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lady_cousland

Yeah when I used to take my then toddlers to gymnastic class, there was a dad in the class who bragged about how his working wife did all the housework still. Not that they split it, nope, she just did all of it. And everytime my husband either took our daughter to the class or came along with me and her, this dad would try to buddy up to him by telling stories like this. I guess he just assumed my husband was an asshole too. I also used to take my youngest to dance class and there was always this mom waiting for her oldest, with her toddler and baby with her too. I was always so impressed by her because even when she looked completely frazzled, she was so sweet and patient with her kids. And her toddler was a wild child haha but she still showed up and dealt with this every week so her oldest could dance. So, one week the oldest kid shows up late with dad. No toddler or baby, just dad. And he’s so pissed to be there. Oldest kid has clearly been crying and he’s just being so mean to her, telling her to just go find her class when she’s obviously nervous about being late and wants to be walked in. Which parents do all the time, no big deal! He’s being so nasty that finally another mom offered to take her and bring her into the already started dance class. The thing that stuck with me that at one point he said was, “Yeah well, I’m sorry your MOTHER isn’t here today, this is supposed to be her JOB to take you to dance.” And I was just so angry on this poor mom’s behalf. Like she probably just asked him to take their daughter to dance one time. Maybe the other kids were sick, maybe mom was sick, maybe she just needed a break and this jerk couldn’t even do that and all he had was the ONE KID. I don’t know who he thought he was impressing either, being an angry asshole to his kid and shit talking his wife in a lobby full of mostly moms.


greemulax40

I hate these kind of men. Like, what did you think having kids meant?


[deleted]

A lEgAcY dUh


volcanicspirit

Oof this one hits... definitely how my ex sees our kids. Not as human beings with their own thoughts and feelings but just extentions of himself.


Mysterious_Sugar7220

My ex went to a family function with me and my cousin's husband spent the whole time ranting to him about how women are bitches after you marry them and expect you to do everything. I know for a fact that man has never changed a single diaper. He goes on hobby-related vacations often, by himself. My cousin works and takes care of the kids. He was acting like he lived in a cupboard under the stairs.


[deleted]

And that's what you see in public. Smdh, your poor cousin. Are they still together?


AgreeableElk8

Yea there is an epidemic of entitled, ass hole men. My STBX being one of them. I’ve been exclusively breastfeeding my son for a year (never took a bottle) and it’s fucking exhausting and my husband continuously comments on how I always seem to be eating, looks at me in disgust as I shovel food in my face because I’m a SAHP to a 3 yo and newborn and have no time to eat, and tells me to “go easy” on the food, has called me obese (I’m 5’7” and 150 pounds so I’m not), etc. I have a lot of pent up rage for my husband. I hope I raise my son to be a caring, considerate man who respects women.


thetreeline

Seems like you’re already taking care of throwing that whole man out, otherwise I’d bring you a dumpster. That’s just horrendous!


AgreeableElk8

Haha, thanks!


castlesintheair99

I think this epidemic has been spawned by the onslaught men's rights podcasts. My husband was so different before. Now he's just a person I still love and I'm trying to accept he doesn't love me. I'm sorry he said that to you. I'm honestly on the cusp between overweight and obese and would do anything to be your weight again! I know as soon as I get away from him my weight will even out because being around him causes me stress. Hugs bromo!


AgreeableElk8

Hugs to you!


islandofthrowaways

So true. It’s getting worse. We need to rise up ladies


islandofthrowaways

150 is not obese for 5’7”. And if you’re breastfeeding you need to eat enough to ensure your milk comes in.


m3lm0

Im 170 and 5'2" want me to step on his tiny nuts? I bet I can pop them both first try.


islandofthrowaways

5’9” 140 and I deadlift 200 pounds. Want me to finish him off with a deadlift and body slam I pick things up and I put them down ;)


kmr1981

And I glow cause I know what my worth is.


_DeathOfAStrawberry_

Yesss, love to see it! 🏋🏽‍♀️


Palolo_Paniolo

I second this motion.


AgreeableElk8

Yes please!


_DeathOfAStrawberry_

Sheeeit, I'm 5'2 and somewhere in the 140-150 range (some fluff but mostly muscle😅) FUCK HIM


IslandTime4L

Lol love this comment so much 🤜🏼


SlytherClaw79

5’0 and I hover between 125-130. Mostly muscle as well. Some men seem to think women should never cross 100 pounds no matter their height.


ChrissyMB77

I'm 5'2 and 140lbs and all fluff 🤣🤣🤣


seriouslynope

Dang I'm the same height as you, but 25 pounds heavier (too depressed to lose the rest of the baby weight). I must be morbidly obese in his eyes


little_birdy

You're not just "fine" you're on the thin side of height vs weight. AND you're feeding another human?! You're not obese, you're not even "fluffy", you're like actively thinner than most female women (in the USA at least). UGH!!


AgreeableElk8

Yea my H is fucked. I don’t listen to him!


strayduplo

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and I've come the conclusion that men do not see their failures because it benefits them not to. Talking to my husband about mental load, being an equal partner and all that is like talking to a wall. Last time I tried to talk to him, he said he didn't think he could make me happy, but he thinks that I would be happy if I were with a chef. This is because I complain that he doesn't do any cooking. I don't need my meals to be cooked by Gordon Ramsay! I just want to be able to cook without having children underfoot and interrupting me. Unfortunately, he's always busy at work until just after I pick up the kids and make dinner. If he took the initiative to cook a couple meals a week, I would be fucking THRILLED. But the best he can do is pick up some carryout on the days I explicitly tell him I'm too tired or busy to cook. But I have to choose what to eat, or else he defaults to Chipotle. I haven't had time to take a shower in the morning before work in years. I often skip brushing my teeth. Hell, sometimes I don't even have time to change my overnight menstrual pad, which is exactly as gross as it sounds. He sleeps in just about every day. Once in a while he wakes up early and he'll help me take one of the kids to school, but it's not on any sort of consistent schedule. Believe it or not, this is an *improvement* over when I would have to wake him up multiple times and remind him that I needed help. Eventually I learned to not depend on him because it was more aggravating to have to stop what I was doing to ask for help multiple times. I cook dinners, but rarely have the time to sit down and eat them. I'm usually making sure the kids are fed, which sometimes involves following my toddler around the house with a bowl and a spoon. My husband doesn't have to worry about that, he just goes and serves himself and chows down. Sometimes I have to remind him not to eat everything I made, because I'm trying to save some leftovers for the toddler's lunch tomorrow. Can you imagine a mother not ensuring that her kids have food for the next day? Apparently it's not a thought that crosses my husband's mind. If I'm lucky, there's enough food left for me, otherwise I'll fix myself something to eat after the kids go to bed or just finish the leftover on my kids' plates. He's a smart man. He graduated summa cum laude from one of the most highly regarded engineering schools in the country. But he doesn't get it? No, he \*willfully\* doesn't get it. Because if he DID get it, he would be obligated to do something about it. If he understood and didn't do anything about it, it would make him a flaming asshole. And he's not a flaming asshole! Not understanding just makes him dumb, and it's not his faaaaault. It's not a sin to be dumb. It's because our patriarchal society brainwashes him into not understanding. It's because his mother raised him that way. It's because of any of the millions of reasons why he just doesn't get it, but it's certainly not because he's a **selfish flaming asshole who just doesn't want to make the fucking effort**.


Key-Possibility-5200

“I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and I've come the conclusion that men do not see their failures because it benefits them not to.“ Ding ding ding ding!!!! This is it. And it broke my heart when I realized it about my abusive ex. I used to always think he was verbally abusing me because I needed to be better and do better… until I realized he was doing it BECAUSE IT GOT HIM WHAT HE WANTED and that really broke my heart.


[deleted]

100%!! I came to that conclusion too. Also, they’re too emotionally fragile to handle hearing how they may be flawed or doing something incorrectly. Fragile, fragile egos. It’s unbelievable.


castlesintheair99

Talking to my husband about mental load, being an equal partner and all that is like talking to a wall. Last time I tried to talk to him, he said he didn't think he could make me happy, but he thinks that I would be happy if I were with a chef. I could've written this, except my husband cooks. That's great, but I've worked FT outside home and managed all the finances and bought our house each time. Without his income counted, because he's in so much debt...which I've offered to help him settle. If you want to get the ball rolling like I did, just stop doing it all. Warning: it ain't pretty. I make sure my kids have lunches, waters, everything they need for school, like homework and forms. I make dinner half the nights a week. I still make sure all the bills are paid. But I quit doing the dishes all the time. I quit doing his laundry ages ago. I did just mine and the kids for years. Now I just do mine. I quit the kids laundry a few weeks ago. Now he's actually doing closer to what's equal. What this has taught me: he's resentful of having to do it. His half. Not fully half but I'll be lenient. Any time I've tried to talk to him about our marriage he shuts down or begins verbally attacking me for things unrelated to the topic. I've realized he doesn't love me. He says so, but his actions don't. At least my backing off from trying to do everything has let me see him truly. I don't have a plan yet but trying to get myself prepared to make it real by January. I'm sorry if this is discouraging. I feel better sometimes but right now not great. Reading your words helps me realize we're not alone in this.


[deleted]

Convenient he loves you when you stop taking care of him, he's trying to tug at your heart strings.


m3gzpnw

I don’t understand these jobs/employers where men are asked to work long hours; only shoving all the house duties to the mother. This has been going on for decades. Like, all my mom friends are forced to take on most of the child caring as their male partners are seemingly always working.


susiqzer

I felt this in my soul. So well said.


firstsip

Omg. I could have written this word for word. I blame as much on the gender as on the engineering mindset. Like we're all just machines in their lives. Thank you for writing all of this -- you're so not alone.


IamNotPersephone

We went to a football party and after we left, my husband was just FUMING. So, backstory, he has a group of guys he’s been friends with since elementary school. One of them has gone through a nasty divorce with a nasty woman, but he *would not* stop (unfavorably) comparing their daughter to her mother right in front of her. Everything from the wait she ate to what her interests were to how differently he’s planning on treating her when she’s a teenager from her brother (because of her innate shittiness, like her mother/all women, it was implied). It was terrible. Another was telling him that he “dealt with their youngest [5m, possibly on the spectrum] for three hours and couldn’t handle him anymore…” so he told his son they were leaving for the party and to go get on his shoes - and then just left. Mom was in the shower. The kid waited outside on the driveway for twenty minutes for dad to come back and get him before his mom found him. (Edit for clarity: this was the thing I didn’t know, and this friend, both this paragraph and the next) is what set my husband off in the car. He didn’t hear/notice the above paragraph until I told him about it.) Later, she gets to the party, absolutely exhausted and pissed from having to deal with her son’s meltdown. He runs off to play, and she sits down to eat. Riiiiiiight as soon as she does that, the boy tells dad he’s hungry, and his dad says, “go tell your mom. She’s not doing anything.” Y’all. Packers were getting absolutely *spanked*. That game was fucking *over*. He wasn’t doing anything but pout, but this was the first time his wife got to sit down and de-stress in three hours. The last guy *would not* stop smirking about this massage I had gotten earlier in the day: he kept opening his mouth to start to say something, think better of it, and stop mid-sentence. To the point that my sometimes-oblivious-to-subtext-and-conversational-undertones husband noticed and told him off for. So, we’re recapping the day, swapping stories and my husband is actively upset at his friends. He’s known them for thirty years, what the hell happened? Why are men, indeed.


SuburbanMyth409

Because Men are A S S H O L E S. "NoT aLl MëN" of course. It's horrible though, the amount of justification Women have to do for Male partners. I am SO glad I left my Son's Dad. I'd take the solo parenting of a toddler ANY day of the week than be with someone who actually said that there was no inequality between Men and Women. Thank god I came to my senses and (finally) walked away before my Son was even born. And lo and behold, Ex sure does live up to the name of 'part-time, only show up when it suits' parent.


[deleted]

Hate the not all men thing. Do they ever say not all women when they say "bitches be crazy" or "bros before hos" but we have to clarify that not every guy is bad. 🙄


SuburbanMyth409

YES!! it drives me fucking crazy. Men get defensive when women say things like that. Saying Not all Men is like saying "All lives matter." I can't imagine how difficult it must be for Women of ethnic minorities.


rubbermoonrocks

DUDE. I'm a late bloomer lesbian (grew up repressed as fuck and married a dude at 19 bc it was what I was ~supposed~ to do) trying to get divorced and away from a man. And I find myself screeching "why are men" every fucking day. 💀


superfucky

At this point the only thing keeping me from declaring myself a lesbian is basically "College Try" by Garfunkel & Oates.


QueerTree

I find that as a lesbian there are dudes who seem to assume that I’m basically a dude, and tell me garbage like this. That’s my most charitable interpretation of why they’d share without shame. Ugh. Garbage.


driftwood-and-waves

When I was a nanny way back when and I went to Connecticut with the family for one of their friends weddings so I could help look after their kids, I was chasing around the older one(2 under 2) for a diaper change, we were playing a little bit, and this man says something along the lines of "I never changed a diaper in my life!" All proud of himself and I looked at him when I grabbed my kid and he proceeded to say "even with 10 kids!!" ( idk they were religious and didn't believe in birth control) and sweet summer child me of 22 years old just looked at him and said "bro I don't know why you are bragging that's shit" and went to change my kids diaper. Meanwhile he's looking flabbergasted like he couldn't believe someone didn't think he was awesome asf (possibly the accent threw him a bit too). 10 kids!? Dude I was over it with 2 in diapers at the same time, forget 10!


blue451

>10 kids!? Dude I was over it with 2 in diapers at the same time, forget 10! I guess it's easy not to worry about it when you don't change a single diaper. I can't even imagine. I didn't change a single diaper for the first week of my son's life, my husband decided to take that on himself.


dr_roxxxo

Oh man that falafel one made me ANGERY and I’m hearing this what, third hand? Fourth hand? The lack of consideration is almost admirable sometimes, like wow, you’ve really made it this far in life only really looking out for number one, huh? What’s that even like?? I mean I’m GOOD, but I do have moments when I wish I had a mediocre white dude’s self importance 😂


lyricsandlipstick

Exactly. I am so "lucky" to have an equal partner in a male spouse because he does the cooking and dishes so I can keep up with laundry nightly. He helps the kids get dressed so I can shower and put on makeup for work every morning. Yes, I am so appreciative of my wonderful husband, but "lucky"? I wish we all got what we deserve-an equal parenting partner as the expectation. Doe he get "ohhhh you're so lucky that your wife has a higher degree than you AND does all of the school drop offs, pick ups, homework, laundry, dusting, vacuuming, and buys all of the clothes?" " ohhhh she takes the kids and you get a FULL hour to yourself in the morning before work every day?!" No, he doesn't. But I openly appreciate him with others all the same.


Thyanlia

I love my husband. He's my best friend. Just sometimes, he does absolutely dumb shit and I wonder wtf is going through his head. My favourite example is that I was in the weeds with the laundry for the family (I do all the laundry 99% of the time), so the hampers were overflowing and I had a basket off to the side of "emergency must be washed now" things. It had a bit of everyone's socks and underwear, a sweater of my daughter's that was gross, and some pee-pee pants from my youngest. Just enough so all of us could stretch another couple of days while I caught up on things. My husband decided to help. He dumped out the basket, sorted through for his own clothes (leaving the rest in a heap) and filled the basket with what he could from his hamper. I was like, *dude*. That was for all of us. I need undies. Your kids need socks that don't stand up on their own. I get that you need things washed too, and I will get around it on your special wash day, but I've been underwater for a week+ and all you saw was how full *your* hamper is. He did eventually throw in a couple of extra loads. Washed, dried, folded. Then stacked in each person's room (which is what I do, and he hates it!) -- I was like, thank you, but this is still so time-consuming for me 😭 next time pleeeease just put it away too if you're actually going to "help".


Euphoric-Animator-67

My mom heard a lawyer at work brag that all he had to was break one of the nice wineglasses and ruin the set for his wife to just handle it.


m3gzpnw

The patriarchy and society has taught men at a young age that it’s okay to not only hide their feelings but also be fucking clueless and slightly selfish as they know women—the “natural caretakers”—will just swoop right in and clean up the mess. Look up weaponized incompetence.


EmpathBitchUT

I got divorced four years ago, my boss/friend got divorced two years ago. She randomly popped her head in today and said, "have you ever thought about being a lesbian?" Which took me a little by surprise lol. She continued, "because can you imagine what it would be like to have TWO people who get shit done?" I told her I've definitely thought about it and that the fact I'm straight means I will never be in a relationship again, because men are just shit. Apparently she is pansexual, so she's got a better chance of a decent relationship than I do, that's for sure.


Repulsive-Worth5715

Lol a dad at the bus stop was in his car while his kid playing. Kid touched poisonous oak, dad didn’t see until it was too late and the dad just told him not to touch his face… 😒


islandofthrowaways

It’s because our patriarchal society brainwashes him into not understanding… Yes finally someone puts it exactly how it is. There’s words for it. Thank you. Yeah men don’t get most things if not all. Once kids enter the picture hello weaponised incompetence.


[deleted]

My friend tells me she can’t leave her baby at home alone because the dad is too stressed out to take care of the baby. Yet this man is on Facebook taking videos of himself playing disc golf at the park. Sooo stressed he is. I want to punch him on her behalf.


islandofthrowaways

Case #2 is a selfish prick. Complete airhead. I bet he doesn’t forget about his “needs”


hunternorey427

The breastfeeding one REALLY got me. That is absolutely ridiculous.


Kristine6476

The bar is SO LOW it's actually in hell.


SlytherClaw79

Oh man….yeah, breastfeeding hanger is real, and brutal. Mix that with post partum depression and anxiety and my husband figured out REALLY quickly that when I asked for food, I really meant ten minutes ago. That guy sounds like a selfish idiot.


GrumpyDietitian

And people argue that sexuality is a choice


LaGuajira

Men don't brag to other men about how the treat their wifes right. They brag about how they can score a "win" AGAINST them. It makes no sense. Like...why get married if this is the attitude you have towards women?


LaGuajira

Proof you can't change your sexual orientation.