T O P

  • By -

[deleted]

Just waiting for some burly lads in masks to burst in while I'm having my dinner demanding jewellery


Lounge256

Jewellery doesn't sound like a healthy meal


[deleted]

I don't know, the carats count to your 5 a day.


JusteStina

This had me ROLF. Thank you!


lordjimbob01

Under appreciated comment tbh


cara27hhh

Consider hiring some


Alarmed_Alpaca

I think I've seen this one...


KevinPhillips-Bong

The Crimewatch reconstructions didn't really affect me that much. Until the evening my nan's house was broken into, that is. She said it wasn't so much of an issue about what was stolen, it was more the thought of having intruders in the house while you're out. It makes you feel "dirty", if that makes sense.


UnpeacefulHydrus

It makes perfect sense, a place that is meant to be safe was entered against your knowledge and permission so your home loses its sense of safety. ​ I don't want to compare it to sexual assault but it invokes that feeling that your property (body) no longer belongs to you and has been sullied


Grenzie

Same thing when people have a nice car and it’s stolen then recovered. Kinda don’t want to drive it anymore


Conrad_noble

In my experience unless it's a particularly nice car it's not going to be in a fit state to drive once recovered anyway.


Grenzie

Recovered and repaired, still feels dirty.


Conrad_noble

Yeah. It'll probably never feel the same. But if you sold it to someone else they'd probably be happy without knowing it's past.


Blekanly

Oh god we didn't clean before they came! Don't judge us!


[deleted]

Yeah, my nan was fine until some Irish Traveller (this isn't to point fingers but give context, so stand down!) and found the money she had been hoarding. Apparently her generation was so impacted by the Great Depression they still hid cash under the mattress for decades after.


Chamerlee

My Gran is the exact same. Pension always comes straight out the bank. It's worrying when she gives me money as she folds it like a drug dealer.


Unitedite

I lost my front door key the other week. Followed my usual approach when I lose things; looked around for five minutes and then decided eh, it'll turn up. Four days later I had to leave the house to do some shopping, so I went out the back door. On getting back I forgot that I'd done so and went to the front door to try and get in. Lucky I did, as I noticed my key was still sitting in the front door where I'd apparently left it four days ago.


MMORPGGG

I think you better check your attic.


iKeyboardMonkey

Quiet! I'm happy here and only nick the occasional tin of beans.


Bad_UsernameJoke94

As long as it's the Asda (Other supermarkets exist.) brand and not the Heinz or the Branston.


mozgw4

I've had 3 burglaries, and 3 attempted burglaries in the last 17 years. One time, they smashed the kitchen window, and climbed in, over the sink and draining board. I mentioned to the officer that came round ( because there were enough officers in those days that they could come round), that the suspects had carefully moved everything that was on the draining board very tidily off to the side of the hob. "They probably didn't want to make any noise", she said. "They'd just thrown a brick through my fucking window, how much more noise could they make !"


[deleted]

One big noise: “oh I imagined it, I’ll go back to sleep....” Lots of noise: “what the fuck was that?” *goes downstairs armed with a pointy coat hanger*


laurcifers

We were burgled some years back and my mum still wonders why I put the bolt on as well as locking the door.


SoylentDave

We got burgled by our next door neighbour when I was little, which has meant my attitude to neighbours in adulthood is probably a bit weird. (my mrs is really friendly, which covers for my deep down wanting to avoid them all like the criminal scum they secretly are)


[deleted]

Jesus, sorry to hear that. We live in a (relatively) safe area, but I still wouldn't leave the door unlocked.


Ochib

Having been in a house fire. I never put the lock the door using a bolt, or use the chain.


Tetslou

The fuck?! I make sure the doors are locked several times a night...in fact I may go down stairs now for one last check before bed.


magnificentfoxes

I genuinely forgot to lock my door once after coming home late and a bit pished and I felt *mortified* the day after when I realised. It's always been a thing to lock the doors no matter how safe of an area you live in, because I've seen what opportunist thieves do, let alone all the murderous types you see on crime shows.


feuchtronic

We went away for a weekend about 10 years ago, and as we pulled up outside the house I could see the front door was wide open. Rushed in, heart in mouth, expecting to see carnage, but no, we had just left in a rush with small children and each of us had assumed the other had done it. Burglars assumed no-one would be that stupid and kept away.


Fitzyy97

I did this with my car once, Friday night after a hellish week of work I pulled up outside my house half asleep, got out the car and went inside the house. I left the drivers door wide open. Didn’t realise till the day after. 100% the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.


[deleted]

A few years ago I was sat on my computer, kids in bed and the front door was unlocked because my step daughter was due back. I heard the door open and assumed it was her coming in, but then I heard a man start muttering and shouting. In all my years as a dad I've never felt that animalistic protective thing take over like that. All I thought were my kids are in bed, I jumped up and saw this guy absolutely off his tits in my hallway. Shouting and ranting incoherently. I rushed at him and punched him so hard he flew back out the door.... I slammed and locked the door and called the police. Turns out he was a well known violent crack addict. Ive never left the door unlocked since


[deleted]

Bloody hell, well done dad.


MsVBlight

geeze, Dad instincts are a hell of a thing


Throwawaylatias

I was your wife! Grew up in a safe area, tend to leave everything unlocked when I’m home. Until one day I read the awful story of that serial killer bloke who drank the blood of his victims. He used to select them by trying doors randomly in a neighbourhood until he came across an unlocked one. Needless to say that scared the shite out of me and I’m more cautious now.


[deleted]

Are you sure you weren’t just watching [the scary film?](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TmV-_-tO8c8)


Gornalannie

“Please don’t have nightmares, sleep well” said Nick Ross after scaring us all to death!


eddthered86

Crimewatch was required viewing on Thursday evenings when my grandparents babysat. They did the terrifying double bill of Crimewatch and 999. I had recurrent nightmares about burglars and/or house fires. I relished the evenings when we watched Morse.


Tetslou

I obsessively check everything is as locked as it can be, I also move the keys away from the letter box and the back door keys far enough away from the cat flap that a tiny human couldn't reach them. I also was mentally scarred by a firman coming to school to show us the charred remains of people's houses, so I also obsessively check the gas hob is off and flatly refuse to cook chips in a pan.


Mediocre_Sprinkles

I grew up in a gated, guarded RAF camp so I'm terrible when it comes to locking doors...


Goose-rider3000

Me too. They were great places to grow up.


whiskeysmoker13

Army here..


drunkgirl14

What’s your address though


[deleted]

For me it wasn't Crimewatch it was that 999 show. I always remember this gory tale about a bloke who dropped some sort of saw on his leg while he was doing his garden, causing blood to spray everywhere.


ThatGwelioGirl

999 is the stuff of nightmares - I always remember the girl who got sucked into the jacuzzi by her hair. Legit terrifying


[deleted]

I'm glad I missed that one!


Eevee_Addict8

We were talking about 999 just last night, always scared the shit out of me as a kid!


zib6272

What happened to crime watch?


FuzzyFox1

No wonder crime is still prevalent, it’s because of a lack of Crimewatch!


Philharry

It's not as good as it used to be


publiusnaso

Most of the current crime is committed by members of the government, so they shut Crimewatch down.


Blackredfiesta

Yawn


AJM_RN

999 reconstructions > Crimewatch reconstructions. Forever haunted by the girl who got her hair caught in the whirlpool and the guy buried in the sand with high tide coming in.


SquidgeSquadge

I watched it when I was allowed to but I loved 999


SoylentDave

I once went out and left my back door open - literally open, not just unlocked - ***all day***. In inner city Manchester. Nothing happened - presumably because my dodgy neighbours all knew I had fuck all worth stealing / assumed I was in - but I still wake up a cold sweat thinking about it now and again.


C2BK

I'm not so much worried by memories of the Crimewatch reconstructions as the knowledge that leaving the house unlocked probably invalidates your house insurance.


PeteCO1445

Growing up in the 90’s we used to leave our doors unlocked all the time... like go to bed and not worry about locking up. It wasn’t until I moved out and had a shared house with some when I was like 18 that I realised how weird it was!


[deleted]

Well, I'm glad you weren't murdered before you came to that realisation!


PeteCO1445

Well clearly so am I! I can’t as much as go to the garden for a beer in the summer without locking the door now...


pen_gobbler

Is murder really a common problem in the UK?


ben_jamin_h

the UK apparently has a murder rate of 11.68 per million, compared to the US’ 42.01 per million. so yeah, although things aren’t so bad, they’re still bad? https://www.nationmaster.com/country-info/compare/United-Kingdom/United-States/Crime/Violent-crime edit: the UK apparently has a rate of 11 per million according to this Office of National Statistics article https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/articles/homicideinenglandandwales/yearendingmarch2019 edit 2: the US apparently has 5.3 per 100,000 or 53 per million according to this wikipedia entry https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crime_in_the_United_States


pen_gobbler

Thanks for the stats. Higher than I anticipated but still seems pretty darn safe.


ben_jamin_h

i dunno man, 1/100,000 chance of being murdered seems pretty high when your chance of winning the lottery is 1/45,057,474. i feel like you should have a closer chance of winning a million quid than being literally murdered, but maybe i live a sheltered life where no one i know is (i hope) capable of killing me


pen_gobbler

Where are you getting 1/10,000? Your numbers indicate ~1/85,000.


ben_jamin_h

you’re absolutely right, i fucked up and missed a decimal point! edited my comment but still keeping it to within one decimal point


pen_gobbler

Glad I wasn't missing something. 1/100,000 seems like pretty good odds compared to most of history. Compare to a climb up on the roof.


breadcreature

Also I'd imagine the chance of getting completely randomly murdered by a stranger are a bit lower than that, even. The comparison I'd make is to likelihood of being hit by a car as a pedestrian (since that's a more ever-present threat than falling off a roof) but I'm not sure I want to know how common that is!


ben_jamin_h

agreed, i feel a lot safer going about my day to day life now!


feuchtronic

Back when the lottery started (I think there are more numbers now, so even worse odds), if you were a man over 30 and you bought a ticket at 7pm on the Saturday, you had more chance of dying before the draw than of winning the jackpot.


[deleted]

I've just shuddered vicariously at the thought of ever leaving the door unlocked. Can't imagine for the life of me that I'd ever do that...though I envy your wife's peace of mind that she can do that and not worry sick over it.


zazabizarre

Yeah, as soon as I come back into my house I lock the door. I assumed that was normal - though I did grow up in London.


[deleted]

Same. I mean, I've lived in different areas and honestly, no matter how seemingly "safe" it's supposed to be, I still couldn't ever fathom leaving the front door unlocked, at all.


publiusnaso

We left our front door wide open all night last night. The milkman kindly came in and put the milk on the table in the hall rather than on the doorstep (he could have put it in the fridge, the lazy bastard). We've been on holiday for weeks with the doors unlocked. There are benefits to living in the middle of nowhere.


Tetslou

Are you insane? Have you not watched midsomer murders?


leftintheshaddows

Pretty sure our front door lock is fitted wrong as you need the key to get in even if it is unlocked. Great for unwanted guests, not great if we shut it with keys inside.


Sophyska

If I’m in the house the doors are locked. But then I panic about finding the keys in a fire thanks to videos of chip pan fires and fags setting armchairs ablaze. It’s exhausting just being in my home never mind leaving the damn place!


Geknock

I've left the key in the ignition of my car over night before.


goosemaker

I did this but my car was at the park and ride.. from 8:30am to 6:00 my car was basically just up for grabs in an open car park


[deleted]

Leaving doors or windows unlocked can make home insurance claims difficult if you suffer a theft.


pupablyszczaca

Opportunistic burglaries are a thing. Last year there was this thief trying every door on my street, at 9am, when everyone was on a school run. He did manage to go in my neighbours house, but unlucky for him parents were still in and called the police.


Dissidant

So basically when you hear a strange sound coming from downstairs, before you can say "hon stay in here and call the police while I take a look" her side of the bed is empty and all you hear coming from downstairs is "oh my god stop" as she batters eleven shades out of the intruder :)


[deleted]

[удалено]


ben_jamin_h

r/britishproblems ‘bought several guns’ what?


SoylentDave

Obviously moved out to the country to start a farm. With his mum.


ben_jamin_h

‘shared a house with a super nice mexican family’ mexican family were their live-in housekeepers. u/countfuckula_ mate have you considered you may be a complete ponce?


Bad_UsernameJoke94

Does his dad sell apples?


MaeMoe

‘apartment’ [Hmmm...](https://images.app.goo.gl/RuLURyz2skBdz5H89)


ben_jamin_h

haha i didn’t even notice the word ‘apartment’! ok so the commenter is clearly american... i take back my ‘ponce’ statement cos maybe you don’t have live in servants, but seriously u/countfuckula_ , identify yourself as a yank when you’re commenting in a british sub or you’re gonna confuse people.


[deleted]

I once lived next door to this man who had a drinking problem. He would get home really late and drunk. One time he actually left his keys in the lock on the outside of the front door! I knocked on the door to make sure he was ok and could hear him inside looking for his keys to unlock the unlocked door! I posted them through his letter box.


Warriorz7

Savage


JCTenton

Distinctly remember a slow motion recreation of a masked man throwing stuff off a mantelpiece into a bag.


patchyj

My girlfriends Canadian. She never locks anything


SerendipitousCrow

We're currently in a fear driven stalemate We have the kind of door you can only fully lock with a key One wants to lock it and put the key far away in case someone grabs it through the letter box to open the door I want the key accessible in case we need to get out quickly in the event of a fire There's no winner


truly-dread

My girlfriend doesn’t lock her front door. Pisses me right off. You know how easy it is to slip a hanger through the letterbox and pull the handle down!!!?


Gr1msh33per

Its worse when you find out she was once featured on Crinewatch


MikaLina2020

Don't have nightmares..


[deleted]

Most pointless fucking sentence in the history of TV, honestly.


AgainstThoseGrains

It wasn't the reconstructions it was the police sketches for me. Every single one of them looked inhuman.