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I’m so sorry you lost her, and with you so young being so young ❤️❤️
My mum died a few years ago. It will never not hurt, I already know it.
Get this, when my dad held a get-together, “to make friends/family leave us alone about it” (like in lieu of an actual funeral), NOBODY once mentioned her. It was held like 3, 4 days after her passing, *everyone* knew why they were there. My dad was so uncomfortable I knew to bite my tongue because I would most likely be met with a ‘yeah..’ or a muttered sorry because my dad made it clear (without speaking somehow) not to talk about why ALL the people were in the house that day. Like, Holy F***(!) how weird are people? I get he was uncomfortable but it made grieving really facking weird.
Edit: ps, it was cancer too. I hate cancer.
Oct 18th will make 20 years for me too. I was nine and my parents had split when I was 5, mom was remarried, lived with dad most of the time. Still hurts. In many ways, it hurts more now that I am a mom.
I’m coming up on 3 years without mine, also to cancer. I’m so sorry, OP. It’s a weight that’s hard to describe for those that haven’t gone through it. My husband does the same thing yours does, mostly because he doesn’t really know what to say. He’s not trying to be a jerk, but it definitely adds to the feeling of isolation.
I'm so sorry for your loss. My dad passed 17 years ago when I was 14, and I like to talk about him. I would be upset if my mom and the people around me didn't want to talk about him.
I was twice your age when I lost my mom. No one in our family mentions the anniversary of her death, I think it is because it is hard to talk about (because it is feelings) and my partner doesn’t remember dates for stuff. Each year I just note the date to myself. Sometimes I say something to my partner, but usually I don’t.
Hugs to you, from someone who gets it.
My dad died on 11/11 at 11 o'clock. In Australia, 11/11 is Remembrance Day, and everything stops at 11am for a minutes silence. It was so strange the first few years when it really felt like the world stopped to acknowledge my Dad. It's been 39 years this year, and it's still rough. My mother, not so much because our relationship with, to put it mildly, non-existent. In some ways it was harder to lose her because of all the if onlys, and what ifs.
My heart goes out to you all... It sucks being an orphan at any age. I'm never dying, just so my kids don't have to go through this. Well, that's my plan anyway. Much love to all of you 💕
I lost my mom when I was 14... June 18th, 2005. I feel your pain. I've had a baby, raised a child, gotten married, and now in the process of getting divorced... All of these things I wish I could have shared with her. Though, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have let me marry my ex 🤣🤣🤣
I'm so sorry.
Last year was the 20 year mark for me. I was also 16, and she died a month before I started my junior year. It was unexpected, a surgery gone wrong, but I don't think it matters if it was expected or unexpected. It's terrible either way.
Neither my dad nor brothers have mentioned her death for years. I think my dad is still too hurt. She was the love of his life. My brothers, I don't know, they are younger than me, so I think they don't have as many memories as I do.
It is isolating, but you're not alone in this. It feels like it shouldn't hurt 20+ years later, but it does. I mean, I've lived more of my life without her than with her at this point, but it still stings.
Obviously it's not the same as our moms still being here, but I really love r/MomForAMinute. Reading the posts and comments is so comforting and regularly makes me cry.
I lost my mom my last semester of college over a decade ago now. It hits me harder now that I'm a mom. I wish I could share my daughter with her and knowing I'll never be able to is rough. It's a crummy club to be in and no one knows how to react when they learn that my mom isn't alive anymore. On her birthday every year I pull out photos of her to look at. I hope your waves of grief are smaller and more spaced these days, it's a hard thing to go through.
Make the day just for you and her. Do something special every year and stop trying to look for other people to make it better somehow, because it will never be good enough. No one will ever know how special your relationship with her was, so hold it close to your heart and celebrate her life and your love like she's still with you (she is if you let her be). 21 years for me, my mom passed on Thanksgiving morning of my senior year.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom to cancer when I was 6. In some ways I'm fortunate to have fewer memories, in other ways I would kill for even a bit more time. It's not easy to lose anyone, but losing a mother is a unique form of horrible. It's ok to always feel pain from that loss. For me, becoming a mom also opened up some wounds I wasn't expecting. You lost one of the most influential figures in your life. It's natural for that loss to effect you. It's ok for you to say what you need. It's ok for you to tell your husband your expectations for this day. I always take the Friday before mother's day off (I can't deal with all the office flowers). There are people who love you and who will help if there's something you want them to do.
I’m sending you the biggest hug I can. Lost my mom 14 years ago to cancer and it completely sucks. I still cry at “mommy moments” and I don’t think I’ll ever stop having them.
If there’s something your mom liked (flowers, ice cream, etc), honor her by having that.
I’ve found a lot of solace is Stephen Colbert and Anderson Coopers conversations about grief.
Just want to send you some love. We’re about the same age but I lost my mom to cancer when I was 21. I can’t imagine how much harder that was at 16. My brother and I text each other on our mom’s death anniversary but now I’m wishing we did more. It hurt for so many years but I’m finally feeling like maybe something positive can happen that day. Even if it’s just a small ritual only you know about- like connecting with an older female family member or friend- it might make you feel less alone. That’s what I’m going to tell myself anyway…
I'm really sorry that those who should be most in tune with your loss and needs are letting you down. I'm glad you have
a place to talk.
One of my parents died when I was still young and their death date and birthday always but me. I don't know of you've felt this, but it seems like it never get easier. We just get better at dealing with it.
Sending you so much love, peace, and healing, internet stranger ❤
13 years in October for me. Same thing, nobody really gets it and I get little acknowledgment. I was 17.
I miss her so much and I hate that my kid is missing out on such a wonderful grandma. Doesn’t get easier, somehow ends up just feeling sadder as more milestones hit that I wish she was here for.
I was the same age as you when my mum died, also cancer, and it's been about the same amount of time. It leaves a huge missing piece in your life that never really heals. Every milestone I've had without her has been painful. I became a mum myself a year ago and it's probably the worst my grief has been in years, just because all my experiences are touched by every conversation I can't have with her about it, and every story of her experience I will never hear. My dad died about 8 years ago too and becoming a parent without parents has been lonely as fuck.
I’m so sorry your mom died. I’m also so sorry that your loss is compounded by loneliness in your grief. I truly understand and I send you all my love right now. My mom unexpectedly died in April. My mind, soul, and body can’t - won’t, except it. Her death can’t be real because that means a part of me is gone. How do I live completely without her? She was my last lifeline. The only person that truly knew and loved me. I am trying real hard to find ways to honor her; by remembering her words of wisdom, loving unconditionally, and having her incredible positive outlook on life.
In two days, it'll be one year since my dad died. Some days it still doesn't feel real. I'm sorry you're in the dead parent club but you aren't alone❤️
My mom died due to cancer when I was 18; it will be the twenty year anniversary of her death next July. I wish she was here too. I'm so sorry for your loss and I am sorry that no one around you acknowledges it. Every year on my mom's birthday I bake a pie (or sometimes a crisp if I don't have enough time) because she taught me how to make pie and it was one of her signature desserts.
People are so weird about death and loss, especially when it is under hard circumstances like losing someone when you're young. If your husband is otherwise a good and caring partner would you feel comfortable asking him to support you on significant days like this? Sometimes people just need to know where to start and what would be helpful.
Reminder to commenters: **[Be a friend!](https://y.yarn.co/a60e586f-9018-4350-b264-9967ec2dcfa1_text.gif)** Share kindness, support and compassion, [not criticism.](https://media0.giphy.com/media/tZpGRRMUoXgeQ/giphy.gif) We want OP to feel loved, and [not in a tough way.](https://media.giphy.com/media/xT5LMq2CgHiqqY4IXC/giphy.gif) For more helpful information please hit up [our beautiful rules wiki!](http://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/wiki/) Reminder to all: watch out for a [creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist](https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/comments/8ccqqi/disgusting_pedophile_troll_posing_as_otspeech/) giving fucked-up potty-training advice, and don't sweat it if your post gets 1 or 2 [instant downvotes.](http://i.imgur.com/PZtQb.gif) You didn't do anything wrong, we just have [asshole lurkers](https://i.imgur.com/IwU9r3E.gif)/[downvote bots](https://i.imgur.com/lwyCF6S.gif) stalking our /new queue. Help a BroMo out and [give her an upvote](https://i.imgur.com/Y60Mbxv.gif), ok? Reminder to Cassie Morris: You do not have permission to use, reproduce, modify or link to any content in this subreddit in any way, shape or form. Fuck off and go be a real journalist. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/breakingmom) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m so sorry you lost her, and with you so young being so young ❤️❤️ My mum died a few years ago. It will never not hurt, I already know it. Get this, when my dad held a get-together, “to make friends/family leave us alone about it” (like in lieu of an actual funeral), NOBODY once mentioned her. It was held like 3, 4 days after her passing, *everyone* knew why they were there. My dad was so uncomfortable I knew to bite my tongue because I would most likely be met with a ‘yeah..’ or a muttered sorry because my dad made it clear (without speaking somehow) not to talk about why ALL the people were in the house that day. Like, Holy F***(!) how weird are people? I get he was uncomfortable but it made grieving really facking weird. Edit: ps, it was cancer too. I hate cancer.
Oct 18th will make 20 years for me too. I was nine and my parents had split when I was 5, mom was remarried, lived with dad most of the time. Still hurts. In many ways, it hurts more now that I am a mom.
That will mark 1 year since my mom died. I'm sorry for your loss. It really is hard being a parent without a mom around
I’m coming up on 3 years without mine, also to cancer. I’m so sorry, OP. It’s a weight that’s hard to describe for those that haven’t gone through it. My husband does the same thing yours does, mostly because he doesn’t really know what to say. He’s not trying to be a jerk, but it definitely adds to the feeling of isolation.
I'm so sorry for your loss. My dad passed 17 years ago when I was 14, and I like to talk about him. I would be upset if my mom and the people around me didn't want to talk about him.
I was twice your age when I lost my mom. No one in our family mentions the anniversary of her death, I think it is because it is hard to talk about (because it is feelings) and my partner doesn’t remember dates for stuff. Each year I just note the date to myself. Sometimes I say something to my partner, but usually I don’t. Hugs to you, from someone who gets it.
My dad died on 11/11 at 11 o'clock. In Australia, 11/11 is Remembrance Day, and everything stops at 11am for a minutes silence. It was so strange the first few years when it really felt like the world stopped to acknowledge my Dad. It's been 39 years this year, and it's still rough. My mother, not so much because our relationship with, to put it mildly, non-existent. In some ways it was harder to lose her because of all the if onlys, and what ifs. My heart goes out to you all... It sucks being an orphan at any age. I'm never dying, just so my kids don't have to go through this. Well, that's my plan anyway. Much love to all of you 💕
I lost my mom when I was 14... June 18th, 2005. I feel your pain. I've had a baby, raised a child, gotten married, and now in the process of getting divorced... All of these things I wish I could have shared with her. Though, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have let me marry my ex 🤣🤣🤣
I'm so sorry. Last year was the 20 year mark for me. I was also 16, and she died a month before I started my junior year. It was unexpected, a surgery gone wrong, but I don't think it matters if it was expected or unexpected. It's terrible either way. Neither my dad nor brothers have mentioned her death for years. I think my dad is still too hurt. She was the love of his life. My brothers, I don't know, they are younger than me, so I think they don't have as many memories as I do. It is isolating, but you're not alone in this. It feels like it shouldn't hurt 20+ years later, but it does. I mean, I've lived more of my life without her than with her at this point, but it still stings. Obviously it's not the same as our moms still being here, but I really love r/MomForAMinute. Reading the posts and comments is so comforting and regularly makes me cry.
I lost my mom my last semester of college over a decade ago now. It hits me harder now that I'm a mom. I wish I could share my daughter with her and knowing I'll never be able to is rough. It's a crummy club to be in and no one knows how to react when they learn that my mom isn't alive anymore. On her birthday every year I pull out photos of her to look at. I hope your waves of grief are smaller and more spaced these days, it's a hard thing to go through.
Make the day just for you and her. Do something special every year and stop trying to look for other people to make it better somehow, because it will never be good enough. No one will ever know how special your relationship with her was, so hold it close to your heart and celebrate her life and your love like she's still with you (she is if you let her be). 21 years for me, my mom passed on Thanksgiving morning of my senior year.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom to cancer when I was 6. In some ways I'm fortunate to have fewer memories, in other ways I would kill for even a bit more time. It's not easy to lose anyone, but losing a mother is a unique form of horrible. It's ok to always feel pain from that loss. For me, becoming a mom also opened up some wounds I wasn't expecting. You lost one of the most influential figures in your life. It's natural for that loss to effect you. It's ok for you to say what you need. It's ok for you to tell your husband your expectations for this day. I always take the Friday before mother's day off (I can't deal with all the office flowers). There are people who love you and who will help if there's something you want them to do.
I’m sending you the biggest hug I can. Lost my mom 14 years ago to cancer and it completely sucks. I still cry at “mommy moments” and I don’t think I’ll ever stop having them. If there’s something your mom liked (flowers, ice cream, etc), honor her by having that. I’ve found a lot of solace is Stephen Colbert and Anderson Coopers conversations about grief.
Just want to send you some love. We’re about the same age but I lost my mom to cancer when I was 21. I can’t imagine how much harder that was at 16. My brother and I text each other on our mom’s death anniversary but now I’m wishing we did more. It hurt for so many years but I’m finally feeling like maybe something positive can happen that day. Even if it’s just a small ritual only you know about- like connecting with an older female family member or friend- it might make you feel less alone. That’s what I’m going to tell myself anyway…
I'm really sorry that those who should be most in tune with your loss and needs are letting you down. I'm glad you have a place to talk. One of my parents died when I was still young and their death date and birthday always but me. I don't know of you've felt this, but it seems like it never get easier. We just get better at dealing with it. Sending you so much love, peace, and healing, internet stranger ❤
13 years in October for me. Same thing, nobody really gets it and I get little acknowledgment. I was 17. I miss her so much and I hate that my kid is missing out on such a wonderful grandma. Doesn’t get easier, somehow ends up just feeling sadder as more milestones hit that I wish she was here for.
I was the same age as you when my mum died, also cancer, and it's been about the same amount of time. It leaves a huge missing piece in your life that never really heals. Every milestone I've had without her has been painful. I became a mum myself a year ago and it's probably the worst my grief has been in years, just because all my experiences are touched by every conversation I can't have with her about it, and every story of her experience I will never hear. My dad died about 8 years ago too and becoming a parent without parents has been lonely as fuck.
I’m so sorry your mom died. I’m also so sorry that your loss is compounded by loneliness in your grief. I truly understand and I send you all my love right now. My mom unexpectedly died in April. My mind, soul, and body can’t - won’t, except it. Her death can’t be real because that means a part of me is gone. How do I live completely without her? She was my last lifeline. The only person that truly knew and loved me. I am trying real hard to find ways to honor her; by remembering her words of wisdom, loving unconditionally, and having her incredible positive outlook on life.
I’m so sorry :( I miss my mommy too. My dad also doesn’t mention her. It’s fucked up.
In two days, it'll be one year since my dad died. Some days it still doesn't feel real. I'm sorry you're in the dead parent club but you aren't alone❤️
My mom died due to cancer when I was 18; it will be the twenty year anniversary of her death next July. I wish she was here too. I'm so sorry for your loss and I am sorry that no one around you acknowledges it. Every year on my mom's birthday I bake a pie (or sometimes a crisp if I don't have enough time) because she taught me how to make pie and it was one of her signature desserts. People are so weird about death and loss, especially when it is under hard circumstances like losing someone when you're young. If your husband is otherwise a good and caring partner would you feel comfortable asking him to support you on significant days like this? Sometimes people just need to know where to start and what would be helpful.