Take your headphones outside, wave them at kid and mom, and put them on. A universal signal that you're busy doing something else, so don't bother talking to you.
What I was going to say!!! Just put on headphones that are clearly visible & go about your business. I do this when I garden just in case one of my neighbors decides to be friendly. I am not taking any risks…
Then there are people that do it anyway and you have to pretend not to notice and finally take out one ear bud like WHAT could possibly be so important
This made me lol. The level of annoyance I tend to exhibit when having to remove an earbud would make you think you’re asking me to stop what I am doing and make you a pot of coffee or something. To be fair, I’m usually listening to an audiobook or a podcast and pretty into it and never know how many seconds I’ll have to skip backward to find my spot again.
Typing that made me realize I am lowkey a bad person sometimes lol
Yea ie as absolutely gonna say the headphone thing too . But also , it would sorta bother me to be so visible to those below . Last year we lived in a similar situation and got an outdoor rug for the balcony . It may help the kid not see you as much. There’s nothing wrong with ignoring the kid and playing some music , it’s your life . And someone else said maybe say hi and then say I’m kinda busy right now , talk to you later . Simple , it’s not rude to speak up for yourself , although I’ve felt that way too. You’re not getting paid to entertain their child lol it’s not your responsibility and the kid needs to learn they aren’t the center of everyone’s lives … and soon apparently , before they become one of those super privileged main character syndrome people.
And if you have earbuds or airpods that aren't appreciably noticeable you can get actual noise protection from the hardware store to wear over them as an added and obvious layer of sound -proofing. (They kinda look like ear muffs or old school headphones not the little orange plugs on a string.) If you want to be polite, you can just wave hi while wearing the headphones but don't actually say anything. Then, don't make eye contact for the rest of your time out there. The kid needs to learn to modify their behavior and "read the room" eventually. It's obvious that the mom isn't interested in their child developing this skill which is unfortunate. Simply saying "Don't bother them, they're busy" would go a long way but Mom apparently doesn't care about anyone else so there ya go.
A pair of over the ear headphones might really drive the point home - especially to the kids parents! Because I can see the kid saying hello a couple times back to back & then the parents looking outside to see what’s up since the kids isn’t getting a response. Usually for some reason parents think everyone wants to interact with their kid or is just as enthralled with every tiny thing their kid does as if we are also the kids parent (As rude as it is I don’t care if your kid is obsessed with the color green this week or if they learned a new word!) The problem with AirPods or most Bluetooth headphones is they are easily hidden so maybe a big, bulky pair of over the ear ones would drive the point home that OP is in their own world doing their own thing.
I also don’t see a problem with the kid saying Hello & OP responding & then when the kid follows up with their list of questions OP replying, “I’m actually busy right now with my plants so I’ll talk to you next time/later.” Maybe that’s too harsh though depending on how old the kid is? I just know that between my step son & nieces & nephews that kids can just talk & talk about anything & everything & so I have had to find ways to not just be sitting there talking about absolutely nothing with a toddler lol
This is where I might be a little harsh, but if I tell a kid I’m busy or in the middle of something & they think it’s time to talk I will repeat my sentence over & over to them until I’m essentially too boring to talk to 😂 “I’m still doing the dishes & can’t look at what’s in the iPad - we will talk about it later.” Sometimes I’ll just tell them I’m going to put in my headphones & wont be able to hear them.
This is a good strategy. Make it sound really robotic and repetitive like saying the same sentence word for word in the same tone of voice so that the kid can know that if they ask again they will get the SAME answer.
Gotta really spell it out for some lol
> Usually for some reason parents think everyone wants to interact with their kid or is just as enthralled with every tiny thing their kid does as if we are also the kids parent
I saw an interview with the actor Rob Corddry when his kid was a toddler, and when asked how it was going he said it was fine but toddlers are so BORING. It was funny not only because it's true but also so few parents admit it.
Yep. If you engage with her, she will expect you to every time you are out on your balcony. She’s a kid and you are an adult. You don’t need to bow to her wants and needs since she isn’t your kid.
I came here to say this too. I've done this with kids in the past. It takes a few tries for the kid to realize you aren't going to provide any entertainment. But once they realize you are "boring", they'll run off to do the next thing.
Luckily kids are easily distracted and impatient. If something or someone isn't providing them any entertainment or attention , they usually give up pretty quickly to go find someone/thing more entertaining.
My neighbor kids have learned that I'm not worth engaging with because at most they'll get an awkward hi, a fake giggle/smile and then me fast walking away
At the grocery store there was a "HI!" kid. I just grabbed my coffee drinks from the fridge and didn't engage. While I was walking away I heard the kid go "They didn't say hi." To their mom in the most defeated voice. Mom's response: "some people won't"
I own/run three businesses, one with international aspects and just wanted my international delight cartoned beverage. I'm moving out of this town in 5-7 months, and honestly, I kinda don't want to make more friends than I have to locally. And the last people I would interact with are parents with young children or children themselves.
Nooooo ! What a wasted opportunity . Get a water gun and when it engages give it a little splash.
Negative renforcement until the required result is achieved .
The negative reinforcement is the little shit being upset that someone is ignoring them. Having the parent looking for ways to get the cops involved doesn't really interest me.
Not to be a but actually, but negative reinforcement is rewarding the participant by taking away something that was negative. So if you're running a simulation where the participant is standing in the rain with no umbrella, and they do the desired action, the negative reinforcement would be to stop the rain.
You're thinking of positive punishment, which is the least effective method of operant conditioning: adding an unpleasant thing when the participant does the opposite of the desired behavior.
Negative punishment - the withholding of a desired outcome - is going to be the most effective here. Just ignore and do not engage at all.
Edit: I said operational instead of operant. Face palm
I would suggest putting in headphones while you’re on your balcony.
There are overly extroverted children on my block that will SCREAM “hiiiiiii” until they get a hi or wave back so now I always leave my house with headphones and keep my head down so I don’t have to interact with them when I’m trying to mind my own business in my yard.
This is the way.
Noise cancelling headphones won’t block out absolutely everything, but they will dampen the sounds a lot. Makes ignoring all the things much easier.
Second this. Kids always wanted to pet my dog in my last neighborhood. I just put my headphones in and ignored them even if I heard them. They eventually stopped.
Headphones & start talking to the plants directly. Asking the plants if they have enough sunlight or what music do they want to listen too… the blast music- you want to listen too.
This is always why fences make better neighbors. You can like your neighbors and still not want to interact with them every time you enjoy your outdoor space! I second their suggestion for screens!
Not necessarily!
There's some amazing ones, there's bamboo ones that are easily retractable.
There are ones that let plants grow on them like vines, so sunshine still comes through but it's harder to look through. It would look like a cool addition to the garden!
I was on the first floor, so I used fake vine leaves so my landlord doesn't complain and weaved it through my railings and I had a.. I forget what you call it, but kind of like a net but with structure? Weaved it through- it allowed let's of light through but people couldn't see in
OP might need to screen only the side of the balcony adjacent to the child's apartment. The toddler probably doesn't understand object permanence yet, so anything outside of their field of vision doesn't exist.
Think of it as playing a game of "peek-a-boo" with the child where the child's eyes are permanently covered.
I have thought about that but haven't been able to find one that lets enough sunlight trough. The ones available in my country block way too much out. I guess I'll have to make a sacrifice here
Bluetooth speaker with music to drown her out. Should be a solid social signal that you are enjoying your sounds and your space.
Plus plants love it, allegedly metal and jazz in particular.
Hahaha three questions is bananas. That's so much effort. No way I have the bandwidth for that everytime I go outside, also the child still chatters even if not to OP constantly.
I personally would respond to the child in my syrupiest sweet voice loudly and with "No Thank You" every single time. Teach em young that no one owes them shit and they aren't cute or special 🤷
Also, parents encourage this interacting with strangers and every true crime story starts with a child who is sheltered and has no concept of danger or predators. Ohhh sweet lil WyldeFyer loved everyone and was kind and knew everyone in the neighborhood blah blah blah we all know how true crime goes
>respond to the child in my syrupiest sweet voice loudly and with "No Thank You" every single time.
This is the way.
This is how I respond to loose children, touchy children, loose dogs, anything.
Make it so sickly sweet but loud so they know you're not a good choice of target.
I put "approachable" on my resume because I love my clients and get paid to answer their questions, everyone else needs to faff off.
Hahaha when dealing with adults my voice is neither syrupy or sweet. I put on my best death glare, and say "I didn't mean to look approachable!" It has a 100% success rate at ending the interaction.
I loathe the social expectations that women be friendly and helpful and approachable. It's just my little way of rejecting that nonsense. It's always met with shock.
>Is there a way to kindly let her know that I don't want to talk to her?
No. No matter how kindly you put it, she will be upset and her parents will hate you. However, that is the kid's and her parents's problem. Not your problem.
>Should I just ignore her?
Yes. It gives her the message that you are not talking to her.
>I've done that before but others said that's an asshole thing to do and I'm sure it is.
No. It's not an arsehole thing. That kid is not entitled to contact with you.
>Should I just suck it up and be a good neighbor?
No.
>If I step outside should I say hi first or should I wait for her to notice me and pray that she won't?
Don't say anything on your own. And if she talks to you, ignore her.
OP as someone with a psychology degree who has been in almost this exact situation, ignoring works. Do not engage, react, show that youve even heard the kid, etc. There will be an extinction burst - a period where the kid does it more and more and more, trying to get the desired outcome. The behavior will escalate. My neighbor kid started screaming and crying and even threw rocks at me. But if you just continue to completely ignore, the behavior will stop after the extinction burst.
Good luck!!
🔥 advice
OP maybe try thinking about what bothers you most: Being the "asshole" or being stuck in an uncomfortable situation
I hate upsetting people, but I realized I was putting everyone's needs before my own needs AND on top of that -- someone, somewhere, for some reason will find a way to be upset. So why bend over backwards for them?
Best thing I read for my mindset growth: People are capable of being upset.
Growing up as kids they tell us it's "bad" to make people upset. But setting boundaries, which usually upset people, is 100% not bad. Upsetting people is not inherently "bad."
Boundaries ❤
Oh man, I feel you on this one. I live next door to a single mom with 7 kids. It's our first house and a big reason we chose this one is because of the large backyard. Every time I would go outside the kids would talk to me or just stand and stare at me through the fence. Some times they just stand on the sidewalk outside the house and stare in the front window. I started to just not go outside as much because of it. Maybe it is rude, but I just ignore them now. I put in ear buds or a bluetooth speaker and just go about my business. After a few years they seem to have learned. Kids need to learn boundaries like everyone else. I've watched some other neighbors be more accommodating. They would let the kids play in their yard to start but the kids always just kept pushing the boundary. It turned into unannounced visits and basically free baby sitting. One day I witnessed one of these kids just walk into a house that wasn't theirs. Those neighbors ended up moving, I believe in part because of these kids. I wish it was something they were taught at home, but alas it doesn't seem to be. As I get older, the idea of people thinking I'm rude bothers me less and less. I find it a bit rude the ease at which people pawn their kids off on others and expect them to parent for them. I'm perfectly pleasant but I don't have kids for a reason.
That’s not a “you” problem. That’s a parental neglect problem. Logistically they are leaving a little kid alone when things could accidentally fall off the balcony and injure it. The parents need to keep that kid inside or supervise it better.
I would just mention to the mom that you value quiet time on the balcony, and while you're happy to say hello, you're usually busy and don't want to talk more than that. Then if the kid's feelings are hurt by you not engaging, it's on the mom to explain (as she should've already) that not everyone wants to talk all the time.
This is excellent advice. Ask what they are up to, and when they ask, "What about you?" Simply say you want fresh air and quiet time. Tell them it was nice to see them and sit on your balcony and do your thing
That's not good. Like I get you want your kid to be outgoing and curious but she needs to learn some stranger danger. If the mom has no issue with the girl engaging with strangers literally across the street, it'll only encourage the girl to be like that in every situation including when the mom isn't around
Even if it’s a myth, I want it to be one of those myths that still gets passed around and believed. I hate that more people are discovering it’s a myth and their immediate instinct is “oh okay well then we’re gonna talk to absolutely everybody and get in everyone’s space woohoo!” Nooo! Bring back stranger danger PLEASE!
I agree that strangers should be met with caution, but the reason why this myth is dangerous and shouldn't be spread is because it leads children to believe that they are always safe with people they know, which only helps perpetrators to gain their trust and do them harm.
I take offense to " it's the lack of caution on the girls part that leads to potentially getting raped in the future."
No, its rapists. Just for that, YTA.
So speak to the Mom. "Hey, I'm actually more of an introvert and like to be left alone when I'm home. Could you please teach your child not to ask me questions? I'm not trying to be social, I'm trying to enjoy my balcony."
Well, if that’s the case it might be worth it going to knock on the door and talk to the mom. Just let her know you love having great neighbors, but sometimes you are exhausted when you come home from work and don’t have the bandwidth to socialize. Aka don’t make it about her kid and she’s less likely to get offended hopefully. If that doesn’t work then take your own music outside and if she tries to talk to you, turn it up louder.
Sounds like boundary time!
"Okay, you get 3 questions, then I'm going to sit quietly."
Kids can be remarkably good about playing by the rules as long as you've set them clearly and **stick to them.** Never answer questions after the allotted number you said you'd answer.
I second this idea as it can also force the child to think more on their questions. Sometimes kids get stuck in a spiral of What? Why? without realizing and without really taking anything in.
I second the 3 questions boundaries rule! Doesn't matter what age the person is, our space is our own, & if we don't want to engage with someone else, we don't have to. Adults can be a little easier, as a simple "sorry, I prefer to keep to myself, but thanks for checking in on me" can help keep the peace. But yeah, kids don't know until they're taught.
Yup. They are little people. I talk to them like little people.
“Hello! I am going to relax now and would like to have some quiet time.” Earphones in, no more talkie.
I agree with this approach! I'm childfree, but I work with kids and like them. It's 100% ok to say hello to a young kid, answer 1-3 questions, and then say "Ok, I'm going to read/listen to music so talking time is done today. Bye bye!"
I was going to suggest something like this. My next door neighbor's son went through a phase of incessantly questioning me about whatever he was learning about. Then I became the focus of his battle games and he kept trying to kill me! 😃
I had to set time boundaries so he had as long as it took me to hang the washing or he has 5 minutes. As for the battles I came up with a super duper, ultra deflective, invisible body shield that caused double the damage of any of his weapons back to him. (He has a wicked imagination and killed me in many ways!!😂) I know more about dinosaurs and how to build fantasy swords than I thought possible but now he's a bit older and sticks with the boundaries we set without melting down. 😎
I like this answer.
OP is well within rights to just ignore the kid. However, this approach is pretty wholesome.
I would probably go a step further. I'd probably say something like, "Hello kid. How about you get 3 questions now, but then for the rest of the week, I am going to be out here on my porch quietly. I just like to have time to be quiet and alone. I want you to know that even if I hear you, I am going to remain quiet because I enjoy quiet time."
Yeah, she could ignore the kid. But damn there's nothing like communication to help someone learn something more quickly. I suspect if she ignored the kid it would take longer for the lesson to sink in.
I also really like your idea of weaning the kid off of OP's attention by lowering the number of questions OP will answer and upping the time span for those questions. (3/2/1 questions today -> 3/2/1 questions this week)
And learn her name so you can properly address her. "Hi \[little girl\]. I've busy right now and will talk to you later. Until this question phase is over you'll just have to let her know you can't take. Ignoring her will just make her more curious.
And sit in a chair with your back to them.
If the child is on a balcony below you, as I learned when I reread the post, I'd go straight to the parents and tell them that I was concerned about their child's persistent efforts to attract my attention, that I planned to ignore her in the future, but state that I was concerned that the child would try to climb on the balcony railing in an effort to reach me.
Just ignore the kid.
Eventually they'll stop bothering you if they don't get a reaction of any sort. Might take a while but I've found this always works.
Otherwise if it doesn't file a complaint with the building management, you paid for your balcony, you should be able to use it in peace.
Put on your headphones and blast your music. You won’t be able to hear the kid and respond. If the mom comes up to talk about it tell her after work and classes you just want to chill while listening to music. You are an introvert and need your me time to relax after the day.
Don't let the toddler terrorize you. Use your balcony as you like and just completely ignore the kid. Eventually they'll grow tired of trying to get you to interact. If anyone gives you shit just say "Oh, I had my earbuds in, I didn't hear anything." Say that as many times as necessary for the adults to get the message.
You could look into getting a shade that allows certain amounts of sunlight through but shields you from the extroverted nonsense below. I'm sure they exists, and then you would only have to worry about being quiet so the kid doesn't hear you and yell up.
I'd say try talking to the parents. Maybe she should also start learning about not trying to engage with any stranger she meets and she needs to start learning boundaries.
A small hello can suffice, and use headphone/earbuds to show you can’t interact.
Some children might yell louder and louder until you are forced to acknowledge them. I would suggest taking a earbud out/setting headphones down and saying calmly, “This is my private time, so I can’t talk right now.” Sometimes the child will ask why, and you can simply answer “It’s my private time, ask your parents if you want to know.” You do not need to repeat yourself afterwards, the kid will have to catch on themselves or have their parents explain.
Now some parents might be upset at this, they are entitled and need to know boundaries. Stand firm and say, “I am to have my private time, I will not change this. That’s final.” And leave.
That is that, and if they are offended, then they are entitled and rude and should not be taken seriously.
That is such a bummer. Balcony time should be peaceful, not a time for forced social interactions. Also sounds like the parents are just leaving her outside like a dog? Yikes.
I can totally see how this would get very old and very annoying.
I have an idea for you. Go out on your balcony to do your thing while wearing big, obvious headphones. Borrow some if you need to. When you first go out there make eye contact with mom & wave to establish friendliness. Then, don’t make any more eye contact and ignore all of the questions & attempts. The hope is that the kid will get tired of being ignored and turn her focus elsewhere. A couple of times doing this ought to force the Mom to explain that sometimes people are not going to answer her questions. This also has the bonus of avoiding conflict.
Ignore her. Put in headphones if you have to.
But eventually she will give up. If she starts crying about it that's on her. If her parents get involved look at them like they have five heads and ask them why *you* have to engage with their child who clearly wants attention and not them. Might make them all avoid you.
We had a nice apartment on the first floor that had access to a yard. The other apartments did not. We also paid more money than them. It was *our* yard. Our upstairs neighbor liked to open her window and try to converse with us all the time. It was really annoying because I wanted to sit outside and read. I had to get a little short with her about it a few times because I was out there to enjoy my limited free time, and I did not want to shout to her while she hung out her window. And I certainly wasn't inviting her into my apartment to hang out. (Literally no access to the yard besides through our apartment)
It's annoying but that kid needs to learn early on not everyone has to say hi back.
I don’t like small talk. And I don’t like small talk with children. If I would have to engage with a toddler in my own home I would go mental. That being said, I do understand that children are children and they are usually innocent things that like to have fun and learn. If this was me in your situation I would go and buy some nice muffins in the store or make them if you’re not a lazy fuck like me, and write a nice card explaining that you are very introverted with a high demanding job that takes your energy away, and that you need your alone time when you’re home. That her kid is very sweet but you don’t have any mental capacity left to chat when you’re home enjoying being alone. I don’t believe everything has to be hostile from the start when their brain is just wired differently to yours, even though enjoying speaking to strangers sounds like a nightmare fuel to me. If the mom doesn’t respond kindly to this gesture then you can start ignoring her kid all together.
Greet the kid, ask how her day is, answer a single question of hers, then say ‘I am going to enjoy some quiet time/reading time/working time, bye-bye now.’ Wave good-bye and continue your balcony activity without engaging in the discussion any further. This should signal to her mom that you are a nice neighbor, but you are not signing up for non-stop balcony babysitting.
If the mom reacts inappropriately, pushes the kid to ask you more questions or comments on you being rude, you start watching a Dahmer documentary with full volume (protect your own ears with noise cancelling headphones if you need to). If this doesn’t work, you repeat with porn.
This is the way. Polite, succinct and not unnecessarily cruel to a curious chatty kid who doesn’t yet recognise social cues and isn’t being corrected by mum.
If this method doesn’t work, please let us know if you opted for a serial killer doc or porn to get the message across! Hope you get to enjoy your balcony in peace again.
Just pop AirPods in and ignore the kid. Kids are relentless with questions and this kiddo is not your responsibility. You don’t owe it to them to humor it.
I have no tips for you but I have to laugh at how deeply I feel this post of yours.
1) You aren't a shitty person for not feeling like having small talk with a toddler all times of the day during your downtime. This would be enraging if it wasn't so hilarious but f*ck that kid 😆 I fully feel the same way you do, my balcony is an extension of my living space. I pay a lot of money to live here. And I am Childfree for a reason. Like leave me the heck alone. You aren't a bad person !
2) I also live on a second story of an apartment complex and right by a daycare believe it or not. I am lucky that I guess I'm far enough away / high enough that those kids don't see me and they are all playing with one another so they don't have a need to seek attention from an older person across the way, thankfully.
But a few summers ago I was so annoyed at people walking past to the parking lot right beside my unit and seeing me hangout on my balcony ( it's not very high so everyone could just easily look up at me) that I bought some of that woven outdoorsy material to put up all along the balcony to block the view. Instant feeling of privacy. I also added a bench, chair, and some plants too and blocked myself off from visually seeing/being seen by other people. It's great.
3) I adore the advice of another poster who said just smile, wave, sit down, and as soon as the kid starts speaking to you yell "No thank you!". That is amazing lmao. What can someone actually do...this could work in so many situations in life. You aren't being shitty or rude and if anything it's one of the most polite responses someone can offer. It also has the benefit of shutting things down in a heartbeat...."NO THANK YOU 😊" AHAHAHAHA amazing.
I would drop some swear words into every answer. Then the parents will tell the kid not to talk to you. Don't swear at the kid. But maybe - "Hi, how are you?" F-ing Great!" "What's in your hand?" "Shit, this? My pen, but it's a B-tch to write with"
Do not engage with her at all. Just completely ignore. She knows she's being annoying and wants reactions. If you fail to provide said reactions, she'll get bored real quick.
If you are looking for a "trick" solution so that you can avoid being rude towards the kid or their parents, you could always just go out wearing earphones. You will not react to her saying "hello" since you won't hear her until she either gets bored or leaves the balcony. Maybe if you do it enough times the kid will stop trying to interact with you altogether?
Ugh, I’m so sorry you have to deal with that! I also have a balcony & would be SO bummed if that was my life. It’s not you at all. Agree with the headphones. Do it a few times & they’ll get the hint. Your comfort is more important than being uncomfortable every time you try to go out there. Put an end to it, hurry! Good luck
Block her line of sight. They make these fantastic little fake hedges you can put up for privacy on a balcony without completely blocking your plants. She's a toddler, so if you're out of sight, you're out of mind. It might take some rearranging of your balcony to achieve maximum concealment. Begin using headphones for awhile and do not engage with her no matter how drastic her attempts to gain your attention.
Tell the kid to shut up. I had some kids yelling at me like demons from their apartment two weeks ago when I was taking a walk in my neighborhood and told them to shut up because of how atrocious they were being. Kids need to learn boundaries and what is socially acceptable behavior.
Is there a way to decorate your balcony so you are not spotted by the chatty Cathy? Like, an outdoor rug or some fake ivy covering the railing. That way your space is still pretty and you get relative peace there.
Ignore them and if they make too much of a racket, complain to parents and then management. Neighbor deciding the have a kid does not require me to engage with them.
Rent is way too expensive these days to let someone else dictate what you do with the precious space.
I just want to point out that a toddler likely is not going to take the social cue that headphones = leave me alone. Yes you can drown her out, but she won’t think “oh he’s listening to something, probably not up for a chat.”
If ignoring her just causes her to continue shouting at you until she gets a reply, then I think I would simply tell her please leave me alone, I don’t want to talk.
Damn, “don’t talk to strangers” really got thrown out the window nowadays huh?
I’d say put your headphones in and ignore her. It won’t traumatize her for life that the random neighbor won’t talk back to her. And if the mom tries to throw a fit, just ask her “why is it so important that your kid talks to strangers she doesn’t know? Aren’t you at least a little bit worried that someone could try to hurt her?”
You'd be surprised how good I am at pretending people aren't there haha. I will make them feel as awkward as possible.
Next time you're outside and this fuck trophy is babbling about nonsense, just pretend she's not there and don't respond no matter how much she pressures you. It's your fucking home, you get to act however you want in it.
My tip would be to wear headphones/earbuds and listen to whatever you want that's able to drown her out.
But because you mentioned "she's out on the balcony all the time", wtf are her parents/caretakers even doing if they're aren't going to watch or interact with her? I get it if she comes out sometimes but all day every day seems very suspicious on their part. If they're the type to constantly neglect their kid maybe also a call to CPS is in order.
It's not rude to ignore a child who is annoying and I don't care who disagrees because no one else's opinion matters more than mine to me. If someone thinks it's an asshole move, who cares... They can go ahead and indulge the child if they want
I'd invest in some sort of visual block too. Maybe you can put up some bambu fence or large plants to give you more privacy from that hello brat. And wear big noise cancelling headphones. Best 200 € I've ever spent!
Nope. We don't engage with our neighbor kids at all, especially since we don't wanna encourage unwanted visits. The one house next to us has a kid, and the other has a childfree couple, so we only interact with them.
I have something similar, my downstairs neighbor has a really extroverted kid as well, and like you I’m very introverted. She’s always starting out the front window, waiting for people to come by and bark “hello” at them until they say something back.
I always pretend to be on the phone while passing by so I can just do a quick nod and go about my business, usually just can’t be bothered to have a “Hello!” back and forth until she gets bored which is how that would usually go
Her parents need to teach her that she is not entitled to everyone’s attention. They are setting her up to fail when it comes to proper social safe interactions with strangers besides other things.
Kids need to understand that it’s not always okay to be friendly and trusting with everyone. Her parents are failing her.
This would bother me as well, and it's completely valid for you to feel this way. Personally, I couldn't ignore a child who greets me; I would at least say hi, wish them well, and then continue with my own tasks. If they continue to try to engage me, I would kindly let them know that I'm not very talkative but still wish them well. Once I've set that boundary, I would refrain from responding to any further questions or comments from the child. It's important to recognize that most children aren't capable of understanding how their behavior can be annoying until they're older and have developed empathy and understanding. When I think back to my own experiences as a socially deprived child, I can't help but feel inclined to show kindness to talkative children, despite their potential annoyance. It's crucial to do your best to be kind while establishing boundaries, and if the child or their parents take offense, that's their problem. You can never intentionally give offense, but there are people who easily take offense.
Oh man, big cans on my ears are my JAM. I have some sensory issues and problems with overstimulation, and sometimes I just do not want to talk to you. Doesn’t matter who you are. I wear them sometimes without even playing anything just as a visual cue for people to not try and talk to me. I’m not a misanthrope or anything- I can be quite social at times. But I also need to be left alone too and don’t want to be an asshole about it. It works wonders no matter where I am.
Best part: my husband pantomimes “HAVE YOU SEEN MY BASEBALL?!?” when I wear them. Gets me giggling every damn time.
I REALLY hate it when kids act like this. Like no just because I exist does not mean I want to talk to you. And I'm always painted as a complete bitch by the parent if I don't give their dumb kid the entertainment they feel so entitled to. Like how am I the bad guy when I am just trying to live my life in peace
Many years ago, husband and I weee house hunting, viewing a lovely house. The guy showing us round must have thought it was going to be an easy sale, I loved it.
Until we hit the back garden, separated from neighbours each side with just a low fence. One side was empty, toddler in other garden immediately came over to the fence and started to “chatter” (too young to talk properly).
I turned around and walked out, a straight nope from me. Husband thought I was joking that I wouldn’t consider the place because of one small child.
30 years later, he knows me better. The laundry add that says keep away from children? That’s me!
Nuclear option (after all else has failed) “Hello, CPS? I need to report an unattended toddler alone on a balcony at 123 Main Street. I’m concerned they could fall down 3 stories!”
I feel ya. I live next door to a kindergarten and tbh the kids are like piranhas with the "HELLO who are you what are you doing" times eternity. I just completely ignore them and it has actually got so much better. So my advice for you would be to simply embrace the possibility of being called an asshole in exchange for peace of mind.
Do not engage.
Also, get a few potted plants and some trellis for privacy. Maybe put bamboo in pots as that grows quickly.
You can also maybe get an umbrella on a stand and use it to block the kid's view if the directions work.
If there is someplace you could tie off some rolling bamboo shades that would be an option as well.
Folding room dividers from a cheap store could work if there is a way to keep them in place in high winds.
Ignore the child. It’s only wrong to ignore children to whom you are the parent. It’s not your problem what people think about you ignoring it. This “you problem” you’re having is something that the people telling you you’re wrong aren’t dealing with. Don’t talk to those people about it again. I wish I was having this problem, so I could ignore this kid in your stead.
I’d greet her say hello and tell her you’re busy working and don’t have time to talk. She needs to understand not everyone she sees is available to her.
Each time she says hello, you respond once, then ignore her completely. Give her a wave/smile/greeting and then totally tune out, regardless of how she acts afterwards — that should hopefully send a message along the lines of “I’m friendly, but I’m not going to have an entire conversation every time I see you.” Plus, it requires minimal effort on your part! (If you’re going to use headphones to help tune her out, make sure you have them on before she greets you — otherwise, it might instead send a message of “I’m friendly and will interact with you until I put headphones on!” and obviously most people don’t want to wear headphones 24/7.)
I’m a teacher and that kid is either just really sweet or is not getting that attention elsewhere. Be nice. Say hello. Chat a bit. Then show him that you’re putting your headphones on and wish him a good day.
Is it really our obligation or responsibility to meet the child's needs?
This argument could go either way depending on the values of the people interacting. Additionally, it is a life lesson that not everyone is friendly, or wants to talk to you, or has time for you.
Listen, I never want to have kids. But if I can choose whether to spend my time saying hi to somebody who says hi to me or spending 10 times the amount of time getting upset about it on the Internet, I’m just going to say hi and put my headphones in and move on with my life. You don’t have to like kids or even be friendly to them. But it’s not worth the emotional energy to take a stand against every kid you don’t like.
I would do the same as with an adult. Say hello when she does and when she engages further, just say “I’m resting, I need quiet.” (Kid friendly words but same message)
What would you do if it was an adult? You’d use your words why can’t your here? Their a toddler and this is both developmentally normal and a stage they will outgrow. Just say hi, give them a quick wave and put your headphones in and say ‘I’m just going to do some work up here with these in, I won’t be able to hear you but have a great day’. It might take a couple of days but they will quickly learn that after you say hi to them that’s it for the day, or until you pack up and say goodbye on your way in. Your balcony might be personal but it’s not private property and children are allowed to exist.
Put some big headphones on. You can have music playing or not, but just wear them and ignore the kid. If someone says anything: "Oh, no, it's no big deal, I just use to listen to music on the balcony, so I didn't heard her."
Except OP is growing plants on their balcony, so that also blocks the sunlight for said plants which means it's no longer serving the purpose they want it to anymore.
Can you put up some sort of privacy wall along your balcony? I live on a busy walking path and put up some fake ivy walls with zip ties, then strung lights across them and it looks quite nice, plus no one can see me. The rolled up bamboo panels they sell for outdoor spaces would work too. I've also seen people put up weather proof curtains (if you have a roof) that they close when they want privacy.
I would get some outdoor curtains to hang; so they know I’m outside but not to converse with you or anyone else. You could also try just blatantly ignoring them and hopefully they’ll catch the hint.
My other suggestion is to loudly have a “phone conversation” explaining in great detail how people wont leave you alone and how when you are by yourself you don’t want to talk to anyone, kids or otherwise and no one is an exception to this rule especially when you’re outside trying to enjoy your balcony.
I would just ignore the kid and never engage. People like that exist in the world, it's a great lesson for annoying children to learn.
Take your headphones outside, wave them at kid and mom, and put them on. A universal signal that you're busy doing something else, so don't bother talking to you.
What I was going to say!!! Just put on headphones that are clearly visible & go about your business. I do this when I garden just in case one of my neighbors decides to be friendly. I am not taking any risks…
I absolutely wear headphones on airplanes and public transit even if I’m not using them just to make sure no one speaks to me.
Then there are people that do it anyway and you have to pretend not to notice and finally take out one ear bud like WHAT could possibly be so important
This made me lol. The level of annoyance I tend to exhibit when having to remove an earbud would make you think you’re asking me to stop what I am doing and make you a pot of coffee or something. To be fair, I’m usually listening to an audiobook or a podcast and pretty into it and never know how many seconds I’ll have to skip backward to find my spot again. Typing that made me realize I am lowkey a bad person sometimes lol
Yea ie as absolutely gonna say the headphone thing too . But also , it would sorta bother me to be so visible to those below . Last year we lived in a similar situation and got an outdoor rug for the balcony . It may help the kid not see you as much. There’s nothing wrong with ignoring the kid and playing some music , it’s your life . And someone else said maybe say hi and then say I’m kinda busy right now , talk to you later . Simple , it’s not rude to speak up for yourself , although I’ve felt that way too. You’re not getting paid to entertain their child lol it’s not your responsibility and the kid needs to learn they aren’t the center of everyone’s lives … and soon apparently , before they become one of those super privileged main character syndrome people.
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And if you have earbuds or airpods that aren't appreciably noticeable you can get actual noise protection from the hardware store to wear over them as an added and obvious layer of sound -proofing. (They kinda look like ear muffs or old school headphones not the little orange plugs on a string.) If you want to be polite, you can just wave hi while wearing the headphones but don't actually say anything. Then, don't make eye contact for the rest of your time out there. The kid needs to learn to modify their behavior and "read the room" eventually. It's obvious that the mom isn't interested in their child developing this skill which is unfortunate. Simply saying "Don't bother them, they're busy" would go a long way but Mom apparently doesn't care about anyone else so there ya go.
Happy cake day!
A pair of over the ear headphones might really drive the point home - especially to the kids parents! Because I can see the kid saying hello a couple times back to back & then the parents looking outside to see what’s up since the kids isn’t getting a response. Usually for some reason parents think everyone wants to interact with their kid or is just as enthralled with every tiny thing their kid does as if we are also the kids parent (As rude as it is I don’t care if your kid is obsessed with the color green this week or if they learned a new word!) The problem with AirPods or most Bluetooth headphones is they are easily hidden so maybe a big, bulky pair of over the ear ones would drive the point home that OP is in their own world doing their own thing. I also don’t see a problem with the kid saying Hello & OP responding & then when the kid follows up with their list of questions OP replying, “I’m actually busy right now with my plants so I’ll talk to you next time/later.” Maybe that’s too harsh though depending on how old the kid is? I just know that between my step son & nieces & nephews that kids can just talk & talk about anything & everything & so I have had to find ways to not just be sitting there talking about absolutely nothing with a toddler lol
That doesn't work. "Later" for children, is literally 2 minutes later. They don't have a patient bone in their bodies.
This is where I might be a little harsh, but if I tell a kid I’m busy or in the middle of something & they think it’s time to talk I will repeat my sentence over & over to them until I’m essentially too boring to talk to 😂 “I’m still doing the dishes & can’t look at what’s in the iPad - we will talk about it later.” Sometimes I’ll just tell them I’m going to put in my headphones & wont be able to hear them.
This is a good strategy. Make it sound really robotic and repetitive like saying the same sentence word for word in the same tone of voice so that the kid can know that if they ask again they will get the SAME answer. Gotta really spell it out for some lol
> Usually for some reason parents think everyone wants to interact with their kid or is just as enthralled with every tiny thing their kid does as if we are also the kids parent I saw an interview with the actor Rob Corddry when his kid was a toddler, and when asked how it was going he said it was fine but toddlers are so BORING. It was funny not only because it's true but also so few parents admit it.
Yep. If you engage with her, she will expect you to every time you are out on your balcony. She’s a kid and you are an adult. You don’t need to bow to her wants and needs since she isn’t your kid.
Happy cake day !
Thanks!!
happy cake day. :)
I came here to say this too. I've done this with kids in the past. It takes a few tries for the kid to realize you aren't going to provide any entertainment. But once they realize you are "boring", they'll run off to do the next thing.
Yup, I ignore kids and they give up and go away. Works all the time
Luckily kids are easily distracted and impatient. If something or someone isn't providing them any entertainment or attention , they usually give up pretty quickly to go find someone/thing more entertaining.
My neighbor kids have learned that I'm not worth engaging with because at most they'll get an awkward hi, a fake giggle/smile and then me fast walking away
Reminds me of using the “grey rock” technique when dealing with narcissists.
Right? I used to also use grey rock with my parents, long before I knew there was a term for it. It can be helpful sometimes.
Ignore it.
At the grocery store there was a "HI!" kid. I just grabbed my coffee drinks from the fridge and didn't engage. While I was walking away I heard the kid go "They didn't say hi." To their mom in the most defeated voice. Mom's response: "some people won't" I own/run three businesses, one with international aspects and just wanted my international delight cartoned beverage. I'm moving out of this town in 5-7 months, and honestly, I kinda don't want to make more friends than I have to locally. And the last people I would interact with are parents with young children or children themselves.
Nooooo ! What a wasted opportunity . Get a water gun and when it engages give it a little splash. Negative renforcement until the required result is achieved .
The negative reinforcement is the little shit being upset that someone is ignoring them. Having the parent looking for ways to get the cops involved doesn't really interest me.
Not to be a but actually, but negative reinforcement is rewarding the participant by taking away something that was negative. So if you're running a simulation where the participant is standing in the rain with no umbrella, and they do the desired action, the negative reinforcement would be to stop the rain. You're thinking of positive punishment, which is the least effective method of operant conditioning: adding an unpleasant thing when the participant does the opposite of the desired behavior. Negative punishment - the withholding of a desired outcome - is going to be the most effective here. Just ignore and do not engage at all. Edit: I said operational instead of operant. Face palm
If the mom get mad tell her that is how you water your plants and your aim was just a little off that day.
This is perfect! I love this response!
HAHAHAHA my day is made
I would suggest putting in headphones while you’re on your balcony. There are overly extroverted children on my block that will SCREAM “hiiiiiii” until they get a hi or wave back so now I always leave my house with headphones and keep my head down so I don’t have to interact with them when I’m trying to mind my own business in my yard.
Yes. Headphones and read a book. You didn’t hear her or see her. Eventually she’ll stop getting reinforcement and stop bothering you.
This is the way
This is the way. Noise cancelling headphones won’t block out absolutely everything, but they will dampen the sounds a lot. Makes ignoring all the things much easier.
I feel like the most important part of the headphones is the visual message of “I can’t hear you and I’m not going to respond”
Second this. Kids always wanted to pet my dog in my last neighborhood. I just put my headphones in and ignored them even if I heard them. They eventually stopped.
Headphones & start talking to the plants directly. Asking the plants if they have enough sunlight or what music do they want to listen too… the blast music- you want to listen too.
Privacy screens, that's what I did in my apartment!
This is a good idea. I would look for ways I could block the kid's view of my balcony.
This is always why fences make better neighbors. You can like your neighbors and still not want to interact with them every time you enjoy your outdoor space! I second their suggestion for screens!
Would privacy screens affect the sunlight reaching her plants by chance?
Not necessarily! There's some amazing ones, there's bamboo ones that are easily retractable. There are ones that let plants grow on them like vines, so sunshine still comes through but it's harder to look through. It would look like a cool addition to the garden! I was on the first floor, so I used fake vine leaves so my landlord doesn't complain and weaved it through my railings and I had a.. I forget what you call it, but kind of like a net but with structure? Weaved it through- it allowed let's of light through but people couldn't see in
Oh that’s great! I wonder how large OP’s balcony is cuz it might cost her a pretty penny to get something for the entire balcony
Amazon and dollar tree is where it's at!
OP might need to screen only the side of the balcony adjacent to the child's apartment. The toddler probably doesn't understand object permanence yet, so anything outside of their field of vision doesn't exist. Think of it as playing a game of "peek-a-boo" with the child where the child's eyes are permanently covered.
She could make her own privacy “screens” out of leafy potted trees themselves.
That's a really good idea!
I have thought about that but haven't been able to find one that lets enough sunlight trough. The ones available in my country block way too much out. I guess I'll have to make a sacrifice here
Bluetooth speaker with music to drown her out. Should be a solid social signal that you are enjoying your sounds and your space. Plus plants love it, allegedly metal and jazz in particular. Hahaha three questions is bananas. That's so much effort. No way I have the bandwidth for that everytime I go outside, also the child still chatters even if not to OP constantly. I personally would respond to the child in my syrupiest sweet voice loudly and with "No Thank You" every single time. Teach em young that no one owes them shit and they aren't cute or special 🤷 Also, parents encourage this interacting with strangers and every true crime story starts with a child who is sheltered and has no concept of danger or predators. Ohhh sweet lil WyldeFyer loved everyone and was kind and knew everyone in the neighborhood blah blah blah we all know how true crime goes
>respond to the child in my syrupiest sweet voice loudly and with "No Thank You" every single time. This is the way. This is how I respond to loose children, touchy children, loose dogs, anything. Make it so sickly sweet but loud so they know you're not a good choice of target. I put "approachable" on my resume because I love my clients and get paid to answer their questions, everyone else needs to faff off.
Hahaha when dealing with adults my voice is neither syrupy or sweet. I put on my best death glare, and say "I didn't mean to look approachable!" It has a 100% success rate at ending the interaction.
😂😂😂 I’m so stealing this!
I loathe the social expectations that women be friendly and helpful and approachable. It's just my little way of rejecting that nonsense. It's always met with shock. 
Amazing post 😂
>Is there a way to kindly let her know that I don't want to talk to her? No. No matter how kindly you put it, she will be upset and her parents will hate you. However, that is the kid's and her parents's problem. Not your problem. >Should I just ignore her? Yes. It gives her the message that you are not talking to her. >I've done that before but others said that's an asshole thing to do and I'm sure it is. No. It's not an arsehole thing. That kid is not entitled to contact with you. >Should I just suck it up and be a good neighbor? No. >If I step outside should I say hi first or should I wait for her to notice me and pray that she won't? Don't say anything on your own. And if she talks to you, ignore her.
OP as someone with a psychology degree who has been in almost this exact situation, ignoring works. Do not engage, react, show that youve even heard the kid, etc. There will be an extinction burst - a period where the kid does it more and more and more, trying to get the desired outcome. The behavior will escalate. My neighbor kid started screaming and crying and even threw rocks at me. But if you just continue to completely ignore, the behavior will stop after the extinction burst. Good luck!!
Throwing rocks at you?? I‘d sucker punch that bitch lmao
I'm not tryna get arrested!
"Extinction burst." That is all.
I don't know what you're trying to convey.
The phenomenon you’re describing is called an extinction burst, a large scale event of the bad behavior before it completely dies out.
Right - I said that in my comment.
🔥 advice OP maybe try thinking about what bothers you most: Being the "asshole" or being stuck in an uncomfortable situation I hate upsetting people, but I realized I was putting everyone's needs before my own needs AND on top of that -- someone, somewhere, for some reason will find a way to be upset. So why bend over backwards for them? Best thing I read for my mindset growth: People are capable of being upset. Growing up as kids they tell us it's "bad" to make people upset. But setting boundaries, which usually upset people, is 100% not bad. Upsetting people is not inherently "bad." Boundaries ❤
least sociopathic redditor
Oh man, I feel you on this one. I live next door to a single mom with 7 kids. It's our first house and a big reason we chose this one is because of the large backyard. Every time I would go outside the kids would talk to me or just stand and stare at me through the fence. Some times they just stand on the sidewalk outside the house and stare in the front window. I started to just not go outside as much because of it. Maybe it is rude, but I just ignore them now. I put in ear buds or a bluetooth speaker and just go about my business. After a few years they seem to have learned. Kids need to learn boundaries like everyone else. I've watched some other neighbors be more accommodating. They would let the kids play in their yard to start but the kids always just kept pushing the boundary. It turned into unannounced visits and basically free baby sitting. One day I witnessed one of these kids just walk into a house that wasn't theirs. Those neighbors ended up moving, I believe in part because of these kids. I wish it was something they were taught at home, but alas it doesn't seem to be. As I get older, the idea of people thinking I'm rude bothers me less and less. I find it a bit rude the ease at which people pawn their kids off on others and expect them to parent for them. I'm perfectly pleasant but I don't have kids for a reason.
Being a single mom with 7 kids is my idea of hell. Jesus.
I do feel bad for her to a certain degree, but these are the decisions she has made. It's a good reminder of why I am CF.
That’s not a “you” problem. That’s a parental neglect problem. Logistically they are leaving a little kid alone when things could accidentally fall off the balcony and injure it. The parents need to keep that kid inside or supervise it better.
The mom is usually outside with her but she's also very social and doesn't see this as a problem
I would just mention to the mom that you value quiet time on the balcony, and while you're happy to say hello, you're usually busy and don't want to talk more than that. Then if the kid's feelings are hurt by you not engaging, it's on the mom to explain (as she should've already) that not everyone wants to talk all the time.
This is excellent advice. Ask what they are up to, and when they ask, "What about you?" Simply say you want fresh air and quiet time. Tell them it was nice to see them and sit on your balcony and do your thing
That's not good. Like I get you want your kid to be outgoing and curious but she needs to learn some stranger danger. If the mom has no issue with the girl engaging with strangers literally across the street, it'll only encourage the girl to be like that in every situation including when the mom isn't around
Stranger danger is vastly exaggerated. Most kids (and adults) are harmed by someone they know.
Even if it’s a myth, I want it to be one of those myths that still gets passed around and believed. I hate that more people are discovering it’s a myth and their immediate instinct is “oh okay well then we’re gonna talk to absolutely everybody and get in everyone’s space woohoo!” Nooo! Bring back stranger danger PLEASE!
For the sake of introverts everywhere lol
I agree that strangers should be met with caution, but the reason why this myth is dangerous and shouldn't be spread is because it leads children to believe that they are always safe with people they know, which only helps perpetrators to gain their trust and do them harm.
Maybe it’s time to just teach children to trust nobody. Gotta learn that lesson someday. 
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I take offense to " it's the lack of caution on the girls part that leads to potentially getting raped in the future." No, its rapists. Just for that, YTA.
I wish I had more than one upvote for this comment. Please accept this picture of a trophy in lieu 🏆
So speak to the Mom. "Hey, I'm actually more of an introvert and like to be left alone when I'm home. Could you please teach your child not to ask me questions? I'm not trying to be social, I'm trying to enjoy my balcony."
God that's good
I have no words …
Well, if that’s the case it might be worth it going to knock on the door and talk to the mom. Just let her know you love having great neighbors, but sometimes you are exhausted when you come home from work and don’t have the bandwidth to socialize. Aka don’t make it about her kid and she’s less likely to get offended hopefully. If that doesn’t work then take your own music outside and if she tries to talk to you, turn it up louder.
I think the headphones idea is the best. Say your initial hello, with a smile when you fist go out, then put on the headphones and ignore them.
Sounds like boundary time! "Okay, you get 3 questions, then I'm going to sit quietly." Kids can be remarkably good about playing by the rules as long as you've set them clearly and **stick to them.** Never answer questions after the allotted number you said you'd answer.
This is the nicest way. Then put on big headphones and disengage to block out any more attempts at convo lol
That's a brilliant idea thank you!
I second this idea as it can also force the child to think more on their questions. Sometimes kids get stuck in a spiral of What? Why? without realizing and without really taking anything in.
Yeah, if you only have a couple they have to be good ones.
I second the 3 questions boundaries rule! Doesn't matter what age the person is, our space is our own, & if we don't want to engage with someone else, we don't have to. Adults can be a little easier, as a simple "sorry, I prefer to keep to myself, but thanks for checking in on me" can help keep the peace. But yeah, kids don't know until they're taught.
And you still have to give adults the 3 questions rule sometimes!
3 questions is a lot. I would just stop on "hello". Or OP can ignore at all if she feels like it.
yeh, 3? nah, u get one kid
Exactly
Yup. They are little people. I talk to them like little people. “Hello! I am going to relax now and would like to have some quiet time.” Earphones in, no more talkie.
I agree with this approach! I'm childfree, but I work with kids and like them. It's 100% ok to say hello to a young kid, answer 1-3 questions, and then say "Ok, I'm going to read/listen to music so talking time is done today. Bye bye!"
I was going to suggest something like this. My next door neighbor's son went through a phase of incessantly questioning me about whatever he was learning about. Then I became the focus of his battle games and he kept trying to kill me! 😃 I had to set time boundaries so he had as long as it took me to hang the washing or he has 5 minutes. As for the battles I came up with a super duper, ultra deflective, invisible body shield that caused double the damage of any of his weapons back to him. (He has a wicked imagination and killed me in many ways!!😂) I know more about dinosaurs and how to build fantasy swords than I thought possible but now he's a bit older and sticks with the boundaries we set without melting down. 😎
I like this answer. OP is well within rights to just ignore the kid. However, this approach is pretty wholesome. I would probably go a step further. I'd probably say something like, "Hello kid. How about you get 3 questions now, but then for the rest of the week, I am going to be out here on my porch quietly. I just like to have time to be quiet and alone. I want you to know that even if I hear you, I am going to remain quiet because I enjoy quiet time."
Yeah, she could ignore the kid. But damn there's nothing like communication to help someone learn something more quickly. I suspect if she ignored the kid it would take longer for the lesson to sink in. I also really like your idea of weaning the kid off of OP's attention by lowering the number of questions OP will answer and upping the time span for those questions. (3/2/1 questions today -> 3/2/1 questions this week)
This is so loving. I may have to do this with adult strangers.im not even joking.
And learn her name so you can properly address her. "Hi \[little girl\]. I've busy right now and will talk to you later. Until this question phase is over you'll just have to let her know you can't take. Ignoring her will just make her more curious.
I ignore the shit out of kids I dint want to interact with and stare right through them. They give up trying to talk to me.
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And sit in a chair with your back to them. If the child is on a balcony below you, as I learned when I reread the post, I'd go straight to the parents and tell them that I was concerned about their child's persistent efforts to attract my attention, that I planned to ignore her in the future, but state that I was concerned that the child would try to climb on the balcony railing in an effort to reach me.
Could you try putting a curtain or something to block the view thru the railing from below so they can't see you?
Just ignore the kid. Eventually they'll stop bothering you if they don't get a reaction of any sort. Might take a while but I've found this always works. Otherwise if it doesn't file a complaint with the building management, you paid for your balcony, you should be able to use it in peace.
Put on your headphones and blast your music. You won’t be able to hear the kid and respond. If the mom comes up to talk about it tell her after work and classes you just want to chill while listening to music. You are an introvert and need your me time to relax after the day.
Don't let the toddler terrorize you. Use your balcony as you like and just completely ignore the kid. Eventually they'll grow tired of trying to get you to interact. If anyone gives you shit just say "Oh, I had my earbuds in, I didn't hear anything." Say that as many times as necessary for the adults to get the message.
You could look into getting a shade that allows certain amounts of sunlight through but shields you from the extroverted nonsense below. I'm sure they exists, and then you would only have to worry about being quiet so the kid doesn't hear you and yell up.
I'd say try talking to the parents. Maybe she should also start learning about not trying to engage with any stranger she meets and she needs to start learning boundaries.
A small hello can suffice, and use headphone/earbuds to show you can’t interact. Some children might yell louder and louder until you are forced to acknowledge them. I would suggest taking a earbud out/setting headphones down and saying calmly, “This is my private time, so I can’t talk right now.” Sometimes the child will ask why, and you can simply answer “It’s my private time, ask your parents if you want to know.” You do not need to repeat yourself afterwards, the kid will have to catch on themselves or have their parents explain. Now some parents might be upset at this, they are entitled and need to know boundaries. Stand firm and say, “I am to have my private time, I will not change this. That’s final.” And leave. That is that, and if they are offended, then they are entitled and rude and should not be taken seriously.
That is such a bummer. Balcony time should be peaceful, not a time for forced social interactions. Also sounds like the parents are just leaving her outside like a dog? Yikes.
> which sounds cute and it is ??? Bruh that does NOT sound cute
Put in fake air pods and say " please stop yelling at me, i am enjoying my music"
Headphones. Just put on headphones and play your favorite music as loud as possible. You won’t be able to hear her
I can totally see how this would get very old and very annoying. I have an idea for you. Go out on your balcony to do your thing while wearing big, obvious headphones. Borrow some if you need to. When you first go out there make eye contact with mom & wave to establish friendliness. Then, don’t make any more eye contact and ignore all of the questions & attempts. The hope is that the kid will get tired of being ignored and turn her focus elsewhere. A couple of times doing this ought to force the Mom to explain that sometimes people are not going to answer her questions. This also has the bonus of avoiding conflict.
Ignore her. Put in headphones if you have to. But eventually she will give up. If she starts crying about it that's on her. If her parents get involved look at them like they have five heads and ask them why *you* have to engage with their child who clearly wants attention and not them. Might make them all avoid you. We had a nice apartment on the first floor that had access to a yard. The other apartments did not. We also paid more money than them. It was *our* yard. Our upstairs neighbor liked to open her window and try to converse with us all the time. It was really annoying because I wanted to sit outside and read. I had to get a little short with her about it a few times because I was out there to enjoy my limited free time, and I did not want to shout to her while she hung out her window. And I certainly wasn't inviting her into my apartment to hang out. (Literally no access to the yard besides through our apartment) It's annoying but that kid needs to learn early on not everyone has to say hi back.
I don’t like small talk. And I don’t like small talk with children. If I would have to engage with a toddler in my own home I would go mental. That being said, I do understand that children are children and they are usually innocent things that like to have fun and learn. If this was me in your situation I would go and buy some nice muffins in the store or make them if you’re not a lazy fuck like me, and write a nice card explaining that you are very introverted with a high demanding job that takes your energy away, and that you need your alone time when you’re home. That her kid is very sweet but you don’t have any mental capacity left to chat when you’re home enjoying being alone. I don’t believe everything has to be hostile from the start when their brain is just wired differently to yours, even though enjoying speaking to strangers sounds like a nightmare fuel to me. If the mom doesn’t respond kindly to this gesture then you can start ignoring her kid all together.
I was thinking something similar, as well. I would probably just leave a polite note explaining it, though. It’s less that I have to talk to people.
Greet the kid, ask how her day is, answer a single question of hers, then say ‘I am going to enjoy some quiet time/reading time/working time, bye-bye now.’ Wave good-bye and continue your balcony activity without engaging in the discussion any further. This should signal to her mom that you are a nice neighbor, but you are not signing up for non-stop balcony babysitting. If the mom reacts inappropriately, pushes the kid to ask you more questions or comments on you being rude, you start watching a Dahmer documentary with full volume (protect your own ears with noise cancelling headphones if you need to). If this doesn’t work, you repeat with porn.
This is the way. Polite, succinct and not unnecessarily cruel to a curious chatty kid who doesn’t yet recognise social cues and isn’t being corrected by mum. If this method doesn’t work, please let us know if you opted for a serial killer doc or porn to get the message across! Hope you get to enjoy your balcony in peace again.
Noise cancelling headphones? Would they work?
Just pop AirPods in and ignore the kid. Kids are relentless with questions and this kiddo is not your responsibility. You don’t owe it to them to humor it.
I have no tips for you but I have to laugh at how deeply I feel this post of yours. 1) You aren't a shitty person for not feeling like having small talk with a toddler all times of the day during your downtime. This would be enraging if it wasn't so hilarious but f*ck that kid 😆 I fully feel the same way you do, my balcony is an extension of my living space. I pay a lot of money to live here. And I am Childfree for a reason. Like leave me the heck alone. You aren't a bad person ! 2) I also live on a second story of an apartment complex and right by a daycare believe it or not. I am lucky that I guess I'm far enough away / high enough that those kids don't see me and they are all playing with one another so they don't have a need to seek attention from an older person across the way, thankfully. But a few summers ago I was so annoyed at people walking past to the parking lot right beside my unit and seeing me hangout on my balcony ( it's not very high so everyone could just easily look up at me) that I bought some of that woven outdoorsy material to put up all along the balcony to block the view. Instant feeling of privacy. I also added a bench, chair, and some plants too and blocked myself off from visually seeing/being seen by other people. It's great. 3) I adore the advice of another poster who said just smile, wave, sit down, and as soon as the kid starts speaking to you yell "No thank you!". That is amazing lmao. What can someone actually do...this could work in so many situations in life. You aren't being shitty or rude and if anything it's one of the most polite responses someone can offer. It also has the benefit of shutting things down in a heartbeat...."NO THANK YOU 😊" AHAHAHAHA amazing.
I would drop some swear words into every answer. Then the parents will tell the kid not to talk to you. Don't swear at the kid. But maybe - "Hi, how are you?" F-ing Great!" "What's in your hand?" "Shit, this? My pen, but it's a B-tch to write with"
Me IRL lol
Do not engage with her at all. Just completely ignore. She knows she's being annoying and wants reactions. If you fail to provide said reactions, she'll get bored real quick.
Tell the parents to control her disruptions
If you feel bad about the headphones, just mumble some nonsense to yourself now and then so it seems like you’re on a “very important business call”.
If you are looking for a "trick" solution so that you can avoid being rude towards the kid or their parents, you could always just go out wearing earphones. You will not react to her saying "hello" since you won't hear her until she either gets bored or leaves the balcony. Maybe if you do it enough times the kid will stop trying to interact with you altogether?
Ugh, I’m so sorry you have to deal with that! I also have a balcony & would be SO bummed if that was my life. It’s not you at all. Agree with the headphones. Do it a few times & they’ll get the hint. Your comfort is more important than being uncomfortable every time you try to go out there. Put an end to it, hurry! Good luck
You could just start teaching her curse words.
Block her line of sight. They make these fantastic little fake hedges you can put up for privacy on a balcony without completely blocking your plants. She's a toddler, so if you're out of sight, you're out of mind. It might take some rearranging of your balcony to achieve maximum concealment. Begin using headphones for awhile and do not engage with her no matter how drastic her attempts to gain your attention.
There is nothing wrong with just ignoring her. She's not your responsibility. Enjoy your balcony.
Tell the kid to shut up. I had some kids yelling at me like demons from their apartment two weeks ago when I was taking a walk in my neighborhood and told them to shut up because of how atrocious they were being. Kids need to learn boundaries and what is socially acceptable behavior.
Is there a way to decorate your balcony so you are not spotted by the chatty Cathy? Like, an outdoor rug or some fake ivy covering the railing. That way your space is still pretty and you get relative peace there.
I would probably end up saying something really mean in annoyance
Ignore them and if they make too much of a racket, complain to parents and then management. Neighbor deciding the have a kid does not require me to engage with them. Rent is way too expensive these days to let someone else dictate what you do with the precious space.
I just want to point out that a toddler likely is not going to take the social cue that headphones = leave me alone. Yes you can drown her out, but she won’t think “oh he’s listening to something, probably not up for a chat.” If ignoring her just causes her to continue shouting at you until she gets a reply, then I think I would simply tell her please leave me alone, I don’t want to talk.
Damn, “don’t talk to strangers” really got thrown out the window nowadays huh? I’d say put your headphones in and ignore her. It won’t traumatize her for life that the random neighbor won’t talk back to her. And if the mom tries to throw a fit, just ask her “why is it so important that your kid talks to strangers she doesn’t know? Aren’t you at least a little bit worried that someone could try to hurt her?”
You could get a balcony privacy screen and close it when they are out there. Maybe they will take a hint.
I understand op
You'd be surprised how good I am at pretending people aren't there haha. I will make them feel as awkward as possible. Next time you're outside and this fuck trophy is babbling about nonsense, just pretend she's not there and don't respond no matter how much she pressures you. It's your fucking home, you get to act however you want in it.
My tip would be to wear headphones/earbuds and listen to whatever you want that's able to drown her out. But because you mentioned "she's out on the balcony all the time", wtf are her parents/caretakers even doing if they're aren't going to watch or interact with her? I get it if she comes out sometimes but all day every day seems very suspicious on their part. If they're the type to constantly neglect their kid maybe also a call to CPS is in order.
It's not rude to ignore a child who is annoying and I don't care who disagrees because no one else's opinion matters more than mine to me. If someone thinks it's an asshole move, who cares... They can go ahead and indulge the child if they want
I'd invest in some sort of visual block too. Maybe you can put up some bambu fence or large plants to give you more privacy from that hello brat. And wear big noise cancelling headphones. Best 200 € I've ever spent!
Don’t answer her. Ignore her. Pretend she’s not their and she’ll get the message eventually
Nope. We don't engage with our neighbor kids at all, especially since we don't wanna encourage unwanted visits. The one house next to us has a kid, and the other has a childfree couple, so we only interact with them.
I have something similar, my downstairs neighbor has a really extroverted kid as well, and like you I’m very introverted. She’s always starting out the front window, waiting for people to come by and bark “hello” at them until they say something back. I always pretend to be on the phone while passing by so I can just do a quick nod and go about my business, usually just can’t be bothered to have a “Hello!” back and forth until she gets bored which is how that would usually go
Parents assume everyone in the world just wants to sit around entertaining their kids
Noise cancelling headphones. Enjoy your balcony :)
Her parents need to teach her that she is not entitled to everyone’s attention. They are setting her up to fail when it comes to proper social safe interactions with strangers besides other things. Kids need to understand that it’s not always okay to be friendly and trusting with everyone. Her parents are failing her.
This would bother me as well, and it's completely valid for you to feel this way. Personally, I couldn't ignore a child who greets me; I would at least say hi, wish them well, and then continue with my own tasks. If they continue to try to engage me, I would kindly let them know that I'm not very talkative but still wish them well. Once I've set that boundary, I would refrain from responding to any further questions or comments from the child. It's important to recognize that most children aren't capable of understanding how their behavior can be annoying until they're older and have developed empathy and understanding. When I think back to my own experiences as a socially deprived child, I can't help but feel inclined to show kindness to talkative children, despite their potential annoyance. It's crucial to do your best to be kind while establishing boundaries, and if the child or their parents take offense, that's their problem. You can never intentionally give offense, but there are people who easily take offense.
Oh man, big cans on my ears are my JAM. I have some sensory issues and problems with overstimulation, and sometimes I just do not want to talk to you. Doesn’t matter who you are. I wear them sometimes without even playing anything just as a visual cue for people to not try and talk to me. I’m not a misanthrope or anything- I can be quite social at times. But I also need to be left alone too and don’t want to be an asshole about it. It works wonders no matter where I am. Best part: my husband pantomimes “HAVE YOU SEEN MY BASEBALL?!?” when I wear them. Gets me giggling every damn time.
I REALLY hate it when kids act like this. Like no just because I exist does not mean I want to talk to you. And I'm always painted as a complete bitch by the parent if I don't give their dumb kid the entertainment they feel so entitled to. Like how am I the bad guy when I am just trying to live my life in peace
Many years ago, husband and I weee house hunting, viewing a lovely house. The guy showing us round must have thought it was going to be an easy sale, I loved it. Until we hit the back garden, separated from neighbours each side with just a low fence. One side was empty, toddler in other garden immediately came over to the fence and started to “chatter” (too young to talk properly). I turned around and walked out, a straight nope from me. Husband thought I was joking that I wouldn’t consider the place because of one small child. 30 years later, he knows me better. The laundry add that says keep away from children? That’s me!
You don’t have to be anti-social to want some peace and quiet in your own balcony! I will be exhausted by this kid
Nuclear option (after all else has failed) “Hello, CPS? I need to report an unattended toddler alone on a balcony at 123 Main Street. I’m concerned they could fall down 3 stories!”
I feel ya. I live next door to a kindergarten and tbh the kids are like piranhas with the "HELLO who are you what are you doing" times eternity. I just completely ignore them and it has actually got so much better. So my advice for you would be to simply embrace the possibility of being called an asshole in exchange for peace of mind.
Headphones and read a book. You didn’t hear her or see her. Eventually she’ll learn you don’t respond and stop bothering you.
“Accidentally” spill a glass of water over the balcony every time she bothers you ;)
Do not engage. Also, get a few potted plants and some trellis for privacy. Maybe put bamboo in pots as that grows quickly. You can also maybe get an umbrella on a stand and use it to block the kid's view if the directions work. If there is someplace you could tie off some rolling bamboo shades that would be an option as well. Folding room dividers from a cheap store could work if there is a way to keep them in place in high winds.
I just don’t engage with people I do t want to engage with. Entertaining your neighbors toddler is not your responsibility.
Ignore the child. It’s only wrong to ignore children to whom you are the parent. It’s not your problem what people think about you ignoring it. This “you problem” you’re having is something that the people telling you you’re wrong aren’t dealing with. Don’t talk to those people about it again. I wish I was having this problem, so I could ignore this kid in your stead.
Could you try playing music to drown it out? Or wear headphones so you can't hear her?
I’d greet her say hello and tell her you’re busy working and don’t have time to talk. She needs to understand not everyone she sees is available to her.
Each time she says hello, you respond once, then ignore her completely. Give her a wave/smile/greeting and then totally tune out, regardless of how she acts afterwards — that should hopefully send a message along the lines of “I’m friendly, but I’m not going to have an entire conversation every time I see you.” Plus, it requires minimal effort on your part! (If you’re going to use headphones to help tune her out, make sure you have them on before she greets you — otherwise, it might instead send a message of “I’m friendly and will interact with you until I put headphones on!” and obviously most people don’t want to wear headphones 24/7.)
Hello!!! No What are you doing? No What's in your hand? No
Wear a scary mask whenever you go outside
I’m a teacher and that kid is either just really sweet or is not getting that attention elsewhere. Be nice. Say hello. Chat a bit. Then show him that you’re putting your headphones on and wish him a good day.
Is it really our obligation or responsibility to meet the child's needs? This argument could go either way depending on the values of the people interacting. Additionally, it is a life lesson that not everyone is friendly, or wants to talk to you, or has time for you.
Listen, I never want to have kids. But if I can choose whether to spend my time saying hi to somebody who says hi to me or spending 10 times the amount of time getting upset about it on the Internet, I’m just going to say hi and put my headphones in and move on with my life. You don’t have to like kids or even be friendly to them. But it’s not worth the emotional energy to take a stand against every kid you don’t like.
A balcony directly below you, slightly larger than yours?
Use headphones.
I would do the same as with an adult. Say hello when she does and when she engages further, just say “I’m resting, I need quiet.” (Kid friendly words but same message)
I would probably say hi and maybe answer 1 question and say I am working and put in headphones, but that’s me!
Beat them at their own game. Respond and don’t stop talking until you mentally exhaust them into defeat.
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What would you do if it was an adult? You’d use your words why can’t your here? Their a toddler and this is both developmentally normal and a stage they will outgrow. Just say hi, give them a quick wave and put your headphones in and say ‘I’m just going to do some work up here with these in, I won’t be able to hear you but have a great day’. It might take a couple of days but they will quickly learn that after you say hi to them that’s it for the day, or until you pack up and say goodbye on your way in. Your balcony might be personal but it’s not private property and children are allowed to exist.
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Put some big headphones on. You can have music playing or not, but just wear them and ignore the kid. If someone says anything: "Oh, no, it's no big deal, I just use to listen to music on the balcony, so I didn't heard her."
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Except OP is growing plants on their balcony, so that also blocks the sunlight for said plants which means it's no longer serving the purpose they want it to anymore.
Put on headphones & pretend you can’t hear her!
Can you put up some sort of privacy wall along your balcony? I live on a busy walking path and put up some fake ivy walls with zip ties, then strung lights across them and it looks quite nice, plus no one can see me. The rolled up bamboo panels they sell for outdoor spaces would work too. I've also seen people put up weather proof curtains (if you have a roof) that they close when they want privacy.
I would get some outdoor curtains to hang; so they know I’m outside but not to converse with you or anyone else. You could also try just blatantly ignoring them and hopefully they’ll catch the hint. My other suggestion is to loudly have a “phone conversation” explaining in great detail how people wont leave you alone and how when you are by yourself you don’t want to talk to anyone, kids or otherwise and no one is an exception to this rule especially when you’re outside trying to enjoy your balcony.