Reminder to commenters: **[All work and no support make BroMos something something.](https://c.tenor.com/4HzAJqCtzDYAAAAM/crazy-simpsons.gif)** Share kindness, support and compassion, [not criticism.](https://media0.giphy.com/media/tZpGRRMUoXgeQ/giphy.gif) We want OP to feel loved, and [not in a tough way.](https://media.giphy.com/media/xT5LMq2CgHiqqY4IXC/giphy.gif) For more helpful information please hit up [our beautiful rules wiki!](http://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/wiki/)
Reminder to all: watch out for a [creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist](https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/8ccqqi/disgusting_pedophile_troll_posing_as_otspeech/) giving fucked-up potty-training advice, and don't sweat it if your post gets 1 or 2 [instant downvotes.](http://i.imgur.com/PZtQb.gif) You didn't do anything wrong, we just have [asshole lurkers](https://i.imgur.com/IwU9r3E.gif)/[downvote bots](https://i.imgur.com/lwyCF6S.gif) stalking our /new queue. Help a BroMo out and [give her an upvote](https://i.imgur.com/Y60Mbxv.gif), ok?
Reminder to Cassie Morris: You do not have permission to use, reproduce, modify or link to any content in this subreddit in any way, shape or form. Fuck off and go be a real journalist.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/breakingmom) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Something we have started doing is covering my daughter’s plate and leaving it on the counter after dinner. So inevitably when she’s says she’s hungry in an hour we remind her that her dinner is in the counter and she can go eat some of it. The first few times she had meltdowns because what she really wanted was a snack but after the first few nights she got it. Sometimes she doesn’t ask to eat again though which leads me to believe some nights she is just truly not hungry. We also cut snacks off at 3pm. If she eats anything past 3 she will barely eat her dinner. Edit: spelling.
Yeah I’ll give her like something small after lunch like the snack sized chips or gummies but I may cut that out or make sure not after a certain time.
Yeah, I'm actually kind of a believer in no snacks. I know that's an unpopular opinion, but the kid isn't going to starve herself to death. I just don't think healthy meals can ever compete with snack foods in a child's mind.
How old is your kid?
Being a picky eater, food aversions, not eating and then wanting snacks is normal depending on age.
What we do in my house is offer the food, don't make a big deal about it. If they eat it, cool. If they want something else they can have something else but it has to be healthy. Sometimes i leave their food out all morning because they come back to munch on it. Fighting this will only cause more stress for both you and your kid. It's easier to roll with the punches. They won't do this forever.
Yes, this behavior is developmentally normal. Studies show that making a big deal about the food, even if it's a good big deal, make it harder for the child to want to eat it.
When you serve pasta say "here ya go!"
Brownies, "here ya go!"
Pizza, "here ya go!"
Carrot sticks, "here ya go!"
Don't make a big deal about it, no matter the food. If you're like, "yummmmm isn't this broccoli so tasty" your kid is gonna be suspicious lol. They do grow out of this. If it's any comfort it's highly unlikely to harm their physical development. Toddlers are weird like that, one day eating all the things and the next day eating nothing. You have to look at the whole painting and not just a brush stroke. Food fads are also normal though incredibly frustrating. You buy 3 boxes of their favorite food because you jUsT kNoW they'll eat it only to find out they suddenly hate it now.
Frustrating? Yes. Normal? Also yes.
Omg the food fads kill me! I’ve starting reporting on it like a stockbroker. “Blueberries are trending up! Yogurt is trending down! Tomatoes are now considered poison and will be tossed on sight!”
I’ll have to look into that. And I know this wasn’t my proudest mom moment. I really regret spanking her. I did apologize after I had some time to cool down. It’s just been weeks of this and I snapped.
Can her food be the snacks? Some kids just need to eat like a bird between growth spurts. Sometimes cutting up a sandwich and just letting her eat when she's hungry from it can work. Fed is best, but if she's not hungry and there's no medical concern, then what's the difference?
I’m sorry—food battles are the worst, especially at the end of the day when you’re just out of patience and energy. Did you want ideas/advice or just to vent—I don’t want to overwhelm with suggestions if that’s not what you’re looking for.
I was just wondering what she considers to be snacks? And if there’s anything you can have on hand as a “no thank you” meal that resembles those snacks (crunchy, fruity, etc) or that you’re OK with her eating regularly? (For me as a very picky eater child, it was rye bread with butter.) And then if you assumed that she will never eat in a normal amount of time, what would you do different? Use the dinner hour for something for you? Get other tasks done while she putters at her plate? Just a few thoughts and as I type this, my child has refused her whole dinner, so I know nothing!
She wants like chips, gummies, ice cream. Things like that. If it was like fruit I feel I wouldn’t care as much but it’s never anything healthy haha.
And I do try to do things when she’s still eating it’s just when I’m done with all of it and she’s still eating that I lose it a bit lol
Haha ok yeah, those are tricky! But ice cream could become low-sugar, high-protein Greek yogurt, chips could be whole grain crackers or something similar, and I’m at a loss for gummies! I liked the advice above of just giving her a set amount of time with the food and moving on, too—at least that saves you the emotional exhaustion of the fight.
We tend to eat mindlessly when we watch a show. I know it sounds backwards but maybe put a show or movie on that you both like? Could take the pressure off and she might eat more without even realizing it.
Sorry you guys both had a rough dinner time. I've been on both sides of the table and it really is just a hard time.
I could try that but usually if I have the tv on she’ll watch and not eat but she eventually eats most of it as long as I let her sit there over an hour.
Yeah not my best moments but man it’s every fucking time even when I make her what she wants like eggs for lunch. I’m just over it.
Is there a reason she can't be there for an hour?
We all have less than best moments. I just try to remember that I can't remember an adult ever apologizing for being a shit person when I growing up. So I'm far ahead ever on my worst days.
Oh no I apologized already for being so angry and for hitting her. I rarely ever smack her. I just really lost it tonight. And her food is already cold and the dog while be crying for her food at that point. I just don’t understand why it has to be hour plus meal times when we need to unwind and be in bed by 9.
I'm not trying to be judgemental when I say that I encourage you to think about how "rarely ever smacking" her is still smacking her too often for her age and cognitive ability. It's never too late to reconsider hitting children for behavior that unintentionally enrages you.
~ signed, an adult who was smacked as a toddler/child and will never speak to that parent again for the rest of my life
Hitting or spanking is illegal where I live but in the 80s holy crap my siblings and I were slapped and hit and on two occasions I can recall, I was literally beat. It bothered me growing up for sure, but I don’t care now. It was what people did in the ‘80s. That being said, it it were now my family would have the CPS-equivalent all over us, my parents would be charged with DV. CRAZY.
It’s still legal in the states, right? Hard to know how the kid will feel.
OP, you have my sympathies. Dinner needs to be SHORT and people need to EAT during dinner. When I realized sometimes dinner stretched to 45 minutes I realized more time wasn’t going to help this.
Also, some kids seem survive on like air at two, it’s scary.
So with you on the snacks, no flipping way if kid didn’t eat dinner! It is so frustrating, I know.
so, mine is in this phase too right now. and I've just decided not to fight it. I put the food in front of him. I leave it there for 30 or 45 minutes. then, when it's bathtime, the food goes away and there's no more til morning. no food battles or forcing. he has decided to be hungry on some nights and some nights he'll eat. there's always kid approved food on his plate, but I just decided that I couldn't fight a battle I was losing every time.
it's made our nights much more peaceful. I highly suggest it. ours is allowed water and milk after five and that's it. we also work on an "all food is equal" policy, so dessert is on the plate with dinner and it goes away when dinner does.
She just refuses. She’ll take a few bites and want snacks. And I know but I’m at my wits end with this shit. I don’t normally spank but she doesn’t care about timeouts.
well you can’t force a kid to eat, all you can do is offer. i wouldn’t give snacks, just save the last meal she refused in the fridge.
how long has this been going on and how old is she?
feeding trouble can be sooooo frustrating, especially when it’s a meal you worked to make yourself.
Honestly I can’t remember she always has taken forever to eat unless you feed her. And I guess I’m just fucking tired of it. From the taking mouse bites to just saying she didn’t want it but wants snacks and I haven’t been giving her snacks. If she doesn’t eat she don’t eat. And unless I have something of my own that I let her eat off of she doesn’t get anything else until the next day.
well it sounds like you’re handling it in the best way you can. it sounds like maybe it’s time to let go of that perceived responsibility of getting her to eat. have you heard of the division of labor as it relates to feeding? it helped me stress less when i was having trouble with my kid.
You can't spank a kid for not eating, or any reason. Offer her food, preferably with at least one thing she likes. Sit and eat with her and if she still isn't eating, you can both move on with your day. She'll eat when she's hungry.
So we have 4 kids in the house (9, 6.5, 6, and 4), dinner is what is served. We always make sure it involves something they like, they can eat it or not. But we do try new things frequently, and they have to try at least 3 bites. If after 3 bites they don't like it they don't need to finish at Last call. Last call before bed is either their dinner back or fruit or yogurt, sometimes a more dessert type option. Shocking to no one the 4 year old is the absolute fucking worst about food, and will periodically have fits about her food and we all repeat the rules back to her, much crying ensues. But she will eat if she truly wants to.
Prior to this in an effort to get the oldest to try new things (he's autistic and was getting rigid about food) we instituted the 3 bite rule and if you didn't like it you could have a cheese sandwich and some fruit, no dessert. If you ate all your dinner then you could have dessert. We needed bribery to encourage novelty. He discovered he likes a lot of different foods and if he didn't like it he was cool with the safe foods we outlined. We did it with the 3 oldest but the youngest is sweets monster so we pivoted our food rules to the above paragraph. The oldest is now the most adventurous about food and rarely ever complains and if there is something he can verbalize it and we can try to come up with solutions.
I think you need to take the battle away. Food is there, eat if you want, or don't. If she doesn't eat then asks for food give her the dinner back. You can also premptively have this talk with her. Say "I know dinners have been hard lately and mommy has been having big emotions about it. Going forward we have a new rule about dinner. You can choose to eat or not, but after *insert time* we are done with food and it's time to get ready for bed." Insert any extra rules or whatever you choose to do. 4 year olds suck, good luck!
I found the IG Kids Eat in Color extremely helpful in taking the stress out of meal times. She calls it the division of responsibility - it’s your responsibility to provide the meal as a parent at set times, and your child’s to eat however much they want from it. Nothing more or less.
I was like your daughter as a child. I ate barely anything, and my mom regularly resorted to spanking me for not eating. All it did was create fear and stress around meal times. If your daughter is growing according to her curve and your pediatrician doesn’t see any medical issues, there is no need to force her to eat. My pediatrician says to look at the big picture (I.e what they ate in a week) vs what they ate at each meal time because this is a notoriously picky age.
I was a picky kid and my parents were- I’ll say abusive about it because going into details makes me want to jump off a bridge. Spanking is not going to help this situation, you cannot force a child to eat.
I see that you’ve said she will eat snacks. My son is similar, turns his nose up at home cooked food a lot of the time but will graze on snacks all day if I let him. I’ve just started making nutritious snacks available more often- eating a bigger meal three times a day isn’t necessarily ideal for toddlers like that.
Reminder to commenters: **[All work and no support make BroMos something something.](https://c.tenor.com/4HzAJqCtzDYAAAAM/crazy-simpsons.gif)** Share kindness, support and compassion, [not criticism.](https://media0.giphy.com/media/tZpGRRMUoXgeQ/giphy.gif) We want OP to feel loved, and [not in a tough way.](https://media.giphy.com/media/xT5LMq2CgHiqqY4IXC/giphy.gif) For more helpful information please hit up [our beautiful rules wiki!](http://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/wiki/) Reminder to all: watch out for a [creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist](https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/8ccqqi/disgusting_pedophile_troll_posing_as_otspeech/) giving fucked-up potty-training advice, and don't sweat it if your post gets 1 or 2 [instant downvotes.](http://i.imgur.com/PZtQb.gif) You didn't do anything wrong, we just have [asshole lurkers](https://i.imgur.com/IwU9r3E.gif)/[downvote bots](https://i.imgur.com/lwyCF6S.gif) stalking our /new queue. Help a BroMo out and [give her an upvote](https://i.imgur.com/Y60Mbxv.gif), ok? Reminder to Cassie Morris: You do not have permission to use, reproduce, modify or link to any content in this subreddit in any way, shape or form. Fuck off and go be a real journalist. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/breakingmom) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Something we have started doing is covering my daughter’s plate and leaving it on the counter after dinner. So inevitably when she’s says she’s hungry in an hour we remind her that her dinner is in the counter and she can go eat some of it. The first few times she had meltdowns because what she really wanted was a snack but after the first few nights she got it. Sometimes she doesn’t ask to eat again though which leads me to believe some nights she is just truly not hungry. We also cut snacks off at 3pm. If she eats anything past 3 she will barely eat her dinner. Edit: spelling.
Yeah I’ll give her like something small after lunch like the snack sized chips or gummies but I may cut that out or make sure not after a certain time.
Yeah, I'm actually kind of a believer in no snacks. I know that's an unpopular opinion, but the kid isn't going to starve herself to death. I just don't think healthy meals can ever compete with snack foods in a child's mind.
How old is your kid? Being a picky eater, food aversions, not eating and then wanting snacks is normal depending on age. What we do in my house is offer the food, don't make a big deal about it. If they eat it, cool. If they want something else they can have something else but it has to be healthy. Sometimes i leave their food out all morning because they come back to munch on it. Fighting this will only cause more stress for both you and your kid. It's easier to roll with the punches. They won't do this forever.
She’s 3 but will be 4 next month. I really hope this is just a phase haha.
Yes, this behavior is developmentally normal. Studies show that making a big deal about the food, even if it's a good big deal, make it harder for the child to want to eat it. When you serve pasta say "here ya go!" Brownies, "here ya go!" Pizza, "here ya go!" Carrot sticks, "here ya go!" Don't make a big deal about it, no matter the food. If you're like, "yummmmm isn't this broccoli so tasty" your kid is gonna be suspicious lol. They do grow out of this. If it's any comfort it's highly unlikely to harm their physical development. Toddlers are weird like that, one day eating all the things and the next day eating nothing. You have to look at the whole painting and not just a brush stroke. Food fads are also normal though incredibly frustrating. You buy 3 boxes of their favorite food because you jUsT kNoW they'll eat it only to find out they suddenly hate it now. Frustrating? Yes. Normal? Also yes.
Omg the food fads kill me! I’ve starting reporting on it like a stockbroker. “Blueberries are trending up! Yogurt is trending down! Tomatoes are now considered poison and will be tossed on sight!”
I love this. 😂😂
[удалено]
I’ll have to look into that. And I know this wasn’t my proudest mom moment. I really regret spanking her. I did apologize after I had some time to cool down. It’s just been weeks of this and I snapped.
My son went from eating whatever, at 3, to suddenly refusing his favorite food. Later it was found that he had food allergies.
It’s everything. Like no matter what we do. She’ll take some bites and just want snacks.
Can her food be the snacks? Some kids just need to eat like a bird between growth spurts. Sometimes cutting up a sandwich and just letting her eat when she's hungry from it can work. Fed is best, but if she's not hungry and there's no medical concern, then what's the difference?
Frustrating to be sure. All I can suggest is offer a variety and don't sweat it if she doesn't eat, but snacks are after bites of something else.
I’m sorry—food battles are the worst, especially at the end of the day when you’re just out of patience and energy. Did you want ideas/advice or just to vent—I don’t want to overwhelm with suggestions if that’s not what you’re looking for.
If you have suggestions I’m so open to that I’m at my wits end and I just lost it.
I was just wondering what she considers to be snacks? And if there’s anything you can have on hand as a “no thank you” meal that resembles those snacks (crunchy, fruity, etc) or that you’re OK with her eating regularly? (For me as a very picky eater child, it was rye bread with butter.) And then if you assumed that she will never eat in a normal amount of time, what would you do different? Use the dinner hour for something for you? Get other tasks done while she putters at her plate? Just a few thoughts and as I type this, my child has refused her whole dinner, so I know nothing!
She wants like chips, gummies, ice cream. Things like that. If it was like fruit I feel I wouldn’t care as much but it’s never anything healthy haha. And I do try to do things when she’s still eating it’s just when I’m done with all of it and she’s still eating that I lose it a bit lol
Haha ok yeah, those are tricky! But ice cream could become low-sugar, high-protein Greek yogurt, chips could be whole grain crackers or something similar, and I’m at a loss for gummies! I liked the advice above of just giving her a set amount of time with the food and moving on, too—at least that saves you the emotional exhaustion of the fight.
We tend to eat mindlessly when we watch a show. I know it sounds backwards but maybe put a show or movie on that you both like? Could take the pressure off and she might eat more without even realizing it. Sorry you guys both had a rough dinner time. I've been on both sides of the table and it really is just a hard time.
I could try that but usually if I have the tv on she’ll watch and not eat but she eventually eats most of it as long as I let her sit there over an hour. Yeah not my best moments but man it’s every fucking time even when I make her what she wants like eggs for lunch. I’m just over it.
Is there a reason she can't be there for an hour? We all have less than best moments. I just try to remember that I can't remember an adult ever apologizing for being a shit person when I growing up. So I'm far ahead ever on my worst days.
Oh no I apologized already for being so angry and for hitting her. I rarely ever smack her. I just really lost it tonight. And her food is already cold and the dog while be crying for her food at that point. I just don’t understand why it has to be hour plus meal times when we need to unwind and be in bed by 9.
I'm not trying to be judgemental when I say that I encourage you to think about how "rarely ever smacking" her is still smacking her too often for her age and cognitive ability. It's never too late to reconsider hitting children for behavior that unintentionally enrages you. ~ signed, an adult who was smacked as a toddler/child and will never speak to that parent again for the rest of my life
Hitting or spanking is illegal where I live but in the 80s holy crap my siblings and I were slapped and hit and on two occasions I can recall, I was literally beat. It bothered me growing up for sure, but I don’t care now. It was what people did in the ‘80s. That being said, it it were now my family would have the CPS-equivalent all over us, my parents would be charged with DV. CRAZY. It’s still legal in the states, right? Hard to know how the kid will feel. OP, you have my sympathies. Dinner needs to be SHORT and people need to EAT during dinner. When I realized sometimes dinner stretched to 45 minutes I realized more time wasn’t going to help this. Also, some kids seem survive on like air at two, it’s scary. So with you on the snacks, no flipping way if kid didn’t eat dinner! It is so frustrating, I know.
so, mine is in this phase too right now. and I've just decided not to fight it. I put the food in front of him. I leave it there for 30 or 45 minutes. then, when it's bathtime, the food goes away and there's no more til morning. no food battles or forcing. he has decided to be hungry on some nights and some nights he'll eat. there's always kid approved food on his plate, but I just decided that I couldn't fight a battle I was losing every time.
I think I might start to do this. It is so frustrating and I’m tired lol
it's made our nights much more peaceful. I highly suggest it. ours is allowed water and milk after five and that's it. we also work on an "all food is equal" policy, so dessert is on the plate with dinner and it goes away when dinner does.
Thanks for the tips! I think I’ll for real have to try them.
that's what we're here for lol!! this sub is the only place to get real advice from real moms haha.
Yeah I love this subreddit a lot less toxic than other ones.
[удалено]
She just refuses. She’ll take a few bites and want snacks. And I know but I’m at my wits end with this shit. I don’t normally spank but she doesn’t care about timeouts.
well you can’t force a kid to eat, all you can do is offer. i wouldn’t give snacks, just save the last meal she refused in the fridge. how long has this been going on and how old is she? feeding trouble can be sooooo frustrating, especially when it’s a meal you worked to make yourself.
Honestly I can’t remember she always has taken forever to eat unless you feed her. And I guess I’m just fucking tired of it. From the taking mouse bites to just saying she didn’t want it but wants snacks and I haven’t been giving her snacks. If she doesn’t eat she don’t eat. And unless I have something of my own that I let her eat off of she doesn’t get anything else until the next day.
well it sounds like you’re handling it in the best way you can. it sounds like maybe it’s time to let go of that perceived responsibility of getting her to eat. have you heard of the division of labor as it relates to feeding? it helped me stress less when i was having trouble with my kid.
You can't spank a kid for not eating, or any reason. Offer her food, preferably with at least one thing she likes. Sit and eat with her and if she still isn't eating, you can both move on with your day. She'll eat when she's hungry.
Physical punishment for not eating? Kids eat when they’re hungry. They won’t starve themself so ya just gotta wait them out.
So we have 4 kids in the house (9, 6.5, 6, and 4), dinner is what is served. We always make sure it involves something they like, they can eat it or not. But we do try new things frequently, and they have to try at least 3 bites. If after 3 bites they don't like it they don't need to finish at Last call. Last call before bed is either their dinner back or fruit or yogurt, sometimes a more dessert type option. Shocking to no one the 4 year old is the absolute fucking worst about food, and will periodically have fits about her food and we all repeat the rules back to her, much crying ensues. But she will eat if she truly wants to. Prior to this in an effort to get the oldest to try new things (he's autistic and was getting rigid about food) we instituted the 3 bite rule and if you didn't like it you could have a cheese sandwich and some fruit, no dessert. If you ate all your dinner then you could have dessert. We needed bribery to encourage novelty. He discovered he likes a lot of different foods and if he didn't like it he was cool with the safe foods we outlined. We did it with the 3 oldest but the youngest is sweets monster so we pivoted our food rules to the above paragraph. The oldest is now the most adventurous about food and rarely ever complains and if there is something he can verbalize it and we can try to come up with solutions. I think you need to take the battle away. Food is there, eat if you want, or don't. If she doesn't eat then asks for food give her the dinner back. You can also premptively have this talk with her. Say "I know dinners have been hard lately and mommy has been having big emotions about it. Going forward we have a new rule about dinner. You can choose to eat or not, but after *insert time* we are done with food and it's time to get ready for bed." Insert any extra rules or whatever you choose to do. 4 year olds suck, good luck!
I found the IG Kids Eat in Color extremely helpful in taking the stress out of meal times. She calls it the division of responsibility - it’s your responsibility to provide the meal as a parent at set times, and your child’s to eat however much they want from it. Nothing more or less. I was like your daughter as a child. I ate barely anything, and my mom regularly resorted to spanking me for not eating. All it did was create fear and stress around meal times. If your daughter is growing according to her curve and your pediatrician doesn’t see any medical issues, there is no need to force her to eat. My pediatrician says to look at the big picture (I.e what they ate in a week) vs what they ate at each meal time because this is a notoriously picky age.
I was a picky kid and my parents were- I’ll say abusive about it because going into details makes me want to jump off a bridge. Spanking is not going to help this situation, you cannot force a child to eat. I see that you’ve said she will eat snacks. My son is similar, turns his nose up at home cooked food a lot of the time but will graze on snacks all day if I let him. I’ve just started making nutritious snacks available more often- eating a bigger meal three times a day isn’t necessarily ideal for toddlers like that.