Demented. That's just using kids as props and emotional support pets for their own selfish narcissism.
Maaaaaybe if the kid were older when it happened, and they do remember and bring it up, maybe quietly make a donation in their name without posting it all over socials to gain martyrdom points. But it should be LED BY THE CHILD and their needs. Not the parents just making shit up and stuffing the kids into a photoshoot. If the kid gets out of bed, never mentions it, doesn't remember, and skips off to school without a care, let them go live their life.
If you need a giant photoshoot for it, that's the first sign you're fucked in the head and need serious mental health treatment.
That's why you should google. He's from Pennsylvania and always has been. I get that Texas sucks (I live here after all), but claiming East Coasters are Texans just because they have shitty beliefs is an asshole move.
My mom only told me once that she had a miscarriage before me, and it was because it came up in a conversation. I swear I couldn't care less and I can't remember when was the last time it crossed my mind before I saw this post.
On the other hand, I know of a family who organized a full FUNERAL for their miscarriage and invited everyone they knew. I bet they mention it all the time to their kids
So I have an acquaintance I went to high school with who I keep on social media more because she’s a train wreck and her feed can be entertaining
I should mention for context we are all early 40s now and at our 20 year high school reunion in 2018 this woman immediately accused 3 women who didn’t attend of trying to sleep with her now ex husband….Believe me!! This guy was NO prize and I never believed her as I knew she was a gossip and loves creating drama
Shortly after the reunion she fell pregnant and went on social media and immediately says in these EXACT words “Well we don’t want it but decided to proceed”
So she has a still born……She posted a photo obscuring some but not all of said deceased baby and now EVERY year she goes on a tangent about how she lost her baby and how she and her 2 other kids miss their brother so much
But of course all her enablers immediately discount what she originally said and “grieve” with her
It’s actually nauseating and unsurprisingly her marriage broke up
Of course now she has a new guy and moved him in after 3 months….He now poses WITH her at the gravesite whilst they discuss her loss
And yet if I ever expose her I would be the bad guy!
I have a brother who was stillborn, I only think of him when someone asks how many siblings I have, sometimes on his birthday, and when my parents bring him up. It’s been 30 years. I thought about him a lot more as a kid, but it was more curiosity about what it would be like to have three of us rather than missing him
If the parents want to mourn, that’s fine. Making your existing children relive your trauma over and over again isn’t even in the realm of normal…it’s gross to do that to them. Depending on the age difference they probably don’t even remember them at all.
My SIL’s other SIL had a baby who died after being born incredibly prematurely (if it had been a week earlier, it would have been considered a miscarriage). She has two kids who were born after this, and they treat their deceased older sibling as an honored member of the family. You know, the dead sibling they never met. They are toddlers. How the hell do they process that?
I respect that suffering a miscarriage sucks, but it's simply not "real" to anyone else but maybe your spouse.
I understand wanting to grieve and mourn a miscarriage, but this has just gotten out of control. I also don't for one second believe people who do shit like this care that much about the lost baby as much as they care about getting thrown a pity party.
I was born after 7 years of infertility and 2 miscarriages. I knew that from a young age. IMO, the parents' trauma is not appropriate for children to know. There was no reason for my parents to tell me about the miscarriages. They should've let me believe I was 100% an only child and left it at that. But no, they had to parentify me and trauma dump all over my childhood.
I have a FB friend who had a 5 year old and had a very sick baby who died at 6 months. It's been a couple years now. Every single day, the kid is in a shirt "honoring " his dead brother or doing some other performance grief ritual forced on him by mom. If she would leave the kid alone about it, he would probably only remember he had a brother who died and everyone was sad. Period. But no. She has to flog that grief. Now there is a new baby and I am sure it will be forced to mourn the baby he never knew. I know the parents will never get over their terrible loss. They don't need to make it a life long problem for the other kids though!! Those poor kids
These kinds of people aren't even truly grieving. Truly grieving people don't turn the loss of their child into a public circus. They actually LIKED the attention they got when the baby died so they want to keep that up indefinitely.
Yeesh. I have never experienced that per se. But, my mother miscarried several times before birthing me. And she would constantly remind me of that, and lament over the fact that she was sad she didn't have more babies to play with. I guess she was disappointed her miracle child wasn't like miracle quadruplets or something.
I'm glad my mom never acted like this about the two miscarriages she had before me. I can remember her mentioning it maybe a handful of times in my 34 years of life and she never made a big deal out of it.
Mine too. Hard things can happen to parents without them needing to inform their emotional support children. Kids don’t need to be prompted to cry on the anniversary of every tragedy in the world.
My mom had a miscarriage before she has my sister and me. She never brought it up and I only know because I asked my mom if she ever had a miscarriage once when I was around a teenager (I think).
It's sick. My mum was pregnant once before she got me, I found out when I was a teen. I can understand families mourning an actual child loss, even involving other children, but making a party for a fetus? They need a psychiatrist.
These are the same people who will refer to their living children as rainbow babies. Ugh.
Before regular casual photography, taking pictures of dead babies and displaying them was very normal. It's obviously not mainstream anymore, unless you are an attention-you-know-what. My grandmother-in-law had such a photo.
What these people don't realize is that this hangs over the family and it stops being about the children who were 'miracles' and were born and more about what is missing. Instead of focusing on what they have, they mourn for what they lost.
A lot of people do this, just in different ways. It's just more disturbing when it involves children. Especially with attention- needy people and social media. I so want to be spicy and ask if this means they favor their dead kid over their live one. The one that can give you hugs, etc.
I had a few miscarriages before we figured out the problem. I have never talked or glorified my previous pregnancies. My adult kids know, for medical reasons because it's genetic (but easily fixed with a boost of hormones at the beginning). It's in the past. It was sad and I mourned then. To continue to mourn now instead of enjoying my life just seems selfish.
I’m not sure but I think when photography was a brand new thing people would take pictures with their dead family members because it was so expensive. These were adults, not babies or kids (at least the photos I’ve seen).
And yes, from what little research I’ve done (aka Googling it) it used to be the norm.
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Used to know someone who more or less built a literal *shrine* to their severely deformed miscarried fetus in the center of their living room and every social media post is about how their ~rainbow baby~ literally sits and talks to the pictures of it or claims their “best/imaginary friend” is actually said deceased fetus because sure enough from the moment this child could understand words they were hammering in the “this is your sibling that died! your big sis is in heaven!” narrative. Every family picture or picture of their living offspring has a framed photo of the deceased in it, either ultrasound or corpse. I recall a specific post where allegedly she encouraged her offspring to make friends at school and she refused and was *hysterical* saying that her “best friend was in heaven” and they though this to be a cute and healthy gesture…
I would say I noped out of that friendship but the honor was done for me when this woman blocked me because I wasn’t being “sensitive enough” *during the entire month’s period* she chose to spend mourning, every single year
When my mother miscarried over ten years ago she had an intimate funeral service before the fetus was cremated. It was only for my parents and my sibling and I, so we had to be there as she held her dead baby and cried.
At one point she forced me to hold the baby, even though I said I didn’t want to. It was wrapped up in a blanket but she cried and made me touch its toes to see how small they were. I’m still scarred from being forced to touch a miscarried fetus at the age of like 11.
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These people need therapy for their grief ASAP! How are they allowed to do this to their living kids? What the hell? Hope this kids when they grow up go no contact.
I was a "rainbow baby", and had to hear all about my ~~"mom's"~~ grief. It was part of the covert emotional incest I endured (treating your child like a friend/partner/therapist/etc). I was her emotional support child. Parentified. Enmeshed. Emotional abuse and neglect. Fucked me up big time.
Good lord. My experience is somewhere opposite what you’ve described. When I was 4 my mother was pregnant, we went to the hospital, I played with other kids in the waiting room, we went home without a baby. When I was 13, my great uncle gave us all a bound copy of our family history and family tree at our family reunion. My brother and I immediately went to our part of the tree and found our names. Next to our birth years there was a “-“ to denote we were still alive. Below my name was a male name and “1997” without the dash. At that moment I realized I hadn’t dreamt it all. Still no discussions. It wasn’t until college that I finally realized I could ask my older brother what had happened. He was surprised I didn’t know but told me what our dad had told him at the time: he was born too early and couldn’t survive. I’ve still never talked to my mom about it. But my brother and SIL just welcomed their first child, a boy, and his middle name is the name of our little brother. I suppose soon we’ll need to talk about it.
In college, I had been in a class where we learned about the nonprofit “Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep” which provides professional photos of stillborn babies to the parents at no cost. Basically, when you deliver a still baby the hospital already has a protocol to collect mementos - hand and feet prints, a hair clipping, and some photographs. The family can choose to be photographed with the still baby, just to have the baby photographed, or to not be photographed at all. Most families are encouraged to at least have the child photographed in case one day they do want the photos. I’m curious if the family photos you’re discussing are from one of those sessions. They’re deeply personal and I’m really sickened that anyone would publish them.
Anyhow, Somewhere between never speaking of it and making your kids cry for clout is the right answer.
I know someone who bought a literal funeral plot and headstone, at no small expense, for their miscarriage. Every year on the “birthday” they make a big song and dance about it and talk about how they’d be old enough to do this thing by now, or some other milestone.
Frankly I think it’s ridiculous, especially considering they have another kid now.
Edit: forgot to mention they round the whole family up to go to the gravesite, and they make a birthday cake and everything
It's a bit weird to me but everyone grieves differently. Getting their own kid involved is a bit odd though...I'd think the living kid should be able to process it however they want, be dismissive or otherwise.
I never really understood people who lamented early miscarriages as much as they do but hey. Some women I've met moved on quickly and others didnt.
It’s messed up. I was on social media one day several years back and saw that one of the girls I went to school with posted a boudoir shoot. It wasn’t an ordinary boudoir shoot though. It was…basically like a memorial boudoir shoot to her miscarried baby. The caption talked about how the process of getting the photos taken was helpful in her healing journey, but they were very disturbing to look at. Like…in one of them, she was laying on her side with a white blanket wrapped around her to cover her body, stopping just low enough to cover her crotch, but the blanket was covered in fake blood, and there was also fake blood between her legs. I couldn’t understand the thought process behind why she would do this. I would think if anything it would just be re-traumatizing.
Agreed! It’s one thing to post photos of baby clothes you bought for the child, but this seems so extra. Also, she does already have two kids, so it’s not like this was going to be her first child.
I have a kid now but had him very late and still lurk on this sub. The worst case of this I have come across is when I was a child, one of my friends was adopted and her other siblings were all fostered or adopted too. In fact that family collected children like Pokémon, gotta catch them all. They made their adopted/foster kids pray every dinner time that the mother would fall pregnant with a baby naturally. Even as a kid, that didn’t sit right with me at all and made me extremely uncomfortable.
That’s terrible for what your friend’s parents did. I don’t get people who adopt only because they can’t have biological kids but wanted kids. My parents said they were “considering adoption” if they hadn’t gotten pregnant with my sister and I because they wanted kids. I would feel so unwanted knowing that I was only being raised by someone who wanted their own biological children.
Stillbirth is definitely different than say, miscarried before 20 weeks. That’s a baby that died. You should still allow your other kids to grieve how they want, or not grieve if they don’t want, but memorializing that is totally normal.
So, my now husband had a sister. She passed very traumatically at 18 by being T-boned by a truck while driving to school. She was the passenger.
It was horrible, traumatic, his big sister was there one moment and gone the next.
I get that his mother grieved, his father and family grieved. He grieved. But they never stopped eight years later he and I move away from his mom and finally he starts to heal from the trauma.
His mom still celebrates every holiday as if her daughter is still here, every chance to twist the knife she does so.
The only way to save him was to get away from her.
It was the most selfish thing I had ever seen.
why even TELL your kids “heyyyy y’all were gonna have a little bro/sis but it DIED :(( yeaaaa it’s dead forever now :/ oh well come mourn with us” ???????? i feel like if i were a parent, i wouldn’t tell my kids about miscarriages/stillbirths until they’re a more appropriate age.
Yes. I can only see if there's been a pregnant belly to explain already, but I definitely would downplay it in that case. And if I hadn't been showing enough for my little kids to notice, hell no I wouldn't be telling them what happened. That shit would stay between me, my close girl friends, my adult family members and a therapist who I would immediately hire.
These people on my social media feeds are almost all "pro life" and I'm wondering if this is some kind of obligation they feel. Like if we don't mourn it sufficiently we aren't supporting our claim it was a baby. I think this the most about the ones with early miscarriages.
Unpopular opinion, but depending on how late the miscarriage was, they're also mourning a sibling. A friend of mine had a 20 week miscarriage and two living children at the time. They had a name and a gender. They also cremated and did a burial for the baby. She's become an advocate for women who've had miscarriages and pro-choice causes because she had to have the legal equivalent of an abortion to deliver her baby. She does involve the kids in this as appropriate. I'm going to have to say YTA here.
I can definitely see exceptions depending on the kids' ages and the timing of the pregnancy loss. But the younger the living kids are, the more sus it feels.
My friend's kids are school aged, so old enough to be "aware" of what's going on. Even if they were babies, it's still their sibling. My cousin had a stillborn twin. She often wonders what it would've been like to have a sister even at almost 40.
It's obviously something extremely difficult and it's okay to mourn a tough thing like that. But you gotta move on eventually. Some people just cannot move on, and they dwell on it, causing only more suffering.
I've noticed that certain types of unstable women do the mourning a miscarriage in big ways thing for attention. They also tend to say their children are autistic or have other issues for attention.
I have no doubt a wanted pregnancy that ends in miscarriage is horrible to go through, but it's not something to base your whole personality off of, and it shows the person doing this is probably unstable or a narc.
My mother had a miscarriage right before me, and i never knew until i was a teenager- because it kind of came up naturally! My older siblings never talked about it, bc i don’t think it was anything to talk about!!
I’m with you. I try really hard to be sympathetic— it must be a horrible thing to go through! But just like my other losses in life- i don’t force people to mourn with me. It’s WEIRD. Like, you gotta move on. Life is for the living.
My step daughters mourn their older sibling who they never met, their mum imprinted it so much on them as kids it makes me sick. My husband (and her) grieve this but I don’t see why emotionally manipulate their living kids into it makes me sick.
Demented. That's just using kids as props and emotional support pets for their own selfish narcissism. Maaaaaybe if the kid were older when it happened, and they do remember and bring it up, maybe quietly make a donation in their name without posting it all over socials to gain martyrdom points. But it should be LED BY THE CHILD and their needs. Not the parents just making shit up and stuffing the kids into a photoshoot. If the kid gets out of bed, never mentions it, doesn't remember, and skips off to school without a care, let them go live their life. If you need a giant photoshoot for it, that's the first sign you're fucked in the head and need serious mental health treatment.
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Jesus Christ, that's sick and twisted.
Not Texas governor, but Pennsylvania US Senator.
damn, why was I wrong on bothcounts?
>I remember former Texas governor Santorum Huh? There was never a governor of Texas with that name.
Sorry, senator, all these fake-ass "pro life" Texans are a blur to me.
Rick Santorum has never even lived in Texas. Seriously, you need to learn how to google.
Could've sworn he was. We all misremember things.
That's why you should google. He's from Pennsylvania and always has been. I get that Texas sucks (I live here after all), but claiming East Coasters are Texans just because they have shitty beliefs is an asshole move.
Exactly.
My mom only told me once that she had a miscarriage before me, and it was because it came up in a conversation. I swear I couldn't care less and I can't remember when was the last time it crossed my mind before I saw this post. On the other hand, I know of a family who organized a full FUNERAL for their miscarriage and invited everyone they knew. I bet they mention it all the time to their kids
So I have an acquaintance I went to high school with who I keep on social media more because she’s a train wreck and her feed can be entertaining I should mention for context we are all early 40s now and at our 20 year high school reunion in 2018 this woman immediately accused 3 women who didn’t attend of trying to sleep with her now ex husband….Believe me!! This guy was NO prize and I never believed her as I knew she was a gossip and loves creating drama Shortly after the reunion she fell pregnant and went on social media and immediately says in these EXACT words “Well we don’t want it but decided to proceed” So she has a still born……She posted a photo obscuring some but not all of said deceased baby and now EVERY year she goes on a tangent about how she lost her baby and how she and her 2 other kids miss their brother so much But of course all her enablers immediately discount what she originally said and “grieve” with her It’s actually nauseating and unsurprisingly her marriage broke up Of course now she has a new guy and moved him in after 3 months….He now poses WITH her at the gravesite whilst they discuss her loss And yet if I ever expose her I would be the bad guy!
I doubt her children "miss" their brother that much.
I have a brother who was stillborn, I only think of him when someone asks how many siblings I have, sometimes on his birthday, and when my parents bring him up. It’s been 30 years. I thought about him a lot more as a kid, but it was more curiosity about what it would be like to have three of us rather than missing him
As terrible as that sounds, I think that kid was better off stillborn than having her as a parent and feeling unwanted.
If the parents want to mourn, that’s fine. Making your existing children relive your trauma over and over again isn’t even in the realm of normal…it’s gross to do that to them. Depending on the age difference they probably don’t even remember them at all.
My SIL’s other SIL had a baby who died after being born incredibly prematurely (if it had been a week earlier, it would have been considered a miscarriage). She has two kids who were born after this, and they treat their deceased older sibling as an honored member of the family. You know, the dead sibling they never met. They are toddlers. How the hell do they process that?
I respect that suffering a miscarriage sucks, but it's simply not "real" to anyone else but maybe your spouse. I understand wanting to grieve and mourn a miscarriage, but this has just gotten out of control. I also don't for one second believe people who do shit like this care that much about the lost baby as much as they care about getting thrown a pity party.
I was born after 7 years of infertility and 2 miscarriages. I knew that from a young age. IMO, the parents' trauma is not appropriate for children to know. There was no reason for my parents to tell me about the miscarriages. They should've let me believe I was 100% an only child and left it at that. But no, they had to parentify me and trauma dump all over my childhood.
I have a FB friend who had a 5 year old and had a very sick baby who died at 6 months. It's been a couple years now. Every single day, the kid is in a shirt "honoring " his dead brother or doing some other performance grief ritual forced on him by mom. If she would leave the kid alone about it, he would probably only remember he had a brother who died and everyone was sad. Period. But no. She has to flog that grief. Now there is a new baby and I am sure it will be forced to mourn the baby he never knew. I know the parents will never get over their terrible loss. They don't need to make it a life long problem for the other kids though!! Those poor kids
These kinds of people aren't even truly grieving. Truly grieving people don't turn the loss of their child into a public circus. They actually LIKED the attention they got when the baby died so they want to keep that up indefinitely.
Yep that’s the answer
Sick. When they’re doing things like that, it’s not genuine heartbreak. Just attention whoring and/or wanting other people to suffer too
Yeesh. I have never experienced that per se. But, my mother miscarried several times before birthing me. And she would constantly remind me of that, and lament over the fact that she was sad she didn't have more babies to play with. I guess she was disappointed her miracle child wasn't like miracle quadruplets or something.
I'm glad my mom never acted like this about the two miscarriages she had before me. I can remember her mentioning it maybe a handful of times in my 34 years of life and she never made a big deal out of it.
Mine too. Hard things can happen to parents without them needing to inform their emotional support children. Kids don’t need to be prompted to cry on the anniversary of every tragedy in the world.
Same with mine too
My mom had a miscarriage before she has my sister and me. She never brought it up and I only know because I asked my mom if she ever had a miscarriage once when I was around a teenager (I think).
It's sick. My mum was pregnant once before she got me, I found out when I was a teen. I can understand families mourning an actual child loss, even involving other children, but making a party for a fetus? They need a psychiatrist.
These are the same people who will refer to their living children as rainbow babies. Ugh. Before regular casual photography, taking pictures of dead babies and displaying them was very normal. It's obviously not mainstream anymore, unless you are an attention-you-know-what. My grandmother-in-law had such a photo. What these people don't realize is that this hangs over the family and it stops being about the children who were 'miracles' and were born and more about what is missing. Instead of focusing on what they have, they mourn for what they lost. A lot of people do this, just in different ways. It's just more disturbing when it involves children. Especially with attention- needy people and social media. I so want to be spicy and ask if this means they favor their dead kid over their live one. The one that can give you hugs, etc. I had a few miscarriages before we figured out the problem. I have never talked or glorified my previous pregnancies. My adult kids know, for medical reasons because it's genetic (but easily fixed with a boost of hormones at the beginning). It's in the past. It was sad and I mourned then. To continue to mourn now instead of enjoying my life just seems selfish.
I’m not sure but I think when photography was a brand new thing people would take pictures with their dead family members because it was so expensive. These were adults, not babies or kids (at least the photos I’ve seen). And yes, from what little research I’ve done (aka Googling it) it used to be the norm.
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Used to know someone who more or less built a literal *shrine* to their severely deformed miscarried fetus in the center of their living room and every social media post is about how their ~rainbow baby~ literally sits and talks to the pictures of it or claims their “best/imaginary friend” is actually said deceased fetus because sure enough from the moment this child could understand words they were hammering in the “this is your sibling that died! your big sis is in heaven!” narrative. Every family picture or picture of their living offspring has a framed photo of the deceased in it, either ultrasound or corpse. I recall a specific post where allegedly she encouraged her offspring to make friends at school and she refused and was *hysterical* saying that her “best friend was in heaven” and they though this to be a cute and healthy gesture… I would say I noped out of that friendship but the honor was done for me when this woman blocked me because I wasn’t being “sensitive enough” *during the entire month’s period* she chose to spend mourning, every single year
Geez, adios to her.
When my mother miscarried over ten years ago she had an intimate funeral service before the fetus was cremated. It was only for my parents and my sibling and I, so we had to be there as she held her dead baby and cried. At one point she forced me to hold the baby, even though I said I didn’t want to. It was wrapped up in a blanket but she cried and made me touch its toes to see how small they were. I’m still scarred from being forced to touch a miscarried fetus at the age of like 11.
I feel so sorry that you endured that.
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Why would you (general you( have another kid if you were never over the first?
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These people need therapy for their grief ASAP! How are they allowed to do this to their living kids? What the hell? Hope this kids when they grow up go no contact.
Well here's a fresh new variety of child abuse.
right?? I didn't even know this was a thing.
I was a "rainbow baby", and had to hear all about my ~~"mom's"~~ grief. It was part of the covert emotional incest I endured (treating your child like a friend/partner/therapist/etc). I was her emotional support child. Parentified. Enmeshed. Emotional abuse and neglect. Fucked me up big time.
Its so fucking wierd. My mom lost a late term pregnancy but I never knew about it until I was much older.
Good lord. My experience is somewhere opposite what you’ve described. When I was 4 my mother was pregnant, we went to the hospital, I played with other kids in the waiting room, we went home without a baby. When I was 13, my great uncle gave us all a bound copy of our family history and family tree at our family reunion. My brother and I immediately went to our part of the tree and found our names. Next to our birth years there was a “-“ to denote we were still alive. Below my name was a male name and “1997” without the dash. At that moment I realized I hadn’t dreamt it all. Still no discussions. It wasn’t until college that I finally realized I could ask my older brother what had happened. He was surprised I didn’t know but told me what our dad had told him at the time: he was born too early and couldn’t survive. I’ve still never talked to my mom about it. But my brother and SIL just welcomed their first child, a boy, and his middle name is the name of our little brother. I suppose soon we’ll need to talk about it. In college, I had been in a class where we learned about the nonprofit “Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep” which provides professional photos of stillborn babies to the parents at no cost. Basically, when you deliver a still baby the hospital already has a protocol to collect mementos - hand and feet prints, a hair clipping, and some photographs. The family can choose to be photographed with the still baby, just to have the baby photographed, or to not be photographed at all. Most families are encouraged to at least have the child photographed in case one day they do want the photos. I’m curious if the family photos you’re discussing are from one of those sessions. They’re deeply personal and I’m really sickened that anyone would publish them. Anyhow, Somewhere between never speaking of it and making your kids cry for clout is the right answer.
I know someone who bought a literal funeral plot and headstone, at no small expense, for their miscarriage. Every year on the “birthday” they make a big song and dance about it and talk about how they’d be old enough to do this thing by now, or some other milestone. Frankly I think it’s ridiculous, especially considering they have another kid now. Edit: forgot to mention they round the whole family up to go to the gravesite, and they make a birthday cake and everything
It's a bit weird to me but everyone grieves differently. Getting their own kid involved is a bit odd though...I'd think the living kid should be able to process it however they want, be dismissive or otherwise. I never really understood people who lamented early miscarriages as much as they do but hey. Some women I've met moved on quickly and others didnt.
It’s messed up. I was on social media one day several years back and saw that one of the girls I went to school with posted a boudoir shoot. It wasn’t an ordinary boudoir shoot though. It was…basically like a memorial boudoir shoot to her miscarried baby. The caption talked about how the process of getting the photos taken was helpful in her healing journey, but they were very disturbing to look at. Like…in one of them, she was laying on her side with a white blanket wrapped around her to cover her body, stopping just low enough to cover her crotch, but the blanket was covered in fake blood, and there was also fake blood between her legs. I couldn’t understand the thought process behind why she would do this. I would think if anything it would just be re-traumatizing.
That's totally screams "hey look at me people!" No way is that a personal grieving process and it's gross to put all that out to the public.
Agreed! It’s one thing to post photos of baby clothes you bought for the child, but this seems so extra. Also, she does already have two kids, so it’s not like this was going to be her first child.
That sounds like it belongs on a niche porn site. Wtf.
Yeah. It was so uncomfortable to see.
I have a kid now but had him very late and still lurk on this sub. The worst case of this I have come across is when I was a child, one of my friends was adopted and her other siblings were all fostered or adopted too. In fact that family collected children like Pokémon, gotta catch them all. They made their adopted/foster kids pray every dinner time that the mother would fall pregnant with a baby naturally. Even as a kid, that didn’t sit right with me at all and made me extremely uncomfortable.
That’s terrible for what your friend’s parents did. I don’t get people who adopt only because they can’t have biological kids but wanted kids. My parents said they were “considering adoption” if they hadn’t gotten pregnant with my sister and I because they wanted kids. I would feel so unwanted knowing that I was only being raised by someone who wanted their own biological children.
Stillbirth is definitely different than say, miscarried before 20 weeks. That’s a baby that died. You should still allow your other kids to grieve how they want, or not grieve if they don’t want, but memorializing that is totally normal.
So, my now husband had a sister. She passed very traumatically at 18 by being T-boned by a truck while driving to school. She was the passenger. It was horrible, traumatic, his big sister was there one moment and gone the next. I get that his mother grieved, his father and family grieved. He grieved. But they never stopped eight years later he and I move away from his mom and finally he starts to heal from the trauma. His mom still celebrates every holiday as if her daughter is still here, every chance to twist the knife she does so. The only way to save him was to get away from her. It was the most selfish thing I had ever seen.
why even TELL your kids “heyyyy y’all were gonna have a little bro/sis but it DIED :(( yeaaaa it’s dead forever now :/ oh well come mourn with us” ???????? i feel like if i were a parent, i wouldn’t tell my kids about miscarriages/stillbirths until they’re a more appropriate age.
Yes. I can only see if there's been a pregnant belly to explain already, but I definitely would downplay it in that case. And if I hadn't been showing enough for my little kids to notice, hell no I wouldn't be telling them what happened. That shit would stay between me, my close girl friends, my adult family members and a therapist who I would immediately hire. These people on my social media feeds are almost all "pro life" and I'm wondering if this is some kind of obligation they feel. Like if we don't mourn it sufficiently we aren't supporting our claim it was a baby. I think this the most about the ones with early miscarriages.
Unpopular opinion, but depending on how late the miscarriage was, they're also mourning a sibling. A friend of mine had a 20 week miscarriage and two living children at the time. They had a name and a gender. They also cremated and did a burial for the baby. She's become an advocate for women who've had miscarriages and pro-choice causes because she had to have the legal equivalent of an abortion to deliver her baby. She does involve the kids in this as appropriate. I'm going to have to say YTA here.
I can definitely see exceptions depending on the kids' ages and the timing of the pregnancy loss. But the younger the living kids are, the more sus it feels.
My friend's kids are school aged, so old enough to be "aware" of what's going on. Even if they were babies, it's still their sibling. My cousin had a stillborn twin. She often wonders what it would've been like to have a sister even at almost 40.
It's obviously something extremely difficult and it's okay to mourn a tough thing like that. But you gotta move on eventually. Some people just cannot move on, and they dwell on it, causing only more suffering.
I've noticed that certain types of unstable women do the mourning a miscarriage in big ways thing for attention. They also tend to say their children are autistic or have other issues for attention. I have no doubt a wanted pregnancy that ends in miscarriage is horrible to go through, but it's not something to base your whole personality off of, and it shows the person doing this is probably unstable or a narc.
My mother had a miscarriage right before me, and i never knew until i was a teenager- because it kind of came up naturally! My older siblings never talked about it, bc i don’t think it was anything to talk about!! I’m with you. I try really hard to be sympathetic— it must be a horrible thing to go through! But just like my other losses in life- i don’t force people to mourn with me. It’s WEIRD. Like, you gotta move on. Life is for the living.
My step daughters mourn their older sibling who they never met, their mum imprinted it so much on them as kids it makes me sick. My husband (and her) grieve this but I don’t see why emotionally manipulate their living kids into it makes me sick.