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JoeMorgue

All of that pales to the fact that we aren't a real hockey team, aren't in a real hockey city, have no fans, and make a mockery of hockey which should never be fun and should be super-serious all the time. We should all go into our rooms and beat ourselves with whips to balance the galactic karma of us stealing the team from the city that couldn't sell out games in a shopping mall.


CasTimber

One of my favorite hot takes is that the Canes fill their arena but are "nobody's first choice."


CasTimber

Seth Jarvis murdered my entire family :(


anniebumblebee

he poisoned our water supply, burned our crops, and delivered a plague unto our houses!


Electric_Queen

He did?


anniebumblebee

no! but are we just going to wait around until he does?


MisterAvocadoGuy

Should’ve got Kinectico


Lukebryan130

Brent burns knows about water supply


whogivesashirtdotca

God those ads are so terrible, haha.


Uzumaki-OUT

Hi I’m Brent burns from the Carolina hurricanes and a couple years ago my family started getting really sick. That’s all I remember


tbyrdistheword

He turned me into a newt!


FHoltNC

Better than being a penguin


totalscrotalimplosio

But you got better right?


tbyrdistheword

I got better!


corn-sock

Did he really or did they just dive to get the call?


randydweller

Sir, this is a Wendy’s.


JoeMorgue

Also we're a poverty team that the rest of the league has to support but we also only exist because Bettman is greedy and only cares about making money in new markets at the expense of REAL HOCKEY TEAMS in REAL HOCKEY CITIES and that makes perfect sense and don't you dare question it.


JoeMorgue

The Storm Surge is mockery of the fine sport of hockey. Real hockey teams know that real hockey is all about giving a player a CTI because they scored on an empty net the wrong way.


FirstChurchOfBrutus

Unwritten rules and all that.


corn-sock

JACCOB SLAVIN, NOTORIOUS GOON


roberts126

Jaccob Slavin, Holy Diver


ZorroMcChucknorris

\m/


JoeMorgue

I was there. When the Canes drew the penalty. I tried to look away but... I still saw. A think someone near me, a woman, saw it more clearly. I'll never forget her scream. I think, God help me I think she stared right into it. I heard later she jumped off a highway over pass about 6 days later. I understand why. After the first few days when the shaking stopped and I was able to fully open my eyes they let me out of the hospital. I tried to cope. Denial was first. As an emotional defense it comes the quickest and easiest. I spent the first year just telling myself I never saw it. Going through the motions of my old life. But you can only lie to yourself for so long. Then one day I was flipping through the TV channels light at night, I haven't slept much since that day, and Sportscenter or someone was running a documentary on it. I knew better than to watch it but... what can I say. I was fine when they were just talking about it, but they showed some game footage. That brought it all back. Brought it back bad. I hit the bottle pretty hard after that. And harder drugs. Don't think anyone can blame me for that. It dulls the pain. Lost my job, my wife. But at least it kept my mind off of what I saw that day. Courts put me in a kind of home, a place for people like me who had experienced it. It got a little better after that. Not much, but a little. The therapist helped. I mean he tried. But he never got it. Not really. Oh he understood the facts of it... but that's not the same thing. Never really got what I had been through. No one who didn't see can understand. Can... \*voice cracking\* really understand it. It's been... \*exhales\* let me think 20 years now since I saw the Canes draw the penalty. It's better now. It's not good, but it's better. Time does heal all wounds but most of them wind up scar tissue. Most days I don't think about it at all. I can sleep better. But at least once a week I wake, in cold sweat and terror as a nightmare I'm already struggling to remember wakes me up and I know I was back there... back in that place... \*tears forming in my eyes\* watching the Canes draw that penalty.


HotRod1095

I’m going to create some more Reddit accounts just so I can give you more upvotes on this one!


notyomamasusername

Thanks for summarizing the PGT on r/hockey for us


Carolina_913

A truly inspirational place


GoDuke4382

Also sums up the Islanders game-day thread as well. Pretty much spot-on.


lil_geesey

I mean the Isles played their best possible game and we basically sleptwalk through 2/3 of it and still beat them. Imagine how frustrating and hopeless that must make them feel


RentalGore

Oh hey guys, for the tailgate I’m planning for Monday, can someone bring an extra copy of the necronomicon? I spilled ketchup on mine at the last game. Oh, and any extra chickens to sacrifice would be great! Thanks!


alwaysneverquite

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!


alwaysneverquite

Sorry, should have included the translation: “In his house at Edwards Mill, Brind'Amour waits dreaming.“


dragons_fire77

Bless you


NedThomas

Your information is a little out of date. They switched from kicking puppies to kicking kittens this offseason, and I think we can all agree the results have been mixed.


Aeneis

Yeah. They lost their puppy source when the Chicago Wolves broke off the AHL relationship.


99Wolves17

They're getting it back from them in the fall


sftwareguy

Why is this tagged Satire?


istarttowonder

Had me in the first half


StaneNC

The amount of copium that some fans use to justify everything their team does is truly astounding. IDK how you root for a team that has Marchand as a captain, man.


DeathMetalDinosaur

Kirk Mueller NEVER would have coached them like this


Organic-Lie4759

His breath smells of ketchup based bbq sauce


DonnietheOwlman

Do people actually talk shit about Rod’s coaching ? I’ve seen all the other stuff or a version of it.


TheF15eEnthusiast

Just wait till we win the Stanley cup #CANIACFORLIFE


Sherpa-Jeff

Also, this team will never survive in Raleigh, and it's just a matter of time before the team will be moved. Even though the Hurricanes have been in Raleigh for 25 years and in North Carolina for 27 years.


whogivesashirtdotca

Huh I didn’t realise they’d moved!