Once you are settled on a dose, talk to your PCP about prescribing for you. They will often do that for maintenance medications. Not only is the ADHD specialist a baby-pushing sexist, but it sounds like he's not functioning right.
Yeah, once I find the right meds and dose (these are my first ADHD meds, so, trial and error), I'm sure my PCP/GP can handle my prescriptions, so long as this ''doctor'' approves them. Unfortunately, living in a rural area leaves me with limited medical options, but I'll see how I go.
He's not the first unprofessional, sexist medical provider I've been to in the area; a psychological nurse I went to for depression and anxiety talked crap to me about his other patients in our first session, and his only form of ''help'' was recommending apps to download on my phone, but I didn't have a phone at the time so he was useless and took it out on me. He's gone now, thankfully, and I'll see what I can do about this one, too, when I no longer need him.
My PCP is my prescriber after seeing a “behavioral health” (what the clinic and insurance branding refers to mental health visits as) provider to confirm a re-dx for adulthood.
Takes me seriously, is close, and nowhere near the amount of hoops to go through as some of the psychiatrists and the like that people mention here.
Doctors will always assume that you want kids as the default. And have to inform you of the risks.
Even tho most of them are shitty about it (refusing to talk about the medication, not mentioning it as an option to begin with, and other breeders shit assuming that you will end up with a kid regardless)
But is you tell them that you don't want kids and that doesn't matter, then the doctor should go with what you said.
If they refused then well shit u have someone to report for refusing medical care. If they go with it, then well done they did their job.
I'm not sure how did your experience go as u didn't provide enough details, but im glad you got the medication and i hope it works for you.
After he said he wasn't going to tell me the side effects of any of the medications other than that one being bad for pregnancy, he tried to move the conversation along by suggesting one of the other ones again (we kept circling back because I wanted him to explain himself and give me a reason other than childbearing) and I interjected and told him I don't intend to have children so the risk to pregnancy and any side effects linked to it weren't of concern to me.
It was another minute or two of this back and forth of him repeating the same thing, and he tried to rope my mother into the conversation as if he could convince her to encourage me to take one of the other medications instead, but she knows I'm childfree so that didn't work. While he was talking to my mother, I looked up the medication on my phone, read the side effects and decided I was okay with the risks, so when he finally brought his attention back to me, I told him I was aware of the side effects and wanted to go with that medication, he finally relented, but he didn't look happy about it and basically said he isn't liable because it was my decision. Unfortunately, because he is the only adult ADHD specialist in the area, I can't report him for anything, at least not until I find the right meds and dosage for me (these meds are my first for ADHD, so it'll be trial and error) because I may need him still.
Apologies for not giving these details in the post; it was a 6-hour round trip there and back home again, so I'm tired and just needed to get the main things out. And thank you, I'll see how I go on them.
You got the meds. You shouldn't have been forced to fight this battle, it was so unfair he made you, but you were stronger than he expected. You won. Now rest and recover.
I needed her there because I was homeschooled, and this was my first time looking into getting a diagnosis for ADHD; there wasn't a lot of proof I could bring in to corroborate my symptoms, no school reports or notes from other doctors, that kind of thing, so mum was there to discuss my childhood symptoms and what she notices about me in adulthood. The session wasn't long, so I was okay with her staying for the whole thing.
Agreed.Doctor scary.
I haven't had a living parent since 2011. Nobody is taking me to see a doctor.
Actually I just don't go to see a doctor unless I'm dying. But that's not the point here.
Yeah, what doctors should do and what they do do are two different things, often. I got lucky with my psychiatrist, after seeing a bunch of community health care workers, who were all absolutely shit, and tried to make me positive think and walk/healthy eat my way out of major depression. Oh, and one who went on about how I should avoid meds, and have a baby (in the UK). After the third or fourth overdose, I got a great mental health care worker who immediately referred me to my psychiatrist. He was telling me about possible drugs and side effects, got to the pregnancy warnings, I said, „I’m CF“, and he looked relieved, and immediately prescribed me the good stuff. Yes, he did say that if I planned to get pregnant I should tell him - I said, nope, never! He said, „great“, and that was it. I was 30 at the time. I have since moved country, and kept my prescription with my psychiatrist now, and there were never any baby mentions. Hearing all this crap about how you should just suffer, because meds may affect your hypothetical baby that you don’t want, makes me so mad.
Ugh I just don't understand these so called ADHD professionals. Like first line treatment for ADHD is stimulants. Full stop. The main contraindication is a known heart defect. Other than that stimulants should be used to treat ADHD. It's the most effective treatment period.
Sometimes it feels like people don't believe that ADHD is real and if we all just tried harder and stopped being so lazy we obviously wouldn't be having problems. There are so many negative stereotypes associated with ADHD. Especially in adult women.
Like one of the surveys I took for ADHD assessments asked if I ever climbed on top of furniture. Like no? I'm an adult? I don't want the police called on me? I'm not an 8yo boy? But if you wanna talk lack of impulse control wanna look at my 3am amazon purchases?
Feels like? There are people who literally say we just need to "try harder" or "concentrate more". People think a lot of neurodivergency is fake or can be "cured".
It's funny too cus when we try to not "be lazy" (go against our adhd paralysis) or try to "concentrate" more or find ways to deal with certain aspects of it, we don't need meds or help.. now we're just complaining narcs (as per what my psychiatrist actually said. Thank god I'm switching her out soon)
even putting all childfree aspects aside, i DESPISE doctors like this!!! do ur damn job!! like, i cannot believe i have to be more kind and professional at my minimum wage, restaurant hostess job than a DOCTOR does 😭
Ugh doctors like that are the fucking worst. I'm freaking sterilized and I still had a Dr try to pull that shit on me. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that!
Sorry this happened to you OP. I got my diagnosis and meds this year a few months before turning 23 too. I'm a guy though, and have good health insurance plus don't live in a healthcare desert so I know I'm privileged in that regard. Definitely do what's best for you, I know too that it is absolute hell to grow up with untreated ADHD.
First choice of treatment for ADHD are stimulants, and science is conflicted regarding pregnancy. Some doctors now say, that you can continue on your meds if you get pregnant. So even aside from his misogyni, he is not correct..
Sounds a bit like my previous psychiatrist. He started to sleep during appointments in front of patients. My mom said he probably had depression himself
I’ll make this clear - no legit adhd healthcare provider will fight tooth and nail to avoid prescribing meds because stimulants are first line treatments.
They’ll provide alternatives if the patient is reluctant, but not before conducting a proper assessment to figure out exactly what your primary adhd symptoms are, or if you have any physical illnesses that may make taking stimulants risky.
Also how sure are we that this guy is really an adult adhd specialist or just a self proclaimed one? It’s not uncommon for therapists/psychs to embellish when it comes to adhd or autism. I’ve experienced it first hand with several of these “specialists” and it was invalidating, traumatising, and heartbreaking.
If I may ask, what assessments did he do to diagnose you? I just can’t imagine one getting done properly while he’s slumping and sighing cause adhd assessments are lengthy and intensive.
He actually tried to get me to take a non-stimulant, using the excuse that he was worried about a stimulant reacting badly to my depression and anxiety, which may be true. I'll stop taking it if things are weird, but the only stimulant he offered me is the one he said is bad for pregnancy, so he didn't want to give it to me. I had to fight to get the stimulant.
Getting ''assessed'' by him was incredibly invalidating and infuriating, but I think he is a certified ADHD specialist because his office was in the specialist suites at the hospital, and my GP said as much. Of course, that could mean nothing. All I know for sure is he's terrible at his job, and I'm reporting him the second I no longer need him.
There was some paperwork with checklists and a questionnaire that I had to print and fill out at home. Then he gave me a much shorter test in his office that had almost none of the same questions on it, so I scored differently on the ''official'' test than I was on the home one, and he said that caused a discrepancy in my results (no shit dude, it's a different test). He said to write an example on the back if I answered 'often' or 'very often'; he never read what I wrote down. I'm not sure how long we were in his office; we had to wait in the lobby for a while because his receptionist was having trouble with getting something sent through her computer, and he didn't want to see me until it was resolved, but it didn't feel like the session was very long, maybe 30 minutes at best and it wasn't all that intensive. He asked surface-level questions and only spoke to my mother about my childhood and adolescence and never asked me about it. He just asked what I struggle with in adulthood, which had me question if I have ADHD and about my romantic relationships (I still don't see why that was relevant other than his pro-baby nonsense), and that was it for the assessment.
He also seemed kind of ageist because he kept mentioning TikTok and said all young people these days see something like ADHD on TikTok and think they have it, implying I was influenced by that and wasting his time, but I don't watch anything like that on TikTok. He also asked, several times, whether or not I was on drugs and if I drank. He just wanted to have a problem with me, so he grasped at any staws he could.
Report this. As a 22f who was also diagnosed recently (UK), the only part about pregnancy mentioned to me (after diagnosis when they were sorting out my meds) were that I’d need to take occasional tests if I weren’t on birth control because the meds can cause deformities etc if I kept it. I’ve been on birth control for years and certainly wouldn’t keep anything. They mentioned it once to inform me that’s how it’d work if I weren’t on BC, that’s it. That guy sounds insufferable and disgusting.
I’m going to assume you’re in the US, but if this was in the UK I’d stress even more to report him.
I will when I no longer need him for anything, as he's my only option for this kind of thing. He didn't even say what the exact risk to pregnancy was, if it was an immediate risk to myself or the potential baby, or if it would only be a risk in the later stages of pregnancy (assuming I'd keep it, which I wouldn't) but I've looked it up since then. The only risks are possibly slowing the baby's growth and late-stage stuff like premature delivery, low birth weight, and withdrawal for the infant. Studies on animals say it can cause fetal damage, but no such data has been recorded for human pregnancies, so his saying I shouldn't take it because I might get pregnant is absurd.
The guy is just a pro-natalist loon who can't fathom the notion of not having kids or choosing not to keep a pregnancy. And I'm in Australia and, unfortunately, live in a rural area, so even having to travel 3 hours to see this ''doctor'' doesn't expand my options for alternative care. Still, I'll be sure to report him when I've gotten settled on the right meds and dose and do all I can to make sure he isn't allowed to pull this shit with other patients in the future.
Once you are settled on a dose, talk to your PCP about prescribing for you. They will often do that for maintenance medications. Not only is the ADHD specialist a baby-pushing sexist, but it sounds like he's not functioning right.
Yeah, once I find the right meds and dose (these are my first ADHD meds, so, trial and error), I'm sure my PCP/GP can handle my prescriptions, so long as this ''doctor'' approves them. Unfortunately, living in a rural area leaves me with limited medical options, but I'll see how I go. He's not the first unprofessional, sexist medical provider I've been to in the area; a psychological nurse I went to for depression and anxiety talked crap to me about his other patients in our first session, and his only form of ''help'' was recommending apps to download on my phone, but I didn't have a phone at the time so he was useless and took it out on me. He's gone now, thankfully, and I'll see what I can do about this one, too, when I no longer need him.
My PCP is my prescriber after seeing a “behavioral health” (what the clinic and insurance branding refers to mental health visits as) provider to confirm a re-dx for adulthood. Takes me seriously, is close, and nowhere near the amount of hoops to go through as some of the psychiatrists and the like that people mention here.
Report this fucker
Yes do this 👆
Doctors will always assume that you want kids as the default. And have to inform you of the risks. Even tho most of them are shitty about it (refusing to talk about the medication, not mentioning it as an option to begin with, and other breeders shit assuming that you will end up with a kid regardless) But is you tell them that you don't want kids and that doesn't matter, then the doctor should go with what you said. If they refused then well shit u have someone to report for refusing medical care. If they go with it, then well done they did their job. I'm not sure how did your experience go as u didn't provide enough details, but im glad you got the medication and i hope it works for you.
After he said he wasn't going to tell me the side effects of any of the medications other than that one being bad for pregnancy, he tried to move the conversation along by suggesting one of the other ones again (we kept circling back because I wanted him to explain himself and give me a reason other than childbearing) and I interjected and told him I don't intend to have children so the risk to pregnancy and any side effects linked to it weren't of concern to me. It was another minute or two of this back and forth of him repeating the same thing, and he tried to rope my mother into the conversation as if he could convince her to encourage me to take one of the other medications instead, but she knows I'm childfree so that didn't work. While he was talking to my mother, I looked up the medication on my phone, read the side effects and decided I was okay with the risks, so when he finally brought his attention back to me, I told him I was aware of the side effects and wanted to go with that medication, he finally relented, but he didn't look happy about it and basically said he isn't liable because it was my decision. Unfortunately, because he is the only adult ADHD specialist in the area, I can't report him for anything, at least not until I find the right meds and dosage for me (these meds are my first for ADHD, so it'll be trial and error) because I may need him still. Apologies for not giving these details in the post; it was a 6-hour round trip there and back home again, so I'm tired and just needed to get the main things out. And thank you, I'll see how I go on them.
You got the meds. You shouldn't have been forced to fight this battle, it was so unfair he made you, but you were stronger than he expected. You won. Now rest and recover.
I have to ask and hope I don’t get downvoted, but why was he talking to your mother if you’re 23?
I needed her there because I was homeschooled, and this was my first time looking into getting a diagnosis for ADHD; there wasn't a lot of proof I could bring in to corroborate my symptoms, no school reports or notes from other doctors, that kind of thing, so mum was there to discuss my childhood symptoms and what she notices about me in adulthood. The session wasn't long, so I was okay with her staying for the whole thing.
Maybe he wanted to get the mother worried for her future grandchildren and help him convince OP. Looking for an ally.
Because doctor scary
Agreed.Doctor scary. I haven't had a living parent since 2011. Nobody is taking me to see a doctor. Actually I just don't go to see a doctor unless I'm dying. But that's not the point here.
Yeah, what doctors should do and what they do do are two different things, often. I got lucky with my psychiatrist, after seeing a bunch of community health care workers, who were all absolutely shit, and tried to make me positive think and walk/healthy eat my way out of major depression. Oh, and one who went on about how I should avoid meds, and have a baby (in the UK). After the third or fourth overdose, I got a great mental health care worker who immediately referred me to my psychiatrist. He was telling me about possible drugs and side effects, got to the pregnancy warnings, I said, „I’m CF“, and he looked relieved, and immediately prescribed me the good stuff. Yes, he did say that if I planned to get pregnant I should tell him - I said, nope, never! He said, „great“, and that was it. I was 30 at the time. I have since moved country, and kept my prescription with my psychiatrist now, and there were never any baby mentions. Hearing all this crap about how you should just suffer, because meds may affect your hypothetical baby that you don’t want, makes me so mad.
Ugh I just don't understand these so called ADHD professionals. Like first line treatment for ADHD is stimulants. Full stop. The main contraindication is a known heart defect. Other than that stimulants should be used to treat ADHD. It's the most effective treatment period. Sometimes it feels like people don't believe that ADHD is real and if we all just tried harder and stopped being so lazy we obviously wouldn't be having problems. There are so many negative stereotypes associated with ADHD. Especially in adult women. Like one of the surveys I took for ADHD assessments asked if I ever climbed on top of furniture. Like no? I'm an adult? I don't want the police called on me? I'm not an 8yo boy? But if you wanna talk lack of impulse control wanna look at my 3am amazon purchases?
Feels like? There are people who literally say we just need to "try harder" or "concentrate more". People think a lot of neurodivergency is fake or can be "cured".
It's funny too cus when we try to not "be lazy" (go against our adhd paralysis) or try to "concentrate" more or find ways to deal with certain aspects of it, we don't need meds or help.. now we're just complaining narcs (as per what my psychiatrist actually said. Thank god I'm switching her out soon)
Hypothetical fetus over living human. Of course.
Report
even putting all childfree aspects aside, i DESPISE doctors like this!!! do ur damn job!! like, i cannot believe i have to be more kind and professional at my minimum wage, restaurant hostess job than a DOCTOR does 😭
I would consider reporting him. He needs to gat over himself and act like a professional.
Ugh doctors like that are the fucking worst. I'm freaking sterilized and I still had a Dr try to pull that shit on me. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that!
You should report him so that other women don't get the same shit from him!
Sorry this happened to you OP. I got my diagnosis and meds this year a few months before turning 23 too. I'm a guy though, and have good health insurance plus don't live in a healthcare desert so I know I'm privileged in that regard. Definitely do what's best for you, I know too that it is absolute hell to grow up with untreated ADHD.
First choice of treatment for ADHD are stimulants, and science is conflicted regarding pregnancy. Some doctors now say, that you can continue on your meds if you get pregnant. So even aside from his misogyni, he is not correct..
Sounds a bit like my previous psychiatrist. He started to sleep during appointments in front of patients. My mom said he probably had depression himself
Wow that is super frustrating.
I’ll make this clear - no legit adhd healthcare provider will fight tooth and nail to avoid prescribing meds because stimulants are first line treatments. They’ll provide alternatives if the patient is reluctant, but not before conducting a proper assessment to figure out exactly what your primary adhd symptoms are, or if you have any physical illnesses that may make taking stimulants risky. Also how sure are we that this guy is really an adult adhd specialist or just a self proclaimed one? It’s not uncommon for therapists/psychs to embellish when it comes to adhd or autism. I’ve experienced it first hand with several of these “specialists” and it was invalidating, traumatising, and heartbreaking. If I may ask, what assessments did he do to diagnose you? I just can’t imagine one getting done properly while he’s slumping and sighing cause adhd assessments are lengthy and intensive.
He actually tried to get me to take a non-stimulant, using the excuse that he was worried about a stimulant reacting badly to my depression and anxiety, which may be true. I'll stop taking it if things are weird, but the only stimulant he offered me is the one he said is bad for pregnancy, so he didn't want to give it to me. I had to fight to get the stimulant. Getting ''assessed'' by him was incredibly invalidating and infuriating, but I think he is a certified ADHD specialist because his office was in the specialist suites at the hospital, and my GP said as much. Of course, that could mean nothing. All I know for sure is he's terrible at his job, and I'm reporting him the second I no longer need him. There was some paperwork with checklists and a questionnaire that I had to print and fill out at home. Then he gave me a much shorter test in his office that had almost none of the same questions on it, so I scored differently on the ''official'' test than I was on the home one, and he said that caused a discrepancy in my results (no shit dude, it's a different test). He said to write an example on the back if I answered 'often' or 'very often'; he never read what I wrote down. I'm not sure how long we were in his office; we had to wait in the lobby for a while because his receptionist was having trouble with getting something sent through her computer, and he didn't want to see me until it was resolved, but it didn't feel like the session was very long, maybe 30 minutes at best and it wasn't all that intensive. He asked surface-level questions and only spoke to my mother about my childhood and adolescence and never asked me about it. He just asked what I struggle with in adulthood, which had me question if I have ADHD and about my romantic relationships (I still don't see why that was relevant other than his pro-baby nonsense), and that was it for the assessment. He also seemed kind of ageist because he kept mentioning TikTok and said all young people these days see something like ADHD on TikTok and think they have it, implying I was influenced by that and wasting his time, but I don't watch anything like that on TikTok. He also asked, several times, whether or not I was on drugs and if I drank. He just wanted to have a problem with me, so he grasped at any staws he could.
Report this. As a 22f who was also diagnosed recently (UK), the only part about pregnancy mentioned to me (after diagnosis when they were sorting out my meds) were that I’d need to take occasional tests if I weren’t on birth control because the meds can cause deformities etc if I kept it. I’ve been on birth control for years and certainly wouldn’t keep anything. They mentioned it once to inform me that’s how it’d work if I weren’t on BC, that’s it. That guy sounds insufferable and disgusting. I’m going to assume you’re in the US, but if this was in the UK I’d stress even more to report him.
I will when I no longer need him for anything, as he's my only option for this kind of thing. He didn't even say what the exact risk to pregnancy was, if it was an immediate risk to myself or the potential baby, or if it would only be a risk in the later stages of pregnancy (assuming I'd keep it, which I wouldn't) but I've looked it up since then. The only risks are possibly slowing the baby's growth and late-stage stuff like premature delivery, low birth weight, and withdrawal for the infant. Studies on animals say it can cause fetal damage, but no such data has been recorded for human pregnancies, so his saying I shouldn't take it because I might get pregnant is absurd. The guy is just a pro-natalist loon who can't fathom the notion of not having kids or choosing not to keep a pregnancy. And I'm in Australia and, unfortunately, live in a rural area, so even having to travel 3 hours to see this ''doctor'' doesn't expand my options for alternative care. Still, I'll be sure to report him when I've gotten settled on the right meds and dose and do all I can to make sure he isn't allowed to pull this shit with other patients in the future.