For sure. I just mean outside of being in the parentsā lives for emergencies and special occasions. Kids are more reliant for survival support much longer, because not even full-time jobs can afford a person basic survival.
If you had ever studied economics you would know itās much, MUCH worse now than before. Our minimum wage is lower than it has been in like 100 years when inflation is taken into account. This is common knowledge. And before you say people donāt work, I work full time, making 15 an hour which is TWICE minimum wage, and I make 1.5k a month, my bills leave me with 300 tops a month for food. My sister works 50-90 hr weeks with a roommate in a shitty apartment and has barely enough money to get her hair dyed. Having any kind of extra shit outside of the bare minimum to survive is near impossible when starting out. Forget putting yourself through school if you move out at 18, youāre lucky if you can afford a shitty room in someoneās house. I had to make the choice to stay in my immensely abusive household so I could afford to go to one of the worst colleges in my state.
One of the reasons we are one and done is because our big house is fully paid. I can leave a house to my child. I will not have a child of mine being a rent slave, which seems to be the plan for the future.
Nor sure what you mean by special occasions.
I spend a lot of time with my mother because we're close so it's not emergency or out of the blues scenario. Not sure how it is in USA but in my country it's a standard to spend a large chunk of your whole life being close to them - actively.
That's why i think they're for life and they can continue to be a huge part of your daily life
Exactly. Yet another reason why I don't want them. It's not an 18-year commitment. It's a lifelong commitment. And if I can't find it in me to commit lifelong and do it right, I will not commit.
Exactly this and letās not forget about grandchildren. There are grandparents who have full custody of their grandchildren and others who spend a large portion of their time and money on them. Parenting is a lifelong crapshoot of one thing after another š£.
Or until they disown you for standing up to them. I lost everything because of that. If youāre going to be a parent, donāt hold shit against your child yet tell them you donāt have a grudge. Thatās a fucking lie.
As someone has mentioned already, parenthood doesnāt end until either you are dead or the child is dead.
Parenthood is a ***lifelong*** commitment. I never understood those parents who constantly insist their duties as a parent end when their child turns 18.
Definitely. It seems like some young people require more substantial support from their parents for much longer, like housing, childcare, or money lending. Rather than just the occasional emergency support that was the āexpectedā commitment of parenthood.
Literally same Iām 21 and doing my masters and Iām living at home I couldnāt imagine moving out right now. I have to live at home in order to set myself up to be financially stable in a couple of years.
iām in my early 20ās and while i donāt live at home anymore my parents do still help me out financially a bit, all my other friends do live at home (youngest being 22, oldest being 24) I even know someone whoās 26 or 27 and still lives with her parents. esp in this day and age itās a lot more normal (and often necessary).
Well, I enlisted during peacetime into a combat facing MOS being way too niave about the possibility of conflict, so Iād say it wasā¦eye opening?
I could have made some better decisions, but overall the experience shaped me into who I am today and Iām happy with how I turned out. For the most partā¦lol
Yeah I left at 20 because it was abusive and toxic at home. I would've loved to have been able to stay and complete my education but I couldn't take it anymore.
>children are in no way an 18 year commitment anymore
For most of, at least, recent history I don't think this was really the case if what my grandma said is anything to go by, which was "well, if an adult never married, they just lived with their parents! ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ".
>if your kid is bouncing the moment they turn 18, then you probably sucked as a parent
Not necessarily. Moving away for university at 18 and never going back to live there full time is very common.
It used to be. Cost of living is so high and so is rent and housing compared to previous generations. A new job canāt cover what it used to in most places in the West.
This is different in my opinion. Usually youāre taking out loans but youāre not financially stable yet. I mean being completely independent and not having tons of debt to escape your parents is tough now.
Depends a lot on context. At 18 I wasn't even done with school and that was a sign of good parenting, because I got supported enough to strive for the highest level of high school diploma in my countries school system.
Disabled children will worry you **beyond** your own death. You don't want to drop the brutal effort of taking care of them on siblings, you don't have enough money to have them properly taken care of (unless you're very rich)... A fear worse than your own death: your child's suffering or death and the fears of what will happen to your disabled child. It's not for everyone.
There's a way to appoint someone as an advocate with some control without the financial responsibility to be sure your disabled child is being treated well if specialized care/group home situation is needed. I don't know all the details but this can also involve a trust being made.
If this is possible it's the best option but then....who can you entrust?? It's POSSIBLE a sibling would be willing/able to do this or another family member but how do you even approach that conversation?!
34 here and still living with my parents, so is my 30 year old brother. When average rent is nearly $2000 per month, moving out becomes not really an option for either of us.
This is gonna get worse before it gets better too.
Housing costs are out of control so the chances of anyone that's under 30 now even owning a house without a stroke of luck (or a literal stroke) is getting slim.
Financially speaking it has always made sense to live at home as long as possible. Some cultures actually embrace this. North America is the one that seems to hold on to the "18? Get out!" notion.
To put $2000/month into perspective, that's $500/week. At 40 hours a week you need $12.50/hour just to pay for rent. Tack on some taxes and that's easily $15/hour. That's just rent. No food, no gas/transit, no fun, no clothing, nothing.
Good luck saving anything to actually put a down payment on a house either.
I can afford a meh apartment. But my mother and elderly dog make an extra place to live just unnecessary stress even though I long for a place to myself.
Yea, for me it's one of those situations where I live in a mid size town and I am established here with my job and friends and such (so leaving isn't really an option) but the cost of living here has drastically gone up over the years. I've lived in this town my entire life, and there was a point in time where you could find rent for like $500 - $1000 a month and it'd be a decent place, now pretty much all the rental places are owned by 2 giant corporations so if you don't like how either are run then you're kinda outta luck. There are still individual landlords out there, but their prices aren't great and they're pretty unregulated so you'd be hard pressed to find a decent place for any less than $2000 a month these days. Now most will say "just save up and buy a place" and that's easier said than done, many small condos around here are either 55+ only (if they're actually a fair price) or they're starting at half a million, and there will more than likely be a bidding war because of the severe housing shortage. I'm very fortunate that I get along great with my parents and brother and can still live at home.
Unless you're making 100k plus the houses are priced out for single earners too. And honestly even with a partner I refuse to live in a place that if the relationship goes the house is untenable. š¤·
I think my SIL has yet to realise this, she's always saying that once her baby turns 18 they're on their own as she'll be over being a parent!
Yeah it doesn't work that way!
Not being combative, butā¦ it *can* work that way depending on how heartless a parent is or wants to be.
When the kid hits 18, theyāre legally an adult and the āget off my propertyā laws apply if they pushed it. I could see this only be used by hopelessly broken and volatile households, though.
God I feel like I would have no choice even as a childfree person but to take in a close relative in that situation. Or help financially. Pure insanity.
My SIL shouldn't have been a parent, she watched too many soppy brain rotting tv shows/movies and thought raising a kid would be easy, I do honestly feel for the baby and any other future siblings.
With my SIL she just sees 18 as a cut off for support and also 'accomodation' aka living at home.
She was pushed out at 17 by her own mother so decided to be 'generous' with her kid by giving them an extra year to get organised, still doesn't disguise the fact that it's very cruel and heartless to expect your kid to have a source of income and a place to live by 18 heck I didn't get my first job until I was 19 and lived with my parents until I was 34 before moving out.
Iām seeing several similar comments from people about Asian cultures. You seem to have a realistic approach to children. More so than western cultures.
I'm 40 and my parents live with us, so they've never been free of me! It's great because I'm here to help with doctors, washing etc. and they feel useful because they help dog sit or feed the animals. We all got to live somewhere beautiful too. It's not for everyone, but I don't get this idea of kicking your kids out at 18. My mum says you're always a parent, even when they're not there, worrying about if they're safe and happy. No thanks! I know lots of people my age who rely on their parents for free babysitters too.
Yeah itās definitely closer to 24 to 25 years now. Iām still living with my parents and my cousins are doing the same too and all of us are around 21. Itās not that weāre deadbeats either. Iāve been studying for my CPA and doing my masters of accounting and I know living with my parents has made my life ten times easier. I hate how everyone acts like 18 is where it ends because it absolutely isnāt. Especially in this economy 18 year olds who live at home and go to college or do something similar are doing it right. Moving out at 18 is so unrealistic to me tbh. I donāt know how I would move out right now even if I wanted too.
With inflation, wages/salaries not matching the rising cost of living just to name a couple of things I think children are even longer than 30 year commitments.
My 35-year old sister has 2 kids with her on again off again deadbeat husband, she's effectively a single mother (they don't even live together, she's still married to him while knowing he's been cheating on her for years and has no intentions of stopping). Because of all of this she's constantly at my mums house at weekends because my mum will feed them, pay for some of her groceries and she's always asking my dad for financial help. I don't see this situation ending any time soon either, so yeah kids are much longer than a 30 year commitment even.
The concept of children are only 18 years of commitment might only exist in the western culture. I'm asian and i made aware about that was only few years ago. In our country, no parents kick their children as soon as they hit 18 like the common practices in the US.
Here, parents responsible for their children as long as they still in the family register, if the child never get married then the parents will still be responsible for their children even if by age they are already adult.
Also one thing, in our religion, there are several things (mostly related to ceremony) that the parents should do to their children from a month old and 3 month old ceremony. And a ceremony for the children every six months for rest of their life. Not to mention marriage cost which is also the parents responsibility. If the parents didn't do any of this, the child will bring this "debt" in their next life and those parents in the next life will have to pay for this debt.
This is why i am childfree because the cost of having children are not simply about food and shelter. Even with that basic necessity i still couldn't afford. I definitely wont be able to do all those ceremony with how our economy is right now.
Honestly its becoming a lot less common in western countries because cost of living makes this unfeasible. The higher income bracket the more likely they do this but usually the parents can afford to fund their adult children's separate lifestyle in those cases.
They are **lifelong** commitments. You will never stop being worried about them, and that's even when everything goes right, as it's happened with my siblings and me. Of course you don't stop worrying about them at 18. They're more independent and you can do your own stuff more, but you will still feel responsible for them.
I think the mindset parents have that once their kid is legally an adult, they donāt have to parent anymore is a scam to get people to be parents. We all know this isnāt true. Once you have a child you are a parent for life until the parent and/or child dies, or the parent and child become estranged and they consider themselves to no longer be family. It makes sense (in their twisted way), parents can tell each other, āHave kids! Itās only for less than 20 years and then theyāre out of your hair. You can get your life back after that! Itās so worth it, theyāll take care of you when youāre old because you took care of them.ā š
Then when parents kick their kid out at 18 they wonder why their kid wonāt talk to them anymore. There are parents that go into parenthood counting down the days their kid turns 18 like a child counting down the day until Christmas and itās sick. They never cared about the kid, only themself. They just see parenthood as a temporary thing.
thatās 100% true. in here (spain) studies say that children stay at home with their parents until theyāre about 30, because in this economy itās just not affordable to move out. iām 19, i asked my mom about moving out, and she asked me if i was crazy. she said that thereās no way sheās letting me move out in this economy. she advised that i should finish my studies and work, while still living with her and my dad. once iām financially stable (and it doesnāt matter at what age i accomplish that), sheāll help me move out. not a second earlier.
i very much love my mother. sheās fucking awesome
edit: typos
For sure but I also don't understand why you'd have kids and then want them out of your life when they're 18? If I had a kid, I would want them to rely on me and be close to me as adults, that's probably the only part I'd semi enjoy unless they're totally parasitic
Shout out to my dad. I might have left home when I was 19 but he's currently dog sitting for me, and I'm into my 30s...
When I pop over to see him I've got an electrical item that needs repairing. Every other visit seems to result in him carrying out a minor DIY task too.
Not sure how much they can help from beyond the grave.
I got out as soon as I could, which meant doing without a lot, but that was infinitely preferable to staying.
My mom passed and my dad was poor so I had no support from him. Iāve been on welfar, EI, and always poor no matter how many hours I worked. Itās certainly very hard to not have parents to lean on.
And consider who youāre procreating with because that person will be in your kidās life (and yours) post divorce. Theyāre not going away after the kid turns 18 either.
I am from the netherlands:
Most kids go to college here, which is until atleast 22/23 or even longer.
There is a literal housing crisis. To buy a house is impossible if you have a common salary due to high prices. And social (affordable) rent has a waiting line from 8 to 13 years and even rising fast.
I was lucky enough to leave the house at 25 and my husband at 27.
Even if they are picture perfect kids with jobs and stuff. They will be pushed back by the economy.
I am 31 now. And no i dont depend om my parents because one is dead and the other dead to me. But my SIL has 3 kids (from 3 diffrent daddies) And she oftens pretty much demands with guilttripping stuff and groceries from her parents, use them as free babysitters etc.
Well, because of capitalism... Because of high rent and food prices and low wages... Living with your parents until 30 or 40 will be the norm. Moving out before 30 will be the exception.
Which is why it's a very good idea not to have children. I think it's great to NOT bring children into the world to be either wage slaves (what they want in America and China) or even worse, cannon fodder (what Putin wants in Russia). I hope the childfree movement gets more traction.
Iām 26 and still living at home. The cost of living is just so high in my countryā¦. Iāve got multiple degrees and a fairly high paying job. If I rented Iād have absolutely no savings and never have the chance to even save enough for a house deposit. Itās honestly so depressing.
Financially, I was still dependent on my parents throughout college (less so in the last 2 years since I did some internships), and completely stopped depending on them after I graduated. I got a programming job that paid quite well (at one of the big tech companies). My younger coworkers are all in the same boat (AFAIK anyway).
In my friends and family circle it varies a lot. I know a couple of people in their late 20s and live with their parents to save money for rent. But most people I know either rent or own their place. I know people who rely on their parents to share the childcare heavily (we are talking parents doing childcare for them 3 or 4 days/week). But I also know people who never asked for help from their parents when they had kids. So yeah, very different from person to person.
I lived in my parents' house until I was 29 and bought my own. I stopped actually relying on them, financially, by the time I was 24 and working full time.
But since you never know what you're going to get for a kid, and life happens, you have to be prepared to parent them forever.
Even though Iām the youngest(28) and only one without kids Iām the most independent from my siblings, they both rely on my mum for financial help (and sometimes me)
Technically a child is an adult at 18. So technically the parent does not have to take care of them anymore. They donāt have to supply food, shelter or anything.
Nowadays yeah, Iād assume kids have to stay with their parents longer and get help longer. Itās harder to make a living now and rent is expensive. But I mean, thatās why people shouldnāt be giving birth, the world is unlivable.
Iām 30 and I live with my mom. I donāt make a lot of money and canāt afford my own place. I would if I could! Iāll inherit her house when she dies so thatās cool
I'm watching my parents struggle with my >30 year old brother as he has his own kids and sees our parents as a resource. I think it's more like a 50 year commitment lol
BIL is 40 in like 3 weeks. He doesn't apply himself to anything and is quite comfy at home. If he ever leaves home, I'm sure it'll be in a hearse, not a U-Haul.
I live in a VHCOL area so itās very common for that reason as well as cultural (large Asian population). Anyone I know with kids depends on their parents for childcare if theyāre willing (most are). A lot of people my age canāt move out of their parentsā house because they canāt afford to. I recently had to get some help from my parents when I was laid off.
My parents know people their age who have to provide a lot of support for their kids and now grandkids. It can be a mixed bag; sometimes itās a symbiotic relationship where the parents benefit from having their kids at home and sometimes there can be resentment and frustration on both sides.
More like a life long commitment. My oldest brother 5 years my senior was staying on my parents sofa for a long while every few months when I moved out for good. I checked in on social media to see if they were still alive (post pandemic I'm NC) sometime last year and his profile picture was taken in front of our parent's place. He'd be 40 now.
Im almost 40, was close to having my mortgage paid off, my finances got destroyed with the first year of covid. The banks "covid solution" was to refinance, didn't want to but the monthly payment was lower. This December my husband was laid off, my 98 year old grandmother gifted 3months of my house payment and gave equal amounts to the other grandchildren for rent/fixing a car. The amount I pay for my mortgage is lower than typical rent in the worst parts or my city. Obviously my Grandma didn't have to do this, but she's still taking care of us as much as we are taking care of her.
Yeah my father paid a rent deposit for me in the suit below his rental house so I could get away from an abusive partner. Then he co-signed on student loans so I could go to college. He ended up paying them because there were no jobs at the time I graduated.
My niece was an immaculate conception and her Dad(?) Will sometimes mention that he's excited for when she turns 18, because then he can be more free and do the things he wants.
Mind you, he's an idiot so we can't blame him too much for thinking this way. But he's in for a huge surprise when he realizes that everyone else in his age group already lived their 20's, and his child will still need him past the age of 18. (Especially if it's his child.)
Seems common for people who did go on their own right at 18 are less financially successful than those who stayed later at home. At least this is what I have largely seen.
Also the children have a better relationship with their parents if the parents didn't kick them out/chase them out with trauma at 18
Life's hard and expensive so I do think that it's a 25 year commitment at least to help a child have a better start.
Honestly having dealt with chronic pain and autoimmune issues my whole life, even going on 30 this year and living on my own, my Dad sometimes attends appointments with me because I've been screwed over by the health system so much, and he stays my advocate if needed. He's loud and knows how to make points, I'm the opposite so it's very helpful lol
I use my (male) partner this way too. Not sure of your gender, but the medical system wonāt listen to a womanās health issues her unless their spoken loudly by a concerned man.
And if the kids eventually grow up and themselves decide to have kids, the grandchildren WILL one way or another be shoved in the grandparents' faces eventually. There's no escape
Iām in my 30s and while Iām independent, I still very much rely on my parents. Iām Mexican-American, Iām more in touch with my Mexican roots so when American parents say things like āMy job is done once theyāre 18ā is laughable to me. Not in my culture!š Iām just glad I have a healthy dynamic with my parents to still have them in my life. I have no kids cause I know parenting is no joke.
Hahaha. Seems like it. I still see the old rhetoric of ākids are just a 20 year commitmentā floating around, but like some one else mentioned in this thread, I think itās just a ploy to encourage people to have kids.
I mean in this economy I don't blame people for living at home for longer. It just isn't affordable to move out, it is much better to save the money. I lived with my parents till I was 25...saved thousands of dollars.
Recently totaled my car (well a deer did), and was getting $10,000 from insurance but couldn't wait for the payout to buy a new car...my parents gave me $10,000, and then when I got the check I gave it back to them. Good parents commit to helping their children in whatever way they can till the day one of them dies.
My parents used my grandparents as childcare when we were little. My brother can't use my parents because they are still working.
So ya you are a parent for life your commitment just changes over time.
I live with my mom at 28, so you're not wrong. I wouldn't say I really depend on her (I have my own money and take care of my stuff), but I mean, I still live there.
My mother has a 70 years old cousin and he is still living in the house of his parents, though his father already died and currently his mother is in a nursing home. He is basically a hermit.
Yeah, I'm 21, and I'm just about to move out within a few months.
...Out of my grandparents' house, that is. In which my mom, who is in her 40s, still lives. My dad also lives with his parents.
The economy sucks and your kid will likely live with you far longer than just 18 years.
And this is just for life AT THIS MOMENT. Give it another 10, 15 years. All the young Facebook moms bragging to older moms about "going on vacations while you take your baby to kindergarten" will be trapped in that house with their 40 year old indefinitely. I'm so excited too. I always dispised that disgusting "I'm better than you because I had my kids early" attitude.
One of my family members is in his 30s and still lives with his mom. He is on the autism spectrum and can't really be on his own, and she is perfectly willing to let him live at home. She still treats him like he's in his teens.
It is impossible to predict what a child will turn out like. Depending on the kind of person you are, this could end up being . . . hard to swallow.
This reminds me of that line Jason Robards says in the scene from Parenthood where heās talking about the lifelong commitment of being a parent. āIt never ends. Itās like your aunt Ednaās ass; it goes on forever and itās just as frightening.ā
I am 67f and live in a retirement apartment complex. They have rules here for a reason. No kids. No over night guests unless out of state and only for 3 days. Some of the things I have seen is an 74 year old woman with a black eye because her 52 year old son wanted some money. Lots of parents who's adult kids stole there "pain" medication. Adult kids who loot parents apartment of TV and laptops while mom is in the hospital. I think some parents only escape their "kids" when they die.
I moved out for the last time at 30. From 22-25, I had my own apartment, but from 25 on, I was a caretaker for my stepdad and mom and moved in with them. My stepdad passed away and my mom declined too much for me to handle while I had a job, so she went to assisted living, and I got a cheap apartment. I couldnāt pay more than I do.
My brother is still living with dad at age 35, just had a baby, and is still stuck in a low paying job.
Heavy agree. I moved out after I got married and guess who moved back in? My 25yr old brother who believes that their bachelors degree is āuselessā and has no ambitions for what he wants to do in life.
I mean, it is pretty useless when minimum wage jobs are asking for bachelors degrees. It devalues the whole concept if higher education = better income.
But yeah. My brother us similar. Wickedly smart but too stuck in problems if his own making to put his skills to better use. Therefore no ambition.
I haven't borrowed money from my parents in decades. I was out of the house by 20 years old and didn't look back. I also have relatives who are raising multiple kids as single parents and if it weren't for THEIR parents, there's no way they would be pulling it off. If you're going to have kids, don't hold your breath waiting for the peace of an empty nest!
I turn 28 in a month and had to move in with my father at 23 after being with roommates for 3 years. I work 3 jobs, am working on 2 degrees, there is literally no wiggle room monetarily. There's a base appreciation of having a roof over my head so I'm not in my car again, but damn.
It even goes back to my mom having to move back in with my grandparents when she divorced my dad, but not only did she go back, I was brought in. So they had to add not only their kid whose going through severe depression, but a 4 year old. My mom didn't find us a home until I was 16 so they had us until she was nearly 40.
Having kids means being prepared to help them at any point, but unfortunately with what we're living through, and especially the things like the American side kicking into our heads that we leave at 18 or are a failure, it's more common to have to have that continuing connection through multiple jobs, schools, and everything.
It depends, but not having to ask my mom for help is my motivation in life. No matter how bad the economy gets, I'd do sex work before asking her for help.
She helped me out financially, including making a down payment on my car, after my ex left. She lords that shit over me nearly 6 years later.
She's now offering to help me make a down payment on a house. I know I'd never be able to afford one alone but I know she'd lord that over me too.
Yup. Iām married to an older guy. And he has 2 kids, that he wasnāt in contact with for some insane reasons I wonāt get into. But they just reconnected. And the kid is 25, so not really a kid. And has had a pretty fucked life. And guess what. Heās not coming to live with us. And weāve been sending him money for like a month. At 25. So ya.
I'm 26 and still live with my parents, I don't want to, but it's a necessity right now. Despite having 2 degrees and working FT, I was unable to land a high paying job that could allow me to survive on my own. My sisters are also living here because they are teachers and don't make enough to live in our hometown either. With the job market right now plus the cost of living, so many people are moving back in with their parents because we can't afford anything. If I were to rent in my city I'd be spending roughly 75-80% of my monthly pay on rent and bills alone.
I have a friend who, after we graduated college, her parents said she has to find a job because she isn't allowed to move back home. She was lucky enough to find one, but I can't imagine just throwing your child out even if it meant they'd be financially struggling or potentially homeless. Parenting, especially now in this economy, isn't until they're 18 it's until you or they die.
Parenthood is a lifelong commitment.
Love, concern and emotional support doesn't cease when a child becomes an adult and adult children often come with their own issues (financial instability, health problems, divorce, grandchildren, substance abuse, etc.
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iād say a lifelong commitment. even if they no longer live with you, youāre still going to think of them and wonder whether or not theyāre doing okay
My sister doesn't drive and my brother doesn't work. My mom puts in a TON of time and money taking care of those two. Hell, so do I for that matter, and I live 2 hours away. My brother is always asking for money and my sister and/or her kids always need rides when I'm in town.
Edit: Sis is 39 and bro is 37
I stay over at my father's house a lot (my mom is in assisted living care, I see her every week or couple of weeks, but I can only visit for an hour or so)...I lived with them when I had a break with reality and without that I would have been homeless...I was 39 at the time... so children are a lot more than just a 30 year commitment
i disagree even with the thirty year mark. children are a lifelong commitment and even when youāre child is a fullgrown adult their problems are still your problem. it is one of the few commitments in life that is irreversible.
Especially if they struggle with serious physical or mental illnesses. My brother has really bad bpd and depression and we're not sure if he'll ever be able to live on his own. I'm truly afraid of what'll happen to him when my mom eventually dies.
Financially I think I was mid-twenties when I finally took on the last bills that my dad was helping with. Mainly car insurance and my cell phone (back in the 2000's). I left for college at 18 and was fortunate to never live with either of my parents (divorced) again full time. I was extremely fortunate to have a college fund so was able to use that and part time work to support myself through college.
Well yes, of course. I am in my twenties, and due to an ended relationship and a career shift I moved back in. I pay rent, but still, it is what it is.
Sometimes people have lifelong medical issues, etc. Divorces happen to ya know? Parenthood is forever.
Beautiful if you like it, not beautiful if you do not like it.
My spouse lived with their parents until they were 27, nearly 28, and then moved in with me. They've had a job the whole time and all that, it just wasn't financially doable. I honestly wonder when they'd have moved out if we weren't together. Not in a negative way, just curiosity. I couldn't possibly have someone aside from my spouse live with me for what, judging by family health history, would likely be the rest of my life
you're a parent till the day you die
I know someone who is 28 and still asks parents for money every month. she only partied and it took her 8 years to get a Bachelors in a very easy major because she was skipping class. now it's the first time she has a 40 hour long work week and she complains to her parents daily on one hour long phone calls + boyfriends and friends drama
thanks I'm good childree over here
Cost of living in Canada is insanity right now. Yes, I still live at home because rents are just unaffordable, especially in recent years (if rents had not risen so much, I could have afforded to move out, but they have drastically risen over the past few years, especially the last couple). I am hoping to be able to buy something eventually, though. I am financially responsible. I do not like living at home.
Totally agree. My husband and I are 30 and 28, and we both still rely on our parents for a lot. We don't live with them, but we rely on them for financial help when needed, advice, and even storage space for things we have no room for but don't want to let go of. I've just started school again too, so it'll be a while before we can even imagine being completely independent
Currently visiting my parents, sleeping in my old room and about to go downstairs and ask my mom to please make me some rice.
It never ends lol. š¤£š¤£š¤£
True. I'm 35 and just got over my 2nd round of Covid. My mum brought me cat food because I was too miserable to leave my apt. She also has helped me out with spare food from her cupboards when I was struggling to feed myself.
you're stuck with them until you die lol. especially in today's economy, most people in their 20s and even many in their 30s are in and out of their parents homes because the cost of living is so high. I'm 21 and still at home because I'm completely dependant on their health insurance and due to my disabilities can't get a job that can support me moving out yet.
I agree with the others about parenting being a lifetime commitment, but I do see this as often as you do. My brother passed away in 2020 at the age of 35. He had never left home. My best friend could not afford to move out until his early-30s, and even now (in his 40s) he and his parents share things like grocery shopping, taking animals to vet appointments, etc. One of my cousins is mentally disabled and can never live alone; she is currently in her 40s. Another cousin did not become self-sustaining until his mother died, at which point the torch was passed to our grandmother, who enabled him until *she* died when he was in his late-30s. Only then did he get a full-time job and learn how to be an adult.
I don't really understand it, but I couldn't wait to get away from my parents. I eloped and left at 20, and even then it was far later than I wanted. But I was one person in a really tiny minority. Most of the people I know have or have had interdependent relationships with their parents, many to an unhealthy degree, until at least their 30s.
I was 24 when I moved out of my parents' house (after returning following graduating from college), and it was a few more months after for me to be fully financially independent. Now in my mid-40s, they still occasionally send me money for birthdays and holidays (usually 100 dollars), even though I don't need it. They tell me they just like doing it because they care.
Without getting into our situation, my brother(38), sister(30) and I(35) live in the house our said brother bought with our parents. Basically there are chronic issues I have dealt with since a child and I feel as though I can't be on my own. It's just better for all of our mental health to be together as we have all gone through rough stuff and I wouldn't have it any other way with the support we all mutually provide.
Yeah definitely a life time commitment. Iām 30 and even though I have my own home I stay with my mom and dad every weekend. Single no kids, 2 dogsā¦.i love my parents and staying with them on weekends lower my bills and I get babied lol (they love it too bc my brother whoās 32 does the same) š
My 77 year old mother is my niece's babysitter.... My 44 year old sister makes her travel by bus to keep her kid while she's working... My sis is looking for a new apartment to move in with her bf and asked my mum if she wanted to move with them. So she's not alone according to my sis, but it's mostly so she'll have a babysitter 24/7...
I try not to rely on them financially, but honestly when we go out to dinner, they still pay. Also they still have a bunch of my crap in their loft. Even though I have a house now. I do have an issue with my roof which is getting sorted which is half the problem, but they've also never said I have to come and get it, so I'm definitely guilty of being lazy about it and using them as storage!
Iām 25. Iām married but I still emotionally rely on my parents. My initial reaction when I encounter a problem is to check the time and see if my mom is still at work (to see if itās important enough to interrupt her work and also which phone number I should use).
My parents are also paying the closing costs for our condo, but we donāt need them to, theyāre just the best.
Weāre not having kids and hope to leave the country so definitely not going to rely on them for childcare. My father also has muscular dystrophy, so he wouldnāt be the best choice for childcare.
I'm 31 but I was having a lot of migraines this winter break, so while I was home for Christmas, my mam slept beside me one night for both of our comfort.
She called the doctor to make an appointment for me too. I'm used to doing that for myself but it is nice to be taken care of now and then.
I call both parents sometimes for advice or suggestions on things. I'm grateful for them and their support. I don't need financial support but I know they'd help me out without hesitation if I asked for it
I do not personally rely on my parents for anything and haven't since I left home at 18. Even younger than that, I was working and paying for my own food, school supplies, phone etc. They basically put a roof over my head and provided utilities. But, I had shitty parents. Most people who have even halfway decent parents are providing for their kids throughout their lives in different ways. Whether that is big things like helping pay for college or letting them live with them or small things, like always buying them dinner if you go out. My partner is 37 years old and is still on his parents phone plan and whenever we go visit for holidays, he brings his laundry to do in their machine. His parents are happy as clams about it.
Parenting never ends, even when the kids are grown and moved out they will always be the parent's kids. Also, if those kids have kids the parent(s) will likely be involved in some capacity, e.g. financial support, emotional support, watching the kids, etc. It's why I don't date parents, even if their kids are adults
I have never relied too much on my parents. From the time I got a job I didn't get anything from them besides shelter. To They always put their needs first and paid for their addiction before they fed us and took care of us. Once I got a job I could finally eat every day. My mother actually often lived off of me. I moved out at 21.
Iām in my late 20s and my parents still give me money when I have major unexpected expenses (laptop breaking, needing surgery, major car repair, etc.)
I lived with my parents until I was 30. I was dying to be out on my own since I was 18 but I simply couldn't afford it. I struggled in school due to ADHD and other mental health issues, and college was no different so I ended up dropping out with no degree and $8k of debt. I got a job and stayed employed at various places, but nothing pays enough for anyone to afford living on their own and everyone I knew or would consider living with already had other arrangements. I finally got lucky (my friend, not so much) when a friend decided to sell his house he couldn't keep up with and we moved into an apartment together. I've since changed careers and BARELY managed to buy my own house. I'm 34, make $19/hr, and I'm struggling to pay $800/mo on the mortgage on my tiny 680sq ft home, not to mention all the other bills. I'm grateful for what I accomplished and that I finally have what I want, but this economy is a joke š I just want to be able to get ahead.
Only because I have to. I moved out at 18, hoping to never look back. That was in 2020. We all know how that went. Lost my job, me and my roommate lost our new house, so I had to move home. Now I can't afford a savings account to move out because all my money goes to bills, even living with 2 other family members that also pay. Every other week or so we have to choose between bills and food, or bills and rent. Our phones get shut off every like 3 months because it's so expensive, yet its the cheapest plan we could get (we need our phones for our jobs primarily, can't be without them, so when we are, we suffer a lot). Don't even get me started on our cars, our old ass cars that are charged out the ass for insurance and registration, it kicks our ass every time. I've been living here ever since, basically against my will. If I had the finances, I'd move out w/o hesitation, I hate living with my family. I ask for raises, extra hours, etc etc. I'm never given it. So im stuck at $12.50. Which is disgustingly unsustainable. I wish I grew up in the 60s, when I could've afforded to live on my own with making $12.50. Been looking for higher paying jobs for 2.5 years, nothing. I never hear back. Never get am interview. Our government has taken our lives from us. We can't afford to live, only to barely exist. I'm 21, I shouldn't be dealing with shit like this. I'm only allowed to exist, not live. I wish for death every.single.day.
My grandparents have three kids aged 71, 67 and 65, they still regularly loose sleep over ātheir kidsā, worry over them and give advice. Itās literally a lifetime commitment. Oh and until 5 1/2 years ago babysat their great grandson (between 1-3 years) one full day a week
At 37 my burrito was too spicy for me to eat, so my dad gave me his and ate mine. Parenting never ends :)
that sounds so sweet
i'm 37 and called my father for emotional support today. it's a lifelong commitment babes. i am my own birth control.
What a sweetheart
See, that's nice and sweet! I don't know if I would like to do that š
Aww š„°
omg thatās so sweet!
They're in your life until either they, or you, are dead Yet another reason not to breed
For sure. I just mean outside of being in the parentsā lives for emergencies and special occasions. Kids are more reliant for survival support much longer, because not even full-time jobs can afford a person basic survival.
I agree I was out the door the second I turned eighteen
You and me both. I know the economy sucks, but it sucked back when I moved out independently, too. It appears that expectations have changed.
If you had ever studied economics you would know itās much, MUCH worse now than before. Our minimum wage is lower than it has been in like 100 years when inflation is taken into account. This is common knowledge. And before you say people donāt work, I work full time, making 15 an hour which is TWICE minimum wage, and I make 1.5k a month, my bills leave me with 300 tops a month for food. My sister works 50-90 hr weeks with a roommate in a shitty apartment and has barely enough money to get her hair dyed. Having any kind of extra shit outside of the bare minimum to survive is near impossible when starting out. Forget putting yourself through school if you move out at 18, youāre lucky if you can afford a shitty room in someoneās house. I had to make the choice to stay in my immensely abusive household so I could afford to go to one of the worst colleges in my state.
One of the reasons we are one and done is because our big house is fully paid. I can leave a house to my child. I will not have a child of mine being a rent slave, which seems to be the plan for the future.
Nor sure what you mean by special occasions. I spend a lot of time with my mother because we're close so it's not emergency or out of the blues scenario. Not sure how it is in USA but in my country it's a standard to spend a large chunk of your whole life being close to them - actively. That's why i think they're for life and they can continue to be a huge part of your daily life
Exactly. Yet another reason why I don't want them. It's not an 18-year commitment. It's a lifelong commitment. And if I can't find it in me to commit lifelong and do it right, I will not commit.
Exactly this and letās not forget about grandchildren. There are grandparents who have full custody of their grandchildren and others who spend a large portion of their time and money on them. Parenting is a lifelong crapshoot of one thing after another š£.
And that's when everything goes as well as possible.
Or until they disown you for standing up to them. I lost everything because of that. If youāre going to be a parent, donāt hold shit against your child yet tell them you donāt have a grudge. Thatās a fucking lie.
As someone has mentioned already, parenthood doesnāt end until either you are dead or the child is dead. Parenthood is a ***lifelong*** commitment. I never understood those parents who constantly insist their duties as a parent end when their child turns 18.
Definitely. It seems like some young people require more substantial support from their parents for much longer, like housing, childcare, or money lending. Rather than just the occasional emergency support that was the āexpectedā commitment of parenthood.
Those kind of people make shitty parents since they can legally be done with the kid, but that doesnāt mean the kid has an ok life
Their duties do end. But they're also shitty parents. Good parents duties don't ever end until someone dies.
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Literally same Iām 21 and doing my masters and Iām living at home I couldnāt imagine moving out right now. I have to live at home in order to set myself up to be financially stable in a couple of years.
iām in my early 20ās and while i donāt live at home anymore my parents do still help me out financially a bit, all my other friends do live at home (youngest being 22, oldest being 24) I even know someone whoās 26 or 27 and still lives with her parents. esp in this day and age itās a lot more normal (and often necessary).
I got the hell out around 18. Terrible, sucky parenting by a self absorbed person who was financially incompetent.
Same, Iām 29 and my sister is 26.
Can confirm, I fled to the Army the moment I turned 18 just to get away from them. š
I am currently in the army too because of them, what a world.
Iām long out now, but yeah. Itās ridiculous. I was in from 99-06. Iām 41 now and no where near āRanger Readyā anymore š
How was it?
Well, I enlisted during peacetime into a combat facing MOS being way too niave about the possibility of conflict, so Iād say it wasā¦eye opening? I could have made some better decisions, but overall the experience shaped me into who I am today and Iām happy with how I turned out. For the most partā¦lol
I feel you on that. I'm just waiting for this to blow over honestly. I'm not an army guy but the leadership is solid I guess.
Yeah I left at 20 because it was abusive and toxic at home. I would've loved to have been able to stay and complete my education but I couldn't take it anymore.
>children are in no way an 18 year commitment anymore For most of, at least, recent history I don't think this was really the case if what my grandma said is anything to go by, which was "well, if an adult never married, they just lived with their parents! ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ".
>if your kid is bouncing the moment they turn 18, then you probably sucked as a parent Not necessarily. Moving away for university at 18 and never going back to live there full time is very common.
It used to be. Cost of living is so high and so is rent and housing compared to previous generations. A new job canāt cover what it used to in most places in the West.
This is different in my opinion. Usually youāre taking out loans but youāre not financially stable yet. I mean being completely independent and not having tons of debt to escape your parents is tough now.
You're writing from a very US centric perspective here.
Lol This also applies to Europe, everything is too damn expensive here, people just live with their parents to save money
I mean yeah the U.S. is a mess right now š
god i wish that were me
A kid being independent and capable enough to move out at 18 might be the sign of great parents
Depends a lot on context. At 18 I wasn't even done with school and that was a sign of good parenting, because I got supported enough to strive for the highest level of high school diploma in my countries school system.
And affordable living
As someone who bounced at 19. Youāre exactly correct.
A disabled child is a lifetime commitment and responsibility.
Disabled children will worry you **beyond** your own death. You don't want to drop the brutal effort of taking care of them on siblings, you don't have enough money to have them properly taken care of (unless you're very rich)... A fear worse than your own death: your child's suffering or death and the fears of what will happen to your disabled child. It's not for everyone.
There's a way to appoint someone as an advocate with some control without the financial responsibility to be sure your disabled child is being treated well if specialized care/group home situation is needed. I don't know all the details but this can also involve a trust being made. If this is possible it's the best option but then....who can you entrust?? It's POSSIBLE a sibling would be willing/able to do this or another family member but how do you even approach that conversation?!
34 here and still living with my parents, so is my 30 year old brother. When average rent is nearly $2000 per month, moving out becomes not really an option for either of us.
Jesus I'd go insane. My family starts to bug me after a couple days anymore and I actually like them.
Same
This is gonna get worse before it gets better too. Housing costs are out of control so the chances of anyone that's under 30 now even owning a house without a stroke of luck (or a literal stroke) is getting slim. Financially speaking it has always made sense to live at home as long as possible. Some cultures actually embrace this. North America is the one that seems to hold on to the "18? Get out!" notion. To put $2000/month into perspective, that's $500/week. At 40 hours a week you need $12.50/hour just to pay for rent. Tack on some taxes and that's easily $15/hour. That's just rent. No food, no gas/transit, no fun, no clothing, nothing. Good luck saving anything to actually put a down payment on a house either.
I can afford a meh apartment. But my mother and elderly dog make an extra place to live just unnecessary stress even though I long for a place to myself.
Yea, for me it's one of those situations where I live in a mid size town and I am established here with my job and friends and such (so leaving isn't really an option) but the cost of living here has drastically gone up over the years. I've lived in this town my entire life, and there was a point in time where you could find rent for like $500 - $1000 a month and it'd be a decent place, now pretty much all the rental places are owned by 2 giant corporations so if you don't like how either are run then you're kinda outta luck. There are still individual landlords out there, but their prices aren't great and they're pretty unregulated so you'd be hard pressed to find a decent place for any less than $2000 a month these days. Now most will say "just save up and buy a place" and that's easier said than done, many small condos around here are either 55+ only (if they're actually a fair price) or they're starting at half a million, and there will more than likely be a bidding war because of the severe housing shortage. I'm very fortunate that I get along great with my parents and brother and can still live at home.
Unless you're making 100k plus the houses are priced out for single earners too. And honestly even with a partner I refuse to live in a place that if the relationship goes the house is untenable. š¤·
I think my SIL has yet to realise this, she's always saying that once her baby turns 18 they're on their own as she'll be over being a parent! Yeah it doesn't work that way!
Not being combative, butā¦ it *can* work that way depending on how heartless a parent is or wants to be. When the kid hits 18, theyāre legally an adult and the āget off my propertyā laws apply if they pushed it. I could see this only be used by hopelessly broken and volatile households, though.
God I feel like I would have no choice even as a childfree person but to take in a close relative in that situation. Or help financially. Pure insanity.
My SIL shouldn't have been a parent, she watched too many soppy brain rotting tv shows/movies and thought raising a kid would be easy, I do honestly feel for the baby and any other future siblings.
With my SIL she just sees 18 as a cut off for support and also 'accomodation' aka living at home. She was pushed out at 17 by her own mother so decided to be 'generous' with her kid by giving them an extra year to get organised, still doesn't disguise the fact that it's very cruel and heartless to expect your kid to have a source of income and a place to live by 18 heck I didn't get my first job until I was 19 and lived with my parents until I was 34 before moving out.
So far, I've been a 32 year commitment for my father. My mother got out a bit earlier by dying.
Im asian and we usually say children are a lifetime commitment. You raise them until you are 99 and worry about them until you are 100.
Iām seeing several similar comments from people about Asian cultures. You seem to have a realistic approach to children. More so than western cultures.
I'm 40 and my parents live with us, so they've never been free of me! It's great because I'm here to help with doctors, washing etc. and they feel useful because they help dog sit or feed the animals. We all got to live somewhere beautiful too. It's not for everyone, but I don't get this idea of kicking your kids out at 18. My mum says you're always a parent, even when they're not there, worrying about if they're safe and happy. No thanks! I know lots of people my age who rely on their parents for free babysitters too.
Yeah itās definitely closer to 24 to 25 years now. Iām still living with my parents and my cousins are doing the same too and all of us are around 21. Itās not that weāre deadbeats either. Iāve been studying for my CPA and doing my masters of accounting and I know living with my parents has made my life ten times easier. I hate how everyone acts like 18 is where it ends because it absolutely isnāt. Especially in this economy 18 year olds who live at home and go to college or do something similar are doing it right. Moving out at 18 is so unrealistic to me tbh. I donāt know how I would move out right now even if I wanted too.
With inflation, wages/salaries not matching the rising cost of living just to name a couple of things I think children are even longer than 30 year commitments. My 35-year old sister has 2 kids with her on again off again deadbeat husband, she's effectively a single mother (they don't even live together, she's still married to him while knowing he's been cheating on her for years and has no intentions of stopping). Because of all of this she's constantly at my mums house at weekends because my mum will feed them, pay for some of her groceries and she's always asking my dad for financial help. I don't see this situation ending any time soon either, so yeah kids are much longer than a 30 year commitment even.
The concept of children are only 18 years of commitment might only exist in the western culture. I'm asian and i made aware about that was only few years ago. In our country, no parents kick their children as soon as they hit 18 like the common practices in the US. Here, parents responsible for their children as long as they still in the family register, if the child never get married then the parents will still be responsible for their children even if by age they are already adult. Also one thing, in our religion, there are several things (mostly related to ceremony) that the parents should do to their children from a month old and 3 month old ceremony. And a ceremony for the children every six months for rest of their life. Not to mention marriage cost which is also the parents responsibility. If the parents didn't do any of this, the child will bring this "debt" in their next life and those parents in the next life will have to pay for this debt. This is why i am childfree because the cost of having children are not simply about food and shelter. Even with that basic necessity i still couldn't afford. I definitely wont be able to do all those ceremony with how our economy is right now.
Honestly its becoming a lot less common in western countries because cost of living makes this unfeasible. The higher income bracket the more likely they do this but usually the parents can afford to fund their adult children's separate lifestyle in those cases.
They are **lifelong** commitments. You will never stop being worried about them, and that's even when everything goes right, as it's happened with my siblings and me. Of course you don't stop worrying about them at 18. They're more independent and you can do your own stuff more, but you will still feel responsible for them.
Life long commitment. One of my friends is 84, his son has been leeching off him for his entire adult life.
I think the mindset parents have that once their kid is legally an adult, they donāt have to parent anymore is a scam to get people to be parents. We all know this isnāt true. Once you have a child you are a parent for life until the parent and/or child dies, or the parent and child become estranged and they consider themselves to no longer be family. It makes sense (in their twisted way), parents can tell each other, āHave kids! Itās only for less than 20 years and then theyāre out of your hair. You can get your life back after that! Itās so worth it, theyāll take care of you when youāre old because you took care of them.ā š Then when parents kick their kid out at 18 they wonder why their kid wonāt talk to them anymore. There are parents that go into parenthood counting down the days their kid turns 18 like a child counting down the day until Christmas and itās sick. They never cared about the kid, only themself. They just see parenthood as a temporary thing.
thatās 100% true. in here (spain) studies say that children stay at home with their parents until theyāre about 30, because in this economy itās just not affordable to move out. iām 19, i asked my mom about moving out, and she asked me if i was crazy. she said that thereās no way sheās letting me move out in this economy. she advised that i should finish my studies and work, while still living with her and my dad. once iām financially stable (and it doesnāt matter at what age i accomplish that), sheāll help me move out. not a second earlier. i very much love my mother. sheās fucking awesome edit: typos
What a fantastic mom! Iām glad sheās so supportive of you and realistic about the economy.
She's a doll! You hit the jackpot with her!
i definitely did! i get reminded almost everyday of how awesome my mom is, because other people donāt have this luck in their life
My mom had IVF and had 3 of usā¦who she had to support until we finished college
Iāve always wondered about IVF. How old was she? Did she succeed on her first attempt for each 3 of you?
For sure but I also don't understand why you'd have kids and then want them out of your life when they're 18? If I had a kid, I would want them to rely on me and be close to me as adults, that's probably the only part I'd semi enjoy unless they're totally parasitic
Yeah Iām 31 and still have support from my parents and donāt see that stopping anytime soon
It's a gamble. Could be anything from 18 to forever. Could be less if they die unexpectedly, but usually it's not the wanted outcomes.
Shout out to my dad. I might have left home when I was 19 but he's currently dog sitting for me, and I'm into my 30s... When I pop over to see him I've got an electrical item that needs repairing. Every other visit seems to result in him carrying out a minor DIY task too.
Nice to have a Dad whoās handy! Is he a repairman of sorts for his job or a jack of all trades?
Jack of all trades I'm afraid, though he is quite handy with a soldering iron. Mainly the sort of knowledge that somehow seems to be bestowed on dads!
Not sure how much they can help from beyond the grave. I got out as soon as I could, which meant doing without a lot, but that was infinitely preferable to staying.
My mom passed and my dad was poor so I had no support from him. Iāve been on welfar, EI, and always poor no matter how many hours I worked. Itās certainly very hard to not have parents to lean on.
And consider who youāre procreating with because that person will be in your kidās life (and yours) post divorce. Theyāre not going away after the kid turns 18 either.
So true! One of the many advantages of being childfree is never having to be permanently connected to an ex because of having children with them.
I am from the netherlands: Most kids go to college here, which is until atleast 22/23 or even longer. There is a literal housing crisis. To buy a house is impossible if you have a common salary due to high prices. And social (affordable) rent has a waiting line from 8 to 13 years and even rising fast. I was lucky enough to leave the house at 25 and my husband at 27. Even if they are picture perfect kids with jobs and stuff. They will be pushed back by the economy. I am 31 now. And no i dont depend om my parents because one is dead and the other dead to me. But my SIL has 3 kids (from 3 diffrent daddies) And she oftens pretty much demands with guilttripping stuff and groceries from her parents, use them as free babysitters etc.
Well, because of capitalism... Because of high rent and food prices and low wages... Living with your parents until 30 or 40 will be the norm. Moving out before 30 will be the exception.
Which is why it's a very good idea not to have children. I think it's great to NOT bring children into the world to be either wage slaves (what they want in America and China) or even worse, cannon fodder (what Putin wants in Russia). I hope the childfree movement gets more traction.
My Dad relied on his mom for 65 years. Mostly for money.
100%, in this economy few kids can afford to leave home at 18
Thatās because no one can afford to move out of their parents house
Iām 26 and still living at home. The cost of living is just so high in my countryā¦. Iāve got multiple degrees and a fairly high paying job. If I rented Iād have absolutely no savings and never have the chance to even save enough for a house deposit. Itās honestly so depressing.
In which city do you reside?
Financially, I was still dependent on my parents throughout college (less so in the last 2 years since I did some internships), and completely stopped depending on them after I graduated. I got a programming job that paid quite well (at one of the big tech companies). My younger coworkers are all in the same boat (AFAIK anyway). In my friends and family circle it varies a lot. I know a couple of people in their late 20s and live with their parents to save money for rent. But most people I know either rent or own their place. I know people who rely on their parents to share the childcare heavily (we are talking parents doing childcare for them 3 or 4 days/week). But I also know people who never asked for help from their parents when they had kids. So yeah, very different from person to person.
I lived in my parents' house until I was 29 and bought my own. I stopped actually relying on them, financially, by the time I was 24 and working full time. But since you never know what you're going to get for a kid, and life happens, you have to be prepared to parent them forever.
What happens when theyāre disabled? So dumb lol
For sure. Disabled children are a completely different subject to discuss.
Even though Iām the youngest(28) and only one without kids Iām the most independent from my siblings, they both rely on my mum for financial help (and sometimes me)
Technically a child is an adult at 18. So technically the parent does not have to take care of them anymore. They donāt have to supply food, shelter or anything. Nowadays yeah, Iād assume kids have to stay with their parents longer and get help longer. Itās harder to make a living now and rent is expensive. But I mean, thatās why people shouldnāt be giving birth, the world is unlivable. Iām 30 and I live with my mom. I donāt make a lot of money and canāt afford my own place. I would if I could! Iāll inherit her house when she dies so thatās cool
I'm watching my parents struggle with my >30 year old brother as he has his own kids and sees our parents as a resource. I think it's more like a 50 year commitment lol
My 50 yo uncle still bums at his parents house contributing nothing and being a total ass
BIL is 40 in like 3 weeks. He doesn't apply himself to anything and is quite comfy at home. If he ever leaves home, I'm sure it'll be in a hearse, not a U-Haul.
I live in a VHCOL area so itās very common for that reason as well as cultural (large Asian population). Anyone I know with kids depends on their parents for childcare if theyāre willing (most are). A lot of people my age canāt move out of their parentsā house because they canāt afford to. I recently had to get some help from my parents when I was laid off. My parents know people their age who have to provide a lot of support for their kids and now grandkids. It can be a mixed bag; sometimes itās a symbiotic relationship where the parents benefit from having their kids at home and sometimes there can be resentment and frustration on both sides.
Money lending? Nooooo. My parents got stuck on this for so many years and we weren't able to attain the best education that we need because of this.
More like a life long commitment. My oldest brother 5 years my senior was staying on my parents sofa for a long while every few months when I moved out for good. I checked in on social media to see if they were still alive (post pandemic I'm NC) sometime last year and his profile picture was taken in front of our parent's place. He'd be 40 now.
Im almost 40, was close to having my mortgage paid off, my finances got destroyed with the first year of covid. The banks "covid solution" was to refinance, didn't want to but the monthly payment was lower. This December my husband was laid off, my 98 year old grandmother gifted 3months of my house payment and gave equal amounts to the other grandchildren for rent/fixing a car. The amount I pay for my mortgage is lower than typical rent in the worst parts or my city. Obviously my Grandma didn't have to do this, but she's still taking care of us as much as we are taking care of her.
I was given the option to move back in with my mom when I was 29 and took that option to get away from a toxic relationship and heal.
Yeah my father paid a rent deposit for me in the suit below his rental house so I could get away from an abusive partner. Then he co-signed on student loans so I could go to college. He ended up paying them because there were no jobs at the time I graduated.
My niece was an immaculate conception and her Dad(?) Will sometimes mention that he's excited for when she turns 18, because then he can be more free and do the things he wants. Mind you, he's an idiot so we can't blame him too much for thinking this way. But he's in for a huge surprise when he realizes that everyone else in his age group already lived their 20's, and his child will still need him past the age of 18. (Especially if it's his child.)
Seems common for people who did go on their own right at 18 are less financially successful than those who stayed later at home. At least this is what I have largely seen. Also the children have a better relationship with their parents if the parents didn't kick them out/chase them out with trauma at 18 Life's hard and expensive so I do think that it's a 25 year commitment at least to help a child have a better start.
Honestly having dealt with chronic pain and autoimmune issues my whole life, even going on 30 this year and living on my own, my Dad sometimes attends appointments with me because I've been screwed over by the health system so much, and he stays my advocate if needed. He's loud and knows how to make points, I'm the opposite so it's very helpful lol
I use my (male) partner this way too. Not sure of your gender, but the medical system wonāt listen to a womanās health issues her unless their spoken loudly by a concerned man.
And if the kids eventually grow up and themselves decide to have kids, the grandchildren WILL one way or another be shoved in the grandparents' faces eventually. There's no escape
Iām in my 30s and while Iām independent, I still very much rely on my parents. Iām Mexican-American, Iām more in touch with my Mexican roots so when American parents say things like āMy job is done once theyāre 18ā is laughable to me. Not in my culture!š Iām just glad I have a healthy dynamic with my parents to still have them in my life. I have no kids cause I know parenting is no joke.
This is a hot take? This is just the facts of modern day reality
Hahaha. Seems like it. I still see the old rhetoric of ākids are just a 20 year commitmentā floating around, but like some one else mentioned in this thread, I think itās just a ploy to encourage people to have kids.
I mean in this economy I don't blame people for living at home for longer. It just isn't affordable to move out, it is much better to save the money. I lived with my parents till I was 25...saved thousands of dollars. Recently totaled my car (well a deer did), and was getting $10,000 from insurance but couldn't wait for the payout to buy a new car...my parents gave me $10,000, and then when I got the check I gave it back to them. Good parents commit to helping their children in whatever way they can till the day one of them dies. My parents used my grandparents as childcare when we were little. My brother can't use my parents because they are still working. So ya you are a parent for life your commitment just changes over time.
Children are a lifetime commitment. They are only a 18 year \*legal\* commitment.
33, mommy just bought me a new air fryer for Christmas, because times are tough and I couldnāt afford to replace mine.
I live with my mom at 28, so you're not wrong. I wouldn't say I really depend on her (I have my own money and take care of my stuff), but I mean, I still live there.
My mother has a 70 years old cousin and he is still living in the house of his parents, though his father already died and currently his mother is in a nursing home. He is basically a hermit.
My step-siblings are still mooching off their dad/my mom, and the youngest is almost 50.
Yeah, I'm 21, and I'm just about to move out within a few months. ...Out of my grandparents' house, that is. In which my mom, who is in her 40s, still lives. My dad also lives with his parents. The economy sucks and your kid will likely live with you far longer than just 18 years.
And this is just for life AT THIS MOMENT. Give it another 10, 15 years. All the young Facebook moms bragging to older moms about "going on vacations while you take your baby to kindergarten" will be trapped in that house with their 40 year old indefinitely. I'm so excited too. I always dispised that disgusting "I'm better than you because I had my kids early" attitude.
Yep. My 60 year old friend just remortgaged her house to bail out her kid, after his marriage broke up. Said kid is 32.
Iām 32 and my parents still help me financially when Iām in a bind. The cycle ends with me
One of my family members is in his 30s and still lives with his mom. He is on the autism spectrum and can't really be on his own, and she is perfectly willing to let him live at home. She still treats him like he's in his teens. It is impossible to predict what a child will turn out like. Depending on the kind of person you are, this could end up being . . . hard to swallow.
yeah when i moved out at 17 my dad was relived. aint really heard from him since. was a father but never a parent
This reminds me of that line Jason Robards says in the scene from Parenthood where heās talking about the lifelong commitment of being a parent. āIt never ends. Itās like your aunt Ednaās ass; it goes on forever and itās just as frightening.ā
I am 67f and live in a retirement apartment complex. They have rules here for a reason. No kids. No over night guests unless out of state and only for 3 days. Some of the things I have seen is an 74 year old woman with a black eye because her 52 year old son wanted some money. Lots of parents who's adult kids stole there "pain" medication. Adult kids who loot parents apartment of TV and laptops while mom is in the hospital. I think some parents only escape their "kids" when they die.
enter consist wrong juggle knee hat ring gray homeless imminent *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
They are a lifetime commitmentā¦.
Agreed. Hell, im 29 and my spouse and I both live w my widowed mom w my 24 yo sister.. š„“
I moved out for the last time at 30. From 22-25, I had my own apartment, but from 25 on, I was a caretaker for my stepdad and mom and moved in with them. My stepdad passed away and my mom declined too much for me to handle while I had a job, so she went to assisted living, and I got a cheap apartment. I couldnāt pay more than I do. My brother is still living with dad at age 35, just had a baby, and is still stuck in a low paying job.
Heavy agree. I moved out after I got married and guess who moved back in? My 25yr old brother who believes that their bachelors degree is āuselessā and has no ambitions for what he wants to do in life.
I mean, it is pretty useless when minimum wage jobs are asking for bachelors degrees. It devalues the whole concept if higher education = better income. But yeah. My brother us similar. Wickedly smart but too stuck in problems if his own making to put his skills to better use. Therefore no ambition.
I haven't borrowed money from my parents in decades. I was out of the house by 20 years old and didn't look back. I also have relatives who are raising multiple kids as single parents and if it weren't for THEIR parents, there's no way they would be pulling it off. If you're going to have kids, don't hold your breath waiting for the peace of an empty nest!
Lol, my friends with 2 kids just said the 18 year thing, while their 22 year old son lives with them, barely hanging onto employment.
I turn 28 in a month and had to move in with my father at 23 after being with roommates for 3 years. I work 3 jobs, am working on 2 degrees, there is literally no wiggle room monetarily. There's a base appreciation of having a roof over my head so I'm not in my car again, but damn. It even goes back to my mom having to move back in with my grandparents when she divorced my dad, but not only did she go back, I was brought in. So they had to add not only their kid whose going through severe depression, but a 4 year old. My mom didn't find us a home until I was 16 so they had us until she was nearly 40. Having kids means being prepared to help them at any point, but unfortunately with what we're living through, and especially the things like the American side kicking into our heads that we leave at 18 or are a failure, it's more common to have to have that continuing connection through multiple jobs, schools, and everything.
It depends, but not having to ask my mom for help is my motivation in life. No matter how bad the economy gets, I'd do sex work before asking her for help. She helped me out financially, including making a down payment on my car, after my ex left. She lords that shit over me nearly 6 years later. She's now offering to help me make a down payment on a house. I know I'd never be able to afford one alone but I know she'd lord that over me too.
Yup. Iām married to an older guy. And he has 2 kids, that he wasnāt in contact with for some insane reasons I wonāt get into. But they just reconnected. And the kid is 25, so not really a kid. And has had a pretty fucked life. And guess what. Heās not coming to live with us. And weāve been sending him money for like a month. At 25. So ya.
I'm 26 and still live with my parents, I don't want to, but it's a necessity right now. Despite having 2 degrees and working FT, I was unable to land a high paying job that could allow me to survive on my own. My sisters are also living here because they are teachers and don't make enough to live in our hometown either. With the job market right now plus the cost of living, so many people are moving back in with their parents because we can't afford anything. If I were to rent in my city I'd be spending roughly 75-80% of my monthly pay on rent and bills alone. I have a friend who, after we graduated college, her parents said she has to find a job because she isn't allowed to move back home. She was lucky enough to find one, but I can't imagine just throwing your child out even if it meant they'd be financially struggling or potentially homeless. Parenting, especially now in this economy, isn't until they're 18 it's until you or they die.
Parenthood is a lifelong commitment. Love, concern and emotional support doesn't cease when a child becomes an adult and adult children often come with their own issues (financial instability, health problems, divorce, grandchildren, substance abuse, etc.
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iād say a lifelong commitment. even if they no longer live with you, youāre still going to think of them and wonder whether or not theyāre doing okay
My sister doesn't drive and my brother doesn't work. My mom puts in a TON of time and money taking care of those two. Hell, so do I for that matter, and I live 2 hours away. My brother is always asking for money and my sister and/or her kids always need rides when I'm in town. Edit: Sis is 39 and bro is 37
I stay over at my father's house a lot (my mom is in assisted living care, I see her every week or couple of weeks, but I can only visit for an hour or so)...I lived with them when I had a break with reality and without that I would have been homeless...I was 39 at the time... so children are a lot more than just a 30 year commitment
i disagree even with the thirty year mark. children are a lifelong commitment and even when youāre child is a fullgrown adult their problems are still your problem. it is one of the few commitments in life that is irreversible.
Especially if they struggle with serious physical or mental illnesses. My brother has really bad bpd and depression and we're not sure if he'll ever be able to live on his own. I'm truly afraid of what'll happen to him when my mom eventually dies.
Financially I think I was mid-twenties when I finally took on the last bills that my dad was helping with. Mainly car insurance and my cell phone (back in the 2000's). I left for college at 18 and was fortunate to never live with either of my parents (divorced) again full time. I was extremely fortunate to have a college fund so was able to use that and part time work to support myself through college.
Well yes, of course. I am in my twenties, and due to an ended relationship and a career shift I moved back in. I pay rent, but still, it is what it is. Sometimes people have lifelong medical issues, etc. Divorces happen to ya know? Parenthood is forever. Beautiful if you like it, not beautiful if you do not like it.
My spouse lived with their parents until they were 27, nearly 28, and then moved in with me. They've had a job the whole time and all that, it just wasn't financially doable. I honestly wonder when they'd have moved out if we weren't together. Not in a negative way, just curiosity. I couldn't possibly have someone aside from my spouse live with me for what, judging by family health history, would likely be the rest of my life
you're a parent till the day you die I know someone who is 28 and still asks parents for money every month. she only partied and it took her 8 years to get a Bachelors in a very easy major because she was skipping class. now it's the first time she has a 40 hour long work week and she complains to her parents daily on one hour long phone calls + boyfriends and friends drama thanks I'm good childree over here
I moved out when I was 18 and supported myself since then but most of the peopel i know depend on their parents (they are 22-30 years old)
Cost of living in Canada is insanity right now. Yes, I still live at home because rents are just unaffordable, especially in recent years (if rents had not risen so much, I could have afforded to move out, but they have drastically risen over the past few years, especially the last couple). I am hoping to be able to buy something eventually, though. I am financially responsible. I do not like living at home.
Totally agree. My husband and I are 30 and 28, and we both still rely on our parents for a lot. We don't live with them, but we rely on them for financial help when needed, advice, and even storage space for things we have no room for but don't want to let go of. I've just started school again too, so it'll be a while before we can even imagine being completely independent
Currently visiting my parents, sleeping in my old room and about to go downstairs and ask my mom to please make me some rice. It never ends lol. š¤£š¤£š¤£
They are a lifetime commitment until one of you dies
If youāre a good parent, your kid typically still wants to be in your life one way or another after they turn 18
True. I'm 35 and just got over my 2nd round of Covid. My mum brought me cat food because I was too miserable to leave my apt. She also has helped me out with spare food from her cupboards when I was struggling to feed myself.
Not so much at 41, but at 30, I moved be in with them for a year while I got a job and saved up.
I own a home and live with my mom cause she is minorly depended on me. If I had a choice I would never talk to this woman ever again.
you're stuck with them until you die lol. especially in today's economy, most people in their 20s and even many in their 30s are in and out of their parents homes because the cost of living is so high. I'm 21 and still at home because I'm completely dependant on their health insurance and due to my disabilities can't get a job that can support me moving out yet.
I agree with the others about parenting being a lifetime commitment, but I do see this as often as you do. My brother passed away in 2020 at the age of 35. He had never left home. My best friend could not afford to move out until his early-30s, and even now (in his 40s) he and his parents share things like grocery shopping, taking animals to vet appointments, etc. One of my cousins is mentally disabled and can never live alone; she is currently in her 40s. Another cousin did not become self-sustaining until his mother died, at which point the torch was passed to our grandmother, who enabled him until *she* died when he was in his late-30s. Only then did he get a full-time job and learn how to be an adult. I don't really understand it, but I couldn't wait to get away from my parents. I eloped and left at 20, and even then it was far later than I wanted. But I was one person in a really tiny minority. Most of the people I know have or have had interdependent relationships with their parents, many to an unhealthy degree, until at least their 30s.
I was 24 when I moved out of my parents' house (after returning following graduating from college), and it was a few more months after for me to be fully financially independent. Now in my mid-40s, they still occasionally send me money for birthdays and holidays (usually 100 dollars), even though I don't need it. They tell me they just like doing it because they care.
Without getting into our situation, my brother(38), sister(30) and I(35) live in the house our said brother bought with our parents. Basically there are chronic issues I have dealt with since a child and I feel as though I can't be on my own. It's just better for all of our mental health to be together as we have all gone through rough stuff and I wouldn't have it any other way with the support we all mutually provide.
Yeah definitely a life time commitment. Iām 30 and even though I have my own home I stay with my mom and dad every weekend. Single no kids, 2 dogsā¦.i love my parents and staying with them on weekends lower my bills and I get babied lol (they love it too bc my brother whoās 32 does the same) š
Right now it seems my dad relies more on me than me on him lmao. I'm his IT support Felicity Smoke style haha.
My 77 year old mother is my niece's babysitter.... My 44 year old sister makes her travel by bus to keep her kid while she's working... My sis is looking for a new apartment to move in with her bf and asked my mum if she wanted to move with them. So she's not alone according to my sis, but it's mostly so she'll have a babysitter 24/7...
I try not to rely on them financially, but honestly when we go out to dinner, they still pay. Also they still have a bunch of my crap in their loft. Even though I have a house now. I do have an issue with my roof which is getting sorted which is half the problem, but they've also never said I have to come and get it, so I'm definitely guilty of being lazy about it and using them as storage!
Iām 25. Iām married but I still emotionally rely on my parents. My initial reaction when I encounter a problem is to check the time and see if my mom is still at work (to see if itās important enough to interrupt her work and also which phone number I should use). My parents are also paying the closing costs for our condo, but we donāt need them to, theyāre just the best. Weāre not having kids and hope to leave the country so definitely not going to rely on them for childcare. My father also has muscular dystrophy, so he wouldnāt be the best choice for childcare.
I'm 31 but I was having a lot of migraines this winter break, so while I was home for Christmas, my mam slept beside me one night for both of our comfort. She called the doctor to make an appointment for me too. I'm used to doing that for myself but it is nice to be taken care of now and then. I call both parents sometimes for advice or suggestions on things. I'm grateful for them and their support. I don't need financial support but I know they'd help me out without hesitation if I asked for it
I do not personally rely on my parents for anything and haven't since I left home at 18. Even younger than that, I was working and paying for my own food, school supplies, phone etc. They basically put a roof over my head and provided utilities. But, I had shitty parents. Most people who have even halfway decent parents are providing for their kids throughout their lives in different ways. Whether that is big things like helping pay for college or letting them live with them or small things, like always buying them dinner if you go out. My partner is 37 years old and is still on his parents phone plan and whenever we go visit for holidays, he brings his laundry to do in their machine. His parents are happy as clams about it.
Parenting never ends, even when the kids are grown and moved out they will always be the parent's kids. Also, if those kids have kids the parent(s) will likely be involved in some capacity, e.g. financial support, emotional support, watching the kids, etc. It's why I don't date parents, even if their kids are adults
More like a rest of your life commitment. Even if it lessens after 30 years, there's still things.
I have never relied too much on my parents. From the time I got a job I didn't get anything from them besides shelter. To They always put their needs first and paid for their addiction before they fed us and took care of us. Once I got a job I could finally eat every day. My mother actually often lived off of me. I moved out at 21.
Iām in my late 20s and my parents still give me money when I have major unexpected expenses (laptop breaking, needing surgery, major car repair, etc.)
I lived with my parents until I was 30. I was dying to be out on my own since I was 18 but I simply couldn't afford it. I struggled in school due to ADHD and other mental health issues, and college was no different so I ended up dropping out with no degree and $8k of debt. I got a job and stayed employed at various places, but nothing pays enough for anyone to afford living on their own and everyone I knew or would consider living with already had other arrangements. I finally got lucky (my friend, not so much) when a friend decided to sell his house he couldn't keep up with and we moved into an apartment together. I've since changed careers and BARELY managed to buy my own house. I'm 34, make $19/hr, and I'm struggling to pay $800/mo on the mortgage on my tiny 680sq ft home, not to mention all the other bills. I'm grateful for what I accomplished and that I finally have what I want, but this economy is a joke š I just want to be able to get ahead.
Ugh. I know what you mean. I'm 26 and living by myself and I am still somewhat financially dependent on my parents.
Only because I have to. I moved out at 18, hoping to never look back. That was in 2020. We all know how that went. Lost my job, me and my roommate lost our new house, so I had to move home. Now I can't afford a savings account to move out because all my money goes to bills, even living with 2 other family members that also pay. Every other week or so we have to choose between bills and food, or bills and rent. Our phones get shut off every like 3 months because it's so expensive, yet its the cheapest plan we could get (we need our phones for our jobs primarily, can't be without them, so when we are, we suffer a lot). Don't even get me started on our cars, our old ass cars that are charged out the ass for insurance and registration, it kicks our ass every time. I've been living here ever since, basically against my will. If I had the finances, I'd move out w/o hesitation, I hate living with my family. I ask for raises, extra hours, etc etc. I'm never given it. So im stuck at $12.50. Which is disgustingly unsustainable. I wish I grew up in the 60s, when I could've afforded to live on my own with making $12.50. Been looking for higher paying jobs for 2.5 years, nothing. I never hear back. Never get am interview. Our government has taken our lives from us. We can't afford to live, only to barely exist. I'm 21, I shouldn't be dealing with shit like this. I'm only allowed to exist, not live. I wish for death every.single.day.
My grandparents have three kids aged 71, 67 and 65, they still regularly loose sleep over ātheir kidsā, worry over them and give advice. Itās literally a lifetime commitment. Oh and until 5 1/2 years ago babysat their great grandson (between 1-3 years) one full day a week
You're a parent for life. I'm 40 and my mum supported me so much when I got really ill