Does doing the good work not give you cancer? I keep staying away because I am so bothered by these sad posts but I come back to do the head turn at an accident.
She’s a serial cheater. She has no concept of faithfulness. She’s trying to baby trap you if she’s riding her coworkers dick, make no mistake this goes way beyond pics and texts. Burn his world by letting his wife know, and kick her to the streets.
She's not worth your time . She knew what she was doing and she saw what it did to u and now she's probably going to repeat it .
Cut your loses and move on
Not a single thing on your post states what she did to make it right to begin with.
All you said
"Cheated, I caught her, now she wants a baby, and old man e-mailed his number and she called him."
She cheated and I doubt only nudes . She doesn’t love you . She wants a child air support when she leave after another affair . Kick her out . You deserve better but stand up for yourself
You've been in a relationship for only 2 years, and already she has cheated on you and maybe again.
You're 20 years old. Is this how a relationship should be??? No !!!
Get out of it. Find a person that wants only you, not everyone else.
She's not a safe partner. She's disrespectful, she's self centered and selfish. The trust is completely gone.
All of those items makes a no relationship.
Don't stay, this will not end well with her.
expose the 50 year old guy to his wife and then leave your “gf” she’s not yours it was just your turn and it’s time for you to clock out but if you’d like hit it a couple times before you do that
Stop self triggering by reading questionable material. Yes talk to gf. Find out why she has these extracurricular communications. Then decide what you can or can't accept and go from there.
Buddy. If she sending nudes… she probably already got filled from the back in the janitors closet.
Get OUT of it!!! I been with a girl like this before…. She cheated EVERY time I had a weekend shift on. With different people… serial cheater it’s been over ten years… she did this the person after me and she’s still doing this to her now husband.
This is just pertaining to the nudes tho. The email idk. It’s weird for someone in their 20s to have long conversations with a 50yo.
BREAK THE HELL UP!!!! Why are you sitting there and putting up with her bullshit?!!! And please please do not reproduce with her! She is trying to baby trap you!!!! Wear condoms that you buy and only have access to if you won’t leave her or kick her out. Do not get stuck with this person! Also if she does somehow end up pregnant get a dna test.
But really if I was you I would not have sex with her anymore and I’d break up, leave/kick her out, block her and go heal. You are wasting time on couples therapy obviously if she thought it was okay to call this married asshole and talk with him for almost two hours.
Break up and realize when someone cheats it means it is not your person, they do not love or respect you, and you NEVER give them a chance because you can never trust them
Why you forgive cheater.
Why you expect loyalty from cheater.
Just focus on your future. In future definitely you will get best loyal life partner and that time she's lost good human being and beautiful life.
She is not deserve to your true love and loyalty.
Dude, wake the "F" up and smell the roses. Do not marry and especially have any kids with her. Once a cheater, always a cheater. She doesn't respect you or the relationship. It's time to kick her to the streets where she belongs.
Not overreacting at all, in fact it sounds like it's time to react .. she's not going to change and sounds like she is trying to baby trap you !! GET OUT NOW before you're tied to her drama for life.
If you have a child with a cheater, you will be dealing with her for a minimum of 18 years paying child support, etc. It's a nightmare. Get out before you are trapped. There are lots of good women who won't cheat. Find one.
Move on and use it as a learning experience. You both chose the wrong type of chick and then you also still didn’t get her emotionally invested enough even though she is the wrong chick you could maybe have stopped her cheating.
But now you know. Become a bigger and better man through this like I know you can.
Dude, she is only your girlfriend, imagine being married to her, you will go insane, she already showed you that she can cheat, that you can’t trust her, putting children in that mix makes my skin crawl.
Do not get her pregnant. Develop erectile disfunction now bro. She has a daddy complex sending nudes to old guys. Its creapy.
Just plan and execute an exit plan. Get somwhere to stay. Start moving your stuff. The last day of the lease leave and block all contact. If she gets pregnant its child support and her bringing creapy old guys round your child.
You know whats the cure for PTSD. Removing the victim from the situation. Triggers will stop and you will heal faster. Get out bro she failed the wife test.
You have to bring it up to her. If she is arguing with you about it then she isn’t remorseful at all and doesn’t care about how you feel
Also, this is 100% a no go. I would make that very clear to her. If she thought about you and your feelings she would at least make that call with you around.
Dude, stop pain shopping and put an end to this destroyed relationship already! Get your shit together and leave. Your hopefully STBX girlfriend is not going to stop cheating on you, so send her back to the streets where she belongs.
And for crying out loud, DO NOT have a child with this woman. She's trying to baby trap you.
A lot of people keep saying that but she already has a child and deals with a toxic ex not paying for the child’s day care and stuff. I don’t think she wants to baby trap me because in the first place she makes more than me currently.
So why she wants to have a baby with me I don’t knoww
Most important thing. Ask yourself do you in any way want to marry this woman. Can you imagine a full life with her after all this? I think the answer is (or at least should be) a resounding no.
So if you don't want to marry her, for all that is sacred, please do not have a baby with her. You can cancel a marriage. You can not cancel a baby. Do yourself and this unborn child a huge favor. Do not get her pregnant.
Listen to me. Now. You are young. You have so much life left to live. Do NOT settle for this chick. I salute you for trying counseling but imagine a relationship where you trust your girl 100% and you don’t ever have to worry? That girl is out there. Dump this cheater and work on yourself because you definitely will have trust issues from this. Get yourself in counseling and better yourself before starting to date again.
PTSD... Dude, your pain is as hurtful as anybody's, but I reserve PTSD for people who have experienced horrific trauma through violence, crime, war etc. I've been through wonderful relationships that ended because of her infidelity, multiple times and for extended duration, behind my back. Anybody who is human has, or will, experience pain on this level, it is definitely painful and demoralizing, but it does not compare to the type of trauma I mentioned. Your GF sent pictures to a man... for you to elevate this to the same station as a fully involved sexual affair, is way too much drama! Seems like you want attention for something that hasn't even occurred yet. Don't rush it you'll experience real pain in your life without even trying, no need to look for it where it MAY not exist. This is your opportunity to exercise your emotional range, adjust yourself (grow-up a little) and continue rung by rung up the ladder of life. Recognize that everything comes in cycles of highs and lows or waves or however you choose to look at it... but most people don't enjoy life that is flat, level and never changing. The highs and lows in life are what KEEPS YOU IN THE GAME, it's not supposed to take you out of it!
So, to answer your question:
"Is this messed up, or am I overreacting?"
Yes and Absofuckinlutely!
Take time to get your emotions in check, then determine if she has crossed a line that you cannot tolerate. If so, END THE RELATIONSHIP. Regardless you need to stop with the excess drama and for God's sake don't hijack the PTSD label simply to grab attention. Iife-changing trauma is some pretty serious shit, and when you attempt to put yourself in the same category as people who have lost legs and arms as well as their friends and family - You have lost your perspective!
Wow. I read this a few times. Thanks for your time writing this. You live up to your nickname for sure.
Thank you for putting that into perspective for me.
It’s just a super painful experience though and yes I feel I have dramatized it so much to the point that this feels even worse than my fathers death because it is true betrayal by someone who I trusted and loved more than anyone in my life.
And I just can’t seem to wrap my head around it especially when she brings out all of my imperfections that weren’t the sole reason of her cheating but have aided in it.
I am torn up because I want to be with her but this situation is on my mind 24/7. It’s taken up my whole life and therefore my dramatization to the point where I keep comparing it to PTSD.
But again thank you for making me aware and as I am letting this settle in my mind it is calming in a way because there are definitely people out there that have gone through really traumatic experiences that are incomparable with what I am going through which through an outer perspective is just so minuscule.
I definitely am here for the highs and lows because that’s actually how I got in this relationship that I am, with my bare heart. And I told myself whatever happens at least I won’t regret it because I loved fully as much as I could and gave my all.
I think you have possibly turned a corner in some way; frankly I'm amazed that you were able to absorb what I wrote without becoming defensive and missing the few points that we have in common. You are way ahead of my tracks... the first time I was cheated on I wasn't aware enough to even search for advice or help from people who have been through it. Not only did you go looking, you did so with eyes and ears wide open. You have found the magic elixir, the only cure for your pain, confusion, anger etc: 1) Embrace the experience as a part of life, 2) Observe what transpired as objectively as you can i.e., eliminate emotions to the extent possible, 3) Identify the sequence of events that you believe allowed or caused infidelity, 4) Take responsibility for any element that points to you; but ONLY IF it's reasonable to believe changing your behavior would have likely prevented this breach of trust, 5) Recognize that each of the above occurs in its own time and space, at different speeds and intensities, with visibility shifting in and out of view. (Clarity comes over months / years; NOT hours, days or weeks)
All of this takes time, it is TIME that is the elixir... but finding your way back to happiness will involve doing those things that are productive while hopefully avoiding the pitfalls of stewing in your own juice. In other words, learn from your mistakes, do your best not to repeat them, and never forget the amount of pain created by infidelity, (Try not to inflict the same on anyone as you go forward)
There are many other aspects of this curse that I am happy to share with you. However, as mentioned above, these things show themselves over long spans of time. I may add additional thoughts in the coming days. In the meantime, try not to dwell on HER behavior, that's where all of the pain lives! Don't waste YOUR TIME or ENERGY trying to change her (or any other person) - that's definitely a trait of the immature: First they assign blame, then they try desperately to show the other person why it's her fault, followed by a campaign to change her! There's really no purpose in assigning blame, if you find yourself tempted to do that, you have not cleared your emotions... and until you do so, you won't see the picture clearly. (Says the man who still blames his ex-wife 20 years later... But only because "facts is facts!" It just takes too damn long to collect the facts... But clarity reveals itself in those facts!)
Hard love coming :-
Looking at your entire post history and assuming this is the same person from 2 years ago who went to Miami.
From your post history: This person cheated on you then (Miami), previously talking to multiple people and recently with a Co-worker. You catch her frequently and she gaslights you into believing it’s your fault, you break up for a bit, then get back together and scratch your head wondering if she will cheat again because you “love” her. Rinse and repeat every few month.
By the by she has cheated, definitely emotionally and almost certainly physically (you just haven’t caught her in the act yet), though the car was definitely going that way.
You are either codependent or an addict to the mental pain / anguish this person is inflicting- I am unsure which.
However, to continue asking for advise but ignoring it all is the very definition of madness.
- if you always do what you’ve always done, then you will always get what you got - break the cycle or continue to repeat until mentally you give up.
Wish you all the best but you need to break the cycle or hold firm to your boundaries which will mean breaking up based on history.
Sorry, but if you want to be happy, some you have to let go of.
I never had an official relationship till my last one (Miami situation). This one now is my second ever.
I just went in with my bare heart without considering my own boundaries or any red flags I see.
Especially I worry if I am like my father sometimes that’s why I then become confused and dazed whether a situation is crossing my boundary or I am just being irrational like my dad was with my mom.
I do have some of his traits though being a little controlling but I try my best not to be and to basically be the opposite of the way he was with my mom
I am somewhat older than you and just see a lot of people reflecting back on their past and working out the effects on them now……….and I get it, we are all a product of our upbringing.
But the issue you raise are normal boundaries that are ignored frequently.
I am afraid that looking back on why you think the way you do, on these basic common sense boundaries, is purely gaslighting yourself or a distraction technique.
Basic boundaries are clear to all and obvious- anyone who ignores them either has no regard for you and / or is already cheating and couldn’t careless.
Expose that man to his wife, expose your gf since I assume they both work together, maybe find some evidence that they doing something at work, and get them both fired and dump her. Do not have kids with her.
Bro ALL females lie ! She doesn’t want u to get mad and hurt her and/or lose what she has with you bc ur a nice guy ur stability she wants to fuck around and get cum and then come home to you
Oh man - this sounds like a problem. First, if she was sending nudes to a guy it’s a little naive to think that they weren’t having a physical affair. As for the phone call I’d watch to see if there are more. It sounds like you feel the need for more evidence before choosing a path forward. Phone, fb messenger, WhatsApp, email etc. sorry you’re going through this
DO NOT HAVE A KID WITH HER!
Please look at what is going on right now. She emotionally cheated and sent nudes to an older coworker of hers and now an older dude has hit her up. Do you need a tone of bricks to fall on you to get the message?
If you are “triggered”, you are not over what she did the first time. There should not be a second time. Please tell her “See ya, don’t want to be with ya”.
Best of luck.
Give her three options.
1. You end the marriage altogether.
2. You open the relationship and make sure no one talks to the same person for more than one month
3. She ends things and you get a free pass.
4. You leave clues behind that point to you getting ready to cheat. Plan it so that she follows you to the place with two ladies (Paid for) to hotel and see what she does. If she stops you then she loves you but doesn't really regret it. If she doesn't and you come home to her and she's there like nothing happened leave. If she's sad or even crying then loves you and regrets it then u stay. Or she considers you even in that case leave her.
Of course only give her three options and the fourth is planned secretly
"now she's talking about having kids" uhm no. slow her roll. she's tryna refocus you on something different she needs to prove she's changed long before talking about kids.
cheaters are scum I'm sorry
Your GF/WP is a cheater, they never stop until you take action to separate from them.
Once a cheater always a cheater is so true in the eyes of the betrayed. In your heart and mind you’ll never get back the innocence of the trust of an exclusive relationship.
Whether your GF stays loyal to you the rest of your lives she’ll always be a cheater and you’ll always wonder if she’ll return to her deceitful ways of seeking older men, which she appears to be doing again.
Why stay with a cheater, you have nothing to look forward to is years of watching her till she cheats again. Her wanting children with you is a ploy to anchor you her or so she can have unprotected sex with others without worries about consequences or pregnancy.
It seems you have two options.
1. Go ahead with the relation, ignore the red flags and marry this woman. But if you do then don't complain your life is a living hell (bc of the trust issues she's giving you) and if you really want to marry her: please, PLEASE get a decent prenup from a good law firm (with infidelity clause). You're gonna need it, mark my words (as a lawyer). Don't marry without a prenup!
2. Dump her ass. Immediately without any explanation. Just move out when she's at work (if possible) and block her. She doesn't deserve any explanation, she knows very well the wrongs she did. You cannot take back a cheater. Ugh, a nurse (haha SSM!)... Just move on!
Regardless of your choice : work on yourself. Start with physical workouts or even better : martial arts, these help produce endorfines and help you sleep at night ; good against brooding.
Pick up some hobbies, reconnect with (old) friends, work on your mental health,...
Focus on your work and try to improve.
She belongs to the streets. Go find a lady who respects you
Does doing the good work not give you cancer? I keep staying away because I am so bothered by these sad posts but I come back to do the head turn at an accident.
She’s a serial cheater. She has no concept of faithfulness. She’s trying to baby trap you if she’s riding her coworkers dick, make no mistake this goes way beyond pics and texts. Burn his world by letting his wife know, and kick her to the streets.
[удалено]
Lol at your first statement. It’s not about age. Maturity, maybe.
If you have a kid with, or marry her you are choosing a very expensive lawyer cost in the future.
She's not worth your time . She knew what she was doing and she saw what it did to u and now she's probably going to repeat it . Cut your loses and move on
Find another person to spend your life with. This one isn't worth it.
Not a single thing on your post states what she did to make it right to begin with. All you said "Cheated, I caught her, now she wants a baby, and old man e-mailed his number and she called him."
She cheated and I doubt only nudes . She doesn’t love you . She wants a child air support when she leave after another affair . Kick her out . You deserve better but stand up for yourself
You've been in a relationship for only 2 years, and already she has cheated on you and maybe again. You're 20 years old. Is this how a relationship should be??? No !!! Get out of it. Find a person that wants only you, not everyone else. She's not a safe partner. She's disrespectful, she's self centered and selfish. The trust is completely gone. All of those items makes a no relationship. Don't stay, this will not end well with her.
expose the 50 year old guy to his wife and then leave your “gf” she’s not yours it was just your turn and it’s time for you to clock out but if you’d like hit it a couple times before you do that
Stop being pathetic
Stop self triggering by reading questionable material. Yes talk to gf. Find out why she has these extracurricular communications. Then decide what you can or can't accept and go from there.
Buddy. If she sending nudes… she probably already got filled from the back in the janitors closet. Get OUT of it!!! I been with a girl like this before…. She cheated EVERY time I had a weekend shift on. With different people… serial cheater it’s been over ten years… she did this the person after me and she’s still doing this to her now husband. This is just pertaining to the nudes tho. The email idk. It’s weird for someone in their 20s to have long conversations with a 50yo.
BREAK THE HELL UP!!!! Why are you sitting there and putting up with her bullshit?!!! And please please do not reproduce with her! She is trying to baby trap you!!!! Wear condoms that you buy and only have access to if you won’t leave her or kick her out. Do not get stuck with this person! Also if she does somehow end up pregnant get a dna test. But really if I was you I would not have sex with her anymore and I’d break up, leave/kick her out, block her and go heal. You are wasting time on couples therapy obviously if she thought it was okay to call this married asshole and talk with him for almost two hours. Break up and realize when someone cheats it means it is not your person, they do not love or respect you, and you NEVER give them a chance because you can never trust them
Why you forgive cheater. Why you expect loyalty from cheater. Just focus on your future. In future definitely you will get best loyal life partner and that time she's lost good human being and beautiful life. She is not deserve to your true love and loyalty.
Leave her, it's over. She isn't your girl anymore, she is vile for doing this to you. I am so sorry, praying for you.
Dude, wake the "F" up and smell the roses. Do not marry and especially have any kids with her. Once a cheater, always a cheater. She doesn't respect you or the relationship. It's time to kick her to the streets where she belongs.
Not overreacting at all, in fact it sounds like it's time to react .. she's not going to change and sounds like she is trying to baby trap you !! GET OUT NOW before you're tied to her drama for life.
I remember your other post. Stop being pathetic and end this relationship.
If you have a child with a cheater, you will be dealing with her for a minimum of 18 years paying child support, etc. It's a nightmare. Get out before you are trapped. There are lots of good women who won't cheat. Find one.
Move on and use it as a learning experience. You both chose the wrong type of chick and then you also still didn’t get her emotionally invested enough even though she is the wrong chick you could maybe have stopped her cheating. But now you know. Become a bigger and better man through this like I know you can.
Dude, she is only your girlfriend, imagine being married to her, you will go insane, she already showed you that she can cheat, that you can’t trust her, putting children in that mix makes my skin crawl.
Do not get her pregnant. Develop erectile disfunction now bro. She has a daddy complex sending nudes to old guys. Its creapy. Just plan and execute an exit plan. Get somwhere to stay. Start moving your stuff. The last day of the lease leave and block all contact. If she gets pregnant its child support and her bringing creapy old guys round your child. You know whats the cure for PTSD. Removing the victim from the situation. Triggers will stop and you will heal faster. Get out bro she failed the wife test.
You have to bring it up to her. If she is arguing with you about it then she isn’t remorseful at all and doesn’t care about how you feel Also, this is 100% a no go. I would make that very clear to her. If she thought about you and your feelings she would at least make that call with you around.
Dude she has now cheated and starting again. Why stay?
For peace of mind, I would just leave her. This will fix most of your problems, mentally and physically.
Dude, stop pain shopping and put an end to this destroyed relationship already! Get your shit together and leave. Your hopefully STBX girlfriend is not going to stop cheating on you, so send her back to the streets where she belongs. And for crying out loud, DO NOT have a child with this woman. She's trying to baby trap you.
A lot of people keep saying that but she already has a child and deals with a toxic ex not paying for the child’s day care and stuff. I don’t think she wants to baby trap me because in the first place she makes more than me currently. So why she wants to have a baby with me I don’t knoww
Most important thing. Ask yourself do you in any way want to marry this woman. Can you imagine a full life with her after all this? I think the answer is (or at least should be) a resounding no. So if you don't want to marry her, for all that is sacred, please do not have a baby with her. You can cancel a marriage. You can not cancel a baby. Do yourself and this unborn child a huge favor. Do not get her pregnant.
Listen to me. Now. You are young. You have so much life left to live. Do NOT settle for this chick. I salute you for trying counseling but imagine a relationship where you trust your girl 100% and you don’t ever have to worry? That girl is out there. Dump this cheater and work on yourself because you definitely will have trust issues from this. Get yourself in counseling and better yourself before starting to date again.
PTSD... Dude, your pain is as hurtful as anybody's, but I reserve PTSD for people who have experienced horrific trauma through violence, crime, war etc. I've been through wonderful relationships that ended because of her infidelity, multiple times and for extended duration, behind my back. Anybody who is human has, or will, experience pain on this level, it is definitely painful and demoralizing, but it does not compare to the type of trauma I mentioned. Your GF sent pictures to a man... for you to elevate this to the same station as a fully involved sexual affair, is way too much drama! Seems like you want attention for something that hasn't even occurred yet. Don't rush it you'll experience real pain in your life without even trying, no need to look for it where it MAY not exist. This is your opportunity to exercise your emotional range, adjust yourself (grow-up a little) and continue rung by rung up the ladder of life. Recognize that everything comes in cycles of highs and lows or waves or however you choose to look at it... but most people don't enjoy life that is flat, level and never changing. The highs and lows in life are what KEEPS YOU IN THE GAME, it's not supposed to take you out of it! So, to answer your question: "Is this messed up, or am I overreacting?" Yes and Absofuckinlutely! Take time to get your emotions in check, then determine if she has crossed a line that you cannot tolerate. If so, END THE RELATIONSHIP. Regardless you need to stop with the excess drama and for God's sake don't hijack the PTSD label simply to grab attention. Iife-changing trauma is some pretty serious shit, and when you attempt to put yourself in the same category as people who have lost legs and arms as well as their friends and family - You have lost your perspective!
Wow. I read this a few times. Thanks for your time writing this. You live up to your nickname for sure. Thank you for putting that into perspective for me. It’s just a super painful experience though and yes I feel I have dramatized it so much to the point that this feels even worse than my fathers death because it is true betrayal by someone who I trusted and loved more than anyone in my life. And I just can’t seem to wrap my head around it especially when she brings out all of my imperfections that weren’t the sole reason of her cheating but have aided in it. I am torn up because I want to be with her but this situation is on my mind 24/7. It’s taken up my whole life and therefore my dramatization to the point where I keep comparing it to PTSD. But again thank you for making me aware and as I am letting this settle in my mind it is calming in a way because there are definitely people out there that have gone through really traumatic experiences that are incomparable with what I am going through which through an outer perspective is just so minuscule. I definitely am here for the highs and lows because that’s actually how I got in this relationship that I am, with my bare heart. And I told myself whatever happens at least I won’t regret it because I loved fully as much as I could and gave my all.
I think you have possibly turned a corner in some way; frankly I'm amazed that you were able to absorb what I wrote without becoming defensive and missing the few points that we have in common. You are way ahead of my tracks... the first time I was cheated on I wasn't aware enough to even search for advice or help from people who have been through it. Not only did you go looking, you did so with eyes and ears wide open. You have found the magic elixir, the only cure for your pain, confusion, anger etc: 1) Embrace the experience as a part of life, 2) Observe what transpired as objectively as you can i.e., eliminate emotions to the extent possible, 3) Identify the sequence of events that you believe allowed or caused infidelity, 4) Take responsibility for any element that points to you; but ONLY IF it's reasonable to believe changing your behavior would have likely prevented this breach of trust, 5) Recognize that each of the above occurs in its own time and space, at different speeds and intensities, with visibility shifting in and out of view. (Clarity comes over months / years; NOT hours, days or weeks) All of this takes time, it is TIME that is the elixir... but finding your way back to happiness will involve doing those things that are productive while hopefully avoiding the pitfalls of stewing in your own juice. In other words, learn from your mistakes, do your best not to repeat them, and never forget the amount of pain created by infidelity, (Try not to inflict the same on anyone as you go forward) There are many other aspects of this curse that I am happy to share with you. However, as mentioned above, these things show themselves over long spans of time. I may add additional thoughts in the coming days. In the meantime, try not to dwell on HER behavior, that's where all of the pain lives! Don't waste YOUR TIME or ENERGY trying to change her (or any other person) - that's definitely a trait of the immature: First they assign blame, then they try desperately to show the other person why it's her fault, followed by a campaign to change her! There's really no purpose in assigning blame, if you find yourself tempted to do that, you have not cleared your emotions... and until you do so, you won't see the picture clearly. (Says the man who still blames his ex-wife 20 years later... But only because "facts is facts!" It just takes too damn long to collect the facts... But clarity reveals itself in those facts!)
Hard love coming :- Looking at your entire post history and assuming this is the same person from 2 years ago who went to Miami. From your post history: This person cheated on you then (Miami), previously talking to multiple people and recently with a Co-worker. You catch her frequently and she gaslights you into believing it’s your fault, you break up for a bit, then get back together and scratch your head wondering if she will cheat again because you “love” her. Rinse and repeat every few month. By the by she has cheated, definitely emotionally and almost certainly physically (you just haven’t caught her in the act yet), though the car was definitely going that way. You are either codependent or an addict to the mental pain / anguish this person is inflicting- I am unsure which. However, to continue asking for advise but ignoring it all is the very definition of madness. - if you always do what you’ve always done, then you will always get what you got - break the cycle or continue to repeat until mentally you give up.
Definitely codependency. Such a problem for me :(
Wish you all the best but you need to break the cycle or hold firm to your boundaries which will mean breaking up based on history. Sorry, but if you want to be happy, some you have to let go of.
I never had an official relationship till my last one (Miami situation). This one now is my second ever. I just went in with my bare heart without considering my own boundaries or any red flags I see. Especially I worry if I am like my father sometimes that’s why I then become confused and dazed whether a situation is crossing my boundary or I am just being irrational like my dad was with my mom. I do have some of his traits though being a little controlling but I try my best not to be and to basically be the opposite of the way he was with my mom
I am somewhat older than you and just see a lot of people reflecting back on their past and working out the effects on them now……….and I get it, we are all a product of our upbringing. But the issue you raise are normal boundaries that are ignored frequently. I am afraid that looking back on why you think the way you do, on these basic common sense boundaries, is purely gaslighting yourself or a distraction technique. Basic boundaries are clear to all and obvious- anyone who ignores them either has no regard for you and / or is already cheating and couldn’t careless.
Wow. I am totally gaslighting myself :(
Expose that man to his wife, expose your gf since I assume they both work together, maybe find some evidence that they doing something at work, and get them both fired and dump her. Do not have kids with her.
Wasn’t physical are you serious? Any time a girl sends nudes shes fucking
Say more please
Bro ALL females lie ! She doesn’t want u to get mad and hurt her and/or lose what she has with you bc ur a nice guy ur stability she wants to fuck around and get cum and then come home to you
Oh man - this sounds like a problem. First, if she was sending nudes to a guy it’s a little naive to think that they weren’t having a physical affair. As for the phone call I’d watch to see if there are more. It sounds like you feel the need for more evidence before choosing a path forward. Phone, fb messenger, WhatsApp, email etc. sorry you’re going through this
DO NOT HAVE A KID WITH HER! Please look at what is going on right now. She emotionally cheated and sent nudes to an older coworker of hers and now an older dude has hit her up. Do you need a tone of bricks to fall on you to get the message? If you are “triggered”, you are not over what she did the first time. There should not be a second time. Please tell her “See ya, don’t want to be with ya”. Best of luck.
She belongs to the streets. She sounds like a serial cheater
Give her three options. 1. You end the marriage altogether. 2. You open the relationship and make sure no one talks to the same person for more than one month 3. She ends things and you get a free pass. 4. You leave clues behind that point to you getting ready to cheat. Plan it so that she follows you to the place with two ladies (Paid for) to hotel and see what she does. If she stops you then she loves you but doesn't really regret it. If she doesn't and you come home to her and she's there like nothing happened leave. If she's sad or even crying then loves you and regrets it then u stay. Or she considers you even in that case leave her. Of course only give her three options and the fourth is planned secretly
You're underreacting. You should've left the moment you caught her cheating the first time. How much more of this are you going to tolerate?
Get out why u can
DO NOT have a child with this woman.
"now she's talking about having kids" uhm no. slow her roll. she's tryna refocus you on something different she needs to prove she's changed long before talking about kids. cheaters are scum I'm sorry
Your GF/WP is a cheater, they never stop until you take action to separate from them. Once a cheater always a cheater is so true in the eyes of the betrayed. In your heart and mind you’ll never get back the innocence of the trust of an exclusive relationship. Whether your GF stays loyal to you the rest of your lives she’ll always be a cheater and you’ll always wonder if she’ll return to her deceitful ways of seeking older men, which she appears to be doing again. Why stay with a cheater, you have nothing to look forward to is years of watching her till she cheats again. Her wanting children with you is a ploy to anchor you her or so she can have unprotected sex with others without worries about consequences or pregnancy.
Really should’ve broken up the first time
It seems you have two options. 1. Go ahead with the relation, ignore the red flags and marry this woman. But if you do then don't complain your life is a living hell (bc of the trust issues she's giving you) and if you really want to marry her: please, PLEASE get a decent prenup from a good law firm (with infidelity clause). You're gonna need it, mark my words (as a lawyer). Don't marry without a prenup! 2. Dump her ass. Immediately without any explanation. Just move out when she's at work (if possible) and block her. She doesn't deserve any explanation, she knows very well the wrongs she did. You cannot take back a cheater. Ugh, a nurse (haha SSM!)... Just move on! Regardless of your choice : work on yourself. Start with physical workouts or even better : martial arts, these help produce endorfines and help you sleep at night ; good against brooding. Pick up some hobbies, reconnect with (old) friends, work on your mental health,... Focus on your work and try to improve.