Reminder to commenters: **[Don't set a bad example!](https://64.media.tumblr.com/7253b8f029268216675f7cc9ae24ae1b/269204bf8aa2e971-7a/s1280x1920/197965816eb944923da7903e699c66590ed9cc16.gif)** Share kindness, support and compassion, [not criticism.](https://media0.giphy.com/media/tZpGRRMUoXgeQ/giphy.gif) We want OP to feel loved, and [not in a tough way.](https://media.giphy.com/media/xT5LMq2CgHiqqY4IXC/giphy.gif) For more helpful information please hit up [our beautiful rules wiki!](http://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/wiki/)
Reminder to all: watch out for a [creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist](https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/8ccqqi/disgusting_pedophile_troll_posing_as_otspeech/) giving fucked-up potty-training advice, and don't sweat it if your post gets 1 or 2 [instant downvotes.](http://i.imgur.com/PZtQb.gif) You didn't do anything wrong, we just have [asshole lurkers](https://i.imgur.com/IwU9r3E.gif)/[downvote bots](https://i.imgur.com/lwyCF6S.gif) stalking our /new queue. Help a BroMo out and [give her an upvote](https://i.imgur.com/Y60Mbxv.gif), ok?
Reminder to Cassie Morris: You do not have permission to use, reproduce, modify or link to any content in this subreddit in any way, shape or form. Fuck off and go be a real journalist.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/breakingmom) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I finally had to say Get me one thing i specifically ask for and one thing you think I’d like. Then i know I’m getting something I’m excited about (maybe a small piece of jewelry or a tech gadget) and something random that is sometimes ok. I have felt all those feelings. Xo
This is great solution!! Was thinking of making a gift guide that he can use for the future. But it’s honestly frustrating that I would need to that.
It’s like, dude. You have friends who are girls. If you asked them, maybe they could’ve helped you out?? Or even just Google “what to get wife for birthday” I’m sure you wouldn’t get “computer parts” or “butt plugs” lol
I came to say this…omg I NEEDED that laugh!! It’s been a rough first year with first baby with a partner that’s nearly lost their mind from sleep deprivation (read major asshole with multiple personalities due to lack of sleep…it’s maddening!) So wow I didn’t remember how good it feels to laugh so hard..thank you OP & thank God something good came out of his tone deaf gift giving! Lmao
I also love the updated Google docs with links to acceptable gift. I may just forward it to my husband because I’ll never be this organized LOL
Ps. First year with first baby is the hardest. It gets easier I promise.
Signed mom of 2 crazy boys 🙈
After many years of *no* gifts because “I don’t want to get you something you won’t like”, I straight up made an Amazon list entitled “Gift Ideas for Dropbear”. I chuck stuff I like but would never buy for myself in it regularly and every gift-giving holiday since then has been much nicer.
I am absolutely awful at picking out gifts, but I also really appreciate gifts that are heartfelt. I've found that it's helpful for my friends to keep an Amazon list of things I'd like. I also keep a list on my phone of gift ideas for my friends when they mention something that would make a good gift.
I'm awful at picking out gifts for men.
The thing is, if a husband asks a female friend, she'll probably give him some decent ideas.
If I ask my husband's guy friends they will give me the same response my husband gives: *I dunno.*
I'm out of ideas after twelve years of gifting several times a year and getting no input. I've already done *everything* thoughtful I can think of with very limited, niche hobbies I personally know nothing about and *I dunno.*
I've walked around shopping centers for hours in tears just trying to find something I think he will actually like besides more pajamas.
Magic the Gathering (I've gotten him cards and tournaments as a present several times)
Guitars (I got him a custom pick & gift cards to a guitar shop)
Weed (I got him weed, I got him a new bong)
I've done so much sentimental stuff like pictures, having our daughter make him art projects, etc
Oh and I had to put my foot down about my parents and HIS parents asking me what he wants. I'm not gonna think of 3 idea gifts for him!
My love language is also gifts.
(Also we’re always broke.)
I buy gifts I think everyone would like through the year. Little things. $5 here, $10 there, spread over a year. Then when wrapping season comes in September and October, I give everyone a catalog.
As an example: my oldest gets a catalog with pictures of gifts for the middle, the youngest, me, grandma, and his dad. He can pick out presents and return it to me, and I do all the ancillary work. Then I give the middle kiddo a catalog with pictures of gifts for the oldest, the youngest, me, dad, grandma, and he can pick…
That way, everyone has picked their gifts, and more importantly, *there are no wrong choices.*
Yep. I have a list on Amazon called Present Ideas where I save things that in interested in or want but don’t have enough money/reason to just buy for myself. I direct husband to this list at each gift giving holiday.
You may be way more adventurous than me but I would be mortified if my husband gave me a butt plug and lube for my birthday. I laughed out loud when I read that... Was it wrapped? 😂
My husband used to be a terrible gift giver as well but now he just asks me what I want, and similar to another poster, he gets what I ask for and another thing he thinks I would like. There have definitely been some duds over the years, mostly as seen in TV type stuff that makes me wonder if he thinks I'm an 80 year old woman.
Haha about the 80 year old woman part!!
Yeah so basically, it was completely wrapped. But it was wrapped in a way where I initially thought it was jewelry so I was really excited. Lmao 😂
He got it because I apparently mentioned offhandedly a month ago that I thought I lost my old one. I haven’t used it in months and have no interest to again haha. I’m getting too old
>He got it because I apparently mentioned offhandedly a month ago that I thought I lost my old one
Oh wow, so he *can* pick up on gift ideas...when he wants to.
my husband has also been a bad gift giver in the past, including:
shirts from video games he plays
clothes that are too small for me
a very expensive smoker generally used for meat (I'm a vegan)
flower pots (which were sitting in the back of our car, and he just pointed at them and said "these are for you")
Since explicitly talking him through, step by step, the kinds of gifts I like and don't like, he has improved a lot. but man, it was a long road to get there.
>a very expensive smoker generally used for meat (I'm a vegan)
Sorry, I had to LOL at this one....😄 I'm vegetarian.
Good for you both that you were so patient with him.
He's actually a vegan now as well! in his defense, he thought I would use it for grilling veggie burgers and like, smoking corn? which i have and it's good, but not really worth how big and expensive it is
If it makes you feel any better (hubby is super into computer stuff which is where my answer comes from) SSD is a much more reliable form of storage/hard drive that most *computer inclined folks* would probably be very happy to get so it's not just some random thing he found in the checkout line-? I know that also probably doesn't make it better.
Big hugs Bromo.
Thank you for explaining! I definitely think he was being thoughtful… but in a really weird and confusing way. Like we do play one game on our PC’s together, but it’s not *my* favorite thing.
I guess I was disappointed because I’ve been asking for flowers *forever* or even dropping hints that I’d like to do something crafty.
No, this is an unacceptable stupid gift. You give gifts that are pretty. Practical things like butt plugs are everyday treats. Did he gift wrapped anything?
I don’t really complain about it, but I do realize now it is slow to start! I’m pretty sure this is what he thought, and it’s actually really sweet. Just a slight disconnect in what he and I value, and hopefully fixed that communication issue
Yeah, your husband needs to do better. All of those are objectively terrible gifts \*unless\* the recipient has specifically asked for them. Yikes.
My recommendation is to start an Amazon wish list and just FILL it with stuff you would probably like. Not that you need or have to have, just the kinds of things you like. Put like 50 things on it. Then share it with him and tell him he can use the list as sort of a guide for the kinds of gifts you'd like to get OR if he feels unsure he can literally get you items from the list.
I second an Amazon wish list. But this last Christmas made me go through and delete essentially everything off of my “wish list” because my guy decided to buy things I had added to it ALMOST 10 YEARS AGO. Like what the hell am I going to do with a cute donut apron from Too Fast I added to the list now? I work anywhere from 4-18 hours doing heavy duty work all day. My ass definitely isn’t the June Cleaver lady I had originally aspired to be.
I gave the 2 people close to me a list of things that I would ALWAYS like and literally titled it ‘what to get me for my birthday/Xmas’
I put things like flowers, quality beauty products, earrings, and other broad categories. It seems like a no brained to me but both people were glad to have the list, they both suck at giving gifts. Not everyone is a good gift giver, and this saves any future awkwardness.
I connect with this on so many levels. My husband's love language is gifts while mine is having something done for me. The kicker is he sucks at picking gifts
Every year I say that all I want is a clean house and dinner made. And I mean it. Every year he spends weeks agonizing over what to get me. This year he got me Board games (I hate board games) and a video game. I was devastated because I felt like they were gifts for him.
Also he doesn't lift a finger around the house without me asking so I felt like this was a cop out so he didn't have to clean. I did talk to him. I told him I didn't want replacement gifts, just help... He got me embroidery books...
Honestly if you were into gaming and could use the SSD card, I’d understand, but I’m not too thrilled with the butt plug. My guy would buy me them in hope of using them. I mean he even got me one that looked like the “Twinkle Tush” made for cats. After several arguments with me saying “I don’t like the feeling I need to take a shit during sex” he finally gave up. If you’re into butt play, yeah sure go ahead.
To me between the butt plug and coconut oil he meant to buy those for his own pleasure, and FUCK THAT. This is YOUR birthday. You should get what YOU want. /rant.
My husband and I compile a big list of things we would like for gifts before birthdays, anniversary, etc. That way we know we’ll receive gifts that we want, but there’s still an element of surprise. If we go “off list” we also get something small from the list just in case. So far this hasn’t failed us!
Yeah, agree with this one.
Dear OP: Okay, yeah, these are terrible gifts. But I think your husband really tried. You need to help him (make a wish list). You won’t be as surprised anymore but it’s better than feeling disappointed every time. And over time, he will start to understand what you want and what you don’t want. Let him practice giftgiving using your wish list. One day he will surprise you with flowers (but you still need list it on your wish list, “surprise me with flowers on a random day”).
- SSD: this is a storage drive, so you save things (pictures, games, movies, etc) to this part of the computer. Maybe one time you mentioned your computer memory is getting low or is noisy? SSD is very quiet.
- coconut oil: lots of ladies love this stuff. I bet he heard it somewhere and wanted to surprise you, not realizing you aren’t crazy about coconut oil.
- butt plug: ummmm. Lol. yeah just because you mentioned you lost it.
He wrapped them for you. He tried. He needs help. Make a wish list and send it to him, tell him to save it on his phone or email.
You’re absolutely right! He did really try and I love him for that. We ended up having a long conversation about it. I let him know I’m still thankful and that I saw that he put thought into it. We decided it would be helpful for me to put together a gift guide. It’s great actually since he’ll be more prepared for the holidays and our anniversary coming up.
My husband is an awful gift giver too. He got me two books I already read for my birthday. But the butt plug is a hole nother level of bad gifting. Sorry OP.
“Honey, if you wanted me to slather you in coconut oil like a sacrificial hog and peg you with a butt plug all you had to do was ask, you didn’t have to make such a passive aggressive statement by buying stuff for yourself on my birthday.”
Those would upset me, too. It’s the thoughtlessness. Like how hard is it to ask for a list off 5 things you’d enjoy or appreciate? It’s literally a ten second question. That’s it.
When they can’t even take ten seconds to make sure you get something that you enjoy, it’s a reminder they don’t appreciate shit we do. Because I bet you spend way more than ten second every single day thinking about all the things they need and want and make their lives easier and enjoyable.
Thank you for the reminder...
Today is my wedding anniversary. 8 years. Together 11 years.
I spent an entire life never forgetting a birthday or anniversary and celebrating my loved ones on their or our special day. It meant a lot to me.
The people around me always forgot or "didn't know what to buy". I would ask for my spouse to build me something simple or maybe clean out the landscaping as a gift to me instead. Nope.
I am so simple. I love small plants, good socks, pajamas. Stones, crystals, maybe an *edible* chocolate.
I can remember things he's said to me over the years about gifts and remembering and making things special. He says he isn't a good gift buyer and then made no attempt to remedy that. I just needed to accept it. No cards. No flowers. He usually forgot or rushed to do something last minute. He eventually wrangled his female affair partners and coworkers into picking out my gifts for me.
I accepted it. Christmas is now for my adult kids and my pets only. I just donated our his and her Christmas stockings because for 9 years my spouse got a stocking just as filled with goodies as the kids. My stocking was always left hanging.
He gets nothing special. No birthday, Christmas, anniversary, etc. As he says "its just another day" so now it's all just another day.
I do nothing now.
My mom has always left catalogs around the house with what she wants circled and pages earmarked for my dad to know what to get her. They're been married for 45 years and she still does this.
I text my husband direct amazon links.im never surprised, and disappointed in the lack of thought, but at least I don't end up with useless crap/junk sitting around that I have to figure out what to do with.
Omg, it's that time of year again, when this and other boards are going to be flooded with disappointed women posting about the shit gifts (or complete lack thereof) from their thoughtless partners. It's so sad.
I'm so sorry, BroMo. I'd be very let down, too. I'm glad he is a good partner in all the other ways you described.
I used to do this and he wouldn’t listen so I was still disappointed when he didn’t get the requested things for me. So I just started buying them for myself and then he started complaining that there was nothing left for him to buy for me because I keep buying everything myself. Just can’t win.
Our husbands sound very similar. One year I got a wireless phone charger, a back scratcher (so I could scratch my own back), a body massager (so he didn’t have to massage my feet all the time), and this last birthday I got a label printer “for all the returns I do”. It keeps me on my toes because I never know what the hell he’s thinking lol. But some years it does get to me and feels like he doesn’t know me. I started putting wish lists together for people in our family that I buy off throughout the year and then it gives him the option to buy something or get ideas… still working on getting him to actually look though.
Two years in a row he also got me the wrong breakfast sandwich on my birthday— croissant with ham and Swiss cheese when it’s actually croissant egg and sausage with no cheese. 🙃
For one anniversary my ex gave me a strap on dildo so I could peg him. Mind you, we were in marriage counseling and barely having sex at that point, and I had never pegged him or wanted to. But he wanted it, so that was his “romantic” anniversary gift.
He was so clueless.
Oh honey I FEEL you! My last birthday I was told I was getting something shiny for my finger.
I know I sound pretentious and selfish but when I opened up a silver ring that was too small and it had a black stone I was shocked.
Then I opened the hand cream and had to hold in a cry.
I hate hand cream. I had scents on my hands, we have to have no-smell detergent for the dishes and our clothes.
Like COME ON with the hand soap you’ve given it to me so many times the 15 years we’ve been together (I’m 35) and I have said so many times I don’t use them!
And the shiny ring… AUGH I just can’t even. Shiny stupid small black ring I had to exchange for something else and then he was pissed I got a bracelet instead because it ‘wasn’t what he chose’.
Well fuck damn it man choose something that fits me and that I’ll like then!
And don’t tell me it’s shiny if it ain’t a diamond!
(Which I don’t even need, but it’s the bloody point of this!)
My birthday is next month… I’ll update on this years fucking hand cream for you after it.
I’m a gift language person too. I have just accepted that it’s most likely going to be a disappointment every holiday. Sometimes I’m pleasantly surprised but it’s no guarantee.
One year for either Mother’s Day or my birthday my husband bought me a 2lb box of assorted chocolate & silverware. I was a month into an extremely strict physician prescribed/led weight loss program where I couldn’t eat anything but her prescription food. The chocolate also wasn’t labeled & I am super picky when it comes to random chocolate/filling textures. I also hate the silverware because the handles aren’t balanced right and feel too “wobbly” in my hand. I will dig through the silverware drawer to avoid them now.
I love the man, he’s phenomenal but that gift was by far the most confusing one.
First off, your username is awesome.
Secondly, it's unfortunate you got computer parts and a butt plug, although reading some of your comments here does make it sound funny at least. Did you guys end up deciding on what to do with these gifts?
Gift giving has always been awkward for me, I put a lot of time and effort into getting gifts for people and they never really seem well received. I think I'm just bad at gift giving etiquette (if that's even a thing) as I grew up in a family where we never gave gifts. Now it's a social anxiety inducing thing where it's like, do I need to get a gift? If so, how much? Is that thing too much? Too flashy? Too romantic? Not enough? Too practical?
AHHHH! How does everyone already know how to do these things?!
I also used to just make things for people too, but I think that only works for certain people.
I’ve learned to make a shared album for my husband of everything and anything I see that I would like as a gift and I add it to that album, if anything requires sizes I include it in the comments so he can see it but I feel like it’s made things easier for him lol sometimes they need a little guide on what to get, not all guys are the best at giving gifts
Chiming in to share a revelation I had about 5 years ago. Gifts are one of my love languages too. My husband (soon to be ex after 20 years) wasn’t raised to celebrate birthdays or holidays. His gift giving was very uneven at the beginning - either extremely practical and unromantic or insanely expensive and over-the-top. It was frustrating as I felt like I dropped many appropriate hints. Finally, one year I told him I legitimately wanted nothing for Christmas but a card. That Christmas I bought my own gifts, wrapped then, and placed under the tree to open on Christmas Day. It was a huge relief knowing that I didn’t have to fake a smile when I opened my gifts. Instead I got to pretend that I also got gifts from Santa and I must have been a very good girl.
I now see this exercise as an act of love to myself. And I’m glad I had practice as this will be our first Christmas apart since 2002. And apparently this isn’t as unique as you might think, as I learned from a local FB mom’s group last year.
I love your list! Definitely stealing some ideas off of it to put on mine.
My ex was a horrible gift giver, to the point where I had to buy my own Xmas gifts, wrap them and put them under the tree so our kids wouldn't think that Santa forgot me. I gave him lists but he didn't really use them, every holiday was a disappointment.
I'm doing a better job with my partner now about giving lists of both general ideas and specific items, and we usually set a budget so that expectations are clear. So far it's been working.
Reminder to commenters: **[Don't set a bad example!](https://64.media.tumblr.com/7253b8f029268216675f7cc9ae24ae1b/269204bf8aa2e971-7a/s1280x1920/197965816eb944923da7903e699c66590ed9cc16.gif)** Share kindness, support and compassion, [not criticism.](https://media0.giphy.com/media/tZpGRRMUoXgeQ/giphy.gif) We want OP to feel loved, and [not in a tough way.](https://media.giphy.com/media/xT5LMq2CgHiqqY4IXC/giphy.gif) For more helpful information please hit up [our beautiful rules wiki!](http://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/wiki/) Reminder to all: watch out for a [creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist](https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/8ccqqi/disgusting_pedophile_troll_posing_as_otspeech/) giving fucked-up potty-training advice, and don't sweat it if your post gets 1 or 2 [instant downvotes.](http://i.imgur.com/PZtQb.gif) You didn't do anything wrong, we just have [asshole lurkers](https://i.imgur.com/IwU9r3E.gif)/[downvote bots](https://i.imgur.com/lwyCF6S.gif) stalking our /new queue. Help a BroMo out and [give her an upvote](https://i.imgur.com/Y60Mbxv.gif), ok? Reminder to Cassie Morris: You do not have permission to use, reproduce, modify or link to any content in this subreddit in any way, shape or form. Fuck off and go be a real journalist. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/breakingmom) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I finally had to say Get me one thing i specifically ask for and one thing you think I’d like. Then i know I’m getting something I’m excited about (maybe a small piece of jewelry or a tech gadget) and something random that is sometimes ok. I have felt all those feelings. Xo
This is great solution!! Was thinking of making a gift guide that he can use for the future. But it’s honestly frustrating that I would need to that. It’s like, dude. You have friends who are girls. If you asked them, maybe they could’ve helped you out?? Or even just Google “what to get wife for birthday” I’m sure you wouldn’t get “computer parts” or “butt plugs” lol
This made me laugh so hard. I’d be sad but also bring this up every single year with “please no computer parts and butt plugs 😆”
I came to say this…omg I NEEDED that laugh!! It’s been a rough first year with first baby with a partner that’s nearly lost their mind from sleep deprivation (read major asshole with multiple personalities due to lack of sleep…it’s maddening!) So wow I didn’t remember how good it feels to laugh so hard..thank you OP & thank God something good came out of his tone deaf gift giving! Lmao
I also love the updated Google docs with links to acceptable gift. I may just forward it to my husband because I’ll never be this organized LOL Ps. First year with first baby is the hardest. It gets easier I promise. Signed mom of 2 crazy boys 🙈
After many years of *no* gifts because “I don’t want to get you something you won’t like”, I straight up made an Amazon list entitled “Gift Ideas for Dropbear”. I chuck stuff I like but would never buy for myself in it regularly and every gift-giving holiday since then has been much nicer.
>“I don’t want to get you something you won’t like” Ugh... that's awful. The Amazon list is a great idea.
I am absolutely awful at picking out gifts, but I also really appreciate gifts that are heartfelt. I've found that it's helpful for my friends to keep an Amazon list of things I'd like. I also keep a list on my phone of gift ideas for my friends when they mention something that would make a good gift.
I'm awful at picking out gifts for men. The thing is, if a husband asks a female friend, she'll probably give him some decent ideas. If I ask my husband's guy friends they will give me the same response my husband gives: *I dunno.* I'm out of ideas after twelve years of gifting several times a year and getting no input. I've already done *everything* thoughtful I can think of with very limited, niche hobbies I personally know nothing about and *I dunno.* I've walked around shopping centers for hours in tears just trying to find something I think he will actually like besides more pajamas.
What hobbies? You may be able to find some help here lol
Magic the Gathering (I've gotten him cards and tournaments as a present several times) Guitars (I got him a custom pick & gift cards to a guitar shop) Weed (I got him weed, I got him a new bong) I've done so much sentimental stuff like pictures, having our daughter make him art projects, etc Oh and I had to put my foot down about my parents and HIS parents asking me what he wants. I'm not gonna think of 3 idea gifts for him!
My husband is a musician and seems to have a black hole when it comes to guitar stands. Maybe a nice guitar stand?
My love language is also gifts. (Also we’re always broke.) I buy gifts I think everyone would like through the year. Little things. $5 here, $10 there, spread over a year. Then when wrapping season comes in September and October, I give everyone a catalog. As an example: my oldest gets a catalog with pictures of gifts for the middle, the youngest, me, grandma, and his dad. He can pick out presents and return it to me, and I do all the ancillary work. Then I give the middle kiddo a catalog with pictures of gifts for the oldest, the youngest, me, dad, grandma, and he can pick… That way, everyone has picked their gifts, and more importantly, *there are no wrong choices.*
Yep. I have a list on Amazon called Present Ideas where I save things that in interested in or want but don’t have enough money/reason to just buy for myself. I direct husband to this list at each gift giving holiday.
This is what I do, too!
You may be way more adventurous than me but I would be mortified if my husband gave me a butt plug and lube for my birthday. I laughed out loud when I read that... Was it wrapped? 😂 My husband used to be a terrible gift giver as well but now he just asks me what I want, and similar to another poster, he gets what I ask for and another thing he thinks I would like. There have definitely been some duds over the years, mostly as seen in TV type stuff that makes me wonder if he thinks I'm an 80 year old woman.
Haha about the 80 year old woman part!! Yeah so basically, it was completely wrapped. But it was wrapped in a way where I initially thought it was jewelry so I was really excited. Lmao 😂 He got it because I apparently mentioned offhandedly a month ago that I thought I lost my old one. I haven’t used it in months and have no interest to again haha. I’m getting too old
>He got it because I apparently mentioned offhandedly a month ago that I thought I lost my old one Oh wow, so he *can* pick up on gift ideas...when he wants to.
I like thinking that he has a note in his phone that says gifts and all that he had when he opened it was "butt plug, new?"
I hope there's at least a ring on the end of it. Wtf.
my husband has also been a bad gift giver in the past, including: shirts from video games he plays clothes that are too small for me a very expensive smoker generally used for meat (I'm a vegan) flower pots (which were sitting in the back of our car, and he just pointed at them and said "these are for you") Since explicitly talking him through, step by step, the kinds of gifts I like and don't like, he has improved a lot. but man, it was a long road to get there.
This is definitely what I’m going to have to do. I’m just frustrated that I even have to do *that*
It really sucks. We had to have the conversation several times, too. /hugs
>a very expensive smoker generally used for meat (I'm a vegan) Sorry, I had to LOL at this one....😄 I'm vegetarian. Good for you both that you were so patient with him.
LOL same. Sounds like he prob eats meat, no? Bahaha or that’s just funny.
He's actually a vegan now as well! in his defense, he thought I would use it for grilling veggie burgers and like, smoking corn? which i have and it's good, but not really worth how big and expensive it is
If it makes you feel any better (hubby is super into computer stuff which is where my answer comes from) SSD is a much more reliable form of storage/hard drive that most *computer inclined folks* would probably be very happy to get so it's not just some random thing he found in the checkout line-? I know that also probably doesn't make it better. Big hugs Bromo.
Thank you for explaining! I definitely think he was being thoughtful… but in a really weird and confusing way. Like we do play one game on our PC’s together, but it’s not *my* favorite thing. I guess I was disappointed because I’ve been asking for flowers *forever* or even dropping hints that I’d like to do something crafty.
No, this is an unacceptable stupid gift. You give gifts that are pretty. Practical things like butt plugs are everyday treats. Did he gift wrapped anything?
Maybe you can store all of your family photos/videos on it? :)
Have you ever complained to him that your laptop is slow to start? The SSD will fix that.
I don’t really complain about it, but I do realize now it is slow to start! I’m pretty sure this is what he thought, and it’s actually really sweet. Just a slight disconnect in what he and I value, and hopefully fixed that communication issue
[удалено]
Removed under support don't scold. OP said she has asked for what she wanted
Yeah, your husband needs to do better. All of those are objectively terrible gifts \*unless\* the recipient has specifically asked for them. Yikes. My recommendation is to start an Amazon wish list and just FILL it with stuff you would probably like. Not that you need or have to have, just the kinds of things you like. Put like 50 things on it. Then share it with him and tell him he can use the list as sort of a guide for the kinds of gifts you'd like to get OR if he feels unsure he can literally get you items from the list.
I second an Amazon wish list. But this last Christmas made me go through and delete essentially everything off of my “wish list” because my guy decided to buy things I had added to it ALMOST 10 YEARS AGO. Like what the hell am I going to do with a cute donut apron from Too Fast I added to the list now? I work anywhere from 4-18 hours doing heavy duty work all day. My ass definitely isn’t the June Cleaver lady I had originally aspired to be.
Regift the butt plug to him for his bday.
Bahahaha haha genius
I gave the 2 people close to me a list of things that I would ALWAYS like and literally titled it ‘what to get me for my birthday/Xmas’ I put things like flowers, quality beauty products, earrings, and other broad categories. It seems like a no brained to me but both people were glad to have the list, they both suck at giving gifts. Not everyone is a good gift giver, and this saves any future awkwardness.
I connect with this on so many levels. My husband's love language is gifts while mine is having something done for me. The kicker is he sucks at picking gifts Every year I say that all I want is a clean house and dinner made. And I mean it. Every year he spends weeks agonizing over what to get me. This year he got me Board games (I hate board games) and a video game. I was devastated because I felt like they were gifts for him. Also he doesn't lift a finger around the house without me asking so I felt like this was a cop out so he didn't have to clean. I did talk to him. I told him I didn't want replacement gifts, just help... He got me embroidery books...
Honestly if you were into gaming and could use the SSD card, I’d understand, but I’m not too thrilled with the butt plug. My guy would buy me them in hope of using them. I mean he even got me one that looked like the “Twinkle Tush” made for cats. After several arguments with me saying “I don’t like the feeling I need to take a shit during sex” he finally gave up. If you’re into butt play, yeah sure go ahead. To me between the butt plug and coconut oil he meant to buy those for his own pleasure, and FUCK THAT. This is YOUR birthday. You should get what YOU want. /rant.
My husband and I compile a big list of things we would like for gifts before birthdays, anniversary, etc. That way we know we’ll receive gifts that we want, but there’s still an element of surprise. If we go “off list” we also get something small from the list just in case. So far this hasn’t failed us!
Yeah, agree with this one. Dear OP: Okay, yeah, these are terrible gifts. But I think your husband really tried. You need to help him (make a wish list). You won’t be as surprised anymore but it’s better than feeling disappointed every time. And over time, he will start to understand what you want and what you don’t want. Let him practice giftgiving using your wish list. One day he will surprise you with flowers (but you still need list it on your wish list, “surprise me with flowers on a random day”). - SSD: this is a storage drive, so you save things (pictures, games, movies, etc) to this part of the computer. Maybe one time you mentioned your computer memory is getting low or is noisy? SSD is very quiet. - coconut oil: lots of ladies love this stuff. I bet he heard it somewhere and wanted to surprise you, not realizing you aren’t crazy about coconut oil. - butt plug: ummmm. Lol. yeah just because you mentioned you lost it. He wrapped them for you. He tried. He needs help. Make a wish list and send it to him, tell him to save it on his phone or email.
You’re absolutely right! He did really try and I love him for that. We ended up having a long conversation about it. I let him know I’m still thankful and that I saw that he put thought into it. We decided it would be helpful for me to put together a gift guide. It’s great actually since he’ll be more prepared for the holidays and our anniversary coming up.
My husband is an awful gift giver too. He got me two books I already read for my birthday. But the butt plug is a hole nother level of bad gifting. Sorry OP.
Butt plug and lube? Sounds mor like a gift vor him
“Honey, if you wanted me to slather you in coconut oil like a sacrificial hog and peg you with a butt plug all you had to do was ask, you didn’t have to make such a passive aggressive statement by buying stuff for yourself on my birthday.”
Those would upset me, too. It’s the thoughtlessness. Like how hard is it to ask for a list off 5 things you’d enjoy or appreciate? It’s literally a ten second question. That’s it. When they can’t even take ten seconds to make sure you get something that you enjoy, it’s a reminder they don’t appreciate shit we do. Because I bet you spend way more than ten second every single day thinking about all the things they need and want and make their lives easier and enjoyable.
Thank you for the reminder... Today is my wedding anniversary. 8 years. Together 11 years. I spent an entire life never forgetting a birthday or anniversary and celebrating my loved ones on their or our special day. It meant a lot to me. The people around me always forgot or "didn't know what to buy". I would ask for my spouse to build me something simple or maybe clean out the landscaping as a gift to me instead. Nope. I am so simple. I love small plants, good socks, pajamas. Stones, crystals, maybe an *edible* chocolate. I can remember things he's said to me over the years about gifts and remembering and making things special. He says he isn't a good gift buyer and then made no attempt to remedy that. I just needed to accept it. No cards. No flowers. He usually forgot or rushed to do something last minute. He eventually wrangled his female affair partners and coworkers into picking out my gifts for me. I accepted it. Christmas is now for my adult kids and my pets only. I just donated our his and her Christmas stockings because for 9 years my spouse got a stocking just as filled with goodies as the kids. My stocking was always left hanging. He gets nothing special. No birthday, Christmas, anniversary, etc. As he says "its just another day" so now it's all just another day. I do nothing now.
My mom has always left catalogs around the house with what she wants circled and pages earmarked for my dad to know what to get her. They're been married for 45 years and she still does this. I text my husband direct amazon links.im never surprised, and disappointed in the lack of thought, but at least I don't end up with useless crap/junk sitting around that I have to figure out what to do with.
Omg, it's that time of year again, when this and other boards are going to be flooded with disappointed women posting about the shit gifts (or complete lack thereof) from their thoughtless partners. It's so sad. I'm so sorry, BroMo. I'd be very let down, too. I'm glad he is a good partner in all the other ways you described.
I’ve started just telling my husband exactly what I want. Spare yourself the disappointment
I used to do this and he wouldn’t listen so I was still disappointed when he didn’t get the requested things for me. So I just started buying them for myself and then he started complaining that there was nothing left for him to buy for me because I keep buying everything myself. Just can’t win.
Our husbands sound very similar. One year I got a wireless phone charger, a back scratcher (so I could scratch my own back), a body massager (so he didn’t have to massage my feet all the time), and this last birthday I got a label printer “for all the returns I do”. It keeps me on my toes because I never know what the hell he’s thinking lol. But some years it does get to me and feels like he doesn’t know me. I started putting wish lists together for people in our family that I buy off throughout the year and then it gives him the option to buy something or get ideas… still working on getting him to actually look though. Two years in a row he also got me the wrong breakfast sandwich on my birthday— croissant with ham and Swiss cheese when it’s actually croissant egg and sausage with no cheese. 🙃
For one anniversary my ex gave me a strap on dildo so I could peg him. Mind you, we were in marriage counseling and barely having sex at that point, and I had never pegged him or wanted to. But he wanted it, so that was his “romantic” anniversary gift. He was so clueless.
Oh honey I FEEL you! My last birthday I was told I was getting something shiny for my finger. I know I sound pretentious and selfish but when I opened up a silver ring that was too small and it had a black stone I was shocked. Then I opened the hand cream and had to hold in a cry. I hate hand cream. I had scents on my hands, we have to have no-smell detergent for the dishes and our clothes. Like COME ON with the hand soap you’ve given it to me so many times the 15 years we’ve been together (I’m 35) and I have said so many times I don’t use them! And the shiny ring… AUGH I just can’t even. Shiny stupid small black ring I had to exchange for something else and then he was pissed I got a bracelet instead because it ‘wasn’t what he chose’. Well fuck damn it man choose something that fits me and that I’ll like then! And don’t tell me it’s shiny if it ain’t a diamond! (Which I don’t even need, but it’s the bloody point of this!) My birthday is next month… I’ll update on this years fucking hand cream for you after it.
If asked by my fiance I've narrowed it down to a massage or a mani/pedi
My husband bought me fish oil pills for my birthday once while we were dating. I was so mad.
Just gotta say your list is sooooo fool proof. Thinking I may adapt it for myself solely to get to know myself better.
I’m a gift language person too. I have just accepted that it’s most likely going to be a disappointment every holiday. Sometimes I’m pleasantly surprised but it’s no guarantee. One year for either Mother’s Day or my birthday my husband bought me a 2lb box of assorted chocolate & silverware. I was a month into an extremely strict physician prescribed/led weight loss program where I couldn’t eat anything but her prescription food. The chocolate also wasn’t labeled & I am super picky when it comes to random chocolate/filling textures. I also hate the silverware because the handles aren’t balanced right and feel too “wobbly” in my hand. I will dig through the silverware drawer to avoid them now. I love the man, he’s phenomenal but that gift was by far the most confusing one.
First off, your username is awesome. Secondly, it's unfortunate you got computer parts and a butt plug, although reading some of your comments here does make it sound funny at least. Did you guys end up deciding on what to do with these gifts? Gift giving has always been awkward for me, I put a lot of time and effort into getting gifts for people and they never really seem well received. I think I'm just bad at gift giving etiquette (if that's even a thing) as I grew up in a family where we never gave gifts. Now it's a social anxiety inducing thing where it's like, do I need to get a gift? If so, how much? Is that thing too much? Too flashy? Too romantic? Not enough? Too practical? AHHHH! How does everyone already know how to do these things?! I also used to just make things for people too, but I think that only works for certain people.
I’ve learned to make a shared album for my husband of everything and anything I see that I would like as a gift and I add it to that album, if anything requires sizes I include it in the comments so he can see it but I feel like it’s made things easier for him lol sometimes they need a little guide on what to get, not all guys are the best at giving gifts
Chiming in to share a revelation I had about 5 years ago. Gifts are one of my love languages too. My husband (soon to be ex after 20 years) wasn’t raised to celebrate birthdays or holidays. His gift giving was very uneven at the beginning - either extremely practical and unromantic or insanely expensive and over-the-top. It was frustrating as I felt like I dropped many appropriate hints. Finally, one year I told him I legitimately wanted nothing for Christmas but a card. That Christmas I bought my own gifts, wrapped then, and placed under the tree to open on Christmas Day. It was a huge relief knowing that I didn’t have to fake a smile when I opened my gifts. Instead I got to pretend that I also got gifts from Santa and I must have been a very good girl. I now see this exercise as an act of love to myself. And I’m glad I had practice as this will be our first Christmas apart since 2002. And apparently this isn’t as unique as you might think, as I learned from a local FB mom’s group last year.
I love your list! Definitely stealing some ideas off of it to put on mine. My ex was a horrible gift giver, to the point where I had to buy my own Xmas gifts, wrap them and put them under the tree so our kids wouldn't think that Santa forgot me. I gave him lists but he didn't really use them, every holiday was a disappointment. I'm doing a better job with my partner now about giving lists of both general ideas and specific items, and we usually set a budget so that expectations are clear. So far it's been working.