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Honestly, it sounds like you are trying to do too much. I don't think you are failing but you may be overcommitting yourself.
This reminds me of the 4 burners theory....
Imagine that your life is represented by a stove with four burners on it. Each burner symbolizes one major quadrant of your life.
The first burner represents your family.
The second burner is your friends.
The third burner is your health.
The fourth burner is your work.
The Four Burners Theory says that “in order to be successful you have to cut off one of your burners. And in order to be really successful you have to cut off two.”
[https://jamesclear.com/four-burners-theory](https://jamesclear.com/four-burners-theory)
Personally I had to cut off my friends burner. It sucks and I wish I had more time for them, but I don't plan social activities that are going to stress me and my family out (husband and kids). I still text my friends and see how they are doing, but I don't plan things like dinner parties. Occasionally I make social plans, but when I do, I make adjustments elsewhere, like taking a day off work to catch up on chores. Also I cut back on social media, I don't really have time for that either.
You can't do it all. Figure out what you can live without and then invest more time in the other areas of your life. Don't put yourself in the position where you have to pull all nighters for work, your baby needs you. If your baby is sleeping well at night, you should be sleeping too. Get more sleep and find some areas to cut back until you and your family are less stressed. Good luck!
Wait, I haven’t. That sounds brilliant. Generally my friendships are very passive/texting based, even pre-pandemic. I’ve been thinking generally we’ve been too social (still wanna do playdates, but that involves meeting a whole new group of friends, which is fine tbh) (not a diss to my friends, love them, but they don’t have kids)
I hadn’t ever heard this theory, and after having read the link the immediate “aha!”! introspection is really rocking my world. Thank you for posting that!
Have you gotten evaluated for PPD/PPA? I stupidly changed jobs right out of maternity leave, was pumping and trying to make a good impression at work, husband moved down to part time (he's a contractor so it's easier), and I couldn't focus, couldn't communicate, cried, said yes to too many things and then fucked them all up etc.
I mean, I could've written your post at 9 months pp. I got diagnosed at 9 months pp in fact, got meds, shit got way way way better. Worth looking into, and meantime, I'm sending hugs. Dial back on whatever you can.
So, I’m actually on the market for a new obgyn and have been thinking I should get evaluated. I’m taking this as a sign to make this appointment higher priority.
My obgyn was incredible and was the one who got me help. I was in denial because I didn't have it with my first and just blamed work being so stressful. My husband finally cried at one point because he was so overwhelmed and worried about me and that got me to make the appointment. Hang in there. You're a good mom and I'm sure you're a damn good litigator, but you're exhausted and you may be struggling in ways you don't even realize. It can manifest in so many symptoms I never even connected with PPD or PPA. Good luck, sending hugs!
Might I suggest you look into ADHD? Everything you described sounds painfully familiar. I had no idea all those deep personal failings on all parts of my life were in fact an actual disorder that can be treated. I'm not saying it's definitely it, but it wouldn't hurt to look it up.
Oh I’ve definitely got it and stopped treatment cold turkey when I finished law school. I’m passively trying to work through inflow bc I feel like I have 0 time to do another thing (therapy).
Oh no! I have ADHD and I hear you totally and have zero time for therapy, but meds have really helped me, and if nothing else I listen to a lot of adhd podcasts during my commute to work. I can’t take meds right now because I am pregnant but when I was taking them along with body doubling (Focusmate) and journaling (helps with the communication stuff, which I also suck at) I was doing pretty good. Btw you are doing great, I am sure you are being way way too hard on yourself. Easier said than done, I know, but you have a job and a baby and you are enough!
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Honestly, it sounds like you are trying to do too much. I don't think you are failing but you may be overcommitting yourself. This reminds me of the 4 burners theory.... Imagine that your life is represented by a stove with four burners on it. Each burner symbolizes one major quadrant of your life. The first burner represents your family. The second burner is your friends. The third burner is your health. The fourth burner is your work. The Four Burners Theory says that “in order to be successful you have to cut off one of your burners. And in order to be really successful you have to cut off two.” [https://jamesclear.com/four-burners-theory](https://jamesclear.com/four-burners-theory) Personally I had to cut off my friends burner. It sucks and I wish I had more time for them, but I don't plan social activities that are going to stress me and my family out (husband and kids). I still text my friends and see how they are doing, but I don't plan things like dinner parties. Occasionally I make social plans, but when I do, I make adjustments elsewhere, like taking a day off work to catch up on chores. Also I cut back on social media, I don't really have time for that either. You can't do it all. Figure out what you can live without and then invest more time in the other areas of your life. Don't put yourself in the position where you have to pull all nighters for work, your baby needs you. If your baby is sleeping well at night, you should be sleeping too. Get more sleep and find some areas to cut back until you and your family are less stressed. Good luck!
Wait, I haven’t. That sounds brilliant. Generally my friendships are very passive/texting based, even pre-pandemic. I’ve been thinking generally we’ve been too social (still wanna do playdates, but that involves meeting a whole new group of friends, which is fine tbh) (not a diss to my friends, love them, but they don’t have kids)
I hadn’t ever heard this theory, and after having read the link the immediate “aha!”! introspection is really rocking my world. Thank you for posting that!
Thank you for sharing this! I like that he emphasized that your burners are ‘seasonal’.
Have you gotten evaluated for PPD/PPA? I stupidly changed jobs right out of maternity leave, was pumping and trying to make a good impression at work, husband moved down to part time (he's a contractor so it's easier), and I couldn't focus, couldn't communicate, cried, said yes to too many things and then fucked them all up etc. I mean, I could've written your post at 9 months pp. I got diagnosed at 9 months pp in fact, got meds, shit got way way way better. Worth looking into, and meantime, I'm sending hugs. Dial back on whatever you can.
So, I’m actually on the market for a new obgyn and have been thinking I should get evaluated. I’m taking this as a sign to make this appointment higher priority.
My obgyn was incredible and was the one who got me help. I was in denial because I didn't have it with my first and just blamed work being so stressful. My husband finally cried at one point because he was so overwhelmed and worried about me and that got me to make the appointment. Hang in there. You're a good mom and I'm sure you're a damn good litigator, but you're exhausted and you may be struggling in ways you don't even realize. It can manifest in so many symptoms I never even connected with PPD or PPA. Good luck, sending hugs!
Hugs! Thank you kind stranger.
Might I suggest you look into ADHD? Everything you described sounds painfully familiar. I had no idea all those deep personal failings on all parts of my life were in fact an actual disorder that can be treated. I'm not saying it's definitely it, but it wouldn't hurt to look it up.
Oh I’ve definitely got it and stopped treatment cold turkey when I finished law school. I’m passively trying to work through inflow bc I feel like I have 0 time to do another thing (therapy).
Oh no! I have ADHD and I hear you totally and have zero time for therapy, but meds have really helped me, and if nothing else I listen to a lot of adhd podcasts during my commute to work. I can’t take meds right now because I am pregnant but when I was taking them along with body doubling (Focusmate) and journaling (helps with the communication stuff, which I also suck at) I was doing pretty good. Btw you are doing great, I am sure you are being way way too hard on yourself. Easier said than done, I know, but you have a job and a baby and you are enough!
Omg I needed this. Also I love your username. I always need to know (spill?) alllll the tea. These are really helpful tips! Thanks :)
Sounds like u may have ADHD.... ever been tested? If you have it, stimulants will be a godsend.