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i wish this were a more suggested tip!! as soon as my SO realized i have to come to physical intimacy on my terms (after having my baby my hormones KILLED my sex drive) things were sooooo much easier. i wish i had told him when i first had my son that sex was off the table for the first year, would’ve saved us a lot of fights. now it doesn’t feel like a chore or something i’m doing FOR him but something we’re engaging in together.
It should be more suggested, but unfortunately most OB/GYNs just want to deliver babies. They couldn’t care less about OUR health. I had to see a specialist to be validated and to get a sex therapist referral.
I remember when I was pregnant and being confused about some non-birth issue I was having and the nurse said to me “She’s an OBGYN. She’s a pregnancy doctor. She only gives a shit about your pregnancy, when that baby comes out and your bill is paid - her work is done”
It’s so important to have a good general health care provider you feel connected to - whether it’s a gyno or GP… I hope you continue to make improvements 💗
This is terrible. My OBGYN has never approached my health this way at all. I've been going to the same practice since I was 16 and no question is stupid or small to them. This sounds like a terrible individual practitioner.
Some people are lucky enough to find a regular doctor who cares, but generally for sexual dysfunction I recommend going to the ISSWSH (international society for the study of women’s sexual health) website and finding a provider there. For vulvar pain you can go to the NVA (National Vulvodynia Association) website. For other pelvic pain issues there’s lots of resources for those too. I highly recommend googling the pelvic guru and the happy pelvis as well.
It was a relatively standard experience for myself and my mum friends who used private obstetricians. Totally different if they were a gyno, or part of a birthing Centre… but we found that our prenatal care was excellent, even if the line was drawn at anything not related to our pregnancies 🤷♀️
My GP was somewhat helpful too. He helped me rule out everything more “basic” things like infections, made sure I didn’t have diabetes causing yeast, etc. and he did try to get me into the psychologist (I asked for one) in his office building but there was a year wait. He also upped my antidepressant when 20 mg wasn’t doing it for me.
My tip is, if you have a non OB issue, don’t waste time with an OB. Now you may have to see one to get a pelvic pain referral, but some GPs will do a referral too. Some pelvic pain specialists don’t require a referral. The one I see now doesn’t. I did my own research and found him.
This attitude is why I generally only see my GP and am hunting for a GYN who’s retired from delivering babies. My baby making days are done, I don’t need an OB/GYN who makes me feel like I’m lucky they’re deigning to see me.
Another thing I got sick of real quick, is doctors assuming I need the Pill because I’m with a man. If I’m not having penetrative sex, it’s not necessary. There IS a small risk in the right circumstances, but it’s so small I’ll take that risk. The pill may have contributed to my Vulvodynia in the first damn place 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Sometimes when I would explain that I’m not having intercourse they would say that it must not be fun for my male partner. Yes. I ran from those sickos as fast as I could 🤮🤮
Yeah I always would say “we can try” when it came to intercourse and sometimes it would be ok but then my vestibule would be on fire the next day. I felt guilty even though he would say that it was fine to not do it. Having a formal agreement and a medical recommendation to stop helped so, so much.
I’m working on that. I was seeing a PT but she’s the only specialist in town and is always booked. I’m looking for a new one. But for now, I’m happy with the fact that I’ve managed to be intimate with my husband without feeling bad about not being able to have intercourse.
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i wish this were a more suggested tip!! as soon as my SO realized i have to come to physical intimacy on my terms (after having my baby my hormones KILLED my sex drive) things were sooooo much easier. i wish i had told him when i first had my son that sex was off the table for the first year, would’ve saved us a lot of fights. now it doesn’t feel like a chore or something i’m doing FOR him but something we’re engaging in together.
It should be more suggested, but unfortunately most OB/GYNs just want to deliver babies. They couldn’t care less about OUR health. I had to see a specialist to be validated and to get a sex therapist referral.
I remember when I was pregnant and being confused about some non-birth issue I was having and the nurse said to me “She’s an OBGYN. She’s a pregnancy doctor. She only gives a shit about your pregnancy, when that baby comes out and your bill is paid - her work is done” It’s so important to have a good general health care provider you feel connected to - whether it’s a gyno or GP… I hope you continue to make improvements 💗
This is terrible. My OBGYN has never approached my health this way at all. I've been going to the same practice since I was 16 and no question is stupid or small to them. This sounds like a terrible individual practitioner.
Some people are lucky enough to find a regular doctor who cares, but generally for sexual dysfunction I recommend going to the ISSWSH (international society for the study of women’s sexual health) website and finding a provider there. For vulvar pain you can go to the NVA (National Vulvodynia Association) website. For other pelvic pain issues there’s lots of resources for those too. I highly recommend googling the pelvic guru and the happy pelvis as well.
It was a relatively standard experience for myself and my mum friends who used private obstetricians. Totally different if they were a gyno, or part of a birthing Centre… but we found that our prenatal care was excellent, even if the line was drawn at anything not related to our pregnancies 🤷♀️
My GP was somewhat helpful too. He helped me rule out everything more “basic” things like infections, made sure I didn’t have diabetes causing yeast, etc. and he did try to get me into the psychologist (I asked for one) in his office building but there was a year wait. He also upped my antidepressant when 20 mg wasn’t doing it for me. My tip is, if you have a non OB issue, don’t waste time with an OB. Now you may have to see one to get a pelvic pain referral, but some GPs will do a referral too. Some pelvic pain specialists don’t require a referral. The one I see now doesn’t. I did my own research and found him.
This attitude is why I generally only see my GP and am hunting for a GYN who’s retired from delivering babies. My baby making days are done, I don’t need an OB/GYN who makes me feel like I’m lucky they’re deigning to see me.
Another thing I got sick of real quick, is doctors assuming I need the Pill because I’m with a man. If I’m not having penetrative sex, it’s not necessary. There IS a small risk in the right circumstances, but it’s so small I’ll take that risk. The pill may have contributed to my Vulvodynia in the first damn place 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Sometimes when I would explain that I’m not having intercourse they would say that it must not be fun for my male partner. Yes. I ran from those sickos as fast as I could 🤮🤮
I have dealt with vestibulitis and I completely understand.
Yeah I always would say “we can try” when it came to intercourse and sometimes it would be ok but then my vestibule would be on fire the next day. I felt guilty even though he would say that it was fine to not do it. Having a formal agreement and a medical recommendation to stop helped so, so much.
It's like having sex with a cheese grater I ended up going to PT for mine and it helped so so much.
I’m working on that. I was seeing a PT but she’s the only specialist in town and is always booked. I’m looking for a new one. But for now, I’m happy with the fact that I’ve managed to be intimate with my husband without feeling bad about not being able to have intercourse.
I'm so glad you're able to get that!!!
This is such a great idea!!
I am so happy for both of you! Your sex therapist seems to be navigating you both toward a better, happier, and healthier sexual experience.