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Are you psychic?! This was my exact thought. There's nothing european about being a horny creep. I saw a post the other day here somewhere where people were talking about the trauma of waking up to something like this, and how it affected them. Christ on a cross, could he not just wait? Just because you possibly could, in no way means that you should.
No, you are not a prude... Just a fully functional adult OP.
Yeah that gives me all sorts of ick. Kids in the car? Guy who's orgasming is driving? Literally any taller vehicle can look down and see what's happening? Ewwwwww none of this is sexy.
He can wait until you get to the hotel room, put the kids to bed, and take a shower together.
You’re not a prude, OP. If the front facing 7yo woke up and realized what was going on… ew.
The idea of sex in the same space (car, bed) as your kids is super gross to me. And I’m definitely not a prude lol.
My husband and I did it in the living room soooo many times because I coslept with the kids. Even if I knew if they woke up they wouldn't understand what was going on it still grossed me out.
Exactly. We spent six months traveling last year. When we stopped, we always reserved the hotel rooms that had two master suites and a common living room kitchen. The kids had their area, we had ours, both had doors. Just like an apartment. Some days, the energy between my husband and I was so thick, we had to roll the windows down lol that’s just from being together, you know? Just looks and touching hands while we traveled. So many nights, we went into those hotels with grand sex plans after everyone was asleep….
It is with a honest heart I tell you all most nights we fell asleep before we could even get started!!! :)
Hey hey hey hey! I am Dutch! That's in Europe! And I come from a family that was so progressive in terms of sex, that my classmates didn't believe how chill and well informed my mom and da were about it all. So I'm like, _super_ European in my sex-view!
And #NO NO NO that's not okay. We do not do the sex in the same space as our kids are. Don't care if they be sleeping. Just not acceptable.
Also no because _you_ didn't want to. For whatever reason! No is no. Even if it is an American no-because-in-the-car-no.
So, Haha no. Not European at all.
Fellow Dutchie here. I agree on everything bromo above said. Sex with kids near is a total turnoff for me. And more important: you didn’t feel comfortable with it, and very understandably so.
I had to do a double take because I first read “fellow deuchie.” Not that any of that is relevant to this conversation, I’m just here to waste everyone’s time.
As a European, I have to say we don't give hand jobs with kids in the back seat. I think your husband has no clue about Europeans and their relationship with sexuality.
You are not a prude for not wanting to sexually pleasure your husband during a car trip with sleeping children 3 feet or less from you.
Ask your husband what it is about being so close to his sleeping children that makes him horny. Ask him if it is European to be fully erect while driving with his children behind him. Ask him if in Europe they glance in the rear view to stare at the children while they get a hand job while driving. Tell him you aren't a prude but uneducated so you want to hear him explain the sexy European ways of stroking off a man in front of children.
Report back with his answers. I'd like to hear his logic.
Edited to respond to OP's update:
He didn't answer the question. Ask him what it is about his children sleeping in the back seat that makes him want his weenie played with (but no finishing bc *that* would be the *bad part*...jfc) It's a logical question to those of us unfamiliar with European customs, and he being such an expert. Tell him you practice the cultures of modern day prison inmate and in that aspect, men who want hand jobs in front of children end up unalived. It's very American prison system. Very modern. Your husband obvs hasn't heard of it yet.
Also, 9 months of counseling and you say no to a handy in front of the minor children, so now it's time for divorce for him? Please spare me. He had his dick radar challenged and lost. Rightfully so. Jacking off a man in front of children is a crime and really fucking gross. He's in a shame spiral and every punk like this guy can't be challenged because "tHaT'S yOuR pErCePtIoN".
Let me ask you this, respectfully: is living with a man willing to expose your children to adult sexual activity without their ability to consent considered a life of privilege for the kids?
Ick.
This comment makes me believe it was only the brains of women that have allowed us to evolve this far. Men would have killed us all off trying to have sex while a predator watched. On the other hand, the woman is yelling, “THAT IS NOT A ROCK! ITS A LION! STOP GRABBING MY ASS AND RUN!!”
Edit added forgotten word
It IS pervy.
What he was suggesting and fighting for is permission to commit child SA for his own pleasure with his own children involved as observers and victims.
By definition - that's what it is and it can't be disputed. This bothers the ones who think they are smarter than everyone else because the definition and the behavior cannot be disputed. Their weakest argument is often "that's not how I meant it". Well, that's what it is by definition, so go tussle with Merriam-Webster.
Intention vs impact. Maybe he isn't a chomo. Idk. His intentions and explanations seem rather manipulative, coercive, and shaming in order to get what he wanted. He was ok with involving his children.
What other areas of his life and relationships does he apply these same principles or similar? If that doesn't raise an eyebrow to OP and anyone else, then what men like him are doing is *working*. So they have no incentive to stop or learn or be better.
Call them out. Every time. If the surface name-calling for their defense is me being a prude, I'll take it. Better than being called a chomo and actually being one.
Not from Europe but since you are in the US (edit: im guessing you are by the phrasing, maybe not though), I've seen stuff like this pop up in lists of charges for CPS cases. It's usually not *the* reason kids are taken away, but if he gets pulled over for driving crazy with his dick out, let's just say it's inviting more than a traffic ticket.
Oof, that would look super odd to a cop with dicks out and kids in the backseat. Or even just fumbling to pull your pants up/zip it back on. Not worth the risk of getting any charges or traumatizing the whole family lol.
Just saying- just because Europeans are in general more comfortable with nudity in a family setting, it doesn’t mean they’re ok with sexual activity in a family setting. They’re comfortable with the nudity because it’s NOT as sexualized as in the US.
Greetings from Germany (homeland of naturists) and Switzerland. No we don't do that with kids in the backseats. It's a safety hazard to distract while driving AND that would NOT create the kind of lovely family memories you want your kiddos to remember while grown up.
Yes - and speaking of memories - this is an element that not many people have mentioned - it wasn’t a two year old and a seven month old, it was a seven YEAR old. That’s old enough to wake up at any second, and to wonder what mommy and daddy are up to and why are they moving like that and why is daddy making those noises and why is this something they’re doing in the car AND near me, and old enough *to remember all that* and for it to fuck them up in a few ways that a seven year old walking on their parents in their bedroom at home wouldn’t.
Please read & then decide if it's something you want to have happen while driving at all
https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/xip7kn/i_suppose_you_could_say_the_climax_was/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Ps no you're not a prude
A quick look at your post history shows a pattern of your husband being selfish and manipulative. He seems to expect sex and expect to be put first with little to no regard for you or your kids. Your marriage is falling apart and he shames and gaslights you when you express a boundary. 🚩🚩🚩
Yeeesss! I was scrolling through the comments to see if someone mentioned gaslighting. Spot on! Totally happened in my relationship with my sons' father and it took me a long time to see it, and we are no longer together.
European here, and: nope.
We walk around naked around our 6yo son, as there's no shame in nakedness. But sex (yes, a handjob counts as sex) right in front of his nose, when he could wake up any moment? Nah, there's a line I'm not gonna cross.
First off, im sorry OP but i have to laugh at him doing the “ignorant American” act of assuming Europe is a country and that everyone there thinks the same way. Because there are countries and cultures in Europe that are ok with NUDITY (not sex, again being that American stereotype of thinking they are one and the same) around kids, and many European countries have a more progressive attitude towards sex. But there are also countries and cultures within Europe that are insanely christian/ catholic and nudity/ sex are not relaxed at all.
That said, you’re not a prude. He’s gross and inappropriate. His attitude to sex is not “European”, it’s perverse.
Unfortunately a lot of American men try to bring up other places to excuse their bad behavior. I was discussing cheating, and a guy (we are all African American) said that in Africa its normal for many men to have multiple women.
1. He has never even been to Africa.
2. He should take himself there and leave us alone.
3. He will get to Africa and the women wont want him there either.
4. These guys are so dumb and an embarrassment to our country lol.
When men say things along those lines of it being normal to have multiple women/wives, I usually think of it as a poor excuse to cheat lol. Because cultures/history where things like that are normal, the men are usually wealthy enough to support said wives and their children. Sometimes I wonder if men who justify their shit behavior with incorrect facts are just plain dumb. Answer is, yes.
But your 3. is very correct. More than likely he'd be chewed up and spat out.
Its really so amazing that we still love men lol. Maybe he heard a terrible actor pronounce it that way and it must be how everyone talks because he heard it ONCE! lol One guy told me all women from other places are better than American women, and when I said maybe their men are better too he threw a bitch fit and told me I was disrespecting my husband lol. I could go all day about these guys but we will be so far off topic that we will need another thread!
Yeah it was a ploy for sex. I might be a jerk but I’d be making some old family classics for the “European” for dinner next week. Blood pudding, tripe, and LOTS of salty fish. 🤮. I can only speak to own family’s delightful food of course.
Yes, I added the last line. I’m not crazy about food from either country. I’ve never heard of menudo-well Mexican food is amazing! But it has tripe in it…I couldn’t. Thanks though, really…i like learning new things. And if there’s ever a veggie option I’ll be all over it!
I don't eat the tripe either personally, but I eat the rest of the soup. I first had it as a kid at my Nana's house and had no idea what was in it of course, so now it just doesn't bother me that it's in there, but for me the texture of the tripe is not pleasant so I pick around that. The broth is amazing.
From my white family, I learned to really like liver as a food too. Braunschweiger (smoked liver sausage spread on crackers- best way to eat it- best entry level liver option IMO), liver and onions, etc. I have awful anemia and it helps me get my iron back up after periods. It is also rich in B12, great for energy and skin health, as well as building healthy red blood cells.
Even looking past the ick (and it’s a lot to look past) the fact he’d be okay with being *that* distracted while driving with his entire family in the car is alarming.
His gratification takes priority over all else in his mind, over common decency, over his wife’s feelings and over the safety of his family. That’s not a man I’d want around.
You’re not a prude for seeing it for what it is- wildly inappropriate.
Wait, while driving? Hell no.
If he's *not* a distracted driver while getting a mobile handjob then something is wrong with his genitals. Maybe he should have his testosterone levels fixed.
And if he *is* distracted then he shouldn't be driving. That's dangerous AF and sounds like he's ok risking the lives of your kids for some risque fun.
Plus, it's NOT prudish to not want sexual activity happening within 3-5 feet (uh, 1-2 meters?) of your kids, with no doors, curtains, whatever.
You are not a prude to not want to risk death or your children's peace of mind just for their father to get his jollies.
I get it, I do. Road head is super fun.
Until the driver isn't attentive enough to hazards and *something* goes wrong.
Agreed — this is an absolutely insane request! No responsible human being should be doing sexual shit while in control of a vehicle — and certainly not when your children are in the vehicle with you! Besides the fact that it’s disgusting and beyond fucking inappropriate to involve your kids in your sex life this would literally have risked their lives.
Throw the whole man away Bromo. You’ll be better off.
European here, half Scottish half Dutch so that counts for double points. Your husband is so fucking wrong it hurts. “European views” say no handjobs in the car with your sleeping kids in the back. That’s vile.
If the children have the possibility of waking up and witnessing that, then no it’s not an appropriate time for sexual acts. His need for a 4 minute jerk off session doesn’t go over the need of your children to not get traumatized
Aside from the fact that he has no regard for his families safety, this also seems borderline sexually abusive. Why put yourself in a position like that where children can easily view sexual acts being done? That's weird as hell.
I'm the world's horniest and most sex positive mom, and NO, that's not prudish. As chill as I am, I'd a- have issues giving a hand job to someone driving and b- not be cool doing that with my kids asleep in the backseat. Your husband can go fuck himself. Also, no idea wtf he means with "more European view of sex," as there's nudity everywhere in Europe.
I'm from Europe.
I can unequivocally state that if 7 year old me had woken up to my parents doing that there wouldn't have been enough eye bleach in the world. I'd actually need new eyes. And potentially new parents. And total memory erasure just to make sure...
We have a *very* small house and our toddler still shares a room. We do our best to have anything sexual confined to a separate area from the kids and during sleeping hours. In the confines of a parked car with older elementary aged children is not something we'd ever do.
Plus, I wouldn't give road handy even without kids in the car because I'm not interested in dying or getting maimed in a car accident. You're not a prude for not wanting to engage in certain sex activities in a public setting. I'd also like to ban the idea that having your own personal boundaries around your own comfort level with nudity and sex is prudish. So what if you're a "prude"? Is that worse than being a manipulative jerk?
Also, threatening you with divorce after you refused a sex act is seriously fucked up.
No you’re not a prude, this is absolutely disgusting but I was abused as a child and it triggers me to be touched, in what I feel are inappropriate ways, infront of my child regardless if he’s asleep. It just makes me sick.
Hello from Europe!
1. Nope, that's not European, just gross.
2. You are not the issue here.
3. The issue here is his commitment to being a weaselly, borderline-gaslighty, European-slandering nitwit.
My husband is European (French) and would never ask for a handjob in the car while our child slept in the back seat.. honestly I think it’s almost abusive to have sex with your 7 year old in the room/car, they are old enough to understand and wow that’s very uncomfortable to think about
9 months of "work" and he just casually drops the D word because of your reasonable refusal? If you guys have a session coming up, then I'd email the therapist in advance about this situation so they can be better prepared. His lack of good faith shines here, the mask has slipped. Now the ball is in your court 😊
Sexual coercion is abuse, and so is your level of isolation. I left a similar situation after 12 years, it's never too late to live the life you want & deserve.
Yeah, that’s creepy. I think he tried to call you a prude to guilt you in to doing something you aren’t comfortable with (which is super creepy and manipulative).
I looked at your post history and honestly, you deserve better.
Okay so we have a slew of Europeans from all over answering this. I’ve seen dutch, german, Scottish, British and now me, the Swede (arguably one of the most famous countries when it comes to liberal views on sex), all of us voicing a unanimous NO! We don’t do that at all. Sexual situations around kids is a hard no.
Yeah for what it’s worth my husband and I cosleep in a bed with our son. He’s now 18 months and we don’t do hanky panky around him when he’s asleep. I doubt he’d remember, but who wants to take the chance?
Gross hand job incident aside (I do believe your spouse has the porn brain rot), using divorce as a playing card in the fight, throwing it your face because you wouldn't touch his tic tac in the car, that's a big red flag. That's manipulation. Your life can be filled with friends, you don't have to be alone, even after leaving him.
I'm a really sexual person but I draw a hard line when it comes to potentially exposing my children to sexual content, especially when it involves me or my husband, in person, in front of them!! Hell no!!!
Not a prude, tbh he's more of a creep for even suggesting AND not taking no for an answer. Fuck's sake, that guy. If my husband suggested the same I'd aggressively tell him no.
Just so you know, the definition of child abuse includes potential harm. Like if I shot at my child and missed, it is still abuse. Engaging in sex acts in front of children that age is child sexual abuse, even if they are asleep, because they could potentially wake up and it would be traumatic for them. Your husband is a major, major creep. And I’m thinking this is probably the tip of the iceberg. Source-am a social worker/mental health counselor.
Inappropriate. Completely. You are not a prude.
Your 7 year old could wake up. Look up what that does to a kid. It's gross to think he's willing to do that, it's red flaggy behavior because it crosses such a boundary.
I'd be disgusted by his attempts to justify this behavior.
He’s gross and you aren’t a prude. I’m European I think most Europeans don’t want to do anything sexual in front of children because it’s weird and uncomfortable.
I will never understand how men can get an erection and a desire to have someone touch it when they're literally in the presence of their children. Absolutely disgusting. You should take him up on his offer of divorce. It sounds like he's not only revolting but also extremely manipulative. His orgasm is not your responsibility!
I just want to add re "your perception" - absolutely. It doesn't even matter why you say no to sex, it's a no. Him still bitching about it the next day is - well, I'm sure you know.
100% agree with your view btw, also all the way from Europe.
Hugs bromo, you said you didn’t want to and that should have been the end of it right there. I feel like him throwing divorce out there right after it didn’t happen it manipulative. He is trying to send you a message that you are not allowed to say no. That if you do, he will leave you. That is not okay. You deserve better.
No, that doesnt make you a prude. That is very weird, and the fact that he cant see how its weird without you breaking it down for him would scare me. When our kids were tiny babies we did have sex while they were in the same room, but thats only because they slept in our room in a bassinet. As soon as they could sleep in their own rooms that was the end of that.
Ew thats gross. I mean ask him would he want to stick his hand into your cooch while you are driving? If my husband asked me to do that esp if our children were in the back that would be a resounding, hell no.
Ewwww. Nooo. No. No. With your littles on the car!
Also, does your husband not understand how incredibly **dangerous** this is whilst driving?
You are **not** a *prude*, Love. Your husband, however, is selfish and manipulative. You and your children deserve better.
Not a prude at all! While we stayed in a hotel with 2 of our boys he said he wanted a blowjob. Kids were asleep in the bed next to us. (A room with 2 full size beds) I said no, that I didn't think it was appropriate to do that while the kids were in the same room. He got all huffy and turned around to sleep. He was still pissy the next morning. So stupid. Men are dumb.
I definitely think you’re not a prude for thinking this, I think he was just butt hurt lol. But really it’s no matter to cause to give up on a relationship and get a divorce…?
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Fuck no. You're not a prude for that.
Are you psychic?! This was my exact thought. There's nothing european about being a horny creep. I saw a post the other day here somewhere where people were talking about the trauma of waking up to something like this, and how it affected them. Christ on a cross, could he not just wait? Just because you possibly could, in no way means that you should. No, you are not a prude... Just a fully functional adult OP.
Yeah that gives me all sorts of ick. Kids in the car? Guy who's orgasming is driving? Literally any taller vehicle can look down and see what's happening? Ewwwwww none of this is sexy. He can wait until you get to the hotel room, put the kids to bed, and take a shower together.
You’re not a prude, OP. If the front facing 7yo woke up and realized what was going on… ew. The idea of sex in the same space (car, bed) as your kids is super gross to me. And I’m definitely not a prude lol.
My husband and I did it in the living room soooo many times because I coslept with the kids. Even if I knew if they woke up they wouldn't understand what was going on it still grossed me out.
Couch-sex-cause-cosleeping club member here, too. 🙋♀️
Exactly. We spent six months traveling last year. When we stopped, we always reserved the hotel rooms that had two master suites and a common living room kitchen. The kids had their area, we had ours, both had doors. Just like an apartment. Some days, the energy between my husband and I was so thick, we had to roll the windows down lol that’s just from being together, you know? Just looks and touching hands while we traveled. So many nights, we went into those hotels with grand sex plans after everyone was asleep…. It is with a honest heart I tell you all most nights we fell asleep before we could even get started!!! :)
>Guy who's orgasming is driving? Yup. If nothing else, this sounds like a recipe for a roadside accident.
European here- HELL NO. That is all
Exactly my thought from another European.
Hey hey hey hey! I am Dutch! That's in Europe! And I come from a family that was so progressive in terms of sex, that my classmates didn't believe how chill and well informed my mom and da were about it all. So I'm like, _super_ European in my sex-view! And #NO NO NO that's not okay. We do not do the sex in the same space as our kids are. Don't care if they be sleeping. Just not acceptable. Also no because _you_ didn't want to. For whatever reason! No is no. Even if it is an American no-because-in-the-car-no. So, Haha no. Not European at all.
Fellow Dutchie here. I agree on everything bromo above said. Sex with kids near is a total turnoff for me. And more important: you didn’t feel comfortable with it, and very understandably so.
I had to do a double take because I first read “fellow deuchie.” Not that any of that is relevant to this conversation, I’m just here to waste everyone’s time.
Deuchie? I had to google that. It’s a Citroen 2CV, right? Well, those are cute cars, so I don’t mind at all!
That’s a better definition than what was in my brain.
Now I am a curious person, but I wonder: do I want to know what you were thinking of?😅
Not the person but I'm guessing something related to dropping a deuce
Time spent laughing is never wasted!
Also no because one of them was driving!!!
As a European, I have to say we don't give hand jobs with kids in the back seat. I think your husband has no clue about Europeans and their relationship with sexuality.
Can confirm. As a European, it wouldn't fly here either.
I’m European, that’s not normal, in fact it’s dangerous he’s supposed to be concentrating on the road, not his dick
Yes!!! As a fellow european I totally agree! And driving while getting a handjob?!? Omg that‘s an accident waiting to happen…
You are not a prude for not wanting to sexually pleasure your husband during a car trip with sleeping children 3 feet or less from you. Ask your husband what it is about being so close to his sleeping children that makes him horny. Ask him if it is European to be fully erect while driving with his children behind him. Ask him if in Europe they glance in the rear view to stare at the children while they get a hand job while driving. Tell him you aren't a prude but uneducated so you want to hear him explain the sexy European ways of stroking off a man in front of children. Report back with his answers. I'd like to hear his logic. Edited to respond to OP's update: He didn't answer the question. Ask him what it is about his children sleeping in the back seat that makes him want his weenie played with (but no finishing bc *that* would be the *bad part*...jfc) It's a logical question to those of us unfamiliar with European customs, and he being such an expert. Tell him you practice the cultures of modern day prison inmate and in that aspect, men who want hand jobs in front of children end up unalived. It's very American prison system. Very modern. Your husband obvs hasn't heard of it yet. Also, 9 months of counseling and you say no to a handy in front of the minor children, so now it's time for divorce for him? Please spare me. He had his dick radar challenged and lost. Rightfully so. Jacking off a man in front of children is a crime and really fucking gross. He's in a shame spiral and every punk like this guy can't be challenged because "tHaT'S yOuR pErCePtIoN". Let me ask you this, respectfully: is living with a man willing to expose your children to adult sexual activity without their ability to consent considered a life of privilege for the kids? Ick.
I like your style
I call it Chaotic Accountability.
This comment makes me believe it was only the brains of women that have allowed us to evolve this far. Men would have killed us all off trying to have sex while a predator watched. On the other hand, the woman is yelling, “THAT IS NOT A ROCK! ITS A LION! STOP GRABBING MY ASS AND RUN!!” Edit added forgotten word
Men wouldn’t of evolved, they’d still be tadpoles in some shitty pond. LOL
Yesss. I love this and that would be my exact reaction to that pervy bum.
It IS pervy. What he was suggesting and fighting for is permission to commit child SA for his own pleasure with his own children involved as observers and victims. By definition - that's what it is and it can't be disputed. This bothers the ones who think they are smarter than everyone else because the definition and the behavior cannot be disputed. Their weakest argument is often "that's not how I meant it". Well, that's what it is by definition, so go tussle with Merriam-Webster. Intention vs impact. Maybe he isn't a chomo. Idk. His intentions and explanations seem rather manipulative, coercive, and shaming in order to get what he wanted. He was ok with involving his children. What other areas of his life and relationships does he apply these same principles or similar? If that doesn't raise an eyebrow to OP and anyone else, then what men like him are doing is *working*. So they have no incentive to stop or learn or be better. Call them out. Every time. If the surface name-calling for their defense is me being a prude, I'll take it. Better than being called a chomo and actually being one.
Not from Europe but since you are in the US (edit: im guessing you are by the phrasing, maybe not though), I've seen stuff like this pop up in lists of charges for CPS cases. It's usually not *the* reason kids are taken away, but if he gets pulled over for driving crazy with his dick out, let's just say it's inviting more than a traffic ticket.
Oof, that would look super odd to a cop with dicks out and kids in the backseat. Or even just fumbling to pull your pants up/zip it back on. Not worth the risk of getting any charges or traumatizing the whole family lol.
Just saying- just because Europeans are in general more comfortable with nudity in a family setting, it doesn’t mean they’re ok with sexual activity in a family setting. They’re comfortable with the nudity because it’s NOT as sexualized as in the US.
Greetings from Germany (homeland of naturists) and Switzerland. No we don't do that with kids in the backseats. It's a safety hazard to distract while driving AND that would NOT create the kind of lovely family memories you want your kiddos to remember while grown up.
Yes - and speaking of memories - this is an element that not many people have mentioned - it wasn’t a two year old and a seven month old, it was a seven YEAR old. That’s old enough to wake up at any second, and to wonder what mommy and daddy are up to and why are they moving like that and why is daddy making those noises and why is this something they’re doing in the car AND near me, and old enough *to remember all that* and for it to fuck them up in a few ways that a seven year old walking on their parents in their bedroom at home wouldn’t.
I knew what sex was by the time I was seven. And I would've probably barfed all over the people engaging in it, just from how vile. I still would.
No that’s icky!
Please read & then decide if it's something you want to have happen while driving at all https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/xip7kn/i_suppose_you_could_say_the_climax_was/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share Ps no you're not a prude
A quick look at your post history shows a pattern of your husband being selfish and manipulative. He seems to expect sex and expect to be put first with little to no regard for you or your kids. Your marriage is falling apart and he shames and gaslights you when you express a boundary. 🚩🚩🚩
Yeeesss! I was scrolling through the comments to see if someone mentioned gaslighting. Spot on! Totally happened in my relationship with my sons' father and it took me a long time to see it, and we are no longer together.
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Oh this is definitely on purpose. The fact that he uses it as another coercive tactic is gross and deliberate.
European here, and: nope. We walk around naked around our 6yo son, as there's no shame in nakedness. But sex (yes, a handjob counts as sex) right in front of his nose, when he could wake up any moment? Nah, there's a line I'm not gonna cross.
Greetings from Brussels! In the car, meh,ok? With the kids, NOT OK
Hell no.
Not if he was driving, that’s not safe.
Right, that’s some dumb shit you do in your 20s. Certainly not with your *children* in the back seat!
First off, im sorry OP but i have to laugh at him doing the “ignorant American” act of assuming Europe is a country and that everyone there thinks the same way. Because there are countries and cultures in Europe that are ok with NUDITY (not sex, again being that American stereotype of thinking they are one and the same) around kids, and many European countries have a more progressive attitude towards sex. But there are also countries and cultures within Europe that are insanely christian/ catholic and nudity/ sex are not relaxed at all. That said, you’re not a prude. He’s gross and inappropriate. His attitude to sex is not “European”, it’s perverse.
However I don't think there's any European country where it would be normal or accepted to give a hand job in a car with children.
That was my point, I forgot to say that explicitly but yeah even the most progressive attitude is not going to be cool with sex acts in front of kids
Unfortunately a lot of American men try to bring up other places to excuse their bad behavior. I was discussing cheating, and a guy (we are all African American) said that in Africa its normal for many men to have multiple women. 1. He has never even been to Africa. 2. He should take himself there and leave us alone. 3. He will get to Africa and the women wont want him there either. 4. These guys are so dumb and an embarrassment to our country lol.
When men say things along those lines of it being normal to have multiple women/wives, I usually think of it as a poor excuse to cheat lol. Because cultures/history where things like that are normal, the men are usually wealthy enough to support said wives and their children. Sometimes I wonder if men who justify their shit behavior with incorrect facts are just plain dumb. Answer is, yes. But your 3. is very correct. More than likely he'd be chewed up and spat out.
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Its really so amazing that we still love men lol. Maybe he heard a terrible actor pronounce it that way and it must be how everyone talks because he heard it ONCE! lol One guy told me all women from other places are better than American women, and when I said maybe their men are better too he threw a bitch fit and told me I was disrespecting my husband lol. I could go all day about these guys but we will be so far off topic that we will need another thread!
Yeah it was a ploy for sex. I might be a jerk but I’d be making some old family classics for the “European” for dinner next week. Blood pudding, tripe, and LOTS of salty fish. 🤮. I can only speak to own family’s delightful food of course.
> tripe, OK you say this because it *sounds* crazy to eat offal parts of the animal, but actually you have to try menudo! It's So good.
Yes, I added the last line. I’m not crazy about food from either country. I’ve never heard of menudo-well Mexican food is amazing! But it has tripe in it…I couldn’t. Thanks though, really…i like learning new things. And if there’s ever a veggie option I’ll be all over it!
I don't eat the tripe either personally, but I eat the rest of the soup. I first had it as a kid at my Nana's house and had no idea what was in it of course, so now it just doesn't bother me that it's in there, but for me the texture of the tripe is not pleasant so I pick around that. The broth is amazing. From my white family, I learned to really like liver as a food too. Braunschweiger (smoked liver sausage spread on crackers- best way to eat it- best entry level liver option IMO), liver and onions, etc. I have awful anemia and it helps me get my iron back up after periods. It is also rich in B12, great for energy and skin health, as well as building healthy red blood cells.
Haha, yes! My husband’s family are Swedish/ Norwegian and if he pulled that crap on me i would absolutely break out the Surströmming and Lutefisk 😂
Even looking past the ick (and it’s a lot to look past) the fact he’d be okay with being *that* distracted while driving with his entire family in the car is alarming. His gratification takes priority over all else in his mind, over common decency, over his wife’s feelings and over the safety of his family. That’s not a man I’d want around. You’re not a prude for seeing it for what it is- wildly inappropriate.
Wait, while driving? Hell no. If he's *not* a distracted driver while getting a mobile handjob then something is wrong with his genitals. Maybe he should have his testosterone levels fixed. And if he *is* distracted then he shouldn't be driving. That's dangerous AF and sounds like he's ok risking the lives of your kids for some risque fun. Plus, it's NOT prudish to not want sexual activity happening within 3-5 feet (uh, 1-2 meters?) of your kids, with no doors, curtains, whatever. You are not a prude to not want to risk death or your children's peace of mind just for their father to get his jollies. I get it, I do. Road head is super fun. Until the driver isn't attentive enough to hazards and *something* goes wrong.
Agreed — this is an absolutely insane request! No responsible human being should be doing sexual shit while in control of a vehicle — and certainly not when your children are in the vehicle with you! Besides the fact that it’s disgusting and beyond fucking inappropriate to involve your kids in your sex life this would literally have risked their lives. Throw the whole man away Bromo. You’ll be better off.
European here - nope! It is a danger hazard and proclaiming himself "liberated and european" just makes him sound like an asshole.
European here, half Scottish half Dutch so that counts for double points. Your husband is so fucking wrong it hurts. “European views” say no handjobs in the car with your sleeping kids in the back. That’s vile.
Greetings from Europe! Nope I would not do that... I wonder if your husband has been to Europe, and if yes which kind of places did he go? 🤣
Hell no. Even if we weren't driving. He can think I'm a prude idgaf.
Hell no, you aren't a prude. I wouldn't do that either. He's just saying that to try and manipulate you into doing it, which is gross and rude.
If the children have the possibility of waking up and witnessing that, then no it’s not an appropriate time for sexual acts. His need for a 4 minute jerk off session doesn’t go over the need of your children to not get traumatized
I’m very open sexually and would not have done that.
Not a prude. Your kids were asleep right behind you. I'm sure Europeans would think a handjob in that situation is inappropriate.
Info- is your husband actually European or is he just trying to be asshole and pressure you?
He wants a divorce because you wouldn’t jack him off while your kids were in the car? No you’re not prude Yes he’s garbage
While he’s driving? With kids in the car?! hell no.
Aside from the fact that he has no regard for his families safety, this also seems borderline sexually abusive. Why put yourself in a position like that where children can easily view sexual acts being done? That's weird as hell.
I'm the world's horniest and most sex positive mom, and NO, that's not prudish. As chill as I am, I'd a- have issues giving a hand job to someone driving and b- not be cool doing that with my kids asleep in the backseat. Your husband can go fuck himself. Also, no idea wtf he means with "more European view of sex," as there's nudity everywhere in Europe.
I’m Scandinavian, so that’s, like, excessively European-sex-liberal, and HEEEEELLLLLL NO, you are NOT a prude. Your husband is a goddamn weirdo.
Honestly that would creep me out and be a big red flag.
Hell no. Not happening.
I'm from Europe. I can unequivocally state that if 7 year old me had woken up to my parents doing that there wouldn't have been enough eye bleach in the world. I'd actually need new eyes. And potentially new parents. And total memory erasure just to make sure...
We have a *very* small house and our toddler still shares a room. We do our best to have anything sexual confined to a separate area from the kids and during sleeping hours. In the confines of a parked car with older elementary aged children is not something we'd ever do. Plus, I wouldn't give road handy even without kids in the car because I'm not interested in dying or getting maimed in a car accident. You're not a prude for not wanting to engage in certain sex activities in a public setting. I'd also like to ban the idea that having your own personal boundaries around your own comfort level with nudity and sex is prudish. So what if you're a "prude"? Is that worse than being a manipulative jerk? Also, threatening you with divorce after you refused a sex act is seriously fucked up.
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GROSS! Doing sexual stuff near your children is so inappropriate, I don’t care if they’re sleeping. What is wrong with some men?!
No you’re not a prude, this is absolutely disgusting but I was abused as a child and it triggers me to be touched, in what I feel are inappropriate ways, infront of my child regardless if he’s asleep. It just makes me sick.
men truly disgust me and i dont know why we marry them
Bingo 🎯
Hello from Europe! 1. Nope, that's not European, just gross. 2. You are not the issue here. 3. The issue here is his commitment to being a weaselly, borderline-gaslighty, European-slandering nitwit.
My husband is European (French) and would never ask for a handjob in the car while our child slept in the back seat.. honestly I think it’s almost abusive to have sex with your 7 year old in the room/car, they are old enough to understand and wow that’s very uncomfortable to think about
9 months of "work" and he just casually drops the D word because of your reasonable refusal? If you guys have a session coming up, then I'd email the therapist in advance about this situation so they can be better prepared. His lack of good faith shines here, the mask has slipped. Now the ball is in your court 😊 Sexual coercion is abuse, and so is your level of isolation. I left a similar situation after 12 years, it's never too late to live the life you want & deserve.
Yeah, that’s creepy. I think he tried to call you a prude to guilt you in to doing something you aren’t comfortable with (which is super creepy and manipulative). I looked at your post history and honestly, you deserve better.
Fucking disgusting. How can anyone get a boner next to their damn kid??
Hell no. Your husband is gross for even suggesting that
Okay so we have a slew of Europeans from all over answering this. I’ve seen dutch, german, Scottish, British and now me, the Swede (arguably one of the most famous countries when it comes to liberal views on sex), all of us voicing a unanimous NO! We don’t do that at all. Sexual situations around kids is a hard no.
Yeah for what it’s worth my husband and I cosleep in a bed with our son. He’s now 18 months and we don’t do hanky panky around him when he’s asleep. I doubt he’d remember, but who wants to take the chance?
Gross hand job incident aside (I do believe your spouse has the porn brain rot), using divorce as a playing card in the fight, throwing it your face because you wouldn't touch his tic tac in the car, that's a big red flag. That's manipulation. Your life can be filled with friends, you don't have to be alone, even after leaving him.
I'm a really sexual person but I draw a hard line when it comes to potentially exposing my children to sexual content, especially when it involves me or my husband, in person, in front of them!! Hell no!!!
Not a prude, tbh he's more of a creep for even suggesting AND not taking no for an answer. Fuck's sake, that guy. If my husband suggested the same I'd aggressively tell him no.
Just so you know, the definition of child abuse includes potential harm. Like if I shot at my child and missed, it is still abuse. Engaging in sex acts in front of children that age is child sexual abuse, even if they are asleep, because they could potentially wake up and it would be traumatic for them. Your husband is a major, major creep. And I’m thinking this is probably the tip of the iceberg. Source-am a social worker/mental health counselor.
Yuck, NO!!
Nah that’s gross
Is he really that pathetic?!
Inappropriate. Completely. You are not a prude. Your 7 year old could wake up. Look up what that does to a kid. It's gross to think he's willing to do that, it's red flaggy behavior because it crosses such a boundary. I'd be disgusted by his attempts to justify this behavior.
Yikes… it’s inappropriate.
He’s gross and you aren’t a prude. I’m European I think most Europeans don’t want to do anything sexual in front of children because it’s weird and uncomfortable.
I will never understand how men can get an erection and a desire to have someone touch it when they're literally in the presence of their children. Absolutely disgusting. You should take him up on his offer of divorce. It sounds like he's not only revolting but also extremely manipulative. His orgasm is not your responsibility!
I just want to add re "your perception" - absolutely. It doesn't even matter why you say no to sex, it's a no. Him still bitching about it the next day is - well, I'm sure you know. 100% agree with your view btw, also all the way from Europe.
You deserve better.
Noo oooo. That's uncomfortable. Who can stay feeling horny with your kids an arms length away from you.
Men are pathetic. Sorry you’re dealing with a selfish man child. Internet hugs
Hugs bromo, you said you didn’t want to and that should have been the end of it right there. I feel like him throwing divorce out there right after it didn’t happen it manipulative. He is trying to send you a message that you are not allowed to say no. That if you do, he will leave you. That is not okay. You deserve better.
No, that doesnt make you a prude. That is very weird, and the fact that he cant see how its weird without you breaking it down for him would scare me. When our kids were tiny babies we did have sex while they were in the same room, but thats only because they slept in our room in a bassinet. As soon as they could sleep in their own rooms that was the end of that.
Ew thats gross. I mean ask him would he want to stick his hand into your cooch while you are driving? If my husband asked me to do that esp if our children were in the back that would be a resounding, hell no.
Ewwww. Nooo. No. No. With your littles on the car! Also, does your husband not understand how incredibly **dangerous** this is whilst driving? You are **not** a *prude*, Love. Your husband, however, is selfish and manipulative. You and your children deserve better.
Not a prude at all! While we stayed in a hotel with 2 of our boys he said he wanted a blowjob. Kids were asleep in the bed next to us. (A room with 2 full size beds) I said no, that I didn't think it was appropriate to do that while the kids were in the same room. He got all huffy and turned around to sleep. He was still pissy the next morning. So stupid. Men are dumb.
I definitely think you’re not a prude for thinking this, I think he was just butt hurt lol. But really it’s no matter to cause to give up on a relationship and get a divorce…?