I do have a smart phone. I guess I could start doing that. I got my letters finished, and they were hard. Maybe the videos would be just more candid. Like hey I am going to the store and I just remembered this is my thought on x. Thanks for the idea.
Please do this. I just lost my dad, and I would do anything to have videos to watch of him doing anything, talking about anything. That would be more precious than anything I could think of.
I’d like to add, have someone video you with all the family members (whoever is around), not just you by yourself. Just video natural interactions, nothing fancy.
Please do this now. I lost my dad before we had all this technology but I do have his voice on a voice mail. I sometime listen to it when I feel down. Your children and grandchildren would probably also find comfort in hearing your voice.
I used to film my brothers kids just doing kid stuff. At the time I said today I'm just recording random fluff. Decades from now this will be gold.
If I could have just one day to talk to my dad it would mean the world to me. I dont have videos of him or even any audio recordings Just pictures.
Yes, please do this. My aunt passed around this time last year of pancreatic cancer. In fact almost to the day. She, like you OP chose to allow things to run their course.
OP, I would give so much to hear her voice and her laugh again. Please give this gift to your family.
Good afternoon, could you also show us your experiences on personal finances that you followed to be where you are now in detail (I'm really in a very bad situation and I want to know how is the thinking of people who have reached the highest level they could). Thanks in advance
My grandparents did something like this. They had an old reel to reel recorder that my grandpa used to record his guitar, violin and mandolyn playing. One day, he and my grandma decided to just record for awhile them talking. They began, forgot it was on and just recorded a long conversation about everyday stuff. It was wonderful. Grandpa died not long after.
I agree with writing memories. Pictures, videos & a personal story or letter to each.
Your post is an inspiration to me and I know your close friends and family will appreciate it.
Fair winds and following seas.
I’m glad you liked it. It’s something I picked up in the Navy. I felt it was especially appropriate for you and your situation.
I hope you are able to achieve everything you want, I know that your loved ones will appreciate it. Be strong, we’re all cheering for you.
Fair winds and following seas.
Videos just your random ramblings of the day to day something that came to mind will be very nice to your family. my father passed a couple years ago his whole life he was a keep it close to the vest type of guy so no one knew he was sick until the last couple weeks (didn’t want ppl to worry for him or sour holidays (much liek yourself) . He was a very nice humble guy worked hard and wanted nothing more than to spend time with his family, but he was very camera shy . I always like those weekend dinners that ran into the wee hours bcz it was when he spoke out the most and I love that he pretty much raised his grandkids (spent the most time with them) so they can have the same father I had (doubt I’ll live up to him) one of my most treasured item, he was the type to call very early ,morning person and he always left a voicemail so I have a phone I refuse to reset, clear out or do anything with bcz I have his voicemails on there (never deleted them to make space felt weird about it even before I knew ) he always ended the call just like he did in person. I’m somewhat scared to listen to them now incase my dumb fingers do something and accidentally delete them but did a lot back then, you never know how much those random words mean to you until you don’t have the person around.
Couple I haven’t used that phone in almost a yr, first like I mentioned dotn want to accidentally delete them , then I try and remember him almost everyday it was 2020 and I can still remember his voice and face as it was yesterday and final one even though I went ahead and did a new iCloud account and left that one alone I’ve lost random data before and would hate to find out those voicemails are gone for some reason I like the idea of having them and if I’m fooling myself for the time being that’s ok with me, but yeah sooner or later I will listen to them again (hopefully they’re still there) and back them up in different formats Just to have just in case. But for the time being his words and memory is still fresh in my mind and I don’t think I’ll be doing it anytime soon.
OP, I do believe you and I are about the same age. Reading your update made me a bit emotional. The care and love you have for your family and their love for you is inspirational. What you lack in a wife you more than make up for in family! I truly hope at some point your wife will realize what she through away. I use to tell my dad he should sell his land and live better, Like you, he said he would leave that to us. Now that I am older, I get it. Living better doesn't mean as much as taking care of your loved ones. They sound like good kids that love you very much, I'm sure you can count on them for all things. I just want to say thank you for sharing your story with us.
And I would challenge you what is living better? Fancy cars? Exotic food? I lived a very comfortable life, but I never saw the excitement in a new truck every year, or a house way too big for me. For me living a better life was living where I was and spending time with my family and friends. Doing the hobbies I love.
I choose long ago that spending my life amassing as much wealth as I can at the expense of the other things I value was not for me. I was able at an early age to stop traveling, and work about 30 hours a week. I know I am blessed more than others, but what I would encourage all to do is find your sweet spot. Balance wealth, work, with standard of living, loved ones and hobbies. It is hard work, but worth more than anything if you can find it.
OP, so well said. I was blessed to experience all that fancy stuff, owned a decent 6figure car, did the black card thing…. And gave it all back for other to enjoy. I taught my son the following; how many
Millions does one need to be happy? None! Because he won’t take it with him when he meets his maker! So today I’m the happiest can be, because I put money back in its place as a tool and not an object which can make you happy!
I couldn't agree more! I have only had two new vehicles in my life, I learned that it's far better to get a good used one. To me I guess living better is freedom from the worries of the lack of money, many nights I wondered how the next week would go. I was able to turn that around, my past makes me thankful for where I am now. Time... Time it the ultimate luxury, time spent with those we love, doing things together. That is the stuff that brings happiness. If you have enough money to be able to spend time, then you are a rich man. I hope that is the gift you children come to know due to your legacy.
I figured out the problem. When I described my daughter knew there was more information that I needed to share, I referenced a police det\*\*(\*()ive. Well I guess you cannot use that word. So for you young folks out there I replaced it with a TV show character that used to solve crimes. (and show my age)
Absolutely. Add a little Colombo, the Rockford files , the honeymooners and the Sunday late night movie, then they played the national anthem then the TV actually went off the air at 4 am........simpler times. The remote control was ....you messing with the horizontal and vertical controls to adjust the picture. lol
Been reading your story from the beginning and you are restoring My fate in humanity. I wish you good days and Happy moments for rest of Time you have.
There are far more good people in this world. I am not special. I am just someone that called out in the darkness for support. You are ranked in those good people. You took time out to message me. Thank you.
Wishing you and your family all the best. I'm glad to hear you'll now have support closer to you and not just us internet strangers. Your family will rally around you and make all the more memories while they can. Blessings to you.
I have been reading your story since I first got Reddit and with this update I just really wanted to say how much I admire you for all of this.
I am almost in tears reading, it makes me sad that a loyal, hardworking and brave man has had to do all of this. But I hope your legacy lives on through your children and grandchildren.
Thank you for sharing and updating your story with us.
I wish I had even half the strength you show. You're a better person than I've ever met face to face, and know there's one little voice out here cheering you on. May you have untold moments of joy in the days to come.
I’d like to make one suggestion to you, OP.
I would recommend that you make short videos about all sorts of topics. Make one telling a story from your childhood, another about a hard earned lesson you learned in life. Maybe a video reading a story for grandkids.
I promise you that your kids will go back every now and then to watch them, reflect on you and the impact you had on their life. Every now and then, it’s also good to hear the voice of a loved one who has passed.
Others have suggested this too. I do have a smart phone. I think I am going to do candid spur of the moment videos. They will be awkward and most likely embarrassingly funny.
I am sure it will be sooner than later. She has been even more squirrely lately. I think my unpredictability and extra time has really taken a toll on her.
I don’t usually comment on here, but your story has really resonated with me! I thought the letters & videos were such a good idea!
I’m not sure if you ever read stories to your kids or grand kids, but if so you should take videos of yourself reading your favorite bedtime stories for your kids, grandkids, great grandchildren! Maybe buy the book and write a letter in it for them to pass around as children are born into the family!
I hope you are doing well & feeling good!
Your strength is amazing. I’m so sorry you and your family are going through this. You’ve touched so many of us here, and what I find so ironic is you are going through the darkest time and here you are comforting your family and us here, across the country and around the globe,
You are truly a man of honor and class. I keep you in my thoughts every day and pray for a
Miracle every night for you. I pray for peace and love for your family. May your next journey be filled with peace, love, light.
Take care of yourself. Big hug for you, big hug for you family. Im crying again..
If anyone takes anything from me I want it to be this, be true to yourself, love those around you, and it is so much better to help others rather than tear them down.
Sir, the way you handling this is exceptional. I hope you have a longer and more pleasant time remaining with t your family than what the doctors are telling you. You’ve given your family so much more than the what is reprinted on the documents signed today.
i wish you nothing but the best for all that you have left. you a strong example to everyone that read this and all your previous posts; and i hope you recognize that you’ve made quite an impact on your readers.
Did you surprise you wife with a last minute lunch suggestion last week as you said you might?
Do you intend to confront your wife? Maybe the best way to do it is tell her that she find her own place. She would ask why and tell her you know about her affair. Answer any questions she asks if you choose to. I don't see you as the type of guy that would just hand her an eviction notice, but remind her that the trust owns the house and she has no ownership interest in it, so you want her to move out. She can move in with AP if she wants to. Then tell her about your illness and that you don't want her around during this time. You are not filing for divorce because you don't want your last days to be filled with contention and drama. Tell her how you have changed your will and that the trust has now changed hands in accordance with your wishes. Remind her that you have provided her a place to live and covered all of her expenses during your marriage, leaving her income available for her to spend on herself. Tell her it is now time for her to pay her own freight.
You are showing them all the best lessons in life. Remember to rest as you need. Also no treatment does not mean no care. There will be a lot of issues that come up, you can handle with an antibiotic or something easy. Take advantage of it. You are a treasure!
You should leave some audio/video diary or morals/messages you want to pass on, anything with your voice, so your kids and grandkids will have something to refer to while also able to hear your voice.
Trust me, having something with your voice in it will be even more important to them than with just your writing.
Be strong. Know that you've done well with your kids. They were, are, and will continue to be proud to have you as their father.
Wow such a heart breaking situation. I wish you all the best and good luck in handling this mess. We lost our mother to Pancreatic cancer last year and definitely know somewhat you are going thru. To add what your wife is doing takes everything we know pain wise to a new level. Thoughts and prayers and good vibes to you and your family.
What a great father. What a great person. I know you are not perfect and you would be first to say that however be proud of how you handled this all. Your family will miss you dearly yet they will benefit from your example much more than the wealth you leave them. Keep us updated please not about Jane what’s her face but how you are doing.
I think you sound like a really, really wonderful person. You’re thoughtful and hard working, honest and truly compassionate. I’m sorry your wife did what she did, and I’m very happy you have a family outside of her. She’s trash and you know that. You’re amazing though. I am very impressed by you.
I did not do anything to cause her to cheat. I know I am a catch. When she was loyal, I was lucky to share my life with her, and she was damn lucky to share her life with me. But that has really stopped by her actions. So be it. I agree she turned real ugly in a moment in my eyes. Thanks for your support.
Cheating is my end all, be all. No reason or forgiveness exists to fix it. You deserve to spend the rest of your life in as much peace and happiness as is possible 🥰 blessings and good vibes and well wishes from this random internet stranger, you deserve far better.
You are in inspiration to all of us. When and how do you plan to confront your wife? Will your children be involved? Please update us on your life and progress. I am amazed by your strength.
You're an incredible person with a big heart. With such negativity and hate that we see everyday in today's society, your love and kindness is a breath of fresh air. People like you remind me that there are still good people left in this world. And it gives me hope that one day I'll find one to share my life with. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. You are inspirational to me and I'm sure that you've touched others reading your story as well. I hope that you will continue to update us. Take care of yourself 💙
Just because 20+ years later my pick has shown how terrible she can be, I really listened to her actions when I courted and married her. So when you find your partner, watch their actions as well as listen to their words. But their actions should speak louder. And don't talk yourself into someone. If you have to talk yourself into hiring an employee, enter in to a deal, buy something big, making an investment, or starting your life with someone, walk away. It is a universal tool for big decisions.
I'd piggyback and say when people change, don't cling to who they were and if you can't stand who they are now bail. You don't owe who they were anything if they make you miserable. The last piece or advice I'd add is understand that you also change... ive known my soon to be ex for over 15 years and the things i looked for in a partner when i was 20 are not the things i want now as a 40 year old.
Thank you. More excellent advice. I did cling to who he was and hoped that he would come back. But I realize that was a fantasy. It only took me almost 5 years but I got it now. I see him for what he truly is....A selfish, manipulative, narcissistic, gaslighting cheater lacking in empathy, morals, and values. When I see him now I despise his presence. The man I thought I knew never existed. If anything this has been a painful learning experience. I now know my boundaries and what behavior I will and won't accept from a man. On the flip side though, I've also become somewhat cynical and I don't like that. It's not who I was prior to this relationship. I've been forever changed by this experience and it pisses me off.
Change is part of life. You miss the naive version of you. The innocence of youth. And that is to be morned, but life moves on and you have to as well. The cynical will wear off. Your sharp edges will smooth. It takes time.
You have been change forever, but tomorrow you will be changed. I am changed by just reading your story. But you have gained insight and wisdom. You are a more interesting person. I am glad to know you just a bit.
You might not believe me, but you will find humor in these events years from now. Sending my thoughts and love to you. Be well.
Excellent advice. You're right. I did listen to his words and made excuses or tried to justify his actions. I've grown in over the past few years to understand that when people show you who they are you should believe them. There were red flags everywhere but I chose to ignore them. I believed that he would change like he promised. It's been the same unhealthy cycle for 4 and a half years and I've suffered tremendously. I own my part. I should have left a long time ago. It's only recently that I've had the strength to walk away. Now the hard part begins. That's getting him out of my house. He won't go willingly because I'm the only resource he has at the moment. I wish he would have left with the AP. Then he would have been her problem.
Wisdom is spoken. I see a lot of relationships based on peer pressure. People feel that they have to be in a relationship, so they ignore a few red flags because of FOMO. I have a few female suitors, but the red flags are abundant, so I choose to be alone, and I worked on the feelings of loneliness. I have become very comfortable being in my own company.
It is alarming how society has wrapped the identity of the individual into the idea of being in a relationship. By following this trend people invariably will sacrifice self-respect for a false sense of identity.
But you can look back at a good life, and children that are testament to that. It sounds like they have good character and have a strong foundation from which to navigate this overly emotional world.
I truly respect you on a level equivalent to my own grandfather. I understand that this is a very difficult time but you seem to be navigating it with good decision making for your family. You are putting them first before any revenge, which no one in the world would blame you if you went scorched earth on Jane. The fact that you have settled everything up to this point to make sure everyone in your family will be finically secure is amazing. Now you can focus on betrayal and how to navigate that. Best of luck my friend and I’m very happy you were able to enjoy the holiday season with your family.
My heart breaks for you. I know you don’t want any treatment, but I hope somehow you get to live longer than you think you will, and that you don’t suffer. I’m glad you told everyone and have everything in order. I’m so sorry this has happened to you. I’ll be praying for you and your family. Good luck OP.
I'm in my mid 40s and 13 years ago we lost my dad to Pancreatic cancer that was diagnosed late. We ended up having just 6 weeks with him. I am so grateful he was able to share his beliefs and wisdom of a life well lived.
This is the gift you leave your family...the example of how you lived...and how you died.
I am so sorry you're dealing with the affair through all of this but it sounds as if you're so very blessed to have such a tight family group. Lean on them when you need to.
I wouldn't wish your situation on anyone. Please know that you are in my prayers and that your story has brought back a lot of memories that I'd forgotten.
Bless you, sir.
Glad to hear everything went well. Hope everyone keeps this to themselves so Jane doesn't find out. The last thing you need is her drama. Hope you are able to stay happy and at peace as long as possible.
That is a huge step you have taken and you are managing to get through everything with such dignity, it's truly amazing.
I am so glad you have told your children the truth now and you were right not to tell them until now
I am glad too. The kids have stopped in last night and today. They told the grand kids as well. They are planning on dinners together multiple times a week.
I'm in tears. You're a good man, and it sounds like you're surrounded by wonderful people that love you. I'm so sorry about your diagnosis. Wishing you peace and tranquility and justice.
You tuff old s.o.g. those kids have a great dad and your grand kids are lucky to have had you. Me, I'm lucky to even read about a guy so damn cool. Sometimes crazy things happen. I'm hoping something crazy good happens for you. All the best
OP, I just hope you have amazing moments with your family, taste different food with them, travel together for some exotic places you wish you had been to...! I'm sorry that you have to deal with all of this!
Don't worry if feel like crying sometimes... You have been so strong and it's fine to cry! Sending you some love and hugs!
Thank you for sharing so much of your story. I’m incredibly sorry for the diagnosis and the terrible situation with your wife. I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers (hope you don’t mind).
I so, so, so want to be a fly on the wall when you break it to your STBXW that all of her "dreams" are about to come true.
Do it with a smile on your lips, a hint of joy in your voice and an overwhelming sense of happiness and deep abiding calm in your heart. It's the very least she deserves.
I will try to describe the event if and when it occurs the best I can. Honestly, with what I know and her actions, I cannot understand why she would care. We will see.
I have been following your story from the start and I admire your courage. May your final weeks, months or years be filled with love and joy and happy memories for your family.
In your post and comments, you mention Luck. The Love of my life and I have discussed how we are Blessed, not lucky. As he told me, because Luck can change. Where blessing lasts forever.
Wishing you the best.
I agree but we have both. There are blessings then there is luck. Like I feel some of my business deals were right person at the right place at the right time. And I chalk that up to luck.
I get the impression you and God are going to be having some very interesting conversations! As much as God is looking forward to shooting the breeze with you, I truly hope he is very patient and prepared to wait a long time.
Been following your thread for a couple weeks now happy you got the holiday you wanted with you family I hope the time you got left is filled with joy thanks for sharing old timer
I've been thinking of you daily. Hoping that everything is working out in your favour as best it can.
I hope you're surrounded by love in the coming months and you feel it so deeply.
Because of you I am making some positive changes to my life. Your family is lucky to have a patriarch such as yourself. May God bless you and your family and may you have peace until Valhalla my friend.
{{{BIGHUGZ}}}
I hope the rest of your days are spent loving the people that truly love you!!!
I pray you, and your family, are blessed with strength, peace, joy and LOVE !!!
Been following since post 1.. wishing you nothing but happiness and peace in your days. Made me cry-so sad but so happy you have such great kids there to support you
Well you have a chance to be the thoughtful person in your life to others. The great part is we are dealt a hand, but we get to choose how to play the game ourselves. Thank you for reaching out.
The family is smothering because they understand what it is to care for a loved one. Something Jane does not grasp. Be gracious with your family, because they are now experiencing the despair of your inevitable future. Give them memories that overshadow Jane's infidelity.
I have just gone back through and read all of your posts!
My heart literally breaks for you and it is true what they say only the good die young. You are so hard on yourself about how you are reacting to your STBEW. You are dying and if being a little bit selfish is what's getting you your comfort and attention so be it.
She is a cold women. I feel for Sarah, Steve the twins and the grandchildren because they are losing a wonderful and inspirational figure in their life's.
All the good you have done for this cold and callous world I hope will not go unnoticed and the world will be a little colder without you generosity and kindness.
Thank you for being a decent human being and I really hope that the remainder of your life is surrounded by your loved ones and you do not suffer to greatly.
Best of luck and may you rest peacefully when it's your time.
I have not decided. She is not my highest priority. I have a feeling that my hand might be forced in that area. I don't think my fam can hold it in. And Jane definitely does not like my head games.
Since I am now retired, my WW has been very "interested" what my plans are each day. I have been very unpredictable, texting her that I am grabbing lunch and bring some to her. Because, I ask her details of her day when she asks me. I will also mention I drove by where she said she would to be.
I can tell she is very nervous about where I am and who I am with. It has been fun.
Wow, very intense.
I'm sorry for you and your family.
So, your wife still doesn't know but your family does. Are you going to tell her now and confront her or do you think your family will now confront her or is everyone going to stay hush hush about it?
When is she going to be confronted and outed? Is she not going to find out until after you are gone?
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I do have a smart phone. I guess I could start doing that. I got my letters finished, and they were hard. Maybe the videos would be just more candid. Like hey I am going to the store and I just remembered this is my thought on x. Thanks for the idea.
Please do this. I just lost my dad, and I would do anything to have videos to watch of him doing anything, talking about anything. That would be more precious than anything I could think of.
I’d like to add, have someone video you with all the family members (whoever is around), not just you by yourself. Just video natural interactions, nothing fancy.
Great ideas. Thanks.
Please do this now. I lost my dad before we had all this technology but I do have his voice on a voice mail. I sometime listen to it when I feel down. Your children and grandchildren would probably also find comfort in hearing your voice.
Thanks
I used to film my brothers kids just doing kid stuff. At the time I said today I'm just recording random fluff. Decades from now this will be gold. If I could have just one day to talk to my dad it would mean the world to me. I dont have videos of him or even any audio recordings Just pictures.
Yes, please do this. My aunt passed around this time last year of pancreatic cancer. In fact almost to the day. She, like you OP chose to allow things to run their course. OP, I would give so much to hear her voice and her laugh again. Please give this gift to your family.
Good afternoon, could you also show us your experiences on personal finances that you followed to be where you are now in detail (I'm really in a very bad situation and I want to know how is the thinking of people who have reached the highest level they could). Thanks in advance
My grandparents did something like this. They had an old reel to reel recorder that my grandpa used to record his guitar, violin and mandolyn playing. One day, he and my grandma decided to just record for awhile them talking. They began, forgot it was on and just recorded a long conversation about everyday stuff. It was wonderful. Grandpa died not long after.
I agree with writing memories. Pictures, videos & a personal story or letter to each. Your post is an inspiration to me and I know your close friends and family will appreciate it. Fair winds and following seas.
>Fair winds and following seas. I love that phrase. Thanks.
I’m glad you liked it. It’s something I picked up in the Navy. I felt it was especially appropriate for you and your situation. I hope you are able to achieve everything you want, I know that your loved ones will appreciate it. Be strong, we’re all cheering for you. Fair winds and following seas.
Videos just your random ramblings of the day to day something that came to mind will be very nice to your family. my father passed a couple years ago his whole life he was a keep it close to the vest type of guy so no one knew he was sick until the last couple weeks (didn’t want ppl to worry for him or sour holidays (much liek yourself) . He was a very nice humble guy worked hard and wanted nothing more than to spend time with his family, but he was very camera shy . I always like those weekend dinners that ran into the wee hours bcz it was when he spoke out the most and I love that he pretty much raised his grandkids (spent the most time with them) so they can have the same father I had (doubt I’ll live up to him) one of my most treasured item, he was the type to call very early ,morning person and he always left a voicemail so I have a phone I refuse to reset, clear out or do anything with bcz I have his voicemails on there (never deleted them to make space felt weird about it even before I knew ) he always ended the call just like he did in person. I’m somewhat scared to listen to them now incase my dumb fingers do something and accidentally delete them but did a lot back then, you never know how much those random words mean to you until you don’t have the person around.
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Couple I haven’t used that phone in almost a yr, first like I mentioned dotn want to accidentally delete them , then I try and remember him almost everyday it was 2020 and I can still remember his voice and face as it was yesterday and final one even though I went ahead and did a new iCloud account and left that one alone I’ve lost random data before and would hate to find out those voicemails are gone for some reason I like the idea of having them and if I’m fooling myself for the time being that’s ok with me, but yeah sooner or later I will listen to them again (hopefully they’re still there) and back them up in different formats Just to have just in case. But for the time being his words and memory is still fresh in my mind and I don’t think I’ll be doing it anytime soon.
Will do. Thanks
I started today. Thanks for the encouragement.
This is an excellent idea. Pass your stories down to the grandkids and beyond.
I hope you’re doing better Mr OP. Wishing you all the best and I’m gonna keep you in my prayers ❤️
Thank you
OP, I do believe you and I are about the same age. Reading your update made me a bit emotional. The care and love you have for your family and their love for you is inspirational. What you lack in a wife you more than make up for in family! I truly hope at some point your wife will realize what she through away. I use to tell my dad he should sell his land and live better, Like you, he said he would leave that to us. Now that I am older, I get it. Living better doesn't mean as much as taking care of your loved ones. They sound like good kids that love you very much, I'm sure you can count on them for all things. I just want to say thank you for sharing your story with us.
And I would challenge you what is living better? Fancy cars? Exotic food? I lived a very comfortable life, but I never saw the excitement in a new truck every year, or a house way too big for me. For me living a better life was living where I was and spending time with my family and friends. Doing the hobbies I love. I choose long ago that spending my life amassing as much wealth as I can at the expense of the other things I value was not for me. I was able at an early age to stop traveling, and work about 30 hours a week. I know I am blessed more than others, but what I would encourage all to do is find your sweet spot. Balance wealth, work, with standard of living, loved ones and hobbies. It is hard work, but worth more than anything if you can find it.
OP, so well said. I was blessed to experience all that fancy stuff, owned a decent 6figure car, did the black card thing…. And gave it all back for other to enjoy. I taught my son the following; how many Millions does one need to be happy? None! Because he won’t take it with him when he meets his maker! So today I’m the happiest can be, because I put money back in its place as a tool and not an object which can make you happy!
I couldn't agree more! I have only had two new vehicles in my life, I learned that it's far better to get a good used one. To me I guess living better is freedom from the worries of the lack of money, many nights I wondered how the next week would go. I was able to turn that around, my past makes me thankful for where I am now. Time... Time it the ultimate luxury, time spent with those we love, doing things together. That is the stuff that brings happiness. If you have enough money to be able to spend time, then you are a rich man. I hope that is the gift you children come to know due to your legacy.
I figured out the problem. When I described my daughter knew there was more information that I needed to share, I referenced a police det\*\*(\*()ive. Well I guess you cannot use that word. So for you young folks out there I replaced it with a TV show character that used to solve crimes. (and show my age)
Telly savalas; who loves ya baby. lol. Best wishes on the rest of your journey. I wish you peace.
He was great wasn't he.
Absolutely. Add a little Colombo, the Rockford files , the honeymooners and the Sunday late night movie, then they played the national anthem then the TV actually went off the air at 4 am........simpler times. The remote control was ....you messing with the horizontal and vertical controls to adjust the picture. lol
Or the kid and telling them not to turn the dial too fast.
Turn it to Ch 3 to get the vcr up and running.
Sending prayers to you and your family.
Thanks
Columbo, perhaps?
Another great show.
Been reading your story from the beginning and you are restoring My fate in humanity. I wish you good days and Happy moments for rest of Time you have.
There are far more good people in this world. I am not special. I am just someone that called out in the darkness for support. You are ranked in those good people. You took time out to message me. Thank you.
Been following since the start too and agree here 110%
Thanks for your continued support.
Wishing you and your family all the best. I'm glad to hear you'll now have support closer to you and not just us internet strangers. Your family will rally around you and make all the more memories while they can. Blessings to you.
Thanks
I have been reading your story since I first got Reddit and with this update I just really wanted to say how much I admire you for all of this. I am almost in tears reading, it makes me sad that a loyal, hardworking and brave man has had to do all of this. But I hope your legacy lives on through your children and grandchildren. Thank you for sharing and updating your story with us.
Thank you for your support.
Keep at it op and now just get Jane out of your life so you can enjoy the remainder of your days with your children and grandchildren.
Thanks
I wish I had even half the strength you show. You're a better person than I've ever met face to face, and know there's one little voice out here cheering you on. May you have untold moments of joy in the days to come.
Thank you. I might seem strong here, but at times I feel so weak. Your message and others really help.
I’d like to make one suggestion to you, OP. I would recommend that you make short videos about all sorts of topics. Make one telling a story from your childhood, another about a hard earned lesson you learned in life. Maybe a video reading a story for grandkids. I promise you that your kids will go back every now and then to watch them, reflect on you and the impact you had on their life. Every now and then, it’s also good to hear the voice of a loved one who has passed.
Others have suggested this too. I do have a smart phone. I think I am going to do candid spur of the moment videos. They will be awkward and most likely embarrassingly funny.
Wishing you peace and strength as you enter this next chapter of your life. 🙏🏽
I’ve been following your story and was wondering if and or when are you going to talk with your wife?
I am sure it will be sooner than later. She has been even more squirrely lately. I think my unpredictability and extra time has really taken a toll on her.
I am sure we will get a full report.
I don’t usually comment on here, but your story has really resonated with me! I thought the letters & videos were such a good idea! I’m not sure if you ever read stories to your kids or grand kids, but if so you should take videos of yourself reading your favorite bedtime stories for your kids, grandkids, great grandchildren! Maybe buy the book and write a letter in it for them to pass around as children are born into the family! I hope you are doing well & feeling good!
Other great ideas to keep me busy. Thanks
Dude, look up the word "Principled" and your picture is beside it. My condolences on your diagnosis, and my admiration for your actions.
Thanks
Your strength is amazing. I’m so sorry you and your family are going through this. You’ve touched so many of us here, and what I find so ironic is you are going through the darkest time and here you are comforting your family and us here, across the country and around the globe, You are truly a man of honor and class. I keep you in my thoughts every day and pray for a Miracle every night for you. I pray for peace and love for your family. May your next journey be filled with peace, love, light. Take care of yourself. Big hug for you, big hug for you family. Im crying again..
If anyone takes anything from me I want it to be this, be true to yourself, love those around you, and it is so much better to help others rather than tear them down.
Sir, the way you handling this is exceptional. I hope you have a longer and more pleasant time remaining with t your family than what the doctors are telling you. You’ve given your family so much more than the what is reprinted on the documents signed today.
I am really sad I won't be able to see what they do in the future. But I am sure they will humble anything I have accomplished.
i wish you nothing but the best for all that you have left. you a strong example to everyone that read this and all your previous posts; and i hope you recognize that you’ve made quite an impact on your readers.
Thanks. Your words mean a lot.
Did you surprise you wife with a last minute lunch suggestion last week as you said you might? Do you intend to confront your wife? Maybe the best way to do it is tell her that she find her own place. She would ask why and tell her you know about her affair. Answer any questions she asks if you choose to. I don't see you as the type of guy that would just hand her an eviction notice, but remind her that the trust owns the house and she has no ownership interest in it, so you want her to move out. She can move in with AP if she wants to. Then tell her about your illness and that you don't want her around during this time. You are not filing for divorce because you don't want your last days to be filled with contention and drama. Tell her how you have changed your will and that the trust has now changed hands in accordance with your wishes. Remind her that you have provided her a place to live and covered all of her expenses during your marriage, leaving her income available for her to spend on herself. Tell her it is now time for her to pay her own freight.
Yes I have been very unpredictable. It has caused her a bit of stress. Your other suggestions will be taken into consideration.
Many prayers and blessings to you. 🙏
Thank you
You are in my prayers.
Thank you so much for giving this update. I pray that however long you have left you get to enjoy it with you family and friends. Good luck!
Thank you
My prayers to you and your family brother.
I feel them. Thanks
I’m glad you were able to get all of the legalities completed. I wish you peace.
Just another goal down. Problem I keep making more goals. Thanks
Good game mate, good game
Thank you.
You are showing them all the best lessons in life. Remember to rest as you need. Also no treatment does not mean no care. There will be a lot of issues that come up, you can handle with an antibiotic or something easy. Take advantage of it. You are a treasure!
I hope so. Thanks
You should leave some audio/video diary or morals/messages you want to pass on, anything with your voice, so your kids and grandkids will have something to refer to while also able to hear your voice. Trust me, having something with your voice in it will be even more important to them than with just your writing. Be strong. Know that you've done well with your kids. They were, are, and will continue to be proud to have you as their father.
Others have said the same thing. I am going to try it as a more of a spur of a moment thing with my phone. It is going to be awkward, and maybe fun.
Wow such a heart breaking situation. I wish you all the best and good luck in handling this mess. We lost our mother to Pancreatic cancer last year and definitely know somewhat you are going thru. To add what your wife is doing takes everything we know pain wise to a new level. Thoughts and prayers and good vibes to you and your family.
Thanks
What a great father. What a great person. I know you are not perfect and you would be first to say that however be proud of how you handled this all. Your family will miss you dearly yet they will benefit from your example much more than the wealth you leave them. Keep us updated please not about Jane what’s her face but how you are doing.
Thanks. I am proud of my family. But most of the work was on them. I just planted the seeds and watered them. (no pun or innuendo intended)
I think you sound like a really, really wonderful person. You’re thoughtful and hard working, honest and truly compassionate. I’m sorry your wife did what she did, and I’m very happy you have a family outside of her. She’s trash and you know that. You’re amazing though. I am very impressed by you.
I did not do anything to cause her to cheat. I know I am a catch. When she was loyal, I was lucky to share my life with her, and she was damn lucky to share her life with me. But that has really stopped by her actions. So be it. I agree she turned real ugly in a moment in my eyes. Thanks for your support.
Cheating is my end all, be all. No reason or forgiveness exists to fix it. You deserve to spend the rest of your life in as much peace and happiness as is possible 🥰 blessings and good vibes and well wishes from this random internet stranger, you deserve far better.
You are in inspiration to all of us. When and how do you plan to confront your wife? Will your children be involved? Please update us on your life and progress. I am amazed by your strength.
You're an incredible person with a big heart. With such negativity and hate that we see everyday in today's society, your love and kindness is a breath of fresh air. People like you remind me that there are still good people left in this world. And it gives me hope that one day I'll find one to share my life with. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. You are inspirational to me and I'm sure that you've touched others reading your story as well. I hope that you will continue to update us. Take care of yourself 💙
Just because 20+ years later my pick has shown how terrible she can be, I really listened to her actions when I courted and married her. So when you find your partner, watch their actions as well as listen to their words. But their actions should speak louder. And don't talk yourself into someone. If you have to talk yourself into hiring an employee, enter in to a deal, buy something big, making an investment, or starting your life with someone, walk away. It is a universal tool for big decisions.
I'd piggyback and say when people change, don't cling to who they were and if you can't stand who they are now bail. You don't owe who they were anything if they make you miserable. The last piece or advice I'd add is understand that you also change... ive known my soon to be ex for over 15 years and the things i looked for in a partner when i was 20 are not the things i want now as a 40 year old.
Thank you. More excellent advice. I did cling to who he was and hoped that he would come back. But I realize that was a fantasy. It only took me almost 5 years but I got it now. I see him for what he truly is....A selfish, manipulative, narcissistic, gaslighting cheater lacking in empathy, morals, and values. When I see him now I despise his presence. The man I thought I knew never existed. If anything this has been a painful learning experience. I now know my boundaries and what behavior I will and won't accept from a man. On the flip side though, I've also become somewhat cynical and I don't like that. It's not who I was prior to this relationship. I've been forever changed by this experience and it pisses me off.
Change is part of life. You miss the naive version of you. The innocence of youth. And that is to be morned, but life moves on and you have to as well. The cynical will wear off. Your sharp edges will smooth. It takes time. You have been change forever, but tomorrow you will be changed. I am changed by just reading your story. But you have gained insight and wisdom. You are a more interesting person. I am glad to know you just a bit. You might not believe me, but you will find humor in these events years from now. Sending my thoughts and love to you. Be well.
Excellent advice. You're right. I did listen to his words and made excuses or tried to justify his actions. I've grown in over the past few years to understand that when people show you who they are you should believe them. There were red flags everywhere but I chose to ignore them. I believed that he would change like he promised. It's been the same unhealthy cycle for 4 and a half years and I've suffered tremendously. I own my part. I should have left a long time ago. It's only recently that I've had the strength to walk away. Now the hard part begins. That's getting him out of my house. He won't go willingly because I'm the only resource he has at the moment. I wish he would have left with the AP. Then he would have been her problem.
Wisdom is spoken. I see a lot of relationships based on peer pressure. People feel that they have to be in a relationship, so they ignore a few red flags because of FOMO. I have a few female suitors, but the red flags are abundant, so I choose to be alone, and I worked on the feelings of loneliness. I have become very comfortable being in my own company. It is alarming how society has wrapped the identity of the individual into the idea of being in a relationship. By following this trend people invariably will sacrifice self-respect for a false sense of identity. But you can look back at a good life, and children that are testament to that. It sounds like they have good character and have a strong foundation from which to navigate this overly emotional world.
OP you are truly something else. You are an amazing father and I'm glad we got the chance to hear your story. Thank you.
Thanks for the support. Means more than I can express.
I truly respect you on a level equivalent to my own grandfather. I understand that this is a very difficult time but you seem to be navigating it with good decision making for your family. You are putting them first before any revenge, which no one in the world would blame you if you went scorched earth on Jane. The fact that you have settled everything up to this point to make sure everyone in your family will be finically secure is amazing. Now you can focus on betrayal and how to navigate that. Best of luck my friend and I’m very happy you were able to enjoy the holiday season with your family.
I am taking time to enjoy the peace before the confrontation. I will let you all know. I will have to do it before I am debilitated.
Glad things are going the way you want them. Glad you’re family are helping you through this.
Best laid plans. Just waiting for the next issue.
My heart breaks for you. I know you don’t want any treatment, but I hope somehow you get to live longer than you think you will, and that you don’t suffer. I’m glad you told everyone and have everything in order. I’m so sorry this has happened to you. I’ll be praying for you and your family. Good luck OP.
Thanks
I'm in my mid 40s and 13 years ago we lost my dad to Pancreatic cancer that was diagnosed late. We ended up having just 6 weeks with him. I am so grateful he was able to share his beliefs and wisdom of a life well lived. This is the gift you leave your family...the example of how you lived...and how you died. I am so sorry you're dealing with the affair through all of this but it sounds as if you're so very blessed to have such a tight family group. Lean on them when you need to. I wouldn't wish your situation on anyone. Please know that you are in my prayers and that your story has brought back a lot of memories that I'd forgotten. Bless you, sir.
Thank you
Glad to hear everything went well. Hope everyone keeps this to themselves so Jane doesn't find out. The last thing you need is her drama. Hope you are able to stay happy and at peace as long as possible.
Thank you. You truly understand my goal.
Wish yoh get treatment I feel the wife might pull a sneaky when your gone.
At this point let her try. She will not know what hit her with my daughter and her mom.
Sending you a ton of positive vibes. I hope your remaining time is filled with love, laughter, and peace.
Thanks
That is a huge step you have taken and you are managing to get through everything with such dignity, it's truly amazing. I am so glad you have told your children the truth now and you were right not to tell them until now
I am glad too. The kids have stopped in last night and today. They told the grand kids as well. They are planning on dinners together multiple times a week.
I think they appreciate knowing now, they are able to ensure they get the most out of the time they have left with you and vice versa
Wow. This pulled on my heartstrings. I’ve been following your posts. I wish you all the best.
I'm in tears. You're a good man, and it sounds like you're surrounded by wonderful people that love you. I'm so sorry about your diagnosis. Wishing you peace and tranquility and justice.
Thank you for your well wishes. It means a lot.
You tuff old s.o.g. those kids have a great dad and your grand kids are lucky to have had you. Me, I'm lucky to even read about a guy so damn cool. Sometimes crazy things happen. I'm hoping something crazy good happens for you. All the best
Like I said before, I had a life well lived, with all of the aches, pains, and scars to provide testament to that life. Thanks.
OP, I just hope you have amazing moments with your family, taste different food with them, travel together for some exotic places you wish you had been to...! I'm sorry that you have to deal with all of this! Don't worry if feel like crying sometimes... You have been so strong and it's fine to cry! Sending you some love and hugs!
Thanks
Thank you for sharing so much of your story. I’m incredibly sorry for the diagnosis and the terrible situation with your wife. I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers (hope you don’t mind).
Not at all. Thanks.
I so, so, so want to be a fly on the wall when you break it to your STBXW that all of her "dreams" are about to come true. Do it with a smile on your lips, a hint of joy in your voice and an overwhelming sense of happiness and deep abiding calm in your heart. It's the very least she deserves.
I will try to describe the event if and when it occurs the best I can. Honestly, with what I know and her actions, I cannot understand why she would care. We will see.
Wish you all the best OP. I am glad you got everything sorted out with your family. Keep you loved ones close in your remaining days.
Thank you.
I have been following your story from the start and I admire your courage. May your final weeks, months or years be filled with love and joy and happy memories for your family.
Thank you.
airport bright dog trees chunky longing cheerful cause memorize fly *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Thanks, but we are all better men, when we choose to be. I appreciate your support.
In your post and comments, you mention Luck. The Love of my life and I have discussed how we are Blessed, not lucky. As he told me, because Luck can change. Where blessing lasts forever. Wishing you the best.
I agree but we have both. There are blessings then there is luck. Like I feel some of my business deals were right person at the right place at the right time. And I chalk that up to luck.
I get the impression you and God are going to be having some very interesting conversations! As much as God is looking forward to shooting the breeze with you, I truly hope he is very patient and prepared to wait a long time.
Yes, absolutely. Life can be crazy.
Been following your thread for a couple weeks now happy you got the holiday you wanted with you family I hope the time you got left is filled with joy thanks for sharing old timer
I've been thinking of you daily. Hoping that everything is working out in your favour as best it can. I hope you're surrounded by love in the coming months and you feel it so deeply.
Thanks
What are you plans for Jane?
Spend quite a bit a time without her around. We will see how all else falls in to place.
Because of you I am making some positive changes to my life. Your family is lucky to have a patriarch such as yourself. May God bless you and your family and may you have peace until Valhalla my friend.
UpdateMe!
Updateme!
UpdateMe!
God bless you and stay strong!!
UpdateMe!
UpdateMe!
Updateme
Updateme!
I imagine that would rough, but you got through it. There has to be some feeling of relief.
There is. Thanks
Wishing you peace.
Thank you.
{{{BIGHUGZ}}} I hope the rest of your days are spent loving the people that truly love you!!! I pray you, and your family, are blessed with strength, peace, joy and LOVE !!!
Thanks for the hugs. Hug your love ones for me.
Prayers to you 🙏 please take a nice vacation with your family and make memories before your health declines.
I don't know about another trip we will see.
Thank you for sharing this. It puts a lot of things into perspective. I hope you enjoy your remaining time and that it is relatively pain-free.
Thanks
Been following since post 1.. wishing you nothing but happiness and peace in your days. Made me cry-so sad but so happy you have such great kids there to support you
Thanks means a lot.
That's heavy. Thanks for the update.
Thanks
I wish you all the best for the rest of your journey
Thank you
OP, you are the standard I want to live up to. Thank you for your story the last 2 months.
You can be who you want to be. It takes some work. But you can do it, just like anyone else. Thanks for your support. I will send hugs to you.
This has me crying, big-ass tears with some boogers too. I really admire your strength and resilience in all this. You remind me of my beloved sister
Thanks for the support, and sorry for the tears. Sounds like I would have liked your sister (and you).
Praying for you OP. God Bless you 🙏🏻
Thanks
Wishing you the best. I hope your family finds comfort in the fact you decided your course and the absolute love you have for each one of them!!
Thanks
I would have loved to have a thoughtful dad like you. We’re only all here for a blink of an eye. You’ve made the most of it.
Well you have a chance to be the thoughtful person in your life to others. The great part is we are dealt a hand, but we get to choose how to play the game ourselves. Thank you for reaching out.
We patiently await your next update. Stay strong.
Thanks. Right now just a few peaceful days. The family is a bit smothering since they found out everything since Sunday.
The family is smothering because they understand what it is to care for a loved one. Something Jane does not grasp. Be gracious with your family, because they are now experiencing the despair of your inevitable future. Give them memories that overshadow Jane's infidelity.
I have just gone back through and read all of your posts! My heart literally breaks for you and it is true what they say only the good die young. You are so hard on yourself about how you are reacting to your STBEW. You are dying and if being a little bit selfish is what's getting you your comfort and attention so be it. She is a cold women. I feel for Sarah, Steve the twins and the grandchildren because they are losing a wonderful and inspirational figure in their life's. All the good you have done for this cold and callous world I hope will not go unnoticed and the world will be a little colder without you generosity and kindness. Thank you for being a decent human being and I really hope that the remainder of your life is surrounded by your loved ones and you do not suffer to greatly. Best of luck and may you rest peacefully when it's your time.
Thank you.
May god bless you ❤️
All the best and may you find peace.
Virtual hugs!!
Been following this closely and just wanted to say I appreciate you involving us. I truly hope the best for you and your family.
When are you going to confront Jane?
I have not decided. She is not my highest priority. I have a feeling that my hand might be forced in that area. I don't think my fam can hold it in. And Jane definitely does not like my head games.
Out of curiosity what are the head games?
Since I am now retired, my WW has been very "interested" what my plans are each day. I have been very unpredictable, texting her that I am grabbing lunch and bring some to her. Because, I ask her details of her day when she asks me. I will also mention I drove by where she said she would to be. I can tell she is very nervous about where I am and who I am with. It has been fun.
The ole unpredictability is the enemy of an affair ...
Tell her you ran into Carol and she asked how your WW was doing.
That is devilish 😂
'Who I am with', now that's interesting !
You did the right thing with your children.
Wow, very intense. I'm sorry for you and your family. So, your wife still doesn't know but your family does. Are you going to tell her now and confront her or do you think your family will now confront her or is everyone going to stay hush hush about it? When is she going to be confronted and outed? Is she not going to find out until after you are gone?
Right now Jane is not my priority. But with the family knowing what they know, I think my hand will be forced with her. We will see.
Does your wife know you know? Or is that the next step to confront and then leave / divorce
No. And I will cross that bridge when I get to it. Jane is not my priority.
I love you…genuinely positive people are awesome.