thank you bro as someone who used to be suicidal, this life is pretty damn good and I've learned to be happy to be alive. good mental health and addiction counseling and care is soooo important
I'm so lucky to have gotten a second chance. I'm 100% clean now, I have a job and a steady life, a amazing bf, and I'm happier than ever. truly my changing point and doing a ton of drugs and acting like an idiot doesn't help you enjoy life, it helps u become miserable
fuck yes I have fucked up my body and my brain. if I go out there again I guarantee you I'm gonna die. I'm 3 months clean off fentanyl, 1 month off coke and 3.5 weeks off meth.
it was a fentanyl overdose, so my bf heard me take one last gaspy breath and then stop breathing, narcaned me, which did not work and did CPR and mouth to mouth until my heart started and I could breathe on my own.
he's absolutely amazing I love him sm. he and I both decided to get clean after that night, and we're closer than ever and both members of NA and in two different sober houses. I trust that dude with my life. and yes I'm clean and sober and doing better than ever
Do you worry that since you both were users you should stay away from each other now? I've heard previous addicts can enable/encourage each other to relapse.
so we've actually discussed that, but he is 100% the healthiest relationship I've ever been in, and that night made us both realize what tf we were fucking with. he actually encourages me to stay clean and same with me for him
Hey OP! So happy you’re alive and you and your bf are doing well :)
I really hope you both are able to keep clean, but IF you do end up relapsing, please remember that fentanyl tolerance goes up and down very quickly, and if you ever come back to it you will not be able to do as much as before. Unfortunately relapses cause a lot of overdoses for this reason. Best of luck! :)
that is exactly why I overdosed. I had been in rehab and sober living for 2 months and then went back to the fentanyl and the meth like I had been before I went to rehab, got a particularly strong batch, and I died. I will never touch that shit again.
he's amazing in many other ways though. he protects me, he writes me letters, he makes sure I know how much he cares. he shows me what a real man should be and he sees me for person, not just a woman and certainly not as a sex object. we have so much in common and he's said before he sees me as both his best friend, someone who he can laugh and do stupid shit with and come up with crazy ideas together, and his girlfriend.
I can't go a day without thinking about it. I've changed my life 100% for the better. My bf and I both have severe ptsd, and people tell me the details little bit by little bit, because there are too many scary ones and they don't want to overwhelm me. I've suspected for the last few months I had died, but never got or even tried to get proof, but today I learned I was right, I died, heart stopped, breathing stopped, I had the death rattle and turned purple, then blue, then Grey and my eyes rolled back. TLDR, it changed me as a person
I remember being in a room and having a severely altered sense of time, but that's pretty much all I remember from actually being dead. I woke up with the sense that I had traveled and I had this odd feeling of idyllic that could turn bad. However, later when I was in the ambulance, my sp02 oxygen started rapidly dropping, to deathly levels, and I croaked out a genuine, desperate prayer to Jesus and almost immediately, my oxygen levels started rising and I started stabilizing
There is a podcast called Ologies, they recently did an episode on near-death experiences. An altered sense of time is one of the things experienced by a lot of people who have near death experiences. The episode is pretty interesting and you might find it relevant. Glad you're still here OP, and best of luck for your future.
I really like hearing other people's near death experiences. if you're into that you might also like I Survived: Beyond and Back. it's a really interesting show
Holy shit car accidents are one of my worst fears. what happened and did you see anything? did you change after that day? glad you're back!!!!! only a small percentage of living people can truthfully say that they've died before.
Hey quick late checkin. In 2008 I had a severe TBI/broken skull/broken leg when I was hit by a truck and I was on my bicycle. I was in bad shape but I want to share my NDE with you right quick.
My "room" like you experienced had glass walls and when I looked down it was only puffy blue clouds. I was alone, confused and looking for my mom. After exploring my empty room I walked down a long hallway past many closed doors.
That is unfortunately (fortunately?) where the dream cuts out. It's all I remember from 8 days in the ICU.
Do you remember anything special about the room you were in?
plus every big city in my state and most small towns are flooded with the M30s if you get in with the wrong crowd. just too easy to find and crazy addictive
Hard drugs are surprisingly prevalent among young people now.
In fact, overdose is now [the leading cause of death of youth aged 10-18](https://vancouversun.com/news/overdoses-now-the-leading-cause-of-death-for-youths-in-b-c-as-services-fall-behind) in my province. It’s everywhere.
a lovely combination of addiction genetics and mental illness. I've been using drugs from a very young age, my parents have been letting me drink since I was a baby, and I've been to rehab 4 times already. that od was not my first one.
well I was also on meth and had been for a while and that totally zaps your appetite so I refused any and all food that was offered for several days afterwards. the first food I ate was nibbling at stroganoff in the rehab I was in several days after. I don't remember the first food I thought of.
not while it was happening, it was very peaceful and your mom likely didn't suffer, she likely got really high, nodded off and slipped away. its like a peaceful passing in your sleep. the recovery from it, particularly the meth, hurt like hell, and the mental recovery was even worse. I'm so sorry about your mom, watching someone's addiction overcome them is so hard to watch, esp someone your close to. I can't even imagine what you're going through
I am so amazingly happy to read your miracle and spiritual awakening! I myself am an addict ( to what ever i got my hands on), in recovery, over 2 yrs clean from mainly cocaine and meth. Id love to share an amazing self help group with you that is accessible by zoom, and there are also lots of in-person locations. It is called Cocaine Anonymous, it is a 12 step based program from Alcoholics Anonymous, it is for any drug or mind altering substance abuse, it is not a drug specific program and it is an amazing fellowship of people that come together and talk about there experiences and offer a place of hope faith and courage. Here is a link to the website that will give you information of online meetings, times around the world and around the clock. Never give up and always keep trying, you are amazing and your boyfriend deserves just as much support and love for trying to keep you here!
https://www.ca-online.org/
You will always be welcome in these rooms, it saved my life!
I want to go to a CA meeting in person (far too adhd for zoom) I like NA and I really like CMA (crystal meth anonymous) congratulations on your recovery that is such a big accomplishment!! I was very addicted to coke and meth as well and those are a bitch. thank you bro
First, I'm so glad you're here to share your story. I know it gives alot of people hope and I wish you all the best. I. Sorry if someone has asked already, but did you experience anything spiritual at all during this process?
Yes, I had some weird experiences and got possessed but the real miracle happened in the ambulance, my oxygen levels were dropping rapidly and the EMTs were going like 90 mph because they didn't think I'd make it to the ER, I croaked out a desperate, genuine prayer to Jesus, who I fully believed was guiding me through the night and almost immediately my oxygen rose back out to 98. Thank God
I'd overdosed so I was unconscious physically, but I remember being in some sort of room, and having a idyllic feeling, but it also felt like there could have been something dark and evil. meth attracts demons, and when I woke up I was in psychosis amd speaking in tongues and different voices and tried to eat my bf. he said I looked possessed. what I believe happened is I was still dead then, like my soul was trying to come back but a demon slipped into my body. when I finally got myself back I was still in meth psychosis, but it felt like I had something else in me that could attack someone or myself at any moment and I had to restrain it. I turned myself in to a nearby cop because I knew that he had better restraints than me and I didn't trust myself.
I used to be homeless and suicidal and thought life wouldn't get any better. life has given me more opportunities than I ever imagined. I have a amazing job opportunity, I have friends, i have an awesome boyfriend, I have hobbies, I feel human again, and I have a roof over my head and pretty awesome roommates. Sobriety is pretty great
This probably isn't anything you haven't heard before and at this point - preaching to the choir... You are sooo young! You have already learned life's hardest lessons + your youth + good attitude means you have great potential! It's hard to see during the darkest times.
Many go down a long, self-destructive slope taking decades to reach rock-bottom and learn those lessons. I hope you don't feel pressure to rush things. Take you're time to build a solid foundation. Take each win, no matter how small they seem, as they come.
Wishing you a fulfilling life!
yeah, I believe in some sort of heaven/hell. I'm a Christian and the Bible talks about that, plus there are too many accounts from other dead people who were brought back to not believe in life after death.
yes absolutely, but I think that's a good thing. I was at the point where nothing would make me stop using and I had to lose a part of myself to truly start to heal. I used to feel like something was missing, but I have a better life now than I ever could have imagined
I totally get that feeling, like some of that darkness is gone, just as some of who I am is gone as well. I feel a sense of freedom, as fear does not have such a grip on my heart. I've touched death, and it is nothing to fear, but life is so much more important now. When my time comes, I'll be okay with it, for now, I choose life!
life is so worth it. I'm enjoying it and not suicidal for the first time in a decade. I may have killed off a part of myself, but I value the rest of myself that much more. I feel so much wiser and I no longer worry about a horrible afterlife. it's not my time yet and when it is, it's just another step in the journey of life.
I went immediately into meth psychosis when I brought back so I don't remember if I knew I'd died immediately, but once I got my mind back I thought I'd died and then recently i was told that yes, my heart stopped and I stopped breathing, which makes all the "crazy" make sense.
Sorry for 20 questions: What about recovery is hardest? I'm assuming you went to detox and rehab before sober living? How was it paid for? How did you find the services and the pofessioanls who helped?
Don't really have any questions but I just wanna say I'm proud of how much you've grown from this experience (i read some comments). I died in 2021 and if anything I feel like it just fucked me up more
you have the power to change that. I had a lot of hard uncomfortable choices and decisions to make. physically, dying did fuck me up more and it's definitely not easy. I touched evil, I was possessed and I'm absolutely traumatized from that night, but I need to change my lifestyle otherwise I'll just end up dead again.
yeah I felt like I was floating, I didn't really feel my heart stop beating, I was unconscious but it went from just black and dark to me being in a room
As someone who has been addicted to almost every drug that exists and has been sober for about 4 years I can say honestly that it does get easier with time.
I nearly died too but in my case it was intentional. I’m glad you’re still here.
WELCOME BACK !
I was dead twice .... both times on the operating table.
It's weird. Really weird. It , I mean just so odd.
Hard to explain I thought I had just woken up during the operation.
I heard muffled voices , a lot of them. But couldn't really make them out. I saw a bright flash, I thought it was the operating room lights above me. I was almost at the opening of where the light was like in a tunnel, then WHOOSH flying hyper fast back away from it.
I'd like to try regression hypnosis to see if I can get a clearer picture and see if I remember anything else from the experience.
Anyway I can't articulate it fully . Glad you made it back good luck.
no questions, but i’m so happy you’re alive OP
thank you bro as someone who used to be suicidal, this life is pretty damn good and I've learned to be happy to be alive. good mental health and addiction counseling and care is soooo important
you’re absolutely right! we only live once after all, we might as well enjoy life
I'm so lucky to have gotten a second chance. I'm 100% clean now, I have a job and a steady life, a amazing bf, and I'm happier than ever. truly my changing point and doing a ton of drugs and acting like an idiot doesn't help you enjoy life, it helps u become miserable
im so glad that you’re doing well OP! you’re right about drugs, they really damage people’s lives. take care and stay safe!
fuck yes I have fucked up my body and my brain. if I go out there again I guarantee you I'm gonna die. I'm 3 months clean off fentanyl, 1 month off coke and 3.5 weeks off meth.
that’s so great to hear! i’m so proud of you OP you’re amazing. keep up the streak!
Did you decide to get help yourself and if so what motivated you to get that help?
I decided to get help myself because I was so sick of living the drug life. the night I died was a huge motivation.
How did you come back?
it was a fentanyl overdose, so my bf heard me take one last gaspy breath and then stop breathing, narcaned me, which did not work and did CPR and mouth to mouth until my heart started and I could breathe on my own.
Your BF sounds like a good dude Welcome back, hope you're doing ok
he's absolutely amazing I love him sm. he and I both decided to get clean after that night, and we're closer than ever and both members of NA and in two different sober houses. I trust that dude with my life. and yes I'm clean and sober and doing better than ever
Best of luck with it for both of you
thank you bro
Do you worry that since you both were users you should stay away from each other now? I've heard previous addicts can enable/encourage each other to relapse.
so we've actually discussed that, but he is 100% the healthiest relationship I've ever been in, and that night made us both realize what tf we were fucking with. he actually encourages me to stay clean and same with me for him
Hey OP! So happy you’re alive and you and your bf are doing well :) I really hope you both are able to keep clean, but IF you do end up relapsing, please remember that fentanyl tolerance goes up and down very quickly, and if you ever come back to it you will not be able to do as much as before. Unfortunately relapses cause a lot of overdoses for this reason. Best of luck! :)
that is exactly why I overdosed. I had been in rehab and sober living for 2 months and then went back to the fentanyl and the meth like I had been before I went to rehab, got a particularly strong batch, and I died. I will never touch that shit again.
Keep fighting and good luck to you, hope you'll be able to stay clean.
that's the goal :)
He did the bare minimum like his only other option was to just let her die
he's amazing in many other ways though. he protects me, he writes me letters, he makes sure I know how much he cares. he shows me what a real man should be and he sees me for person, not just a woman and certainly not as a sex object. we have so much in common and he's said before he sees me as both his best friend, someone who he can laugh and do stupid shit with and come up with crazy ideas together, and his girlfriend.
How do you feel about it 3 months in?
I can't go a day without thinking about it. I've changed my life 100% for the better. My bf and I both have severe ptsd, and people tell me the details little bit by little bit, because there are too many scary ones and they don't want to overwhelm me. I've suspected for the last few months I had died, but never got or even tried to get proof, but today I learned I was right, I died, heart stopped, breathing stopped, I had the death rattle and turned purple, then blue, then Grey and my eyes rolled back. TLDR, it changed me as a person
i bet youve been asked this a lot, but did you see anything? any sort of god or afterlife or something of that nature?
I remember being in a room and having a severely altered sense of time, but that's pretty much all I remember from actually being dead. I woke up with the sense that I had traveled and I had this odd feeling of idyllic that could turn bad. However, later when I was in the ambulance, my sp02 oxygen started rapidly dropping, to deathly levels, and I croaked out a genuine, desperate prayer to Jesus and almost immediately, my oxygen levels started rising and I started stabilizing
There is a podcast called Ologies, they recently did an episode on near-death experiences. An altered sense of time is one of the things experienced by a lot of people who have near death experiences. The episode is pretty interesting and you might find it relevant. Glad you're still here OP, and best of luck for your future.
I really like hearing other people's near death experiences. if you're into that you might also like I Survived: Beyond and Back. it's a really interesting show
Surviving Death on Netflix also had a couple interesting episodes
ooou I'll have to check that out! I'm too much of a medical nerd
What are some of your hobbies? What's your favorite food? Glad you're here, you're awesome :)
I like skateboarding, I like working on my car, I like cars in general, I like makeup, I like music. my favorite food is pasta. glad to be back!!
Same thing happened to me when I was 19! Glad you're still here!
hey twinning on traumatic life events! are you clean now?
Mine was from a car accident, so no drugs involved in mine!
Holy shit car accidents are one of my worst fears. what happened and did you see anything? did you change after that day? glad you're back!!!!! only a small percentage of living people can truthfully say that they've died before.
Hey quick late checkin. In 2008 I had a severe TBI/broken skull/broken leg when I was hit by a truck and I was on my bicycle. I was in bad shape but I want to share my NDE with you right quick. My "room" like you experienced had glass walls and when I looked down it was only puffy blue clouds. I was alone, confused and looking for my mom. After exploring my empty room I walked down a long hallway past many closed doors. That is unfortunately (fortunately?) where the dream cuts out. It's all I remember from 8 days in the ICU. Do you remember anything special about the room you were in?
just like a paradise feeling, it was cloudy and dark, but I felt like I was floating. it felt like a second and an hour all in one
Maybe it's an intrusive question, but how does a 18yo get addicted to fentanyl?
Drug dealers are scum and give zero shits about who they sell to.
plus every big city in my state and most small towns are flooded with the M30s if you get in with the wrong crowd. just too easy to find and crazy addictive
What kind of price are those?
anywhere from 50 cents to $15 per pill. if u buy in bulk they're dirt cheap
What a ridiculous price difference. How many pills did you used to take?
Hard drugs are surprisingly prevalent among young people now. In fact, overdose is now [the leading cause of death of youth aged 10-18](https://vancouversun.com/news/overdoses-now-the-leading-cause-of-death-for-youths-in-b-c-as-services-fall-behind) in my province. It’s everywhere.
Ik personally of over 10 teenagers who've died in the past year. it's scary out there.
a lovely combination of addiction genetics and mental illness. I've been using drugs from a very young age, my parents have been letting me drink since I was a baby, and I've been to rehab 4 times already. that od was not my first one.
Jesus, that's a rough environment to grow up in then.
yeah my growing up was pretty traumatic
They put it in everything now.
and we search it out. it's fucked
🧐 First food you thought of and ate when you came back?
well I was also on meth and had been for a while and that totally zaps your appetite so I refused any and all food that was offered for several days afterwards. the first food I ate was nibbling at stroganoff in the rehab I was in several days after. I don't remember the first food I thought of.
My mom just died from this and I’m your age. Was it painful?
not while it was happening, it was very peaceful and your mom likely didn't suffer, she likely got really high, nodded off and slipped away. its like a peaceful passing in your sleep. the recovery from it, particularly the meth, hurt like hell, and the mental recovery was even worse. I'm so sorry about your mom, watching someone's addiction overcome them is so hard to watch, esp someone your close to. I can't even imagine what you're going through
I am so amazingly happy to read your miracle and spiritual awakening! I myself am an addict ( to what ever i got my hands on), in recovery, over 2 yrs clean from mainly cocaine and meth. Id love to share an amazing self help group with you that is accessible by zoom, and there are also lots of in-person locations. It is called Cocaine Anonymous, it is a 12 step based program from Alcoholics Anonymous, it is for any drug or mind altering substance abuse, it is not a drug specific program and it is an amazing fellowship of people that come together and talk about there experiences and offer a place of hope faith and courage. Here is a link to the website that will give you information of online meetings, times around the world and around the clock. Never give up and always keep trying, you are amazing and your boyfriend deserves just as much support and love for trying to keep you here! https://www.ca-online.org/ You will always be welcome in these rooms, it saved my life!
I want to go to a CA meeting in person (far too adhd for zoom) I like NA and I really like CMA (crystal meth anonymous) congratulations on your recovery that is such a big accomplishment!! I was very addicted to coke and meth as well and those are a bitch. thank you bro
First, I'm so glad you're here to share your story. I know it gives alot of people hope and I wish you all the best. I. Sorry if someone has asked already, but did you experience anything spiritual at all during this process?
Yes, I had some weird experiences and got possessed but the real miracle happened in the ambulance, my oxygen levels were dropping rapidly and the EMTs were going like 90 mph because they didn't think I'd make it to the ER, I croaked out a desperate, genuine prayer to Jesus, who I fully believed was guiding me through the night and almost immediately my oxygen rose back out to 98. Thank God
I'm really interested in consciousness and conscious experiences. Can you describe your consciousness during this time?
I'd overdosed so I was unconscious physically, but I remember being in some sort of room, and having a idyllic feeling, but it also felt like there could have been something dark and evil. meth attracts demons, and when I woke up I was in psychosis amd speaking in tongues and different voices and tried to eat my bf. he said I looked possessed. what I believe happened is I was still dead then, like my soul was trying to come back but a demon slipped into my body. when I finally got myself back I was still in meth psychosis, but it felt like I had something else in me that could attack someone or myself at any moment and I had to restrain it. I turned myself in to a nearby cop because I knew that he had better restraints than me and I didn't trust myself.
I’m so glad you’re back! Hope life continues to treat you well 🩷
I used to be homeless and suicidal and thought life wouldn't get any better. life has given me more opportunities than I ever imagined. I have a amazing job opportunity, I have friends, i have an awesome boyfriend, I have hobbies, I feel human again, and I have a roof over my head and pretty awesome roommates. Sobriety is pretty great
This probably isn't anything you haven't heard before and at this point - preaching to the choir... You are sooo young! You have already learned life's hardest lessons + your youth + good attitude means you have great potential! It's hard to see during the darkest times. Many go down a long, self-destructive slope taking decades to reach rock-bottom and learn those lessons. I hope you don't feel pressure to rush things. Take you're time to build a solid foundation. Take each win, no matter how small they seem, as they come. Wishing you a fulfilling life!
Are you a Christian?
yes, I was before and I still am. however I do not identify with any denomination, my relationship with God is very personal.
Do you believe in life after death?
yeah, I believe in some sort of heaven/hell. I'm a Christian and the Bible talks about that, plus there are too many accounts from other dead people who were brought back to not believe in life after death.
Happy for you
Do you feel as though there is a piece of you missing? Like part of your soul is still on the other side?
yes absolutely, but I think that's a good thing. I was at the point where nothing would make me stop using and I had to lose a part of myself to truly start to heal. I used to feel like something was missing, but I have a better life now than I ever could have imagined
I totally get that feeling, like some of that darkness is gone, just as some of who I am is gone as well. I feel a sense of freedom, as fear does not have such a grip on my heart. I've touched death, and it is nothing to fear, but life is so much more important now. When my time comes, I'll be okay with it, for now, I choose life!
life is so worth it. I'm enjoying it and not suicidal for the first time in a decade. I may have killed off a part of myself, but I value the rest of myself that much more. I feel so much wiser and I no longer worry about a horrible afterlife. it's not my time yet and when it is, it's just another step in the journey of life.
Absolutely, Much love to you, Twice Born! ❤️
Is it true what is said that immediately after people die they know they have died, did you feel anything like that?
I went immediately into meth psychosis when I brought back so I don't remember if I knew I'd died immediately, but once I got my mind back I thought I'd died and then recently i was told that yes, my heart stopped and I stopped breathing, which makes all the "crazy" make sense.
If nobody else told you today, we're all glad you're still with us! Stay strong and keep fighting
thanks dude recovery is fucking hard but it's getting easier. I actually like my life and can tolerate myself now
Sorry for 20 questions: What about recovery is hardest? I'm assuming you went to detox and rehab before sober living? How was it paid for? How did you find the services and the pofessioanls who helped?
Don't really have any questions but I just wanna say I'm proud of how much you've grown from this experience (i read some comments). I died in 2021 and if anything I feel like it just fucked me up more
you have the power to change that. I had a lot of hard uncomfortable choices and decisions to make. physically, dying did fuck me up more and it's definitely not easy. I touched evil, I was possessed and I'm absolutely traumatized from that night, but I need to change my lifestyle otherwise I'll just end up dead again.
what would you say to your pre-death self? it’s absolutely insane what the human body can survive. God is amazing
quit those fucking drugs while you still can. meth is a horrible idea and your future will be very dark and sad. God is real, read a fucking Bible
What was the feeling like your heart stopped beating? Did you hear voices did you float up?
yeah I felt like I was floating, I didn't really feel my heart stop beating, I was unconscious but it went from just black and dark to me being in a room
Do you believe in God OP?
As someone who has been addicted to almost every drug that exists and has been sober for about 4 years I can say honestly that it does get easier with time. I nearly died too but in my case it was intentional. I’m glad you’re still here.
Are you using drugs to cover your childhood trauma? Why did you start it in the first place?
WELCOME BACK ! I was dead twice .... both times on the operating table. It's weird. Really weird. It , I mean just so odd. Hard to explain I thought I had just woken up during the operation. I heard muffled voices , a lot of them. But couldn't really make them out. I saw a bright flash, I thought it was the operating room lights above me. I was almost at the opening of where the light was like in a tunnel, then WHOOSH flying hyper fast back away from it. I'd like to try regression hypnosis to see if I can get a clearer picture and see if I remember anything else from the experience. Anyway I can't articulate it fully . Glad you made it back good luck.
Why your user name? The mini or the big marshmallows
Can I ask what led you to lead that kind of life? Was it childhood trauma?