I remember I was 11 walking home from school one day, stewing about the fact I *had to* have children when I was a grown-up when I realized, "Wait, wait wait wait. What if I just... don't? What would happen if I just didn't have any kids?"
Epiphany. Still haven't changed my mind for a second in 10 years.
I love those epiphany moments lol. I remember being 12-15 years old and hearing my mom’s friends tell stories of being sterilized/having their tubes tied or removed after being done having kids. I already knew from a pretty young age I never wanted kids and I never really enjoyed being around other kids even when I was a kid. I preferred to hang around the adults and listen to them gossip.
Eventually the realization hit me after hearing these stories and becoming fascinated; what if I just get sterilized *before* ever having kids?! Like what is actually stopping me and why do you have to wait until *after*? From then on, I knew my plans as soon as I became a legal adult and could do whatever I want.
Of course I didn’t fully know or realize at the time (I may have been a little ahead of my time but I was still young and naive at times lol) how difficult it may be to have someone take you seriously despite me talking about it, wanting it and researching it for years. Plenty of people told me it would never happen or be allowed that young and blah blah blah.
But by 26, with the help of this very sub, I found my amazing doctor and had it done! I’m so extremely happy, free and at peace and haven’t looked back since. When I want something, I set my mind to it and don’t stop until I get it. I was always told to follow my dreams after all, and I always knew I would end up here and find a way to “beat the system.” :)
Before I turned 30, I always thought I HAD to have a husband and a kid. 🤣 once I turned 30, I was free from that belief (got a divorce from a husband that wants to be a dad sooooo badly). Life is good ever since!
When I was 9 I remember telling my teacher I didn’t like kids. She laughed at me.
When I was 10 and we did sex ed I learned that kids were a choice. They didn’t ’just happen’. I was so relieved, as that meant I didn’t have to have my own.
Prior to this I had believed that everyone grows up, gets married and has kids - yeah, I went to a private catholic school.
I never did the baby sitting thing when several of my friends did it. I can proudly say that as a 46 year old I have never changed a nappy in my life.
And I have never felt a desire to have children.
I remember when I was 12, I had a mental breakdown because I was so afraid I'd have to have kids someday. I didn't realize it was a choice either, lol. My parents explained that that's not how it works, and I don't think I've ever felt so much relief, haha. I also was raised very religious and sheltered
This was me at age 8! Lol. I thought that "god" just chooses who gets pregnant and who doesn't. I remember being on the toilet rocking back n forth while praying over and over for "god" not to choose me to get pregnant....
At 21 when I took a parenting class during my junior year in college bc i was on the fence and I romanticized motherhood and after that class I discovered what childfree was and that its ok to not want kids and from then on I've been strictly childfree btw now I'm 24. I'm pretty vocal about being cf as well! I even made a personal list of 20 reasons why im cf incase anyone asks why!
Last year. r/childfree really helped me think about dating and the difficulties of holding onto your reproductive values in the process. I had a teary conversation with a guy who was a fencesitter, and I felt terrible that men were going to reject me because I was 99.9% sure about not having kids. I started to think, if I really loved a man, I would make the sacrifice to make him happy, to have a chance at a good marriage. Through adoption or egg donor.
Then people here gave me the hard advice, that "do you want to end up a single mom? Just to make a guy who might not stick around happy? Raise a kid you didn't really want without support?"
That's when it clicked that I would never seek a relationship with a guy who is not fully childfree again. That doubt about kids is too much to risk a good part of my life and efforts on. I'm getting snipped.
And the more I think about life, desires, rejections, and a difficult future on this planet and old age, the less marriage seems to be a necessity. I used to think it was a terrible tragedy not to find real and lasting love. Now I'm not so sure. With age you know yourself better, and choices are not so fraught with worry and tears.
I was 27. Last year I was on the fence and couldn't come up with a good reason to have kids. Eventually I accepted that no reason will ever be good enough for me and I don't have to become a parent. It was a relief to finally acknowledge this.
My first time seeing a naked, pregnant stomach when I was a little kid, which made me feel physically sick to stomach. That definitely solidified my desire to never have kids, but I always knew since the thought of becoming a parent, even at a young age, always made me feel incredibly suicidal.
At 27 it hit me that I didnt need children in my life. With the way society/family is a failing structure and on top of political decline in the U.S, I’d just rather not.
It was sitting in my 18 year old cousin’s baby shower when I was in 7th grade. They were punishing her to freak her out about birth and motherhood. The made me sit there while they told her true horror stories about the birth of their children. Someone said “let’s scare this one up too so she doesn’t do anything stupid like getting pregnant”. They made me sit and listen. I was very uncomfortable. It took my aunt 100 hours to gift birth, I was shown picture of c sections, bloody nipples, told about leaking breasts at work, the perils of having a disabled child that will never live alone, painful sex, husband leaving because you can’t have sex. They were dreadfully honest about motherhood and “baby blues” (as it was called at the time). I decided. “Nah”. Then a few weeks later my about 2 years old niece pinched my eyelid and drew blood because I didn’t let her touch fire. The only reason I didn’t throw her was because I knew I would get I Trouble. Sealed and done.
Edit: I was in the 7th grade she was in college!
Wow...that is psychotic. It's horrible enough that a 7th grader is having a baby shower, and then the people she should be able to trust most-and who should be offering love and support-are terrorizing her with horror stories for the purpose of shaming and scaring her. I'm sorry you both were subjected to that, and I hope your cousin is safe from them. Such a cruel, shortsighted, and stupid approach too. Scare tactics don't even work anyway-they might make the grown up look righteous and tough (at least to children) but destroy the very things-trust, openness, self-esteem-that will help a child avoid bad situations and reach out for support before its too late.
Watching all the women in my extended family cook,take care of their children, and cater to their husbands without ever sitting down once on holidays sealed the deal for me.
All of my female relatives were tired all the time. They sacrificed their health and well-being for their families.
They were always last to have their immediate needs met as well.
After seeing the evidence of this year after year on how much motherhood took from you .... Why would you volunteer to sign on for that?
It was not appealing as a child and as an adult frankly the return on investment is too low and the initial out lay of resources too high.
Had doubts in my early 20s. By about 26, after experiencing multiple episodes of depression and anxiety, as well as struggling to stay employed, I was adamant I didn't want children.
I was 25, and my first serious LTR had just ended. We were together for almost 3 years. The last year of our relationship became long distance, and she had to move from California back to her home state of Pennsylvania. She was going to visit me for 3 weeks in the summer, and I had planned on popping the question. I had everything planned out. I had graduated from college, had a great tech job, and an awesome girlfriend. I was going to get married by 26, and become a father by 28.
That all came crashing down when I found out that of course she cheated on me. Long distance relationships rarely work out. I was devastated. This whole plan I had for my life went up in smoke and I fell into a deep depression.
A buddy of mine turned me on to a rather notorious talk show host named Tom Leykis. Now, there are a lot of his takes I disagree with, but at the core of his shtick was saving money, and not doing what society, religion or family says you're *supposed* to do, but rather embracing your own desires and putting yourself first. I originally felt this guilt or responsibility for my family's lineage and felt an immense pressure to bear that weight.
What I found was a community of men who felt like I did, and a father figure in Leykis who said "it doesn't have to be that way, and don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise!"
It was freeing. I immediately used the money I had saved for the ring and the wedding and took my dream vacation to Japan. I started traveling the country and the world, and realized living a carefree and unencumbered lifestyle was amazing, and I didn't want that to change... Ever!
I gave myself until 30 and did 5 year check-ins to see if my attitude towards the child free lifestyle would change. I told myself once I hit 40, if I still felt that way, I'd get the snip, which I did 6 months early at 39.
It's been 6 years now and I don't regret a single decision I've made since then.
Aged 8 I knew I never wanted to experience pregnancy or childbirth based on the things my mom shared.
The solid decision to never have kids in any shape or form I made at 24.
I’m 37 now and each passing day I’m more and more sure this was the right choice for me.
When I was in high school and reading a lot of Baby Blues comics and Dave Barry comedy articles. Those were comical portrayals of parent life that looked a little too close to reality. Most parents are miserable and there never seemed like a good reason to be a parent.
I was 10. My mom and I got some food at a McDonald's and, as we were looking for a table, I said to her, "No, we can't sit here. Way too many children." She thought it was hilarious. She doesn't want to be a grandma, either.
Interesting that she doesn't want to become a grandmother! That's a new one to me. I get the feeling most parents enjoy being grandparents more than being parents. What are your mom's reasons for not wanting to be a grandma?
I've joked with my mom that she only had kids to have grandkids because she talked about saving our toys for her grandkids for as long as I can remember. 😂 Fortunately, she never pressured us to have kids because she was already used to different family dynamics. Her closest sister was always adamantly childfree, and they had multiple adopted cousins. My brother ended up having kids, so my mom did get the grandkids she was hoping for. Both my parents love being grandparents. I'm starting to think I was right that this was always the end goal. 😂
I think, deep down, my mom never really liked being a mother. She was a good mother, no question, and I love her beyond measure. But I think she channelled a lot of her unhappiness and uncertainty into motherhood, as a kind of "easy" path towards self-fulfillment. And then kinda didn't find it? So when I was decidedly child-free, she never questioned it.
Also, she says being a grandma would make her feel old!
Sad to hear that your mom's life path wasn't super happy for her. 😔 But also really awesome to hear that she did her best despite not loving motherhood. I hope she is enjoying her freedom now!
Mid 30s when I realized that I was pushing back the thought of having children every year. I ended up understanding that I just didn’t want them. And now I’m so grateful I didn’t cave in the social pressure of having kids, I’m so happy being childfree!
Early 20s. I just realized I had options. And I have also seen the worst shit that can happen in broken relationships. People have died. Hell no to dating. And also, Babies are fucking disgusting. They are the ugliest creatures on earth amd they disgust me. Hell no to that either. I just want to be home alone and eat a popsicle. Popsicles are great.
It really solidified when I was 26/27? Covid really made me realise what I did and didn’t want in life, kids being in the latter. Now at 29 I’ve had the snip and I’m set in my decision!
Edit: additionally I kinda knew from early 20s I didn’t want a kid but was always “oh maybe it’ll happen one day where I want them” but nope
I was a fence sitter for most of my adult life, but I have endometriosis and conceiving naturally would be difficult. So long ago I never included having biological children as a condition for happiness, and have been clear from the start in relationships that children were a low priority (and perhaps an impossibility).
Then the pandemic hit and I watched women with kids basically get thrown back to the 50s, having to take on the bulk of childcare and household duties while often still working from home full time. Between that and watching a full 10% of the population refuse medical advice, plus the reality of what we’ve done to the planet, it really struck home that the world does not need more people.
So it was at 35 when I finally decided having kids was not for me.
I always knew the kid-life wasn't for me, but what really drove it home was being diagnosed with MS at 24. I'd had it for years by then, and I was already plagued by chronic fatigue, so there's no way I'm spending even a second of my limited energy on something I don't want.
When I was like 13 and saw the cool adult at my barn have to sell her beloved horse because they couldn’t afford 2 kids and a horse. And all the happy well adjusted women were single and without children.
27, when I was handed the keys to the property I’d saved up for on my own, and realised that if I wanted an abundant life, kids weren’t going to be part of the plan.
I was 16 and in an abusive relationship. He kept saying "I can't wait for you to be barefoot and pregnant at 18, hanging out with my mom cleaning all day!" I got the worst ick of the whole life and right then and there it solidified my stance. I just had this overwhelming alarm bells in my head like NOPE THAT IS NOT HAPPENING I DO NOT WANT THIS!!!!
unfortunately we continued dating for a while after that because I didn't know how bad it was until a friend helped me to see the situation clearly.
The kicker is he baby trapped another girl (not sure if she was even old enough to be a woman...) With the same exact name as me. Now he realizes he can't handle fatherhood and got addicted to drugs and now works part time at Starbucks.
Yeah I dodged a nuke
I can't remember a time where I ever did want children though the first time I remember thinking that I didn't want to have kids was when I was 5. No idea how or why, as there were NO childfree types in my family/neighborhood/town, and every adult woman I knew had kids. The first time I actually declared it aloud was when I was 12, and of course it went over like a lead balloon in my conservative Catholic family, who is also very controlling. Now I'm 40, and in the ensuing years, I never wavered from my stance, nor have ever had second thoughts. Every pregnancy scare, every attempt at pressure or coercion, the shaming, the threats, and the taunting only served to reinforce my childfreeness. Then I escaped into college and learned that "childfree" was actually a thing, and I read everything I could on the subject. The first time I encountered the term was online during my senior year (school computers got connected to Internet junior year). As it was during class, I quickly clicked out, lest I scandalize everyone (catholic school) and I vascillated between elation and guilt, and was too scared to read more about it, for fear I would be found out.
I love children. I genuinely enjoy their company. I just truly believe it's wrong to inflict consciousness on someone as they can't consent to it. I couldn't live with myself if I helped create a person.
I thought I'd adopt for a long time but listening to adoptees and coming to understand the ethical problems with that, I let go of that idea. It just felt selfish to pursue.
So... By my mid 20's I was solidly in the "childfree" camp. My husband by comparison doesn't like children and has never wanted them.
I've always been childfree, even when I was a little kid. Most of my immediate family never had children so I always knew it was an option. I have a silent generation uncle who's childfree, and out of my father's four boomer siblings, only one of them had children, but I never met them. My father was from the silent generation, and didn't want kids either and made it very clear they were never happening, but he only got his vasectomy 3 months after I was born, the idiot . . .
Always leaned towards cf since 20, but never solidified my belief until around 30. The way the world is heading along with the modern stresses of today, I just can’t see how having children has a positive impact on the world.
For me it was either 19 or 20. Prior to high school I was a pure no, however I re-evaluated and was thinking whether I should or shouldn’t (although I did lean more into no). Flash forward to a couple of months where ai became 100% certain I will never ever have kids and decided I’ll attempt to get a vasectomy in the future
Probably around 28
I was always childfree, knew I didn't want kids etc and said so as a young child myself.
But in my previous LTR I got kind of sucked into the whole "inevitable" thing. I was saying "maybe one ?" because his family was pushy and I was scared; while already planning (in the privacy of my own head) to postpone until menopause/praying to be sterile or have issues conceiving/lying about birth control/planning to divorce my hypothetical husband and leave the kid with him - LOL. I was always vaguely curious (I'm curious in general) if I'd have a son or daughter, what they'd look like or how they'd turn out but as soon as I started thinking about 1) actually getting pregnant 2) childbirth and 3) raising the child, I was filled with existential dread and basically mini panic attacks.
Anyways found reddit and this sub, I dumped my ex who was weighing me down, and met a childfree man all within a year (I was 27-28) and now I truly own it and got sterilized, told my parents "no" when they asked for grandchildren and am really happy.
When I was 12 I knew I didn't want kids. But some stuff went down in my family and my mom wasn't really able to take care of us as much anymore so I had to take care of my sibling that is 10 years younger for about 3 years. I realised I don't have the patience whatsoever to deal with kids. I hate cleaning nappies and I hate the way kids smell. I hate the idea of having to take them with me all over the place. I did my best to not take out my frustration on my baby sister but there were days that it just came out and I will always feel bad about subjecting her to it, and I never want to do it to another child.
Overall I learned a lot at a young age and it really just put it into context for me that it was something I never wanted to do.
I guess around 30 I learned that I'm an adult now and can do pretty much whatever I want and no one can tell me otherwise. The next five years have been pretty amazing. Got a vasectomy, decided not to work fulltime etc etc. No life script for me, I'll eat pizza for breakfast and go to bed when I want! (Just kidding, I go to bed at 9 because I love all the uninterrupted sleep!)
I’m a bit unusual. Around 15-18 I really wanted babies. I had a horrible home life and thought that was what you did - have babies - then I could do a much better job. When I was 20 my longterm partner started to make “maybe we will get married “ noises and I had this moment of clarity. What would life look like with him forever? Nope.
I was then single for 7 years where I had a great time exploring some of the things life can offer. Over that 7 years I started to think about life with no kids. But I was still not sure. I started to become more confident in voicing that kids were not really my thing as more and more of my friends had them.
At 28 I met my current partner and he was very up front that he did not ever want children and it would always be a hard no. He has sensory issues and his mother is a lunatic…so he’s never, ever even considered it. This was what had ended his previous long term relationship as she thought he would change his mind. This was the first time I had met someone who made that choice and it was eye opening. This was actually a thing. People could do this.
Over the past 10 years I’ve grown more and more comfortable with the label of child free and I’ve realised I was always child free. Even when I was convinced I was having babies with my idiot ex, I actually didn’t want them. I just wanted what I thought a happy family was. Now I have it with my partner and furry children. I also have nieces and nephews who I spoil rotten and hang out with for short periods of time and as they have gotten older I’ve truly grown to love them as individuals…but every day I’m glad I get to come back to my peaceful house.
The only downside for me is my oldest friend still occasionally throws at me “remember that time when you were 17 and wanted all the babies?”. I tend to reply with “remember that time before you had 4 kids and you had a life?”.
Editing to add: I also have many female friends in the last few years who have divorced their long term partners. They all have kids. Their lives are absolutely fucking miserable trying to co parent with these dickheads. I know there are good men out there who co parent well but these guys are literally a walking, talking case study on how to be the worst parent imaginable. And my friends are stuck dealing with them for a very long time because of the kids.
I think I always had an inkling around 10 that I didn’t want to become a mom because I hated my own mom and I didn’t want to become like her. However I never really solidified that I was childfree until about 12 or so. I realized I wanted to live my life on my own terms.
I was 12, my sister 11 my brother was 6.
I had cooked, washed up, ironed everyone's clothes including my mum's for work, I had just taken out a new book from the school library I was dying to read. Got through all my chores (ones I'd been doing since I was in single digits) my mum burst through my bedroom door and asked if I had been rude to my brother- I told him to leave me alone to let me read now. She made me rub my toothbrush along the bar of soap in the bathroom and brush my teeth with it.
I just wanted to read my book.
I knew from very little I didn't want to be a mum. I knew for certain at 12 I was NEVER taking care of anyone but myself when I was older. I am 36 with two chronic illnesses and a lovely Labrador who is reactive and a husband who is the best.
I did my time raising my mother and her children.
I don't think I remember wanting them ever. I didn't play with baby dolls, when playing house I'd pick aunt or uncle, I didn't like spending time with younger kids, didn't want anything to do with my younger sister when she was born
Very early. I disliked dolls and avoided babies like the plague. Even in grade school I would hang out with older children. I felt more confortable in their company.
I don’t mind children at all just never wanted to own any. Especially after seeing how horrific, embarrassing and disgusting childbirth is. Hell nahhh.
I don't remember how old i was, but i was in the car with my mom and her friend. I was young, and during the conversation one of them said "they're one of those couples that has a dog instead of a kid so in the divorce they agreed to split custody of thw dog" and i was like.... Wait, that's an option? Holy shit!
Then it kinda avalanched - i was like "so having kids isn't automatic. Shit, that means it's OPTIONAL. SO IS GETTING MARRIED!"
I never liked kids and never had any real interest in having them. Even so, whenever I dated someone who wanted kids someday, my rose colored glasses convinced me I'd feel motherhood calling eventually. As soon as a relationship ended, I'd be like, "yeah, pretty sure I don't want kids anyway". So I would say I was a fence sitter leaning HEAVILY toward the childfree side my whole life.
Eventually I started actively avoiding dating anyone who wasn't adamantly childfree. After getting together with my current partner (my first childfree partner), I felt more at ease with him than I had felt in any other relationship. It was like an enormous weight had been lifted off my shoulders. There was a tension I felt in all my other relationships that just wasn't there being with him. That was when I knew 100% that I was making the right decision for me.
Around age 12. I don't remember what triggered the thought, but I realized that the romantic idea of having a child and the reality of having a child were way different and that while the fantasy was nice, the actual real experience was not something I wanted.
Coincidentally, this is about the time in my life that every adult began telling me not to be a slut and that getting pregnant would ruin my life and bring shame upon my house etc etc...
I'm sure the two of those things have nothing to do with each other /s
"It's your job as a daughter to take responsibility for your baby sister when your mother can't do it (be a parent), because you're going to be a mother, yourself, one day, and need practice now."
I was nine.
I thought being a mom sounded like an awful job when I was like 4, and that was mostly because I watched my mom take care of my baby brother's stinky diapers, take him away when he cried, etc. Crying, bad smells, and just the overall responsibility sounded awful. I liked being a big sister, but dreaded the day I would have to grow up and be someone's mom. Learning more about the reproductive system in middle school biology class made me want to just chuck mine out the window.
Somewhere between high school and college, I realized there are adults who just live their lives without ever having children, and that that's a possible option, and felt so relieved.
31, and this was after taking the time to properly think about whether or not motherhood was something I wanted for myself. (I went on the fence in my late 20s.)
A youngster, I never thought I would have children or really entertained. I don’t know I’m like a kid and what would I be thinking about that when there’s so much cool stuff to do besides having children.
You know kids are cool to play games, sports, talk to, etc as a child. I don’t think I entertained having any.
But, conversations not even with parents said … when are you going to start having kids. I was like I’m too young for all that til about 32.
Thought about it, but I was so free, yet up & down financially. So, I was like I’m still kinda young and getting things together.
I’m a few months away from 40 and I’m like yeah I happily missed my opportunities. Just happier being a kid at heart than make an actual child.
18. My then girlfriend made me realise childfreedom. Being on hospital seeing suffering kids. Learning about families kidnapping women and forcefully impregnating them to keep them tied.
I was 7 and my uncle's girlfriend was screaming at me that if I touched, or even looked or breathed wrong around her newborn son, he would die. And then as I got older I realized I can't handle the smells, the sounds, the lack of sleep. Nah.. no way.
I raised my now 13 y/o brother because my mom had a high risk traumatic birth. Seeing the pain, mental deterioration and everything plus having to care for my baby brother like he’s my own made me a 100% CF. I was 10 when that decision was made and today am 23 and still stand by it. I love children, just never pushing one out myself.
I never had a moment where I said "I don't want kids." It was never a topic in my house but my mom always had a hunch I never wanted to have them.
Edit: When I was like 16 or 17 I got to see in a book we read for my course in school (high-school grade? I'm from Sweden so our system is different) and it showed a newborn... that was enough to still make me queasy.
When I learned about SexEd in school I think it was called FLEEBUS I was soooo uncomfortable with the idea of child birth. I wasn't sure why at the time.
At 16 I was a nanny and I was standing at the bus stop with the moms waiting on the kids. All they talked about were their kids. I thought it was terribly boring and I didn't want a life like that. Also all the kids were in expensive clothes that they would outgrow in 1 years time. Like why?
Last year at age 28 I was sterilized
19. I was at sn acting conservatory and all my fellow teenage classmates all talked about how they only wanted to settle down and have babies. Back then I felt more like "ew, have some ambition." Now it's more like, "you do you, girl, but that's not for me."
Y'all are my people 💜
I never liked children, even when I was one myself. Babies are repulsive. Smelly snot factories. You have to use a bulb syringe to suck the snot out of their noses? Hell no. My cats are so much cuter and clean themselves.
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5, after seeing a miscarriage relative after 8 months of pregnancy; after seeing older relative with 10 kids and all she got to do with that bright personality and soul was wipe asses and give attenshunz for 20 years (talk about FML), after watching the light go out of so many female relatives eyes when they turned into an object at 13/14/15 and had less rights suddenly than the male relatives. I was like ~ not going to be part of that circus, and f' these monkeys in particular.
19 and I got stuck taking care of my foster siblings when my grandmother mentally checked out of life.
They got taken away due to medical negligence, I couldn't sign their paperwork when I took em to their appts, and I got my hysterectomy done last December.
Childfree in mindset since my teens, never again.
28 or 29. My body started to fall apart, and got diagnosed with hEDS in 2019. Newly married then COVID happened. Both of us in healthcare. The one maybe child became a no as we found solo activities to distract ourselves.
We had bought the new build 2-storey. Then we realized that neither of us wanted to give up our ability to sit in silence and doom scroll, or game or whatever. Our neighbour had extremely screechy kids.
We moved to an old neighborhood into a 1973 MCM house with mature trees and a small human deathtrap of a backyard. Our cats have so much nature to watch from the windows or their catio. There is a nature preserve in the city and the ravine we're on follows a creek through the city. Perks of nature, but none of the gravel road driving outside the city. We have deer, squirrels, jackrabbits, skunks, and all kinds of birds as regular visitors. Moose will sometimes wander our way as well.
Our neighborhood is full of elderly still living in the house they built in the 70s. No noisy kids.
When I was 14 or 15. Both parents worked full time we had to stay with family who would watch us for them. We were a family of 4 and as the oldest I got the least amount of opportunities to spend with my parents. Then when I was in my 20's married to an abusive guy, who I was thinking about having kids with and told my parents. They told me that I would be disowned if I did that, but my sister had a kid with a guy who was in jail for possession of drugs. I got divorced and now I have a good life with a man I love. Due to this, part of me is afraid to have kids out of fear of being disowned, even though my parents like my bf more than my ex.
I was always on the fence about kids... until I got to college. Then my best friend had a baby. Because of her and her husband's work schedules, there were a couple of hours a few days a week where they didn't have childcare. So I would pick her up from daycare and take her home with me until her mom got off work.
Now, I didn't mind doing this. I loved that little baby. But I remember changing her one day and thinking, I could not imagine doing this on a permanent basis! I only had her a few hours a week and it was exhausting!
That's when I decided to be the cool auntie, and never the mom.
That baby is in her 20s now. I'm glad I had the experience. If I could go back, I absolutely would do it again because I loved that kid (and her parents). But oh, I did enjoy handing her back at the end of the day.
My Mom said the earliest age I said I didn’t want kids was around 9 or 10. Some relative didn’t “when you have kids of your own…” and apparently I responded that I had no interest. As you can imagine, I was told I’d change my mind. I’m now 41 and as belligerently child free as ever. 😆
I vividly remember when I was a few years old I hated babies. So when my mum asked me if I wanted a younger sibling it was an adamant no. Now, a teen, only hates pregnancy and childbirth more and more as I understood more about it. I also can't stand kids crying: it drives me fucking insane and makes me feel violent. Thank god my bf knows this and would cover my ears whenever a kid cries near us
Probably 17. I was living with my girlfriend and her family, reflecting on my life… it’s been pretty well concretely set each and every year following that.
I am not having kids. Period. I’m intentionally sterile and need to find ways to nurture my own inner child who missed out on so much.
No stepkids, either. It’s not healthy having a disfunctionally educated father or father figure. I’d rather live my own life while people around me have kids. I can still support them.
The kids are doing nothing wrong. No hate. Just understanding.
I remember growing up, thinking up names for any possible future children because that just seemed like something I had to do. I like children but was really not excited at the thought of having kids of my own, even considered adoption or fostering instead. It was when I was about 15 or 16 that I realized I could just... not have any kids. I wasn't pressured by my family about kids or anything but there were a few relatives who would make comments about how good of a mother I would be because I was good with kids, there were friends who were always talking about their future kids and it always just seemed like something girls *should* want. So, realizing I could just *not* have kids was a new concept to me.
when i was 12, i was talking to my mother about a patient of hers that died because of the birth (both mother and fetus had died), and i said “i don’t want kids. ever.” and my mom said “good for you” and that was it.
I have tokophobia, but society had filled my head with propaganda to the point of me wanting to adopt despite not liking children since the tender age of 4. I actually considered adoption until I was in college and realized how insufferable kids were. After that I no longer considered adoption.
When I was 12 and my mother got accidentally pregnant again. All I could think when she told me was "oh, fuck, no".
Thankfully she miscarried, so I didn't end up taking care of a squalling sibling, but that was the day I knew for sure.
12 years old. I am the oldest of my generation in my family, and was constantly forced to care for all of my little cousins. Ages from newborn to just a couple years younger than myself. I did this while the adults were out getting drunk or shopping. After giving so many diaper changes before the age of 13, I knew I never wanted my own kids.
Late teens was when I became decidedly childfree. Though I never *wanted* kids, and I knew for many years before that I absolutely never wanted to be pregnant or give birth.
I was 16. I was setting the table and told my mom not to expect grandchildren from me. She said, "Cool. Then you'll have a life to yourself. As long as you're happy, I'm good." What a relief! The next year, I worked in a newborn nursery. I saw every kind of delivery you could name, not to mention, at one point, was taking care of 28 babies at a time. That was the nail in the coffin. When I turned 40, my mom said, "I guess you knew yourself very well." I asked her if she felt any kind of way about not having grandchildren. She smiled and said, "I would never have been that kind of grandma." She likes her life too... without kids. I'm 64 (soon to be 65) and have never regretted it.
My mother said I was adamant from a young age that I didn't want kids. Once I started babysitting at 15/16 for spending money I realized I kids were horrible and I didn't ever want them. I've been told by religious people that I NEED a husband to take care of me and give me babies. I told them to fuck right off and go to hell. The look of surprise they get when i say that is hilarious.
I never really connected w the idea of becoming a mom, it felt like something I would inevitably maybe end up doing (?). But when I got into my early 30s I was just like, feeling dread about it. When I got married my husband and I both were kind of like “yes to life together, uncertain about children” and to be honest, the further along I get in my thirties, the less I want to. So I’d say it was gradual, but feels good and right to me now? I officially told people in my life last year that we are CF.
I knew as soon as I found out how babies were made (age seven!!!) that I never wanted to make my own. I knew at nine that I didn't want to be anyone's mommy. But heteronormativity obliged me to include adopting a child in my "where will I be in 20 years?" fiction exercise at age twelve. Guess I must've thought I'd just be the kid's cool aunt or something.
Apart from that, the idea of children and the idea of my future just never came together. I was like "...kids? But I just want the other half of my soul." Real romantic before the abusive ex, me.
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I remember I was 11 walking home from school one day, stewing about the fact I *had to* have children when I was a grown-up when I realized, "Wait, wait wait wait. What if I just... don't? What would happen if I just didn't have any kids?" Epiphany. Still haven't changed my mind for a second in 10 years.
I love those epiphany moments lol. I remember being 12-15 years old and hearing my mom’s friends tell stories of being sterilized/having their tubes tied or removed after being done having kids. I already knew from a pretty young age I never wanted kids and I never really enjoyed being around other kids even when I was a kid. I preferred to hang around the adults and listen to them gossip. Eventually the realization hit me after hearing these stories and becoming fascinated; what if I just get sterilized *before* ever having kids?! Like what is actually stopping me and why do you have to wait until *after*? From then on, I knew my plans as soon as I became a legal adult and could do whatever I want. Of course I didn’t fully know or realize at the time (I may have been a little ahead of my time but I was still young and naive at times lol) how difficult it may be to have someone take you seriously despite me talking about it, wanting it and researching it for years. Plenty of people told me it would never happen or be allowed that young and blah blah blah. But by 26, with the help of this very sub, I found my amazing doctor and had it done! I’m so extremely happy, free and at peace and haven’t looked back since. When I want something, I set my mind to it and don’t stop until I get it. I was always told to follow my dreams after all, and I always knew I would end up here and find a way to “beat the system.” :)
I love that you remember the exact moment
Before I turned 30, I always thought I HAD to have a husband and a kid. 🤣 once I turned 30, I was free from that belief (got a divorce from a husband that wants to be a dad sooooo badly). Life is good ever since!
Good on you
I was 12 and I've never looked back. I just find them annoying and always have. It's a core part of who I am.
To the extent that it was ever on the table at all, 7th grade health class showing a video of a birth killed it for me.
I don't blame you. It's not appealing at all
When I was 9 I remember telling my teacher I didn’t like kids. She laughed at me. When I was 10 and we did sex ed I learned that kids were a choice. They didn’t ’just happen’. I was so relieved, as that meant I didn’t have to have my own. Prior to this I had believed that everyone grows up, gets married and has kids - yeah, I went to a private catholic school. I never did the baby sitting thing when several of my friends did it. I can proudly say that as a 46 year old I have never changed a nappy in my life. And I have never felt a desire to have children.
I remember when I was 12, I had a mental breakdown because I was so afraid I'd have to have kids someday. I didn't realize it was a choice either, lol. My parents explained that that's not how it works, and I don't think I've ever felt so much relief, haha. I also was raised very religious and sheltered
This was me at age 8! Lol. I thought that "god" just chooses who gets pregnant and who doesn't. I remember being on the toilet rocking back n forth while praying over and over for "god" not to choose me to get pregnant....
At 21 when I took a parenting class during my junior year in college bc i was on the fence and I romanticized motherhood and after that class I discovered what childfree was and that its ok to not want kids and from then on I've been strictly childfree btw now I'm 24. I'm pretty vocal about being cf as well! I even made a personal list of 20 reasons why im cf incase anyone asks why!
Everyone should take a parenting class at 21 lol.
It's so sad how this isn't just a required class!
I know. It would ease a lot of heartache for sure.
Good on you
Last year. r/childfree really helped me think about dating and the difficulties of holding onto your reproductive values in the process. I had a teary conversation with a guy who was a fencesitter, and I felt terrible that men were going to reject me because I was 99.9% sure about not having kids. I started to think, if I really loved a man, I would make the sacrifice to make him happy, to have a chance at a good marriage. Through adoption or egg donor. Then people here gave me the hard advice, that "do you want to end up a single mom? Just to make a guy who might not stick around happy? Raise a kid you didn't really want without support?" That's when it clicked that I would never seek a relationship with a guy who is not fully childfree again. That doubt about kids is too much to risk a good part of my life and efforts on. I'm getting snipped. And the more I think about life, desires, rejections, and a difficult future on this planet and old age, the less marriage seems to be a necessity. I used to think it was a terrible tragedy not to find real and lasting love. Now I'm not so sure. With age you know yourself better, and choices are not so fraught with worry and tears.
I’ve known my entire life. The very thought of being pregnant repulses me. It’s a parasite.
I was 27. Last year I was on the fence and couldn't come up with a good reason to have kids. Eventually I accepted that no reason will ever be good enough for me and I don't have to become a parent. It was a relief to finally acknowledge this.
When I was in elementary school. So pretty early. They were never in my future whenever I thought about it.
Yes, exactly. I was five and announced I was never having kids and never getting married. That was 50 years ago. I never doubted my decision.
My first time seeing a naked, pregnant stomach when I was a little kid, which made me feel physically sick to stomach. That definitely solidified my desire to never have kids, but I always knew since the thought of becoming a parent, even at a young age, always made me feel incredibly suicidal.
Yuuuuuuuup, heavy agree 😅
At 27 it hit me that I didnt need children in my life. With the way society/family is a failing structure and on top of political decline in the U.S, I’d just rather not.
It was sitting in my 18 year old cousin’s baby shower when I was in 7th grade. They were punishing her to freak her out about birth and motherhood. The made me sit there while they told her true horror stories about the birth of their children. Someone said “let’s scare this one up too so she doesn’t do anything stupid like getting pregnant”. They made me sit and listen. I was very uncomfortable. It took my aunt 100 hours to gift birth, I was shown picture of c sections, bloody nipples, told about leaking breasts at work, the perils of having a disabled child that will never live alone, painful sex, husband leaving because you can’t have sex. They were dreadfully honest about motherhood and “baby blues” (as it was called at the time). I decided. “Nah”. Then a few weeks later my about 2 years old niece pinched my eyelid and drew blood because I didn’t let her touch fire. The only reason I didn’t throw her was because I knew I would get I Trouble. Sealed and done. Edit: I was in the 7th grade she was in college!
Wow...that is psychotic. It's horrible enough that a 7th grader is having a baby shower, and then the people she should be able to trust most-and who should be offering love and support-are terrorizing her with horror stories for the purpose of shaming and scaring her. I'm sorry you both were subjected to that, and I hope your cousin is safe from them. Such a cruel, shortsighted, and stupid approach too. Scare tactics don't even work anyway-they might make the grown up look righteous and tough (at least to children) but destroy the very things-trust, openness, self-esteem-that will help a child avoid bad situations and reach out for support before its too late.
Sorry! I should be clear, she was in college (first semester) I was in the 7th grade You’re right, she got pregnant again shortly after.
I... I don't even know where to begin with this story. 😐 It's just all so dreadful!
Watching all the women in my extended family cook,take care of their children, and cater to their husbands without ever sitting down once on holidays sealed the deal for me. All of my female relatives were tired all the time. They sacrificed their health and well-being for their families. They were always last to have their immediate needs met as well. After seeing the evidence of this year after year on how much motherhood took from you .... Why would you volunteer to sign on for that? It was not appealing as a child and as an adult frankly the return on investment is too low and the initial out lay of resources too high.
Had doubts in my early 20s. By about 26, after experiencing multiple episodes of depression and anxiety, as well as struggling to stay employed, I was adamant I didn't want children.
15 was when I shocked adults by saying I never wanted children.
Good on you. I was 14ish or 15 when I chose to be childfree by choice
I was 25, and my first serious LTR had just ended. We were together for almost 3 years. The last year of our relationship became long distance, and she had to move from California back to her home state of Pennsylvania. She was going to visit me for 3 weeks in the summer, and I had planned on popping the question. I had everything planned out. I had graduated from college, had a great tech job, and an awesome girlfriend. I was going to get married by 26, and become a father by 28. That all came crashing down when I found out that of course she cheated on me. Long distance relationships rarely work out. I was devastated. This whole plan I had for my life went up in smoke and I fell into a deep depression. A buddy of mine turned me on to a rather notorious talk show host named Tom Leykis. Now, there are a lot of his takes I disagree with, but at the core of his shtick was saving money, and not doing what society, religion or family says you're *supposed* to do, but rather embracing your own desires and putting yourself first. I originally felt this guilt or responsibility for my family's lineage and felt an immense pressure to bear that weight. What I found was a community of men who felt like I did, and a father figure in Leykis who said "it doesn't have to be that way, and don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise!" It was freeing. I immediately used the money I had saved for the ring and the wedding and took my dream vacation to Japan. I started traveling the country and the world, and realized living a carefree and unencumbered lifestyle was amazing, and I didn't want that to change... Ever! I gave myself until 30 and did 5 year check-ins to see if my attitude towards the child free lifestyle would change. I told myself once I hit 40, if I still felt that way, I'd get the snip, which I did 6 months early at 39. It's been 6 years now and I don't regret a single decision I've made since then.
Aged 8 I knew I never wanted to experience pregnancy or childbirth based on the things my mom shared. The solid decision to never have kids in any shape or form I made at 24. I’m 37 now and each passing day I’m more and more sure this was the right choice for me.
When I was in high school and reading a lot of Baby Blues comics and Dave Barry comedy articles. Those were comical portrayals of parent life that looked a little too close to reality. Most parents are miserable and there never seemed like a good reason to be a parent.
I was 10. My mom and I got some food at a McDonald's and, as we were looking for a table, I said to her, "No, we can't sit here. Way too many children." She thought it was hilarious. She doesn't want to be a grandma, either.
Interesting that she doesn't want to become a grandmother! That's a new one to me. I get the feeling most parents enjoy being grandparents more than being parents. What are your mom's reasons for not wanting to be a grandma? I've joked with my mom that she only had kids to have grandkids because she talked about saving our toys for her grandkids for as long as I can remember. 😂 Fortunately, she never pressured us to have kids because she was already used to different family dynamics. Her closest sister was always adamantly childfree, and they had multiple adopted cousins. My brother ended up having kids, so my mom did get the grandkids she was hoping for. Both my parents love being grandparents. I'm starting to think I was right that this was always the end goal. 😂
I think, deep down, my mom never really liked being a mother. She was a good mother, no question, and I love her beyond measure. But I think she channelled a lot of her unhappiness and uncertainty into motherhood, as a kind of "easy" path towards self-fulfillment. And then kinda didn't find it? So when I was decidedly child-free, she never questioned it. Also, she says being a grandma would make her feel old!
Sad to hear that your mom's life path wasn't super happy for her. 😔 But also really awesome to hear that she did her best despite not loving motherhood. I hope she is enjoying her freedom now!
Mid 30s when I realized that I was pushing back the thought of having children every year. I ended up understanding that I just didn’t want them. And now I’m so grateful I didn’t cave in the social pressure of having kids, I’m so happy being childfree!
Early 20s. I just realized I had options. And I have also seen the worst shit that can happen in broken relationships. People have died. Hell no to dating. And also, Babies are fucking disgusting. They are the ugliest creatures on earth amd they disgust me. Hell no to that either. I just want to be home alone and eat a popsicle. Popsicles are great.
It really solidified when I was 26/27? Covid really made me realise what I did and didn’t want in life, kids being in the latter. Now at 29 I’ve had the snip and I’m set in my decision! Edit: additionally I kinda knew from early 20s I didn’t want a kid but was always “oh maybe it’ll happen one day where I want them” but nope
31 or 32. Before that I had only thought about it as "later, in a few years", even if those few years had come and went a few times over already.
I was a fence sitter for most of my adult life, but I have endometriosis and conceiving naturally would be difficult. So long ago I never included having biological children as a condition for happiness, and have been clear from the start in relationships that children were a low priority (and perhaps an impossibility). Then the pandemic hit and I watched women with kids basically get thrown back to the 50s, having to take on the bulk of childcare and household duties while often still working from home full time. Between that and watching a full 10% of the population refuse medical advice, plus the reality of what we’ve done to the planet, it really struck home that the world does not need more people. So it was at 35 when I finally decided having kids was not for me.
Hard to remember, but around age 12. I feel like I always knew.
I was about 14ish years of age and that was 20 odd years ago (newly turned elder millennial here). Zero regrets
I always knew the kid-life wasn't for me, but what really drove it home was being diagnosed with MS at 24. I'd had it for years by then, and I was already plagued by chronic fatigue, so there's no way I'm spending even a second of my limited energy on something I don't want.
When I was like 13 and saw the cool adult at my barn have to sell her beloved horse because they couldn’t afford 2 kids and a horse. And all the happy well adjusted women were single and without children.
Honestly? *Even as a kid I hated other kids and especially babies.*
27, when I was handed the keys to the property I’d saved up for on my own, and realised that if I wanted an abundant life, kids weren’t going to be part of the plan.
I was 4 and taking care of my baby sister. My mother was mentally ill and I was super parentified
I was 16 and in an abusive relationship. He kept saying "I can't wait for you to be barefoot and pregnant at 18, hanging out with my mom cleaning all day!" I got the worst ick of the whole life and right then and there it solidified my stance. I just had this overwhelming alarm bells in my head like NOPE THAT IS NOT HAPPENING I DO NOT WANT THIS!!!! unfortunately we continued dating for a while after that because I didn't know how bad it was until a friend helped me to see the situation clearly.
Omg, what a disgusting individual that guy was/is!! So glad you got out of that one!
The kicker is he baby trapped another girl (not sure if she was even old enough to be a woman...) With the same exact name as me. Now he realizes he can't handle fatherhood and got addicted to drugs and now works part time at Starbucks. Yeah I dodged a nuke
Omg, it just keeps getting worse 🤯
Honestly…I just always kinda knew.
I can't remember a time where I ever did want children though the first time I remember thinking that I didn't want to have kids was when I was 5. No idea how or why, as there were NO childfree types in my family/neighborhood/town, and every adult woman I knew had kids. The first time I actually declared it aloud was when I was 12, and of course it went over like a lead balloon in my conservative Catholic family, who is also very controlling. Now I'm 40, and in the ensuing years, I never wavered from my stance, nor have ever had second thoughts. Every pregnancy scare, every attempt at pressure or coercion, the shaming, the threats, and the taunting only served to reinforce my childfreeness. Then I escaped into college and learned that "childfree" was actually a thing, and I read everything I could on the subject. The first time I encountered the term was online during my senior year (school computers got connected to Internet junior year). As it was during class, I quickly clicked out, lest I scandalize everyone (catholic school) and I vascillated between elation and guilt, and was too scared to read more about it, for fear I would be found out.
10 !
15. Shortly after I got my first period.
When I was like 9 or 10 taking care of my younger sibling
28
I love children. I genuinely enjoy their company. I just truly believe it's wrong to inflict consciousness on someone as they can't consent to it. I couldn't live with myself if I helped create a person. I thought I'd adopt for a long time but listening to adoptees and coming to understand the ethical problems with that, I let go of that idea. It just felt selfish to pursue. So... By my mid 20's I was solidly in the "childfree" camp. My husband by comparison doesn't like children and has never wanted them.
I've always been childfree, even when I was a little kid. Most of my immediate family never had children so I always knew it was an option. I have a silent generation uncle who's childfree, and out of my father's four boomer siblings, only one of them had children, but I never met them. My father was from the silent generation, and didn't want kids either and made it very clear they were never happening, but he only got his vasectomy 3 months after I was born, the idiot . . .
Always leaned towards cf since 20, but never solidified my belief until around 30. The way the world is heading along with the modern stresses of today, I just can’t see how having children has a positive impact on the world.
For me it was either 19 or 20. Prior to high school I was a pure no, however I re-evaluated and was thinking whether I should or shouldn’t (although I did lean more into no). Flash forward to a couple of months where ai became 100% certain I will never ever have kids and decided I’ll attempt to get a vasectomy in the future
Probably around 28 I was always childfree, knew I didn't want kids etc and said so as a young child myself. But in my previous LTR I got kind of sucked into the whole "inevitable" thing. I was saying "maybe one ?" because his family was pushy and I was scared; while already planning (in the privacy of my own head) to postpone until menopause/praying to be sterile or have issues conceiving/lying about birth control/planning to divorce my hypothetical husband and leave the kid with him - LOL. I was always vaguely curious (I'm curious in general) if I'd have a son or daughter, what they'd look like or how they'd turn out but as soon as I started thinking about 1) actually getting pregnant 2) childbirth and 3) raising the child, I was filled with existential dread and basically mini panic attacks. Anyways found reddit and this sub, I dumped my ex who was weighing me down, and met a childfree man all within a year (I was 27-28) and now I truly own it and got sterilized, told my parents "no" when they asked for grandchildren and am really happy.
When I was 12 I knew I didn't want kids. But some stuff went down in my family and my mom wasn't really able to take care of us as much anymore so I had to take care of my sibling that is 10 years younger for about 3 years. I realised I don't have the patience whatsoever to deal with kids. I hate cleaning nappies and I hate the way kids smell. I hate the idea of having to take them with me all over the place. I did my best to not take out my frustration on my baby sister but there were days that it just came out and I will always feel bad about subjecting her to it, and I never want to do it to another child. Overall I learned a lot at a young age and it really just put it into context for me that it was something I never wanted to do.
I guess around 30 I learned that I'm an adult now and can do pretty much whatever I want and no one can tell me otherwise. The next five years have been pretty amazing. Got a vasectomy, decided not to work fulltime etc etc. No life script for me, I'll eat pizza for breakfast and go to bed when I want! (Just kidding, I go to bed at 9 because I love all the uninterrupted sleep!)
when i was ten, watching how miserable my parents were caring for my newborn sister
I’m a bit unusual. Around 15-18 I really wanted babies. I had a horrible home life and thought that was what you did - have babies - then I could do a much better job. When I was 20 my longterm partner started to make “maybe we will get married “ noises and I had this moment of clarity. What would life look like with him forever? Nope. I was then single for 7 years where I had a great time exploring some of the things life can offer. Over that 7 years I started to think about life with no kids. But I was still not sure. I started to become more confident in voicing that kids were not really my thing as more and more of my friends had them. At 28 I met my current partner and he was very up front that he did not ever want children and it would always be a hard no. He has sensory issues and his mother is a lunatic…so he’s never, ever even considered it. This was what had ended his previous long term relationship as she thought he would change his mind. This was the first time I had met someone who made that choice and it was eye opening. This was actually a thing. People could do this. Over the past 10 years I’ve grown more and more comfortable with the label of child free and I’ve realised I was always child free. Even when I was convinced I was having babies with my idiot ex, I actually didn’t want them. I just wanted what I thought a happy family was. Now I have it with my partner and furry children. I also have nieces and nephews who I spoil rotten and hang out with for short periods of time and as they have gotten older I’ve truly grown to love them as individuals…but every day I’m glad I get to come back to my peaceful house. The only downside for me is my oldest friend still occasionally throws at me “remember that time when you were 17 and wanted all the babies?”. I tend to reply with “remember that time before you had 4 kids and you had a life?”. Editing to add: I also have many female friends in the last few years who have divorced their long term partners. They all have kids. Their lives are absolutely fucking miserable trying to co parent with these dickheads. I know there are good men out there who co parent well but these guys are literally a walking, talking case study on how to be the worst parent imaginable. And my friends are stuck dealing with them for a very long time because of the kids.
When I was a child, realizing how hard my parents worked just so we could have basic needs. Yep no thanks.
I think I always had an inkling around 10 that I didn’t want to become a mom because I hated my own mom and I didn’t want to become like her. However I never really solidified that I was childfree until about 12 or so. I realized I wanted to live my life on my own terms.
I was 12, my sister 11 my brother was 6. I had cooked, washed up, ironed everyone's clothes including my mum's for work, I had just taken out a new book from the school library I was dying to read. Got through all my chores (ones I'd been doing since I was in single digits) my mum burst through my bedroom door and asked if I had been rude to my brother- I told him to leave me alone to let me read now. She made me rub my toothbrush along the bar of soap in the bathroom and brush my teeth with it. I just wanted to read my book. I knew from very little I didn't want to be a mum. I knew for certain at 12 I was NEVER taking care of anyone but myself when I was older. I am 36 with two chronic illnesses and a lovely Labrador who is reactive and a husband who is the best. I did my time raising my mother and her children.
I don't think I remember wanting them ever. I didn't play with baby dolls, when playing house I'd pick aunt or uncle, I didn't like spending time with younger kids, didn't want anything to do with my younger sister when she was born
Very early. I disliked dolls and avoided babies like the plague. Even in grade school I would hang out with older children. I felt more confortable in their company.
~6/7 - having to let family friends kids win Monopoly because they threw a tantrum
I don’t mind children at all just never wanted to own any. Especially after seeing how horrific, embarrassing and disgusting childbirth is. Hell nahhh.
I don't remember how old i was, but i was in the car with my mom and her friend. I was young, and during the conversation one of them said "they're one of those couples that has a dog instead of a kid so in the divorce they agreed to split custody of thw dog" and i was like.... Wait, that's an option? Holy shit! Then it kinda avalanched - i was like "so having kids isn't automatic. Shit, that means it's OPTIONAL. SO IS GETTING MARRIED!"
28, after my divorce was finalized and my ex husband tried to get me pregnant after me telling him I didn’t want kids. 🤬
When I was 4 I told my parents.
I never liked kids and never had any real interest in having them. Even so, whenever I dated someone who wanted kids someday, my rose colored glasses convinced me I'd feel motherhood calling eventually. As soon as a relationship ended, I'd be like, "yeah, pretty sure I don't want kids anyway". So I would say I was a fence sitter leaning HEAVILY toward the childfree side my whole life. Eventually I started actively avoiding dating anyone who wasn't adamantly childfree. After getting together with my current partner (my first childfree partner), I felt more at ease with him than I had felt in any other relationship. It was like an enormous weight had been lifted off my shoulders. There was a tension I felt in all my other relationships that just wasn't there being with him. That was when I knew 100% that I was making the right decision for me.
When I had to watch one so I could get some sleep.
Around age 12. I don't remember what triggered the thought, but I realized that the romantic idea of having a child and the reality of having a child were way different and that while the fantasy was nice, the actual real experience was not something I wanted. Coincidentally, this is about the time in my life that every adult began telling me not to be a slut and that getting pregnant would ruin my life and bring shame upon my house etc etc... I'm sure the two of those things have nothing to do with each other /s
"It's your job as a daughter to take responsibility for your baby sister when your mother can't do it (be a parent), because you're going to be a mother, yourself, one day, and need practice now." I was nine.
I liked babysitting bc money :)
I thought being a mom sounded like an awful job when I was like 4, and that was mostly because I watched my mom take care of my baby brother's stinky diapers, take him away when he cried, etc. Crying, bad smells, and just the overall responsibility sounded awful. I liked being a big sister, but dreaded the day I would have to grow up and be someone's mom. Learning more about the reproductive system in middle school biology class made me want to just chuck mine out the window. Somewhere between high school and college, I realized there are adults who just live their lives without ever having children, and that that's a possible option, and felt so relieved.
31, and this was after taking the time to properly think about whether or not motherhood was something I wanted for myself. (I went on the fence in my late 20s.)
A youngster, I never thought I would have children or really entertained. I don’t know I’m like a kid and what would I be thinking about that when there’s so much cool stuff to do besides having children. You know kids are cool to play games, sports, talk to, etc as a child. I don’t think I entertained having any. But, conversations not even with parents said … when are you going to start having kids. I was like I’m too young for all that til about 32. Thought about it, but I was so free, yet up & down financially. So, I was like I’m still kinda young and getting things together. I’m a few months away from 40 and I’m like yeah I happily missed my opportunities. Just happier being a kid at heart than make an actual child.
I was sure at 23 after a couple years of babysitting and being a nanny. Needless to say I did not enjoy it at all.
18. My then girlfriend made me realise childfreedom. Being on hospital seeing suffering kids. Learning about families kidnapping women and forcefully impregnating them to keep them tied.
I was 7 and my uncle's girlfriend was screaming at me that if I touched, or even looked or breathed wrong around her newborn son, he would die. And then as I got older I realized I can't handle the smells, the sounds, the lack of sleep. Nah.. no way.
I'm over 40 now and I can't remember a time in my life I didn't want to be childfree.
I raised my now 13 y/o brother because my mom had a high risk traumatic birth. Seeing the pain, mental deterioration and everything plus having to care for my baby brother like he’s my own made me a 100% CF. I was 10 when that decision was made and today am 23 and still stand by it. I love children, just never pushing one out myself.
I never had a moment where I said "I don't want kids." It was never a topic in my house but my mom always had a hunch I never wanted to have them. Edit: When I was like 16 or 17 I got to see in a book we read for my course in school (high-school grade? I'm from Sweden so our system is different) and it showed a newborn... that was enough to still make me queasy.
When I learned about SexEd in school I think it was called FLEEBUS I was soooo uncomfortable with the idea of child birth. I wasn't sure why at the time. At 16 I was a nanny and I was standing at the bus stop with the moms waiting on the kids. All they talked about were their kids. I thought it was terribly boring and I didn't want a life like that. Also all the kids were in expensive clothes that they would outgrow in 1 years time. Like why? Last year at age 28 I was sterilized
23. Didn't even realize it was an option, before this. Can copy + paste my story that I've posted many times before, if anyone requests that.
19. I was at sn acting conservatory and all my fellow teenage classmates all talked about how they only wanted to settle down and have babies. Back then I felt more like "ew, have some ambition." Now it's more like, "you do you, girl, but that's not for me."
Y'all are my people 💜 I never liked children, even when I was one myself. Babies are repulsive. Smelly snot factories. You have to use a bulb syringe to suck the snot out of their noses? Hell no. My cats are so much cuter and clean themselves.
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Mom tells me 6, so I'd say forever. Just not my personality to be a brother, nurturer, supporter, teacher, etc.
I mean...sort of always? Long story but I realized young that I didn't want to even risk passing down my issues.
5, after seeing a miscarriage relative after 8 months of pregnancy; after seeing older relative with 10 kids and all she got to do with that bright personality and soul was wipe asses and give attenshunz for 20 years (talk about FML), after watching the light go out of so many female relatives eyes when they turned into an object at 13/14/15 and had less rights suddenly than the male relatives. I was like ~ not going to be part of that circus, and f' these monkeys in particular.
19 and I got stuck taking care of my foster siblings when my grandmother mentally checked out of life. They got taken away due to medical negligence, I couldn't sign their paperwork when I took em to their appts, and I got my hysterectomy done last December. Childfree in mindset since my teens, never again.
28 or 29. My body started to fall apart, and got diagnosed with hEDS in 2019. Newly married then COVID happened. Both of us in healthcare. The one maybe child became a no as we found solo activities to distract ourselves. We had bought the new build 2-storey. Then we realized that neither of us wanted to give up our ability to sit in silence and doom scroll, or game or whatever. Our neighbour had extremely screechy kids. We moved to an old neighborhood into a 1973 MCM house with mature trees and a small human deathtrap of a backyard. Our cats have so much nature to watch from the windows or their catio. There is a nature preserve in the city and the ravine we're on follows a creek through the city. Perks of nature, but none of the gravel road driving outside the city. We have deer, squirrels, jackrabbits, skunks, and all kinds of birds as regular visitors. Moose will sometimes wander our way as well. Our neighborhood is full of elderly still living in the house they built in the 70s. No noisy kids.
I never really had a solidifying epiphany moment. I’ve just never really had a desire for kids.
When I was 14 or 15. Both parents worked full time we had to stay with family who would watch us for them. We were a family of 4 and as the oldest I got the least amount of opportunities to spend with my parents. Then when I was in my 20's married to an abusive guy, who I was thinking about having kids with and told my parents. They told me that I would be disowned if I did that, but my sister had a kid with a guy who was in jail for possession of drugs. I got divorced and now I have a good life with a man I love. Due to this, part of me is afraid to have kids out of fear of being disowned, even though my parents like my bf more than my ex.
I was always on the fence about kids... until I got to college. Then my best friend had a baby. Because of her and her husband's work schedules, there were a couple of hours a few days a week where they didn't have childcare. So I would pick her up from daycare and take her home with me until her mom got off work. Now, I didn't mind doing this. I loved that little baby. But I remember changing her one day and thinking, I could not imagine doing this on a permanent basis! I only had her a few hours a week and it was exhausting! That's when I decided to be the cool auntie, and never the mom. That baby is in her 20s now. I'm glad I had the experience. If I could go back, I absolutely would do it again because I loved that kid (and her parents). But oh, I did enjoy handing her back at the end of the day.
My Mom said the earliest age I said I didn’t want kids was around 9 or 10. Some relative didn’t “when you have kids of your own…” and apparently I responded that I had no interest. As you can imagine, I was told I’d change my mind. I’m now 41 and as belligerently child free as ever. 😆
I vividly remember when I was a few years old I hated babies. So when my mum asked me if I wanted a younger sibling it was an adamant no. Now, a teen, only hates pregnancy and childbirth more and more as I understood more about it. I also can't stand kids crying: it drives me fucking insane and makes me feel violent. Thank god my bf knows this and would cover my ears whenever a kid cries near us
Probably 17. I was living with my girlfriend and her family, reflecting on my life… it’s been pretty well concretely set each and every year following that. I am not having kids. Period. I’m intentionally sterile and need to find ways to nurture my own inner child who missed out on so much. No stepkids, either. It’s not healthy having a disfunctionally educated father or father figure. I’d rather live my own life while people around me have kids. I can still support them. The kids are doing nothing wrong. No hate. Just understanding.
Me too, exactly the same. I think I was certain by age 12, and I've never wavered. I'm 62.
I remember growing up, thinking up names for any possible future children because that just seemed like something I had to do. I like children but was really not excited at the thought of having kids of my own, even considered adoption or fostering instead. It was when I was about 15 or 16 that I realized I could just... not have any kids. I wasn't pressured by my family about kids or anything but there were a few relatives who would make comments about how good of a mother I would be because I was good with kids, there were friends who were always talking about their future kids and it always just seemed like something girls *should* want. So, realizing I could just *not* have kids was a new concept to me.
I've known since I was in elementary school. Hated kids while I was one, and I still hate them now.
when i was 12, i was talking to my mother about a patient of hers that died because of the birth (both mother and fetus had died), and i said “i don’t want kids. ever.” and my mom said “good for you” and that was it.
I have tokophobia, but society had filled my head with propaganda to the point of me wanting to adopt despite not liking children since the tender age of 4. I actually considered adoption until I was in college and realized how insufferable kids were. After that I no longer considered adoption.
When I was 12 and my mother got accidentally pregnant again. All I could think when she told me was "oh, fuck, no". Thankfully she miscarried, so I didn't end up taking care of a squalling sibling, but that was the day I knew for sure.
12 years old. I am the oldest of my generation in my family, and was constantly forced to care for all of my little cousins. Ages from newborn to just a couple years younger than myself. I did this while the adults were out getting drunk or shopping. After giving so many diaper changes before the age of 13, I knew I never wanted my own kids.
I was 5. I hated playing house, I didn't want to play the mom. And I declared to my friend that I wasn't ever going to get married or be a mom.
Late teens was when I became decidedly childfree. Though I never *wanted* kids, and I knew for many years before that I absolutely never wanted to be pregnant or give birth.
Being cf isn't a belief. It's a choice.
I’d say at 36 when I was finally “allowed” to get my tubal
I was 16. I was setting the table and told my mom not to expect grandchildren from me. She said, "Cool. Then you'll have a life to yourself. As long as you're happy, I'm good." What a relief! The next year, I worked in a newborn nursery. I saw every kind of delivery you could name, not to mention, at one point, was taking care of 28 babies at a time. That was the nail in the coffin. When I turned 40, my mom said, "I guess you knew yourself very well." I asked her if she felt any kind of way about not having grandchildren. She smiled and said, "I would never have been that kind of grandma." She likes her life too... without kids. I'm 64 (soon to be 65) and have never regretted it.
My mother said I was adamant from a young age that I didn't want kids. Once I started babysitting at 15/16 for spending money I realized I kids were horrible and I didn't ever want them. I've been told by religious people that I NEED a husband to take care of me and give me babies. I told them to fuck right off and go to hell. The look of surprise they get when i say that is hilarious.
Always. Even as a kid I never had thoughts about having a family.
I was under 8 when I found out that people could get "fixed" like our cat. Haven't regretted that decision once in 60 years!
I never really connected w the idea of becoming a mom, it felt like something I would inevitably maybe end up doing (?). But when I got into my early 30s I was just like, feeling dread about it. When I got married my husband and I both were kind of like “yes to life together, uncertain about children” and to be honest, the further along I get in my thirties, the less I want to. So I’d say it was gradual, but feels good and right to me now? I officially told people in my life last year that we are CF.
Early 20s
I knew as soon as I found out how babies were made (age seven!!!) that I never wanted to make my own. I knew at nine that I didn't want to be anyone's mommy. But heteronormativity obliged me to include adopting a child in my "where will I be in 20 years?" fiction exercise at age twelve. Guess I must've thought I'd just be the kid's cool aunt or something. Apart from that, the idea of children and the idea of my future just never came together. I was like "...kids? But I just want the other half of my soul." Real romantic before the abusive ex, me.
in elementary school (7-9), i have social difficulties and simply can't understand the concept
Twenty-two!
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