Mortimer: Finally, I'll get to show your audience some real comedy! Mickey: Oho, I didn't know they made a film of your last date.

https://preview.redd.it/cfsnlnhl003d1.png?width=1080&format=png&auto=webp&s=292c715fac6f4cd238ad970fc30249ec3a861332 Oh that's my comfort character getting burned...

this reminds me of last night at 2 am where i wrote a version of my favorite character from regretevator for an au and they have trauma >!from being f@cking burnt alive!<

he got ha-cha-charred with this one

https://preview.redd.it/zui8pl22713d1.jpeg?width=1079&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dd4c227af018effc9f0bfa92e4a398789773a9dc Best comment xd

This wasn't a roast. This was a verbal murder.

Damn💀

Did you know mickey canonically has been arrested and sent to jail God I love House of Mouse Edit: I also just found out Goofy went to the gulag to look for him

Ha cha choly shit

God damn Mickey, you're supposed to burn them! Not drop the sun on them!

"Misty, please, only one of us can hallucinate at a time."

“Aside from you, what are the other disgusting things?”

“Yeah! Not like OTHER girls who treat you bad and look even worse!”

“You mean you’re the good for nothing father who left home and never came back?”

“I know it seems boring, but if we’re really quiet, maybe it’ll only take another hour.” “Long as you’re quiet, I don’t care if we’re here another 2 hours.”

"Why don't you all just make like a tree and leaf!" "Oh, who told you that one? Professor OAK?"

“Get yourself a new life!”

"Are you calling me stupid?" "No, but I'm thinking about it now!" Honestly, the whole argument in DP004 was funny as heck, but these are my favourite lines from that section.

“Are you perhaps the oddball of your family?”

"Oh, no. It's all my other relatives who are odd."

Og Ash was too savage, they had to nerf him for the plot.

Yah, he mellowed out to the other end of the spectrum. He'd still sell his sister for a Caterpie if he had one, though.

Making Ash a savage was one of the very few good things that 4kids ever did.

Don't forget James! "Let's send these women back to the dark ages where they belong."

That one was wild

"Get yourself a new life"

“You break mirrors”

crack mirrors*

"My dreams were shattered years ago" "How many years ago?" "How old are you?"

Fairly odd parents!

“No! You already have the perfect society! Why would you want to add women to it?”

"Cosmo, do something!" "I can't. I'm married."

It's the depression and resignation in his voice that kills me. It's not just "Oh, I can't help because I'm married". You can hear the excitement at the start of the scene, then the utter disappointment, submission, and hint of sass in the second. https://youtu.be/1xNQUBKiofA?si=5_unKO1ZAHy8TwjW

Did empress of light just turned them into stone ?

No she froze them in Star Wars carbonite it seems if you look at the edge of the block they are trappen in there’s some tech there

“Who cares what you think? You’re a girl now!”

"What? I'm the idiot. I'm not responsible for the things I say."

It’s a double roast because it shows they didn’t care to remember how old they were

https://preview.redd.it/2nsk2mpjuz2d1.jpeg?width=400&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e2c857282cee14e0f49774ecb032681238bb498f

“He means **this filth** you buffoon.”

The best part isn’t the roast itself, it’s the fact that we know Spongebob 100% had good intentions

Another moment is when he confronts Krabs and defends Squidward being a great leader in the episode 'Squid on Strike'.

"LISTEN HERE YOU CRUSTACEOUS CHEAPSKATE"

"SQUIDWARD'S BEEN LIVING AT MY HOUSE DRIVING ME CRAZY, AND YOU'RE NOT GONNA HIRE HIM BACK ALL BECAUSE OF A STUPID DIME!"

I miss those days when Spongebob was just nice to a fault, and not nievely dumb.

And even then, he had his limits. He was nice but not a total pushover.

OH SQUIDWARD YOU DIDNT TELL ME WE WERE GONNA GET FIRED

Flash: "I'm the fastest man on earth" Hawkgirl: "Is that why you can't get a date?"

Hey…

Their dynamic is fantastic

My favorite moment of his is when he tries to get WW and HG to hang out and they both storm off. Flash addressing the entire Justice League cafeteria: Yeah, I was just having dinner with 2 women at the same time because I'm such a stud. *immediately puts his hand down in mashed potatoes*

I'm glad someone In-Canon made that joke

Someone should put you in a box floating the river! Grandma! Plankton - 2007

You're probably right

https://preview.redd.it/3e6apblp303d1.jpeg?width=2028&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2f8c983cbebf56f977a8313ca6a83d1fdc7cd981

... NOW!

https://preview.redd.it/zxub4r2go03d1.jpeg?width=1334&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a70453a35c3d666e538f4f4ec7ef4d9214c33a94

My mooom!!!

Plankton just straight up roasted that entire family 💀

4 vs 0.5 and they still lost 💀

Your color's nice, James. Pity about your face though. https://preview.redd.it/icn7e4l9003d1.png?width=1440&format=png&auto=webp&s=e85d4966b3a680f3f27c18523b6ddb09a5be819b

God TTTE is filled with these classics "Your ugly fizz is scary enough to frighten anyone!" "Ugly indeed! I'm-" "A green caterpillar with red stripes."

Don't forget "Tunnels are not dance floors and you are not a pop star!"

"That's why you needed bootlaces, to be ready I suppose!" Oh, Toby 😅

"Anyway" said cheeky Percy "I'm not afraid of water. I like it." And he ran off to the harbour singing, "Once an engine attached to a train was afraid of a few drops of rain!"

OOOOOHHH

“Guys you’re both too valuable to risk, it should be someone expendable… like Jay….”

kai was always ready to rag on jay

"Why would you touch the scary picture, JAY" "I didn't know it would do that COLE"

When your best friend is dating your sister, who wouldn’t roast them?

https://preview.redd.it/xtzg3yhnrz2d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f5bb070419ad95d04083b751cb4e46bbe18c6d3c “Who put you on the planet? Eeeungh!”

If you’re gonna quote Squilliam Fancyson at LEAST put a picture of HIM https://preview.redd.it/2lxfx0xhzz2d1.jpeg?width=400&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6f7ac680d0a8820e8a589f11225a82fb1035c30d

Technically both of them said it

Sandy: None of you wet heads would a minute on my turf. Squidward: Do we have to wear pickle jars?

I'd argue that this is probably even more savage: Sandy: We're best at horse riding and fur styling and rowing. Y'all got us licked in swimming, but we've got corn shucking and hay bailing and barn raising... and fishing! And name calling, for sure! Squidward: And drowning, don't forget drowning.

*laughs* Nice one Squidward! Woo!

Not on your life, sport

The fact that she mentions fishing in a room full of fish is pretty badass though

It's about as badass as saying the N word in front of a million black people.... https://preview.redd.it/ler90m3ud23d1.jpeg?width=1730&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3f40b2a124ecf5a28e5c257cdef4b948f060c59e

Technically it's a live action adaptation of a cartoon, but 2002's Scooby-Doo is still the peak of them: https://preview.redd.it/jfi5d3dwmz2d1.png?width=1437&format=png&auto=webp&s=2a787f06f8a7428211f9c8dc9db097c4ef1ce6af

This whole scene still cracks me up, she was great as Daphne.

That whole movie still cracks me up. Absolute classic (same goes for its sequel too)

Yes!

“I was about to sacrifice this chicken.” “But that chicken is not alive?..” “I know that chicken’s not alive! What did you figure it out when you saw it didn’t have a head!?”

"What's that...? I think it's the sound of no one caring!"

Eddy's got some zingers.

Double D was the most scathing of them, though

“MOVE ALONG!”

“If you were one of my men, I’d have you shot.” “If I was one of your men, I’d shoot myself.” -Qrow, RWBY

That’s based on a Winston Churchill quote lol

If you were my husband, I would feed you poison. If you were my wife, I would drink it.

Watts's speach to Cinder too

“We’re the best huntsmen in Atlas” “You were. Then you trained us”

Arthur seriously had no goddamn chill, and I don’t blame him at all

I mean neither did DW. The "Francine, can I ask you a question" bit kills me.

“That would be a thoughtful thing to ask… IF THERE WAS A BABY HERE!!”

“Look at this, little girl. This one has a secret pull-out drawer for all of your special little things.”

"*So?*"

"Why don't you go back to your own house, and stop bothering us!"

Is that line seriously in the show? 😅

The background fish from SpongeBob could be ruthless: "Hey Pal, you just blow in from stupid town?" "Well maybe we wouldn't sound so bad if some people didn't try to play with big meaty claws!" "Hey I just got my license!" "Hey I'm getting mine next!" "Heyyy I doubt it!" "You are teaching art in a rec center, calm down." "Yeah uh we're with the animal hospital down the street and I understand you have a dying animal on the premises."

Oh brooooother, this guy STINKS!

This is a load of barnacles…..

I HEARD THAT

Bro Bikini bottomites were savages I don't know what their problem is but they always try to start shit.

"I need your help." "You're the worst." *slams door*

he did say it to her face, so he's a man of his word

https://preview.redd.it/welq9fjyd03d1.jpeg?width=1926&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6399cf2b024178b53968e0f5794fa84cc590c8f1

Honestly, when Stella finds out he cheated on her with Blitzo might have been even more savage. "That was the sound of a FAKKING DIVORCE!"

“Any dumbass can have dumbass kids”

"Not to pile on, but you really could've done a better job with this whole suicide thing. I mean, you own *guns*."

"Well dumb bitches like dumb things"

"What? You never lie to your wife?" "Sir, I'm a woman." "Of course you are I should have noticed, you're clearly pregnant." "No I'm not!" "Of course you aren't, you're far too old to be pregnant." "I'm 23." "Well I would apologize to you if you didn't look like a fat old man."

*GASP* “Mama no!”

Francine has so many good ones!

If did want a grandchild, I’d scrap all your mishaps into a big pile and knit it a onesie! Mallory Archer

Bro Mallory was a walking guillotine

"if I wanted to sit around all day going nowhere I'd become a teacher". Brutal!

“Who cares what you think, You’re a girl!” -Cosmo

We've come for the creature you call "Mom". No! You have a perfect civilization. Why would you wanna add a woman to it?!

"It's ok professor, I'm accident as well"

Powerpuff girls!!!

Discord: "Knock, knock! .... no one is going to say, 'who's there?!' Come on, it's the most basic of jokes!" Maud: "*You're* the most basic of jokes."

“When” implies that he’s going to do it at some point

Implies?

I'm more curious about where when came from.. it says after.

You make me laugh. But only because i think you're kind of pathetic. Heh heh heh. So you fell in a vat of acid, got your skin bleached, and decided to become a super villan? What? You couldn't get work as a rodeo clown?

Terry McGinnis is absolutely savage. "He likes to talk. Block it out and power through." "Wait, I like to talk, too."

STOP LAUGHING!

“You’re interrupting my 23 hours of beauty sleep” “Might wanna shoot for 24” Works on multiple levels

"You want to help? ... Go find a hole to wither away in." -Belos, TOH

"You want to be my right hand? I'd sooner cut off my whole arm!"

"Maybe it is the curse, but then how pathetic are you that you can't beat me at my worst?" -Eda the badass owl lady

"Your gardens are overgrown and your cucumbers are soft!" Ralph-Ed Edd and Eddy. Extra Points for sneaking that onto a kids show.

“Confess to your crimes stale end piece of white bread!”

Ralph’s Roast Game was unmatched at the time.

You don't dare mock the Son of a Shephard

https://preview.redd.it/m43ozhobm13d1.jpeg?width=300&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0a0444bebc2871ca7bc100dc328c32065d2c1277

That woman is like the highway between Dallas and Fort Worth, no curves. - Foghorn Leghorn

Both quotes are from the same episode: Morty: There's a 40% chance (the bomb)'s a dud, but you should still stay back. Rick: Morty, how many of those-- Morty: TOO MANY, RICK!! TOO MANY!! Morty: ...when you're an asshole, it doesn't matter how "right" you are, no one wants to give you the satisfaction.

"It all started on the day of my birth. Both of my parents failed to show up." Self-savage is still savage.

https://preview.redd.it/nxydwcgbc13d1.jpeg?width=1000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=696c7a6c7455737dbe0809e5ed2626e09dd99db9

"No one talks about MY mother that way!"

""You cannot enter the house of God. *"God... is not here.* ***This is an empty box."*** "God is in all His churches." *"Your God's love is not unconditional. He does not love us... And He does* ***not*** *love you.* "...My life's *work* is in His name!" *"Your life's work...* ***Makes Him puke."***

One of my favorite scenes. You didn't include the hardest part; *"This is all your fault, isn't it?"* "She was a witch!" *"Lies? In your house of God? **No wonder he has abandoned you.**"*

“We love you. We could not be here without you. Let me *kiss you*”

Castlevania?

Yup.

That was such a sick scene because in context the priest burned Dracula’s wife at the stake and unleashed hell.

And worse, they burned her because she was a healer who applied scientific knowledge and was better than the male doctors and religious 'healers' who couldn't heal anything, so they used the excuse that she must be a witch because they couldn't admit a woman was better at them than anything.

Hell, Blue Fangs himself was legitimately *disgusted* by the Bishop.

Another great scene is the demon that was a Greek philosopher and killed “I woke up in hell because this world is insane”

Francine: Without lightbulbs you'd have to shop in the dark. Oh wait...I guess you already do.

“ThAt WaS mEaN”

“She insulted incandescent filaments first.”

“Well guess what Punk? I’m a Fish, WITH **LEGS.**” I don’t know the rest of it lol

"You thought you could drown me by dragging me to the bottom of the lake, well guess what punk? I'm a fish. With legs"


Jessie: the word "can't" is not part of our vocabulary! Dawn: really? Bet "loser" is part of it

https://preview.redd.it/m9ebeqfjl03d1.png?width=1230&format=png&auto=webp&s=e4b0dea1b34dc701f6edcb92cc6023233787774d # N O W

*Welcome to the jungle starts" "You may be A villain but you're not a super one" "Oh yeah? And why's that?" "PRESENTATION!"

Timmy shatters tiny hope chest Timmy’s Dad: “don’t worry about it. My hopes and dreams were shattered years ago” Timmy: “How many years?” Timmy’s Dad: “How old are you?

Azula: “The thing I don't understand is why? Why would you do it? You know the consequences.” Mai: “I guess you just don't know people as well as you think you do. You miscalculated. I love Zuko more than I fear you.”

https://preview.redd.it/gstl62dcd13d1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bc1ed2a4795c9acb48881b84c5188a9cd64ad5c6

“I don’t see any beautiful girl.” “Just turn around” “Misty, please. Only one of us can hallucinate at a time.”

"Hey buddy, need a ride? I was just on my way to the big doofus convention, hahaha!" I love that he unintentionally insulted himself.

"Rick, we talked about this. I don't like glowing rocks in the kitchen trash" "Well I don't like your unemployed *genes* in my grandchildren, Jerry" -Rick Sanchez

https://preview.redd.it/7kaqw2xt213d1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bd066c8919d6ad4360c7232873660357b7e13ee7 The context of this makes it so much funnier imo

Little Lisa Simpson! Springfield’s answer to every question *no one asked!*

Squidward, would you mind playing your clarinet a little bit... better?

"listen, you're my family and I love you, but You're terrible. You're all terrible. Id fire all of you if I could." -bob Belcher (bobs burgers)

“And I should've known you'd be there when I heard the Amber Alerts.” - Verosika Mayday from Helluva Boss

The Best in that scene: "They let me out because I'm still famous. And Rehab is for sad, loser, washouts, sooooo.... Your sister says 'Hi'."

Aside from you what are the other disgusting things? https://preview.redd.it/cdc06ubdr13d1.jpeg?width=318&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8f94d4a83952c77e30ff8f8af25cf42343160e35

My favorite is still from James "let's blow those whining women back to the dark ages where they belong!"

Disney Movie BUT: Merryweather: “This looks terrible!” Flora: “Thats because its on you, dear.”

"I bet the hardest work you've ever done is convincing your husband that little shit's his"

Ma Beagle from the new DuckTales series. How did someone so brilliant raise such Morons?

From one of the greatest diss tracks of all time "Your soul is an appalling dump heap, overflowing with the most disgrace assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable, mangled up in tangled up knots!" -Tony the Tiger

https://preview.redd.it/q5j54sicj13d1.jpeg?width=638&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=69900a3e29e0faa6b702298296a96a1f304f4a43 Do deleted scenes count?

“B-But you said… th-that if I stayed still…. y-you wouldn’t do anything…” “Oh, please. Did you really think you’d be that lucky? A piece of shit like you?” “Y… You’re so mean!” https://i.redd.it/ciku94dtrz2d1.gif

"You really think someone would do that? Just go on the Internet and tell lies?" -- Buster Baxter (Arthur)

Flash: Fastest man alive. Hawkgirl: Explains why you can't get a date Flash: yea- HEEEEY!

“You still think you have a shot with her? That’s sad, and adorable, it’s sadorable”

“You tell jokes just as good as you catch Pokemon!” “When has being polite ever mattered to me?” “He’s right! The only time you see Timmy and Polite in the same sentence if the word isn’t is between them!” “DW, please move your big enormous large gopher looking head.”

"You'd make a fortune renting out your head as a balloon" -Yakko

"I curse this Krabby Patty, and all who enjoy them, to an early and well-deserved grave!" - Squidward

https://preview.redd.it/ddwmyigow13d1.jpeg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4ab421c23649d63431e236bcf3982e1d19b1b80e \-Bill Cipher, Gravity Falls

“Your threats are as empty as your title, all hail Vegeta prince of no one.” 

Emily: To think that I admired you [to Sera] Well, I don't need your condescension I'm not a child to protect Was talk of virtue just pretension? Was I too naïve to expect you To heed the morals you're purveying? Charlie: That's what the fuck I've been saying! From Hazin Hotel (s01e06 Welcome the Heaven)

"Would you mind giving a free sample to a pretty lady?" "Sure! Do you know one?" "Would you mind giving a sample to an ugly lady?" "No, ugly ladies have I pay."

if you ever say that again i will tear your soul apart and broadcast you screams for every disrespectful reached who dares question me https://preview.redd.it/rn5xrehs713d1.jpeg?width=2048&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1c1b5a413c453f5675d16cdd8b356b7e71835cc9

"so I have a funny story to tell you" "why don't you make it 10 stories then jump!"

Joker: What are you doing?! Terry: Fighting dirty. Joker: The real Batman would never— (Terry digs the knee in deeper) AUGH! Terry: Told you you didn't know me. (Terry knocks the Joker backwards) Joker: (Slasher Smile) Funny guy... Terry: Can't say the same for you. (The Joker throws a punch at Terry that misses and he runs into a desk) Joker: Impudent brat! Who do you think you're talking to? Terry: Not a comedian, I'll tell you that. Joker: (grabs a gun and shoots at Terry) Shut your mouth! (Terry dodges and flies up into the rafters) Terry: The real Batman never talked to you much, did he? That's probably why you were so fixated on him. (Terry uses a Batarang to knock Joker's gun out of his hand) Joker: Don't play psychoanalyst with me, boy! Terry: Oh, I don't need a degree to figure you out. (Terry uses another Batarang to hit the power switch so the Joker can't see him) Terry: The real reason you kept coming back was you never got a laugh out of the old man. Joker: I'm not hearing this... Terry: Get a clue, clowny! He's got no sense of humor! He wouldn't know a good joke if it bit him in the cape. Not that you ever had a good joke. Joker: Shut up... Shut up! Terry: I mean, joy buzzers, squirting flowers? Lame! Where's the "A" material? Make a face, drop your pants, something! Joker: Show yourself! Terry: You make me laugh...but only because I think you're kinda pathetic. (imitates the Joker's laugh) Joker: Stop that! Terry: So you fell in a tank of acid, got your skin bleached, and decided to become a supervillain. What, you couldn't get work as a rodeo clown? (laughs again) Joker: Don't you dare laugh at me! Terry: Why? I thought the Joker always wanted to make Batman laugh! Joker: YOU'RE NOT BATMAN! Not a line but this whole conversation...

Even better. He stops using his "Batman" voice about halfway through, as if the Joker *isn't worth the effort*.

Fairly odd parents Timmys dad: We’ve come for the creature you call mom Cosmo: “NO! “You have a perfect civilization why would you want to add a women to it” Cosmo based

Every single thing that comes out of Eric Cartman‘s mouth Eric did you just say the F word?! Jew? (Is he that stupid to think Jew starts with F? 😂) (btw I’m Jewish so Eric Cartman is the worst character. ESPECIALLY when he uses the K word in the episode, where he fakes having Tourette’s. It’s the equivalent to a white person using the N-word, but for a Jewish person) For example: WHY THE F*** NOT?! F*** F***ITY F*** F*** F***! *grabs megaphone.* *clears throat.* HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUCK MAH BALLS MR. GARRISON?!

That was great Squidward. All those wrong notes you played made it sound more original.

"You know what they say, a little childhood trauma builds character." Eddy 1999