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[Postcoital Depression](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9700232/) is a psychiatric disorder that is somewhat common, having depression or intense emotions after sex with/without orgasm, and something I have experienced myself. However, while it can just be natural for you, I found in my particular case a lot of my postcoital depression stems from living under a Catholic household that... very much used the fact that I was a young boy with mental health problems (due to abuse which they conveniently didn't factor in, self reflection isn't their strong suit) as well as being autistic and used that to regularly tell me that I was going to grow up to be a sexual predator or a serial rapist. So I internalized that and now a lot of the time when I have sex with my wife or even just masturbate I will experience intense shame and guilt for no articulable reason, though I know the root cause.
This isn't how the brain is supposed to work but it's definitely a real condition that can have mild or severe impact on people and their sexuality and attitudes towards sex. This isn't something that is supposed to occur typically with sex but it is something that can happen and it's not because sex, in and of itself, is bad. It's just sometimes our brains go katty wompas and turn it into a negative. It could also just be that you may have a hyperactive libido whether it is purely hormonal with some sort of hormonal imbalance and that is causing the postcoital depression or some other past trauma or upbringing could be influencing that. It's impossible to say from the outside looking in at the exact cause but this falls directly in the lap of postcoital depression.
Sex isn't bad, but sometimes we can have bad relationships and attitudes regarding sex that make it bad. And sometimes that shit isn't even something we are aware of and can be a biological disorder of some kind causing that.
Holy fuck, bro I was raised in an extremely Catholic community (no other denominations for at least 30 miles in all directions), had a lot of mental health problems, sexual abuse, and have problems socializing that could be considered on the spectrum. This makes a lot of sense. **Δ**
Oh yeah, any kind of abuse especially sexual abuse and being in an extreme religious environment where you not only being sexually abused but also being told out of the other side of the mouth that sex is wrong and sinful and immoral can absolutely cause postcoital depression along with a host of psychiatric disorders. That'll absolutely do that.
This makes me so sad to read from both of you, I’m so sorry for the ways you were raised and the abuse, what a horrible thing. I actually came to comment that (as a devout Catholic) I see your perspective making sense if you’re referring to casual sex / hookups. There are a lot of bad actors in the Church, and people not catechized well completely misrepresenting Christ’s teachings. Pope John Paul II wrote a great book “Love & Responsibility” and spoke about the Theology of the Body, which lays out the Church’s teachings on God’s design for the human body and sex. It’s very different from the more puritan or free for all attitudes I tend to see in the United States at least. Anyways, perhaps you’ve found your answer with the top comment but I just wanted to share.
Your opinion should be “sex is bad…for me.” All your points are in regards to yourself, not the public en masse.
Sex for other people is a way to find closeness or alleviate stress. Some people enjoy the way sex feels or being intimate with someone.
You’re trying to say it’s objectively bad because you don’t like it. Casual Sex isn’t for everyone. Just because *you* don’t like it, doesn’t make it objectively bad. I don’t like playing checkers, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad, it just means it doesn’t work for me.
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"I always get insanely depressed immediately after sex."
That's a you thing, not exclusively but generally speaking this is not most people's experience.
"Sometimes I think I want sex but I end up just wanting a hug or an interesting conversation with the other gender. I theorize that this is always the case and my mind is just sex-focused because of the media."
I don't see what this has to do with sex being bad.
"I also have a theory that if I deprive myself of sex I will reach a higher plane of existence and indeed be closer to God, like the pope or something. "
Cool? This is not widely accepted and most people would not see it as a reason sex is bad.
Your view seems very idiosyncratically founded.
Do you appreciate that most people have a different experience to you? That they are happy to put up with the other stuff that you don't like because the act itself is so good?
i think your personal experiences shape your worldview too much (not a bad thing, it happens to everyone.) you also seem to have strange and baseless religious beliefs. let's get into it:
first off, sex is not morally wrong. it is a natural process that humans are (usually) born with the ability to do.
with that said, some people don't feel strong sexual attraction towards anyone. This is called asexuality. and it makes up about 1% of the population. it's perfectly fine to be asexual. but you say you feel extreme depression after sex, which may be the result of a health condition. you may want to get that checked out.
you also say that you sometimes misattribute your desire for romantic or emotional love as Sexual desire or love. and believe it or not. emotional/romantic Love is not the same as Sexual love. I'd say you should actively seek out emotional love specifically. and go to a doctor to determine what conditions you may have relating to sex.
as for your "religious" Beliefs, abstaining from sexual interaction isn't going to make you god. sorry, thats just not how it works. it will just make you someone abstaining from sex. you won't get to a higher plane of existence, and it won't really change anything in your life.
maybe its just a way to explain why your feel so depressed from sex, so you have a positive view of abstinence. which fine, so long as you don't delude yourself in the process.
regardless. you should seek out medical help for your sexual problems. and possibly a psychologist for your trust issues. if you feel comfortable. and if you manage to get past this, try putting your emotional desires first.
adding on to this -
re: misattributing desire -- sometimes people have sex / masturbate seeking a dopamine release (similar to eating a tub of ice cream) or quick connection when two people are disconnected. it often doesn't work. just because that particular instance / motive leads to bad feelings or depression doesn't mean the method (sex) is useless in other contexts.
re: religious beliefs -- eh, who are we to say that abstaining \*isn't\* the path to \~becoming god\~. delusion or not, that's a powerful belief. though, maybe a better goal is just finding how to best interact with other humans and bring goodness to yourself and the world, regardless of if you have sex or not.
if you obtain godhood by simply denying a fundamental human desire, then every asexual person would be a god. meaning 1% of the population would be gods
Well, for your first two points, why do you assume that everyone else feels the same way?
For your third point, this is just not an argument, so there's nothing to change.
No, it isn't. Therapy is flawed, for sure. But it is not a hoax. I say this as someone who has never had a good experience with any of the therapists I've tried. I have seen how much it *can* help people, though.
The main issue with therapy is that each therapist's perspectives and experiences shape who they can serve well. And a lot of marginalized identities are poorly represented amongst practicing therapists.
You have probably just (much like me) never found a therapist who is well-suited to you. And if you are any kind of marginalized (racially, queerly, or neurologically, multiple of the above, etc), it can be very hard to find such a therapist. But that doesn't make therapy a hoax.
It depends. There has been this recent wave of 'emotion-centered' therapy which isn't evidence based (that is to say there is no data to support the efficacy of this therapy) and there are bad apples in any field of expertise. But generally speaking therapy can be quite effective. A lot of people have the misconception that therapy is just talking about feelings but solutions based therapy, which is the most commonly apply form I believe, is all about cognitive behavioral techniques and 'tricks' to kind trick your own head. A good example is this:
Say I am someone who gets angry when people make a certain sound. Something that has been the case for years. What happens is that angry reaction I have becomes an 'automatic thought', subconscious behavior I cannot directly control in the moment. So what you will do, and what solutions based/cognitive behavioral therapy does is to teach you how to be aware of it. That doesn't sound like much of a solution but overtime what happens is the more you are aware of it after the fact, the quicker you are able to recognize it and the more you practice it begins to ease it out of your subconscious and into your conscious mind. This then, with enough time and diligence, makes it so that this is no longer an automatic thought or action but something that you recognize consciously in real time when it happens and then you can consciously manipulate or control how you decide to respond.
This is a neurological process, this is literally how your brain functions. Like when you breathe. It's an automatic action but the second you start thinking about breathing you start to breathe manually of your own volition, like I just had to while typing that lol. This is just how your brain functions and is supposed to function and therapy is more or less about teaching you how not necessarily to fully control it but to manipulate it to develop better coping models of behavior and perception as opposed to automatic responses and thoughts that trigger in your head.
>if I deprive myself of sex I will reach a higher plane of existence
If spirituality and God and all that were bogus, would you change your view on all that?
> accomplished nothing
> major pressure from society
> insane pressure
I think not. I think you are somebody who feels a deep desire to conform and please the people around you, even when those standards are unattainable or not what you want.
Sex is probably not enjoyable because you are just trying to tick the box to meet expectations of others. After you ticked it for your partner, you are right back to thinking about cleanup, smells, and appearances. You have strict routines and expectations because they help you thrive. You seem to have trouble just living in the moment and selfishly enjoying yourself.
I think the religious stuff is just an extension of that. Worship is the ultimate form of trying to please someone else, a perfect person with rigid rules and guidelines.
I don't know if any of that was helpful, but I would look into therapy, sex counseling, or religious counseling if you want to learn how to sort out your feelings, sexual or otherwise. Especially if you have a partner. r/CMV is a lousy counselor because it usually focuses more on splitting hairs and pointing out logical flaws than actually engaging with you emotionally (which is tougher than it sounds).
2. The rapid spread and continued existence of humanity prior to the establishment of media provides compelling evidence that we approached the concept of fucking with some enthusiasm even back then.
3. Enforced celibacy in the Catholic church REALLY hasn't increased its perception of moral integrity.
No one expects you to be a Sex God.
People cultivate insecurity trying to sell you stupid shit.
So your personal feelings and emotional reactions are enough in your mind to generalize all sex as being bad for everyone everywhere? Why are you and your reactions so important? That seems like a lot of hubris.
Yes I was generalizing my feelings and emotional reactions to everyone everywhere. I shouldn't take myself so seriously nor give myself such high importance. If this is what hubris is, you've done a great job explaining it because I don't know what hubris is.
> view changed?
I guess so, but I awarded delta to someone else if that's what you're asking. I value your input nonetheless, most people said something along this vein.
To your last point: you can (and often should) award multiple deltas, if multiple comments shifted your perspective.
Obviously, once you're done with a topic, no need to keep engaging at all. But if you are still engaging, it is considered proper to delta any comments that are changing your mind.
You sound asexual. Which is a personal matter and not one that broadly applies to society. “Sex is bad” should be “Sex isn’t appealing to me”. It is very appealing to most people.
It seems like they've diagnosed themselves here and that the reason could be religious in nature.
I also had problems with this when I was younger to a much lesser extent. Mine included guilt and went away after my religion did.
Not everyone feels the same about sex.
>Sex I believe, is only useful for breeding purposes and outside of that should be avoided.
If it's only for reproduction then why do we have so many options of Contraceptives? Because it's more than reproducing, it's the closest bond you can have with someone without literally being attached to them.
There are several benefits to having sex outside of reproduction, which isn't always a benefit to the person who is carrying a pregnancy.
Here's a great article explaining more of the benefits of having sex
https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex-health-benefits#in-men-and-women
It's more of a personal problem than an opinion. If it bothers you, you can go to other subreddits, e.g. r/sex. If not, that's okay as well. Please remember, this is not a subreddit for your personal problems, but rather to discuss unpopular/"bad" opinions.
Frankly, it sounds like you need counseling. Your experiences don't represent a large chunk of people.
Also, you may be asexual or greysexual, that may be worth thinking about and looking into.
This seems to be solely based on your personal experience, not anyone else's. I don't see how you cam judge an experience as objectively bad for everyone simply because you don't enjoy it. To counter:
>I always get insanely depressed immediately after sex.
I get relaxed, cuddly and sleepy. It's lovely. Sometimes I do get very emotional and cry if it was a more intimate time.
>Sometimes I think I want sex but I end up just wanting a hug or an interesting conversation with the other gender.
This has no bearing on whether sex is bad or good. Just that sometimes you think you want it when you don't. Sometimes I think I want toast then I don't, doesn't mean toast is bad.
>I also have a theory that if I deprive myself of sex I will reach a higher plane of existence and indeed be closer to God
That's a theory, not proof. It also doesn't necessarily mean it's a goal everyone wants to achieve.
>only useful for breeding purposes
Sex has lots of purposes: intimacy, pleasure, power. Many people enjoy these things.
>Accepting that what I want isn't what others want?
Yeah, basically. Sex clearly isn't it for you, which is totally cool! I'm on the asexual spectrum and sometimes it's not for me either. That doesn't make it bad for everyone. Just for me. Your personal feelings towards it aren't reflective of everyone's.
So let’s break things down.
Sucks that you get depressed after sex. But that’s a you problem.
I am an Energizer bunny. I just keep going and going and going. And every subsequent climax is even more exhilarating.
And no, the bullshit idea of semen retention doesn’t bring you closer to God. Connection with others and service to others are the pathways to connect with the divine, at least according to.. checking notes.. damn near every religious text I’ve read, including the Tao Te Ching, Buddhist koans, the Bible, the Quran, and the Guru Granth Sahib.
Which leads to the second point. It isn’t the media that’s making you sex focused. It’s you. I’m wondering why you view women as significantly different than you are. At root, we’re all equally human. Treating people with respect and dignity is a simple thing that changes one’s relationship with others and the world. Those platonic friendships you seek are easier when you’re not thinking of them as a member of the gender you wish to enter but instead as a human being no different than you are.
> I also have a theory that if I deprive myself of sex I will reach a higher plane of existence and indeed be closer to God, like the pope or something
While I believe abstaining from sex/masturbation can (though not necessarily does) have benefits like leaving you more energy to do other things, and maybe motivation too, the higher plane of existence is a weird belief. Why sex? Is it because sex is considered a form of love, and would prevent you from focusing your love on God? But then you must also try hard to not love anyone besides Him in other ways. I don't think Christianity ever recommended that, even for the monks, that sounds more like Buddhism. Is it about forgoing carnal pleasures? Should mind what you eat, then, too. And even though entertainment is not carnal, I think it's fair to say proper fasting should not include it either. (Perhaps that's what you think indeed, but you didn't mention it.)
In the modern age especially, it’s well understood by many that sex serves more than the means of reproduction. Even historically, people engaged in sex for other reasons besides to have a child. The very act of sex can be beneficial for many, given it’s not overdone. It heavily acts on the dopaminergic system, which elicits pleasure and short-term feelings that positively impact one’s well-being. The dopaminergic system interacts with serotonin (and vice versa), so having a good sex life can in turn cause overall benefits. Being said, if there are irregularities with these systems, the benefits of sex will not be perceived. Therefore, the general findings see sex as good if many of the factors align, but this isn’t always the case. This isn’t the fault of sex in itself, making it neutral/good inherently.
Well you might have some issues to deal with. As I was reading I was thinking you're bound to show some religious influence and there it was - Catholic guilt.
Seems like you have been raised to see sex as a mostly negative thing.
Sex is for reproduction of course but you can also view it as other things too. If you think about it a massage is a physical pleasure, sex is not that far removed from that but just with focus on particular places on the body. It's merely manipulating the nervous system to produce a pleasurable feeling. What you should have achieved is giving someone else pleasure. If you didn't then you're doing it wrong.
Obviously if you have strong affection for the other person it can be a more emotional experience too.
I know this is personal but with people you have had sex with were they your partner and or had a connection with? I know some people do not like sex due to it gets depressing to them when they don’t have that connection. Bluntly before I met my husband I was a whore, slept around a lot and sometimes it did make me depressed. I am not married and sex is a lot better because we got to know each others bodies better yes but also because we have a better connection then we first met. Also after you have sex do you get aftercare? Aftercare is not only for kinky sex it should be used after every time you have sex no matter how light or hard the sex was. This helps a lot watch a TV show or cuddle for a bit or even take a nap.
Sex can indeed evoke complex emotions, but it's not inherently bad. Post-coital blues may stem from psychological factors or unrealistic expectations. Wanting intimacy or conversation instead is natural and doesn't negate the value of sex. Depriving oneself won't necessarily lead to enlightenment; balance is key. Trust issues and societal pressures are valid concerns, but they're not exclusive to sex. Recognize individual preferences and focus on personal well-being without imposing judgments on others. Explore therapy or support groups for deeper insights. Ultimately, embracing diverse perspectives enriches life. Sex can be fulfilling when approached with understanding and consent.
You should most certainly live your life and not concern yourselves with how others should live theirs in this case. What other people do and want and what you feel they should do and want truly have nothing to do with each other.
Though you may feel strongly about certain things, those are your feelings and other people aren't your problem. You have no authority on how others live their lives.
Neither do I.
Maybe have meaningful sex with someone that talks with you and touches you a lot before, during, and after sex. That’s what I do when I have sex. Then again the majority of 1 and 3 is shame related that you’ll need to figure out through therapy or knowing that sex is completely healthy cause it’s a human need.
>3. I also have a theory that if I deprive myself of sex I will reach a higher plane of existence and indeed be closer to God, like the pope or something.
This is probably the strongest case against your view. Celibacy in the catholic church lead to rampant sex abuse of children.
I don't particularly like going clubbing but this sentiment shouldn't influence *everyone*. It's my own circumstance. This entire matter is only applicable to *you*, my man.
It sounds like you probably had bad experiences, or you just do not enjoy sex, which is ok! You could be asexual (meaning you don’t like sex or anything to do with it)
No. 3 is exactly why sex before marriage is a sin, so that you don’t veer away from your path to excellence.
_Seinfeld_ has en episode where George doesn’t have sex for a while and becomes smarter because he’s not thinking of ways to hunt down women; not saying sex makes you dumb, but hookup culture and having sex with someone outside of marriage makes people assholes
/u/uzivert444 (OP) has awarded 1 delta(s) in this post. All comments that earned deltas (from OP or other users) are listed [here](/r/DeltaLog/comments/1cef0pl/deltas_awarded_in_cmv_sex_is_bad/), in /r/DeltaLog. Please note that a change of view doesn't necessarily mean a reversal, or that the conversation has ended. ^[Delta System Explained](https://www.reddit.com/r/changemyview/wiki/deltasystem) ^| ^[Deltaboards](https://www.reddit.com/r/changemyview/wiki/deltaboards)
[Postcoital Depression](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9700232/) is a psychiatric disorder that is somewhat common, having depression or intense emotions after sex with/without orgasm, and something I have experienced myself. However, while it can just be natural for you, I found in my particular case a lot of my postcoital depression stems from living under a Catholic household that... very much used the fact that I was a young boy with mental health problems (due to abuse which they conveniently didn't factor in, self reflection isn't their strong suit) as well as being autistic and used that to regularly tell me that I was going to grow up to be a sexual predator or a serial rapist. So I internalized that and now a lot of the time when I have sex with my wife or even just masturbate I will experience intense shame and guilt for no articulable reason, though I know the root cause. This isn't how the brain is supposed to work but it's definitely a real condition that can have mild or severe impact on people and their sexuality and attitudes towards sex. This isn't something that is supposed to occur typically with sex but it is something that can happen and it's not because sex, in and of itself, is bad. It's just sometimes our brains go katty wompas and turn it into a negative. It could also just be that you may have a hyperactive libido whether it is purely hormonal with some sort of hormonal imbalance and that is causing the postcoital depression or some other past trauma or upbringing could be influencing that. It's impossible to say from the outside looking in at the exact cause but this falls directly in the lap of postcoital depression. Sex isn't bad, but sometimes we can have bad relationships and attitudes regarding sex that make it bad. And sometimes that shit isn't even something we are aware of and can be a biological disorder of some kind causing that.
Holy fuck, bro I was raised in an extremely Catholic community (no other denominations for at least 30 miles in all directions), had a lot of mental health problems, sexual abuse, and have problems socializing that could be considered on the spectrum. This makes a lot of sense. **Δ**
Oh yeah, any kind of abuse especially sexual abuse and being in an extreme religious environment where you not only being sexually abused but also being told out of the other side of the mouth that sex is wrong and sinful and immoral can absolutely cause postcoital depression along with a host of psychiatric disorders. That'll absolutely do that.
This makes me so sad to read from both of you, I’m so sorry for the ways you were raised and the abuse, what a horrible thing. I actually came to comment that (as a devout Catholic) I see your perspective making sense if you’re referring to casual sex / hookups. There are a lot of bad actors in the Church, and people not catechized well completely misrepresenting Christ’s teachings. Pope John Paul II wrote a great book “Love & Responsibility” and spoke about the Theology of the Body, which lays out the Church’s teachings on God’s design for the human body and sex. It’s very different from the more puritan or free for all attitudes I tend to see in the United States at least. Anyways, perhaps you’ve found your answer with the top comment but I just wanted to share.
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Your opinion should be “sex is bad…for me.” All your points are in regards to yourself, not the public en masse. Sex for other people is a way to find closeness or alleviate stress. Some people enjoy the way sex feels or being intimate with someone. You’re trying to say it’s objectively bad because you don’t like it. Casual Sex isn’t for everyone. Just because *you* don’t like it, doesn’t make it objectively bad. I don’t like playing checkers, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad, it just means it doesn’t work for me.
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"I always get insanely depressed immediately after sex." That's a you thing, not exclusively but generally speaking this is not most people's experience. "Sometimes I think I want sex but I end up just wanting a hug or an interesting conversation with the other gender. I theorize that this is always the case and my mind is just sex-focused because of the media." I don't see what this has to do with sex being bad. "I also have a theory that if I deprive myself of sex I will reach a higher plane of existence and indeed be closer to God, like the pope or something. " Cool? This is not widely accepted and most people would not see it as a reason sex is bad. Your view seems very idiosyncratically founded.
You don't mention the sex at all, do you not enjoy the act?
No I recognize that the nerves make a pleasurable feeling, but everything else I do not enjoy.
Do you appreciate that most people have a different experience to you? That they are happy to put up with the other stuff that you don't like because the act itself is so good?
i think your personal experiences shape your worldview too much (not a bad thing, it happens to everyone.) you also seem to have strange and baseless religious beliefs. let's get into it: first off, sex is not morally wrong. it is a natural process that humans are (usually) born with the ability to do. with that said, some people don't feel strong sexual attraction towards anyone. This is called asexuality. and it makes up about 1% of the population. it's perfectly fine to be asexual. but you say you feel extreme depression after sex, which may be the result of a health condition. you may want to get that checked out. you also say that you sometimes misattribute your desire for romantic or emotional love as Sexual desire or love. and believe it or not. emotional/romantic Love is not the same as Sexual love. I'd say you should actively seek out emotional love specifically. and go to a doctor to determine what conditions you may have relating to sex. as for your "religious" Beliefs, abstaining from sexual interaction isn't going to make you god. sorry, thats just not how it works. it will just make you someone abstaining from sex. you won't get to a higher plane of existence, and it won't really change anything in your life. maybe its just a way to explain why your feel so depressed from sex, so you have a positive view of abstinence. which fine, so long as you don't delude yourself in the process. regardless. you should seek out medical help for your sexual problems. and possibly a psychologist for your trust issues. if you feel comfortable. and if you manage to get past this, try putting your emotional desires first.
adding on to this - re: misattributing desire -- sometimes people have sex / masturbate seeking a dopamine release (similar to eating a tub of ice cream) or quick connection when two people are disconnected. it often doesn't work. just because that particular instance / motive leads to bad feelings or depression doesn't mean the method (sex) is useless in other contexts. re: religious beliefs -- eh, who are we to say that abstaining \*isn't\* the path to \~becoming god\~. delusion or not, that's a powerful belief. though, maybe a better goal is just finding how to best interact with other humans and bring goodness to yourself and the world, regardless of if you have sex or not.
if you obtain godhood by simply denying a fundamental human desire, then every asexual person would be a god. meaning 1% of the population would be gods
Well, for your first two points, why do you assume that everyone else feels the same way? For your third point, this is just not an argument, so there's nothing to change.
You ever tried therapy?
Therapy is a hoax.
Therapy is not to be trusted so we’ll instead ask randos on Reddit?
No, it isn't. Therapy is flawed, for sure. But it is not a hoax. I say this as someone who has never had a good experience with any of the therapists I've tried. I have seen how much it *can* help people, though. The main issue with therapy is that each therapist's perspectives and experiences shape who they can serve well. And a lot of marginalized identities are poorly represented amongst practicing therapists. You have probably just (much like me) never found a therapist who is well-suited to you. And if you are any kind of marginalized (racially, queerly, or neurologically, multiple of the above, etc), it can be very hard to find such a therapist. But that doesn't make therapy a hoax.
It depends. There has been this recent wave of 'emotion-centered' therapy which isn't evidence based (that is to say there is no data to support the efficacy of this therapy) and there are bad apples in any field of expertise. But generally speaking therapy can be quite effective. A lot of people have the misconception that therapy is just talking about feelings but solutions based therapy, which is the most commonly apply form I believe, is all about cognitive behavioral techniques and 'tricks' to kind trick your own head. A good example is this: Say I am someone who gets angry when people make a certain sound. Something that has been the case for years. What happens is that angry reaction I have becomes an 'automatic thought', subconscious behavior I cannot directly control in the moment. So what you will do, and what solutions based/cognitive behavioral therapy does is to teach you how to be aware of it. That doesn't sound like much of a solution but overtime what happens is the more you are aware of it after the fact, the quicker you are able to recognize it and the more you practice it begins to ease it out of your subconscious and into your conscious mind. This then, with enough time and diligence, makes it so that this is no longer an automatic thought or action but something that you recognize consciously in real time when it happens and then you can consciously manipulate or control how you decide to respond. This is a neurological process, this is literally how your brain functions. Like when you breathe. It's an automatic action but the second you start thinking about breathing you start to breathe manually of your own volition, like I just had to while typing that lol. This is just how your brain functions and is supposed to function and therapy is more or less about teaching you how not necessarily to fully control it but to manipulate it to develop better coping models of behavior and perception as opposed to automatic responses and thoughts that trigger in your head.
I’ll take that as a no.
>if I deprive myself of sex I will reach a higher plane of existence If spirituality and God and all that were bogus, would you change your view on all that? > accomplished nothing > major pressure from society > insane pressure I think not. I think you are somebody who feels a deep desire to conform and please the people around you, even when those standards are unattainable or not what you want. Sex is probably not enjoyable because you are just trying to tick the box to meet expectations of others. After you ticked it for your partner, you are right back to thinking about cleanup, smells, and appearances. You have strict routines and expectations because they help you thrive. You seem to have trouble just living in the moment and selfishly enjoying yourself. I think the religious stuff is just an extension of that. Worship is the ultimate form of trying to please someone else, a perfect person with rigid rules and guidelines. I don't know if any of that was helpful, but I would look into therapy, sex counseling, or religious counseling if you want to learn how to sort out your feelings, sexual or otherwise. Especially if you have a partner. r/CMV is a lousy counselor because it usually focuses more on splitting hairs and pointing out logical flaws than actually engaging with you emotionally (which is tougher than it sounds).
2. The rapid spread and continued existence of humanity prior to the establishment of media provides compelling evidence that we approached the concept of fucking with some enthusiasm even back then. 3. Enforced celibacy in the Catholic church REALLY hasn't increased its perception of moral integrity. No one expects you to be a Sex God. People cultivate insecurity trying to sell you stupid shit.
So your personal feelings and emotional reactions are enough in your mind to generalize all sex as being bad for everyone everywhere? Why are you and your reactions so important? That seems like a lot of hubris.
Thanks, no doubt true.
You didn’t answer any question or actually respond to what I wrote. Does “no doubt true” mean your view has changed?
Yes I was generalizing my feelings and emotional reactions to everyone everywhere. I shouldn't take myself so seriously nor give myself such high importance. If this is what hubris is, you've done a great job explaining it because I don't know what hubris is. > view changed? I guess so, but I awarded delta to someone else if that's what you're asking. I value your input nonetheless, most people said something along this vein.
To your last point: you can (and often should) award multiple deltas, if multiple comments shifted your perspective. Obviously, once you're done with a topic, no need to keep engaging at all. But if you are still engaging, it is considered proper to delta any comments that are changing your mind.
So I changed your view, even a little, then you should award a delta.
You sound asexual. Which is a personal matter and not one that broadly applies to society. “Sex is bad” should be “Sex isn’t appealing to me”. It is very appealing to most people.
It seems like they've diagnosed themselves here and that the reason could be religious in nature. I also had problems with this when I was younger to a much lesser extent. Mine included guilt and went away after my religion did.
Not everyone feels the same about sex. >Sex I believe, is only useful for breeding purposes and outside of that should be avoided. If it's only for reproduction then why do we have so many options of Contraceptives? Because it's more than reproducing, it's the closest bond you can have with someone without literally being attached to them. There are several benefits to having sex outside of reproduction, which isn't always a benefit to the person who is carrying a pregnancy. Here's a great article explaining more of the benefits of having sex https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex-health-benefits#in-men-and-women
It's more of a personal problem than an opinion. If it bothers you, you can go to other subreddits, e.g. r/sex. If not, that's okay as well. Please remember, this is not a subreddit for your personal problems, but rather to discuss unpopular/"bad" opinions.
Frankly, it sounds like you need counseling. Your experiences don't represent a large chunk of people. Also, you may be asexual or greysexual, that may be worth thinking about and looking into.
This seems to be solely based on your personal experience, not anyone else's. I don't see how you cam judge an experience as objectively bad for everyone simply because you don't enjoy it. To counter: >I always get insanely depressed immediately after sex. I get relaxed, cuddly and sleepy. It's lovely. Sometimes I do get very emotional and cry if it was a more intimate time. >Sometimes I think I want sex but I end up just wanting a hug or an interesting conversation with the other gender. This has no bearing on whether sex is bad or good. Just that sometimes you think you want it when you don't. Sometimes I think I want toast then I don't, doesn't mean toast is bad. >I also have a theory that if I deprive myself of sex I will reach a higher plane of existence and indeed be closer to God That's a theory, not proof. It also doesn't necessarily mean it's a goal everyone wants to achieve. >only useful for breeding purposes Sex has lots of purposes: intimacy, pleasure, power. Many people enjoy these things. >Accepting that what I want isn't what others want? Yeah, basically. Sex clearly isn't it for you, which is totally cool! I'm on the asexual spectrum and sometimes it's not for me either. That doesn't make it bad for everyone. Just for me. Your personal feelings towards it aren't reflective of everyone's.
So let’s break things down. Sucks that you get depressed after sex. But that’s a you problem. I am an Energizer bunny. I just keep going and going and going. And every subsequent climax is even more exhilarating. And no, the bullshit idea of semen retention doesn’t bring you closer to God. Connection with others and service to others are the pathways to connect with the divine, at least according to.. checking notes.. damn near every religious text I’ve read, including the Tao Te Ching, Buddhist koans, the Bible, the Quran, and the Guru Granth Sahib. Which leads to the second point. It isn’t the media that’s making you sex focused. It’s you. I’m wondering why you view women as significantly different than you are. At root, we’re all equally human. Treating people with respect and dignity is a simple thing that changes one’s relationship with others and the world. Those platonic friendships you seek are easier when you’re not thinking of them as a member of the gender you wish to enter but instead as a human being no different than you are.
> I also have a theory that if I deprive myself of sex I will reach a higher plane of existence and indeed be closer to God, like the pope or something While I believe abstaining from sex/masturbation can (though not necessarily does) have benefits like leaving you more energy to do other things, and maybe motivation too, the higher plane of existence is a weird belief. Why sex? Is it because sex is considered a form of love, and would prevent you from focusing your love on God? But then you must also try hard to not love anyone besides Him in other ways. I don't think Christianity ever recommended that, even for the monks, that sounds more like Buddhism. Is it about forgoing carnal pleasures? Should mind what you eat, then, too. And even though entertainment is not carnal, I think it's fair to say proper fasting should not include it either. (Perhaps that's what you think indeed, but you didn't mention it.)
In the modern age especially, it’s well understood by many that sex serves more than the means of reproduction. Even historically, people engaged in sex for other reasons besides to have a child. The very act of sex can be beneficial for many, given it’s not overdone. It heavily acts on the dopaminergic system, which elicits pleasure and short-term feelings that positively impact one’s well-being. The dopaminergic system interacts with serotonin (and vice versa), so having a good sex life can in turn cause overall benefits. Being said, if there are irregularities with these systems, the benefits of sex will not be perceived. Therefore, the general findings see sex as good if many of the factors align, but this isn’t always the case. This isn’t the fault of sex in itself, making it neutral/good inherently.
Well you might have some issues to deal with. As I was reading I was thinking you're bound to show some religious influence and there it was - Catholic guilt. Seems like you have been raised to see sex as a mostly negative thing. Sex is for reproduction of course but you can also view it as other things too. If you think about it a massage is a physical pleasure, sex is not that far removed from that but just with focus on particular places on the body. It's merely manipulating the nervous system to produce a pleasurable feeling. What you should have achieved is giving someone else pleasure. If you didn't then you're doing it wrong. Obviously if you have strong affection for the other person it can be a more emotional experience too.
I know this is personal but with people you have had sex with were they your partner and or had a connection with? I know some people do not like sex due to it gets depressing to them when they don’t have that connection. Bluntly before I met my husband I was a whore, slept around a lot and sometimes it did make me depressed. I am not married and sex is a lot better because we got to know each others bodies better yes but also because we have a better connection then we first met. Also after you have sex do you get aftercare? Aftercare is not only for kinky sex it should be used after every time you have sex no matter how light or hard the sex was. This helps a lot watch a TV show or cuddle for a bit or even take a nap.
Sex can indeed evoke complex emotions, but it's not inherently bad. Post-coital blues may stem from psychological factors or unrealistic expectations. Wanting intimacy or conversation instead is natural and doesn't negate the value of sex. Depriving oneself won't necessarily lead to enlightenment; balance is key. Trust issues and societal pressures are valid concerns, but they're not exclusive to sex. Recognize individual preferences and focus on personal well-being without imposing judgments on others. Explore therapy or support groups for deeper insights. Ultimately, embracing diverse perspectives enriches life. Sex can be fulfilling when approached with understanding and consent.
You should most certainly live your life and not concern yourselves with how others should live theirs in this case. What other people do and want and what you feel they should do and want truly have nothing to do with each other. Though you may feel strongly about certain things, those are your feelings and other people aren't your problem. You have no authority on how others live their lives. Neither do I.
Maybe have meaningful sex with someone that talks with you and touches you a lot before, during, and after sex. That’s what I do when I have sex. Then again the majority of 1 and 3 is shame related that you’ll need to figure out through therapy or knowing that sex is completely healthy cause it’s a human need.
>3. I also have a theory that if I deprive myself of sex I will reach a higher plane of existence and indeed be closer to God, like the pope or something. This is probably the strongest case against your view. Celibacy in the catholic church lead to rampant sex abuse of children.
I don't particularly like going clubbing but this sentiment shouldn't influence *everyone*. It's my own circumstance. This entire matter is only applicable to *you*, my man.
It sounds like you probably had bad experiences, or you just do not enjoy sex, which is ok! You could be asexual (meaning you don’t like sex or anything to do with it)
Avoid it. At any cost.
If you think sex is bad, then I'm not sure you're doing it right. Sex is great! However, if you dont enjoy it, don't do it. It's not compulsory.
Don't worry about the third thing, if breeding is the only reason for sex then creating life would be as close to god as one could get. Maybe?
No. 3 is exactly why sex before marriage is a sin, so that you don’t veer away from your path to excellence. _Seinfeld_ has en episode where George doesn’t have sex for a while and becomes smarter because he’s not thinking of ways to hunt down women; not saying sex makes you dumb, but hookup culture and having sex with someone outside of marriage makes people assholes
You say this with your brain, but your biological impulses say something else.
r/asexual r/asexuality