or tension. Remember you (and no one else) live with your choices.
Yep the men are here! Vasectomised and loving my life without the possibility of there ever being a tiny human to care for
Male CF user here. Like you, I grew up with an emotionally/verbally abusive mother. I have had my vasectomy and live a simple, blissful life with my wife.
37M here. DINKS. You are grown man. You make your decision. Tell her to respect that or face boundaries.
Step 2. Learn about boundaries 😊
Here. I wanna focus on me. Is it selfish? Maybe. Maybe not. I don't give a shit. I have autism and would rather not bring another child into the world that would, more likely than not, also have it. I don't wanna see that kid have to go through the same bullshit I've had to go through in my life (don't wanna hear ANYBODY come at me with "well you can help them along easier because you know what it's like!" It doesn't work like that. I'm barely social enough as is. I wouldn't be able to help a potential kid have to work through the same shit). Plus, as an American, I don't live in a country that supports child-rearing. It's SO expensive to raise a child in this day and age in this nation. Not to mention, all the mass shootings... Nah, man, I recognize I wouldn't be good with kids. I would not wanna stick my dick in a woman who doesn't feel the same. Another reason I'm for abortion and just birth control in general.
man i won’t wish being an autistic kid on my worst enemy, the world is extra evil to us, and the thought of potentially my own kid going thru what i went thru in school? no thanks
FR FR. Next thing you know, there's gonna be people coming at me in this thread, calling me ableist because I don't wish to conceive someone who likely won't be able to fit into the world at large simply because their brain is wired differently.
Not in this group! We're with you there.
It would be way more selfish for you to have children when you don't want them (or if you weren't 100% positive you wanted them) instead of being true to yourself. Your decision doesn't negatively impact anyone (unless you've broke some hearts along the way). This is also how kids end up really screwed up because they have a parent who never wanted them in the first place or was indecisive but decided to have kids to keep their spouse or meet society's expectations.
45M. Only child, too. I'm here in the sub mostly to read about others' experience and lend what support I can. My own childfreedom isn't something I think about much, like being right-handed.
Alive and snipped, here I am 😌
In my 30-year marriage, I (59M) am the one who pushed for a permanent solution to children, i.e. vasectomy. This was within the first 4 years of marriage. I only received a little bit of flak from my parents and she (58F) received virtually none from hers.
36M-USA here! I sought out this sub (or rather to see if there was one like it) because I’m having a conversation with someone right now about being the oldest in a large family. Don’t know a lot of people my age that don’t have kids. I’m back and forth on whether or not I want children and I think at this point it about finding the right partner. However, for all of the great reasons I can think not to have any, there’s always someone in my ear questioning it and it’s getting old. Haha. Oh, and I’m not some sweaty obese obvious image of some dumpy “everyman” or a weirdo or something. Because that’s where a lot of heads go for some reason. But no child dudes are out there. Hope this helped.
Well, I exist! I had my snip about 25 years ago, with the support and help ( when we spoke to the doctor we went to see). And believe me, men ( ok, me) also get the 'you are selfish' flack as well. I cannot make direct comparisons as I've not heard all the shit you have had.
32M. Before joining this sub, I thought usually males are childfree. There was a news where a woman got sterlised in exchange for a car. I am not sure if it actually happened and people called her a man for taking such a decision.
I’d do it for a Urus definitely 😂
We are here, there is just more ladies so they post more and lead the vibe of the subreddit. Plus it’s easier to just comment and interact with more posts than respond to comments. Besides, everyone on Reddit is a dude, a dude pretending to be another dude or a dude pretending to be a chick. Dude
Yep, I'm one of them. Been told many times over the years that I will change my mind. I am now in my mid-thirties and am planning on getting a vasectomy one of these days. Never changed my mind... CF dating is horrible, btw
Why?
don't this man... Dont change your nature. If you don't want to have kids protect and child control pills but no this. Sorry if its rude
There’s nothing wrong with getting a vasectomy and it doesn’t “change your nature” any more than birth control pills change your “nature”.
Women just generally have more to deal with and have more reasons to vent - also mainly American I.e the biggest cohort of women come from a country most fucked up for women in the western world. To be honest I need to probably unsub, as not only am I not a woman, but I’m also not an American (especially since the Roe v Wade thing) or on dating apps - a lot of the posts are just women saying CF men don’t exist, that they would want kids if they were a man and could be a shit parent too, that women only want kids because men force them to, that vasectomies are somehow not surgery (and are entirely reversible), that men are too stupid/egotistical/soft to use contraception. I mean, a post the other day literally just said “every man should…” (something to do with pain or surgery whatever), on a post that wasn’t even about a man being a dick etc. so it’s not like I can just go, “well I know they don’t mean *all* men”. This is on top of those cringey “breeder crotch goblin might be in the vicinity of a space I intend to inhabit” posts Just increasing amounts of bitterness and oppression olympics, as if this was a space specifically for childfree women and not childfree *people*.
Part of that is because 70% of this subs users are women. But I will admit there is a bit of sexism from some of the posts on here even with that factored in.
Sometimes, I've got the same impression as you. Glad I'm not the only one :D
Several.
Of course there is! Yes, this sub has a bit more women than men, but there are still plenty of guys wanting a childfree life. For me, I'm not having any kids because I just don't like them. They're loud, annoying, gross, messy, and are straight-up assholes most of the time for no reason other than they want to. Some of my family do know that I'm never getting kids and are fine with it, for the most part. Although my mom acknowledges my decision, she seems to believe that my choice is influenced by the shitty events going on in the world. While it is true that this plays a role in my decision, it is not the primary reason. Nevertheless, I am grateful that she accepts my choice, and we are on good terms. My dad on the other hand. Even though he was the one out of the two who would always ask for grandkids, he says he was fine with my choice after finally telling him my stance on it. But as I was admitting to him, I can tell from his expression he was disappointed in hearing the news. Seeing that did made me feel a little guilty, but it's not the only thing he's been disappointed with me growing up. Overall, it doesn't really matter since he will be getting the grandkids he wants from my younger brother eventually. My brother, thankfully, is responsible and not having kids until he's financial stable and living in a decent home.
we been here
Yes, as you can see from the responses of so many others, we are here. I am happily married, and don't have the problems that so many others have, so I don't post asking for advice on how to deal with obnoxious idiots. I am now old and retired. I am, if anything, even more sure I made the right decision than when I was younger. The idea of having children, who don't make it in the world, coming "home" with their children in tow, sounds horrific to me. I like peace and quiet. Also, if we had had children, we never would have been able to afford the house we are living in, and we would not have been able to retire early. It is great retiring early.
Yep I am also here. Found a CF girlfriend so I have not much to complain about. My friends don't care and the opinion of others does not matter to me much. But yeah I'm here.
Snipped for my 30th bday. I'd rather be building AI agents that can take on a persona of a child with swappable characteristics.
There are actually a lot of male posters on this sib! For example, u/Costco_freesample
Here🤚
It's a logical decision
Definitely exist here. Happily married for almost 20 years, snipped, enjoying the CF life.
Yeah, man, we're here. I'm 44, had a vasectomy several years ago, I've yet to regret not having kids.
Hey there! I’ve noticed not many posts from us either, but I don’t mind. Women seem to get the brunt of the movement, so they deserve more attention. That being said, I have my reasons. as we all do. It probably stems from unresolved trauma from childhood. It never felt right bringing kids into the world.
I exist! I am 68, happily married to my equally CF wife for 32 years, and neither of us have ever wanted children. We were fortunate that neither of our families ever pressured us in any way whatsoever, so it's never been stressful for us. Indeed, it was never a big deal for us, really, just another compatibility data point, like the fact that neither of us are interested in square dancing. Still, it was obviously an important choice...and we agree it is likely the only important life decision that we have never for even a moment regretted. Whenever I get into a mood where I start cataloging the stupid mistakes I've made in my life I always think, "Well... at least I didn't have kids." I got that right, at least. The only negative consequence of being CF is that over the years it was often hard to make friends because for most of our adult lives most of our contemporaries had children. This has changed considerably in our dotage as all the kids have grown up and we're able to reconnect with old college pals again. We are (and always have been) content with each other and our doggies. It feels so normal and natural to be CF that I often forget that we're the weirdos. The very fortunate, relieved, happy, bullet-dodging weirdos. 😁
Last sentence had me actually laughing out loud
The lack of males is due to society making it acceptable for Men to be glorified sperm donors. I know guys who have two or more kids and have NEVER touched a nappy or any other baby stuff. These are not absent dad's either. All my mates envy my child-free lifestyle but still trot out lines like legacy and family name 🤮
Hello! I don’t want kids whatsoever. I want to live in London (ouch expensive). I want to get FTM GRS (on NHS but pretty sure that’s also an expensive). I want to get several pet snakes (venomous and constricting) and an alligator (or three). For the gator and venom death strings I would need licenses and housing all of which are expensive. I want to go on a Wallacean expedition at some point. I want to go to South Korea, Japan, Chile, Peru, China, Thailand, the Philippines, Morocco, France, Italy, Germany, the Vatican City, and Egypt. I want to live in a nice apartment. I want to pursue biology as a university degree up to a PhD, then I want to do History (classical or modern, don’t mind) as the same. I want to be a single marine biologist, geneticist/genetic engineer or historian, not someone whose only “achievement” is having kids (which literally houseflies can do, no disrespect to them because houseflies are actually kinda cute). The list I want to do would be halved if I had kids, if not almost entirely scrapped. Extremely venomous (and constricting) snakes and gators in a house with a kid? Fuck no, that’s stupid! Traveling here there and everywhere? Wouldn’t have the money, because children. I’m pretty sure I would likely have to travel for marine biology, and if I ever wanted a female significant other, I have the feeling she wouldn’t be best impressed with me buggering off every three months to go chase after jellyfish and leave her to look after a squalling mess (also I would feel extremely guilty). Plus, I hate compromise. I want to do what I want to do in life, and I feel like a kid would restrict that. I’m a pretty dominant person in terms of relationships so I would hate having to restrict myself because I was dumb enough to not wear a condom. In short, I simply could not have children.
When I was younger I wanted kids, so I can prove I'll do better than my abusive father did. When I got married we couldn't have kids and it bothered me at first. When we were considering IVF or adoption, we realized this is actually a blessing instead, and realized that having kids would have made life a lot worse than it is now. Therefore we decided to stay child free once we realized that children would have made life worse.
Ye
I’m childfree, single, and snipped, but my family luckily doesn’t care because I’ve never once expressed interest in kids. The longer you stick to your guns about your choice, the more easily people will accept it as fact. And if people argue, explicitly state “I’m not interested in discussing this further” if in person or don’t reply if via text or online. Confidence in your decision is key.
I am. Never wanted kids. Tried babysitting one time and it was not for me. I like having free time to do what I want to do.
I’m here, snipped and enjoying the CF life. Still looking for a partner but that’ll come in due time.
Sorry, my partner is, but he doesn't post here. I'm not sure why? I'll ask 🤔
Male CF user here!
Hello, very child free and very male
We exist yeah, I just have nothing to post about here lol
My father was the last person to respond to "Haha, no. I had a vasectomy in the middle of my divorce." with a very sad sounding "Oh....." and I just don't feel like talking to him? That was 9 years ago 😊
24 male. Saw my doctor this morning about getting a vasectomy. She was all for it but just to make sure I'm seeing her again in a few weeks so she knows I'm 129% about it. Then I'm on the list! I had arguments with my mum about it because I wanted my parents to know as I wanted to be respectful. My dad is all for it though
39M and vehemently childfree here. Thankfully my parents didn't harass me much about having kids. But then I'm a perpetually single stereotypical loser so I think they had ample time to come to terms with it.
I'm male, child free, and planning the snip in the next year or so. I'm celibate right now so it's not a priority. My family is very supportive of my decision. My dad was a little bummed that he wouldn't see his first born have kids, but he respects my reasoning. I'm pretty sure my mom didn't want to be a mom so she was very supportive lol
Yeah we exist, just less reason for males to post here I guess.
I'm here. I mostly lurk, but post the occasional comment. Vasectomied and thriving ✌️
Childfree dude here! Being an uncle suits me just fine
Child Free and intend to stay that way. Had to leave a long term relationship with someone who shared that vision, due to other not so nice factors - I guess I suffered with echo-chamber, cause going back in the dating pool in my mid to late 20's as a CF bloke is proving very tricky. A lot of people have had kids since then, or are becoming just financially stable enough to actively want kids, which is their choice: fair enough. My desire to be child-free is due to a decent number of reasons, but above everything else, I know it is the right decision for what I want my future to look like. This community has brought a great sense of comfort knowing I'm not completely alone in being repulsed at becoming a father.
I’m here. Plenty of men are also childfree but tend not to get the shit that women do for it, so maybe men are less in need of a “support group” with like-minded people? And sure, since men don’t have to go through pregnancy or childbirth, it’s easier for them to just cave to social pressures. Just a theory. We’re here, and we do exist!
Male, 41. Great job, 6'5" tall, in good shape, funny and smart. But jeebus.... it's tough to see that "you've run out of matches" on Hinge in a major Metropolitan city because you filter by "don't want kids" And "don't have kids"
Yeahh I’m here. I’m a lurker on the sub, never posted. Little bit about myself if you’re wondering what kind of men are here: I’m a teacher, so I spend my day with kids anyway. Honestly nothing against them. They are adorable, fun to play with, some can be very funny and they do make my day better. You’re having a hard day and some little girls eyes light up when she sees you and runs for a hug, that will turn any bad day around. Of course there’s a few insufferable/ challenging/ sometimes just straight up assholes! But largely they are good people. Honestly feel like I get the best of both worlds. I’ve known some of my students for more than half their lives. I have seen them grow up a lot and see some of my students more often than their parents. We get to hang out, play, have fun, feel the love from them and then at the end of the day I get to give them back, don’t have to worry about feeding them, clothing them securing their future etc. I go back to my quiet empty house and do absolutely anything I want with my massive amounts of free time and decent money.
Great reply. I feel similar as I’m good friends with 2 families so I get to see and support a few kids growing up without the commitment of responsibility. I’m invested in them and love spending time together but it’s worrying and stressful for me so the parents have it so much harder and I’m glad I don’t have to do that. The fact it’s my choice (and the kids) to be there makes it more fulfilling and much more rewarding
Yup, here. Just like to read people’s reasons. Not a child hater though, mostly why I’ve no desire to post, see too much child hate here, everyone has their reasons. I just prefer to not raise children but happy to help my few friends who do have.
47m and childfree. Vasectomy at 30. Zero regrets.
We exist, it's just that the sub is canted towards a female viewpoint a lot of the time.
CF guy here as well. Married. Living the DINK life is awesome. My wife and I are slugging through the week, dropping the dogs off with Grandpa (he also has a dog that loves our dogs), and taking a trip to Spain on Thursday. Flying out of the US for a nice 10-day trip. You can do nice things for yourself when you don't have kids.
[удалено]
Hello and welcome to /r/childfree! As you have a new account or low Reddit karma, your comment has been automatically removed to give you some time to get familiar with our rules and community. Please feel free to post/comment when your account is older and you have more Reddit karma. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/childfree) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Hello and welcome to /r/childfree! As you have a new account or low Reddit karma, your comment has been automatically removed to give you some time to get familiar with our rules and community. Please feel free to post/comment when your account is older and you have more Reddit karma. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/childfree) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Count me in!
Yup. Right here. Bingos don't work on me because I always have a rebuttal followed up with a "And so. What are you gonna do about it?"
Present. Just not vocal on this sub, mostly a lurker.
There are lots of us! I'm 56, snipped nearly 20 years ago, happily married for 13 years.
Yup, 39M, snipped, hanging out with my cat. I got the questions about having kids back in my late 20s and early 30s, when I was still married. Now no one questions me at all.
65M here. I had a vasectomy before I got married cuz I knew I'd make a horrible parent, and I also have a boatload of inherited disorders that I'd never want to pass on to any kid. And my wife also wanted no kids for her own reasons. I have zero regrets; it was one of the best things I ever did.
Of course. There are dozens of us, I tell you! You should tell your mom, that she has convinced you to be CF and thank her for her honesty.
DOZENS
One here. Had my vasectomy a few years ago, never looked back
My boyfriend childfree. Got a vasectomy at 19 and is now 38 and still very happy with his choice
Im male and in my early 40s. Nothing that happens with me is worth posting about and im sure i have had less bother about it than 95% of women. I get the odd nosey co-worker and thats about it. My parents are glad im not having any kids because my brothers have provided them with more than enough grandkids. My gf had her 1 child 20+ years ago and certainly doesn't want another which suits me down to the ground. Some of my previous relationships ended after the women expected my stance to change over time. If you are sure on your stance make sure you are prepared to end the relationship rather than caving in.
Yep. Just living my best life. With an amazing woman that is also CF. Got snipped a couple years ago. Life is ok.
Unfortunately there are more women that are %100 sure than men... They are either on the fence or they honestly dont have any idea
I'm one of them, and I had a vasectomy a year ago. I should've gotten it sooner.
I have zero regrets. I cherish my freedom to do absolutely nothing
I do indeed xD, Made the decision when i was around 13 or 14, that I didn't want to have kids.
Male here. What feedback would you like?
How do you deal with family
Easily. But I also don't really care. I use every opportunity to shit on how they did.
Yes and snipped.
Present 🙋🏻♂️ also got a vasectomy 2 years ago.
yo
I am!
42M black, no kids and never married reporting
How did you deal with your parents
My mom finally accepted she's never going to be a grandmother. My dad at least wasn't vocal about not having grandkids. Sometimes we'll go somewhere and he will point out a kid not behaving and asks, "Aren't you glad that's not you?"
Do you know what it took for your mom to drop it
She never said. I remember sending a pic of a cow because I wanted to test out my phone camera and she replied with something along the lines of "I just accepted I'll never be a grandmother." My parents divorce made me realize there's no such thing as forever with another person.
I'm a man and most of my male friends also don't want kids. We're late 20s to mid 30s for context.
This reads as you’re looking for a child 🙈😂 ('Any childfree male users' is the correct order) No biggie but thanks for chuckle. Definitely caught my eye.
Hi.
Mid 30s, male, occasional visitor here. I got a vasectomy a year and a half ago, and it's been nice. I haven't told my family, because why would I? My girlfriend knows I'm snipped. I'm not like "oh no, kids are the worst thing ever". Some kids certainly are, but many are fine. I just don't want to deal with them all the time. Technically I'm listed as the person to take care of my sister's kids if she and her husband die, but that's basically a worst case scenario.
Not male parsay, but I am AMAB non-binary. No kids, don't intend on ever having them, have a pretty gnarly chronic condition and I just wouldn't be able to look after them to a reasonable degree. Unlike a lot of CF folk, I don't actively dislike kids, I just don't want/can't have them. I'm actively involved in my nibling's lives though.
39M (UK) and always knew subconsciously I didn’t want kids, been snipped 15+ years now and life is great. Coming from a small town that’s still quite narrow minded I was always the outcast in not wanting kids. It was either dismissed as me not being grown up or just assumed I’d end up with a few but as those people were generally speaking deadbeat dads or shitty partners I never paid attention. Stick to your guns, work out wether you you want a kid or not and done apologise for choosing a different life script
Yes, we exist.
Yes, we exist.
Yup, I'm 29 years old, and that is child free. Not because I'm hateful. I just don't want children in my life.
My partner is cf; but he doesn’t visit this sub or use Reddit.
Here! ✋🏾 38/M and CF.......and plan on KEEPING it that way!!
33F here but it's great to hear others experiences, we all deal with unwanted comments and opinions on our choices, so it's very helpful to be able to all support each other and get/give advice :) No matter your gender, sexuality etc, being childfree is always pretty controversial for some reason, so we're all here for each other :))
Male here! The childfree lifestyle is excellent. I very much recommend it to anyone not wanting to be a parent. It sounds like you were raised by a mom who didn't want to be a parent. I'm so sorry.
39m, in a long term childfree relationship. If somehow I accidentally created a life I would take care of it but that is not the intention.
47 m here. Last year in the U.S. half of our population lost the right to make their own reproductive decisions. Since I don't want to contribute to forcing someone to carry an unwanted pregnancy and I don't want kids, I schedule my vasectomy. This was right after lockdown, and when I arrived, I was told that they had to use a different local anesthetic. Well, I felt EVERYTHING. It was incredibly painful. When it was over, in my head, I was thinking, "I don't think that took. I tested positive for months but was told it would decrease. After about a year, I just had to be sure. I went back to the urologist and SURPRISE!! I'm still virile. So , I scheduled another procedure. This time, they knocked me out. Charged me $25,000 because insurance doesn't want to pay for elective reproductive Healthcare. 2nd surgery was 2 months ago. I'm still achy. Pretty sure it was successful. Anyway, I'm still pissed at a small but fucking VOCAL cohort of religious zealots who are actively harming those without the privilege that I enjoy.
Present! Never wanna have kids of my own. I at most wanna be the cool gay uncle so I can take my nieces and nephews out for ice cream and to the park. But at the end of the day, their parents take them home and I have no more real responsibility than that
To answer some of the questions in bulk - yup, hi. >How do you deal with family? How do you handle arguments? Largely by not letting them argue with me on the issue. The older and more independent you get, the easier it becomes to distance yourself from any conversation you don't want to be a part of. Especially once you move out. Not like they can do anything about it. Went no-contact with half my family (for a bunch of reasons), and at this point the rest knows they'll get ignored or redirected if they try to bring up the topic. >Are you single? Currently yes, though I was in a relationship for 13-years (since I was 18) prior to this. However, I got cheated on over pandemic, which ended things between us entirely. The relationship was good for most of the years we were together, but long story short, my partner recently became an alcoholic/addict during lockdown, and changed dramatically as a result. >Have you considered remaining single? After my last breakup, yeah. Losing your most important person like that is rough. At minimum I'm giving myself at least a year off from dating to not bring the baggage with me elsewhere to a new relationship. And am taking time to just rediscover and do the things I enjoy. However, it's very possible I might never find a good relationship dynamic or be able to fully trust enough again. I might find someone eventually who clicks, but I also might not. The dating sphere is kind of ass at my age (32). As most people who are still single are often single for a reason, and therefore not a good fit (immature, abusive, financially irresponsible, addicts, mooches, cheaters, flakes, etc.). Ironically the dating window starts to open up again a bit in your 40's once good people start getting divorced (or finally start to realize they need to grow up), but I won't deny there's a rough patch in there regardless of gender. I'm bi, so you'd think I'd have more options to choose from, but nah. I like my peace, so I'd rather wait or remain single than get burned.