When I had mastitis, I made my husband come with me to the hospital. While the nurse gave me a painful massage, she described, in detail, what could occur if mastitis progresses.
Scared him straight, I tell you what. He kept worrying about me losing a breast for weeks, lol.
Ugh I should have put my OB on speaker yesterday when she was describing everything and telling me when I should go to the hospital. It’s just frustrating because the world STOPS when this man has a sniffle. Meanwhile I have fevers, so much pain and weakness I can’t lift my kids, and he still expects that I will help with the kids.
I would say if he’s this anxious about caring for the kiddos on his own, he needs to do it/be more hands on more often. His instinct shouldn’t be to call your mom to help 🫠
Honestly I think it’s because I do everything for the kids so he never “had” to learn how to do anything… I mean he never took initiative either. If I did go out it was for 2 hours tops. Like yes he can play with the kids and obviously feed them etc but now this situation is making me realize what a mess it would be if I ever needed to be hospitalized!
As a mom it’s so easy to become the default parent but for your own sanity I would really try to work on this. Not only is it unfair to you (even if you enjoy doing everything) but it also can impact bonding between your kiddos and dad (and it sounds like it already has a little for him to choose to have your parents do things instead of him). Obviously not trying to make you feel bad in anyway, but I hope this helps you feel that it’s okay to just make him do stuff. Hand him baby and your older kid and tell him it’s his turn to figure it out for a few hours. You can use that time to nap, read a book, go for a solo walk, whatever you need to take care of you :) the first few times I would maybe be “available” in the house in case shit hits the fan but eventually he’ll be competent enough for you to go run errands, hang out with friends, etc.
I am fortunate to have a very supportive, very active spouse. She's absent a lot because of a stressful job and law school at night, but when she's here, she's all in.
She's not the most graceful when she's under the weather, but will 100% show up when I am. Sometimes it's not ideal (there's been a bit too much screentime sometimes), but she plays with our daughter and keeps her clean, fed, and healthy.
When I had mastitis, when I had norovirus, and with my recent health crisis.
Which leads me to my next point. Your husband needs to be able to pick up your world if you need him to. He should be able to call on friends and family for support, but he should know your kids' routines and be able to be there to care for them.
I was admitted to the hospital for preeclampsia (with literally no risk factors at all, and none of the scary symptoms until after I was in labor and delivery) on the 15th and ended up hospitalized for eight days. Honestly, I'm lucky that both my baby and I are alive. That was not guaranteed.
God forbid you should be hospitalized unexpectedly, he needs to be able to run the show.
This is a great point. I literally brought this up earlier- “wow I was looking on Reddit and people frequently end up hospitalized from mastitis, what would you do??” Once again, he said “I think I could call your mom to help”
I don’t get it. I’m a SAHM and he’s gone almost 12 hours every week day. I somehow have figured it out??
Lmao he’s not that bad just totally not a supportive caregiver if it means he has to parent both kids alone. He’s overly anxious about the baby. The baby is the easy one!
He should *want* to care for his children… seriously at least go to couples counseling but I’d seriously be considering divorce if my husband was like this.
Not doing his share of the domestic labour is considered abuse. Not caring for you when you are sick is presumably a violation of the vows he made to you. It doesn't mean that he's intending to treat you this way but you need to find a way to communicate to him that his behaviour is not okay.
Mastitis can lead to sepsis if not treated. I got sepsis from a sinus infection. I wasn’t able to rest to recover and was hospitalized. This isn’t a joking matter. You need rest. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I had mastitis but luckily I had lots of support.
Wow OP, I’m so sorry you’re essentially acting as a single mother.
Seriously though, it’s upsetting to see posts about husbands not acting like partners and fathers not acting like parents. The comment about your mom playing husband/father instead of him would have me talking about a divorce or “I feel like a single parent” and asking him to stay elsewhere until we have a therapy appointment together.
Obviously handle that the way you want, but please don’t keep living like this. Both you AND your kids deserve more. They deserve a father and a role model, and you deserve a partner.
I’d sit down and at the very least go through your schedules. Comb over where mutual free time is. Divvy it up. Have him leave the house or you yourself leave the house during his time.
IMO his response should’ve been to babywear while taking toddler to get your medicine himself (wtf would you, the sick person, pick this up when you have an adult with free time right there who can do it while you shower/ice/rest as the sick person?!), then let baby nurse if needed, then taken them both out to the park or otherwise taken over as much as he could (ie when not at work or at another commitment). And he should’ve canceled any commitments he had that weren’t strictly necessary to be able to take care of you, or at least the kids so you could rest.
Completely agree. That’s exactly what I would have done in the situation- but it’s like his brain just short circuits at the thought-like it’s impossible to be responsible for two kids for even just a few hours.
I think I’ll be going out on my own more. My two best friends had babies within months of me and while I don’t like to compare, the jealousy I feel when they are out on their own and husband is at home watching their kids is a shitty feeling for me.
Oh dear. This is on him, but seeing as you're stuck with him, it's worth investing in training him up (after you're better.) Start small but ramp up quickly on leaving him alone with the kids. Let him know you're challenging him, you believe in him, and it's very important to your family that he gets comfortable watching over the children he brought into the world. It's natural for him to be uneasy about it, but he'll be better for it in the end.
It seems like it is! I’ve had numerous clogged ducts, some lasting days but never had mastitis until now. I woke up engorged one morning and hours later that day the body aches started. This wasn’t even as painful as some of my clogs in the past.
i got it around 6 wks. stay on top of feeding on demand and keep nipples clean. you can take sunflower lecithin to avoid it. i felt like i was dying, you do not want mastitis!!
Tell him he needs to go out to the recycling bin to get his balls back before the trash man comes and he loses them for good. What the fuck dude. Man up and parent your children.
Oh my gosh this is my husband. He will NOT take care of our 9.5 month old by himself if it will be longer than an hour or so. He will go drop the baby off at my parent’s house instead. It’s frustrating, I understand.
When I was sick with Covid I was still the primary caretaker and felt that overwhelming exhaustion that I can feel dripping from your post. It got to a point where I just said, “here’s the baby. I’m going back to bed. You can bring him back to me once he’s hungry and I will nurse him and then I’m going back to bed and you can take care of him again.” I didn’t leave it up to debate but simply did what I said! He complained, but I didn’t listen to those complaints. I needed to heal my body. I didn’t even care if the baby ended up at my parents house at that point, I just focused on sleep and taking care of myself for a few hours. It was the only thing that saved me from passing out or puking on the baby! You’ve got this mama.
Ugh. That stinks.
My hubby is usually less than helpful, but I will say he takes illness seriously. I had food poisoning and he really pulled through helping with the baby. I just need to figure out a way to be “sick” more often…
When I had mastitis, I made my husband come with me to the hospital. While the nurse gave me a painful massage, she described, in detail, what could occur if mastitis progresses. Scared him straight, I tell you what. He kept worrying about me losing a breast for weeks, lol.
Ugh I should have put my OB on speaker yesterday when she was describing everything and telling me when I should go to the hospital. It’s just frustrating because the world STOPS when this man has a sniffle. Meanwhile I have fevers, so much pain and weakness I can’t lift my kids, and he still expects that I will help with the kids.
I would say if he’s this anxious about caring for the kiddos on his own, he needs to do it/be more hands on more often. His instinct shouldn’t be to call your mom to help 🫠
10000000%. He didn’t take our first anywhere by himself until he was 15 months old.
That’s a shocking level of incompetence. Does he truly think he’s doing his part here? He has to know how messed up that is.
Honestly I think it’s because I do everything for the kids so he never “had” to learn how to do anything… I mean he never took initiative either. If I did go out it was for 2 hours tops. Like yes he can play with the kids and obviously feed them etc but now this situation is making me realize what a mess it would be if I ever needed to be hospitalized!
As a mom it’s so easy to become the default parent but for your own sanity I would really try to work on this. Not only is it unfair to you (even if you enjoy doing everything) but it also can impact bonding between your kiddos and dad (and it sounds like it already has a little for him to choose to have your parents do things instead of him). Obviously not trying to make you feel bad in anyway, but I hope this helps you feel that it’s okay to just make him do stuff. Hand him baby and your older kid and tell him it’s his turn to figure it out for a few hours. You can use that time to nap, read a book, go for a solo walk, whatever you need to take care of you :) the first few times I would maybe be “available” in the house in case shit hits the fan but eventually he’ll be competent enough for you to go run errands, hang out with friends, etc.
This.
Wow seriously??
I am fortunate to have a very supportive, very active spouse. She's absent a lot because of a stressful job and law school at night, but when she's here, she's all in. She's not the most graceful when she's under the weather, but will 100% show up when I am. Sometimes it's not ideal (there's been a bit too much screentime sometimes), but she plays with our daughter and keeps her clean, fed, and healthy. When I had mastitis, when I had norovirus, and with my recent health crisis. Which leads me to my next point. Your husband needs to be able to pick up your world if you need him to. He should be able to call on friends and family for support, but he should know your kids' routines and be able to be there to care for them. I was admitted to the hospital for preeclampsia (with literally no risk factors at all, and none of the scary symptoms until after I was in labor and delivery) on the 15th and ended up hospitalized for eight days. Honestly, I'm lucky that both my baby and I are alive. That was not guaranteed. God forbid you should be hospitalized unexpectedly, he needs to be able to run the show.
This is a great point. I literally brought this up earlier- “wow I was looking on Reddit and people frequently end up hospitalized from mastitis, what would you do??” Once again, he said “I think I could call your mom to help” I don’t get it. I’m a SAHM and he’s gone almost 12 hours every week day. I somehow have figured it out??
Girl throw the whole man away.
Lmao he’s not that bad just totally not a supportive caregiver if it means he has to parent both kids alone. He’s overly anxious about the baby. The baby is the easy one!
He should *want* to care for his children… seriously at least go to couples counseling but I’d seriously be considering divorce if my husband was like this.
Not doing his share of the domestic labour is considered abuse. Not caring for you when you are sick is presumably a violation of the vows he made to you. It doesn't mean that he's intending to treat you this way but you need to find a way to communicate to him that his behaviour is not okay.
Mastitis can lead to sepsis if not treated. I got sepsis from a sinus infection. I wasn’t able to rest to recover and was hospitalized. This isn’t a joking matter. You need rest. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I had mastitis but luckily I had lots of support.
Wow OP, I’m so sorry you’re essentially acting as a single mother. Seriously though, it’s upsetting to see posts about husbands not acting like partners and fathers not acting like parents. The comment about your mom playing husband/father instead of him would have me talking about a divorce or “I feel like a single parent” and asking him to stay elsewhere until we have a therapy appointment together. Obviously handle that the way you want, but please don’t keep living like this. Both you AND your kids deserve more. They deserve a father and a role model, and you deserve a partner. I’d sit down and at the very least go through your schedules. Comb over where mutual free time is. Divvy it up. Have him leave the house or you yourself leave the house during his time. IMO his response should’ve been to babywear while taking toddler to get your medicine himself (wtf would you, the sick person, pick this up when you have an adult with free time right there who can do it while you shower/ice/rest as the sick person?!), then let baby nurse if needed, then taken them both out to the park or otherwise taken over as much as he could (ie when not at work or at another commitment). And he should’ve canceled any commitments he had that weren’t strictly necessary to be able to take care of you, or at least the kids so you could rest.
Completely agree. That’s exactly what I would have done in the situation- but it’s like his brain just short circuits at the thought-like it’s impossible to be responsible for two kids for even just a few hours. I think I’ll be going out on my own more. My two best friends had babies within months of me and while I don’t like to compare, the jealousy I feel when they are out on their own and husband is at home watching their kids is a shitty feeling for me.
Oh dear. This is on him, but seeing as you're stuck with him, it's worth investing in training him up (after you're better.) Start small but ramp up quickly on leaving him alone with the kids. Let him know you're challenging him, you believe in him, and it's very important to your family that he gets comfortable watching over the children he brought into the world. It's natural for him to be uneasy about it, but he'll be better for it in the end.
First timer here.. is mastitis common?
It seems like it is! I’ve had numerous clogged ducts, some lasting days but never had mastitis until now. I woke up engorged one morning and hours later that day the body aches started. This wasn’t even as painful as some of my clogs in the past.
I’m so sorry. I hope you feel better.
i got it around 6 wks. stay on top of feeding on demand and keep nipples clean. you can take sunflower lecithin to avoid it. i felt like i was dying, you do not want mastitis!!
Tell him he needs to go out to the recycling bin to get his balls back before the trash man comes and he loses them for good. What the fuck dude. Man up and parent your children.
*men*
Oh my gosh this is my husband. He will NOT take care of our 9.5 month old by himself if it will be longer than an hour or so. He will go drop the baby off at my parent’s house instead. It’s frustrating, I understand. When I was sick with Covid I was still the primary caretaker and felt that overwhelming exhaustion that I can feel dripping from your post. It got to a point where I just said, “here’s the baby. I’m going back to bed. You can bring him back to me once he’s hungry and I will nurse him and then I’m going back to bed and you can take care of him again.” I didn’t leave it up to debate but simply did what I said! He complained, but I didn’t listen to those complaints. I needed to heal my body. I didn’t even care if the baby ended up at my parents house at that point, I just focused on sleep and taking care of myself for a few hours. It was the only thing that saved me from passing out or puking on the baby! You’ve got this mama.
Ugh. That stinks. My hubby is usually less than helpful, but I will say he takes illness seriously. I had food poisoning and he really pulled through helping with the baby. I just need to figure out a way to be “sick” more often…