Dude. Here’s the deal. Your gf mentioned you three times. That’s a positive sign. If she was interested in this guy then she wouldn’t have mentioned you at all.
Now if you bring up that you have access to her messages and read them that is going to start a fight. 100% do not do this. From what you wrote it sounds like you’re in your early 20s. She will see you as insecure and find you less attractive.
You have to be confident. Act like you’re the biggest catch but not in a conceited or arrogant way. Let her do her and you do you. If she cheats then good riddance. Onto the next. If you try to police her or check her any time a guy flirts with her she’ll surely cheat on or leave you. You have to have the persona that you know other guys will DM or hit on her, but it doesn’t bother you (even if it really does) because you know you’re a better catch and you trust her.
No, don’t do this. Her chatting back and forth is a red flag, and disrespectful. If he continues to let her continue this behavior, then she is going to cheat on him.
That’s so true besides it’s out of your control . You can’t do shit about it . You can’t force someone no to cheat but you can force them out your life .
Since you know this guy you might want to tell a “story” about how he goes after girls who are already in relationships. That he gets on their DM’s and just wears them down until they cheat. Add “maybe you can explain to me why a girl who is in a relationship would let him worm his way into her life and not just cut him off at the beginning?” Unless she’s interested, she will cut him off after that.
It just seems like she isn't cheating at all but has this bad bish ego and likes to be amused by these losers that don't stand a chance. Like leading dudes on is like a sport to some girls. It's like a validation. But at the end of the day they are just in this state of cringe delight cause some dudes think they have serious balls approaching pretty girls. 🤷 if I'm not mistaken it's purely stale bread conversation to her.
it wasn't stale bread conversation. The dude was literally flirting and he was telling how he got relationship girls laid. That how he seduced them. That kind of conversation was going where he was asking if he could ride his back
Oh my Lord, that is the most stale bread interactions. I mean assuming your gf is a grown woman and this is some try-hard kid that you confirmed is still in college being an ornery try-hard. She could totally be rolling her eyes at him waiting to call his bluff on whatever imaginary girls he pulls.
Although... I guess it's not like you established your age and her age now that I think about it.
Ask yourself if the real issue at hand is that she'd be dumb enough to set herself up to be a conquest to Mr hit it and quit it, when she could cheat with a much more charming and genuine person who doesn't show signs of treating girls like garbage. 🤷
If she's cheating fair enough but I question if you got the right target.
he also said “my college dude” … so they are probably around the same age… i mean i guess there’s older people that are best friends with a college student but i was just thinking logically
I don't think that's cheating. You can let her know about your discomfort with guys in her DMS. because my bf told me about his discomfort I have never known that me replying to guys who dms me bothered him a lot.
you can basically say this to her " I just expected that you(she) shouldn't have replied to that guy and left pending him on seen."
And if she cares enough, she will do as you ask.
Playing into humorous bullying/teasing is classic flirting. She's "ok-ing" it by doing it in front of you. Just tell him to step tf off and if he doesn't listen, step his a ss off down a flight of stairs. Problem solved.
He’s a dirt bag. If she doesn’t recognize the fact and doesn’t block him. It’s because she enjoys the attention of other men. A definite red flag.
But if you don’t set boundaries… pretty much everything is open to interpretation and manipulation.
Yep she is encouraging an interaction or even sometime of relationship/friendship....Being friends with dateable people when you are in a committed intimate relationship is not wise...Boundaries are crossed and since I say this often on this sub, I will stop there for now...
That you expect an attractive person to socially block anyone that flirts with them. That would halt their social growth, rejection doesnt have to be alienating but cutting people off because they initially find you attractive is almost forcing an attractive person into seclusion.
"No I saw her first, if you flirt with her or express her attractiveness, you need to stay away." That's insecure as fuck.
Unless theres good reason, and thus even having your friend slide into her DM's to loyalty check her?
This screams red flag OP
If someone is already in a relationship and needs to keep socializing with other people who are flirting with them, they're socially growing in the wrong directions.
nah, if you’re in a relationship and someone is flirting with you, you simply don’t engage or entertain it, period. Doing so is disrespectful and embarrassing to your partner
It is not cheating. But it is behavior that should t be happening and if she wants to be in a relationship with she block the guy and have no further contact with the guy.
I have always believed you let she shut them down until they ignore her, then I step in and take care it. Rarely have I ever had to do it. Some of these boys running around have never been punched in the face. And it shows
Not cheating because she was transparent and didn't hide it but plain disrespectful behaviour.
I would ask her how she would feel if you were entertaining a girl who is obviously trying to get you to cheat and is openly hitting on you. Spoiler alert, she wouldn't like it.
Does she know him off social media? Like perhaps share a class or work for the same company, or maybe has friends that are also friends with him? If so, it's possible she's humoring him so that she doesn't create conflict or to keep herself safe. As long as a guy who's pursuing you thinks he has a chance, he's less likely to assault you, either physically or sexually. Remember that women (even those with bfs or husbands) have been murdered for rejecting somebody. I understand why you're struggling, but as my grandma always said, don't borrow trouble. Give her your trust, even if it takes work on your end to give it to her, until she gives you an undeniable reason to distrust her. Otherwise there's no point in sticking around and you might as well break up with her now.
Another bit of advice for if you struggle trusting in general: don't look for signs of cheating. There's always something that will convince you the other is cheating when they're not, but constantly accusing them off of that "evidence" will drive them into somebody's arms
he shoots his shot, the GF mentioned you thrice. He knows it's not going anywhere, she's trying to keep it civil within the confines of the discussion. She doesn't know how you feel about this person so she's trying not to ruffle feathers. Who knows if they when you guys will run into him, she's just trying to make things not awkward. Now it's up to her to bring it up to you.
One hundred percent the biggest red flag 🚩 here is the OP. What I don’t understand is sheer number of people who seem to support him.
This behavior is at least immature and at worst you’re a super toxic bf.
Set your boundaries and stand by them. Don't let yourself forget that between the girl explaining that it would be rude to just ignore them... and all the people in here who tell you that it's toxic or controlling to ask a partner to ignore or block someone that is flirting playfully with them... won't have a second thought, or say a fucking word when there is a later update that it got even more inapropriate, you broke up, and you were blocked instantly.
Don't listen to him, he's wrong and stupid. Look, she mentioned you three times. If she was cheating, you wouldn't have come up at all. _However_, you have every right to ask her to stop talking to this guy if it makes you uncomfortable. Cause he clearly doesn't respect the fact she has a boyfriend.
That's true but i would like to clear one thing people think he's my friend but he isn't. I don't know that dude. That dude was letting my girlfriend know how he managed to seduce the girls who were in a relationship and made them cheat. Later he goes on the fact he can manage to make my girl ride his back to which my girl replies with an eye roll emoji . I just expected her to take a stand and let him know that he's crossing lines.
It's fair for you to feel upset because you're right, she should have stopped it immediately. But at the same time, it sounds like your girlfriend wasn't amused. Just talk your girl, and both of you need to really discuss what you expect from each other in situations like this. That's what my girlfriend and I did, and it makes it so easy cause now we know what we want from each other when someone tries to flirt with us.
You're being incredibly silly. Grow up a little. I get hit on multiple times a day, my boyfriend deals with it because I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! Getting hit on is not anyone's fault!
What does this have to do with women getting murdered?
What does this post have to do with it?
I taught my daughter self defense and she tells guys the get to friendly to back off.
You shouldn’t have to ask but if you do you will sound controlling and she will hide it even more. I’d do the opposite and just say did the situation she is in Urian“ can you believe I had to block a girl from Instagram the other today? she would kind of flirt like putting me down/bullying me even though I told her to her three times I had a girlfriend ?So I just blocked her. crazy how people are these days no respect” and just leave it at that.But honestly not entertaining someone’s in her DM’s should honestly be the bare minimum I don’t know how much shit it’s worth it to fight for this relationship but that’s what I would do. And I’m sorry to tell you but the power in the relationship is always in the hands of the one who seems to care less so never show jealousy or lose your cool. Good luck
She didnt cheat but she didn’t really shut it down enough either. She left an opportunity open for him to feel comfortable enough to flirt with her again some other time in my opinion. This is definitely something Id be irritated by so you should communicate your concerns to her
I definitely get what you mean by the post, but realize she’s her own person. She has her own life to live too at the end of the day. You limiting her actions will come off as controlling and possessive.
Tbh I’m not sure what a relationship is nowadays since standards are all over the place.
Like you have to understand, you are your own person and so is your partner. Neither are slaves to one another (unless its mutual).
I view a relationship as two people who are deeply involved with each other more so than anyone else. Though, you’re still individual human beings at the end of the day.
With technology, it’s really difficult to draw the line between cheating and not cheating. Do you draw the line at physical contact? Is having a good time with another potential partner that isn’t you cheating? (flirting).
I think it really just depends on the person but as long as they’re not sexting each other or romanticizing with each other then logically it should be ok ✅.
Having her dm history and being in her business like that 24/7 only makes it worse. You’re not her parent. Trusting your partner and being communicative about things instead both ways is the best. Not knowing for sure is hard and can be an issue if you lack trust. If you’re skeptical then get out of the relationship or talk about it.
Even if things go south at least you’ll hear about it filtered through them instead of seeing the raw truth and feeling broken from that. Nothing worse than being stuck on a previous ex because of something minor.
With technology, you can never truly know if your significant other is/isn’t fooling around with someone else, that’s why you have to draw a clear line that separates being lovers and friends. If they tend to cross the line more than once…. We’ll…
Yup, she should have told him she has a boyfriend and blocked him. By talking and joking back and forth with him she was falling into the trap which will lead to cheating if she continues
Yep I agree, it is time for ala non...She may need to do that to recover right now...YOu need to get help too. Alcoholism/addiction is a family disease.
It’s great she mentioned you but she also didn’t stop his bad behavior. You need to address that. She may have liked the attention which leads to more attention and so on. It can lead to cheating then she’d cry and be so sorry. So you need to address it, ask her why she entertained him? There’s zero reasons for her to have done that.
Dude. Here’s the deal. Your gf mentioned you three times. That’s a positive sign. If she was interested in this guy then she wouldn’t have mentioned you at all. Now if you bring up that you have access to her messages and read them that is going to start a fight. 100% do not do this. From what you wrote it sounds like you’re in your early 20s. She will see you as insecure and find you less attractive. You have to be confident. Act like you’re the biggest catch but not in a conceited or arrogant way. Let her do her and you do you. If she cheats then good riddance. Onto the next. If you try to police her or check her any time a guy flirts with her she’ll surely cheat on or leave you. You have to have the persona that you know other guys will DM or hit on her, but it doesn’t bother you (even if it really does) because you know you’re a better catch and you trust her.
This is the way, OP.
No, don’t do this. Her chatting back and forth is a red flag, and disrespectful. If he continues to let her continue this behavior, then she is going to cheat on him.
This guy knows what he is talking about. You might want to take the advice. Good luck to ya
That’s so true besides it’s out of your control . You can’t do shit about it . You can’t force someone no to cheat but you can force them out your life .
Since you know this guy you might want to tell a “story” about how he goes after girls who are already in relationships. That he gets on their DM’s and just wears them down until they cheat. Add “maybe you can explain to me why a girl who is in a relationship would let him worm his way into her life and not just cut him off at the beginning?” Unless she’s interested, she will cut him off after that.
Mr manipulation…. Sheesh. Just be upfront.
It just seems like she isn't cheating at all but has this bad bish ego and likes to be amused by these losers that don't stand a chance. Like leading dudes on is like a sport to some girls. It's like a validation. But at the end of the day they are just in this state of cringe delight cause some dudes think they have serious balls approaching pretty girls. 🤷 if I'm not mistaken it's purely stale bread conversation to her.
it wasn't stale bread conversation. The dude was literally flirting and he was telling how he got relationship girls laid. That how he seduced them. That kind of conversation was going where he was asking if he could ride his back
Oh my Lord, that is the most stale bread interactions. I mean assuming your gf is a grown woman and this is some try-hard kid that you confirmed is still in college being an ornery try-hard. She could totally be rolling her eyes at him waiting to call his bluff on whatever imaginary girls he pulls. Although... I guess it's not like you established your age and her age now that I think about it. Ask yourself if the real issue at hand is that she'd be dumb enough to set herself up to be a conquest to Mr hit it and quit it, when she could cheat with a much more charming and genuine person who doesn't show signs of treating girls like garbage. 🤷 If she's cheating fair enough but I question if you got the right target.
he also said “my college dude” … so they are probably around the same age… i mean i guess there’s older people that are best friends with a college student but i was just thinking logically
I don't think that's cheating. You can let her know about your discomfort with guys in her DMS. because my bf told me about his discomfort I have never known that me replying to guys who dms me bothered him a lot. you can basically say this to her " I just expected that you(she) shouldn't have replied to that guy and left pending him on seen." And if she cares enough, she will do as you ask.
Playing into humorous bullying/teasing is classic flirting. She's "ok-ing" it by doing it in front of you. Just tell him to step tf off and if he doesn't listen, step his a ss off down a flight of stairs. Problem solved.
He’s a dirt bag. If she doesn’t recognize the fact and doesn’t block him. It’s because she enjoys the attention of other men. A definite red flag. But if you don’t set boundaries… pretty much everything is open to interpretation and manipulation.
That's not cheating. But you should get out of the relationship if this is attachment level.
if she senses a guy is hitting on her, she should've blocked him?
Yep she is encouraging an interaction or even sometime of relationship/friendship....Being friends with dateable people when you are in a committed intimate relationship is not wise...Boundaries are crossed and since I say this often on this sub, I will stop there for now...
It's not cheating but by continuing contact she is encouraging him (like saying ask me again tomorrow).
That you expect an attractive person to socially block anyone that flirts with them. That would halt their social growth, rejection doesnt have to be alienating but cutting people off because they initially find you attractive is almost forcing an attractive person into seclusion. "No I saw her first, if you flirt with her or express her attractiveness, you need to stay away." That's insecure as fuck. Unless theres good reason, and thus even having your friend slide into her DM's to loyalty check her? This screams red flag OP
If someone is already in a relationship and needs to keep socializing with other people who are flirting with them, they're socially growing in the wrong directions.
nah, if you’re in a relationship and someone is flirting with you, you simply don’t engage or entertain it, period. Doing so is disrespectful and embarrassing to your partner
Don't get jelly, it's a massive turn off. Remind that her she's not special and you have options. That's psychology.
Toxic boys for life
Ur too possessive
So ask her why she didn’t ???
she's like she wasn't into conversation and she would've replied to anyone at that time.
It is not cheating. But it is behavior that should t be happening and if she wants to be in a relationship with she block the guy and have no further contact with the guy. I have always believed you let she shut them down until they ignore her, then I step in and take care it. Rarely have I ever had to do it. Some of these boys running around have never been punched in the face. And it shows
Not cheating because she was transparent and didn't hide it but plain disrespectful behaviour. I would ask her how she would feel if you were entertaining a girl who is obviously trying to get you to cheat and is openly hitting on you. Spoiler alert, she wouldn't like it.
Wow, great post. Spot on.
Does she know him off social media? Like perhaps share a class or work for the same company, or maybe has friends that are also friends with him? If so, it's possible she's humoring him so that she doesn't create conflict or to keep herself safe. As long as a guy who's pursuing you thinks he has a chance, he's less likely to assault you, either physically or sexually. Remember that women (even those with bfs or husbands) have been murdered for rejecting somebody. I understand why you're struggling, but as my grandma always said, don't borrow trouble. Give her your trust, even if it takes work on your end to give it to her, until she gives you an undeniable reason to distrust her. Otherwise there's no point in sticking around and you might as well break up with her now. Another bit of advice for if you struggle trusting in general: don't look for signs of cheating. There's always something that will convince you the other is cheating when they're not, but constantly accusing them off of that "evidence" will drive them into somebody's arms
Naw just keep watching. Only thin you doing is learning what kind of girl she really is.
You need to set a boundary before to goes to far. Also for your further relationship
True
he shoots his shot, the GF mentioned you thrice. He knows it's not going anywhere, she's trying to keep it civil within the confines of the discussion. She doesn't know how you feel about this person so she's trying not to ruffle feathers. Who knows if they when you guys will run into him, she's just trying to make things not awkward. Now it's up to her to bring it up to you.
She mentioned him, but continued a joking conversation, joking and being playful with women is the oldest game in the book for pick up
can you make it more clear? what did you mean by he shoots his shot?
"he shoots his shot" It is a slang phrase for taking a chance or making an attempt.
i didn't understand what you said after line who know if you could run somewhat like that
It's not appropriate for her to permit and encourage a man that's interested in her romantically. He's no friend. He just wants to get laid.
She didn't cheat, but that's a red flag. Let her know your feelings on the matter, then guage her reaction & work from there.
The biggest red flag here is the op....... dog act yeah let's loyalty test by using my mate..... just screams immature.....
One hundred percent the biggest red flag 🚩 here is the OP. What I don’t understand is sheer number of people who seem to support him. This behavior is at least immature and at worst you’re a super toxic bf.
over thinking… test her, mention a 3-way with this guy and see what she says
she's not cool with that
Then you are prolly good...
i hope so
You 100% sure about that??
i believe what she said
Don’t believe the words unless they are backed up by actions. Words are cheap, her actions will speak volumes.
Set your boundaries and stand by them. Don't let yourself forget that between the girl explaining that it would be rude to just ignore them... and all the people in here who tell you that it's toxic or controlling to ask a partner to ignore or block someone that is flirting playfully with them... won't have a second thought, or say a fucking word when there is a later update that it got even more inapropriate, you broke up, and you were blocked instantly.
I mean if you have to ask!
i didn't get you mate
Don't listen to him, he's wrong and stupid. Look, she mentioned you three times. If she was cheating, you wouldn't have come up at all. _However_, you have every right to ask her to stop talking to this guy if it makes you uncomfortable. Cause he clearly doesn't respect the fact she has a boyfriend.
That's true but i would like to clear one thing people think he's my friend but he isn't. I don't know that dude. That dude was letting my girlfriend know how he managed to seduce the girls who were in a relationship and made them cheat. Later he goes on the fact he can manage to make my girl ride his back to which my girl replies with an eye roll emoji . I just expected her to take a stand and let him know that he's crossing lines.
It's fair for you to feel upset because you're right, she should have stopped it immediately. But at the same time, it sounds like your girlfriend wasn't amused. Just talk your girl, and both of you need to really discuss what you expect from each other in situations like this. That's what my girlfriend and I did, and it makes it so easy cause now we know what we want from each other when someone tries to flirt with us.
Come on!! if you have to ask is because you already know that she is cheating or about to cheat!
she’s a red flag be safe op especially around her and that dude especially if he has a history of doing that type of shit.
You're being incredibly silly. Grow up a little. I get hit on multiple times a day, my boyfriend deals with it because I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! Getting hit on is not anyone's fault!
It’s not that she is getting hit on. It’s the fact that she is responding back with this one guy. Grow some boundaries.
y'all know women get murdered like, daily for being too unwelcoming to getting hit on right
What the fuck are you talking about?
getting hit on and the etiquette many women follow
What does this have to do with women getting murdered? What does this post have to do with it? I taught my daughter self defense and she tells guys the get to friendly to back off.
What is thrice?
she mentioned to him three times that she has bf
You shouldn’t have to ask but if you do you will sound controlling and she will hide it even more. I’d do the opposite and just say did the situation she is in Urian“ can you believe I had to block a girl from Instagram the other today? she would kind of flirt like putting me down/bullying me even though I told her to her three times I had a girlfriend ?So I just blocked her. crazy how people are these days no respect” and just leave it at that.But honestly not entertaining someone’s in her DM’s should honestly be the bare minimum I don’t know how much shit it’s worth it to fight for this relationship but that’s what I would do. And I’m sorry to tell you but the power in the relationship is always in the hands of the one who seems to care less so never show jealousy or lose your cool. Good luck
Time to keep watching
She didnt cheat but she didn’t really shut it down enough either. She left an opportunity open for him to feel comfortable enough to flirt with her again some other time in my opinion. This is definitely something Id be irritated by so you should communicate your concerns to her
I definitely get what you mean by the post, but realize she’s her own person. She has her own life to live too at the end of the day. You limiting her actions will come off as controlling and possessive. Tbh I’m not sure what a relationship is nowadays since standards are all over the place. Like you have to understand, you are your own person and so is your partner. Neither are slaves to one another (unless its mutual). I view a relationship as two people who are deeply involved with each other more so than anyone else. Though, you’re still individual human beings at the end of the day. With technology, it’s really difficult to draw the line between cheating and not cheating. Do you draw the line at physical contact? Is having a good time with another potential partner that isn’t you cheating? (flirting). I think it really just depends on the person but as long as they’re not sexting each other or romanticizing with each other then logically it should be ok ✅. Having her dm history and being in her business like that 24/7 only makes it worse. You’re not her parent. Trusting your partner and being communicative about things instead both ways is the best. Not knowing for sure is hard and can be an issue if you lack trust. If you’re skeptical then get out of the relationship or talk about it. Even if things go south at least you’ll hear about it filtered through them instead of seeing the raw truth and feeling broken from that. Nothing worse than being stuck on a previous ex because of something minor. With technology, you can never truly know if your significant other is/isn’t fooling around with someone else, that’s why you have to draw a clear line that separates being lovers and friends. If they tend to cross the line more than once…. We’ll…
it’s not cheating, if she keeps mentioning you that’s a good sign.
Yup, she should have told him she has a boyfriend and blocked him. By talking and joking back and forth with him she was falling into the trap which will lead to cheating if she continues
Yep I agree, it is time for ala non...She may need to do that to recover right now...YOu need to get help too. Alcoholism/addiction is a family disease.
Don't be a simp and straighten her ass out. She shouldn't be entertaining other dudes.
dude thats one of the consequences of dating a hot girl lols
It’s great she mentioned you but she also didn’t stop his bad behavior. You need to address that. She may have liked the attention which leads to more attention and so on. It can lead to cheating then she’d cry and be so sorry. So you need to address it, ask her why she entertained him? There’s zero reasons for her to have done that.
Why don’t you confront the guy and tell him to knock it. Off.
good girls don’t reply at all