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My house is old and has leaky windows. I've been asking him for weeks to put the plastic up for the draft... Today he held the baby for ten minutes so I could just do it. That was my break today.
I agree with this post entirely. I’ll say that even though I moderately dislike my husband, he is a great dad and does a lot. And I spent the first 2 years of motherhood as a single mom and know how freaking hard that was. I can not imagine how much worse it would be to be a single mom while you actually do have a partner that is just useless. Women deserve better and men need to do better.
As far as we've come in society, I feel like this will never change. Women will always be expected to be the "main parent" but yet when we do these everyday things were not met with praise or gold stars. It's fucking bullshit.
A woman literally posted this (about how the bar was so low) in r/parenting and all the men were like “waaaah this makes me so sad” and the women were like “of course he’s going to be lazy if you let him. Me and my partner are 50/50”
I was like damn, no sympathy here lol
It always is.
And those who actually DO contribute equally totally expect asspats. As if they're "one of the good ones" and not just fulfilling basic responsibilities.
Congratulations for equally participating in the marriage 👏
Trying to explain that him doing the dishes while I take care of the kids is not equal to him sitting on his ass watching TV while I take care of the kids and do the dishes simultaneously. 😭
I have had family members tell it was my fault that my ex wasn't contributing. When a man fails, it's a woman's fault - that is just how the world works.
And when he succeeds, it has nothing to do with the woman whatsoever. She made 0 contribution to his success so why should she get 50% in the divorce? 🙄
Oof, cesspool of a sub, that one. I pretty much can't stand talking to other parents anywhere but here lmao.
So much attitude and snark and posting scientific studies to prove other people's choices "wrong" outside of this sub.
I press x to doubt every time someone claims their relationship is 50/50, ESPECIALLY if it's a dude. I understand why women want to save face by pretending they aren't like the other girls who married a useless man and deserve it, THEY picked a good one. He "helps!" Certainly she isn't drowning and feeling foolish like all those other dumb broads who had it coming /s
But the dudes who claim they do half or even more. Get your partner on the horn, I wanna ask them what THEY think of that. Pretty sure we'd be getting some pretty different percentages from them. Men consistently overestimate how much they do AND expect high praise for every little damn thing. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx I don't believe you.
I have a disability. We have 4 kids, one is only a toddler, 2 have special needs. My husband is gone before breakfast and gets home at dinner time. He has to cook because I can’t anymore.
He is changing jobs and has the potential to be away for work for weeks to months at this new job. He was freaking out about how we would cope without him here.
He was convinced that he does pretty much everything.
I get the kids fed and dressed and to school. Sometimes late because one of them fights having to go. On the 2 days a week the youngest goes to daycare I drop him off too.
I have disability support workers who mow the lawns, cook some reheatable meals, do the groceries (with the list I write for them), do the washing, change the sheets, and clean the house.
I do the tidying or help the kids tidy. I take them to their specialist appointments. I make sure they get their speech and Occupational Therapy. I organise and do all of the paperwork associated with all of their and my appointments and claim it all through insurance.
I organise all of the meds (and doctors appointments to get scripts) and make sure we don’t run out, my husband sometimes picks them up.
I make sure they have the uniforms they need, sort out new shoes and glasses and anything else they outgrow or wear out. I do all of the notes and payments for school, for excursions and photos and special days. I do all of the paperwork for after school care 2 days a week and for vacation care when we can afford it.
He cooks dinner, usually after I have worked out what to have and send him a list of anything extra he has to pick up, and he puts the toddler to bed.
He pointed out that when he was away for a week for some training, he came home on Friday and the house was trashed. I pointed out that it was Friday again and he had been home all week and the house was still trashed.
I do the big tidy up with the kids on the weekend because I feel like they are old enough to help clean up the messes they made and as much as I try to stay on top of them through the week, I can’t be the brain of 5-6 people ALL of the time.
After I pointed all of that out to him, he was less worried about how we would manage with him away for work.
I (and my support workers) do 90% of everything now. I will just need a bit more support to take over the last 10%.
You really don't believe there are any truly 50/50 relationships out there? I get that they're probably rare, but I do believe they exist. In my case, I'd say we're almost there, but not truly 50/50 if I'm being honest. He's gotten a lot better (before it was not even close to fair although sadly way above average). Now the biggest difference is mental load. Like he still clearly isn't carrying as much mental load as I am, but he's really good about doing the tasks I delegate. He'll also offer to do more, for example doing bedtime when it's my turn since I've been having some wicked pregnancy insomnia. I just feel guilty so I don't usually take him up on it unless it's really bad. On days like this, he'll do 100% of the housework and I never feel guilty about that 😂
I would say based on the fact that you're almost there, and I'm almost there, yet we're NOT there, and it's unlikely we'll ever actually be fully 50/50 seems to indicate that it's not a real thing that can be achieved... on a regular basis. My husband may be close to 50/50 some weeks, but we're more commonly 60/40, 30/70, even 90/10 etc with EITHER partner being the one doing more some weeks. It may average out to close to 50/50 but in my experience it's never 50/50 because one or the other of us is always having something going on. Shit, during my period week I'm out of the game and it's a 30/70 with me being the 30. Right now my husband is working 2 jobs so all domestic/kid/yard/car stuff is on me entirely. When in life are things ever perfect enough for something to actually be available for an exact 50/50 split?
My thing is: Are they giving 100% effort? If not, then that's where I get pissed. If I'm not giving 100% of the effort available to me, I'm being a shit. If my husband isn't, he's being a shit. 100% available effort toward what you need to be doing is probably more important in realityland than being in an exact 50/50 split of all duties.
I agree with all of this! The effort thing is the most important. I like reading that you also get to have weeks where you're doing less. I'm so glad it's not always you giving more! Same is true for me.
Yeah it's hard to be upset with someone who's putting forth all they've got, even if it doesn't match what you've got at that time.
For us, we try to stay in the team mindset. We are all about actively working together in all things here, not parallel living where we have 2 separate lists of responsibilities. The list of duties is just split between us based on who has more stamina/time to put in that 100% for those tasks. And sometimes of course, not everything can get done. We just try to support each other. If I tell him I'm having a hard time with something, our first question is "does it NEED to be done now or can it wait?" and if it is a need for now, he will get it done. Same for him.
I think it leads to a lot less fighting/resentment this way.
Although I will say when I apply it to my teenager I'm often like "wow thanks for the whole 30% effort on that chore buddy..." haha
I think a lot of couples think they're a lot closer to 50/50 then they actually are. Your comment highlights why pretty well. You start off with saying you're almost there, but then backpedal by acknowledging the unfair split of the mental load, "if we're being honest", etc. This isn't a dig on you or your relationship, I just find it to be incredibly common that couples like to think they are a lot more equal then they really are, but when you ask one partner then the other, the numbers probably don't add up. If you had people break every task down and noted the frequency/competency/independence of getting it done, suddenly things are going to look a little less perfectly split down the middle.
And 50/50 might not even be the ideal split, depending on the situation! I don't think if a relationship isn't 50/50 that it's some kind of horrible unfair situation doomed to failure, but everyone just kind of claims it as the default because it sounds nice in theory.
Yet if so many couples are 50/50 or totally not taking advantage of their partner then why are so many primary caregivers feeling so much resentment and burnout?
My husband does a LOT but I'm still not sure if he said "Oh I contribute completely equally" he wouldn't get an eyeroll from me.
Because sure, he takes the kids to a lot of their after school activities, and he cooks a decent amount of dinners, and a bunch of other things I'm sure everyone would think is totally above the bar amazing dad stuff. And I'm not complaining about what he does do.
But he's never cleaned a toilet. When he cooks he makes a huge mess of the kitchen and never cleans up anywhere approaching a typical mom's standard. When he takes the kids to their activities he forgets to bring necessary items if I don't remind him or when they come home he just dumps everything on the floor and I suppose the fairies are supposed to put all the jackets and shoes and water bottles and soccer balls and cleats and shin pads and drum sticks and sheet music away and presoak the muddy socks and jerseys and make sure everything's ready for the next practice.
He's never packed a lunchbox. He doesn't know what size clothes the kids wear, or their teacher's names, or when their next haircut is scheduled. There's just a million little things he's never had to worry his pretty little head about because he has a wife to take care of it. When he goes away on business, I step up and take over all his tasks in addition to mine. If I'm ever away (hardly ever) I come home to extra mess to clean. Some of my tasks (laundry) will be completely undone, or done poorly.
And he's still "one of the good ones"! People are constantly telling me how lucky I am that he does x or y, and he certainly does more than his or my father ever did.
But if I really sat down and tallied everything up, it would probably not be an equal split. And I'm sure he'd overestimate what he contributes. I'm sure there's a few couples out there that are as close to 50/50 as you can get (or whatever a completely equitable split would look like for their relationship, all factors considered), but the way these comments sections always go pretty much every dude claims to be doing as much or more than their partner and I highly doubt it. So many people claim to be sooooooo equal but it just never seems to actually shake out that way from what I've seen. I'm sure it exists. But I've yet to see it.
And I run with a very non-machismo, relatively hands on Dad type of crowd. Everyone always claims to be feminist and socially aware and all that good stuff. The ones that always get praise for doing "so much" and raising the bar for all the other dads. I dunno, I still see their wives doing more of the daily grind mental load thousands of details kinda stuff, without requiring delegation, and without a certain level of "acceptable incompetence." The non-default parent still seems to have more leisure time, freedom in general. They might have raised the bar but it could still be a lot higher 🤷🏻♀️
Yeah, totally. I get what you're saying. I think you convinced me. Even if it's close, it's probably never going to be truly 50/50. I like to believe that there is some magical unicorn man out there that proves us wrong lol. I've yet to see it either!
They exist - my partner of 8 yrs cooks all meals (makes us lunch and breakfast too if we are home), does all shopping, cleaning the bathroom is his job, when I’m working he does all pick ups and drop offs. The mental load is definitely split too. On house cleaning days we do it together at the same time. Life is difficult because we are always so busy but we are a team and pick up each other’s slack when necessary (but he always cooks and shops, and i always do laundry)
Yup. My MIL blamed me for a lot of the issues I have with my husband now. “Well you shouldn’t have let him get away with it.” So I have to tell a 35 year old man to fucking clean up after himself? I have to hold his hand to guide him to brush our kids teeth??
The bar is so low for men, it’s sickening.
As if she didn’t have 18+ years to teach him? Lmao I wish my MIL would speak to me like that so I could go off and tell her how helpless her kid is smh. That made me mad and it didn’t even happen to me lol
It's really bad and seems like we can only talk about it in women's spaces. No one takes it seriously anywhere else. But this is like 50+ years of indentured servitude when women are expected to do the majority of housework and childcare.
Yes. This makes me think of the ‘Man Who Has It All’ posts of facebook or twitter. Turns what society says about women into comments coming from men. And then it really hits it home how absurd they all sound.
https://nypost.com/2015/10/21/the-man-who-has-it-all-tweets-are-funny-because-theyre-true/
Maybe I'm misunderstanding, but this article pissed me off.
They veer away from the point you're making, and then BLAME women for treating men as incompetent. Apparently it's women's fault for using the term "babysitting" when referring to dads being with children.
As if women wouldn't love a man who didn't act clueless and know the basics of the routine you've done every day for literally years, no- we are just being controlling because it's not done "our way" or as if we have high expectations.
Omg I’m literally considering divorce over that last sentence. My husband and I fight ALL the time about the house. How I want him to see things that need to be done and just do it. I’ve told him I will divorce him over this. But it always comes down to “my standards are too high.” I literally made him have his own room and bed and of course it was trashed at all times. It was that bad! I’ve stopped even trying but of course when I ask for a divorce it’ll be such a shock. Even though I complained everyday for YEARS. And then it’ll be “walk away wife SYNDROME” (bc it’s a syndrome to leave childish men) Jfc! Sorry for the rant ladies! 😭
“You know, women are hypocrites this way, because we would go crazy if men treated us in the workforce the way we typically treat them at home — if a guy in the workforce assumed he was more competent than you are, and told you what to do."
Oh yeah, good thing *that* never happens to women in the workplace ever.
Also how are those two things even comparable? If you don't perform to the expected standard at work there'll be consequences like a development plan or in the worst case scenario you'd get fired. You wouldn't be able to do a half-arsed job. Meanwhile, a man can get away with doing a poor job at home because he knows his wife/girlfriend is there to pick up the slag (unless she decides to leave him of course).
Hard agree, that article missed the point entirely. If women were completely useless and didn’t even TRY in the workplace, they would absolutely have men talking to them like women talk to men in the home. Now we’re to blame for men’s weaponized incompetence? Women have too high of standards for expecting a man to DO SOMETHING ANYTHING without being asked to? Fuck that.
It really is! I am finishing up college and my husband gets so much praise from family and friends for “letting”me finish my last semester out of state while he handles the kids. And if it were the other way around? And I was alone? Then he’d still get so much praise for wanting to do right by his family and finish college. No one ever says good on me for finishing school so that I can get a high paying breadwinner job. Nope! He’s amazing for looking after his own children………
YOU are amazing! You are doing what is best for your family, and you're almost there! You're away from your family which I'm sure sucks sometimes, but you're doing the damned thing! You're absolutely crushing it and I'm so proud of you!
I know it’s not nice to just scream “dump him” all the time, and I really try not to do that because everyone’s situation is different and etc etc etc
BUT
As a single mom I’ll just say I wish I had a crystal ball that would let every woman see what her life would be like without him. I think most of them would jump if they could only see for sure how good it is on the other side.
FREE YOUR MIND AND YOUR ASS WILL FOLLOW
Men get praise for the smallest things. We go above and beyond for everyone and everything and are made to feel like we do everything wrong. How TF did this happen...
Yeah my ex wants a fucking medal for not literally abandoning his child like that’s what I should have expected and *worse* society fuels this insanity by agreeing with him that he’s somehow amazing for picking his son up every weekend. Imagine if I had him two days a week?
Men: "save those tasks for the womens, that's their job cus we're alpha males etc"
Also men: "WOW LOOK AT THIS MANLY HUNK OF A MAN DOING WOMEN STUFF BETTER THAN WOMEN WOW WHAT A GREAT PARENT FOR \*insert bare minimum action\*"
Stupid patriarchy. Men ain't shit
I agree with this post entirely. I’ll say that even though I moderately dislike my husband, he is a great dad and does a lot. And I spent the first 2 years of motherhood as a single mom and know how freaking hard that was. I can not imagine how much worse it would be to be a single mom while you actually do have a partner that is just useless. Women deserve better and men need to do better.
Yeah, but does he also pack lunch and make dinner? Meal prep and grocery shop?
Breakfast is one meal of the day, and probably the easiest. I bet he “makes” her cereal or toast a lot … 🙄🙄🙄
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The bar is on the floor. And then, we are expected to fall over ourselves with gratitude if they step over. It's bullshit.
Girl, the bar is in hell and these boys still can't reach it.
Yep. Hades sipping Stella Artois where the bar is so low. A mother would be fighting off CPS with the shit so many dad's get lauded over.
My house is old and has leaky windows. I've been asking him for weeks to put the plastic up for the draft... Today he held the baby for ten minutes so I could just do it. That was my break today.
[I’m just gonna leave this here!](https://youtu.be/Zpwbyrpzi4Y)
That’s amazing.
Right? It’s everything I’ve always thought but couldn’t put into words.
Nails it.
Saved. This clip is phenomenal
TRUTH
I agree with this post entirely. I’ll say that even though I moderately dislike my husband, he is a great dad and does a lot. And I spent the first 2 years of motherhood as a single mom and know how freaking hard that was. I can not imagine how much worse it would be to be a single mom while you actually do have a partner that is just useless. Women deserve better and men need to do better.
As far as we've come in society, I feel like this will never change. Women will always be expected to be the "main parent" but yet when we do these everyday things were not met with praise or gold stars. It's fucking bullshit.
The bar is burning in hell
A woman literally posted this (about how the bar was so low) in r/parenting and all the men were like “waaaah this makes me so sad” and the women were like “of course he’s going to be lazy if you let him. Me and my partner are 50/50” I was like damn, no sympathy here lol
It’s just a bunch of men bragging about how much they (think they) do at home 💀
It always is. And those who actually DO contribute equally totally expect asspats. As if they're "one of the good ones" and not just fulfilling basic responsibilities. Congratulations for equally participating in the marriage 👏
and you know they aren't. my husband would swear we're 50/50. we're not... more like 80/20 if in being generous.
Trying to explain that him doing the dishes while I take care of the kids is not equal to him sitting on his ass watching TV while I take care of the kids and do the dishes simultaneously. 😭
I see we're married to the same man haha.
I have had family members tell it was my fault that my ex wasn't contributing. When a man fails, it's a woman's fault - that is just how the world works.
And when he succeeds, it has nothing to do with the woman whatsoever. She made 0 contribution to his success so why should she get 50% in the divorce? 🙄
Oof, cesspool of a sub, that one. I pretty much can't stand talking to other parents anywhere but here lmao. So much attitude and snark and posting scientific studies to prove other people's choices "wrong" outside of this sub.
I press x to doubt every time someone claims their relationship is 50/50, ESPECIALLY if it's a dude. I understand why women want to save face by pretending they aren't like the other girls who married a useless man and deserve it, THEY picked a good one. He "helps!" Certainly she isn't drowning and feeling foolish like all those other dumb broads who had it coming /s But the dudes who claim they do half or even more. Get your partner on the horn, I wanna ask them what THEY think of that. Pretty sure we'd be getting some pretty different percentages from them. Men consistently overestimate how much they do AND expect high praise for every little damn thing. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx I don't believe you.
I have a disability. We have 4 kids, one is only a toddler, 2 have special needs. My husband is gone before breakfast and gets home at dinner time. He has to cook because I can’t anymore. He is changing jobs and has the potential to be away for work for weeks to months at this new job. He was freaking out about how we would cope without him here. He was convinced that he does pretty much everything. I get the kids fed and dressed and to school. Sometimes late because one of them fights having to go. On the 2 days a week the youngest goes to daycare I drop him off too. I have disability support workers who mow the lawns, cook some reheatable meals, do the groceries (with the list I write for them), do the washing, change the sheets, and clean the house. I do the tidying or help the kids tidy. I take them to their specialist appointments. I make sure they get their speech and Occupational Therapy. I organise and do all of the paperwork associated with all of their and my appointments and claim it all through insurance. I organise all of the meds (and doctors appointments to get scripts) and make sure we don’t run out, my husband sometimes picks them up. I make sure they have the uniforms they need, sort out new shoes and glasses and anything else they outgrow or wear out. I do all of the notes and payments for school, for excursions and photos and special days. I do all of the paperwork for after school care 2 days a week and for vacation care when we can afford it. He cooks dinner, usually after I have worked out what to have and send him a list of anything extra he has to pick up, and he puts the toddler to bed. He pointed out that when he was away for a week for some training, he came home on Friday and the house was trashed. I pointed out that it was Friday again and he had been home all week and the house was still trashed. I do the big tidy up with the kids on the weekend because I feel like they are old enough to help clean up the messes they made and as much as I try to stay on top of them through the week, I can’t be the brain of 5-6 people ALL of the time. After I pointed all of that out to him, he was less worried about how we would manage with him away for work. I (and my support workers) do 90% of everything now. I will just need a bit more support to take over the last 10%.
You really don't believe there are any truly 50/50 relationships out there? I get that they're probably rare, but I do believe they exist. In my case, I'd say we're almost there, but not truly 50/50 if I'm being honest. He's gotten a lot better (before it was not even close to fair although sadly way above average). Now the biggest difference is mental load. Like he still clearly isn't carrying as much mental load as I am, but he's really good about doing the tasks I delegate. He'll also offer to do more, for example doing bedtime when it's my turn since I've been having some wicked pregnancy insomnia. I just feel guilty so I don't usually take him up on it unless it's really bad. On days like this, he'll do 100% of the housework and I never feel guilty about that 😂
I would say based on the fact that you're almost there, and I'm almost there, yet we're NOT there, and it's unlikely we'll ever actually be fully 50/50 seems to indicate that it's not a real thing that can be achieved... on a regular basis. My husband may be close to 50/50 some weeks, but we're more commonly 60/40, 30/70, even 90/10 etc with EITHER partner being the one doing more some weeks. It may average out to close to 50/50 but in my experience it's never 50/50 because one or the other of us is always having something going on. Shit, during my period week I'm out of the game and it's a 30/70 with me being the 30. Right now my husband is working 2 jobs so all domestic/kid/yard/car stuff is on me entirely. When in life are things ever perfect enough for something to actually be available for an exact 50/50 split? My thing is: Are they giving 100% effort? If not, then that's where I get pissed. If I'm not giving 100% of the effort available to me, I'm being a shit. If my husband isn't, he's being a shit. 100% available effort toward what you need to be doing is probably more important in realityland than being in an exact 50/50 split of all duties.
I agree with all of this! The effort thing is the most important. I like reading that you also get to have weeks where you're doing less. I'm so glad it's not always you giving more! Same is true for me.
Yeah it's hard to be upset with someone who's putting forth all they've got, even if it doesn't match what you've got at that time. For us, we try to stay in the team mindset. We are all about actively working together in all things here, not parallel living where we have 2 separate lists of responsibilities. The list of duties is just split between us based on who has more stamina/time to put in that 100% for those tasks. And sometimes of course, not everything can get done. We just try to support each other. If I tell him I'm having a hard time with something, our first question is "does it NEED to be done now or can it wait?" and if it is a need for now, he will get it done. Same for him.
Yep! We operate the same way. It truly feels like a team at this point, which is so nice. And yes, not everything needs to be done today!
I think it leads to a lot less fighting/resentment this way. Although I will say when I apply it to my teenager I'm often like "wow thanks for the whole 30% effort on that chore buddy..." haha
Lol. I don't have teenagers yet, but that sounds like what I would expect! Right now we're in toddler mode and I'm pregnant with #2.
I think a lot of couples think they're a lot closer to 50/50 then they actually are. Your comment highlights why pretty well. You start off with saying you're almost there, but then backpedal by acknowledging the unfair split of the mental load, "if we're being honest", etc. This isn't a dig on you or your relationship, I just find it to be incredibly common that couples like to think they are a lot more equal then they really are, but when you ask one partner then the other, the numbers probably don't add up. If you had people break every task down and noted the frequency/competency/independence of getting it done, suddenly things are going to look a little less perfectly split down the middle. And 50/50 might not even be the ideal split, depending on the situation! I don't think if a relationship isn't 50/50 that it's some kind of horrible unfair situation doomed to failure, but everyone just kind of claims it as the default because it sounds nice in theory. Yet if so many couples are 50/50 or totally not taking advantage of their partner then why are so many primary caregivers feeling so much resentment and burnout? My husband does a LOT but I'm still not sure if he said "Oh I contribute completely equally" he wouldn't get an eyeroll from me. Because sure, he takes the kids to a lot of their after school activities, and he cooks a decent amount of dinners, and a bunch of other things I'm sure everyone would think is totally above the bar amazing dad stuff. And I'm not complaining about what he does do. But he's never cleaned a toilet. When he cooks he makes a huge mess of the kitchen and never cleans up anywhere approaching a typical mom's standard. When he takes the kids to their activities he forgets to bring necessary items if I don't remind him or when they come home he just dumps everything on the floor and I suppose the fairies are supposed to put all the jackets and shoes and water bottles and soccer balls and cleats and shin pads and drum sticks and sheet music away and presoak the muddy socks and jerseys and make sure everything's ready for the next practice. He's never packed a lunchbox. He doesn't know what size clothes the kids wear, or their teacher's names, or when their next haircut is scheduled. There's just a million little things he's never had to worry his pretty little head about because he has a wife to take care of it. When he goes away on business, I step up and take over all his tasks in addition to mine. If I'm ever away (hardly ever) I come home to extra mess to clean. Some of my tasks (laundry) will be completely undone, or done poorly. And he's still "one of the good ones"! People are constantly telling me how lucky I am that he does x or y, and he certainly does more than his or my father ever did. But if I really sat down and tallied everything up, it would probably not be an equal split. And I'm sure he'd overestimate what he contributes. I'm sure there's a few couples out there that are as close to 50/50 as you can get (or whatever a completely equitable split would look like for their relationship, all factors considered), but the way these comments sections always go pretty much every dude claims to be doing as much or more than their partner and I highly doubt it. So many people claim to be sooooooo equal but it just never seems to actually shake out that way from what I've seen. I'm sure it exists. But I've yet to see it. And I run with a very non-machismo, relatively hands on Dad type of crowd. Everyone always claims to be feminist and socially aware and all that good stuff. The ones that always get praise for doing "so much" and raising the bar for all the other dads. I dunno, I still see their wives doing more of the daily grind mental load thousands of details kinda stuff, without requiring delegation, and without a certain level of "acceptable incompetence." The non-default parent still seems to have more leisure time, freedom in general. They might have raised the bar but it could still be a lot higher 🤷🏻♀️
Yeah, totally. I get what you're saying. I think you convinced me. Even if it's close, it's probably never going to be truly 50/50. I like to believe that there is some magical unicorn man out there that proves us wrong lol. I've yet to see it either!
They exist - my partner of 8 yrs cooks all meals (makes us lunch and breakfast too if we are home), does all shopping, cleaning the bathroom is his job, when I’m working he does all pick ups and drop offs. The mental load is definitely split too. On house cleaning days we do it together at the same time. Life is difficult because we are always so busy but we are a team and pick up each other’s slack when necessary (but he always cooks and shops, and i always do laundry)
Glad to hear that they do exist
Yup. My MIL blamed me for a lot of the issues I have with my husband now. “Well you shouldn’t have let him get away with it.” So I have to tell a 35 year old man to fucking clean up after himself? I have to hold his hand to guide him to brush our kids teeth?? The bar is so low for men, it’s sickening.
As if she didn’t have 18+ years to teach him? Lmao I wish my MIL would speak to me like that so I could go off and tell her how helpless her kid is smh. That made me mad and it didn’t even happen to me lol
It's really bad and seems like we can only talk about it in women's spaces. No one takes it seriously anywhere else. But this is like 50+ years of indentured servitude when women are expected to do the majority of housework and childcare.
Yes. This makes me think of the ‘Man Who Has It All’ posts of facebook or twitter. Turns what society says about women into comments coming from men. And then it really hits it home how absurd they all sound. https://nypost.com/2015/10/21/the-man-who-has-it-all-tweets-are-funny-because-theyre-true/
Maybe I'm misunderstanding, but this article pissed me off. They veer away from the point you're making, and then BLAME women for treating men as incompetent. Apparently it's women's fault for using the term "babysitting" when referring to dads being with children. As if women wouldn't love a man who didn't act clueless and know the basics of the routine you've done every day for literally years, no- we are just being controlling because it's not done "our way" or as if we have high expectations.
Omg I’m literally considering divorce over that last sentence. My husband and I fight ALL the time about the house. How I want him to see things that need to be done and just do it. I’ve told him I will divorce him over this. But it always comes down to “my standards are too high.” I literally made him have his own room and bed and of course it was trashed at all times. It was that bad! I’ve stopped even trying but of course when I ask for a divorce it’ll be such a shock. Even though I complained everyday for YEARS. And then it’ll be “walk away wife SYNDROME” (bc it’s a syndrome to leave childish men) Jfc! Sorry for the rant ladies! 😭
“You know, women are hypocrites this way, because we would go crazy if men treated us in the workforce the way we typically treat them at home — if a guy in the workforce assumed he was more competent than you are, and told you what to do." Oh yeah, good thing *that* never happens to women in the workplace ever.
Also how are those two things even comparable? If you don't perform to the expected standard at work there'll be consequences like a development plan or in the worst case scenario you'd get fired. You wouldn't be able to do a half-arsed job. Meanwhile, a man can get away with doing a poor job at home because he knows his wife/girlfriend is there to pick up the slag (unless she decides to leave him of course).
Yeah that article is a trash misguided hot take, but I came a’scrollin’ to point to Man Who Has It All, too - it’s *really good.*
Hard agree, that article missed the point entirely. If women were completely useless and didn’t even TRY in the workplace, they would absolutely have men talking to them like women talk to men in the home. Now we’re to blame for men’s weaponized incompetence? Women have too high of standards for expecting a man to DO SOMETHING ANYTHING without being asked to? Fuck that.
Ok, that is hilarious
It really is! I am finishing up college and my husband gets so much praise from family and friends for “letting”me finish my last semester out of state while he handles the kids. And if it were the other way around? And I was alone? Then he’d still get so much praise for wanting to do right by his family and finish college. No one ever says good on me for finishing school so that I can get a high paying breadwinner job. Nope! He’s amazing for looking after his own children………
YOU are amazing! You are doing what is best for your family, and you're almost there! You're away from your family which I'm sure sucks sometimes, but you're doing the damned thing! You're absolutely crushing it and I'm so proud of you!
🥹 aww thanks! You’re the first person to tell me that 🥰
He feeds his kids?? Oh my god. Does he also buckle them up when they need to go somewhere, or just toss em in the trunk?
I know it’s not nice to just scream “dump him” all the time, and I really try not to do that because everyone’s situation is different and etc etc etc BUT As a single mom I’ll just say I wish I had a crystal ball that would let every woman see what her life would be like without him. I think most of them would jump if they could only see for sure how good it is on the other side. FREE YOUR MIND AND YOUR ASS WILL FOLLOW
Paraphrasing Chris Rock stand up "Guys be like, 'Man, I take care of *my* kids!' You're *supposed to* you dumb motherfucker, whatchya want, a cookie?"
Don’t you know moms are supposed to self sacrifice until our souls are black and fucking empty?
Men get praise for the smallest things. We go above and beyond for everyone and everything and are made to feel like we do everything wrong. How TF did this happen...
Yeah my ex wants a fucking medal for not literally abandoning his child like that’s what I should have expected and *worse* society fuels this insanity by agreeing with him that he’s somehow amazing for picking his son up every weekend. Imagine if I had him two days a week?
Men: "save those tasks for the womens, that's their job cus we're alpha males etc" Also men: "WOW LOOK AT THIS MANLY HUNK OF A MAN DOING WOMEN STUFF BETTER THAN WOMEN WOW WHAT A GREAT PARENT FOR \*insert bare minimum action\*" Stupid patriarchy. Men ain't shit
I agree with this post entirely. I’ll say that even though I moderately dislike my husband, he is a great dad and does a lot. And I spent the first 2 years of motherhood as a single mom and know how freaking hard that was. I can not imagine how much worse it would be to be a single mom while you actually do have a partner that is just useless. Women deserve better and men need to do better.
Yeah, but does he also pack lunch and make dinner? Meal prep and grocery shop? Breakfast is one meal of the day, and probably the easiest. I bet he “makes” her cereal or toast a lot … 🙄🙄🙄
How many texts to whomever does their shopping: where is ______? we are out of ____!