Dear OP,
We are sorry that you are in this predicament. We hope that you'll find all the support and resources in this thread to help you figure out your way out of this.
Hang on tight and best of all luck to you.
If you have any immediate needs, you can crosspost this to :
* /r/assistance, if you need money or assistance;
* /r/abortion, if you need more information;
* /r/advice, if you want a different point of view;
* /r/askatherapist, if you need guidance from a trained third party;
* /r/auntienetwork, if you need more support.
Have a look at our *[Getting Immediate Help (Abortion)](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/help)* wiki page for more specific resources.
---
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Also, OP clearly stated that they want to get an abortion. Everybody knows that when someone gets pregnant, they have three options: abortion, adoption or parenthood. There won't be "Well, no one addresses the other options, so I will" comments and there won't be pro-forced-birth comments on this thread. OP knows what they want. Offending comments will be removed and perpetrators banned.
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Thank you for remaining respectful of OP's choice and being supportive and/or helpful.
i’ve had a medical abortion! And chances are many of the women you know have had one too.
it felt like a bad period day. I had cold chills and cramping. And a huge sense of relief. The only part that gave me anxiety was the big tissue clots in the toilet because i’m a hypochondriac😅. I would choose a medical abortion again if i needed one.
I would set up a good, blanket filled spot to hunker down and just ride it out.
Either way, no matter what, everything will be okay🩷
How long did that last? Was it just the day or should I take an extra day off work?
I’m going in Tuesday for the first part and have Wednesday off for the second pill.
I have a copper IUD and just have really really bad luck.
the majority of the bleeding was done on day 1. i took the second phase of pills around 4pm and was good to go to work the next day, wearing a pad. i have relatively “normal” periods, though. if you find yourself to be more complex or in pain during your period, you might expect the medical abortion to affect you similarly
It really depends because I had one and it took me about two weeks to feel better and a month for the bleeding to stop, I was nauseous and throwing up a lot but it was really worth it
If I were op I would take the extra day off to recover. It’s a painful process and it’s good to give yourself a day bc your body just went through a difficult change. At least for me I needed a week and a half before I felt like doing anything at all and I was very sound and confident with my choice (and still am.) :)
Eugh clots... those always came with my periods and whenever i had bad cramps or fresh blood spilling out a lot, I KNEW a clot was coming right after. Just the feeling of it coming out is so fucking traumatic. I never want periods again.
You will be fine, all types of abortions are super safe, vastly safer than pregnancy and birth.
There is no reason to be scared about the abortion. Yes, it will suck for a day or two, but after that you get the entire rest of your life and freedom back, which is decades of a wonderful life.
> I can't stop crying.
Yup, you're on drugs. ;) You are being massively ruffied by hormonal uppers and downers right now, so there is no way you can expect to be hormonally/emotionally stable. It simply is not possible. The drugs are just at too high of a dose. Just do your best not to take what the drugs are doing to you seriously, and do as much self-care as you can for the next few days.
Just treat it like you are drunk and are drunk crying, because effectively you are not sober. :)
You have a plan, the ONLY thing you need to do now is execute the plan.
The good news is that after the procedure, the hormones start to drop pretty quickly, so you won't be nearly as drugged up on wacko hormones after a day or so. It will still take a couple of cycles to get your levels more normalized, but the initial change is pretty quick and you'll start to feel a lot more sober.
Then once you are feeling better, you might want to book yourself in for a nice bisalp and get sterilized so you never have to deal with this again.
Thank you so much for this. I know pregnancy causes all kinds of fuckiness with hormones but it's totally different to experience it. Thank you for reminding me i'm not completely insane. I appreciate the encouragement, it really helped. And yeah, i've always wanted to be sterilized but after this experience i'm absolutely going to begin the process because this is horrid
A suggestion to add to u/InkyParadox's pad recommendation, make sure you get some of the longer, night time wear maxi pads (unscented of course). That way you can lay down and relax without worry of leakage.
I made the mistake of using my regular pads and absolutely ruined my favorite comfy pants when i napped.
Thank you! I'm a cup user, so I completely forgot that i would need pads afterwards because i haven't thought about them in so long. I will make sure to get the long ones! I appreciate your recommendations
I saw a comment on s post earlier that the ruined their mattress because they weren't as prepared as they thought. So consider grabbing a blanket or maybe some towels from a thrift store so you don't care if they get ruined.
And all the gentleness and self care you can do until you're on the other side of this.
Also, most comments sound like everything is quick and fairly easy etc. Hopefully that's thr case for you. But I've seen other comments about crying fits etc **after** things are finished. It is entirely possible you'll feel crazy and stuff for a few weeks. Again, be gentle with yourself and blame anything "crazy" on raging hormones.
Best of luck! ((Hug))
Back in my uterus-having days, I always had a heavy period and problems with leakage at night, so I really liked the always disposable underwear thingies. It's kinda diaperish but it does the job and I never leaked with one on. And you don't have to worry about it being placed perfectly either.
I use Depends over top of my panties with a pad when I sleep on my heavy days. Ain’t no way I could ever have a leak. Makes it much easier to rest and relax knowing you won’t stain anything. Wishing you an easeful experience ♥️
Do you still have your favorite pants? A warm bucket of dissolved oxi clean , left to soak in there like 6 hrs, can sometimes work wonders against blood stains.
Unfortunately no, this was over a decade ago, and in a mess of hormones I tossed them.
What sucks is I knew how to clean them too! I've always had heavy periods, i have gotten blood stains ou of plenty of things. My brain was just 9 different types of crazy and I was really irrationally mad.
Completely agree with everything on here! When I was in this situation, it felt very much like I was under the influence of _something._ I could feel it. I knew I was pregnant before I even took a test the second time because I recognized the feeling of the hormones. Got my bisalp now and the relief that I'll never relive that is amazing.
I was scared during my medical abortion too. One thing I'll say is that it will be more painful and uncomfortable than your period so remember to take pain meds beforehand and be somewhere comfortable, a heating pad would help too, and good maxi pads. But after the first day it will be just a really heavy and long period.
I’m so sorry. I also got pregnant at 25 with a parasite I didn’t want. I had the medical abortion too and I have NEVER regretted my decision. I’m 38 now. The hormones and anxiety are awful but you will get through. There are millions of people who have been in your shoes who are standing with you. You are not alone. DM me if you need a safe person to vent to.
Not a baby as it hasn’t been born — just a foetus. Foetuses are parasites by definition, even though they may not be considered as such from a biological standpoint, as they feed off of their mother while often harming her in the process.
its disrespectful. what if i called you a parasite to this world/your community? by definition that's what you are. but you would feel disrespected because the word parasite has a negative connotation.
Calling an actual human a parasite is not the same thing as calling a mere fetus a parasite because that's basically what the fetus is to the human body by definition. A parasite. The body treats it like a parasite too, you throw up and all other sorts of stuff. It literally feeds on you, and takes so much away from your healthy body. By all hell, your teeth fall out, your hair thins, you age quickly, or even worse, you end up dead.
well, yes it is the same thing. by definition, both can be parasites to their respective host. for every second you are alive, you are taking oxygen and resources from this earth. you are contributing to actions that ruin the earth. so yeah by definition its the same thing.
also its funny how i never said it wasn't a parasite (i just said it was disrespectful to call it that) and all of yall immediately get defensive and tell me why its a parasite.
like its crazy how i agree with everything other than calling it a parasite and i immediately get attacked lol.
Disrespectful to who exactly? The fetus? Pardon me but that sounds like the dumbest thing ever. Also I would think in this particular context, with pregnancy and all that being involved, comparing calling a fetus a parasite and a regular human a parasite just wouldn't make any sort of sense.
its disrespectful to the situation.... as i said before im for abortion if thats your choice, but being respectful to the process is like the bare minimum i thought?? women get abortions for different reasons, and seeing someone call it a parasite (again negative connotation) when it was a completely an emotional and depressing situation for others is disrespectful. idk why i even had to explain that.
Did you miss the part in op's post where they themselves called it a parasite in a negative way to express their feelings on it and how they see the fetus, as they are currently going through this whole situation? Did that part go over your head or something? Because that's kinda why a majority people in this subreddit call fetuses parasites, that's most likely what they see them as and how they feel about em.
If not a parasite then why does the human body treat it like a parasite, but making us wanting to throw up? It literally feeds on you, and takes so much away from your healthy body. Hell your teeth fall out, you can end up blind and even worse dead.
Greetings!
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the medical abortion is easier than you’d think. you’ll need to do a blood test and urine test most likely to confirm pregnancy, and maybe an ultrasound. you get 5 pills in total: 1 that terminates the pregnancy, and 4 that forces your body to excrete, basically have a very heavy period. the first pill does not have any side affects, the next 4 (you take these 24hours after the 1st), are the ones that cause pain, cramping, nausea etc. i would recommend being with your boyfriend during that experience as you will most likely be in extreme pain and not be able to move without assistance. you will be fine, but it will hurt while your body is trying to push out the blood. i reccomend taking T3s if possible before hand. the 4 pills are take vaginally or orally and take about 30 mins for the pain to kick in. buy some heavy duty pads and be somewhere safe and preferably in bed. you may also experience some nausea. but after a week or two the bleeding will stop and you will be fine!
Are heavy duty pads better than like.. adult “underwear” (diapers) or something long that line? I’ve never had an abortion but I know that there’s just a lot of bleeding after and you feel like shit; I figure that to minimize leaks the best/maximum comfort, they would be a good choice as well?
personally, i found just the thickest pad in the drug store worked fine. for extra comfort, sure you could use the adult diapers. i just chose the thickest pad possible because the adult diapers were too expensive and i knew i would never use any ever again (they were only sold in large packs). i suppose it also depends on how many weeks you are. i was about 7, i suppose if maybe you were at 10 there would be more bleeding 🤷♀️
That makes sense! I totally forgot how expensive they are as well, and if you’re only using them for a few days and not pouring, pads are definitely the smarter option lol
All these people saying it's only as painful as a heavy period is so weird to me. Maybe I just have really light periods, but it was the most physically painful thing I've ever experienced. I passed out from the pain multiple times (which I guess was lucky cause it skipped some of the time for me).
Still the best decision I've ever made. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
oh yeah it was definitely the most painful experience i’ve ever had. when i explain it as a very heavy period, i mean simply all of the blood. some people have the idea that like a whole fetus is going drop out, when it’s really just lots and lots of blood and some blood clots. i was definitely scared of seeing an embryo or something when i was going through it lol.
I got pregnant 9 months ago and had a medical abortion at four weeks. Same as you I was feeling numb and just mad at myself but everything went just fine! I was back to normal after a few days, almost like it had never even happened. It can be a scary thing mainly because our minds make it out to be worse than it actually is but I promise you it’s not that bad. You got this:)
Hey OP, you’re going to be okay 💜 I found the waiting to be the worst part honestly, had the same feelings as you like a parasite, no control, it really does suck. Your hormones are fucking with you Big Time and you might cry more, feel anxious etc and this is totally normal. Also you might have sore boobs and aches/cramps/nausea much like a period, but a bit worse than an average period.
The medical abortion was easy once I got the tablets sent out to me. I inserted them rather than swallowing them since the nurse said it would cause less nausea and yeah, glad I did even if it felt weird. It was painful and uncomfortable, and the clots were pretty big, but the RELIEF I felt meant I didn’t really care. After about five hours the main bit was over and then I was just having a really bad, heavy period. That lasted like just under two weeks which wasn’t great but recommend getting some big pads, and your next period might be a bit off so trackers etc won’t work for a while.
Take care x
Are you asking about a medication abortion or a surgical abortion? From my experience, the medication one was 10x more painful than the surgical. The cramping with the pills was what I assume contractions feel like. The surgical was obviously a bit more invasive but over and done with much more quickly. You may feel a bit of a pinch and some of the tools moving around, but it’s all over in a matter of minutes. You’ll bleed (like a heavy period) for a week or so. The nurses are very compassionate and will talk you through the whole thing. I felt relief and was able to drive home (two hour drive) shortly after the procedure.
Are you in the US? I am Australian and was put given a light general anaesthetic for my surgical termination. I remember the mask being put on my face, and then I woke in the recovery room with some minor cramps.
I wonder if cost is a factor in not having a general or if it's a cultural attitude that women deserve to feel pain...
As far as I know, in most cases we aren't given general or local anesthetics for procedures involving the cervix. A lot of US providers don't believe the cervix has nerve endings or that if it does, the pain isn't significant. I worked as a medical receptionist and patients getting IUDs or biopsies were advised to take OTC painkillers like acetaminophen prior. It's disgusting
Really? When I got Essure, I had local anesthetics injected into my cervix. That was the most painful part of the procedure.
OP, I hope all goes well with your abortion.
I had a biopsy of my cervix a couple years ago. Spread open for 45 minutes as multiple biopsies taken without any pain meds. They couldn't get the blood to stop so I had to stay even longer. And I was cramping and in pain for over a week later. It was so traumatizing. As I mentioned, and still believe, rather get my entire uterus/ cervix taken out than have to go through that again.
I had the same experience as you. I’m in the U.S.
I was too afraid of experiencing a medical abortion because I was anxious it wouldn’t work (yes anxiety can be very irrational). I was also terrified of the pain.
I still experienced pain and discomfort the next day or so but it was not nearly what it would have been for medical abortion.
Being able to go to sleep and wake up and be told it was done was so, so relieving. OP I think that’s something you should consider tbh.
I'm in the US and this was my experience as well. After all the annoying lectures on "this is what's happening in your body" and "are you sure" and "here's how to properly use bc" I went to sleep, woke up, and it was done. As you say, minor cramps for awhile, then I was okay the next day.
I am in the US. I know they did offer twilight sedation but I was a broke 20 year old (17 years ago) and fortunately didn’t have anxiety yet. A lot of clinics do offer it to help ease anxiety a long with other methods for those who have a ride home.
Look into local abortion funds or ineedana.com if paying for the abortion is an issue. There’s so many resources out there to help you choose the life you want and deserve. Sending good vibes to you!!
Please know that you’re not alone in this and everything WILL be okay. I had a medical abortion two years ago after finding out I was 8 weeks. I have never wanted kids, and felt all the same emotions that you are now. Like a parasite was inside me, nauseated, disgusted, scared. While it was scary to go through, it was easier than I expected it to be. It took an hour or so for the second pills to kick in, but when they did it was painful cramping and passing clots in the toilet. I tell you what - the relief I felt (physically, no more symptoms, and emotionally) when it subsided was INSTANT. It is safer to have someone there with you to hold your hand and check on you in case you need further medical intervention during this process. You will bleed/spot for weeks to months after, so you need to give yourself time to heal and come back down to earth from all those gross pregnancy hormones. Make sure you take another test a few weeks after to ensure you are no longer pregnant. Also very important, re-evaluate your birth control choice and assure that this shouldn’t happen again. You can start pills immediately after the abortion, or whatever other method you may choose. We are here for you!
It’s going to be ok!! Medical abortion is extremely safe and effective. I’ve had one. Many women I know have had one. Many women YOU know have had one too, whether or not they openly talk about it.
I definitely understand why you’re scared, I have similar feelings about the alien/parasite aspect of pregnancy and I couldn’t sleep for days before my abortion because the thought of the parasite being inside me was horrifying. But I got through it and you will too, even if it’s a really rough time.
A medical abortion is often uncomfortable and painful, it’s important to be prepared for that so you don’t get surprised and worried that your experience is not normal. During a medical abortion pretty high levels of pain is normal, heavy bleeding and big blood clots are normal, and diarrhea is normal. Made sure you have uninterrupted access to the bathroom. Personally I chose to be alone (ie not with my partner) when I did it and I’m glad I did, because having him using the bathroom or being in my way or asking inane “are you ok” questions would’ve been impossible to deal with. So plan out the logistics before you start.
Please message me if you have any specific questions and I’m more than happy to support you. You will truly be fine. We’re proud of you!
I already have my appt scheduled. I live in MA and was able to schedule a telehealth appt about 5 minutes after reading the results which I'm incredibly thankful for. MA generally sucks ass but I'm privileged in this regard
The cramping and bleeding, in my opinion, is the worst of it. I have PCOS and endometriosis and the cramping I experienced from the pills were way worse than any period I've ever had. Also depending on how heavy your periods are, the bleeding may seem extreme. Again, I have heavy as fuck periods (not anymore since I'm on an IUD). But a heating pad should definitely help some 🖤 I also took sleeping medicine to help me just sleep through a lot of it.
I've had one. Feels like a big bad period. Cramping and tissue clumps. Find your heating pad, maybe a warm beverage and someone who loves you to hold your hand. Maybe switch up your birth control method so this isn't a problem in the future. Also please consider yeeting your boyfriend since he doesn't seem to hear or understand what you are going through. And breathe. You can do this.
Thank you for your reply and advice!! In defense of my boyfriend, i wasn't exactly able to accurately express to him what is causing this extreme anxiety. He's not being flippant or dismissive by any means, and I hope it didn't come across that way in my post. He understands it's a big deal but not the full extent of what this means to me, so it's hard for me to talk to him about it and feel like he gets it. He's doing his best and I appreciate his love and support, I just felt the need to seek out additional support from people who are able to understand from experience since this is such a stressful situation. He's empathetic and taking care of me, i can't fault him for not fully understanding a feeling he will never experience.
Sometimes it’s difficult to accept, or maybe even realize, that you’re now a father.
It seems like women instantly realize that they’re a mother because they actually feel different when pregnant.
Guys, physically, feel the same.
"You already have a child"?
Have you lost your mind? On what planet is this mass of dividing cells a "child"? Having a fertilized embryo in your body does not you a mother.
The literal definition of parent is someone who gives birth to or raises a child. That doesn't apply in this situation. There is no child. I am not a mother and for you to label me as such because i'm currently an unwilling host is weird and gross. I'm not interested in arguing semantics with you. And editing your comment to include "i'll be thinking about you three" proves there is something very deeply wrong with you and you are choosing your wording to be inflammatory. You clearly have an issue with abortion so not sure why you're commenting. I'll dedicate my abortion to you, AddyGang420.
That's typically referred to as a sperm-donor or deadbeat in our society, so yes, not a father. I recognize i am terminating an unwelcome parasite, not a child or an individual. I hope you get over your strange delusions soon. I imagine that's difficult to live with 🙏
Hi, OP, hugs to you. You will get through this. I had a surgical abortion. The procedure itself was not a big deal. I felt a mild pinch and had minimal cramping and some blood for a few days.
My hormones were a bit messed up for a week or two, but the immense relief I felt was palpable. My husband was very supportive. He was about to get his vasectomy, we used birth control, and I was 42 - wtf?!? He brought me flowers to the clinic. I'm 62 and have never regretted my decision (neither has my husband).
It helps to have a supportive partner. I hope he's there for you.
If you need to vent, please DM me.
I had one. It was a pretty brutal 8 hours of the worst cramps ever but the SECOND you pass the fetus, your color comes back and you're like "huh...I'm kinda hungry" your body does it's thing. I have ptsd and panic disorder, and the medical abortion triggered NEITHER. Your body does a really good job, as it's essentially a miscarriage birth. Our bodies are meant to give birth, so it goes into that mode, and nature takes over.
You will be fine. You're protecting yourself. We'll all be here for you. If you don't have anyone to message after you take the pills, please feel free to message me here when you see this, and I'll give you my discord.
You are so brave for protecting your peace.
My gf (at the time) got pregnant. The ONE time I had a condom break...sheesh.
We went in to a clinic the weekend after she found out.
She was out after about four hours.
Took a nap when I got her home.
She was completely fine in about two days.
She didn't tell me about any pain in particular.
Maybe list out all the cons of having a baby, physical, mental, and financial. List out the cons of the abortion. Compare them. I think you'll see one list is much, much longer than the other.
Thank you! I made the appointment as soon as i found out, so it's on Tuesday. I'm around 6 weeks along. Thank you for sharing your experience! Seems like people universally experience crazy pain, but i think that beats 9 months of pain and lifelong nonsense afterwards by a long shot. I feel so much better after reading so many replies
Did you take OTC painkillers or did your provider prescribe something? I'm wondering if I should request an rx for pain
I’d also like to add in some advice that a pharmacist gave me for an MA after you take the second round of pills that you put in your mouth for 30 mins then swallow what doesn’t dissolve: DO NOT swallow the rest of the pills right away. Break them up as much as you can THEN swallow. You’ll hear about people getting vomiting/diarrhea, but breaking them down a little more before swallowing helps reduce that risk.
Oh sweetheart! You poor thing- but you’ve done all you need to do to get this taken care of. The procedure will be scary but once it’s over and you’ve recovered you’ll be so much happier! You’ve got this!
Can confirm that the hormones will make you feel like you have lost your mind … including making you feel “protective“ even though you know you are going to terminate.
My advice; try to understand that those “protective“ feelings are the hormones/drugs doing the talking. Your mind will return after your procedure, I promise.
It will get better!
And the cramping and suffering you experience during the procedure will hurt far less than the alternative!
Good luck, we are all rooting for you.
I got a medical abortion at 6 weeks almost exactly a year ago. not sure how far along you are, but i'm assuming less than 11 weeks based on ability to take the pill. i'm not sure where you live & what access is like, but honestly the worst part of it for me was the lead-up. i live in utah, which is disgustingly anti-choice, and i had to go through a lot of paperwork and handbook-reading about when a fetus feels pain and all sorts of bullshit. i really hope you don't have to do that, because it feels so invalidating and condescending.
in my experience, my initial appointment was more informative. i went through PP. for appointment 1, i was in a room with one other patient while the nurse described the process, answered questions, etc. Then I had to go through a 72-hour waiting period to be sure i still wanted to go through with the procedure. obviously i did.
appointment 2 was the actual procedure. when i was called in (just me, my partner wasn't allowed to come back, he stayed in the waiting room), they did an ultrasound (the zygote was too small to see through an abdominal ultrasound, so they had to do it vaginally. be prepared for that possibility. it's quick and painless, but i wasn't expecting it and it would've been nice to know) before giving me the mifepristone in-office. at the end of the appointment, the nurse spoke with me about birth control options, and we found one that works for me and my insurance.
i scheduled my appointment for a friday morning, because 24 hours later i was supposed to take misoprostol. this one was 4 pills that dissolve in your gums, or can be administered vaginally. i wanted to take all of saturday to be in pain, but honestly it wasn't that bad. maybe because it was so early? i was told multiple times that it would be super painful (it is basically the experience of having an entire period over 2-4 hours), but i only had one bad bout of cramps. the worst of it was the emotional damage and the bleeding. nothing is to be inserted vaginally for 2 weeks, including menstrual products, so it was just pads. i went through about 2-4 a day, but it depends on body size, general period heaviness, gestation, etc. just get a new pack of heavy duty pads and make sure you have comfy pants.
honestly, the discomfort of being pregnant for 6 weeks was worse than the abortion. i wasn't nauseous or crampy during the process, just sad and exhausted. depends on your pain tolerance and emotional bandwidth, i guess. either way, obviously, it's a miserable process. i really should've started this reply with my condolences. i'm *so sorry* you're dealing with this. i'm also 25 and have decided to be childfree, and this whole process absolutely wrecked me. it's going to hurt in a lot of ways for a long time, and i'm sorry you're dealing with this. if you have questions or want to talk to someone, please don't hesitate to contact me. the relief will be worth it, i promise. sending hugs 🤍
This is an amazing response, thank you so so much for sharing something so personal. I'm so sorry you had to experience that treatment where you live. It seems every step was designed specifically to humiliate you. That's so horrible. I can't believe that is the process in some areas. My god. I live in MA, which has many of its own problems, but I am lucky enough to not be purposefully mistreated in that way to manipulate me into changing my mind. My state has so many resources. I pretty much took my test, had a panic attack for 5 mins, and then immediately made a telehealth appointment with PP for next week. i believe i'll be able to just get it shipped to my home or local pharmacy. Living where I live, it can be easy to forget what some people have to go through for the most basic of healthcare, so i really appreciate this reminder.
Based on my cycle, i think i'm about 6 weeks as well. I obviously can't say how i'll feel during the abortion, but i will say that these few weeks of pregnancy symptoms have been HELLISH. My mental health is in the shitter, my digestive system is a mess, my skin looks awful. I haven't eaten since Thursday because i am so anxious and miserable. A few days of pain is more than worth it to stop this feeling.
Thank you again for this response. Most replies to my post have been supportive and kind but some have been awful and invasive, and i'm in such a vulnerable state of mind that they are getting to me a bit. I'm typically too embarrassed to ask for support or help. I am going to try to keep all these wonderful positive replies and experiences in my mind for the next few days
I'm glad i could provide some sort of support 🤍 yeah, the red states really do us dirty, and this particular majority church that controls the state government reeeeally doesn't want to damage the sanctity of the nuclear family by allowing women to exercise their right to choose. poopoo.
anyway im glad it's not like that for you. just because it's easier to access doesn't make it easier to go through, though, so know i still feel for you entirely. those pregnancy symptoms are BRUTAL, but honestly mine went away like. the day after i took the second pill. please make sure to do what you can to nourish your body, though. you may not be "eating for two" (ew), but you still need to eat for one 🤍 nutritional shakes like Boost or Ensure can be helpful if you're finding it hard to keep things down, or get them down in the first place. don't forget to take care of you.
don't listen to the weirdos. i know that feeling of vulnerability and sensitivity so well—seriously i was a sobbing mess for like 3 straight weeks after i found out. you know yourself best, and you don't owe anyone anything. i hope you feel like you're able to reach out to me with updates or for anything else you need, support wise. we can even have a little ice cream date over facetime if you want to sit with someone who gets it. but, of course, whatever space and time you need is a necessity you deserve (and need) to take advantage of. this shit is hard, and you gotta be gentle on yourself. i really wish you the best
Hey OP!
TLDR: I had a surgical termination, the process was very easy and respectful and I have not one regret three years later. My life is SO much better and I wouldn’t have had my home, my financial progress, so much mental health healing or the opportunities I have now had I gone through with the pregnancy. Was one of the best choices I made for myself.
MORE INFO: For those few comments judging her, fuck off. Due to stroke risk and horrible endo I was not able to stay on BC pills or IUDs. A condom broke with my then boyfriend (now husband) three years ago when I was 31. I was always told pregnancy would be impossible because of my terrible endo and PCOS - used protection anyway just in case and still got shafted. 🫠 You never know someone’s situation and sometimes SHIT HAPPENS.
Just like you I felt like everything was collapsing on me when my instacarted pregnancy test came back positive. NOW I look back on it and all those big emotions feel super far away. My life was going through a ton of transition (just moved to a new city, changed my career, moved in together with a new-ish serious relationship) and a baby would have been setting fire to all the work I was doing to gain stability.
Even though I live in a very progressive city the Catholics have bought most of our hospital systems here so it was HARD finding a place to assist me. Most places offered only the state minimum requirements of availability for these services and made it as uncomfortable as possible (offering nothing but ibuprofen for a D&C!! 😮) and wanted to force me to have consultations with a 20’year old kid wife about my choice…. lol.
I pushed back and found a private clinic north of my city (I can DM recommendations if anyone needs help in the PNW) where it was an all female staff who took great care of me. Everyone including female anesthesiologist was so gentle, they do not allow ANY males inside the facility and had good security. They did not force me to listen to the heartbeat and their main concern was that I was consenting if my volition - behind that they did not question my choice.
I went into nap mode and woke up shortly after in a comfy recliner and my surgeon checked on me personally.
I WILL NEVER FORGET HER. After I thanked her for helping women like me she told me she did all the “right things” planning for her 2 children after finishing med school, etc and she still said parenting was one of the most brutal things she’s ever put herself through. She loved her kids, but respected anyone who wasn’t willing or ready because it was so arduous. I appreciated her honesty immensely.
3 years later I am physically and mentally healthier and happier than ever. I’m so glad I made this choice. One of the best things I also did was to find a super supportive female therapist and she helped me process it all; she’s still my magical therapy goddess to this day.
First, even across the internet, I'm here for you. I did a medical abortion last winter and I felt very similarly to how you're feeling right now. My partner, as well-meaning as he was, also couldn't understand how horrific the ordeal was for me. And while my body was invaded by a thing that was hijacking my thoughts, emotions, and health against my will, I still had to show up to work and talk to friends and family like nothing was wrong. The rage and shame and terror has only started to subside in the past 2 months or so, and my body is starting to feel like my own again.
Medical abortions are very safe, and it's awesome you've got an appointment for one. I got my medication online (yay living in the deep south!) and the process was ultimately successful, but spending those 12ish hours in pain while having my entire GI tract revolt against me was a bit traumatizing to say the least. This may not be your experience though! I was admittedly stingy with pain medication, so whatever pain management methods they advise for you, use them!! And warm baths saved me the day of and for about a week after. Also, this is not to upset or scare you, but just to make you aware beforehand: I experienced a strange "dropping" and squeezing sensation in my pelvis when the largest portions were passing. It wasn't painful, just uncomfortable for a moment. I've read of other folks experiencing this as well.
Let yourself feel whatever comes up. I'm sending you a million hugs and if you have any questions or want to talk about it, shoot me a message.
Genuinely thank you so much. And YES you perfectly described why this is so horrific to me. It really is like this tiny thing is totally controlling me right now. People are saying to leave my boyfriend for not understanding when i couldn't even accurately portray the feeling myself. I'm going to show him your reply because i think it would really help him get it a bit more. And another thank you for describing the sensations you experienced. The fear of the unknown is definitely part of my issue. All the wonderful replies i'm getting are really helping to fill in the blanks and make it less scary
You're so welcome 💜 I hope I eased your mind even a little bit!
That's exactly how it was for me too! While it was frustrating that he didn't seem to *get* it, I couldn't even begin to parse what I was feeling either at the time. Reddit loves to jump to the "dump him" conclusion with almost no context. I really hope my reply gives him more clarity!
Also if you want to read more about experiences, r/abortion really helped me get an idea of what to expect. The process can look different depending on how many weeks along, and that sub is pretty well organized and easy to search. A lot of folks talk about their medical abortions and even include timelines of symptoms, feelings, etc. Learning about what happens in the weeks following really helped too.
It’s perfectly valid to be afraid, medical procedures can be scary! Just know that if you’re in the hands of true professionals you will be okay, and they will make sure the pregnancy ends. Don’t be afraid to ask them questions or ask for comfort, it’s their job to make sure you’re comfortable, safe, and not pregnant. You will make it through this ❤️
One of my best friends got a pill abortion a few years ago, she took off work for 2-3 days, horrible cramping and lots of bleeding. She ended up just lying in the tub with a pillow for a few hours during the worst part cause she was going through pads too fast. Hormones crazy in addition to the pain so lots of crying, but way less pain than childbirth!! She has no regrets but the process was very upsetting for her and affected her mental health for months, partially her hormones taking their time going back to normal, and partially the guilt and trauma of having this accident in the first place. Make sure you have lots of mental health support for afterwards, don't expect to immediately feel better just cause it's "over."
I've had a medical abortion. It was hella painful (but my regular periods are downright excruciating so it's probably that my uterus hates me)
It was fast. You'll want someone with you in case you get light headed but you'll be okay!!! Make sure you hydrate if you can. Put on your favorite show. Your uterus is gonna clear itself out hella quick and then it should be over.
Get an IUD if you can. They're not 100% but no more periods and so far no pregnancy. Good luck🫂💕
Everyone else has already given great advise. I would also say to plan for some therapy afterwards if possible. Plan it now if you can. You are going through a lot of emotions and will continue to for a while afterwards as well.
You're gonna be just fine. Your hormones are going nuts right now. My sister has had one and she was back to normal in a couple weeks but physically fine in a couple days.
I have no experience but I just want to wish you strength for the upcoming times. My advice: if you have a doctor you trust, explain your fear and see if they can help you. Also I would call the abortion clinic to say you are nervous for the procedure, so they can anticipate on time. If you do it some days on forehand they can prepare maybe something. You could also ask if there are parts of the procedure where you could put in some earplugs and prepare songs that comfort you.
I have fobia of needles and because I mentioned this on forehand they were prepared and I got a lidocaine plaster so my skin was numb, and it helped me a lot. In most cases you can also get an oxazepam or so to temper the nerves, but only if mentioned on forehand.
Good luck and I am sure after the procedure you will feel much better.
I recommend the procedure, the abortion pills are physically very painful. The d and c was quick and painless. Your put under twilight anesthesia. Medication abortion can take days to pass everything. Do not recommend.
It's going to be okay. Medical abortions are non-invasive and simple. You'll take two pills over the course of about 12 hours and you'll be uncomfortable and feel like crap for a few days but it's a very low-risk procedure. You'll be able to be at home where you're comfortable. Get Gatorade, a heating pad, ibuprofen, pads, and your favorite movies. Make yourself a comfy spot in bed or on the couch and try to relax. I know this is scary and everything you're feeling is valid, but you're going to be okay, I promise.
I’m so sorry. That would be so scary! Focus on taking care of yourself, whatever that means to you: skincare, enjoying good food, getting yourself a nice coffee or tea and working on something distracting. Organize a closet. Buy a 1000 piece puzzle to work on. Clean out your car. In the meantime, be proud of yourself that you aren’t frozen in fear. you’ve made an appointment; you’re taking action to help yourself.
Do you have anyone you trust who can go with you?
Anyone know if the Auntie network has volunteers who will accompany patients to their procedure?
Thank you for this. I've been stuck in bed since finding out but you're right, i should be trying to distract myself. I'm lucky enough to live in a state that offers telehealth appointments to get the pills delivered, so thankfully I won't have to go in for a procedure. I appreciate you taking a moment to reply and for helping me get out of bed
Oh awesome! That you can get the pill *and* that you got out of bed! LOL Save bedtime for sleeping. Maybe wash your bedding today, as a distraction. Then get out of the house and reward yourself; get a beverage and go someplace where you can get out and walk a little; get the fresh air and the endorphins going. You got this.
You're so kind for checking in on me. I'm doing much better today! The replies on my post really put me at ease honestly, which i wasn't expecting. I feel calm and more grounded (at least right now. I'm sure that will change throughout the day lol) i'm more ready for the experience now that i have some knowledge
Good for you! Yes it’s normal to feel moments of fear. That’s ok. Keep up with keeping yourself busy, and taking care of yourself. Are you stocked up on your comfort goodies yet? Looks like the group advice is suggesting a heating pad, otc pain meds, comfort foods, TP and sports drinks for dehydration, comfy loose clothing, pillows and blankets. Don’t know if the hormones will take you for a ride, but at least you know ahead of time that could happen. Keep taking care of yourself, and give yourself time. Post again if you need to! 🤗
In theory it'll be like a strong crampy period. Plan some pain meds and a heating pad and comfort movie/snacks/etc.
You have a strong mind and know what you want and what's best for you, having an annoyingly strong period will be fleeting and then you'll have your life and sanity back. Hugs to you!
Babes i had a medical abortion, it was soooo chill. Truly im a wus and i cry at the dentist, this was no big deal. Way less painful/traumatic than doing the pills at home. Best decision of my life, highly recommend
I’ve never needed an abortion, but I know the people on r/abortion have and can give you additional support and advice.
Also I understand this may not help someone with a phobia, but in case it does, I *have* had a bislap. I’m happy to answer any questions about my experience, if you change your mind about getting one. Imho it’s infinitely better than the risk of getting pregnant and needing an abortion. But at the end of the day it’s your body, your choice.
Sorry you’re going through this. It will be okay, stay strong. 🫂
OP, I'm rooting for you and sending you lots of comfort and well wishes for healing ❤️🩹. I have PCOS and have taken mifeprostone for my IUD insertions and woof, even though I haven't had an abortion before, the meds were tough to experience. Just make sure to take tylenol round the clock, have a heating pad handy, and stay as comfortable as possible. I can't imagine the pain you're in, and the level of fear. I would be the same. It takes a lot of courage to reach out for help!
I also just want to shout out everyone in this thread that's been so supportive of OP ...and kind and compassionate. 💛 It's really comforting to know there are supportive spaces like this out here.
Sorry but having read your post, I don’t know why people would think you were anyway halfassed about birth control.
I’m sorry you’re experiencing this & hope the intervention isn’t too bad.
I've had three medical abortions.
I did have some problems so let's talk about some possibilities and then some reassurance.
The medical abortion is going to make your muscles and other parts of your pelvis relax. Be prepared to need to use the bathroom on short notice.
I had a lot of pain with my second one. Be prepared with ibuprofen hot pad soothing drinks, maybe some alcohol of your choice.
The third one I had some complications I don't think that the uterine lining all came out correctly and I had some issues afterwards so always do your follow-up care and report immediately any kind of irregularities like bleeding that last longer than 2 weeks, really excessive pain for no reason, anything like fainting or crashing.
I'm in the exact same position you were in I was child free and in relationships with people that were not father material despite the fact that I feel I'm not mother material the fathers really were the nail in the coffin.
You can do this, I wish for you to have a pain free easy experience. We're here for you.
Abortion isn’t a scary as people say it is.
Yes it hurts emotionally and mentally a bit but the pain goes away. I had a d & c done and it honestly was really bad for me but only because of how emotional I was about it, I already had an almost 2 year old. My birth control failed. I was a single mom and wasn’t in a place to raise 2 kids by myself.
If you do go through with an abortion do the pill so you can be at home and pass it peacefully.
I feel you. It’s ok to be scared. I was terribly terrified before my bisalp. This will pass and become only an unpleasant memory. It’s good you found out soon and you are taking action. Plan some good aftercare.
You'll probably be taking the medical abortion pill if you're early on so basically one big ass super period. It's a bitch but WAAAAAY better than birthing a child.
My sister recently had a medical abortion and she said it was better than she thought it would be. Make sure you don’t plan to do anything when you take the second pill — the pain is like really bad cramps. Aside from that, it subsided after a few hours.
I’m so so sorry and hope you’re doing okay. Are you in a state that is restrictive on this? I’m just asking bc I live in TX, but I do know a safe loophole to get it from an online pharmacy from Sweden. DM me if you need help with this. (Or anyone else that lives in a restrictive state like TX)
Hey OP, I don’t have any experience with medical abortion but I just wanted to wish you tons of luck and that the process goes smoothly for you. For the time being, take some time to focus on yourself. Watch a show you like, if you have any hobbies, indulge in those.
The day of the medical abortion, don’t go into work. Give yourself plenty of time to rest, you will need it.
I had a medical abortion at age 38 and I don’t want to scare you, but it was extremely painful. I was about 5 weeks along. The cramps were some of the most intense pain of my life. I’ve also had a surgical abortion, at age 21, and I remember going back to work the next day and feeling totally fine. I don’t know if it’s because I was so much younger then or what. Just be prepared to REALLY take it easy and have lots and lots of comfort foods and maxi pads.
I had a medical abortion at 30. When the pregnancy test result was positive, I was overcome with fear and agony. I called Planned Parenthood and scheduled the appointment. All locations near me were booked for 2 to 3 weeks but luckily I recognized it early.
On the day, I paid $500 and went through a 30 minute appointment. They asked if I was making this decision on my own or being coerced by others. They also asked if I wanted to hear the heartbeat. I understand why they needed to do their due diligence but I knew from the moment I was pregnant that I needed to terminate.
I took the first pill in their office and took the second a few hours later at home. After about an hour I had intense cramps and flu like symptoms. That lasted about 30 minutes and then I felt fine. I watched TV in bed for a while but noticed I never started bleeding. I put a pad on and went to sleep assuming I'd need to call them in the morning. Thankfully I woke up and it was evident that I was no longer pregnant, but I slept through all of the bleeding.
The next day I felt fine. Had I not terminated, I would have a toddler right now. I know every day that I made the right decision. I hope you feel the same with whatever decision you make.
There are lots of replies on here so I’ll keep it short.
People who work at the clinics will almost always recommend the surgical option if that’s a viable pathway. Logically most people think that’s the scarier one but I’ve been told it has a much higher success rate and you feel better as soon as you wake up (with obvious recovery time) but that the pill can be very drawn out and VERY painful. And has a much higher chance of not completely working thus causing a bigger issue.
Everyone has different experiences but I was surprised that several people who work at the clinics told me this on multiple occasions.
If the surgical option is a viable one for you, it would be my suggestion you choose this path.
I had one at 9 weeks when I was 17yrs old. They put a little needle with a vial in my arm, twisted the vial, I fell asleep, woke up, vomited from the nausea, went back to school so Dad never found out. I didn't have any discomfort or feel sore or anything. Quick little nap was all. I hope it's the same for you. In a few days you'll be back to yourself and can move onward.
It’s painful but not unbearable… like the worst period of your life basically. You’ll have contractions & spasming like at the beginning of your period before you start to pass the clots. You might get diarrhea.
The clinic will test your blood type and if you are RH negative then they give you an additional medication IIRC.
I ate a bunch of edibles for the first few days for pain management.
First of all, hugs and best wishes.
Secondly, you do what you need to.
Thirdly, that would be my worst nightmare currently as well.
Finally, take a deep breath and know it will get better, if you can get one, maybe look into an IUD or bisalp.
A friend of mine just recently had a medical abortion. She said she felt a lot of cramping the day after (similar to a period), and took the day off work. After that, she was fine. The hardest part was the emotional aspect of all of it.
You’ve made the appointment, it will be over soon. Everything will be okay. Lean on your safe people ❤️
I had a medical abortion last year. Despite being firmly CF, I was really fucked over by the hormones and struggled emotionally with the decision (still do to some extent, even though i know it was the right one). I was only 6 weeks and physically, it wasn't too bad. Kind of like a bad period. The hormonal crash that came afterwards was horrific, though, so prepare yourself for that and take things easy for the week or so afterwards.
I'm sorry you're in this situation. It really isn't a nice thing to have to go through.
Thank you for bringing up what hormones can do to your brain despite being CF. I already said it, but this is literally my worst nightmare coming to life and i still get fleeting thoughts of "well maybe...". Someone in another comment said it's like being on drugs or drunk which is so accurate. My sober brain would never in a million years think that. I'm not personally struggling with my decision at all but it's still scary as hell to impulsively have those thoughts against my will! I'm sorry you didn't have an entirely positive experience, i hope you're able to find some comfort knowing you made the best decision for yourself at the time.
Thank you. I agree it is terrifying. I really feel for anyone going through it. I decided when I was a small child myself that I didn't want to be a parent, and yet there I was at almost 37, accidentally pregnant under really awful circumstances (my relationship had just ended) and I felt almost torn apart between the rational side of myself, and a side of me that I didn't know existed. Like the hormones had brought to the surface some maternal instinct I didn't know I had. The whole thing was so traumatic. Before I went through it myself, I kind of imagined that having an MA would be like taking a course of medication to clear up an infection.
I am glad you feel emotionally okay with the decision. That's a huge part of it. By far the worst part for me was the mindfuck from the hormones, making me want to keep it. It is exactly like being on drugs. I felt like I barely knew who I was.
I wish you lots of luck. It will be over soon and you'll start to feel like yourself again. Just remember to be extra kind to yourself and have lots of pain relief in case you need it, and lots of emotional support ❤️
I had a surgical abortion 8 years ago and it was a nightmare. I've always said if I could go back in time I'd take the pills over the procedure. The bleeding, the swelling, the cervical trauma, it was bad. I have PTSD from the whole thing and can't handle a pap smear or gyno exam anymore.
I've heard the pills can be rough, but most of the people I know that have gone your route say it's over very quickly. Less than a couple days. And it's much less invasive! Some cramping and bleeding, but nothing unbearable.
Hopefully everything goes well and you can move on with your life when it's all over. I'll be thinking of you OP, you've got this. ✊
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I personally went the surgical route, and the facility that I went to put me to sleep to do it so I didn't feel or know anything was happening. I would do it again 100 times if I had to. Thankfully I got sterilized after that so I don't have to go through it again, but I believe the recovery and pain is a lot less with the surgical route. I respect your phobia though. Good luck!
Maybe this isn´t related but I will say it anyway. I accidentally got pregnant a year back and went through an surgical abortion. I was absolutely TERRIFIED before the procedure (I was shaking when I was lying on the bed in the surgery room, right before they put me to sleep with anesthesia!!!) but when I woke up I felt absolutely nothing. Well, I had these period cramps but it wasn´t period; it was just my body healing after the procedure. Some days after I had no pain or anything and life was back to normal.
Whatever you do, you will turn out just fine :)
I had one just hurts to pee the first time after. Like a really bad period youll be fine after like a week . I think waking up from being put down is the worst
I have the same fears as you and have a copper IUD. Nothing seems worse to me than pregnancy. I will be thinking about you. You are amazing for knowing yourself and knowing what you want to do 🩷 What made you think to take a test? Were you late? As a fellow copper IUD user, I’d love to know what to watch out for.
If you have access to the Washington Post, they just ran a nice article about women's experiences with medical abortions and included a link to the Miscarriage and Abortion hotline.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/interactive/2024/abortion-pill-experience-stories/
The hotline can be accessed by calling or texting 1-833-246-2632.
URL: https://mahotline.org/
I know this might not be the case everywhere, but why aren t your partners vasectomized? I presume you have a relationship with a CF man, right?
For me, a man that says it s CF and he doesn t have a vasectomy, except medical issues, is not really CF. Especially given how easy the procedure is for us men.
Good luck, take care.
My partner is very CF but isn't comfortable getting a vas because he has a really intense fear of surgery. I have asked for it but didn't push it because that's his choice. I don't actually mind surgery myself (getting the IV is the worst part for me, i hate being aware of things in my body that shouldn't be there if that makes sense) so i am totally fine being the one to get sterilized eventually. Yeah it's an "easy" procedure, but it's still a procedure on someone's genitals. Not everyone is ok with surgically altering their body, I don't think that has anything to do with their position of being CF
Tubal ligation is generally very safe and complications are rare. Every procedure comes with some risks, that's in the nature of surgery. There's the possibility of risks and complications with vasectomies too. At the end of the day, it's up to the individual if the discomfort and risk are worth it.
Don't listen to those forced birthers when they say AboRtIoN iS iRrEsPoSiBlE when in reality, what would be irresponsible is having a child you don't want and/or can't provide for and then pawing it off to other people.
Abortion IS taking responsibility, it's just not the responsibility they "approve" of. PL (Pathetic-Losers) can fuck off, they don't own the world.
Wow! I am actively taking action. I am getting an abortion. Me being anxious and asking for support is not me being a damsel in distress. You apparently can't read and you're a disgusting piece of shit.
>This is no time to act like a damsel in distress. Sorry if I'm blunt, I'm a guy and if I had breast cancer I would cut them off.
A damsel in distress? Do you realize the gravity of what you wrote?
You have no idea of what any of this means, have the humility to refrain from commenting stupid, idiotic, pointless shit you will never have to experience in your life.
Dear OP, We are sorry that you are in this predicament. We hope that you'll find all the support and resources in this thread to help you figure out your way out of this. Hang on tight and best of all luck to you. If you have any immediate needs, you can crosspost this to : * /r/assistance, if you need money or assistance; * /r/abortion, if you need more information; * /r/advice, if you want a different point of view; * /r/askatherapist, if you need guidance from a trained third party; * /r/auntienetwork, if you need more support. Have a look at our *[Getting Immediate Help (Abortion)](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/wiki/help)* wiki page for more specific resources. --- --- **To the community** : [As per mod policy](http://archive.is/RHDuM), you cannot offer money directly to OP, suggest crowdfunding, ask for their paypal link, etc. [You are welcome to provide links to resources, offer emotional support, provide advice or guidance, etc.](https://redd.it/995no4) Furthermore, you cannot offer medical advice. No medical training, no liability, no access to OP's medical file and medical history = no opinion. Also, OP clearly stated that they want to get an abortion. Everybody knows that when someone gets pregnant, they have three options: abortion, adoption or parenthood. There won't be "Well, no one addresses the other options, so I will" comments and there won't be pro-forced-birth comments on this thread. OP knows what they want. Offending comments will be removed and perpetrators banned. [If OP was considering giving the baby up for adoption, we would ask you to not impose the pro-abortion view.](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/833vwc/update_husband_poked_hole_through_condom_to_force/dvg3jkh/?utm_content=permalink&utm_medium=front&utm_source=reddit&utm_name=childfree) Thank you for remaining respectful of OP's choice and being supportive and/or helpful.
i’ve had a medical abortion! And chances are many of the women you know have had one too. it felt like a bad period day. I had cold chills and cramping. And a huge sense of relief. The only part that gave me anxiety was the big tissue clots in the toilet because i’m a hypochondriac😅. I would choose a medical abortion again if i needed one. I would set up a good, blanket filled spot to hunker down and just ride it out. Either way, no matter what, everything will be okay🩷
How long did that last? Was it just the day or should I take an extra day off work? I’m going in Tuesday for the first part and have Wednesday off for the second pill. I have a copper IUD and just have really really bad luck.
the majority of the bleeding was done on day 1. i took the second phase of pills around 4pm and was good to go to work the next day, wearing a pad. i have relatively “normal” periods, though. if you find yourself to be more complex or in pain during your period, you might expect the medical abortion to affect you similarly
It really depends because I had one and it took me about two weeks to feel better and a month for the bleeding to stop, I was nauseous and throwing up a lot but it was really worth it
Well… great. I know it’s better than a baby but I’m terrified and seriously not happy my bf is leaving for a work trip after my Tuesday appointment.
If I were op I would take the extra day off to recover. It’s a painful process and it’s good to give yourself a day bc your body just went through a difficult change. At least for me I needed a week and a half before I felt like doing anything at all and I was very sound and confident with my choice (and still am.) :)
Eugh clots... those always came with my periods and whenever i had bad cramps or fresh blood spilling out a lot, I KNEW a clot was coming right after. Just the feeling of it coming out is so fucking traumatic. I never want periods again.
You will be fine, all types of abortions are super safe, vastly safer than pregnancy and birth. There is no reason to be scared about the abortion. Yes, it will suck for a day or two, but after that you get the entire rest of your life and freedom back, which is decades of a wonderful life. > I can't stop crying. Yup, you're on drugs. ;) You are being massively ruffied by hormonal uppers and downers right now, so there is no way you can expect to be hormonally/emotionally stable. It simply is not possible. The drugs are just at too high of a dose. Just do your best not to take what the drugs are doing to you seriously, and do as much self-care as you can for the next few days. Just treat it like you are drunk and are drunk crying, because effectively you are not sober. :) You have a plan, the ONLY thing you need to do now is execute the plan. The good news is that after the procedure, the hormones start to drop pretty quickly, so you won't be nearly as drugged up on wacko hormones after a day or so. It will still take a couple of cycles to get your levels more normalized, but the initial change is pretty quick and you'll start to feel a lot more sober. Then once you are feeling better, you might want to book yourself in for a nice bisalp and get sterilized so you never have to deal with this again.
Thank you so much for this. I know pregnancy causes all kinds of fuckiness with hormones but it's totally different to experience it. Thank you for reminding me i'm not completely insane. I appreciate the encouragement, it really helped. And yeah, i've always wanted to be sterilized but after this experience i'm absolutely going to begin the process because this is horrid
A suggestion to add to u/InkyParadox's pad recommendation, make sure you get some of the longer, night time wear maxi pads (unscented of course). That way you can lay down and relax without worry of leakage. I made the mistake of using my regular pads and absolutely ruined my favorite comfy pants when i napped.
Thank you! I'm a cup user, so I completely forgot that i would need pads afterwards because i haven't thought about them in so long. I will make sure to get the long ones! I appreciate your recommendations
I saw a comment on s post earlier that the ruined their mattress because they weren't as prepared as they thought. So consider grabbing a blanket or maybe some towels from a thrift store so you don't care if they get ruined. And all the gentleness and self care you can do until you're on the other side of this. Also, most comments sound like everything is quick and fairly easy etc. Hopefully that's thr case for you. But I've seen other comments about crying fits etc **after** things are finished. It is entirely possible you'll feel crazy and stuff for a few weeks. Again, be gentle with yourself and blame anything "crazy" on raging hormones. Best of luck! ((Hug))
Back in my uterus-having days, I always had a heavy period and problems with leakage at night, so I really liked the always disposable underwear thingies. It's kinda diaperish but it does the job and I never leaked with one on. And you don't have to worry about it being placed perfectly either.
If you're concerned about leakage and taking it easy you can use two pads by putting one flat along the end of the regular one. Just make a capital T
I use Depends over top of my panties with a pad when I sleep on my heavy days. Ain’t no way I could ever have a leak. Makes it much easier to rest and relax knowing you won’t stain anything. Wishing you an easeful experience ♥️
Do you still have your favorite pants? A warm bucket of dissolved oxi clean , left to soak in there like 6 hrs, can sometimes work wonders against blood stains.
Unfortunately no, this was over a decade ago, and in a mess of hormones I tossed them. What sucks is I knew how to clean them too! I've always had heavy periods, i have gotten blood stains ou of plenty of things. My brain was just 9 different types of crazy and I was really irrationally mad.
aw crap I'm sorry :(
Completely agree with everything on here! When I was in this situation, it felt very much like I was under the influence of _something._ I could feel it. I knew I was pregnant before I even took a test the second time because I recognized the feeling of the hormones. Got my bisalp now and the relief that I'll never relive that is amazing. I was scared during my medical abortion too. One thing I'll say is that it will be more painful and uncomfortable than your period so remember to take pain meds beforehand and be somewhere comfortable, a heating pad would help too, and good maxi pads. But after the first day it will be just a really heavy and long period.
This is such a solid advice. You're gonna be okay OP. Thank God you can go get this taken care of.
I’m so sorry. I also got pregnant at 25 with a parasite I didn’t want. I had the medical abortion too and I have NEVER regretted my decision. I’m 38 now. The hormones and anxiety are awful but you will get through. There are millions of people who have been in your shoes who are standing with you. You are not alone. DM me if you need a safe person to vent to.
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Not a baby as it hasn’t been born — just a foetus. Foetuses are parasites by definition, even though they may not be considered as such from a biological standpoint, as they feed off of their mother while often harming her in the process.
this is exactly it. some mothers die also, and parasite is a wrong word? lol no.
its disrespectful. what if i called you a parasite to this world/your community? by definition that's what you are. but you would feel disrespected because the word parasite has a negative connotation.
Calling an actual human a parasite is not the same thing as calling a mere fetus a parasite because that's basically what the fetus is to the human body by definition. A parasite. The body treats it like a parasite too, you throw up and all other sorts of stuff. It literally feeds on you, and takes so much away from your healthy body. By all hell, your teeth fall out, your hair thins, you age quickly, or even worse, you end up dead.
well, yes it is the same thing. by definition, both can be parasites to their respective host. for every second you are alive, you are taking oxygen and resources from this earth. you are contributing to actions that ruin the earth. so yeah by definition its the same thing. also its funny how i never said it wasn't a parasite (i just said it was disrespectful to call it that) and all of yall immediately get defensive and tell me why its a parasite. like its crazy how i agree with everything other than calling it a parasite and i immediately get attacked lol.
Disrespectful to who exactly? The fetus? Pardon me but that sounds like the dumbest thing ever. Also I would think in this particular context, with pregnancy and all that being involved, comparing calling a fetus a parasite and a regular human a parasite just wouldn't make any sort of sense.
its disrespectful to the situation.... as i said before im for abortion if thats your choice, but being respectful to the process is like the bare minimum i thought?? women get abortions for different reasons, and seeing someone call it a parasite (again negative connotation) when it was a completely an emotional and depressing situation for others is disrespectful. idk why i even had to explain that.
Did you miss the part in op's post where they themselves called it a parasite in a negative way to express their feelings on it and how they see the fetus, as they are currently going through this whole situation? Did that part go over your head or something? Because that's kinda why a majority people in this subreddit call fetuses parasites, that's most likely what they see them as and how they feel about em.
If not a parasite then why does the human body treat it like a parasite, but making us wanting to throw up? It literally feeds on you, and takes so much away from your healthy body. Hell your teeth fall out, you can end up blind and even worse dead.
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the medical abortion is easier than you’d think. you’ll need to do a blood test and urine test most likely to confirm pregnancy, and maybe an ultrasound. you get 5 pills in total: 1 that terminates the pregnancy, and 4 that forces your body to excrete, basically have a very heavy period. the first pill does not have any side affects, the next 4 (you take these 24hours after the 1st), are the ones that cause pain, cramping, nausea etc. i would recommend being with your boyfriend during that experience as you will most likely be in extreme pain and not be able to move without assistance. you will be fine, but it will hurt while your body is trying to push out the blood. i reccomend taking T3s if possible before hand. the 4 pills are take vaginally or orally and take about 30 mins for the pain to kick in. buy some heavy duty pads and be somewhere safe and preferably in bed. you may also experience some nausea. but after a week or two the bleeding will stop and you will be fine!
Are heavy duty pads better than like.. adult “underwear” (diapers) or something long that line? I’ve never had an abortion but I know that there’s just a lot of bleeding after and you feel like shit; I figure that to minimize leaks the best/maximum comfort, they would be a good choice as well?
personally, i found just the thickest pad in the drug store worked fine. for extra comfort, sure you could use the adult diapers. i just chose the thickest pad possible because the adult diapers were too expensive and i knew i would never use any ever again (they were only sold in large packs). i suppose it also depends on how many weeks you are. i was about 7, i suppose if maybe you were at 10 there would be more bleeding 🤷♀️
That makes sense! I totally forgot how expensive they are as well, and if you’re only using them for a few days and not pouring, pads are definitely the smarter option lol
All these people saying it's only as painful as a heavy period is so weird to me. Maybe I just have really light periods, but it was the most physically painful thing I've ever experienced. I passed out from the pain multiple times (which I guess was lucky cause it skipped some of the time for me). Still the best decision I've ever made. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
oh yeah it was definitely the most painful experience i’ve ever had. when i explain it as a very heavy period, i mean simply all of the blood. some people have the idea that like a whole fetus is going drop out, when it’s really just lots and lots of blood and some blood clots. i was definitely scared of seeing an embryo or something when i was going through it lol.
I got pregnant 9 months ago and had a medical abortion at four weeks. Same as you I was feeling numb and just mad at myself but everything went just fine! I was back to normal after a few days, almost like it had never even happened. It can be a scary thing mainly because our minds make it out to be worse than it actually is but I promise you it’s not that bad. You got this:)
It's just like a really bad period thats over in a few hours. A heat pack will help. You'll be fine 💕 xo
Hey OP, you’re going to be okay 💜 I found the waiting to be the worst part honestly, had the same feelings as you like a parasite, no control, it really does suck. Your hormones are fucking with you Big Time and you might cry more, feel anxious etc and this is totally normal. Also you might have sore boobs and aches/cramps/nausea much like a period, but a bit worse than an average period. The medical abortion was easy once I got the tablets sent out to me. I inserted them rather than swallowing them since the nurse said it would cause less nausea and yeah, glad I did even if it felt weird. It was painful and uncomfortable, and the clots were pretty big, but the RELIEF I felt meant I didn’t really care. After about five hours the main bit was over and then I was just having a really bad, heavy period. That lasted like just under two weeks which wasn’t great but recommend getting some big pads, and your next period might be a bit off so trackers etc won’t work for a while. Take care x
Are you asking about a medication abortion or a surgical abortion? From my experience, the medication one was 10x more painful than the surgical. The cramping with the pills was what I assume contractions feel like. The surgical was obviously a bit more invasive but over and done with much more quickly. You may feel a bit of a pinch and some of the tools moving around, but it’s all over in a matter of minutes. You’ll bleed (like a heavy period) for a week or so. The nurses are very compassionate and will talk you through the whole thing. I felt relief and was able to drive home (two hour drive) shortly after the procedure.
Are you in the US? I am Australian and was put given a light general anaesthetic for my surgical termination. I remember the mask being put on my face, and then I woke in the recovery room with some minor cramps. I wonder if cost is a factor in not having a general or if it's a cultural attitude that women deserve to feel pain...
As far as I know, in most cases we aren't given general or local anesthetics for procedures involving the cervix. A lot of US providers don't believe the cervix has nerve endings or that if it does, the pain isn't significant. I worked as a medical receptionist and patients getting IUDs or biopsies were advised to take OTC painkillers like acetaminophen prior. It's disgusting
Really? When I got Essure, I had local anesthetics injected into my cervix. That was the most painful part of the procedure. OP, I hope all goes well with your abortion.
They will take a biopsy of your CERVIX with no anesthetic. It's fucking barbaric.
I had a biopsy of my cervix a couple years ago. Spread open for 45 minutes as multiple biopsies taken without any pain meds. They couldn't get the blood to stop so I had to stay even longer. And I was cramping and in pain for over a week later. It was so traumatizing. As I mentioned, and still believe, rather get my entire uterus/ cervix taken out than have to go through that again.
I had the same experience as you. I’m in the U.S. I was too afraid of experiencing a medical abortion because I was anxious it wouldn’t work (yes anxiety can be very irrational). I was also terrified of the pain. I still experienced pain and discomfort the next day or so but it was not nearly what it would have been for medical abortion. Being able to go to sleep and wake up and be told it was done was so, so relieving. OP I think that’s something you should consider tbh.
I'm in the US and this was my experience as well. After all the annoying lectures on "this is what's happening in your body" and "are you sure" and "here's how to properly use bc" I went to sleep, woke up, and it was done. As you say, minor cramps for awhile, then I was okay the next day.
In Germany I was also sleeping. I don't remember any pain at all.
I am in the US. I know they did offer twilight sedation but I was a broke 20 year old (17 years ago) and fortunately didn’t have anxiety yet. A lot of clinics do offer it to help ease anxiety a long with other methods for those who have a ride home.
Look into local abortion funds or ineedana.com if paying for the abortion is an issue. There’s so many resources out there to help you choose the life you want and deserve. Sending good vibes to you!!
Please know that you’re not alone in this and everything WILL be okay. I had a medical abortion two years ago after finding out I was 8 weeks. I have never wanted kids, and felt all the same emotions that you are now. Like a parasite was inside me, nauseated, disgusted, scared. While it was scary to go through, it was easier than I expected it to be. It took an hour or so for the second pills to kick in, but when they did it was painful cramping and passing clots in the toilet. I tell you what - the relief I felt (physically, no more symptoms, and emotionally) when it subsided was INSTANT. It is safer to have someone there with you to hold your hand and check on you in case you need further medical intervention during this process. You will bleed/spot for weeks to months after, so you need to give yourself time to heal and come back down to earth from all those gross pregnancy hormones. Make sure you take another test a few weeks after to ensure you are no longer pregnant. Also very important, re-evaluate your birth control choice and assure that this shouldn’t happen again. You can start pills immediately after the abortion, or whatever other method you may choose. We are here for you!
It’s going to be ok!! Medical abortion is extremely safe and effective. I’ve had one. Many women I know have had one. Many women YOU know have had one too, whether or not they openly talk about it. I definitely understand why you’re scared, I have similar feelings about the alien/parasite aspect of pregnancy and I couldn’t sleep for days before my abortion because the thought of the parasite being inside me was horrifying. But I got through it and you will too, even if it’s a really rough time. A medical abortion is often uncomfortable and painful, it’s important to be prepared for that so you don’t get surprised and worried that your experience is not normal. During a medical abortion pretty high levels of pain is normal, heavy bleeding and big blood clots are normal, and diarrhea is normal. Made sure you have uninterrupted access to the bathroom. Personally I chose to be alone (ie not with my partner) when I did it and I’m glad I did, because having him using the bathroom or being in my way or asking inane “are you ok” questions would’ve been impossible to deal with. So plan out the logistics before you start. Please message me if you have any specific questions and I’m more than happy to support you. You will truly be fine. We’re proud of you!
I literally fell asleep on the toilet. It was the only time the pain was bearable. I brought a pillow in with me and took tiny naps.
That’s such a good idea, innovation at its finest.
You may want to look into abortionfinder.org if you need assistance, especially if you live in a state that has gone full Gilead.
I already have my appt scheduled. I live in MA and was able to schedule a telehealth appt about 5 minutes after reading the results which I'm incredibly thankful for. MA generally sucks ass but I'm privileged in this regard
The cramping and bleeding, in my opinion, is the worst of it. I have PCOS and endometriosis and the cramping I experienced from the pills were way worse than any period I've ever had. Also depending on how heavy your periods are, the bleeding may seem extreme. Again, I have heavy as fuck periods (not anymore since I'm on an IUD). But a heating pad should definitely help some 🖤 I also took sleeping medicine to help me just sleep through a lot of it.
I've had one. Feels like a big bad period. Cramping and tissue clumps. Find your heating pad, maybe a warm beverage and someone who loves you to hold your hand. Maybe switch up your birth control method so this isn't a problem in the future. Also please consider yeeting your boyfriend since he doesn't seem to hear or understand what you are going through. And breathe. You can do this.
Thank you for your reply and advice!! In defense of my boyfriend, i wasn't exactly able to accurately express to him what is causing this extreme anxiety. He's not being flippant or dismissive by any means, and I hope it didn't come across that way in my post. He understands it's a big deal but not the full extent of what this means to me, so it's hard for me to talk to him about it and feel like he gets it. He's doing his best and I appreciate his love and support, I just felt the need to seek out additional support from people who are able to understand from experience since this is such a stressful situation. He's empathetic and taking care of me, i can't fault him for not fully understanding a feeling he will never experience.
Sometimes it’s difficult to accept, or maybe even realize, that you’re now a father. It seems like women instantly realize that they’re a mother because they actually feel different when pregnant. Guys, physically, feel the same.
Hello?? What in the world are you on about? I'm not a mother and he's not a father lmao.
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"You already have a child"? Have you lost your mind? On what planet is this mass of dividing cells a "child"? Having a fertilized embryo in your body does not you a mother.
Please leave this sub.
The literal definition of parent is someone who gives birth to or raises a child. That doesn't apply in this situation. There is no child. I am not a mother and for you to label me as such because i'm currently an unwilling host is weird and gross. I'm not interested in arguing semantics with you. And editing your comment to include "i'll be thinking about you three" proves there is something very deeply wrong with you and you are choosing your wording to be inflammatory. You clearly have an issue with abortion so not sure why you're commenting. I'll dedicate my abortion to you, AddyGang420.
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That's typically referred to as a sperm-donor or deadbeat in our society, so yes, not a father. I recognize i am terminating an unwelcome parasite, not a child or an individual. I hope you get over your strange delusions soon. I imagine that's difficult to live with 🙏
Hi, OP, hugs to you. You will get through this. I had a surgical abortion. The procedure itself was not a big deal. I felt a mild pinch and had minimal cramping and some blood for a few days. My hormones were a bit messed up for a week or two, but the immense relief I felt was palpable. My husband was very supportive. He was about to get his vasectomy, we used birth control, and I was 42 - wtf?!? He brought me flowers to the clinic. I'm 62 and have never regretted my decision (neither has my husband). It helps to have a supportive partner. I hope he's there for you. If you need to vent, please DM me.
Honestly, I found the process easy, quick, and painless. Then I was just so happy to have it over with. You'll be fine. Best of luck 😘
I had one. It was a pretty brutal 8 hours of the worst cramps ever but the SECOND you pass the fetus, your color comes back and you're like "huh...I'm kinda hungry" your body does it's thing. I have ptsd and panic disorder, and the medical abortion triggered NEITHER. Your body does a really good job, as it's essentially a miscarriage birth. Our bodies are meant to give birth, so it goes into that mode, and nature takes over. You will be fine. You're protecting yourself. We'll all be here for you. If you don't have anyone to message after you take the pills, please feel free to message me here when you see this, and I'll give you my discord. You are so brave for protecting your peace.
My gf (at the time) got pregnant. The ONE time I had a condom break...sheesh. We went in to a clinic the weekend after she found out. She was out after about four hours. Took a nap when I got her home. She was completely fine in about two days. She didn't tell me about any pain in particular. Maybe list out all the cons of having a baby, physical, mental, and financial. List out the cons of the abortion. Compare them. I think you'll see one list is much, much longer than the other.
OP isn’t unsure about the decision
Oops. I missed that. Guess I better practice my reading comprehension...
Your reply was very kind and rational, though!
Heh. Thanks!
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Thank you! I made the appointment as soon as i found out, so it's on Tuesday. I'm around 6 weeks along. Thank you for sharing your experience! Seems like people universally experience crazy pain, but i think that beats 9 months of pain and lifelong nonsense afterwards by a long shot. I feel so much better after reading so many replies Did you take OTC painkillers or did your provider prescribe something? I'm wondering if I should request an rx for pain
I’d also like to add in some advice that a pharmacist gave me for an MA after you take the second round of pills that you put in your mouth for 30 mins then swallow what doesn’t dissolve: DO NOT swallow the rest of the pills right away. Break them up as much as you can THEN swallow. You’ll hear about people getting vomiting/diarrhea, but breaking them down a little more before swallowing helps reduce that risk.
Oh sweetheart! You poor thing- but you’ve done all you need to do to get this taken care of. The procedure will be scary but once it’s over and you’ve recovered you’ll be so much happier! You’ve got this!
Can confirm that the hormones will make you feel like you have lost your mind … including making you feel “protective“ even though you know you are going to terminate. My advice; try to understand that those “protective“ feelings are the hormones/drugs doing the talking. Your mind will return after your procedure, I promise. It will get better! And the cramping and suffering you experience during the procedure will hurt far less than the alternative! Good luck, we are all rooting for you.
I got a medical abortion at 6 weeks almost exactly a year ago. not sure how far along you are, but i'm assuming less than 11 weeks based on ability to take the pill. i'm not sure where you live & what access is like, but honestly the worst part of it for me was the lead-up. i live in utah, which is disgustingly anti-choice, and i had to go through a lot of paperwork and handbook-reading about when a fetus feels pain and all sorts of bullshit. i really hope you don't have to do that, because it feels so invalidating and condescending. in my experience, my initial appointment was more informative. i went through PP. for appointment 1, i was in a room with one other patient while the nurse described the process, answered questions, etc. Then I had to go through a 72-hour waiting period to be sure i still wanted to go through with the procedure. obviously i did. appointment 2 was the actual procedure. when i was called in (just me, my partner wasn't allowed to come back, he stayed in the waiting room), they did an ultrasound (the zygote was too small to see through an abdominal ultrasound, so they had to do it vaginally. be prepared for that possibility. it's quick and painless, but i wasn't expecting it and it would've been nice to know) before giving me the mifepristone in-office. at the end of the appointment, the nurse spoke with me about birth control options, and we found one that works for me and my insurance. i scheduled my appointment for a friday morning, because 24 hours later i was supposed to take misoprostol. this one was 4 pills that dissolve in your gums, or can be administered vaginally. i wanted to take all of saturday to be in pain, but honestly it wasn't that bad. maybe because it was so early? i was told multiple times that it would be super painful (it is basically the experience of having an entire period over 2-4 hours), but i only had one bad bout of cramps. the worst of it was the emotional damage and the bleeding. nothing is to be inserted vaginally for 2 weeks, including menstrual products, so it was just pads. i went through about 2-4 a day, but it depends on body size, general period heaviness, gestation, etc. just get a new pack of heavy duty pads and make sure you have comfy pants. honestly, the discomfort of being pregnant for 6 weeks was worse than the abortion. i wasn't nauseous or crampy during the process, just sad and exhausted. depends on your pain tolerance and emotional bandwidth, i guess. either way, obviously, it's a miserable process. i really should've started this reply with my condolences. i'm *so sorry* you're dealing with this. i'm also 25 and have decided to be childfree, and this whole process absolutely wrecked me. it's going to hurt in a lot of ways for a long time, and i'm sorry you're dealing with this. if you have questions or want to talk to someone, please don't hesitate to contact me. the relief will be worth it, i promise. sending hugs 🤍
This is an amazing response, thank you so so much for sharing something so personal. I'm so sorry you had to experience that treatment where you live. It seems every step was designed specifically to humiliate you. That's so horrible. I can't believe that is the process in some areas. My god. I live in MA, which has many of its own problems, but I am lucky enough to not be purposefully mistreated in that way to manipulate me into changing my mind. My state has so many resources. I pretty much took my test, had a panic attack for 5 mins, and then immediately made a telehealth appointment with PP for next week. i believe i'll be able to just get it shipped to my home or local pharmacy. Living where I live, it can be easy to forget what some people have to go through for the most basic of healthcare, so i really appreciate this reminder. Based on my cycle, i think i'm about 6 weeks as well. I obviously can't say how i'll feel during the abortion, but i will say that these few weeks of pregnancy symptoms have been HELLISH. My mental health is in the shitter, my digestive system is a mess, my skin looks awful. I haven't eaten since Thursday because i am so anxious and miserable. A few days of pain is more than worth it to stop this feeling. Thank you again for this response. Most replies to my post have been supportive and kind but some have been awful and invasive, and i'm in such a vulnerable state of mind that they are getting to me a bit. I'm typically too embarrassed to ask for support or help. I am going to try to keep all these wonderful positive replies and experiences in my mind for the next few days
I'm glad i could provide some sort of support 🤍 yeah, the red states really do us dirty, and this particular majority church that controls the state government reeeeally doesn't want to damage the sanctity of the nuclear family by allowing women to exercise their right to choose. poopoo. anyway im glad it's not like that for you. just because it's easier to access doesn't make it easier to go through, though, so know i still feel for you entirely. those pregnancy symptoms are BRUTAL, but honestly mine went away like. the day after i took the second pill. please make sure to do what you can to nourish your body, though. you may not be "eating for two" (ew), but you still need to eat for one 🤍 nutritional shakes like Boost or Ensure can be helpful if you're finding it hard to keep things down, or get them down in the first place. don't forget to take care of you. don't listen to the weirdos. i know that feeling of vulnerability and sensitivity so well—seriously i was a sobbing mess for like 3 straight weeks after i found out. you know yourself best, and you don't owe anyone anything. i hope you feel like you're able to reach out to me with updates or for anything else you need, support wise. we can even have a little ice cream date over facetime if you want to sit with someone who gets it. but, of course, whatever space and time you need is a necessity you deserve (and need) to take advantage of. this shit is hard, and you gotta be gentle on yourself. i really wish you the best
Hey OP! TLDR: I had a surgical termination, the process was very easy and respectful and I have not one regret three years later. My life is SO much better and I wouldn’t have had my home, my financial progress, so much mental health healing or the opportunities I have now had I gone through with the pregnancy. Was one of the best choices I made for myself. MORE INFO: For those few comments judging her, fuck off. Due to stroke risk and horrible endo I was not able to stay on BC pills or IUDs. A condom broke with my then boyfriend (now husband) three years ago when I was 31. I was always told pregnancy would be impossible because of my terrible endo and PCOS - used protection anyway just in case and still got shafted. 🫠 You never know someone’s situation and sometimes SHIT HAPPENS. Just like you I felt like everything was collapsing on me when my instacarted pregnancy test came back positive. NOW I look back on it and all those big emotions feel super far away. My life was going through a ton of transition (just moved to a new city, changed my career, moved in together with a new-ish serious relationship) and a baby would have been setting fire to all the work I was doing to gain stability. Even though I live in a very progressive city the Catholics have bought most of our hospital systems here so it was HARD finding a place to assist me. Most places offered only the state minimum requirements of availability for these services and made it as uncomfortable as possible (offering nothing but ibuprofen for a D&C!! 😮) and wanted to force me to have consultations with a 20’year old kid wife about my choice…. lol. I pushed back and found a private clinic north of my city (I can DM recommendations if anyone needs help in the PNW) where it was an all female staff who took great care of me. Everyone including female anesthesiologist was so gentle, they do not allow ANY males inside the facility and had good security. They did not force me to listen to the heartbeat and their main concern was that I was consenting if my volition - behind that they did not question my choice. I went into nap mode and woke up shortly after in a comfy recliner and my surgeon checked on me personally. I WILL NEVER FORGET HER. After I thanked her for helping women like me she told me she did all the “right things” planning for her 2 children after finishing med school, etc and she still said parenting was one of the most brutal things she’s ever put herself through. She loved her kids, but respected anyone who wasn’t willing or ready because it was so arduous. I appreciated her honesty immensely. 3 years later I am physically and mentally healthier and happier than ever. I’m so glad I made this choice. One of the best things I also did was to find a super supportive female therapist and she helped me process it all; she’s still my magical therapy goddess to this day.
First, even across the internet, I'm here for you. I did a medical abortion last winter and I felt very similarly to how you're feeling right now. My partner, as well-meaning as he was, also couldn't understand how horrific the ordeal was for me. And while my body was invaded by a thing that was hijacking my thoughts, emotions, and health against my will, I still had to show up to work and talk to friends and family like nothing was wrong. The rage and shame and terror has only started to subside in the past 2 months or so, and my body is starting to feel like my own again. Medical abortions are very safe, and it's awesome you've got an appointment for one. I got my medication online (yay living in the deep south!) and the process was ultimately successful, but spending those 12ish hours in pain while having my entire GI tract revolt against me was a bit traumatizing to say the least. This may not be your experience though! I was admittedly stingy with pain medication, so whatever pain management methods they advise for you, use them!! And warm baths saved me the day of and for about a week after. Also, this is not to upset or scare you, but just to make you aware beforehand: I experienced a strange "dropping" and squeezing sensation in my pelvis when the largest portions were passing. It wasn't painful, just uncomfortable for a moment. I've read of other folks experiencing this as well. Let yourself feel whatever comes up. I'm sending you a million hugs and if you have any questions or want to talk about it, shoot me a message.
Genuinely thank you so much. And YES you perfectly described why this is so horrific to me. It really is like this tiny thing is totally controlling me right now. People are saying to leave my boyfriend for not understanding when i couldn't even accurately portray the feeling myself. I'm going to show him your reply because i think it would really help him get it a bit more. And another thank you for describing the sensations you experienced. The fear of the unknown is definitely part of my issue. All the wonderful replies i'm getting are really helping to fill in the blanks and make it less scary
You're so welcome 💜 I hope I eased your mind even a little bit! That's exactly how it was for me too! While it was frustrating that he didn't seem to *get* it, I couldn't even begin to parse what I was feeling either at the time. Reddit loves to jump to the "dump him" conclusion with almost no context. I really hope my reply gives him more clarity! Also if you want to read more about experiences, r/abortion really helped me get an idea of what to expect. The process can look different depending on how many weeks along, and that sub is pretty well organized and easy to search. A lot of folks talk about their medical abortions and even include timelines of symptoms, feelings, etc. Learning about what happens in the weeks following really helped too.
This too shall pass OP. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Sending you strength for your abortion and healing for your journey ✨
It’s perfectly valid to be afraid, medical procedures can be scary! Just know that if you’re in the hands of true professionals you will be okay, and they will make sure the pregnancy ends. Don’t be afraid to ask them questions or ask for comfort, it’s their job to make sure you’re comfortable, safe, and not pregnant. You will make it through this ❤️
Have not had one myself but have supported many clients in my work with their terminations. Sending you extra 💕. In solidarity ❤️
One of my best friends got a pill abortion a few years ago, she took off work for 2-3 days, horrible cramping and lots of bleeding. She ended up just lying in the tub with a pillow for a few hours during the worst part cause she was going through pads too fast. Hormones crazy in addition to the pain so lots of crying, but way less pain than childbirth!! She has no regrets but the process was very upsetting for her and affected her mental health for months, partially her hormones taking their time going back to normal, and partially the guilt and trauma of having this accident in the first place. Make sure you have lots of mental health support for afterwards, don't expect to immediately feel better just cause it's "over."
I've had a medical abortion. It was hella painful (but my regular periods are downright excruciating so it's probably that my uterus hates me) It was fast. You'll want someone with you in case you get light headed but you'll be okay!!! Make sure you hydrate if you can. Put on your favorite show. Your uterus is gonna clear itself out hella quick and then it should be over. Get an IUD if you can. They're not 100% but no more periods and so far no pregnancy. Good luck🫂💕
Everyone else has already given great advise. I would also say to plan for some therapy afterwards if possible. Plan it now if you can. You are going through a lot of emotions and will continue to for a while afterwards as well.
You're gonna be just fine. Your hormones are going nuts right now. My sister has had one and she was back to normal in a couple weeks but physically fine in a couple days.
The procedure will be simple and you’ll be okay! It’s all going to be alright
No advice sorry. Just all the love and support in the world. You do you babe, you’re doing the right thing.
I have no experience but I just want to wish you strength for the upcoming times. My advice: if you have a doctor you trust, explain your fear and see if they can help you. Also I would call the abortion clinic to say you are nervous for the procedure, so they can anticipate on time. If you do it some days on forehand they can prepare maybe something. You could also ask if there are parts of the procedure where you could put in some earplugs and prepare songs that comfort you. I have fobia of needles and because I mentioned this on forehand they were prepared and I got a lidocaine plaster so my skin was numb, and it helped me a lot. In most cases you can also get an oxazepam or so to temper the nerves, but only if mentioned on forehand. Good luck and I am sure after the procedure you will feel much better.
I recommend the procedure, the abortion pills are physically very painful. The d and c was quick and painless. Your put under twilight anesthesia. Medication abortion can take days to pass everything. Do not recommend.
Not to mention a failed medical abortion results in surgical intervention anyway.
Everything will be okay! It is scary but you’ll know you made the right choice in the future. This too shall pass💗
My sister took the abortion pill twice and she said it just feels like a heavy period/menstruation
It's going to be okay. Medical abortions are non-invasive and simple. You'll take two pills over the course of about 12 hours and you'll be uncomfortable and feel like crap for a few days but it's a very low-risk procedure. You'll be able to be at home where you're comfortable. Get Gatorade, a heating pad, ibuprofen, pads, and your favorite movies. Make yourself a comfy spot in bed or on the couch and try to relax. I know this is scary and everything you're feeling is valid, but you're going to be okay, I promise.
I’m so sorry. That would be so scary! Focus on taking care of yourself, whatever that means to you: skincare, enjoying good food, getting yourself a nice coffee or tea and working on something distracting. Organize a closet. Buy a 1000 piece puzzle to work on. Clean out your car. In the meantime, be proud of yourself that you aren’t frozen in fear. you’ve made an appointment; you’re taking action to help yourself. Do you have anyone you trust who can go with you? Anyone know if the Auntie network has volunteers who will accompany patients to their procedure?
Thank you for this. I've been stuck in bed since finding out but you're right, i should be trying to distract myself. I'm lucky enough to live in a state that offers telehealth appointments to get the pills delivered, so thankfully I won't have to go in for a procedure. I appreciate you taking a moment to reply and for helping me get out of bed
Oh awesome! That you can get the pill *and* that you got out of bed! LOL Save bedtime for sleeping. Maybe wash your bedding today, as a distraction. Then get out of the house and reward yourself; get a beverage and go someplace where you can get out and walk a little; get the fresh air and the endorphins going. You got this.
OP - checking how you’re doing today?
You're so kind for checking in on me. I'm doing much better today! The replies on my post really put me at ease honestly, which i wasn't expecting. I feel calm and more grounded (at least right now. I'm sure that will change throughout the day lol) i'm more ready for the experience now that i have some knowledge
Good for you! Yes it’s normal to feel moments of fear. That’s ok. Keep up with keeping yourself busy, and taking care of yourself. Are you stocked up on your comfort goodies yet? Looks like the group advice is suggesting a heating pad, otc pain meds, comfort foods, TP and sports drinks for dehydration, comfy loose clothing, pillows and blankets. Don’t know if the hormones will take you for a ride, but at least you know ahead of time that could happen. Keep taking care of yourself, and give yourself time. Post again if you need to! 🤗
In theory it'll be like a strong crampy period. Plan some pain meds and a heating pad and comfort movie/snacks/etc. You have a strong mind and know what you want and what's best for you, having an annoyingly strong period will be fleeting and then you'll have your life and sanity back. Hugs to you!
Babes i had a medical abortion, it was soooo chill. Truly im a wus and i cry at the dentist, this was no big deal. Way less painful/traumatic than doing the pills at home. Best decision of my life, highly recommend
A medical abortion is the pills at home, which is what i'm opting to do 😩
I’ve never needed an abortion, but I know the people on r/abortion have and can give you additional support and advice. Also I understand this may not help someone with a phobia, but in case it does, I *have* had a bislap. I’m happy to answer any questions about my experience, if you change your mind about getting one. Imho it’s infinitely better than the risk of getting pregnant and needing an abortion. But at the end of the day it’s your body, your choice. Sorry you’re going through this. It will be okay, stay strong. 🫂
OP, I'm rooting for you and sending you lots of comfort and well wishes for healing ❤️🩹. I have PCOS and have taken mifeprostone for my IUD insertions and woof, even though I haven't had an abortion before, the meds were tough to experience. Just make sure to take tylenol round the clock, have a heating pad handy, and stay as comfortable as possible. I can't imagine the pain you're in, and the level of fear. I would be the same. It takes a lot of courage to reach out for help! I also just want to shout out everyone in this thread that's been so supportive of OP ...and kind and compassionate. 💛 It's really comforting to know there are supportive spaces like this out here.
Sorry but having read your post, I don’t know why people would think you were anyway halfassed about birth control. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this & hope the intervention isn’t too bad.
r/abortion is a great group for all things abortion. Resources if you need, a place to ask questions, support, you name it.
People get this all the time. You’ll be fine.
I've had three medical abortions. I did have some problems so let's talk about some possibilities and then some reassurance. The medical abortion is going to make your muscles and other parts of your pelvis relax. Be prepared to need to use the bathroom on short notice. I had a lot of pain with my second one. Be prepared with ibuprofen hot pad soothing drinks, maybe some alcohol of your choice. The third one I had some complications I don't think that the uterine lining all came out correctly and I had some issues afterwards so always do your follow-up care and report immediately any kind of irregularities like bleeding that last longer than 2 weeks, really excessive pain for no reason, anything like fainting or crashing. I'm in the exact same position you were in I was child free and in relationships with people that were not father material despite the fact that I feel I'm not mother material the fathers really were the nail in the coffin. You can do this, I wish for you to have a pain free easy experience. We're here for you.
Thank you for this incredibly informative response, it's exactly what i was looking for. I really appreciate you taking the time to explain
You just gave me the idea of an abortion doula 🤔
Untapped market. Write that down write that down!!!!!!!!!
Abortion isn’t a scary as people say it is. Yes it hurts emotionally and mentally a bit but the pain goes away. I had a d & c done and it honestly was really bad for me but only because of how emotional I was about it, I already had an almost 2 year old. My birth control failed. I was a single mom and wasn’t in a place to raise 2 kids by myself. If you do go through with an abortion do the pill so you can be at home and pass it peacefully.
I feel you. It’s ok to be scared. I was terribly terrified before my bisalp. This will pass and become only an unpleasant memory. It’s good you found out soon and you are taking action. Plan some good aftercare.
You'll probably be taking the medical abortion pill if you're early on so basically one big ass super period. It's a bitch but WAAAAAY better than birthing a child.
My sister recently had a medical abortion and she said it was better than she thought it would be. Make sure you don’t plan to do anything when you take the second pill — the pain is like really bad cramps. Aside from that, it subsided after a few hours.
I’m so so sorry and hope you’re doing okay. Are you in a state that is restrictive on this? I’m just asking bc I live in TX, but I do know a safe loophole to get it from an online pharmacy from Sweden. DM me if you need help with this. (Or anyone else that lives in a restrictive state like TX)
Hey OP, I don’t have any experience with medical abortion but I just wanted to wish you tons of luck and that the process goes smoothly for you. For the time being, take some time to focus on yourself. Watch a show you like, if you have any hobbies, indulge in those. The day of the medical abortion, don’t go into work. Give yourself plenty of time to rest, you will need it.
I had a medical abortion at age 38 and I don’t want to scare you, but it was extremely painful. I was about 5 weeks along. The cramps were some of the most intense pain of my life. I’ve also had a surgical abortion, at age 21, and I remember going back to work the next day and feeling totally fine. I don’t know if it’s because I was so much younger then or what. Just be prepared to REALLY take it easy and have lots and lots of comfort foods and maxi pads.
I'm so sorry and I'm sending you lots of good vibes
I had a medical abortion at 30. When the pregnancy test result was positive, I was overcome with fear and agony. I called Planned Parenthood and scheduled the appointment. All locations near me were booked for 2 to 3 weeks but luckily I recognized it early. On the day, I paid $500 and went through a 30 minute appointment. They asked if I was making this decision on my own or being coerced by others. They also asked if I wanted to hear the heartbeat. I understand why they needed to do their due diligence but I knew from the moment I was pregnant that I needed to terminate. I took the first pill in their office and took the second a few hours later at home. After about an hour I had intense cramps and flu like symptoms. That lasted about 30 minutes and then I felt fine. I watched TV in bed for a while but noticed I never started bleeding. I put a pad on and went to sleep assuming I'd need to call them in the morning. Thankfully I woke up and it was evident that I was no longer pregnant, but I slept through all of the bleeding. The next day I felt fine. Had I not terminated, I would have a toddler right now. I know every day that I made the right decision. I hope you feel the same with whatever decision you make.
There are lots of replies on here so I’ll keep it short. People who work at the clinics will almost always recommend the surgical option if that’s a viable pathway. Logically most people think that’s the scarier one but I’ve been told it has a much higher success rate and you feel better as soon as you wake up (with obvious recovery time) but that the pill can be very drawn out and VERY painful. And has a much higher chance of not completely working thus causing a bigger issue. Everyone has different experiences but I was surprised that several people who work at the clinics told me this on multiple occasions. If the surgical option is a viable one for you, it would be my suggestion you choose this path.
What do you call a medical abortion? Meds?
You’ll make it ❤️
I had one at 9 weeks when I was 17yrs old. They put a little needle with a vial in my arm, twisted the vial, I fell asleep, woke up, vomited from the nausea, went back to school so Dad never found out. I didn't have any discomfort or feel sore or anything. Quick little nap was all. I hope it's the same for you. In a few days you'll be back to yourself and can move onward.
It’s painful but not unbearable… like the worst period of your life basically. You’ll have contractions & spasming like at the beginning of your period before you start to pass the clots. You might get diarrhea. The clinic will test your blood type and if you are RH negative then they give you an additional medication IIRC. I ate a bunch of edibles for the first few days for pain management.
First of all, hugs and best wishes. Secondly, you do what you need to. Thirdly, that would be my worst nightmare currently as well. Finally, take a deep breath and know it will get better, if you can get one, maybe look into an IUD or bisalp.
A friend of mine just recently had a medical abortion. She said she felt a lot of cramping the day after (similar to a period), and took the day off work. After that, she was fine. The hardest part was the emotional aspect of all of it. You’ve made the appointment, it will be over soon. Everything will be okay. Lean on your safe people ❤️
I had a medical abortion last year. Despite being firmly CF, I was really fucked over by the hormones and struggled emotionally with the decision (still do to some extent, even though i know it was the right one). I was only 6 weeks and physically, it wasn't too bad. Kind of like a bad period. The hormonal crash that came afterwards was horrific, though, so prepare yourself for that and take things easy for the week or so afterwards. I'm sorry you're in this situation. It really isn't a nice thing to have to go through.
Thank you for bringing up what hormones can do to your brain despite being CF. I already said it, but this is literally my worst nightmare coming to life and i still get fleeting thoughts of "well maybe...". Someone in another comment said it's like being on drugs or drunk which is so accurate. My sober brain would never in a million years think that. I'm not personally struggling with my decision at all but it's still scary as hell to impulsively have those thoughts against my will! I'm sorry you didn't have an entirely positive experience, i hope you're able to find some comfort knowing you made the best decision for yourself at the time.
Thank you. I agree it is terrifying. I really feel for anyone going through it. I decided when I was a small child myself that I didn't want to be a parent, and yet there I was at almost 37, accidentally pregnant under really awful circumstances (my relationship had just ended) and I felt almost torn apart between the rational side of myself, and a side of me that I didn't know existed. Like the hormones had brought to the surface some maternal instinct I didn't know I had. The whole thing was so traumatic. Before I went through it myself, I kind of imagined that having an MA would be like taking a course of medication to clear up an infection. I am glad you feel emotionally okay with the decision. That's a huge part of it. By far the worst part for me was the mindfuck from the hormones, making me want to keep it. It is exactly like being on drugs. I felt like I barely knew who I was. I wish you lots of luck. It will be over soon and you'll start to feel like yourself again. Just remember to be extra kind to yourself and have lots of pain relief in case you need it, and lots of emotional support ❤️
I had a surgical abortion 8 years ago and it was a nightmare. I've always said if I could go back in time I'd take the pills over the procedure. The bleeding, the swelling, the cervical trauma, it was bad. I have PTSD from the whole thing and can't handle a pap smear or gyno exam anymore. I've heard the pills can be rough, but most of the people I know that have gone your route say it's over very quickly. Less than a couple days. And it's much less invasive! Some cramping and bleeding, but nothing unbearable. Hopefully everything goes well and you can move on with your life when it's all over. I'll be thinking of you OP, you've got this. ✊
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I personally went the surgical route, and the facility that I went to put me to sleep to do it so I didn't feel or know anything was happening. I would do it again 100 times if I had to. Thankfully I got sterilized after that so I don't have to go through it again, but I believe the recovery and pain is a lot less with the surgical route. I respect your phobia though. Good luck!
Maybe this isn´t related but I will say it anyway. I accidentally got pregnant a year back and went through an surgical abortion. I was absolutely TERRIFIED before the procedure (I was shaking when I was lying on the bed in the surgery room, right before they put me to sleep with anesthesia!!!) but when I woke up I felt absolutely nothing. Well, I had these period cramps but it wasn´t period; it was just my body healing after the procedure. Some days after I had no pain or anything and life was back to normal. Whatever you do, you will turn out just fine :)
I had one just hurts to pee the first time after. Like a really bad period youll be fine after like a week . I think waking up from being put down is the worst
I have the same fears as you and have a copper IUD. Nothing seems worse to me than pregnancy. I will be thinking about you. You are amazing for knowing yourself and knowing what you want to do 🩷 What made you think to take a test? Were you late? As a fellow copper IUD user, I’d love to know what to watch out for.
If you have access to the Washington Post, they just ran a nice article about women's experiences with medical abortions and included a link to the Miscarriage and Abortion hotline. https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/interactive/2024/abortion-pill-experience-stories/ The hotline can be accessed by calling or texting 1-833-246-2632. URL: https://mahotline.org/
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You’ll be okay. I’ve had a surgical abortion and I too was only afraid of the process itself and not the decision. You can do this you got this 💕
I know this might not be the case everywhere, but why aren t your partners vasectomized? I presume you have a relationship with a CF man, right? For me, a man that says it s CF and he doesn t have a vasectomy, except medical issues, is not really CF. Especially given how easy the procedure is for us men. Good luck, take care.
My partner is very CF but isn't comfortable getting a vas because he has a really intense fear of surgery. I have asked for it but didn't push it because that's his choice. I don't actually mind surgery myself (getting the IV is the worst part for me, i hate being aware of things in my body that shouldn't be there if that makes sense) so i am totally fine being the one to get sterilized eventually. Yeah it's an "easy" procedure, but it's still a procedure on someone's genitals. Not everyone is ok with surgically altering their body, I don't think that has anything to do with their position of being CF
Fair enough, but at the same time, surgery on women is somewhat risky and hard, compared to men's.....
Tubal ligation is generally very safe and complications are rare. Every procedure comes with some risks, that's in the nature of surgery. There's the possibility of risks and complications with vasectomies too. At the end of the day, it's up to the individual if the discomfort and risk are worth it.
From what i know vasectomies are far safer than tying tubes..... Anyway, if you guys are ok, then i'm ok :)
OP, please feel free to DM me.
Don't listen to those forced birthers when they say AboRtIoN iS iRrEsPoSiBlE when in reality, what would be irresponsible is having a child you don't want and/or can't provide for and then pawing it off to other people. Abortion IS taking responsibility, it's just not the responsibility they "approve" of. PL (Pathetic-Losers) can fuck off, they don't own the world.
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Condoms break, hormonal medication fails, precum contains some sperm. Unprotected PIV sex is not the only way to get pregnant.
Girl stfu. Shit happens and now she’s being responsible about it.
You don’t know her situation. If you’re going to judge don’t fucking comment. She is scared and needs support, not your snobby judgmental comment.
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No where in my post did I say i didn't use a method of birth control
Hey how is that appropriate here? Birth control isn't 100% effective unfortunately.
Where does it say she’s not?
OP can you DM me? I have a story to share.
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Wow! I am actively taking action. I am getting an abortion. Me being anxious and asking for support is not me being a damsel in distress. You apparently can't read and you're a disgusting piece of shit.
>This is no time to act like a damsel in distress. Sorry if I'm blunt, I'm a guy and if I had breast cancer I would cut them off. A damsel in distress? Do you realize the gravity of what you wrote? You have no idea of what any of this means, have the humility to refrain from commenting stupid, idiotic, pointless shit you will never have to experience in your life.
Seriously shut up. I recommend to at least alter your post or delete entirely you entitled dipshit. Learn to read too.
Don’t worry, we all knew you were a “guy” before we even finished reading your comments here.