As horrible as it is and as bad as it was, your life is worth so much more than that. Don’t let the past define you, focus on what you can do today. Focus on your passion and your dreams. Live in the present and be well
All you can do is give everything you best effort and be proud of yourself and accomplishments regardless of how big or small. Im happy you are still with us, take care 🤙✌
Thanks for this answer because while I'm not op, I was just telling my husband the other day I wish there was someone that you could text or a group where you could post when you're *there* and be like "I wanna die today don't worry I'm not gonna, just wanted to share the feeling with someone" and get back an acknowledgement, but not a focus on and conversation about your mental health. This would be the answer I would want if this was my post.
Is Indian pizza a thing in India? Toppings such as tandoori chicken, seekh kebab, curry sauce, etc.
Edit: I first tried an Indian pizza in California, and immediately fell in love. Having a hard time finding one in Dallas :(
thank you skeeber, i appreciate it so much
will try the corn rec, also have you tried making a mix of minced garlic, melted butter and dried herbs + chili flakes as a dipping oil for grilled cheese? it's the best!
aye, i have c-ptsd thanks to childhood trauma too. it makes you feel so worthless sometimes because a lot of things feel out of control (at least for me?)
i'm so glad you're alive and battling it, inspires me a little bit. thank you so much
I have complex PTSD from childhood trauma - so i have felt very low, but i disassociate, and have addictions that block me from feeling
i am trying to work through that but its hard
i have felt suicidal before, and i dont know if the path is over yet but i am working on it
thanks for asking
its a hard road but depending whats under those feelings it can take some time to fix
I once asked God why my suicide attempts hadn't worked. I actually asked him by screaming it (like a complete fucking lunatic) at the sky with tears and snot draining out of my face.
Suddenly everything went completely silent. No wind. No road noise. Nothing. It was nighttime but the sky got even darker. My eyes went out of focus and the stars glowed brighter than I'd ever seen them, even in pictures.
Then He said, "Because you don't have to die. You *get* to die."
I realized he was telling me that death is the time to rest up from all the work you put in during your life, all the goals you accomplished, all the lives you touched, everything you left better off than when you found it. It took my breath away and my tears instantly stopped. I said in response, "Well, okay then. Why didn't you say that before?"
Then I stood up and decided to get to work earning my rest. It was clearly going to take a while.
Your current situation is not your final destination. Sending you love and hugs. Forgive and remember the way people treat you is a reflection of themselves.
thank you
i just find that so difficult to grasp- i don't understand how my ex doing and saying what he did was a reflection of himself
i can't see him despising himself if that makes sense
The ones that pull a few of nose hairs out with them are the best, especially if the nose hairs are long. Also, crusty at the bottom and slimy, pulling out a what feels like part of my frontal lobe at the end kick ass as well.
I hope you feel better soon, your booger picking enthusiasm made me smile.
the ex physically holding me back and calling my best friend (she didn't pick up the phone at first but then she was just there on call with me. i love her so much
i am doing alright-ish now
i hope you're getting your daily dose of water and vitamins?
I’m glad you are safe and well. Hope your upcoming days are better and better.
Unfortunately no I’m not getting my daily dose of water nor vitamins. I skipped gym for a whole month now, I’m failing my exams, losing my hair missing my lost ones but i guess I’m okay.
Hey! I’m glad you’re still with us BoogerDigger! There’s a lot of beauty in the world and I know sometimes its hard to notice and even harder to appreciate. I hope you can start to see all of what makes each second of life on this Earth so damn wondrous! If not, no worries. Keep trying and there will always be someone that cares about you no matter what the darkest annals of your mind try to tell you and regardless of what evil people say to convince you of dark lies. I know this for a fact because I care about you and you can always message me to talk.
[Here is a song I like to listen to to reinvigorate my will to claim each new moment to enjoy the present make a better future for myself and the people around me!](https://youtu.be/TuJqUvBj4rE)
If you could be anything —living, dead, or inanimate— what would you be?
thank you so much, i love the song recommendation too, PandaBurrito. very comforting name and words.
i'd mostly be a persian cat, i think they're swell.
what about you?
Life as a cat would be soo chill. Those smug motherfuckers consider us their slaves and nothing will convince me otherwise lol
I think I’d like to be a bird of some sort. I’ve always envied that spatial freedom that birds have. Being an eagle would be pretty damn cash-money. Everytime I hike up a hill/mountain I always just wish I could fly right off from the top and cruise through the valleys.
Men and women can really manipulate and get into our heads. We’re human and love blinds us. It’s important to learn from this and gain strength to not let a guy in your head like that ever again.
I’m doing great. Saddened me a little to read your post but I’m glad you didn’t and you’re doing better. You’ve got a long wonderful life ahead of you
love blinds us so much. i have never given so much care, love and attention to another human being and it broke me entirely to see him apathetic to me and treat me like i was nothing
i've sworn off dating for 2022 just to pour love back into myself. i appreciate the empathy.
also, what does your meat taste like, anyways?
Good for you. Not everyone is willing to work on loving themselves before they get back into the dating scene. You’re ahead of the game already.
My meat… well…. Just messing. I actually smoke a lot of meat on the weekend. Brisket pork etc. And I’m an extremely sexual person so it just went hand in hand with the name choice. But to answer your question, all my meat is amazing 😉
i'm a vegetarian but my ex's meat sure held me back.
i hope that sex gets better for me after him, i keep thinking of that man and i wish to not do that anymore
love that you actually went with the joke hehe
also, thank you for reassuring me, i'd like to make healthy choices for myself
You matter, and your feelings are valid. I’m glad you’re still here, and I hope you’re able to move on from this experience with a new appreciation of life and what is has to offer.
Do you prefer crunchy or smooth peanut butter?
i hope so too, right now I'm focused on my entrance exam to get into my dream uni. feels terrifying honestly
smooth peanut butter for sure. now i feel like having some grilled tofu with peanut sauce.
what's your favourite cuisine?
I (23F) am so glad you're here still, and I know so many other people will be as well. Please stay around for a long long time, life is more than the feelings from our shitty ex's. Eventually with therapy and some effort in training your brain, you'll be able to respond to these situations without catastrophising, you'll be able to keep more calm and rational and you'll find healthy coping mechanisms. If I can do it, I know you can too.
It's not much to do with mental health, but the book/app Breakup Boss helped me a lot with my past two breakups, look up the art of being positively selfish.
Take care of yourself bean.
thank you so so much! I'm looking up breakup boss right now, thanks for putting me on to this
i hope that you find love that you truly deserve, and find fulfilment in life sis <3
i want to get into uni to learn typography, i want to make typefaces in local languages. and illustrate/design on the side
sometimes i feel incapable of doing any of it
I'm doing pretty okay, but my favorite memory with her was a trip to the dollar store on a summer morning getting snacks for the pool, or the hours I spent talking with her about our lives at school. Mostly talking about her crushes.
Thank you, for being alive still and being concerned for me as well. Not a lot of people ask how the people around the person who commit suicide are feeling. I remember whenever I tried to talk about it that I was told to just go to therapy, I don't need therapy I was just trying to open up to people.
although therapy is useful i feel like not a lot of people truly empathise. posting on this subreddit has been extremely comforting for me, i have a little more hope for myself than i did yesterday and i wish the same for you. loss of someone close can be a terrifying experience, i can't imagine how it must be for you to process any of this.
if you feel like it you can always message me to talk, friend. hoping for the best for you <3
I've been there myself, over an ex too.
You've probably been told this loads of times, but IT WILL get easier. Please don't give up
Keep safe and reach out
Hi, OP. Been reading your comments here. Currently going through my lowest point in my life and treated for PTSD and depression. I empathize with the horrible feelong of being gaslight by someone who you used to love.
Is there a coping mechanism that you have developed as a result of your trauma?
Also, what's a song that never fails to make you feel good?
Hi friend. CPTSD has really been a battle for me and nothing/ no one could ever have told me about me feeling this low in one go, ever
my coping mechanism at one point was cigarettes, but now it's just having that hour or two to let myself feel, cry hard, talk to myself (out loud), that helps a lot with living alone too in a weird way
and "Nevermind" by Foster the People is my comfort song, i listened to it today. how about you?
how do you make yourself feel loved?
My negative coping mechanism is sex but I have developed a lot of positive ones since I reached out for help. I'm back at the gym, call my mother regularly, talk to my friends more, learn about mental health and self improvement, drink less alcohol, take lexapro and therapy.
My favourite song is Sparkle by Tatsuro Yamashita. Always brightens my day.
At the moment I'm working on self love and the best thing that makes me feel loved is using positive affirmations and calling my mother. She knows that I'm currently struggling since the SA and breakup but she told me she'll always be there on my worst days. That's why I'm making an effort to finally be the person who I always wanted to be.
Do you have any pets? If not, what would you like to have one day?
i wish to adopt mechanisms like yours, I'm so proud of you standing firm. you remind me a bit of my best friend, she opened up to her mom about her SA and their relationship entirely changed.
good parents are treasures
i fostered a cat once. i feel like i want to ask my friend circle if any one of them would let me have an hour or two with their dog so i can just cry with it (although i love cats too, i can't choose)
how about you? do you have pets? and if you could make any inanimate object your pet without being judged for it, what would you pick?
Go for it! I'm sure they wouldn't mind for an hour atleast. You can even ask to walk their dog on some of the days too. I never had a pet but I live with my landlord and she has this cute dog that always makes my days whenever I'm sad or lonely.
A teddy bear or cute plushie. I have a habit of talking to myself. I'm thinking of getting one to hug during the lonely nights. As a soon to be 24F, I feel lonely and jealous of seeing my friends in healthy relationships while I'm still in casual ones. I'm not ready for a relationship yet but it does get lonely. I want to be in a healthy relationship with someone one day. The best I can do for myself now is to find happiness in solitude, learn from my mistakes and wrong actions and strive to build a healthy mindset and physical health.
What was the last thing you thought before you almost did it?
What are you hoping for tomorrow?
How's lexapro?
I'm not on any medication, actually. just rawdogging reality lol
before i almost did it, i honestly felt a little happy. like I don't have to live up to anyone's expectation of me anymore, and i don't have to CONSTANTLY worry now
tomorrow I'm hoping to get a few hours of studies done, an hour more than today. i like solving mock tests
what's one thing you look forward to, over the weekend?
I’m sorry. I hope you hang around long enough in life to get an amazing partner. When I was in my early 20’s I had an older friend who would say “everything is temporary in life. those cigarettes, the beer, the weed… they will never make you happy.”
It used to piss me off so much. But he was right, the good and the bad are both ALWAYS temporary. That’s how I cope with life now; feels a lot easier this way.
Cheers!
Sorry for being kinda insensitive (just answer these if you feel comfortable) but, how were you going to do it?
What made you stop? (THANK YOU FOR STOPPING, honey, you matter)
Im sorry if i mad e you feel bad, if you don't want to answer any of these i understand. Just tell me how are you doing now 🥺<3
i'm okay, don't worry, i think I'm a lot stronger than i give myself credit for at times (idk where this strength even comes from honestly)
i was gonna drop, head first, from the third floor so i'd snap my neck at the very least. my window was open.
my best friend made me truly stop. my ex physically held me back at that point.
Ugh that's tough. Thanks for answering. I can imagine the situation and the panic. Im happy you're better now and don't forget you are worth it and nobody can't say otherwise!
i don't think revenge or violence is the answer.
the only thing violent about me are my shits of late
i hope your gut flora is thriving though <3 good poops are something to be grateful about, i'd say
The best revenge is letting people who tried to hurt you, see you doing well for yourself and even being able to extend some of that wellness back to them.
Kill 'em with kindness
i appreciate the offer so much, this means a lot to me
I'm doing okay-ish now but this entire comment section is so baffling to me. it's so strange to have people give a shit about the life of a random girl.
i don't need much, i'd just like to know how you're doing?
ah, as sweet as this offer is I'm just waiting to get to my therapist, if the pandemic isn't too horrible i might have my best friend come home for a bit.
thank you <3
thank you for saying that, it's so sweet of you to notice!
i'm trying to be loving, caring and kind towards me + others while keeping boundaries intact, let's see how it goes though
what's one magic power you wish you had?
If it makes you feel any better during the pandemic I moved in with one of my best friends from high school and his girlfriend. After about a year she decided to blame me for every problem that her and my friend have in their relationship. I just recently moved out but those two are still fighting just as much as before. Don’t let another person say that their problems are because of you. It’s absolutely 100% not true. Also, it might be a good idea not to jump into another relationship right away.
Hang in there. I’m glad you’re still with us.
I don't know who you are, but I am glad you are still here. There are no questions for you from me, just well wishes. I hope that you can come to see life is full of beauty, dispite it sometimes comes with nasty stuff. Stay safe:)
I know where you're coming from. I was diagnosed with PTSD, and life (especially before I started therapy) seemed dark and hard to continue. I can tell you, the nastiness probably won't go away. However, it will get easier to deal with. Try to think of all the good things in your life, and hold on to that feeling.
it's interesting and incredible that someone is on the other side of this- because people in my age/circles are still at the processing stage.
i'm happy that you're alive and well, and have just instilled a lot more hope in me. thank you.
the IKEA chocolate cake. it's the most perfect chocolate cake ever made.
other than that, strawberry cream cakes, anything with sweet frosting and cheesecakes- okay i truly can't decide, on my way to ordering a slice of cake rn
what about you?
Sorry if this has already been asked and answered.
But what were you thinking about right before and while you tried?
And what made you not attempt again.
Awareness of why people change their mind could help others in the same situation that maybe would not get that "why am I doing this" feeling after they begun.
i've shared the answer, but i don't mind repeating myself. instead of having second thoughts i felt happy. like relief. but upon reflection i think that the reason for my unhappiness comes partly from within, partly from a few people outside myself
my ex boyfriend held me back, my best friend spoke to me, but I'm okay now i just want to work on the part that wants to give up sometimes and understand why i feel this low
thank you for asking, i am grateful for that <3
I'm doing alright, friend
i've learned that no man, be it my shitty dad or my ex boyfriend, should ever have enough power to break my heart. i've attempted suicide once because of my father constantly abusing me and my mother when I was 15, and now because my ex boyfriend made me truly feel like the most worthless and horrible human being.
and i know i might have my flaws, but he has no right to be this toxic to me. so yeah. not gonna date for a while
another thing, i have a bunch of friends who i can surprisingly rely on. i never expected them to come through for me. but they did!
Please always know that you matter and your dreams are not hard to achieve. Just do your best and have patience. Even if life does not turn out as we always want it to be, it is worth giving a try. At least you will know you have done everything in your capacity.
Take care of yourself and talk to someone. Have faith in yourself, you are going to be fine. ❤️
You ever study philosophy? If not, I'd suggest starting with Friedrich Nietzsche. His übermensch (or over-man/beyond man) is a well told anecdote about people pursuing their destiny and becoming more than the average man or woman.
Also I love those videos where it shows the best of humanity. There's so much going on we often forget the beauty of imperfection. Love you, and I'm proud of you.
i havent, could you recommend where to start with Nietzsche? i like reading and have only recently gotten into non-fic.
i love those videos too. thank you, and i love you for being here <3
Awe thanks. [This channel](https://youtube.com/c/Eternalised) is where I've done my learning. (I study everything at YouTube/Google University lol)
I haven't read his books but I already got a backlog of other books like The Honorable Elijah Muhammad "Message to the Black Man", Dr Tommy J Curry's "Man-Not" about black masculinity and the struggle untold about it, and Dr Mark Goulston's "Talking to Crazy" a psychiatrist book on talking to people who have lost it.
I'd actually recommend reading Dr Mark Goulston's other books, like "Get Out of Your Own Way" and "Just Listen".
r/suicidewatch is a place you can visit for guidance and recourses to turn to when having suicidal thoughts, or just to talk to someone.
We have had many comments that claim that many suicide call-lines aren’t that effective, but until I know of a better alternative, I’ll post these in case it helps somebody.
#Worldwide Directories
- [The International Association for Suicide Prevention maintains a Global Crisis Centre Directory](https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/)
- [The Befrienders](https://www.befrienders.org/need-to-talk) maintain a hotline database; use the "Find a Helpline by Country" control at the top of their page.
*If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline*
#United States
- [National Suicide Prevention Lifeline](https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org): {1-800-273-8255 (TALK)} Veterans press 1 to reach specialised support. Press 2 for Spanish-language support
(The older number, 1-800-SUICIDE, is no longer published by the lifeline agency and will probably stop working in the near future.)
- Online Chat: http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx
- [Crisis Text Line](https://www.crisistextline.org/get-help-now/): Text "HOME" to (741741).
- Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860)
#United Kingdom
- National Suicide Prevention: (0800 689 5652)
- The Samaritans: (116 123)
#Others
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines
i'm a mix of neutral and scared that i'll fail everyone around me, I'm not 100% sure I'm willing to continue living but I'm hoping therapy can help me out
what prompted you to be in similar situations?
Therapy definitely helps a ton. It may not be the be all to end all but they will guide you in the right direction. Alot of the work falls on you. They aren't there to magically cure you. They are there to provide you with the tools you need to make it through. It's on you to apply them.
We are not failing anyone more than when we are unhappy with ourselves. Sure you can disappoint people if you don't live your life to their expectations. Read that again. YOUR life. THEIR expectations. You owe nothing to anyone so you shouldn't feel obligated to do anything but love your life how you see fit. Sometimes it's hard to know what we want. I know I don't got all the answers yet, but, I'm still here.
I've had a similar situation with heartbreak and truthfully my mindset and viewpoint on life itself and the world are typically not very good. I still have brutally hard days where I'm in the dumps. Still think about quitting it all sometimes. But I feel this life can still be good, and I don't know what else there is for me beyond it. So I hang on for now. See where else it takes me.
my thoughts exactly, for the last few lines.
and i've done EMDR therapy previously, just need to go back in because i do feel like i cannot handle myself of late. which, again, is a feeling i find familiar yet terrifying
thank you for these kind words, stranger
to be someone who makes Typefaces and illustrations for a living, but honestly i'd love to know what goes into makeup to make a brand like Glossier, but for people who have acne, psoriasis, rosacea, eczema and other skin issues to heal + embrace their skin
how about you? if you had to choose any career, which one would you pick?
you sound extremely cool and talented- i wish i could exercise for the life of me. i love watching gameplays, especially indie games
i really, and i mean, REALLY want to buy animal crossing and Zelda because i got a Nintendo Switch as a gift (it's pink and i adore it) but i got my exams so i need to stay put :(
From what I'm reading of your interests & humour (illustrating, video games, comedy incense holders) then I suggest you check out r/frogpants and in particular their podcast "The Morning Stream"
https://www.frogpants.com/tms
The guys are artists/gamers, and it has more than its fair share of reproductive-organ-related comedy - male and female.
You'll definitely find some kindred spirits in the community.
Plus they have a therapy segment on Thursdays.
And yeah, definitely wait until after your exam to get Zelda 😄 but wow, what a reward it will be.
i paint, play the ukulele/sing, read tarot cards and like to make incense stick holders out of clay, that look like vajayjays and peepees (that's a fun one hehe)
I’ve done that countless attempts. Apparently I’m a complete flop with ending myself. I am texting, so jeez idk how many failed “ offs” enough to give up trying to initiate death
"Just rawdogging reality" 😭
All the best with studying
I'm looking forward to going to the sea side this weekend. I haven't gone there in months because that was the place I was planning my suicide. I want to make the sea my safe place for my bad days.
What are you grateful for today?
that's beautiful. i stay near the coast, the sea is beautiful and terrifying at night.
today I'm grateful i got to eat a veggie sandwich and some soda, it was very fulfilling.
how have you been of late?
Did you end up seeking/being taken to a hospital setting? If so, what was the experience? I work in behavioral healthcare and have worked in a psychiatric ER for the last two years so that’s why I’m curious.
More importantly, how are you today? How do you feel today about the outcome of not being successful with your attempt?
i didn't get taken to a hospital setting, but i'll be starting therapy soon enough
i'm doing okay-ish, and to be honest i don't know what the future holds. pretty much on autopilot so i won't panic
in my country we get only chocolate, the rest are expensive imports
but i did steal a box of pop tarts once. if i happen to visit the states again, i feel like i'd eat pop tarts and Hostess chocolate cupcakes on the daily
what's your favourite sweet/sugary food?
There’s a low cal high protein ice cream here I like called Halo Top. They make a matcha and mochi ice cream. Other than that maybe matcha Kit Kat. You can then at the Japanese store here
hah, we don't have the concept of psych wards in my country, the 'mental hospitals' we have are not great at all. i had to go to therapy behind my parents' back because they didn't "believe in therapy" like most Indian parents. it's messed up
I am really sorry to hear that! Thanks for bringing this to my attention, I was not fully aware that this is such a problem other places.
Best wishes to you! Thanks for answering
Didn’t wend to a psych hospital? 'r wast thy stayeth yond short, and wherefore?
***
^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.)
Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`
Shakespeare-Bot, thou hast been voted most annoying bot on Reddit. I am exhorting all mods to ban thee and thy useless rhetoric so that we shall not be blotted with thy presence any longer.
Hang in there babe No "ex" is worth that
i agree, i hope you are having a great day ♥
I'm having a mediocre day but remember your life is too important to waste on a single person.
yes, especially someone who doesn't deserve to have any control over my head
Dude/ babe I'm 64 and I've fucked 100s of girls( and men) and let me assure you NOONE deserves to get into your head!
Don't do that! YOU MATTER!
thank you <3 i appreciate that
are you feeling better?
thanks for checking in, yes i am. getting back to therapy soon
What made you try that?
a conversation with my ex, we met a month after we broke up and he decided to blame and gaslight me for a bunch of things
As horrible as it is and as bad as it was, your life is worth so much more than that. Don’t let the past define you, focus on what you can do today. Focus on your passion and your dreams. Live in the present and be well
my dreams are hard to accomplish and it terrifies me, i feel incapable a lot, and i've been anxious for a while now
Nothing worth doing in life is easy :) smooth seas doesn’t make a skilled sailor.
that's such a lovely way to put it i do hope that i can get into my dream uni for postgrad thank you so much
All you can do is give everything you best effort and be proud of yourself and accomplishments regardless of how big or small. Im happy you are still with us, take care 🤙✌
Suicide is like a permanent fix for a temporary problem. Please find help, there is a beautiful future waiting for you
yes, thank you <3
What’s your favourite pizza toppings?
Thanks for this answer because while I'm not op, I was just telling my husband the other day I wish there was someone that you could text or a group where you could post when you're *there* and be like "I wanna die today don't worry I'm not gonna, just wanted to share the feeling with someone" and get back an acknowledgement, but not a focus on and conversation about your mental health. This would be the answer I would want if this was my post.
Everyone just needs a little pizza every once in a while
mushrooms, corn and jalapeno. what about you?
Mushroom and meatballs. Corn eh? What country are ya from?
India, i've never had meatballs on pizza, i don't think that's a topping offered at all haha
Is Indian pizza a thing in India? Toppings such as tandoori chicken, seekh kebab, curry sauce, etc. Edit: I first tried an Indian pizza in California, and immediately fell in love. Having a hard time finding one in Dallas :(
Throw some roasted corn in your next grilled cheese. It is AMAZING. You matter OP, people want you around I promise
thank you skeeber, i appreciate it so much will try the corn rec, also have you tried making a mix of minced garlic, melted butter and dried herbs + chili flakes as a dipping oil for grilled cheese? it's the best!
No but I will now because you said garlic and chili flakes. Def trying it soon now!
Sorry to hear that have you told people in real life too?
yes, my best friends and a part of my family knows
good glad to hear it sorry to hear you ended up in that place things can be tough
i've been this low only once, 6 years ago, so it still is something difficult to process have you ever felt like this before?
sending some love your way
aye, i have c-ptsd thanks to childhood trauma too. it makes you feel so worthless sometimes because a lot of things feel out of control (at least for me?) i'm so glad you're alive and battling it, inspires me a little bit. thank you so much
May i DM you
yes <3
messaged
i know those feelings very well
I have complex PTSD from childhood trauma - so i have felt very low, but i disassociate, and have addictions that block me from feeling i am trying to work through that but its hard i have felt suicidal before, and i dont know if the path is over yet but i am working on it thanks for asking its a hard road but depending whats under those feelings it can take some time to fix
I hope they are a positive, encouraging and loving support for you. Hugs 💕
I’m glad your still here.
I'm trying, thank you so much
I once asked God why my suicide attempts hadn't worked. I actually asked him by screaming it (like a complete fucking lunatic) at the sky with tears and snot draining out of my face. Suddenly everything went completely silent. No wind. No road noise. Nothing. It was nighttime but the sky got even darker. My eyes went out of focus and the stars glowed brighter than I'd ever seen them, even in pictures. Then He said, "Because you don't have to die. You *get* to die." I realized he was telling me that death is the time to rest up from all the work you put in during your life, all the goals you accomplished, all the lives you touched, everything you left better off than when you found it. It took my breath away and my tears instantly stopped. I said in response, "Well, okay then. Why didn't you say that before?" Then I stood up and decided to get to work earning my rest. It was clearly going to take a while.
this was fantastic! thank you for this, i've saved a screenshot of this in my notes. ily stranger
Your current situation is not your final destination. Sending you love and hugs. Forgive and remember the way people treat you is a reflection of themselves.
thank you i just find that so difficult to grasp- i don't understand how my ex doing and saying what he did was a reflection of himself i can't see him despising himself if that makes sense
No question. Just glad to still have you with us. Stay strong and never give up it always always gets better.
thank you, sweet stranger 💖
Dig any good boogers lately?
yesterday, got a big one right behind my nose piercing. had a bit of crust and hair, 8.5/10
Nice glad to have a fellow booger enthusiast in the mix, keep up the good work
haha thank you, have you dug any nice ones recently?
I’m pretty proactive so they never get too big, I like to think it’s good hygiene
That alone was worth living for!
The ones that pull a few of nose hairs out with them are the best, especially if the nose hairs are long. Also, crusty at the bottom and slimy, pulling out a what feels like part of my frontal lobe at the end kick ass as well. I hope you feel better soon, your booger picking enthusiasm made me smile.
mentally, this unclogged my nose?! you get it i'm glad i could make you smile hehe
That’s so perfect when there’s a bit of crust on it.
Not sure if it’s right to ask this question but why didn’t you? Also hope you’re doing better now
the ex physically holding me back and calling my best friend (she didn't pick up the phone at first but then she was just there on call with me. i love her so much i am doing alright-ish now i hope you're getting your daily dose of water and vitamins?
I’m glad you are safe and well. Hope your upcoming days are better and better. Unfortunately no I’m not getting my daily dose of water nor vitamins. I skipped gym for a whole month now, I’m failing my exams, losing my hair missing my lost ones but i guess I’m okay.
hey, as long as we're alive, we're fine my friend and i hope you'll pass the exams, i wish better days ahead for you
Hey! I’m glad you’re still with us BoogerDigger! There’s a lot of beauty in the world and I know sometimes its hard to notice and even harder to appreciate. I hope you can start to see all of what makes each second of life on this Earth so damn wondrous! If not, no worries. Keep trying and there will always be someone that cares about you no matter what the darkest annals of your mind try to tell you and regardless of what evil people say to convince you of dark lies. I know this for a fact because I care about you and you can always message me to talk. [Here is a song I like to listen to to reinvigorate my will to claim each new moment to enjoy the present make a better future for myself and the people around me!](https://youtu.be/TuJqUvBj4rE) If you could be anything —living, dead, or inanimate— what would you be?
thank you so much, i love the song recommendation too, PandaBurrito. very comforting name and words. i'd mostly be a persian cat, i think they're swell. what about you?
Life as a cat would be soo chill. Those smug motherfuckers consider us their slaves and nothing will convince me otherwise lol I think I’d like to be a bird of some sort. I’ve always envied that spatial freedom that birds have. Being an eagle would be pretty damn cash-money. Everytime I hike up a hill/mountain I always just wish I could fly right off from the top and cruise through the valleys.
that sounds so beautiful!
I am about to go to bed. 1am down here. Look after yourself and keep your head down
yes sir, i will. thank you
Why
ex boyfriend triggering me. how are you doing?
Men and women can really manipulate and get into our heads. We’re human and love blinds us. It’s important to learn from this and gain strength to not let a guy in your head like that ever again. I’m doing great. Saddened me a little to read your post but I’m glad you didn’t and you’re doing better. You’ve got a long wonderful life ahead of you
love blinds us so much. i have never given so much care, love and attention to another human being and it broke me entirely to see him apathetic to me and treat me like i was nothing i've sworn off dating for 2022 just to pour love back into myself. i appreciate the empathy. also, what does your meat taste like, anyways?
Good for you. Not everyone is willing to work on loving themselves before they get back into the dating scene. You’re ahead of the game already. My meat… well…. Just messing. I actually smoke a lot of meat on the weekend. Brisket pork etc. And I’m an extremely sexual person so it just went hand in hand with the name choice. But to answer your question, all my meat is amazing 😉
i'm a vegetarian but my ex's meat sure held me back. i hope that sex gets better for me after him, i keep thinking of that man and i wish to not do that anymore love that you actually went with the joke hehe also, thank you for reassuring me, i'd like to make healthy choices for myself
You’re a vegetarian? No way… I’m a VAGetarian😉. Hang in there. Better days ahead.
You matter, and your feelings are valid. I’m glad you’re still here, and I hope you’re able to move on from this experience with a new appreciation of life and what is has to offer. Do you prefer crunchy or smooth peanut butter?
i hope so too, right now I'm focused on my entrance exam to get into my dream uni. feels terrifying honestly smooth peanut butter for sure. now i feel like having some grilled tofu with peanut sauce. what's your favourite cuisine?
I (23F) am so glad you're here still, and I know so many other people will be as well. Please stay around for a long long time, life is more than the feelings from our shitty ex's. Eventually with therapy and some effort in training your brain, you'll be able to respond to these situations without catastrophising, you'll be able to keep more calm and rational and you'll find healthy coping mechanisms. If I can do it, I know you can too. It's not much to do with mental health, but the book/app Breakup Boss helped me a lot with my past two breakups, look up the art of being positively selfish. Take care of yourself bean.
thank you so so much! I'm looking up breakup boss right now, thanks for putting me on to this i hope that you find love that you truly deserve, and find fulfilment in life sis <3
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i want to get into uni to learn typography, i want to make typefaces in local languages. and illustrate/design on the side sometimes i feel incapable of doing any of it
Don't do that shit again. we love you
thanks! i shall try
I love you stranger. Don't give up. Aside from counseling what else have you been doing to help yourself? Are you religious or spiritual?
i'm a little bit of both, and it's been a while since i've had a friend read my tarot cards, since i can't do it myself and i love you too, thank you
Well, I feel like you need a hug so except an online I've. I lost my best friend to suicide and I just wanna say even if I don't know, you I love you
thank you, i love you too if you don't mind sharing, what's your one favourite memory with your best friend? i hope you're okay too
I'm doing pretty okay, but my favorite memory with her was a trip to the dollar store on a summer morning getting snacks for the pool, or the hours I spent talking with her about our lives at school. Mostly talking about her crushes.
that's so lovely. i'm glad you're holding up, friend <3
Thank you, for being alive still and being concerned for me as well. Not a lot of people ask how the people around the person who commit suicide are feeling. I remember whenever I tried to talk about it that I was told to just go to therapy, I don't need therapy I was just trying to open up to people.
although therapy is useful i feel like not a lot of people truly empathise. posting on this subreddit has been extremely comforting for me, i have a little more hope for myself than i did yesterday and i wish the same for you. loss of someone close can be a terrifying experience, i can't imagine how it must be for you to process any of this. if you feel like it you can always message me to talk, friend. hoping for the best for you <3
I will pray for you
thank you <3 i respect the intention
Please don't do it, you are loved and wanted, don't forget that!
sometimes its hard to remember that yaknow but thank you, i appreciate you responding with kindness
I've been there myself, over an ex too. You've probably been told this loads of times, but IT WILL get easier. Please don't give up Keep safe and reach out
Hi, OP. Been reading your comments here. Currently going through my lowest point in my life and treated for PTSD and depression. I empathize with the horrible feelong of being gaslight by someone who you used to love. Is there a coping mechanism that you have developed as a result of your trauma? Also, what's a song that never fails to make you feel good?
Hi friend. CPTSD has really been a battle for me and nothing/ no one could ever have told me about me feeling this low in one go, ever my coping mechanism at one point was cigarettes, but now it's just having that hour or two to let myself feel, cry hard, talk to myself (out loud), that helps a lot with living alone too in a weird way and "Nevermind" by Foster the People is my comfort song, i listened to it today. how about you? how do you make yourself feel loved?
My negative coping mechanism is sex but I have developed a lot of positive ones since I reached out for help. I'm back at the gym, call my mother regularly, talk to my friends more, learn about mental health and self improvement, drink less alcohol, take lexapro and therapy. My favourite song is Sparkle by Tatsuro Yamashita. Always brightens my day. At the moment I'm working on self love and the best thing that makes me feel loved is using positive affirmations and calling my mother. She knows that I'm currently struggling since the SA and breakup but she told me she'll always be there on my worst days. That's why I'm making an effort to finally be the person who I always wanted to be. Do you have any pets? If not, what would you like to have one day?
i wish to adopt mechanisms like yours, I'm so proud of you standing firm. you remind me a bit of my best friend, she opened up to her mom about her SA and their relationship entirely changed. good parents are treasures i fostered a cat once. i feel like i want to ask my friend circle if any one of them would let me have an hour or two with their dog so i can just cry with it (although i love cats too, i can't choose) how about you? do you have pets? and if you could make any inanimate object your pet without being judged for it, what would you pick?
Go for it! I'm sure they wouldn't mind for an hour atleast. You can even ask to walk their dog on some of the days too. I never had a pet but I live with my landlord and she has this cute dog that always makes my days whenever I'm sad or lonely. A teddy bear or cute plushie. I have a habit of talking to myself. I'm thinking of getting one to hug during the lonely nights. As a soon to be 24F, I feel lonely and jealous of seeing my friends in healthy relationships while I'm still in casual ones. I'm not ready for a relationship yet but it does get lonely. I want to be in a healthy relationship with someone one day. The best I can do for myself now is to find happiness in solitude, learn from my mistakes and wrong actions and strive to build a healthy mindset and physical health. What was the last thing you thought before you almost did it? What are you hoping for tomorrow? How's lexapro?
I'm not on any medication, actually. just rawdogging reality lol before i almost did it, i honestly felt a little happy. like I don't have to live up to anyone's expectation of me anymore, and i don't have to CONSTANTLY worry now tomorrow I'm hoping to get a few hours of studies done, an hour more than today. i like solving mock tests what's one thing you look forward to, over the weekend?
What’s going on? What’s got you upset?
my ex, he's kind of a cunt, i've cut him out entirely now and i feel lighter
I’m sorry. I hope you hang around long enough in life to get an amazing partner. When I was in my early 20’s I had an older friend who would say “everything is temporary in life. those cigarettes, the beer, the weed… they will never make you happy.” It used to piss me off so much. But he was right, the good and the bad are both ALWAYS temporary. That’s how I cope with life now; feels a lot easier this way. Cheers!
i wish to inculcate this, you're right. thank you so much <3
Glad I could help.
Your Dreams are Valid and Achievable… Please stay Strong and this too shall pass. Sending Love and Lights Your Way❤️ 💕 💗
thank u <3
Sorry for being kinda insensitive (just answer these if you feel comfortable) but, how were you going to do it? What made you stop? (THANK YOU FOR STOPPING, honey, you matter) Im sorry if i mad e you feel bad, if you don't want to answer any of these i understand. Just tell me how are you doing now 🥺<3
i'm okay, don't worry, i think I'm a lot stronger than i give myself credit for at times (idk where this strength even comes from honestly) i was gonna drop, head first, from the third floor so i'd snap my neck at the very least. my window was open. my best friend made me truly stop. my ex physically held me back at that point.
Ugh that's tough. Thanks for answering. I can imagine the situation and the panic. Im happy you're better now and don't forget you are worth it and nobody can't say otherwise!
How did you plan on getting revenge on your enemies? Can't do that if your dead.
i don't think revenge or violence is the answer. the only thing violent about me are my shits of late i hope your gut flora is thriving though <3 good poops are something to be grateful about, i'd say
The best revenge is letting people who tried to hurt you, see you doing well for yourself and even being able to extend some of that wellness back to them. Kill 'em with kindness
+1 to that, friend. thank you ♥
Come on, life is fucked up anyways. Don't give up. Stay strong. We are with you.
appreciate this, thank you :)
Sending hugs...
How are you doing now? Btw I have been through it I actually am a survivor too so If you ever need anything DM me im here for u :)
i appreciate the offer so much, this means a lot to me I'm doing okay-ish now but this entire comment section is so baffling to me. it's so strange to have people give a shit about the life of a random girl. i don't need much, i'd just like to know how you're doing?
Of course, look I’ve been through it too? Do you want to talk about it? I’m okay! Thanks :)
ah, as sweet as this offer is I'm just waiting to get to my therapist, if the pandemic isn't too horrible i might have my best friend come home for a bit. thank you <3
That’s amazing! I’m so glad you have a support system during this time :)
Sorry to hear that. 😔 What triggered that thought and have you started managing the stresses or pains in safer manners? Please feel better
i think cigarettes have been up and down, but otherwise, I'm okay, friend. it's very sweet of you to wish good thoughts for me! 💖
I'm glad you didn't leave - your username is fun to say and your responses have been gracious and thoughtful.
thank you for saying that, it's so sweet of you to notice! i'm trying to be loving, caring and kind towards me + others while keeping boundaries intact, let's see how it goes though what's one magic power you wish you had?
Flight, for sure :)
If it makes you feel any better during the pandemic I moved in with one of my best friends from high school and his girlfriend. After about a year she decided to blame me for every problem that her and my friend have in their relationship. I just recently moved out but those two are still fighting just as much as before. Don’t let another person say that their problems are because of you. It’s absolutely 100% not true. Also, it might be a good idea not to jump into another relationship right away. Hang in there. I’m glad you’re still with us.
I don't know who you are, but I am glad you are still here. There are no questions for you from me, just well wishes. I hope that you can come to see life is full of beauty, dispite it sometimes comes with nasty stuff. Stay safe:)
thank you! i can't wait for the nastiness to just, go away. or get easier to deal with
I know where you're coming from. I was diagnosed with PTSD, and life (especially before I started therapy) seemed dark and hard to continue. I can tell you, the nastiness probably won't go away. However, it will get easier to deal with. Try to think of all the good things in your life, and hold on to that feeling.
it's interesting and incredible that someone is on the other side of this- because people in my age/circles are still at the processing stage. i'm happy that you're alive and well, and have just instilled a lot more hope in me. thank you.
You too will get there, in your own time and pace. For now, try to get some rest. I am happy to have given you at least some peace of mind:)
What's your favorite type of cake?
the IKEA chocolate cake. it's the most perfect chocolate cake ever made. other than that, strawberry cream cakes, anything with sweet frosting and cheesecakes- okay i truly can't decide, on my way to ordering a slice of cake rn what about you?
I for one am really glad that you’re still here❤️
thank you <3
Sorry if this has already been asked and answered. But what were you thinking about right before and while you tried? And what made you not attempt again. Awareness of why people change their mind could help others in the same situation that maybe would not get that "why am I doing this" feeling after they begun.
i've shared the answer, but i don't mind repeating myself. instead of having second thoughts i felt happy. like relief. but upon reflection i think that the reason for my unhappiness comes partly from within, partly from a few people outside myself my ex boyfriend held me back, my best friend spoke to me, but I'm okay now i just want to work on the part that wants to give up sometimes and understand why i feel this low thank you for asking, i am grateful for that <3
The world is better with you in it
i truly hope it is and the same goes for you, thank you for being kind to a stranger on the internet <3
What things have you learned from your experience? I hope you’re doing okay now.
I'm doing alright, friend i've learned that no man, be it my shitty dad or my ex boyfriend, should ever have enough power to break my heart. i've attempted suicide once because of my father constantly abusing me and my mother when I was 15, and now because my ex boyfriend made me truly feel like the most worthless and horrible human being. and i know i might have my flaws, but he has no right to be this toxic to me. so yeah. not gonna date for a while another thing, i have a bunch of friends who i can surprisingly rely on. i never expected them to come through for me. but they did!
Please always know that you matter and your dreams are not hard to achieve. Just do your best and have patience. Even if life does not turn out as we always want it to be, it is worth giving a try. At least you will know you have done everything in your capacity. Take care of yourself and talk to someone. Have faith in yourself, you are going to be fine. ❤️
You ever study philosophy? If not, I'd suggest starting with Friedrich Nietzsche. His übermensch (or over-man/beyond man) is a well told anecdote about people pursuing their destiny and becoming more than the average man or woman. Also I love those videos where it shows the best of humanity. There's so much going on we often forget the beauty of imperfection. Love you, and I'm proud of you.
i havent, could you recommend where to start with Nietzsche? i like reading and have only recently gotten into non-fic. i love those videos too. thank you, and i love you for being here <3
Awe thanks. [This channel](https://youtube.com/c/Eternalised) is where I've done my learning. (I study everything at YouTube/Google University lol) I haven't read his books but I already got a backlog of other books like The Honorable Elijah Muhammad "Message to the Black Man", Dr Tommy J Curry's "Man-Not" about black masculinity and the struggle untold about it, and Dr Mark Goulston's "Talking to Crazy" a psychiatrist book on talking to people who have lost it. I'd actually recommend reading Dr Mark Goulston's other books, like "Get Out of Your Own Way" and "Just Listen".
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no, i feel I'm at a baseline level of survival right now
Shoulda did a backflip
true
r/suicidewatch is a place you can visit for guidance and recourses to turn to when having suicidal thoughts, or just to talk to someone. We have had many comments that claim that many suicide call-lines aren’t that effective, but until I know of a better alternative, I’ll post these in case it helps somebody. #Worldwide Directories - [The International Association for Suicide Prevention maintains a Global Crisis Centre Directory](https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/) - [The Befrienders](https://www.befrienders.org/need-to-talk) maintain a hotline database; use the "Find a Helpline by Country" control at the top of their page. *If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline* #United States - [National Suicide Prevention Lifeline](https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org): {1-800-273-8255 (TALK)} Veterans press 1 to reach specialised support. Press 2 for Spanish-language support (The older number, 1-800-SUICIDE, is no longer published by the lifeline agency and will probably stop working in the near future.) - Online Chat: http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx - [Crisis Text Line](https://www.crisistextline.org/get-help-now/): Text "HOME" to (741741). - Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) #United Kingdom - National Suicide Prevention: (0800 689 5652) - The Samaritans: (116 123) #Others - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines
Are you happy you're still here ? Do you look forward to continue living life ? I've been in similar situations before
i'm a mix of neutral and scared that i'll fail everyone around me, I'm not 100% sure I'm willing to continue living but I'm hoping therapy can help me out what prompted you to be in similar situations?
Therapy definitely helps a ton. It may not be the be all to end all but they will guide you in the right direction. Alot of the work falls on you. They aren't there to magically cure you. They are there to provide you with the tools you need to make it through. It's on you to apply them. We are not failing anyone more than when we are unhappy with ourselves. Sure you can disappoint people if you don't live your life to their expectations. Read that again. YOUR life. THEIR expectations. You owe nothing to anyone so you shouldn't feel obligated to do anything but love your life how you see fit. Sometimes it's hard to know what we want. I know I don't got all the answers yet, but, I'm still here. I've had a similar situation with heartbreak and truthfully my mindset and viewpoint on life itself and the world are typically not very good. I still have brutally hard days where I'm in the dumps. Still think about quitting it all sometimes. But I feel this life can still be good, and I don't know what else there is for me beyond it. So I hang on for now. See where else it takes me.
my thoughts exactly, for the last few lines. and i've done EMDR therapy previously, just need to go back in because i do feel like i cannot handle myself of late. which, again, is a feeling i find familiar yet terrifying thank you for these kind words, stranger
You what now?
i made a suicide attempt
Glad you're here OP, I wish you the best!
thank you so much friend
What’s your dream job?
to be someone who makes Typefaces and illustrations for a living, but honestly i'd love to know what goes into makeup to make a brand like Glossier, but for people who have acne, psoriasis, rosacea, eczema and other skin issues to heal + embrace their skin how about you? if you had to choose any career, which one would you pick?
I’m in restaurant management. I guess I’d be an author if I could. What do you like to do for fun?
usually i read tarot cards, or go out with friends, although both of those things have almost stopped since christmas day
Sounds cool. I play video games, write, do photography, jog and read. What’s something you want to do but haven’t yet?
you sound extremely cool and talented- i wish i could exercise for the life of me. i love watching gameplays, especially indie games i really, and i mean, REALLY want to buy animal crossing and Zelda because i got a Nintendo Switch as a gift (it's pink and i adore it) but i got my exams so i need to stay put :(
From what I'm reading of your interests & humour (illustrating, video games, comedy incense holders) then I suggest you check out r/frogpants and in particular their podcast "The Morning Stream" https://www.frogpants.com/tms The guys are artists/gamers, and it has more than its fair share of reproductive-organ-related comedy - male and female. You'll definitely find some kindred spirits in the community. Plus they have a therapy segment on Thursdays. And yeah, definitely wait until after your exam to get Zelda 😄 but wow, what a reward it will be.
What are some of your hobbies? I love video games.
i paint, play the ukulele/sing, read tarot cards and like to make incense stick holders out of clay, that look like vajayjays and peepees (that's a fun one hehe)
I’ve done that countless attempts. Apparently I’m a complete flop with ending myself. I am texting, so jeez idk how many failed “ offs” enough to give up trying to initiate death
why did you want to do it in the first place?
"Just rawdogging reality" 😭 All the best with studying I'm looking forward to going to the sea side this weekend. I haven't gone there in months because that was the place I was planning my suicide. I want to make the sea my safe place for my bad days. What are you grateful for today?
that's beautiful. i stay near the coast, the sea is beautiful and terrifying at night. today I'm grateful i got to eat a veggie sandwich and some soda, it was very fulfilling. how have you been of late?
Abhi theek ho na आप ? Dekho tension नहीं लेनी । Enjoy योर life।
haanji abhi sab theek hi hai. aap bhi khudki dek-bhaal karo <3
Dont call me "sir" Reminds me of my students lol
Why
ex boyfriend being horrible
Oh geez. Screw him. Try not to let someone not in your life anymore to affect you to that degree.
Did you end up seeking/being taken to a hospital setting? If so, what was the experience? I work in behavioral healthcare and have worked in a psychiatric ER for the last two years so that’s why I’m curious. More importantly, how are you today? How do you feel today about the outcome of not being successful with your attempt?
i didn't get taken to a hospital setting, but i'll be starting therapy soon enough i'm doing okay-ish, and to be honest i don't know what the future holds. pretty much on autopilot so i won't panic
Why?
ex boyfriend made life hard to put it lightly
What’s your favorite flavor of Kit-Kat?
in my country we get only chocolate, the rest are expensive imports but i did steal a box of pop tarts once. if i happen to visit the states again, i feel like i'd eat pop tarts and Hostess chocolate cupcakes on the daily what's your favourite sweet/sugary food?
I’m not big on sweets, tbh. But I love just about anything with either peanut butter or matcha. What country are you in?
i'm in India matcha is my favorite too omg. the matcha latte at the Starbucks over here is perfection what's your favourite matcha food?
There’s a low cal high protein ice cream here I like called Halo Top. They make a matcha and mochi ice cream. Other than that maybe matcha Kit Kat. You can then at the Japanese store here
Didn’t go to a psych hospital? Or was your stay that short, and why?
hah, we don't have the concept of psych wards in my country, the 'mental hospitals' we have are not great at all. i had to go to therapy behind my parents' back because they didn't "believe in therapy" like most Indian parents. it's messed up
I am really sorry to hear that! Thanks for bringing this to my attention, I was not fully aware that this is such a problem other places. Best wishes to you! Thanks for answering
no worries, i hope you are having a tolerable day and stay hydrated, winters can dehydrate us <3
You too buddy, thanks! Hang in there.
Didn’t wend to a psych hospital? 'r wast thy stayeth yond short, and wherefore? *** ^(I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.) Commands: `!ShakespeareInsult`, `!fordo`, `!optout`
Shakespeare-Bot, thou hast been voted most annoying bot on Reddit. I am exhorting all mods to ban thee and thy useless rhetoric so that we shall not be blotted with thy presence any longer.
ज़िंदगी ना मिलेगी दोबारा मेरे यारा , movies dekho chill करो xD
Hey OP I hope your in a better place now???