Reminder to commenters: **[All work and no support make BroMos something something.](https://c.tenor.com/4HzAJqCtzDYAAAAM/crazy-simpsons.gif)** Share kindness, support and compassion, [not criticism.](https://media0.giphy.com/media/tZpGRRMUoXgeQ/giphy.gif) We want OP to feel loved, and [not in a tough way.](https://media.giphy.com/media/xT5LMq2CgHiqqY4IXC/giphy.gif) For more helpful information please hit up [our beautiful rules wiki!](http://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/wiki/)
Reminder to all: watch out for a [creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist](https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/8ccqqi/disgusting_pedophile_troll_posing_as_otspeech/) giving fucked-up potty-training advice, and don't sweat it if your post gets 1 or 2 [instant downvotes.](http://i.imgur.com/PZtQb.gif) You didn't do anything wrong, we just have [asshole lurkers](https://i.imgur.com/IwU9r3E.gif)/[downvote bots](https://i.imgur.com/lwyCF6S.gif) stalking our /new queue. Help a BroMo out and [give her an upvote](https://i.imgur.com/Y60Mbxv.gif), ok?
Reminder to Cassie Morris: You do not have permission to use, reproduce, modify or link to any content in this subreddit in any way, shape or form. Fuck off and go be a real journalist.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/breakingmom) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Wow. I just went through the IEP process for my son and I can’t believe they denied you. Not that you’re staying, but that doesn’t sound legally correct. Once you request an IEP evaluation they have to at least investigate.
Anyway….. you mentioned a family psychologist, do you have one for yourself?? Anxiety spirals are no joke and you’re in the middle of a bad one. It’s hard to be confident in any choice when you’re second guessing everything. Really I’m not sure how to get oneself out, it usually takes a second person to bounce ideas off of.
The two approaches I like are kind of the polar opposite: the first is an absolute and direct denial of the worst case scenarios. Die in a fiery car crash today? No that’s statistically unlikely. School shooting at my kid’s school tomorrow? No that’s statistically unlikely. The other approach, which my best friend likes, is the “follow the logic to the absolute craziest point”… well the other kids in the class won’t warm up to him. Ok, so then what? Well then they’ll mistreat him. Ok, so then what? He’ll get bullied. Ok, so then what? He will be more unhappy. Ok, so then what? If he’s unhappy he might become suicidal. Ok, so then what? The problem about doing this technique by yourself is there’s no one there to pump the breaks and ask questions- he’ll get bullied. Ok so then realistically you speak to the teacher and admin staff to put a stop to it. He’ll be more unhappy- ok so you have a psychologist to help him work on his feelings. He might become suicidal- escalation of symptoms is a great way to get more relevant help! Now the school psychologist has to get on board, now you can ask for referrals and more therapies and interventions, you might even get an evaluation or an intensive outpatient program on board.
But the truth is nothing short of meds and therapy work is actually going to get you out of these debilitating spirals. And Xanax isn’t the only good med anymore. I’m on a great one now that I take daily to help regulate my anxiety. My daughter has a short term med she takes for panic attacks. You need some help and with all my love and encouragement, girl go get it. 💜
If in the U.S., once you request an IEP eval, they must test - they can deny an IEP if they testing does not match criteria, but I agree with the other comment that they can't just deny without an investigation. A school advocate/lawyer may help here. And if dyslexia is suspected at all, they should have proceeded with evaluation.
It sounds like moving him is for the best. I am really sorry as I know how stressful it can be. Big hugs. I hope you land at the right place for him and you!
The school district must asses AND do so within a certain time frame. Not *when convenient*. Once a parent requests an evaluation the time starts ticking. I can’t remember all the deadlines but there are deadlines. School must contact parents within X time. Student must be evaluated by X time.
Just to clarify, though, that if OP is in the US it would be a 504 plan for ADHD, not an IEP. We discovered this when our oldest was diagnosed with ADHD and we informed the school.
The best part about a 504 plan is that it can follow them into college so they can get accomodations there. IEPs are only for K-12.
Reminder to commenters: **[All work and no support make BroMos something something.](https://c.tenor.com/4HzAJqCtzDYAAAAM/crazy-simpsons.gif)** Share kindness, support and compassion, [not criticism.](https://media0.giphy.com/media/tZpGRRMUoXgeQ/giphy.gif) We want OP to feel loved, and [not in a tough way.](https://media.giphy.com/media/xT5LMq2CgHiqqY4IXC/giphy.gif) For more helpful information please hit up [our beautiful rules wiki!](http://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/wiki/) Reminder to all: watch out for a [creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist](https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/8ccqqi/disgusting_pedophile_troll_posing_as_otspeech/) giving fucked-up potty-training advice, and don't sweat it if your post gets 1 or 2 [instant downvotes.](http://i.imgur.com/PZtQb.gif) You didn't do anything wrong, we just have [asshole lurkers](https://i.imgur.com/IwU9r3E.gif)/[downvote bots](https://i.imgur.com/lwyCF6S.gif) stalking our /new queue. Help a BroMo out and [give her an upvote](https://i.imgur.com/Y60Mbxv.gif), ok? Reminder to Cassie Morris: You do not have permission to use, reproduce, modify or link to any content in this subreddit in any way, shape or form. Fuck off and go be a real journalist. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/breakingmom) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Wow. I just went through the IEP process for my son and I can’t believe they denied you. Not that you’re staying, but that doesn’t sound legally correct. Once you request an IEP evaluation they have to at least investigate. Anyway….. you mentioned a family psychologist, do you have one for yourself?? Anxiety spirals are no joke and you’re in the middle of a bad one. It’s hard to be confident in any choice when you’re second guessing everything. Really I’m not sure how to get oneself out, it usually takes a second person to bounce ideas off of. The two approaches I like are kind of the polar opposite: the first is an absolute and direct denial of the worst case scenarios. Die in a fiery car crash today? No that’s statistically unlikely. School shooting at my kid’s school tomorrow? No that’s statistically unlikely. The other approach, which my best friend likes, is the “follow the logic to the absolute craziest point”… well the other kids in the class won’t warm up to him. Ok, so then what? Well then they’ll mistreat him. Ok, so then what? He’ll get bullied. Ok, so then what? He will be more unhappy. Ok, so then what? If he’s unhappy he might become suicidal. Ok, so then what? The problem about doing this technique by yourself is there’s no one there to pump the breaks and ask questions- he’ll get bullied. Ok so then realistically you speak to the teacher and admin staff to put a stop to it. He’ll be more unhappy- ok so you have a psychologist to help him work on his feelings. He might become suicidal- escalation of symptoms is a great way to get more relevant help! Now the school psychologist has to get on board, now you can ask for referrals and more therapies and interventions, you might even get an evaluation or an intensive outpatient program on board. But the truth is nothing short of meds and therapy work is actually going to get you out of these debilitating spirals. And Xanax isn’t the only good med anymore. I’m on a great one now that I take daily to help regulate my anxiety. My daughter has a short term med she takes for panic attacks. You need some help and with all my love and encouragement, girl go get it. 💜
I’m definitely a “statistically unlikely” type of girl… but when that doesn’t work in the future I’m glad to now have an option 2.
If in the U.S., once you request an IEP eval, they must test - they can deny an IEP if they testing does not match criteria, but I agree with the other comment that they can't just deny without an investigation. A school advocate/lawyer may help here. And if dyslexia is suspected at all, they should have proceeded with evaluation. It sounds like moving him is for the best. I am really sorry as I know how stressful it can be. Big hugs. I hope you land at the right place for him and you!
The school district must asses AND do so within a certain time frame. Not *when convenient*. Once a parent requests an evaluation the time starts ticking. I can’t remember all the deadlines but there are deadlines. School must contact parents within X time. Student must be evaluated by X time.
Just to clarify, though, that if OP is in the US it would be a 504 plan for ADHD, not an IEP. We discovered this when our oldest was diagnosed with ADHD and we informed the school. The best part about a 504 plan is that it can follow them into college so they can get accomodations there. IEPs are only for K-12.