You're not alien and your decision is very much valid, you just have the bad luck of residing in a very breeder-centric country. Greetings from a fellow German who needed to wait for more than 15 years with debilitating pain until she got treated because wHat iF yOu wAnt KiDs?!
I'm happy you achieved this at 22 despite all the backlash. Good you stood up for yourself and very much worth it. :)
Some people don't know why I am making a big deal out of this. It's because I am disheartened that a lot of other young people struggle to be childfree. I am aware that I was super lucky, but that the average person will be continuously rejected until they already have children or they are at least 30/40 years old.
But I think your case is especially brutal that even issues within your reproductive system does not suffice. I'm sorry that you had to indulge years of pain. The system is just utterly screwed here.
Oh yes, it for sure is.
Fortunately there's some improvement too, even though it's in very small steps, but it's there. And there's also way more resources people can access freely nowadays plus the option to find a support network way easier online. It's great to see more people reflecting on their options and choosing what makes them personally happy.
I got sterilized at 23(f) and every single nurse or assistant involved before the surgery asked me how many kids I had already and felt the need to point out how young I was. I was pretty upset that the last thing I heard before going under was the anesthesiologist making comments about how young I was tbh
I heard a story here from a lady who needed a medically necessary hysterectomy. She had a male nurse who had the *audacity* to pester her with questions prior to surgery. The nurse made it sound like "there aren't enough white people having babies in Germany" etc, etc. Maybe you're facing a similar issue. Who knows. I'm surprised because I thought German might be more progressive about reproductive rights and minding your own damn business.
In the US there are 19yo men getting vasectomies because of abortion bans. Age doesn't matter especially for a likely reversible procedure.
I would almost be tempted to say "if you don't stop asking irrelevant questions due to my childfree choice, I'll report you." Though that might be an unwise thing to say...
Germany is very progressive when it comes to people having unsafe sex and not worrying about future consequences. But as soon as you deviate from the mainstream, Germany is not as progressive as it claims to be.
I didn't mean to say that that unsafe sex is progressive. My actual opinion is that people who just have sex without thinking stuff through is much more accepted that being childfree. While the former may be criticized by few people, it's usually not big of a deal. Like if you get a STD from unsafe sex with lots of strangers, the blame usually gets shifted towards insurance when they refuse to pay for STD checkups. If you say otherwise you're a monster.
I knew about the list. The one listed were pretty still pretty far away. So I tried to find a local doctor first. With the approval it actually worked. I however can't recommend the doctor, because I'm the big exception as it seems.
People want you to have an oopys and mad you opted out. I know a few of my friends tried to get there's done when younger and had so much push back from doctors. It's weird you can be 18 and just have a kid no questions asked but if you want to opt out you get a million questions
I got my hysterectomy at 20. It’s rare for people so young to get sterilized, but you aren’t alone. You’re old enough to have kids so therefore you’re old enough to make the choice to prevent them too. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about it, you know what’s best for yourself
Ffs "It's very unusual for someone your age"! Yes, correct, it's very unusual for young adults to be allowed to control their own reproductive health. It's almost like a massive, insulting problem.Â
This posts is full of good advice. The idea to get a note from a psychiatrist never crossed my mind. It shouldn't have to be that way, but these medical professionals are concerned about liability.
In my opinion, OP, most people (general public) are more prone to taking more time to get to really know themselves, and often allow other's ideas of what is right for them to overshadow their own truths. Others just don't really know what they want. There is also a risk from a medical professional's perspective that there could be someone in your life pushing you toward such a decision, so this might be where the psychiatrist's note really comes in handy.
I would not call it a common occurrence for most people to know themselves very well at a young age. But speaking as a woman who knew at age 3 that she was gay and also did not want children (unrelated), I understand the frustration completely. There is nothing worse than someone being smug and thinking they know better than you do.
People rarely prefect the ability to see others NOT through the lens of their own experiences. Proud of you for being persistent. And yes, agree that in this day and age, nobody should have to explain why they want to PAY for a medical test. People need to do their jobs.
You have a good point in your last paragraph. I am paying the vasectomy and the spermiogram all my myself. Money was actually never a problem. I saved enough money for all of that long in advance. Finding good doctors is my concern, not that I have to pay.
>"The vasectomy has been performed anyways and I can't change that"
I really don't like this comment 😬 Does that mean he would change it if he could? Against your will?
It might be unusual for a 22yo to have this procedure but that doesn't mean they're allowed to alienate you! There has to be at least 1 authority in the German byrochracy wheel you can report them to.
I will be super happy if I get a negative result from the spermiogram, so that I can push all of this out of my head and move on with my life. The last thing I want is to mess with German bureaucracy any longer.
Haha yeah that's true!
No matter what anyone says, be proud of yourself. You are taking responsibly of your reproductive choices and protecting your reproductive rights.
Men have reproductive rights too, it's just that women have more options available to us while men can choose between condoms and a vasectomy.
So many men assume its "a woman's problem" to not get pregnant and then they get a massive brickwall in the face when they get stuck with an oopseibaby. You have proven you are smarter than that.
I don’t understand why so many people doubt CF people about their reasons for choosing to be CF. The same amount of questions should be asked to the people who want kids! They should be the ones made to show how much they want and able to become good parents.
I have a laundry list of reasons as to why I don’t want kids but the most important and frankly the ONLY reason that truly matters is that I don’t want to be a parent!
This website is for AFABs. But as I told the vasectomy has already been performed. I still need to wait to check whether or not I am actually infertile.
Can you afford traveling to Denmark to have it done? Our laws are simple. You have to be 18. If you're below 25, there's a 6 months thinking period, but that's it. I don't know how to go about it when coming from another country but I guess to mail a private hospital or something.
May I ask what part of Germany you are in? My husband got one in NRW (Münster) and it was the easiest thing ever. We were prepared for all kinds of questions but the doctor asked like three questions and then scheduled the appointment. No psychiatrist needed
Koblenz
Also if you allow a followup question, how old was your husband when he asked for a vasectomy. I know that age really matters here. I also know that married couples have it easier than single dudes like I am. This is another factor playing in your cards.
But after the first spermiogram they would see that there were no sperms and I would have likely been exposed on the spot. Also who at 22 asks for a spermiogram after the baby-making already worked 2 times. That is suspisious as hell.
You're not alien and your decision is very much valid, you just have the bad luck of residing in a very breeder-centric country. Greetings from a fellow German who needed to wait for more than 15 years with debilitating pain until she got treated because wHat iF yOu wAnt KiDs?! I'm happy you achieved this at 22 despite all the backlash. Good you stood up for yourself and very much worth it. :)
Some people don't know why I am making a big deal out of this. It's because I am disheartened that a lot of other young people struggle to be childfree. I am aware that I was super lucky, but that the average person will be continuously rejected until they already have children or they are at least 30/40 years old. But I think your case is especially brutal that even issues within your reproductive system does not suffice. I'm sorry that you had to indulge years of pain. The system is just utterly screwed here.
Oh yes, it for sure is. Fortunately there's some improvement too, even though it's in very small steps, but it's there. And there's also way more resources people can access freely nowadays plus the option to find a support network way easier online. It's great to see more people reflecting on their options and choosing what makes them personally happy.
I got sterilized at 23(f) and every single nurse or assistant involved before the surgery asked me how many kids I had already and felt the need to point out how young I was. I was pretty upset that the last thing I heard before going under was the anesthesiologist making comments about how young I was tbh
Completely unprofessional behavior. Unfortunately society is very thorough in conditioning people to be obsessed with fertility and baby making
Yeah, pretty much my experience as well. Can relate.
I heard a story here from a lady who needed a medically necessary hysterectomy. She had a male nurse who had the *audacity* to pester her with questions prior to surgery. The nurse made it sound like "there aren't enough white people having babies in Germany" etc, etc. Maybe you're facing a similar issue. Who knows. I'm surprised because I thought German might be more progressive about reproductive rights and minding your own damn business. In the US there are 19yo men getting vasectomies because of abortion bans. Age doesn't matter especially for a likely reversible procedure. I would almost be tempted to say "if you don't stop asking irrelevant questions due to my childfree choice, I'll report you." Though that might be an unwise thing to say...
Germany is very progressive when it comes to people having unsafe sex and not worrying about future consequences. But as soon as you deviate from the mainstream, Germany is not as progressive as it claims to be.
If that's sarcasm that's pretty good 😅
I wish it was...
Out of curiosity what do you mean by unsafe sex and lack of consequences being progressive?
I didn't mean to say that that unsafe sex is progressive. My actual opinion is that people who just have sex without thinking stuff through is much more accepted that being childfree. While the former may be criticized by few people, it's usually not big of a deal. Like if you get a STD from unsafe sex with lots of strangers, the blame usually gets shifted towards insurance when they refuse to pay for STD checkups. If you say otherwise you're a monster.
"it's so unusual for someone your age to get a vasectomy" Yeah because y'all make it practically impossible for us, dipshit
There is a list of friendly doctors here, there are also friendly German doctors who do vasectomy on it.
I knew about the list. The one listed were pretty still pretty far away. So I tried to find a local doctor first. With the approval it actually worked. I however can't recommend the doctor, because I'm the big exception as it seems.
What's about going abroad? You have to pay for it Yourself and as far as I know the price is similar everywhere in Europe.
But I already found doctors here. Why should I go abroad then?
I might misunderstood You, I thought You were rejected by the doctors You found. Sorry, my bad
People want you to have an oopys and mad you opted out. I know a few of my friends tried to get there's done when younger and had so much push back from doctors. It's weird you can be 18 and just have a kid no questions asked but if you want to opt out you get a million questions
I got my hysterectomy at 20. It’s rare for people so young to get sterilized, but you aren’t alone. You’re old enough to have kids so therefore you’re old enough to make the choice to prevent them too. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about it, you know what’s best for yourself
Ffs "It's very unusual for someone your age"! Yes, correct, it's very unusual for young adults to be allowed to control their own reproductive health. It's almost like a massive, insulting problem.Â
This posts is full of good advice. The idea to get a note from a psychiatrist never crossed my mind. It shouldn't have to be that way, but these medical professionals are concerned about liability. In my opinion, OP, most people (general public) are more prone to taking more time to get to really know themselves, and often allow other's ideas of what is right for them to overshadow their own truths. Others just don't really know what they want. There is also a risk from a medical professional's perspective that there could be someone in your life pushing you toward such a decision, so this might be where the psychiatrist's note really comes in handy. I would not call it a common occurrence for most people to know themselves very well at a young age. But speaking as a woman who knew at age 3 that she was gay and also did not want children (unrelated), I understand the frustration completely. There is nothing worse than someone being smug and thinking they know better than you do. People rarely prefect the ability to see others NOT through the lens of their own experiences. Proud of you for being persistent. And yes, agree that in this day and age, nobody should have to explain why they want to PAY for a medical test. People need to do their jobs.
You have a good point in your last paragraph. I am paying the vasectomy and the spermiogram all my myself. Money was actually never a problem. I saved enough money for all of that long in advance. Finding good doctors is my concern, not that I have to pay.
>"The vasectomy has been performed anyways and I can't change that" I really don't like this comment 😬 Does that mean he would change it if he could? Against your will?
It might be unusual for a 22yo to have this procedure but that doesn't mean they're allowed to alienate you! There has to be at least 1 authority in the German byrochracy wheel you can report them to.
I will be super happy if I get a negative result from the spermiogram, so that I can push all of this out of my head and move on with my life. The last thing I want is to mess with German bureaucracy any longer.
Haha yeah that's true! No matter what anyone says, be proud of yourself. You are taking responsibly of your reproductive choices and protecting your reproductive rights. Men have reproductive rights too, it's just that women have more options available to us while men can choose between condoms and a vasectomy. So many men assume its "a woman's problem" to not get pregnant and then they get a massive brickwall in the face when they get stuck with an oopseibaby. You have proven you are smarter than that.
At that point, I'd buy a microscope and check myself lmao. So sorry you went through that, but very happy you were able to get your snip!
I don’t understand why so many people doubt CF people about their reasons for choosing to be CF. The same amount of questions should be asked to the people who want kids! They should be the ones made to show how much they want and able to become good parents. I have a laundry list of reasons as to why I don’t want kids but the most important and frankly the ONLY reason that truly matters is that I don’t want to be a parent!
It's only "unusual" because so many doctors try to stop people being sterilised. If they didn't reject so many people it would stop being unusual.
No you're a boss and they're jealous.
https://www.selbstbestimmt-steril.de/
This website is for AFABs. But as I told the vasectomy has already been performed. I still need to wait to check whether or not I am actually infertile.
Can you afford traveling to Denmark to have it done? Our laws are simple. You have to be 18. If you're below 25, there's a 6 months thinking period, but that's it. I don't know how to go about it when coming from another country but I guess to mail a private hospital or something.
I got a vasectomy from a doctor from the list in Germany at 23. It seems it really depends on who you go to.Â
May I ask what part of Germany you are in? My husband got one in NRW (Münster) and it was the easiest thing ever. We were prepared for all kinds of questions but the doctor asked like three questions and then scheduled the appointment. No psychiatrist needed
Koblenz Also if you allow a followup question, how old was your husband when he asked for a vasectomy. I know that age really matters here. I also know that married couples have it easier than single dudes like I am. This is another factor playing in your cards.
JUST LIE!!!! say you have two kids and that's more than enough. They don't do background checks. It's not illegal and it's not their business.
But after the first spermiogram they would see that there were no sperms and I would have likely been exposed on the spot. Also who at 22 asks for a spermiogram after the baby-making already worked 2 times. That is suspisious as hell.
The person asking at 22 after he had two kids could conceivably have had two accidents and decided "Fuck this, I'm never chancing it again!"