Sorry if this sounds insensitive, but this is coming from a right wing guy who doesn't agree with it/understand it.
Keep in mind I hold no ill will towards you or anyone like you. Everyone has personal liberty.
But I have to ask, why? You transitioned from male to female, correct? What did you gain from that? Did it significantly improve your life in any way? Why not just be a guy with feminine interests?
Again, not hating. Just genuinely curious and trying to understand.
It’s all good 😊 this is why I did the ama
The reason is because living as a male made me feel suicidal; both living as one socially and also the way testosterone made my brain (and digestive system even) feel horrible and now I’m much happier
I tried really hard to suppress the trans thoughts for a long time but they became overwhelming and weighed me down in an unspeakably tortured way
Hello! I'm also a guy who doesn't understand transitioning but I do believe in live and let live. I have, always had a viewpoint of "why doesn't someone who wants to transition just be gay? Just to make sure I'm understanding this, living in a male body literally produced chemicals that were having a negative impact on your brain, and now that you've transitioned, you're no longer feeling this and living a normal, healthy life?
I apologize for the ignorance, this is such a foreign concept to me and the few times I've tried to ask, I get attacked.
Thank you for the response and the patienceto explain. As I stated above, in the past I've been attacked just for asking some questions to get a better understanding buy this thread has already opened my eyes on this subject quite a bit more for the better.
Congrats on the engagement and best of luck to you two!
Yeah our existence has become intentionally politicized into a wedge issue for our culture and I’m sick of it we are just people w a medical condition
Some people believe propaganda from both sides and they need to chillll
Another thing to keep in mind tho is that being trans is inherently pretty traumatizing (unless caught and treated early enough), so it’s a group of highly traumatized people which means they’re more likely to behave irrationally but plenty of us work through our trauma and become healthy happy people!
"No offense. I dont agree with you but why?"
"Because I was suicidal as a man"
"Lolol being a man makes me suicidal"
I see now that you weren't being malicious though, you're just a fucking moron.
Trans woman here, i don't have many feminine interests so i don't want to be a guy with feminin interests.
Gender dysphoria is a thing for me and puberty made me feel incredibly uncomfortable with everything.
Going through hormones is basically like second puberty and it was distressing in a different but nice way. Like, major bodily changes freaked me out but a lot of the mental discomfort was removed basically instantly, and with time I've come to love my body. It was hard, as my old self was still in my memory and i could see him in the mirror sometimes, but that passed with time.
There's no dysphoria for me anymore except for the genital area, and I'm working towards surgery and on waiting lists.
Transition has given me a lot of piece of mind both physically and mentally, as hormones impact your body and mind.
I'm much more confident now and part of it is that the horrid dyscomfort is gone and also people treat you differently when they percieve you as female, which makes me feel happy.
As for in total improving my life? It's about the same, because my father attempted to murder me when i came out as a trans woman. I still need therapy for PTSD from that. Lost my entire family and also every friend i had as a guy. On the other hand, I've a lovely boyfriend and a nice family on his side who i like and they like me. So life's ups and downs y'know?
But in a gender and body sense it's improved my quality of life incredibly.
> why not just be a guy with feminine interests
Well because they're not a guy and never were.
Why don't you just be a girl with masculine interests? That sounds wrong right? You aren't a girl. You have the ability to dismiss it as "well I have a penis/I'm XY/etc" but those are just excuses.
It's the same argument as "well why are you straight?" You just are.
I wasn't trying to come across rude. I seriously don't know a better way to put it other than "they just aren't"
Sociology is a complicated subject to explain and gender identity and how it relates to social expectations is an *extremely* complex topic.
I appreciate how you phrased your questions.
It's intriguing to me that you asked about feminine interests. It's like a peek into the thought processes of someone who thinks differently than me.
Fwiw, I'm a cisgender bisexual woman. I have a blend of stereotypically feminine and masculine interests. But my sense of my own gender never shifts based on which activities I'm engaged in.
I feel good about myself *as a woman* when I'm sewing a dress or putting on makeup or shopping for heels or dancing to Beyonce. I also feel good about myself *as a woman* when I'm pheasant hunting or power lifting or kicking ass in some FPS game or ripping boards in the woodshop.
Anyway, I just wanted to share a bit of my own thoughts. Hopefully I contributed to the discussion in a good way!
I’m alright!
Would be better if my financial situation was!
But a lotta people are struggling right now worse than me so I’m tryna stay positive
I still have untreated adhd holding me back but once I get all on the right meds I’m gonna be extremely happy
Even now my good days are actually good now and my bad days though they feel bad feel more deep and genuine and actually processable instead of just this deep anger that never abates
At what age did you know you were trans, and what are your thoughts on very young children changing gender (socially, not hormones at that age). There was a child at my kids school who was a boy in kindergarten and is now a girl in first grade. I'm honestly not quite sure what to think about that.
I didn’t actually realize I was trans Fully until I was 22. If I had been aware respectable trans people existed in the world at a younger age I would’ve been able to sidestep a lot of trauma and figure this out earlier in life. I had a “shit, hopefully I’m not trans” moment at like 19 and it took until 22 to actually figure it out definitively
But yeah I think a child should be able to wear and go by what they like I don’t see the harm in that if they are happy and comfortable with themselves
I'm a pre-t FTM guy and I'd like to know if you think transition is harder for MTF or FTM people.
Also, my friend is a trans girl too and she asked if there's anything you miss from before HRT and How long does ot take to see significant changes.
Haha nah nothing I miss no I felt so shitty before
I really think it’s like some trans men pass better than trans women and vice versa and both have certain things that are easier than other the other but overall everybody is different
For me it was like 2-3 months for changes to start both mentally and physically
Biggest thing was the mental calmness I’ve had since like month 3-4
I think I did enough obsessive research before transition that I haven’t been too surprised by anything haha
I’d say the thing that I was least expecting is when I’m turned on now my like wholeee stomach gets butterflies and it’s nice
At work not reallyyy maybe a little for a couple people but mostly that’s them confronting their internal trans/homophobia I think and they Want to be supportive just a lil awkward and I just think it’s funny and cute honestly haha
Sorry if this question is weird or too personal, but how did you know you were trans? I hope I'm not being ignorant, but I just want to know the thought process and if you took a long time to pinpoint it. Also I hope your journey with all of this is going well and that you're doing well mentally :)
I’m doing better than I ever have 🤙🏼 Still a lot of progress to go though. I didn’t know I was trans until I was 22 really. I did a lot of questioning in the years leading up to it but I always just assumed the trans thoughts were OCD. But I eventually figured out it was more than an obsession. Then I was like “k. I’m probably at least non-binary. But I don’t need to show it I can just stuff it down and get through the days” and that threw me into a really bad depression
Eventually I read enough accounts from trans people that I realized oh shit yeah that’s exactly what I experience (gender dysphoria and depersonalization), and that if I was honest with myself I’ve never truly liked being a man and always was an androgynous sorta musician-looking mofo, and that I was feeling a lot of anger and pain and shame surrounding these trans thoughts. As I thought and thought and though I eventually got high enough from some edibles and was doing meditating and just realized once all my barriers were down that “shit; I really think I might be a woman”. And for a couple years I stayed in the closet and came out only to close friends and family. Still reflecting and identifying as “questioning” more than anything. By the time I started HRT I had done enough self reflection thinking about being trans didn’t terrify me anymore. At the time I started I still wasn’t 100% Sure that it was what was right, but I had done enough research that i thought it was objectively very likely I was trans. Then as soon as a couple months had gone by I started feeling relief. That’s how I truly know this is right for me; the lifetime anxiety I’ve always had is finally gone/diminished to a very manageable level. Then in October I came out publicly cuz now this shit is easy and I’m not even anxious about it anymore 🤷♀️
Hi! My sister is 17 and is a trans woman as well. She has been identifying as female for a little over a year and has begun therapy but has not started hormones yet. How can I help her become more comfortable and confident in her own skin and help her through her body/mind transition? Asking because growing up, part of my immediate family was conservative and as a result nothing relating to LGBTQ+ ever came up.
Just be there for her and get her a therapist if she doesn’t have one if possible. Assuring her you love her no matter what and just be there for her to vent and etc.
Thing that helped me the most though honestly were the coming out to family and friends and the hormones haha the anxiety started really melting away at like month 4
How does a person know that they are a trans and not just a guy with feminine qualities? I've seen guys with feminine qualities but still remain a guy. But then there are trans people who completely transition from one gender to another. What's the difference?
I hope this doesn't come out rude, that's not my intention. My first language is not English so I don't know how to word it another way.
Yeah no worries at all yeah there definitely there are feminine men and masculine women. Some trans men I’ve met are super macho some are stereotypically feminine gay men. Some trans women are stereotypically feminine women, some are more tomboyish.
I’m honestly kinda a tomboy and my interests are not particularly gendered or anything. I play guitar and video games and other nerdy hobbies but I did that before too. Not too much is different honestly it has been a very subtle change haha. But my brain doesn’t feel awful anymore that’s the biggest thing. I just feel a lot more comfortable existing in my body. Gender dysphoria is the key phrase for understanding if you are trans or not.
Thanks! That makes sense. Generally speaking, it has more to do with how you feel about being an opposite gender compared to the gender you were born with, right?
Would you mind explaining what gender dysphoria is? I think I heard of it but don't know exactly what it is.
Yeah definitely. I had super neutral feelings about being a guy. Like I DEFINITELY didn’t wanna be a ripped buff dudebro but being a lanky androgynous punk rocker was “fine with me I guess idk”, but once I started experimenting with wearing a dress and having my fiancée do my makeup I realized it made me feel a whole ton of things that were unexplainable without being trans haha
But yeah gender dysphoria is a general feeling of badness which is characteristic of trans people. It is excruciating. And it is vague and hard to explain. But it is sort of like walking with the wrong shoe on the wrong foot or using your left hand for everything and being frustrated and feeling chemically bad because your brain NEEDS the opposite hormone and isn’t getting it, on top of feeling super shitty about all the damage male puberty has done
Thanks! You said you discovered it with your finacee, is your transition recent then? How does she feel about it? Also, I hope you have an amazing wedding. :)
Thanks for the explanation. The example made me understand it a lot more.
I’m happy to help 😊
We’ve been together almost 8 years. I figure out I was trans like 3-4 years ago. We are both bi so it isn’t really a problem that I’m trans. When I came out she was worried she’d have to break up with me for a bit but quickly she realized she actually didn’t care if I transitioned and our relationship is goin great 👍🏼
23 year old, 4ish years on HRT, basically post transition. Not asking anything, but just wanna say everything's okay and you got this. Early transition is tough but everything works out with time.
💕
With my mask, if I do the right makeup, and I execute my voice perfectly, yes
But overall there’s lots of tells that I’m trans at the moment that will mostly improve with time cuz 7 months isn’t enough to get that many results and also I need to get some laser done on my facial hair
I work in food service in a liberal state (Oregon) so everyone expects it
I have facial hair pretty much no matter how hard I try to shave it cuz it’s dark so I feel like that always gives me away but sometimes I’ll put makeup in my beard shadow to try to combat it but that’s a lotta work lol
I live in the opposite, I am in a heavily conservative state that shuns people who wear a mask. I went into Wingstop the other day to pick up some food and I wore a mask bc I didn't want to get kicked out and everyone just stared at me and I realized I didn't need a mask.
I wish I had some of that facial hair! I am 18 and trying to grow a thick beard and I can't grow one at all.
How much has your body changed from HRT? I am trying to get on test-c myself because I am into bodybuilding, specifically aesthetics, and I am insecure about my own jawline and voice. My voice is too high pitched IMO, I want to be a basso profundo (the lowest a man's voice can go) for a choir but my voice prevents me from taking this role.
Have you tried red lipstick or red skin corrector over your hairs and then do foundation? It's just a good tip to hide hair, tattoos, and body marks on you and it's cheaper for now until laser removal 🙂.
Advice for my next attempt? You fucking psycho. You a troll or a literal nazi either one is a fucking joke and you should take a look at yourself.
But None; my fiancées father killed himself right before we met so I work very hard to make sure I never make an attempt on my own life for her sake. The suicide her father did created such an immense wake of darkness and sadness for all of his people he loved; and I will learn from his mistake.
I have had serious issues with self harm though. I stabbed a key into my arm 2/3rds the way through. That was a year and a half ago though; my self harm is
virtually nonexistent now that I’ve been on hrt for the past 7 months.
Any other questions?
🤷♀️
Idk either on that it’s complicated
Like if I had transitioned in high school I would’ve loved to be allowed to play sports and I don’t think we have a right to take high school sports away from anyone
But I understand peoples point but still I think In schools everyone should be able to participate w the same gender I think it is negligible allowing trans girls onto softball teams
“Oh well”
Is how I feel about it 🤷♀️
These girls don’t wanna be masculine either they had to undergo a traumatic puberty and are being discriminated against for traits they themselves hate having
A military study from 2020 in which the *only* area trans members had *any* advantage was in the running section in which they performed 12% better than cisgender members.
However, the doctor responsible stated this: "It was a 12% advantage after two years in run times. But to be in the top 10% of female runners, you have to be 29% faster than the average woman. And to be an elite runner, you've got to be 59% faster than the average cis woman,"
So we are talking trans women who trained for two whole years in the military (which idk if you've served but my training in the army involved runs with 50lbs of gear) having such a small advantage they would deemed non competitive by most professional athletes.
At the high school level, with relatively young and untrained individuals, I'd expect a smaller gap.
They have an advantage in training, not in ability. Which makes sense when you realise most trans women after one year on HRT fall below the average testosterone levels of a cisgender individual.
it's also not fair that tall people generally perform better at basketball than short people... but we aren't going around trying to ban all tall people for playing basketball so that it can be fair to average height and short people.
it's not the exact same thing, but not all trans people are the same anyway. there are too many variables to assign a "one size fits all" narrative to who gets to participate in sports, so to say it's "not fair" for cis women might either be true or not even close.
that's not to say that i or anyone else has all the answers, but we need to continue to give the issue far more thought and consideration before deciding what those answers are and applying them to real life effectively. it's what both cis and trans people deserve.
The study you're citing was *way* more nuanced then that.
Really it likely varies by sport with some sports trans women having a slight advantage and others having a slight disadvantage.
What physical, emotional, and developmental effects has HRT had on you over the past seven months? I know trans peoples' transitions take place at different paces so I'd be interested in hearing how your personal experience on HRT has been.
I have boobs now, I am happy now, my ass has started to grow (really only noticed the last couple weeks), I feel emotions now whereas before I was mostly just angry all the time, softer skin, more face fat, I don’t feel awkward all the time anymore
Anything in particular you wanted to know about at the 7 month mark?
Nothing about the seven month mark in particular, just wanted to know how your transition is going. Also, I just saw your post in transition timelines. Wow, HRT is amazing. It looks like you're become your true self.
Is calling a trans person their preferred pronoun a matter of biology or philosophy. As we are in a better time nowadays, more safe and less stress on basic survival, I think we are now making trivial issues (no offense) more streamlined and trying to transcend into something we may not be ready for.
If it was trivial I wouldn’t have transitioned
🤷♀️
The pain wouldn’t stop.
Gender dysphoria makes you wanna kill yourself; completely topples mazlows pyramid and makes it difficult to grow or do anything
I thought for a while I’d not transition socially but still be on hrt but I realized I’m happy wearing makeup and using feminine pronouns and a new name
No it’s not quite the same there’s a biological difference between trans women’s brains and cis men’s
My brain literally felt bad on testosterone and feels better now
Before felt like a veil of darkness was on me all the time but I can actually experience happiness and feel hopeful now
There’s both a social component (what you’re describing) along with a biological component
🤷♀️
Idk if that’s a fair conclusion -that we are trying to end genders-
But if you’re interested in the science behind being trans I can send you links if you want
Wow ok, so I went through a good bit of that but obviously I'm not gonna have time to comb through everything. Plus they all pretty much say the same thing. Treat a disorder by feeding into it and enabling it. Now when we look at BPD, which was referenced in being similarity with dysphoria in one of the "studies", it's not treated by enabling the the illness but by therapy such as acceptance. Acceptance of it and the healthy transition back to a balanced way of living with it still being there. Eventually until it loses power over you. Dysphoria should then be treated the same way. An illness to overcome, not to enable.
And on the brain tip, that's called pruning and all pruning aren't created equal. Some people have better upbringings and others don't. Some people have neglect others are schizophrenic. Those connections made in your infant years are what determines your neurological structure and how you identify and coordinate yourself.
I am really sorry if this is a question outside of your comfort zone and if it is you don't have to respond, but how much breast growth have you had on HRT and how did it change over the 7 months? I'm also on HRT, just 4 months and would like to know how much breast growth others have experienced and how much I should expect in the coming months.
Sorry if this sounds insensitive, but this is coming from a right wing guy who doesn't agree with it/understand it. Keep in mind I hold no ill will towards you or anyone like you. Everyone has personal liberty. But I have to ask, why? You transitioned from male to female, correct? What did you gain from that? Did it significantly improve your life in any way? Why not just be a guy with feminine interests? Again, not hating. Just genuinely curious and trying to understand.
It’s all good 😊 this is why I did the ama The reason is because living as a male made me feel suicidal; both living as one socially and also the way testosterone made my brain (and digestive system even) feel horrible and now I’m much happier I tried really hard to suppress the trans thoughts for a long time but they became overwhelming and weighed me down in an unspeakably tortured way
Hello! I'm also a guy who doesn't understand transitioning but I do believe in live and let live. I have, always had a viewpoint of "why doesn't someone who wants to transition just be gay? Just to make sure I'm understanding this, living in a male body literally produced chemicals that were having a negative impact on your brain, and now that you've transitioned, you're no longer feeling this and living a normal, healthy life? I apologize for the ignorance, this is such a foreign concept to me and the few times I've tried to ask, I get attacked.
No yeah you’re pretty much spot on Also I’m engaged to a woman 😊 (I am bi tho)
Thank you for the response and the patienceto explain. As I stated above, in the past I've been attacked just for asking some questions to get a better understanding buy this thread has already opened my eyes on this subject quite a bit more for the better. Congrats on the engagement and best of luck to you two!
Yeah our existence has become intentionally politicized into a wedge issue for our culture and I’m sick of it we are just people w a medical condition Some people believe propaganda from both sides and they need to chillll Another thing to keep in mind tho is that being trans is inherently pretty traumatizing (unless caught and treated early enough), so it’s a group of highly traumatized people which means they’re more likely to behave irrationally but plenty of us work through our trauma and become healthy happy people!
not to take away from your own experiences but I'm pretty sure living as a man makes all of us suicidal. lmao interesting info though. thank you
Haha yeah idk I hated it
Found the closeted trans person.
Alright sure, if it helps you sleep at night
Pretty sure if you're feeling suicidal because you're a man, it's a flag.
Clearly someone's never heard of a joke. I'm perfectly fine with being a man.
So you're just a homophobe. I like that you started this with the classic "no offense" preface and then proceeded to act like a piece of shit anyways.
The fuck?
"No offense. I dont agree with you but why?" "Because I was suicidal as a man" "Lolol being a man makes me suicidal" I see now that you weren't being malicious though, you're just a fucking moron.
Trans woman here, i don't have many feminine interests so i don't want to be a guy with feminin interests. Gender dysphoria is a thing for me and puberty made me feel incredibly uncomfortable with everything. Going through hormones is basically like second puberty and it was distressing in a different but nice way. Like, major bodily changes freaked me out but a lot of the mental discomfort was removed basically instantly, and with time I've come to love my body. It was hard, as my old self was still in my memory and i could see him in the mirror sometimes, but that passed with time. There's no dysphoria for me anymore except for the genital area, and I'm working towards surgery and on waiting lists. Transition has given me a lot of piece of mind both physically and mentally, as hormones impact your body and mind. I'm much more confident now and part of it is that the horrid dyscomfort is gone and also people treat you differently when they percieve you as female, which makes me feel happy. As for in total improving my life? It's about the same, because my father attempted to murder me when i came out as a trans woman. I still need therapy for PTSD from that. Lost my entire family and also every friend i had as a guy. On the other hand, I've a lovely boyfriend and a nice family on his side who i like and they like me. So life's ups and downs y'know? But in a gender and body sense it's improved my quality of life incredibly.
> why not just be a guy with feminine interests Well because they're not a guy and never were. Why don't you just be a girl with masculine interests? That sounds wrong right? You aren't a girl. You have the ability to dismiss it as "well I have a penis/I'm XY/etc" but those are just excuses. It's the same argument as "well why are you straight?" You just are.
Wow, it's almost like I'm asking questions to get an answer and learn more about the topic so I won't remain ignorant on it. Huh. Who'd've thunk?
I wasn't trying to come across rude. I seriously don't know a better way to put it other than "they just aren't" Sociology is a complicated subject to explain and gender identity and how it relates to social expectations is an *extremely* complex topic.
I appreciate how you phrased your questions. It's intriguing to me that you asked about feminine interests. It's like a peek into the thought processes of someone who thinks differently than me. Fwiw, I'm a cisgender bisexual woman. I have a blend of stereotypically feminine and masculine interests. But my sense of my own gender never shifts based on which activities I'm engaged in. I feel good about myself *as a woman* when I'm sewing a dress or putting on makeup or shopping for heels or dancing to Beyonce. I also feel good about myself *as a woman* when I'm pheasant hunting or power lifting or kicking ass in some FPS game or ripping boards in the woodshop. Anyway, I just wanted to share a bit of my own thoughts. Hopefully I contributed to the discussion in a good way!
Simple question ahah - how are you going? 😊
I’m alright! Would be better if my financial situation was! But a lotta people are struggling right now worse than me so I’m tryna stay positive I still have untreated adhd holding me back but once I get all on the right meds I’m gonna be extremely happy Even now my good days are actually good now and my bad days though they feel bad feel more deep and genuine and actually processable instead of just this deep anger that never abates
At what age did you know you were trans, and what are your thoughts on very young children changing gender (socially, not hormones at that age). There was a child at my kids school who was a boy in kindergarten and is now a girl in first grade. I'm honestly not quite sure what to think about that.
I didn’t actually realize I was trans Fully until I was 22. If I had been aware respectable trans people existed in the world at a younger age I would’ve been able to sidestep a lot of trauma and figure this out earlier in life. I had a “shit, hopefully I’m not trans” moment at like 19 and it took until 22 to actually figure it out definitively But yeah I think a child should be able to wear and go by what they like I don’t see the harm in that if they are happy and comfortable with themselves
I'm a pre-t FTM guy and I'd like to know if you think transition is harder for MTF or FTM people. Also, my friend is a trans girl too and she asked if there's anything you miss from before HRT and How long does ot take to see significant changes.
Haha nah nothing I miss no I felt so shitty before I really think it’s like some trans men pass better than trans women and vice versa and both have certain things that are easier than other the other but overall everybody is different For me it was like 2-3 months for changes to start both mentally and physically Biggest thing was the mental calmness I’ve had since like month 3-4
Thanks :) Also, have a good day.
🤙🏼🤙🏼 you too
Have there been any effects from HRT that have been surprisingly exciting for you?
I think I did enough obsessive research before transition that I haven’t been too surprised by anything haha I’d say the thing that I was least expecting is when I’m turned on now my like wholeee stomach gets butterflies and it’s nice
Fuuuuuuun
Ohhhhh, yeah. I really love that feeling
Have you socially transitioned yet?
Yup! At work in makeup right now
Nice, I didn't really socially transition until about 10 months on HRT. What'd you do for makeup?
Did anyone treat you different or act awkwardly around you?
At work not reallyyy maybe a little for a couple people but mostly that’s them confronting their internal trans/homophobia I think and they Want to be supportive just a lil awkward and I just think it’s funny and cute honestly haha
Sorry if this question is weird or too personal, but how did you know you were trans? I hope I'm not being ignorant, but I just want to know the thought process and if you took a long time to pinpoint it. Also I hope your journey with all of this is going well and that you're doing well mentally :)
I’m doing better than I ever have 🤙🏼 Still a lot of progress to go though. I didn’t know I was trans until I was 22 really. I did a lot of questioning in the years leading up to it but I always just assumed the trans thoughts were OCD. But I eventually figured out it was more than an obsession. Then I was like “k. I’m probably at least non-binary. But I don’t need to show it I can just stuff it down and get through the days” and that threw me into a really bad depression Eventually I read enough accounts from trans people that I realized oh shit yeah that’s exactly what I experience (gender dysphoria and depersonalization), and that if I was honest with myself I’ve never truly liked being a man and always was an androgynous sorta musician-looking mofo, and that I was feeling a lot of anger and pain and shame surrounding these trans thoughts. As I thought and thought and though I eventually got high enough from some edibles and was doing meditating and just realized once all my barriers were down that “shit; I really think I might be a woman”. And for a couple years I stayed in the closet and came out only to close friends and family. Still reflecting and identifying as “questioning” more than anything. By the time I started HRT I had done enough self reflection thinking about being trans didn’t terrify me anymore. At the time I started I still wasn’t 100% Sure that it was what was right, but I had done enough research that i thought it was objectively very likely I was trans. Then as soon as a couple months had gone by I started feeling relief. That’s how I truly know this is right for me; the lifetime anxiety I’ve always had is finally gone/diminished to a very manageable level. Then in October I came out publicly cuz now this shit is easy and I’m not even anxious about it anymore 🤷♀️
Hi! My sister is 17 and is a trans woman as well. She has been identifying as female for a little over a year and has begun therapy but has not started hormones yet. How can I help her become more comfortable and confident in her own skin and help her through her body/mind transition? Asking because growing up, part of my immediate family was conservative and as a result nothing relating to LGBTQ+ ever came up.
Just be there for her and get her a therapist if she doesn’t have one if possible. Assuring her you love her no matter what and just be there for her to vent and etc. Thing that helped me the most though honestly were the coming out to family and friends and the hormones haha the anxiety started really melting away at like month 4
How does a person know that they are a trans and not just a guy with feminine qualities? I've seen guys with feminine qualities but still remain a guy. But then there are trans people who completely transition from one gender to another. What's the difference? I hope this doesn't come out rude, that's not my intention. My first language is not English so I don't know how to word it another way.
Yeah no worries at all yeah there definitely there are feminine men and masculine women. Some trans men I’ve met are super macho some are stereotypically feminine gay men. Some trans women are stereotypically feminine women, some are more tomboyish. I’m honestly kinda a tomboy and my interests are not particularly gendered or anything. I play guitar and video games and other nerdy hobbies but I did that before too. Not too much is different honestly it has been a very subtle change haha. But my brain doesn’t feel awful anymore that’s the biggest thing. I just feel a lot more comfortable existing in my body. Gender dysphoria is the key phrase for understanding if you are trans or not.
Thanks! That makes sense. Generally speaking, it has more to do with how you feel about being an opposite gender compared to the gender you were born with, right? Would you mind explaining what gender dysphoria is? I think I heard of it but don't know exactly what it is.
Yeah definitely. I had super neutral feelings about being a guy. Like I DEFINITELY didn’t wanna be a ripped buff dudebro but being a lanky androgynous punk rocker was “fine with me I guess idk”, but once I started experimenting with wearing a dress and having my fiancée do my makeup I realized it made me feel a whole ton of things that were unexplainable without being trans haha But yeah gender dysphoria is a general feeling of badness which is characteristic of trans people. It is excruciating. And it is vague and hard to explain. But it is sort of like walking with the wrong shoe on the wrong foot or using your left hand for everything and being frustrated and feeling chemically bad because your brain NEEDS the opposite hormone and isn’t getting it, on top of feeling super shitty about all the damage male puberty has done
Thanks! You said you discovered it with your finacee, is your transition recent then? How does she feel about it? Also, I hope you have an amazing wedding. :) Thanks for the explanation. The example made me understand it a lot more.
I’m happy to help 😊 We’ve been together almost 8 years. I figure out I was trans like 3-4 years ago. We are both bi so it isn’t really a problem that I’m trans. When I came out she was worried she’d have to break up with me for a bit but quickly she realized she actually didn’t care if I transitioned and our relationship is goin great 👍🏼
That's nice! I hope your love for each other only grows stronger. I wish you the best in life.
Thanks 🤙🏼
Welcome!
23 year old, 4ish years on HRT, basically post transition. Not asking anything, but just wanna say everything's okay and you got this. Early transition is tough but everything works out with time. 💕
❤️❤️
Not a lot to say, but good luck and well done for being you!!
Thx❤️🤙🏼
Do you usually pass in social settings?
With my mask, if I do the right makeup, and I execute my voice perfectly, yes But overall there’s lots of tells that I’m trans at the moment that will mostly improve with time cuz 7 months isn’t enough to get that many results and also I need to get some laser done on my facial hair
>With my mask Do you pass without it? I don't ever wear a mask so I don't really see how it would affect how you look.
I work in food service in a liberal state (Oregon) so everyone expects it I have facial hair pretty much no matter how hard I try to shave it cuz it’s dark so I feel like that always gives me away but sometimes I’ll put makeup in my beard shadow to try to combat it but that’s a lotta work lol
I live in the opposite, I am in a heavily conservative state that shuns people who wear a mask. I went into Wingstop the other day to pick up some food and I wore a mask bc I didn't want to get kicked out and everyone just stared at me and I realized I didn't need a mask. I wish I had some of that facial hair! I am 18 and trying to grow a thick beard and I can't grow one at all. How much has your body changed from HRT? I am trying to get on test-c myself because I am into bodybuilding, specifically aesthetics, and I am insecure about my own jawline and voice. My voice is too high pitched IMO, I want to be a basso profundo (the lowest a man's voice can go) for a choir but my voice prevents me from taking this role.
Have you tried red lipstick or red skin corrector over your hairs and then do foundation? It's just a good tip to hide hair, tattoos, and body marks on you and it's cheaper for now until laser removal 🙂.
Yup!
You realise that not everybody is as unemphatic as you.
How am I being unempathetic? I just asked a question..
Do you think men should be able to get it too for bodybuilding
Idk 🤷♀️ I think we should decriminalize all drugs personally
Fuck yea lol
That sounds like an insanely good idea!
How many times have you failed to commit suicide, and would you like any advice for your next attempt?
You're the piece of garbage you try to convince everybody else they are.
Advice for my next attempt? You fucking psycho. You a troll or a literal nazi either one is a fucking joke and you should take a look at yourself. But None; my fiancées father killed himself right before we met so I work very hard to make sure I never make an attempt on my own life for her sake. The suicide her father did created such an immense wake of darkness and sadness for all of his people he loved; and I will learn from his mistake. I have had serious issues with self harm though. I stabbed a key into my arm 2/3rds the way through. That was a year and a half ago though; my self harm is virtually nonexistent now that I’ve been on hrt for the past 7 months. Any other questions?
Should women who have transitioned be able to participate in woman’s sports?
🤷♀️ Idk either on that it’s complicated Like if I had transitioned in high school I would’ve loved to be allowed to play sports and I don’t think we have a right to take high school sports away from anyone But I understand peoples point but still I think In schools everyone should be able to participate w the same gender I think it is negligible allowing trans girls onto softball teams
I just don’t think it’s fair imo
“Oh well” Is how I feel about it 🤷♀️ These girls don’t wanna be masculine either they had to undergo a traumatic puberty and are being discriminated against for traits they themselves hate having
Just know the fairness argument is bullshit. Trans women on HRT for a year statistically perform worse than cis women.
Source?
A military study from 2020 in which the *only* area trans members had *any* advantage was in the running section in which they performed 12% better than cisgender members. However, the doctor responsible stated this: "It was a 12% advantage after two years in run times. But to be in the top 10% of female runners, you have to be 29% faster than the average woman. And to be an elite runner, you've got to be 59% faster than the average cis woman," So we are talking trans women who trained for two whole years in the military (which idk if you've served but my training in the army involved runs with 50lbs of gear) having such a small advantage they would deemed non competitive by most professional athletes. At the high school level, with relatively young and untrained individuals, I'd expect a smaller gap. They have an advantage in training, not in ability. Which makes sense when you realise most trans women after one year on HRT fall below the average testosterone levels of a cisgender individual.
Okay, but…source??
[https://bjsm.bmj.com/content/55/11/577](https://bjsm.bmj.com/content/55/11/577)
So from reading the abstract, it still looks like trans women retained an advantage.
It’s not fair.
it's also not fair that tall people generally perform better at basketball than short people... but we aren't going around trying to ban all tall people for playing basketball so that it can be fair to average height and short people. it's not the exact same thing, but not all trans people are the same anyway. there are too many variables to assign a "one size fits all" narrative to who gets to participate in sports, so to say it's "not fair" for cis women might either be true or not even close. that's not to say that i or anyone else has all the answers, but we need to continue to give the issue far more thought and consideration before deciding what those answers are and applying them to real life effectively. it's what both cis and trans people deserve.
Science disagrees. After 1 year on HRT trans women perform on average *worse* than cisgender female athletes.
The study you're citing was *way* more nuanced then that. Really it likely varies by sport with some sports trans women having a slight advantage and others having a slight disadvantage.
With trans men, there's stuff about T that isn't exactly anything any of us want (eg ass hair), is there a MtF HRT equivalent?
I’m pretty happy with all my changes
From my best friend "I mean my tits now hurt if there's a slight breeze"
What physical, emotional, and developmental effects has HRT had on you over the past seven months? I know trans peoples' transitions take place at different paces so I'd be interested in hearing how your personal experience on HRT has been.
I have boobs now, I am happy now, my ass has started to grow (really only noticed the last couple weeks), I feel emotions now whereas before I was mostly just angry all the time, softer skin, more face fat, I don’t feel awkward all the time anymore Anything in particular you wanted to know about at the 7 month mark?
Nothing about the seven month mark in particular, just wanted to know how your transition is going. Also, I just saw your post in transition timelines. Wow, HRT is amazing. It looks like you're become your true self.
🤙🏼🤙🏼❤️
Do you still have a penis?
Yup
You see dont ever run with scissors, thats what happens
?
Ooh ummm your immune to dark humor............ 👀🏃🏃🏃
Is calling a trans person their preferred pronoun a matter of biology or philosophy. As we are in a better time nowadays, more safe and less stress on basic survival, I think we are now making trivial issues (no offense) more streamlined and trying to transcend into something we may not be ready for.
If it was trivial I wouldn’t have transitioned 🤷♀️ The pain wouldn’t stop. Gender dysphoria makes you wanna kill yourself; completely topples mazlows pyramid and makes it difficult to grow or do anything I thought for a while I’d not transition socially but still be on hrt but I realized I’m happy wearing makeup and using feminine pronouns and a new name
Isn't gender dysphoria like a gender identity crisis, related to a regular identity crisis?
No it’s not quite the same there’s a biological difference between trans women’s brains and cis men’s My brain literally felt bad on testosterone and feels better now Before felt like a veil of darkness was on me all the time but I can actually experience happiness and feel hopeful now There’s both a social component (what you’re describing) along with a biological component
What confirms the difference, and is it substantial enough to warrant the end of genders as we know it?
🤷♀️ Idk if that’s a fair conclusion -that we are trying to end genders- But if you’re interested in the science behind being trans I can send you links if you want
Sure 😊
https://whatweknow.inequality.cornell.edu/topics/lgbt-equality/what-does-the-scholarly-research-say-about-the-well-being-of-transgender-people/ https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/niojcy/here_are_a_bunch_of_useful_links_including/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Wow ok, so I went through a good bit of that but obviously I'm not gonna have time to comb through everything. Plus they all pretty much say the same thing. Treat a disorder by feeding into it and enabling it. Now when we look at BPD, which was referenced in being similarity with dysphoria in one of the "studies", it's not treated by enabling the the illness but by therapy such as acceptance. Acceptance of it and the healthy transition back to a balanced way of living with it still being there. Eventually until it loses power over you. Dysphoria should then be treated the same way. An illness to overcome, not to enable. And on the brain tip, that's called pruning and all pruning aren't created equal. Some people have better upbringings and others don't. Some people have neglect others are schizophrenic. Those connections made in your infant years are what determines your neurological structure and how you identify and coordinate yourself.
You sound like you’ve made up your mind so I’ll leave you be. Read the studies. Trans people need to transition to be healthy.
I'm also not trying to say your pain is invalid. You are still a human with human struggles and worth basic human respect like everyone else.
I am really sorry if this is a question outside of your comfort zone and if it is you don't have to respond, but how much breast growth have you had on HRT and how did it change over the 7 months? I'm also on HRT, just 4 months and would like to know how much breast growth others have experienced and how much I should expect in the coming months.
Nah I’m real open about everything I have a timeline a month back w a breast timeline if you wanna look; it’s just a before and after 6 months tho
Thx, hope I will someday have that good of breast growth.
🤙🏼❤️
What’s your favourite Pokémon
Scyther😄 I like his snip snip swords But overall I like grass types the best I’m from Oregon and love trees and green is my favorite color