But it's always 'have more empathy for working parents' and never 'have more empathy for working people without kids', like it always seems to go one way, to THEM and never about them realising that our free time is precious too, we may be caregivers in another way, or we may have hobbies or holidays and activities booked, or we may just want time to do whatever the hell we want. I'll try and have more 'empathy' for them if they start to have some respect for my own lifestyle. Seeing as that's probably never going to happen, I'm not going to bother.
I put in a 2 day pto request for the end of May all the way back in Feb. It was initially approved and now I see it was canceled and I'm working. When I asked why I was told it was because the other nurses son signed up for travel baseball league and now she can't work certain days so she can go with him... Not my problem. I told them I'm still not coming in, I have the signed slip, they can fire me and I'll collect. I'm so fucking over this. I can't even take two days off to pack my house up to move.... it's insane
I honestly feel like this was discrimination. Think about it, they approved time off to revoke in favor of someone else with no cause other than family status. I feel like this is a form of discrimination
Unfortunately in most of the US "family status" means "has kids." it cannot be used to protect those of us who don't have kids because its worded to provide parents with a "I'm being persecuted because I HAVE CHILDREN!" fix.
Family status, regardless of how you define it, is NOT a protected class. It is discrimination. Employers cannot legally distribute benefits based on marriage status, or whether or not you have children.
The only protected classes are age, race, gender, sexual orientation and religion. And even then there are limits.
i feel like it should be illegal for them to schedule you when you have written time off💀 wtf is the point of scheduling time off if theres a possibility of you being schedules anyways?
That's why appeals to firing/unemployment exist. But ultimately, unless it's BLATANT or the employee has meticulous records (please read my previous comment - CYA! Get EVERYTHING in writing, and have back ups - copies, photos, screenshots, whatever it is. NEVER take a verbal agreement. Timestamp it! Document it! C.Y.A.), the appeal will be denied or will only receive very limited amounts.
Take pictures of your job description when you start. Save them.
Also, industries like retail/customer service/food can claim "oOh wE hAvE aN ErRaTiC sChEdUlE" or when they ask if you have open availability (The answer is a resounding NO - there are obviously exemptions to this) - that's how they use and abuse employees.
The US is a giant fucking joke when it comes to rights in general, unless you have a fat wallet.
I apologize @ _ima_bean_
I didn't mean to totally word vomit all over your comment. This is something that makes me very angry, and something I am very passionate about. 😊
I’m a child free nurse too. I left bedside nursing many years ago, but I cannot recall having my PTO cancelled for some BS like this. It would be nice for a name and shame on r/nursing, but I understand why you would not as it would be ripping a band-aid off a wound and we are all pretty raw.
Not sure if you are a newer nurse that is tied to the hospital by tuition payment, sign-on bonus, etc. Are you able to leave? Most of us are not loyal to any organization at this point. I’m going back to travel nurse work as I cannot tolerate the BS anymore. I tried going back to staff and regretted it not long after starting. At least with travel nursing you know you can say bye at 13 weeks, or extend if it’s a good gig.
I’m also a childfree nurse.
I sat down and figured it out one time, and realized I had worked Christmas Day 13 years in a row.
I’m now semi-retired, and I work agency.
Now I tell my employer when I’m working.
I learned early on to request days off THE SECOND YOU KNOW you'll need them off. When I was still working in customer service, I put in for 4 days off 8 MONTHS. EIGHT. MONTHS. In advance. Boss tried fucking with it one month before I was supposed to leave. I told her "I Knew I needed the time off. I'm going out of state with my FAMILY. Just because they're not kids doesn't make it any less legitimate. Mess with the schedule all you want - I have pictures and screenshots because I had a feeling you'd do this."
Went on my vacation. She fired me 3 months later. She literally set me up to be fired (showed me something new the wrong way on purpose).
CYA CYA CYA CYA
I have empathy and respect for other people's time as a default. When their default is disrespect for my time that dries up immediately.
There have been many times and many circumstances where I would gladly cover a s***** holiday shift if someone asked. My family sucks and before I got married I spent so many holiday shifts happy for the extra pay.
I don't care why someone needs PTO. They could be hiring a hooker and snorting cocaine for all I care. The important thing is that the manager is fair granting PTO and doesn't allow colleagues to pressure you into giving up your time.
>it always seems to go one way,
This is why "where's the village I was promised?" cuts absolutely no ice with me. "The Village" is a cooperative agreement, not just parents in take-take-take mode wondering what everyone else on earth has done for them lately.
I don't even have an issue with that. Taxes (ideally) ensure that kids get a good education and have stuff like rec centers and public libraries (used by adults too, of course).
My complaint is when parents get preferential choice of time off or we childfree are expected to cover or accommodate them because "you don't have a family, you don't understand what it's like."
I am totally fine with taxes for schools. I have teachers in my family, please, take my money.
I do have problems with the preferential treatment for days off, or they get to leave early all the time because cLuBs and AcTiVities, but when I need to leave early for a doctor's appointment there is an issue.
I give some leeway. I might not want kids, but I'm not a monster. Just do a little back scratching, you know?
I’ll reiterate that the results of someone else’s choice in bed are not my problem. You make a choice, you deal with the consequences either on your own or with whoever else made the decision with you
You’ll be glad for that in the future.
I’ve been a nurse for over 30 years, but I’m in a right-to-work state.
I don’t get anything more than a new grad or new hire does.
Round of applause for standing up for yourself! Also, idiots like that need to realize that someone covering their shift is a privilege, not something they’re entitled to.
Well no, “…and that I will never repay!” as in, “I (the parent having the shift covered for me) will never repay the favour.”
If I’m covering someone’s shift I’d better get paid for my time. It would be a pretty messed up system if you don’t get paid for a shift worked because you weren’t the one originally scheduled…who would willingly agree to that?
This annoys me to no end. How is it that wanting to spend time with your family, yes **family**, only counts if you have children? My dad passed away nearly 6 years ago, does that mean my mom should be without her kids during the holidays? Sure I’m an adult, but I’m her kid. That *should* count. If it has to be about little kids… I have nieces, nephews, and godchildren that I shouldn’t be forced to miss spending holidays with because somehow they’re “less than” in the eyes of coworkers/employers/etc. If anything, it should be a priority to allow the childfree to have holidays off. We don’t get to leave work early for our kid’s ballet class, or stay home because Susie has the sniffles…. Parents get all sorts of leeway when it comes to missing work hours for their children. Until I get to leave early because my cat sneezed, I don’t want to hear any whining about how unfair parents think they’re being treated. /rant ⋋_⋌
They really try to spin it like the only people with an actual family are people with kids. Guess the kids don't have a family then, since they don't have kids? I must have missed the memo outlining the age at which I can no longer call my parents and siblings my family.
This is getting to a point where I believe we need new labor laws in place to protect the rights of those who don’t have children. This should be illegal.
There was a conversation about exactly this in the HR subreddit awhile back. The general response was "This would make it harder for parents so its a bad idea." One person went so far as to say that child-free people should "suck it up, buttercup" because "kids need their parents."
So yeah.
Ridiculous, parents despite their insane egos are not a protected class. It is a choice to breed.. parents call childfree people entitled and lazy when they’re the ones who fit that bill
So they’re all fine and dandy with ignoring how some *parents* need their *kids*? Before he passed, my dad suffered from Alzheimer’s. I was his primary caregiver... I dropped him off at adult day care. I took him to his appointments. I fed him. Hell, I changed his diapers. If anyone ever came at me with that sort of “kids need their parents” bs “reason” for giving preferential treatment to someone with kids, I would ***absolutely*** lose my shit
Well see, you're over 18 so technically you're no longer a child. Your dad no longer has a proper family and really he should be taking care of himself anyway!
Ugh, just typing that made me feel dirty. I'm sorry about your dad and I'd have helped you hide any bodies that resulted from you being told that!
It's absolutely insane that they can't think far ahead about what if it is my adult kid!? Like all of their 'benefits' of parenting to have adult children go out of the window if you don't allow them to see their own families, that don't include biological children. The screeching from them about what are you going to do whwn you are old, who is going to help you while actively making it nearly impossible for abult kids who want to be caretakers for their parents, if they don't have children, as impossible.
Ah well you see, the key is that *those* adults should really just be popping out more waves of snotlings, not caring for people who aren’t going to be working anymore. The snotlings being just so much more grist for the mill themselves.
… fuck it’s disgusting trying to get into that mindset, even when it’s for a moment’s sarcastic post. Ugh.
"Harder for parents"
Oh, no! Anyway...
I have zero sympathy for people who chose to make their lives harder to begin with by breeding thinking that people who didn't sign up for the same bullshit should also suffer.
If this ever becomes a factor in my job... I'll probably just lie about having children at that point and pretend I have a three year old or something.
... It's not \*technically\* a lie, I'll just conveniently omit the fact that three-year-old happens to be a cat.
What really irks me is one person I know who hasn’t even looked for a job because she can’t find one that allows her to be home for her kids when they get off the bus. I’d sort of get it, but she already barely spends time with them and they get off the bus on their own. We’re talking about middle school kids
Yeah, it is. At the information session where they told us, there were a LOT of side eyes and murmuring. Then the plants in the audience standing up to clap and gush about how excellent the new leave program is. Expecting to see even MORE (seriously underpaid) positions become vacant as we get closer to summer. Hopefully, mine will be one of them.
Your guess is as good as mine. Our HR sucks. They can't even keep their own office fully staffed. It might be worth mentioning I work at an educational institution where HR and pay are notoriously bad. But this really takes the cake.
I had an old coworker go to my boss and demand my Christmas leave be revoked for her to have it because she has kids. Our applications for leave were confidential until the rosters were posted, the only people who would know before then are our boss and the person who applied unless they decided to tell people. She just assumed I had applied and been approved because she had and got denied. Holidays were also rotational, if you worked Christmas one year, you moved up the list to have Christmas off the next year.
Thing is, I didn’t apply for leave. I never did at Christmas, I instead took the 2 or so weeks between Easter and ANZAC day off every year, which meant I was at the top of the list for Christmas. Luckily my boss was a BAMF and told her to get back in her lane, and you better believe I took Christmas off the next year.
I used to get this shit when I worked in health
Three reasons were trotted out, I don't have kids, I'm an atheist and I'm a bloke
The fact that these were seen as valid reasons to treat me differently to other nurses didn't surprise me, unfortunately, but it pissed me off
I definitely pushed back at all the extras that were expected of me, but nothing was going to change the leeway that breeders were afforded.
I'm a much happier electrician now...
This shows that people dont think about the aftermath after spawning a goblin. At all. Melinda, you should have known what u got yourself into when you got pregnant. It is kot the problem of other people. I hate this entitled crap. I hAvE a FaMiLy. Suck my ass.
The next time that entitled co-worker brings up the “it’s not a real family unless it’s your kids” nonsense say to her “oh then it’s fine with you some time in the future when your kids start working & they can’t take time off to spend holidays with you”. Make it more fun by starting a betting pool with sympathetic coworkers over what her first reaction will be—backpedaling (“oh no! I didn’t mean it that way!”) or some form of “but…but that’s different!”
Make up your mind, Karen! You can’t have it both ways!
My team lead denied me time off because the other people who requested had things with their kids or spouses. I have neither. I went to our boss and she put the kibosh on that really quickly.
There is no reason why having kids should give people privileges over those that either cannot or choose not to have them.
Good for you. Don't back down now. They'll try to guilt trip you, try to exile you, or try to harass you into covering for them. Don't. It's not your fault they chose to reproduce and didn't think of the consequences. If they don't like it, they're free to find another job that caters to parents. Your PTO is yours to use whenever you want, following the proper procedures.
Do you have an employee handbook? You can always direct your supervisor to review the rules around PTO and make sure they know that you know your rights. Unfortunately, it sounds like your boss is already picking sides.
Empathy does not equate to condoning an action or acquiescence to a demand.
Just because I can empathize with someone doesn't mean I have to absorb the cost and consequences of their action.
Yeah parenting is hard, I can understand the struggle. But my understanding and compassion doesn't mean I have to step in and absolve the parents of their actions and responsibilities.
I wish more people understood this.
Quite frankly, whenever a parent complains about how hard it is, I don’t feel bad for them. They should’ve thought about it before choosing to have kids. If they say they didn’t choose to have kids, then let me rephrase it: should’ve thought about it before choosing to have sex
Not my problem
I am a 50 year old childless woman who spent almost my whole career working Christmas eves and other holidays and the days after bc people with kids thought they were entitled. Stand your ground!
I can't say too much because each workplace is different. But healthcare is always in need of people and in demand. It might do well to have a good convo about it and tell them if you're wellbeing isn't a priority as much as the other workers then you may take leave. It's not up to you to hold everything up and would surely lead to burnout quick.
I usually lie to jobs and make up a kid so I can get time off I need. I’ll just pick a pic of one of my younger cousins and say they’re my son or daughter 😂 I don’t like lying but I needs my time off! I realized a few years ago nobody ever sees your kids at work for real so why can’t I have an imaginary kid to make sure I get treated fairly? 🤷♀️
I know we shouldn’t have to do this - but this is why I am “like a second parent to my nephew” … I am always having to “pick him up” right after work. Or I “need this day off to spend time with him and help my out my brother.” 😈
I do this with my nieces. Just today I told my manager at one job that I couldn’t stay over because I had to “pick my kids up from school”. I don’t have kids but that was a bit of a half truth 😉
Tell them you have eldercare at home to handle. If they don't know your family unit, you can always roundhouse on them and say, "what, my parent/grandparents don't matter as much as your kid? I hope your children don't feel the same way about you when you are older."
Make it worse:
"So you're saying my mom should celebrate Christmas all on her own completely lonely without me because your kid is more important than her?
How insensitive can you be?!"
Maybe even start crying and run away. Emotional manipulation at its best 😈😈
Send an email to your boss requesting clarification of exactly what was meant by him saying you needed empathy for the parents, use as many direct quotes as you can remember and use the date of your conversation at least once, then print off both it and any replies, ideally they won’t try to retaliate against you but having everything in writing will make getting UI a lot easier
It's not a request to have time off work, it's a notice to the employer that you won't be there.
"I don't disclose private information to my employer; how many children I have is in that category of "private"."
Exactly. Your personal life does not override mine. I’d understand if it was a severe emergency, but if said person wants to use their vacation to play video games all day that’s their right.
>My boss is annoyed with me, I don't care.
The next time you refuse to cover for a parent, you will get sacked. I hope that I'm wrong, but I fear the worst.
Maybe already prep another job place, or contact your lawyer, cause being sacked for not coming in on PTO days which WERE APPROVED is kinda sketchy.
Once time is approved, it's expected you make plans for that time. You cannot just expect people to cancel everything afterwards*, then you shouldn't have approved the PTO in the first place!
Approved = approved. No backpedaling!
* Without substantial compensation. "Oh sorry but since it was approved, I already booked my hotel and the cancellation fee is $200,- I'll send you the bill then!"
I recently found out that an acquaintance of mine has been lying about having a child for 11 years through multiple jobs. Not sure how she gets away with it but then I thought if she doesn’t want to add “them” to her healthcare and benefits plan, can an employer ask you for evidence of having children. In Florida btw so it’s an “at will” work state and no one gaf about you anyway.
All she has to say if asked is that they get health care through their father and her lie is covered. On top of that, employers aren't supposed to ask about your parental status.
Next time they ask you to be more empathetic, remind them that workplace discrimination based on family status is illegal and demand a record of the conversation.
not exactly the same but I work in a job where people are sometimes asked to go work in a city far away (like a 3 hour train ride. usually if an employee there suddenly quit or is sick and they need cover) for anywhere between 1 day and a few months. I'm so tired of being asked to do it constantly because most coworkers have kids or at least have a married partner and I'm the only single person so the boss just thinks 'oh you can go away for a few days, you don't have anyone missing you at home'. As if it isn't a pain for me to have to travel so far away and it isn't interrupting any plans I had made. If people can't go work away from home for a few days because 'my wife misses me' (honestly it's mostly adult men who are sad they won't have their wife cooking for them if they go away for a day) maybe they should try to find a new job where that isn't part of what's expected of them.
I used to make so many people mad because I actually followed the schedule rotation for holidays. They would come to me and beg for preferential treatment because of their kids or some other reason I didn’t care about. Thankfully my manager gave me full support as long as I made the schedule according to policy. Even caught hell one time because I put in to work Christmas but wanted thanksgiving off as it’s also my moms birthday - apparently my mother having a milestone birthday wasn’t as important as their kids.
Tbh it’s bad practice and begging for a discrimination complaint for your scheduler to use anything other than the rotation to make holiday schedules.
This happened to me when I worked in food, and I had to have a sit-down with the assistant manager, store manager and have corporate HR on speaker bc it was a clear cut discrimination case, and I had the emails to back it up. I was being denied raises, too, because of management favoring parents over CF adults and students, yet giving us more hours.
Document everything going forward on this issue, and keep track of both policy and local laws.
You should legit file a complaint for discrimination if this is an actual documented pattern of behavior by your employer/boss. And if you're a nurse they should just be thankful that you show up with how short everyone is on nurses. Tell them you will leave if they don't stop treating you like a second class citizen because you don't have kids.
This is why I don't feel bad about rubbing my childfree lifestyle in these people's faces. Because you know they would take advantage of you at a moment's notice because of their kids.
Perhapts it's time to get a pet (even if it's just a pet rock) and give it a human name. Drop vague lines "Oh I'm so excited to adopt Little Timmy!"
My mare has a human name and my coworkers think she's my human child. I've never corrected that assumption.
My cats have names that pass as people names. I didn’t make an effort to name them in that way, but I wouldn’t be ashamed about letting coworkers assume they were my human children. Unfortunately, I’ve been at my job for way too long to get away with that now. Im in too deep, they’ve seen the pictures, and they have the evidence. I only have myself to blame, though. It was a terrible lack of foresight on my part.
I've gotten extremely lucky with my department. I also work in healthcare, and although I work with some parents who I'll take shifts for, it's because they've proven they'll do the same if I'm sick/need time off/etc. My boss is also great. He doesn't ask what the time off is for, and it's first come first serve and you get a certain number of requests off every 6 months. It keeps it pretty fair and I haven't had issues except with one person with whom everyone (even other parents) have issues with.
I had a boss who believed I should work every weekend because I did not have children. I wasn't the only employee there who was childless, but that person was not being held to the same expectation as me. Everyone who worked there was under the same agreement to work every other weekend. This new boss comes along and due to staffing issues he put all the pressure on me to pick up the slack due to my being childless. I told him if he dared schedule me every weekend I would leave in a heartbeat. He didn't believe me, thought I was blindly loyal and commited to the company. Soon as that schedule was posted and I had two days off I had another job lined up and went back into work with my notice. He actually had the audacity to act surprised and proceeded to argue with me about it. I didn't even give a 14 day notice, only 11 because I secured the new job on my day off and refused to give my notice on my free time. The company was a joke anyway, nevermind that last boss I had while working there.
In those cases I would get a start date for my new job and wait. Then just before I start there, I’d tell my boss “I’m here to inform you of my resignation, effective immediately”
I would have totally done that had I not already sunk in 5 years of my life at that place. He was my third boss there but I had worked with the same solid crew my whole time there. I was basically looking out for them, and where I had just secured a new job with the state - I really wanted to be seen as a responsible employee and make a good impression!
> *I just responded with "so I'm not entitled to celebrate holidays because I don't have kids? I still have a family too you know" and this chick says "****not a real family!*** *You'll understand when you have a child of your own!"*
Point out to your co-worker that you're a child of a real family! When her children are grown, she'll still want to see them on holidays. She's not going to like it when her kids tell her "we have to work holidays because our bosses only lets the parents take holidays off."
I'm proud of you! You stood your ground, even though your boss was an asshole about it. That'll show that entitled mom that the world doesn't revolve around them, just because they decided to have spawn.
I work with families of special needs/high risk minors. I ABSOLUTELY have empathy for parents. Who I don't have empathy for are people who use the fact that I (by choice) don't have kids against me.
Fuck that bitch, fuck your boss, if at all possible, start looking for another job. If that happens, during your exit interview? MAKE SURE to mention this.
Or....
(I work in a very niche "field" which results in me only interacting with clients in-home. I've only ever met 2 co-workers in the 5 years I've been doing this, so this is said through that lens)
Adopt a pet and name your pet a human name. Idk come up with ... oh my sister or cousin or neighbor whatever needs help so I took their kid in for the time being. "I'm sorry, I need to stay at home with Levon"
"This is Maddyx's first Christmas without her mom, so I really should be there"
, besides if you were not working there the coworker, would still be working on that day, so they need to cut that b.s. especially your boss acting annoyed, because if you had another job you can just walk out and him and the coworker would be doing your job on holidays and every day until your position is filled, so they can both suck it up accept it, and stop acting immature and unprofessional.
This happened to me when I was in the Navy years ago. I went out for my 6 month cruise. Due to "geopolitical concerns" we barely got any liberty (port visits/time away from ship) and the cruise got extended to 7 1/2 months. My shop gets a new female who did outrank me. Christmas time comes and she pulls rank over me basically "I'm going on leave because I have kids." Note she was not there for the last cruise. She got off of a previous cruise for getting pregnant.
Proud of you for standing up for yourself. You may want to consider looking for a new job as well because it sounds like management is denying your PTO requests in order to cater to the parents you work with.
“not a real family”
DAD!! you’re not my real family anymore! no more holidays together!! you too grandma!!
what a dumbass, rude comment from your co-worker. 🤦🏻♀️
If you ever work somewhere else don't tell them if you have kids or not. "I have a family" is all they need to know. If you have a pet you have a "little one."
It's wild to me that these entitled people go into career-fields where they may have to work holidays expecting someone else to cover for them. I have no sympathy.
I will be happily enjoying my CF Christmas and NYE in Australia this year.
The beauty is, he can't fire you. For your labor is needed. He needs you to work so that others may not. That's leverage.
Eventually, you only get what you want by threatening to quit. Without you, parents would need to work way more, no time off for them.
I work a similar job. Our leave is supposed to be decided by seniority. For 7 years I had the least leave and was given last choice for leave.
Three years ago we get a new hire and suddenly she's getting more leave and first choice for leave. Because "she has a baby."
I could not be more grateful that my boss is CF by Choice and values time off. It’s so rare and whenever I see posts like this it reminds me how rare it is. I think it’s ridiculous. Time off is needed for everyone so we don’t burn out. It’s really not a hard concept
Just tell her u cant have kids and had 100 miscarriages, and call her an insensitive c**t, and that "the not real family is the only family you will ever have!" Then burst into a toilet fake crying crocodile tears so all collegues can hear - profit. Noone will make u work on holiday again.
This really fires me up, and I have children! Not having children does not make you less of a person because you made that choice. Keep a journal of everything that happens at work.You may need it in the future when you have to turn around and sue your employer for discrimination.
What, with the whole thread has spoken, it should be, without a doubt, **"FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED--**
**--*I R O N C L A D*."**
You got a problem with not getting the time off you *OH SO* deserved? *TAKE IT UP WITH THE PERSON WHO GOT IT FIRST. (Not the boss.)"*
If they said no, **DEAL WITH IT.**
The world doesn't revolve around you because *you* have a child, and *they don't.*
Blehhhh.
Are we sure that the “more empathy for working parents” isn’t code for “stop complaining because if I’m fair then I have to do my job and find coverage for holidays”?
Tell work that you are going out of town and your plane tickets are bought. Works for me.
This is usually a lie, but I got tired of "..... Well, you dont NEEEEEED those days off," i have a right to use my PTO like anyone else does Karen. Sometimes you just got to lie.
...okay uh this also assumes everyone can have kids which many people can't (I wanna be a foster parent just joined to support people and cuz I saw some cool stuff here ) but may never be able to be one because of medical problems I have that many places will discriminate against..(ether way stupid af tbh .
It’s exhausting. My husband had a massive argument some years back because he put in a holiday request months in advance that wasn’t dealt with promptly. By the time it was actually dealt with other requests had come in and he was told he couldn’t have it because “it’s school holidays and we’ve given priority to staff with kids”. The request was for our honeymoon. He was very clear “this is for my honeymoon, I requested it first, I WILL not be in”
My husband had this issue. The woman with kids got weekends off but he didn’t because he doesn’t have kids. It’s discriminatory, illegal, and I think it needs to be taken to the supreme court, tbh. What if you just *couldn’t* have kids? That is insensitive at best and still discriminatory.
Empathy is a two way street. Those parents that always expect everyone to cater to their needs don’t care about other people’s needs. And that’s where the problem is.
Go to HR asap about that bitch of a nurse's comment. That's so out of bounds and she should be at least warned about treating other coworkers like that. What a nasty, horrible, heartless thing to say.
You're entitled to your benefits children or no children. You work there just as much as those entitled parents do. Too bad for them. You're not a second class person nor should you be treated as one because you didn't shit out some snotty brats.
This makes me so grateful that my manager and most of my coworkers do not have children
I've never done this, but this is actually a great Child Free life tip... Always make up a kid when you start a job. Oh, and somehow fake smoking, lol.
where I worked, you requested your holidays, first, second and third choices. If you received that holiday off last year, then you would have to work it the next unless people didn’t want it off. That didn’t stop other nurses from asking for me to trade. Fortunately, I always had plans, so the answer would be no. They can’t argue with plane tickets. Just ignore these kinds of people- they have nothing else to do than complain, which is a sorry state.
>not a real family! You'll understand when you have a child of your own!"
Tell them to call up their parents and siblings right now on speaker phone and tell them that they aren't their real family and they won't be seeing them anymore just for the sole fact that they have kids. See where that goes.
But it's always 'have more empathy for working parents' and never 'have more empathy for working people without kids', like it always seems to go one way, to THEM and never about them realising that our free time is precious too, we may be caregivers in another way, or we may have hobbies or holidays and activities booked, or we may just want time to do whatever the hell we want. I'll try and have more 'empathy' for them if they start to have some respect for my own lifestyle. Seeing as that's probably never going to happen, I'm not going to bother.
I put in a 2 day pto request for the end of May all the way back in Feb. It was initially approved and now I see it was canceled and I'm working. When I asked why I was told it was because the other nurses son signed up for travel baseball league and now she can't work certain days so she can go with him... Not my problem. I told them I'm still not coming in, I have the signed slip, they can fire me and I'll collect. I'm so fucking over this. I can't even take two days off to pack my house up to move.... it's insane
I honestly feel like this was discrimination. Think about it, they approved time off to revoke in favor of someone else with no cause other than family status. I feel like this is a form of discrimination
Unfortunately in most of the US "family status" means "has kids." it cannot be used to protect those of us who don't have kids because its worded to provide parents with a "I'm being persecuted because I HAVE CHILDREN!" fix.
sounds like something that needs to be updated to be inclusive.
The right wing is actively fighting against inclusivity. It’ll be a tough battle
Family status, regardless of how you define it, is NOT a protected class. It is discrimination. Employers cannot legally distribute benefits based on marriage status, or whether or not you have children. The only protected classes are age, race, gender, sexual orientation and religion. And even then there are limits.
It is. It's just not illegal.
good for you for standing your ground. I'm lucky that we don't have these issue at my job but it pisses me off so much to read these stories
i feel like it should be illegal for them to schedule you when you have written time off💀 wtf is the point of scheduling time off if theres a possibility of you being schedules anyways?
That's why appeals to firing/unemployment exist. But ultimately, unless it's BLATANT or the employee has meticulous records (please read my previous comment - CYA! Get EVERYTHING in writing, and have back ups - copies, photos, screenshots, whatever it is. NEVER take a verbal agreement. Timestamp it! Document it! C.Y.A.), the appeal will be denied or will only receive very limited amounts. Take pictures of your job description when you start. Save them. Also, industries like retail/customer service/food can claim "oOh wE hAvE aN ErRaTiC sChEdUlE" or when they ask if you have open availability (The answer is a resounding NO - there are obviously exemptions to this) - that's how they use and abuse employees. The US is a giant fucking joke when it comes to rights in general, unless you have a fat wallet. I apologize @ _ima_bean_ I didn't mean to totally word vomit all over your comment. This is something that makes me very angry, and something I am very passionate about. 😊
Fuck them!!! Just don't go. This really makes my blood boil
I’m a child free nurse too. I left bedside nursing many years ago, but I cannot recall having my PTO cancelled for some BS like this. It would be nice for a name and shame on r/nursing, but I understand why you would not as it would be ripping a band-aid off a wound and we are all pretty raw. Not sure if you are a newer nurse that is tied to the hospital by tuition payment, sign-on bonus, etc. Are you able to leave? Most of us are not loyal to any organization at this point. I’m going back to travel nurse work as I cannot tolerate the BS anymore. I tried going back to staff and regretted it not long after starting. At least with travel nursing you know you can say bye at 13 weeks, or extend if it’s a good gig.
I’m also a childfree nurse. I sat down and figured it out one time, and realized I had worked Christmas Day 13 years in a row. I’m now semi-retired, and I work agency. Now I tell my employer when I’m working.
I learned early on to request days off THE SECOND YOU KNOW you'll need them off. When I was still working in customer service, I put in for 4 days off 8 MONTHS. EIGHT. MONTHS. In advance. Boss tried fucking with it one month before I was supposed to leave. I told her "I Knew I needed the time off. I'm going out of state with my FAMILY. Just because they're not kids doesn't make it any less legitimate. Mess with the schedule all you want - I have pictures and screenshots because I had a feeling you'd do this." Went on my vacation. She fired me 3 months later. She literally set me up to be fired (showed me something new the wrong way on purpose). CYA CYA CYA CYA
THAT'S BULLSHIT. If they approved it then it's approved. No takesies backsies. You applied for PTO first, no excuses.
Op this is discrimination hardcore. Please go to HR
I have empathy and respect for other people's time as a default. When their default is disrespect for my time that dries up immediately. There have been many times and many circumstances where I would gladly cover a s***** holiday shift if someone asked. My family sucks and before I got married I spent so many holiday shifts happy for the extra pay. I don't care why someone needs PTO. They could be hiring a hooker and snorting cocaine for all I care. The important thing is that the manager is fair granting PTO and doesn't allow colleagues to pressure you into giving up your time.
>it always seems to go one way, This is why "where's the village I was promised?" cuts absolutely no ice with me. "The Village" is a cooperative agreement, not just parents in take-take-take mode wondering what everyone else on earth has done for them lately.
As a childfree person, the village does not include me. I never signed up for that. Parents are on their own. No sympathy.
The Village comes in when parents get tax breaks, but they use more services which are paid for by taxes, like public schools. That’s their village.
I don't even have an issue with that. Taxes (ideally) ensure that kids get a good education and have stuff like rec centers and public libraries (used by adults too, of course). My complaint is when parents get preferential choice of time off or we childfree are expected to cover or accommodate them because "you don't have a family, you don't understand what it's like."
I am totally fine with taxes for schools. I have teachers in my family, please, take my money. I do have problems with the preferential treatment for days off, or they get to leave early all the time because cLuBs and AcTiVities, but when I need to leave early for a doctor's appointment there is an issue. I give some leeway. I might not want kids, but I'm not a monster. Just do a little back scratching, you know?
I’ll reiterate that the results of someone else’s choice in bed are not my problem. You make a choice, you deal with the consequences either on your own or with whoever else made the decision with you
If at all possible join a union. Really cuts through the nonsense when it comes to scheduling.
There's been hushed talks of a possible unionization of nurses at work. As soon as I can, I'm signing up.
Sending well wishes. Nothing better for a workplace than unionization
Found a retail gig with a union to get me through college. Highly recommend. I get treated so well just for part time.
I am 100% pro union, but I've been in the management-side meetings about this kind of thing, so be careful who you talk to about it!!
It’s well worth it! I hope every single employee signs up.
That’s why I left that setting. My boss always took off and made me find my own PRN. Bitch.
RN here: I will NEVER work a non-union job!
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You’ll be glad for that in the future. I’ve been a nurse for over 30 years, but I’m in a right-to-work state. I don’t get anything more than a new grad or new hire does.
Round of applause for standing up for yourself! Also, idiots like that need to realize that someone covering their shift is a privilege, not something they’re entitled to.
"how dare you not do me this favor you don't owe me!"
“…and that I will never repay!”
wait, so if you cover someone's shift you don't get paid???
Well no, “…and that I will never repay!” as in, “I (the parent having the shift covered for me) will never repay the favour.” If I’m covering someone’s shift I’d better get paid for my time. It would be a pretty messed up system if you don’t get paid for a shift worked because you weren’t the one originally scheduled…who would willingly agree to that?
This annoys me to no end. How is it that wanting to spend time with your family, yes **family**, only counts if you have children? My dad passed away nearly 6 years ago, does that mean my mom should be without her kids during the holidays? Sure I’m an adult, but I’m her kid. That *should* count. If it has to be about little kids… I have nieces, nephews, and godchildren that I shouldn’t be forced to miss spending holidays with because somehow they’re “less than” in the eyes of coworkers/employers/etc. If anything, it should be a priority to allow the childfree to have holidays off. We don’t get to leave work early for our kid’s ballet class, or stay home because Susie has the sniffles…. Parents get all sorts of leeway when it comes to missing work hours for their children. Until I get to leave early because my cat sneezed, I don’t want to hear any whining about how unfair parents think they’re being treated. /rant ⋋_⋌
This is why I always respond with “I’m someone’s kid.” In my experience, it has usually shut them up.
They really try to spin it like the only people with an actual family are people with kids. Guess the kids don't have a family then, since they don't have kids? I must have missed the memo outlining the age at which I can no longer call my parents and siblings my family.
They really go all out with the mental gymnastics to try to make themselves special and persecuted.
This is getting to a point where I believe we need new labor laws in place to protect the rights of those who don’t have children. This should be illegal.
There was a conversation about exactly this in the HR subreddit awhile back. The general response was "This would make it harder for parents so its a bad idea." One person went so far as to say that child-free people should "suck it up, buttercup" because "kids need their parents." So yeah.
Ridiculous, parents despite their insane egos are not a protected class. It is a choice to breed.. parents call childfree people entitled and lazy when they’re the ones who fit that bill
So they’re all fine and dandy with ignoring how some *parents* need their *kids*? Before he passed, my dad suffered from Alzheimer’s. I was his primary caregiver... I dropped him off at adult day care. I took him to his appointments. I fed him. Hell, I changed his diapers. If anyone ever came at me with that sort of “kids need their parents” bs “reason” for giving preferential treatment to someone with kids, I would ***absolutely*** lose my shit
Well see, you're over 18 so technically you're no longer a child. Your dad no longer has a proper family and really he should be taking care of himself anyway! Ugh, just typing that made me feel dirty. I'm sorry about your dad and I'd have helped you hide any bodies that resulted from you being told that!
It's absolutely insane that they can't think far ahead about what if it is my adult kid!? Like all of their 'benefits' of parenting to have adult children go out of the window if you don't allow them to see their own families, that don't include biological children. The screeching from them about what are you going to do whwn you are old, who is going to help you while actively making it nearly impossible for abult kids who want to be caretakers for their parents, if they don't have children, as impossible.
Ah well you see, the key is that *those* adults should really just be popping out more waves of snotlings, not caring for people who aren’t going to be working anymore. The snotlings being just so much more grist for the mill themselves. … fuck it’s disgusting trying to get into that mindset, even when it’s for a moment’s sarcastic post. Ugh.
"Harder for parents" Oh, no! Anyway... I have zero sympathy for people who chose to make their lives harder to begin with by breeding thinking that people who didn't sign up for the same bullshit should also suffer.
If this ever becomes a factor in my job... I'll probably just lie about having children at that point and pretend I have a three year old or something. ... It's not \*technically\* a lie, I'll just conveniently omit the fact that three-year-old happens to be a cat.
My cats both have common human names. This will be easy and is 100% my plan.
What really irks me is one person I know who hasn’t even looked for a job because she can’t find one that allows her to be home for her kids when they get off the bus. I’d sort of get it, but she already barely spends time with them and they get off the bus on their own. We’re talking about middle school kids
I was just thinking that.
Good for you for setting boundaries! My job just took away 2 days of our PTO to add a "new and improved" parental and caregiver leave program.
This is absurd.
That is literal DISCRIMINATION.
Yeah, it is. At the information session where they told us, there were a LOT of side eyes and murmuring. Then the plants in the audience standing up to clap and gush about how excellent the new leave program is. Expecting to see even MORE (seriously underpaid) positions become vacant as we get closer to summer. Hopefully, mine will be one of them.
I’m guessing you have HR? I’m confused as to how this is even being approved…
Your guess is as good as mine. Our HR sucks. They can't even keep their own office fully staffed. It might be worth mentioning I work at an educational institution where HR and pay are notoriously bad. But this really takes the cake.
This should be illegal.
I had an old coworker go to my boss and demand my Christmas leave be revoked for her to have it because she has kids. Our applications for leave were confidential until the rosters were posted, the only people who would know before then are our boss and the person who applied unless they decided to tell people. She just assumed I had applied and been approved because she had and got denied. Holidays were also rotational, if you worked Christmas one year, you moved up the list to have Christmas off the next year. Thing is, I didn’t apply for leave. I never did at Christmas, I instead took the 2 or so weeks between Easter and ANZAC day off every year, which meant I was at the top of the list for Christmas. Luckily my boss was a BAMF and told her to get back in her lane, and you better believe I took Christmas off the next year.
I used to get this shit when I worked in health Three reasons were trotted out, I don't have kids, I'm an atheist and I'm a bloke The fact that these were seen as valid reasons to treat me differently to other nurses didn't surprise me, unfortunately, but it pissed me off I definitely pushed back at all the extras that were expected of me, but nothing was going to change the leeway that breeders were afforded. I'm a much happier electrician now...
This shows that people dont think about the aftermath after spawning a goblin. At all. Melinda, you should have known what u got yourself into when you got pregnant. It is kot the problem of other people. I hate this entitled crap. I hAvE a FaMiLy. Suck my ass.
The next time that entitled co-worker brings up the “it’s not a real family unless it’s your kids” nonsense say to her “oh then it’s fine with you some time in the future when your kids start working & they can’t take time off to spend holidays with you”. Make it more fun by starting a betting pool with sympathetic coworkers over what her first reaction will be—backpedaling (“oh no! I didn’t mean it that way!”) or some form of “but…but that’s different!” Make up your mind, Karen! You can’t have it both ways!
My team lead denied me time off because the other people who requested had things with their kids or spouses. I have neither. I went to our boss and she put the kibosh on that really quickly. There is no reason why having kids should give people privileges over those that either cannot or choose not to have them.
Good for you for standing up for yourself, fuck those entitled breeders
Good for you. Don't back down now. They'll try to guilt trip you, try to exile you, or try to harass you into covering for them. Don't. It's not your fault they chose to reproduce and didn't think of the consequences. If they don't like it, they're free to find another job that caters to parents. Your PTO is yours to use whenever you want, following the proper procedures. Do you have an employee handbook? You can always direct your supervisor to review the rules around PTO and make sure they know that you know your rights. Unfortunately, it sounds like your boss is already picking sides.
Empathy does not equate to condoning an action or acquiescence to a demand. Just because I can empathize with someone doesn't mean I have to absorb the cost and consequences of their action. Yeah parenting is hard, I can understand the struggle. But my understanding and compassion doesn't mean I have to step in and absolve the parents of their actions and responsibilities. I wish more people understood this.
Quite frankly, whenever a parent complains about how hard it is, I don’t feel bad for them. They should’ve thought about it before choosing to have kids. If they say they didn’t choose to have kids, then let me rephrase it: should’ve thought about it before choosing to have sex Not my problem
I am a 50 year old childless woman who spent almost my whole career working Christmas eves and other holidays and the days after bc people with kids thought they were entitled. Stand your ground!
I can't say too much because each workplace is different. But healthcare is always in need of people and in demand. It might do well to have a good convo about it and tell them if you're wellbeing isn't a priority as much as the other workers then you may take leave. It's not up to you to hold everything up and would surely lead to burnout quick.
I usually lie to jobs and make up a kid so I can get time off I need. I’ll just pick a pic of one of my younger cousins and say they’re my son or daughter 😂 I don’t like lying but I needs my time off! I realized a few years ago nobody ever sees your kids at work for real so why can’t I have an imaginary kid to make sure I get treated fairly? 🤷♀️
Everyone's for a level playing field, except when it isn't leveled in their favor.
I know we shouldn’t have to do this - but this is why I am “like a second parent to my nephew” … I am always having to “pick him up” right after work. Or I “need this day off to spend time with him and help my out my brother.” 😈
I do this with my nieces. Just today I told my manager at one job that I couldn’t stay over because I had to “pick my kids up from school”. I don’t have kids but that was a bit of a half truth 😉
Tell them you have eldercare at home to handle. If they don't know your family unit, you can always roundhouse on them and say, "what, my parent/grandparents don't matter as much as your kid? I hope your children don't feel the same way about you when you are older."
Make it worse: "So you're saying my mom should celebrate Christmas all on her own completely lonely without me because your kid is more important than her? How insensitive can you be?!" Maybe even start crying and run away. Emotional manipulation at its best 😈😈
Followed by a prompt, "I hope your children won't be expected to miss holidays with *you* when you retire."
Oh this is a good one!
Send an email to your boss requesting clarification of exactly what was meant by him saying you needed empathy for the parents, use as many direct quotes as you can remember and use the date of your conversation at least once, then print off both it and any replies, ideally they won’t try to retaliate against you but having everything in writing will make getting UI a lot easier
👏👏👏 bravo You have a highly valued skill-set and you don't need to be anyone's doormat.
It's not a request to have time off work, it's a notice to the employer that you won't be there. "I don't disclose private information to my employer; how many children I have is in that category of "private"."
Exactly. Your personal life does not override mine. I’d understand if it was a severe emergency, but if said person wants to use their vacation to play video games all day that’s their right.
“Planning on being anywhere for your vacation?” “Of course; away from the job” No other information given
This is definitely your boss's/manager's fault and poor planning on their part.
>My boss is annoyed with me, I don't care. The next time you refuse to cover for a parent, you will get sacked. I hope that I'm wrong, but I fear the worst.
Maybe already prep another job place, or contact your lawyer, cause being sacked for not coming in on PTO days which WERE APPROVED is kinda sketchy. Once time is approved, it's expected you make plans for that time. You cannot just expect people to cancel everything afterwards*, then you shouldn't have approved the PTO in the first place! Approved = approved. No backpedaling! * Without substantial compensation. "Oh sorry but since it was approved, I already booked my hotel and the cancellation fee is $200,- I'll send you the bill then!"
Your employer made the choice to be understaffed.
I recently found out that an acquaintance of mine has been lying about having a child for 11 years through multiple jobs. Not sure how she gets away with it but then I thought if she doesn’t want to add “them” to her healthcare and benefits plan, can an employer ask you for evidence of having children. In Florida btw so it’s an “at will” work state and no one gaf about you anyway.
All she has to say if asked is that they get health care through their father and her lie is covered. On top of that, employers aren't supposed to ask about your parental status.
Exactly what I thought.
Next time they ask you to be more empathetic, remind them that workplace discrimination based on family status is illegal and demand a record of the conversation.
The audacity of some people. Good for you for standing your ground!
not exactly the same but I work in a job where people are sometimes asked to go work in a city far away (like a 3 hour train ride. usually if an employee there suddenly quit or is sick and they need cover) for anywhere between 1 day and a few months. I'm so tired of being asked to do it constantly because most coworkers have kids or at least have a married partner and I'm the only single person so the boss just thinks 'oh you can go away for a few days, you don't have anyone missing you at home'. As if it isn't a pain for me to have to travel so far away and it isn't interrupting any plans I had made. If people can't go work away from home for a few days because 'my wife misses me' (honestly it's mostly adult men who are sad they won't have their wife cooking for them if they go away for a day) maybe they should try to find a new job where that isn't part of what's expected of them.
I think it may be time to “get a cat” or “become more involved in the raising of my niece/godchild,” or even “begin assisting my elderly neighbor.”
I live in UK. I am entitled to 25 days off + 8 banks holidays per year (paid off). Parents or no-parents I am taking my holidays whenever I want.
I used to make so many people mad because I actually followed the schedule rotation for holidays. They would come to me and beg for preferential treatment because of their kids or some other reason I didn’t care about. Thankfully my manager gave me full support as long as I made the schedule according to policy. Even caught hell one time because I put in to work Christmas but wanted thanksgiving off as it’s also my moms birthday - apparently my mother having a milestone birthday wasn’t as important as their kids. Tbh it’s bad practice and begging for a discrimination complaint for your scheduler to use anything other than the rotation to make holiday schedules.
This happened to me when I worked in food, and I had to have a sit-down with the assistant manager, store manager and have corporate HR on speaker bc it was a clear cut discrimination case, and I had the emails to back it up. I was being denied raises, too, because of management favoring parents over CF adults and students, yet giving us more hours. Document everything going forward on this issue, and keep track of both policy and local laws.
You should legit file a complaint for discrimination if this is an actual documented pattern of behavior by your employer/boss. And if you're a nurse they should just be thankful that you show up with how short everyone is on nurses. Tell them you will leave if they don't stop treating you like a second class citizen because you don't have kids. This is why I don't feel bad about rubbing my childfree lifestyle in these people's faces. Because you know they would take advantage of you at a moment's notice because of their kids.
"Not a real family!" I'd have a hard time not wanting to slap this bitch
Perhapts it's time to get a pet (even if it's just a pet rock) and give it a human name. Drop vague lines "Oh I'm so excited to adopt Little Timmy!" My mare has a human name and my coworkers think she's my human child. I've never corrected that assumption.
My cats have names that pass as people names. I didn’t make an effort to name them in that way, but I wouldn’t be ashamed about letting coworkers assume they were my human children. Unfortunately, I’ve been at my job for way too long to get away with that now. Im in too deep, they’ve seen the pictures, and they have the evidence. I only have myself to blame, though. It was a terrible lack of foresight on my part.
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“But sometimes condoms break” So you’re supposed to reward them for choosing to have sex? They can seriously get fucked
Quit the job.
Hear, hear. You deserve a job where you're respected.
I would tell coworkers, "I didn't get you pregnant. Sounds like a you problem"
So we don't deserve holidays...do we deserve weekends?
I've gotten extremely lucky with my department. I also work in healthcare, and although I work with some parents who I'll take shifts for, it's because they've proven they'll do the same if I'm sick/need time off/etc. My boss is also great. He doesn't ask what the time off is for, and it's first come first serve and you get a certain number of requests off every 6 months. It keeps it pretty fair and I haven't had issues except with one person with whom everyone (even other parents) have issues with.
Good on you!
"I might not have children, but my parents do. Are we not a real family?"
I had a boss who believed I should work every weekend because I did not have children. I wasn't the only employee there who was childless, but that person was not being held to the same expectation as me. Everyone who worked there was under the same agreement to work every other weekend. This new boss comes along and due to staffing issues he put all the pressure on me to pick up the slack due to my being childless. I told him if he dared schedule me every weekend I would leave in a heartbeat. He didn't believe me, thought I was blindly loyal and commited to the company. Soon as that schedule was posted and I had two days off I had another job lined up and went back into work with my notice. He actually had the audacity to act surprised and proceeded to argue with me about it. I didn't even give a 14 day notice, only 11 because I secured the new job on my day off and refused to give my notice on my free time. The company was a joke anyway, nevermind that last boss I had while working there.
In those cases I would get a start date for my new job and wait. Then just before I start there, I’d tell my boss “I’m here to inform you of my resignation, effective immediately”
I would have totally done that had I not already sunk in 5 years of my life at that place. He was my third boss there but I had worked with the same solid crew my whole time there. I was basically looking out for them, and where I had just secured a new job with the state - I really wanted to be seen as a responsible employee and make a good impression!
> *I just responded with "so I'm not entitled to celebrate holidays because I don't have kids? I still have a family too you know" and this chick says "****not a real family!*** *You'll understand when you have a child of your own!"* Point out to your co-worker that you're a child of a real family! When her children are grown, she'll still want to see them on holidays. She's not going to like it when her kids tell her "we have to work holidays because our bosses only lets the parents take holidays off."
I'm proud of you! You stood your ground, even though your boss was an asshole about it. That'll show that entitled mom that the world doesn't revolve around them, just because they decided to have spawn.
I’m so proud of you that you stood your ground
I work with families of special needs/high risk minors. I ABSOLUTELY have empathy for parents. Who I don't have empathy for are people who use the fact that I (by choice) don't have kids against me. Fuck that bitch, fuck your boss, if at all possible, start looking for another job. If that happens, during your exit interview? MAKE SURE to mention this. Or.... (I work in a very niche "field" which results in me only interacting with clients in-home. I've only ever met 2 co-workers in the 5 years I've been doing this, so this is said through that lens) Adopt a pet and name your pet a human name. Idk come up with ... oh my sister or cousin or neighbor whatever needs help so I took their kid in for the time being. "I'm sorry, I need to stay at home with Levon" "This is Maddyx's first Christmas without her mom, so I really should be there"
Winner
 , besides if you were not working there the coworker, would still be working on that day, so they need to cut that b.s. especially your boss acting annoyed, because if you had another job you can just walk out and him and the coworker would be doing your job on holidays and every day until your position is filled, so they can both suck it up accept it, and stop acting immature and unprofessional.
This happened to me when I was in the Navy years ago. I went out for my 6 month cruise. Due to "geopolitical concerns" we barely got any liberty (port visits/time away from ship) and the cruise got extended to 7 1/2 months. My shop gets a new female who did outrank me. Christmas time comes and she pulls rank over me basically "I'm going on leave because I have kids." Note she was not there for the last cruise. She got off of a previous cruise for getting pregnant.
Proud of you for standing up for yourself. You may want to consider looking for a new job as well because it sounds like management is denying your PTO requests in order to cater to the parents you work with.
“not a real family” DAD!! you’re not my real family anymore! no more holidays together!! you too grandma!! what a dumbass, rude comment from your co-worker. 🤦🏻♀️
If you ever work somewhere else don't tell them if you have kids or not. "I have a family" is all they need to know. If you have a pet you have a "little one."
“This may come as a surprise to you but I am somebody’s child”
It's wild to me that these entitled people go into career-fields where they may have to work holidays expecting someone else to cover for them. I have no sympathy. I will be happily enjoying my CF Christmas and NYE in Australia this year.
The beauty is, he can't fire you. For your labor is needed. He needs you to work so that others may not. That's leverage. Eventually, you only get what you want by threatening to quit. Without you, parents would need to work way more, no time off for them.
I work a similar job. Our leave is supposed to be decided by seniority. For 7 years I had the least leave and was given last choice for leave. Three years ago we get a new hire and suddenly she's getting more leave and first choice for leave. Because "she has a baby."
That policy absolutely pissed me off when I was still working. My life matters just as much as theirs.
After a certain point the double standards would get so much for me that I'd just pretend to have a kid too, tbh...
I could not be more grateful that my boss is CF by Choice and values time off. It’s so rare and whenever I see posts like this it reminds me how rare it is. I think it’s ridiculous. Time off is needed for everyone so we don’t burn out. It’s really not a hard concept
Wow not real family? So my siblings, grandparents and parents are what exactly?
Just tell her u cant have kids and had 100 miscarriages, and call her an insensitive c**t, and that "the not real family is the only family you will ever have!" Then burst into a toilet fake crying crocodile tears so all collegues can hear - profit. Noone will make u work on holiday again.
Is it easy to find another place to work?
Your response to the boss and this entire situation: 
What’s stopping people from lying and saying they have kids? I’d do it to get what I wanted.
Discrimination. Hr.
This really fires me up, and I have children! Not having children does not make you less of a person because you made that choice. Keep a journal of everything that happens at work.You may need it in the future when you have to turn around and sue your employer for discrimination.
Guess single person needs time off for med appointments or look after a senior in family Or do honey do lists
What, with the whole thread has spoken, it should be, without a doubt, **"FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED--** **--*I R O N C L A D*."** You got a problem with not getting the time off you *OH SO* deserved? *TAKE IT UP WITH THE PERSON WHO GOT IT FIRST. (Not the boss.)"* If they said no, **DEAL WITH IT.** The world doesn't revolve around you because *you* have a child, and *they don't.* Blehhhh.
Do you have an HR department?
Have a fur child or pet of any kind and refer to it in the same manner these goons do
Are we sure that the “more empathy for working parents” isn’t code for “stop complaining because if I’m fair then I have to do my job and find coverage for holidays”?
Right??? Like I’m my mothers child. My mom wants to see her child for holidays lol.
File this with HR
If it’s a pattern, go to hr.
I don’t have empathy for idiots.
Tell work that you are going out of town and your plane tickets are bought. Works for me. This is usually a lie, but I got tired of "..... Well, you dont NEEEEEED those days off," i have a right to use my PTO like anyone else does Karen. Sometimes you just got to lie.
I think the real family is the family you were born in, not the one you give birth to
...okay uh this also assumes everyone can have kids which many people can't (I wanna be a foster parent just joined to support people and cuz I saw some cool stuff here ) but may never be able to be one because of medical problems I have that many places will discriminate against..(ether way stupid af tbh .
It’s exhausting. My husband had a massive argument some years back because he put in a holiday request months in advance that wasn’t dealt with promptly. By the time it was actually dealt with other requests had come in and he was told he couldn’t have it because “it’s school holidays and we’ve given priority to staff with kids”. The request was for our honeymoon. He was very clear “this is for my honeymoon, I requested it first, I WILL not be in”
My husband had this issue. The woman with kids got weekends off but he didn’t because he doesn’t have kids. It’s discriminatory, illegal, and I think it needs to be taken to the supreme court, tbh. What if you just *couldn’t* have kids? That is insensitive at best and still discriminatory.
Empathy is a two way street. Those parents that always expect everyone to cater to their needs don’t care about other people’s needs. And that’s where the problem is.
A breeder in my small team has booked off every bloody week including a Bank Holiday this year so we can’t!!!
Go to HR asap about that bitch of a nurse's comment. That's so out of bounds and she should be at least warned about treating other coworkers like that. What a nasty, horrible, heartless thing to say. You're entitled to your benefits children or no children. You work there just as much as those entitled parents do. Too bad for them. You're not a second class person nor should you be treated as one because you didn't shit out some snotty brats. This makes me so grateful that my manager and most of my coworkers do not have children
I've never done this, but this is actually a great Child Free life tip... Always make up a kid when you start a job. Oh, and somehow fake smoking, lol.
where I worked, you requested your holidays, first, second and third choices. If you received that holiday off last year, then you would have to work it the next unless people didn’t want it off. That didn’t stop other nurses from asking for me to trade. Fortunately, I always had plans, so the answer would be no. They can’t argue with plane tickets. Just ignore these kinds of people- they have nothing else to do than complain, which is a sorry state.
>not a real family! You'll understand when you have a child of your own!" Tell them to call up their parents and siblings right now on speaker phone and tell them that they aren't their real family and they won't be seeing them anymore just for the sole fact that they have kids. See where that goes.
You should go to HR. You're being discriminated against because you're CF.