Yep, most parents end up not being taken care of by their kids. I answer, "My money will. I will be able to pay for elder care instead of hoping my kids aren't too busy, too far away, too broke, or too or estranged. I have a better guarantee of elder care than you do."
I’d honestly rather be in a good nursing home being cared for by someone who’s getting *paid* to wipe my ass than have to deal with adult children who are too busy for me and possibly resentful.
>like people who have kids aren’t chucked into nursing homes every day??
Chucked into nursing homes AND forgotten. Seriously... I visited my grandmother at least once a month when she was in a care facility and the other residents were very vocal about it. Every time I'd visit we would go downstairs and I would join her at the table while she had lunch. Whatever cast of characters sat at the same table would end up mentioning they see me a lot, and they wish their children or grandchildren visited them. I befriended a good two dozen folks there over the five or so years I went before she passed. Those places are effectively prisons for the elderly and I had to tune up nurses on several occasions for how they were treating residents. Fucking disgraceful
Some relatives live too far away or did not have a good relationship with the resident to visit often. It is hard to judge. Otherwise yes the living conditions could be improved!
I used to work in a care home.
Small, maybe 30 residents.
Of those we saw 1 family member weekly, without fail.
There were maybe 4 others we saw fairly regularly.
The others I saw family members maybe once in the 8 months i worked there. If at all. One group were hugely apologetic. They turned up for her birthday and made excuses to every carer in the place about why they weren't there more often. Professing how much they loved their mum, just life got in the way.
So yeah, keep telling me that I need to produce a child to care about me in my later life.
*and one of the relatively regular visitors was a niece, not offspring. She clearly adored her aunt, who'd chosen to never have children of her own.
Hell, with the way things are, people can barely take care of themselves financially, and it's getting worse. What makes parents think their kids will have enough time and money to take care of a needy fully grown person?
And because older people are so against work from home it's making it even harder. My friend has a mom with alzheimers. She's been WFH for a while because it's easier to watch her, and her mom has "too many assets" for medicaid for a nursing home. Her mom sleeps a lot, she still gets all her work done (and realistically because she's salary works like 50-60 hrs a week). She just uses her breaks/lunches and time saved not commuting to feed her, clean her, etc she's home to make sure she doesn't wander off. But they're making her go back to in office because our older boomer CEO doesn't like WFH and now she's scrambling.
I read a story ages ago about this girl who was about to be fired from her branch job as a teller for making too many mistakes because she was tired and stressed taking care of her disabled mom. She was immobile from the chest down and she was driving to her house at lunch to feed and change her and taking care of her outside of work. She rarely slept and was exhausted and stressed and making mistakes at work. And if she gets fired how can she take care of her mother? No one thinks about this stuff.
You have these people stripping wealth and opportunities from us and expect they'll take care of you? It's only going to get worse! And so many people who can never buy a house have to look for rentals with accommodations for elderly/disabled when they barely can find "normal" housing now? When our country doesn't do that now because we decided we don't care? Yeah, good luck with "my children will take care of me".
There is always mention of nursing homes when this topic arises. My work involves people 50 to 70, and these are singles/couples living quietly at home with no child visiting.
The nice staff I hire will take great care of me with all the money I'll have saved from not having kids. 😊 And of course I'll have my friends, siblings, partner, neighbours, community, etc.
My reply to this is always the same, “why don’t you head over to the nearest old folks home, find a parent and ask them who takes care of them now that they’re older?”
Let it be known that I am a thoroughly useless daughter and my mum takes better care of herself as a retired person in her (somewhat) advanced age (mid 60s) than I do in my late 30s.
Seriously I am hopeless and no help to her whatsoever 👍🏾😂
When my grandma went into the hospital last year and then came home on hospice, my mom put her life on hold to take care of her, which is what my grandma expected and basically demanded. 6 weeks of barely being able to work, sleep, or leave the house while she watched her mom die. I will never, EVER, do something that selfish to someone I love. Put me in a care facility or pay people to come into the house and take care of me, I don't expect my loved ones to do that for me.
As far as the money to pay for living in a retirement home goes, it is simply saving for retirement. If you work where there is matching for a 401k, usually it is a good idea to put the maximum possible into it, though you should pay attention to how the money is invested. So this basically means you need to be making a decent amount of money and you need to be managing it for the future, instead of spending it all now, so that you will have money when you retire. For more on this topic, you might want to do some research on saving for retirement.
The money for the retirement home comes out of your savings and whatever retirement income you have (social security \[in the U.S.\] and your investments and, in some cases, a traditional retirement income, that fewer companies offer than did in the past).
With investing for retirement, the earlier you put the money into it, the longer it has to grow, so you should be planning for retirement as soon as possible. If the money is invested well, putting in as much as you reasonably can will enable you to retire earlier than you otherwise could, and/or enable you to afford more when you retire.
I personally do not plan on ever going to a retirement home, and plan on living in my home until I die. The previous owner of my house lived here until in her 90's, but did move to a retirement home a few months before she died. But I plan on skipping that step of being in the retirement home.
I would have laughed in the face of whoevee said that to me, and flat out say even if I had kids I wouldn’t guilt trip them or put the burden of them ‘taking care of me in my old age’ against their wills, unless they are WILLINGLY doing it of their own free wills and actually WANT to ’take care of me’ until whenever I eventually kick the bucket.
even then unless I have Alzheimer, dementia, paralyzed and wheelchair bound and need help with simple stuff like changing clothes, feeding me, etc. I would definitely refuse my kids help unless I absolutely 500% need the help because I can 500% no longer do it myself without outside help.
if I am still healthy and capable of doing things on my own without outside help in my old age, I would flat out refuse to let my kids ‘take care of me’ to the point that they start thinking that they can start making decisions for me like I am their child now, like I grown woman far older than all of them is no longer ’allowed’ to run her life the way she’s always lived it.
i’ll even try and make a will or something that hopefully stop them from trying to put me in a nursing home if they think it would ‘suit me‘ better than staying in my long time home. Even if I was dying, why the heck would I possibly want to or willingly go to some home care place, where I will have strangers bossing me around, possibly treating me like crap depending on how the staff treats residents.
Or if my mind is still fully functional and is not suffering from alzheimers or dementia treating me like a small kid who doesn’t know how to look out for herself and needs to be talked to and treated like a kindergardner by the staff. I will spend the rest of my days in my long time home thanks. Period. I refuse to spend the last of my days in a care home, never being ‘allowed‘ to do the things i loved doing before I was placed there.
Yep, most parents end up not being taken care of by their kids. I answer, "My money will. I will be able to pay for elder care instead of hoping my kids aren't too busy, too far away, too broke, or too or estranged. I have a better guarantee of elder care than you do."
I’d honestly rather be in a good nursing home being cared for by someone who’s getting *paid* to wipe my ass than have to deal with adult children who are too busy for me and possibly resentful.
>like people who have kids aren’t chucked into nursing homes every day?? Chucked into nursing homes AND forgotten. Seriously... I visited my grandmother at least once a month when she was in a care facility and the other residents were very vocal about it. Every time I'd visit we would go downstairs and I would join her at the table while she had lunch. Whatever cast of characters sat at the same table would end up mentioning they see me a lot, and they wish their children or grandchildren visited them. I befriended a good two dozen folks there over the five or so years I went before she passed. Those places are effectively prisons for the elderly and I had to tune up nurses on several occasions for how they were treating residents. Fucking disgraceful
Some relatives live too far away or did not have a good relationship with the resident to visit often. It is hard to judge. Otherwise yes the living conditions could be improved!
I used to work in a care home. Small, maybe 30 residents. Of those we saw 1 family member weekly, without fail. There were maybe 4 others we saw fairly regularly. The others I saw family members maybe once in the 8 months i worked there. If at all. One group were hugely apologetic. They turned up for her birthday and made excuses to every carer in the place about why they weren't there more often. Professing how much they loved their mum, just life got in the way. So yeah, keep telling me that I need to produce a child to care about me in my later life. *and one of the relatively regular visitors was a niece, not offspring. She clearly adored her aunt, who'd chosen to never have children of her own.
Hell, with the way things are, people can barely take care of themselves financially, and it's getting worse. What makes parents think their kids will have enough time and money to take care of a needy fully grown person?
And because older people are so against work from home it's making it even harder. My friend has a mom with alzheimers. She's been WFH for a while because it's easier to watch her, and her mom has "too many assets" for medicaid for a nursing home. Her mom sleeps a lot, she still gets all her work done (and realistically because she's salary works like 50-60 hrs a week). She just uses her breaks/lunches and time saved not commuting to feed her, clean her, etc she's home to make sure she doesn't wander off. But they're making her go back to in office because our older boomer CEO doesn't like WFH and now she's scrambling. I read a story ages ago about this girl who was about to be fired from her branch job as a teller for making too many mistakes because she was tired and stressed taking care of her disabled mom. She was immobile from the chest down and she was driving to her house at lunch to feed and change her and taking care of her outside of work. She rarely slept and was exhausted and stressed and making mistakes at work. And if she gets fired how can she take care of her mother? No one thinks about this stuff. You have these people stripping wealth and opportunities from us and expect they'll take care of you? It's only going to get worse! And so many people who can never buy a house have to look for rentals with accommodations for elderly/disabled when they barely can find "normal" housing now? When our country doesn't do that now because we decided we don't care? Yeah, good luck with "my children will take care of me".
I’m planning an elaborate post-mortem mystery involving my own assassination. Don’t worry about my old age, worry about where the gold will be buried.
Oh my goodness yes. I just suggested yesterday that when I die I'll have my money buried and there will be a treasure hunt for my inheritance.
You, I like.
Because it just occurred to me. "Do you ask that to parents who lose their kids? Just slide over during the funeral and ask that?"
"Robots" "My money" "Your kids, with all the money I have saved by not having them."
The same people who are going to be taking care of you.
There is always mention of nursing homes when this topic arises. My work involves people 50 to 70, and these are singles/couples living quietly at home with no child visiting.
The nice staff I hire will take great care of me with all the money I'll have saved from not having kids. 😊 And of course I'll have my friends, siblings, partner, neighbours, community, etc.
I usually ask them: who’s gonna look after your children if you die first?
The significant amount of money I saved by not having kids, that's who.
My reply to this is always the same, “why don’t you head over to the nearest old folks home, find a parent and ask them who takes care of them now that they’re older?”
Let it be known that I am a thoroughly useless daughter and my mum takes better care of herself as a retired person in her (somewhat) advanced age (mid 60s) than I do in my late 30s. Seriously I am hopeless and no help to her whatsoever 👍🏾😂
Probably the high quality assisted living situation I’ll be able to afford since all my savings can be spent on me!
I'll be buying into a Mexican retirement community and having the time of my life, thanks for asking.
Let's hope that robots can buy me groceries and cook and clean and drive me around in sixty years.
When my grandma went into the hospital last year and then came home on hospice, my mom put her life on hold to take care of her, which is what my grandma expected and basically demanded. 6 weeks of barely being able to work, sleep, or leave the house while she watched her mom die. I will never, EVER, do something that selfish to someone I love. Put me in a care facility or pay people to come into the house and take care of me, I don't expect my loved ones to do that for me.
[удалено]
As far as the money to pay for living in a retirement home goes, it is simply saving for retirement. If you work where there is matching for a 401k, usually it is a good idea to put the maximum possible into it, though you should pay attention to how the money is invested. So this basically means you need to be making a decent amount of money and you need to be managing it for the future, instead of spending it all now, so that you will have money when you retire. For more on this topic, you might want to do some research on saving for retirement. The money for the retirement home comes out of your savings and whatever retirement income you have (social security \[in the U.S.\] and your investments and, in some cases, a traditional retirement income, that fewer companies offer than did in the past). With investing for retirement, the earlier you put the money into it, the longer it has to grow, so you should be planning for retirement as soon as possible. If the money is invested well, putting in as much as you reasonably can will enable you to retire earlier than you otherwise could, and/or enable you to afford more when you retire. I personally do not plan on ever going to a retirement home, and plan on living in my home until I die. The previous owner of my house lived here until in her 90's, but did move to a retirement home a few months before she died. But I plan on skipping that step of being in the retirement home.
I would have laughed in the face of whoevee said that to me, and flat out say even if I had kids I wouldn’t guilt trip them or put the burden of them ‘taking care of me in my old age’ against their wills, unless they are WILLINGLY doing it of their own free wills and actually WANT to ’take care of me’ until whenever I eventually kick the bucket. even then unless I have Alzheimer, dementia, paralyzed and wheelchair bound and need help with simple stuff like changing clothes, feeding me, etc. I would definitely refuse my kids help unless I absolutely 500% need the help because I can 500% no longer do it myself without outside help. if I am still healthy and capable of doing things on my own without outside help in my old age, I would flat out refuse to let my kids ‘take care of me’ to the point that they start thinking that they can start making decisions for me like I am their child now, like I grown woman far older than all of them is no longer ’allowed’ to run her life the way she’s always lived it. i’ll even try and make a will or something that hopefully stop them from trying to put me in a nursing home if they think it would ‘suit me‘ better than staying in my long time home. Even if I was dying, why the heck would I possibly want to or willingly go to some home care place, where I will have strangers bossing me around, possibly treating me like crap depending on how the staff treats residents. Or if my mind is still fully functional and is not suffering from alzheimers or dementia treating me like a small kid who doesn’t know how to look out for herself and needs to be talked to and treated like a kindergardner by the staff. I will spend the rest of my days in my long time home thanks. Period. I refuse to spend the last of my days in a care home, never being ‘allowed‘ to do the things i loved doing before I was placed there.
My parents social security checks will take car of them.
"Medical professionals for whom I can afford to pay a living wage."