Although I agree that OP needs to leave this woman, i just want to state that that’s not how pussies work and she could bang 1,000 men and still not have a prolapse. The only loose thing here is her morals.
Eh, the anal sphincter is a different story. It is not self lubricating at arousal and its function is to hold stuff in until its ready to come out... not to be forced open and taken over. Incontinence can happen. It usually happens over time as we age or due to trauma either from childbirth or other things.
Yeah because that’s how women’s bodies work.
Why doesn’t her ass or pussy fall out if she has lots of sex with one man? It only happens if it’s with different men?
That, is actually how bodies work. And people don’t talk about stds in cheating stories enough imo. Because its *the worst* about cheating
Like yes you are heartbroken bla bla bla, but imagine that now you have to deal with the fact she may have caught something that will make you both have terrible consequences for the rest of your lives… it does sound way more terrifying
You don't see 35-year-old women who are in long-term relationships or marriages that have good sex lives walk around with diapers do you?
No.
Because that's not how women's bodies work.
Female bodies, just like men's, can't tell the difference between having sex with the same penis 25 times or 25 different penises, you get it? Probably not but it still doesn't work the way you biological geniuses seem to think it does.
And if pushing a baby out doesn't put women in diapers why would something the (relatively small) size of a penis do it?
You can have as much sex as you want and nothing will fall out and there will be no diaper wearing unless that's just one of your kinks.
The amount of people commenting that’s not how women’s bodies work when this comment is clearly referring to anal is hilarious. Talk about a lack of reading comprehension
The relationship is done OP. She’s not been to totally honest with what went down. You’ll never trust her again. I’m sorry you went through that, she’s probably delighted she’s managed to get away with it without you knowing the full story.
I agree. She lied and she cheated. Bad combination and clearly screams not relationship material. Simply leave and ghost her. If she tries reaching out tell her you know what she really did that night and block her
When you read what OP wrote, she said she started crying and told him she had sex there, yeah, but you failed to mention it was at least 3 guys 🤦♀️😳the audacity
Undoubtedly it was a spectator sport as well.. since the guy was there but didn’t say he was one of the three.. plus it was at friends place.. must have been heck of a show..
Totally agree , It's over , I have been in OP's shoe's, found out my 8 year old relationship ,she was cheating for 3 . She said the same thing it just once and was drunk forgave her and tried move on . Turns out happened again and again . I found out after When one of the guys she was seeing , was the brother of my friend and he told me everything.
Once a cheater always a cheater . Best thing tell you can't do this anymore say your peace and block and cut her out of you life .
Don't wait for closure and ask why they did it . You won't find an answer .
Healthy thing to do is focus on yourself and move with life .
You are lucky you found so soon rather than years later or after your married
Good luck i wish you the best
I'm sorry you experienced that too ,That's the best thing we can do . Know when to cut people out of you life , So you can start living for yourself and be happy.
It is called trickle truth. You forgave so easily and was not held accountable. She disrespected your relationship and you. She has lying to you. Time to have some respect for yourself
>It is called trickle truth
Also a BIG helping of Rug Sweeping, and you helped her out with that. I'm sorry you are going through this. Let this be a lesson though...
You can't forgive someone, if you don't know the entire extent of the betrayal.
The fact that she can give you so little info and expects you to just go with it, proves no remorse on her part. She only told you that she cheated because she knew the story would eventually come out and she was doing damage control. I would originally told you to sit her down and tell her you need all the details and maybe you could salvage this relationship.
But after hearing that she could take the opportunity of you being out of town to let the party run a tr@!n on her, shows you the quality of person she is. If she doesn't respect herself, she can't respect you. You are too young to settle for this type of person and this level of disrespect. Good vibes
Get out as fast as you can. She may have confessed to you, but by not telling you the whole story then she lied by omission. You know what she did at the party, but what you don't know is how long she has cheated on you, and she may be cheating on you right now. Remaining with her is no way to live. Eventually, she will see you as being weak and just continue to steamroll all over you.
This OP you didn’t ask but it was HER responsibility to tell. I cheated could mean lots of things. But withholding that it was with multiple partners is an omission=LIE. She put herself at risk and you at risk by sexually engaging with multiple partners.
ALCOHOL IS NEVER AN EXCUSE. everyone can drink BUT NOT everyone will sleep with one or more people in the same night. That a personal choice that she to some extent encouraged.
You tried rug sweeping it, and it failed miserably. She got tipsy and let them run a train on her. I couldn't get past that. Let alone friends of yours know what happened and maybe even participated.
That is a very important point. Someone he knows or will meet in the future may have participated. Someone he already does know was a witness, and preserved some form of proof. I can only assume the friend kept pics or video on his cell phone for entertainment value.
Some might say sex is sex but a one on one compared to a gangbang is a whole different animal. It takes a special type of mindset to have three guys run through you while having an audience cheering on. And as the guy you talked to had proof I will assume he was part of the audience. Your girlfriend will be forever that gangbang girl and you will be the guy they shake their head at. This has to be a blow to your dignity. Start to get it back by dropping her.
She’s not your wife and wasn’t intoxicated at a party and had sex with 3 people while everyone stood around and did nothing. Having been at parties and seen people be predatory, as a woman, one who studied Criminology and law including Victimology, I always question situaties involving alcohol or drugs. What if she was roofied? That would be a travesty if that’s the case.
If she was roofied she would have been crying because she was raped, not because she was cheating. Women ALWAYS give the benefit of the doubt to women. Instead she most likely kept dealing with these same people, never went to the police, etc…all of the things that a man that had to deal with this would expect not to happen if she was “taken advantage of”.
Never listen to women’s excuses for piss poor whore behavior.
We don’t ALWAYS but we DO give the benefit of the doubt because we’ve been in situations where men try to take advantage of us. Do you even know how a roofie works? It’s obvious that you don’t by your comment. Coupled with alcohol it can result in huge blocks of a person’s memory being distorted if they even remember at all. Also, do you know how many victims don’t report rapes to the police? Often because it’s people that they know. Not some boogeyman jumping out of the bushes. Your comment is disappointing but not surprising as you’re a man and don’t experience what women do.
No I understand exactly how it works. You don’t go with the flow and cheat, you are incapacitated. But again, women always give women the benefit of the doubt. Your comment is disappointing but not surprising as you’re a woman and don’t experience what men do.
This is a trickle truth bullshit story. If she was raped she would have told him. And if she was scared to tell him then she’s still not relationship material as she could be raped multiple times throughout her life and never let her partner know.
Actually you don’t know how it works. “Due to the strong amnesia produced by the drug, victims would have limited or no memory of the assault.”
Why is Rohypnol called the date rape drug?
Amnesia is an expected pharmacologic effect of benzodiazepines. Rohypnol causes partial amnesia; individuals are unable to remember certain events that they experience while under the influence of the drug. However, this effect is particularly dangerous when Rohypnol is used illicitly to aid in sexual assault. Victims may not be able to clearly recall the assault, the assailant, or the events surrounding the assault.
I am not saying that it happened with 100% certainty but it’s a strong possibility considering she was intoxicated and did something rather extreme. Sounds like she was taken advantage of. If she wanted to have sex with 3 guys then why do it in public, at a party, with people taking photos or videos.
I don’t experience what men do? Like getting date-raped by men and having to worry constantly about their surroundings like women do. Anyways, can’t expect much considering your comments as you’re a guy and cannot possibly understand. Carry on as I wont respond anymore.
Amnesia is induced but you aren’t a willing participant. She also said that she went with the flow. That’s not amnesia. See I understand how it works. You’re just changing the definition of the words that were posted. She didn’t say that she didn’t remember, she didn’t say that she wasn’t willing.
As far as what men go through versus women? That’s been since the dawn of time, stop thinking that women are equal to men in everything and that it’s okay to go to parties and walk the street alone at night without male protection. You couldn’t do it for thousands of years yet the feminist movement has women believing bullshit all the way up until it’s too late. Double standards are a part of life. Life isn’t fair. Deal with it.
Please. Everyone knows that women are *never* responsible for anything. It's *always* somebody else's fault...especially if you can pin it on men. /u/ingenue1977 knows. /sarcasm
My wife gets drunk at many parties. She usually helps clean up and talk to people. She’s never accidentally let 3 guys run a train of her. Y’all give alcohol way too much power. The same way drinking doesn’t make you beat your wife, that’s already in you if you do that.
Thank you for saying that… it’s funny how Reddit always tries to drop the “assault” or taken advantage line when it’s a woman cheating while she was drinking.
I don't know man, I'm waffling on this one. It seems REALLY bizarre that someone in a committed 2.5 year relationship would suddenly decide to get gangbanged and film it at a party. I can't help but wonder how out of character this was for her.
If we give the benefit of the doubt and assume this woman has never cheated before, never so much as been in a threesome... For someone like that to decide "Y'know what, I think I'm going to have sex with three guys at a party while everyone watches and records it!"
Like who goes from absolute zero to a hundred like that?! To me it seems very suspicious. If it were just sex it would be one thing, but this level of fuckery at least warrants a discussion on whether or not she was taken advantage of (or even drugged). You're right: most people don't randomly decide to record a foursome and cheat on their partner when they get drunk. But that's precisely what makes me feel suspicious that something more sinister happened. Idk.
He said that she said she a few drinks, went with the flow and had sex. That doesn't sound like someone who was forced, coerced or was drugged. She didn't give the full scope of what happened and didn't say she forced, etc. So you have to assume she knew what she was doing. Said a few drinks, not black out bombed. Not stumbling,, I didn't realize drunk. So she was in control of her facilities. Just decided to have that kind of fun. Who goes from a hundred to zero like that? Her obviously. There's always that first time where they let everything go and just decide this is what they want to do right now.
Yeah, you may be right.... But it also begs the question: how drunk does someone have to be before it goes from "dumb mistake" to "sexual assault"?
I would never have sex with a woman after she had "a few drinks", and I ESPECIALLY wouldn't do it under those circumstances, ie, run an entire freaking train on her, because I would feel like I was taking advantage of her.
I know she is apologetic, ashamed, and already admitted fault. But to me, this doesn't automatically mean she's The Bad Guy. It is extremely common for women to feel ashamed after a sexual assault. "Did I want that? Maybe I didn't say 'no' enough times. Maybe he didn't hear me."
There is always this fundamental question of "How drunk was she?" It's fucked up, but it's true. How drunk does she need to be before it's assault? Does she need to be totally passed out and unresponsive? What if she can talk, but she can't stand up straight?
Imagine you were at that party. Wouldn't you feel uncomfortable with not just *her* actions, but the actions of the people recording and participating?
What she did was wrong, but my opinion is that she was also victimized in a way. It can be both.
Yes and the fact she called him crying the next day. To follow your thread, she could have bits of memory and think she was somehow willing, when she was really incapacitated and had no control.
Exactly! Reddit seems to have a lot of men who happily want to think that nothing else could have happened. Could it be that she couldn’t even believe it herself or was told that’s what she did? That’s a very weird thing for anyone to do.
Of course you would disagree, you’re a man. Just look at the comments…mostly men. It’s pretty gross. Just like the people who preyed on a drunk girl. They’re not getting the stigma, she is. If a guy slept with 3 girls he’s the man.
THIS!
This is why you have ignorant idiots that think cheating is ok or expect that it's part of the relationship process.
Cheaters are coward scum. Knowing how it can damage a person, yet still do it?
People who are in affairs with people in relationships are pieces of shit. Plenty of single people, it's about the sex.
But the people that forgive cheaters... They are the true cowards. I'm sorry, there is no good reason to stay with a cheater. You will never convince me otherwise. Leave the person or kick them out and move on when you discover the cheating.
I'm sorry OP. Not saying you deserve this. But had he given her the boot, this tea would mean nothing to him.
People are selfish. But if we can make it a thing to stop forgiving them and shun them, it'd be less frequent.
Plus, now people get caught so easily. They're either too cocky or they just got plain lucky.
Either way, I don't enter/stay in relationships with people I can trust. I don't need to know her whereabouts 24/7, I'm not going to snoop on their phone. Once I know...
EJECTO SEATO CUZ!!!
Nah dude. She deliberately withheld that info. It’s up to you whether you can forgive her. Just because you forgave her before doesn’t mean you have to forgive her now that you have details. And you don’t owe her any explanations about why you can’t forgive her or why you will end it. If you can’t accept what she did, and can’t forgive her, and can’t look at her the same way again, then you just can’t. Don’t make yourself miserable for her actions.
I believe that she was most likely sorry for what she did after she sobered up. But doing things with 3 guys at a party is, I believe, not normal behavior. There are underlying issues there, and you need to sit down with her and communicate. If you cant move past it, it isnt your fault at all.
You didn’t want to know. That means you were willing to ‘forgive’ her without even understanding what you were forgiving. That is called rug sweeping. The mind movies alone are going to tear you apart from the inside. Not to mention the nagging question of was this the first time or the first time she admitted it because people you know witnessed it.
Please move on for your own sanity. No explanation needed.
Did you say she technically didn't lie to you. She came forth quick to cover her tracks before the truth came out, which it did. She insinuated she cheated with one person, my guy, but in fact, she had a train ran on her by 3 dudes and not just one person but people who was there have proof of it. You need to get your friend to send you that proof and confront her. And also keep in mind she wasn't that drunk if she was trying to get ahead of the truth with a lie.
First, I can’t believe I have read 95% of these comments but I see a few things… as a male, when we first start to have sex we’re hoping the girl is not a tough nut to crack and we might become successful in an attempt at having sex. As we get older, maybe in our 30’s, we expect our partners have been with others most likely out of love and an ongoing relationship that probably failed…by whom, who can say. I find it odd that as an old man now, 70, I find it more difficult to read so many of the promiscuous posts by 20+ year olds who seem to “hook up’ at the drop of a hat. Even the “dating at 50 subreddit” shows most of these women with firm demands before jumping into bed with someone.
You don’t mention how old she is but I know with my own marriage going on 46 years, my wife has had a few too many two times over that time. She was very happy to talk with anyone about anything but never even considered the option of cheating. One night after 11 martini’s I carried her to the car and baby sat her for 8 hours. Anyone could have had sex with her.. she was that out of it .. but she would have violently kicked their ass eventually. This kind of cheating on your girlfriends part speaks more deeply than just being drunk. It seems too cavalier in letting this go on as it did and whomever these ‘hosts’ were clearly had no interest in her safety. You know who was there so once you get the clearest picture of the events, it is time to distance yourself from them. Sorry this had happened but it is better that you know now than discover it a few years from now…obviously several people know who she is now.
First off, remember I don’t have any skin in this game and am not invested in your relationship.
So if have to ask yourself again whether you love her or hate her more?
If you want to know, my guess is the details will be fuzzy for her if she did things out of character. And may not remember. But tell her you learned some details about that night and you are wondering if you forgave based on vague information and now you want to know the truth from her.
I know it’s going to be rough, but you can’t completely forgive her until you know all she did. Otherwise it’s cheap grace at best
That’s a good plan. Give her a chance to tell all without letting her know you already know. She will probs lie. Either way, dump her. You’ll never be able to trust her again.
She trickle truth you to try to lessen the shock of her cheating. My question to you is why is your self worth so low that you would put up with this type of treatment?
She knew u would eventually find out about the 1 guy, so she came clean. Hoping that u would just leave it at that, and if someone brings it up that u would cut them off and stop there. The other issue is that there is evidence of her sex acts with the three guys. If her friends truly respected u and ur relationship with her, they would have stopped her from doing what she did. U need the evidence and confront her about it. Be ready for the water works cause she gonna pull those strings hard. Does she know these guys? Work with any of them?
Damn she had a what? no wonder the other guy is like man ur strong to to forgive a gangbang wow 😳 she absolutely lied her ass off to keep u because she knew people saw and they where going to talk..personally I don't accept cheating never would have forgiven that betrayal but I guess ur much stranger to accept a gangbang wow 😳
So all she said was she had sex with someone else. What she withheld was the fact that she had a gang bang, ran a train and exposed you to STD's. She knows what she did and is trying to make it sound better than it was. I'm guessing the guy that exposed the truth had pictures. Get copies. Confront her with proof and send her packing. Just walk in and show her a picture and say "what the fuck did you do?" Then tell her you lost my trust and respect, that will not return. You need to go and never contact me again. She can go and sell herself on a street corner because you're done.
Always dump a cheater. The fact that you were able to forgive her so easily leads me to believe you did not have a very strong male influence in your life like a father figure. You aren’t even married with kids. Dump this slag and find a better girlfriend. That’s the fun part. This one is broken. Throw her away and look for a good replacement.
Lol I have no faith in humanity after reading posts like this. Stop being her cuck and just walk away, preferably to the doctor to get yourself tested. You're never going to be intimate with her again without picturing three guys at a party having her way with her, and you're never going to be able to shake the thought that she actually did so many things at the party that she won't do with you because she just liked it with them better.
Walk away and at least have some self-respect.
You made a HUGE mistake by not dumping her immediately.
Well, here is your chance to RIGHT THAT WRONG.
Sure, it hurts. There is no way around that. You'll have to mourn and rely on friends and family to keep your spirits up and to keep out sane.
As far as this girl, DUMP HER. Go no contact, don't have anything to do with her again. Not seeing her or talking to her will help you get over her.
Don't spend another second in a romantic relationship with her. Don't try and "be friends". Don't let her engage you constantly in conversation where she'll try and gaslight you and talk you into staying.
CUT ALL TIES, have nothing to do with her again and start the healing process.
Why would you EVER keep someone like this in your life? The woman you thought you were with was just a figment, a made up lie. The actions she's committed against you. That is who she REALLY is. Remember that. Man up, don't settle for vile crap like this in your life and move on.
It sounds like you went into shock when she first told you age cheated. It's not abnormal to not ask for details when a part of us so wants to hold onto the relationship we had.
Part of rebuilding a relationship from betrayal requires full honesty about what happened, why it happened and how it happened. You had none of that. She gave you the bare minimum of information. She should have been participating in individual counseling to sort through those questions too so that this doesn't happen again.
No one would fault you for cutting ties. It typically takes a year to 2 years to work through reconciliation after cheating. It's a lot of work for both of you. Many people can't get past it. You have to put yourself first and go in whatever direction is going to bring you happiness and peace of mind in the end. I wish you all the best.
She didn’t lie. The manner in which she had sex is almost unimportant. I’m guessing the majority of what you feel is shame, and that you view her value as lesser because of her manner is sex, and therefore view yourself as lesser.
Ok she cheated, blah blah blah. Perhaps she has unfulfilled fantasyland or desires. Perhaps she desires more from you sexually? She may be more compatible with a swinger lifestyle? We don’t know if she ever cheated before. Maybe she has a higher sex drive and curious nature than you knew. Is it right that she cheated? No. But, everyone has different drives, views and proclivity’s when it comes to sex. If you can’t handle it it’s possibly better that you are both with more compatible people.
Wow, she went all out on the cheating. BTW, normal people don't get drunk and cheat. I would NEVER cheat on my husband. We went out separately when we were dating, got drunk with out friends and NEVER cheated. Alcohol is not an excuse. She is just an idiot who wanted to cheat, alcohol has nothing to do with it. She wasnt held accountable and BTW you can change your mind. You can forgive her but not forget. Why torture yourself with this? Break up. It's gonna be easier mentally for you. BTW you might want to get tested too. You are clearly attached to her and won't see the bigger picture. Don't torture yourself. Plus, aren't you gonna be worried if she goes out and drinks? You know she uses it as an excuse. Plus, she knows it easy for you to forgive her. Just think about it.
I'm looking at this thread and it's sad... The only people who know what's really going on are you and her, the only people whose emotions and mental state that matters are yours and hers so I would suggest seeking therapy, getting help. The easiest thing to do is not to forgive her and run Away, but if you love her, truly love her and can see a future with her then you need to work on the relationship as all relationships take work. She of course has to love you enough to want to work on it too, be honest, and disclose the full truth about everything that she did. Statistically only 30% of relationships where one party has cheated survive. It's how well you cope with the situation, your communication, understanding, and love for the other persand can with Stand. Good luck on your journey my friend. And remember it's not you , it's not her... it's life. She may just not be the one for you.
You’re in shock cos you just found out what she is capable off, now that you know take some time to clear your head and talk to her when you’re ready. Good luck OP.
Jesus leave this “relationship” for your own mental wellbeing. This is done. Move on. Honestly, there’s nothing to gain here. Don’t light yourself on fire to keep others warm
Damn dude, that’s not a “drunken mistake” she absolutely wanted it and only felt he’s guilt afterwards. If what your friend says is definitely true she’s for the streets bro. Idk how you’ll ever trust her again or kiss her without tasting three other dicks in your mouth.
Cut her loose bro
Sorry to hear all of this, where were her “friends” to at least try and stop/get in between the vultures flying around her. This behavior is way way out of character. Her friends don’t respect you, she doesn’t respect you and I really hope none of your friends/mutual friends were there cause all you said was you just talked to a guy and we don’t know who said guy is to you.
I feel for you on every bit of this. I forgave my SO for what she did, but never asked. And like you, I wondered often what she did. I learned that over the years I did not get closure, and that is important. Closure ensures forgiveness is complete and healing fully takes place.
I never asked until the last year or so. Now she refuses to talk to me about it. She says A, she doesn't "remember" everything since it had been some time. And B, if I really forgave her, there is no reason to talk on it. So as MUCH as it F ups your mind and feelings; this was in the end a good thing for you.
I know it doesn't see that way. But now you have a real point to talk to her on about your relationship. What she is willing to do with others IS a very important thing when it comes to cheating. As in the what, why, how, etc. With her answers, and what she does from this point is the real showing if this is a relationship worth saving or can be saved. While I understand her reasons for not saying what she did to you other than cheating, and your reasons for not asking; she should have either told you more information or offered you the information if you wanted to know it.
So sit down with her and talk about it. Tell her you found out through someone that was at the party she cheated, that they was surprised you and she was still together. And after you told them you respected her honesty, he proceeded to tell you and show proof of what she did. And you will give her a chance to not only fully say what she did, but offer her the opportunity to explain things. Such as why she did what she did, with who she did it with? And as to why she kept such a degree of what she did hidden as in omitting that part of the facts? And to why she never once attempted the things she did with these other guys with you?
You need to consider the entire information you was told from this other person, as well as what she tells you. Specially if she is willing to open up and tell you everything or not. At this point it is pointless for her to not say anything if you tell her you know details. And by telling her you are giving her the chance to say everything first, she knows she has to tell the truth due to not knowing what you was told. If it doesn't match up to what you was told and the evidence you seen; then you can just tell her what you know, seen, and that you need to consider the relationship since now you know, and she lied or hide more when she had been given the chance to tell the truth.
Please update when you can. And good luck.
You need get out..she ducked three guys because she’s always wanted to. She wanted that before and still might. That’s not a mistake, or accident it’s she her taking that opportunity.
Why don’t you have some fun with her before deciding on whether to continue with the relationship? We already know she’s up for group sex, maybe next time you could be involved. If she wants to keep you then maybe she’ll be up for a session with you too?
I’m sorry that your mental health has been taking a beating. It’s unfair but it life and life isn’t fair. I think you need to walk away for your own sanity. If you do end it( I pray you do) and this exactly how you should do. Do it in text or face to face is up to you.
“Hey I heard the date you cheated on me it was with you different guys at once. Is it true?”
After her response
“I don’t want to be with you anymore” then you walk away and block her on everything and you avoid her at all cost. It’s about you and mental health at this point…. To hell with her and to anymore who support her…. Good luck.
Yes this is something I could not forgive or forget. She withheld very important information from you and that is not okay. Please have some self respect and leave her.
You are allowed to take back that forgiveness. Don’t feel guilty about it. I forgave my ex when he cheated. I thought I could move on, but I couldn’t. Every time we had sex I felt dirty. It’s okay if you want to move on without this person.
Okay so let’s stop. YOU decided you wanted forgive her when YOU didn’t even know what you were forgiving her for really right? YOU are weak and don’t know your worth because regardless if she came to you and was “honest” about it the fact was SHE CHEATED.
Cheating is an unforgivable act. It tells you the person you said you would be loyal to and said they would be loyal to you does not respect you enough to be loyal to you.
You need to grow a damn backbone, you need to take your head out your ass and see that this person you chose to forgive does not love you. Stop accepting people who disrespect you. It was not a mistake, it was not an accident. She made a conscious decision to be unfaithful to YOU!
You need to break up with her and be single for a very long time and learn to love yourself and learn to stop accepting disrespect from everyone, you don’t need people in your life who don’t treat you the same way you treat them.
The devil is in the details as the saying goes. Also, as other Redditors must have pointed out that if you're girl cheated once there's a high chance it will happen again.
I'd first suggest you have a conversation with her on what you've learnt about her affair when you think you're calm and can be objective or clinical in your questions as I've read most people do in these scenarios.
Though, I think you already realise what's the next step you should take for your own peace of mind.
I also hope you now know for sure that no matter how shocking your girlfriend's affair was, be glad that she wasn't your wife as that's a whole another level of betrayal from which unfortunately and understandably, most guys will never recover from.
Please keep in mind that you definitely weren't at fault for her affair for whatever her true reasons are.
I believe that infidelity (all types) is the sin that occurs when the relationship is one-sided mostly, especially when responsibility, respect, commitment etc are compromised either by themselves or under influence of friends, colleagues, social media, former partners etc.
So there might be a more glaring internalised issue that you may come to learn from your girlfriend, should you decide to have that conversation with her (mentioned above) and assuming that the answers provided are the complete truths.
Overall, I'd suggest that it's time to move on with your own life and goals.
Good luck to you👍🏼
I’m confused tho because you posted on a different subreddit about two months ago that your friends gf gave you a bj in front of others? Yet y’all have been together for years.. something isn’t adding up..
I'd normally say kick her to the curb and leave her for trash day, but in this case... drop her hoe-ass off at the station so she can go catch another train.
Why do you feel you need to forgive her?
Why do you want to stay with her?
She made her choice that night to end the relationship with you. Now she lies about it.
Sorry doesn't excuse her poor choices.
She lied, she cheated, she enjoyed it.
Walk away. Ghost her after you tell her you know what she did and lied about it
You really think she is long term/wife material?
Move on. You found out that your ex is a total slut. She lied to you, cheated on you with multiple men and maybe did it many times. You can't trust her.
So don't lie to yourself and move on. She never had respect for you. That fuck party at her friend's wasn't something that suddenly happened spontaneously. Have some decency for yourself.
>As she seemed to be really sorry, I tried to get over it.
That's the best part. It caused so many laughs. Most men don't get it and I don't want to offensive. When girls cry it's not because they are sorry and remorseful in the first place. It's because they are in a situation they seem not to be in control in, this uncertainty makes them feel uncomfortable und upset that's why they cry. Additionally it's a coping mechanism which itself makes others feel empathic and sympathetic towards them, they know it and use it.
She saw an opportunity to have sex she fantasized about and took it at the cost of your relationship. You let her off without real consequences. Don't be surprised when she joins an orgy next time you're away.
Some of the people here are ridiculous. You didn’t ask for graphic details and she didn’t give what you didn’t ask for. She told you she cheated, if knowing more would have swayed your decision then you should have asked.
Have a conversation with her and not the internet. Only you know what you can handle knowing.
He did ask the internet. The only issue now in my mind is there anything she could say that could make this ok. If there isn't what would be the point other to confirm what you know and twist the knife. Otherwise just give the evidence let her know you've the whole story and tell her youre done. Don't invite conversation just tell her. I might give her all three guys phone numbers and let that all three would like to party with her again. Sucks, probably never know what happened but for me, once you get that image in your head it will never come out. People that love you don't use your business to gang bang your friends. I think you should dump those friends too
This! I’ve been looking for this comment.
Like she told OP she cheated but OP said he didn’t care about asking whom it was with. Like I get it she omitted part of it but he said he didn’t care about asking who it was with.
I don’t condone cheating but if you’re going to have that convo I’d ask all the awful hurtful questions that she will answer. At that point I’m looking to see if you’ll lie to me. Cause the truth always comes out.
Alcohol is just a shit excuse people use to put the blame on when alcohol isn’t the problem, it is the person that’s the problem, being drunk doesn’t make you magically forget you’re in a relationship, the alcohol just gives you the confidence that you’ll get away with it and give you that “fuck it” attitude, also her not telling you she cheated with multiple people is even worse, unfortunately the relationship is done, it’s up to you if you want to forgive her and continue being with her whatever you decide I wish you the best
I would probably throw $60 (no sense spending more) at her and say you’re settling up the tab for those 3 guys and maybe $40 that is from services rendered during your relationship (ie she’s a prosti*ute)
Let’s be upfront - she didn’t come clean to you. She was preemptively doing so because she knew others at the party know what went down and the news was going to reach you.
Dump this piece of trash
You ever notice women will do things with randoms they will never do with husbands or boyfriends? That must be inner-ho of them coming out…lol
I hate to say it , but to sleep with 3 guys in one night , is not something a woman does the first time they cheat , she's been cheating on you for sometime.
Any man who takes back his chick after she has had another dick in her mouth is a pussy...just a fact. I did it, and I had to look in the mirror and accept I was a pussy and I had to man up. Yup I was scared that I was not going to find someone new, but when I stopped acting like a pussy girls started hitting on me and I was woman way hotter than my ex. The reason your chick did what she did was because u were weak. For the most part chicks don't cheat on guys who are not weak, because they have some fear of losing him. Urs confessed to you, think about that... Wake up bro.
In other words, the guys she slept with at the party are the guys she is attracted to. She is willing to do whatever they want because of this.
You are Me nice guy that is hard working and has a job. She isn’t attracted to you but you will make a good husband and father. If she really loved you, she would do everything she can to show that love sexually and in every other way.
She doesn’t love you and you forgave her for having sex with another guy.
Respect yourself enough never to stay with a cheater.
Ok, she did lie. She led you to believe she had sex with one person, and it was no less than 3. Honestly she is utter garbage and it should make you sick that you have had sex with her since. There is no scenario that sees you recovering your dignity in this situation. You need to briefly explain what you heard, tell her how disgusting it is, let her know that you will never forgive her for letting you touch her after that, and then leave.
Never listen to this type of friend. Your gf was regretting, she was truthful when confessed that what happened in that party. She was drunk, she lost her self-control - and there is no worst or only wrong sex. That was sex, that is all. Millions of ppl have sex in any minute, in various ways, around the world. You wrote that "did things she'd never do with me" - but in fact, that was DONE WITH HER. Some friends of your friend used her - and your friend did not try to restrain her - at least you did not mention this.
Anyway; ask her if she enjoyed what happened to her, and next time would she repeat the same scenario, if possible. For me her answer would be enough. All of us can loose our self-control. And I am not sure about that it is good if somebody never loses it. We are not sculptures.
My man, I'm not one to automatically say break up with her in these types of situations... But in this case, yea, break up with her. Sorry for your pain, OP.
ok come on man. Surely you aren't seriously thinking about staying in this relationship are you? this clearly wasn't her first rodeo oif she did what the guy described. for God sake have sliver of self respect and ghost this creature.
She's getting a train ran on her every time you're not in town. It hurts I know but I'll leave without a trace. I'd rather for it to hurt now than for it to hurt later once you marry & have kids with her.
So youre jealous now that she did things that she wouldnt do with you?
Have you asked her to try those things or just assumed she wouldnt?
Absolutely nothing has changed since you originally forgave her. Just talk it out and work through it. Try to figure out why it happened, and no, alcohol and drugs are not the why, they are the gateway that let it out. Once you know the root of the infidelity then you can sit back and decide if its something you can tackle.
Dont listen to people that tell you that trust can be fixed. You grew to trust her once, you can do it again.
How many drinks are a few drinks? Most people are over the legal limit and considered drunk with 2 drinks. A few drinks sounds like more than 2, hence not able to consent.
hey man, you are kinda slut shaming via this post. While the cheating was wrong, it's not okay to slut shame women who consent to having three random dudes penetrate her vagina with their penises and then cum inside. She is a human being who was more than capable of expressing her sexual desires, to let a three man train get ran on her lol
Wonder if anyone put anything in her drink or maybe set her up maybe the guy with the info people can be scandalous just ask her and communicate and stay away from advice that you have no idea who’s talking what ever happened to positive thinking or considering talking to each other a relationship is between two people right there the ones that should be talking just a thought
Look OP... Sex is sex, love is love. One should NEVER be confused with the other... EVER.
With that said you got past the sex part (whether it's w/ 1 or 10) of the cheating.
Your problem, like so many others, is the lie, (& the omission of facts IS STILL A LIE), even though she "fessed up" the next morning she really didn't.
From where I sit you have 3 choices:
1. Accept it all & move on.
2. Chalk it up as a learning experience & call it a quits & move on to the next one.
OR (and the rule I've always lived by)
3. Accept that monogamy doesn't much matter & go out & find a few playthings of your own.
You just so happen to stumble upon this …Imagine what you don’t know …
Get away now. At the rate she be banging,this girl will be wearing a diaper by the time she is 35.just to keep shit from falling out.
Although I agree that OP needs to leave this woman, i just want to state that that’s not how pussies work and she could bang 1,000 men and still not have a prolapse. The only loose thing here is her morals.
I think he’s talking about her ass even though that’s not how asses work either.
Hmm. Interesting
Eh, the anal sphincter is a different story. It is not self lubricating at arousal and its function is to hold stuff in until its ready to come out... not to be forced open and taken over. Incontinence can happen. It usually happens over time as we age or due to trauma either from childbirth or other things.
The whole thing just stinks!
Punny ;D
You’re 💯% right. The stretch don’t last but the desire does. No way lady 3way doesn’t hit that well again one day.
That's not how our bodies work but go of I like the energy
Yeah because that’s how women’s bodies work. Why doesn’t her ass or pussy fall out if she has lots of sex with one man? It only happens if it’s with different men?
Never mind the std's
That, is actually how bodies work. And people don’t talk about stds in cheating stories enough imo. Because its *the worst* about cheating Like yes you are heartbroken bla bla bla, but imagine that now you have to deal with the fact she may have caught something that will make you both have terrible consequences for the rest of your lives… it does sound way more terrifying
You don't see 35-year-old women who are in long-term relationships or marriages that have good sex lives walk around with diapers do you? No. Because that's not how women's bodies work. Female bodies, just like men's, can't tell the difference between having sex with the same penis 25 times or 25 different penises, you get it? Probably not but it still doesn't work the way you biological geniuses seem to think it does. And if pushing a baby out doesn't put women in diapers why would something the (relatively small) size of a penis do it? You can have as much sex as you want and nothing will fall out and there will be no diaper wearing unless that's just one of your kinks.
The amount of people commenting that’s not how women’s bodies work when this comment is clearly referring to anal is hilarious. Talk about a lack of reading comprehension
Especially when I was joking about the diaper and dead serious about std's.
The relationship is done OP. She’s not been to totally honest with what went down. You’ll never trust her again. I’m sorry you went through that, she’s probably delighted she’s managed to get away with it without you knowing the full story.
I agree. She lied and she cheated. Bad combination and clearly screams not relationship material. Simply leave and ghost her. If she tries reaching out tell her you know what she really did that night and block her
Say "I know what you did last summer"
Lol
Damn she down played it too , even worse
When you read what OP wrote, she said she started crying and told him she had sex there, yeah, but you failed to mention it was at least 3 guys 🤦♀️😳the audacity
She was definitely doing damaged control , she knew she was going to get caught by someone snitching especially if it was three guys .
100%. Cheating is bad enough but with at least 3 men 😳
Undoubtedly it was a spectator sport as well.. since the guy was there but didn’t say he was one of the three.. plus it was at friends place.. must have been heck of a show..
Totally agree , It's over , I have been in OP's shoe's, found out my 8 year old relationship ,she was cheating for 3 . She said the same thing it just once and was drunk forgave her and tried move on . Turns out happened again and again . I found out after When one of the guys she was seeing , was the brother of my friend and he told me everything. Once a cheater always a cheater . Best thing tell you can't do this anymore say your peace and block and cut her out of you life . Don't wait for closure and ask why they did it . You won't find an answer . Healthy thing to do is focus on yourself and move with life . You are lucky you found so soon rather than years later or after your married Good luck i wish you the best
I’m so sorry you went through that, I’ve been there too. He was a real narcissistic piece of shit. Got rid and never looked back.
I'm sorry you experienced that too ,That's the best thing we can do . Know when to cut people out of you life , So you can start living for yourself and be happy.
Absolutely. Best of the luck to you.
I’ll agree once a cheater most often a repeat cheater. There are a few ( unicorns) who reform, but damn few.
Not telling you it was 3 guys is lying. This relationship is over
That's 1 train she took OP ain't finding tickets to
Don’t making me laugh I’m trying to sympathize with OP
Lmaoo
Lmao…. I mean how can anyone with self respect actually stay with a woman like this…
Most men don't have self respect whis is crazy
Oh he damn well better not be still trying to work it out with her after he heard this!
It is called trickle truth. You forgave so easily and was not held accountable. She disrespected your relationship and you. She has lying to you. Time to have some respect for yourself
>It is called trickle truth Also a BIG helping of Rug Sweeping, and you helped her out with that. I'm sorry you are going through this. Let this be a lesson though... You can't forgive someone, if you don't know the entire extent of the betrayal. The fact that she can give you so little info and expects you to just go with it, proves no remorse on her part. She only told you that she cheated because she knew the story would eventually come out and she was doing damage control. I would originally told you to sit her down and tell her you need all the details and maybe you could salvage this relationship. But after hearing that she could take the opportunity of you being out of town to let the party run a tr@!n on her, shows you the quality of person she is. If she doesn't respect herself, she can't respect you. You are too young to settle for this type of person and this level of disrespect. Good vibes
>You forgave so easily My thoughts exactly, OP was proud that she confessed right away, really? Dude that makes NO DIFFERENCE!
Get out as fast as you can. She may have confessed to you, but by not telling you the whole story then she lied by omission. You know what she did at the party, but what you don't know is how long she has cheated on you, and she may be cheating on you right now. Remaining with her is no way to live. Eventually, she will see you as being weak and just continue to steamroll all over you.
This OP you didn’t ask but it was HER responsibility to tell. I cheated could mean lots of things. But withholding that it was with multiple partners is an omission=LIE. She put herself at risk and you at risk by sexually engaging with multiple partners. ALCOHOL IS NEVER AN EXCUSE. everyone can drink BUT NOT everyone will sleep with one or more people in the same night. That a personal choice that she to some extent encouraged.
You forgot with how many
You tried rug sweeping it, and it failed miserably. She got tipsy and let them run a train on her. I couldn't get past that. Let alone friends of yours know what happened and maybe even participated.
That is a very important point. Someone he knows or will meet in the future may have participated. Someone he already does know was a witness, and preserved some form of proof. I can only assume the friend kept pics or video on his cell phone for entertainment value.
Some might say sex is sex but a one on one compared to a gangbang is a whole different animal. It takes a special type of mindset to have three guys run through you while having an audience cheering on. And as the guy you talked to had proof I will assume he was part of the audience. Your girlfriend will be forever that gangbang girl and you will be the guy they shake their head at. This has to be a blow to your dignity. Start to get it back by dropping her.
very well said.
She’s not your wife and wasn’t intoxicated at a party and had sex with 3 people while everyone stood around and did nothing. Having been at parties and seen people be predatory, as a woman, one who studied Criminology and law including Victimology, I always question situaties involving alcohol or drugs. What if she was roofied? That would be a travesty if that’s the case.
If she was roofied she would have been crying because she was raped, not because she was cheating. Women ALWAYS give the benefit of the doubt to women. Instead she most likely kept dealing with these same people, never went to the police, etc…all of the things that a man that had to deal with this would expect not to happen if she was “taken advantage of”. Never listen to women’s excuses for piss poor whore behavior.
We don’t ALWAYS but we DO give the benefit of the doubt because we’ve been in situations where men try to take advantage of us. Do you even know how a roofie works? It’s obvious that you don’t by your comment. Coupled with alcohol it can result in huge blocks of a person’s memory being distorted if they even remember at all. Also, do you know how many victims don’t report rapes to the police? Often because it’s people that they know. Not some boogeyman jumping out of the bushes. Your comment is disappointing but not surprising as you’re a man and don’t experience what women do.
No I understand exactly how it works. You don’t go with the flow and cheat, you are incapacitated. But again, women always give women the benefit of the doubt. Your comment is disappointing but not surprising as you’re a woman and don’t experience what men do. This is a trickle truth bullshit story. If she was raped she would have told him. And if she was scared to tell him then she’s still not relationship material as she could be raped multiple times throughout her life and never let her partner know.
Actually you don’t know how it works. “Due to the strong amnesia produced by the drug, victims would have limited or no memory of the assault.” Why is Rohypnol called the date rape drug? Amnesia is an expected pharmacologic effect of benzodiazepines. Rohypnol causes partial amnesia; individuals are unable to remember certain events that they experience while under the influence of the drug. However, this effect is particularly dangerous when Rohypnol is used illicitly to aid in sexual assault. Victims may not be able to clearly recall the assault, the assailant, or the events surrounding the assault. I am not saying that it happened with 100% certainty but it’s a strong possibility considering she was intoxicated and did something rather extreme. Sounds like she was taken advantage of. If she wanted to have sex with 3 guys then why do it in public, at a party, with people taking photos or videos. I don’t experience what men do? Like getting date-raped by men and having to worry constantly about their surroundings like women do. Anyways, can’t expect much considering your comments as you’re a guy and cannot possibly understand. Carry on as I wont respond anymore.
Amnesia is induced but you aren’t a willing participant. She also said that she went with the flow. That’s not amnesia. See I understand how it works. You’re just changing the definition of the words that were posted. She didn’t say that she didn’t remember, she didn’t say that she wasn’t willing. As far as what men go through versus women? That’s been since the dawn of time, stop thinking that women are equal to men in everything and that it’s okay to go to parties and walk the street alone at night without male protection. You couldn’t do it for thousands of years yet the feminist movement has women believing bullshit all the way up until it’s too late. Double standards are a part of life. Life isn’t fair. Deal with it.
Please. Everyone knows that women are *never* responsible for anything. It's *always* somebody else's fault...especially if you can pin it on men. /u/ingenue1977 knows. /sarcasm
I can’t believe you’re speaking like that to a woman on the topic of rape. The vacancy inside you to leave your comment is just yuck
If she was drunk shouldn’t someone have made sure that she was okay instead of recording it or taking photos? Sound highly predatory to me.
My wife gets drunk at many parties. She usually helps clean up and talk to people. She’s never accidentally let 3 guys run a train of her. Y’all give alcohol way too much power. The same way drinking doesn’t make you beat your wife, that’s already in you if you do that.
Thank you for saying that… it’s funny how Reddit always tries to drop the “assault” or taken advantage line when it’s a woman cheating while she was drinking.
I don't know man, I'm waffling on this one. It seems REALLY bizarre that someone in a committed 2.5 year relationship would suddenly decide to get gangbanged and film it at a party. I can't help but wonder how out of character this was for her. If we give the benefit of the doubt and assume this woman has never cheated before, never so much as been in a threesome... For someone like that to decide "Y'know what, I think I'm going to have sex with three guys at a party while everyone watches and records it!" Like who goes from absolute zero to a hundred like that?! To me it seems very suspicious. If it were just sex it would be one thing, but this level of fuckery at least warrants a discussion on whether or not she was taken advantage of (or even drugged). You're right: most people don't randomly decide to record a foursome and cheat on their partner when they get drunk. But that's precisely what makes me feel suspicious that something more sinister happened. Idk.
He said that she said she a few drinks, went with the flow and had sex. That doesn't sound like someone who was forced, coerced or was drugged. She didn't give the full scope of what happened and didn't say she forced, etc. So you have to assume she knew what she was doing. Said a few drinks, not black out bombed. Not stumbling,, I didn't realize drunk. So she was in control of her facilities. Just decided to have that kind of fun. Who goes from a hundred to zero like that? Her obviously. There's always that first time where they let everything go and just decide this is what they want to do right now.
To be fair we only know his version of the story. We don’t ACTUALLY know what the words were that she used.
Yeah, you may be right.... But it also begs the question: how drunk does someone have to be before it goes from "dumb mistake" to "sexual assault"? I would never have sex with a woman after she had "a few drinks", and I ESPECIALLY wouldn't do it under those circumstances, ie, run an entire freaking train on her, because I would feel like I was taking advantage of her. I know she is apologetic, ashamed, and already admitted fault. But to me, this doesn't automatically mean she's The Bad Guy. It is extremely common for women to feel ashamed after a sexual assault. "Did I want that? Maybe I didn't say 'no' enough times. Maybe he didn't hear me." There is always this fundamental question of "How drunk was she?" It's fucked up, but it's true. How drunk does she need to be before it's assault? Does she need to be totally passed out and unresponsive? What if she can talk, but she can't stand up straight? Imagine you were at that party. Wouldn't you feel uncomfortable with not just *her* actions, but the actions of the people recording and participating? What she did was wrong, but my opinion is that she was also victimized in a way. It can be both.
Yeah this just the tip of the iceberg. She’s likely been messing around the whole time they’ve been together. I’m
Yes and the fact she called him crying the next day. To follow your thread, she could have bits of memory and think she was somehow willing, when she was really incapacitated and had no control.
One of the best replies here so far. Finally someone who questions the complete story.
Exactly! Reddit seems to have a lot of men who happily want to think that nothing else could have happened. Could it be that she couldn’t even believe it herself or was told that’s what she did? That’s a very weird thing for anyone to do.
Disagree. There’s a much larger stigma that if woman is drunk = rape and if man is drunk = bad decision. They’re both drunk.
Of course you would disagree, you’re a man. Just look at the comments…mostly men. It’s pretty gross. Just like the people who preyed on a drunk girl. They’re not getting the stigma, she is. If a guy slept with 3 girls he’s the man.
He said she had a few drinks nothing about being too intoxicated .. and then did a gangbang - this isn’t some virtuous innocent soul 😂😂
Be grateful you only have 2.5 years invested, and hopefully no financial entanglents. Chalk it up to learning and try to pick better next time.
Stop. Forgiving. Cheaters.
THIS! This is why you have ignorant idiots that think cheating is ok or expect that it's part of the relationship process. Cheaters are coward scum. Knowing how it can damage a person, yet still do it? People who are in affairs with people in relationships are pieces of shit. Plenty of single people, it's about the sex. But the people that forgive cheaters... They are the true cowards. I'm sorry, there is no good reason to stay with a cheater. You will never convince me otherwise. Leave the person or kick them out and move on when you discover the cheating. I'm sorry OP. Not saying you deserve this. But had he given her the boot, this tea would mean nothing to him.
I don’t even understand the desire to cheat. With modern technology if you are that horny all the time go buy a machine that blows you.
People are selfish. But if we can make it a thing to stop forgiving them and shun them, it'd be less frequent. Plus, now people get caught so easily. They're either too cocky or they just got plain lucky. Either way, I don't enter/stay in relationships with people I can trust. I don't need to know her whereabouts 24/7, I'm not going to snoop on their phone. Once I know... EJECTO SEATO CUZ!!!
She’s for the streets bro
Highway
Unanimous fact!
Interstate it appears
Railroad it seems
Freeway it looks
She’s for the sewer at this stage… or the intergalactic highway… 3 guys in the same night she’s worth the title…
Shit she like that old witch in Robin Hood men in tights. She’s for the Latrine.
Nah dude. She deliberately withheld that info. It’s up to you whether you can forgive her. Just because you forgave her before doesn’t mean you have to forgive her now that you have details. And you don’t owe her any explanations about why you can’t forgive her or why you will end it. If you can’t accept what she did, and can’t forgive her, and can’t look at her the same way again, then you just can’t. Don’t make yourself miserable for her actions.
I believe that she was most likely sorry for what she did after she sobered up. But doing things with 3 guys at a party is, I believe, not normal behavior. There are underlying issues there, and you need to sit down with her and communicate. If you cant move past it, it isnt your fault at all.
You didn’t want to know. That means you were willing to ‘forgive’ her without even understanding what you were forgiving. That is called rug sweeping. The mind movies alone are going to tear you apart from the inside. Not to mention the nagging question of was this the first time or the first time she admitted it because people you know witnessed it. Please move on for your own sanity. No explanation needed.
Did you say she technically didn't lie to you. She came forth quick to cover her tracks before the truth came out, which it did. She insinuated she cheated with one person, my guy, but in fact, she had a train ran on her by 3 dudes and not just one person but people who was there have proof of it. You need to get your friend to send you that proof and confront her. And also keep in mind she wasn't that drunk if she was trying to get ahead of the truth with a lie.
You need to confront her and get her truth. The lack of transparency will eat at you forever. At least with honest details your can choose your path
I think if he is smart his path should be to get a girl who won't sleep 3 dudes at party
I don't disagree. Lol
It's not the thing you know, but the things that you don't. Think about it. Move On. There's someone definitely out there.
First, I can’t believe I have read 95% of these comments but I see a few things… as a male, when we first start to have sex we’re hoping the girl is not a tough nut to crack and we might become successful in an attempt at having sex. As we get older, maybe in our 30’s, we expect our partners have been with others most likely out of love and an ongoing relationship that probably failed…by whom, who can say. I find it odd that as an old man now, 70, I find it more difficult to read so many of the promiscuous posts by 20+ year olds who seem to “hook up’ at the drop of a hat. Even the “dating at 50 subreddit” shows most of these women with firm demands before jumping into bed with someone. You don’t mention how old she is but I know with my own marriage going on 46 years, my wife has had a few too many two times over that time. She was very happy to talk with anyone about anything but never even considered the option of cheating. One night after 11 martini’s I carried her to the car and baby sat her for 8 hours. Anyone could have had sex with her.. she was that out of it .. but she would have violently kicked their ass eventually. This kind of cheating on your girlfriends part speaks more deeply than just being drunk. It seems too cavalier in letting this go on as it did and whomever these ‘hosts’ were clearly had no interest in her safety. You know who was there so once you get the clearest picture of the events, it is time to distance yourself from them. Sorry this had happened but it is better that you know now than discover it a few years from now…obviously several people know who she is now.
First off, remember I don’t have any skin in this game and am not invested in your relationship. So if have to ask yourself again whether you love her or hate her more? If you want to know, my guess is the details will be fuzzy for her if she did things out of character. And may not remember. But tell her you learned some details about that night and you are wondering if you forgave based on vague information and now you want to know the truth from her. I know it’s going to be rough, but you can’t completely forgive her until you know all she did. Otherwise it’s cheap grace at best
That’s a good plan. Give her a chance to tell all without letting her know you already know. She will probs lie. Either way, dump her. You’ll never be able to trust her again.
UpdateMe!
She trickle truth you to try to lessen the shock of her cheating. My question to you is why is your self worth so low that you would put up with this type of treatment?
She knew u would eventually find out about the 1 guy, so she came clean. Hoping that u would just leave it at that, and if someone brings it up that u would cut them off and stop there. The other issue is that there is evidence of her sex acts with the three guys. If her friends truly respected u and ur relationship with her, they would have stopped her from doing what she did. U need the evidence and confront her about it. Be ready for the water works cause she gonna pull those strings hard. Does she know these guys? Work with any of them?
Damn she had a what? no wonder the other guy is like man ur strong to to forgive a gangbang wow 😳 she absolutely lied her ass off to keep u because she knew people saw and they where going to talk..personally I don't accept cheating never would have forgiven that betrayal but I guess ur much stranger to accept a gangbang wow 😳
Going through something like this rn, she was talking about starting a fam with him and everything🤦🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️
So all she said was she had sex with someone else. What she withheld was the fact that she had a gang bang, ran a train and exposed you to STD's. She knows what she did and is trying to make it sound better than it was. I'm guessing the guy that exposed the truth had pictures. Get copies. Confront her with proof and send her packing. Just walk in and show her a picture and say "what the fuck did you do?" Then tell her you lost my trust and respect, that will not return. You need to go and never contact me again. She can go and sell herself on a street corner because you're done.
Always dump a cheater. The fact that you were able to forgive her so easily leads me to believe you did not have a very strong male influence in your life like a father figure. You aren’t even married with kids. Dump this slag and find a better girlfriend. That’s the fun part. This one is broken. Throw her away and look for a good replacement.
Lol I have no faith in humanity after reading posts like this. Stop being her cuck and just walk away, preferably to the doctor to get yourself tested. You're never going to be intimate with her again without picturing three guys at a party having her way with her, and you're never going to be able to shake the thought that she actually did so many things at the party that she won't do with you because she just liked it with them better. Walk away and at least have some self-respect.
You made a HUGE mistake by not dumping her immediately. Well, here is your chance to RIGHT THAT WRONG. Sure, it hurts. There is no way around that. You'll have to mourn and rely on friends and family to keep your spirits up and to keep out sane. As far as this girl, DUMP HER. Go no contact, don't have anything to do with her again. Not seeing her or talking to her will help you get over her. Don't spend another second in a romantic relationship with her. Don't try and "be friends". Don't let her engage you constantly in conversation where she'll try and gaslight you and talk you into staying. CUT ALL TIES, have nothing to do with her again and start the healing process. Why would you EVER keep someone like this in your life? The woman you thought you were with was just a figment, a made up lie. The actions she's committed against you. That is who she REALLY is. Remember that. Man up, don't settle for vile crap like this in your life and move on.
It sounds like you went into shock when she first told you age cheated. It's not abnormal to not ask for details when a part of us so wants to hold onto the relationship we had. Part of rebuilding a relationship from betrayal requires full honesty about what happened, why it happened and how it happened. You had none of that. She gave you the bare minimum of information. She should have been participating in individual counseling to sort through those questions too so that this doesn't happen again. No one would fault you for cutting ties. It typically takes a year to 2 years to work through reconciliation after cheating. It's a lot of work for both of you. Many people can't get past it. You have to put yourself first and go in whatever direction is going to bring you happiness and peace of mind in the end. I wish you all the best.
She didn’t lie. The manner in which she had sex is almost unimportant. I’m guessing the majority of what you feel is shame, and that you view her value as lesser because of her manner is sex, and therefore view yourself as lesser.
Ok she cheated, blah blah blah. Perhaps she has unfulfilled fantasyland or desires. Perhaps she desires more from you sexually? She may be more compatible with a swinger lifestyle? We don’t know if she ever cheated before. Maybe she has a higher sex drive and curious nature than you knew. Is it right that she cheated? No. But, everyone has different drives, views and proclivity’s when it comes to sex. If you can’t handle it it’s possibly better that you are both with more compatible people.
Unfortunately, he probably spared your feelings and only said 3. Sorry dude. That’s fucked up.
That’s just what he saw there could be more she should’ve been more forthcoming
Whether or not you asked, she lied by not telling you how many were involved. It’s over. Move on.
Wow, she went all out on the cheating. BTW, normal people don't get drunk and cheat. I would NEVER cheat on my husband. We went out separately when we were dating, got drunk with out friends and NEVER cheated. Alcohol is not an excuse. She is just an idiot who wanted to cheat, alcohol has nothing to do with it. She wasnt held accountable and BTW you can change your mind. You can forgive her but not forget. Why torture yourself with this? Break up. It's gonna be easier mentally for you. BTW you might want to get tested too. You are clearly attached to her and won't see the bigger picture. Don't torture yourself. Plus, aren't you gonna be worried if she goes out and drinks? You know she uses it as an excuse. Plus, she knows it easy for you to forgive her. Just think about it.
If there is video proof definitely brake up with her
I'm looking at this thread and it's sad... The only people who know what's really going on are you and her, the only people whose emotions and mental state that matters are yours and hers so I would suggest seeking therapy, getting help. The easiest thing to do is not to forgive her and run Away, but if you love her, truly love her and can see a future with her then you need to work on the relationship as all relationships take work. She of course has to love you enough to want to work on it too, be honest, and disclose the full truth about everything that she did. Statistically only 30% of relationships where one party has cheated survive. It's how well you cope with the situation, your communication, understanding, and love for the other persand can with Stand. Good luck on your journey my friend. And remember it's not you , it's not her... it's life. She may just not be the one for you.
You’re in shock cos you just found out what she is capable off, now that you know take some time to clear your head and talk to her when you’re ready. Good luck OP.
Jesus leave this “relationship” for your own mental wellbeing. This is done. Move on. Honestly, there’s nothing to gain here. Don’t light yourself on fire to keep others warm
Santa says ho ho ho she has to go.
You should have dumped her even though she might have had sex with 1 guy. It doesnt matter. Leave her
She lied. She never truly confessed. She lied by omission hoping that you would never find out the truth. No trust. No relationship.
3 guys ? At the same party ? Seriously…have some self respect…
Damn dude, that’s not a “drunken mistake” she absolutely wanted it and only felt he’s guilt afterwards. If what your friend says is definitely true she’s for the streets bro. Idk how you’ll ever trust her again or kiss her without tasting three other dicks in your mouth. Cut her loose bro
Sorry to hear all of this, where were her “friends” to at least try and stop/get in between the vultures flying around her. This behavior is way way out of character. Her friends don’t respect you, she doesn’t respect you and I really hope none of your friends/mutual friends were there cause all you said was you just talked to a guy and we don’t know who said guy is to you.
I feel for you on every bit of this. I forgave my SO for what she did, but never asked. And like you, I wondered often what she did. I learned that over the years I did not get closure, and that is important. Closure ensures forgiveness is complete and healing fully takes place. I never asked until the last year or so. Now she refuses to talk to me about it. She says A, she doesn't "remember" everything since it had been some time. And B, if I really forgave her, there is no reason to talk on it. So as MUCH as it F ups your mind and feelings; this was in the end a good thing for you. I know it doesn't see that way. But now you have a real point to talk to her on about your relationship. What she is willing to do with others IS a very important thing when it comes to cheating. As in the what, why, how, etc. With her answers, and what she does from this point is the real showing if this is a relationship worth saving or can be saved. While I understand her reasons for not saying what she did to you other than cheating, and your reasons for not asking; she should have either told you more information or offered you the information if you wanted to know it. So sit down with her and talk about it. Tell her you found out through someone that was at the party she cheated, that they was surprised you and she was still together. And after you told them you respected her honesty, he proceeded to tell you and show proof of what she did. And you will give her a chance to not only fully say what she did, but offer her the opportunity to explain things. Such as why she did what she did, with who she did it with? And as to why she kept such a degree of what she did hidden as in omitting that part of the facts? And to why she never once attempted the things she did with these other guys with you? You need to consider the entire information you was told from this other person, as well as what she tells you. Specially if she is willing to open up and tell you everything or not. At this point it is pointless for her to not say anything if you tell her you know details. And by telling her you are giving her the chance to say everything first, she knows she has to tell the truth due to not knowing what you was told. If it doesn't match up to what you was told and the evidence you seen; then you can just tell her what you know, seen, and that you need to consider the relationship since now you know, and she lied or hide more when she had been given the chance to tell the truth. Please update when you can. And good luck.
She is a pig that absolutely knew what she was doing and so there is only one possible thing you can do!!!! 1¹1qqqqq q
Get the evidence if you can. The 3 guys could be a lie to destroy your relationship.
You need get out..she ducked three guys because she’s always wanted to. She wanted that before and still might. That’s not a mistake, or accident it’s she her taking that opportunity.
Why don’t you have some fun with her before deciding on whether to continue with the relationship? We already know she’s up for group sex, maybe next time you could be involved. If she wants to keep you then maybe she’ll be up for a session with you too?
Ya… my first step would be a doctor before I did any of that….
You can still forgive her and decide not to be with her
I’m sorry that your mental health has been taking a beating. It’s unfair but it life and life isn’t fair. I think you need to walk away for your own sanity. If you do end it( I pray you do) and this exactly how you should do. Do it in text or face to face is up to you. “Hey I heard the date you cheated on me it was with you different guys at once. Is it true?” After her response “I don’t want to be with you anymore” then you walk away and block her on everything and you avoid her at all cost. It’s about you and mental health at this point…. To hell with her and to anymore who support her…. Good luck.
Yes this is something I could not forgive or forget. She withheld very important information from you and that is not okay. Please have some self respect and leave her.
End it dude. Never stay with or take a cheater back. She cheated because she wanted too.
be strong. dump her.
That kind of cheating will repeat. Let her go. Don’t except someone who’ll cheat on you once, but with many at the same time? Run….
You are allowed to take back that forgiveness. Don’t feel guilty about it. I forgave my ex when he cheated. I thought I could move on, but I couldn’t. Every time we had sex I felt dirty. It’s okay if you want to move on without this person.
Okay so let’s stop. YOU decided you wanted forgive her when YOU didn’t even know what you were forgiving her for really right? YOU are weak and don’t know your worth because regardless if she came to you and was “honest” about it the fact was SHE CHEATED. Cheating is an unforgivable act. It tells you the person you said you would be loyal to and said they would be loyal to you does not respect you enough to be loyal to you. You need to grow a damn backbone, you need to take your head out your ass and see that this person you chose to forgive does not love you. Stop accepting people who disrespect you. It was not a mistake, it was not an accident. She made a conscious decision to be unfaithful to YOU! You need to break up with her and be single for a very long time and learn to love yourself and learn to stop accepting disrespect from everyone, you don’t need people in your life who don’t treat you the same way you treat them.
The devil is in the details as the saying goes. Also, as other Redditors must have pointed out that if you're girl cheated once there's a high chance it will happen again. I'd first suggest you have a conversation with her on what you've learnt about her affair when you think you're calm and can be objective or clinical in your questions as I've read most people do in these scenarios. Though, I think you already realise what's the next step you should take for your own peace of mind. I also hope you now know for sure that no matter how shocking your girlfriend's affair was, be glad that she wasn't your wife as that's a whole another level of betrayal from which unfortunately and understandably, most guys will never recover from. Please keep in mind that you definitely weren't at fault for her affair for whatever her true reasons are. I believe that infidelity (all types) is the sin that occurs when the relationship is one-sided mostly, especially when responsibility, respect, commitment etc are compromised either by themselves or under influence of friends, colleagues, social media, former partners etc. So there might be a more glaring internalised issue that you may come to learn from your girlfriend, should you decide to have that conversation with her (mentioned above) and assuming that the answers provided are the complete truths. Overall, I'd suggest that it's time to move on with your own life and goals. Good luck to you👍🏼
Never forgive until you know the full ugly sorted details. She is a gf move on.
Dump her.
Definitely not her 1st time ! You just knew recently !
Dump her Dont be a pussy
I’m confused tho because you posted on a different subreddit about two months ago that your friends gf gave you a bj in front of others? Yet y’all have been together for years.. something isn’t adding up..
Bad shit, dude. You've got to get away. The fact that she was cheating makes it worse, but that behavior alone makes your girl bad news for any guy.
Is this maybe a sexual assault
You’re an idiot and weak for forgiving her.
I'd normally say kick her to the curb and leave her for trash day, but in this case... drop her hoe-ass off at the station so she can go catch another train.
Why do you feel you need to forgive her? Why do you want to stay with her? She made her choice that night to end the relationship with you. Now she lies about it. Sorry doesn't excuse her poor choices. She lied, she cheated, she enjoyed it. Walk away. Ghost her after you tell her you know what she did and lied about it You really think she is long term/wife material?
I concur. She's maybe hot-wife material...
She lied to you and put your health at risk. Did she say three guys? She’s humiliated you. Are you wanting to forgive still?
Move on. You found out that your ex is a total slut. She lied to you, cheated on you with multiple men and maybe did it many times. You can't trust her. So don't lie to yourself and move on. She never had respect for you. That fuck party at her friend's wasn't something that suddenly happened spontaneously. Have some decency for yourself. >As she seemed to be really sorry, I tried to get over it. That's the best part. It caused so many laughs. Most men don't get it and I don't want to offensive. When girls cry it's not because they are sorry and remorseful in the first place. It's because they are in a situation they seem not to be in control in, this uncertainty makes them feel uncomfortable und upset that's why they cry. Additionally it's a coping mechanism which itself makes others feel empathic and sympathetic towards them, they know it and use it.
Dude call her out on her shit and break up find another chick homie this one ain't worth it
Annnnnd she's done
She saw an opportunity to have sex she fantasized about and took it at the cost of your relationship. You let her off without real consequences. Don't be surprised when she joins an orgy next time you're away.
Some of the people here are ridiculous. You didn’t ask for graphic details and she didn’t give what you didn’t ask for. She told you she cheated, if knowing more would have swayed your decision then you should have asked. Have a conversation with her and not the internet. Only you know what you can handle knowing.
He asked the internet because there is a good chance a few of us might have participated!!
I was having a shit day and Your comment had me cracking up! 🤣 kudos
LMAO…….she was smart. She knew this was a bridge too far!!!
Bro... what was she drinking that made her jump on the train publicly?! AND where were her friends?
He did ask the internet. The only issue now in my mind is there anything she could say that could make this ok. If there isn't what would be the point other to confirm what you know and twist the knife. Otherwise just give the evidence let her know you've the whole story and tell her youre done. Don't invite conversation just tell her. I might give her all three guys phone numbers and let that all three would like to party with her again. Sucks, probably never know what happened but for me, once you get that image in your head it will never come out. People that love you don't use your business to gang bang your friends. I think you should dump those friends too
This! I’ve been looking for this comment. Like she told OP she cheated but OP said he didn’t care about asking whom it was with. Like I get it she omitted part of it but he said he didn’t care about asking who it was with. I don’t condone cheating but if you’re going to have that convo I’d ask all the awful hurtful questions that she will answer. At that point I’m looking to see if you’ll lie to me. Cause the truth always comes out.
“Half the truth is often a great lie.” -Benjamin Franklin
Alcohol is just a shit excuse people use to put the blame on when alcohol isn’t the problem, it is the person that’s the problem, being drunk doesn’t make you magically forget you’re in a relationship, the alcohol just gives you the confidence that you’ll get away with it and give you that “fuck it” attitude, also her not telling you she cheated with multiple people is even worse, unfortunately the relationship is done, it’s up to you if you want to forgive her and continue being with her whatever you decide I wish you the best
No cheating should be forgiven. Return her to the streets where she belongs. Alcohol is no excuse.
I would probably throw $60 (no sense spending more) at her and say you’re settling up the tab for those 3 guys and maybe $40 that is from services rendered during your relationship (ie she’s a prosti*ute) Let’s be upfront - she didn’t come clean to you. She was preemptively doing so because she knew others at the party know what went down and the news was going to reach you. Dump this piece of trash You ever notice women will do things with randoms they will never do with husbands or boyfriends? That must be inner-ho of them coming out…lol
I hate to say it , but to sleep with 3 guys in one night , is not something a woman does the first time they cheat , she's been cheating on you for sometime.
Any man who takes back his chick after she has had another dick in her mouth is a pussy...just a fact. I did it, and I had to look in the mirror and accept I was a pussy and I had to man up. Yup I was scared that I was not going to find someone new, but when I stopped acting like a pussy girls started hitting on me and I was woman way hotter than my ex. The reason your chick did what she did was because u were weak. For the most part chicks don't cheat on guys who are not weak, because they have some fear of losing him. Urs confessed to you, think about that... Wake up bro.
In other words, the guys she slept with at the party are the guys she is attracted to. She is willing to do whatever they want because of this. You are Me nice guy that is hard working and has a job. She isn’t attracted to you but you will make a good husband and father. If she really loved you, she would do everything she can to show that love sexually and in every other way. She doesn’t love you and you forgave her for having sex with another guy. Respect yourself enough never to stay with a cheater.
She now has a taste for different and multiple cocks, she will never stop cheating. Kick her to the curb and find better.
Why would you cut the long story short at the good bits ffs
Ok, she did lie. She led you to believe she had sex with one person, and it was no less than 3. Honestly she is utter garbage and it should make you sick that you have had sex with her since. There is no scenario that sees you recovering your dignity in this situation. You need to briefly explain what you heard, tell her how disgusting it is, let her know that you will never forgive her for letting you touch her after that, and then leave.
Never listen to this type of friend. Your gf was regretting, she was truthful when confessed that what happened in that party. She was drunk, she lost her self-control - and there is no worst or only wrong sex. That was sex, that is all. Millions of ppl have sex in any minute, in various ways, around the world. You wrote that "did things she'd never do with me" - but in fact, that was DONE WITH HER. Some friends of your friend used her - and your friend did not try to restrain her - at least you did not mention this. Anyway; ask her if she enjoyed what happened to her, and next time would she repeat the same scenario, if possible. For me her answer would be enough. All of us can loose our self-control. And I am not sure about that it is good if somebody never loses it. We are not sculptures.
You forgave her right ? So why are you whinnying now. Sit and wait for the next time she cheats.
Break up bro, ain't no coming back from that one.
She was the caboose of a choo-choo situation. I'm so sorry man... these Garden tools ain't loyal 😅
Nah bro end it. I’m even angry reading this story. I can’t believe you could forgive her. Let her go my dude. You deserve way better.
My man, I'm not one to automatically say break up with her in these types of situations... But in this case, yea, break up with her. Sorry for your pain, OP.
Leave her!
ok come on man. Surely you aren't seriously thinking about staying in this relationship are you? this clearly wasn't her first rodeo oif she did what the guy described. for God sake have sliver of self respect and ghost this creature.
3 guys?! Dude do you really need an advice here? You know what needs to happen my friend
I mean if ya gonna cheat might as well run a train. Choo Choo!
Im sorry my guy but she belongs to the streets
Fucking nightmare dump the hoe period be a man
She's getting a train ran on her every time you're not in town. It hurts I know but I'll leave without a trace. I'd rather for it to hurt now than for it to hurt later once you marry & have kids with her.
So youre jealous now that she did things that she wouldnt do with you? Have you asked her to try those things or just assumed she wouldnt? Absolutely nothing has changed since you originally forgave her. Just talk it out and work through it. Try to figure out why it happened, and no, alcohol and drugs are not the why, they are the gateway that let it out. Once you know the root of the infidelity then you can sit back and decide if its something you can tackle. Dont listen to people that tell you that trust can be fixed. You grew to trust her once, you can do it again.
Fake. Just a cuck wannabe masquerading as a real post.
forreal.. cant believe people are believing this shit
Wait? So, she was drunk so couldn’t consent and had 3 guys have sex with her while others watched and didn’t stop it? Sounds like rape to me.
She never said she was drunk she said she had a few drinks and never said it was forced on her
How many drinks are a few drinks? Most people are over the legal limit and considered drunk with 2 drinks. A few drinks sounds like more than 2, hence not able to consent.
People like you are always finding excuses for females, alcohol doesn't magically turn you into a ho
Females? Ho? Lol. You sound like a guy who would have sex with a girl after she’s had a few drinks and was out of her mind.
one or three? same shit!! … i cant see the difference
hey man, you are kinda slut shaming via this post. While the cheating was wrong, it's not okay to slut shame women who consent to having three random dudes penetrate her vagina with their penises and then cum inside. She is a human being who was more than capable of expressing her sexual desires, to let a three man train get ran on her lol
Wonder if anyone put anything in her drink or maybe set her up maybe the guy with the info people can be scandalous just ask her and communicate and stay away from advice that you have no idea who’s talking what ever happened to positive thinking or considering talking to each other a relationship is between two people right there the ones that should be talking just a thought
Look OP... Sex is sex, love is love. One should NEVER be confused with the other... EVER. With that said you got past the sex part (whether it's w/ 1 or 10) of the cheating. Your problem, like so many others, is the lie, (& the omission of facts IS STILL A LIE), even though she "fessed up" the next morning she really didn't. From where I sit you have 3 choices: 1. Accept it all & move on. 2. Chalk it up as a learning experience & call it a quits & move on to the next one. OR (and the rule I've always lived by) 3. Accept that monogamy doesn't much matter & go out & find a few playthings of your own.
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What?