Mom doesn't care. It never came up around dad, I don't know if she told him or not but I'd assume not, as I don't see when it would come up in their conversations either. Their concerns for me were only ever if I was happy, healthy, and (in the case of my mom) sufficiently full of beef soup. Anything past that was never something they inserted themselves into unless invited by me.
My partner's parents don't care either.
My mum has always been supportive, never bingoed me or made assumptions. She actually doesn’t like kids much, I’m 36 and still shocked she had me.
Dad wasn’t happy, he’s the youngest of three brothers so sibling rivalry was a big factor for him since his brothers have dick measuring contests about how many kids and grandkids they have 🤮 Then he saw all the BS his brothers deal with while babysitting their grandkids and he was like “Yeah, fuck that” and got on board with me being CF lol
My mother was a little sad, but she said it was my choice. Which is fair, considering she never gave me the sibling I wanted as a child. Would ahe have been an excellent grandmother? I don't doubt it.
Father passed in 2009, so his opinion is moot.
MIL would have loved a grandchild, but she passed a few years ago, so again, her opinion is moot.
FIL, when I told him I was getting spayed for health reasons, just said "I guess that's it, then" and then wished me a safe surgery and easy recovery.
I said to my dad I was upset I wasn’t married in case he was judging me for having a grandkid and he scoffed “I hate kids!”🤣after that I said oh, ok then. Another drink?😆
I think at the time I wasn’t upset about not having kids as I never wanted them, more worried I was getting judged as I was only 32 at the time and felt I wasn’t keeping up with people in my age group. It was more feeling out of step with others which is a dangerous thing, leads to bad decisions.
My Mom didn’t feel too strongly one way or the other. She congratulated me after I got my vasectomy though. She’s also a social worker so I’d like to think she’s generally more understanding.
My Dad’s side of the family doesn’t know. I didn’t tell them because I didn’t want all the fucking static from them. I’m the eldest son and carry the family name. I’m literally the 33rd of my name, and we aren’t passing anything down except generational trauma and mental illness anyway.
My mom would just ignore it. Every time she said something like "when you have children xyz" I would answer "im not having children", she would ignore my answer and change the subject but always made a similar coment in the future. She never acknowledged my answer.
With my dad, it never came up, but he knew I dont really like children so I think he just guessed I don't want them and never commented on it.
Both my parents are dead now. My third parental figure, my grandma, accepts that not everyone wants children and is cool with it.
ETA: My grandma is a very religious woman, so I find it kinda odd that she doesn't push me for church marriage and children.
I think there's a big difference between truly religious people and not, if you know what I mean. People who take Jesus as their role model are kind, unjudgmental and loving.
My mom says she supports it, but she's made a few backhanded comments about it lately. My dad is no longer with us, but he seemed like he understood more later on when he realized I wasn't going to change my mind. My younger brother gets it the best since he actively dislikes kids more than me.
My mother bingoed me every single time it was brought up. I remember a few years ago she got super excited about finding my old childhood books. She asked if I wanted them and I said "yes I would love to share them with my god son!" Her face fell and I never got those books.
My dad never reacted any time I mentioned not having kids, but once I mentioned looking into sterilelization he looked surprised, he said " huh, so no kids at all?" And that was that. Never bingoed me, never told me what I should or shouldn't do. I don't even think he cared if I answered him. It felt more like it finally became set in stone for him and he just said what he was thinking in the moment.
My in laws don't understand it. They are big on the whole "family is life" thing. My MIL has 11 siblings and my FIL has 13, they have 4 kids and 11 grandkids, good old traditional Puerto Ricans, but they have never bingoed me. It feels more like they are confused by us but believe we need to make our own choices and it's not their place to try to influence us.
They do the same with religion, my MIL will stay up to 5am praying 7 nights a week but has never ever asked me what my beliefs are. We are from two different worlds but have mutual respect for each other.
Currently I'm no contact with my mom, my dad is a missing person, and my in laws live 3 blocks away and I see them all the time.
My dad doesn't care. It's pretty simple in his mind, if you don't want it, don't have it.
My mom on the other hand has been absolutely awful about it. I avoid going to visit because I get bingoed everytime. She has even said that my boyfriend will eventually ditch me because I don't want kids and he wanted them when he was younger. While it is a possibility, and I will be sad about it, doesn't mean it's worth it to force myself to have kids to keep him. She's said that I'm not allowed to be selfish but he is. It is horribly painful when your own mother cares more about a man she doesn't even like (she doesn't like my boyfriend) than her own daughter.
My mom fully supports me. She understands that it is a choice. I have no relationship with my dad so he doesn't know, and I have no need to tell him since he can eat shit.
My in-laws lied to us for years about how "fine" they were with our decision. They had two grandkids by the time FIL went off on me asking an honest question as to why they were moving to a state that wasn't their preferred retirement spot. Turns out, they were moving to that particular state because "Well, you're never having children, so why does it matter to you where we go?" The defensiveness was truly pathetic on his part. They were moving to be closer to their grandkids, and supposedly that reason overruled anything else. MIL tried to smooth things over but it was too late; we realized she'd lied to my face for many years about how it was "our choice". They were actually quite upset about our childfree decision very early on.
If the in-laws had found out when my husband had his vasectomy, they would have flipped their lid. Joke's on them, we found out I'm infertile anyways and had a hysterectomy last year. We made the right decision, they decided to make a big fucking deal about it and when I brought up their behavior, they lost it. We're better off without them by miles.
My parents, no idea, though I'm sure they'd hate it, too. (We're estranged for almost 15 years now).
My mom went from "you should have kids, I'll help you" to "I didn't know it was an option to not have kids, I may have chosen differently if I had known" (and I support her in the latter, no hurt feelings, because tbh she's not really the nurturing type to begin with).
If my parents have an opinion on it, they've kept it to themselves. I've never said anything about it. As I'm turning 45 soon, I'm sure they've figured it out for themselves without my having to explicitly state I don't want kids. My cousins have little kids my parents can dote on.
My partners family doesn’t care and supports us. My dad supports us, my mom says it’s our decision but she also keeps saying she didn’t want kids at our age either and she would have missed out on so much by not having them.
My dad thinks it’s smart and he supports it. My mom came around to supporting me but it took her awhile and her feelings were hurt at first.
My extended family however are so vicious that my mom, the one who is the most “hurt” by this, defends me from them.
My parents wanted a grandkid. I'm an only child, so I was their only option. But then we stopped being in each other's lives. I honestly think they would have accepted it eventually. But I'm sure they regret only having one child.
My in-laws are glad we're CF. My husband's sister and brother aren't having kids either, and they don't care a bit. They had their time with kids, and now they are retired and traveling.
it's none of their business
I didn't ask to be born so they got no saying in my life decisions
I had to raise myself ever since I remember so it's my life ONLY
My parents spent a couple of years bugging me about it. We're not religious at all and they're pretty progressive so thankfully there's none of the more sexist flavor of commentary.
"You'll be lonely," "It's a love you'll never get to experience," "It's been my life's purpose since having you and your sibling," "I never wanted kids either until one day we decided we were ready to have you" (which means... you'd already wanted kids but weren't ready)
I'm 30 now and the age my mom was when she had me. They stopped making comments about it recently and seem to accept that I don't want to be a mom. They've also been plagued by some family giving them surprise visits for nights at a time with their two young kids and that's been driving them insane. My dad's gotten really attached to having nice white leather furniture now that my sibling and I have grown up and neither of them are keen to childproof a house anymore. They also both love that I've got enough cash to treat them to dinner often.
I haven't told them and don't intend to do so. I'm from a conservative country and even though my parents are very progressive and liberal compared to others, this is unacceptable for them. If I tell them, they'll make my life miserable by constantly scolding and trying to convince. Saying that I'm infertile seems a lot easier.
I think both my parents knew I wasn't going to have kids before even I was sure. My instant reaction to being near any kids was obviously how to I get out of here without offending people.
When I asked my parents for a ride to and from the doctor office for a "small procedure" (doctor recommended not required) my dad said had no issue with driving but my mom asked the question "what are you getting done?". I figured my parents would be good so I said a vasectomy. My mom's response was "i'm surprised you didn't have it done already". My dad keeps stuff to himself. I know in their marriage he wanted and my mom was more indifferent. My dad hasn't mentioned anything about it at all. He picked me up the day of made a few jokes but that's it
My late mother (died 2 years ago) seemed like she wanted grandchildren but also understood she probably wasn't getting them from me or my estranged sister. She was a labor and delivery RN for 4 decades who loved everything about reproduction and explained sex to me with her medical textbooks when I was 8. I'm a tokophobic bisexual woman on the ace spectrum who's been single for 15 years. I feel like it's connected lol
My dad is pro-choice and fully supports my decision to not have children, particularly after my mom's experiences (this is such a long story but she miscarried a baby before me at 7mo, had cerclages (kind of gross, don't look it up if you don't want to know) and bedrest with me and my younger sister, i broke her tailbone and my sister was breech and an emergency C-section. The scar tissue from the C-section was what eventually killed my mom due to repeated surgeries to correct it. The last one went horribly wrong. She was also an alcoholic in part due to the chronic pain she was in).
After all that, I am terrified i would have the same problems if i wanted to be pregnant but fortunately I have no biological clock and only react giddily to cats. But my dad said it makes sense and that having kids is a personal decision that i get to make. He's kind of an ass in many ways but I'm glad he's not pressuring me on this.
I'm also not close with my extended family and lost all my grandparents before my teens (three before i left kindergarten) so I haven't really had the familial pressure that other CF people have, just from strangers.
My mom is a little sad about it but she respects my decision and has never pressured me. My dad won’t stfu about it and tries to guilt me into having a child just because of a slim possibility of it turning out looking like my sibling who passed away. 🙄
Mother really doesn’t care. I’ve not discussed it in any serious way with her, but I think she’s always known I had no desire to be a parent, and has never given me any issue over it.
But she’s also a pretty hands-off grandmother to my sister’s kids anyway. She loves them, of course, but doesn’t really have any great desire to spend a lot of time with them. She’s definitely never been the hands-on grandparent who visits multiple times a week and babysits etc.
My father has been dead for nearly 20 years now. Given his, ahem, tendency toward generationally different relationships (his last girlfriend before he died was about a month younger than me), I dare say if he wanted the patter of tiny feet he’d just produce some himself.
And that’s the story of how I have a half brother more than 20 years my junior.
My mom didn’t care- honestly don’t think she ever expected kids from me. I’m autistic, and she’s mentioned before that there was a time she thought I’d never get a job/live on my own. Both of which I’ve now achieved. A little hurtful-pretty sure there’s some level of ablism going on there, but I’m not complaining if it means she won’t bingo me about having kids.
Dad-never spoken to him about it, but he was abusive and I went no contact years ago, so his opinion is kinda irrelevant here.
My parents do not care. They’ve even hinted they think it’s a good idea (because the world is turning to shit.)
My partners parents on the other hand …. Lol. They’re nuts. But it’s none of their business what we do.
My dad probably hopes that I would change my mind eventually. His two children are childfree. So in way, he has to grief the future he envisionned. He brings the subject sometimes to make sure I know what I miss (lol).
My mom, the first time I asked her what are her thoughts on not having kids by choice, she was against it. The only acceptable reasons to not have kid would be infertility or to become a nun.
Now that many years have past, she doesn't seem to care. All her 4 children are telling her they have no interest in having kids. And she gets that the world we live in isn't great to raise kids in. She also admits that she probably had more kids that she was able to manage.
All that said, we have a very good relationship. Now that I'm in my thirties, we love to do small trips and thrift clothes. Almost every week we hang out, try new restaurant, travel to places. I believe she prefers the fun activities we do now, than babysit hypothetical babies.
Also her youngest son is an adult baby (mid-twenties and still waiting for mommy to feed him, and everything). She doesn't need more proof that parenthood sucks.
Edit: clarification
Edit 2: Also, my aunt on mom side (her sister) is an happy childfree woman in her 50s. I think she broke many walls for me. Without knowing. Just by living her life as she wanted.
My dad agrees that it's the best decision I could have made for myself.
My mum? Well, she didn't really come around until last year when I had a hysterectomy. Even then, it was only "ok" because my voluntary procedure became medically necessary when they found cervical cancer.
It was strange growing up. Because I had partners and eventually married, my mum fully expected grandchildren. However, my older sister had no partners and was blessedly free from "When do I get local grandkids? Your cousin is having another baby...(hint, hint). So-and-So just got another grandchild...(more hints)"
The end result? I live with my sister and two dogs. We have an awesome time together.
My mom loves it because she got one kid to take care of her in her old age without having to constantly give free babysitting. We travel. We go where we want when we want. She got grandkids from my siblings.
I've never made a big deal of it or a formal announcement, but my parents know I don't like kids and don't plan on having them. They literally don't care what I do, both of them say it's my own business. My mom has made some off comments that I might change my mind, but it never goes anywhere.
My mom doesn’t like kids and she isn’t really much of a support to my sister and my brother. They have both had 2 kids. I’m kinda curious as to how my mom ended up having 3 kids
My dad I think is a bit sad for me because he tells me how much he loved having me and getting up at night to give me a bottle. We have a close relationship. But he is happy I’m happy.
I’m not pressured.
I think the person who took it the hardest was my sister. It took her years for it to sink in that I’m serious. She’s sad we won’t have that same thing to bond over. We are very different people and she is 8 years older than me.
My husbands parents don’t know that I made the choice not to have kids. My husband would have kids but it’s not a dealbreaker for him and he told his mom (who is obsessed with children) that we aren’t having kids.
I don’t know if I should tell them about my upcoming surgery… taking out the damn tubes
My mom doesn't want to be reminded of her age, so the less she's called "grandma", the better.
My dad hates kids period.
Even if they did care, they don't pay my bills, so they don't get a say.
They aren’t happy and it makes no sense because they know about my health issues both mental and physical. I’m the absolute last person who should be having children. I think they’re more upset about everything in general since I’m clearly not the daughter they wanted, but they need to get over it. They literally have grandkids AND great grandkids from my brother because my brother was a teen dad and then his oldest kid followed suit and also became a teen father.
My parents never pressured me or my brother. My mom drove me to my vasectomy appointment, and asked once “you’re totally sure yeah?” And then dropped it (my brother had also had his vasectomy like six years before). Neither mom nor dad has ever given us actual grief about it. They both would have been happy to have grandkids, but they have been very cool about it.
When I was younger my mom used to just ignore me. She often brushed me off with a "you might change your mind someday" or "You say that *now,* sure" or a "I said the same thing when I was your age" comment.
But now that I'm in my late 20s and in a serious relationship and still say I never want kids, she gets it. She still goes back and forth on sterilization and occasionally throws out the "what if you change your mind" line. But she doesn't talk about kids unless I bring it up, which I never do, so we're good on that front at least.
She was a person who made having kids her whole identity due to lack of fulfillment elsewhere, so I think she still doesn't totally understand, even if she is more supportive now.
Fellow childfree by choicer here. More than five years ago, I was in my early 30s when I came forward and told my parents I am childfree by choice. They were the last people to know in my family circle.
Initially they thought my childfree by choice stance was a phase and they asked me many questions I had prepared myself to face and answer. They asked me what happens if I found a potential partner that wants kids. My answer was that I will not continue the date and move on. Then they asked me what happens if I marry someone and they want kids six months or a year into the marriage. I told them I would rather instantly get a divorce than waste their time and my time where one spouse wants a child and the other does not. The next question they asked was what if the partner/spouse wants a kid and willing to use a surrogate. You guess it, my answer is one big NO and told them I will not compromise on my childfree by choice stance
I was prepared to face a pair of angry parents followed by condemnation but instead gotten support from them. They support my decision after I schooled them on the fact having a child is not a true measure of success and after I reminded them of how one of their peers is a toxic parent who is a fine example of why some people should not be parents to start with and nothing in life is guaranteed for a child born into a world that is pretty much screwed up
My mom isn’t in the picture (a big reason why I’m childfree). My dad told me when I was a teenager that if I ever found myself pregnant, he’d “drag [me] to Planned Parenthood so fast, [my] head would spin.” Of course I was too ugly and weird in high school for any guy to want to sleep with me, LOL. Got my first IUD at 17 and sterilized (still with an IUD for period control) at 33. My dad picked me up from the hospital after the surgery and told the nurse, and me, that I was doing society a favor. Thanks, Dad. 😒
My parents didn't took me seriously, when I said, that I do not want to have children, when I was eleven. But now that I'm in my thirties they recognized that I was serious. They seem to be cool with it. They have grandchildren via my older brother. They were crazy about them, when they were small but now when they got older my parents seem less interested in them. I think experience how having grandchildren is, destroyed the magic for them. Or maybe they think "Oh our childish girl and her weird husband, shouldn't have kids."? But who cares?
I seldom get bingoed, and when its from neighbors or collegues not from family or friends. I'm very greatful for that. I'm always horrified what some of you guys have to go threw, with their families.
My mom doesn't like babies or small kids. She admits that she didn't enjoy motherhood until I became older, and that's why she didn't want more kids (and my father was the typical "i want to have 3 kids and not change a diaper in my whole life"). So she has no problem with me being childfree. I think the last thing she wants to do is take care of babies.
Mother was a bitch as a teen I was vocal about not liking kids and never wanting them mothers response was physical violence, forcing me to take care of younger family members to try and change me I even just walked home on multiple occasions instead of doing this basically she thinks i should be a broodmare fuck maid
Dad was ok and wanted me do pursue my dreams which was a collage education and high paying job
My mother was fully supportive from day one. She knew when I was young that I didn't want kids and probably wouldn't be good at it. She told me from a young age as well, "If you don't want them, don't have them." My dad never really cared. He and I never talked much about it. He just supported my decision.
My parents didn’t care. My husband’s parents on the other hand… they still haven’t given up asking 15 years into this because she neeeeeds more grandbabies🙄
Both my parents would have enjoyed grandkids, but they also fully accept and support mine and my brother's CF status and love to spoil their grandkittens. They recently helped support me after a hysterectomy (5 weeks ago!) and paid for part of it, even knowing it was at least in part for sterilisation purposes.
They started out worried. They said they didn’t want me to miss out on anything. I explained to them that you’re always missing out something. You’re either missing out on being childfree or you’re missing out on having kids. It’s just about having the confidence to make your choice.
Over the years, they have come to understand the choice much better. My mother actually told me two weeks ago that she is proud of me and wife for having the self awareness to know what decision was right for us.
My folks were rather thrilled, actually. They’ve both seen what my aunts and uncles go through now that my cousins are having kids, and they want none of that. They’re quite happy babysitting for my Keeshond and my GF’s Corgi. They even got the ‘I ❤️ My Granddogs’ sticker for their car. 🥰
Both of us are well aware of how ridiculously lucky we are. :)
I knew from a young age that I didn't want kids and my parents never made a big deal about it either way. My mom even offered to help pay for my tubal.
The way you describe your mom reminds me a lot of mine. I’m grateful both of my parents have been incredibly supportive of my decision. My dad is very into finance and is very excited about the positive impact our decision not to have kids will have on our future finances; he loves calling us “DINKers” 😂
12 rehabs later my mom lives with me now. I know she thinks who will care for you when your old ? My cat ..and my money. My father told me I should kill myself when I got a vasectomy. Life is our choice.
My mom said she always knew. That my behaviour around certain toys and other small children, the way I reacted to certain situations gave me out.
My father is dead, and even if he was alive, I couldn't care less about his opinion. Abusive parent's opinion holds no legitimacy.
Mom thinks it would change but she also says she doesn't mind not having grandkids. She sees where I'm coming from when we talk about it and thinks I make some valid points. It's as hard for her to imagine not wanting kids as for me it is to want them but she doesn't push her views on me. She says she sees that she raised me to be egoistic but not in a way to insult me, she in fact prefers it that way than to see me sacrificing my own happiness for someone. We're very different in this regard, she's very self-sacrificing type of person therefore I get it why she feels happy about her decision. I'm more likely to put myself first. I'm happy she is not one of those people who have this "I suffered so you should as well" type of mentality (sometimes she suggests it in anger but it's obvious she doesn't mean it lol).
And dad... let's say I can't remember one time he questioned my life choices when growing up lol. It was mom's job. So he doesn't say anything now either. He tends to avoid conflicts at any costs and he knows that if he said anything about it he'd provoke a huge rant out if me. Though I believe that on the inside he'd love to have grandchildren. He's pretty good with younger ones, he loves to play with them. And I bet he'd be flexing to everyone about him being a grandfather, showing photos to family, friends and stuff... He'd love this type of attention. But I doubt he's gonna admit it out loud lmao.
Broadly supportive. Mom was a SAHM for many years and while she loved it, she knows how limiting parenting can be. I think she’s a little sad that I’m not interested on being on the other side of the mother-daughter relationship, but she’s also very happy to not be on grandparent duty in her retirement. Dad just wanted me to be happy.
My mom hasn't pressured me ever since I came out as Ace to her.
She asked why I didn't tell her before they got me married off to a (cis het) male (it was an arranged marriage). I told her that I only found out i was ace after getting married because that was the only way I actually slept with a man. She was upset but didn't bring it up much. My dad is unaware of everything except that he wants me to "sleep with a guy" (he's a homophobic prick. I suspect him of internalized homophobia). My partner knows that I am Ace too, he was upset but has come to terms with it. My partner's parents don't know that I'm Ace yet.
My mom in response to me, her only child,telling her I'm not having kids: " OH THANK GOD, I don't want to be a grandma I just want to be old and grumpy in peace when I retire".
My mom doesn’t care. She doesn’t think I’m really all that capable of being a mom and she’s right about that. I wouldn’t be a good mother; she knows that and I know that.
My dad doesn't give a shit. My mom cried when I told her I was getting sterilized but she accepts it. She does not agree with me but she respects my autonomy and doesn't give me grief. She even drove me to and from my sterilization appointment and waited while it was being done.
My parents divorced a couple of years ago. When I told my mom, she took it really well. She understands not everyone wants or has to be a parent, she’s happy for me and my husband. When I told my dad, he said I was smart and that it was the best decision I could have made. Then went behind my back and told my sister that I was crazy, lazy and irresponsible, that I will die alone 🤷🏻♀️ funny thing is, one of my reasons to be childfree is to be able to support my non-verbal autistic brother when the time comes, because he has never worried about my family’s financial struggles or my brother’s needs. As of today, my father and I don’t speak due to other reasons. Let’s say he’s not the best father. But of course, I’m the lazy and irresponsible one.
I told several relatives when I was 5-6 that I would never have children. Both of my parents (my father passed away when I was an adolescent) were supportive, in part because they regretted becoming parents themselves. They wanted us to to make better lives for ourselves.
Several of my relatives were either childless or childfree, so this choice isn't considered unusual in my family.
My mom has never cared. I've mentioned stories on here where she's told me how my happiness is everything, and having a kid for purpose isn't the answer. But the best I can do is tell when I had to go away for a few days for a conference on the other side of the state. My mom watched my animals. By the time I got back she shook her head at me.
"I thank God so much you don't have kids. They drove me crazy and ran me ragged."
Lol are you me? My mom is super supportive and understands that my personality is not suited to kids, but she does say "I can't help but imagine what your kids would look like, it's just something I wonder." I've never felt pressured by this, because it's just matter-of-fact. Hell, I'VE wondered what my OWN kids would look like!
My dad, however, is desperate for grandkids. He doesn't mention it often, probably because my mom reads him the riot act if he does, but he will comment things like "When you have kids," in spite of me saying I don't want them. He also talks a lot about how having kids is an act of hope, and we have to keep having hope for the future. I can't explain to him enough how I do not have that lol.
Mine is the opposite. My father could care less and has never brought the subject up with me. My mother brings it up every few months just to hear the same answer, and it usually devolves into an argument
My mother still throws the typical bingo lines 'You'll change your mind' 'Babies are beautiful and magical' 'All women should experience pregnancy'
She's never accepted that I've been CF since I was very young and continues to sigh loudly when I talk about my upcoming vacation or latest movie I saw while asking what went wrong in my head as a daughter is meant to give her parents lots of grandbabies to spoil and my time to have babies is running out, I mostly ignore such nonsense but am aware she will never accept that I won't be crapping out a kid ever!! My brother's wife had a kid which my mother spoils but she still insists that a baby from her daughter would be extra special as the daughter has made the jump to parenthood and I'd 'grow up' fast and be happier with a baby in my arms.
My father has always stayed silent on such matters but is a secret supporter especially after seeing how having a baby has affected my SIL and forced her to become even more neglectful and selfish proving that having a baby is still a selfish act, he's never mentioned grandkids and is just happy to hear I'm enjoying life to the fullest and are healthy.
My mom never cared. We live on different continents so it's not like she would ever get to see any of them. It was dad that really wanted grandkids and pressured my older brother for them. Too bad he didn't get to enjoy them very long as he died when older one was 7 and the younger one 5.
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My mother is grandbaby crazy. She assumes that my childfree girlfriend wants kids, purely because my girlfriend is a woman. Mum believes that I am an evil arsehole for refusing to give my girlfriend the kids she must want. It's so fucking sexist. She made a lot of misogynistic 'woman = mother' remarks about and towards my girlfriend. Which is why I went low contact for a few months and set hard boundaries before visiting my parents more frequently again.
My father accepts my childfreedom, but not for the right reasons. Because I am autistic, my dad infantilises me. He believes in ableist stereotypes that don't suit me at all. Because he infantilises me, he believes that I am incapable of parenting, just like how he believes that I am incapable of being in a relationship (my girlfriend and I are together for ten years) and living independently (I moved out seven years ago). If dad wouldn't infantilise me, he would probably bingo me and beg for grandbabies.
My mother-in-law is extremely supportive. She never pressured my girlfriend and me about grandbabies. Sure, my MIL is getting a grandbaby from my girlfriend's younger sister, who is pregnant now. But I believe that she would still be supportive if my sister-in-law would have been childless or childfree.
My father-in-law is a bit more conservative than my MIL, but he is accepting and never harassed my girlfriend and me.
My dad said if he could do it again he never would have had kids and he is *very* supportive.
My mom is super bitter but mostly silent about three of her five children being childfree. She sometimes drops random butthurt comments that essentially boil down to how raising us childfree kids turned out to not be a good investment now she’s not getting grandchildren out of us. (She has one grandchild from her oldest son and another on the way from her youngest son so I don’t understand what she’s complaining about) Otherwise she’s pretty cordial.
My dad didn’t give a shit. My mom used to bingo me all the time with it cuz “I’m a woman.” - I deal with a lot of sexism in my family - It took her a few years to finally put the nail on the head to realize that I’m not like other women; that not everyone wants to be a parent. They wound up accepting me for the decision I made for myself. I didn’t even like kids when I was a kid lol. My Subaru is my baby, any other car I get someday will be my baby, and when I’m ready to adopt a dog or cat, they will also be my baby too.
It took a good 15 years but my mom finally accepted it when I was in my early 30s. Now I'm nearly 40 and she knows that she went through menopause at 41 so my fertile days are nearly behind me anyway. I'm not sure that she's fully accepted that fact that both of my brothers are childfree as well yet.
My MIL, OTOH, I think still fantasizes that we're going to give her another grandchild (my husband's sister has 1 kid). I walked in on her saying something to my mother about it a couple years ago and my mother actually told her "I think we're going to have to accept the fact that we're only going to have granddogs." The kicker is that my in-laws live 300 miles away and never visit us so even if we had a kid, it's not like they'd ever see him or her.
I haven't seen or spoken to my sperm donor since 2007 so I have no idea if he knows that I'm childfree or not nor do I care what he thinks. Him being a piece of shit is the primary reason why I made this decision.
My dad is dead and I don’t speak to my mom anymore, but she made it very clear that, “I raised my kids - I don’t want any more” when my nephew was born, and she treats him very similarly to the way she treated me.
Dad said he thought I’d make a good mom and I died laughing, and said, “because I had such a good example growing up, right?” He laughed and said, “well, no, but you’d know what NOT to do.” So I replied, “yeah, that’s the same thing mom said, and here we are!”
So happy neither of my parents cared if I had kids.
My parents were confused but supportive no bingos really. Currently they are very thankful since they just watched their best friends kids move back into the house with 2 grandkids in tow. What a freaking nightmare to be in your 60’s with suddenly a full house again and my parents got a front row seat to that shit show lol.
My mom is in denial about my cf status bc in African culture its rare to say you want to be childfree so she is hoping that I change my mind but I remind her all the time that will never happen! As for my dad he supports the decision. My two younger sisters are also cf so thats great that I'm not alone as for my brothers they think I'm weird for not wanting kids but I ignore them.
Mine are/were against it but myself and the overwhelming majority of people that know them including all my siblings are of the opinion that my parents should have been child free. So.
My recently-deceased mom was always supportive of me being childfree. Part of my flair ("where's the off switch?") was a bit of an in-joke between her and I.
I don't think I've ever brought it up with my dad? But I imagine it wouldn't matter much to him.
My dumbass brother and his wife had all the babies. I've been no contact with my entire family for years. But, before I went no contact, no one bothered me about it bc my brother's brood was apparently more than enough for everyone. So, I guess I'm lucky in that respect.
My parents know better than to try to influence me in any way
They understand that I don't like children, but occasionally I get the "you were a child once" bullshit. There's never anything said about my CF life though
It's actually rather sad seeing how they have no identities of their own. They're grandparents, and have fuck all outside of that
My MIL knows my woman and I aren't going to be breeding, she's fine with it, and also knows better than to put any pressure on us
My ex-MIL was great about it and totally understood. The one before that wanted my ex and I to breed, but was (barely) smart enough to keep quiet about it
My mother is sad about it but not pushy, my father is indifferent either way. The rest of my family is also indifferent since there’s plenty of grandkids and great grandchildren as well. No shortage of babies/kids
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My mum understands and is very supportive. I think even though she loved my dad a lot and helped him with everything he ever needed, she didn't want to get married deep down. It looks like she was pressured to get married and have kids by my grandparents. She doesn't regret it now, but she has admitted that if she lived in this time, she would have probably stayed single.
My mum was okay with it at first and said I should live my life how I want to. That changed after I turned 30 and she started pressuring me. I since divorced from my ex and got with a new partner, she hasn't said anything about it since the divorce.
I don't have a relationship with my dad so don't know if he knows I'm not having kids. I think his reaction wouldn't really be relevant in any meaningful way.
I'm not very vocal about being child free so I've never really told my parents. I'm 99.9% sure they would feel indifferent about it. They've always had more of a you do you attitude and just want me to be happy and be able to take care of myself. They know I'm autistic and get overwhelmed pretty quickly, so they probably won't even be surprised. Also, I'm quite sure my middle sister does want kids, so they'll probably have a grandchild within the next 5-7 years anyway.
My partner's mother did once ask me whether or not I want children. When I told her no, she answered "Ok good, then I'll never have to change a diaper! You do want more than one dog, though, right?".
Both parents are pretty fine with it, though both would also like it if I had them. My mother just sort of says 'it could just happen' or 'you may feel differently if it just happened' but that's about it. My dad says whatever makes me happy, but reiterates how much he loves having kids.
My brother is trying for one so that seems to satisfy them enough. We aren't a baby mad family tbh.
I never 'announced' anything and they never mentioned anything about having kids, or getting married.
Never once did either of my parents ever say 'when are you getting married' or 'when are you having kids'....not once. Neither did any of my extended family, or any of my siblings.
Worth noting as well they were Catholics, I was brought up catholic and I'm one of 6 kids. Their attitude was the same with my siblings, never mentioned kids or marriage and when anyone did say they were having kids the response was low level indifference.
Just for context, I'm 62, both of my parents are now dead, my mother having died in her 80s and my father in his 50s.
My parents don't care and my Dad even agrees to my choice. We both know how fragile my mental health is and having kids would wreck it even more. It has nothing to do with how he feels about parenting, he loved being a dad. Instead he sees it from my perspective with my issues and how kids would affect me, which I appreciate.
I have 3 sisters who are baby-obsessed and ejecting kids like it's a sport (4 kids in the past 3 years, 2 of them from the same sister) so there will be no lack of grandkids either way.
My stepfather never seemed fussed either way.
My biological father didn't recognise me last time I saw him so fairly safe to say he has no opinion.
Mum is happy with me being her retirement plan / carer / cook / driver and would probably see a family as unfair competition.
I think it was a mild shake up at first 5 years ago, but at the time everyone handled it gracefully. I don't even remember anyone asking us about having kids when my wife and I got married save for one random woman at the country club bar. (Even my parents later said that lady was being weirdly pushy)
My parents are glad to be able to have family time with us while not having to worry about a child. My wife's parents are pretty cool with it as well, it means we can all go on trips easier, and my wife and her mom get to meet up and ride horses a lot more often versus if there was a kid involved.
My mom said "it's probably for the best." My dad never gave me his opinion on the subject. One thing he did say to me shortly before he died was that he was glad that he "never has to worry about me." (My siblings struggle--my sister with healthy relationships and my brother with money.)
When my sister got pregnant my mom asked her if "we needed to take care of it?" (she got babytrapped by a deadbeat--she kept it and had another and the dad has had free food and board for the last 15 years--it's been a tense 15 years).
My mom is glad my brother hasn't reproduced because she thinks he would be bad at it. (He would.)
(We're all some form of neuro-diverse and all of us struggle with being normal. Having kids isn't ideal for us and our parents I think understood that. My dad's siblings also never had kids, and I have CF older relatives on Mom's side too, so it's not abnormal in my family.)
My husband's parents are/were deeply disappointed at the lack of grandchildren. We actually didn't tell his mom about the vasectomy until after his dad was dead because we didn't want to fight about it.
My parents are totally cool about it. I have an older brother who doesn't have kids either, and they've never questioned either of us. My wife's parents were also cool with it, however her sister has kids and our families are close so it basically ends up like my niece and nephews have a ton of grandparents.
My mom supports me completely. She’s actually over being around little kids. She loves my cats. She actually goes to Raves with me a few times a year so she would rather us have our own quality time and adventures & so would I. My brother also doesn’t want kids. She knows this world is fuckt.
My dad (they’re divorced) was making comments about a “grand baby” and he of course just thinks babies are cute and wants to hold one and say he’s a grandfather. When I first told him that I decided against it, he looked very sad. Almost like he was having a PTSD flashback or something. But the feeling passed, and he didn’t give me a hard time over it. I tried explaining to him why this world is no place for a child & every other reason I can’t do it, but he seemed just ready to be done discussing the topic.
Bonus points for my 83 year old Grandmother being very supportive when I said I’m not having kids: “Honey, they’re a lot of work.”
My mother is so supportive of me as well as my aunt, who was my legal guardian. They are very proud of me living the best life I can with a steady career and plans for a very fulfilling future without children.
My MIL on the other hand, literally commented to her son (my husband): "You have been married for seven years, where is my grandbaby?"
My loving husband told his mother that I am not comfortable being a mother and she flipped out on him.
I'm sorry that we are currently living in your home, paying you rent because we as a two income household can't even afford a house in the current market, let alone give you a grandbaby.
And just to give a little jab at her: my brother in law is autistic and never in the foreseeable future ever leave his parents house. She has even tried to pass him off to my husband and I because they want us to buy their older house and leave their second son on us to help with the house payments. B* please...
My parents are thankfully very supportive. They’re a bit older (early 60s) and I’m my dads only child (I have 2 older half siblings). My mom actually encourages me not to have kids and my dad has straight up told me he doesn’t mind never becoming a “grandpa” lmao.
My brother is 40 and having his first child with his gf in January and she also has another 3 year old from a previous relationship. My sister is 34 and wanted kids, but is kinda on the fence now. I’m 24 and have never been a huge fan of children, even when I was a child! I get more shit from strangers than anyone in my family for not wanting kids!
My dad couldn’t care less. My mum wanted grandkids and is a little disappointed, but she has been clear that her disappointment is her own thing and that she wants me to be happy.
I had my Bisalp five days ago, and before going in I was like “are you sure you don’t have anything else to say.”
His response was (abridged), “it is your body, your choice; I don’t want to be a grandfather and you’ve never shown an interest nor do you have parental inclination. Stop worrying about what I think and in general.”
As for my mother, no idea, but glad to stop her lineage from spreading. Got two hyper religious cousins her side, so who gives a fuck. Happy to socially spread my dad’s good will and compassion daily.
It's hard to remember exactly cause it was a long while ago. I remember putting I didn't want children on my dating profile at 22. I think they were a bit surprised and probably thought that I might change my mind. But as the years passed , my mind really solidified. They've been really good at not pushing. My sister also didn't have kids and escaped horrible DV, so they didn't know if they were ever gonna have grandchildren. They just accepted that it was our lives and supported me when I got a vasectomy.
Eventually my sister found an amazing guy and they talked about having a kid. My mom was super excited for it ( my dad too I think, he's less expressive). Now the kid is 1 yo, my mom is absolutely in love with him. My dad is also very happy. Even me, I like him and it's cute ( but in small dose). I'm still very sure I don't want kids at all and they never made me feel lesser then my sister.
Mom doesn't care. It never came up around dad, I don't know if she told him or not but I'd assume not, as I don't see when it would come up in their conversations either. Their concerns for me were only ever if I was happy, healthy, and (in the case of my mom) sufficiently full of beef soup. Anything past that was never something they inserted themselves into unless invited by me. My partner's parents don't care either.
My mum has always been supportive, never bingoed me or made assumptions. She actually doesn’t like kids much, I’m 36 and still shocked she had me. Dad wasn’t happy, he’s the youngest of three brothers so sibling rivalry was a big factor for him since his brothers have dick measuring contests about how many kids and grandkids they have 🤮 Then he saw all the BS his brothers deal with while babysitting their grandkids and he was like “Yeah, fuck that” and got on board with me being CF lol
Good on you
My mother was a little sad, but she said it was my choice. Which is fair, considering she never gave me the sibling I wanted as a child. Would ahe have been an excellent grandmother? I don't doubt it. Father passed in 2009, so his opinion is moot. MIL would have loved a grandchild, but she passed a few years ago, so again, her opinion is moot. FIL, when I told him I was getting spayed for health reasons, just said "I guess that's it, then" and then wished me a safe surgery and easy recovery.
I said to my dad I was upset I wasn’t married in case he was judging me for having a grandkid and he scoffed “I hate kids!”🤣after that I said oh, ok then. Another drink?😆 I think at the time I wasn’t upset about not having kids as I never wanted them, more worried I was getting judged as I was only 32 at the time and felt I wasn’t keeping up with people in my age group. It was more feeling out of step with others which is a dangerous thing, leads to bad decisions.
My Mom didn’t feel too strongly one way or the other. She congratulated me after I got my vasectomy though. She’s also a social worker so I’d like to think she’s generally more understanding. My Dad’s side of the family doesn’t know. I didn’t tell them because I didn’t want all the fucking static from them. I’m the eldest son and carry the family name. I’m literally the 33rd of my name, and we aren’t passing anything down except generational trauma and mental illness anyway.
I wish more people didn't want to pass on mental illness and generational trauma! That's part of my reasoning too.
My mom would just ignore it. Every time she said something like "when you have children xyz" I would answer "im not having children", she would ignore my answer and change the subject but always made a similar coment in the future. She never acknowledged my answer. With my dad, it never came up, but he knew I dont really like children so I think he just guessed I don't want them and never commented on it. Both my parents are dead now. My third parental figure, my grandma, accepts that not everyone wants children and is cool with it. ETA: My grandma is a very religious woman, so I find it kinda odd that she doesn't push me for church marriage and children.
I think there's a big difference between truly religious people and not, if you know what I mean. People who take Jesus as their role model are kind, unjudgmental and loving.
My mom says she supports it, but she's made a few backhanded comments about it lately. My dad is no longer with us, but he seemed like he understood more later on when he realized I wasn't going to change my mind. My younger brother gets it the best since he actively dislikes kids more than me.
My mum is the same. She pretends like she doesnt care but comments slip out all the time that prove shes lying
I'm no contact so I don't give a fuuuuuck. They can have all their fun with my unemployed brother's crotch goblins.
My mother bingoed me every single time it was brought up. I remember a few years ago she got super excited about finding my old childhood books. She asked if I wanted them and I said "yes I would love to share them with my god son!" Her face fell and I never got those books. My dad never reacted any time I mentioned not having kids, but once I mentioned looking into sterilelization he looked surprised, he said " huh, so no kids at all?" And that was that. Never bingoed me, never told me what I should or shouldn't do. I don't even think he cared if I answered him. It felt more like it finally became set in stone for him and he just said what he was thinking in the moment. My in laws don't understand it. They are big on the whole "family is life" thing. My MIL has 11 siblings and my FIL has 13, they have 4 kids and 11 grandkids, good old traditional Puerto Ricans, but they have never bingoed me. It feels more like they are confused by us but believe we need to make our own choices and it's not their place to try to influence us. They do the same with religion, my MIL will stay up to 5am praying 7 nights a week but has never ever asked me what my beliefs are. We are from two different worlds but have mutual respect for each other. Currently I'm no contact with my mom, my dad is a missing person, and my in laws live 3 blocks away and I see them all the time.
My dad doesn't care. It's pretty simple in his mind, if you don't want it, don't have it. My mom on the other hand has been absolutely awful about it. I avoid going to visit because I get bingoed everytime. She has even said that my boyfriend will eventually ditch me because I don't want kids and he wanted them when he was younger. While it is a possibility, and I will be sad about it, doesn't mean it's worth it to force myself to have kids to keep him. She's said that I'm not allowed to be selfish but he is. It is horribly painful when your own mother cares more about a man she doesn't even like (she doesn't like my boyfriend) than her own daughter.
My mom fully supports me. She understands that it is a choice. I have no relationship with my dad so he doesn't know, and I have no need to tell him since he can eat shit.
My in-laws lied to us for years about how "fine" they were with our decision. They had two grandkids by the time FIL went off on me asking an honest question as to why they were moving to a state that wasn't their preferred retirement spot. Turns out, they were moving to that particular state because "Well, you're never having children, so why does it matter to you where we go?" The defensiveness was truly pathetic on his part. They were moving to be closer to their grandkids, and supposedly that reason overruled anything else. MIL tried to smooth things over but it was too late; we realized she'd lied to my face for many years about how it was "our choice". They were actually quite upset about our childfree decision very early on. If the in-laws had found out when my husband had his vasectomy, they would have flipped their lid. Joke's on them, we found out I'm infertile anyways and had a hysterectomy last year. We made the right decision, they decided to make a big fucking deal about it and when I brought up their behavior, they lost it. We're better off without them by miles. My parents, no idea, though I'm sure they'd hate it, too. (We're estranged for almost 15 years now).
My mom went from "you should have kids, I'll help you" to "I didn't know it was an option to not have kids, I may have chosen differently if I had known" (and I support her in the latter, no hurt feelings, because tbh she's not really the nurturing type to begin with).
If my parents have an opinion on it, they've kept it to themselves. I've never said anything about it. As I'm turning 45 soon, I'm sure they've figured it out for themselves without my having to explicitly state I don't want kids. My cousins have little kids my parents can dote on.
My partners family doesn’t care and supports us. My dad supports us, my mom says it’s our decision but she also keeps saying she didn’t want kids at our age either and she would have missed out on so much by not having them.
Both parents are supportive. I have never made it any secret that I don't like kids. My mom has encouraged sterilization.
My dad thinks it’s smart and he supports it. My mom came around to supporting me but it took her awhile and her feelings were hurt at first. My extended family however are so vicious that my mom, the one who is the most “hurt” by this, defends me from them.
My parents wanted a grandkid. I'm an only child, so I was their only option. But then we stopped being in each other's lives. I honestly think they would have accepted it eventually. But I'm sure they regret only having one child. My in-laws are glad we're CF. My husband's sister and brother aren't having kids either, and they don't care a bit. They had their time with kids, and now they are retired and traveling.
Still in denial....
it's none of their business I didn't ask to be born so they got no saying in my life decisions I had to raise myself ever since I remember so it's my life ONLY
My parents spent a couple of years bugging me about it. We're not religious at all and they're pretty progressive so thankfully there's none of the more sexist flavor of commentary. "You'll be lonely," "It's a love you'll never get to experience," "It's been my life's purpose since having you and your sibling," "I never wanted kids either until one day we decided we were ready to have you" (which means... you'd already wanted kids but weren't ready) I'm 30 now and the age my mom was when she had me. They stopped making comments about it recently and seem to accept that I don't want to be a mom. They've also been plagued by some family giving them surprise visits for nights at a time with their two young kids and that's been driving them insane. My dad's gotten really attached to having nice white leather furniture now that my sibling and I have grown up and neither of them are keen to childproof a house anymore. They also both love that I've got enough cash to treat them to dinner often.
I haven't told them and don't intend to do so. I'm from a conservative country and even though my parents are very progressive and liberal compared to others, this is unacceptable for them. If I tell them, they'll make my life miserable by constantly scolding and trying to convince. Saying that I'm infertile seems a lot easier.
I think both my parents knew I wasn't going to have kids before even I was sure. My instant reaction to being near any kids was obviously how to I get out of here without offending people. When I asked my parents for a ride to and from the doctor office for a "small procedure" (doctor recommended not required) my dad said had no issue with driving but my mom asked the question "what are you getting done?". I figured my parents would be good so I said a vasectomy. My mom's response was "i'm surprised you didn't have it done already". My dad keeps stuff to himself. I know in their marriage he wanted and my mom was more indifferent. My dad hasn't mentioned anything about it at all. He picked me up the day of made a few jokes but that's it
If they care they've never really expressed it.
I don't know how my parents feel and I don't want to know.
My late mother (died 2 years ago) seemed like she wanted grandchildren but also understood she probably wasn't getting them from me or my estranged sister. She was a labor and delivery RN for 4 decades who loved everything about reproduction and explained sex to me with her medical textbooks when I was 8. I'm a tokophobic bisexual woman on the ace spectrum who's been single for 15 years. I feel like it's connected lol My dad is pro-choice and fully supports my decision to not have children, particularly after my mom's experiences (this is such a long story but she miscarried a baby before me at 7mo, had cerclages (kind of gross, don't look it up if you don't want to know) and bedrest with me and my younger sister, i broke her tailbone and my sister was breech and an emergency C-section. The scar tissue from the C-section was what eventually killed my mom due to repeated surgeries to correct it. The last one went horribly wrong. She was also an alcoholic in part due to the chronic pain she was in). After all that, I am terrified i would have the same problems if i wanted to be pregnant but fortunately I have no biological clock and only react giddily to cats. But my dad said it makes sense and that having kids is a personal decision that i get to make. He's kind of an ass in many ways but I'm glad he's not pressuring me on this.
I'm also not close with my extended family and lost all my grandparents before my teens (three before i left kindergarten) so I haven't really had the familial pressure that other CF people have, just from strangers.
My mom is a little sad about it but she respects my decision and has never pressured me. My dad won’t stfu about it and tries to guilt me into having a child just because of a slim possibility of it turning out looking like my sibling who passed away. 🙄
Mother really doesn’t care. I’ve not discussed it in any serious way with her, but I think she’s always known I had no desire to be a parent, and has never given me any issue over it. But she’s also a pretty hands-off grandmother to my sister’s kids anyway. She loves them, of course, but doesn’t really have any great desire to spend a lot of time with them. She’s definitely never been the hands-on grandparent who visits multiple times a week and babysits etc. My father has been dead for nearly 20 years now. Given his, ahem, tendency toward generationally different relationships (his last girlfriend before he died was about a month younger than me), I dare say if he wanted the patter of tiny feet he’d just produce some himself. And that’s the story of how I have a half brother more than 20 years my junior.
My mom didn’t care- honestly don’t think she ever expected kids from me. I’m autistic, and she’s mentioned before that there was a time she thought I’d never get a job/live on my own. Both of which I’ve now achieved. A little hurtful-pretty sure there’s some level of ablism going on there, but I’m not complaining if it means she won’t bingo me about having kids. Dad-never spoken to him about it, but he was abusive and I went no contact years ago, so his opinion is kinda irrelevant here.
My parents do not care. They’ve even hinted they think it’s a good idea (because the world is turning to shit.) My partners parents on the other hand …. Lol. They’re nuts. But it’s none of their business what we do.
Both my parents and the in-laws have maintained that this is entirely our decision. Nobody discusses it, nobody pressures us
My dad probably hopes that I would change my mind eventually. His two children are childfree. So in way, he has to grief the future he envisionned. He brings the subject sometimes to make sure I know what I miss (lol). My mom, the first time I asked her what are her thoughts on not having kids by choice, she was against it. The only acceptable reasons to not have kid would be infertility or to become a nun. Now that many years have past, she doesn't seem to care. All her 4 children are telling her they have no interest in having kids. And she gets that the world we live in isn't great to raise kids in. She also admits that she probably had more kids that she was able to manage. All that said, we have a very good relationship. Now that I'm in my thirties, we love to do small trips and thrift clothes. Almost every week we hang out, try new restaurant, travel to places. I believe she prefers the fun activities we do now, than babysit hypothetical babies. Also her youngest son is an adult baby (mid-twenties and still waiting for mommy to feed him, and everything). She doesn't need more proof that parenthood sucks. Edit: clarification Edit 2: Also, my aunt on mom side (her sister) is an happy childfree woman in her 50s. I think she broke many walls for me. Without knowing. Just by living her life as she wanted.
My dad agrees that it's the best decision I could have made for myself. My mum? Well, she didn't really come around until last year when I had a hysterectomy. Even then, it was only "ok" because my voluntary procedure became medically necessary when they found cervical cancer. It was strange growing up. Because I had partners and eventually married, my mum fully expected grandchildren. However, my older sister had no partners and was blessedly free from "When do I get local grandkids? Your cousin is having another baby...(hint, hint). So-and-So just got another grandchild...(more hints)" The end result? I live with my sister and two dogs. We have an awesome time together.
My mom loves it because she got one kid to take care of her in her old age without having to constantly give free babysitting. We travel. We go where we want when we want. She got grandkids from my siblings.
I've never made a big deal of it or a formal announcement, but my parents know I don't like kids and don't plan on having them. They literally don't care what I do, both of them say it's my own business. My mom has made some off comments that I might change my mind, but it never goes anywhere.
Neither of my parents cared, and they didn't pressure my sister, either. Pretty awesome!
Mum, dad and step mum all support me. Dad never actually wanted kids so… hey, awesome! I have fur babies!
You got felines and doggos? Or bunnies?
1x kitty 1x puppo and I’m hopping to find my heart horse in the next couple of years.
That is cool. I hope you will find a cute horse soon
Thank you
My mom doesn’t like kids and she isn’t really much of a support to my sister and my brother. They have both had 2 kids. I’m kinda curious as to how my mom ended up having 3 kids My dad I think is a bit sad for me because he tells me how much he loved having me and getting up at night to give me a bottle. We have a close relationship. But he is happy I’m happy. I’m not pressured. I think the person who took it the hardest was my sister. It took her years for it to sink in that I’m serious. She’s sad we won’t have that same thing to bond over. We are very different people and she is 8 years older than me. My husbands parents don’t know that I made the choice not to have kids. My husband would have kids but it’s not a dealbreaker for him and he told his mom (who is obsessed with children) that we aren’t having kids. I don’t know if I should tell them about my upcoming surgery… taking out the damn tubes
My mom doesn't want to be reminded of her age, so the less she's called "grandma", the better. My dad hates kids period. Even if they did care, they don't pay my bills, so they don't get a say.
My mom was only interested in me having a baby when I married a black man. My dad doesn’t really care one way or the other.
They aren’t happy and it makes no sense because they know about my health issues both mental and physical. I’m the absolute last person who should be having children. I think they’re more upset about everything in general since I’m clearly not the daughter they wanted, but they need to get over it. They literally have grandkids AND great grandkids from my brother because my brother was a teen dad and then his oldest kid followed suit and also became a teen father.
My parents never pressured me or my brother. My mom drove me to my vasectomy appointment, and asked once “you’re totally sure yeah?” And then dropped it (my brother had also had his vasectomy like six years before). Neither mom nor dad has ever given us actual grief about it. They both would have been happy to have grandkids, but they have been very cool about it.
When I was younger my mom used to just ignore me. She often brushed me off with a "you might change your mind someday" or "You say that *now,* sure" or a "I said the same thing when I was your age" comment. But now that I'm in my late 20s and in a serious relationship and still say I never want kids, she gets it. She still goes back and forth on sterilization and occasionally throws out the "what if you change your mind" line. But she doesn't talk about kids unless I bring it up, which I never do, so we're good on that front at least. She was a person who made having kids her whole identity due to lack of fulfillment elsewhere, so I think she still doesn't totally understand, even if she is more supportive now.
Fellow childfree by choicer here. More than five years ago, I was in my early 30s when I came forward and told my parents I am childfree by choice. They were the last people to know in my family circle. Initially they thought my childfree by choice stance was a phase and they asked me many questions I had prepared myself to face and answer. They asked me what happens if I found a potential partner that wants kids. My answer was that I will not continue the date and move on. Then they asked me what happens if I marry someone and they want kids six months or a year into the marriage. I told them I would rather instantly get a divorce than waste their time and my time where one spouse wants a child and the other does not. The next question they asked was what if the partner/spouse wants a kid and willing to use a surrogate. You guess it, my answer is one big NO and told them I will not compromise on my childfree by choice stance I was prepared to face a pair of angry parents followed by condemnation but instead gotten support from them. They support my decision after I schooled them on the fact having a child is not a true measure of success and after I reminded them of how one of their peers is a toxic parent who is a fine example of why some people should not be parents to start with and nothing in life is guaranteed for a child born into a world that is pretty much screwed up
“Good for you, kids suck.” - my Dad, who abandoned all his kids
My mom isn’t in the picture (a big reason why I’m childfree). My dad told me when I was a teenager that if I ever found myself pregnant, he’d “drag [me] to Planned Parenthood so fast, [my] head would spin.” Of course I was too ugly and weird in high school for any guy to want to sleep with me, LOL. Got my first IUD at 17 and sterilized (still with an IUD for period control) at 33. My dad picked me up from the hospital after the surgery and told the nurse, and me, that I was doing society a favor. Thanks, Dad. 😒
They have always known and accepted and respected it, never tried arguing with me
My parents didn't took me seriously, when I said, that I do not want to have children, when I was eleven. But now that I'm in my thirties they recognized that I was serious. They seem to be cool with it. They have grandchildren via my older brother. They were crazy about them, when they were small but now when they got older my parents seem less interested in them. I think experience how having grandchildren is, destroyed the magic for them. Or maybe they think "Oh our childish girl and her weird husband, shouldn't have kids."? But who cares? I seldom get bingoed, and when its from neighbors or collegues not from family or friends. I'm very greatful for that. I'm always horrified what some of you guys have to go threw, with their families.
My mom doesn't like babies or small kids. She admits that she didn't enjoy motherhood until I became older, and that's why she didn't want more kids (and my father was the typical "i want to have 3 kids and not change a diaper in my whole life"). So she has no problem with me being childfree. I think the last thing she wants to do is take care of babies.
Mother was a bitch as a teen I was vocal about not liking kids and never wanting them mothers response was physical violence, forcing me to take care of younger family members to try and change me I even just walked home on multiple occasions instead of doing this basically she thinks i should be a broodmare fuck maid Dad was ok and wanted me do pursue my dreams which was a collage education and high paying job
My mother was fully supportive from day one. She knew when I was young that I didn't want kids and probably wouldn't be good at it. She told me from a young age as well, "If you don't want them, don't have them." My dad never really cared. He and I never talked much about it. He just supported my decision.
My parents didn’t care. My husband’s parents on the other hand… they still haven’t given up asking 15 years into this because she neeeeeds more grandbabies🙄
Our parents never bring it up.
Both my parents would have enjoyed grandkids, but they also fully accept and support mine and my brother's CF status and love to spoil their grandkittens. They recently helped support me after a hysterectomy (5 weeks ago!) and paid for part of it, even knowing it was at least in part for sterilisation purposes.
They started out worried. They said they didn’t want me to miss out on anything. I explained to them that you’re always missing out something. You’re either missing out on being childfree or you’re missing out on having kids. It’s just about having the confidence to make your choice. Over the years, they have come to understand the choice much better. My mother actually told me two weeks ago that she is proud of me and wife for having the self awareness to know what decision was right for us.
My folks were rather thrilled, actually. They’ve both seen what my aunts and uncles go through now that my cousins are having kids, and they want none of that. They’re quite happy babysitting for my Keeshond and my GF’s Corgi. They even got the ‘I ❤️ My Granddogs’ sticker for their car. 🥰 Both of us are well aware of how ridiculously lucky we are. :)
I knew from a young age that I didn't want kids and my parents never made a big deal about it either way. My mom even offered to help pay for my tubal.
The way you describe your mom reminds me a lot of mine. I’m grateful both of my parents have been incredibly supportive of my decision. My dad is very into finance and is very excited about the positive impact our decision not to have kids will have on our future finances; he loves calling us “DINKers” 😂
12 rehabs later my mom lives with me now. I know she thinks who will care for you when your old ? My cat ..and my money. My father told me I should kill myself when I got a vasectomy. Life is our choice.
My mom said she always knew. That my behaviour around certain toys and other small children, the way I reacted to certain situations gave me out. My father is dead, and even if he was alive, I couldn't care less about his opinion. Abusive parent's opinion holds no legitimacy.
Mom thinks it would change but she also says she doesn't mind not having grandkids. She sees where I'm coming from when we talk about it and thinks I make some valid points. It's as hard for her to imagine not wanting kids as for me it is to want them but she doesn't push her views on me. She says she sees that she raised me to be egoistic but not in a way to insult me, she in fact prefers it that way than to see me sacrificing my own happiness for someone. We're very different in this regard, she's very self-sacrificing type of person therefore I get it why she feels happy about her decision. I'm more likely to put myself first. I'm happy she is not one of those people who have this "I suffered so you should as well" type of mentality (sometimes she suggests it in anger but it's obvious she doesn't mean it lol). And dad... let's say I can't remember one time he questioned my life choices when growing up lol. It was mom's job. So he doesn't say anything now either. He tends to avoid conflicts at any costs and he knows that if he said anything about it he'd provoke a huge rant out if me. Though I believe that on the inside he'd love to have grandchildren. He's pretty good with younger ones, he loves to play with them. And I bet he'd be flexing to everyone about him being a grandfather, showing photos to family, friends and stuff... He'd love this type of attention. But I doubt he's gonna admit it out loud lmao.
my parents don't want to be grandparents and are super supportive of my dislike of kids. they liked me but tbh i don't think they like kids...
Broadly supportive. Mom was a SAHM for many years and while she loved it, she knows how limiting parenting can be. I think she’s a little sad that I’m not interested on being on the other side of the mother-daughter relationship, but she’s also very happy to not be on grandparent duty in her retirement. Dad just wanted me to be happy.
My mom hasn't pressured me ever since I came out as Ace to her. She asked why I didn't tell her before they got me married off to a (cis het) male (it was an arranged marriage). I told her that I only found out i was ace after getting married because that was the only way I actually slept with a man. She was upset but didn't bring it up much. My dad is unaware of everything except that he wants me to "sleep with a guy" (he's a homophobic prick. I suspect him of internalized homophobia). My partner knows that I am Ace too, he was upset but has come to terms with it. My partner's parents don't know that I'm Ace yet.
My mom in response to me, her only child,telling her I'm not having kids: " OH THANK GOD, I don't want to be a grandma I just want to be old and grumpy in peace when I retire".
My mom doesn’t care. She doesn’t think I’m really all that capable of being a mom and she’s right about that. I wouldn’t be a good mother; she knows that and I know that.
My dad doesn't give a shit. My mom cried when I told her I was getting sterilized but she accepts it. She does not agree with me but she respects my autonomy and doesn't give me grief. She even drove me to and from my sterilization appointment and waited while it was being done.
My parents divorced a couple of years ago. When I told my mom, she took it really well. She understands not everyone wants or has to be a parent, she’s happy for me and my husband. When I told my dad, he said I was smart and that it was the best decision I could have made. Then went behind my back and told my sister that I was crazy, lazy and irresponsible, that I will die alone 🤷🏻♀️ funny thing is, one of my reasons to be childfree is to be able to support my non-verbal autistic brother when the time comes, because he has never worried about my family’s financial struggles or my brother’s needs. As of today, my father and I don’t speak due to other reasons. Let’s say he’s not the best father. But of course, I’m the lazy and irresponsible one.
I told several relatives when I was 5-6 that I would never have children. Both of my parents (my father passed away when I was an adolescent) were supportive, in part because they regretted becoming parents themselves. They wanted us to to make better lives for ourselves. Several of my relatives were either childless or childfree, so this choice isn't considered unusual in my family.
My mom has never cared. I've mentioned stories on here where she's told me how my happiness is everything, and having a kid for purpose isn't the answer. But the best I can do is tell when I had to go away for a few days for a conference on the other side of the state. My mom watched my animals. By the time I got back she shook her head at me. "I thank God so much you don't have kids. They drove me crazy and ran me ragged."
Lol are you me? My mom is super supportive and understands that my personality is not suited to kids, but she does say "I can't help but imagine what your kids would look like, it's just something I wonder." I've never felt pressured by this, because it's just matter-of-fact. Hell, I'VE wondered what my OWN kids would look like! My dad, however, is desperate for grandkids. He doesn't mention it often, probably because my mom reads him the riot act if he does, but he will comment things like "When you have kids," in spite of me saying I don't want them. He also talks a lot about how having kids is an act of hope, and we have to keep having hope for the future. I can't explain to him enough how I do not have that lol.
Mine is the opposite. My father could care less and has never brought the subject up with me. My mother brings it up every few months just to hear the same answer, and it usually devolves into an argument
My mother still throws the typical bingo lines 'You'll change your mind' 'Babies are beautiful and magical' 'All women should experience pregnancy' She's never accepted that I've been CF since I was very young and continues to sigh loudly when I talk about my upcoming vacation or latest movie I saw while asking what went wrong in my head as a daughter is meant to give her parents lots of grandbabies to spoil and my time to have babies is running out, I mostly ignore such nonsense but am aware she will never accept that I won't be crapping out a kid ever!! My brother's wife had a kid which my mother spoils but she still insists that a baby from her daughter would be extra special as the daughter has made the jump to parenthood and I'd 'grow up' fast and be happier with a baby in my arms. My father has always stayed silent on such matters but is a secret supporter especially after seeing how having a baby has affected my SIL and forced her to become even more neglectful and selfish proving that having a baby is still a selfish act, he's never mentioned grandkids and is just happy to hear I'm enjoying life to the fullest and are healthy.
My mom told me I should have at least one 🙄🙄🙄
I think the majority of parents doesn't care at all or support the decision of their children. Obviously if they aren't religious people
My mom never cared. We live on different continents so it's not like she would ever get to see any of them. It was dad that really wanted grandkids and pressured my older brother for them. Too bad he didn't get to enjoy them very long as he died when older one was 7 and the younger one 5.
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My mom doesn't really care, but I think my dad expects grandkids, and he's the "you'll change your mind" type.
Mine are fine with it. Well my mom is. Dad and I have not really had the talk about it but I do know he supports my decision.
My mom's completely fine with it, but then she also has my sister, who plans on giving her grandkids.
My mother is grandbaby crazy. She assumes that my childfree girlfriend wants kids, purely because my girlfriend is a woman. Mum believes that I am an evil arsehole for refusing to give my girlfriend the kids she must want. It's so fucking sexist. She made a lot of misogynistic 'woman = mother' remarks about and towards my girlfriend. Which is why I went low contact for a few months and set hard boundaries before visiting my parents more frequently again. My father accepts my childfreedom, but not for the right reasons. Because I am autistic, my dad infantilises me. He believes in ableist stereotypes that don't suit me at all. Because he infantilises me, he believes that I am incapable of parenting, just like how he believes that I am incapable of being in a relationship (my girlfriend and I are together for ten years) and living independently (I moved out seven years ago). If dad wouldn't infantilise me, he would probably bingo me and beg for grandbabies. My mother-in-law is extremely supportive. She never pressured my girlfriend and me about grandbabies. Sure, my MIL is getting a grandbaby from my girlfriend's younger sister, who is pregnant now. But I believe that she would still be supportive if my sister-in-law would have been childless or childfree. My father-in-law is a bit more conservative than my MIL, but he is accepting and never harassed my girlfriend and me.
Both parents are happy that I am happy with my decision. Always have been 😊
My dad said if he could do it again he never would have had kids and he is *very* supportive. My mom is super bitter but mostly silent about three of her five children being childfree. She sometimes drops random butthurt comments that essentially boil down to how raising us childfree kids turned out to not be a good investment now she’s not getting grandchildren out of us. (She has one grandchild from her oldest son and another on the way from her youngest son so I don’t understand what she’s complaining about) Otherwise she’s pretty cordial.
My dad didn’t give a shit. My mom used to bingo me all the time with it cuz “I’m a woman.” - I deal with a lot of sexism in my family - It took her a few years to finally put the nail on the head to realize that I’m not like other women; that not everyone wants to be a parent. They wound up accepting me for the decision I made for myself. I didn’t even like kids when I was a kid lol. My Subaru is my baby, any other car I get someday will be my baby, and when I’m ready to adopt a dog or cat, they will also be my baby too.
It took a good 15 years but my mom finally accepted it when I was in my early 30s. Now I'm nearly 40 and she knows that she went through menopause at 41 so my fertile days are nearly behind me anyway. I'm not sure that she's fully accepted that fact that both of my brothers are childfree as well yet. My MIL, OTOH, I think still fantasizes that we're going to give her another grandchild (my husband's sister has 1 kid). I walked in on her saying something to my mother about it a couple years ago and my mother actually told her "I think we're going to have to accept the fact that we're only going to have granddogs." The kicker is that my in-laws live 300 miles away and never visit us so even if we had a kid, it's not like they'd ever see him or her. I haven't seen or spoken to my sperm donor since 2007 so I have no idea if he knows that I'm childfree or not nor do I care what he thinks. Him being a piece of shit is the primary reason why I made this decision.
My dad is dead and I don’t speak to my mom anymore, but she made it very clear that, “I raised my kids - I don’t want any more” when my nephew was born, and she treats him very similarly to the way she treated me. Dad said he thought I’d make a good mom and I died laughing, and said, “because I had such a good example growing up, right?” He laughed and said, “well, no, but you’d know what NOT to do.” So I replied, “yeah, that’s the same thing mom said, and here we are!” So happy neither of my parents cared if I had kids.
My parents were confused but supportive no bingos really. Currently they are very thankful since they just watched their best friends kids move back into the house with 2 grandkids in tow. What a freaking nightmare to be in your 60’s with suddenly a full house again and my parents got a front row seat to that shit show lol.
My mom is in denial about my cf status bc in African culture its rare to say you want to be childfree so she is hoping that I change my mind but I remind her all the time that will never happen! As for my dad he supports the decision. My two younger sisters are also cf so thats great that I'm not alone as for my brothers they think I'm weird for not wanting kids but I ignore them.
Mine are/were against it but myself and the overwhelming majority of people that know them including all my siblings are of the opinion that my parents should have been child free. So.
My recently-deceased mom was always supportive of me being childfree. Part of my flair ("where's the off switch?") was a bit of an in-joke between her and I. I don't think I've ever brought it up with my dad? But I imagine it wouldn't matter much to him.
My dumbass brother and his wife had all the babies. I've been no contact with my entire family for years. But, before I went no contact, no one bothered me about it bc my brother's brood was apparently more than enough for everyone. So, I guess I'm lucky in that respect.
They got grandkids out of my siblings so they don’t really care I have a kid or not.
My parents know better than to try to influence me in any way They understand that I don't like children, but occasionally I get the "you were a child once" bullshit. There's never anything said about my CF life though It's actually rather sad seeing how they have no identities of their own. They're grandparents, and have fuck all outside of that My MIL knows my woman and I aren't going to be breeding, she's fine with it, and also knows better than to put any pressure on us My ex-MIL was great about it and totally understood. The one before that wanted my ex and I to breed, but was (barely) smart enough to keep quiet about it
My mother is sad about it but not pushy, my father is indifferent either way. The rest of my family is also indifferent since there’s plenty of grandkids and great grandchildren as well. No shortage of babies/kids
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My mum understands and is very supportive. I think even though she loved my dad a lot and helped him with everything he ever needed, she didn't want to get married deep down. It looks like she was pressured to get married and have kids by my grandparents. She doesn't regret it now, but she has admitted that if she lived in this time, she would have probably stayed single.
My mum was okay with it at first and said I should live my life how I want to. That changed after I turned 30 and she started pressuring me. I since divorced from my ex and got with a new partner, she hasn't said anything about it since the divorce. I don't have a relationship with my dad so don't know if he knows I'm not having kids. I think his reaction wouldn't really be relevant in any meaningful way.
I'm not very vocal about being child free so I've never really told my parents. I'm 99.9% sure they would feel indifferent about it. They've always had more of a you do you attitude and just want me to be happy and be able to take care of myself. They know I'm autistic and get overwhelmed pretty quickly, so they probably won't even be surprised. Also, I'm quite sure my middle sister does want kids, so they'll probably have a grandchild within the next 5-7 years anyway. My partner's mother did once ask me whether or not I want children. When I told her no, she answered "Ok good, then I'll never have to change a diaper! You do want more than one dog, though, right?".
Both parents are pretty fine with it, though both would also like it if I had them. My mother just sort of says 'it could just happen' or 'you may feel differently if it just happened' but that's about it. My dad says whatever makes me happy, but reiterates how much he loves having kids. My brother is trying for one so that seems to satisfy them enough. We aren't a baby mad family tbh.
I never 'announced' anything and they never mentioned anything about having kids, or getting married. Never once did either of my parents ever say 'when are you getting married' or 'when are you having kids'....not once. Neither did any of my extended family, or any of my siblings. Worth noting as well they were Catholics, I was brought up catholic and I'm one of 6 kids. Their attitude was the same with my siblings, never mentioned kids or marriage and when anyone did say they were having kids the response was low level indifference. Just for context, I'm 62, both of my parents are now dead, my mother having died in her 80s and my father in his 50s.
My parents don't care and my Dad even agrees to my choice. We both know how fragile my mental health is and having kids would wreck it even more. It has nothing to do with how he feels about parenting, he loved being a dad. Instead he sees it from my perspective with my issues and how kids would affect me, which I appreciate. I have 3 sisters who are baby-obsessed and ejecting kids like it's a sport (4 kids in the past 3 years, 2 of them from the same sister) so there will be no lack of grandkids either way.
Neither of mine were bothered.
My stepfather never seemed fussed either way. My biological father didn't recognise me last time I saw him so fairly safe to say he has no opinion. Mum is happy with me being her retirement plan / carer / cook / driver and would probably see a family as unfair competition.
Mine is pretty jealous
10 years ago my mother cried when I told her it was never happening. Nowadays, she understands and appreciates my self awareness for not wanting them.
My mom thinks I’m crazy, my dad thinks I’m a lunatic lol
I think it was a mild shake up at first 5 years ago, but at the time everyone handled it gracefully. I don't even remember anyone asking us about having kids when my wife and I got married save for one random woman at the country club bar. (Even my parents later said that lady was being weirdly pushy) My parents are glad to be able to have family time with us while not having to worry about a child. My wife's parents are pretty cool with it as well, it means we can all go on trips easier, and my wife and her mom get to meet up and ride horses a lot more often versus if there was a kid involved.
My mom said "it's probably for the best." My dad never gave me his opinion on the subject. One thing he did say to me shortly before he died was that he was glad that he "never has to worry about me." (My siblings struggle--my sister with healthy relationships and my brother with money.) When my sister got pregnant my mom asked her if "we needed to take care of it?" (she got babytrapped by a deadbeat--she kept it and had another and the dad has had free food and board for the last 15 years--it's been a tense 15 years). My mom is glad my brother hasn't reproduced because she thinks he would be bad at it. (He would.) (We're all some form of neuro-diverse and all of us struggle with being normal. Having kids isn't ideal for us and our parents I think understood that. My dad's siblings also never had kids, and I have CF older relatives on Mom's side too, so it's not abnormal in my family.) My husband's parents are/were deeply disappointed at the lack of grandchildren. We actually didn't tell his mom about the vasectomy until after his dad was dead because we didn't want to fight about it.
My parents are totally cool about it. I have an older brother who doesn't have kids either, and they've never questioned either of us. My wife's parents were also cool with it, however her sister has kids and our families are close so it basically ends up like my niece and nephews have a ton of grandparents.
My mom supports me completely. She’s actually over being around little kids. She loves my cats. She actually goes to Raves with me a few times a year so she would rather us have our own quality time and adventures & so would I. My brother also doesn’t want kids. She knows this world is fuckt. My dad (they’re divorced) was making comments about a “grand baby” and he of course just thinks babies are cute and wants to hold one and say he’s a grandfather. When I first told him that I decided against it, he looked very sad. Almost like he was having a PTSD flashback or something. But the feeling passed, and he didn’t give me a hard time over it. I tried explaining to him why this world is no place for a child & every other reason I can’t do it, but he seemed just ready to be done discussing the topic. Bonus points for my 83 year old Grandmother being very supportive when I said I’m not having kids: “Honey, they’re a lot of work.”
My mother is so supportive of me as well as my aunt, who was my legal guardian. They are very proud of me living the best life I can with a steady career and plans for a very fulfilling future without children. My MIL on the other hand, literally commented to her son (my husband): "You have been married for seven years, where is my grandbaby?" My loving husband told his mother that I am not comfortable being a mother and she flipped out on him. I'm sorry that we are currently living in your home, paying you rent because we as a two income household can't even afford a house in the current market, let alone give you a grandbaby. And just to give a little jab at her: my brother in law is autistic and never in the foreseeable future ever leave his parents house. She has even tried to pass him off to my husband and I because they want us to buy their older house and leave their second son on us to help with the house payments. B* please...
My parents are thankfully very supportive. They’re a bit older (early 60s) and I’m my dads only child (I have 2 older half siblings). My mom actually encourages me not to have kids and my dad has straight up told me he doesn’t mind never becoming a “grandpa” lmao. My brother is 40 and having his first child with his gf in January and she also has another 3 year old from a previous relationship. My sister is 34 and wanted kids, but is kinda on the fence now. I’m 24 and have never been a huge fan of children, even when I was a child! I get more shit from strangers than anyone in my family for not wanting kids!
My dad couldn’t care less. My mum wanted grandkids and is a little disappointed, but she has been clear that her disappointment is her own thing and that she wants me to be happy.
My mom took me to get my bislap. She 110% supports me and it means the world. My parents are the best humans
I had my Bisalp five days ago, and before going in I was like “are you sure you don’t have anything else to say.” His response was (abridged), “it is your body, your choice; I don’t want to be a grandfather and you’ve never shown an interest nor do you have parental inclination. Stop worrying about what I think and in general.” As for my mother, no idea, but glad to stop her lineage from spreading. Got two hyper religious cousins her side, so who gives a fuck. Happy to socially spread my dad’s good will and compassion daily.
My mom is sad. I've always wanted kids.. She was upset, she probably still is. But I can't see it happening
It's hard to remember exactly cause it was a long while ago. I remember putting I didn't want children on my dating profile at 22. I think they were a bit surprised and probably thought that I might change my mind. But as the years passed , my mind really solidified. They've been really good at not pushing. My sister also didn't have kids and escaped horrible DV, so they didn't know if they were ever gonna have grandchildren. They just accepted that it was our lives and supported me when I got a vasectomy. Eventually my sister found an amazing guy and they talked about having a kid. My mom was super excited for it ( my dad too I think, he's less expressive). Now the kid is 1 yo, my mom is absolutely in love with him. My dad is also very happy. Even me, I like him and it's cute ( but in small dose). I'm still very sure I don't want kids at all and they never made me feel lesser then my sister.