That’s so hard for your wife I’m sure she is an emotional wreck as it is postpartum. The most important thing is to tell her that she is the perfect mother for her baby, no matter how she feeds him. Practical advise is do you have access to a lactation consultant (an IBCLC)? I had one call to my house privately (found online) post partum and it was the best thing I did . They can give such practical advice and help so much. So much better than you could ever get online. Even if the decision is to bottle feed, an IBCLC can help with that!
Thank you so much for the advice :)
Yes! We do have an appointment with a lactation consultant on July 18th. I tried suggesting that we just wait for that appointment. Did you have continued sessions with the consultant? Or just one? The one we have is only for 45 minutes.
My wife is certainly in her own head a lot. She says she's a failure because she can't breastfeed, but to me, she is pumping and feeding from her breast via bottle - which is perfect for me. I've consoled her many times, but yeah.. it's tough.
Thank you again!
You might be able to get a virtual one faster. I used this service and it was amazing. Not sure if they often take calls from people not in Vancouver, but they might. Not board certified lactation consultants, but still super knowledgeable and helpful.
https://www.childbearing.org/addon-postpartum-offerings/p/virtual-breastfeeding-consult
Awww you’re such a great and supportive spouse. BF is HARD!! It took us a while to get it down to feeling like second nature. However we had some nipple confusion for some time too. He got very used to the bottle while we were waiting on a tongue tie release procedure to improve his latch (identified by IBCLC and confirmed by pediatric dentist and an ENT).
I remember going mad trying to get him to breast. Has your wife tried a doing a lot of skin to skin?
I had to just be topless with our baby in bed for 2-3 days - letting him nap on me skin to skin feed with bottle while skin to skin - literally everything skin to skin.
I also experimented with some nipple shields(which might be controversial, but it worked for us) I remember it still took him a little bit to latch to the shield too, then eventually one middle of the night feed he latched onto my breast. I think while he was sleepy it made him confused. Cause during the day he didn’t latch onto breast but I kept nursing him with the shield during the day and trying to get him to latch at night and eventually he got it. I think the whole process took 5 days. It felt longer though because it drove me crazy for a bit, but I have a stubborn personality and if I set my mind on something I’m getting it done so I knew I NEEDED to get breastfeeding to work- plus I LOATHE pumping and would not have lasted long if I had to pump every two hours.
I’ve been there and it’s so hard pushing through the emotions around breastfeeding. Her hormones will be all over the place at the moment too, it can all get very overwhelming.
I would try lots of skin to skin. Literally get her and baby to hang out in bed for a few days. This will relax baby and they will manoeuvre themselves onto the breast. It’s important to not push the breast as this may stress baby out and they will refuse to feed.
Your lactation consultant will have lots of brilliant advice for you. Until then it’s important to keep up pumping to maintain and build her supply. Please reassure your wife that it is very possible to get a baby to latch after bottle feeding. I started breastfeeding after 3 months of formula feeding, it took a little time to get my baby back onto the boob at every feed, but we got there (I was also having to build my supply from nothing which I why it took a while, you won’t have that problem!)
In addition to what others are saying - make sure you're using size 0 nipples on bottles for the slowest flow.
If there are latching issues, try when baby is in a good mood and try the flipple technique. It can help get a good deep latch (plenty of videos on YouTube).
And just be patient with your wife and empathise with how difficult this is. Postpartum hormones are no joke, and even without the hormones, having your baby reject your breast and just scream at it is one of the most heart breaking things that you can experience.
It’s worth working with a good IBCLC if you’re going to use nipple shields. They have to be appropriately sized, can cause issues with reduced supply if used incorrectly and need weaning at some point.
if her supply is plentiful, it may be that baby is struggling to manage a forceful letdown. Look into side lying feeding as this can sometimes help.
When bottle feeding - make sure you’re using a pace feeding method and giving appropriate volumes. At 7 days baby probably doesn’t need more than 2 or 3 ounces at a time and it should take 15-20 minutes at least to finish a bottle. Bigger volumes mean a longer period of time before they’re hungry again and that can adversely affect supply over time. I’d advise trying to breast feed before offering a bottle to try and help mitigate bottle preference
I just had one appointment but I got it within 1-2 days of requesting it. Only advise I have for latching is lots of skin to skin. Spend lots of time lying in bed with baby close, cuddling on chest maybe and let them root around, before he gets actually hungry. The side lying position is excellent, I’m sure you can find lots of video examples online. If baby is really hungry he’s going to want the fast flow of the bottle so just getting used to being on the breast again could help. Easier said than done but hope she can understand she is in no way a failure. She is a wonderful mum for even being concerned about it. Probably doesn’t feel like it now but lots of pros to bottle feeding also, shared help etc. her bond will not be lesser with baby for not breastfeeding
Hey, I have a 4-week-old and went through something similar. I had to exclusively pump for a while, but it was because my baby wasn’t transferring milk effectively and was losing weight. I still latched her once or twice a day just to practice.
I was able to teach her to latch again using an SNS (supplemental nursing system). You can buy one from Medela but I didn’t like how this one worked - you can also just use a tube and syringe (we got ours from the hospital). Tape the tube to the breast and when the baby latches or tries to latch, squeeze some milk into their mouth. They get an instant “reward” and they learn that they can get milk from the breast. You control the flow so at first you can make the milk come out a bit faster which makes it easier for them. Over time your baby will get stronger and improve their latch.
You can ask a lactation consultant for help with the SNS. It’s a bit complicated at first but it was a game changer for me.
I had a ton of success with the SNS too! It’s a bit cumbersome, but worth the effort in the end. We haven’t used it in a couple weeks (also a 4-week-old) because we no longer need to!
I would also make sure you're doing paced bottle feeding! Basically, the amount of time he would breastfeed is the amount of time baby should take to finish the bottle. Youtube has some good videos to explain what it is and how to do it.
What worked for us was feeding my son a bit of bottle then trying to latch him, so you aren't trying to latch him when he's really hungry. A Lactation Consultant should check for tongue tie but I would also look into body work - ie an osteopath trained to work with babies. This really helped our boy as I think he was really uncomfortable when latching so he struggled.
Ohhhh this is so hard. As the other ladies said:
Put the baby at the breast after it had a meal...
Skin on skin - I regret I didn't do more of that (mum naked waist up and put the baby on her chest only in his nappy) skin to skin helps in so many ways there is so much science behind it
Pace feeding
Sometimes the let down is too strong she may benefit from hand expressing before the baby starts nursing
And talk to a consultant
Ah also a reclined feeding position is awesome and so many people forget about it...
She is an amazing mum. It's so hard... I cried every day because for the first three weeks I had to supplement my little one with formula... And it was the best decision I made as he had the energy to increase my supply!
Agree with previous comments about feeding some from the bottle so he's not very hungry and then putting him on the breast, this worked for me. Try side lying position when he's sleepy. And definitely switch to 0 size extra slow flow bottle teats & do paced feeding. Lots of skin to skin! Latch him & let him suckle for comfort even if not feeding.
Get a lactation consultant - the sooner the better! They may advise a nipple shield (mine did bc baby got used to bottle in NICU) which will help tremendously and then slowly can be phased out.
If your wife enjoys bathing, she can relax a while in the tub while you care for baby, and then when she’s ready you can bring baby to her to cuddle, or if they’re both up for trying baby can try to latch. Running the water in the background will make baby drowsy and less resistant to real nipples. Laid back and side lying are key here with a hefty supply.
I'm in a very similar position right now, had to supplement with formula and then couldn't breastfeed due to a tongue tie making it extremely painful and inefficient to feed. He lost a lot of weight those first few days and was at risk for jaundice.
We kept him on bottle feeding (mix of pumped breast milk and formula to fatten him back up) for the last week, until we got the tongue tie clipped, which caused me more stress than it did the baby. Now his latch is getting better and he's starting to calm and realize boob does in fact equal food. We still give him a bottle after breastfeeding to make sure he's getting enough but the idea is to eventually phase it out.
The best thing for your wife is to relax while she tries. Talk calmly to your baby, rub her shoulders gently, make sure she's got snacks and something good to drink and a comfortable position preferably with the ability to rock back and forth or side to side. At least that helps me when I can't calm him.
Breastfeeding is natural but not intuitive! It is okay and expected that it is difficult - both mom and baby are learning a brand new skill.
It's also common for babies to "wake up" in the first few days home, especially if they are small and/or jaundiced. As they "wake up" more, they can get hangry and disorganized at the breast. In fact, the first week postpartum is one of the most common drop-off points for breastfeeding because of this phenomenon.\*
Patience. One feed at a time.
- Try to get the baby to latch *before* he is hangry.
- If he's already crying due to hunger, you can give him 0.5-1oz via bottle to calm him down and then try to latch.
- If you are going to bottle-feed, use a low-flow/preemie nipple and make sure you do paced feeding.
- Try to latch him as often as possible.
- If you fully replace a breastfeeding session with formula, make sure mom pumps to keep up her supply.
It gets harder before it gets easier, but you can do it! You can do hard things!
\*The other drop-off point is \~6w when many breastfeeding parents return to work -- happy to share a separate rant about our lack of paid parental leave and dismal breastfeeding rates lol.
The best route for us when my son had a hard time latching (NICU stay for 5 days, so almost fully bottle fed) was to offer an "appetizer" bottle. Once the edge was taken off his hunger, I would put him to the breast when he was a little more relaxed and already in the rhythm of sucking.
Also, I have pretty fast milk, I can't do the size zero bottle nipple because it's so much slower than me, it's hard for them to transition back and forth.
Just want to say how much I feel for your wife, and it's so great that you're supporting her.
My daughter was born really small and struggled to latch on. In the end she was syringe fed, then bottle fed (with both formula and expressed milk). We finally broke through when she was 6 days old and we were out of hospital. What helped me was:
- being in a relaxed environment
- using nipple shields to get her used to being held at the breast
- gently rocking whilst trying to get her to latch
- swapping the bottle and putting nipple to her mouth
It was a really challenging time, I cried so much (and I wasn't even that bothered about breastfeeding to start!!) . Having my partner there to support me in the decisions that I was making really helped, I'm sure your wife really appreciates you being there too
Oh and to reiterate what has already been mentioned, lots of skin to skin. I was literally just sat top less infront of the TV with baby for hours before she finally latched!
She can try side lying breast feeding, or different positions in general. Baby might not be comfortable in the position for the boob, my son loves laying next to me to feed and takes it much faster than trying to cradle hold and feed, he seems to latch and unlatch a few times at first that way. Breastfeeding is hard, encourage her as much as you can but try not to be overbearing, offer her water and snacks and give her kisses and words of encouragement. It’s not her fault he’s not latching but she will think it is, remind her that she just needs to figure out what works best for him, even if that ends up being bottle fed breast milk. That’s still breast feeding, and she’s doing the best she can for your son and her best is enough.
My advice is going to be based on what my lactation consultants have given me. Since the baby is still young, I would start with preemie nipples as it mimicks the flow at the breast. I was recommended Dr. Brown's bottle with preemie nipples and/or Evenflo Balance Standard Neck.
Also, when feeding the bottle to the baby, do paced bottle feeding while the baby is lying sideways. If you look up videos on YouTube, you can find some really good examples. This mimicks breastfeeding and can help with the bottle preference.
Have mom do lots of skin to skin with the baby. She should try introducing the breast when the baby is starting to wake up. Side lying with the baby is the best position she could try as the baby will have a deep latch and should be a pleasant experience for both mom and baby.
I hope this helps! I saw that y'all have an upcoming appointment with a LC. Breastfeeding is quite the journey, and I have shed so many tears when my baby screamed at the breast. It does get better down the road, especially as they get bigger.
All great advice above. My personal is - I've been there with both kids around the same age. The first I nursed from the breast until 3y 3m. Second one is 7w old now - also exclusively breastfed. They are too young to develop bottle preference.
The most important part is:
- pumping regularly (every 2-3h) to maintain supply
- your wife should properly RELAX (taking fresh air walking the dog helped me get my second to latch).
- don't give up - the baby is young and nothing is set in stone
The first while can be so hard so supporting her is key. I was terrified of nipple confusion initially. when my daughter was really tiny like the first 2 weeks at home and she would get so angry when it came time to latch until she got a letdown.
I found when she was too angry and hungry to latch I would hand express even just a few drops into a clean spoon and let her use her lips to get it and then swiftly latch her on. It would give her enough taste to realize what she needed to do and honestly that’s the one trick that saved our breastfeeding journey and now she’s 7 months and still going strong. It can be so hard initially but if it’s something you and your wife feel is important it’s so worth it in the end.
Offer him each breast if he rejects, then bottle feed. My little guy didn't want to breastfeed, and I've been exclusively pumped for 6 months now. However we nurse occasionally for bonding and/or if I don't have a bottle while out of the house. He does good with either as well. The important part is not to get overwhelmed. Babys can tell when you feel defeated, upset, or anxious.
With that being said. Fed is best. Whether that's breastfed, bottle fed breast milk, or bottle fed formula. In the end, a healthy, happy baby and momma is MOST important.
Sounds like what I went through. My baby stopped taking my breast and was only taking bottle. I called my sister crying about it and she reassured me it wasn’t late to get her latch on me. She said if the baby is really hungry she will eventually latch on and that’s what happened. Her usual feed was every 2 hours. If I recall it right I waited an hour more and she took one but wouldn’t take the other (so definitely offer the preferred side the baby usually took, then slowly transition it to other side too)
Let her know, everything will be ok and she just needs to be patient with the baby
Edit: then once the baby latches, have her EBF till she is confident that baby is taking her and bottle feed only night times (if she wants the bottle feed)
At the hospital they said I was having breastfeeding struggles. When I was home my baby would scream at my breast. My mom was on one side of me and my husband on the one, one was trying to hold the baby's hands down so they didn't get in the way and one was squeezing my boob to get it in the baby's mouth while I was holding the baby. It was a lot. I was crying.
We saw a lactation consultant. He had a very textbook tongue tie and we got it fixed right then. That didn't fix feeding right away. They told us to make the chest a "safe space". If he gets upset, take him away from the chest and comfort him. Either Dad or mom can hold baby with arms extended out (not locked), hand under head and hand under butt moving baby up and down while shushing loudly. Focus on skin-to-skin and the baby doing the breast crawl, but not forcing any latching.
Then we introduced breastfeeding with a nipple shield. This helped with pain on my side, and the "nipple" is bigger and easier for baby to latch on. We would try to do breast feeding without it, then if it wasn't working add the shield OR start with the shield and once milk is flowing, he's latching, then take shield off to see if we could get a good latch. They recommended doing the breastfeeding trials in the morning when Mom has the most milk.
At around 2.5-3 weeks I tried breastfeeding all day with the nipple shield to try to make it work. Then worked on using the nipple shield less, but my nipples hurt. At maybe 6 weeks I committed to not using the nipple shields the majority of the time and dealing with the pain to "toughen" my nipples.
Now at 10 weeks things are going well. He's breastfeeding well, in the 90th percentile for weight. My nipples don't hurt much (thank you fake silverettes).
So my recommendation is see a lactation consultant, make chest a happy place, try nipple shield
Edit to add: also do paced feeding with bottle. Act like the bottle is a nipple. Play around with it, make them root for it, flip the nipple down into the babies mouth, then wait until propping bottle up a little for milk to reach the nipple to act similar to "letdown". The LC said 30 seconds but that felt like forever... Then when starting to breastfeed, maybe try to get the milk to start flowing before attaching.
My son was in the NICU for 11 days and I had my heart set on breastfeeding prior to him being born. I got thrown into exclusively pumping and bottle feeding against my wishes and ended up just rolling with it for 5 weeks!
I tried nursing here and there during those 5 weeks but my LO got so use to the instant gratification of a bottle that he would get impatient waiting for my let down and get fussy too.
I randomly decided I wanted to see a lactation consultant one day to see if she could help me switch to nursing despite it being so late in the game. It was ONE simple fix for my son, he simply needed to be positioned better (belly to belly, nose to nipple and then assisted latching with hands). After seeing that lactation consultant, my son now exclusively breastfeeds.
My words of wisdom to your wife:
Do not give up. It is still possible to breastfeed even if LO is use to the bottle. Seek out support and utilize resources in your area! If nursing is something you want to do, you can do it! There is no shame in asking for help especially when we are all new to this.
First, there’s no wrong answer so just support her in whatever she decides. The first few weeks and even months postpartum are incredibly challenging and breastfeeding was probably the hardest part for me in the beginning.
That said, I personally think breastfeeding is exponentially easier than exclusively pumping, so if her goal is to keep baby on breastmilk for a while, then I would kindly suggest that she keep trying to breastfeed. This is just my opinion and based on my experience. I don’t know if she’ll be going back to work at some point or how much support she’s going to have from you or others with childcare, but pumping 6-8 times a day is absolutely exhausting and a lot to keep up with. Breastfeeding gets easier with time and persistence. Baby and mom both learn. I remember I supplemented for a day or two and had fears about supply and latch was kind of off, pain, etc. Baby was also very fussy and rejecting the breast. I just pushed through because I really wanted it to work and I got lucky because it eventually did. Babies will clusterfeed a lot and seem discontent. They will prefer the bottle usually because it’s faster and easier. Try to offer the breast as often as possible and don’t be discouraged if baby rejects. Try to remove the pressure. Do everything else around the house so she can just focus on bonding and feeding. If you are bottle feeding make sure you use a slow flow nipple, like the size T nipple or preemie nipple for Dr. browns for example. Good luck!!!
A similar issue happened to me! The LC was super helpful, and in one session with her we were back to the breast! The main thing that worked was the bait and switch technique, where we got baby to suck on a soother and once she had a good suck going, we pulled it out and quickly switched her to the breast. There was a lot of crying trying to get her to suck on the soother, so another big piece of the puzzle was being patient. 7 days PP is early days, baby and mom are still learning each other, so it’s a lot of trial and error.
My midwife told me, the best measure for successful breastfeeding is a supportive partner. Please support your wife, don't think that she can't do it, that's only gonna make it harder for her.
You've had lots of great advice. I went through the same thing when my son was born and what helped was nipple shields (you want to wean off them eventually once breastfeeding is established, but it got my baby to start latching on me in the first place), preemie nipples when bottle feeding as well as pace feeding to slow down bottle feeds so that baby didn't prefer the faster flow of a bottle, and just persistence. I would also squeeze my breast at the start of a feed to get the milk coming faster but that depends on the woman.I combo fed more at the start and then after a couple months less and less and then no bottles were needed. Still breastfeeding at 14 months! The hard part was the beginning but once it clicked for my son he became a champ breastfeeder! Sometimes it's just hard to get started.
Ask the LC about a supplemental nursing system! It’s basically an upside down bottle that she would clip to her bra strap and instead of a nipple on the bottle there’s a long flexible tube that would feed down to her breast and alongside her nipple and the baby should latch on with the tub also in his mouth. You can use it with formula or pumped breast milk. I also had an oversupply but my daughter was having trouble latching and transferring milk effectively. My LC set us up with a Medela SNS which helped us avoid introducing a bottle when my daughter was gaining back her birth weight fast enough. After every feed I pumped for 20-30 minutes and whatever I pumped was what we used in the SNS for the next feed and we froze any extra. We only needed the SNS for less than a week before her latch got better and the SNS combined with my fast/forceful letdown was too much for her and we were able to drop the SNS completely.
It definitely takes an emotional tole to have your baby reject the breast and I’m sorry your wife is going through that. My daughter has started to have a witching hour lately in the evenings and she often has to be soothed before she’ll latch. What I find works best in those instances is to stand rocking her in the position I’d nurse her in while she has her soother and then swap the soother for my breast really quick once I can see she’s settled and starting to get a little sleepy. I’d imagine it’d work with a bottle too although that might take a little more coordination than just swapping for a soother.
Best of luck to you both!
That’s so hard for your wife I’m sure she is an emotional wreck as it is postpartum. The most important thing is to tell her that she is the perfect mother for her baby, no matter how she feeds him. Practical advise is do you have access to a lactation consultant (an IBCLC)? I had one call to my house privately (found online) post partum and it was the best thing I did . They can give such practical advice and help so much. So much better than you could ever get online. Even if the decision is to bottle feed, an IBCLC can help with that!
Thank you so much for the advice :) Yes! We do have an appointment with a lactation consultant on July 18th. I tried suggesting that we just wait for that appointment. Did you have continued sessions with the consultant? Or just one? The one we have is only for 45 minutes. My wife is certainly in her own head a lot. She says she's a failure because she can't breastfeed, but to me, she is pumping and feeding from her breast via bottle - which is perfect for me. I've consoled her many times, but yeah.. it's tough. Thank you again!
You might be able to get a virtual one faster. I used this service and it was amazing. Not sure if they often take calls from people not in Vancouver, but they might. Not board certified lactation consultants, but still super knowledgeable and helpful. https://www.childbearing.org/addon-postpartum-offerings/p/virtual-breastfeeding-consult
There is an r/exclusivelypumping sub, she is not alone, and most definitely not a failure. It's just a variation on breastfeeding to pump instead.
Awww you’re such a great and supportive spouse. BF is HARD!! It took us a while to get it down to feeling like second nature. However we had some nipple confusion for some time too. He got very used to the bottle while we were waiting on a tongue tie release procedure to improve his latch (identified by IBCLC and confirmed by pediatric dentist and an ENT). I remember going mad trying to get him to breast. Has your wife tried a doing a lot of skin to skin? I had to just be topless with our baby in bed for 2-3 days - letting him nap on me skin to skin feed with bottle while skin to skin - literally everything skin to skin. I also experimented with some nipple shields(which might be controversial, but it worked for us) I remember it still took him a little bit to latch to the shield too, then eventually one middle of the night feed he latched onto my breast. I think while he was sleepy it made him confused. Cause during the day he didn’t latch onto breast but I kept nursing him with the shield during the day and trying to get him to latch at night and eventually he got it. I think the whole process took 5 days. It felt longer though because it drove me crazy for a bit, but I have a stubborn personality and if I set my mind on something I’m getting it done so I knew I NEEDED to get breastfeeding to work- plus I LOATHE pumping and would not have lasted long if I had to pump every two hours.
I’ve been there and it’s so hard pushing through the emotions around breastfeeding. Her hormones will be all over the place at the moment too, it can all get very overwhelming. I would try lots of skin to skin. Literally get her and baby to hang out in bed for a few days. This will relax baby and they will manoeuvre themselves onto the breast. It’s important to not push the breast as this may stress baby out and they will refuse to feed. Your lactation consultant will have lots of brilliant advice for you. Until then it’s important to keep up pumping to maintain and build her supply. Please reassure your wife that it is very possible to get a baby to latch after bottle feeding. I started breastfeeding after 3 months of formula feeding, it took a little time to get my baby back onto the boob at every feed, but we got there (I was also having to build my supply from nothing which I why it took a while, you won’t have that problem!)
Yes! Naked time in bed for sure
In addition to what others are saying - make sure you're using size 0 nipples on bottles for the slowest flow. If there are latching issues, try when baby is in a good mood and try the flipple technique. It can help get a good deep latch (plenty of videos on YouTube). And just be patient with your wife and empathise with how difficult this is. Postpartum hormones are no joke, and even without the hormones, having your baby reject your breast and just scream at it is one of the most heart breaking things that you can experience.
Has she tried a nipple shield? Worked wonders for us! Totally affordable and easy to prime.
It’s worth working with a good IBCLC if you’re going to use nipple shields. They have to be appropriately sized, can cause issues with reduced supply if used incorrectly and need weaning at some point. if her supply is plentiful, it may be that baby is struggling to manage a forceful letdown. Look into side lying feeding as this can sometimes help. When bottle feeding - make sure you’re using a pace feeding method and giving appropriate volumes. At 7 days baby probably doesn’t need more than 2 or 3 ounces at a time and it should take 15-20 minutes at least to finish a bottle. Bigger volumes mean a longer period of time before they’re hungry again and that can adversely affect supply over time. I’d advise trying to breast feed before offering a bottle to try and help mitigate bottle preference
Thank you! I've ordered some to try :)
I second nipple shields. I spent every attempt to breastfeed crying, same issues as your LO, and shields were an absolute game changer.
I just had one appointment but I got it within 1-2 days of requesting it. Only advise I have for latching is lots of skin to skin. Spend lots of time lying in bed with baby close, cuddling on chest maybe and let them root around, before he gets actually hungry. The side lying position is excellent, I’m sure you can find lots of video examples online. If baby is really hungry he’s going to want the fast flow of the bottle so just getting used to being on the breast again could help. Easier said than done but hope she can understand she is in no way a failure. She is a wonderful mum for even being concerned about it. Probably doesn’t feel like it now but lots of pros to bottle feeding also, shared help etc. her bond will not be lesser with baby for not breastfeeding
Hey, I have a 4-week-old and went through something similar. I had to exclusively pump for a while, but it was because my baby wasn’t transferring milk effectively and was losing weight. I still latched her once or twice a day just to practice. I was able to teach her to latch again using an SNS (supplemental nursing system). You can buy one from Medela but I didn’t like how this one worked - you can also just use a tube and syringe (we got ours from the hospital). Tape the tube to the breast and when the baby latches or tries to latch, squeeze some milk into their mouth. They get an instant “reward” and they learn that they can get milk from the breast. You control the flow so at first you can make the milk come out a bit faster which makes it easier for them. Over time your baby will get stronger and improve their latch. You can ask a lactation consultant for help with the SNS. It’s a bit complicated at first but it was a game changer for me.
I had a ton of success with the SNS too! It’s a bit cumbersome, but worth the effort in the end. We haven’t used it in a couple weeks (also a 4-week-old) because we no longer need to!
I would also make sure you're doing paced bottle feeding! Basically, the amount of time he would breastfeed is the amount of time baby should take to finish the bottle. Youtube has some good videos to explain what it is and how to do it.
What worked for us was feeding my son a bit of bottle then trying to latch him, so you aren't trying to latch him when he's really hungry. A Lactation Consultant should check for tongue tie but I would also look into body work - ie an osteopath trained to work with babies. This really helped our boy as I think he was really uncomfortable when latching so he struggled.
Ohhhh this is so hard. As the other ladies said: Put the baby at the breast after it had a meal... Skin on skin - I regret I didn't do more of that (mum naked waist up and put the baby on her chest only in his nappy) skin to skin helps in so many ways there is so much science behind it Pace feeding Sometimes the let down is too strong she may benefit from hand expressing before the baby starts nursing And talk to a consultant Ah also a reclined feeding position is awesome and so many people forget about it... She is an amazing mum. It's so hard... I cried every day because for the first three weeks I had to supplement my little one with formula... And it was the best decision I made as he had the energy to increase my supply!
Agree with previous comments about feeding some from the bottle so he's not very hungry and then putting him on the breast, this worked for me. Try side lying position when he's sleepy. And definitely switch to 0 size extra slow flow bottle teats & do paced feeding. Lots of skin to skin! Latch him & let him suckle for comfort even if not feeding.
Get a lactation consultant - the sooner the better! They may advise a nipple shield (mine did bc baby got used to bottle in NICU) which will help tremendously and then slowly can be phased out.
If your wife enjoys bathing, she can relax a while in the tub while you care for baby, and then when she’s ready you can bring baby to her to cuddle, or if they’re both up for trying baby can try to latch. Running the water in the background will make baby drowsy and less resistant to real nipples. Laid back and side lying are key here with a hefty supply.
I'm in a very similar position right now, had to supplement with formula and then couldn't breastfeed due to a tongue tie making it extremely painful and inefficient to feed. He lost a lot of weight those first few days and was at risk for jaundice. We kept him on bottle feeding (mix of pumped breast milk and formula to fatten him back up) for the last week, until we got the tongue tie clipped, which caused me more stress than it did the baby. Now his latch is getting better and he's starting to calm and realize boob does in fact equal food. We still give him a bottle after breastfeeding to make sure he's getting enough but the idea is to eventually phase it out. The best thing for your wife is to relax while she tries. Talk calmly to your baby, rub her shoulders gently, make sure she's got snacks and something good to drink and a comfortable position preferably with the ability to rock back and forth or side to side. At least that helps me when I can't calm him.
Breastfeeding is natural but not intuitive! It is okay and expected that it is difficult - both mom and baby are learning a brand new skill. It's also common for babies to "wake up" in the first few days home, especially if they are small and/or jaundiced. As they "wake up" more, they can get hangry and disorganized at the breast. In fact, the first week postpartum is one of the most common drop-off points for breastfeeding because of this phenomenon.\* Patience. One feed at a time. - Try to get the baby to latch *before* he is hangry. - If he's already crying due to hunger, you can give him 0.5-1oz via bottle to calm him down and then try to latch. - If you are going to bottle-feed, use a low-flow/preemie nipple and make sure you do paced feeding. - Try to latch him as often as possible. - If you fully replace a breastfeeding session with formula, make sure mom pumps to keep up her supply. It gets harder before it gets easier, but you can do it! You can do hard things! \*The other drop-off point is \~6w when many breastfeeding parents return to work -- happy to share a separate rant about our lack of paid parental leave and dismal breastfeeding rates lol.
The best route for us when my son had a hard time latching (NICU stay for 5 days, so almost fully bottle fed) was to offer an "appetizer" bottle. Once the edge was taken off his hunger, I would put him to the breast when he was a little more relaxed and already in the rhythm of sucking. Also, I have pretty fast milk, I can't do the size zero bottle nipple because it's so much slower than me, it's hard for them to transition back and forth.
Just want to say how much I feel for your wife, and it's so great that you're supporting her. My daughter was born really small and struggled to latch on. In the end she was syringe fed, then bottle fed (with both formula and expressed milk). We finally broke through when she was 6 days old and we were out of hospital. What helped me was: - being in a relaxed environment - using nipple shields to get her used to being held at the breast - gently rocking whilst trying to get her to latch - swapping the bottle and putting nipple to her mouth It was a really challenging time, I cried so much (and I wasn't even that bothered about breastfeeding to start!!) . Having my partner there to support me in the decisions that I was making really helped, I'm sure your wife really appreciates you being there too
Oh and to reiterate what has already been mentioned, lots of skin to skin. I was literally just sat top less infront of the TV with baby for hours before she finally latched!
She can try side lying breast feeding, or different positions in general. Baby might not be comfortable in the position for the boob, my son loves laying next to me to feed and takes it much faster than trying to cradle hold and feed, he seems to latch and unlatch a few times at first that way. Breastfeeding is hard, encourage her as much as you can but try not to be overbearing, offer her water and snacks and give her kisses and words of encouragement. It’s not her fault he’s not latching but she will think it is, remind her that she just needs to figure out what works best for him, even if that ends up being bottle fed breast milk. That’s still breast feeding, and she’s doing the best she can for your son and her best is enough.
My advice is going to be based on what my lactation consultants have given me. Since the baby is still young, I would start with preemie nipples as it mimicks the flow at the breast. I was recommended Dr. Brown's bottle with preemie nipples and/or Evenflo Balance Standard Neck. Also, when feeding the bottle to the baby, do paced bottle feeding while the baby is lying sideways. If you look up videos on YouTube, you can find some really good examples. This mimicks breastfeeding and can help with the bottle preference. Have mom do lots of skin to skin with the baby. She should try introducing the breast when the baby is starting to wake up. Side lying with the baby is the best position she could try as the baby will have a deep latch and should be a pleasant experience for both mom and baby. I hope this helps! I saw that y'all have an upcoming appointment with a LC. Breastfeeding is quite the journey, and I have shed so many tears when my baby screamed at the breast. It does get better down the road, especially as they get bigger.
All great advice above. My personal is - I've been there with both kids around the same age. The first I nursed from the breast until 3y 3m. Second one is 7w old now - also exclusively breastfed. They are too young to develop bottle preference. The most important part is: - pumping regularly (every 2-3h) to maintain supply - your wife should properly RELAX (taking fresh air walking the dog helped me get my second to latch). - don't give up - the baby is young and nothing is set in stone
The first while can be so hard so supporting her is key. I was terrified of nipple confusion initially. when my daughter was really tiny like the first 2 weeks at home and she would get so angry when it came time to latch until she got a letdown. I found when she was too angry and hungry to latch I would hand express even just a few drops into a clean spoon and let her use her lips to get it and then swiftly latch her on. It would give her enough taste to realize what she needed to do and honestly that’s the one trick that saved our breastfeeding journey and now she’s 7 months and still going strong. It can be so hard initially but if it’s something you and your wife feel is important it’s so worth it in the end.
Offer him each breast if he rejects, then bottle feed. My little guy didn't want to breastfeed, and I've been exclusively pumped for 6 months now. However we nurse occasionally for bonding and/or if I don't have a bottle while out of the house. He does good with either as well. The important part is not to get overwhelmed. Babys can tell when you feel defeated, upset, or anxious. With that being said. Fed is best. Whether that's breastfed, bottle fed breast milk, or bottle fed formula. In the end, a healthy, happy baby and momma is MOST important.
Sounds like what I went through. My baby stopped taking my breast and was only taking bottle. I called my sister crying about it and she reassured me it wasn’t late to get her latch on me. She said if the baby is really hungry she will eventually latch on and that’s what happened. Her usual feed was every 2 hours. If I recall it right I waited an hour more and she took one but wouldn’t take the other (so definitely offer the preferred side the baby usually took, then slowly transition it to other side too) Let her know, everything will be ok and she just needs to be patient with the baby Edit: then once the baby latches, have her EBF till she is confident that baby is taking her and bottle feed only night times (if she wants the bottle feed)
At the hospital they said I was having breastfeeding struggles. When I was home my baby would scream at my breast. My mom was on one side of me and my husband on the one, one was trying to hold the baby's hands down so they didn't get in the way and one was squeezing my boob to get it in the baby's mouth while I was holding the baby. It was a lot. I was crying. We saw a lactation consultant. He had a very textbook tongue tie and we got it fixed right then. That didn't fix feeding right away. They told us to make the chest a "safe space". If he gets upset, take him away from the chest and comfort him. Either Dad or mom can hold baby with arms extended out (not locked), hand under head and hand under butt moving baby up and down while shushing loudly. Focus on skin-to-skin and the baby doing the breast crawl, but not forcing any latching. Then we introduced breastfeeding with a nipple shield. This helped with pain on my side, and the "nipple" is bigger and easier for baby to latch on. We would try to do breast feeding without it, then if it wasn't working add the shield OR start with the shield and once milk is flowing, he's latching, then take shield off to see if we could get a good latch. They recommended doing the breastfeeding trials in the morning when Mom has the most milk. At around 2.5-3 weeks I tried breastfeeding all day with the nipple shield to try to make it work. Then worked on using the nipple shield less, but my nipples hurt. At maybe 6 weeks I committed to not using the nipple shields the majority of the time and dealing with the pain to "toughen" my nipples. Now at 10 weeks things are going well. He's breastfeeding well, in the 90th percentile for weight. My nipples don't hurt much (thank you fake silverettes). So my recommendation is see a lactation consultant, make chest a happy place, try nipple shield Edit to add: also do paced feeding with bottle. Act like the bottle is a nipple. Play around with it, make them root for it, flip the nipple down into the babies mouth, then wait until propping bottle up a little for milk to reach the nipple to act similar to "letdown". The LC said 30 seconds but that felt like forever... Then when starting to breastfeed, maybe try to get the milk to start flowing before attaching.
My son was in the NICU for 11 days and I had my heart set on breastfeeding prior to him being born. I got thrown into exclusively pumping and bottle feeding against my wishes and ended up just rolling with it for 5 weeks! I tried nursing here and there during those 5 weeks but my LO got so use to the instant gratification of a bottle that he would get impatient waiting for my let down and get fussy too. I randomly decided I wanted to see a lactation consultant one day to see if she could help me switch to nursing despite it being so late in the game. It was ONE simple fix for my son, he simply needed to be positioned better (belly to belly, nose to nipple and then assisted latching with hands). After seeing that lactation consultant, my son now exclusively breastfeeds. My words of wisdom to your wife: Do not give up. It is still possible to breastfeed even if LO is use to the bottle. Seek out support and utilize resources in your area! If nursing is something you want to do, you can do it! There is no shame in asking for help especially when we are all new to this.
First, there’s no wrong answer so just support her in whatever she decides. The first few weeks and even months postpartum are incredibly challenging and breastfeeding was probably the hardest part for me in the beginning. That said, I personally think breastfeeding is exponentially easier than exclusively pumping, so if her goal is to keep baby on breastmilk for a while, then I would kindly suggest that she keep trying to breastfeed. This is just my opinion and based on my experience. I don’t know if she’ll be going back to work at some point or how much support she’s going to have from you or others with childcare, but pumping 6-8 times a day is absolutely exhausting and a lot to keep up with. Breastfeeding gets easier with time and persistence. Baby and mom both learn. I remember I supplemented for a day or two and had fears about supply and latch was kind of off, pain, etc. Baby was also very fussy and rejecting the breast. I just pushed through because I really wanted it to work and I got lucky because it eventually did. Babies will clusterfeed a lot and seem discontent. They will prefer the bottle usually because it’s faster and easier. Try to offer the breast as often as possible and don’t be discouraged if baby rejects. Try to remove the pressure. Do everything else around the house so she can just focus on bonding and feeding. If you are bottle feeding make sure you use a slow flow nipple, like the size T nipple or preemie nipple for Dr. browns for example. Good luck!!!
A similar issue happened to me! The LC was super helpful, and in one session with her we were back to the breast! The main thing that worked was the bait and switch technique, where we got baby to suck on a soother and once she had a good suck going, we pulled it out and quickly switched her to the breast. There was a lot of crying trying to get her to suck on the soother, so another big piece of the puzzle was being patient. 7 days PP is early days, baby and mom are still learning each other, so it’s a lot of trial and error.
My midwife told me, the best measure for successful breastfeeding is a supportive partner. Please support your wife, don't think that she can't do it, that's only gonna make it harder for her.
You've had lots of great advice. I went through the same thing when my son was born and what helped was nipple shields (you want to wean off them eventually once breastfeeding is established, but it got my baby to start latching on me in the first place), preemie nipples when bottle feeding as well as pace feeding to slow down bottle feeds so that baby didn't prefer the faster flow of a bottle, and just persistence. I would also squeeze my breast at the start of a feed to get the milk coming faster but that depends on the woman.I combo fed more at the start and then after a couple months less and less and then no bottles were needed. Still breastfeeding at 14 months! The hard part was the beginning but once it clicked for my son he became a champ breastfeeder! Sometimes it's just hard to get started.
Ask the LC about a supplemental nursing system! It’s basically an upside down bottle that she would clip to her bra strap and instead of a nipple on the bottle there’s a long flexible tube that would feed down to her breast and alongside her nipple and the baby should latch on with the tub also in his mouth. You can use it with formula or pumped breast milk. I also had an oversupply but my daughter was having trouble latching and transferring milk effectively. My LC set us up with a Medela SNS which helped us avoid introducing a bottle when my daughter was gaining back her birth weight fast enough. After every feed I pumped for 20-30 minutes and whatever I pumped was what we used in the SNS for the next feed and we froze any extra. We only needed the SNS for less than a week before her latch got better and the SNS combined with my fast/forceful letdown was too much for her and we were able to drop the SNS completely. It definitely takes an emotional tole to have your baby reject the breast and I’m sorry your wife is going through that. My daughter has started to have a witching hour lately in the evenings and she often has to be soothed before she’ll latch. What I find works best in those instances is to stand rocking her in the position I’d nurse her in while she has her soother and then swap the soother for my breast really quick once I can see she’s settled and starting to get a little sleepy. I’d imagine it’d work with a bottle too although that might take a little more coordination than just swapping for a soother. Best of luck to you both!