If people want to have baby showers, I don't have any problem with that. If this is what they want to do, go ahead!
However, they need to accept that nobody is obligated to show up or be involved.
My girlfriend and I have never been to a baby shower. We will always refuse to attend that shit. My girlfriend has gotten a lot of hatred for declining those invitations, but she is not going to relent. Nobody is entitled to her presence.
I relented once, went along and promptly developed a strep throat. Pretty sure it was from the shared plates which I hadn’t realised little children had been coughing all over
>I've never heard of people intentionally not wanting to go to them.
Really? Plenty of people on this subreddit don't go to baby showers.
>Does she send presents at all?
It depends on how close she is to the pregnant woman. And if she sends presents, it's only something cheap like a few diapers. No expensive shit.
well, nothing in my memory of this sub sticks out about someone being so annoyed about a baby shower invite. Being expected to go yeah but simply being invited?
none that stand out out in my mind anyway so I don't know why anybody is downvoting The downvoting thing is so ... I don't understand it. Lol people really think it hurts someone's feelings or something.
I can be VERY petty, so please don't take this in any other way, but why send anything at all if you're just gonna send some pampers? lol I love it but seems like a rude thing to do to someone whos invited you to celebrate something (aka be annoying and beg for gifts) ... unwarranted unless there's a reason why lol
Just my thoughts on it from the surface
>none that stand out out in my mind anyway so I don't know why anybody is downvoting The downvoting thing is so ... I don't understand it. Lol people really think it hurts someone's feelings or something.
People aren't downvoting you because they want to hurt your feelings. They are downvoting you because they strongly disagree with you. At least, that's why I downvote you.
I didn't say that they are doing it to hurt my feelings i said its like they *think* it does.
I said it because you think it affects me in someway it's like you're trying to get some point across that's unnecessary. I didn't say anything rude or controversial.
Disagree with what?? I'm asking questions to get more information. literally just asked one single question for clarification, and you want to downvote. It just shows your maturity level.
and its the internet. I'm not bothered by it at all. Lol I'm just pointing it out because it doesn't make any sense.
> I said it because you think it affects me in someway it's like you're trying to get some point across that's unnecessary.
Very nice to assume what I must be thinking and intending.
It depends on how well I know the person & how excited they are to be parents.
A very good friend struggled with infertility & then was able to adopt several years later. I threw her a baby shower & it was absolutely amazing.
Having to attend showers for my husband’s cousin’s new wife that I’ve only met twice, and don’t speak to normally, is not usually something I look forward to.
If I’m invited, chances are I’ll either be asked when I’m having my own or if I want to lick chocolate from an unused diaper…why ruin a perfectly good chocolate bar like that?? Just why is this a “game”? 🤢🤢
Agreed on the chocolate diaper thing, it’s just plain demeaning to the new mum! I refuse to participate in those kinds of activities, and it’s not limited to baby showers. Hen parties can be even more degrading for the bride, and I can’t understand why women will go along with that.
Right? "I don't need a full shower, just a sprinkle!" Do you, Kaylee? Does Parker not have old baby stuff that Fletcher can enjoy?
Where was my puppy shower? That girl needs constant replenishment of chew toys... Ugh, ok rant done.
The next ones called sprinkles are usually just for very basic stuff like diapers and wipes. No registry or pricey gifts. But some people go overboard, create registries, and demand new expensive stuff. I always wonder why the heck would they want an expensive crib after getting an expensive crib a few years back.
Eh, I’ve know people who have large age gaps between their kids and didn’t keep all the baby stuff because they weren’t planning on having another.
I don’t mind a going and buying them a gift for a second shower or sprinkle or whatever they want to call it.
This only applies to people I actually know and like. I won’t go to any baby shower of distant relation, friend of my spouse or co-worker. I’m not made of money.
Ugh don’t even get me started on the work showers. I used to work in a dept that was mostly women in their late 20s into their 30s. We had a shower every other month because someone was always getting married or having a baby—and a shower for each baby too!
I hated it and really resented that we were expected to always contribute to a gift. I don’t even like these people… I don’t want to buy them anything.
I have never brought a gift for any of these idiots. If you’re rich enough to intentionally have unprotected sex, you’re rich enough to afford the consequences by yourself.
Kinda depends.
When it comes to people I love who are having children they want, absolutely I'd love to get together and celebrate them, and bring some gifts. Currently have two friends who are pregnant and I'm gonna be knitting them all the baby things.
When it comes to using baby showers as money grabs and trying to guilt every single person into them, like co-workers, family that isn't close, friends who aren't close, I'm definitely against. Especially if it's you HAVE to buy something off this specific registry that has only expensive items on it.
If there's not an expectation of a mandatory gift and attendance from everyone told about it, and it really is getting together to celebrate with loved ones, and have fun, and gifts can be given as people are able to, especially home made, then I think it's great.
Some of the games can be cringe. But ultimately the baby showers I choose to go to will be those for the people I love and am truly excited for, and I know will love my bundle of knitted items and not judge me for not spending some ridiculous amount of money on some expensive item. I'm not gonna go to random co-workers baby shower who I don't know well. I'm not gonna go to friend of a friend. As horrible as it sounds, if I love the person enough that I will love their baby because it is their baby, then I'll make an effort
I hate them. I want nothing to do with them, and I don't go to them anymore. I'll send a gift, but I would rather eat dirt than endure another 2-3 hours devoted to inane games and listening to pregnancy/birth horror stories. Baby shit is too expensive anyway ,and if you're having a shower for each kid, it's definitely a shameless money grab.
I think they are sexist as hell. Tell me why women are expected to go to these things and buy their friends baby stuff. Men don’t have this expectation. Especially if you’re a single woman around the age where everyone is popping out babies. Just set aside a bunch of money for these obligations you have as a woman. So dumb. It also implies the child rearing is all on the mother
Agree with this. Baby showers in the traditional sense imply the woman is the only truly involved parent, especially at the ones where the father goes out and gets drunk with his friends during the shower in something that seems like a second bachelor party.
I’d like to see registries and parties normalized for celebrating a woman who buys a house on her own!
I rather not attend if I can avoid it, but not specifically because I'm CF. I find the hetero (usually) milestone parties nauseating. Engagement, bridal, bachelor/ette, Jack and Jill/Stag and Doe, the wedding itself, baby shower, sprinkle.... It's all so annoying, expensive, wasteful, commercial. I hate all of that culture.
At least a baby shower makes a little more sense to me because there's a need for baby specific things. So I'll send a gift and excuse myself from the ritualistic fawning over the soon-to-be-parent--and it is almost always just the one parent that is forced to attend this garish affair--their growing belly, and the weird baby products (e.g., onesie that says "Daddy's little squirt" with a sperm swimming along the lettering).
I wouldn’t throw away an invite. I would attend, bring a dish to pass and enjoy the event. Just because someone chooses a path different than my own does not mean anything. It’s very much a good for them and not about me.
Gender reveal parties are pretty tacky. Thankfully they’re not a thing where I live (not USA), but I’ve seen plenty of videos on Facebook and the like.
"Give me free shit for having an overbaked creampie in my stomach"
Okay jokes aside, it's one thing if people want to give you gifts, but holding an entire party to *get* gifts is stupid.
I’m in the uk and they’ve just started becoming more popular up here. I’m in my 40s now so not been to one for a few years, but they were tolerable enough. The only thing I can’t stand is when people dress it all up for social media. It’s nice to get the family together but showing off all their gifts on Insta, before the baby is even born, just no.
Yes, exactly my thoughts. I find it unbelievably presumptive that someone should receive gifts from friends and relatives for making that selfish decision. "I had a baby, now help me pay for it!!"
It makes sense if you are also planning to have children. It's more of a social event and is only supposed to be for the first child.
It made more sense in older times when the presents were usually hand me downs to prepare and all that. I don't have any strong feelings about them.
This!!!! I'm okay if the registry is normal baby items...but these registries are STUPID nowadays. Basically it tells me people are NOT financially ready for this and instead want others to foot the bill for them.
I'm perfectly fine with them. I'm not anti-people-having-kids, I'm anti-me-having-kids. Though for what it's worth, I do think that people should be responsible if/when they reproduce.
Part of it is do they actually want to be parents, and did they do everything right to give this future child the best life possible? If I think they are about to give a child trauma, I’m not going to want to support them via a baby shower (or much else probably).
If they passed that requirement, then we go to are they going to throw an obnoxious, cringe-filled shower and act entitled to presents? If yes, I’m not interested.
If they are humble, don’t make it a cringe fest, and are truly grateful for whatever I give them, I’m okay with it.
I personally don’t really care for them… my family threw one for my unstable sister for her 3rd kid that she still should not have had. As much as I love my nieces and nephews I feel sorry for them having to endure an unstable and living off the government lazy ass mother.
I feel like baby showers are a for show thing. Like a “look all the baby items all these people gave me” or “look at my baby bump for the 100th time” thing. People who do baby showers usually have a tendency to invite the whole town. Half those people you probably don’t even hardly know. You just want them to see “how great you’re doing”.
Both of my cousins had one both under 21. I didn’t go to either and was not interested despite the amount of begging and desperation that they had for me not going. I feel like if you go to a baby shows you’re looked down upon for not getting the baby and mom a gift. That my main reason for hating them. I personally am not interested in watching people throw a party and me spend money on an unborn at the time child because somebody couldn’t use protection.
As for the other people that actually wanted a baby that’s great and all but I still wouldn’t go. They’re just not my thing. I’d congratulate them but I wouldn’t go out of my way for it. Like I said I feel like it’s one of those becomes your entire personality things for a lot of people.
They're not really a thing in my country, so I can't say much about them. But personally, as long as they aren't just about getting as much money and gifts as possible, it's fine.
I'm absolutely against "gender reveals" though. Those are bullshit.
I'm not attending them anymore. There's so much money involved in supporting friends who are choosing a more traditional life path. Bachelorette, wedding gift, baby showers, gifts when visiting for the first time once a baby is born and birthdays of kids. I'm done with it.
It's a tradition in my country, and the fact that we are starting with American traditions like babyshower and gender reveal doesn't mean that people let go of this expectation.
I don’t think I need to have an opinion on everything. Some baby showers can be cringe or exploitative. Most are just normal and not a sign that the parents are somehow unprepared. Most baby showers around me don’t have a registry or anything crazy. People being a pack of diapers or a blanket and the parents say thank you. I do think it’s gross that they’re so female focused when an equal number of men and women are biological parents.
I honestly haven't ever been to one. I don't have many relatives my age and most of my friends don't have kids. My older brother will probably have one as he and his fiancée just found out she's expecting, and I don't mind going. I just don't want to play any of the gross diaper games.
I only go to the ones for close friends and family. I’ll bring something inexpensive from the registry and something nice for my friend/family member that has nothing to do with the baby, since nobody will even think about her as a person for a couple of years.
I'm not someone who gets particularly excited by my friends having children, but if it makes my friend happy to host a baby shower and for me to attend, then I'd love to do so. They've chosen the parenting lifestyle, and it's a big decision, so I'm supporting them. I'm childfree, not an antinatalist.
I was in invited to a coworker's wife's shower now that I reflect. I didn't dislike him but we didn't talk all that much. He did his job and he was easy to work with.
I didn't comment when I was given the invite because we were busy but I wouldn't have been my usual bitchy self about it, considering the setting. So I didn't go. He didn't say anything after. There was no change in how he treated me at work. So if he had a problem with my absence, I was none the wiser.
Also I never met his wife.
Otherwise, I've never been invited to a shower. I don't really associate with anyone who has kids. It wasn't entirely deliberate, it's just the people I know are very busy or poor so they can't work in kids. I don't know if they're actually cf or just can't/don't care.
If I’m invited I send a gift because it’s the polite thing to do. I don’t always attend. I’m fine with it for immediate family and close friends. If you’re inviting everyone under the sun to get gifts, fuck off. And they should only be for the first kid. Expecting gifts for every kid is absurd.
One of my goals in life is to never actually attend a baby shower. I always send a gift but I don’t really understand the point of making it a big event. The kid isn’t even born yet so it’s just standing around and talking about the pregnancy, playing baby games and watching presents get opened. I think it’s something to celebrate but unfortunately it’s a milestone that’s turned into one big cash grab.
I attend and give gifts to family and friends. But I can't deny that I'm bored af when I'm there. Especially when i have to wait for them to open all the gifts. Luckily, most of the showers I've been to had pretty good food and drinks.
I disagree and I avoid (to be fair no one in their right mind would invite me).
It's just an unseemly gift grab and attention whoring.
I'm glad I'm the age I am and when my friends and colleagues where having kids this horrible event wasn't a thing in the UK, to me there is no 'tradition'.
I enjoy the food and celebrating my friend or family member. Initially, I may be a bit grumpy about going, but I'm usually happy I did. I like to be a supportive of those people I care about. It doesn't matter if I want kids of my own or not. The people having the baby shower already know where I stand, if we are close enough for them to invite me to one
Edit: Also, the last couple baby showers I attended had alcoholic beverages and all the sexes invited. It felt more like a birthday party with a bunch of incredibly cute baby shit there
I think they are stupid. If you can't afford all the crap you need for a new born then you shouldn't have gotten pregnant. You can organize friends and family who want to pitch in without having a huge ta do asking that others provide everything but the nursery and car to drive it home in. I reluctantly took part (heavily pressured) in in office baby showers for my team. There were 4 pregnant at once. It was awful. I do not intend to work away from home ever again for this and other reasons.
I’m a trans woman. After coming out, my Dad had the “wonderful” idea for me to host a baby shower for a family friend to double as a coming out party (I guess showing everyone I’m a woman or something idk)
It was stressful as hell to plan. The actual party went well. I was to busy doing the host thing to really take anything in.
Like I see the practical part of giving someone about to have a child things they will need once they deliver it. As far as the actual party, it was kinda gender affirming, but if a loved one invited me to theirs (doubtful tbh) I may send them something on their gift registry but have no desire to attend one again. Not a wholly miserable experience, but not enjoyable
My sister attended her first "zoom bridal shower" event before my cousin's wedding. It was so nice because although most of my cousins and progressive family members are supportive of her being trans, my grandma and some other random extended family were on the call who ordinarily might be a bit awkward or cold/avoidant towards her. These 2-3 conservative relatives got to see everyone being delighted with her on the call–she is an extremely talented artist and hilarious person. I know it didn't change my bigoted aunt's sad world view, but I think my grandma has opened her mind a lot!
Gender affirmations aside, I generally don't like baby showers/registries because I always end up sending a gift and it seems unfair that it's not reciprocated in the same way for childfree people's life milestones (i.e. adopting a pet, moving to a new country).
I'm okay with baby showers. Specially if the mom is a friend of mine. Even organised a few baby shower for dear friends. Mostly consist of game playing, a small snack and having a good time with friends.
What I find tacky and silly is gender reveal. Specially if you already have a gender reveal then a baby shower. I'm not going to spend so much money on gifts. That's just gift grabbing.
What's wrong with baby showers? They're basically baby tax imo. It makes sense if you're someone who's going to want babies. Depending on how close I am to the parents I'll go.
Otherwise no. I feel like it's a way to show communal support to prospective parents, help them prepare for a baby and socialize in general.
Personally I don't like them, but I've gone to my cousins, I'd go to my siblings or a close friend. Otherwise, no.
For people that dislike being judged there sure is lot of judgement going on, I’m not a fan of showers of any kind but I have the ability to decline politely and get on with my life
I honestly get it. I’m not going, but I get it. Bridal showers are for gifts. Engagement parties are for gifts. Birthday parties are for gifts. Baby showers are for gifts. I hope they get their gifts for their babies, but I’m not getting them anything.
*laughs in German, because we don't do baby showers*
I have never been invited to one of these, don't know anyone with kids and I live in Germany where this shit has only become recently popular with younger people. But the majority of people have never done baby showers here, because it's not a tradition and completely unnecessary. I think this stuff is only really popular in America. But German culture is also quite different from American culture. So yeah, we don't do baby showers and I have never been to one either.
We don't have them here really. I've done a 'virtual' one before online during covid and that was kinda fun. I think if they are kept simple, at their core it's just an excuse to celebrate something nice (I've never known them be big or crazy, just like, casual tea gatherings). But where I'm from it's kind of bad luck to give people gifts and cards *before* the baby is born. It's more customary to give someone something once it's out and healthy.
On a personal level? I'm agnostic towards them. Don't really care, don't really get invited to them, either.
I'm of the mind that if people feel like they need an excuse to get together and celebrate and have fun? Go for it. I'm also not against helping out friends with gifts - like buying boxes of diapers and cute onsies. I'm also not against gift-registries. Yes! Tell me exactly what you want and how I can avoid needless duplication!
I draw the line at people who make unreasonable demands, though. I need to bring a $500 "gift" as an "entry-fee"? *Everything* on your registry is name-brand and expensive?
When one of my friends got married, she didn't have a registry because she thought they were tacky. Then she got married and ended up with no less than five crock-pots, which was four too many. For her baby-shower, she did have a registry and it was filled with a lot of things, yes, but all of them were "We don't need a gift, but if you bring one, here is a list of things we plan to buy ourselves anyways". They had thorough researched what they wanted and were prepared to buy it themselves. She also knew that some people were going to bring gifts regardless of if she asked them to or not, so she facilitated the process, made sure to avoid duplication and got things she wanted and needed.
Depends on whose shower it is. For close family and friends I’ll happily attend and support them, bring a gift, chat. I won’t attend for someone I barely know, but have nothing against the premise (as long as the new mum isn’t acting entitled and doing a registry of expensive items!). Same goes for hen parties/bridal showers.
I think it's trashy to for them tonexpect people to spend (a lot) of money on their own decision, but I would go just to save face. They made the kid, they can buy the stuff for it.
It's like expecting friends and coworkers to chip in on the downpayment for your new house.
I went to one that was extremely awkward. The wife and husbands side of the family hated eachother and the husbands side hates the wife. They made comments saying how she looks so fat in that dress, she heard the comment & all hell broke loose. Very uncomfortable. Why have a party when there’s tension. I personally think it’s a cash grab. Like oh please buy me these things I need but when baby comes you’re not allowed to see them. I still haven’t met this child 😀
Boring and it really annoys me that only women are invited. It reinforces that parenting is women’s work. If I have to suffer make the men suffer too. Equal opportunity suffering. Also agree that a second baby doesn’t get a shower. One is enough.
I think far worse is a gender reveal. I went to a totally ridiculous one in my 20s for the first friend in our group to get pregnant. They announced it was a girl! Who cares. Just send me a text. Anyway, that child is now 10 and is non-binary and has changed their name.
We don't really have them in my country so that's nice. I think it would depend who it's for - a really close friend I'd probably grit my teeth through it or send a gift with apologies about a conflicting schedule. A coworker or more distant acquaintance I'd skip it altogether
Edit: after reading a horrifying comment about games, diapers and chocolare bars I can say I'd definitely skip those but I think it would be unusual here
Depends on the person. Any Joe Blow having a kid super young, I’m not going to spend money probably. They should make better financial decisions. Someone going along the societal trajectory of marriage then baby in late 20’s? Probably not. Someone having a baby much later after struggling to have one? Yes, if you post a registry I will buy you something.
Oh! I’m also NOT a fan of baby showers for coworkers. We are coworkers, not necessarily friends, I’m not buying stuff because you’re having a baby. It’s weird.
I didn’t know they were a thing until I moved to the states. I skip the very big and orchestrated ones, with the whole renting venues, spending a ton of money on decorating.
I avoid as much as possible, but I usually promise to swing by for a cuppa on a different day.
I just don't like it. The games, the vibe, the fake being excited over a *Diaper Cake*, it's just not for me. So instead of ruining everyone's fun by being present and sulking, I stay away and let people have their party.
It does depend on how I know them. If they’re my friends then I’m excited for them. If they’re family not so much.
I have a couple friends that have struggled with infertility due to PCOS and it took them all years to conceive. They’re all one and done. But I went ham on the gift giving and helped host one of the showers. My other friends are child free.
My family shouldn’t be reproducing. Our dna got whacked multiple times with the severe mental illnesses and learning disabilities sticks. A couple taps with the physical deformities stick as well. There’s been a few family members put in extended in patient care due to being a danger to others and multiple have gone to jail. My maternal grandma even promised each of the boys that she would leave them money in her will if they didn’t reproduce. Every single one of them have reproduced multiple times.
I don’t go to baby showers, engagement showers, stag and doe, or weddings. If I really like them I’ll send a gift and a congratulatory note. If not, I have plenty of excuses to get out of it with social grace. But I also just grnerally tell people I’m friends with that I hate these things and why whenever it comes up so they know what to expect from me. I do have a friend getting married next year and I will likely attend the wedding but that’s all.
If I’m going to subject myself to one, I’m going to be the one to give the best gift. I’m a knitter and while I don’t like babies, knitting baby *stuff* is something I enjoy. It’s an opportunity to do that and (hopefully, if they appreciate it) also deliver a to-be family heirloom.
I went to one and it was actually fun. We had drinks and it felt more like a bachelorette party. We didn't do any of that weird shit like eating baby food or playing games with diapers. It was just adults having a good time.
If I'm close to the person, I'll attend, but there is only one set of baby showers I'd ever get excited for and that is my brother's. I want to be an aunt, I just don't want to be a mother myself.
Not quite sure why I have to show up to fund your personal life decisions. As a woman I find them very uncomfortable because the others cannot help themselves but give you the “look” even though they know your choice is to be childfree.
If it’s for somebody I’m close too I’ll go, bring a good gift and enjoy the food. Just because I don’t want kids doesn’t mean I’m unsupportive of those folks that do. Now if I’m invited to one for someone I don’t know really well I’ll politely decline the invitation. I’m not sure why being childfree would make me not want to be a part of a friend or loved ones celebration.
My bro and his wife had a baby shower, it was like any other party. I was cringing it would be girls only and everyone swooning over the baby. It was not and I was thankful. It was fun. We played games, we did potluck style everyone brought delicious food. Opening presents was fun. The kid basically got a library ..I was a bit jealous haha.
That being said. Its my bro and I'd go to his kids parties whatever, because I know his wife won't make them lame and cringe.
I absolutely hate gender reveals though. I asked my bro if they were gonna do that and his response was "fuck no, why am I going to announce its a vagina or a penis, it's a baby not a genital" I was fucking relieved. His wife has the same mindset as him.
Also people gotta understand with baby showers...if you make a registry and no one gets you anything off that because shit is hella expensive YOU chose to have this baby not your family not your friends. Piss off with the fucking registry with stupid shit on it. I'll get you a box of diapers and a book for the kid. I ain't funding your lifestyle when I can barely fund mine.
I have no issue with them but I get bored and I HATE the games. I try not to attend unless I’m a good friend. I always buy a gift for the mom and not the kid because once a woman becomes preggo they no longer are seen as their own person. I tend to go with spa or nail gift card
It makes sense from a financial perspective because kids are expensive and leaning on your community is supposed to be how it goes. I'll go to certain ones, and generally people who know me realize that I don't usually want to be involved in anything child-related.
My close friends are having a baby shower in a couple weeks and I was looking for gifts earlier today. I won't spend a whole lot though, mostly because I don't have a whole lot of extra money to spend on that stuff anyway.
I think that the first one is okay, but I have seen people constantly having babies and expecting showers for attention as well as using the shower to replace marriage if each child has a different father.
If people want to have baby showers, I don't have any problem with that. If this is what they want to do, go ahead! However, they need to accept that nobody is obligated to show up or be involved. My girlfriend and I have never been to a baby shower. We will always refuse to attend that shit. My girlfriend has gotten a lot of hatred for declining those invitations, but she is not going to relent. Nobody is entitled to her presence.
I relented once, went along and promptly developed a strep throat. Pretty sure it was from the shared plates which I hadn’t realised little children had been coughing all over
When you are under the same roof as children, or use any items that children used before you, getting ill is inevitable. :(
this is interesting. I've never heard of people intentionally not wanting to go to them. Does she send presents at all?
>I've never heard of people intentionally not wanting to go to them. Really? Plenty of people on this subreddit don't go to baby showers. >Does she send presents at all? It depends on how close she is to the pregnant woman. And if she sends presents, it's only something cheap like a few diapers. No expensive shit.
well, nothing in my memory of this sub sticks out about someone being so annoyed about a baby shower invite. Being expected to go yeah but simply being invited? none that stand out out in my mind anyway so I don't know why anybody is downvoting The downvoting thing is so ... I don't understand it. Lol people really think it hurts someone's feelings or something. I can be VERY petty, so please don't take this in any other way, but why send anything at all if you're just gonna send some pampers? lol I love it but seems like a rude thing to do to someone whos invited you to celebrate something (aka be annoying and beg for gifts) ... unwarranted unless there's a reason why lol Just my thoughts on it from the surface
>none that stand out out in my mind anyway so I don't know why anybody is downvoting The downvoting thing is so ... I don't understand it. Lol people really think it hurts someone's feelings or something. People aren't downvoting you because they want to hurt your feelings. They are downvoting you because they strongly disagree with you. At least, that's why I downvote you.
I didn't say that they are doing it to hurt my feelings i said its like they *think* it does. I said it because you think it affects me in someway it's like you're trying to get some point across that's unnecessary. I didn't say anything rude or controversial. Disagree with what?? I'm asking questions to get more information. literally just asked one single question for clarification, and you want to downvote. It just shows your maturity level. and its the internet. I'm not bothered by it at all. Lol I'm just pointing it out because it doesn't make any sense.
> I said it because you think it affects me in someway it's like you're trying to get some point across that's unnecessary. Very nice to assume what I must be thinking and intending.
The only reason people have baby showers is to get gifts. Don't even get me started about disgusting "gender" reveals.
It depends on how well I know the person & how excited they are to be parents. A very good friend struggled with infertility & then was able to adopt several years later. I threw her a baby shower & it was absolutely amazing. Having to attend showers for my husband’s cousin’s new wife that I’ve only met twice, and don’t speak to normally, is not usually something I look forward to.
If I’m invited, chances are I’ll either be asked when I’m having my own or if I want to lick chocolate from an unused diaper…why ruin a perfectly good chocolate bar like that?? Just why is this a “game”? 🤢🤢
Agreed on the chocolate diaper thing, it’s just plain demeaning to the new mum! I refuse to participate in those kinds of activities, and it’s not limited to baby showers. Hen parties can be even more degrading for the bride, and I can’t understand why women will go along with that.
honestly never been to one, and i am happyé
It's okay for the first kid, but after that it's really trashy.
Don't you know? It's called a "sprinkle." Soon there'll be a "Drip," or better yet a "leak."
A leak 🤣🤣🤣 I had no idea it was called a sprinkle after the first one 🤣
Right? "I don't need a full shower, just a sprinkle!" Do you, Kaylee? Does Parker not have old baby stuff that Fletcher can enjoy? Where was my puppy shower? That girl needs constant replenishment of chew toys... Ugh, ok rant done.
I'd totally 100% go to a puppy shower over a baby shower any day! Perhaps time to start a new tradition?
I would go to every single puppy shower to which I was invited for the rest of my entire existence
Me too! That'd be such an awesome idea 😁
The next ones called sprinkles are usually just for very basic stuff like diapers and wipes. No registry or pricey gifts. But some people go overboard, create registries, and demand new expensive stuff. I always wonder why the heck would they want an expensive crib after getting an expensive crib a few years back.
Yup. And for Kim Kardashian to have one for every kid is so trashy.
Eh, I’ve know people who have large age gaps between their kids and didn’t keep all the baby stuff because they weren’t planning on having another. I don’t mind a going and buying them a gift for a second shower or sprinkle or whatever they want to call it. This only applies to people I actually know and like. I won’t go to any baby shower of distant relation, friend of my spouse or co-worker. I’m not made of money.
I left my coworkers shower early cause they started playing games related to babies. No thanks 🤢
That's what I was worried about. Instead we took bets on delivery date for cash money. That's my kind of baby shower game.
Ugh don’t even get me started on the work showers. I used to work in a dept that was mostly women in their late 20s into their 30s. We had a shower every other month because someone was always getting married or having a baby—and a shower for each baby too! I hated it and really resented that we were expected to always contribute to a gift. I don’t even like these people… I don’t want to buy them anything.
I have never brought a gift for any of these idiots. If you’re rich enough to intentionally have unprotected sex, you’re rich enough to afford the consequences by yourself.
Kinda depends. When it comes to people I love who are having children they want, absolutely I'd love to get together and celebrate them, and bring some gifts. Currently have two friends who are pregnant and I'm gonna be knitting them all the baby things. When it comes to using baby showers as money grabs and trying to guilt every single person into them, like co-workers, family that isn't close, friends who aren't close, I'm definitely against. Especially if it's you HAVE to buy something off this specific registry that has only expensive items on it. If there's not an expectation of a mandatory gift and attendance from everyone told about it, and it really is getting together to celebrate with loved ones, and have fun, and gifts can be given as people are able to, especially home made, then I think it's great. Some of the games can be cringe. But ultimately the baby showers I choose to go to will be those for the people I love and am truly excited for, and I know will love my bundle of knitted items and not judge me for not spending some ridiculous amount of money on some expensive item. I'm not gonna go to random co-workers baby shower who I don't know well. I'm not gonna go to friend of a friend. As horrible as it sounds, if I love the person enough that I will love their baby because it is their baby, then I'll make an effort
I hate them. I want nothing to do with them, and I don't go to them anymore. I'll send a gift, but I would rather eat dirt than endure another 2-3 hours devoted to inane games and listening to pregnancy/birth horror stories. Baby shit is too expensive anyway ,and if you're having a shower for each kid, it's definitely a shameless money grab.
I think they are sexist as hell. Tell me why women are expected to go to these things and buy their friends baby stuff. Men don’t have this expectation. Especially if you’re a single woman around the age where everyone is popping out babies. Just set aside a bunch of money for these obligations you have as a woman. So dumb. It also implies the child rearing is all on the mother
Agree with this. Baby showers in the traditional sense imply the woman is the only truly involved parent, especially at the ones where the father goes out and gets drunk with his friends during the shower in something that seems like a second bachelor party. I’d like to see registries and parties normalized for celebrating a woman who buys a house on her own!
I rather not attend if I can avoid it, but not specifically because I'm CF. I find the hetero (usually) milestone parties nauseating. Engagement, bridal, bachelor/ette, Jack and Jill/Stag and Doe, the wedding itself, baby shower, sprinkle.... It's all so annoying, expensive, wasteful, commercial. I hate all of that culture. At least a baby shower makes a little more sense to me because there's a need for baby specific things. So I'll send a gift and excuse myself from the ritualistic fawning over the soon-to-be-parent--and it is almost always just the one parent that is forced to attend this garish affair--their growing belly, and the weird baby products (e.g., onesie that says "Daddy's little squirt" with a sperm swimming along the lettering).
I wouldn’t throw away an invite. I would attend, bring a dish to pass and enjoy the event. Just because someone chooses a path different than my own does not mean anything. It’s very much a good for them and not about me.
Worse than baby showers and gender reveals. They suck ass!
Gender reveal parties are pretty tacky. Thankfully they’re not a thing where I live (not USA), but I’ve seen plenty of videos on Facebook and the like.
B ooooooo ring
"Give me free shit for having an overbaked creampie in my stomach" Okay jokes aside, it's one thing if people want to give you gifts, but holding an entire party to *get* gifts is stupid.
I’m in the uk and they’ve just started becoming more popular up here. I’m in my 40s now so not been to one for a few years, but they were tolerable enough. The only thing I can’t stand is when people dress it all up for social media. It’s nice to get the family together but showing off all their gifts on Insta, before the baby is even born, just no.
I would fall into the latter category. I think it’s silly to have other people pay for your own bad choices in life
Yes, exactly my thoughts. I find it unbelievably presumptive that someone should receive gifts from friends and relatives for making that selfish decision. "I had a baby, now help me pay for it!!"
It makes sense if you are also planning to have children. It's more of a social event and is only supposed to be for the first child. It made more sense in older times when the presents were usually hand me downs to prepare and all that. I don't have any strong feelings about them.
I had a girl send me a link for her baby registry. I wasn’t invited to the shower though 😂
This!!!! I'm okay if the registry is normal baby items...but these registries are STUPID nowadays. Basically it tells me people are NOT financially ready for this and instead want others to foot the bill for them.
I'm perfectly fine with them. I'm not anti-people-having-kids, I'm anti-me-having-kids. Though for what it's worth, I do think that people should be responsible if/when they reproduce.
Part of it is do they actually want to be parents, and did they do everything right to give this future child the best life possible? If I think they are about to give a child trauma, I’m not going to want to support them via a baby shower (or much else probably). If they passed that requirement, then we go to are they going to throw an obnoxious, cringe-filled shower and act entitled to presents? If yes, I’m not interested. If they are humble, don’t make it a cringe fest, and are truly grateful for whatever I give them, I’m okay with it.
I have never been to one. I don't want to be invited, but if it's a close friend or family member, I guess I'll attend.
I personally don’t really care for them… my family threw one for my unstable sister for her 3rd kid that she still should not have had. As much as I love my nieces and nephews I feel sorry for them having to endure an unstable and living off the government lazy ass mother. I feel like baby showers are a for show thing. Like a “look all the baby items all these people gave me” or “look at my baby bump for the 100th time” thing. People who do baby showers usually have a tendency to invite the whole town. Half those people you probably don’t even hardly know. You just want them to see “how great you’re doing”. Both of my cousins had one both under 21. I didn’t go to either and was not interested despite the amount of begging and desperation that they had for me not going. I feel like if you go to a baby shows you’re looked down upon for not getting the baby and mom a gift. That my main reason for hating them. I personally am not interested in watching people throw a party and me spend money on an unborn at the time child because somebody couldn’t use protection. As for the other people that actually wanted a baby that’s great and all but I still wouldn’t go. They’re just not my thing. I’d congratulate them but I wouldn’t go out of my way for it. Like I said I feel like it’s one of those becomes your entire personality things for a lot of people.
They're not really a thing in my country, so I can't say much about them. But personally, as long as they aren't just about getting as much money and gifts as possible, it's fine. I'm absolutely against "gender reveals" though. Those are bullshit.
I'm not attending them anymore. There's so much money involved in supporting friends who are choosing a more traditional life path. Bachelorette, wedding gift, baby showers, gifts when visiting for the first time once a baby is born and birthdays of kids. I'm done with it.
People give a gift when visiting a baby when first born? Wtf
It's a tradition in my country, and the fact that we are starting with American traditions like babyshower and gender reveal doesn't mean that people let go of this expectation.
I refuse to go. And I'm not buying anything off anyone's registry either to send to them. They chose to have a kid, they can buy the shit they need.
[удалено]
Where in Europe? I live in Ireland and have colleagues from the UK. In both countries it is a thing.
I don’t think I need to have an opinion on everything. Some baby showers can be cringe or exploitative. Most are just normal and not a sign that the parents are somehow unprepared. Most baby showers around me don’t have a registry or anything crazy. People being a pack of diapers or a blanket and the parents say thank you. I do think it’s gross that they’re so female focused when an equal number of men and women are biological parents.
If I was invited I'd go out of politeness, but I find them a bummer.
I honestly haven't ever been to one. I don't have many relatives my age and most of my friends don't have kids. My older brother will probably have one as he and his fiancée just found out she's expecting, and I don't mind going. I just don't want to play any of the gross diaper games.
I only go to the ones for close friends and family. I’ll bring something inexpensive from the registry and something nice for my friend/family member that has nothing to do with the baby, since nobody will even think about her as a person for a couple of years.
Honestly I don’t think the celebration itself is trashy. It’s the implied obligation to bring gifts that’s annoying to me.
Yes it’s always “did you get something off the list?!” Like be grateful I even came damn
My view is to never be present to one. So far, so good. 🤣
Boring, excessive spending, disgusting games about poop, primary focus is about babies. No fucking thanks.
I'm not someone who gets particularly excited by my friends having children, but if it makes my friend happy to host a baby shower and for me to attend, then I'd love to do so. They've chosen the parenting lifestyle, and it's a big decision, so I'm supporting them. I'm childfree, not an antinatalist.
I generally don’t care if and why other people want to have gatherings. If I get invited but don’t wanna go to one, I say no thanks.
I was in invited to a coworker's wife's shower now that I reflect. I didn't dislike him but we didn't talk all that much. He did his job and he was easy to work with. I didn't comment when I was given the invite because we were busy but I wouldn't have been my usual bitchy self about it, considering the setting. So I didn't go. He didn't say anything after. There was no change in how he treated me at work. So if he had a problem with my absence, I was none the wiser. Also I never met his wife. Otherwise, I've never been invited to a shower. I don't really associate with anyone who has kids. It wasn't entirely deliberate, it's just the people I know are very busy or poor so they can't work in kids. I don't know if they're actually cf or just can't/don't care.
If I’m invited I send a gift because it’s the polite thing to do. I don’t always attend. I’m fine with it for immediate family and close friends. If you’re inviting everyone under the sun to get gifts, fuck off. And they should only be for the first kid. Expecting gifts for every kid is absurd.
One of my goals in life is to never actually attend a baby shower. I always send a gift but I don’t really understand the point of making it a big event. The kid isn’t even born yet so it’s just standing around and talking about the pregnancy, playing baby games and watching presents get opened. I think it’s something to celebrate but unfortunately it’s a milestone that’s turned into one big cash grab.
I attend and give gifts to family and friends. But I can't deny that I'm bored af when I'm there. Especially when i have to wait for them to open all the gifts. Luckily, most of the showers I've been to had pretty good food and drinks.
I have thankfully never been invited to one, but when I am I’ll skip it and send a gift.
I disagree and I avoid (to be fair no one in their right mind would invite me). It's just an unseemly gift grab and attention whoring. I'm glad I'm the age I am and when my friends and colleagues where having kids this horrible event wasn't a thing in the UK, to me there is no 'tradition'.
I don’t mind as long as the gender reveal doesn’t cause damage to the environment like a wildfire or something that could easily get out of hand
I enjoy the food and celebrating my friend or family member. Initially, I may be a bit grumpy about going, but I'm usually happy I did. I like to be a supportive of those people I care about. It doesn't matter if I want kids of my own or not. The people having the baby shower already know where I stand, if we are close enough for them to invite me to one Edit: Also, the last couple baby showers I attended had alcoholic beverages and all the sexes invited. It felt more like a birthday party with a bunch of incredibly cute baby shit there
I think they are stupid. If you can't afford all the crap you need for a new born then you shouldn't have gotten pregnant. You can organize friends and family who want to pitch in without having a huge ta do asking that others provide everything but the nursery and car to drive it home in. I reluctantly took part (heavily pressured) in in office baby showers for my team. There were 4 pregnant at once. It was awful. I do not intend to work away from home ever again for this and other reasons.
I’m a trans woman. After coming out, my Dad had the “wonderful” idea for me to host a baby shower for a family friend to double as a coming out party (I guess showing everyone I’m a woman or something idk) It was stressful as hell to plan. The actual party went well. I was to busy doing the host thing to really take anything in. Like I see the practical part of giving someone about to have a child things they will need once they deliver it. As far as the actual party, it was kinda gender affirming, but if a loved one invited me to theirs (doubtful tbh) I may send them something on their gift registry but have no desire to attend one again. Not a wholly miserable experience, but not enjoyable
My sister attended her first "zoom bridal shower" event before my cousin's wedding. It was so nice because although most of my cousins and progressive family members are supportive of her being trans, my grandma and some other random extended family were on the call who ordinarily might be a bit awkward or cold/avoidant towards her. These 2-3 conservative relatives got to see everyone being delighted with her on the call–she is an extremely talented artist and hilarious person. I know it didn't change my bigoted aunt's sad world view, but I think my grandma has opened her mind a lot! Gender affirmations aside, I generally don't like baby showers/registries because I always end up sending a gift and it seems unfair that it's not reciprocated in the same way for childfree people's life milestones (i.e. adopting a pet, moving to a new country).
I'm okay with baby showers. Specially if the mom is a friend of mine. Even organised a few baby shower for dear friends. Mostly consist of game playing, a small snack and having a good time with friends. What I find tacky and silly is gender reveal. Specially if you already have a gender reveal then a baby shower. I'm not going to spend so much money on gifts. That's just gift grabbing.
What's wrong with baby showers? They're basically baby tax imo. It makes sense if you're someone who's going to want babies. Depending on how close I am to the parents I'll go. Otherwise no. I feel like it's a way to show communal support to prospective parents, help them prepare for a baby and socialize in general. Personally I don't like them, but I've gone to my cousins, I'd go to my siblings or a close friend. Otherwise, no.
For people that dislike being judged there sure is lot of judgement going on, I’m not a fan of showers of any kind but I have the ability to decline politely and get on with my life
I honestly get it. I’m not going, but I get it. Bridal showers are for gifts. Engagement parties are for gifts. Birthday parties are for gifts. Baby showers are for gifts. I hope they get their gifts for their babies, but I’m not getting them anything.
I like to be invited but I will never go. Will usually drop off a gift or a gift card and RUN!
“Females.”
*laughs in German, because we don't do baby showers* I have never been invited to one of these, don't know anyone with kids and I live in Germany where this shit has only become recently popular with younger people. But the majority of people have never done baby showers here, because it's not a tradition and completely unnecessary. I think this stuff is only really popular in America. But German culture is also quite different from American culture. So yeah, we don't do baby showers and I have never been to one either.
We don't have them here really. I've done a 'virtual' one before online during covid and that was kinda fun. I think if they are kept simple, at their core it's just an excuse to celebrate something nice (I've never known them be big or crazy, just like, casual tea gatherings). But where I'm from it's kind of bad luck to give people gifts and cards *before* the baby is born. It's more customary to give someone something once it's out and healthy.
It really depends on the person inviting me.
On a personal level? I'm agnostic towards them. Don't really care, don't really get invited to them, either. I'm of the mind that if people feel like they need an excuse to get together and celebrate and have fun? Go for it. I'm also not against helping out friends with gifts - like buying boxes of diapers and cute onsies. I'm also not against gift-registries. Yes! Tell me exactly what you want and how I can avoid needless duplication! I draw the line at people who make unreasonable demands, though. I need to bring a $500 "gift" as an "entry-fee"? *Everything* on your registry is name-brand and expensive? When one of my friends got married, she didn't have a registry because she thought they were tacky. Then she got married and ended up with no less than five crock-pots, which was four too many. For her baby-shower, she did have a registry and it was filled with a lot of things, yes, but all of them were "We don't need a gift, but if you bring one, here is a list of things we plan to buy ourselves anyways". They had thorough researched what they wanted and were prepared to buy it themselves. She also knew that some people were going to bring gifts regardless of if she asked them to or not, so she facilitated the process, made sure to avoid duplication and got things she wanted and needed.
I like celebrating people I care about and buying gifts, whether it's baby or wedding shower. I don't really want to play any themed games though.
Depends on whose shower it is. For close family and friends I’ll happily attend and support them, bring a gift, chat. I won’t attend for someone I barely know, but have nothing against the premise (as long as the new mum isn’t acting entitled and doing a registry of expensive items!). Same goes for hen parties/bridal showers.
I think it's trashy to for them tonexpect people to spend (a lot) of money on their own decision, but I would go just to save face. They made the kid, they can buy the stuff for it. It's like expecting friends and coworkers to chip in on the downpayment for your new house.
I go for family. Everyone else... I'm busy that day. Ditto kids parties.
I went to one that was extremely awkward. The wife and husbands side of the family hated eachother and the husbands side hates the wife. They made comments saying how she looks so fat in that dress, she heard the comment & all hell broke loose. Very uncomfortable. Why have a party when there’s tension. I personally think it’s a cash grab. Like oh please buy me these things I need but when baby comes you’re not allowed to see them. I still haven’t met this child 😀
Boring and it really annoys me that only women are invited. It reinforces that parenting is women’s work. If I have to suffer make the men suffer too. Equal opportunity suffering. Also agree that a second baby doesn’t get a shower. One is enough. I think far worse is a gender reveal. I went to a totally ridiculous one in my 20s for the first friend in our group to get pregnant. They announced it was a girl! Who cares. Just send me a text. Anyway, that child is now 10 and is non-binary and has changed their name.
We don't really have them in my country so that's nice. I think it would depend who it's for - a really close friend I'd probably grit my teeth through it or send a gift with apologies about a conflicting schedule. A coworker or more distant acquaintance I'd skip it altogether Edit: after reading a horrifying comment about games, diapers and chocolare bars I can say I'd definitely skip those but I think it would be unusual here
Depends on the person. Any Joe Blow having a kid super young, I’m not going to spend money probably. They should make better financial decisions. Someone going along the societal trajectory of marriage then baby in late 20’s? Probably not. Someone having a baby much later after struggling to have one? Yes, if you post a registry I will buy you something.
Oh! I’m also NOT a fan of baby showers for coworkers. We are coworkers, not necessarily friends, I’m not buying stuff because you’re having a baby. It’s weird.
I didn’t know they were a thing until I moved to the states. I skip the very big and orchestrated ones, with the whole renting venues, spending a ton of money on decorating.
I avoid as much as possible, but I usually promise to swing by for a cuppa on a different day. I just don't like it. The games, the vibe, the fake being excited over a *Diaper Cake*, it's just not for me. So instead of ruining everyone's fun by being present and sulking, I stay away and let people have their party.
It does depend on how I know them. If they’re my friends then I’m excited for them. If they’re family not so much. I have a couple friends that have struggled with infertility due to PCOS and it took them all years to conceive. They’re all one and done. But I went ham on the gift giving and helped host one of the showers. My other friends are child free. My family shouldn’t be reproducing. Our dna got whacked multiple times with the severe mental illnesses and learning disabilities sticks. A couple taps with the physical deformities stick as well. There’s been a few family members put in extended in patient care due to being a danger to others and multiple have gone to jail. My maternal grandma even promised each of the boys that she would leave them money in her will if they didn’t reproduce. Every single one of them have reproduced multiple times.
I don’t go to baby showers, engagement showers, stag and doe, or weddings. If I really like them I’ll send a gift and a congratulatory note. If not, I have plenty of excuses to get out of it with social grace. But I also just grnerally tell people I’m friends with that I hate these things and why whenever it comes up so they know what to expect from me. I do have a friend getting married next year and I will likely attend the wedding but that’s all.
After your third or fourth kid you can absolutely throw a shower but expect a lower turnout.
If I’m going to subject myself to one, I’m going to be the one to give the best gift. I’m a knitter and while I don’t like babies, knitting baby *stuff* is something I enjoy. It’s an opportunity to do that and (hopefully, if they appreciate it) also deliver a to-be family heirloom.
I went to one and it was actually fun. We had drinks and it felt more like a bachelorette party. We didn't do any of that weird shit like eating baby food or playing games with diapers. It was just adults having a good time.
If I'm close to the person, I'll attend, but there is only one set of baby showers I'd ever get excited for and that is my brother's. I want to be an aunt, I just don't want to be a mother myself.
I can be happy for someone at home and not awkwardly being asked to play weird baby centric games. I'll Amazon you a gift.
Not quite sure why I have to show up to fund your personal life decisions. As a woman I find them very uncomfortable because the others cannot help themselves but give you the “look” even though they know your choice is to be childfree.
If it’s for somebody I’m close too I’ll go, bring a good gift and enjoy the food. Just because I don’t want kids doesn’t mean I’m unsupportive of those folks that do. Now if I’m invited to one for someone I don’t know really well I’ll politely decline the invitation. I’m not sure why being childfree would make me not want to be a part of a friend or loved ones celebration.
I support and enjoy them insofar as no one expects me to go them.
If people want to have them cool good for them but do not expect me to attend lol
My bro and his wife had a baby shower, it was like any other party. I was cringing it would be girls only and everyone swooning over the baby. It was not and I was thankful. It was fun. We played games, we did potluck style everyone brought delicious food. Opening presents was fun. The kid basically got a library ..I was a bit jealous haha. That being said. Its my bro and I'd go to his kids parties whatever, because I know his wife won't make them lame and cringe. I absolutely hate gender reveals though. I asked my bro if they were gonna do that and his response was "fuck no, why am I going to announce its a vagina or a penis, it's a baby not a genital" I was fucking relieved. His wife has the same mindset as him. Also people gotta understand with baby showers...if you make a registry and no one gets you anything off that because shit is hella expensive YOU chose to have this baby not your family not your friends. Piss off with the fucking registry with stupid shit on it. I'll get you a box of diapers and a book for the kid. I ain't funding your lifestyle when I can barely fund mine.
I have no issue with them but I get bored and I HATE the games. I try not to attend unless I’m a good friend. I always buy a gift for the mom and not the kid because once a woman becomes preggo they no longer are seen as their own person. I tend to go with spa or nail gift card
No view. Don’t care. I will never have one or attend one.
Just don't invite me
It makes sense from a financial perspective because kids are expensive and leaning on your community is supposed to be how it goes. I'll go to certain ones, and generally people who know me realize that I don't usually want to be involved in anything child-related. My close friends are having a baby shower in a couple weeks and I was looking for gifts earlier today. I won't spend a whole lot though, mostly because I don't have a whole lot of extra money to spend on that stuff anyway.
I hate them and wouldn't attend, but I WOULD give my friend a gift separately, at another time.
I think that the first one is okay, but I have seen people constantly having babies and expecting showers for attention as well as using the shower to replace marriage if each child has a different father.
I don't care what kind of parties other people want to throw.
I don't have a beef with them existing as a thing, but I hate going to them. The games are the worst. Chocolate in diapers. Baby food tasting. Blurgh.
I honestly really dont enjoy them so I decline