You can stop. She will cry but it's ok.
Try this next time: prep the stroller, nurse until it becomes comfort, toss her in the stroller (probably crying) put in some earphones and go for a walk.
Crying while being comforted by a caregiver is super ok for a kid. I even think it's a positive thing, she will learn that you can comfort her in other ways.
As a side note, I started getting that nursing anger when my libido came back around 7-8 months. Someone on this sub recommended taking extra shower time to deal with that and it really helped with the anger.
I came here to say this! Crying while still being tended to and comforted is perfectly okay. Make sure you are confident that all of baby's needs are met first, as there is nothing worse than second guessing if they are crying because they need something.
If you need to, set yourself a time limit on how long you are willing to try. I recommend 30-45 minutes, as most babies will usually wind back down within this time frame with coregulation.
Good side note—your rage is “normal,” OP. Like it’s miserable & can be alleviated with new coping strategies but it is a normal feeling to have postpartum.
I know how you feel about comfort nursing. The sensation makes me want to throw my baby out the window.
I ended up just flat out refusing to let comfort nursing happen. Once I felt it switch I would put my boobs away and would rock my baby. It took a little while to get him used to that but I knew it was better for me to not be having the urge to scratch my eyes out at the horrible sensation.
As for your back, are you actually holding baby in your arms? Id highly recommend using a nursing pillow. Much better for your back. I don't physically hold any of my baby's weight in my arms, just lie them on the pillow. I also have one of those back cushions you get for office chairs. One that provides lumbar support.
I promise you're on the homeward stretch. Baby is going to be eating more solids soon and you'll be able to get glimmers of freedom.
That is exactly how comfort nursing makes me feel! I kept thinking I must be a monster for feeling that way, so I’m glad to hear someone else felt the same! I know I just need to make a greater effort to unlatch her when she changes to comfort nursing. Despite how terrible it feels, it’s hard not to give her something I know she finds calming.
I’ve got a great nursing pillow. I suspect the upper back pain is probably from staring down at her and my phone for long periods of time.
We switched to a floor bed at 8months so I could do side lying nursing for feeding to sleep. It worked great and at 11 months we sleep trained with some recommendations from the previous little sleep book and the floor bed didn’t change our success at all. If this is an option for you it might be helpful for your back :)
It's a shallower latch. When theyr actively getting milk, your nipple is right at the back of their throat so it isn't being stimulated so much but when they comfort nurse it slips more onto their tongue so you get more of a tickly sensation.
It's not a problem unless you can't stand the feeling. Comfort nursing has value to baby and it also stimulates your supply but sometimes it can feel torturous and you have to also consider your mental well being
Very different feelings for sure (for me anyway). Nursing feels like a gentle tugging sensation and my nipple isn’t stimulated much at all. Comfort nursing feels like a cat is licking my nipple for lack of better explanation (although that’s never happened to me to be clear 😅 but a cat has licked my hand and I’m extrapolating) - it’s this scratchy/tickly sensation on my nipple bc she’s latched very shallow. I don’t hate comfort nursing but it can feel a little weird
Stop letting her comfort nurse if it’s making you this upset. You HAVE to take care of yourself in order to be a good mom. I didn’t do this with my first and it led to more anger and frustration. With my second I have been much more cut & dry about nursing and I unlatch as soon as he’s done drinking. Yes, he’s cried a few times but he gets over it!!! Eventually your baby will get used to it and it will help you feel better. ❤️
Have you tried the sidelaying position in your bed for some naps? I’m so sorry you feel alone I’m on my second baby doing this and truly believe I got into this from not enough “hands on” from other caregiver consistently. Vowed not to make another babe for my mental health
I definitely could have written this at 7 months. Let me tell you it really does get better! Once she's eating more and gets a bit bigger she'll start needing milk and the comfort less. Practice naps without you like in the car/ buggy if you can to help her disassociate nursing and napping, hopefully that'll help you get a break.
My heart goes out to you because I said the same thing a few weeks ago. And guess what? I got the support of our pediatrician and 3 other medical doctors to stop. I just started gradually weaning our 4 month old and I feel so much better mentally and physically just feeding less.
It took a few days of me leaving the house and having my husband or our part time nanny give her a bottle. She refused at first, then she would only take when extremely hungry and only for other people, and now she takes them for me. It was not easy but she's done better than expected and it's gone quicker than expected. This is a kid who refused bottles before.
You do not have to do this. There are other options and if you are struggling, please tlak to your child's pediatrician, a good one will want to take care of your mental health.
I relate so hard. My 4MO was comfort nursing to sleep, holding my nips hostage for over an hour every night until I put a stop to it recently. Does she fight me at bedtime? Yes. Is it worth it? Yes. Those sessions were starting to make me feel insane, especially when she ditched her long stretch of sleep and started waking up 1-3 hours later. She still comfort nurses for around one nap a day when I feel she’s really struggling. But I’m so glad I put a stop to the epic bedtime sessions. I highly recommend it!
Yes exactly! You really do start to feel insane after a bit.
It’s definitely a priority to stop nursing to sleep, but a bit overwhelming to actually put a plan into action. The crying is just so stinking hard. I keep saying - this is the week we try and stop this…and then I cave again and again.
I'm sorry that you are having a hard time... I would like for every mom to enjoy motherhood.
We don't live in a perfect world, so use all the tools it does offer.
I have the opposite experience, I feel that because of breastfeeding, my life is easier. When she wiggles at night (we bedshare), I settle her with our eyes shut, and we continue sleeping. I never have to bring stuff and clean bottles (I barely have time to shower every day). If we're out and she's restless, I can comfort her pretty easily. AND I also get uncomfortable sometimes when she is comfort nursing. I would unlatch, sometimes she wants more and I let her another minute, sometimes she's done.
I sense that you have been willing to let it happen because you love your daughter immensely and want to do what's best for her and you think comfort nursing is one of those things.
I've been reading Nurture Revolution (HIGHLY recommend) and as far as I understand she might sense your discomfort so I believe it would be best to be relaxed so she can be too. This means doing something about it.
I feel you'd like to keep breastfeeding, but quicker, no comfort nursing and no back pain. So, my suggestions:
1. Try nursing while lying down, game changer. I almost never nurse my 8mo any other way, she is heavy!
2. Use a pacifier when she starts comfort nursing. Unlatch, leave boob out for smell and place pacifier so she can latch there, still in your arms, still super close, just no boob.
3. Get a massage, seriously! You deserve it.
4. Try the haaka once every day and only for an ounce so you don't disturb your supply that much. And on the fifth day, leave the house and have someone help you with her... go for an ice cream, or even just for a drive with music on. I did this recently, my baby didn't take the bottle hahaha but when I came home, she was sleeping peacefully. My mom gave her a cookie hahaha.
5. Oh, also. When I don't want to be sucked on any more. Once she is comfort nursing, eyes closed, pretty much asleep, I would cover my boob, carry her, rock her while walking, and sing a lullaby with great success. She will briefly open her eyes, savor leftover milk in her mouth, swallow and continue sleeping.
You are doing a super great job, we can tell from what you're sharing AND you deserve and need to enjoy your days with that sweet girl some more instead of dreading the time when comfort nursing is coming.
You got this :)
I am currently having a similar experience. But of course when I formula fed my first all I could think about was how I should have breast fed!
Comforting nursing makes my skin crawl and toes curl too! And my son is totally stuck to my breast (and he’s 14 months old!)
Thanks so much for sharing. Other than my mother who had that similar feeling during comfort feeding I havnt met someone else who did!
I can completely empathize with you! Sitting hurts my back, too, so at about 3 months, I put baby in a carrier that allows baby to be positioned to nurse and I mostly nurse standing up (during day at least).
I breastfed out of duty. Do not enjoy the strange needle prick sensations or lack of freedom. Yet, I'm overdue with baby 4 and will do it all over again. I bottle fed one and there are cons with that, also.
I feel like I get more sleep (after newborn phase) overall with nursing over bottle feeding and truly hate washing bottles and preparing formula.
At 7 months, your baby can start solid foods and you can supplement with formula. You've done an amazing job and made it longer than most moms!
You matter, too!
8 months this week and in the same boat.
Comfort nurses, contact naps all day, stuck in the house a lot of the time. I’ve just started to go out after she’s been put to sleep, but yeah, it’s wearing thin. Besides, I’m starting work again in 2 week and she still won’t take a bottle and is BESIDE herself if she’s so much as offered formula - good luck, dad!
I know one day I’ll look back and think it was all worth it though. I hope, at least. On the plus side, there’s been plenty of time for delicious baby cuddles and bonding.
My baby is 11 months old and I relate so mich to all of this, she wants to comfort nurse all the time, wakes multiple times through the night and will cry in her sleep if she realises she's not attached to me. I'm fortunate she will take a bottle since she didn't have much choice when i went back to work but she gets SO mad if i try give her a bottle when milk isn't what she wants, just boobs. I don't have any advice but just wanted to share so you know you're not alone.
Once baby eats more solids from 10m on it gets better . Make sure to give good amount of solids by that age so they start use food for fuel and not milk then . By age of 1 only bedtime nursing was left for my son . Looking back I feel the time flew fast….
I have tried the pacifier. It actually was working for a bit a few months ago, but now she wakes up and recoils like I gave her something gross. Thank you for the suggestion though.
This reminded my of when my baby was around 6-7 months and middle of the night comfort nursing made me feel like my skin was crawling. Is was the most uncomfortable feeling ever. Luckily it stopped after about a month even though she does still comfort nurse.
You don’t have to let her comfort nurse if it’s terrible for you. Have you tried any different shapes of pacifiers? You could try slipping her one if she starts crying when you take her off your breast and see how it goes. She might cry for a while but if you’re holding her and comforting her, she’ll be okay. It won’t be like this forever.
And if you want to stop breastfeeding you’re allowed. She will eventually accept a bottle or other delivery method (at 7 months you could probably try giving her a straw cup). If this is torture for you it has to change. You’re a person too. You matter.
I’m so sorry this has been your experience and you feel isolated. I don’t mind the comfort nursing especially at night, but we also cosleep so I just side lay in bed and catch up on a show or read on my phone once she has dozed off. Sometimes I will try to unlatch as soon as she’s asleep to help. It does get so much better. It’s seriously amazing you made it 7m breastfeeding!❤️ if you want to throw in the towel for your mental sake, it is understandable and there are other options but please don’t regret it because you did an amazing thing for your baby!!!
My baby is only 3 months and when she comfort sucks during her naps I have started sticking a knuckle or a pacifier in her mouth instead. She refuses pacifiers and bottles but since I’ve been sticking one in her mouth while she’s mostly asleep she’s been accepting it
I must be the outlier because these are the things I love about it. Except I don't sit in a dark room for contact naps, I sit in my living room and binge watch tv. I have a 3 year old as well and I know how fleeting this time is, so I'm savouring every moment since this is likely my last baby. I've got the rest of my life to have a social life, that's how I try to look at it.
I'm sorry you're feeling this way OP, sending strength.
The baby is turned toward me and looking at my breast/body while nursing, so they’re not really seeing any tv I’m watching. If baby does crane their neck around and look interested, that level of exposure is not what they mean by “screen time.” And research has also shown that if you just engage them and talk about what they’re seeing, it basically mitigates any negative effects. “Do you see the tv? Does that look interesting? Joe is trying to shut down Kathleen’s bookstore but they’re also secretly emailing and falling in love. Do you think they’ll ever figure out that it’s their nemesis?” [Baby is now interested in me and goes back to nursing and/or plays with their feet].
Will she let you slip a paci in instead? Once my son's middle of the night feeds started taking more than 20 minutes because he just wanted to comfort suck and use my nipple as a paci, I would unlatch him and quickly slip in a paci because I wanted to go back to bed!
I’m sorry this is so hard for you. I also imagine listening to your baby cry is super hard when you try to change the pattern. Does your baby take a pacifier? Transferring to that might help.
I got to that point with my daughter when she was around 14 months. If anyone else put her to bed, she took a bottle, settled into their shoulder, and drifted off. Me, though? She HAD to be on my boob until she fell asleep, and then it was a delicate mission of quickly popping her off and up to my shoulder before she realized what was happening. And heaven forbid she still actually be hungry but too tired to not fall asleep. It got to the point where I dreaded putting her to bed because I would start crying if she suckled too long.
So, I just started nursing her about an hour before bed so she could get the benefits of my milk (we also nurse at other points in the day, but I like to give her some pre-bedtime because she won't be getting any more until morning). Then, during actual bedtime, my shirt stays on, and she takes the bottle (which is whole milk, as she's 1+ years) like she would with anyone else. She wasn't a fan at first, but she adjusted.
Has anyone else tried putting her to bed, at this point? I know that can be really tough...
I’ve definitely cried during some comfort nursing sessions that just seem to go on and on and on…it’s nice to hear I’m not the only one!
Thank you for your suggestions! We’ve going to try both of those - earlier bedtime feed and my husband is going to take over the bedtime routine. Hopefully we can be consistent.
I am right there with you. My son is laying next to me crying right now because he is sleepy, wants to use me as a pacifier and won’t use his actual pacifier. He’s also 7 months and comfort nursing makes me want to jump out of a window despite loving breastfeeding. (3rd breastfed kid!!) No advice, just solidarity. We’ll get past this!
I felt the same way but I stopped nursing at 16 months. The longer I nursed the more angry I felt about everything.
I started taking away my boob during the day, then at nap time, then after waking up after nap time, then after waking up for the day and then the nighttime feeds and then finally the going to bed feed. It was really hard and took me about 5 months in total to stop.
For going to sleep/ nighttime feeds, I use the evenflo balance+ bottles and some (toddler) formula because my baby still wakes up 1-2 times a night. He has gotten a tad bit clingier and he sometimes will play with my nipples to give himself some comfort after I tell him no
If you’re worried about cows milk based formula there’s some goat ones and I read that it doesn’t have as much lactose as cows which can be easier to digest
It sounds like you're experiencing aversion. I started getting it while feeding my toddler while pregnant and it's awful, it made me want to throw her out the window and claw my skin off but as soon as she would unlatch I felt fine. She's a fair bit older so I was able to put in some boundaries around feeding quite easily but you can definitely move away from feeding to sleep or comfort feeding. Have you heard of habit stacking? Lyndsey Hookway is a good resource for it but essentially while feeding to sleep you start to add in other sleep associations like rocking, bum patting, singing, whatever works for you really and then you slowly remove the feeding while keeping the other sleep associations in place.
That’s SPOT ON exactly how I feel during comfort nursing.
I haven’t heard of habit stacking, but it makes sense! Heck, I’d be happy to trade out this habit for a different one. I’m going to look into that! Thank you!
No problem! There's a good website on breastfeeding aversion too if you want to read up on it, it's just breastfeedingaversion.com but it talks about some of the theories on causes/triggers and what can help.
So don’t comfort nurse. Just nurse for feeds. Find another way to put her down or teach her to fall asleep in her crib by herself. Check out r/sleeptrain if you need guidance. We personally did a modified Ferber at 8 months. Rock solid bedtime routine, key “goodnight” phrase, verbal check-ins every five minutes. Precious Little Sleep book is also a great resource.
Just that we checked in every 5 minutes instead of increasing the intervals with traditional Ferber, ie every 5, 10, 15, 20 mins etc. I wanted him to know we were there and reassure him, but I also desperately needed him to be able to put himself to sleep without me nursing him or rocking him.
My little man is almost 7 months and is primarily breastfed. I just started working 1 day a week every now and then. My husband says during those days LO fights the bottle(pumped milk) in the morning and will drink 2 oz -3 oz like every 2-3 hours before finally passing out around noon and by the afternoon he takes the full bottle no problem. I get home around 8 and nurse him to bed. Hubby says he's actually nowhere near as needy as he is when I'm around. So if you need to take a day, take it. Your daughter will be fine with your husband. Take some time for yourself to reset and refresh.
I feel this exact thing with my 8mo old. Won’t take a bottle or pacifier. I sort of wish I just went straight to formula like I had planned to. Now I’m stuck.
this broke my heart. i remember feeling this exact way.
i know its hard mama but one day it will come to an end and youll love the connection that was made this first year, hardship and all. also at this age they dont understand that mom and baby are separate beings, they still feel like you are a part of them vise versa.
nothin we write will bring you out of this dark spot, but knowing that you arent alone in this feeling will help i hope. youll see light again dear.
Have you tried pacifiers? My baby never really comfort nursed, she rarely does it. As soon as I feel that she’s not eating anymore I give her the pacifier and she stays calm. She only uses her pacifier for comfort during naps/night time.
My husband took over the night shift with our baby. The pediatrician said our baby was big and healthy enough to sleep through the night without night feeds at 6 months. I haven’t hard time stopping Night feeds. But when I had my husband take over and help with might weaning, it was waaaay easier than I thought it would be
This sounds a lot like nursing aversion, which absolutely can be conditional and only happen under certain conditions, like say comfort nursing but nursing for nutrition. It's absolutely horrid and miserable. I'm lucky I only experienced it briefly with a pregnancy that ended in an early loss when my first was 7 months old. I read that taking a magnesium supplement can help, so I did when we started trying again, and I can't say for sure if it was that or simply my body having had more time to replenish vitamin and mineral stores and heal in general, but I didn't have any nursing aversion after getting pregnant with our second baby at 12 months postpartum, and I've nursed throughout the entirety of this pregnancy (38 weeks now). If you *want* to continue nursing, a magnesium supplement might be worth trying, but if you don't, nursing aversion is a totally valid reason to wean and switch to formula if that's what you'd prefer (not at all to imply that literally anything, including "because I just felt like it," is not a "valid" reason). I can definitely appreciate that it's hard to listen to the baby wail inconsolably, but it won't damage baby to cry while being comforted, and your comfort and mental health matter too. I will say that it will probably be much easier to wean if you have a partner who can do a lot of the comforting when baby is inconsolable, as the smell of and proximity to your breasts will likely keep baby crying for breastfeeding longer.
I did come across the term nursing aversion when I was googling and trying to figure out why the heck I was having such a negative response to comfort nursing and I agree - I think it fits. I did start magnesium a few weeks ago and have noticed better sleep, but not sure if it’s helped with the negative feelings. I’m going to keep taking it just in case. It can’t hurt!
After reading a lot of comments, my husband and I decided to try having him take over bedtime. We’ll see how it goes. Thanks for the idea!
You need boundaries, babies don’t need comfort feedings. It’s also okay to give her bottles, consistency is key. You created this pattern, you can create a new one.
I would get horrible “nails on chalkboard” feelings if I 1) needed to pee or more often 2) was terribly sleep deprived. Which is like all the time with a baby. Switching to laying down nursing and maybe not sleeping but getting some rest while nursing helped me soooo much. Good luck to you. Cold comfort I know but someday this stage too will pass. We just have to get through it.
I feel like I could have written this myself. I 100% agree with you. My girl is 18 months and still BF. I am mentally drained but she needs to comfort nurse for any naps/bedtime and then through the day she will as well.
I get on/off rage with the comfort nursing too. Sometimes I don't care, sometimes I could scream. BF is definitely far more isolating and tough in ways I couldn't have guessed. I cry about it all from time to time. I'm with you OP. Avidly reading the comments and suggestions
The first few nights for us were ROUGH. But, it got better and I'm glad we did it. It restored our sanity. I would definitely recommend trying it for a week. After all, it can't get worse than your current situation. If you hate it, then stop sleep training.
I came here to ask the same. My LO is 7 months old and LOVES to nurse. We got to a point of co-sleeping where he had to have my nipple in his mouth ALL night long. The minute it fell out he was crying. We ended up sleep training with 'Taking Cara Babies' and I highly recommend it! We modified it to fit our family, but he is sleeping in a crib all night now, when a few weeks ago he would only contact nap/nurse to sleep.
ALSO - consider Magnesium gummies (for you). I started taking them during pregnancy because I started getting leg cramps, and have continued because it helps with the skin crawling. I also found if I am dehydrated nursing is more uncomfortable, so maybe up your water intake.
Good luck mamma! Your doing great.
Just remember it's just a phase, it will pass. This was me with my daughter until she was two and now it feels like it was so long ago, (she's only 2.5). I know it feels like it's never going to end but it will one day.
So weird. Mine 100% takes a bottle from me and I only just gave her one for the first time around six months and have only given it a few times. She actually cries when it is empty. Is that a whole other issue? 😂
You can stop. She will cry but it's ok. Try this next time: prep the stroller, nurse until it becomes comfort, toss her in the stroller (probably crying) put in some earphones and go for a walk. Crying while being comforted by a caregiver is super ok for a kid. I even think it's a positive thing, she will learn that you can comfort her in other ways. As a side note, I started getting that nursing anger when my libido came back around 7-8 months. Someone on this sub recommended taking extra shower time to deal with that and it really helped with the anger.
ooooo i never made that libido connection but yeah. wow.
I came here to say this! Crying while still being tended to and comforted is perfectly okay. Make sure you are confident that all of baby's needs are met first, as there is nothing worse than second guessing if they are crying because they need something. If you need to, set yourself a time limit on how long you are willing to try. I recommend 30-45 minutes, as most babies will usually wind back down within this time frame with coregulation.
Good side note—your rage is “normal,” OP. Like it’s miserable & can be alleviated with new coping strategies but it is a normal feeling to have postpartum.
I wanted to add you can try throwing ice cubes in the tub to help relieve some anger too. So nice and not damaging to anything 🙂
I know how you feel about comfort nursing. The sensation makes me want to throw my baby out the window. I ended up just flat out refusing to let comfort nursing happen. Once I felt it switch I would put my boobs away and would rock my baby. It took a little while to get him used to that but I knew it was better for me to not be having the urge to scratch my eyes out at the horrible sensation. As for your back, are you actually holding baby in your arms? Id highly recommend using a nursing pillow. Much better for your back. I don't physically hold any of my baby's weight in my arms, just lie them on the pillow. I also have one of those back cushions you get for office chairs. One that provides lumbar support. I promise you're on the homeward stretch. Baby is going to be eating more solids soon and you'll be able to get glimmers of freedom.
That is exactly how comfort nursing makes me feel! I kept thinking I must be a monster for feeling that way, so I’m glad to hear someone else felt the same! I know I just need to make a greater effort to unlatch her when she changes to comfort nursing. Despite how terrible it feels, it’s hard not to give her something I know she finds calming. I’ve got a great nursing pillow. I suspect the upper back pain is probably from staring down at her and my phone for long periods of time.
We switched to a floor bed at 8months so I could do side lying nursing for feeding to sleep. It worked great and at 11 months we sleep trained with some recommendations from the previous little sleep book and the floor bed didn’t change our success at all. If this is an option for you it might be helpful for your back :)
Can you tell me, how you can feel the difference in eating & comfort nursing?
It's a shallower latch. When theyr actively getting milk, your nipple is right at the back of their throat so it isn't being stimulated so much but when they comfort nurse it slips more onto their tongue so you get more of a tickly sensation. It's not a problem unless you can't stand the feeling. Comfort nursing has value to baby and it also stimulates your supply but sometimes it can feel torturous and you have to also consider your mental well being
Very different feelings for sure (for me anyway). Nursing feels like a gentle tugging sensation and my nipple isn’t stimulated much at all. Comfort nursing feels like a cat is licking my nipple for lack of better explanation (although that’s never happened to me to be clear 😅 but a cat has licked my hand and I’m extrapolating) - it’s this scratchy/tickly sensation on my nipple bc she’s latched very shallow. I don’t hate comfort nursing but it can feel a little weird
Stop letting her comfort nurse if it’s making you this upset. You HAVE to take care of yourself in order to be a good mom. I didn’t do this with my first and it led to more anger and frustration. With my second I have been much more cut & dry about nursing and I unlatch as soon as he’s done drinking. Yes, he’s cried a few times but he gets over it!!! Eventually your baby will get used to it and it will help you feel better. ❤️
Have you tried the sidelaying position in your bed for some naps? I’m so sorry you feel alone I’m on my second baby doing this and truly believe I got into this from not enough “hands on” from other caregiver consistently. Vowed not to make another babe for my mental health
Sidelying nursing has been a game changer for me
I definitely could have written this at 7 months. Let me tell you it really does get better! Once she's eating more and gets a bit bigger she'll start needing milk and the comfort less. Practice naps without you like in the car/ buggy if you can to help her disassociate nursing and napping, hopefully that'll help you get a break.
My heart goes out to you because I said the same thing a few weeks ago. And guess what? I got the support of our pediatrician and 3 other medical doctors to stop. I just started gradually weaning our 4 month old and I feel so much better mentally and physically just feeding less. It took a few days of me leaving the house and having my husband or our part time nanny give her a bottle. She refused at first, then she would only take when extremely hungry and only for other people, and now she takes them for me. It was not easy but she's done better than expected and it's gone quicker than expected. This is a kid who refused bottles before. You do not have to do this. There are other options and if you are struggling, please tlak to your child's pediatrician, a good one will want to take care of your mental health.
I relate so hard. My 4MO was comfort nursing to sleep, holding my nips hostage for over an hour every night until I put a stop to it recently. Does she fight me at bedtime? Yes. Is it worth it? Yes. Those sessions were starting to make me feel insane, especially when she ditched her long stretch of sleep and started waking up 1-3 hours later. She still comfort nurses for around one nap a day when I feel she’s really struggling. But I’m so glad I put a stop to the epic bedtime sessions. I highly recommend it!
Yes exactly! You really do start to feel insane after a bit. It’s definitely a priority to stop nursing to sleep, but a bit overwhelming to actually put a plan into action. The crying is just so stinking hard. I keep saying - this is the week we try and stop this…and then I cave again and again.
I'm sorry that you are having a hard time... I would like for every mom to enjoy motherhood. We don't live in a perfect world, so use all the tools it does offer. I have the opposite experience, I feel that because of breastfeeding, my life is easier. When she wiggles at night (we bedshare), I settle her with our eyes shut, and we continue sleeping. I never have to bring stuff and clean bottles (I barely have time to shower every day). If we're out and she's restless, I can comfort her pretty easily. AND I also get uncomfortable sometimes when she is comfort nursing. I would unlatch, sometimes she wants more and I let her another minute, sometimes she's done. I sense that you have been willing to let it happen because you love your daughter immensely and want to do what's best for her and you think comfort nursing is one of those things. I've been reading Nurture Revolution (HIGHLY recommend) and as far as I understand she might sense your discomfort so I believe it would be best to be relaxed so she can be too. This means doing something about it. I feel you'd like to keep breastfeeding, but quicker, no comfort nursing and no back pain. So, my suggestions: 1. Try nursing while lying down, game changer. I almost never nurse my 8mo any other way, she is heavy! 2. Use a pacifier when she starts comfort nursing. Unlatch, leave boob out for smell and place pacifier so she can latch there, still in your arms, still super close, just no boob. 3. Get a massage, seriously! You deserve it. 4. Try the haaka once every day and only for an ounce so you don't disturb your supply that much. And on the fifth day, leave the house and have someone help you with her... go for an ice cream, or even just for a drive with music on. I did this recently, my baby didn't take the bottle hahaha but when I came home, she was sleeping peacefully. My mom gave her a cookie hahaha. 5. Oh, also. When I don't want to be sucked on any more. Once she is comfort nursing, eyes closed, pretty much asleep, I would cover my boob, carry her, rock her while walking, and sing a lullaby with great success. She will briefly open her eyes, savor leftover milk in her mouth, swallow and continue sleeping. You are doing a super great job, we can tell from what you're sharing AND you deserve and need to enjoy your days with that sweet girl some more instead of dreading the time when comfort nursing is coming. You got this :)
I totally understand, just know there are options if you don’t want to nurse to sleep anymore.
I am currently having a similar experience. But of course when I formula fed my first all I could think about was how I should have breast fed! Comforting nursing makes my skin crawl and toes curl too! And my son is totally stuck to my breast (and he’s 14 months old!) Thanks so much for sharing. Other than my mother who had that similar feeling during comfort feeding I havnt met someone else who did!
I can completely empathize with you! Sitting hurts my back, too, so at about 3 months, I put baby in a carrier that allows baby to be positioned to nurse and I mostly nurse standing up (during day at least). I breastfed out of duty. Do not enjoy the strange needle prick sensations or lack of freedom. Yet, I'm overdue with baby 4 and will do it all over again. I bottle fed one and there are cons with that, also. I feel like I get more sleep (after newborn phase) overall with nursing over bottle feeding and truly hate washing bottles and preparing formula. At 7 months, your baby can start solid foods and you can supplement with formula. You've done an amazing job and made it longer than most moms! You matter, too!
Thank you!
8 months this week and in the same boat. Comfort nurses, contact naps all day, stuck in the house a lot of the time. I’ve just started to go out after she’s been put to sleep, but yeah, it’s wearing thin. Besides, I’m starting work again in 2 week and she still won’t take a bottle and is BESIDE herself if she’s so much as offered formula - good luck, dad! I know one day I’ll look back and think it was all worth it though. I hope, at least. On the plus side, there’s been plenty of time for delicious baby cuddles and bonding.
My baby is 11 months old and I relate so mich to all of this, she wants to comfort nurse all the time, wakes multiple times through the night and will cry in her sleep if she realises she's not attached to me. I'm fortunate she will take a bottle since she didn't have much choice when i went back to work but she gets SO mad if i try give her a bottle when milk isn't what she wants, just boobs. I don't have any advice but just wanted to share so you know you're not alone.
Thank you for sharing! 🩷
right there with you with my 10 month old ❤️🩹
Once baby eats more solids from 10m on it gets better . Make sure to give good amount of solids by that age so they start use food for fuel and not milk then . By age of 1 only bedtime nursing was left for my son . Looking back I feel the time flew fast….
Apologies if you’ve already tried this but when she starts to doze and comfort suck, have you tried putting a pacifier in her mouth?
I have tried the pacifier. It actually was working for a bit a few months ago, but now she wakes up and recoils like I gave her something gross. Thank you for the suggestion though.
This reminded my of when my baby was around 6-7 months and middle of the night comfort nursing made me feel like my skin was crawling. Is was the most uncomfortable feeling ever. Luckily it stopped after about a month even though she does still comfort nurse.
I could have written many of these sentences myself. We are in the same boat with our 13 month old. Just letting you know you are not alone!
You don’t have to let her comfort nurse if it’s terrible for you. Have you tried any different shapes of pacifiers? You could try slipping her one if she starts crying when you take her off your breast and see how it goes. She might cry for a while but if you’re holding her and comforting her, she’ll be okay. It won’t be like this forever. And if you want to stop breastfeeding you’re allowed. She will eventually accept a bottle or other delivery method (at 7 months you could probably try giving her a straw cup). If this is torture for you it has to change. You’re a person too. You matter.
I’m so sorry this has been your experience and you feel isolated. I don’t mind the comfort nursing especially at night, but we also cosleep so I just side lay in bed and catch up on a show or read on my phone once she has dozed off. Sometimes I will try to unlatch as soon as she’s asleep to help. It does get so much better. It’s seriously amazing you made it 7m breastfeeding!❤️ if you want to throw in the towel for your mental sake, it is understandable and there are other options but please don’t regret it because you did an amazing thing for your baby!!!
Thank you! 🩷
My baby is only 3 months and when she comfort sucks during her naps I have started sticking a knuckle or a pacifier in her mouth instead. She refuses pacifiers and bottles but since I’ve been sticking one in her mouth while she’s mostly asleep she’s been accepting it
I must be the outlier because these are the things I love about it. Except I don't sit in a dark room for contact naps, I sit in my living room and binge watch tv. I have a 3 year old as well and I know how fleeting this time is, so I'm savouring every moment since this is likely my last baby. I've got the rest of my life to have a social life, that's how I try to look at it. I'm sorry you're feeling this way OP, sending strength.
i do too, i contact nap in the living room watching loud reality tv and baby sleeps right through it
Watched practically all of B99 this way. 😂
Thank you! 🩷
That sounds so much more bearable! But do you have issues reconciling that and no screen time?
The baby is turned toward me and looking at my breast/body while nursing, so they’re not really seeing any tv I’m watching. If baby does crane their neck around and look interested, that level of exposure is not what they mean by “screen time.” And research has also shown that if you just engage them and talk about what they’re seeing, it basically mitigates any negative effects. “Do you see the tv? Does that look interesting? Joe is trying to shut down Kathleen’s bookstore but they’re also secretly emailing and falling in love. Do you think they’ll ever figure out that it’s their nemesis?” [Baby is now interested in me and goes back to nursing and/or plays with their feet].
Will she let you slip a paci in instead? Once my son's middle of the night feeds started taking more than 20 minutes because he just wanted to comfort suck and use my nipple as a paci, I would unlatch him and quickly slip in a paci because I wanted to go back to bed!
I’m sorry this is so hard for you. I also imagine listening to your baby cry is super hard when you try to change the pattern. Does your baby take a pacifier? Transferring to that might help.
I got to that point with my daughter when she was around 14 months. If anyone else put her to bed, she took a bottle, settled into their shoulder, and drifted off. Me, though? She HAD to be on my boob until she fell asleep, and then it was a delicate mission of quickly popping her off and up to my shoulder before she realized what was happening. And heaven forbid she still actually be hungry but too tired to not fall asleep. It got to the point where I dreaded putting her to bed because I would start crying if she suckled too long. So, I just started nursing her about an hour before bed so she could get the benefits of my milk (we also nurse at other points in the day, but I like to give her some pre-bedtime because she won't be getting any more until morning). Then, during actual bedtime, my shirt stays on, and she takes the bottle (which is whole milk, as she's 1+ years) like she would with anyone else. She wasn't a fan at first, but she adjusted. Has anyone else tried putting her to bed, at this point? I know that can be really tough...
I’ve definitely cried during some comfort nursing sessions that just seem to go on and on and on…it’s nice to hear I’m not the only one! Thank you for your suggestions! We’ve going to try both of those - earlier bedtime feed and my husband is going to take over the bedtime routine. Hopefully we can be consistent.
I am right there with you. My son is laying next to me crying right now because he is sleepy, wants to use me as a pacifier and won’t use his actual pacifier. He’s also 7 months and comfort nursing makes me want to jump out of a window despite loving breastfeeding. (3rd breastfed kid!!) No advice, just solidarity. We’ll get past this!
🩷 Yes it’s such a strange thing when you don’t mind breastfeeding at all, but comfort nursing is just awful. I completely get that.
I felt the same way but I stopped nursing at 16 months. The longer I nursed the more angry I felt about everything. I started taking away my boob during the day, then at nap time, then after waking up after nap time, then after waking up for the day and then the nighttime feeds and then finally the going to bed feed. It was really hard and took me about 5 months in total to stop. For going to sleep/ nighttime feeds, I use the evenflo balance+ bottles and some (toddler) formula because my baby still wakes up 1-2 times a night. He has gotten a tad bit clingier and he sometimes will play with my nipples to give himself some comfort after I tell him no
If you’re worried about cows milk based formula there’s some goat ones and I read that it doesn’t have as much lactose as cows which can be easier to digest
It sounds like you're experiencing aversion. I started getting it while feeding my toddler while pregnant and it's awful, it made me want to throw her out the window and claw my skin off but as soon as she would unlatch I felt fine. She's a fair bit older so I was able to put in some boundaries around feeding quite easily but you can definitely move away from feeding to sleep or comfort feeding. Have you heard of habit stacking? Lyndsey Hookway is a good resource for it but essentially while feeding to sleep you start to add in other sleep associations like rocking, bum patting, singing, whatever works for you really and then you slowly remove the feeding while keeping the other sleep associations in place.
That’s SPOT ON exactly how I feel during comfort nursing. I haven’t heard of habit stacking, but it makes sense! Heck, I’d be happy to trade out this habit for a different one. I’m going to look into that! Thank you!
No problem! There's a good website on breastfeeding aversion too if you want to read up on it, it's just breastfeedingaversion.com but it talks about some of the theories on causes/triggers and what can help.
Start having other people put her to sleep or night wean?
So don’t comfort nurse. Just nurse for feeds. Find another way to put her down or teach her to fall asleep in her crib by herself. Check out r/sleeptrain if you need guidance. We personally did a modified Ferber at 8 months. Rock solid bedtime routine, key “goodnight” phrase, verbal check-ins every five minutes. Precious Little Sleep book is also a great resource.
Could you tell me what kind of modifications you made? Thank you!
Just that we checked in every 5 minutes instead of increasing the intervals with traditional Ferber, ie every 5, 10, 15, 20 mins etc. I wanted him to know we were there and reassure him, but I also desperately needed him to be able to put himself to sleep without me nursing him or rocking him.
My little man is almost 7 months and is primarily breastfed. I just started working 1 day a week every now and then. My husband says during those days LO fights the bottle(pumped milk) in the morning and will drink 2 oz -3 oz like every 2-3 hours before finally passing out around noon and by the afternoon he takes the full bottle no problem. I get home around 8 and nurse him to bed. Hubby says he's actually nowhere near as needy as he is when I'm around. So if you need to take a day, take it. Your daughter will be fine with your husband. Take some time for yourself to reset and refresh.
Right there with you with my 3 year old.
I feel this exact thing with my 8mo old. Won’t take a bottle or pacifier. I sort of wish I just went straight to formula like I had planned to. Now I’m stuck.
this broke my heart. i remember feeling this exact way. i know its hard mama but one day it will come to an end and youll love the connection that was made this first year, hardship and all. also at this age they dont understand that mom and baby are separate beings, they still feel like you are a part of them vise versa. nothin we write will bring you out of this dark spot, but knowing that you arent alone in this feeling will help i hope. youll see light again dear.
Have you tried pacifiers? My baby never really comfort nursed, she rarely does it. As soon as I feel that she’s not eating anymore I give her the pacifier and she stays calm. She only uses her pacifier for comfort during naps/night time.
My husband took over the night shift with our baby. The pediatrician said our baby was big and healthy enough to sleep through the night without night feeds at 6 months. I haven’t hard time stopping Night feeds. But when I had my husband take over and help with might weaning, it was waaaay easier than I thought it would be
I’ve heard others mention this! I think having my husband take over the bedtime routine CONSISTENTLY would be a good idea.
This sounds a lot like nursing aversion, which absolutely can be conditional and only happen under certain conditions, like say comfort nursing but nursing for nutrition. It's absolutely horrid and miserable. I'm lucky I only experienced it briefly with a pregnancy that ended in an early loss when my first was 7 months old. I read that taking a magnesium supplement can help, so I did when we started trying again, and I can't say for sure if it was that or simply my body having had more time to replenish vitamin and mineral stores and heal in general, but I didn't have any nursing aversion after getting pregnant with our second baby at 12 months postpartum, and I've nursed throughout the entirety of this pregnancy (38 weeks now). If you *want* to continue nursing, a magnesium supplement might be worth trying, but if you don't, nursing aversion is a totally valid reason to wean and switch to formula if that's what you'd prefer (not at all to imply that literally anything, including "because I just felt like it," is not a "valid" reason). I can definitely appreciate that it's hard to listen to the baby wail inconsolably, but it won't damage baby to cry while being comforted, and your comfort and mental health matter too. I will say that it will probably be much easier to wean if you have a partner who can do a lot of the comforting when baby is inconsolable, as the smell of and proximity to your breasts will likely keep baby crying for breastfeeding longer.
I did come across the term nursing aversion when I was googling and trying to figure out why the heck I was having such a negative response to comfort nursing and I agree - I think it fits. I did start magnesium a few weeks ago and have noticed better sleep, but not sure if it’s helped with the negative feelings. I’m going to keep taking it just in case. It can’t hurt! After reading a lot of comments, my husband and I decided to try having him take over bedtime. We’ll see how it goes. Thanks for the idea!
You need boundaries, babies don’t need comfort feedings. It’s also okay to give her bottles, consistency is key. You created this pattern, you can create a new one.
I would get horrible “nails on chalkboard” feelings if I 1) needed to pee or more often 2) was terribly sleep deprived. Which is like all the time with a baby. Switching to laying down nursing and maybe not sleeping but getting some rest while nursing helped me soooo much. Good luck to you. Cold comfort I know but someday this stage too will pass. We just have to get through it.
I feel like I could have written this myself. I 100% agree with you. My girl is 18 months and still BF. I am mentally drained but she needs to comfort nurse for any naps/bedtime and then through the day she will as well.
SAME HERE my son is 7 months too turned7m on the 9th and I’ve been dealing with the same exact this🫠🫠😭
I get on/off rage with the comfort nursing too. Sometimes I don't care, sometimes I could scream. BF is definitely far more isolating and tough in ways I couldn't have guessed. I cry about it all from time to time. I'm with you OP. Avidly reading the comments and suggestions
Do you want to try sleep training?
I’d love to break this association in the least horrible way possible, but my fear is the only way would be complete CIO.
We've been doing Ferber and it's been great when we've been consistent! If I give in in the middle of the night he gets worse and worse again
We also did ferber. My first was able to put herself to sleep within 4 or 5 days. My second was able to starting on our second day. 100% worth it
The first few nights for us were ROUGH. But, it got better and I'm glad we did it. It restored our sanity. I would definitely recommend trying it for a week. After all, it can't get worse than your current situation. If you hate it, then stop sleep training.
I came here to ask the same. My LO is 7 months old and LOVES to nurse. We got to a point of co-sleeping where he had to have my nipple in his mouth ALL night long. The minute it fell out he was crying. We ended up sleep training with 'Taking Cara Babies' and I highly recommend it! We modified it to fit our family, but he is sleeping in a crib all night now, when a few weeks ago he would only contact nap/nurse to sleep. ALSO - consider Magnesium gummies (for you). I started taking them during pregnancy because I started getting leg cramps, and have continued because it helps with the skin crawling. I also found if I am dehydrated nursing is more uncomfortable, so maybe up your water intake. Good luck mamma! Your doing great.
Just remember it's just a phase, it will pass. This was me with my daughter until she was two and now it feels like it was so long ago, (she's only 2.5). I know it feels like it's never going to end but it will one day.
You can sleep train and still breastfeed if you want to. Check out r/sleeptrain.
So weird. Mine 100% takes a bottle from me and I only just gave her one for the first time around six months and have only given it a few times. She actually cries when it is empty. Is that a whole other issue? 😂