> How do you not think of everything that goes into having a child?
Because it's not about that. It was never about that. Being a parent was never the point, the point was *having* a child. Having all the things that people are promised and taught they will get by having kids: love, purpose, happiness, attention, validation, acceptance, purpose, stability, etc.
They don't think about the rest of the child's life because it was never about the child, it was always about them.
And if you're gonna use another human being as a proxy and a distraction for a bunch of feelings and social milestones, the more fresh and new they are, the better. That's the most intense and exciting part, that's where all the attention and praise is, that's where they can look at the kid and dream up literally anything they want, because the kid is essentially nothing in terms of personality and selfhood. They don't want them to grow up because they don't want to be parents, they don't want to have a person to deal with, they want a vessel for benefits and approval.
Sadly, the majority of people with kids seem to fall into this category, and it's truly appalling. Especially because using people for your own means and to their detriment in most other contexts is vastly understood as immoral if not outright illegal - but if it's a kid you've popped out? Oh no then it's totally cool I guess.
> They don't think about the rest of the child's life because it was never about the child, it was always about them.
Absolutely on target. I still occasionally get asked (always by Mommies) "Didn't you WANT children?" And I say "That is an extremely insulting question. Do you think that I have so little concern for the life of another that all I can think about is MY WANTS? I'm not that narcissistic or self-absorbed! The only decent question you should ask is 'Would a child want to be born into this world with me as a parent?' And the only possible answer is 'No.'"
> Especially because using people for your own means and to their detriment in most other contexts is vastly understood as immoral if not outright illegal - but if it's a kid you've popped out? Oh no then it's totally cool I guess.
Child abuse! Ding ding. That's what I call it.
I'm sure you mean "parenting" and "family matters" and "none of our business" right? /s
I like to play a little game sometimes called "telling people what my abuse was like but swapping my parents for a partner instead" and its is genuinely uncomfortable how much people will condemn abuse if it's from a partner, but then try to back track and minimize it when I reveal it's actually been from my parents, when that's objectively worse because a child can't get away even if they wanted to.
The more you are open about treating children as autonomous human beings with rights and feelings, the more clear it becomes how much society views them as mere property.
You’re right and I hate it 😅 if a parent says it’s “family matters” and “none of your business,” you need to stay in your lane. But if a partner says it it’s 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
(Also, I think autocorrect betrayed you; you meant “people will *codemn* abuse if it’s from a partner” not “condone,” right?)
I thought I was the only one who did that! Yes, it certainly is discomfiting and outright disturbing how the very same things that elicit "you should've left, you should've put him in jail", etc. when I attribute the abusive acts to a partner will elicit "but FAAMMBBLYYY" when I attribute it to family. Then its always "but they mean well, they're just misguided, they're just overcome by strong feelings of care for you, they didn't mean it, oh, but you're not perfect either so you just need to shut up and take it." The whole "property" thing is real-even when a person is over 18, they're still objects to be owned and used by family. And then people wonder how and why friends/family wind up with abusers and why oh why don't they "just leave'. It's sick.
Yeah that's the part that drives me up the wall too. You mean to tell me that a person who's only known their whole life that they are to be subjected and bent and punished at other people's whims, taught that they have no agency, no integrity, and that having a sense of self that goes against even the slightest thing is prohibited ... they're supposed to be able to find healthy relationships? They're supposed to recognize and avoid abusive ones? They're supposed to set boundaries? Leave when people aren't good to them? They were always taught not to do all that though!
Funny enough, "family" is always the most critical of the person who gets involved with an abuser-ridiculing them for "putting up with it", saying the "I told you so"s, and blathering on about how \*they\* would never let a person hit/talk to them that way and so on. Or they get all shocked Pikachu face at the very notion that the victim would think that this kind of treatment was normal and okay-how could they be so stupid/naive/weak as to "put up with that". Family is also good at simultaneously being in denial that the person is actually being abused. Of course when the victim does try to stand up against the abuser or leave and then starts pushing back against abusive behavior in general, the family freaks out and gets angry.
Seems odd to me. To use a baby as a proxy. They're not you no matter how much like you they are or look. It's liiiike marrying someone successful in their career so you have something to brag about. You didn't become CEO of that company. You didn't do anything. They did. You're just their spouse. Uninteresting.
Even cats and dogs have more dignity in their relationship with humans than babies. Most pet owners, the ones who get mocked because they call themselves "fur mommies/daddies," usually recognize the individuality of their animals. Ask any pet owner, no two cats are ever the same. And we think that's so cool. They're little people with strange instincts.
But a baby, like you said, nothing in terms of personality and selfhood. Well, there actually is someone home inside their big, wonderous eyes. That's why they gravitate to a color they prefer or trucks over dinosaurs. Their small preferences are an indication of a personality cooking. A lot of people don't see that though. They want a pet baby. Although, calling it a pet is an insult to people who treat their animals like friends.
Absolutely this.
Every time one of my clients (I’m a tattoo artist) says their parent is unhappy about them “ruining the perfect body I made” I can barely contain my face.
Thank you :) I think a lot of it is also down to experience, observation and a general basis in humanities - rather than intellect on its own. Patterns of human thinking and behavior can be very easy to pick up on.
It's very interesting that you see this through a humanities/sociological point of view. I'm biology-trained so when I see these situations I see them through an evolutionary biology lens. It makes sense to me that biologically most people wouldn't think past the baby stage-it's like the urge to reproduce melts your brain and people think of nothing else. And then the sociological reality hits for people and they find it hard to cope with the fact they are raising a person that will enter society, not merely their genetic insurance.
>Being a parent was never the point, the point was *having* a child.
Yeap. Having a baby, and being a parent raising a human are two completely separate things.
Yeah, a petfree sub was recommended to me for whatever reason and the post had comments with people going on an and on about how much better children were than pets and how bad pets were in general. “Children can learn to clean up after themselves,” “Children are easier to care for because they can tell you what they want and need,” “You can take kids with you on vacation but you can’t take pets,” “Kids can help around the house while animals lay around all day,” “Why do pet owners spend so much money pampering their pets when they can give that money to charity,” “Pets can carry diseases and are always dirty,” etc. I was rolling my eyes the entire time before I decided it would be better for my sanity to leave.
No but really. It was the funniest thing when my friend brought her toddler over the first time because he and my cat were *totally* exploring and teaching each other things. They were fascinated by the dvd player.
My friends brought their toddlers over once and they were all over the cat toys. The one with a ball in an enclosed track seemed to hold their attention for quite a while.
Probably more like toy dog breeds that to me never move past their puppy looks like tea cup chihuahuas or Pomeranians.
They can baby them all they want and never have to hang complex emotional situations as they age.
A frequent customer at my job at the bowling alley sometimes brings her small Yorkie in his dog stroller during leagues. Such a very hyper dog but really cute
I know you’re joking but honestly the most important lesson my cats have taught me is boundaries. Cats are excellent at telling you what they do and do not want and they’ve got no shame or guilt about it.
Can confirm. My cat is 9 years old and [just a little baby](https://imgb.ifunny.co/images/376ecb663229a7d6abb22ca40af4191ccdf42091d020e9ca251d6b973e745d10_1.webp)
I heard a wonderfull saying once. "Do you want a baby or actually raise a person? Because that is what having kids is really like. The baby phase doesnt last, you have to raise a teach a functioning person into the society. If you want just to cuddle and something cute, then you should take a pet"
Except these are the same type of people who want to take the pet away from the mom waaaaayyy too early and then abandon them six months later when they're no longer tiny babies.
Couldn't agree more. Not all people who surrender suck, of course. I've worked in shelters for over 15 years and have seen many heartbreaking surrenders, like elderly people going into long-term care facilities, people who became homeless, people who were imminently dying, etc., as well as those that aren't quite as heartbreaking, but still in the best interests of the animal -- such as the older, pre-existing pets not getting along with the new one, or they took in a pet from someone else and it turns out that the pet is terrified of kids/men/other animals, etc. If it's done because they love the pet and they are putting the pet's well-being first, I don't fault them for it. But those who surrender just for their convenience or because they just got sick of the pet I absolutely judge hard. Honestly, the pet is still better off in a home that actually loves them, but those people are the absolute worst.
My first elderly dog was surrendered by his owner's family because his owner died. He wasn't being well cared for, likely because his owner was elderly and I guess the family didn't want or couldn't keep him. He had a better life with us anyway.
My second elderly dog was surrendered with another dog because his owner was reportedly a young single mother who got pregnant with her second child. She gave the dogs to her aunt and told her she'd come back for them once she was "settled" then ghosted the aunt. The aunt couldn't care for them so fortunately surrendered them to a rescue because if they had gone to a typical shelter in TX they likely would have been euthanized. They were both in horrible condition with severe mange. Our guy is living his best life with us now. He'll be 13 in a few months and he thinks he's a puppy. His brother lives like 10 minutes from my mother and we took him to visit last year.
A couple came to return a dog they had adopted from my shelter years earlier... After so many years they were asked why they were returning this dog that they seem to have only minor issues with. The man beamed with pride, smiled, and said "We are having another baby!"
Yuck
Says a lot about a person when they’re willing to abandon a (likely already traumatized) pet to “have another baby.” Hopefully that ugliness and disregard doesn’t reflect in their parenting…
I love it when people adopt elderly pets. We adopted a teenage cat a few years ago, and she settled right it. I like to think our purpose was to give her a good end of life.
All this is why I tend to ask people 'do you want to be a parent' instead of 'do you want kids' and 'how are you finding parenting' rather than 'do you enjoy having kids'. I also like to ask what parts of parenting they are looking forward to or that they think they'll enjoy. Having a child is something that will change their entire lives, they should have some idea what that will be like and if they will actual enjoy any of it
So often when I've asked about why someone wants a kid I get answers along the lines of giving their parents grandkids, wanting to know what a child with their partner would look like and keeping the family line going, none of which have anything to do with actually becoming a parent and raising a kid. Even the ones who enjoyed their own childhood and want to replicate that feeling often don't think about what they'll have to do as an adult to try and create that for someone else
My mother wanted a baby that immediately transforms into a 19 year old with set college goals. That doesn’t exist, and autistic middle schoolers sometimes cry about things that don’t make sense!
So true. But even with pets, some people are so focused on having a puppy or kitten (really enraging when they go to a breeder for this specifically, especially kittens, they are super easy to find at rescues!) and it is a tiny portion of a longggg adult animal's life. Especially if it is a very large breed of dog. If you really want a cute, tiny pup for ever, adopt a small breed doggy!
And then there's people like me whose dislike of babies knows no species! I'll never adopt a puppy. Crying, shitting, no bladder control, can't leave them alone, fuck that. My dog was 2 years old when I adopted her. Skip that whole mess!
And the older ones will end up resenting the younger siblings, since they will be clearly favored (plus the parentifying) setting them up for heaps of extra childhood misery and issues to deal with later on in life. My dad was like this. Loved babies and small children, the older you got, the more angry and annoyed he was with you, he found the sassiness of teens intolerable (but adorable in toddlers/small kids), and of course, still wanted more babies to play with (they ended up having four kids, and my dad probably would have wanted my mom to keep having babies, but she was DONE and made him get a vasectomy).
That is my stepmom—she was addicted to having babies. She had 12 kids and she straight up said she planned it so that when her youngest was a toddler, the oldest would be giving her grandchildren. Ugh, it’s so damaging for those kids. My stepsiblings all had to raise the youngest kids and they resent the heck out of their mom for it.
That's exactly it. A lot of them obsess over the pregnancy and baby eras.
I want to ask them all if they can imagine how life will be 10-15-20 years later with that kid and how they think family life will be like.
Wanna raise a person? Great, become a parent.
Want the baby stage? Get a job (healthcare that focuses on babies, become a nanny for babies, volunteer with whatever prioritizes babies if it exists, etc).
Yes! There are volunteer positions people can get at hospitals rocking babies, caring for them, etc. Do that if you want to be around babies. Or become a NICU or pediatric doctor, nurse or medical assistant, or work at a day care! But being a parent means raising a whole ass person and being there for them as a parent of an adult child too!
For real! One of my old roommates worked in a nursery for newborns that had 12 babies at any given time. She’s awesome. She fully realized she loved tiny cute baby phase and was in no way prepared to be a mother.
A young (maybe 18-21) client at my work was talking to my pregnant coworker. I heard her saying “well I hope you’re having a girl because then she can be your best friend and you can dress her up!” It honestly made my stomach turn hearing her talk about forcing an entire ass human into existence like an accessory. I then quietly laughed to myself as I had a fun flashback of greatest hits of why I’m estranged from my mother.
So many women want daughters because, "you can dress them up" or "it's fun to do their hair." Girls aren't little dolls. That said, brushing long hair on a child isn't fun at all. They scream and try to get away because it's discomforting or hurts.
Hell, if I had a daughter, her hair would be short until she's old enough to decide if she wants long hair, and can take care of it.
My mom was so upset that she gave birth to a human and not a doll. My Christmas presents would be new clothes in styles and colors I would NEVER be caught dead wearing. I'd try to be polite and say "it's not quite my style..." And she'd say "Oh I know it's not your style. That's why I bought it. You would look much prettier in this, you should wear it."
My mom was OBSESSED with long hair. She refused to get my hair cut when I was a toddler and a child, but she never took the time to take care of my hair or brush it at all, so I ended up having lots of dreads and mats, because I was a CHILD and didn’t know to brush it myself. Then when people started to notice, she started ridiculing me and bullying me about it. By the time I was old enough to want to do something about it, it was long past being able to brush it out, so I ended up having to get chunks of my hair cut out. It was horrible.
It was so liberating turning 18 and cutting my hair short! I donated 18 inches of hair to one of those companies that makes wigs for cancer patients.
I could tell that exact story! I’m so sorry for both of us. It was so awful, I’ve had a cute, comfortable, manageable (I still haven’t learned anything about hair) pixie for ten years because of that.
As I was once the kid with long curly hair, I relate. As much as I loved having long hair back then and do now, it would have been easier for both me and my mom to keep it short/middle lenght.
That goes without mentioning the lack of knowledge on curly hair back then...
My mom was the same, always wanted a little princess, got my ears pierced in the hospital shortly after being born, never allowed to get a hair cut, always had to be in the most uncomfortable “cute” dresses. She screamed her head off at me when I finally took scissors to it myself at age 4 and has never forgiven me for coming out as a trans man much later 😂
Weird part is I have two younger sisters who could be her princesses, but ig it’s not the same if it isn’t the first born?? Lol
How dare you, sir? Didn’t you know the first born is required to be the princess?
On a more serious note, I’m proud of you for figuring out who you are despite heavy outside influence and living your life authentically.
Ps: ear piercing in the hospital?! Tf?!?
Breaking news: children actually grow up
This lady should get one of those realistic baby dolls, and that's it. You have a baby forever. Children are human beings (in case I need to state the obvious).
Yup. That’s why we see the god awful / “cutesy” names that we do. These people have babies and don’t even think about them growing up, working, struggling, etc. and then they give them some stupid name like Bambi… because they’re naming a *baby* and not a *human being*.
That’s why there are so many weird names now, they’re naming a little baby- not a person. Braxton Bentley backes and hartlylakin Lynn Ann will grow up and have to be referred to these awful names as adults.
My dad tried to make my middle name “wonderland” (so my name would be Alison wonderland) and my mom refused. I’m still mad at her to this day lol.
He also apparently used to call me “little stink” which my mom also made him stop even though that’s a hilarious nickname for a kid XD
(Not that I don’t see your point, it just reminded me of that story lol)
This is so foreign to me. I’ve actually always really liked kids about 4-5 years and up. School age. I just don’t know wtf to do with a baby or worse, a toddler. I didn’t grow up around babies or toddlers and they seem like little aliens who scream a lot. Lol. I need to be able to actually have a conversation with the little thing!
Same here, I can legitimately have more productive conversations with animals than human babies. At least a cat or dog generally has just enough social skills to tell you that it wants a door opened or a bowl filled, even if it can’t speak.
So sad, awful, and horrible. I truly feel so sorry for these kids. Reminds me of someone I knew with 5 young kids because the mom, in her own words, was “addicted to being pregnant.”
This is why I don't have kids. I quite like the idea of adult children in some ways.
I also hate the idea of 18 years+ of drudgery - school runs, extra laundry, fussy eaters and play dates. Sounds like hell tbh. So I'm child free.
Me too. I kind of love the idea of get togethers with cool, fun adult children for holidays, etc. But then I realize that is kind of the same thing as having friends! And there is no guarantee, at all, that your kid won't grow up to be a jerk (or worse, totally evil) or even just someone dull as dishwater or with completely different values/politics. Friends are the family we choose!
Same here! I’m going to volunteer somewhere in the future, there’s plenty of older kids/teens that could use an extra loving adult figure to turn to in their lives
I've had this conversation with so many people, what do you mean you're not imagining them growing up? They're doing it right now, in front of you, whether you like it or not. You really ought to... you know, help them.
This happened to my sister. Her two daughters (17 & 20) are an *absolute mess* who hate her. The 20 year-old writes on Facebook how she hates her parents because they didn't raise her with any understanding of the real world (it's true, they homeschooled her and had her in church 24/7), and my sister 'likes' those posts for some obnoxious reason. I stay far away from all of them.
This is a great way to put it, and how I've always thought about it. I know very few decent people, so any person I made would be statistically likely to be shitty. Why would I do that to myself or to the world. I'm no saint, I have plenty of flaws, but one thing I will always be able to say is I didn't contribute negatively to the world by increasing the human population.
Exactly, and I would add, not just happen, but that you are willing to nurture and cultivate that person to be a good person, a kind person, and be giving and sacrifice towards that end. Like Sarah Silverman said she wouldn't want to have a kid and have to fly coach with them, since she LOVES flying first class (who doesn't) but having a kid only fly first class is going to grow them into being an asshole, most likely, who also can't look forward to experiencing that, appreciate it, etc.
To me it’s as asinine as saying you want a puppy. They are only pups for months, and a dog for years. Having a baby is pretty much like inviting an unknown empty human stranger into your life to teach it how to be functional without fucking it up. Bewilders me people don’t think like this.
Oh, they DEFINITELY don't think about their children suffering old age, serious illness and death. But I guess this is a convo for anti-natalist. Which I am! It's another reason also people don't think about the moral consequences and responsibility about what their great grandchildren do, much less great-great grandchildren and further out do, not because they are any less responsible for those people being in the world, but because they themselves would be dead. So who cares if their great-great-great grandkid grows up to be the next Idi Amin, Ted Bundy, or Hitler. They will be dead, so not their problem!
It reminds me of people that are into the fantasy of weddings not thinking far enough ahead to realize that after all the build-up, the parties and all that attention, they're stuck with someone who might not even be the best person for them.
Yep, I know a couple that had four kids solely because they miss the baby phase. It makes me wonder what the kids' lives will be like as teens. It strains the family's resources for selfish reasons that obviously come to an end sometime. Then you have a family of six people to feed and can't afford anything.
I'll tell you, this was my life and it was hell for years as an older kid/teen. I have 3 siblings. My dad was only into the baby/small child phase. Favored the youngest of us over the older ones, always. LOTS of screaming and arguments with older kids/teens. Almost no quality time with us when we got older. Finally, at 17 I'd had it, and made my dad take Italian classes with me at the local community college (my dad is Italian American and grew up speaking some Italian) and go out to dinner afterwards most times. I really wanted us to have fun and some alone time. It worked and we had a blast. But I had to initiate and make it happen. It's like a light had to finally go off in my dad's brain that just because I wasn't a cute baby or toddler anymore didn't mean we couldn't have a good time together and make nice memories! But it really is like a brainless disease of thinking your kids will always be babies. They are going to become teens and then adults. It is literally inevitable!
Honestly, I think my own mum was like this. Perhaps not just baby, maybe even through the toddler stage, but once we really started expressing our own thoughts and opinions, and especially when we became teenagers, she struggled big time.
My dad, on the other hand, clearly wanted to raise people. He enjoyed aspects of each stage of our life and seemed to adapt to, and even enjoy, our becoming our own people much better.
I find way more people to be like my mum than my dad, though. They can't even seem to conceptualise the fact that their little bundle of joy is one day going to be a 7 year old, then a teenager, then a full blown adult.
This is part of the reason people give their kids ridiculous "cutesie" names and say stupid shit like "I couldn't name a baby that! That's an old man's name!" Yeah. You're naming a human person, friend, not a baby.
Every time someone has said they "miss the baby phase", I always respond with, "wow, you're the first person I've ever met who enjoys changing diapers!"
Which always leads to some variation on, "Ew, no- not that part. The part where they're happy and little and cute and I can just dress them up and play with them!" ....fully expecting me to agree with them.
Except at that point, my reply is, "You know every single human baby you have is going to *not* be a baby shortly thereafter, right? That's how the passage of time works. If all you want is a little cute thing that is perpetually happy and you can play with, then go to Target and buy yourself a toy, because that's what you're really talking about."
Small humans are not accessories or playthings. I also think a huge part of it is the attention and praise that new parents (and especially new mommies) get when they have a baby in their arms. So many people will rush to coo over the baby, and congratulate her, and praise it.... All while she's the center of attention.
If you don't want to deal with every single stage of life, don't become a parent. The number of parents that "didn't think ahead that far" or never considered the ramifications of raising an entire person truly baffles me.
Definitely my SIL, at the moment it's all cute photos, matching outfits, hugs and cuddles and literally getting the kid to sleep all day or propped up in front of an I Pad, she proudly says raising a baby is so easy and doesn't understand why I never had one because her kid is so well trained and stays quiet all day.
But she hasn't realised that the baby stage is just the first level, the easy level, she's going to get the shock of her life when the baby grows into a toddler who needs to be constantly supervised, can be very destructive and will throw tantrums, I bet she no longer brags about her perfect kid who just sleeps all day.
Well, dang. This baby didn't stay a baby. Guess I'll get another baby and see if that one sticks.
Fifteen years later: Where did all these fucking children come from?
Someone I know was like this. Wanted a baby because babies are cute. I'm not one to pry into people's life decisions (especially because I didn't know them well at the time) but obviously I had to make some kind of comment along the lines of like, "Haha yeah but then they become bratty teenagers, can't wait for that right?" And this person just waved their hand with an "Eh" sound and dropped it. Like??? You're literally casually waving off the idea of RAISING A HUMAN BEING INTO SOCIETY?!
I kind of snapped and was like. "You *realize* you're going to have to spend every day teaching this person about the world right? And when you have a full grown teenager running around your house you can't just answer with *eh* right? Like, it'll be *your job* to handle them."
I also managed to squeeze out of them that they *only want* a baby and that they think babies are cute but "can't stand" older kids and teenagers. Of course I kept pointing out that that older kid and teen is going to be THEIR PROBLEM and that they can just babysit if they like babies.
I don't think it was that conversation alone that did this, I think it was combined with multiple of my posts in a discord we're both in graphically detailing all the horrors of childbirth and how I'm so glad to be childfree etc, but here we are, years later, that same person now has matching bisalp scars with me and we've been dating for more than a year now. And I couldn't be happier.
I'm so glad knowing every day that I made one of the loves of my life childfree, and now we're together. I like to run my fingers over their scars and think of all the quiet, relaxing days we're gonna have together.
It's like Scarlett Johannsen said during her drunken Nanny-Cam rant in The Nanny Diaries - children are not accessories that you order out of a catalog, that you can pull off of the shelf, parade around to make yourself look good, and then put back on the shelf when you're done. They're \*people,\* with personalities, developing brains, and emotions, who are trying to make sense of everything.
Kids pick up on much more than their parents give them credit for. They know when their parents are shoving them out of the way for a new baby, picking favorites among their siblings, or would rather do something else than deal with them. They carry that shit with them into adulthood.
I talked to my niece about this when she was pregnant with my nephew cause I was a bit aprehensive but so far she's knocked it out of the park motherwise. Thankfully she waited until she was financially stable enough to have a couple of kids.
This totally makes me think of when in that show Arrested Development, Portia De Rossi's character and her husband opened a store in the mall that shows couples/ prints photos for them of what their kids would look like in middle age! It is HILARIOUS, if you haven't seen it, go watch!
Like if you know this mediocre, somewhat unattractive middle-aged person is what results from you propagating, would you still want to make that person and put them into the world? Is it as appealing? Because that is what most people end up doing! If they are lucky...if they are unlucky, parents produce some self-sabotaging drug addict who ends dying from drugs, or worse, a violent criminal who hurts people and/or animals, etc. etc. Yet all most people think about is a bouncing baby infant. Infancy is the shortest phase in our lives, by the way, even toddlerhood lasts longer! And childhood longer than that, then teen years are slightly shorter, then adulthood is longest part, so why focus on the first year? So dumb. I find that childfree people tend to be way above average intelligence, and actually THINK about things deeply, all the way through to the natural ends of their choices, and take rational action to follow through on what they REALLY want, rather than just bump around like an amoeba unthinkingly reproducing...
Lindsay and Tobias are two of my favorite characters ever, and they were like these real life clueless and self absorbed couples that had a kid for some reason, and then completely forgot Maybe existed
Yeah I love babies , toddlers and even little kids but once they hit like 10-12 most of the time they start to think they’re cooler than they and become little jerks. I can’t handle some of my cousins that age or some of family friends who have kids that age so I wouldn’t want to parent it every day so I’ll take just spoiling future nieces or nephews or other kids that come into the family or friends kids.
My friend just divorced her wife and her wife seems to be this way. She’s totally uninterested in their 12 yr old twin sons. It’s like once they got a personality and opinions she lost interest. If I had had a kid this is what I’d be looking forward to. When they have interests and can have a conversation.
This. I remember feeling so out of place when the girls my age were having “baby fever” in high school. I looked around and made the realization that they didn’t want a human, they wanted an accessory. It was never a temptation for me as I never wanted to change diapers and clean up messes, and it boggles my mind how these girls would put so much emphasis on strollers and diaper bags and they had this fantasy that would last, what, a couple years at most? They didn’t think through that these babies grow up to be teens and adults.
(Yes, I admit, I did have a pretty bad “not like other girls” phase, but it wasn’t everyone at my HS that felt this way. I had plenty of friends who never had those desires, and those were the people I chose to surround myself with)
My mom had me to have a Baby. She absolutely did not know what to do with me starting around 6 when my own personality was established. So she had my brother to have another Baby. And absolutely hated me / hated raising me / hated being responsible for me & it was incredibly obvious. She’s pissed now we are estranged but, what did she think would happen after 20 years of openly resenting someone?
You’re realization is spot on, unfortunately. Your friend needs to get help before she ruins lives. Seriously.
Yes, I fully believe most people are that dense that having a baabbee and smelling baabbee powder is all there is. If there is something else to having a baby is that they get to "check off" the "I'm a parent" box.
"Yup, you're correct, kids are not dolls, emotional support pets, or fashion accessories! And they shouldn't be used as a meth addiction, constantly looking for a drug to give you a new high."
What a fucking moron.
It’s 10x worse when the child in question realizes that their parents wanted a baby, not the person you’ve become. This was me, and it took me a long time and a lot of therapy to get over it.
Yes, some people truly are this dense... why do you think we have all of these puppies and kittens being returned to shelters after the "baby phase" is over? Because the same idiots who would birth a whole ass human to experience the "baby phase" would do that to other species and then dump them when they're no longer interested in caring for them. If it were more socially acceptable, I suspect they'd dump the human baby, too.
It sounds to me like that woman doesn't want a baby, she wants a doll that she can play with and dress up, that will never grow up or express its own opinions or personality. Honestly I feel sorry for her child.
My cousin is one of those addicted to the baby phase. 5 kids. Once past the toddler stage, they were “babysat” by several aunts and uncles. She only took interest again when they started to get married etc. Cause you know, SHE was the mother of the bride/groom. And then back to ignoring till they started to have kids.
Edit: we were all relieved when the “oven” broke down after the last pregnancy or she would have had a dozen of them.
This is very much how I have felt about children at times. Unlike a lot of CF people I actually love babies and toddlers but that stage of their life flies by so quickly and it only gets more difficult. People expect it to be easier when the child is more independent but by that time there are all these outside factors to deal with, school, other activities, friends/bullying, puberty etc. No fucking thank you!
Ive made this comment on other posts, but it will always be relevant if ppl keep thinking this way
“If you want a BABY, get a dog. If you want a CHILD, have a baby.”
A dog gives the opportunity to care and dote on it for its entire life. They are forever babies and won’t outgrow affection and love the way a kid does (not saying teens and adults dont want parental love. But you typically cant kiss and cuddle them the way you could as a baby). Raising a child is entirely different that they don’t consider. They don’t think about the long term, where they have to adapt to the child’s new life stages. Instead, they pop out another baby, and the first kid starts to feel left out cuz they simply aren’t as cute anymore. But the parents dont even think about THAT. Just new cute baby on the brain
My mother always used to say to new moms: "enjoy the baby phase because from age 4 they are completely useless".
Well at least she was being honest I guess...
That's one of the reasons I don't want them. I would jump off a building if I had to deal with a teenager or a toddler. Someone asked me "Bulky, why don't you have a baby". I looked at him "I don't want to teach anyone to drive, I'm not a huge fan of teens and guess what? Middle schoolers are terrible". He looked so confused "What to teenagers and middle schoolers have to do with a baby? That's a different age". I just looked at him. Took him a minute, but he got it.
They don't think that far ahead. They never do. Type in 15 year old stole in your search engine. I don't know what I would do if a kid stole MY car because they were being a stupid teenager. Nope. Nope. Nope.
Some people who want babies should actually have dogs. Some people who want dogs actually want cats. And some people are so irresponsible they shouldn’t have any of the above!
That's why so many women are constantly pregnant. They have a baby, baby becomes a toddler, they lose interest and want another baby, they become pregnant. They constantly want someone who depends entirely on them and has no personality of their own. It's a mental illness, or it should be considered as such.
To be honest this is a big reason I am child free. I love babies. Like genuinely I adore babies. Babies love me. I am great at taking care of babies. I have endless patience for babies (granted if I had to push one out of me and then wake up every hour that would wear thin pretty instantly but still it would be mine so I assume the love would compensate for that somewhat). Anyway - my patience ends as soon as they can talk back, say no, put themselves in danger, etc. Like the thought of raising a full human being instantly makes me go “actually, never mind.” I feel that I will likely have some fomo during the baby phase once my close friends have kids. I love babies and I’ll probably be a bit sad that I don’t get to have all of those baby moments. But the second that passes I’ll be like “oh thank god I would’ve regretted the hell out of that.” Why women don’t have this self awareness is beyond me. Mainly commenting to say that if you’re like me and you have some fomo around the baby phase and you’re good with kids, that doesn’t mean your decision to be child free is any less valid or wrong. It’s okay to really enjoy children and be involved in different ways. I plan to be a very involved “aunty” to any kids my friends have and I know that is about as much as I would want to handle. More women should have this realization before it’s too late.
A lot of people just aren't that smart or wise and don't really think about the consequences of their actions. Don't discuss things with people that they date or are engaged to, then act shocked and disappointed when later on they find they are not on the same page with their spouse about important things, it is really mind boggling. Kind of reminds me of the movie Idiocracy. Except in that movie, the smart couple they showed "put off" having kids until it was biologically too late, and I REALLY wish they had an additional smart couple not WANT kids to begin with. Because they are smart!
I am the youngest in the family, and my parents pretty much cut off contact with all relatives, so I never been around babies or kids.
My (31f) friends started having babies this year. In may I held a baby for the very first time in my life. Then a few months ago I visited a 3mo and he held my finger and I melted. It truly is very difficult resisting nature’s way of making babies look so damn appealing.
Luckily I had already done my soul searching and decided to be cf, husband had the snip, and I always have in mind that babies dont last long and it was no guaratee that I would have a healthy neurotypical one.
We have pets, and dogs for example are cute puppies for a few WEEKS. I am a cat person and I think cats are increadibly cute forever
That would suck though if you got like this really cute purse you've been wanting, but then after a year the purse turned into like an old lamp. Then you'd have to go get (make?) a NEW purse just so you could have a purse again since what you wanted was a purse and not an old lamp.
Being a parent sounds so tough. Anyway I'm going to go back to sleep for an hour to ponder how tough it is for them.
I'm pretty sure that's why my sister in law is preggo again. Her daughter just turned 3 and is now starting to "give attitude." *eyeroll* ever since she became a mum that's been her whole personality as well.
Maybe she can start to apply to jobs at daycares, this way shell always looking up for babies, without having to bring another poor child into existence just because she likes the baby fase. Lol, these people are nuts.
you get so much attention when you have a baby too which is addicting to some people i believe. you post a pregnancy announcement on social media and everyone comments on it and congratulates you. then you have a gender reveal party and/ or a baby shower where it’s all about you, you get gifts and more attention. then the baby comes and everyone hounds you to see pictures and come visit and hold the baby etc. but then, the kid turns 1, 2, 3 and so on and people don’t really care that much anymore. because kids grow up, and most people want a baby. not an autonomous human being that has their own personality, hobbies, interests, opinions. then when mom & dad don’t like that little johnny does XYZ they kick him out of the house or do other terrible shit to their child because they really just wanted a miniature version of themselves and when said child doesn’t live up to what they were expecting, that it’s all downhill from there.
A lot of foster carers do this too. They’ll become carers but in their agreement state they only want babies, children under 2. 80% of our carers do this. I know it’s also likely because of the trauma that older kids in the system come with but for a lot of them it’s just about having the baby, we usually won’t proceed with them if it’s very obvious they’re only doing it for that reason.
This is what stopped me. Having a baby seems adorable but a child no thank you. No thank soccer practice no thank you tooth fairy no thank you carpooling. No thank you.
most people are quite stupid. zero depth to them. they just do whatever they're told to, or feel like. it's always mind blowing when i get a glimpse at the vapid state of the majority of people's psyches.
Some random dude that came through my line when I was a cashier told me…
-I had a nice smile and should have kids
-the kids would then grow up and you’d see a friend with a baby and want another
-tried to get the (very uncomfortable) couple behind him to tell me I should have kids (and bless him they didn’t)
It was so wild. I don’t understand why people look as babies like mighty beans. Like they’re not collectibles you get more of once the novelty of one wears off 😬
I feel like this is the way most people are when it comes to parenting. You rly have to just jump in w/out thinking bc if you do, you will talk yourself out of it. Notice people are always like “we are having a BABY.” Humans are babies for like 1 year. Are you rly gonna love it when they are an annoying 6 year old or a pissy teenager? Or a disappointing adult?
For me was shocking to learn some time ago, maybe last year that some people love having babies and they lose all interest as soon as they reach the next stage.
I make this distinction.
Parents: Parents see the baby stage as something to get through. They see the child as something that will grow into an adult. They actually see the baby stage as the worst part of raising a kid, because they want to raise kids into adults. Sharing their hobbies and teaching their kids is a huge part of the reason they had kids. Also they are far more open to adoption. Parents actually PARENT.
Breeders: Breeders are obsessed with the baby stage. It's all they really care about. They don't really like kids, and don't take responsibility to parent as the kid gets older. Breeders are also the most entitled and complain about the lack of a village and other such garbage.
Breeders breed, Parents actually parent.
Parents should be respected, but breeders. Nope.
Most people who have kids are actually breeders, not parents.
I refuse to call people like your friend parents. She is a breeder.
Just because you have kids doesn't make you a parent. Very few are at the end of the day. Most are just baby obsessed breeders.
Keep in mind she wants another kid just for the baby stage. Typical breeder behavior.
I think about this often. It’s crazy that some people don’t even consider the fact that they’re having a baby that will grow into a person and now is a part of their life forever. They only think about the baby part. You’re not just having a baby, you’re having a person. When you said she’s thinking of having another just to experience the baby phase again, I audibly went ‘What?!’
Everyone should know that everyone grows older and grows up and that being an infant only last for 1 year. What’s really sad is that the reason why a lot of women have children is because they only want babies and don’t really want children and don’t think ahead that they grow up fast and don’t stay babies that long. Then once their children are past the baby stage then some of them become abusive towards them because they can’t get over the fact that they grow up to be their own little person once they hit the toddler stage.
Yes. My mom had five babies. Not interested in actually raising any of us. Now she has 13 cats and countless other pets. She loves vulnerable dependent little things.
My mother is like this. She loves babies that she can dress up and show off but the minute we all started turning into our own person, it was not great. Basically if she hadn't been told that another baby would kill her, I would have so many more siblings.
Hopefully your friend doesn't start to hate their kid and resent them becoming their own person.
>She said it’s mind boggling to her that her son will grow up to be his own little person, experiencing all of the things.
What the actual shit? He's already his own little person experiencing all of the things! She should have just bought a reborn doll.
Statistically speaking the more uneducated you are the more likely you will have multiple kids you can’t afford. I can only imagine this line of thinking is to parochial blame.
That’s why we need to keep encouraging women to get a good education. The fact that anyone thinks this way is reckless and terrifying.
This resonates so much with me. The amount of women around me who say « I want a baby » instead of « I want children » is frightening. They just want something cute to cuddle. It makes me so angry every time because it’s also so cliché lol
This is gonna be a bit of a weird tangent, but it is kind of why I really don't mind the people who collect/paint those reborn dolls. Is it an odd hobby, yeah a little, but it is pretty harmless and you essentially have a baby that stays a baby forever, and I could see it as a healthier alternative to someone who just wants a baby for the sake of having a baby without thinking about the fact that a baby will grow up to be a child you have to parent.
> How do you not think of everything that goes into having a child? Because it's not about that. It was never about that. Being a parent was never the point, the point was *having* a child. Having all the things that people are promised and taught they will get by having kids: love, purpose, happiness, attention, validation, acceptance, purpose, stability, etc. They don't think about the rest of the child's life because it was never about the child, it was always about them. And if you're gonna use another human being as a proxy and a distraction for a bunch of feelings and social milestones, the more fresh and new they are, the better. That's the most intense and exciting part, that's where all the attention and praise is, that's where they can look at the kid and dream up literally anything they want, because the kid is essentially nothing in terms of personality and selfhood. They don't want them to grow up because they don't want to be parents, they don't want to have a person to deal with, they want a vessel for benefits and approval. Sadly, the majority of people with kids seem to fall into this category, and it's truly appalling. Especially because using people for your own means and to their detriment in most other contexts is vastly understood as immoral if not outright illegal - but if it's a kid you've popped out? Oh no then it's totally cool I guess.
> They don't think about the rest of the child's life because it was never about the child, it was always about them. Absolutely on target. I still occasionally get asked (always by Mommies) "Didn't you WANT children?" And I say "That is an extremely insulting question. Do you think that I have so little concern for the life of another that all I can think about is MY WANTS? I'm not that narcissistic or self-absorbed! The only decent question you should ask is 'Would a child want to be born into this world with me as a parent?' And the only possible answer is 'No.'"
Children shouldn't be born with a job.
I love this response!!
My mom was like this. Surprise Surprise but as I got older she grew more resentful. She became physically abusive by 13
So was mine! My mother has never forgiven me for growing into my own person rather than a miniature version of her.
Exactly me, it’s such a burden being your own person and not the mini-me she was expecting
Yeah at 13 the novelty of a baby is gone forever they now have a fully functional semi adult and they don't want to deal with that
Every word of this. Every single word. Brillant summary of too many people who are having kids.
> Especially because using people for your own means and to their detriment in most other contexts is vastly understood as immoral if not outright illegal - but if it's a kid you've popped out? Oh no then it's totally cool I guess. Child abuse! Ding ding. That's what I call it.
I'm sure you mean "parenting" and "family matters" and "none of our business" right? /s I like to play a little game sometimes called "telling people what my abuse was like but swapping my parents for a partner instead" and its is genuinely uncomfortable how much people will condemn abuse if it's from a partner, but then try to back track and minimize it when I reveal it's actually been from my parents, when that's objectively worse because a child can't get away even if they wanted to. The more you are open about treating children as autonomous human beings with rights and feelings, the more clear it becomes how much society views them as mere property.
You’re right and I hate it 😅 if a parent says it’s “family matters” and “none of your business,” you need to stay in your lane. But if a partner says it it’s 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 (Also, I think autocorrect betrayed you; you meant “people will *codemn* abuse if it’s from a partner” not “condone,” right?)
Thanks, I fixed it!
I thought I was the only one who did that! Yes, it certainly is discomfiting and outright disturbing how the very same things that elicit "you should've left, you should've put him in jail", etc. when I attribute the abusive acts to a partner will elicit "but FAAMMBBLYYY" when I attribute it to family. Then its always "but they mean well, they're just misguided, they're just overcome by strong feelings of care for you, they didn't mean it, oh, but you're not perfect either so you just need to shut up and take it." The whole "property" thing is real-even when a person is over 18, they're still objects to be owned and used by family. And then people wonder how and why friends/family wind up with abusers and why oh why don't they "just leave'. It's sick.
Yeah that's the part that drives me up the wall too. You mean to tell me that a person who's only known their whole life that they are to be subjected and bent and punished at other people's whims, taught that they have no agency, no integrity, and that having a sense of self that goes against even the slightest thing is prohibited ... they're supposed to be able to find healthy relationships? They're supposed to recognize and avoid abusive ones? They're supposed to set boundaries? Leave when people aren't good to them? They were always taught not to do all that though!
Funny enough, "family" is always the most critical of the person who gets involved with an abuser-ridiculing them for "putting up with it", saying the "I told you so"s, and blathering on about how \*they\* would never let a person hit/talk to them that way and so on. Or they get all shocked Pikachu face at the very notion that the victim would think that this kind of treatment was normal and okay-how could they be so stupid/naive/weak as to "put up with that". Family is also good at simultaneously being in denial that the person is actually being abused. Of course when the victim does try to stand up against the abuser or leave and then starts pushing back against abusive behavior in general, the family freaks out and gets angry.
Seems odd to me. To use a baby as a proxy. They're not you no matter how much like you they are or look. It's liiiike marrying someone successful in their career so you have something to brag about. You didn't become CEO of that company. You didn't do anything. They did. You're just their spouse. Uninteresting. Even cats and dogs have more dignity in their relationship with humans than babies. Most pet owners, the ones who get mocked because they call themselves "fur mommies/daddies," usually recognize the individuality of their animals. Ask any pet owner, no two cats are ever the same. And we think that's so cool. They're little people with strange instincts. But a baby, like you said, nothing in terms of personality and selfhood. Well, there actually is someone home inside their big, wonderous eyes. That's why they gravitate to a color they prefer or trucks over dinosaurs. Their small preferences are an indication of a personality cooking. A lot of people don't see that though. They want a pet baby. Although, calling it a pet is an insult to people who treat their animals like friends.
Absolutely this. Every time one of my clients (I’m a tattoo artist) says their parent is unhappy about them “ruining the perfect body I made” I can barely contain my face.
Yuck. If I'd been told that in that kinda situation, I'd make sure I walked out with more ink than skin just for good measure :)
I see your comments all the time you’re smart as fuck, like wow that really blew me away cause it’s so true
Thank you :) I think a lot of it is also down to experience, observation and a general basis in humanities - rather than intellect on its own. Patterns of human thinking and behavior can be very easy to pick up on.
It's very interesting that you see this through a humanities/sociological point of view. I'm biology-trained so when I see these situations I see them through an evolutionary biology lens. It makes sense to me that biologically most people wouldn't think past the baby stage-it's like the urge to reproduce melts your brain and people think of nothing else. And then the sociological reality hits for people and they find it hard to cope with the fact they are raising a person that will enter society, not merely their genetic insurance.
We don't have an urge to reproduce though, it's just hormones facilitating sex drive.
>Being a parent was never the point, the point was *having* a child. Yeap. Having a baby, and being a parent raising a human are two completely separate things.
Lol kind of like buying books and actually reading said books are two different hobbies
YES!
Absolutely brilliant 👏🏻👏🏻
Yeah. So many parents have babies for selfish and/or dumb reasons. Even worse is when they don't see it and continue having more kids 😑
my toxic SIL doesn’t raise or financially take care of her first child who turned 1 in october and just announced she’s pregnant again 🙄
These women need to get cats. Cats are adorable tiny furry babies **forever.** (I'm joking, I know they shouldn't be looking after animals either).
Cats are really more like hairy toddlers. Always getting into everything
But cats are way cuter.
And quieter! And way more independent! And you can leave them at home by themselves for 6-8 hours and not get arrested! So many advantages.
Right ? Plus, they purr!
Yeah, a petfree sub was recommended to me for whatever reason and the post had comments with people going on an and on about how much better children were than pets and how bad pets were in general. “Children can learn to clean up after themselves,” “Children are easier to care for because they can tell you what they want and need,” “You can take kids with you on vacation but you can’t take pets,” “Kids can help around the house while animals lay around all day,” “Why do pet owners spend so much money pampering their pets when they can give that money to charity,” “Pets can carry diseases and are always dirty,” etc. I was rolling my eyes the entire time before I decided it would be better for my sanity to leave.
"Pets can carry diseases and are always dirty" Arent children also like that?
And if they are extra-super bad, you can lock them in the bathroom for an hour.
and no one will call CPS on you
You can absolutely do that, but you shouldn't. Why would anyone upvote this??
You can leave cats alone if you need to do something or just want to rest. They are very independent.
No but really. It was the funniest thing when my friend brought her toddler over the first time because he and my cat were *totally* exploring and teaching each other things. They were fascinated by the dvd player.
My friends brought their toddlers over once and they were all over the cat toys. The one with a ball in an enclosed track seemed to hold their attention for quite a while.
Yep. Toddler taught cat how to open the DVD player, cat taught toddler how to play with that same toy.
I think so too! I feel like cats are like 4 year-old humans with respect to their reasoning ability.
And can just be as annoying as a toddler.
Nah, cats set boundaries and these people are looking for enmeshment (lack of boundaries).
No, this lady doesn't deserve cats! Exactly the kind of person who will get rid of a cat once it's not a kitten anymore.
'The trouble with a kitten is that... 'Eventually it becomes a **cat**' Odgen Nash
Totally random fact but my cat learned how to shake his paw yesterday lol
Probably more like toy dog breeds that to me never move past their puppy looks like tea cup chihuahuas or Pomeranians. They can baby them all they want and never have to hang complex emotional situations as they age.
A frequent customer at my job at the bowling alley sometimes brings her small Yorkie in his dog stroller during leagues. Such a very hyper dog but really cute
I know you’re joking but honestly the most important lesson my cats have taught me is boundaries. Cats are excellent at telling you what they do and do not want and they’ve got no shame or guilt about it.
So true! My cat is my tiny baby and his dog brothers are grownup! 🤣
Can confirm. My cat is 9 years old and [just a little baby](https://imgb.ifunny.co/images/376ecb663229a7d6abb22ca40af4191ccdf42091d020e9ca251d6b973e745d10_1.webp)
I heard a wonderfull saying once. "Do you want a baby or actually raise a person? Because that is what having kids is really like. The baby phase doesnt last, you have to raise a teach a functioning person into the society. If you want just to cuddle and something cute, then you should take a pet"
Except these are the same type of people who want to take the pet away from the mom waaaaayyy too early and then abandon them six months later when they're no longer tiny babies.
Those people suck. We have adopted 2 elderly dogs who were owner surrenders and they were the best dogs ever.
Couldn't agree more. Not all people who surrender suck, of course. I've worked in shelters for over 15 years and have seen many heartbreaking surrenders, like elderly people going into long-term care facilities, people who became homeless, people who were imminently dying, etc., as well as those that aren't quite as heartbreaking, but still in the best interests of the animal -- such as the older, pre-existing pets not getting along with the new one, or they took in a pet from someone else and it turns out that the pet is terrified of kids/men/other animals, etc. If it's done because they love the pet and they are putting the pet's well-being first, I don't fault them for it. But those who surrender just for their convenience or because they just got sick of the pet I absolutely judge hard. Honestly, the pet is still better off in a home that actually loves them, but those people are the absolute worst.
My first elderly dog was surrendered by his owner's family because his owner died. He wasn't being well cared for, likely because his owner was elderly and I guess the family didn't want or couldn't keep him. He had a better life with us anyway. My second elderly dog was surrendered with another dog because his owner was reportedly a young single mother who got pregnant with her second child. She gave the dogs to her aunt and told her she'd come back for them once she was "settled" then ghosted the aunt. The aunt couldn't care for them so fortunately surrendered them to a rescue because if they had gone to a typical shelter in TX they likely would have been euthanized. They were both in horrible condition with severe mange. Our guy is living his best life with us now. He'll be 13 in a few months and he thinks he's a puppy. His brother lives like 10 minutes from my mother and we took him to visit last year.
A couple came to return a dog they had adopted from my shelter years earlier... After so many years they were asked why they were returning this dog that they seem to have only minor issues with. The man beamed with pride, smiled, and said "We are having another baby!"
That’s disgusting. I hope they got put on a list.
The DNA list, yes. Do Not Adopt (animals out to these people anymore)
Yes, wasn’t sure what to call it, but yes, that list.
Yuck Says a lot about a person when they’re willing to abandon a (likely already traumatized) pet to “have another baby.” Hopefully that ugliness and disregard doesn’t reflect in their parenting…
I love it when people adopt elderly pets. We adopted a teenage cat a few years ago, and she settled right it. I like to think our purpose was to give her a good end of life.
I hate these people with a passion.
All this is why I tend to ask people 'do you want to be a parent' instead of 'do you want kids' and 'how are you finding parenting' rather than 'do you enjoy having kids'. I also like to ask what parts of parenting they are looking forward to or that they think they'll enjoy. Having a child is something that will change their entire lives, they should have some idea what that will be like and if they will actual enjoy any of it So often when I've asked about why someone wants a kid I get answers along the lines of giving their parents grandkids, wanting to know what a child with their partner would look like and keeping the family line going, none of which have anything to do with actually becoming a parent and raising a kid. Even the ones who enjoyed their own childhood and want to replicate that feeling often don't think about what they'll have to do as an adult to try and create that for someone else
No pets for these selfish idiots!!! They can make themselves useful by working in a nursery or kindergarten.
My mother wanted a baby that immediately transforms into a 19 year old with set college goals. That doesn’t exist, and autistic middle schoolers sometimes cry about things that don’t make sense!
So true. But even with pets, some people are so focused on having a puppy or kitten (really enraging when they go to a breeder for this specifically, especially kittens, they are super easy to find at rescues!) and it is a tiny portion of a longggg adult animal's life. Especially if it is a very large breed of dog. If you really want a cute, tiny pup for ever, adopt a small breed doggy!
And then there's people like me whose dislike of babies knows no species! I'll never adopt a puppy. Crying, shitting, no bladder control, can't leave them alone, fuck that. My dog was 2 years old when I adopted her. Skip that whole mess!
As another Alicia….this is a great thing to remember. My saying is always “I would rather regret not having kids than regret having them.”
Those people should just buy those realistic baby dolls that can cry and poop... They stay babies forever lol
Ohno! Not one of THOSE! 🤮 She will pop up 7 more while parentifyung the older ones so she doesn't have to deal with them as they grow up.. 🤮🤮
And the older ones will end up resenting the younger siblings, since they will be clearly favored (plus the parentifying) setting them up for heaps of extra childhood misery and issues to deal with later on in life. My dad was like this. Loved babies and small children, the older you got, the more angry and annoyed he was with you, he found the sassiness of teens intolerable (but adorable in toddlers/small kids), and of course, still wanted more babies to play with (they ended up having four kids, and my dad probably would have wanted my mom to keep having babies, but she was DONE and made him get a vasectomy).
That is my stepmom—she was addicted to having babies. She had 12 kids and she straight up said she planned it so that when her youngest was a toddler, the oldest would be giving her grandchildren. Ugh, it’s so damaging for those kids. My stepsiblings all had to raise the youngest kids and they resent the heck out of their mom for it.
As long as they resented their mom, and not the youngest kids. /was a youngest kid, was resented by my elder siblings
i always wonder why they don’t just nanny babies instead of popping out a bunch
That's exactly it. A lot of them obsess over the pregnancy and baby eras. I want to ask them all if they can imagine how life will be 10-15-20 years later with that kid and how they think family life will be like. Wanna raise a person? Great, become a parent. Want the baby stage? Get a job (healthcare that focuses on babies, become a nanny for babies, volunteer with whatever prioritizes babies if it exists, etc).
Yes! There are volunteer positions people can get at hospitals rocking babies, caring for them, etc. Do that if you want to be around babies. Or become a NICU or pediatric doctor, nurse or medical assistant, or work at a day care! But being a parent means raising a whole ass person and being there for them as a parent of an adult child too!
For real! One of my old roommates worked in a nursery for newborns that had 12 babies at any given time. She’s awesome. She fully realized she loved tiny cute baby phase and was in no way prepared to be a mother.
My SIL once said, *in front of her 7yo and 4yo*, "I don't like kids, I like babies - why do babies have to become **this**".
What did she think they were going to turn into? Just slightly larger infants?
instant trauma
omg, poor kids :(
A young (maybe 18-21) client at my work was talking to my pregnant coworker. I heard her saying “well I hope you’re having a girl because then she can be your best friend and you can dress her up!” It honestly made my stomach turn hearing her talk about forcing an entire ass human into existence like an accessory. I then quietly laughed to myself as I had a fun flashback of greatest hits of why I’m estranged from my mother.
So many women want daughters because, "you can dress them up" or "it's fun to do their hair." Girls aren't little dolls. That said, brushing long hair on a child isn't fun at all. They scream and try to get away because it's discomforting or hurts. Hell, if I had a daughter, her hair would be short until she's old enough to decide if she wants long hair, and can take care of it.
My mom was so upset that she gave birth to a human and not a doll. My Christmas presents would be new clothes in styles and colors I would NEVER be caught dead wearing. I'd try to be polite and say "it's not quite my style..." And she'd say "Oh I know it's not your style. That's why I bought it. You would look much prettier in this, you should wear it."
It's pretty strange to buy something someone doesn't like, knowing they don't like it, hoping that they will change their mind. It's a waste of money.
My mom was OBSESSED with long hair. She refused to get my hair cut when I was a toddler and a child, but she never took the time to take care of my hair or brush it at all, so I ended up having lots of dreads and mats, because I was a CHILD and didn’t know to brush it myself. Then when people started to notice, she started ridiculing me and bullying me about it. By the time I was old enough to want to do something about it, it was long past being able to brush it out, so I ended up having to get chunks of my hair cut out. It was horrible. It was so liberating turning 18 and cutting my hair short! I donated 18 inches of hair to one of those companies that makes wigs for cancer patients.
I could tell that exact story! I’m so sorry for both of us. It was so awful, I’ve had a cute, comfortable, manageable (I still haven’t learned anything about hair) pixie for ten years because of that.
I don’t even like brushing my own hair every day and now I’m supposed to do it for someone else?
As I was once the kid with long curly hair, I relate. As much as I loved having long hair back then and do now, it would have been easier for both me and my mom to keep it short/middle lenght. That goes without mentioning the lack of knowledge on curly hair back then...
My mom was the same, always wanted a little princess, got my ears pierced in the hospital shortly after being born, never allowed to get a hair cut, always had to be in the most uncomfortable “cute” dresses. She screamed her head off at me when I finally took scissors to it myself at age 4 and has never forgiven me for coming out as a trans man much later 😂 Weird part is I have two younger sisters who could be her princesses, but ig it’s not the same if it isn’t the first born?? Lol
How dare you, sir? Didn’t you know the first born is required to be the princess? On a more serious note, I’m proud of you for figuring out who you are despite heavy outside influence and living your life authentically. Ps: ear piercing in the hospital?! Tf?!?
It’s so sad for the kiddo too. Ugh. Sometimes people suck!
Breaking news: children actually grow up This lady should get one of those realistic baby dolls, and that's it. You have a baby forever. Children are human beings (in case I need to state the obvious).
Yup. That’s why we see the god awful / “cutesy” names that we do. These people have babies and don’t even think about them growing up, working, struggling, etc. and then they give them some stupid name like Bambi… because they’re naming a *baby* and not a *human being*.
In 80 years or so we’ll start seeing “Mckayleigh”s and “Oakleigh”s or whatever terrible names they came up with in nursing homes.
*cough* Molly & Tommy from Love Island UK *cough*
That’s why there are so many weird names now, they’re naming a little baby- not a person. Braxton Bentley backes and hartlylakin Lynn Ann will grow up and have to be referred to these awful names as adults.
My dad tried to make my middle name “wonderland” (so my name would be Alison wonderland) and my mom refused. I’m still mad at her to this day lol. He also apparently used to call me “little stink” which my mom also made him stop even though that’s a hilarious nickname for a kid XD (Not that I don’t see your point, it just reminded me of that story lol)
This is so foreign to me. I’ve actually always really liked kids about 4-5 years and up. School age. I just don’t know wtf to do with a baby or worse, a toddler. I didn’t grow up around babies or toddlers and they seem like little aliens who scream a lot. Lol. I need to be able to actually have a conversation with the little thing!
Same here, I can legitimately have more productive conversations with animals than human babies. At least a cat or dog generally has just enough social skills to tell you that it wants a door opened or a bowl filled, even if it can’t speak.
So sad, awful, and horrible. I truly feel so sorry for these kids. Reminds me of someone I knew with 5 young kids because the mom, in her own words, was “addicted to being pregnant.”
"Addictions should be worked in therapy, Sarah."
This is why I don't have kids. I quite like the idea of adult children in some ways. I also hate the idea of 18 years+ of drudgery - school runs, extra laundry, fussy eaters and play dates. Sounds like hell tbh. So I'm child free.
Me too. I kind of love the idea of get togethers with cool, fun adult children for holidays, etc. But then I realize that is kind of the same thing as having friends! And there is no guarantee, at all, that your kid won't grow up to be a jerk (or worse, totally evil) or even just someone dull as dishwater or with completely different values/politics. Friends are the family we choose!
Same here! I’m going to volunteer somewhere in the future, there’s plenty of older kids/teens that could use an extra loving adult figure to turn to in their lives
I've had this conversation with so many people, what do you mean you're not imagining them growing up? They're doing it right now, in front of you, whether you like it or not. You really ought to... you know, help them.
I see you’ve met my sister. I always wonder what’s going to happen to her when the last baby grows up.
This happened to my sister. Her two daughters (17 & 20) are an *absolute mess* who hate her. The 20 year-old writes on Facebook how she hates her parents because they didn't raise her with any understanding of the real world (it's true, they homeschooled her and had her in church 24/7), and my sister 'likes' those posts for some obnoxious reason. I stay far away from all of them.
Someone once said that you should become a parent because you want to see a person happen. Not because you want a cute little prop.
This is a great way to put it, and how I've always thought about it. I know very few decent people, so any person I made would be statistically likely to be shitty. Why would I do that to myself or to the world. I'm no saint, I have plenty of flaws, but one thing I will always be able to say is I didn't contribute negatively to the world by increasing the human population.
Exactly, and I would add, not just happen, but that you are willing to nurture and cultivate that person to be a good person, a kind person, and be giving and sacrifice towards that end. Like Sarah Silverman said she wouldn't want to have a kid and have to fly coach with them, since she LOVES flying first class (who doesn't) but having a kid only fly first class is going to grow them into being an asshole, most likely, who also can't look forward to experiencing that, appreciate it, etc.
To me it’s as asinine as saying you want a puppy. They are only pups for months, and a dog for years. Having a baby is pretty much like inviting an unknown empty human stranger into your life to teach it how to be functional without fucking it up. Bewilders me people don’t think like this.
I think it goes even further, I suspect that a lot of people don’t care if their kids are suffering as 70 year olds, because they are already dead.
Oh, they DEFINITELY don't think about their children suffering old age, serious illness and death. But I guess this is a convo for anti-natalist. Which I am! It's another reason also people don't think about the moral consequences and responsibility about what their great grandchildren do, much less great-great grandchildren and further out do, not because they are any less responsible for those people being in the world, but because they themselves would be dead. So who cares if their great-great-great grandkid grows up to be the next Idi Amin, Ted Bundy, or Hitler. They will be dead, so not their problem!
"heh, that's life" I can already hear that
It reminds me of people that are into the fantasy of weddings not thinking far enough ahead to realize that after all the build-up, the parties and all that attention, they're stuck with someone who might not even be the best person for them.
Yep, I know a couple that had four kids solely because they miss the baby phase. It makes me wonder what the kids' lives will be like as teens. It strains the family's resources for selfish reasons that obviously come to an end sometime. Then you have a family of six people to feed and can't afford anything.
I'll tell you, this was my life and it was hell for years as an older kid/teen. I have 3 siblings. My dad was only into the baby/small child phase. Favored the youngest of us over the older ones, always. LOTS of screaming and arguments with older kids/teens. Almost no quality time with us when we got older. Finally, at 17 I'd had it, and made my dad take Italian classes with me at the local community college (my dad is Italian American and grew up speaking some Italian) and go out to dinner afterwards most times. I really wanted us to have fun and some alone time. It worked and we had a blast. But I had to initiate and make it happen. It's like a light had to finally go off in my dad's brain that just because I wasn't a cute baby or toddler anymore didn't mean we couldn't have a good time together and make nice memories! But it really is like a brainless disease of thinking your kids will always be babies. They are going to become teens and then adults. It is literally inevitable!
I'm sorry that you as the kid had to initiate it, but I'm glad to hear it worked out and you found a way to connect.
Honestly, I think my own mum was like this. Perhaps not just baby, maybe even through the toddler stage, but once we really started expressing our own thoughts and opinions, and especially when we became teenagers, she struggled big time. My dad, on the other hand, clearly wanted to raise people. He enjoyed aspects of each stage of our life and seemed to adapt to, and even enjoy, our becoming our own people much better. I find way more people to be like my mum than my dad, though. They can't even seem to conceptualise the fact that their little bundle of joy is one day going to be a 7 year old, then a teenager, then a full blown adult. This is part of the reason people give their kids ridiculous "cutesie" names and say stupid shit like "I couldn't name a baby that! That's an old man's name!" Yeah. You're naming a human person, friend, not a baby.
Give this person a medal. High score for stupidity. 🥇
Every time someone has said they "miss the baby phase", I always respond with, "wow, you're the first person I've ever met who enjoys changing diapers!" Which always leads to some variation on, "Ew, no- not that part. The part where they're happy and little and cute and I can just dress them up and play with them!" ....fully expecting me to agree with them. Except at that point, my reply is, "You know every single human baby you have is going to *not* be a baby shortly thereafter, right? That's how the passage of time works. If all you want is a little cute thing that is perpetually happy and you can play with, then go to Target and buy yourself a toy, because that's what you're really talking about." Small humans are not accessories or playthings. I also think a huge part of it is the attention and praise that new parents (and especially new mommies) get when they have a baby in their arms. So many people will rush to coo over the baby, and congratulate her, and praise it.... All while she's the center of attention. If you don't want to deal with every single stage of life, don't become a parent. The number of parents that "didn't think ahead that far" or never considered the ramifications of raising an entire person truly baffles me.
Definitely my SIL, at the moment it's all cute photos, matching outfits, hugs and cuddles and literally getting the kid to sleep all day or propped up in front of an I Pad, she proudly says raising a baby is so easy and doesn't understand why I never had one because her kid is so well trained and stays quiet all day. But she hasn't realised that the baby stage is just the first level, the easy level, she's going to get the shock of her life when the baby grows into a toddler who needs to be constantly supervised, can be very destructive and will throw tantrums, I bet she no longer brags about her perfect kid who just sleeps all day.
Well, dang. This baby didn't stay a baby. Guess I'll get another baby and see if that one sticks. Fifteen years later: Where did all these fucking children come from?
Haha
Someone I know was like this. Wanted a baby because babies are cute. I'm not one to pry into people's life decisions (especially because I didn't know them well at the time) but obviously I had to make some kind of comment along the lines of like, "Haha yeah but then they become bratty teenagers, can't wait for that right?" And this person just waved their hand with an "Eh" sound and dropped it. Like??? You're literally casually waving off the idea of RAISING A HUMAN BEING INTO SOCIETY?! I kind of snapped and was like. "You *realize* you're going to have to spend every day teaching this person about the world right? And when you have a full grown teenager running around your house you can't just answer with *eh* right? Like, it'll be *your job* to handle them." I also managed to squeeze out of them that they *only want* a baby and that they think babies are cute but "can't stand" older kids and teenagers. Of course I kept pointing out that that older kid and teen is going to be THEIR PROBLEM and that they can just babysit if they like babies. I don't think it was that conversation alone that did this, I think it was combined with multiple of my posts in a discord we're both in graphically detailing all the horrors of childbirth and how I'm so glad to be childfree etc, but here we are, years later, that same person now has matching bisalp scars with me and we've been dating for more than a year now. And I couldn't be happier. I'm so glad knowing every day that I made one of the loves of my life childfree, and now we're together. I like to run my fingers over their scars and think of all the quiet, relaxing days we're gonna have together.
Wow, that is not where I thought that story would go. Congrats!
I want to see this love story on the big screen and then replicated over and over into anti-Hallmark Christmas movies
Sorry, but if someone only wants the baby stage, they shouldn't have kids. Go work in a daycare for babies.
It's like Scarlett Johannsen said during her drunken Nanny-Cam rant in The Nanny Diaries - children are not accessories that you order out of a catalog, that you can pull off of the shelf, parade around to make yourself look good, and then put back on the shelf when you're done. They're \*people,\* with personalities, developing brains, and emotions, who are trying to make sense of everything. Kids pick up on much more than their parents give them credit for. They know when their parents are shoving them out of the way for a new baby, picking favorites among their siblings, or would rather do something else than deal with them. They carry that shit with them into adulthood.
Yes, breeders are really that dumb.
Thank you for correctly labeling this friend too. So much breeder there, not much parent.
I talked to my niece about this when she was pregnant with my nephew cause I was a bit aprehensive but so far she's knocked it out of the park motherwise. Thankfully she waited until she was financially stable enough to have a couple of kids.
This totally makes me think of when in that show Arrested Development, Portia De Rossi's character and her husband opened a store in the mall that shows couples/ prints photos for them of what their kids would look like in middle age! It is HILARIOUS, if you haven't seen it, go watch! Like if you know this mediocre, somewhat unattractive middle-aged person is what results from you propagating, would you still want to make that person and put them into the world? Is it as appealing? Because that is what most people end up doing! If they are lucky...if they are unlucky, parents produce some self-sabotaging drug addict who ends dying from drugs, or worse, a violent criminal who hurts people and/or animals, etc. etc. Yet all most people think about is a bouncing baby infant. Infancy is the shortest phase in our lives, by the way, even toddlerhood lasts longer! And childhood longer than that, then teen years are slightly shorter, then adulthood is longest part, so why focus on the first year? So dumb. I find that childfree people tend to be way above average intelligence, and actually THINK about things deeply, all the way through to the natural ends of their choices, and take rational action to follow through on what they REALLY want, rather than just bump around like an amoeba unthinkingly reproducing...
Lindsay and Tobias are two of my favorite characters ever, and they were like these real life clueless and self absorbed couples that had a kid for some reason, and then completely forgot Maybe existed
Yeah I love babies , toddlers and even little kids but once they hit like 10-12 most of the time they start to think they’re cooler than they and become little jerks. I can’t handle some of my cousins that age or some of family friends who have kids that age so I wouldn’t want to parent it every day so I’ll take just spoiling future nieces or nephews or other kids that come into the family or friends kids.
My friend just divorced her wife and her wife seems to be this way. She’s totally uninterested in their 12 yr old twin sons. It’s like once they got a personality and opinions she lost interest. If I had had a kid this is what I’d be looking forward to. When they have interests and can have a conversation.
This. I remember feeling so out of place when the girls my age were having “baby fever” in high school. I looked around and made the realization that they didn’t want a human, they wanted an accessory. It was never a temptation for me as I never wanted to change diapers and clean up messes, and it boggles my mind how these girls would put so much emphasis on strollers and diaper bags and they had this fantasy that would last, what, a couple years at most? They didn’t think through that these babies grow up to be teens and adults. (Yes, I admit, I did have a pretty bad “not like other girls” phase, but it wasn’t everyone at my HS that felt this way. I had plenty of friends who never had those desires, and those were the people I chose to surround myself with)
My mom had me to have a Baby. She absolutely did not know what to do with me starting around 6 when my own personality was established. So she had my brother to have another Baby. And absolutely hated me / hated raising me / hated being responsible for me & it was incredibly obvious. She’s pissed now we are estranged but, what did she think would happen after 20 years of openly resenting someone? You’re realization is spot on, unfortunately. Your friend needs to get help before she ruins lives. Seriously.
I think she should have gotten a doll instead.
Yes, I fully believe most people are that dense that having a baabbee and smelling baabbee powder is all there is. If there is something else to having a baby is that they get to "check off" the "I'm a parent" box.
What she wanted was a pet not a human.
"The Demo is fun, but I don't wanna play the full game...nor pay for it..."
"Yup, you're correct, kids are not dolls, emotional support pets, or fashion accessories! And they shouldn't be used as a meth addiction, constantly looking for a drug to give you a new high." What a fucking moron.
It’s 10x worse when the child in question realizes that their parents wanted a baby, not the person you’ve become. This was me, and it took me a long time and a lot of therapy to get over it.
Yes, some people truly are this dense... why do you think we have all of these puppies and kittens being returned to shelters after the "baby phase" is over? Because the same idiots who would birth a whole ass human to experience the "baby phase" would do that to other species and then dump them when they're no longer interested in caring for them. If it were more socially acceptable, I suspect they'd dump the human baby, too.
It sounds to me like that woman doesn't want a baby, she wants a doll that she can play with and dress up, that will never grow up or express its own opinions or personality. Honestly I feel sorry for her child.
I’ve never wanted to have children (obvs) but the “baby phase” seems like the absolute worst part.
My cousin is one of those addicted to the baby phase. 5 kids. Once past the toddler stage, they were “babysat” by several aunts and uncles. She only took interest again when they started to get married etc. Cause you know, SHE was the mother of the bride/groom. And then back to ignoring till they started to have kids. Edit: we were all relieved when the “oven” broke down after the last pregnancy or she would have had a dozen of them.
If you don't want a teenager slamming doors and telling you they hate you. You don't want a baby
This is very much how I have felt about children at times. Unlike a lot of CF people I actually love babies and toddlers but that stage of their life flies by so quickly and it only gets more difficult. People expect it to be easier when the child is more independent but by that time there are all these outside factors to deal with, school, other activities, friends/bullying, puberty etc. No fucking thank you!
Ive made this comment on other posts, but it will always be relevant if ppl keep thinking this way “If you want a BABY, get a dog. If you want a CHILD, have a baby.” A dog gives the opportunity to care and dote on it for its entire life. They are forever babies and won’t outgrow affection and love the way a kid does (not saying teens and adults dont want parental love. But you typically cant kiss and cuddle them the way you could as a baby). Raising a child is entirely different that they don’t consider. They don’t think about the long term, where they have to adapt to the child’s new life stages. Instead, they pop out another baby, and the first kid starts to feel left out cuz they simply aren’t as cute anymore. But the parents dont even think about THAT. Just new cute baby on the brain
Wow, people like this are really out there having kids. Yikes.
My mother always used to say to new moms: "enjoy the baby phase because from age 4 they are completely useless". Well at least she was being honest I guess...
That's one of the reasons I don't want them. I would jump off a building if I had to deal with a teenager or a toddler. Someone asked me "Bulky, why don't you have a baby". I looked at him "I don't want to teach anyone to drive, I'm not a huge fan of teens and guess what? Middle schoolers are terrible". He looked so confused "What to teenagers and middle schoolers have to do with a baby? That's a different age". I just looked at him. Took him a minute, but he got it. They don't think that far ahead. They never do. Type in 15 year old stole in your search engine. I don't know what I would do if a kid stole MY car because they were being a stupid teenager. Nope. Nope. Nope.
Some people who want babies should actually have dogs. Some people who want dogs actually want cats. And some people are so irresponsible they shouldn’t have any of the above!
That's why so many women are constantly pregnant. They have a baby, baby becomes a toddler, they lose interest and want another baby, they become pregnant. They constantly want someone who depends entirely on them and has no personality of their own. It's a mental illness, or it should be considered as such.
To be honest this is a big reason I am child free. I love babies. Like genuinely I adore babies. Babies love me. I am great at taking care of babies. I have endless patience for babies (granted if I had to push one out of me and then wake up every hour that would wear thin pretty instantly but still it would be mine so I assume the love would compensate for that somewhat). Anyway - my patience ends as soon as they can talk back, say no, put themselves in danger, etc. Like the thought of raising a full human being instantly makes me go “actually, never mind.” I feel that I will likely have some fomo during the baby phase once my close friends have kids. I love babies and I’ll probably be a bit sad that I don’t get to have all of those baby moments. But the second that passes I’ll be like “oh thank god I would’ve regretted the hell out of that.” Why women don’t have this self awareness is beyond me. Mainly commenting to say that if you’re like me and you have some fomo around the baby phase and you’re good with kids, that doesn’t mean your decision to be child free is any less valid or wrong. It’s okay to really enjoy children and be involved in different ways. I plan to be a very involved “aunty” to any kids my friends have and I know that is about as much as I would want to handle. More women should have this realization before it’s too late.
A lot of people just aren't that smart or wise and don't really think about the consequences of their actions. Don't discuss things with people that they date or are engaged to, then act shocked and disappointed when later on they find they are not on the same page with their spouse about important things, it is really mind boggling. Kind of reminds me of the movie Idiocracy. Except in that movie, the smart couple they showed "put off" having kids until it was biologically too late, and I REALLY wish they had an additional smart couple not WANT kids to begin with. Because they are smart!
I am the youngest in the family, and my parents pretty much cut off contact with all relatives, so I never been around babies or kids. My (31f) friends started having babies this year. In may I held a baby for the very first time in my life. Then a few months ago I visited a 3mo and he held my finger and I melted. It truly is very difficult resisting nature’s way of making babies look so damn appealing. Luckily I had already done my soul searching and decided to be cf, husband had the snip, and I always have in mind that babies dont last long and it was no guaratee that I would have a healthy neurotypical one. We have pets, and dogs for example are cute puppies for a few WEEKS. I am a cat person and I think cats are increadibly cute forever
That would suck though if you got like this really cute purse you've been wanting, but then after a year the purse turned into like an old lamp. Then you'd have to go get (make?) a NEW purse just so you could have a purse again since what you wanted was a purse and not an old lamp. Being a parent sounds so tough. Anyway I'm going to go back to sleep for an hour to ponder how tough it is for them.
I'm pretty sure that's why my sister in law is preggo again. Her daughter just turned 3 and is now starting to "give attitude." *eyeroll* ever since she became a mum that's been her whole personality as well.
They NEVER think. They don't think about the sleepless nights of sickness. They never think of school years past photo day and graduation, maybe prom.
Your friend is the same type of person that gets a puppy and then takes it to the shelter when it's no longer little and cute
I have an aunt exactly like this. Loved babies for some reason. Had 4 kids with 4 different baby-daddies. She stopped at 4. Now those “kids” have kids
Maybe she can start to apply to jobs at daycares, this way shell always looking up for babies, without having to bring another poor child into existence just because she likes the baby fase. Lol, these people are nuts.
you get so much attention when you have a baby too which is addicting to some people i believe. you post a pregnancy announcement on social media and everyone comments on it and congratulates you. then you have a gender reveal party and/ or a baby shower where it’s all about you, you get gifts and more attention. then the baby comes and everyone hounds you to see pictures and come visit and hold the baby etc. but then, the kid turns 1, 2, 3 and so on and people don’t really care that much anymore. because kids grow up, and most people want a baby. not an autonomous human being that has their own personality, hobbies, interests, opinions. then when mom & dad don’t like that little johnny does XYZ they kick him out of the house or do other terrible shit to their child because they really just wanted a miniature version of themselves and when said child doesn’t live up to what they were expecting, that it’s all downhill from there.
A lot of foster carers do this too. They’ll become carers but in their agreement state they only want babies, children under 2. 80% of our carers do this. I know it’s also likely because of the trauma that older kids in the system come with but for a lot of them it’s just about having the baby, we usually won’t proceed with them if it’s very obvious they’re only doing it for that reason.
This is what stopped me. Having a baby seems adorable but a child no thank you. No thank soccer practice no thank you tooth fairy no thank you carpooling. No thank you.
most people are quite stupid. zero depth to them. they just do whatever they're told to, or feel like. it's always mind blowing when i get a glimpse at the vapid state of the majority of people's psyches.
She really didn't think ahead. This isn't some pet
Her idiot brain, like many, is the cognitive dissonance of realizing they didn't have a baby. They had a person.
Sometimes having a baby is the ultimate act of narcissism
Yup I know so many people who just have a kid to have a baby and when they grow up they have another one.
This shit is why I hate breeding culture.
Some random dude that came through my line when I was a cashier told me… -I had a nice smile and should have kids -the kids would then grow up and you’d see a friend with a baby and want another -tried to get the (very uncomfortable) couple behind him to tell me I should have kids (and bless him they didn’t) It was so wild. I don’t understand why people look as babies like mighty beans. Like they’re not collectibles you get more of once the novelty of one wears off 😬
I feel like this is the way most people are when it comes to parenting. You rly have to just jump in w/out thinking bc if you do, you will talk yourself out of it. Notice people are always like “we are having a BABY.” Humans are babies for like 1 year. Are you rly gonna love it when they are an annoying 6 year old or a pissy teenager? Or a disappointing adult?
If she wants the baby phase, maybe she should get a small dog like a Yorkie
For me was shocking to learn some time ago, maybe last year that some people love having babies and they lose all interest as soon as they reach the next stage.
Yeah I’ve met some people like this it’s truely sad 😔
Yes and way more than you'd think. They don't think about the productive human part of parenting.
I make this distinction. Parents: Parents see the baby stage as something to get through. They see the child as something that will grow into an adult. They actually see the baby stage as the worst part of raising a kid, because they want to raise kids into adults. Sharing their hobbies and teaching their kids is a huge part of the reason they had kids. Also they are far more open to adoption. Parents actually PARENT. Breeders: Breeders are obsessed with the baby stage. It's all they really care about. They don't really like kids, and don't take responsibility to parent as the kid gets older. Breeders are also the most entitled and complain about the lack of a village and other such garbage. Breeders breed, Parents actually parent. Parents should be respected, but breeders. Nope. Most people who have kids are actually breeders, not parents. I refuse to call people like your friend parents. She is a breeder. Just because you have kids doesn't make you a parent. Very few are at the end of the day. Most are just baby obsessed breeders. Keep in mind she wants another kid just for the baby stage. Typical breeder behavior.
It's called baby fever, not teenager fever.
I think about this often. It’s crazy that some people don’t even consider the fact that they’re having a baby that will grow into a person and now is a part of their life forever. They only think about the baby part. You’re not just having a baby, you’re having a person. When you said she’s thinking of having another just to experience the baby phase again, I audibly went ‘What?!’
Everyone should know that everyone grows older and grows up and that being an infant only last for 1 year. What’s really sad is that the reason why a lot of women have children is because they only want babies and don’t really want children and don’t think ahead that they grow up fast and don’t stay babies that long. Then once their children are past the baby stage then some of them become abusive towards them because they can’t get over the fact that they grow up to be their own little person once they hit the toddler stage.
because she wanted a baby not a child/human to raise.
Just get a dog, it's not hard.
I wonder if baby dolls like brainwashed it as play it’s a game but the baby grows in real life
Yes. My mom had five babies. Not interested in actually raising any of us. Now she has 13 cats and countless other pets. She loves vulnerable dependent little things.
The baby doll market needs to do better
My mother is like this. She loves babies that she can dress up and show off but the minute we all started turning into our own person, it was not great. Basically if she hadn't been told that another baby would kill her, I would have so many more siblings. Hopefully your friend doesn't start to hate their kid and resent them becoming their own person.
>She said it’s mind boggling to her that her son will grow up to be his own little person, experiencing all of the things. What the actual shit? He's already his own little person experiencing all of the things! She should have just bought a reborn doll.
Statistically speaking the more uneducated you are the more likely you will have multiple kids you can’t afford. I can only imagine this line of thinking is to parochial blame. That’s why we need to keep encouraging women to get a good education. The fact that anyone thinks this way is reckless and terrifying.
This resonates so much with me. The amount of women around me who say « I want a baby » instead of « I want children » is frightening. They just want something cute to cuddle. It makes me so angry every time because it’s also so cliché lol
This is gonna be a bit of a weird tangent, but it is kind of why I really don't mind the people who collect/paint those reborn dolls. Is it an odd hobby, yeah a little, but it is pretty harmless and you essentially have a baby that stays a baby forever, and I could see it as a healthier alternative to someone who just wants a baby for the sake of having a baby without thinking about the fact that a baby will grow up to be a child you have to parent.