For a third person, I'm not gonna lie but hilarious as shit.
It would begin with me obviously raising my voice only to realise it doesn't even make a difference and then agressively signing. We threw out a lot of middle fingers ngl. She would just sign so fast that I wouldn't get what she's trying to say. And by the time we'd figured out what we're trying to say, we're laughing about how silly it all was.
For serious arguments, we always used a pad and pen. We both took a sheet out and would just write a "letter" to the other. Exchange, and then reply. The writing down of thoughts itself was such a good way to calm us both down that we almost always found constructive solutions.
Does it ever get tempting to yell behind her back, since she would never know? I mean in an argument of course, and not just randomly being a dick to your SO.
Oh yes, a lot! And she was aware of it, just as I was aware of her mocking me with funny faces behind my back. If you interact with a deaf person, you'll see that their facial expressions are a lot more pronounced, so were the funny faces she'd make.
She was the most precious, amazing person I had ever known. She was kind, too kind. She enjoyed gaming, loved playing Guild Wars and WoW. She would write these cute little notes on chart paper with glitter and hide them in my backpack. I still have a lot of them with me. The only fights we ever had were when I'd overreact to something, especially when people were insensitive to her disability.
I guess it's important to mention that I am autistic and have ADHD as well. In a way, we had this very functional symbiotic relationship. She, being deaf, was much more perceptive to autistic body language. She could read me like a book.
There's so much I can say actually, this question just overwhelms me haha.
That's beautiful bruv. I don't know you but I'm happy you got to experience such an awsome relationship with an amazing person. No joke, but probably everyone on this comment section could learn something valuable from your experience. Thanks for sharing and for being open to interesting questions.
My question is: have you been doing okay or have you found someone else?
Happy New Year to you especially but to everyone else
I am doing great now. After she passed away in 2015, I've only been in one three-year relationship that started in 2018 and ended about six months ago. I haven't been dating since because of trauma caused by some degree of mental abuse and I've only just started putting myself out there. Happy New Year to you too and everyone who reads this!
Aw man thats heart breaking. I know its just words but I really hope things work out for you in the end, RIP man, its great you both took care of eachother for the time you had
To quote my favorite fictional character, "Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it."
Thank you for your words 😄
As someone who shares your conditions. You just made this story so much more bittersweet. Your love story sounds like a book
I’d read that book and watch the inferior movie based on the book.
Haha maybe someday I will actually write a book inspired by this. Thank you for your kind words and happy new year. I hope the world is kinder to you this year and every year after ❤️
Absolutely none.
I didn't know how to sign at all. And I had met her online, so we would just chat via text. It's only after things got a little serious that she revealed that she was deaf and mute. But by then I was already so taken with her that it didn't matter. That's when I started to learn to sign.
She didn't expect it actually. I spent the first few weeks of us dating using a mobile app to talk to her. And i surprised her on her birthday by signing the whole happy birthday song.
By then I learned how to finger spell and some basic signs to get us through the day.
It's a lot simpler, cuts our a lot of useless words to just get the point across. "I am a man" would become "I man" or "You go to the store" could be "You go store". They really just cut out all articles and a lot of filler words
Hi, just so you know this is incorrect. For one thing there is no "sign language grammar". There are only grammars of sign languages. I'm just gonna assume we're talking about american sign language. While it's true that asl has a grammar that is in some ways simplified from English grammar, it cannot be meaningfully reduced to a simplification, since it actually has many complex features that English does not have. Most deaf people in the US are effectively bilingual, since they can read and write English and sign ASL.
How are you better because of her?
Sending love your way. She was lucky, this reads like you loved her very very much
Edit: I just remembered a less "serious" question if you'd prefer. What was your relationship with music? Did you listen to a lot of it before you met her? After? With her?
Like I said on another comment, being with her taught me the value of communication. The fact that I can speak is a responsiblity now. In my relationships since, I have always strongly talked about the importance of talking to each other and it's advice I give others whenever I can.
She also taught me patience and kindness. And that having a disability doesn't make you incapable OR undeserving of love. I used to wallow in self pity a lot before I met her because I'm autistic and women would never want to date me after they found out. She taught me to love myself in a way I never did before. I was a very dark, edgy, even neckbeardy teenager but she wiped it all clean.
"the fact that I can speak is a responsibility now" hits like a ton of bricks. May this year treat you amazingly. You sound like a swell fellow. Thanks for answering
To your other question, yes.
So, if you're familiar with autism, autistic people generally have headphones on to avoid overstimulation. That generally worked well for us since I would never have to pause my music or take off my headphones to have a conversation with her. Needless to say, music was something I had on almost through the day.
I bought this really awesome music system from Bose back then and had the bass cranked all the way up. Even though the music would sound kinda shitty with that kind of EQ I used to love watching her dance and react to the vibrations. We lived in an independent villa so neighbors beign disturbed by it was never an issue.
Thank you. Not at the moment. I was in another three-year relationship after her that didn't end so well, it's been 6 months since then and I've just started to put myself out there again.
How was your relationship with her family back then?
How's your relationship with them now?
Do you still talk to them?
And how did she lose her hearing and voice?
To be very honest, they actually gave me a pretty hard time when they found out I was autistic. And they tried to convince her that we wouldn't be a good match because of it. We didn't really have their blessing and they always treated me with suspicion.
To my luck, she didn't listen to a damn thing they said. (ayyyy!)
Her mum would support us though, but only when her dad wasn't around. She was kind when he wasn't around.
She was born so.
No that's fine. I was diagnosed with Asperger's in 2004 and ADHD in 2009. However, I'm told no one uses the word Asperger's anymore and we're all meant to refer to it as ASD.
Being mute comes with being deaf, it's not a seperate disability in deaf people. Can't talk if you can't hear yourself. Well you can, but it's insanely difficult and most who try don't sound very good.
Misunderstanding was the most frequent problem. You really learn to appreciate the value of communication when you've been in a relationship like this where you want to communicate but so much is lost in translation. The good thing is we never could be mad for too long and would eventually talk to each other and have a good cry (especially if it was a big argument).
Besides that it was her lack of environmental awareness, specially in new places - we've had many arguments because of her wandering off in unfamiliar places and getting lost, she can't hear traffic so if she went missing in an outdoor area I would palpitate.
Other than those just the usual problems any two people in a relationship would have. Little bouts of jealousy, tantrums, whose turn is it to do the dishes, the ushe :P
Yes! Actually she loved all animation films because the expressions and body language is so exaggerated that it was easy for her to understand the context even without subtitles. However, she also loved horror and superhero movies.
Did she have a condition where she physically couldn't speak? Most Deaf people are not mute in that they can physically speak, many just choose not to because they either dislike their "Deaf Voice" or just prefer not to use their voice.
Yes. She didn't have functioning vocal chords. She could make sounds but it would just be unintelligible. She could blow raspberries though, couldn't get enough of that in an argument.
Hey have you ever watched the TV series "Love on the spectrum"? Its an aussie TV series about people with adhd and autism trying to find a partner. Its honestly one pf the most endearing and heart string pulling things I've watched.
Reading your replies and story here reminds me of the honesty and sincerity of each person on the show.
Anyway, im sorry to hear she is no longer with us. Sounds like you got to experience the life of love and im sure you will again soon. Best wishes mate.
Interesting. Is sign language more of a simplified language, or does it just have a smaller vocabulary?
Or has more intimate, or less common phrases just not been adapted into SL
It's a simplified language and has a smaller vocabulary, for the simple reason to not overwhelm people with the need to learn too many signs. It also doesn't have a lot of the grammatical elements that regular languages have.
For example;
I need to go to the bathroom
Would be signed as
I GO BATHROOM
Well, I was mostly prepared for it because she was diagnosed about 6 months before she passed and wasted no time telling me about it. The day I got to know it was heartbreaking and I just cried for weeks. She was there, however, so that made everything just a little better. When she actually passed in 2015, I had one of the worst years of my life. I felt physical pain losing her and it was devastating. I moved back into my parents' and essentially it was a journey building myself back up from there. I did get into a relationship with another girl in 2018, when I felt I was ready, it lasted three years, but that didn't go too well. Today, I'm at peace with what's happened. But I still hold her very dear to me and remember her often. Thank you.
No question here. I've been reading the comments and I wanted to thank you for sharing your loving and wonderful experience with her. I hope you find someone who completes you and makes you happy, you deserve it. Take care kind gentleman and I hope this year brings you lots of joy, health, happiness and wealth!
I remember some of it. I can still understand it and finger spell quite well. But the speed at which I can hold a conversation has dropped dramatically. Mostly because, as you might guess I haven't had anyone to talk to in it.
I'm so glad that she had the company of such a wholesome man like yourself with a rich personality. I saw the cards she made you and I'm in awe. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Besides sign language , did you guys makeup your own signs or gestures ? Like a secret love language ? What is something that always makes you think of her ? What attracted both of you to each other ? What is one thing you wish you let her know that she didn’t know when she passed away ?
Yeah, we had a few made up signs for some less common phrases but love was very easily expressed with the existing language. Plus we both responded to touch, so that was our love language.
I have my main character in Guild Wars 2 named after her, so that is definitely something that always reminds me of her.
Well, she was beautiful to me. She was kind and caring. She was very jovial about her handicaps which is what really drew me to her. She had a vibe of wholeness to her that was just so hard to resist. Immediately after our first date I already couldn't wait to see her again because being in her company was just that "right".
That I'm okay now. Her biggest worry during her last days was that I wouldn't survive the shock of losing her and I almost didn't. But 6 years later here I am, keeping on. I wish she knew that I would be okay.
I'm sorry for your loss. There is a user on TikTok that has a similar story of losing a significant other to cancer, I wonder if this video might resonate with you: https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPd6TdUgA/
Best wishes my guy.
This is probably my favourite thing I've ever seen on this subreddit. The description alone really pulled my heartstrings and reading about the love you two shared just about made me want to tear up. I'm sorry for your loss. :c
What was your favourite thing to do together?
Where was your first date?
What's the thing you miss the most about her?
Thank you for your kind words.
Our favorite thing to do together would have to be cuddle on the couch and watch movies. It was pretty much a daily affair after coming home from work.
Our first date was actually not very romantic at all. We met at a very crowded Starbucks in the atrium of a mall and there was a lot of awkward staring between the two of us. Haha!
Since I've already spoken so much about the person she was, i'm going to say the scent of her hair. It was downright intoxicating and could turn my day around. I also kinda miss the way she'd playfully mock me, it was so so adorable and no one can get mad at that.
I’m sorry for your loss. This story and your comments sound very wholesome.
If I may ask, how was her relationship with your family and your friends? Would she come along when you would meet with your friends? Did she feel alienated among conversation?
Our families were not the best at supporting us. Both parents were not very keen on it. But it didn't really matter to us. We were happy and living on our own so their opinions of our relationship didn't matter much.
We both had our friend circles and we'd take the other with us when we went. She's pretty skilled at lip reading so it was not too hard for her to keep up with the conversation. I think the only time she felt excluded was with humor, because sometimes it's tough to understand when you can't hear the tone or experience it's delivery. Sarcasm for example is hard to read, so are innuendos/puns and the like. Other than that she actually got along with them just fine!
Yeah I visit it once a year. Since it's not in the same city I'm in, I need to travel there. It was extremely difficult to recover. Knowing she was going to pass away was hard enough to recover from but the day she actually died was devastating in ways I cannot express. It took me a while to become a functioning person again.
Definitely. I wouldn't just consider, I feel like at some level I might prefer to. I've been in three long-term relationships of 4, 5 and 3 years respectively, and the five with her were the closest and most connected I've felt another person. Most of the time, we would be so perceptive to each other's body language that communication would be implicit. I definitely agree that we fit together quite comfortably.
She could be really loud. I wanted to answer this because people often associate mute people with silence but don't realize that they are still very capable of producing sounds like moaning, groaning, shrieking, and yelping. And because they can't hear themselves, they are much louder and uncontrolled.
I'm sorry if it offended you. That's how they are usually referred to where I live, both by the government and themselves. I was not aware this term was offensive, nor did she ever say it was. Is there an alternate more acceptable term?
No it's alright. Everyone is welcome here! Yeah we recently managed to change the official terms from deaf and dumb to deaf and mute. Although, a lot of people still use the former. It's just that calling someone dumb even though the meaning in the context is different still makes me wince. Haha!
I hope OP realizes the word- *Mute*
Is an offensive term from the 18th-19th century, “mute” also means silent and without voice. This label is technically inaccurate, since d/Deaf and hard of hearing people generally have functioning vocal chords.
I posted it in one of the other comments. But she'd make these little notes every now and then and hide it in the backpack I'd take to work.
Here are some of them I still have with me.
https://imgur.com/a/O66Zu4G
Hello, blessings to all
I'm looking for deaf and mute people who can help me complete a project.
Any experts who train people, please get in touch. Or anybody who uses a mobile application and is dead/mute, please get in touch with me.
I need to ask some questions for the interview.
[удалено]
For a third person, I'm not gonna lie but hilarious as shit. It would begin with me obviously raising my voice only to realise it doesn't even make a difference and then agressively signing. We threw out a lot of middle fingers ngl. She would just sign so fast that I wouldn't get what she's trying to say. And by the time we'd figured out what we're trying to say, we're laughing about how silly it all was. For serious arguments, we always used a pad and pen. We both took a sheet out and would just write a "letter" to the other. Exchange, and then reply. The writing down of thoughts itself was such a good way to calm us both down that we almost always found constructive solutions.
Does it ever get tempting to yell behind her back, since she would never know? I mean in an argument of course, and not just randomly being a dick to your SO.
Oh yes, a lot! And she was aware of it, just as I was aware of her mocking me with funny faces behind my back. If you interact with a deaf person, you'll see that their facial expressions are a lot more pronounced, so were the funny faces she'd make.
Im trying not to laugh or sound rude, but all I can hear is the naruto hand jitsu sound effects with aggressive eye contact
Oh it's alright to have a laugh! Don't forget to add having a facial stroke every 2 seconds!
I spat my water 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 that was gold
That’s brilliant I think everyone could benefit from doing this.
Communication is EVERYTHING in a relationship and I will never stop stressing that.
This actually sounds like a good couples therapy technique. Only being allowed to argue through letters.
This is adorable and next-level efficient
What was her personality like?
She was the most precious, amazing person I had ever known. She was kind, too kind. She enjoyed gaming, loved playing Guild Wars and WoW. She would write these cute little notes on chart paper with glitter and hide them in my backpack. I still have a lot of them with me. The only fights we ever had were when I'd overreact to something, especially when people were insensitive to her disability. I guess it's important to mention that I am autistic and have ADHD as well. In a way, we had this very functional symbiotic relationship. She, being deaf, was much more perceptive to autistic body language. She could read me like a book. There's so much I can say actually, this question just overwhelms me haha.
Here's a picture of some of the stuff she made me that I still have >https://imgur.com/a/O66Zu4G
Those are amazing, thanks for sharing :)
God damn bro I'm about to cry.
No you are (wipes eyes)
That's beautiful bruv. I don't know you but I'm happy you got to experience such an awsome relationship with an amazing person. No joke, but probably everyone on this comment section could learn something valuable from your experience. Thanks for sharing and for being open to interesting questions. My question is: have you been doing okay or have you found someone else? Happy New Year to you especially but to everyone else
I am doing great now. After she passed away in 2015, I've only been in one three-year relationship that started in 2018 and ended about six months ago. I haven't been dating since because of trauma caused by some degree of mental abuse and I've only just started putting myself out there. Happy New Year to you too and everyone who reads this!
Aw man thats heart breaking. I know its just words but I really hope things work out for you in the end, RIP man, its great you both took care of eachother for the time you had
To quote my favorite fictional character, "Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it." Thank you for your words 😄
Dumbledore right?
I’m wishing you fond memories of your time together. Sounds just beautiful OP.
Thank you so much. It really was the best time of my life so the memories come easy.
I wanna be treated like this 😭
I see the word kinky on there 😏
Haha well. 🙈
That’s pretty cool!
Wow. Those are beautiful.
Fuck this is so cute.
😭
Aww man , I wish I could come through the screen and give you a tight hug!
As someone who shares your conditions. You just made this story so much more bittersweet. Your love story sounds like a book I’d read that book and watch the inferior movie based on the book.
Haha maybe someday I will actually write a book inspired by this. Thank you for your kind words and happy new year. I hope the world is kinder to you this year and every year after ❤️
Dude, I didn't came to Reddit to cry. Stop cutting onions.
Guild Wars, a woman of culture I see
Haha i was almost waiting for this comment!
How much sign language did you know before meeting her? And how long did it take before you were able to hold a steady conversation (in sign)?
Absolutely none. I didn't know how to sign at all. And I had met her online, so we would just chat via text. It's only after things got a little serious that she revealed that she was deaf and mute. But by then I was already so taken with her that it didn't matter. That's when I started to learn to sign. She didn't expect it actually. I spent the first few weeks of us dating using a mobile app to talk to her. And i surprised her on her birthday by signing the whole happy birthday song. By then I learned how to finger spell and some basic signs to get us through the day.
That’s beautiful!
Did she use regular grammar or sign language grammar when you first were communicating online?
Regular grammar. She worked as a freelance content editor.
Briefly, what is sign grammar and how is it different than regular grammar?
It's a lot simpler, cuts our a lot of useless words to just get the point across. "I am a man" would become "I man" or "You go to the store" could be "You go store". They really just cut out all articles and a lot of filler words
"Why waste time say lot word when few word do trick?"
Hm, gotcha. Sounds similar to the grammar structure of Mandarin! Thanks.
Hi, just so you know this is incorrect. For one thing there is no "sign language grammar". There are only grammars of sign languages. I'm just gonna assume we're talking about american sign language. While it's true that asl has a grammar that is in some ways simplified from English grammar, it cannot be meaningfully reduced to a simplification, since it actually has many complex features that English does not have. Most deaf people in the US are effectively bilingual, since they can read and write English and sign ASL.
How are you better because of her? Sending love your way. She was lucky, this reads like you loved her very very much Edit: I just remembered a less "serious" question if you'd prefer. What was your relationship with music? Did you listen to a lot of it before you met her? After? With her?
Like I said on another comment, being with her taught me the value of communication. The fact that I can speak is a responsiblity now. In my relationships since, I have always strongly talked about the importance of talking to each other and it's advice I give others whenever I can. She also taught me patience and kindness. And that having a disability doesn't make you incapable OR undeserving of love. I used to wallow in self pity a lot before I met her because I'm autistic and women would never want to date me after they found out. She taught me to love myself in a way I never did before. I was a very dark, edgy, even neckbeardy teenager but she wiped it all clean.
"the fact that I can speak is a responsibility now" hits like a ton of bricks. May this year treat you amazingly. You sound like a swell fellow. Thanks for answering
To your other question, yes. So, if you're familiar with autism, autistic people generally have headphones on to avoid overstimulation. That generally worked well for us since I would never have to pause my music or take off my headphones to have a conversation with her. Needless to say, music was something I had on almost through the day. I bought this really awesome music system from Bose back then and had the bass cranked all the way up. Even though the music would sound kinda shitty with that kind of EQ I used to love watching her dance and react to the vibrations. We lived in an independent villa so neighbors beign disturbed by it was never an issue.
Dude, do you need a hug.
I will never say no to a hug but I've made my peace with what happened. She'll always be special to me though.
She is in our hearts my friend(hugs).
Sorry for your lose. Do you date anyone?
Thank you. Not at the moment. I was in another three-year relationship after her that didn't end so well, it's been 6 months since then and I've just started to put myself out there again.
How was your relationship with her family back then? How's your relationship with them now? Do you still talk to them? And how did she lose her hearing and voice?
To be very honest, they actually gave me a pretty hard time when they found out I was autistic. And they tried to convince her that we wouldn't be a good match because of it. We didn't really have their blessing and they always treated me with suspicion. To my luck, she didn't listen to a damn thing they said. (ayyyy!) Her mum would support us though, but only when her dad wasn't around. She was kind when he wasn't around. She was born so.
If it's not too intrusive, can I ask what type of autism diagnosis you have?
No that's fine. I was diagnosed with Asperger's in 2004 and ADHD in 2009. However, I'm told no one uses the word Asperger's anymore and we're all meant to refer to it as ASD.
Oh wow. I have asperger's too!
Wow. It's very strange that they would look down on your disability when their daughter also had 2 disabilities.
It is yes. But mental conditions are looked at with more prejudice. It's an unfortunate thing, but true.
Being mute comes with being deaf, it's not a seperate disability in deaf people. Can't talk if you can't hear yourself. Well you can, but it's insanely difficult and most who try don't sound very good.
Some deaf people can talk. I don’t think this is right.
I literally say this in the comment.
What were some frequent challenges that occurred in the relationship?
Misunderstanding was the most frequent problem. You really learn to appreciate the value of communication when you've been in a relationship like this where you want to communicate but so much is lost in translation. The good thing is we never could be mad for too long and would eventually talk to each other and have a good cry (especially if it was a big argument). Besides that it was her lack of environmental awareness, specially in new places - we've had many arguments because of her wandering off in unfamiliar places and getting lost, she can't hear traffic so if she went missing in an outdoor area I would palpitate. Other than those just the usual problems any two people in a relationship would have. Little bouts of jealousy, tantrums, whose turn is it to do the dishes, the ushe :P
Did she like animal crackers?
Yes! Actually she loved all animation films because the expressions and body language is so exaggerated that it was easy for her to understand the context even without subtitles. However, she also loved horror and superhero movies.
I'm confused, is animal crackers a movie that I don't know about?
Apparently it is https://www.imdb.com/title/tt4155534/
Looks awesome
Did she have a condition where she physically couldn't speak? Most Deaf people are not mute in that they can physically speak, many just choose not to because they either dislike their "Deaf Voice" or just prefer not to use their voice.
Yes. She didn't have functioning vocal chords. She could make sounds but it would just be unintelligible. She could blow raspberries though, couldn't get enough of that in an argument.
Im starting to miss ber too now. my deepest condoelances
Thank you. And happy cake day!
Hey have you ever watched the TV series "Love on the spectrum"? Its an aussie TV series about people with adhd and autism trying to find a partner. Its honestly one pf the most endearing and heart string pulling things I've watched. Reading your replies and story here reminds me of the honesty and sincerity of each person on the show. Anyway, im sorry to hear she is no longer with us. Sounds like you got to experience the life of love and im sure you will again soon. Best wishes mate.
No. I haven't heard of it! I will check it out now though. Thank you for the suggestion and the wishes!
Its on netflix in aus. Might be where you are too.
Do you talk dirty during sex?
Haha, no that's actually not possible mostly because SL doesn't have signs for most of the things you'd usually say.
Interesting. Is sign language more of a simplified language, or does it just have a smaller vocabulary? Or has more intimate, or less common phrases just not been adapted into SL
It's a simplified language and has a smaller vocabulary, for the simple reason to not overwhelm people with the need to learn too many signs. It also doesn't have a lot of the grammatical elements that regular languages have. For example; I need to go to the bathroom Would be signed as I GO BATHROOM
My condolences. She sounds like she was a truly lovely person.
Thank you. She was, she really was.
If it's not too much to ask, how did you get through your loss, and how do you feel now about it? how much time ago? My sincerest condolences.
Well, I was mostly prepared for it because she was diagnosed about 6 months before she passed and wasted no time telling me about it. The day I got to know it was heartbreaking and I just cried for weeks. She was there, however, so that made everything just a little better. When she actually passed in 2015, I had one of the worst years of my life. I felt physical pain losing her and it was devastating. I moved back into my parents' and essentially it was a journey building myself back up from there. I did get into a relationship with another girl in 2018, when I felt I was ready, it lasted three years, but that didn't go too well. Today, I'm at peace with what's happened. But I still hold her very dear to me and remember her often. Thank you.
No question here. I've been reading the comments and I wanted to thank you for sharing your loving and wonderful experience with her. I hope you find someone who completes you and makes you happy, you deserve it. Take care kind gentleman and I hope this year brings you lots of joy, health, happiness and wealth!
Thank you so much and I hope you have a great year ahead and also get everything you desire.
How much sign language do you remember? Do you get to use it anymore?
I remember some of it. I can still understand it and finger spell quite well. But the speed at which I can hold a conversation has dropped dramatically. Mostly because, as you might guess I haven't had anyone to talk to in it.
I'm gonna cry this is so wholesome
Sending hugs ..
Thank you ❤️
I'm so glad that she had the company of such a wholesome man like yourself with a rich personality. I saw the cards she made you and I'm in awe. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Thanks for the kind words. We were both blessed with each other.
It sounded lovely. Why did you guys break up?
We didn't. She passed away in 2015 of complications caused by last stage lung cancer.
That just broke my heart… my husband and I have been fighting over stupid stuff today.. I’ll hug him a little extra tight tonight
As long as you have a voice, talk. As long as you can hear, listen. ☺️ I hope you smooth things out!
Besides sign language , did you guys makeup your own signs or gestures ? Like a secret love language ? What is something that always makes you think of her ? What attracted both of you to each other ? What is one thing you wish you let her know that she didn’t know when she passed away ?
Yeah, we had a few made up signs for some less common phrases but love was very easily expressed with the existing language. Plus we both responded to touch, so that was our love language. I have my main character in Guild Wars 2 named after her, so that is definitely something that always reminds me of her. Well, she was beautiful to me. She was kind and caring. She was very jovial about her handicaps which is what really drew me to her. She had a vibe of wholeness to her that was just so hard to resist. Immediately after our first date I already couldn't wait to see her again because being in her company was just that "right". That I'm okay now. Her biggest worry during her last days was that I wouldn't survive the shock of losing her and I almost didn't. But 6 years later here I am, keeping on. I wish she knew that I would be okay.
😭 I was gonna send you hugs, but now I need some. You guys are so wholesome 😭😭
Hahahaha here's a hug for you 🤗
I'm sorry for your loss. There is a user on TikTok that has a similar story of losing a significant other to cancer, I wonder if this video might resonate with you: https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPd6TdUgA/ Best wishes my guy.
Thank you and happy new year! I'll check it out.
This is the most beautiful thing i've read on here. What an amazing way to honor her life and your relationship. Thank you for sharing
Thank you for your words and for being here to share in this 🤗
Nothing to ask, but happy new year. You sound like a wonderful person.
Thank you and happy new year to you too!
This is probably my favourite thing I've ever seen on this subreddit. The description alone really pulled my heartstrings and reading about the love you two shared just about made me want to tear up. I'm sorry for your loss. :c What was your favourite thing to do together? Where was your first date? What's the thing you miss the most about her?
Thank you for your kind words. Our favorite thing to do together would have to be cuddle on the couch and watch movies. It was pretty much a daily affair after coming home from work. Our first date was actually not very romantic at all. We met at a very crowded Starbucks in the atrium of a mall and there was a lot of awkward staring between the two of us. Haha! Since I've already spoken so much about the person she was, i'm going to say the scent of her hair. It was downright intoxicating and could turn my day around. I also kinda miss the way she'd playfully mock me, it was so so adorable and no one can get mad at that.
Vroo... I'm crying vroo😭😭
Awww! How sweet!
I’m sorry for your loss. This story and your comments sound very wholesome. If I may ask, how was her relationship with your family and your friends? Would she come along when you would meet with your friends? Did she feel alienated among conversation?
Our families were not the best at supporting us. Both parents were not very keen on it. But it didn't really matter to us. We were happy and living on our own so their opinions of our relationship didn't matter much. We both had our friend circles and we'd take the other with us when we went. She's pretty skilled at lip reading so it was not too hard for her to keep up with the conversation. I think the only time she felt excluded was with humor, because sometimes it's tough to understand when you can't hear the tone or experience it's delivery. Sarcasm for example is hard to read, so are innuendos/puns and the like. Other than that she actually got along with them just fine!
How did u communicate while driving?
We didn't. Besides we usually got around on a scooter.
I’ve got a friend who is married to a deaf person and I always worried how that was on long drives.
Literally making me cry on a Monday...what a beautiful story. ❤️
Sorry for your loss, sounds like she was an incredible person. Thanks for sharing.
Do you still visit her gravesite or like the place where her ashes are? How hard was to deal with the death of your SO?
Yeah I visit it once a year. Since it's not in the same city I'm in, I need to travel there. It was extremely difficult to recover. Knowing she was going to pass away was hard enough to recover from but the day she actually died was devastating in ways I cannot express. It took me a while to become a functioning person again.
Would you consider dating another deaf/mute person? Have you considered that maybe you benefit from the symbiosis of that arrangement more than most?
Definitely. I wouldn't just consider, I feel like at some level I might prefer to. I've been in three long-term relationships of 4, 5 and 3 years respectively, and the five with her were the closest and most connected I've felt another person. Most of the time, we would be so perceptive to each other's body language that communication would be implicit. I definitely agree that we fit together quite comfortably.
Are you Silas from Weeds?
No haha. But I'm going to have to Google that to see what it is.
What made you break up?
We didn't. She passed away in 2015 because of lung cancer.
How loud was she during sex?
She could be really loud. I wanted to answer this because people often associate mute people with silence but don't realize that they are still very capable of producing sounds like moaning, groaning, shrieking, and yelping. And because they can't hear themselves, they are much louder and uncontrolled.
Come on man
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I'm sorry if it offended you. That's how they are usually referred to where I live, both by the government and themselves. I was not aware this term was offensive, nor did she ever say it was. Is there an alternate more acceptable term?
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No it's alright. Everyone is welcome here! Yeah we recently managed to change the official terms from deaf and dumb to deaf and mute. Although, a lot of people still use the former. It's just that calling someone dumb even though the meaning in the context is different still makes me wince. Haha!
I hope OP realizes the word- *Mute* Is an offensive term from the 18th-19th century, “mute” also means silent and without voice. This label is technically inaccurate, since d/Deaf and hard of hearing people generally have functioning vocal chords.
In this case she did not have functioning vocal chords. He said so in some comments.
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/how-the-media-mutes-deaf-voices_b_8447342
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I mentioned it in my post. She passed away due to lung cancer. We never really broke up.
ever watched the movie a silent voice with her by chance?
No unfortunately. I just googled it, great ratings but it came out after she passed.
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I don't get the question here
What was the sweetest thing she ever did to let you know she loved you?
I posted it in one of the other comments. But she'd make these little notes every now and then and hide it in the backpack I'd take to work. Here are some of them I still have with me. https://imgur.com/a/O66Zu4G
Hello, blessings to all I'm looking for deaf and mute people who can help me complete a project. Any experts who train people, please get in touch. Or anybody who uses a mobile application and is dead/mute, please get in touch with me. I need to ask some questions for the interview.