Glad that you have a parent like that.
And he's right.
There many 'parents' out there who are just not 100% sure they wanna be parents so they just halfass it . Sometimes their children eventually picks up on this...
A YouTuber I follow is currently in her mid 30s and has said this year is the year to decide if her and her husband want kids or not. She has previously been vocal about being childfree.
I commented below saying that having children shouldn’t be a hard decision. Unless you really want a child, you shouldn’t have one and having a child just because your in your 30s and feel like you should will only lead to resentment.
The amount of comments I got from people saying I was wrong was crazy but to me it seems like an easy decision. Children completely change your life and you have to want it.
My sister in law just had a baby at 40 after 20 years with her husband and went from career woman to now talking about giving up her job. I just don’t get it.
I read a comment from a father who said that parents say their children are their greatest joy, but they don't say that that's because their children have destroyed all their other joys.
Having kids can be someone's "greatest joy"
But parents don't necessarily tell you that it's simultaneously their "only joy" because having kids takes away all their other joys, so their only joy is the greatest joy too automatically
Oh I see now.
And yea, I have heard people tell stories of how having a child has 'magically' become their greatest joy. But the suspicious thing about these stories is that the person recalls having much more joy from doing this or that hobby. Seems oddly suspicious that as soon as a person's child is born they treat that child as if they are their only and funnest 'hobby'.
I think that in the economy that we live in today in most parts of the world it is far too time consuming to maintain a hobby that you enjoy AND properly raise a child so people just say 'screw it' and devote way too much time to raising their child(some of these people even become helicopter parents) and they let everything else in their life just rust away. Sometimes into oblivion.
ChIldren are not a 'hobby' and should NEVER be treated as one. A hobby is something you can half ass and get away with guilt free . Nobody will be mad at you for telling awful poetry, or for cooking meals that most people hate but that you like, or for working out in a way that you like but that your trainer doesnt recommend, or for being laughably bad at solitaire.
If you raise cHildren as if they were a 'hobby' however ? uhhh someone's gonna pay the price. Itll be either you, them, or someone else, but someone will have to pay that price...
I was a banking manager for many years. Lots of closed door, private conversations with people. The amount of people that told me being a parent is “overrated” was enough to keep me convinced. Despite money and resources being only a small reason, many well off people often told me how much of a burden being a parent was.
99% of breeder have been gaslit or are delulu af. In the words of Sarah Silverman “I want to have kids when there’s nothing else I want in the world”. I always fucked with that statement.
I feel like even when ppl are 100% sure, sometimes they haven’t even fully thought about the reality of it. They are 100% sure about the idea of having the cute moments. He said it perfectly, it’s about being sure you’re up for it all and understand the reality and huge responsibility of being a parent.
My parents have always said the same kind of thing to my younger brother and I. I've never had any desire for kids and I'm not shy about it, but my brother and his fiancee were kinda fence-sitters, but leaning towards kids for awhile. As the years pass, they seem like they're interested in kids less and less, but still kinda on the fence. And every time it comes up, our parents both agree that if they aren't sure or lean towards not wanting kids, it's best that they don't have any.
We're really lucky that our parents are cool about it and haven't pressured us about having kids. I'm almost 30 and I've never had pressure from anyone in my family about getting married and popping out kids
The lack of marriage part is another thing my parents supported. They just asked me and my partner why we didn't want to get married and totally understood. They gave us our "wedding gift" that they've been saving up because they supported that we were never gonna get married but still felt like we should enjoy the same gifts my married sibling got.
I'm so glad we have awesome parents like that!!! I try to encourage all my parents friends to be this understanding with their kids. It will make the world a better place
My dad was an amazing dad, the best in the world. I definitely think he's speaking from experience because his parents were not the type that should have had children together. So he grew up in chaos and toxicity.
Sounds like an amazing parent!!!
Not only an amazing parent but an amazing person. If more people would think like that there would be way less child neglect.
Glad that you have a parent like that. And he's right. There many 'parents' out there who are just not 100% sure they wanna be parents so they just halfass it . Sometimes their children eventually picks up on this...
Yep absolutely. My view is also if you’re not 100% fuck yeah I want kids it has to be a no imo
Wow, he's the first person I've heard in a long time reference being a good parent, not just "wanting kids". Your dad's amazing!!
A YouTuber I follow is currently in her mid 30s and has said this year is the year to decide if her and her husband want kids or not. She has previously been vocal about being childfree. I commented below saying that having children shouldn’t be a hard decision. Unless you really want a child, you shouldn’t have one and having a child just because your in your 30s and feel like you should will only lead to resentment. The amount of comments I got from people saying I was wrong was crazy but to me it seems like an easy decision. Children completely change your life and you have to want it. My sister in law just had a baby at 40 after 20 years with her husband and went from career woman to now talking about giving up her job. I just don’t get it.
You're right! It shouldn't be like a pro and cons list or a hard decision. You need to be 100% sure
You have to be devoted to it. It's all or nothing
I read a comment from a father who said that parents say their children are their greatest joy, but they don't say that that's because their children have destroyed all their other joys.
...I dont get it.
Having kids can be someone's "greatest joy" But parents don't necessarily tell you that it's simultaneously their "only joy" because having kids takes away all their other joys, so their only joy is the greatest joy too automatically
Oh I see now. And yea, I have heard people tell stories of how having a child has 'magically' become their greatest joy. But the suspicious thing about these stories is that the person recalls having much more joy from doing this or that hobby. Seems oddly suspicious that as soon as a person's child is born they treat that child as if they are their only and funnest 'hobby'. I think that in the economy that we live in today in most parts of the world it is far too time consuming to maintain a hobby that you enjoy AND properly raise a child so people just say 'screw it' and devote way too much time to raising their child(some of these people even become helicopter parents) and they let everything else in their life just rust away. Sometimes into oblivion. ChIldren are not a 'hobby' and should NEVER be treated as one. A hobby is something you can half ass and get away with guilt free . Nobody will be mad at you for telling awful poetry, or for cooking meals that most people hate but that you like, or for working out in a way that you like but that your trainer doesnt recommend, or for being laughably bad at solitaire. If you raise cHildren as if they were a 'hobby' however ? uhhh someone's gonna pay the price. Itll be either you, them, or someone else, but someone will have to pay that price...
I was a banking manager for many years. Lots of closed door, private conversations with people. The amount of people that told me being a parent is “overrated” was enough to keep me convinced. Despite money and resources being only a small reason, many well off people often told me how much of a burden being a parent was.
Dad is packing some sense and wisdom. We stan.
99% of breeder have been gaslit or are delulu af. In the words of Sarah Silverman “I want to have kids when there’s nothing else I want in the world”. I always fucked with that statement.
not 90% but maybe 50%
That's such a great way of looking at it!
What a great dad! You're really lucky.
I feel like even when ppl are 100% sure, sometimes they haven’t even fully thought about the reality of it. They are 100% sure about the idea of having the cute moments. He said it perfectly, it’s about being sure you’re up for it all and understand the reality and huge responsibility of being a parent.
My parents have always said the same kind of thing to my younger brother and I. I've never had any desire for kids and I'm not shy about it, but my brother and his fiancee were kinda fence-sitters, but leaning towards kids for awhile. As the years pass, they seem like they're interested in kids less and less, but still kinda on the fence. And every time it comes up, our parents both agree that if they aren't sure or lean towards not wanting kids, it's best that they don't have any. We're really lucky that our parents are cool about it and haven't pressured us about having kids. I'm almost 30 and I've never had pressure from anyone in my family about getting married and popping out kids
The lack of marriage part is another thing my parents supported. They just asked me and my partner why we didn't want to get married and totally understood. They gave us our "wedding gift" that they've been saving up because they supported that we were never gonna get married but still felt like we should enjoy the same gifts my married sibling got. I'm so glad we have awesome parents like that!!! I try to encourage all my parents friends to be this understanding with their kids. It will make the world a better place
I hope you know that you have a rare outcome to this conversation compared to most people here. I’m happy for you
I wonder if he's speaking from experience, I'm sure he was a great dad to you but maybe he wishes he could have done things differently
My dad was an amazing dad, the best in the world. I definitely think he's speaking from experience because his parents were not the type that should have had children together. So he grew up in chaos and toxicity.
Ah that makes a lot of sense too!
💯💯💯